Character development

[Shadowfaith]

Character Development, another helpful way to get the character of your dreams� or just get help, up to you how you think of it, anyways:

Welcome to Character Development (CD for short) where we, Ordinary members and moderators help you develop and improve your character, sort of like helping develop a better RPG plot, but for characters (Sign ups)

The whole point of this thread is for you to post your characters, be it one or more and get help on how to improve them if you feel a bit�well uncertain of them.

If you feel that you have overpowered them or are having a hard time thinking of a good personality or need help on description then do not worry, post your character here and get it checked over and a few tips on how to better them.

Now this will work like a normal sign up, so you will need:

Name:
Age:
Gender:
Description:
Personality:
History:
Other:

At the very least, but feel free to add anything else you wish to have checked.

This way, if you find yourself rejected from many RPG�s because your �Description is to short� or �Your character is over powered� then post it here and get some extra help on your character development!

Brought to you by �Dragon RP�s�: Bringing a better an easier RP life to a RPG section near you! Copyright of RagingDragon

�XP, it felt like the right moment to use a Slogan�Ill shut up now.

[Baker's Bulbasaur]

good idea, i was thinking of maybe starting one of these, but I decided to put it in my special skills in the request a RP plot thread.
I will aslways be willing to help with character development.
anyway, basically trying to say.

good idea
*gives rep*

[Igiko]

nice one! Id be happy to help if you need it!

[Sima Yi's Apprentice]

Name: Lance Constantine

Age: 16

Description: Always wears this: powder white pants, shadow black shirt and gloves, chestnut brown shoes, long crimson leather jacket which reaches to knees and is unclosed, and sunglasses. Has platinum hair, which hangs down to shoulders. His skin is a deep tan due to his heritage, and has fierce crimson eyes. Only thing that is from his parents is an odd piece, which he recieved from his mother (http://www.toysnjoys.com/finalfantasy/ffx_necklace.jpg).

Personality: Has a sharp mind, intelligent, and mysterious. Tends to act cold and indifferent to those who are around him. Currently, he does not trust a soul alive, and lives as an outcast. But, with the right incentive, he might be able to trust someone. Due to what happened to him in the past, he is determined to drive this government into the ground and show them true fear for what they did. Has trained his Pokemon for many years, and has developed a link with them. His skill with a weapon and the way he acts depicts who he is.

Pokemon: Metagross- Scizor- Kabutops- Skarmory- Gardevoir- Haunter

Weapons: Has two swords and an extendable halberd.
Halberd- http://www.wise.k12.va.us/cms/stude...ll/halberd1.jpg
1st Sword- http://www.homebasedgeneralstore.com/UC1239.JPG
2nd Sword- http://www.mysticalwars.de/elben/ti...eblooddemon.jpg

Short Bio: This will be revealed as he goes through the story. For now, I'll only reveal a little bit. He is known as the Black Rose. This is due to the black rose which is found on every victim of his. So, he is an assassin trying to tear apart the government.

Location of Origin/Side: Persia/ Against Government


Any suggestions to help me out?

[Shadowfaith]

Xion: I think you have yourself quite a decent character there, but what I do notice is that your description, has too many commas, for example:

Always wears this: powder white pants, shadow black shirt and gloves, chestnut brown shoes, long crimson leather jacket which reaches to knees and is unclosed, and sunglasses

That is fine and all, you seem to have your characters look sorted, but I would advise not using so many commas, because some will look for proper punctuation and the ability to use linking words, par example:

Lance is always caught wearing Powder white pants and a shadow black shirt accompanied by a similar pair of gloves. Upon his feet he wears chestnut boots and covering most of his thin frame is a long crimson jacket which extends to his knees.

See the difference? I would advise you try that sense of style for both your Description and Personality, though you do seem to have your character pretty figured out

So you could re-do your character and post it here, just to see what you think of it.

As for everything else, I would say your character is perfect for a developed character, but not a starter character, for example for a starter character, you could reduce the number of powerful Pokemon in your group and also start off with weapons such as a simple steel bladed sword, y'know? But other than that, good job ^_-

PS:

Thanks for the comment Bulbasaur and Tsumi don�t hesitate to post something Bubasaur, because the worst that would be done is it being closed, you can always try your luck, but if you don�t want that to happen, then PM a Mod and get permission ^_-

Your both free to help out whenever you like!

[Midori Chi]

Name:Ren Osaki
Age:14
Gender:female
Description:long blonde hair,useally wears pink(anything pink!) Her eyes are pink,her skin is peach.
Personality:sweet,heroine,serious in battles
Historyhe finds a marble which gives her powers..angel powers..She ends up being princess of angels,too..
Other:ugh..she has a sister..a boy who has liked her since first grade..and the one who told her about her powers is the angel queen named Hime who is called "Ms. Creepy Angel" to Ren..

[~Ozy~]

Detail, dearie, detail! The more detail you put, the better.

Name: Eka Altima
Age: 36
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Appearance: A rogue Jedi, he dresses in a black robe, green tunic with a white undertunic, brown leggings and black boots. He stands about six feet tall with prematurely gry hair grown past his shoulders and pulled back into a slim tail with a silver fastening. The silver choker he wears is a gift from his dead apprentice. He keeps two lightsabers on his belt, clipped to each side.
Abilities: Force-sensitive, obviously. He is well-beyond skilled with the Light Side and is somewhat adept at the Dark. He's equally proficient with the use of either a single saber or dual saber, moving at blinding speed with either style.
Personality: The death of his apprentice hardened him to almost everything in the world. He's grizzled and bitter, preferring to remain emotionally distant from everyone. Whe believes also that the force should be totally balanced and that there is no true Dark or Light side, only arbitrary divisions. Underneath the gruff exterior, though, there's still a remanant of the passionate, caring and just Jedi Master who fought for his own beliefs.
History: Eka was expelled from the Jedi Order over a dispute over the role of the Dark Side and how Younglings and Padawans were to be educated about it. His loss was mourned, he showed great promise as a Jedi, having been placed on the council at 24. After storming out of the Temple, he went into a self-imposed exile near Naboo until he found a Force-sensitive girl, a little younger than he. He took her training upon himself and she showed great promise. The two also shared a romantic relationship until he returned from a mission one time to find the door of their home ajar. Their quarters had been ripped apart and his apprentice was slowly dying. He fufilled her last request when he took one of his lightsabers, placed the unlit end over her heart, and ignited it, ending her suffering. Since then, he's retreated from the glactic struggles of his own plane and has moved to the Common Plane to lead as quiet an existance as he may.
Other information: N/A

[Igiko]

yeah, midori, you might wanna put some detail into what she wears. 'pink'...i would need more! :D

dodger: perfect! it only took my 10 minutes to read!

[Shadowfaith]

Midori: Dodger beat me to it XD. Yes, much more detail is needed here. You have said she likes to wear pink, but what you haven�t said is, what type of clothes she likes wearing. For example, is it a long skirt with flowers imprinted down the side accompanied by a pink crop top, or is it something else. Your personality could use the same attention, it's not enough to say: "intelligent, suspicious and friendly" You need to use linking words...example:

Ren is a carefree spirit with a friendly nature; she wipes threats and meanness aside easily and sweet towards her friends. But when faced with danger, her calm demeanor changes to one of complete seriousness and is a raging killing machine when against foe's.

You see what description and words can do to personality and description?

She finds a marble which gives her powers..angel powers..She ends up being princess of angels,too..

First off, this is suppose to be past tense, so the use of "She finds" wouldn�t be wise you use here, try "She found" Now, I don�t mean to sound rude, but your character is a tad overpowering in the History department, your History tells me that she has remarkable powers and cannot be stopped, this wouldn�t do for the start of an RPG unless it is fantasy that is. You also may want to spruce up on where she found the marble, what it does and how she became the queen of angels. Background information is everything in History; I would also say the same for your 'other'.

Dodger: There is not much I can say for you except very well done. Your description is great and you have even given a reason as to why he wears the choker and in your personality you have described why he is how he is, which is what I would personally look for in a sign up. Well-done!

[Midori Chi]

OMG! That's alot! Thanx so much for taking the effort to give me all those tips!

[Shadowfaith]

Your welcome Midori, allways willing to help ^_- I suppose I just enjoy helping is all XD

[~Ozy~]

Hehehehehe... Though he's retired from active RP, I figured I might as well introduce you to a fairly prominent figure in my mind-space. I still use him as a villian on occasion.

Name: Chaos (birth name unknown)
Age: Physically, he's 19. He's been alive for over 15 millenia, though.
Race: Reality Demon
Gender: Male
Appearance: Chaos could well be described as handsome, with emerald-green eyes, sleek silver hair grown long and kept loose and a well-built frame. Handsome, that is, if it wasn't for the scars crisscrossing his body, some self-inflicted, other not so. Or but for the almost-permanant cruel smile on his lips and the madness and hatred flickering in his eyes. Typically, he wears dead-black, loose clothing under light leather armor and closes, dyed black except for the bloodred coat-of-arms emblazoned on the chest. Wears a bloodred cape as well, fastened with a fine silver chain. Keeps a well-made German rapier fastened to his belt. Given his abilities, though, all of this is infinately malleable, this is simply how he appears most often.
Abilities: In addition to regular demonic strangth, endurance, and magic, Chaos is afforded an almost infinate control of reality. He's very practiced at tapping into these powers, and after millienia of use, they barely tire him at all, even after days of constant use. Though he is not an incredibly accomplished warrior, he sees no reason to be.
Personality: Cruel, sadistic, insane. He's everything you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley, or anywhere for that matter. His lust for power is matched only by his bloodlust and desire to hurt others, any other, to extend their torment as long as possible before healing them and beginning again. Regards all others as inferior beings, good only for his amusement and pleasure. In addition to his boundless cruelty, he has the added advantage (or disadvantage, if you become one of his victims) of being nothing less than brilliant.
History: Chaos was originally created to be a guardian for his master. His control of reality was severely limited at this point, for the safety of him, his master, and everyone else. When he was 16, he was kidnapped by a group of rogue science mages and dissapeared for three years. It is unknown what they did to him, but her reappeared a changed man, lacking morals, decency, and any semblance of sanity. Since then, he has tried numerous times (unsuccessfully, though by close margins) to overthrow his former master.
Other information: N/A

[Raichu Master]

Jake: *clears throat* As your rp companion, I'd say they were a work of art. Yet there is something about both of them...they seem perfected enough, but there is still something missing to both of them. I can't put my finger on it though...the jedi is a bit cliche, and the demon is also something already seen in tons of plots. I don't know, they don't really seem to have that "something" that every character should have, something that makes them completely different and breaks away from a cliche. But there is a cliche for everything so that's a bit hard.

Over all they're absolutely brilliant as far as depth and detail is concerned.

[~Ozy~]

The issue with them as that both of them are my earlier characters, and thus, not as... Refined, I suppose as some of my more recent creations. Also unfortunately, I cannot revise them as I would like, as they have already taken lives of their own, outside of my control.

[paige pelletier]

Name: Paige
Age: 12
Gender: Female
Personality: Paige tries to be polite but she is extremly shy, timid, and distant. In battle she becomes a much more confident person in battles she is also ruthless and unfeeling. When people get to know her she can become extremly easy to manipulate and extremly ditzy, but she does not let anyone except her brother get to see that side of her.
Description: Paige has long (down to her ankles) dark brown hair that is often considered black, she ties it up ino two ponytails. She wears a red shirt that is way to large for her, she also companies the shirt with a pair of baggy blue jeans. She wears a pair of worn out sneakers and a pair of balck fingerless gloves to protect her hands and feet. She carries around a black messenger back pack that is often flung over one shoulder. Her eyes are a deep shade of brown, and her skin is pale but has a slight tan to it. She is 5 '2' and often wears a pair of celtic knot earrings.
History: Paige was always bullied because of her lack of confidence so her brother often stood up for her, so she has a brother complex and would do anything for him. Her parents died for reasons she is still unsure of. She will distance herself away from people because she was hurt so much when she was younger. Paige stayed out in the wilderness for a wile so she is very dependent on nature.
Pokemon: Pichu (male, on her soulder), dragonite, horsea, absol, cubone, vulpix, a cindauil follows her because she saved it from and abusive owner.
Other: She talks to her pokemon and to inanimate oblects because she says they don't whine as much as people do. She is extremly afraid of needles and of loud noises. She absolutly loves the rain and grass.