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Old September 19th, 2007, 09:35 PM
Bay Alexison's Avatar
Bay Alexison
Not a Baygel
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dani California
Age: 26
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(Waves)

Hello, everyone! Yes, this is the latest fan fiction written by yours truly, Bay. Okay, this fic has been posted earlier then my intended October 1st date, but I just can’t wait to post it! Now, a couple of things. Liked I said in the preview page (at Serebii), this is based loosely off of the book “Da Vinci Code” by Dan Brown. However, it will not be about religion. Instead, this story will be of history. Plus, there will be differences between that book and this story as I tried to make “Nothing, Everything” my own.

Now, I actually finished this fan fiction, but I am going to try to edit/revise the chapters before I post them. So yeah, expect this fic to have its chapters be posted all the way through. ;D

This fic will be rated PG-13 for some instances of violence and one sexual reference joke by one of the characters later in the story.

Well, hope you guys read, review (constructive criticism is love XD ), and enjoy! Oh, and huge thanks to Saphria_Thorn (at Serebii) for betaing this story for any grammar mistakes I have.


Disclamier: Some of the lines from this story (most notably the prologue and Chapter Seven) I borrowed from the lines of the Pokemon Diamond game, so credit goes to that. Also, I do not own Pokemon nor Officer Jenny, though both I spiced up their personality a bit. XD



~CHAPTER INDEX~
Book One: Under the Dust
Prologue: Graduation for Two
Chapter One: Searching
Chapter Two: The Things They Carried
(more will be added as time progresses)


~Nothing, Everything~

“The past is but the beginning of a beginning, and all that is and has been
is but the twilight of the dawn." - H.G. Wells


Book One
Under the Dust


Prologue:
Graduation for Two

History.

Faded and remembered.

Can be looked at differently.

Always repeated.

Can affect both present and future.

If broken, how much will it be worth?

***

Look not into the Pokèmon’s eyes.
In but an instant, you’ll have no recollection of who you are.
Return home, but how when there is nothing to remember?
Dare not touch the Pokèmon’s body.
In but three short days, all emotions will drain away.
Above all, above all, harm not the Pokèmon.
In a scant five days, the offender will grow immobile in entirety.


“Man, that is cool… Why have I never seen this book before?”

A young short woman had put an old dusty book closer to her nose, which began to wrinkle when some dust flew on it. She pulled a strand of her curly brown hair behind her right ear to see better. A huge smile was planted on her peach colored face. The woman was about to turn the next page eagerly until…

“Bunny, there you are!” said a young adult’s voice.

The female called Bunny turned around, screamed, and dropped the book when she saw two women. One looked in her early fifties and had white hair touching her skinny shoulders. Her green eyes blinked a few times. Another woman looked the same age as Bunny, but a few inches taller than her and with a bow on her short blond hair.

“Violet! Mrs. Davis! You both scared me to death. Is there something wrong?”

“Yes, Bunny!” said the younger woman, Violet, her voice of urgency. “Did you almost forget that today is our college graduation?”

In an instant, the brown haired woman gasped.

“Oh my gosh! Really? I guess I had spent a little too long in this library.”

Ever since she could remember, Bunny loved the Canalave City Library. The bright lights made the walls turn yellow but also warmed Bunny’s body. She loved the intelligent soft chatter that always greeted her each time she entered. Her eyes always scanned the books, most notably in the history, myth, and ruin sections. Every time she read them, she was at a specific location and trying to find that artifact for a couple of hours. Soon she would go traveling for real.

After Bunny said that last sentence, she laughed in embarrassment and then half-closed her light blue eyes.

“Yeah,” said the older woman with a chuckle. “Always going through Pokèmon history and mythology books ever since you were a little kid.”

There was a pause. Mrs. Davis, with a smile on her face, looked at Bunny a few times. Bunny for a second felt a melting feeling inside her heart, but in a good way.

“I cannot believe it. Now you are going to be a college graduate. I knew you would graduate in top honors of your major!”

“Me too,” Violet added. “Man, Bunny is always obsessed with Pokèmon his...”

Violet stopped when she saw Bunny staring at her coldly, which made Mrs. Davis laugh very loudly. After a few seconds, Bunny giggled a bit. Her friend sighed, relieved to hear her laughter.

It took a while until Bunny wondered how long they had left to get ready until graduation would start

“Hey, any of you two know what time it is?”

Mrs. Davis checked her watch and then answered, “Five o’ clock.”

Bunny’s eyes widen and then had her hand on her head.

“Five o’ clock! Oh my gosh Violet, we do not have much time!”

Bunny quickly grabbed Violet’s wrist and then the two went off. Before both of them went downstairs, they said their goodbyes loudly to Mr. Davis. When they were out of her sight, the librarian laughed softly.

***

His head felt like a tidal wave that could do great damage. He rubbed his head and then groaned.

What happened?

He opened his eyes and saw he was inside a hall of an apartment building. The carpet was warm on his cheeks and the walls were clean. His skinny body rose up and then the man rubbed his black hair, many already turned white. His light blue eyes stared at one of the doors. He felt his blood pressure rise. Memories of what happened came back to him.

A darkened study room. The anger of another man he knew very well. A Venonat that used an attack on him. Him falling down hard.

Dang it! Why he had done it?

He dashed towards that door and then banged on it with his hands. The man kept banging on the door, but there was no answer.

“Come out, you! Why did you do that to me?”

Still no answer. He kept knocking, though.

***

Outside a football field, university graduation just finished. Many graduates were either talking with their family or taking pictures with them. Happiness and excitement mixed together in this special occasion.

“All right, say Pikachu!” said a bald man holding a camera.

Violet and Bunny, both in blue colored graduation robes, said “Pikachu!” together and then Bunny’s father took the picture.

“Perfect!”

After he put the digital camera back in his shirt pocket, his cell phone rang. He took the device out of his pocket?
and then answered the call.

“Hello? Oh, I see. Well, I am at my daughter’s graduation. Hold on a
minute.”

He turned to both Violet and Bunny and then said to them, “Sorry gals, an important phone call.”

While her father was talking on his cell phone, Bunny and Violet were having a small but personal conversation.

“Are you okay with your dad busy working?”

Bunny sighed and then said, “Not really, to tell you the truth. He’s always busy, but I understand. Tried to support the both of us and our Pokèmon ever since Mom died. We do manage to spend some time together, though. I am proud though that he was doing this all for me.”

Bunny smiled when she said that last sentence. She then looked up the sky, hoping someone particular saw this special occasion. Later, Bunny turned around when she heard Violet speak.

“I seriously cannot believe that you will leave soon on your first
expedition at Kanto.”

“Yeah. Over there I am going to Mt. Moon and have a look at those Moon Stones, plus others. I heard Kanto has a lot of more information on the evolution stones than in this region. Don’t worry though; I will still contact you by phone and e-mail.”

Violet giggled and then said, “I thought you would use the old fashion mail for keeping in touch with me!”

Bunny laughed, amused Violet would think that. The two then looked at the other graduates hanging out with friends and family. Both smiled, glad everyone was happy.

***

Darkness blanketed the tree covered Riverbank Street. Outside, the pleasant musical tunes of Kricketunes could be heard. The street was empty except for a figure in a long coat walking slowly, carrying a heavy backpack. The figure kept walking until he stopped to see a ten story apartment building close by. Vines circled around the brick constructed place and many windows were bright with the lights inside.

The figure grinned.

***

A woman in her early twenties laid down on a small couch, staring at the ceiling. Her smooth looking face began to become wet with sweat. She thought her living room was all hot and stuffy, and the cold air from outside didn’t help much. A new thought later came to her mind that stung her badly, as if someone stabbed her.

Cannot believe he did not come to my police academy graduation. Been busy with his ‘history projects’ again, I guess.

Her mind was interrupted when she heard a doorbell. She slowly got up and went to open it. Shock grabbed her heart when the woman saw an old man in a long coat, his wrinkles visible to see. Tips of his white hair were drenched from sweat.

“Hello, Jenny!” the medium sized man said cheerfully. “Congratulations on graduating in the Pokèmon Police Academy.”

When he looked at her, she did not smile. The man could tell from her squinting eyes that Jenny was not too happy about this.

“Oh, come on!” the man said now in a serious tone. “Look, I am very sorry that I did not make it. I was...”

“Busy with your current history project,” Jenny interrupted, anger that was meant to spat back without thinking the consequences. “You are always busy now these days.”

The old man sighed and then shook her head. Inside, Jenny was happy he was about to admit it.

“I know and I am sorry. Look, I do not have much time…”

“Great, still busy! Why did you come here anyways?” the woman interrupted again, this time with more force then before.

There was complete silence and the two eyed on each other. Jenny felt the intensity inside her living room. After a few minutes, the male spoke first.

“Jenny…I never saw you mad like that. You were always the upbeat and fun one who like to make jokes.”

No smile or frown appeared on Jenny’s mouth. The man sighed.

“Well…I can't seem to be myself when you keep busying yourself with your projects,” Jenny admitted. “I really missed the two of us together, even though I am twenty one years old.”

The blue haired woman slowly let herself chuckle. A tiny bit of her thought it was amusing to want his company at that age.

The man smiled and then said softly, “Me too, to be honest. I remember when we used to play a lot of board games together and other things.”

“You were my favorite,” Jenny said in a sad tone and then let her head down.

Her mind raced with thoughts about him. In her childhood there were many great memories with the two of them together. A lot of laughing, squealing, playing, and joking. Jenny cannot remember the last time the two had fun together. Part of her wanted to forgive him, since right now she was too old to do the things the two did in the past. Part of her wanted to just spend at least a few minutes with her uncle. Play or no play, it did not matter.

Jenny later felt a necklace wrapped around her neck. Her eyes gazed at what looked like a light green rock that was carved. To her, it was beautiful. She then stared at her uncle again.

He must have put it around my neck without me noticing.

“A graduation present. Wanted to give it to you before I leave to resume my project.”

Again, Jenny was torn. She wanted to keep it, as she believed it was a very thoughtful gift. She also wanted to just throw the necklace onto her uncle’s face and laugh. Her fingers touched the chains, in case she decided to do the latter.

Not wanting to wait any longer, her uncle said, “I hope you like it. Will see you again in a couple of weeks or so.”

As soon as the uncle left the house, Jenny stared at her necklace. She bit her bottom lip, still unsure how to react.

***

The beginning lines of the prologue was from that one book in Pokemon Diamond/Pearl called “Horrific Myth”., the one you find at the Canalave City Library in the game.

Yep, that is the end of the prologue. Well, sorry that is a bit longer then normal prologues. ;; Also, sorry about Bunny having a weird name and very good with history. Don’t worry, her flaws will be revealed as the story progresses and her name will be made fun of by one of the characters later on. XD

Well, nothing else to say but review away!
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Last edited by Bay Alexison; September 4th, 2008 at 08:28 AM. Reason: Grammar Mistakes (9/4/08)
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  #2    
Old September 20th, 2007, 01:57 PM
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Grovyle42(Griff8416)
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I like how many people from SPPF are posting here so I won't have to read them on the slow moving serebii and be obliged to catch up to the current chapter.

Anyways...it was a very good chapter in description and characters.

Sorry for the lax review, but I'm doing a lot of stuff right now. I promise I'll do a better one next chapter.
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  #3    
Old September 20th, 2007, 05:35 PM
diamondpearl876's Avatar
diamondpearl876
you can breathe now. x
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Illinois, USA.
Age: 21
Nature: Careful
I've always thought that the mythology from the Canalave City library was pretty interesting, and I haven't seen any fics with the mythology being part of the plot. I don't know if it is going to be for this story yet (unless I'm stupid and missed something).

I do like how you didn't make one big blob paragraph about the character's looks. You added them into the story gradually without boring me to death, so, good job.

I also like the dialogue; it may not be right grammar-wise, but it IS how some people, including myself, talk in real life.

I think the details of what happened to the man at first could be have been done better . . . I mean, what attack did this Venonat use? I can't picture anything happening to him, unless it is supposed to be like that.

There's still a few grammar errors I see, and yes, I am going to nitpick every single one because of my lack of reviews lately:

Quote:
The female called Bunny turned around, screamed, and drop the book when she saw two women.
Drop should be dropped.

Quote:
One looked in her early fifties and has white hair touching her skinny shoulders.
You changed tenses on me. Has is present tense with the way you put it, and, by the looks of it, you're aiming for your story to be past tense.

Quote:
Her green eyes blinked a few times. Another woman looked the same age as Bunny, but a few inches taller then her and with a bow on her short blond hair.
Then should be than. 'Than' is used when comparing two things; in this case, you were comparing the woman's height to Bunny's height.

Quote:
After Bunny said that last sentence, she laughed in embarrassment and then had half-closed her light blue eyes.
I don't see a reason for the word "had" to be there. o.o

Quote:
He felt his blood pressure rose. Memories of what happened came back to him.
Rose should be rise.

Quote:
“All right, say Pikachu!” said a bald man holding a camera.
Nothing wrong here but I thought the Pikachu thing was pretty cute.. XD

Quote:
Darkness blanketed the tree covered Riverbank Street. Outside, the pleasant musical tunes of Kricketunes can be heard.
You switched tenses again.. "can" should be "could". =o

Quote:
No smile or frown on Jenny’s mouth. The man sighed.
The first sentence just looks like a fragmented one.. perhaps "No smile or frown appeared on Jenny's mouth."?

Yeah, I think that's it. Overall, this was great for a beginning; lots of mysteries and questions to be answered and revealed which keeps me wanting to read more. So, I'll be waiting for chapter one.. =)
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  #4    
Old September 20th, 2007, 10:50 PM
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You posted it! Early! =o And I have a chance to read it during my busy week.

Ah, you know how obsessed I can be with history facts. xD So I'm interested in this story's plot. Not only am I a history nerd, but I have always been interested in the mythology of the Pokemon world. So it's going to be real fun to see how someone else deals with the mythology.

*glomps dp876* Yay! Less grammar I need to cover! ; Ah, let me point out a few mistakes that I noticed that she didn't mention.

Quote:
I guess I had spent a little too long in this library.”
"spent" needs a direct object. In other words, what was spent?

Quote:
The bright lights made the walls turned yellow but also warmed Bunny’s body.
"turn"

Quote:
He felt his blood pressure rose.
"rise"

Quote:
Why you did that to me?”
o.O I think "you" and "did" need to be switched around. It sounds really awkward to me. But since it's dialog, I'll leave it up to you to decide if it should be fixed.

Quote:
The figure kept walking until stopped to see a ten story apartment building close by.
Just place a "he" before "stopped" and you'll be all set.

Quote:
Vines circled around the brick constructed place and many windows brighten with the lights inside.
"were bright"

I'll stop being such a grammar nerd now. xD

One thing that I noticed on reading this through is that you tend to overuse the character's name in narration. When Bunny and the others were in the library, Bunny's name popped up many times when you could have used "she". It was just something I noticed. *shrugs*

I'll be waiting for the next installment of this.

Last edited by Astinus; October 21st, 2007 at 01:18 PM.
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  #5    
Old September 21st, 2007, 09:31 PM
Bay Alexison's Avatar
Bay Alexison
Not a Baygel
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dani California
Age: 26
Nature: Sassy
Griff: Hehe, thanks. Cool that I am doing fine in characters and descriptions. Don't worry, I know that homework can get in the way sometimes on other things that we want to do XD

diamondpearl: Yeah, I didn't put too much detail on the Venonat scene on purpose. It is more of how that man's mind went. XD Don't worry though, that scene will come back in more deatil...but that scene won't come back for a while. ;;;

Also, thanks so much for correcting some of the grammar mistakes for me. I really suck at tenses. I will try my best to check over those next chapter.

Oh, and the mythology will be very important to the story...but it might/might not what you expect the role of the mythology to be.

Hanako: Sorry that I posted this early. I kind of want to post the prologue before the school starts. Also, thank you for correcting those grammar mistakes. I edited this story a bit, XD

About that first qutoe, the spent one...well, I was trying to write that Bunny had been in the library for a long time. If you can think of a better sentence for me to use, then that is cool.

Again you three, thanks again!I hope next chapter will be with less grammar mistakes! And oh, expect the release date for the first chapter to be October 1st!
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Last edited by Bay Alexison; September 22nd, 2007 at 09:40 PM.
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  #6    
Old September 24th, 2007, 07:23 AM
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Incinermyn
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Hmm... The others already pointed out grammar/spelling problems that I caught before, so there's be no point in me telling you about them, Bay. Overall, nice prologue. Your writing style's pretty smooth flowing, at least to me it seems like it is, and I kind of like how you added some down to earth attributes with the college graduation and such. The only thing that gets me is how you said this is loosely based off "The Da Vinci Code." It was a good book, but I personally wouldn't want to try and emulate it, even if just slightly. Then, this does kind of draw my interest as to how you'll do this. I'll keep an eye out for Ch. 1.

Last edited by Incinermyn; September 25th, 2007 at 11:40 AM.
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  #7    
Old October 6th, 2007, 10:43 AM
Bay Alexison's Avatar
Bay Alexison
Not a Baygel
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dani California
Age: 26
Nature: Sassy
Skunter:Hi! (waves)

Hehe, thanks for saying how my writing style is smooth. Yeah, that what I am going for.

Hm...I know of your concern of how this story is loosely based off that book. Well, in the original version (this is version 2 XD ), it is almost excatly like "The Da Vinci Code". Thus, one of the big reasons why I discontinued the original version. XD In this version, however, there are still some scenes very similiar to the book, but let's just say I tried to do it differently.

Probably what I am going to do is if there are some scenes similar to "The Da Vinci Code", I will say so and then tried to explain the best I can how mine is different from that book. Maybe I will do that in spoilers for those who hadn't read the book yet. XD

Hehe, thanks for the review! Also, today is your (and everyone's elses) lucky today!

Lalala, chapter update! XD

Sorry for the short delay. I decided to post it today as I will be very busy the next few days and am afraid I might be able to update this chapter for a while (don't want this to end up like "Simplicity" O.o).

Anyways, enough of the excuses. Here is chapter one! And oh, thanks Saphria_Thorn for betaing this!

Chapter One
Searching


It was one bright afternoon, despite the snow on the ground. Two people were playing hide and seek, the cold breeze not bothering them. One plump figured man was screaming to the second player of the game.

“Hey, Jenny! Where are you?”

Behind a tree, a girl was giggling. She covered her mouth, hoping her uncle did not hear that. Jenny was wrong when someone poked her shoulder.

“Ouch!” she yelled while rubbing her shoulder.

“Did it really hurt?”

After she heard a chuckle, the girl turned around and saw an old man with white hair. His smile made his wrinkles disappear.

“Yes it does, Uncle Ernest,” Jenny said in an annoyed voice.

Ernest bent down and then rubbed Jenny’s shoulder for a few seconds. After he finished, he got back up and chuckled.

“Better now?” he asked with a grin.

The girl both smiled and nodded at the same time.

“Yes, much better!”

Ernest smiled back and then lifted his niece up, which made her laughed.

“Why you did that?” she asked while staring at her uncle, eyes twinkled with delight.

“To do this!”

Ernest kissed her forehead, cradled her like a baby, and then began tickling her cheeks.

“Stop that!” Jenny commanded nicely while giggling.

“Aw, but I like hearing you laugh!”

He tickled her stomach this time and that got Jenny laughing even harder. Her seven year old self did not know that bonding would not last long.


***

Jenny suddenly woke up with wide eyes and took deep breaths. Her mouth began to twitch. She felt cold sweat on her cheeks.

Why did I dream that all of a sudden?

Wanting to come back to reality and not think about that dream anymore, the woman shook her head. Her police hat fell off, showing off her locks of royal blue hair. The officer then yelled when she spilled her coffee on her police uniform, her arm accidentally shoved it off of the white squared table. Already the dream was out of her mind.

“Dang it! And I just dry cleaned it too,” she complained in a soft voice.

Jenny later ate the last pieces of her chocolate donut, each bite made her smile more. After she finished, her eyes stared at the checkerboard-patterned floor and later the peach colored walls. Her nose sniffed the freshly baked donuts on the display case, ready for the customers to eat them. No one else inside but her, though. Jenny soon looked outside and saw booths and tents being constructed. She knew what was going on.

Dang it, too bad I can’t be one of the police that can guard the Sinnoh Renaissance. At least I can check out the lights and sounds of that event.

Her thoughts came to a halt when she heard her cell phone’s ringtone. She picked it up and then answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Hello, honey!”

She gasped. That voice sounded too familiar to her, and it pained her heart, as if someone stabbed it. It had been four years since Jenny met him. Seconds passed by until Jenny would answer back.

“What do you want?”

“Look, I can’t talk much,” he said hastily. “Just want to let you know, just in case I do not make it, I will leave a note for you and to have Bunny Spruce help you with it.”

Confusion struck her mind. Her eyes twitched and she loosened her grip of the cell phone. Those words were nothing much but a whisper in the wind to her.

Do not make it…leave a note for you…have Bunny Spruce help you with it…

“What the? Anything the matter?”

No answer as the familiar voice hung up on her. Irritation simmered in her veins, she slammed the cell phone on the table. The woman put her fingers on her chin, the wind blowing back at her.

Do not make it…leave a note for you…have Bunny Spruce help you with it…

What does it mean?

All of a sudden, she laughed and shook her head. A funny thought came to mind.

“Bunny. Hehe, Buneary girl. Probably a girlfriend of his.”

She sipped her coffee and then stared outside with a frown. Jenny went back thinking about the caller and that dream she had earlier. Jenny felt her throat dry up and her heart beating slowly.

Wonder where he is now. I guess that is why I had that dream.

Again, her mind jumped to a different thought. Jenny suddenly stared down at her green rock necklace. The officer was not even sure she considered it a rock, with its weird color and all.

Why do I still have that necklace? Why does my mind keep jumping into new things to think about?

Her index finger touched her lips. For four years, Jenny kept asking herself the necklace question.

***

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

The afternoon sun wasn’t bothering anyone. Everyone was smiling and either singing, dancing, chatting, or eating. Many smells of cooked food engulfed the air. Confetti flew everywhere and the roar of the drums kept getting louder and fiercer, like a dragon Pokemon getting ready to battle. Many of the buildings were covered in colorful decorations.

BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM.

“Hello, this is Crissy Williams from Jubilife TV! Over here, we have the Sinnoh Renaissance Fair, an event to celebrate the achievements this great region had done throughout history! Many people are here to enjoy some plays and games, but most of all, the Pokèmon Battle Tournament!”

Behind the black haired skinny reporter, Jubilife City was filled with many people in medieval clothing. Some of them dressed as peasants, many in torn tunics and pants. Others wore very fancy clothing, a lot dressed in huge dresses and bright colored cloaks. Many men wore shining armor but not carrying swords. Like the reporter said, there were many activities the guests can do. Many people ate some food that consisted of Farfetch’d and Grumpig meat. A lot of them played games like the ‘dunk the person into the water’ game.

However, the most famous attraction was the Pokèmon Battle Tournament. So far that activity drew a large crowd; all would cheer or jeer from the stands, depending on the situation. One woman, wearing a cotton material red dress and a ribbon on her brown hair, looked very nervous. Her blue eyes kept blinking and she felt sweat flowing down on her light pink cheeks. She slowly turned around to face a woman wearing a silky black dress and two roses on her blond hair.

“I cannot believe you talked me into this, Violet!” whispered the woman acidly. “I’m really not looking forward to this!”

Violet chuckled and then said, “Come on, Bunny! This could be fun! Also, you are a more skilled battler then me.”

“I know,” Bunny said in an uneasy tone. “Still, I don’t really battle that much. Some of those people are probably great trainers who have badges with them.”

Bunny’s friend closed her brown eyes and then laughed, her stomach making some slow movements. Violet laughed so hard, for a second she forgot how to breathe. Bunny just stared at her like she had just lost her mind.

“Sorry. Sometimes you take things too seriously,” Violet said when she stopped laughing. “This is just a little fun tournament, not a Gym battle or a Contest event. Besides, you need some relaxation.”

Bunny sighed, she knew what her friend had said was true. She did not take a break yet. Three years she had been traveling and researching, as she was a Pokèmon archaeologist. Now she was just settling down at her hometown of Canalave City for a while to start her first book. Wanting perfection made her took too many all-nighters, which showed from her pink eyeballs. She worried she made a mistake on her book, even if it was just a typo.

“Yeah, you are right,” Bunny said with a smile. “Been worrying about my book on the history of the elemental stones. So much research I did on those things, not to mention buying a few of them. Those things are expensive!”

She later turned her gaze away from Violet and looked to the right. Her face then quickly changed of happiness to great anxiety.

“Violet, where is Balin?”

Away from Bunny and Violet, a white fox Pokèmon walked down on the cobbled road. Its small nose was sniffing, trying to find the source of the heavenly smell. There were times the Ninetales bumped into people. Some did not mind while others were mad at him. Balin made a woman sneeze when one of his nine tails touched her nose.

“I cannot believe he is gone!” screamed Bunny, moving her head back and forth. “And man, I will be up in twenty minutes! Dang Balin and him being a Pokèmon pet before!”

“Bunny, calm down!”

The two were now a few feet hundred away from the stands, not wanting to create a huge commotion on the stands. Violet touched her forehead, trying to think of a way to make things better. When she finally thought of something, she snapped her fingers.

”Hey, have Sky help! We can cover more ground if the three of us split up!”

A grin was painted on Bunny’s face. Her anxiety begun to cool down.

“Hey, good idea!”

Bunny quickly took out a Pokèball from the purse she was carrying, and later threw it up in the air. The red and white orb burst open with a bright light and later the Pokèmon could be clearly seen. A purple balloon with yellow tape on the middle hovered up and down slowly. His tiny eyes looked as if he was tired.

“Drifblm?” asked the balloon Pokèmon in a sleepy voice.

“Sky, sorry to wake you up. Balin is missing…again. Do you think you can help us find him?”

Bunny said that while holding her hands very tightly, hoping the Driftblim would consider her offer. Usually Sky did not like to find the Ninetales, knowing that the Pokèmon was always in some sort of mischief. Seconds later, the Drifblm just rolled his eyes. Knowing that meant Sky would probably not do it, Bunny decided to try again.

“Come on, pal! I know Balin can be a trouble at times, but you know him, always likes to check something out. Not only that, he is your friend.”

That last sentence made Driftblim changed his mind and then nodded slowly in agreement. Bunny smiled at her Pokèmon and then turned around when she heard loud bell sounds.

Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong!

“Winner Kelly Milestone and her Spiritomb!” a male voice screamed. “Up next, Tessa Garnos against Elliot Smith and then Bunny Spruce against Carlos Knotty!

Shock was smeared all over Bunny’s face. After her eyes blinked a few times, she turned back to face Sky and Violet.

“We better separate now! Meet you guys here later!”

In less than a couple of seconds, the three went their separate ways.

Meanwhile, the Ninetales started to walk faster. He could tell the smell was of food and he wanted it badly. As each second passed, the Pokèmon craved for it more and more. More complaints from the humans came, but Balin was not paying attention. He walked faster and soon drool came out from his mouth.

While Bunny was running, she held her stomach and took deep breaths. Fear overtook her mind. She always felt weak when it came to anxiety.

Violet is right, I worry too much. Maybe Balin will be fine, right? Right?

Each step she walked made her fear worst. She let her nervousness conquer her mind and do its bidding.

“Balin! Where are you?” Bunny screamed, tears streaming down on her cheeks.

“Lady, are you all right?” asked a short man in an armor suit, helmet covering his face.

Bunny just glanced at him and then continued running. The man just stood there hearing the archaeologist's sobs.

The balloon Pokèmon was looking for the Ninetales but saw many people eating and a few clowns passing out flyers. All of a sudden, hands grabbed two of the Driftblim’s ribbons.

“Oh my gosh, a Driftblim to play with!” said a young girl’s voice. “Mine!”

Sky had a good look at the girl. Her braided brown hair matched the color of her eyes. She wore a small green flowing dress with huge sleeves.

“No sis, it’s mine!” said a young boy’s voice.

Sky also had a good look at the girl’s brother. The boy wore ragged clothes, both shirt and pants torn. His curly hair was a bit messy, some twigs could be seen.

The brother and sister kept pulling the poor balloon Pokèmon. Rage started to build up inside Sky and suddenly he made himself bigger. Too bad the kids were not scared yet.

“Cool!” the sister said while clapping. “Do that again, Drifblim!”

When Sky’s rage hit its boiling point, the Pokèmon inhaled more and then blew glittered wind at the siblings. They screamed and closed their eyes, not wanting any powder on them.

“I think we made it mad!” said the young girl in fright.

“Yeah, you are right. Come on, let’s go!”

As soon as the two children cried for mercy and bolted away, Sky chuckled softly and went on to search for Balin.

Balin still tried to find the source of the smell. He ran faster and faster but with a frown. Suddenly, the Pokèmon stopped to look around and he smiled again when he saw a small tent with the sign, “Miltank Soup”. After Balin licked his mouth, he slowly went behind the tent.

This will make her really worry now, Violet thought to herself while running. First school, now this.

Violet was not thinking about finding Balin at the moment. She knew that Bunny’s Pokèmon being lost would make her a nervous wreck. The woman hated to see her friend like that. She wondered how she actually had the patience to deal with her anxiety attacks.

Her wheezing breaths and her loud steps made some people stare at her. She did not notice them, however. Everything just seemed to be a blur while she was running.

I do hope she will be okay.

When Balin’s head poked inside the tent, he saw a small lady in a brown dress and apron stirring some soup slowly inside a large pot . A whiff of the soup came inside the Ninetales’ nose, which smelled very good to him. He then turned his head to the left and saw a long wooden table with bowls lined up. Slowly, the Pokèmon came inside and licked one of the bowls. Feeling good inside, Balin began to lick quicker each time.

Outside, Sky the Driftblim was still searching for his friend. He actually kept inhaling and exhaling, quite tired already. The balloon Pokèmon was about to turn around to find Violet until he heard a scream.

“A Ninetales is eating the soups! Scram, you stray Pokèmon!”

The backside of the tent went wide open and then Balin came out with a bowl in his mouth. A few seconds later, the woman came out with a huge silver spoon on her right hand, chopping the air many times with it.

“I am so going to get you now!”

The woman almost hit Balin with her spoon, but he threw the bowl and later soup splashed on her face. The Pokèmon smiled when he heard sizzling noises.

“IT BURNS!” the woman shrieked while covering her face.

Sky rolled his eyes when Balin giggled and then the balloon Pokèmon called him.

“Drift! Blm! Blm blm!”

That caught the Ninetales’ attention and he smiled when he saw Sky. The Driftblim later came close to Balin and flapped one of its ribbons to him. Knowing what he wanted him to do, the white fox Pokèmon bit down on it and then Sky flew higher and faster.

It did not take long for the two to come to where the tournament was at. When they made it, both smiled and cheered when they saw Bunny just walking by.

“Nine, nine! Nine!” the Ninetales yelled.

Bunny first did not hear his cry, her mind shaded with nervousness. She thought something happened to him already. When she heard a familiar voice though, she smiled and felt her heart beating rapidly with joy.

“Sky, Balin!” she said while waving to the two.

Sky put Balin down and then Bunny ran towards him to hug him tightly. She did not notice the Pokèmon trying to get out of her embrace.

“Oh my gosh, you are all right! I won‘t ever let go, never!”

“Nine!” the Pokèmon yelled while gasping for air.

Bunny laughed nervously and then let her Ninetales go. The Pokèmon coughed and then took deep breaths.

“Thanks for finding Balin, Sky,” Bunny said when she turned around to look at her Pokèmon.

“Drift, drift!” the balloon said in gratitude and with a nod.

“Hehe. Okay, you can rest now.”

Bunny took out Sky’s Pokèball and opened it, which made the Pokèmon return in a red beam of light. She then looked at Balin with a frown on her face this time and he seemed to notice it. The Ninetales gave a small chuckle, hoping she would be well again. It did not work, though.

“Balin, this is the third time this year you ran away. Now, I only let you out of your Pokèball since you are used to being in the outdoors. Please, try not to run away again, all right? If you do though, then it’s back in the Pokèball with you.”

Balin yelped and his body shook violently at the thought at that. He later nodded hastily.

“Good,” Bunny said with a smile. “Hope you will behave from now on.”

All of a sudden, a voice screamed in pauses, the one that Bunny recognized.

“Oh, so I guess… Sky… found him first.”

Bunny turned around and saw Violet with hands on her knees. She heard her friend taking deep breaths.

“Are you okay?” asked Bunny.

“Can we get some water first and then back to the tournament?” Violet asked as she slowly got herself back up.

Before Violet’s friend answered that question, she checked her watch. Two minutes until one o’ clock in the afternoon. Her eyes went wide.

“Later! Right now I have a battle to do.”

As soon as Violet grunted and was able to stand fully, Bunny immediately grabbed her arm and the two ladies later ran, Balin coming a little behind.

***

Well, hope you guys like the chapter. Sorry that not much isn't happening yet. This chapter is more so of expanding some of the character's personalities a little bit. And also, I tried my best to dealt with the tenses but it could be a chance there might be a lot still hanging around a few places. >.> Probably after a few chapters I will be able to catch them better! XD

Well, hope you guys have a nice weekend! Also, here is a little preview of chapter two:

Coming Up--- Chapter Two: The Things They Carried

Bunny's battle is getting underway and then later after the fair the police will be very busy. When night came, the same man will leave a few things for Jenny...


EDIT: I would like to thank DarkPersian479 at Serebii forums for pointing me the tense mistakes I had on this story. So yeah, this chapter has been edited a bit, grammar wise.

Well, hope you guys read and review!

EDIT 10/20/2007- Again I edited the grammar mistakes (thanks Hanako! ) Not only that, I changed the beginning a little bit and I also put how it was four years ago in the paragraph of how the phone call Jenny had was from a voice similar to her. Again, heeded Hanako's idea. Thanks!
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Last edited by Bay Alexison; September 4th, 2008 at 08:32 AM. Reason: Grammar mistakes (9/4/08)
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  #8    
Old October 21st, 2007, 10:00 PM
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Astinus
Remember NovEnder
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Hey, Bay! Finally got around to reviewing your chapter. About time, huh? ;

The beginning of this chapter confused me. You say that this chapter begins four years later, but then start off with a seven-year-old Jenny. It wasn’t until you say that Jenny woke up from the dream that I realised what was going on. There are a few ways that I could see that you could fix this: Take out the first line of the chapter; put the dream in another font, like italics; or start the regular narration after the dream with a line about how it was four years after Jenny received that mysterious necklace.

Quote:
The officer then yelled when she spilled her coffee on her police uniform, her arm accidentally shoved it out of the white squared table.
Bold should be "off of". And the sentence might sound better reworded, because right now it reads as if Jenny knocked her uniform off the table. Sentences like that are tricky. It’s like the sentence "It was put in the oven by the teacher", which makes it seem as if the teacher was put into the oven. XD I’ll stop now.

Quote:
Jenny felt her throat dry and her heart beating slowly.
Need a word after "dry", like "up". Right now, it just seems as if Jenny felt her throat so much, it dried right up.

Quote:
"I cannot believe you taught me into this, Violet!"
"talked"

Quote:
Bunny quickly took out a Pokèball, from the purse she was carrying, and later threw it up in the air.
Don’t need the comma after "Pokeball".

Quote:
The red and white orb burst open with a bright light and later the Pokèmon can be clearly seen.
"could"

Quote:
A purple balloon with yellow tape on the middle hovered up and down slowly. His tiny eyes looked as if he was tired.
This is really kind of…skimpy for a description. You missed the two tails of Drifblim, the puff of cotton on its head, even the shape of its mouth! I’m not saying that you should describe every last detail of a Pokémon as soon as it is introduced. That depends on how important it is to the story, but you should try to paint a clear enough picture of the Pokémon for the reader. Like my description of a Grovyle:
Quote:
In a brilliant flash of white reconstructing light, a green reptile formed. He stood on two strong legs. Two long leaves were his tail; three leaves sprouted from his wrists; one leaf started at his head and ran the length of his back. His belly was a healthy pink. Glaring with yellow eyes, he waited for his opponent to appear.
Just take a picture of a Pokémon and try to cover every detail.

Quote:
Come on pal!
Comma needed after "on".

Quote:
The man just stood there hearing the archaeologists’ sobs.
The apostrophe goes before the s for the singular noun. If there were many archaeologists running around, then it would be correct.

Quote:
Scram you stray Pokèmon!"
Comma needed after "scram".

Quote:
The backside of the tent went wide open and then Balin came out with a bowl on his mouth.
"In" would work better.

Quote:
It did not took long for the two to come to where the tournament was at.
"take"

General "Oh mah gods, Hanako! Stop being a grammar nerd!" time: Truthfully, your dialogue sounds a little stilted to me. It would sound more "real" for your characters to speak like you hear people speak. Just keep your ears open, and you’ll see what I mean. And read over your dialogue, seeing how it sounds to your ears. It just depends on how modern you want your characters to sound, I guess. Like if you want to show that Bunny needs to get out of the library more, keep her away from contractions, but have Violet use "don’t", "can’t", or "isn’t" in her speech.

Another nitpick about dialogue: You rely too much on the speech tag "said" paired up with another modifier. I noticed this when you had the two children notice Sky. Like here:
Quote:
"I think we made it mad!" said the young girl in fright.
Instead of "said in fright", try "squealed", or "screamed", or don’t even modify the dialogue.
Quote:
"I think we made it mad!" The young girl shrank away from the glaring Drifblim.
In the second example, the reader can see by the girl’s actions that she’s scared. She’s shrinking away from Sky. In the first quote, the reader is told that she’s scared. I guess this is just a "Show, Don’t Tell" thing.

Other than that, things are looking good! Can’t wait for the next chapter! I haven’t read The Da Vinci Code yet, so everything is going to be new to me! ;

And hopefully it won't take me so long to review... xD
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  #9    
Old October 22nd, 2007, 07:09 AM
Bay Alexison's Avatar
Bay Alexison
Not a Baygel
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dani California
Age: 26
Nature: Sassy
Hey, Hanako!

Thanks for correcting some of the grammar mistakes for me. And it's all right if you are a grammar nerd. I need to learn what are my grammar faults and to fix them. XD I will fix them probably after I get out of my Stats class (which is coming up real soon, actually XD) or whenever I get free time. I have an Oceanorgraphy midterm tomorrow and I need to study for it. >.>

Quote:
This is really kind of…skimpy for a description. You missed the two tails of Drifblim, the puff of cotton on its head, even the shape of its mouth! I’m not saying that you should describe every last detail of a Pokémon as soon as it is introduced. That depends on how important it is to the story, but you should try to paint a clear enough picture of the Pokémon for the reader. Like my description of a Grovyle:
DarkPersian said the same thing. XD Yeah, the thing with Pokemon descriptions is that I don't really want to just describe the Pokemon's body and such, I want to also describe the Pokemon with them doing something. Whenever I describe all or most of their features it is like just them standing there! XD Well, I will try my best to describe the Pokemon better.

Quote:
General "Oh mah gods, Hanako! Stop being a grammar nerd!" time: Truthfully, your dialogue sounds a little stilted to me. It would sound more "real" for your characters to speak like you hear people speak. Just keep your ears open, and you’ll see what I mean. And read over your dialogue, seeing how it sounds to your ears. It just depends on how modern you want your characters to sound, I guess. Like if you want to show that Bunny needs to get out of the library more, keep her away from contractions, but have Violet use "don’t", "can’t", or "isn’t" in her speech.
Ugh...been reading a lot of "literature" books. XD Yeah, I tend to get too formal in my dialogue. I will try my best to change that. Even though I already send in Chapter Two to my beta reader, I will do some last minute changes before I post it. XD
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  #10    
Old October 22nd, 2007, 11:34 AM
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Incinermyn
I ain't no Robin Hood, boys! :P
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Nature: Timid
Hanako beat me to the punch...*sighs* I read over this before, Bay, but I haven't had a chance to say anything until now because I've been busy working and stuff. Overall I found your opening chapter to be really good and entertaining (the search for Balin was kind of interesting). Also, the chapter length was pretty decent in my mind. (Personally, I can't stand incredibly lengthy chapters that just draw on and on because they just bore the living heck out of me). But still, like Hanako said, your description could have been far thicker. I mean, I personally find good (and fairly well detailed) descriptions of characters, settings, actions, etc. to be the true things that drive any fiction piece, even if they're preexisting characters that people know a lot about, because the better you describe stuff, the more your audience can see things happening.

Anyways, I am seriously looking forward to Chapter Two. Again, I'll keep an eye out for it. Later!
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Old October 22nd, 2007, 02:27 PM
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Bay Alexison
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dani California
Age: 26
Nature: Sassy
Skunter: Hey there!

Thanks for saying that the lenght is decent. Well...some of the other chapters are a bit longer then this, but I might be able to do it shorter (I am revising this story and all XD )

Yeah, I beleive that description is one of the things that makes a story good. However, I also try my best to not do too much of it that the readers will fall asleep! XD I will try to describe better though.

Hanako Tabris: Well, I fixed the mistakes and also changed the beginning a bit.(yay for Italian class being cancled for today! ) And oh, you hadn't read the book yet? Well, be prepared to be spoiled when I put some scenes of what happened in that story in spoilers. XD

Again, thanks you two for the review! Next chapter will come in early November, I hope. XD
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  #12    
Old November 14th, 2007, 09:14 PM
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Bay Alexison
Not a Baygel
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dani California
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All righty, here is the second chapter! Sorry for the wait, everyone! I had been busy studying for my midterms and one of my beta readers was busy. Also, sorry in advance if this chapter is a bit rushed. I wanted to get this chapter posted as it has been a bit since the last chapter update. That, and also I will be even more busy tomorrow and for the next couple of weeks. Ack, my schedule is quite hetic. >.> Promise I will try to make chapter three better.

Anways, enjoy the chapter! Oh, almost forgot. Thanks to Hanako Tabris and Saphira_Thorn for betaing!

Chapter Two: The Things They Carried
The festivities continued as the afternoon rolled on. The crowds got bigger and louder, with more people coming in. Cheers and claps could be heard from the tournament, the audience reacting to every move. Bunny’s battle against Chris Knotty, a red haired man in an armor suit, was already in progress.

Balin already had many bruises and scratch marks on him while his opponent's furry brown and white fur was only dirty with a few brunt ones. The Ninetales stared at the Linoone’s big eyes in full focus while the other Pokémon wiggled his tiny nose and then smiled.

"All right, Linoone, now for Fury Swipes!" Chris commanded.

The raccoon Pokémon stared at his trainer, grinned, and then dashed towards the Ninetales. In an instant, Linoone began swiping Balin with his claws. The fire type closed his eyes and cried in pain.

While watching that scene, Bunny started biting her nails. Only a couple minutes in and she was already losing. Her Pokémon’s screams made her anxiety worse, so she bit her nails faster.

Should I call off the battle or not? I do not want my Pokémon to get seriously injured, but then the crowd would be disappointed. Ugh, me getting nervous with crowds.

At the stands, while many people were cheering, Violet sighed disappointedly and then shook her head.

This is not going so well for Bunny. She needs to do something or else Balin is in serious trouble. Also, hope her nervousness won't be too much of a problem.

After the attack was over, the Linoone sprinted a few steps back and then chuckled at his opponent. Bunny glanced at the normal type and then at her Pokémon. She bit her lip when she saw Balin close his eyes and his body slightly trembling.

I do not care about the crowds any more! I am going to call off the battle!

The woman was about to open her mouth until she saw the Ninetales open his eyes. Despite injury marks everywhere and breathing very deeply, Balin glanced at Bunny and smiled, as if he knew already that she wanted to call the battle off. The woman gasped when she saw a glow of determination in his eyes. Somehow, that made Bunny calmer, thus she nodded and then smiled.

I must think of an attack to use. I can do this!

"Balin, Iron Tail!" Bunny ordered in a more confident tone.

The Ninetales ran towards his opponent and then his glowing tails slammed onto the Pokémon’s body. The raccoon Pokémon fell down, but soon after slowly got up while panting. His blue eyes glanced at Balin, burning with revenge.

Bunny grinned. She now thought she might win this. Confidence rampaged through her mind.

Cannot believe Balin can handle blows that well sometimes. Maybe I can be able to go to Round Two!

At the stands, the crowd whistled in great approval and cheered louder than before. Violet smiled, quite satisfied at the turn of events.

"All right! Now, use Flamethrower!"

"Go through the Flamethrower and then use Headbutt!" Chris commanded in an assured tone.

The Ninetales released a stream of flames that was going towards the Linoone, but the rushing Pokémon went through the attack and then rammed into Balin.

"Nine!" the Ninetales screamed before he fell down on the ground.

"Haha, good work!" Chris cheered.

What the?

Bunny’s eyes went wide and she bit her bottom lip, anxiety pounding her head once again. When she glared at Chris, his smile made her even more nervous.

Why is he always so confident?

"Now for a Thunderbolt!"

"Get up and then use Shadow Ball!" Bunny yelled in a fearful tone. She was not sure if that would work, but knew something must be done in order to win this fight.

The Linoone’s fur faintly glowed yellow and then electricity exploded. Before the attack hit Balin though, he got up and dodged. The Ninetales unleashed a green ball, which then hit the Linoone’s body. After the normal type screamed, Balin chuckled and grinned.

"Yes!" Bunny said with her hand up in the air. "Finish off with Fire Blast!"

The Ninetales let loose a flame shaped like the letter X and was going towards the Linoone in rapid speed. Bunny glanced at Chris, whose smile grew bigger.

Wonder what next attack he has in mind now.


"Hyper Beam!" Chris yelled with poise.

The Linoone emitted a very bright beam from his mouth. The Hyper Beam was going towards the Ninetales at a faster speed then the Fire Blast.

Hyper Beam? Both of the Pokémon might get hurt!

Bunny knew Hyper Beam was one of the most powerful attacks a Pokémon can learn. That and Fire Blast colliding together could spell trouble. Her mouth began to tremble at the thought of that.

Both the fiery X and the white beam smashed together and then an explosion occurred. Puffs of smoke came out and then everyone either gasped or stayed silent with eyes wide open. Violet's eyes blinked rapidly and her thumb touched her bottom lip. Her heart began drumming in slow but loud beats.

Hope Balin is alright.

When the aftermath of the collusion faded, Balin was on the ground while the Linoone grinned and still stood strong. His breaths were loud and his fur was dirty, though.

"Winner, Chris’s Linoone!"

While Chris picked his Pokémon up and hugged him, Bunny went towards her Pokémon and lifted his head. She felt her breath getting louder but thinner. A single tear gushed down on her cheeks.

"Balin, are you okay?" Bunny asked in a whisper.

Please be all right, please be all right, please be all right…

The Ninetales slowly opened his eyes and then smiled.

"Tales!" he said weakly and then licked Bunny’s face.

The woman smiled and then quickly glanced at the Linoone. She sighed in relief, glad both Pokémon were okay.

Everyone suddenly whistled, clapped, and cheered, all very glad of the result of the battle. Violet sighed in relief and smiled, not minding Balin's loss. She then got out of her seat and sprinted downstairs.

"Okay Balin, I need to take you to the Pokémon Center."

Balin yelped in a happy tone. Bunny took out the Ninetales’s Pokèball and returned him. She then left the battlefield and saw Violet already out of the stage and waiting for her.

"That was really good, Bunny! See, you are a great battler! You looked nervous there, though."

Bunny chuckled and then said, "I am not that great. Seems Chris has been through a few Pokémon Leagues. Don‘t worry, I am better now."

Violet nodded and then said, "I guess we should go to the Pokémon Center now, right?"

Bunny nodded and then the two walked away from the tournament, the crowds cheering while the next battle was going on.

*****

SPLASH!

Shoot, another puddle of water.

He bolted as fast as he could. His heart kept beating faster and faster and he was always looking back and forth. The right hand was tucked under the pockets of his tan colored coat.

SPLASH!

He looked down and saw mud all over his new shiny boots.

Damn, another one!

Even though his surroundings were a blur to him while running, the man saw glimpses of the city in the night life. All of the buildings were closed except for the Jubilife TV Station and a few bars. On the ground, he saw confetti, broken bowls, and even blood. When he glanced at the moon, he groaned.

Wished for the night to go away.

He took deeper breaths. The man felt as if someone was strangling him, but knew he would need it.

I have to call her, NOW!

*****

"Hello, Officer Banks here…a DUI? Okay, got that!"

Inside the blue colored walls of the police station, almost everyone had his or her hands tied. There were many phone calls from citizens and police, which mostly dealt with drunks disturbing the peace and DUIs. Police officers kept coming in and out of the buildings, most entering with a troublemaker or two. Many cops were also busy with paperwork. One blue-haired officer’s phone would not be off the hook anytime soon.

"Hello, this is Officer Jenny…a couple of people vandalizing your shop? Okay, a couple of officers will have a look at that."

The female officer hung up on the phone and then wrote something on her notepad. After she finished, another officer, a black-haired male who did not look too fat or too skinny, waved to her. His brown eyes shone with delight and he grinned, the cheeks almost a pinkish color.

"Hello, Timmy," Jenny said while staring at his almost square-shaped face.

"Hi. Hey, do you think you can have a look at this case?" Timmy said while waving a blue note with his skinny fingers.

After Timmy handed her the note, she looked through it and then nodded.

"Hey, Jenny, when can…"

"I don’t like to be called Jenny," the female officer Jenny said with a sly smile. "I am not like my sisters and cousins, you know. Ella, remember?"

Timmy coughed and then said in an embarrassed tone, "Um, right, Ella. Anyways, do you want some coffee?"

Jenny shook her head and then said, "No, thanks. Sweet of you to ask, though."

Timmy coughed again but he began to blush. Officer Jenny did not notice his red cheeks, however. She was busy looking at the note.

I shouldn’t have asked her out like that just yet! Tonight is a busy night. Maybe next time I will tell her how I feel about her.

"Okay. Well, I will go make a few calls. I’ll be at my desk if you need me. See you later!"

Timmy waved to her good bye and then the female officer was about to get back to work until her cell phone suddenly rang.

Huh? Note to self: turn off cell phone while at work.

Despite that though, she answered the phone with a heavy sigh.

"Sweetie!" the voice said urgently.

Jenny gasped when she heard that voice that called her earlier. That made her insides flip.

"What the? Why you again?" she asked in a hissed tone, not wanting to create a commotion.

"I am being chased by someone! Please help me! And don’t forget what I told you this morning!"

Jenny’s eyes blinked and then rolled. She had a de ja vu feeling splashing in, her mind taking her back on that phone call. Annoyed of this repeated event, her fingers began drumming on the desk.

After she sighed heavily, the officer replied, "Okay…like before, I am confused. Can you tell me what is going on?"

"Sorry, can’t! Just do what I say! All will be revealed in due time!"

Jenny shook her head violently and her head began to spill with raged thoughts. No turning back to go to think it over.

DAMN HIM! Why is he always like that? Can’t he just say the truth for once?

She just wanted to say those thoughts aloud. For now, the officer kept it inside, afraid she might scare him away. Jenny wanted answers, she was very greedy for them.

"Look...I cannot help solve your problem unless…"

The phone hung up before she managed to finish it off.

"…you tell me".

For a few seconds she stared at the phone and then slowly gripped it harder.

Second time this happens today. He thinks I am going to help him, even if all he says is "Just help me!" For once, I wish he would tell me something that he isn’t keeping as a secret.

*****

It was quiet inside the Jubilife Museum, except for the snoring of a security guard. The building’s glass ceiling had made the bright full moon reveal the paintings and artifacts inside. The necklaces, orbs, and weapons shined intensely, as if they were engulfed in white flames. The paintings suddenly had glitter put onto them.

All of a sudden, someone’s foot stomped on the marbled floor. The person had his right hand inside the pocket of his long coat and whipped off the sweat from his forehead with his left hand. He stopped in an instant when he saw a painting and smirked.

Perfect.

The man took out a purple marker from his coat pocket and wrote something down on the painting. Apparently, no words could be seen when he finished writing it. The man then went up the stairs. His breathing was harsh and wheezy. He took a quick look at the security guard, who was still asleep.

Must be a heavy sleeper.

When he made it to the second floor, his eyes scanned the ground, and then ran towards the middle. He took out his marker and noted something on the ground. Like what happened to the painting, no words could be seen to the naked eye.

If I die, she will see this eventually. If I don’t, then I can at least show this to her and then instantly show her the rest…

For a while, the man stared down at the ground. He knew what he wrote might be unnecessary, but he was not taking chances. That writing was just in case something might happen to him.

The man was about to go back downstairs until he saw his worst fear.

In front of him, there was a man with a black jazz-like hat. There were wrinkles around his light blue eyes and his forehead. The gray suit and pants made him look like a businessman, but he was not one.

"Jacob!" the man yelled. He choked when that name soared out of his mouth.

"Ernest," Jacob said softly. "You think I am going to hurt you?"

"Yes," Ernest said nervously. His body began shaking and he was not able to control it. "I know what you want from me! It’s those things, huh?"

Jacob said nothing but just smiled and then nodded.

"Look, I am not giving them back!" Ernest yelled. Some spit attached on the man’s face.

Jacob sighed and then wiped the spit away. He thought the inside of his body felt colder.

"I knew you would say that."

"Go ahead, hurt me. Still, I will not tell you where they are. When I am gone, your search will be worth nothing."

Ernest spread out his arms, letting any target get to him. When he saw that, Jacob chuckled and shook his head.

"Ernest, again I am not going to hurt you. I am the one that should be hurt since I will keep nagging you about it," Jacob said with a tiny smile. The tone of his voice was of careful thought, of hidden deception.

Half of Ernest’s body went back a little bit. He knew that Jacob was right, that the pestering would stop if he were to be hurt. On the other hand, his reputation will be ruined.

Never heard of an archeologist committing a crime. My career would go downhill if I hurt Jacob. Over my dead body, then!


"Well, whoever gets hurt, I am not giving away where they are," Ernest said while lifting his chin up.

Jacob thought the coldness took hold of his body more than ever. He thought his friend would co-operate after three years. Boy, was he wrong.

"You know what, Jacob, the more I think about it, the more I realized that you actually want them for yourself," Ernest continued. "I am one hundred percent."

The flames suddenly melted the coldness inside Jacob’s body, but also confusion came of it. Now his mind froze.

"What?"

"The things you said in the past, you did that so that you can get them," Ernest said in a soft but positive tone. "I think you really wanted it for yourself!"

"What?" Jacob asked again, fury and bewilderment inside him almost to the boiling point. "I do not get what you mean!"

"You heard me! You wanted what I discovered, you wanted it all to yourself! That is why I hid them from you! JUST SAY SO, YOU DAMN IDIOT!"

That was when Ernest crossed Jacob’s boiling point. Automatically, Jacob punched Ernest’s head, which then made him fall down the stairs. Each time he fell down the thumps got louder and harder. When Jacob did not hear the crushing noises any more, he felt coldness inside his heart.

"Ernest, are you all right?"

No sound.

Jacob’s mouth shuttered when he heard nothing. Realization hit him hard, more than Ernest’s fall.

No…he can’t be!

He was about to go downstairs to check to see if Ernest was fine, but then heard someone’s voice.

"Huh? Who’s there?"

Jacob quickly hid behind a statue of the legendary Pokémon Suicune nearby. The beautiful dog Pokémon with flowing ribbons on her body and some sort of crystallized sphere on her head took his breath away. He smiled at it, already forgetting about what had happened to Ernest. Underneath the statue, there was some writing, which Jacob read inside his head:

Suicune, the Legendary Pokémon of Johto
Tames the northern winds, purifies the gentle water
Believed to create the clean Johto waters

So that was whom the people of Johto believed causes the creation of water, Jacob thought in amazement. In truth, he knew about Suicune, but had never seen that Pokémon in real life, or at least a life-size replica of it. He turned his gaze away from the Suicune statue when he heard the guard’s voice.

"Oh my gosh, he could be dead!"

Jacob felt as if his heart stopped thumping, his focus back on Ernest. His worst fear became true. He bit his lip very tightly, and blood almost came out.

Dead? DEAD? I really didn’t mean to do that. I must get out of here while I still have a chance!

Taking advantage of the opportunity, Jacob ran as fast as he could and managed to make it outside the museum. The guard did not notice anything, as he was too busy calling 911.

*****

Back at the police station, it was still quite busy. Disturbing the peace were more calls from citizens and police rummaging through them. Officer Jenny did not answer any phone calls as something went through her mind.

Maybe he is in a rush. Now these days time seems to matter to everyone. Still, he kept everything secret…unless, he is forced or has no choice but to have to?

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt a tap in the shoulder. She turned around and saw the same male officer whom left a note to her an hour ago.

"Oh, hello Timmy. Done with that vandalizing shop case?" Jenny asked with a gigantic smile. Seeing Timmy was a rush of relief to her.

"Yep," Timmy said with a grin. A blush bloomed on his cheeks, but it was too small for Jenny to see. "However, I think you will like this one, and it is not from the Fair aftershock. There was a break in case at the Jubilife History Museum."

Jenny’s eyes went wide with excitement and her smile became larger.

"Really? He or she must have picked the right time to come in, then. I heard the security cameras aren’t working now at the moment because of a few Rattata eating the wires."

"Yeah, but this is a weird one. The security guard said that he found a body lying still on the floor. Also, when the paramedics arrived, they pronounced him dead. And oh, his name is Ernest Norrison."

The woman’s smile faded away in an instant and her mouth became spacious. She felt her world turn upside down.

Timmy stared at her with his right eye wider than his left. He could tell something was definitely wrong while looking at her.

"Hey, are you okay?"

The blue-haired officer shook her head and then said, "Huh? Um…yeah. So, what are we going to do over there?"

"We are going to question the security guard and then check in some possible clues."

Jenny said nothing more but nodded. Inside her head, though, there was a haze of confusion. Part of her wanted to mourn the loss of Ernest. Part of her wanted to just dance the whole night away.

The male officer was not satisfied by her answer. His eyes blinked speedily and he looked at Jenny for a long time before he smiled back, though it was a fake one.

Wonder what is going on in Ella’s mind. Maybe that is none of my business. Hope she will be okay soon.

***

Hehe, someone else besides Brock likes Jenny! XD

Here is a bit of a new feature. Each time there are a few scenes similar to "Da Vinci Code", I will do a quick compare/contrast thing in spoliers ( for those that hadn't read the book yet ). Also, sorry in advance if I wrote anything wrong. Has been a bit since I read the book. XD I did this to show the differences between this story and the book and how I am trying my best to make it my own.

Spoiler:
-All right, one of first similarities is the museum. Originally, I was thinking of having it in the Canalave Library, but for some odd reason, it won't work out. XD Yeah, I could have use the museum where you get the first badge on D/P, but...that won't work either. XD
-One of my main irks on the book is how they didn't do much depth on the policemen. So yeah, going to try my best to do that (and not make it cliche O.o). Remember Timmy's crush on Jenny? That will be important later on.
-There are a few more stuff, but will say those things as the story progresses
-The second difference is there is no albino man that is doing the job for someone else. XD


Again, hope you guys enjoy the chapter! Hope to get the third chapter posted sometime next month!
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Last edited by Bay Alexison; September 4th, 2008 at 08:35 AM. Reason: Grammar Mistakes
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  #13    
Old November 18th, 2007, 05:46 PM
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w00t! My first review here! Okay, so it's just copy/pasted from the one I put up on the big green lagger, but, meh...

Quote:
but later slowly got up while panting.
I'd get rid of either "slowly" or "later" depending on how long it took Balin to recover from the hit.

Quote:
I can't believe Balin can handle blows very well sometimes.
The "very well" there irks me for some reason. Personally, I'd replace it with "that well" or "that easily."

Quote:
Inside the blue colored walls of the police station
Quote:
Okay, a couple of officers will have a look at that.
Quote:
Jenny wanted answers, she was very greedy for them
Quote:
In truth, he knew about Suicune, but had never seen that Pokémon
Most of what I quoted above were examples of choppy sentences that didn't flow all that well. There were a few others, but these stood out the most.

Description was decent, but the battle could have used some more descriptions (i.e., of the reactions of the Pokemon). However, I'm not going to tell you that you have to include the thoughts of the Pokemon, as it's more of a writing style than a requirement (I don't go into the Pokemon's thoughts, and I noticed that you didn't in the last chapter, so I figured it was your style of writing.)

The mystery at the museum was intriguing, though I haven't seen any of the Da Vinci Code (and I really don't have the time to do so in the forseeable future...) Still, i thought it took an awful lot of shouting by Ernest and Jacob to awake the guard. maybe the guy sleeps with earplugs or something.

And I thought the inter-office romance between Timmy and Jenny (Ella) was cute. And w00t for her trying to differentiate herself from her sisters.

I'm sure that whatever secret Ernest had (and that Jacob desperately wanted to find out) will play a big role in the mystery. What that secret is, though... I'm drawing a blank. Your betas have fixed up the tense mistakes but some of the choppy sentences remain.

Nonetheless, you've crafted a very engaging mystery here, and that is what's keeping me glued to this fic. Well, that and the fact that Bunny is one of my fave characters for reasons I've already said in reviews in the other forum
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  #14    
Old November 20th, 2007, 12:33 AM
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well this is cool but i think you can do better.
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Old November 20th, 2007, 10:42 AM
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DarkPersian479:Hey! Glad this fic is the first one you reviewed here, even though you copied and paste! XD Again, hope you will like it here. :)

KPROFSLS: Okay, I really apperciate that you took the time to read and comment on my story, but you didn't really explained how I can do better. I don't mind that you said I need some work on this fic. I know this fic is far from perfect. However, it would be nice if you can tell me what can I do to make it better. What is wrong with the fic? Is it the plot, characters, pacing, description, emotions, etc? Also, since you said this is cool also, what are some of the things you like about this fic? Are there some scenes you like and such?

Look at the other reviews in this thread. They gave detailed reviews on what they like and don't like and how I can improve. For instance, the moderator Hanako's review on Chapter One. She told me some grammar mistakes I made, why the dialogue is a bit weak, and how I can do emotions better.

(Takes deep breathe)

Sorry for being a bit ranty. It is just that I really worked hard on this fic and am trying my best to improve. Again, I don't mind if there are some things I should work on, but next time you have to be more detailed on it. That way, I know what I should improve on next chapter and beyond.
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Old November 20th, 2007, 02:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KPROFSLS View Post
well this is cool but i think you can do better.
Sorry, but that's close to spam here. I'll give you a chance to edit your post with more words of advice that Bay can use to improve her fic. Tell her what she can do better, okay? If you just keep on reviewing here with posts that can hold true in every story on this board (you don't give specific examples from the story that shows what is good and what isn't) then that's not a nice way to the writers here to raise your post count.

Hey, uh, Bay, sorry to take over your thread like that. I'll give you a review at some point. *scritches head* Hopefully before chapter three.
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  #17    
Old November 23rd, 2007, 12:12 AM
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Nah, it is all right. I do hope he will listen to you and all! ^^

Also, it could be a chance you might be able to post the review before I get to posting Chapter Three. Speaking of which, this calls an announcement...

Announcement

Yeah, want to make a quick announcement. Chapter Three might come either in late December or early January. After finals and work, there is this one little thing called WAR at another forum I go to and I might be busy with that. Well...it's more of a parody version of it, but should be still fun! XD Also, I will pretty much be busy editing the next few chapters of this story. (There is actually one idea I am debating of using or not...)

So yeah, the next update might be a tad delayed. ^^;
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Old December 9th, 2007, 12:45 AM
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Oy, here I bring a new chapter!

I was originally going to wait until I finish with my finals, but decided to post this at midnight before I go to sleep for a couple of reasons. I will be busy with work and also going to focus on this little four week competition at another forum (won’t say much about it because of spam). Okay, enough of me talking. Here is the new chapter! And oh, thanks to Hanako Tabris for betaing this chapter! Thankies! ^_^

Chapter Three
Cold Feelings

That night Bunny was staying in her hotel room. Balin was on the bed while she was talking on her cell phone. The Ninetales began watching a commercial of PokeChow, his nine tails wagging in swift motion.

"PokeChow…now with twenty percent more meat inside!"

Balin bounced up and down and then yelled, "Nine, nine!"

"Balin! Keep quiet! On the phone right now!"

That made the Pokemon quiet down. He turned back to the television with a sly smile on his face. Bunny’s eyes stared at the walls while listening to the caller. One sniff of the vanilla scented candle on top of the drawer made her sigh quietly in a happy tone.

"Oh, that’s great, Bunny! Glad you had fun."

"Yeah. Too bad you could not have made it to the fair, Mrs. Davis."

"I know. Just a couple of hours ago I came back from my cousin’s wedding. Maybe one day a couple of my Pokemon can go against yours."

Bunny giggled and then answered, "Yeah, that would be great. Well, see you soon."

"Can’t wait. Bye, Bunny."

Bunny hung up on her cell phone, put it on the small desk beside the window, and fell onto the bed. Her hands ruffled Balin’s fur.

"Excited to go back home, boy?"

"Tales!" the Ninetales cheered.

"Good. Now, remember to behave, all right?"

The Ninetales nodded and then cried "Tales" cheerfully again.

After Bunny chuckled, she turned off the television and then both were getting ready to sleep. The two were not able to shut their eyes though when they heard loud banging noises coming from the door.

"What?" Bunny complained while Balin tilted his head.

The woman quickly grabbed a bathrobe to cover her nightgown and then opened the door. She gasped when she saw two police officers, a male and female.

"Um…can I help you?"

Her heart began beating quickly. Part of Bunny told her the reason why the officers came.

If it is about that noise disturbance, it is from that man a few doors down that is watching football.

"Are you Bunny Spruce?" asked the male officer.

Bunny just nodded, but her eyes began blinking quickly. Each second her heart pounded faster and faster.

Is it something serious?

"Well, this is Officer Jenny here and I’m Officer Timmy. We got a few questions of the death of Ernest Norrison and also we would like you to come with us at to crime scene."

Confusion struck her mind. The male officer’s words were just scattered puzzles to Bunny.

Questions. Death of Ernest Norrison. Crime scene. Why am I being involved in all of this?

After Bunny shook her head and opened her eyes bigger, she only managed to answer, "What?"

"There are some things at the crime scene that maybe you can help us with. It won’t take long."

At first Bunny wanted to tell them to get out, but she did not want to be rude. Besides, they are the police. Not only that, that name actually rang a bell to her, but very softly.

Ernest Norrison. Heard that name before. Hm…maybe this could be my chance to see if I can remember that guy.

Even though it was weird of her to accept the police’s invitation to solve their case, the archeologist liked to explore new things. Wanting to know more about Ernest was like a couple of her archeological trips. She faintly heard about artifacts from books and documentaries but then found out more about them each time she dug a scoop of sand from the spot where they were hidden.

Bunny sighed in relief, knowing she made her decision. Balin’s ears twitched when he heard that, and was not sure what kind of emotion was brought out, a happy or sad one.

"Okay, I will tag along. Let me change first."

The two nodded and then Bunny went to grab a couple of clothes from the drawer. She then went inside the bathroom, Balin following behind. Before the woman closed the door though, she stared at Officer Jenny. Something about that woman made Bunny take an interest in her.

She had not said a word yet.

When she brushed off that thought, Bunny closed the door.

***

I don't know why, but something is not right.

The winds blew violently on Route 209, the waters rippling and the trees shaking. The Pokemon under the grass covered themselves their heads, hoping to not fly away. The only thing that did not move or take cover was a five story stone building.

Up on the fifth floor of the Lost Tower, a white haired woman took out the glasses from her beady gray eyes and used the top part of her dress to clean it. After she finished cleaning them, the woman, Brenda, put them back on and saw a black colored ghost with hints of violet on the bottom tips of its hair. The Misdreavus’s red necklace on its neck gave off a faded glow.

"Misdreavus!" the ghost Pokemon cheered to the old woman. Brenda turned around and smiled.

"Hi, Misdreavus. Can’t seem to sleep again."

Something on the woman’s mind made her shiver, but she did not want to say it to her Pokemon. She always hated to see the Misdreavus being worried. Thinking about that had her hands quivering.

I can feel it, hundreds of miles away.

Brenda sighed and then stared at a huge statue in front of her. Its tiny eyes made the two shuddered. Misdreavus squeaked and then went behind Brenda. Compared to its petite wings, the armless Dragon Pokemon’s six legs were much thicker. Underneath was the writing of its legend:

Giratina, the Legendary Pokemon of Sinnoh
Believed to live in another world and wander around in cemeteries
Thought to cause death to Sinnoh humans and Pokemon

In an instant, Brenda felt something weird inside her body. She really could not explain what kind of feeling it was. It was more like of rain and snow clashing together, if that was possible. Even though she could not explain it, Brenda knew what it meant and gasped.

Something is definitely wrong.

After looking at the statue for a while, Brenda turned around to face her Misdreavus. The ghost Pokemon could tell from the look on the woman’s newly pale shaded face that something was wrong.

"Mis?" the Pokemon asked with her mouth in a frown.

"I feel…something isn’t right here. The sprits are mad."

***

Bunny was in the backseat of the police car. The leather seats and Balin on her lap made her body sweat. While the car drove slowly, she saw a few drunken men run away behind a liquor building, one male police officer running after them. The lady sighed with her eyes closed.

Afterparties.

"So Bunny, ever met Ernest before?" asked Timmy.

"Huh?" Bunny asked, now paying attention to what the police were going to say.

"I said, have you ever met Ernest before. Or at least, heard of his name?"

The bells rang softly again. Once more, Bunny wondered where she heard that name.

Ernest, Ernest, Ernest…Sounds familiar. Have I met him before?

She thought hard of all the historians, archeologists, mythologists, and any other person who worked in a profession related to history. Besides, it was weird to her that she was in question for someone she was not too familiar with. The memory suddenly struck her mind and then Bunny grinned in victory.

"Wait, I think so," Bunny answered after she snapped her fingers. "He’s a friend of my Sinnoh Pokemon History professor, Mr. Alexison. My professor invited me to see him a few times for a cup of tea, quite a nice and witty guy. The last time I met Ernest was a few days before graduation, which was four years ago."

For some reason, the thought of not having seen Ernest since four years ago made Bunny twitch.

"Kept in touch with your professor a lot? Also, what kind of profession does Ernest work in?" asked the male police officer.

"Yeah, once every while. Had not talked to him in a few months though because of our busy schedule. And for your other question, I think he was a Pokemon archeologist like my professor. Mr. Alexison said that there were some projects the two did together."


After that, there was silence on the rest of the way. During the silence, Bunny could not help but notice the female officer’s quietness again. She let herself think while petting Balin, who slept ever since they entered the car.

For some reason, that police woman is quiet. I wonder why.

***

Canalave City, the port city with many sailors and sea loving people living there. The sea flowed soothingly, a few Wingulls just trying to catch some fish. Hundreds of boats parked next to the wooden ports. The small city was empty except for a few sailors cleaning or getting ready their boats.

A small flash of rainbows instantaneously appeared. The glow later faded and revealed Jacob and a skinny, tall bird Pokemon that used the Teleport technique. The Pokemon folded its white wings against its green body.

"Xatu!" the psychic Pokemon screeched.

"Come on, let’s go to the inn!"

Jacob and the rounded face bird Pokemon turned around and saw a stone building with a statue of a Wailmer on top of the roof. A sign was on top of the building with the words "Harbor Inn" in medieval writing. In great haste, the two went inside that inn.

***

Bunny, Balin, and the two police officers went inside the museum. Both Bunny and her Pokemon felt a cold sensation inside their hearts. The woman rubbed her arms to keep herself warm while Balin used his tails.

"Tales," Balin muttered softly. His shoulders began to tremble.

"I know Balin, I am scared too," Bunny whispered. Despite smiling, her shoulders shook too.

The two walked slowly behind the officers. They could not help themselves but take a peek at the artifacts and the paintings. Balin smiled while Bunny gasped. The woman’s eyes became wide and glittered the same way some artifacts were.

Man, many beautiful artifacts and so much history behind it. No wonder I became an archeologist.

Before Bunny knew it, she was upstairs and saw her Pokemon and the police officers in a circle. The young woman craned her neck but was not able to see what they were looking at, though she got an idea of what it could be.

Dead body?

That thought made Bunny squeak and her shoulders shuttered. Despite that, she moved closer and when she was next to Balin, she sighed in relief but then instantly got confused.

There was nothing. At least, at first.

Good, there is no dead body…but why are we looking at the floor?

Bunny turned around when she felt a tap on the shoulder and saw Officer Timmy with a nightlight.

"Have a look."

Even though Bunny had an uneasy feeling about this, she just grabbed the nightlight and then turned it on. A flash of purple lit up the ground. Bunny moved the light upwards and then stopped at the writing:


-E:
Check out the Lapras

At first, Bunny did not take those words seriously and shook her head. She just assumed it was a logical thought.

Probably wanted "E" to check out some Lapras.

That was when she knew something was not right there. One of her eyes went wide.

Hold on…why would he leave a message here, during closing time?

"Hey Bunny, are you going to hunt down Lapras anytime soon?" Officer Timmy asked with a chuckle.

Bunny turned around and stared at Timmy with wide eyes and mouth open.

"No. Why you ask that?"

"Just wondering," the male officer answered causally.

Balin growled softly, already knowing there was something up. Bunny glanced at her Pokemon and nodded, agreeing with him. Luckily the officer did not hear it, busy looking at his watch.

Something is fishy here. Maybe it’s just a guy thing, to hunt.

"Well, I’ll right back. I’ve an important phone call to attend to. Jenny, watch over her." He got up and then went down the stairs.

Bunny turned around to look at the words again. She now felt that there was some meaning behind the words.

E. Check out the Lapras. Hm…maybe my first guess is wrong.

"I actually know why Officer Timmy asked that."

That actually scared Bunny to death. Half of her body rose up and she screamed so loud a few of the items quivered. Her heart began pumping quickly. When she turned around, she saw both Officer Jenny and Balin laughing.

Okay…Officer Jenny not able to talk is out of the question, she thought sourly.

"Sorry, Bunny. I always get kicks out of people being scared in the right opportunity."

"Well, maybe it is because this is the first time ever that I heard you talk."

Balin had stopped laughing and then nodded. Officer Jenny did that too but her huge smile turned to a frown.

"Okay, I know you are confused as to why you’re here. Long story short, you’re actually going to jail."

***

Spoiler:
Yeah once again, the ending scene is similar to Da Vinci Code. As to how the next few scenes will be…to tell you the truth, there are some that are almost like that novel and some that I make my own twist. ;)

Now, for the differences:
-On the hotel scene, I had Bunny wondering about Jenny’s quietness.
-I don’t actually remember if the main character Ron and the dead victim from Da Vinci Code knew each other very well, but in this one I have Bunny met Ernest a couple times before…which will be important later on this story. ;)

I think that’s all I can think about at the moment.


Well, sorry if this chapter isn’t much. This is to get the main action warm up. ^^ Also, about Brenda, she is loosely based on one of the old woman in the Lost Tower in the D/P games. She’s really fun to write about. XD

Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy it. Chapter Four shall come in January. Will do trailer later…right now it’s almost one o’ clock in the morning and I’m tired (dang finals coming up >.>).
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  #19    
Old December 10th, 2007, 11:53 PM
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Yeah, taking a break from studying to review (especially since I don't want to have a lot to review when the actual exams hit...)

First... STOP! GRAMMAR TIME!
Quote:
That made the Pokemon quiet down and he went back to watching the television with a smile
Quote:
put it on the small desk beside the window, and fell onto the bed. Her hands ruffled Balin’s fur.
Quote:
She faintly heard about artifacts from books and documentaries but then found out more about them each time she dug a scoop of sand from the spot where they were hidden.
Number agreement with plural, "artifacts."

Quote:
We got a few questions of the death of Ernest Norrison and also, we would like you to come with us to the crime scene.
Quote:
Bunny sighed in relief, knowing she made her decision.
Quote:
The winds blew violently on Route 209, the waters rippling and the trees shaking. The Pokemon under the grass covered themselves with their heads
Quote:
"Huh?" Bunny asked, now paying attention to what the police were going to say.

"I said, have you ever met Ernest before? Or at least, heard of his name?"
Quote:
I wonder why
Missing punctuation. Not sure if you wanted a question mark or an ellipsis.

Quote:
They could not help themselves but take a peek at the artifacts
A few other things:
Quote:
Jenny, watch over her." He later got up and then went down the stairs.
Here's the usage of "later" again. Granted, this isn't as hectic as a battle, but the "later" still feels out of place.

Quote:
a white haired woman took out the glasses from her beady gray eyes and used the top part of her dress to clean it. After she finished cleaning them, Brenda put them back on
Not the best way to introduce a character, as it's rather ambiguous. Actually, it would have worked better if you reworded it, "After she finished cleaning them, the woman, Brenda, put them back on" as then it's clear that Brenda was the woman described in the previous sentence.

And a couple of passages that didn't flow all that well.
Quote:
"Yeah. Too bad you could not have made it to the fair, Mrs. Davis."
Not sure if this was your intention, but she almost sounds too stuffy and formal with how she avoids the use of contractions. In normal, everyday speech (such as downtime with a Pokemon) speech is usually more relaxed.
Long story short, don't be afraid to say "couldn't have" instead of "could not have." It just sounds more natural for casual conversation.

Quote:
but she did not want to be rude. Besides, they are the police.
Again, "didn't" and "they're" would flow better.

Now, I understand that you're paralleling the Da Vinci Code here, but Bunny's arrest seemed drawn out and risky on the part of the officers. If she was suspected of the murder, I would have fully expected the police to do a "COPS"-style takedown, complete with the officers ramming down the door and shouting, "On the floor! Hands behind your back! Now!" By transporting her to the crime scene, with her Ninetales outside of his Pokeball, no less, the officers risk her pulling off an escape or using her Pokemon to burn them to a crisp. Now, I know Bunny's not the type of person to do that, but the officers don't know her personality. Plus, people can act strangely out of character if they feel threatened.

The scenes with Jacob and Brenda seemed... random. I'm sure that both play a part in the plot, but the way that the scenes quickly switched interrupts the flow. If you were to expand on those brief scenes, perhaps adding in additional detail and thoughts, it would work better, as then the scene shift wouldn't be so abrupt.

With all that crit though, the mystery of Giratina and Bunny's arrest certainly thickens the plot, and I am looking forward to the next chapter! And you'll have plenty of time over break to go over and make sure it's the best it can be
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  #20    
Old January 1st, 2008, 06:19 PM
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Bay Alexison
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Happy New Years, everyone! All right, here's Chapter Four! And oh, thanks Hanako Tabris for betaing!

Chapter Four
Zap, and You’re Safe


The Xatu looked outside the window. The night started to become foggy. After the long gaze, the bird Pokémon flew towards Jacob. The man just lay there and stared at the old paintings of boats pinned onto the walls.

"Xatu?" the bird Pokémon asked.

Jacob slowly turned around, smiled, and then patted his Pokémon’s head.

"Hi there, buddy. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine."

Jacob lied. He knew everything was not fine. The accidental murder of Ernest was still fresh in his mind. He felt his head swirl in a thousand directions.

Me, a murderer. But it was an accident! I didn’t mean to do it!

His eyes swiftly became watery. Everything seemed blurry except for the digital clock on the wall. The time was now ten minutes to eleven. He cried silently, wanting all this to be a dream. The same thought kept repeating in his mind.

This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening.

Eventually his eyes became drowsy, and then he fell asleep.

***

The last few seconds felt like forever to Bunny. Her going to jail. She felt her body numb up and Beautifly flying inside her stomach. Her breath began to deepen and slow down. When she finally opened her mouth, her voice echoed in the museum, but luckily not loud enough to shatter some of the artifacts.

"Wait, JAIL? HOW?"

All of a sudden, Jenny grinned and then grabbed Bunny’s arm. The Pokémon archeologist’s eyes widened and she heard Balin screaming the loudest he could muster. A hint of gladness came inside her heart. She was happy her Pokémon was concerned for her. However, she was still worried about what was going on.

Is she going to take me to Officer Timmy? Oh dear no!


Her prediction went wrong. Instead of going downstairs, Jenny led her to the bathroom. When the three came inside, the female officer took out a photo from her shirt pocket and gave it to Bunny.

"This should probably answer half of your questions."

Taking her word for it, Bunny looked at the photo and gasped. It was a picture of the writing on the floor that she saw earlier, except for five extra words:


-E:
Check out the Lapras.
First though, get Bunny Spruce.


’First though, get Bunny Spruce.’ Then that means…PLEASE NO!

Once again Bunny felt her body numb and her throat being strangled. She tried to tell herself maybe it was something else she was going to jail for. No matter how much she wanted that to happen, it was highly unlikely. The police were asking questions of Ernest’s death and they found their possible murderer.

"You guys think I murdered Ernest Norrison? Are you two trying to play a game on me?"

Just like that, Jenny gave an uproarious laugh. Both Bunny and Balin could tell that she was very embarrassed when the officer put her hand on her head and her cheeks were blushing.

"Well…Timmy’s sort of, but not me. You see, he thought what he did is a better way to catch criminals instead of the usual catch and then questioning. In a way, it’s true as most criminals don’t come out and say they committed the crime."

While Jenny laughed loudly again, both Bunny and her Ninetales stared at her in disbelief, mouths closed tight and eyes blinking slowly.

"How about the risks? You do not know me and I have a Ninetales here that could have easily burnt you two to ashes!"

"Nine!" the Pokémon said and nodded.

"Aw, don’t tell me this sweet Pokémon would do that!" Jenny cooed in a tone someone would use while holding a baby.

The officer kneeled down and began petting Balin. The fire type growled softly to himself. He had a very patient mind when he was not in battle, but each stroke made him want to bite her hand more.

Bunny’s eyes went wide in disbelief. She was surprised the officer would pet a Pokémon during a serious situation like this. What was even more shocking to her was how Jenny did not answer her question.

Maybe she is fine being toasted?

"Um…can we get back to talking about Ernest’s murder?"

Jenny stopped petting Balin, the Pokémon sighing in relief, and then she got back up. She was about to open her mouth to speak until her walkie-talkie produced static sounds.

"Officer Jenny? Officer Jenny?"

Bunny felt hot sweat flow down on her cheeks. For a second she feared Jenny might turn her in now.

"Officer Jenny, are you…"

Jenny gave a "hush" sound and then winked. Bunny’s eyes blinked a few times while Balin’s right eye opened wide.

"Yes, Officer Timmy?"

"What happened to you watching over Bunny? Did she kick you or something?"

"Yes, she did!" Jenny exclaimed in a fake panting voice. "And it hurts…ouch!"

Balin was about to open his mouth to laugh, but Bunny covered it.

"Well, right now she’s at the bathroom. Get her before she gets away or something."

"Got it, Timmy. I’m on it right now!"

After that was done, Jenny turned around and smiled at both Balin and Bunny. The two, on the other hand, returned that smile with shocked faces.

"Wait…how does he know I am here?"

"Check your bag," Jenny said simply.

Not wanting to be rude, Bunny just did as she was told and opened her bag. That was when she noticed red flashes.

***

Outside of the museum, Timmy waited for the chief. He had his hands moving up and down on his arms, trying to keep himself warm.

Dang, very cold at night. Also, where’s the chief? Probably more of those stupid drunks.

His mind began to think back on Jenny. Like Bunny, he too noticed her quietness back at the hotel room and during the car ride. He frowned and rubbed his chin.

I probably made Jenny mad at me. However, the chief’s fine with it. I don’t know what is going on in her head, trying to save Bunny. Speaking of that woman…

The man was about to take something from his pocket when he recognized a huge black car parking next to Timmy and Jenny’s police car. When the door opened, it revealed a tall man in a black jacket and gray pants. He then walked closer to Timmy with a smile on his face.

"So, I guess Officer Jenny’s keeping an eye on Bunny, right?"

"Yes, Chief Lucas. Just a moment ago, Bunny ran away into the bathroom and Jenny’s catching up to her."

"Good. Tell her I’m here and that we’ll be up there soon."

Timmy nodded and then talked on his walkie-talkie.

"Officer Jenny, come in. Are you there?"

"Officer Jenny here, and over. What seems to be the problem?"

"Well, Chief Lucas is here and he just wanted to say that we’ll help you try to find Bunny."

"Um…there seems to be a problem. I was just about to tell you before you called me that Bunny just jumped through the window."

The male officer felt like his head was about to explode. Inside, he felt very disappointed in Jenny. Wanting to make sure, Timmy took out a rectangle-shaped device, which had a "blueprint" model of the museum and the surroundings around the building. Outside of the museum, a red dot kept blinking.

"Timmy, anything the matter?" Lucas asked when he went to check the red dot too. His mouth opened a little when he saw that. "She isn’t…dead, right?"

"Could be. Not one hundred percent sure… Oh my gosh, she moving again!"

Timmy and Lucas leaned their heads closer to have a better look at the dot first moving at a steady pace but then speeding up quite a bit.Both had concerned thoughts over this.

"How can she live after a fall like that?" asked Lucas.

"A Pokémon, I bet. I got an idea." Timmy held the walkie-talkie closer to him and then said, "Officer Jenny, stay at the bathroom. Chief Lucas and I’ll come by soon. Got that?"

"Got that," answered Jenny in the walkie-talkie.

The male officer turned around and said to the chief, "Let’s roll!"

The two men rushed towards the museum door, wanting to get to the top as soon as possible.

***

While Timmy was outside with Lucas, a few things happened.

When Bunny saw the little tracking device in her bag, she took it out and held it up high. The red flashes made Balin close his eyes.

"Tales nine!" the fox Pokémon complained in a soft voice.

"Yes, it is too bright," Bunny said when she closed her left eye.

The archeologist felt lightheaded. She could not believe that she was being watched. She thought tracking devices were weird inventions because they could pinpoint where you are. That was one of the things that fascinated her about history. Everything was being advanced every century, every month, every second.

"Great, I am being tracked. How did this thing get inside my bag?"

Before Jenny answered her question, she smiled confidently. She already knew how she would be able to handle this.

I’ll tell her everything little by little. Don’t want to overwhelm her too much with information all at once.

"All will be revealed later. I got an idea of how to get you out of this mess, though. First, do you’ve an object you really don’t need and some sort of tape?"

This time, Bunny just stared with her right eye wider than her left one.

"Why did you ask that?"

"Just trust me on this," Jenny answered coldly.

Not wanting to get on the officer’s nasty side, Bunny rummaged through her bag and got out a towel and yellow tape. In an instant, Jenny swiped the items away from her hands. When that happened, Balin growled softly again, still not fully trusting the officer. However, part of him made him decide to give her a chance, so he stopped.

"Perfect!"

Still with her right eye wide open, Bunny just watched to see what the officer was going to do next. Jenny took out a piece of tape and made it into a square. She then put the tape on the tracking device and after that put them on the towel.

"Okay, good so far. Now Bunny, does Balin know Psychic?"

Bunny was about to answer but saw Balin shaking his head.

Jenny’s eyes blinked a few times and then she asked, "How about another Pokémon?"

Bunny nodded and then rummaged through her bag again.

I hope whatever she is doing will help me. Dang Balin for trusting humans easier than me, she thought to herself with a sigh.

Balin stared and smiled at the police officer. Despite a part of him still unsure about her, he decided to trust her for now after seeing that Jenny was not a huge threat to the both of them.

It took a few seconds for Bunny to grab a Pokeball and then throw it on the ground. The ball cracked and Sky came out, his eyes sleepy.

"Drift, drift!" the Pokémon complained.

Jenny smiled and whispered something to Balin. The Pokémon nodded and then spoke to Sky. While the two were talking, Bunny’s mind began to wonder. There were too many questions left unanswered.

Did Ernest write that? If so, why me? Why was there a tracking device stuck inside my bag? Why were the two officers risking themselves trying to arrest me this way than just bluntly doing that? Why did she decide to let Balin tell Sky what to do and not me?

After Bunny had finished thinking, she saw Balin smiling and Sky nodding. All of a sudden, the Drifblim’s eyes turned dark blue and then the towel went up high. The towel smashed through the window. Jenny, Bunny, Balin, and Sky went to the broken window and saw the towel fall on the ground.

Okay, things are getting weird now!

"Why did you not let me tell Sky to do that?" Bunny screamed when she turned around and faced Jenny, her eyes wide and blinking rapidly.

Jenny chuckled and then answered, "I just want to leave you in suspense."

Confusion hit hard in Bunny’s mind. She now was not actually one hundred percent sure if Jenny was saving her. Bunny and her two Pokémon jumped a little when a male voice could be heard from the walkie-talkie.

"Officer Jenny, come it. Are you there?"

Bunny’s heart raced with anxiety. Fear grabbed her with its claws deep inside her body. There was one thought she clutched onto.

I hope Officer Jenny will not turn me in. I hope Officer Jenny will not turn me in. I hope Officer Jenny will not turn me in…

She was about to say something, but Jenny winked. Bunny turned around to see Sky and Balin both smiling in anticipation. Her eyes then gazed at Jenny once more. The officer just smiled back, which made Bunny’s eyes grow big.

She won’t be nervous after this.


"Officer Jenny, here and over. What seems to be the problem?"

"Well, Chief Lucas is here and just wanted to say that we’ll help you try to find Bunny."

Jenny smiled and then said in a fake nervous tone, "Um…there seems to be a problem. I was just about to tell you before you called me that Bunny just jumped through the window."

Jenny stared at Sky and then snapped her fingers. The balloon Pokémon nodded and then Bunny turned around to look outside once more. She saw the towel move again, this time very quickly. Eventually it made it into a dusty brown car.

"Now Timmy will think you hitchhiked a car," whispered Jenny with a giggle. Both Sky and Balin chuckled when they heard that. Timmy’s voice was soon heard again.

"Officer Jenny, stay at the bathroom. The two of us are on our way right now. Got that?"

"Got that," said Jenny in the walkie-talkie. This time though, she did not smile.

Okay, things won’t turn out how I had planned unless Bunny cooperates. So far everything’s going okay.


"Now what?" Bunny asked while her eyes blinked quickly.

"Hide in one of the bathroom stalls, you and your Pokémon. Hurry!" the officer commanded.

Not wanting to be seen, Bunny grabbed her two Pokémon and they went inside the nearest bathroom stall. It was somewhat crowded inside, so Bunny had to sit on her Driftblim, which enabled her eyes to see what was going on.

She saw Jenny looking outside, getting ready for the two officers to come. That time came when both Timmy and another man she never saw before burst inside.

"Jenny, did you see which car Bunny went to?" Timmy asked while taking deep breaths.

"Yeah, she took the brown one at the stop sign!"

The two men rushed to the window and saw the car at a stop sign.

"Why didn’t you stop her?" Lucas asked after he turned around to look at the female officer, his chest going up and down.

"Well, it’s too dark to see. Not only that, I also thought she was dead until those streetlights showed Bunny hitchhiking one of the cars."

Both policemen frowned and their breathing became deeper and deeper. There was silence until Lucas spoke.

"Okay, here’s what’s going to happen. Jenny, you stay here for now and check to see if Bunny comes back. Timmy and I are going to check on that car. Let’s go, Timmy!"

The two men ran and got out of the bathroom. Jenny smiled and then whispered, "You three can come out now!"

The bathroom stall slowly opened and the three came out. Sky and Balin smirked while Bunny frowned. She was still confused about what was going on, her head still repeating the questions she wanted answered.

At least I know why she did that to the tracking device. Still, there are many things that I want to be clear on.

"Okay, we should get out, but first we got some business to take care of."

"Business?" Bunny asked.

Jenny just grabbed Bunny’s arm and the two ran out of the bathroom, wish Sky and Balin trailing behind.

***

Spoiler:
Okay, I'll be honest in that this chapter and the next two chapters (Chapter 5 and 6) are the closest ones relating to "The Da Vinci Code". After that, there will be twists of my own. ;) All right, time for a quick comparision time:

-I remember one scene where the female character in "Da Vinci Code" let Robert listen to a phone message saying he's in trouble. In this fic Officer Jenny just told her straightout.
-In "Da Vinci Code" the tracking device is put on a truck. XD

And I think that's all I can think about at the moment. Probably will edit this...



Well, I hope you guys enjoyed it. What do you think of the little action in there? ^^ Well, expect the fifth chapter to be probably either in late January or early February. My beta is going to be busy for a bit and so am I as I'm going to be back at school soon. >.>

Oh, and Darkpersian, expect the next chapter to explain more as of why Timmy and Lucas are going through with the plan and also why those two are risking themselves. Sorry I didn't do it this chapter. Blame Timmy. :X

EDIT: Decided to do this after one review brought up the attention. Okay, if you guys are a bit confused as to what happened, I'll give the explaination in a minute. I know probably a few of you might be a bit confused as there were a few things going on and also some things that weren't explained yet. Even though I felt doing this make it felt as if I didn't execute the chapter very well, on the other hand sometimes explainations are good to clear things up. I know sometimes I try to look up summaries of what happened from a chapter of a literature novel I'm reading because I was confused what happened! XD

Spoiler:


-Jenny took Bunny to the bathroom and then told her of how she's accused of murder and then showed her a photo of one extra sentence from that writing Ernest wrote on the floor that was wiped out. She then showed Bunny that there's a little tracking device inside her bag. Jenny then was about to explain how Bunny got in this situation until Timmy called on the walkie talkie. Jenny lied and said Bunny hit her and ran away in the bathroom. (How he knew that is later on one scene reveals Timmy having a track meter with him).

-Outside, Timmy waited for Chief Lucas. When the chief came, both Timmy and Lucas looked at the track meter and saw the red dot on the screen not moving at first but then at rapid speed. Timmy then talked to Jenny to ask what has happened and then the female officer said of how Bunny escaped, put it simply. (The officers didn't know that she lied)

-Back at the bathroom Jenny had devised her plan on making it look like Bunny jump out of a window. The plan is to put the tracking device on some object (in this case, the towel), and then have a Pokemon that knows Psychic to put that thing on some random car. Timmy then talked at her walkie talkie again about what happened. Jenny lied to Timmy of Bunny jumping out of the window and hijacking a car. Jenny then told Bunny and her Pokemon to hide. (This part happened while Timmy and Lucas are outside)

-Timmy and Lucas came in real quick to check up on Jenny. When they didn't saw Bunny anywhere, they told Jenny to stay put while they go for that car.

-After cost is clear, Jenny led Bunny and her Pokemon outside.

Well, that's the best I can explained of what happened. Yeah, there are some holes like how Jenny knew there was a tracking device and how she got that photo. Don't worry, everything will come together and explain in more detail next chapter. If this still doesn't make sense, I hope at least it will be a bit more clear next chapter.
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Last edited by Bay Alexison; September 4th, 2008 at 08:39 AM. Reason: Grammar Mistakes (9/4/08)
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  #21    
Old January 1st, 2008, 10:17 PM
Elite Overlord LeSabre™'s Avatar
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My first post of 2008!

Quote:
Jenny led her to the bathroom.
Lead=present tense. led=past tense.

Quote:
She was about to open her mouth to speak when her walkie-talkie produced static sounds.
For this type of sentence, "when" is used if the action (in this case, speaking) is cut off before it starts. "Until" is used when the action has already started and then gets interrupted. So, if Jenny was already speaking when her walkie-talkie went off, you would use "until."

Quote:
The man was about to take something from his pocket when he recognized a huge black car parking next to Timmy and Jenny’s police car.
Quote:
Oh my gosh, she's moving again!"

Timmy and Lucas leaned their heads closer to have a better look at the dot first moving at a steady pace but then speeding up quite a bit.
Quote:
She thought tracking devices were weird inventions because they could pinpoint where you are.
Number agreement.

Quote:
How did this thing get inside my bag?"
Quote:
All of a sudden, the Drifblim’s eyes turned dark blue
Note that there is no "t" in the Pokemon species name.

Quote:
She saw the towel move again, this time very quickly.
Quote:
"Now Timmy will think you stole a car,"
"Hitchhike" more or less means that someone stops and gives you a ride. Typically hitchhikers walk down the side of the road, holding out one hand with their thumb raised. "Carjacking" technically doesn't fit in either because a carjacking is a type of auto theft where the car is stolen with the owner still in it, and is usually a violent crime (the driver may get shot or shoved out of the moving car).

Quote:
Oh, and Darkpersian, expect the next chapter to explain more as of why Timmy and Lucas are going through with the plan and also why those two are risking themselves.
Good, because I was wondering why the two officers wouldn't find the situation suspicious. Odds are that if a car was stopped at a stop sign (especially if it was stolen) when Jenny radioed Timmy, it would be long gone by the time Timmy and Lucas made it up to her location.

I think someone needs to tell the officers that the whole plan is needlessly complex. Like Bunny (and apparently Butler as well), I was confused as to why certain things were done and how they were done. The tracking device did seem to come out of nowhere. Then there's the car parked at the stop sign instead of driving off.

Now, I do like the idea of the "arrest" serving as merely a ruse for some bigger and more elaborate plan, and you did handle it well enough, but there were a few things that just seemed unrealistic.

With that said, I am definitely looking forward to the chapter when everything is explained, including the real motives of the officers.
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  #22    
Old January 2nd, 2008, 12:18 PM
Bay Alexison's Avatar
Bay Alexison
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Join Date: May 2006
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(Decided to post my reply here too DarkPersian as sometimes Serebii's lag is bad :X)

DarkPersian479:

Quote:
Good, because I was wondering why the two officers wouldn't find the situation suspicious. Odds are that if a car was stopped at a stop sign (especially if it was stolen) when Jenny radioed Timmy, it would be long gone by the time Timmy and Lucas made it up to her location.
Yeah, it will be explained and it's something Jenny isn't fond of. XD Also, they Timmy's tracking meter so they'll be able to know where that car went...XD

Quote:
I think someone needs to tell the officers that the whole plan is needlessly complex. Like Bunny (and apparently Butler as well), I was confused as to why certain things were done and how they were done. The tracking device did seem to come out of nowhere. Then there's the car parked at the stop sign instead of driving off.
Don't worry, a couple of people will. XD And about you being confused...to tell you the truth, I'm kind of both worried and glad at the same time. ^O^; Happy that you can relate to Bunny being confused too. On the other hand, I'm afraid because if its' too confusion that you and the other readers will get mad at me until the later chapters will come...=0

Of the tracking devices, yeah they seemed like they came out of nowhere at first, but in next chapter it will become clear. Also, of the car...well, Jenny just pick the car she saw first and then let the Driftblm put that tracking device behind the car. Also, the car stopping is in a way good so that it later willl make Timmy and Lucas think Bunny ran away and "hitchhike" a car when they look in the tracking meter. That's the best explination I can give. ^^;

Quote:
Now, I do like the idea of the "arrest" serving as merely a ruse for some bigger and more elaborate plan, and you did handle it well enough, but there were a few things that just seemed unrealistic.
(Sighs) Nothing else I can say but that I try to have the situations as realistic as possible. At least if certain events are not things you could come across every day then I hope the characters' thoughts, feelings, and motives are realistic.

And to tell you the truth...part one of this story, though I like it, is a bit tougher and slower for me to write. There's a few things I need to build on and also some things I should leave out until the later chapters. That and it's a bit more similar to "Da Vinci Code", which I try my best to put a different spin. Part Two I enjoyed reading more because that's where the themes and character development becomes more clearer and it's less similar to "Da Vinci Code". Also, I originally was about to not do the arrest arc, but then I decided to put that arc in as later on...lets just say that will be later important in a few of the character's development.

Sorry that I sounded a bit disappointed and depressed. It's just that even though yes I like constructive criticism as it helps me try my best on the latter chapters, part of me felt scared that the later chapters might fail and readers won't stick around for Part Two. Again, Part One here is moreso of building up some things and getting to know the characters' personalities and motives and then Part Two is where things are going to be more indepth.

Don't worry though. I will try my best to improve and have the situations and feelings as realistic as possible. :)

Quote:
With that said, I am definitely looking forward to the chapter when everything is explained, including the real motives of the officers.
Glad you'll still be sticking around. I hope the next chapter will heed your expectations. ^^
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Old February 7th, 2008, 10:41 PM
Bay Alexison's Avatar
Bay Alexison
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Join Date: May 2006
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So sorry for the long wait, guys! Both my beta and I were busy with a few things...^^;


Want to say real quick that this is a flashback chapter that I hope will explain a few things of what happened in Chapters Three and Four. Oh, and Great Butler and DarkPersian: I hope this chapter isn't confusing either. If it is, then I wrote down a small summary of what happened in this chapter just incase. I try my best though to keep things less confusing. ^^; There's a few other things I want to say (moreso on the updates of the coming chapters), but I think I made you guys read this little intro long enough.

All right peeps, here's the next chapter! (Thanks Hanako Tabris for betaing! ^^)
Chapter Five
Realizations

While Bunny, her two Pokémon, and Jenny were running down the stairs, the Pokémon archeologist felt her temper boiling, her face becoming warmer and flowing with sweat. She hated that the officer did not mention anything and that everything moved too fast, too soon.

Dang it, I want some answers! This is beginning to waste my time!

When the four of them made it to the bottom floor, Bunny took a deep breath and then glared at Jenny.

"All right, what is going on? One, how did that device get inside my bag? Two, how was that last line in the photo wiped out? And last, is there anything else I should know that you are not telling me?"

That made Jenny stop running. She turned around to face Bunny with a look of annoyance and sighed.

Looks like it’s time for some explanation.

Jenny checked her watch before she nodded. "Yeah, I think I have time to answer your questions. I’ll answer your second question first, though…"

***

A couple of hours ago Timmy and Jenny made it to the museum. Over there, quite a lot of cars were parked and many people crowded around. Timmy parked the police car close to the Jubilife TV News van and then the two got out to see the commotion. On Jenny’s right side, she saw a stretcher with the body in a white sheet.

DA-DUM DA-DUM DA-DUM da-dum…

She froze and bit her lip. Jenny sensed both her body and mind being lighter. Her heart began to beat softer and slower.

Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum.

She could not cry; she could not dance. Jenny wanted to do both, but was torn between what to do, unsure what to feel. To her, would it be right to mourn?

Da-dum.

Jenny’s eyes gazed at the ambulance, the sirens screeching while the car moved towards its destination. Still no tears on her cheeks. Mist flew out of Jenny’s mouth while she breathed loudly.

It’s true. Wow…can’t believe it happened to him. I’m not sure what to think, though…

"Jenny!"

Timmy’s voice made Jenny turn around to see him with Chief Lucas. She put on a fake smile and laughed slowly.

"Oh, sorry. Just…thinking."

"Well, it’s all right." No smile came from Timmy’s mouth when he said that.

"Okay, Jenny, we’re going to check inside the museum that led to Ernest’s death," said Lucas.

The female officer nodded slowly and then followed behind the two men.

***

A spooky feeling went inside Jenny’s heart, and it was not from the coldness of the museum. When her eyes noticed the artifacts and painting, it gave her a feeling of déj?* vu, but not in a good way.

I remember this place so well…

Jenny shook her head, not wanting to relive the past. When she turned to see Lucas and Timmy, she saw the male officer use a night light that flashed at the spot where Ernest was dead before being taken away.

"Hm…nothing. What’s more weird is that there’s no blood," said Timmy.

Lucas coughed and then said to him, "Probably from internal bleeding. Ya know, the security guard did say he heard thumps coming from upstairs. Let’s check up there, you two!"

While the men bolted upstairs, Jenny sluggishly followed. With each step, her heart became tighter. When the female officer made it to the middle of the stairs, she stopped and felt her heart beating slowly again when she touched the left side of her chest.

What’s wrong with me? Why’s my heart slowly beating again? Do I really feel sad for Ernest’s death?

For a second she thought her heart stopped beating. She just froze there until she heard Timmy’s voice.

"Jenny, over here, you Slowpoke!"

As if by magic, Jenny ran upstairs. She then went to the center of the second floor, where Lucas and Timmy were.

"Timmy has the most brilliant idea ever! Here."

Lucas gave Jenny a small Polaroid photo. She realized whom the message was for:

-E:
Check out the Lapras.
First though, get Bunny Spruce.

Bunny Spruce…

Jenny felt her hands shaking and body breaking into millions of shards. She remembered that phone call that told her to keep her safe. However, Jenny was not sure if she should do it or not.

For my uncle? I still don’t trust him yet…

If Jenny did that, there was a possibility she would be able to find some secrets Ernest had been keeping from her all these years. No grain of trust towards him yet, though. That then could block Jenny from searching for those secrets…

After she stared at the photo for what seemed like forever, Jenny felt a tap on the shoulder and turned around to see Lucas and Timmy, both smiling. She noticed Timmy holding the night light.

"You’re going to need this," the male officer said when he handed her the night light.

Jenny turned on the device and aimed the purple flash at the middle of the floor. She stopped when she saw the message. The words were the same as the one in the photo, except the last line, "First though, get Bunny Spruce", was completely wiped out. Rage was the only feeling inside her now.

"Wait…so I guess Timmy wiped off the last part?" she asked calmly.

Lucas grinned and Timmy nodded.

"Yep," said Timmy with a grin and chin raised up high. The last line’s concealed so that the criminal, Bunny Spruce, won’t know about it. If we told her right away she might run. Now that the last line’s gone, I thought you and me could make her come here and then eventually arrest her."

Her instincts were true. Bunny Spruce was now in danger. In her heart, Jenny knew Bunny did not do it. Why would Ernest ask her to help a criminal? Nonetheless, why did he ask her to help a woman she never heard or saw before? She then shook her head, deciding to worry about those questions later. The focus now as to not have an innocent woman arrested. Regaining her composure, Jenny had to let her feelings be known.

"Are you sure it’s Bunny? What if this message is for someone else, for this "E" person? Maybe he wants that person to get Bunny to safety? Also, what if all of a sudden she has a gun with her and shoots us? Or better yet, a Pokémon that could have the potential of killing us?"

"Then why would that message be here before he died?" Timmy asked in an instant. "Clearly he knew he was going to die as he wrote that person’s name down. Second, I doubt she has a gun with her, seeing as there were neither gunshots on him or blood on the floor. Third, we we were already risking our lives from the minute we started attending the police academy."

Jenny gritted her teeth. She already knew Timmy and Lucas already had their hearts set out on getting Bunny. On the other hand, she knew she still had a chance in victory.

"Okay, you’re right about the risk thing, anything can happen. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t prevent it. Also, maybe he knew he was going to die and wanted "E" to get Bunny for another reason besides turning her in to the police! Also, explain the ‘Get the Lapras’ line!"

Jenny saw Timmy’s mouth twitch. She grinned, thought she got him where she wanted. The female officer thought wrong, however. Timmy began chuckling and then smiled slyly.

"True…but still, I would write my future murderer’s name if I knew I was going to get killed. Besides, I think "E" stands for Ernest. And on the Lapras part, probably she’ll go Lapras hunting. Jubilife City is next to the lake route, Route 218. And on the risk thing, true but sometimes accidents happen. You just gotta go with the system."

When Jenny saw Lucas nodding, she sighed loudly. She felt as if the two men were being careless, not taking precautions to prevent future accidents.

"Well, why don’t you just go and arrest Bunny wherever she lives? It seems this plan is going to backfire."

Jenny’s eyes shot wide open and her heart was pierced. She did not want Bunny to go to jail, her being innocent and all. She just felt their plan was complex and had a few holes that could not be fixed without proper planning. Still, why should she care if she had not decided to save Bunny yet?

Lucas shook his head and then smirked.

"Let me put it this way. If we do it aggressively, then she’ll act too. If we’re passive and arrest her at the perfect time, then we got her. Criminals love it when the police don’t realize they just passed them. Well, we’ll prove Bunny wrong. Also, Timmy and I are sure that this plan will work."

Jenny clutched her right fist and she began breathing heavily. She wanted to punch both of them, but then her hand relaxed. Two accidental deaths would spell trouble. Still, Jenny thought it was wrong that they would sugar coat this case and that it would rot Bunny.

After a long silence, the chief checked his watch and gasped.

"Well, guys, sorry but I’ve got to go. Got a couple of other businesses to take care of. You two, try to find Bunny Spruce. When you do, let me know."

Lucas walked down the stairs. When footsteps were not heard anymore, Jenny stared at Timmy with a deadly glare.

"You are so narrow-minded," she criticized quietly.

"Hey, my theory’s more logical than yours," he responded with a chuckle. "Come on, let’s go back to the police station."

Timmy quickly walked down the stairs while Jenny snorted and then followed slowly. Rage clouded inside her heart towards Timmy. The two usually got along really well, but this time they were in different agreements. She knew Timmy stood by his decision, usually never changing them unless it was necessary. There was no way she could change his mind now.

Before she knew it, she saw trees and people crowded around Lucas. Jenny’s hand was grabbed and the two went inside the police car. The female officer heard scants of his speech while Timmy tried to start the car.

"Is it a murder case?"

"Yes, we believe it to be a murder case…"

"Any suspects involved?"

"So far, Bunny Spruce’s the only suspect, but right now it’s under investigation…"

"Any more information on the whereabouts of Ernest’s death?"

"More info will come as this case develops…"

The car finally ignited with life. As Timmy drove quickly, Jenny saw the figure of Lucas getting smaller and smaller.

***

Back in the police station, Timmy was reading the articles online while Jenny looked at Bunny Spruce’s records on her computer. Her eyes quickly read the information.

Name: Bunny Spruce
Birthday: December 6, 1980
Birthplace: Eterna City, Sinnoh
Height: 5’2"
Weight: 115 lbs
Schools: Jubilife City Training School
University of Cannalave City, double major in Pokémon History and Archeology


Archeologist? I thought those guys are called Ruin Maniacs.

Despite her chuckling at that thought, Jenny sighed. It was both weird and fascinating to her that in just seconds she knew a few things about Bunny Spruce. Because of that, she smiled.

Maybe this could be important later on.

After staring at the computer screen for a while, she heard Timmy calling her.

"Hey, I think I know where we can be able to find her. Check out the article titled ‘Fair Highlights: Pokémon Battle Tournament.’"

Jenny blinked but Timmy soon let his partner see his computer. When Jenny had her eyes on the article, she skimmed it through until she read a particular paragraph.

Another one of the potential battlers is the archeologist Bunny Spruce, even though she lost in the first round against Carlos Knotty. Her Ninetales went against his Linoone and both Pokémon put on a magnificent show. The battle ended with Ninetales’s Fire Blast and Linoone’s Hyper Beam colliding and causing an explosion, but the Normal type was left standing.

"Yeah, first time battling in a tournament," Bunny said when I interviewed her at her hotel room in the Jubilife Trinity Suite. "Still, it is quite fun. A very nice relaxing thing to do after hours of travel and research, since I am an archeologist, you know."

"Will you battle again?" I asked.

She chuckled and said, "Maybe."

Hope that Bunny will battle at the tournament again next year.


The officer took a deep breath and then said, "Okay, why’s this important?"

"This means we got ourselves a location."

Timmy said that last part in a sly tone, which made Jenny bit her lip and blink her eyes. She had a bad feeling about this.

I do wish I’ve the guts to argue with him again, but I don’t. It would just be a repeat. I hope though Timmy will realize what he’s doing is wrong.

Despite that thought, she smiled. Jenny also believed that thing would change. Soon she would play fire with fire.

"Sure, Timmy. Okay, get the police car ready. I’ll be down there in a minute."

The male officer nodded and then shook Jenny’s hand.

"That’s more like it! See you in a minute!"

After Timmy got up and left the police station, Jenny grinned and then chuckled. She had already decided on what to do.

***

The Jubilife Trinity Suite was a fifteen-story building. Because of how the building was structured of glass, it shined brightly from the full moon. Windows were noticeable to see, luckily. When Jenny gazed at the hotel, she gasped in amazement.

"What a nice hotel. I would like to actually stay in there one day."

"Yeah, quite a fancy hotel. Come one, let’s get out of the car."

The two officers got out of the car and went inside. Jenny gasped even louder. Colorful paintings hung on the peach-painted walls. On the marbled tables, fake flowers were in black vases. At the information desk, a woman in a short-sleeved dress was on the phone. Jenny followed behind her partner as the two went towards the woman.

"Yes, Mr. Watson, your room is reserved on the twenty-first of September. Okay, bye."

When the woman hung up the phone, she saw Timmy and Jenny in front of her. The lady’s eyes went wide, her body began shaking, and her head streaked with sweat.

"Hello, officers! What seems to be the problem?" she squeaked out.

"We’re here to meet up with Bunny Spruce for question on the whereabouts on the death of Ernest Norrison. Is it all right if you can tell us her room number?" asked Timmy.

The woman nodded twice and then began typing. Jenny could tell by the look on the receptionist’s face that she did not want to do this, but she did it anyhow. It took a few seconds to find the room number of Bunny Spruce.

"Bunny Spruce’s room number is seventy-three. Use the elevator straight across."

"Thank you," Timmy said. He nodded and then went to the elevator, Jenny following behind.

When the two went inside, Timmy pushed the button that had the number seven on it and then the elevator began rising slowly. The male officer began humming while Jenny was lost in her thoughts. While thinking, warmth began caressing her body.

That article Timmy showed me led me into saving Bunny and to also find out those secrets Ernest has been keeping all these years. Oh, how I love being a policewoman sometimes.

Her mind was being trespassed when she heard Timmy talking.

"Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. After we get Bunny to the museum, I’ll go outside and wait for the chief while you stay with Bunny. As soon as he comes, I’ll let you know and then the two of us will come and just arrest her. Got that?"

Jenny instantly nodded. "Got that."

When Timmy was humming again, Jenny frowned. She closed her eyes while her feet were shaking.

I’m not sure how I’ll be able to save her. That, and wondering how she would react.

***

"Here it is. Seventy-three."

Jenny’s eyes looked at the plaque with the writing "73" on it. Her heart pounded harder and harder, like what Timmy was doing to the door. Her eyes flew open when she saw Bunny Spruce in a robe with a Ninetales next to her.

"Um…can I help you?"

"Are you Bunny Spruce?" asked the male officer.

Bunny just nodded.

"Well, this is Officer Jenny here and I’m Officer Timmy. We got a few questions on the death of Ernest Norrison and also we would like you to come with us to the crime scene."

In an instant, Jenny felt pain inside her. Here was a woman, unknown to her that she committed a crime she did not do.

After Bunny shook her head and her eyes widened with horror, she asked, "What?"

"There are some things at the crime scene that maybe you can help us with. It won’t take long."

Jenny could tell by Bunny’s confused facial expression that she did not want to do it and thought it was weird.

I don’t want to do this too, Bunny.

"Okay, I will tag along. Let me change first."

As soon as Bunny and her Ninetales went inside the bathroom, the two officers entered the room. In an instant, Timmy took Bunny’s bag and opened it.

"What are you doing?" Jenny hissed in rage when she saw that.

"Just in case," he said simply. The male officer took out a small chip from his shirt uniform pocket and stuck it inside the bag.

After he closed the bag, Jenny’s rage engulfed her. She wanted to say that what he did was even worse, but knew it would not work. The male officer usually stood by every decision he made. Instead, she had this one thought in her mind.

I will try to protect Bunny Spruce, no matter what.

***

During the drive, Timmy was having a casual conversation with Bunny. Jenny was not paying attention. Instead, she was planning out how she could save the woman. Her mind then thought back to what Timmy told her earlier.

Timmy said he’ll be waiting for Lucas outside. Also, he has the tracking device in her bag. If I could make them both think Bunny ran away, they would be busy trying to catch her. But how?

Jenny bit her lip in frustration. There must be a way to save Bunny without being caught.

If I don’t think of something quick, she’ll be in jail and I won’t be able to depict Ernest’s message.

Her eyes then saw a few cars pass by and a couple of people on the streets running towards a bar. She grinned.

She’ll be hijacking a car.

***

Bunny and her two Pokémon were speechless; they could not believe the events that hadunfolded. The female Pokémon archeologist now knew why Jenny was quiet. Despite these revelations, there was one more question she wanted to ask.

"Woo, so all of this came together. One thing confuses me though. How do you know that that message is for you?"

The lady officer knew she would be asked that question. It stabbed her deep inside. Eventually, she mustered all of her strength inside her to answer it before the stab got any deeper.

"Well…the "E" stands for my middle name, Ella. Also, Ernest Norrison’s my uncle."

It was as if time stood still. Bunny and her Pokémon let the idea of Ernest Norrison as Jenny’s uncle sink into their brains. At least it was a huge relief for Bunny to have some of her questions answered. At the same time, more questions were created.

"Wait, you are Ernest’s niece?"

Jenny just nodded.

"Okay, answer me this. How do you know Ernest wants you to help me, save me, whatever?"

"He called and told me," Jenny answered mournfully, her head bowed down.

Bunny just nodded and then said, "All right. But how come you did not mention any one of your uncle’s calls?"

Neither Bunny nor her Pokémon were prepared of what was going to happen next. Jenny laughed loudly, which scared the wits out of the three. Balin’s and Sky’s eyes went wide while Bunny covered her ears.

As soon as Jenny stopped laughing, she calmed herself down and then answered, "Ha, I wished! You don’t know Officer Timmy nor Chief Lucas. I love and respect them both, but they can be close-minded sometimes. They’ll think my uncle called to capture you."

"Hm…point taken," said Bunny, understanding the situation. The Ninetales and Drifblm nodded also. "However, why did he choose me?"

The officer frowned. She wished she knew the answer but her uncle did not say anything except that everything would make sense soon. However, because her uncle died, there was no way to get a straight answer.

Yeah, why?

Jenny shook her head and then answered, "That I don’t know."

Bunny grunted, she knew so far that this was not going away. If only they could find a reason why Ernest wrote her name instead of someone else’s. Surely, it could be something of a great importance? She then snorted.

What a great way to frame someone.

"However, we can find out together!" Jenny exclaimed all of a sudden and then winked.

Both Balin and Sky cheered and grinned. Bunny, on the other hand, had her eyes wide in confusion.

"Excuse me?"

"I have a hunch that whatever my uncle wants us to do can be used as evidence that you’re innocent. Also, as I’m a policewoman, I’m wondering what those ‘secrets’ are!"

Jenny’s heart began pumping harder. The officer side of her could not wait to find what her uncle hid from her.

I’ll probably laugh my butt off at whatever secrets Uncle Ernest left with his grave.

Bunny looked down at the floor while twitching her fingers. It was weird to her that, despite accused of murder, Jenny would think about finding out her uncle’s secrets. However, she somehow was involved in that message. She sighed, knowing she had no choice.

At least maybe I can be able to find out why Ernest wrote my name. Do not care too much about those secrets at this moment…

"All right, now what?"

"Okay, before we go and escape, we need to take care of that Lapras business, and I know where to look! Follow me."

As Jenny ran off, Bunny gasped. She was so obsessed as to why she was going to jail and why her name was written on the floor, she forgot all about the second line. At the same time, Bunny started to trust Jenny slightly more, though still found her somewhat fishy. Not wanting to be left behind, she and her Pokémon dashed to follow her.

While Bunny was running, there was one other thing in her mind.

Wait, Jenny explained how those two officers’ plan to arrest me is complex and confused, which I agree. However, her plan has a couple of holes too…

"Jenny, there is something I do not get. What happens if your plan backfires, for instance, me not having a Pokémon that knows Psychic? Also, would you not get fired for this?"

For sure Bunny thought Jenny would stop and stare at her angrily again like before. However, while running Jenny turned around and smiled at her.

"Well, I got other attacks I would use if that were to be the case. I just thought Psychic would be easier to use, that’s all. If you’re wondering what happens if this plan failed, I’m not worried too much, knowing they’ll be busy chasing you in that car. Also, that’s fine with me if I get fired. I got connections with my other relatives," she said that last sentence with a wink.

While Sky and Balin chuckled, Bunny just sighed and shook her head. She thought Jenny too was careless in not at least thinking of a couple of more good ones. Still, she believed the situation she was in just kept getting more complex and confusing. Bunny wanted to run, but she was afraid Lucas and Timmy might be able to catch her. For now she would have to stick with Jenny.

Just hope things would not get worse.


Spoiler:
This chapter is one of the big things The Da Vinci Code didn't put...XD While in the book the main female protagonist(forgot her name...hey, it's been a while since I read it! =O) explain of the police's plans, in this chapter I decided to "show" it. XD


Now, sorry in advance if this chapter didn't satisfy at least most of your concerns of what happened in Chapter Four. Again I'll give a quick summary of what happen to make things clear (though I really tried my best to make things more sense in this chapter ^^;):

Spoiler:
Pretty much what happened is Jenny told Bunny what happened:

-When Jenny saw her uncle dead, she was not sure how to react nor not sure if she should save Bunny (remember that call back in first chapter?)
-After Jenny found out the officers are planning a complex way to arrest Bunny, she went an argument with them that ended with her knowing they won't agree
-Eventually after reading that article Timmy gave her, she decided to save Bunny and find out what his uncle wanted
-After Bunny found out about how the tracking device was from Timmy putting it in her bag and Jenny planning the escape in advance, she was concern that Jenny's plan too has flaws (and worried of what would have happened if the plan did failed) that the officer did not notice.


Well, hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Expect Chapter Six to come something in late February/early March as I'll be busy wtih real life things for a while. ^^;
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Last edited by Bay Alexison; September 4th, 2008 at 08:41 AM. Reason: Grammar Mistakes (9/4/08)
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  #24    
Old February 10th, 2008, 10:59 PM
Elite Overlord LeSabre™'s Avatar
Elite Overlord LeSabre™
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Join Date: Nov 2007
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Sorry for the lateness of my review...

Quote:
One, how did that device get inside my bag?
Quote:
what if all of a sudden she has a gun with her and shoots us?
Quote:
Third, we were already risking our lives from the minute we started attending the police academy.
Quote:
Is it all right if you can tell us her room number?
Quote:
After he closed the bag, Jenny’s rage engulfed her. She wanted to say that what he did was even more worse, but knew it would not work. The male officer usually stands by every decision he made.
For the last sentence, there's a tense disagreement. Use one of these two combinations:
"stood" and "made"
Or...
"stands" and "makes"

Quote:
Bunny and her two Pokémon were speechless; they could not believe the events that had unfolded.
Quote:
"However, why did he choose me?"
Quote:
Bunny grunted, she knew so far that this was not going away. If only they could find a reason why Ernest wrote her name instead of someone else’s. Surely, it could be something of a great importance?
Just for clarification, when I highlight something in red, it means that it should be deleted.

Quote:
She sighed, knowing she had no choice.
Well, I did get some things explained this chapter, like how the tracking device ended up in Bunny's bag, and (somewhat) the reason for the long and drawn-out arrest plan. Another question about Jenny's plan that I have (and Bunny didn't bring up) is this: How far away would Sky be able to move the car with Psychic? I imagine it would require a lot of mental energy to move a 3,000lb. automobile, and it needs to be far enough away in order to buy Bunny and Jenny enough time to make their escape.

I want to ask - Does Bunny have anything in her bag that she really needs? It might have been a better idea to plant the bag with the device inside of it, so as to give the illusion to Timmy and Lucas that she fled from the car on foot and left her bag. With the tracker wrapped in a towel, it just appears more like someone deliberately removed the device and planted it in the vehicle.

I liked having everything being told through Jenny's perspective, as it really brings forth her thoughts and reasons for her actions. You were able to show her reactions for her uncle's death, and her reasons for betraying her fellow officers and hatching a plan for escaping with the "suspect." And that was done quite well, I might add.

Well, now, it looks like Jenny and Bunny have a little bit of time on their hands to try and make an escape before the other two catch on to their plan. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter!
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  #25    
Old February 26th, 2008, 11:22 PM
Bay Alexison's Avatar
Bay Alexison
Not a Baygel
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dani California
Age: 26
Nature: Sassy
DarkPersian479:

Quote:
Well, I did get some things explained this chapter, like how the tracking device ended up in Bunny's bag, and (somewhat) the reason for the long and drawn-out arrest plan. Another question about Jenny's plan that I have (and Bunny didn't bring up) is this: How far away would Sky be able to move the car with Psychic? I imagine it would require a lot of mental energy to move a 3,000lb. automobile, and it needs to be far enough away in order to buy Bunny and Jenny enough time to make their escape.
Opps...sorry if I made you think that. XD Actually, Sky did not use Psychic to lift the car. He used Psychic to have the towel inside the car.

Also, on your other comment...hm, never thought that. ^^; On the other hand, yes Bunny does need it...at least in her case. She's a ruin maniac. XD

Aw, you thought I did well on Jenny's POV too? Thankies. ^^ Yeah, that is what I'm going for. :)

All righty then! Huzzah, got Chapter Six posted early! ^^ I'll say this: this is at first one of my least favorite chapter but then it became one of my top favorite after changing things around a bit, writing style wise. Despite this chapter not having the best characterization in the world (I swear the characters will progress slowly...^.^; ), there are still a lot of developments here and the beginning of what I planned a few of the themes of the story to be.

Sorry in advance if the chapter is once again confusing...let me know if you want a quick summary of what happened in this chapter. Would have done an explination but I have homework to do (dang fire drill at my dorm >.>).

Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! And oh, once again thanks Hanako Tabris for betaing!

Chapter Six
Reject It, Challenge It, Forget It



Inside the car, a man with an oval-shaped face drove rapidly. His big eyes carefully watched the buildings and street names pass by. While steering the wheel with his left hand, his right hand petted a sleeping pink cat Pokémon.

"Skitt…skitt," the Pokémon said in its sleep.

"Don’t worry, Skitty, we’re almost there," whispered the man.

On the back seat, red flashes kept blinking, and it was coming from a yellow towel.

***

"Dang, that car’s going fast! Yep, it’s a hijack!"

While Lucas drove the police car, Timmy looked at the tracking meter with a smirk. The red dot still moved at a rapid speed.

"Timmy, do you know where she’s turning now?"

"Looks like the car was speeding to the left but now it stopped. Speed up!"

The chief’s foot stomped on the gas pedal and the police car drove faster. Timmy could feel his heart race with excitement, knowing in a few minutes that they would catch their criminal. It was not long until both men saw the brown car move sharply to the left.

"It’s that car!" yelled Timmy while pointing his fingers at it, exhilaration spreading more inside. "Turn the sirens on!"

Lucas smiled and then pushed a red button.

WEE-WOO! WEE-WOO! WEE-WOO!

The sirens took the man by surprise, his eyes blinking many times. He turned his head for a second and saw flickers of blue and red lights behind him. The sound woke the Skitty up, her mouth in a frown.

"Itty?" the cat Pokémon cried in distress.

"I’m not sure what’s happening," the driver said without looking at his Pokémon. "Better pull over."

The man steered the wheel left to have the car park beside the sidewalk. As soon as that was done, the police car parked right behind.

Probably just a taillight, probably just a taillight…

While he was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, he heard his Skitty whimpering. The man sighed and then shook his head.

Just act cool and everything will be good.

The man took deep breaths and then smiled, his nervousness instantly gone. He did not do anything wrong, so he assumed the policemen might just ask him if he saw any suspects around.

In less than a couple of seconds the two policemen came, both with wide eyes on their faces.

"Good evening, policemen," the man said in a calm voice. "What seems to be the problem?"

"Can we see your ID first?" Timmy tried to ask nicely, but a confused tone was hidden. His mouth was twitching, which the man did not notice.

The man took out his wallet and gave it to the chief. Both Lucas and Timmy looked at the wallet and then the chief opened it.

"So your name’s Norm Williams, right?" asked Lucas. He then gave the wallet back to Norm.

"Correct. Sooooooo, why am I being pulled over?"

"Well, we’re tracking down a suspect named Bunny Spruce. From the tracking meter, she’s taking your car. Where is she?" asked the chief in a commanding tone.

Norm’s jaws dropped and his right eye was half-closed. His Skitty cried a "Skit?"

"What? Officers, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m happily willing to open both the back door and the trunk. You’ll see for yourself that there’s no one else with me except for my Skitty."

Norm, without either of the two policemen’s permission, pushed the unlock button on the left side of his car door. After a click sound, Norm got out and opened the right side of the back door for the two officers to see for themselves. He then did the same thing with the trunk. Timmy stared at his boss, unsure of what to do.

"Well…he is nice enough to let us have a peek," Lucas replied, shrugging.

At first, Timmy was a bit skeptical of the man’s behavior, acting as if nothing ever happened and in a calm matter too.

Too calm. However, I guess one way to find out is to look.

Deciding he could not wait any longer, he stared at the back seat. There was nothing except for a yellow towel with red flashes.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Timmy gritted his teeth and then grabbed the towel. His blood boiled each time the little device flashed.

Must be Bunny.

He took out the tiny tracking device chip and stomped on it. Lucas, Norm, and the cat Pokémon just stared with their mouths wide open.

***

The four entered in another room filled with many artifacts used in medieval warfare. There were axes and swords inside clean glasses while bows, arrows, and shields were pinned on the walls. Rusted helmets and armors were out so anyone could touch them with their very own hands. The lighting of the full moon made everything in the room shine brightly. Both Sky and Balin cried in excitement, loving all the artifacts inside. Bunny grinned too when she saw the weapons, but then she shook her head. She must focus on the situation she was in or else she might be in that room all night and then be arrested.

While the two Pokémon looked around at the weapons, Bunny and Jenny eventually stopped and stared at a painting of two Lapras with their necks touching each other. The setting sun glistened on their dark blue shells. Both of the huge Pokémon had tears in their eyes and scratches on their shells. On the bottom of the portrait, there was cursive handwriting with the name of the painter: Ingit Vivus.

Amazement and confusion collided together in Bunny’s mind. She was just blown away of how beautiful the painting was, wishing that she had that kind of talent. On the other hand, there were two questions in her mind.

Why is that painting in the Medieval Wars room and how does Officer Jenny know where to go? Dang it, I should know this!


Bunny reacted by having her right hand punch the wall. When the pain erupted, she cried and then rubbed her bruised hand. Jenny chuckled and after that, she shook her head.

Known her for only a few minutes and already I think she’s nuts.

"You won’t believe this, but my uncle took me to this museum a few times," the female officer chimed with a chuckle. "When he showed me this painting, I fell instantly in love with it. He told me how Ingit Vivus was a region fighter and one day during his journey he saw two Lapras together, like in the painting you’re seeing right now. After the Region Fights were over, he spent the rest of his life painting, and this is one of them." Jenny chuckled again and then asked, "I bet you know what the Region Fights are, right?"

Bunny nodded and then grinned while her hand flew up towards the ceiling.

"Of course! It was the war between Hoenn and Sinnoh! The two regions went against each other because of their different perspectives of history." Bunny’s mind then got struck by those four words:

Different perspectives of history.

It was hard for her to believe that even though there were different records of history in front of the very eyes of mankind, there could be differences. It was not just differences of when events happened, but the thoughts and criticisms of it. One historian believed that event saved lives while another thought it was the worst mistake in the world. That was how the Region Fights got started, that was how Hoenn and Sinnoh went to war, that was how histories clashed and fought against each other.

Jenny’s laugh suddenly interrupted Bunny’s thoughts. She clutched her chest, feeling her heartbeat race faster and faster.

She scares me sometimes.

"I bet you know a lot more about history than me. Glad you didn’t give me a three-lecture on that war as you’d be arrested!"

Great, she probably noticed the excitement in my voice, Bunny thought solemnly with a grunt.

Jenny shook her head in amusement and then turned on the nightlight. The light soon showed another piece of writing.

Center of the Library, 2244

***

Reject it.

Timmy wanted to reject what he saw. Confusion fogged inside his mind. While Lucas tried to explain to Norm the situation at hand, Timmy was in the police car, taking rapid breaths.

How can that be? Is Bunny a smart criminal or what?

It was just unbelievable to him. He thought they had her. The red dots, the tracking meter, the writing on the floor…

Realization unexpectedly lanced deep inside his mind.

There’s something weird going on.

His mind went back to the times when Jenny denied that Bunny Spruce committed that crime. She said how that message was meant to help her, not capture her. In addition, she was quiet when the two of them were with Bunny.

He loved her though. He did not believe Jenny would do something so low as helping a criminal. His heart would be shattered if that were the case.

No, so not like Jenny, the girl that liked to catch criminals. It can’t be.


Timmy shook his head, not wanting to think about that. Part of him though knew that there was some faulty logic going on, but he could not put a finger on it. He then decided to stick his head out of the window to see how Lucas was doing with Norm. From the looks of it, it was not going so well.

Lucas’s eyes became big and his mouth quivered when he saw Norm’s face shaded red. The man’s loud complaints had his mind running in fright. He tried to explain the situation, though it was not working.

"Seriously, why did you think someone hijacked my car? Also, who the hell is Bunny Spruce?"

"Look, Norm, we’re so sorry! We thought Bunny hijacked your car!"

That made things worse. Norm’s face became even redder.

"I THINK YOU GUYS ARE FRAMING ME JUST SO YOU CAN HAVE MORE CASES UNDER YOUR BELT! SO I’M RIGHT THAT ALL COPS ARE BAD!"

Only some words slurred into the chief’s mind. Lucas now was not sure how to calm that man down as he was afraid he might make it worse. Deciding to keep quiet, he just let Norm vent his anger a little longer.

Not wanting to see the scene any more, Timmy sighed heavily and then slowly eased his head back inside the police car. Seeing Norm angry suddenly made him smile. He knew what to do now.

I’m going to get to the bottom of this.

***

Challenge it.

While Bunny and Jenny stared at the writing, the archeologist began thinking about the situation. She wanted to challenge those two policemen and prove that it was not her that killed Ernest Norrison. However, Jenny told her before that the both of them would not believe her. Bunny then began trying to figure out what that writing meant. Her other challenge was to crack the code. For some reason, she expected the answer to rush through, but it did not.

Center of Library, 2244. Now, what does THAT mean?

Bunny’s mind did not click. The number 2244 and the phrase "Center of Library" was a dead end for her. Bunny stared at Jenny, hoping she knew what that meant.

Well…she already knew instantly what it meant on the Lapras part.

Unfortunately, Jenny shook her head.

"I got nothing. Maybe he wanted us to go there? If it is, to hide there? No, libraries are closed in early evenings.

THUD!

At that very moment, a crashing sound was heard, and that made Jenny and Bunny ran automatically.

***

While Jenny and Bunny stared at the Vivus painting, Balin and Sky looked around at the weapons.

Balin looked at an armor filled with dust and scratches. The fox Pokémon stared at it in disgust and then snorted. His nose wrinkled when some dust landed on it and he sneezed.

Sky was staring at a few axes and arrows until he glared at his own reflection on a shiny shield. After the Drifblim saw that, he moved his eyes in an appreciated sort of manner. He then inhaled some air to make himself bigger and then laughed.

Sky’s laughter had Balin instantly ram towards the armor out of flight and then fall on his back. The armor shook violently and was making noises. Balin saw that with eyes wide open and then got up to run away. The armor was falling down until…

THUD!

The two women came and saw the armor on the floor. Bunny turned and then glared at Balin and Sky like an angry Persian. The two Pokemon laughed nervously, both feeling their souls slash into a hundred pieces when she stared at them like that.

"All right, who did this?"

Both of Sky’s eyes shifted towards Balin. The fire type just yelped.

"You are in so much trouble, Balin! And I told you to behave!"

"Tales, nine nine nine nine!" whined Balin, trying to defend himself.

Even though Bunny did not exactly get what Balin said, she had an idea of what he whined about.

"So I guess the armor crashing was an accident?"

Both Pokémon nodded.

Not really feeling like arguing anymore, Bunny simply replied, "Okay, I will take your guys’ word for it. However, be careful next time."

As Sky and Balin nodded, Timmy’s voice was suddenly heard from Jenny’s walkie-talkie. All four jumped up, as if a ghost Pokémon scared all of them at once.

"Jenny, are you there?"

Bunny felt as if she could not breathe. Thoughts of being in jail crept into her mind once again, but she bit her lip hard to not cry out in distress. She saw Jenny at first worried herself but then smile and wink at her, as if inspiration struck her.

I did not plan this, but I’ve been trained to act fast.


"Yes, I’m here! Did you guys catch Bunny yet?"

"Actually, no. You see, she’s not in that car. Now, are you sure it’s her and not mistaken for someone else?"

"What?" Jenny said in a fake-surprised tone. "Of course! Why would you say that?"

"On the back seat there’s a towel with the tracking device stuck to it. Do you have any explanations on that?"

"Really?" the female officer said with a fake gasp.

Sky and Balin chuckled, which made Bunny’s nervousness worse. The woman could not stop her shoulders from shaking. Jenny, on the other hand, just smiled.

"Guys, hush!" Bunny commanded them in a whisper, which made her two Pokémon stop chuckling slowly. When Jenny saw that, she shook her head.

Bunny should just calm down. I’ll make sure she won’t go to jail.

"Probably she has a Psychic Pokémon that has Teleport."

"Hm…you’re onto something there."

Before she said anything, Jenny held her thump up and winked. That made Sky, Balin, and - surprisingly - Bunny smile. It had made her calm down at least.

I have to admit, she is getting good at this.

"Yeah, that’s the only explanation… Oh no!"

"What?"

"She’s actually here right now, along with her Kada… Hey, give that back!"

"Jenny…are you all right?"

When Jenny grinned, all three chuckled softly.

"Bunny, give that back!" Jenny said in a softer tone. "Don’t you…"

At that moment, the officer dropped the walkie-talkie, and then stomped on it. Hundreds of pieces flew out of the device. The three gasped with horror and eyes large with astonishment.

"I cannot believe you did that!"

Jenny did not say anything in admiration of what she did. Instead, it was something more serious.

"They’ll come real soon! We must hurry!"

For what felt like the hundredth time to Bunny, Jenny grabbed her arm again and the two ran off, Balin and Sky dashing behind. While they ran, Bunny’s mind still wondered about Ernest’s writing on the Vivus painting.

"What about your uncle’s writing? We hadn’t figured it out yet!"

"Worry about that later! We need to get out of here NOW!"

***

Forget it.

Lucas just wanted to forget what happened with Norm. When the dusty car drove away, Lucas sighed. It took a while for him to explain to the man why he was followed in the first place. The end result was that of Norm almost having a heart attack. He kicked the sidewalk, hating himself and embarrassed for doing a huge mistake. Now Lucas had no clue as to where to find Bunny Spruce.

I do hope Norm’ll forget this in a few days. What a night so far.


The chief then went inside the driver’s seat of the police car and saw Timmy with his hands veiling his head.

"Anything the matter, Timmy?"

"Looks like Bunny managed to escape before we can get hold of her. I contacted Jenny and she said Bunny’s at the museum already. Not only that, sounded like her walkie-talkie got destroyed."

"Really?" Lucas asked with a raised eyebrow. He felt his head storm with nervous thoughts.

If the walkie-talkie got destroyed…I do hope nothing happened to her. However, there’s one other way I can contact her.


"Yeah, I think we should go right now and check it out. However, probably Jenny already arrested her!"

Despite what Timmy said would be considered a happy thought, Lucas bit his lips. Part of him wanted to find out what was really going on.

"Well, let me call her cell phone."

Lucas took out his razor cell phone from his suit and dialed the numbers.

***

When Jenny, Bunny, and her two Pokémon went outside, they all took deep breaths. It was a little while before Jenny spoke.

"Bunny, do you have a flying Pokémon, besides Drifblim, that’s big enough to carry two people?"

Bunny shook her head and said, "No."

"It’s all right. I got one we can use."

The officer took out a tiny ball from her belt, pushed a button to enlarge it, and then threw it up in the air. In a couple of seconds, the Pokémon came out and roared loudly. The light faded to reveal a dinosaur-like Pokémon shaking its long neck, the bananas on its chin swishing gently. The Pokémon then spread its wings, which were made of large leafs. Bunny and her Pokémon gasped and all of them could not seem to take their eyes off the Tropius.

"Return your Pokémon and then hop on," Jenny commanded as soon as she was on her Pokémon.

Bunny nodded and then returned her Drifblim. After that, she picked up her Ninetales and then hopped up on the Tropius.

"Why did you not return your Ninetales?" asked Jenny with a chuckle.

"Long story."

Jenny shrugged and then said to her Pokémon, "All right, Tropius, let’s…"

She stopped when she heard her cell phone ring. When Bunny heard that, her excitement faded. Anxiety attacked her again, her heart beating faster and faster. She did not notice that she was holding Balin tighter.

"Nine…nine!" the Pokémon pleased while trying to gasp for breath.

When Bunny heard him, her eyes went wide and she quickly opened her arms more. She then asked Jenny, "Are you going to answer it?"

Jenny answered with just a smile. What the officer did next Bunny did not expect. She took out her cell phone and instead of answering it she took out the chip inside it and put it in her shirt pocket. After that, she threw the cell phone on the museum building. When it fell down, it was broken in half.

"Remind me to get myself a new cell phone," Jenny said to Bunny with a huge grin.

Bunny and Balin did not say a word. Instead, they both laughed.

"Okay, Tropius, now let’s go!"

The grass Pokémon roared and then flew up in the air. In just seconds, the four were off, flying in the night sky.

***

"Damn it! Probably Bunny smashed her cell phone too!" Lucas roared. His fists then hit the middle of the car door.

"See what I mean! I think we need to get there as soon as possible."

Lucas nodded and said, "You’re right. Come on, let’s go."

As soon as Lucas turned on the engine, the police car drove off. While steering the wheel, the chief frowned , suddenly thinking about what would happen if he did not catch Bunny. His eyes flickered and his hand curled up tightly into a ball.

He did not know that while Bunny was up in the sky riding a Tropius, she too frowned. On the other hand, she worried if she would be caught. Her shoulders became less tense and her breaths harder. Despite Jenny doing well helping her, there was still a chance of failure.

Both of their thoughts were saying the same thing.

Would this situation in the end be worth nothing or everything?

***

Spoiler:
Well, pretty much the events here are almost the same as in the "Da Vinci Code" except for one thing:

-Originally I had Ingit like Da Vinci and have him also be an inventor and a member of a religious group back in the first version of this fic. I even have the original main characters in the original version find out one of Ingit's belongings. XD This time though I just have him as a painter, nothing more.

There's more but I can't think of any at the moment.



Again, sorry if this confuses anyone. Will do an explanation probably on the weekend. Well, I'm hoping the next chapter shall be sometime in St. Patrick's Day. ^^
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Last edited by Bay Alexison; September 4th, 2008 at 08:43 AM. Reason: Grammar Mistakes (9/04/08)
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