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  #26    
Old September 9th, 2007, 06:51 AM
Grovyle42(Griff8416)'s Avatar
Grovyle42(Griff8416)
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Thanks you two for reading and reviewing.

I did describe Kristie in a previous chapter. I believe it was early on in "The revival of a friendship".
There will be a plot twist or two, soon. And I'll be working on my description, it's quite hard to remember to write about what you see in your head.

Is the number rule exepmt when saying "Route 101" or something of the like?
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  #27    
Old September 9th, 2007, 10:35 AM
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Gummy
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Oh, stupid bad memory...

If the sign actually says, "Route 101", then it's okay to use the actual numbers.
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  #28    
Old September 9th, 2007, 11:53 AM
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No worries, and ok thanks.
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  #29    
Old September 10th, 2007, 09:44 PM
Maze
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I have to say, this fic has impressed me with the power of the characters' relationships. You've done so well conveying the bond between treecko and Jeff because their "owe you for this one" scenes are so intense. They've been through a lot already and their friendship is strong, it's admirable, they're made for each other. The gameboy plot...I wasn't even bothered by it because of your strong characters. The battle choreography is nice and well thought out, too. I'm diggin' this fic, Griff! i'll be back for chapter six.

I tried to read at serebii, but that forum is down so often.
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  #30    
Old September 12th, 2007, 06:32 PM
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Hey Maze, I'm glad you like it so far. I'm straying away from the gameboy plot as it goes on. I appreciate the review and you can expect me to read and review your fic on Serebii...if that website doesn't implode on itself.
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  #31    
Old September 15th, 2007, 08:07 AM
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Chapter 6

I still didn't get a beta for this chapter. I'm going to contact him early this week so that will give him some time to beta it.

None of the following events is based on personal, real life experiences, in case any of you were going to ask (This would make more sense after you read the chapter)

I described all of the newly introduced pokemon and I think I got rid of all the numerals (Excluding the '102' in 'Route 102')

And, as always, read, review, and most importantly...enjoy.


And This is What You Get…

The two travelers and their pokemon walked into the brightly lit city, the night highlighting the neon. They turned to their right. It was about two AM when they walked into the pokemon centre of Petalburg city, which had a blinding, white light emitted from its internal heart. Petalburg City was a huge place in comparison to Littleroot or Oldale Town. It was complimented with a few skyscrapers, many high rises, and company buildings. The three pokemon looked around. Corphish and Ares were in awe at the massive city. Treecko, however, didn’t care too much, though he was a little curious.

The first thing Jeff did when he entered was ask Nurse Joy to heal his pokemon. He handed Corphish to Nurse Joy for healing. Treecko denied the offer to be healed; he insisted that he was fine, patting his bruised, red belly.

“But Treecko!” Jeff complained.

A firm stare was retutned to the teen. Jeff rolled his eyes. “Have it your way, then.”

“I really think that I should have a look at-…” She, too, was answered with the same stare. “Err… okay then.”

Jeff noticed a picture on the wall with over twenty different deep pink-haired girls who looked exactly the same, standing in front of a medical university. They were all Nurse Joys, which surprised Jeff a lot.

He motioned to the picture with his index finger. “So are all of those nurses your sisters?”

“Yes, as well as cousins and second cousins,” Nurse Joy replied. Jeff nodded, intrigued at the odd similarities. He would ask more about it, bue the teen considered that to be out of line.

“Nurse Joy…can I talk to you in private for a second?”

“Of course! right this way,” she replied with a motherly smile. They walked with Corphish, into the back room of the center. Corphish was placed in a large glass recovery tank to help heal his wounds. The tank stood in the middle of the tiled room and it was situated above the floor on a plaster pedestal. Jutting out of the sides of the tank were large plastic hoses that led down into the tiled floor. Nurse Joy opened the door on the front side of the tank and put Corphish in it. A yellow liquid began to fill the tank through the pumps.

“What is that?” Jeff looked with some worry as Corphish was submerged in the liquid.

“That’s a state of the art Osmotic Facilitation Submerger; it's a machine for specifically healing water-type pokemon. Your Corphish is one of our first official patients to undergo the treatment and he should come out fully healed and completely revitalized.”

“Uhh… He- he is?” the teen nervously asked.

“Don’t worry. It’s been proven completely safe,” Nurse Joy reassured.

Jeff let out a short sigh of relief. Trusting the nurse, he nodded.

“I have kind of a weird question to ask you… ” Jeff shifted slightly in his spot. “How come I can suddenly understand what my Treecko and Corphish… and even my… friend’s Torchic are saying? Am I going crazy or do I have some sort of special gift? And how come, with my family’s pokemon, I could never understand them?”

“Oh, no need to worry; it’s fairly common with trainers, although it is rather rare with beginner trainers, which you are, correct?”

“Yeah, I am. But why can I?” Jeff asked with high curiosity.

“If you have a genuine bond with your very first pokemon, and you really, truly care for them, a little switch will flip on in the ‘Broca’s Area’ of your brain that will allow you to understand pokespeech. It’s quite bizarre, really. Neurologists have studied this factor and have discovered only a little about the reason for this. Usually it takes awhile for this skill, or bond rather, to develop, especially in beginner trainers who just start and have a shaky relationship with their pokemon, but in your case it seems it has happened pretty quickly! You should consider yourself lucky.”

Lucky.

The concept of luck was foreign to Jeff, especially since he almost always seemed to have less luck than he would like.

“Well, I guess Treecko and I have been through a lot together,” he smiled, his confidence building.

“It really shows, too. I can tell by looking at the two of you that it’s like you’ve been friends since childhood... Erm, where is your Treecko, exactly?” the Nurse Joy asked.

Jeff leaned back and peered out the door leading from the main lobby to the back room. He saw Treecko resting lazily on the front counter with his hands behind his head. Jeff quickly turned his head around when a sharp ‘BING’ was emitted from the revitalization tank that Corphish was in. The fluid from the tank was now gone. The door of the glass tank opened and Corphish launched himself out of it with great force. Corphish tackled into Jeff, causing him to fly backwards to the ground. Jeff hit his head on the base of the wall.

“DAHH,” cried out Jeff from the shock of the blow. Corphish danced, or at least tried to dance, around on the teen’s stomach.

“Well, you sure are a lively pokemon,” Jeff told him, as he rubbed the back of his aching head. Corphish swung his claws up to the right twice, up to the left twice, and then forwards in a series of bizarre double uppercut-like movements, and then repeated the movement. Jeff was initially very confused and admittedly a little intimidated.

“What exactly are you doing?” he asked the hard-shelled pokemon.

“<Dancing!>” Corphish replied, pointing up at wall speakers where the radio played dull easy listening music.

“… I see… I didn’t know that this was energetic dancing music,” Jeff joked.

“<It is if you pretend that there’s an awesome guitar solo alongside it!>”

The human chuckled to himself as he looked at the pokemon. “If only your dancing skills were as good as your imagination.”

Corphish began to impersonate a soap opera star; he walked forward on Jeff’s chest, slapped a wet claw across Jeff’s face, and stomped out of the room and into the lobby.

“So I guess that medicine causes pokemon to turn into the equivalent of drunk?” Jeff, who rubbed his red and wet cheek, said to the stunned Nurse Joy. “Actually, maybe that was just Corphish…” he added rather sheepishly.

He followed Corphish out the door, walked over to the video phone, carefully pushed each number key with the same degree of force, and phoned Professor Birch, like he said he would.

“Hey, Jeff?” Kristie called over to him from the door of the pokemon center. Jeff nodded in acknowledgement. “I’m going to go for a walk with Torch.” She called to him.

Okay, Kristie." He paused. "Be careful," he added, but he was too late to the draw, because by the time he got the words out she had already left the center with Ares.

“Damnit,” Jeff muttered, turning his head back towards the video phone. He noticed that the previously dark screen had lit up to reveal the interior of an office. Professor Birch had finally picked up the phone; he had obviously been fast asleep.

“Do you realize it’s a little past midnight?” the professor stated in a tired daze.

“Sorry, Professor. I assumed you were up late studying nocturnal pokemon again. It’s me, Jeff. I’m in Petalburg City now,” he greeted.

“Is that so? You’ve caught your first pokemon, then?”

“Yeah, a Corphish! He’s pretty awesome,” Jeff responded. Upon hearing his name, Corphish came running over to the video phone. Freshly healed, he heartily introduced himself.

“Wow. That’s great, Jeff. I actually got off the phone awhile ago with Alan… you know, one of your friends? He said he was in Petalburg too,” Birch said enthusiastically.

Alan was an old rival of Jeff’s. The two would always compete against each other in sports, games, and now pokemon. The tension between them was high…for Jeff, at least. He didn’t really care for Alan’s alpha male tendencies. After a game of pictionary went awry, specifically the two coming to blows while the rest of their friends sat back and laughed, the two hadn’t seen each other in some time.

“Really…” Jeff said to himself. “I’ll have to find him to challenge him to a battle.”

“Well, I’m right here,” A strong, deep voice said from behind him. Jeff turned around and it was Alan, grinning. Alan brushed a hand through his short blond hair. He was six foot two, standing a little higher than Jeff on the levelled tile floor. He was of middle weight and good muscular build. He smiled a large, competitive smile, and had a light sun tan.

“I’ve got to go professor. Bye,” Jeff quickly said as he hung up. He turned around and walked up to Alan, followed by Treecko and Corphish.

“Alan…” Jeff nodded, somewhat coldly.

“Jeff…” Alan nodded in return.

Jeff faked a grin and grunted out his nose.

“So how about it? Want to battle?” Jeff asked.

“Sure, I wouldn’t mind beating you again!”

“Then let’s take this out back behind the center,” Jeff told him with a determined tone as he went through the pokemon center door. When Jeff walked behind Alan, he clenched his fists and hit them together in an angry, taunting way.

“This is the chance I need. My luck is up and my pokemon are in great shape. I can get two birds with one stone; I can beat Alan, and as soon as I do so, I’ll have enough confidence to tell Kristie how I feel about her! Maybe if she sees how good of a battler I am, she’ll ask me out before I get a chance to,” Jeff pondered to himself with optimism, smiling as he walked.

They circled around the side of the building which was off from the city, slightly. Behind the pokemon center was a long patch of grass.

“Okay,” Alan began. “Let’s get a two on two battle started!”

“Typical… Alan trying to call the shots,” Jeff whispered to himself. “Why not three on three?” he asked in defiance, just to spite Alan.

“Do you even have three pokemon?”

Jeff shot a glare into his deep, blue eyes. “Do you?”

“Maybe.” he grinned, enlarging a red and white pokeball in his hand. “Choose your two pokemon!”

“Rip ‘em apart, Corphish!” Jeff ordered with fervor.

“<Could I BE anymore ready for battle?>” Corphish yelled, merrily. Jeff sighed as he awaited Alan’s choice.

“Go! Dustox!” Alan called. A purple bodied moth pokemon appeared on the field.

“DUSS,” it hissed. It flapped its green wings which had red circular patterns on each wing to stay airborne. It had yellow antennae and spotted, malicious-looking yellow eyes.

“Use confusion,” Alan ordered. Dustox’s eyes began to glow a purple color; it flapped its wings and a wall-like, rippling, purple wave engulfed Corphish. He looked down and saw his body glow a purple aura as well. Corphish, against his will, was lifted off of the ground by Dustox’s psychic powers.

“<H-hey, Dus…t-t-tox…look a…f-flame! Bet…ter go fly innn…to it!>” Corphish struggled to mock, as his body was being overwhelmed with an invisible force.

“Corphish, regain control and use bubblebeam!” Corphish struggled and tried to point its pincer towards Dustox. After much strength, the water managed to point his pincer towards Dustox’s general direction; the scattershot could take care of the rest.

“<Take THIS!>” Corphish cried as he fired a burst of bubble beam. The bubbles exploded on the flying bug, causing Dustox to fall backwards and lose its concentration. This allowed Corphish to fall to the ground, unrestrained by the psychic attack.

“Now fire bubblebeam while running towards it, Corphish,” instructed Jeff.

Corphish began to scuttle quickly; he opened his claws again and released translucent, blue orbs from them, causing Dustox to be distracted with dodging the bubbles. The Dustox swerved back and forth, not paying attention to the closing in Ruffian pokemon. When Corphish was in the range of using a close quarters attack, Jeff yelled, “Okay! Crabhammer!”

Corphish jumped up and swung his pincer, knocking the moth pokemon out of the sky, making it fall heavily to the ground. Its fragile body remained still and unable to continue.

“Return Dustox,” Alan huffed grumpily. “Good try.”

By now a decent sized amount of spectators had gathered to the sidelines to watch.

Alan enlarged another pokeball. “Now go, Mudkip!”

A quadruped blue pokemon appeared on the grass. The Mudkip had a large, white tailfin. Its large round head had another big, blue fin on its forehead as well as large, orange whiskers on its cheeks. Its cute stature didn’t mean that it was a pushover.

“Okay, Corphish,” Jeff waited and thought for a moment, “don’t give it time to breathe; use a vicegrip on Mudkip’s tail!”

“<You got it,>” answered Corphish. He scuttled towards the Mudkip and rammed it from the side. While it was briefly stunned, the shellfish pokemon landed a direct clamp on the Mudkip’s tail.

“Kip!” Mudkip yelled in pain, as its tail and hind legs was held off of the ground by Corphish.

“Mudkip! Use mud slap!” Mudkip used its forelegs, which were still in the ground, to dig up mud, which got in Corphish’s eyes. Although blinded, Corphish still kept up the grip.

Corphish wandered around aimlessly, holding Mudkip with one claw and trying to wipe the mud from his eyes with the other.

“No!” Jeff exclaimed in frustration. “Return, Corphish… Good job.” Corphish dropped Mudkip to the ground and stumbled over to Jeff’s voice.

“Okay, Treecko, You know what to do! Don’t let up!”

“<Gotcha,>” the eager Treecko said, placing the twig in his mouth.

“Mudkip, mud slap again!” Mudkip began to spit brown globs of digested mud from its mouth.

“Treecko, use pound!” Treecko spun around, easily batting the balls of mud out of the air with his tail. The mud splattered into countless small fragments which exploded every which way. He repeated the process with each mud glob.

“Now! Quick Attack, left!” Treecko ran up along Mudkip’s right side and lunged towards him causing a great hit, which knocked Mudkip back against a tree.

Just then, Kristie came back from her walk and entered the surrounding crowd. “What’s going on here?” she asked the man next to her.

"A pokemon battle! It's really intense. They're both down to their final pokemon!" he replied, earnestly watching the fight.

"Is that... Jeff?!" she asked, shocked. "Who's he battling?" She tried to identify the character who commanded the Mudkip while shaded over the by night shade.

Mudkip used tackle, hitting Treecko in the chest, hard. Treecko was hit to the ground. He clutched his chest but quickly shook it off, trying not to show weakness.

“Get your bearings, pal!” Jeff encouraged his pained friend. Treecko got up on one knee, panting.

Mudkip began to spit globs of mud from its mouth at Treecko. Treecko jumped and ducked from the projectiles gracefully, but he was caught off guard; a ball of mud hit him square in his mouth. Treecko fell backwards to the ground and grunted out his nose, unable to speak due to the mud filling his mouth. Treecko began to gag and spatter mud from his mouth; he was choking.

“Treecko, no! Are you okay?” Jeff called out, troubled.

Treecko nodded and got to one knee, still spitting out more mud. Treecko struggled to breathe and his face was turning red. Suddenly, the corners of his mouth started to glow from behind the glob of mud.

“What is that?” Jeff consulted his pokedex.

“Bullet Seed, a special move that can be learned by Treecko,” it buzzed, spewing information.

Treecko moved the twig he kept in his mouth and moved it to the side, making room. “Cko, cko, cko, cko, cko, cko!” he spat while he shot out glowing white seeds and the remaining mud from his mouth. The attack hit Mudkip, seriously hurting it, but Treecko was also blown back two feet by the recoil of the surprising, new attack.

“Mudkip, let’s finish this! Tackle!” Alan commanded.

“Treecko, quick! Get up!” Treecko rolled over and climbed up on his knee as the mudfish pokemon quickly approached from behind him.

“Treecko, look out!” Jeff called out. As the Mudkip jumped to hit Treecko in the back, he nimbly sidestepped to the right and stuck out his left arm. He clothes lined Mudkip right in the face, causing it to fall on it back. It spat out a blood stained tooth in defeat.

“Good effort, Mudkip,” Alan said as he recalled the water starter pokemon.

“Awesome job, Treecko!” he complimented when Treecko walked to his side.

“<Ugh, it tastes like Mudkips,>” Treecko complained, spitting out mud from his mouth.

“Well, I guess you won that battle, Jeff.” Alan said, walking up to Jeff.

“I guess I di… ” Jeff was distracted as Kristie came running towards him as if ready to hug him. Jeff was confused by the action but he wasn’t complaining; he outstretched his arms, overjoyed to return the gesture. But instead of coming up to him, Kristie ran right by him and started to run to Alan. They embraced.

“Alan! I knew I’d meet up with you eventually. I’ve missed you!” Kristie said affectionately.

“I’ve missed you too, Kristie! Let’s travel together from now on! It was a mistake leaving two days before you did!”

Jeff could feel a searing pain in the pit of his chest and head. His jaw was left hanging wide open and felt as if everybody except for him, Kristie, and Alan completely disappeared.

Corphish noticed this, quickly walked up to Jeff and tugged on his leg, trying to comfort him.

“<Jeff, you did a good job with that battle!>” Treecko congratulated.

Jeff remained staring at the now kissing pair.

Treecko looked at Jeff’s dumbstruck face. “<What’s wrong, Jeff? … Jeff?>”

Corphish gave Treecko a look that said, “<Leave the guy alone.>”

Treecko stared at the couple blankly, still not understanding what was going on.

Corphish turned to Treecko, gestured at Jeff and then to the kissing couple, and said “<Okay, class! This is what happens when one human in in love with another human, but doesn’t know that the human they’re in love with is going out with someone else; I saw it happen on an episode of Friends!>”

Treecko ignored him and looked up at the human. Jeff slowly walked towards the couple who were now one, his fist clenched. Jeff cringed while he walked as the two still were kissing. He raised his right arm and fist and drew it back.

“<Let him have it, Jeff!>” Corphish called to him. Jeff didn’t hear or chose not to.

He was going to wait until Kristie retracted from the embrace to punch Alan. The kiss seemed like an infinity to him. Finally, Kristie pulled back from Alan for a moment to gaze into his blue eyes. This opened a clear pathway for his fist. He tried to move his arm but it was frozen in place. He looked at his reared back, right arm; it was trembling. Jeff tried with all of his might to punch Alan but he found himself unable to carry on with the attack.

“<Wow, a real life human battle! Maybe we can yell commands to him like he does to us!>” Corphish said with some happy anticipation to Treecko.

“<Corphish, what’s wrong with Jeff? Why hasn’t he punched Alan by now?>” Treecko asked his new teammate, who was still wiping mud off of his face.

“<Beats me. Do you think he doesn’t want to hurt Alan? Or that he feels bad about doing it? Maybe he’s waiting for us to tell him one of his attacks,>” he replied.

“<Doubt it. He seems pretty angry.>”

Jeff tried to force his fist upon Alan, again, but his arm stayed immobile. Alan and Kristie turned to look at him.

“Jeff…what are you doing?” asked Alan in confusion. Jeff was overwhelmed with rage as Alan spoke, but he still couldn’t punch him. He turned away and stormed through the crowd, pushing people as he went. He tramped into the middle of the road, nearly being hit by a taxi, and towards the archway, which led back into route 102.

Treecko turned to Corphish “<You stay here with them.>” gesturing to Kristie, Alan, and Torchic.

“<Shouldn’t someone who actually knows what’s going on talk to Jeff, instead?>” insisted Corphish.

“<Look, I can talk some sense into him. The last thing that he needs is a sarcastic one liner or a reference to a TV show,>” Treecko retorted.

“<Fine,>” he muttered while Treecko ran into the forest. “<Settle down, Paoulo and Rachel…>” Corphish grumbled to the couple.

Ares blinked and stared at Corphish, confused.

“<What? Does nobody watch TV?>” Corphish said in frustration.

Treecko took off after Jeff. The teen ran into the forest, leaned up against a secluded tree. Treecko, being as fast as he was, managed to catch up with him. Treecko climbed up on Jeff’s shoulder and patted him on the back, comfortingly. Jeff got up, sweating from the running and veins pulsing in his head from anger. He turned around and punched the tree behind him. He groaned from pain as he stared at his bleeding knuckle.

“<Are you okay?>” asked Treecko.

“I’ve been better,” Jeff retorted, angrily clenching his fists.

“<I’m sure this must be hell, but there will be other girls. Hell, I haven’t found someone who I loved as much as you liked her. You should consider yourself lucky.>”

“That’s because you’re the only one of your species in this general area! You don’t have to compete for women!” Jeff snapped back. A brief quiet ensued.

“<Well…actua…>” Treecko began, breaking the silence.

“No, look…I’m sorry,” Jeff apologized, interrupting him. He dug his forehead in his hands, trying to keep himself together. They sat in silence for several minutes.

Jeff, calming down, told Treecko, “Come on; let’s go back to the pokemon centre for some sleep. I have a lot of thinking to do.” Treecko looked into Jeff’s green, glazed over and reddened eyes, and nodded silently. Jeff stood up and began to slowly pace back towards the city that reunited two lovers: his most hated friend and his favorite acquaintance. He would never forgive the vile city for arranging that fateful meeting.

They walked under a large archway that said “Welcome to Petalburg, the city where dreams come true!” They entered the neon-lit street, turned right and went into the pokemon center. Jeff and Treecko found Corphish resting on a couch inside the pokemon centre. The two collapsed on the couch with the shellfish. All three of them were very tired. The two pokemon slept soundly. Before Jeff succumbed to sleep he made a huge decision.

--------------------------------------------------

The next day, Jeff woke up and walked over to Kristie, who sat on a couch next to Alan in the pokemon center. She stood up and met with him. He was unable to look her in the eyes when talking to her. He explained to her, “Kristie, I’ve decided to continue the rest of my journey alone.”

Kristie replied, confused, “Jeff, are you sure? You could always come along with me and Ala...”

Jeff cut her off with a quick, but stubborn, “I’m positive!” He couldn’t bear to hear her utter that name. “I’m sorry, I have to go…goodbye,” he quickly spat out as he and his pokemon turned to exit the pokemon center.

“Later, Jeff,” Alan called to him. Jeff shot him a piercing, dagger-like glare, but he knew that if he looked at him too long he might lose it. He had to bite his lip to keep himself from going off on a yelling and cursing spree on Alan. He struggled even to stop himself from saying something vile and offensive to him. He shakily reached for the door.

Kristie said words that made him stop dead in his tracks when he opened the glass door.

“I’m going to miss you, Jeff.”

Jeff shut his eyes, nodded, and quickly left the house of healing, repentantly leaving his deepest crush behind him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
__________________
[B]Claimed: Treecko, Grovyle, Charmeleon.
Co-Owner of Treecko/Grovyle/Sceptile Club.
Paired withAnastasia R.
PC Family so far: Cousin - ScytheMaster, Awesomest Sister - Diamondpearl876, Brother - Rebellious Treecko (PM one of us if you want to join it)

------------
Click Below for The Awesome Treecko/Grovyle/Sceptile Club
Older Fic banner by Scenice.
Old Fic banner by Sammi-Chan.
New Fic banner by Scenice
Banner and avatar by Anastasia R.

Last edited by Grovyle42(Griff8416); August 20th, 2009 at 11:19 AM.
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  #32    
Old September 15th, 2007, 10:11 AM
The Infinite Devil Machine
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I really liked this one. The battle scenes could have been written better, but they weren't the bulk of the chapter anyway. Treecko and Corphish seem to be friendlier to each other. You gotta love Jeff beating his rival and then losing the girl. Kinda makes this fic title wrong, huh? :p
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  #33    
Old September 15th, 2007, 06:47 PM
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Cool, I'm glad you liked it. hah, and yeah, this does kind of change the aspect of the fic name
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  #34    
Old September 15th, 2007, 06:55 PM
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I was thinking that instead of comparing Petalburg to Manhattan, you could have compared it to Saffron or Goldenrod? Any big events happening next chapter?
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  #35    
Old September 15th, 2007, 07:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beret View Post
I was thinking that instead of comparing Petalburg to Manhattan, you could have compared it to Saffron or Goldenrod? Any big events happening next chapter?
THAT'S what I was going to do. I was going to say Something like "a Saffron City on the coast" but I forgot and I said Manhattan.

A semi big event is happening next chapter. After it's some character developing/interactions.
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  #36    
Old September 15th, 2007, 07:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
THAT'S what I was going to do. I was going to say Something like "a Saffron City on the coast" but I forgot and I said Manhattan.

A semi big event is happening next chapter. After it's some character developing/interactions.
I'd much rather prefer more character development to an Evolution/Capture. Take your time.
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Old September 15th, 2007, 07:19 PM
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Ok, well something from columns A AND B happen next chapter.
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  #38    
Old September 15th, 2007, 09:39 PM
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It's just a shame you couldn't fit a Mudkip joke in there.

e.g.

Jeff: You chose Mudkip as your starter?

Alan: Yes, I love the little guy!

Jeff, Yeah, I heard you liked Mudkips.
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  #39    
Old September 16th, 2007, 05:35 AM
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It's just a shame you couldn't fit a Mudkip joke in there.

e.g.

Jeff: You chose Mudkip as your starter?

Alan: Yes, I love the little guy!

Jeff, Yeah, I heard you liked Mudkips.
I actually struggled not to. It probably would have been Corphish making the crack. I was worried it might have been overdone/distasteful.
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  #40    
Old September 16th, 2007, 10:30 AM
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Aww, I kinda feel bad for Jeff... But he needs to suck it up and be a man! The descriptions were better in this chapter but unless Jeff is spending a little more time in Petalburg, you should decribe the city a little more. Also, you forgot to describe Alan's clothes (I think). Overall, though, it was a great chapter. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see when Jeff and Alan meet again!
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Old September 16th, 2007, 01:52 PM
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Wow, big events here.

Spoiler:
Mainly, the chapter seemed a bit like "Odd Pokemon Out", except with humans.

I felt really bad for Jeff, he must've had a hard time there.
Are Jeff and Kristie going to meet again later in the story?


Spoiler:
I also noticed that the small relationship between Corpish and Treecko reminds me of the anime. *cough*
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  #42    
Old September 16th, 2007, 05:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Glajummy View Post
Aww, I kinda feel bad for Jeff... But he needs to suck it up and be a man! The descriptions were better in this chapter but unless Jeff is spending a little more time in Petalburg, you should decribe the city a little more. Also, you forgot to describe Alan's clothes (I think). Overall, though, it was a great chapter. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see when Jeff and Alan meet again!
Oh didn't I mention that Alan was a nudist (J/K!) Yeah, that was my fault. You'll see the after effects from the event next chapter (obviously )



Quote:
Originally Posted by Eternal Smasher View Post
Wow, big events here.

Spoiler:
Mainly, the chapter seemed a bit like "Odd Pokemon Out", except with humans.

I felt really bad for Jeff, he must've had a hard time there.
Are Jeff and Kristie going to meet again later in the story?
Yeah, this will be significant later on. And yes, The two will be meeting later on, other wise that would be a cheap way to get rid of a character

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Originally Posted by Eternal Smasher View Post
Spoiler:
I also noticed that the small relationship between Corpish and Treecko reminds me of the anime. *cough*
Really?

I was worried about using Corphish and Treecko and ____, because I knew that they were both Ash's pokemon in the show. I didn't start watching advanced gen until the middle of the Advanced Battle season, so I wasn't aware of much of a relationship between them. :/ Is the relationship between them friendly or kind of pissed off at each other? Because I'm going for them being pissed off at each other at this point. I didn't even watch "Tree's a Crowd" yet (Le gasp! Don't shoot me during one of our Treecko club meetings, please )
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  #43    
Old September 22nd, 2007, 08:56 PM
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Oh didn't I mention that Alan was a nudist (J/K!) Yeah, that was my fault. You'll see the after effects from the event next chapter (obviously )





Yeah, this will be significant later on. And yes, The two will be meeting later on, other wise that would be a cheap way to get rid of a character



Really?

I was worried about using Corphish and Treecko and ____, because I knew that they were both Ash's pokemon in the show. I didn't start watching advanced gen until the middle of the Advanced Battle season, so I wasn't aware of much of a relationship between them. :/ Is the relationship between them friendly or kind of pissed off at each other? Because I'm going for them being pissed off at each other at this point. I didn't even watch "Tree's a Crowd" yet (Le gasp! Don't shoot me during one of our Treecko club meetings, please )
...Ash's Pokemon, and every other Pokemon that belongs to a trainer for that matter, is like a robot. They have no personality whatsoever. THEY ARE ROBOTS TRYING TO TAKE OVER YOUR FRIDGE! Seriously, the only ones I've seen with a personality besides the "omg i love everybody and everything and i always want to make things right!!" is Charizard and Sceptile. I may have forgotten one or two, but for the most part, everyone else is the same.

Just wanted to make that comment. Anyway, I'm waiting for the awesome chapter I beta'd'd'd'd.
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  #44    
Old September 23rd, 2007, 04:31 AM
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^Well its good to know that mine are different in that aspect. But still, whats the Treecko/Corphish relationship that was mentioned?

And it was a very good beta at that
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  #45    
Old September 23rd, 2007, 05:39 AM
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Quote:
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^Well its good to know that mine are different in that aspect. But still, whats the Treecko/Corphish relationship that was mentioned?

And it was a very good beta at that
I don't know. I never saw Treecko/Grovyle/Sceptile interact with the little thing.
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  #46    
Old September 23rd, 2007, 10:09 AM
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Nyu, I've been meaning to do this one for quite a while but couldn't find the time. Somme commas will be mentioned, but I will try not to tread on your sensibilities too much. ;3 Also, hope you meant what you said about encouraging constructive criticism because my reviews tend to end up containing a lot of criticism. x3 Oh, and just as a note: most of the comments are from my own subjective point of view and you are by no means obligated to agree with me on all of them. Style is a subjective thing, after all, and you're the author here. :3

Prologue: Okay, it's brief and suitably vague; both good qualities in a prologue. The chase scene opening is a classic and you've made it work for you. The only issue I have here is that part of your grammatical decisions are kind of interfering with the mood:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
Everything was a dark green and brown blur in my eyes. I ran through the eerie, misty forest, bounding over roots and branches. There were few beams of light trying to enter the forest; they were clearly seen in the haze.
Okay, this is a chase/escape scene so it should have that hectic feel to it. In this context, I found the 'they were' here a bit odd. I mean sure, it's grammatically correct but in this case you could have just gone with "There were few beams of light trying to enter the forest, clearly visible in the haze"; it's basically saying the same thing but without the semi-colon speed bump. If you feel like going extreme wing with it you could also replace the first full stop with an 'as'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
I knew I was being chased, I could sense it. Beside me was a moving shape…maybe a figure. It blended in with the forest but had blur of red with it, as it ran by my side, as if a piece of the forest was running with me.
No comma needed after "blur of red with it"; I'm picking on the commas in this chapter because commas can slow down a passage a lot.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
I heard whispers and high, raspy shrieks of a creature surrounding me. They gradually grew louder and I struggled, helpless.
Small note: how can one creature surround anyone? o.O

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
I looked down at my left arm and saw a gigantic gash appear down my left bicep. It didn’t bleed but I could see the insides of my arm, revealing veins, muscle, and tissue. I, horrified, continued to try to stand up and run.
You could just replace the comma after "arm" and the "revealing" with a colon since you're essentially listing the insides of the arm you mentioned. Also, the double commas around "horrified" seem a bit like overpunctuating to me; you could just go with "Horrified, I continued...".


Like I said, it's a good prologue overall and certainly established my interest in finding out what the heck is going on. The first person perspective was also a good call since adds nicely to the chase feel and obscures the runner's identity even better than a third person narrative would. :3


Chapter 1:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
He held the back of his head. His hand going through his dark brown hair, which is light and somewhat dense; reminiscent of Paul McCartney’s hair in his early years, with the hair overgrowing in the back.
First off, that should be "was" rather than "is" since this is a past tense narrative. Also, what about the hair is "light", precisely? It obviously can't be the color since you already stated that it was dark; so do you mean like...weight or something? o.O Either way, it's "Resemblant to" but "Reminiscent of", careful with those. :3 Also, I'm not too wild about real life references in description (Seeing as how it would be a bit of a stretch to expect some people to know what Paul McCartney's hair looks like); some kind of description of the hairstyle would have been preferable.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
His eyes darted to the window, which had a leafy tree branch brushing up against the glass. His eyes then looked to the beige wall of his room.
Style warning: you usually don't want two adjacent sentences to start with the same phrase since it does get that repetitive tone. You've already proven that you've got the vocabulary to avoid such things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
He idly fondled a long, lance-shaped leaf of the dragon tongue plant, beside him, as he stared at his wall.
There's really no call for either comma here. Yes, yes, I know...I should cut down on the comma remarks but I just couldn't help myself on this one. xP
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
Jeff continued scrolling his eyes along the wall. He stopped at a calendar. He focused in on his birthday, which was a few weeks away. Jeff would become 17, shortly. A square on the calendar caught Jeff’s eye. It was today’s date circled in red marker.

Jeff blinked in revelation. “Today’s the day I get my first pokemon!” Jeff thought to himself.
Okay...there's just too much Jeff in this passage. Again, to avoid a repetitive tone try to cut down to only one mention of his name per sentence, using more alternative expressions. Again, you have the vocabulary so use it. ;3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
Jeff has many friends who are aspiring pokemon masters/coordinators. Most of them have already set out on their journey during high school with their very own pokemon. They have been successful at doing what they do best…fight and show off.
Again, you have a random splash of present tense in a past tense narrative, which isn't too cool.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
Jeff comes off as modest, but really he is an incredibly proud and stubborn individual and would not do anything that would compromise his pride. If Jeff was at a huge disadvantage in a game and was offered some help or a bonus, he would turn it down without thinking twice.

Although Jeff has a posse of close friends, he has always made himself a bit of an odd man out and a lone wolf in the group. When his group of friends are laughing and playing he would always be a little bit off to the side, calmly relaxing and pondering about whatever is in his mind. They didn't seem to mind his lonerish ways, though.
If this were in a character profile it would be awesome, but in a fanfic this sort of sticks out and not really in a good way. Your narrative was nice and flowing thus far, so this chunk of description just came as a bit of a letdown to me. :\


Other than that...well, there's not much happening in this chapter but the dream thing and the mention of hospital (not to mention the twig) was enough to keep the plot hook in. Also, props for word choices and explaining the age thing. ;3

Chapter 2: Okay, I've got to admit: I didn't expect a flashback at this point, but it was a pleasant surprise and explains his habit. (Aaand acts as a dead giveaway of his starter, as if the twig wasn't enough of a hint. xD) Anyway, good to see a little life-threatening scenario to counter-balance the rather passive nature of the last chapter. It's hardly a new thing in the pokémon franchise but it was well played so I'm not complaining. ^-^ Just a small point, though:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
Jeff began to think, “Perhaps we were not so different after all…”
I really don't think that the "Jeff began to think" bit is necessary here; touchy little phrases like that should be given their space. ;3


Chapter 3:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
The moonlight shone upon the Treecko, illuminating a healed scar down his green collarbone, which Jeff did not notice before.
That should be 'shone' in this instance. Shined is only used when the verb is there are as a synonym for polish, e.g. "He stopped and shined his nifty gym badges".

Anyways, nice to see a little conflict introduced to the growing friendship between Jeff and Treecko (and a very realistic reaction from Tyrogue's point of view, seeing as how he - the alpha male, as Chikorita very aptly put it - was essentially being upstaged by a stranger.). Got to feel bad for Treecko at the end there, but it adds interest to the future development of their relationship. Also, does Jeff understand Tyrogue or not? Because with that last sentence it almost seemed like he comprehended the words themselves. o.O Regardless, you did a good job on this one; very revealing about their shared past without going completely overboard with it.

Chapter 4: Aww...Jeff's being all protective about Treecko this time around. Heh, those two really need to stop taking nasty hits for each other before someone loses an eye. And speaking of eyes...gawd, I loved that pokeball capture beam bit. They should really put security labels on those. xD

Chapter 5: Yeah, seconding Glajummy's bit on Kristie. Maybe you should consider relocating that description, seeing as how we now have more than one reader who forgot about it? I mean, in chapter 4 the description has sort of been crammed in just before the really big self-sacrifice scene with Treecko and Jeff so it sort of fades into the background. Personally, I would have liked to have seen a bit of tension from the side of the fresh catch (I mean, Corpish seems to be taking this very calmly. It's like he's been caught before and knows the drill. o.O), but that's just me. Love the way Treecko and Jeff argue even though they're friends and...aww, let's face it: I just love Treecko as a character. His interjections are hilarious. xD The battle scenes were well done; you kept stuck to the low level and limited movepool jazz without making it a boring slapfight, though I hope that Treecko will get his loss sometime too. :3

Chapter 6: Eww...Alan's a nakey! O=

...

Sorry, I just couldn't resist. Aaaanyway...win the battle and lose the girl...now that's got to sting. I don't know if I've mentioned it earlier in this review, but you really play your cliches well; as a reader I don't even notice them unless I look close. At any rate, the fight scenes are still going fine, but I've got to point out that you're brushing awfully close to the anime approach in handling Corpish and Treecko battle wise (Corpish tossing Bubblebeams and Crabhammers left and right and now Treecko's Bullet Seed). Please, pretty please don't make your battles go the way of the anime? I'd really like to see some battle style of your own design and not something from Satoshi. Other than that, it's a nice and enjoyable chapter. :3


Now to round this off with a few things about the fic in general: I have to agree that the characters are what keep this fic alive. Really, you deserve an extra pat for the most palpable effort you've put into their personalities. You should work on describing the setting a bit more, though. My main concern, however, is plot development: thus far the big incentive to come back has been to find out about the characters' histories, but obviously there's only so much of that you can do before things get repetitive. Is there anything in the way of bigger conflicts or villains on the horizon? A good, solid quest of some sort would be nice. :3

Anyways, I'm enjoying this fic thus far, so keep at it. Also, sorry for the somewhat superficial treatment that some chapters got, but if I sat down to really write my full, uncensored comments on each and every chapter you'd never see the end of it. Hope some of this was a bit clearer than mud. xD
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  #47    
Old September 23rd, 2007, 03:02 PM
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On a Wing and a Prayer

The trio left the pokemon center, leaving behind Kristie, Alan, and Torchic. Corphish nested on Jeff’s backpack, while Treecko walked along side them. While they were walking on the long, populous street, Jeff felt as if every person that they passed knew about what happened and was mocking him. He avoided all glances and eyes. They walked by skyscraper after skyscraper, high rise apartment after high rise apartment. To their left, the roads sloped down, creating a hill that led to the commercial docks of Petalburg. The city was scattered with large office buildings and businesses, reminiscent to a Saffron City by the sea. They continued to solemnly walk along the seemingly endless street. They passed a gym, to their right, whose sign said “Under Construction!” There were large yellow cranes lifting big planks of wood into the half made gym.

Jeff turned and walked towards the active construction site. He approached a Machoke wearing a yellow hard hat. The worker pokemon, who carried a large, metal girder over his shoulder, had a purple-gray skin tone and housed massive muscles. He looked very similar to a human except he had three crests on his head.

“Excuse me,” Jeff piped up to get the superpower pokemon’s attention. “What’s going on here?” he asked, pointing to the gym.

“<If you’re a trainer you’re out of luck, kid. This gym is undergoing renovations. The next closest gym is the one in Rustboro; through Petalburg Forest. If you like swimming then you could try the gym in Dewford, which is right across the sea and down the road. I recommend swimming; it will give you more exercise!>” the Machoke told him.

“Thanks, I’ll try Rustboro and then Dewford. Hang in there… I know I need to,” Jeff answered with sadness.

Machoke sweat dropped and continued moving the girder.

Past the gym they could see the gates of the town, leading towards the beach and Petalburg Forest. The trio made it past the gates and out of the city; they were now faced by a large beach and calm blue shores in front of them. They looked on and saw people relaxing; there were people sunbathing, humans swam along side water pokemon, a game of beach volley ball was going on with humans and pokemon. Jeff looked at them enviously.

They’re all so happy and without worry… ” Jeff thought before turning his head.

To their right was a dirt path leading to a dense forest. They followed the pathways until they reached the massive woodland.

“This must be Petalburg Forest,” Jeff said glumly, peering into the darkness. “Let’s go.”

The trio entered the forest. Murky roots and vines littered the base of the trees. The thick, tree canopies made it impossible for light to enter. It was as if the sun dared not enter the woods. Mist fogged them from any long range sight. The situation suited Jeff’s mood.

They walked through the wooded area. Around them they could hear the trills of birds and the hisses of bug pokemon. Above flew a beautiful, elegant airborne bug. The patterns on its wings were dazzling. Treecko remained calm, but kept up his guard. Who knows what pokemon were hostile and what pokemon weren’t? Corphish rode on Jeff’s back, merrily enjoying the view; it was very rare that he got to be this high up.

“<Giddy up, Jeff!>” Corphish cried, poking Jeff’s head with his claw.

“Y’know, Corphish…its not exactly EASY carrying you and this hiking pack, among other things. How much do you weigh?!” Jeff groaned.

“<I’ll have you know that I’m a very nice size for a Corphish of my stature!>” Corphish shot in reply.

Jeff raised an arm in an ‘L’ shape, indicating them to stop.

“Ok, its lunch time,” he said in a disheartened, monotone voice.

Corphish jumped off of his backpack and landed on the ground. Jeff zipped open the backpack and took out three sandwiches. Corphish shoveled the entire sandwich in his mouth and his face lit up.

“<Yes! I get caught by a trainer who gives us REAL food as opposed to that lame, store bought riceballs!>”

Treecko wandered off from them while he ate. He didn’t linger far, but just enough so that he was away from the crowd. He looked up and noticed a red and white pattern moving from tree to tree in the air. Whatever it was seemed curious about the food. Meanwhile, Corphish was hopping around as if in an action movie. He opened his claws and shot bubblebeams at the treetops. He fired with both his claws and shot in all directions.
“<Take this! And this!>” Corphish yelled as he aimed at the high tree branches above.
The bubbles exploded on contact with the limbs of the tree. He did a barrel roll in the grass and fired at the top of the tree that Treecko was looking at.

“<Could I be anymore awesome?>” he said cockily. Just then, a red and white pattern emerged from the darkness and the floating chips of bark, which were ripped from the trees during the bubble attacks. Surrounding the outlined figure was a series of dark, hazy blue feathers. It appeared injured from the attack. It fell from its perch but righted itself in the air. It circled the trio in a hunter-like fashion. Jeff recognized the pokemon as a Taillow, like the one that he battled against before Petalburg…when times were simpler. Jeff was impressed by the forked tail of the pokemon; it was much longer than the one he had seen before. The angered Taillow squawked for the aid of his comrades. Three Taillows appeared from the misty forest and descended upon the three intruders.

“<Corphish, you idiot!>” scolded Treecko. Treecko threw the remainder of his sandwich with striking dexterity at the lead Taillow and hit him in his face. The Taillow managed to stay afloat, but was obviously enraged. Treecko assumed a battle stance and awaited the oncoming enemies.

“<Hey! I didn’t know that this birdbrain would sit around WAITING for me to attack him! Nice throw by the way, Babe Ruth, that Taillow is still picking ham out of his beak!>”

“Corphish, return!” Jeff frantically called, shooting the pokeball.

“<What are you doing!? We need Corphish’s help to fight…as big of an idiot as he is! Although, I think I can take all four of them, solo!>” insisted Treecko confidently.

“No! We’re running!” Jeff ordered adamantly. He scooped up Treecko and began running before Treecko could make a move. They took off into the forest, pursued by the small flock of angry Taillow.

“<Jeff what are you doing? We’ve never run from a fight and there are only four of them! You could catch one!>” Treecko protested, as they continued to be chased by Taillows.

Jeff ignored him and held him tightly, running with all of his strength.

“<What the hell are you doing? Let me down, now!>”

“No way!”

“<I swear to Arceus, Jeff, if you don’t stop running…>” Treecko threatened, wedging out of Jeff’s grip.

“What are going to do? Shout at me?”

Treecko had had enough; he pounded Jeff across the face with his tail, causing them both to fall into the mud.

“What the hell was that?!” shot Jeff, with a large, red, tail imprint across his mug.

“<THAT’S what I’m going to do! Now you better get up and help me battle, or else I’ll do it solo!>”

“No, I’m not letting myself force you or Corphish battle for my personal gain again! I don’t want to put you guys in danger,” Jeff angrily yelled.

“<Don’t give me that crap! We chose to come with you and battle along side you! If we don’t fight we’re going to be bird food, so STOP feeling sorry for yourself and DO something! We care about you enough that we’ll battle to save you, so give us a chance, or you might as well paint targets on our heads,>” Treecko yelled, angrily.

Jeff sat there in shock for a moment. He looked up at the descending Taillow.

“Treecko, it’s not that simple!” he yelled in retort.

Treecko huffed, annoyed and insulted by the ‘retreat order’.

“<I’ll do this myself…>” he growled, walking past the dumbstruck Jeff.

Treecko stood in front of the diving Taillow, making himself the target for attack. Unflinchingly, he spat many light green, high powered seeds at the flock, it hit the lead Taillow that Corphish hit, and scattered the rest of the Taillow. The injured Taillow let out a cry and began to fly in a downward spiral. He landed in front of them, skidding in the dirt until he reached a halt.

“<There, my work’s done, so do your job!>”

Jeff raised a pokeball-wielding hand and reared it back. He noticed his arm began to shake again. Treecko looked up and noticed this as well.

“<Jeff, throw the ball!>”

“I… can’t. I can’t take another pokemon away from its home!”

“<Jeff, if you don’t catch that Taillow right now… he’s going to wake up, call for help, and then we’ll be up to out necks in Taillows! So throw that damned ball!>”

Jeff still stalled. He looked up at his hand, and then down at the Taillow who tried to support itself on one wing. He took pity on the sad sight and slightly lowered the ball. Taillow opened his mouth in the preparation of a shrill peep. Treecko noticed this, sighed, and took matters into his own hands. He whacked the ball from Jeff’s hands and then batted the ball again, before it could hit the ground. The ball rolled quickly and hit the Taillow before he could let out a chirp. Taillow was engulfed in a red light and sucked into the ball. The ball wriggled and rolled about the forest floor, refusing to lock. It was obvious that the Taillow really wanted out. After much struggle, Taillow gave in and the ball locked shut.

Treecko picked up the ball and threw it to Jeff. “<Now was that so hard?>” Treecko spat in a dislike of the human’s attitude.

Jeff pined and sat on the earth, cross-legged. He looked somberly at Taillow’s pokeball before releasing it. The blue feathered bird appeared on the grass in front of them.

“Hello, Taillow, sorry about that,” Jeff greeted the irritated bird pokemon.

“<I have a name you know, stupid human!>” Taillow shot back, not expecting Jeff to understand him.

“You have a name?” Jeff asked the irked bird, confused by the response.

The Taillow’s eyes widened and he became flushed. “<You…understood me, human?>” he asked awkwardly.

“Yeah, I did.”

“<Every human I’ve seen was unable to understand their pokemon, though,>” he explained.

“I guess I’m luc… different,” Jeff corrected himself in reply.

“<Well you shouldn’t expect that every single pokemon’s name is their species name. It’s just…how you humans would say… ‘Straight up ig’nant’,>” replied the Taillow, making quotation signs with his wings. “<How would you like it if I called you ‘human’ everytime I address you? It’s kind of insulting!>”

“I’m sorry. What is your name?” Jeff answered warmly.

“<My friends called me Daedalus…but I guess I’m stuck with you now.>”

Jeff crouched to his level and extended a hand, “I’m Jeff, nice to meet you, Daedalus.”

Daedalus rolled his eyes and reluctantly shook the hand with his wing in retort. Jeff shot a glare at Treecko. “Well, Daedalus, I plan to make this journey as painless as possible for you.”

“<Bloody fantastic!>” thought the defeated Taillow. “<I’ve been captured by a human; I really let my boys down. Now who will lead them and guide them when things get rough? I can’t believe this!>” He held his face with his wing in pure frustration. “<The only bright side is that I can tell the human exactly how I feel and he won’t pretend to listen and then make me do a loop-dee-loop.>”

After awhile of being perched on Jeff’s shoulder as they walked, Daedalus asked, “<Aren’t you going to put me back in my pokeball or something?>”

“Not unless you want to…>” Jeff replied.

“<You put the orange bugger, who hit me, back in his pokeball,>”

“Yeah, I didn’t really think you two would ‘hit it off’ so well…” Jeff attempted the joke; but the delivery was poor due to his saddened voice. “I hate to ask but can you show us the way out?”

Daedalus reluctantly nodded and pointed his wing from his collarbone perch. Jeff and Treecko followed the unhappy guide’s directions.

Daedalus began to think, “<isn’t this poetic? I’m being forced to show the human the way out of my home so that he can take me with him! This human called ‘Jeff’ seems rather depressed, too.>”

They walked for ten minutes before the light of day could be seen in the distance. Something moving in the dark popped out in front of them. Jeff and Taillow jumped back at the action of the figure. They carefully inspected the human. A boy about Jeff’s age and height stood before them. Covering his blond, curly hair was a large, sun hat. Beneath his hat was a boyish face that had a large grin spread across it. He had a green bandana tied around his neck. There was a single pokeball attached to his belt, which divided a white t-shirt and green soccer shorts. He blocked their path with a large, staff-like stick.

“Can I help you?” Jeff asked the stranger in irritation.

“No… but I can help you… battle me,” the guy said with an all-knowing voice, guised with a crooked smile.

“I’d rather not; I just want to get by,” replied Jeff, trying to move by the stick. The teen raised the stick, stopping him.

“You will get by me once you fight me in a pokemon battle,” he explained, the smile still glued in the same spot.

“Look! I’m not in the mood to battle, so just let me by!”

“That’s exactly the problem,” the mysterious guy grinned. He took the pokeball from his belt and threw it on the ground in front of him. What appeared in the darkness was an intense flare of light. Jeff and Daedalus squinted since their eyes weren’t used to the luminosity, but Treecko gazed straight into the beam, unbothered by it. The light dissipated and a ball, the size of a beach ball, appeared on the ground; it span around in circles. The ball was a tan color and it had brick-like scales on its stiff back. The sphere stopped rolling and the pokemon came from out of its folded position. The pokemon had a white underbelly, a strong tail and legs, which had sharp claws for digging, and a cute shrew-like face with beady black eyes.

“If you can beat Deyja, my Sandshrew, with any of your three pokemon, then you can go on your way.”

“I’m thrilled that you want to battle me, but I’m sorry; I’m not fighting you!”

“I’m afraid that’s not up to you.” With a smile, he pointed his finger, “Deyja, use scratch on Daedalus!”

Jeff’s eyes widened at the command. “How does he know his name?” thought Jeff to himself.

"<Jeff?!>" chirped a worried Daedalus, who was perched on Jeff's shoulder. He quickly darted his head at him.

The Sandshrew lunged at Jeff, who leaned back in an attempt to dodge. Deyja jumped on Jeff’s chest, which acted as a platform as he leaned back. He scrambled up the green shirt and jumped, head butting Daedalus from the perch. Daedalus fell to the ground, followed by Deyja, who jumped on his wings, pinning him down. Deyja began to scratch at Daedalus; dark blue feathers, with tints of crimson, shot up after each swipe.

Jeff looked on, dumbstruck and pathetic, at the mouse pokemon who was tearing his new teammate apart. Daedalus lay there, twitching and wincing, helplessly. Jeff could see his contempt, it was like he was thinking, “<Oh great, I’m just another pawn in this guy’s game of chess.>”

“<Jeff, are you going to just watch this?!>”

Jeff ignored Treecko and looked on. He whimpered, “Dae…Daedalus…” The Taillow’s wide eyes began to close as he slipped away. Jeff ran over to Daedalus, nudged the Sandshrew off of him, and picked him up. He clutched the bird tightly to his chest; Daedalus’ blood soaked his green shirt. Daedalus opened one eye and looked at Jeff.

"<What...>" he began weakly, and then continued, "<kind of trainer are you?>" Jeff only gulped in response

“So, will you fight me with your Corphish or should I sic Deyja on your Treecko before you finally decide to battle?”

Jeff's stomach churned in self loathing, while he looked at the badly wounded Daedalus. How come he kept letting his pokemon down? “I guess I have no choice. Why are you doing this and how do you know I have a Corphish?” Jeff grilled, cradling the wounded Taillow.

The guy remained silent. He just tipped his hat and continued to grin.

Jeff gently placed Daedalus and his backpack on the ground next to him

“Treecko, give Daedalus a potion! Come on out, Corphish; I guess we have to battle.”

Corphish emerged from the red beam and stood, facing the Sandshrew.

“<Somebody call PBS because Hammie the Hamster escaped and now he’s a hardass!>” Corphish taunted his opponent.

“Corphish… uhh… use… erm… ” Jeff acted as if this was his first battle and he had never seen a Corphish in his life; too much was racing in his mind.

“<Jeff, you must be a Russian dictator…because you are STALIN’.>”

Right as Corphish finished the joke he found himself being blindsided by Deyja. Corphish was knocked sideways and stopped at the base of a tree. He groaned and got to his many feet using his claw. Corphish raised his pincers in front of him.

“You’ve got to take control, man! Your pokemon need you just as much as you need your pokemon!” advised the odd stranger. “Now I’ll give you one moment before Deyja uses swift!”

The Sandshrew reared back his head.

“Corphish use… use… ” Jeff stammered. He had no confidence in what move he should make. What if he said the wrong move and Corphish was left vulnerable? What if he made a decision that killed Corphish?!

Deyja jerked his head forward, spitting out many shiny, star-like blades. The stars cut into Corphish’s sides before disintegrating into sparkling dust. The volley worsened and Corphish struggled to stand.

“Corppy, no!” Jeff called, returning Corphish to the security of his pokeball.

“So now your Treecko…I hope you’ve learned something from your Corphish’s defeat,” the sagely guy scolded.

Treecko stepped forward, towards the Sandshrew. He moved the twig from one side of his mouth to the other, hoping that Jeff would come to his senses.

“Deyja, use dig!” The mole pokemon dug fiercely in the earth with his sharp talons. In a matter of seconds he was completely underground. Treecko looked around him; he was on his sharpest guard.

“Now, use sand tomb!”

Treecko could feel the earth become soft beneath his feet. He tried to jump but a pair of claws grabbed his left foot and dragged it down, under the mud. With one foot completely submerged, Treecko could not free his foot. He angrily looked around him in anticipation for the next attack.

“<Jeff, I could really use your help here… or are you a coward?>” Treecko growled.

Jeff stared on as his friend was helpless. “I can’t let him get hurt! But, what can I do? I’m just a failure. This creep is playing for keeps and if I lose my best friend then what do I have? Think, Jeff, think! How can you help?

Jeff’s train of thought was distracted when soil exploded from behind Treecko. In the wave of earth was Sandshrew about to attack with razor sharp claws. Jeff knew that he had to help. He subconsciously pushed his love and confidence issues to the side of his mind and before he realized it, he felt words leave his throat and his tongue sound out words!

“TREECKO, BEHIND YOU!!! USE BULLET SEED!!” Jeff yelled in a furious fervor, spitting wildly as he roared.

Treecko jutted his head behind and saw the beige figure lunging at him. He spat out an intense spray of light green bullets. They hit Deyja, throwing him backwards.

“Keep at it! Don’t let up!”

Treecko continued firing, without stopping even to gasp for air. The light green seeds created dirt clouds around the Sandshrew, The smoke created a mask over the battlefield. When the dust cleared, Deyja was crawling back to the outsider, badly injured.

“Congratulations, Jeff; you pulled yourself together and managed to defeat Deyja. My name is Chad, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Chad,” beamed Jeff. He walked over to Treecko, kneeled down and hugged him.

“<I’m happy you’re back to your fighting self, too, but what have I told you about hugging in public…or private for that matter?!>” Treecko grumbled uncomfortably.

“Sorry, I’ll have to watch that,” he smiled in reply.

“<And while you’re at it…want to get my leg out of the ground?>”

Jeff nodded and began digging at the dirt around Treecko’s leg. After a large pull Jeff got Treecko out. Treecko dusted his leg off and folded his arms. They turned around to talk to Chad, but he had completely disappeared from sight.

“What a weird guy…”

Daedalus hopped over to the two; he had completely recovered with the potion. He hopped onto Jeff’s shoulder and Jeff grabbed the bag before they headed towards the exit. When they left the woods the light burned their eyes.

“I think we should stop a few minutes so that we can adjust to the light. I think I’ll heal Corphish while I’m at it.”

“<Doesn’t he have a name?>” Daedalus chirped.

“He wouldn’t tell me. Treecko wouldn’t tell me his either,” answered Jeff suspiciously, as he released Corphish. Jeff applied the potion to Corphish’s cuts. “Oh yeah, Corppy, this is Daedalus; he was the Taillow you hit while you were being ‘John McClaine'.”

Daedalus nodded in acknowledgement.

“Careful, Daedalus, he jokes…”

“Cor, corphish cor, corphish, phish?” he said to Daedalus. This translated to, “<Could you be anymore of a bird!?>”

Treecko sighed, “<That catch phrase will never get old,>” he muttered sarcastically.

“<What’d you say?>” Corphish became irked at Treecko.

“<I said your jokes are old and repetitive,>” Treecko smirked, confidently.

“<What the hell is your problem?>” Corphish spat, taking offense to the insult of his pride and joy.

“<My problem is that your damn antics almost caused Daedalus and his buddies to kill us!>” Treecko quickly retorted, scowling.

“<Aw, what’s wrong? Did you hear a tree fall in the forest?>” mocked Corphish.

“Hey you two!” Jeff tried to interrupt but they ignored him.

“<Didn’t you say you were too pathetic during mating season to get a female Corphish?>” Treecko growled, stepping forward. His smug grin stayed on his face while he approached his orange rival.

“<Listen, salad ass! That’s a completely different subject!>” Corphish shot back, clicking his claws together, preparing to fight.

“<Settle down you two, NOW!>” Daedalus twittered with annoyance.

Treecko and Corphish shot him a cold glare. They stepped forward and Corphish threw the first punch, hitting Treecko in the jaw. Treecko stumbled back but quickly recovered and tackled Corphish backwards into the dirt. Jeff ran over to the two rolling around on the ground and tried to pry them apart but he ended up a claw and tail in the face and legs. The simultaneous blows sent him flat on his back.

“What the HELL, guys!” Jeff shouted as the two began to fight on top of Jeff’s chest. Treecko swung around, slamming his tail hard into Corphish. Corphish flew backwards, hitting Jeff in the face, before sprawling down the hill. Treecko jumped down the hill after him.

Jeff put his shirt to his bleeding lip as he got up and looked at Taillow. “Welcome to the family, Daedalus,” Jeff growled, “Now let’s go get those idiots back!” Daedalus nodded and flew after Jeff, who began to slowly traverse down the hill.

Corphish and Treecko found themselves tumbling over dirt and on the riverside. One of them would get up to run but the other would drag them back to the ground and they would keep fighting. The cycle continued; they became slowly more bruised and beaten. Over the sand they rolled until they were past a sign that showed a picture of a man and pokemon crossing a line with a red X drawn over them.

They panted heavily, still throwing punches at the other, until they were under a tree with a large branch reaching over them. They stopped, stood up, and panted with a scowl imprinted on both of their faces. They were being watched. Treecko stepped backwards onto a hidden noose in the sand. The rope shot upwards, snagging Treecko’s tails and one of his legs. He dangled upside down from the tree, and Corphish walked beneath him and began to laugh hysterically.

"<What's the big idea?!>" Treecko growled.

“<Not so cool now, are ya?>” mocked Corphish.

“Treecko cko cko!” Treecko grunted and swore at Corphish, swinging around to try to get free.

“<Maybe I’ll use you as a piñata!>” Corphish continued laughing.

Treecko struggled and then glared at Corphish. He opened his mouth and fired a bullet seed down, causing Corphish to jump backwards. When Corphish dodged, he activated a trap oh his own; a net came shooting up from the hidden sand, ensnaring Corphish. Treecko grinned at Corphish, who got his comeuppance.

“<So now I’m trapped too, congratulations,>” Corphish scowled. “<I might have gotten you down too, if you begged.>”

“<Oh yeah?>”
“<Yeah, ‘Tree Hugger’!>”

“<Why don’t I swing over there and pound you into Corphish soup?>” Treecko shouted back from the suspended rope.

“<Well, Tarzan, in that cozy rope I’d like to see you tr…>” Corphish was cut off and knocked out by a speedy blunt blow to the head.

Treecko looked around and struggled, confused since he didn’t deliver the blow. He looked at the branch above and saw a purple fist come towards him. The blow smashed him down the face. The beaten up wood gecko, too, hung there unconscious.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Jeff ran down to the beach where they fell. Daedalus perched on his shoulder as they stepped in the sand. In the sand they could see small blood spatters and sand sifted in a struggle. Jeff noticed the sign and asked, “Do you think they went in there?”

The Taillow nodded and they slowly traipsed through the sand. Jeff lifted up his foot and began to place it back in the settled sand.

“TAILL!” Daedalus trilled, outstretching his wing, warning him not to place his foot down.

Jeff froze and retracted his foot, carefully placing it in his old footprint. Jeff kneeled down and touched the snare trap in the ground.

“<Look over there,>” Taillow pointed, “<drag marks!>”

“<There’s something that lives here who is very protective of its territory. I don’t think he wants uninvited visitors,>” warned Daedalus, “<You follow your footsteps back to the other side of the sign. I’ll scout around from the air; I think he has them…>”

Jeff nodded and did as told, while Daedalus took flight.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Treecko briefly opened his eyes. He found himself lying next to an unconscious Corphish; both were being dragged in a net over the ground and through the forest. The pain in his head worsened as they went along. He looked up and saw a large, purple blur clutching the net. He weakly tried to resist but then a small rock, lying on the path, collided with his head. A searing pain in Treecko’s head caused him to fall back into unconsciousness.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Awhile later, Treecko felt an annoying prodding at his head. He opened his eyes and saw a dim orange outline hovering over him. He got up and looked around; beside him was Corphish and on all sides were wooden bamboo bars, creating a dome cage in the middle of the forest. On the other side of the bars was a small wooden shack made of bamboo in the shape of a box.

“<What the…>” Treecko groaned, rubbing his swollen, bleeding head.

“<They don’t have room service, I’ve checked,>” grumbled Corphish, who stood beside Treecko, shaking on the bars.

Treecko jumped upwards, slamming his tail on the roof, trying to break it. Corphish flew up with Treecko, as he jumped. The bar remained sturdy. Treecko landed gracefully and Corphish fell onto his head, his horns digging into the dirt.

“<I’ve also tried that, Twig Boy,>” Corphish growled “<We’re not moving an inch. Oh, and F-Y-I; my claw and your hand are tied together, so don’t go prancing around like you’re starring in ‘Rent’,>”

Treecko looked down and saw rope tying his right hand tied to Corphish’s left claw.

“<Terrific…>” mumbled Treecko grumpily.

“<A little help?>” Corphish asked, struggling to get his horns from the ground.

Treecko coolly unleashed his frustration and swung Corphish out of the ground with his arm and tail. Corphish hit the side of the cage and slumped to the ground.

“<I said ‘give me help’, not ‘give me hell’!>” Corphish angrily held his head, threatening Treecko with his claws.

Treecko ignored him. “<These bars really won’t budge,>” exclaimed Treecko, ponderously.

“<I KNOW! Why don’t you hit me against the bars HARDER?!>” Corphish sarcastically suggested.

Treecko ignored him and angrily placed his hands to his thighs, “<This is just like a pokeball.>” he shuddered.

“<Except there’s no refund if we break it…and you’re here,>” Corphish joked but then went back to anger. Corphish poked Treecko’s chest with his claw, “<This is all your fault!>”

“<Back off, pal! You’re as much to blame as I am!>” Treecko grunted, wiping blood from his mouth.

“<Could this be anymore your fault?>” Corphish shot back.

Treecko snarled and held his arm up against the cage wall, causing Corphish to dangle off of the ground. Treecko reared his fist back, ready to punch him. Corphish clamped his claw around Treecko’s neck in retaliation.

A deep voice came from beside them, on the other side of the cage.

“<What’s wrong? You two thieves not getting along? Well you’d better suck it up and get used to being cell mates!>” chuckled a massive purple pokemon. He had large ears, and massive claws, tail, and stature. There were large purple spines running down his back and his nose was home to a horn bigger than Corphish’s head.

“<That’s a Nidoking!>” whispered Corphish to Treecko.

“<You’ve got it all wrong, we’re not thieves.>” Treecko attempted to explain to the angered land owner.

“<And if we were, we’d probably rather be doing the 'two claw discount' at the Pottery Barn,>” Corphish joked.

Treecko glared at Corphish, “<You don’t get to talk anymore!>”

Nidoking frowned and crossed his arms. “<My ass! You expect me to believe a story from a pokemon known as ‘the ruffian pokemon’?>”

“<Really, we’re telling the truth…>” Treecko insisted.

“<Cram it, lizard lips! You’re pretty shifty yourself, what with that twig in your mouth; you look like a juvenile delinquent!>” Nidoking interrupted.

“<Shifty, huh?>” Treecko grinned to himself, taking it as a compliment. Corphish rolled his eyes.

“<Give us freedom or give us d…>” Corphish began to intone, but Treecko shoved his head into the dirt before he could finish that sentence.

Nidoking walked up to the bamboo cage and leaned up against the bars, peering in like a scientist to lab rats. “<You think you can live in my territory and expect to get away with it?!>”

Treecko remained silent and stared frigidly through the wooden barriers into the brown eyes of the Nidoking. The Nidoking stared tauntingly back at him. Treecko’s collected rage surged into the glare that was direct at their captor. Nidoking actually stepped backwards when Treecko concentrated the defiant stare. His yellow, squinting, enraged eyes said with the gaze “<We ain’t done, pal.>”

When Nidoking retracted from the stare, he chuckled at himself for having been intimidated. “<What are you afraid of? After all, look at the size of them…and they are in a cage, what could they possibly do?>” the Nidoking thought.

“<You two thugs stay put until I get back…as if you have much choice!>” Nidoking continued to snigger as he stomped off into the forest.

“<What was that?!>” accused Corphish, spitting out dirt.

“<That was ‘saving us before you could put that idea into his head’!” Treecko spat, annoyed.

Treecko rubbed his raw ankle and left tail. He then folded his arms and turned to Corphish, “<What the hell do we do?>”

“<Well I’ve got to call in sick to work and then we can order a pizza, maybe have ourselves a nice night of talking about our feelings,>” Corphish kidded.

“<I’m being serious! This is exactly why we’re in this mess in the first place and why Nidoking won’t believe our story! Your jokes have gotten us in all this crap. Now we’ve been captured and we may never see Jeff or that Taillow again!>” Treecko yelled, walking towards Corphish, menacingly.

“<Hey,>” Corphish chuckled, nervously, “<what happened to your ‘as cool as a cucumber’ attitude?>”

Before Treecko stepped closer, they stopped seeing that a shadow cascaded on the ground of the cage. They looked up and saw Daedalus roosted on one of the bars of the dome cage overhead. He was perched directly above Corphish.

“<G’day, mates! Here’s ‘that Taillow’ you’ve been talking about,>” he chirped, grinning.

“<Oh, please don’t!>” Corphish begged “<I just got my shell ‘Squirtle-waxed’ at the salon, yesterday!>”

“<Took you long enough,>” Treecko grinned “<Where’s Jeff?>”

“<I told him to stay back at the beach, the ground is laced with traps everywhere!>” Taillow replied, “<Hell, there’s probably surface to air missiles around here!>”

“<Well we sure didn’t notice!>” Corphish spat, sarcastically.

“<How do you expect to get us out of here?>” Treecko asked.

“<Can’t peck through it…I have no idea,>” Daedalus shrugged, apologetically.

“<Think, you bird brain! You’re a leader so lead!>” Corphish coerced Taillow, who perched on the wooden cage.

“<Don’t rush me; I’m not good in these situations!>” Taillow shot back.

“<Or what? Will you go all ‘Alfred Hitchcock’ on our hides?>” Corphish spat in return.

“<Damn it, Corphish, piss off; he’s trying to help!>” Treecko glared at him.

Daedalus raised a wing with an idea, “<Howabou…>” he was suddenly cut short. Daedalus gasped as he was grabbed by a giant, purple hand, which appeared out of nowhere. Nidoking walked out from underbrush with a triumphant grin. He squeezed Daedalus, winding him, and then slammed him into the ground, as if scoring a touchdown of a football game. Daedalus lay in the dirt, unconscious.

Nidoking lifted the cage slightly and kicked Daedalus under it. Treecko and Corphish looked on, shocked, at the body of their only hope.

“<I’m sorry, was I interrupting?>” Nidoking asked, spitting out poison pins to the ground, triumphantly.

“<Look!>” Corphish began to explain, “<we weren’t here to take over your home or steal anything, we were fighting and we rolled onto your territory!>”

“<That’s too bad…trespassing in my territory; punishable by thrashing!>” he chuckled. “<I think you two have had enough time to think about what you’ve done…the pain begins.>”

Nidoking walked towards the cage, fist raised. Treecko whispered to Corphish, “<Listen, he’s beyond reason now. We have to work together to attack him at just the right time…on my signal…open fire at his face.>”

Nidoking began to swing his tail at the cage.

“<NOW!>” Treecko yelled. They shot bullet seed and bubblebeam through the bars of the cage. The projectiles hit Nidoking in the face, knocking him off balance. His tail’s path was changed so that it struck the cage just above their heads. They ducked as the upper half of the cage was shattered into splinters.

“<Argh, my eye!>” Nidoking yelled, holding his bleeding right eye and stumbling backwards, blinded. A slow trickle of scarlet blood leaked from the covered eye.

Treecko boosted Corphish out of the cage before jumping out himself. Treecko then passed Daedalus over the broken bars to Corphish on the other side. Treecko jumped over and landed beside Corphish. Nidoking stumbled towards the three and he fell to the ground in between them, separating Treecko and Corphish from Daedalus. Nidoking tried to stand up, in between them and Daedalus. Treecko and Corphish ran at Nidoking and clothes-lined him, using their rope-tied arms. Nidoking fell back to the dirt, holding his neck while the duo made it to Daedalus. They put his wings around their shoulders, supporting him as they began to run.

“<Wake up, pal, we need your eyes,>” Treecko muttered to Daedalus.

“<Hey, buddy,>” Corphish smiled at Treecko, “<I guess now that we’re outta there this makes you a ‘FREEcko’…>” Corphish found his own joke very funny as they continued running.

“<I’ll put the whole ‘salad ass’ thing behind us if you never say that again…buddy,>” Treecko grinned.

Daedalus slowly came out of the daze as they ran through the forest.

“<Trap ahead, two meters,>” murmured Taillow, weakly.

They dodged the pitfall and followed Daedalus’ navigation.

“<Left, straight, keep going, trap, trap, right, straight,>” Daedalus spat out directions as he struggled to stay conscious.

They exited the forest and saw the sign on the beach. They crossed the invisible line and saw Jeff pacing back and forth. They ran up to him and embraced him, after placing Daedalus in the sand. Jeff quickly dropped to the ground to check Daedalus’ wounds. Daedalus spat out a bit of blood and muttered “<How you doin’?>” in a state of shock.

“What happened!?” Jeff asked, concerned. He examined the three bloodied pokemon. He immediately dropped his backpack and shoveled through the bag for potions.

“<If I have to tell this story one more time…>” Corphish joked.

Treecko eyed Corphish, warily. He was unamused by the joke but decided to let it pass.

“<Daedalus is in need of professional medical attention, but Corphish and I could use some basic first aid…oh and can you untie us while you’re at it? I’m beginning to smell like seafood.>”

Jeff took out a knife and cut the rope binding Treecko and Corphish together. He then looked at the two and asked, “are you guys cool?”

Corphish and Treecko’s rivalry lit again. They began to stare into the other’s eyes. The stare down lasted for a minute before the two simultaneously grinned and shook hands.

Jeff beamed, happy the two reconciled. “Good, because that was pretty dumb crap you guys pulled back there, you could have gotten the other killed!” Jeff reprimanded them for their behavior.

They looked down, ashamed, and apologized to the other. Jeff dressed their wounds with a potion and small bandages, which were just big enough to staunch the flow of blood. Jeff perked up, “Let’s head into town before whatever it was that took you guys comes back! And seriously…what happened?”

They nodded and followed Jeff up the hill and back onto the road, outside Petalburg Forest. Jeff cradled the injured Daedalus in his arms, while the four crossed the bridge over the sparkling water. Corphish filled in Jeff on what had happened. To which Jeff replied, "that must have been quite the fun."

"<Yeah, being trapped, beaten, beaten some more, and perhaps a third time is just like going to Six Flags over Celadon,>" Corphish weakly smiled.

As they walked over the bridge, the sun began to set behind the four, creating an orange shimmer in the waves. Treecko and Corphish stared at each other as they walked, side by side. They’re eyes met and they grinned, achieving a brand new respect for the other. What started as a shaky acquaintanceship would soon become a powerful, bonded comradeship.

********************************

Author’s notes:

-This chapter is the first official beta’d chapter. Beta’d by diamondpearl876 (Who did a very good job at that)

-Now at this point I know it seems like I’m just making Ash’s Advanced Generation team, but that’s simply not the case. I’m simply using those who best help the plot (Most of them happen to be my favorites). So far, I like how it’s working out. And don’t worry, the next pokemon will not be a Torkoal, a…Donphan, or anything like that. :P

-A few new recurring supporting characters are introduced.

-I’ve decided against ending on cliffhangers often so that when I DO end with cliffhangers, it will really grab people by the nose and hit them in the arse (or so the saying goes) :P

This was a pretty fun chapter to right because I love working with my characters and giving them dynamics and fun interactions. That’s one of the main reasons I write.

Anyways, Read. Review. Enjoy

Cheers, Griff4815
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Last edited by Grovyle42(Griff8416); January 13th, 2008 at 01:17 PM.
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  #48    
Old September 23rd, 2007, 03:40 PM
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diamondpearl876
you can breathe now. x
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Illinois, USA.
Age: 21
Nature: Careful
Aw, fk. I noticed more mistakes as I was reading again. BLAH! Oh well. They're minor ones.

Anyway, I really like this chapter. I'm glad to see to added things I suggested, too.

When I was betaing (that's not even a word) this, I thought that Taillow's buddies would come in and save the day, followed by a sad good-bye. Ha. Well, I was surprised, and what you did was better and included character development, so kudos to you.

Question: Is Jeff's pokemon team going to consist entirely of boys? XD All three of them are so far, I believe, unless I'm an idiot and missed something.

I'm also interested to hear more about this Chad guy, and why Treecko/Corphish won't give their names out to Jeff. c:

Keep it up!
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  #49    
Old September 24th, 2007, 05:06 PM
Grovyle42(Griff8416)'s Avatar
Grovyle42(Griff8416)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alter Ego View Post
Small note: how can one creature surround anyone? o.O
I meant that the shrieks were surrounding the him, not the creature XD. I should have made that clearer.

I'm planning to rewrite the earlier chapters again, now that I have a better sense of grammar and description. I plan on fixing the commas, semi colons, word repititions, descriptions, and so on.

That was a really helpful review, Alterego, I appreciate it. I'm glad you liked the parts mentioned and I'll definately take this review into consideration while rewriting/future chapters. I have somethings up my sleeve for the plot. Don't be afraid to go uncensored with your future reviews.

(PS I have a grammar beta now (Diamondpearl876) so that should help a lot). I actually plan on revamping a lot from chapter 4.

I'm happy you liked the characters, a lot of people have been commenting on them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by diamondpearl876 View Post
Aw, fk. I noticed more mistakes as I was reading again. BLAH! Oh well. They're minor ones.

Anyway, I really like this chapter. I'm glad to see to added things I suggested, too.

When I was betaing (that's not even a word) this, I thought that Taillow's buddies would come in and save the day, followed by a sad good-bye. Ha. Well, I was surprised, and what you did was better and included character development, so kudos to you.

Question: Is Jeff's pokemon team going to consist entirely of boys? XD All three of them are so far, I believe, unless I'm an idiot and missed something.

I'm also interested to hear more about this Chad guy, and why Treecko/Corphish won't give their names out to Jeff. c:

Keep it up!
That Taillow rescue squadron never crossed my mind actually...hmm.

Jeff's team will consist of males for awhile but not always...I have a reason for this.

I'm glad you're intrigued for more.

Thanks for the reviews, you two.
__________________
[B]Claimed: Treecko, Grovyle, Charmeleon.
Co-Owner of Treecko/Grovyle/Sceptile Club.
Paired withAnastasia R.
PC Family so far: Cousin - ScytheMaster, Awesomest Sister - Diamondpearl876, Brother - Rebellious Treecko (PM one of us if you want to join it)

------------
Click Below for The Awesome Treecko/Grovyle/Sceptile Club
Older Fic banner by Scenice.
Old Fic banner by Sammi-Chan.
New Fic banner by Scenice
Banner and avatar by Anastasia R.
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  #50    
Old September 24th, 2007, 07:55 PM
Gummy's Avatar
Gummy
by fire be P U R G E D
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Join Date: Jan 2007
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Age: 21
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Nature: Naughty
First of all, I'm angry that this chapter is so similar to me next one >.> I wanted to take my anger out on the review, but the beta-reading was too good. Nice job, both of you.

Quote:
“<Argh, my eye!>” Nidoking yelled, holding his bleeding right eye and stumbling backwards, blinded. A slow trickle of scarlet blood leaked from the covered eye.
I recently learned that eyes don't actually "bleed", they just excrete liquid. This isn't a real mistake because a "bloody eye" is a common term.


Quote:
Right as Corphish finished the joke he found himself being blindsided by Deyja. Corphish was knocked sideways and stopped at the base of a tree. He groaned and got to his many feet using his claw. Corphish raised his pincers in front of him.
Haha... I love Corphish. Can't wait to see his personality after evolution.


Quote:
Jeff took out a knife and cut the rope binding Treecko and Corphish together. He then looked at the two and asked, “Are you guys cool?”
"a" became "A"... I think that's right.


Quote:
“<Oh yeah?>”
“<Yeah, ‘Tree Hugger’!>”
You forgot to press enter twice here.
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