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  #76    
Old October 19th, 2007, 03:20 PM
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Just Kidding. Thanks for the reviews of chapters 4 and 5. I DO plan to rewrite most of the chapters, and I plan to rewrite chapter 4 from a different perspective/POV.
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  #77    
Old October 20th, 2007, 04:49 AM
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You've done a pretty good job on the storyboard.
You have to be a mega Treeko fan.
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  #78    
Old October 20th, 2007, 06:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
He looked in the mirror at his six feet tall, one hundred twenty-five pound stature. Jeff had a strong muscular build and a good, sturdy posture.
125 pounds?! 6 feet?! Muscular?! Nobody at six feet weighs less than 150, unless they were thin and wiry. Maybe you shiould fix that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
“No, I PROMISE that I’ll find you again and then make us even! I’ll take this twig as a symbol of what will hopefully be our future friendship. I swear on this, and my life that I’ll repay you, Treecko!”
Do people even say that?
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Last edited by Dachampster; October 20th, 2007 at 06:25 AM.
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  #79    
Old October 20th, 2007, 06:40 AM
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Thanks, both of you for the comments.

Yeah I kind of got the weight proportions mixed up there That's been mentioned earlier (i don't know if it was here or at serebii)

And people do say that during corny speeches (I put a warning up about the occasional cornyness!) Ahem, looking back on that quote...I think I should change it a little xD

*Edit* Fixed it to make it a little better. xD
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Last edited by Grovyle42(Griff8416); October 20th, 2007 at 06:58 AM.
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  #80    
Old October 20th, 2007, 09:27 PM
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Chapter Six

Loving the explanation for Jeff’s ability to understand the Pokémon. It’s so much better than "He iz spechul!!11eleventy".

And oh gods… Corphish is awesome. XD I love the little guy. *huggles her Corphish plushie*

I’m unsure what to say about the "Manhattan" reference. I mean, it would be nice to compare the cities of the Pokémon world to each other, but you do have other real-world references in your fic. I guess you could just leave it.

"Petalburg City: The place where dreams come true"… Yeah right for poor Jeff. Still, at least his journey is looking up for beating Alan in a Pokémon battle, even though he lost the girl.

Still saw some issues with semicolons and dialogue.

Chapter Seven

Your description of scenery improved in this chapter. I would have preferred if you had left out the line about how the misty forest suited Jeff’s mindset, but that’s just me and my love of symbolism.

I do have to wonder how Corphish knows so much about the human world. I have my thoughts, given how accepting he was of being captured…

One of the problems with your description is the fact that it’s so list-like. It’s boring for the readers to read constant lists one time of a character’s clothes, so that’s why readers forget what they’re wearing or what they look like. You could just place in little reminders into the narration: "He tugged on the sleeve of her green shirt". Just like that, and we’re reminded that the character in question is wearing a green shirt.

Quote:
Jeff ran over to Daedalus, nudged the Sandshrew off of him, and picked him up.
It’s a word choice matter here. "Nudged" seems like too weak of a verb here. I picture Jeff just lightly shoving the Sandshrew out of the way. I would have used something like "kicked". But I’m just a violent person.

Ah, speaking of violence…Nidoking’s eye wouldn’t start to bleed if it was hit. It’s just one of those things that I learned.

During the escape scene, there were a few instances where it read as if Treecko and Corphish weren’t tied together anymore. But they actually were. It’s the small details that escape the eyes when writing.

And I love the fact that Daedalus has a real "leader" personality. Makes him better than a Pokebot.

Chapter Eight

The conversation between Jeff and Daedalus is my favorite part of this chapter. It’s an awesome way to slip in a revelation for the both of them about life.

I had to double-take at Aaron the Aron. XD Thought it was a typo, but realised that it’s just a really awesome nickname.

I’m waiting to see if there will be a time where one of Treecko’s plans will go awry, hurting his self-confidence.

Chapter Nine

>.> Okay. I felt a tear in my eyes while reading this chapter. And poor Jeff, unable to hear his Pokémon now. That was actually the best part of the chapter because of all the raw emotions. Really awesome. This chapter was so emotionally-packed. Your characters are definitely the best part about this fic. (The song I was listening to during this chapter was "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word". It fits. XP)

Chapter Ten

"Holy jumpin’ Moses" is now my new catch phrase. *is still giggling at it* And Daedalus used Joey’s pick-up line! Oh good gods…this chapter is just full of awesome lines.

And the creepy Chansey that popped Jeff’s knee cap in? A brilliant touch.

The Pokémon seem to be stealing the spotlight from Jeff in this story. Their personalities keep getting developed, and Jeff just keeps getting wounded. At least you’re safe from Pokebots in your story.

But Jeff gets his time to show his side. He’s done a lot of growing up since he left Littleroot.

And yes, you have improved from previous chapters. Awesome job there, Griff.

Now that I’ve caught up, I’ll go back to reviewing the way I did for the first few chapters.
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  #81    
Old October 21st, 2007, 05:47 AM
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Yay, thank you for reading and the great reviews. ^ ^

I plan on revamping upto and including chapter seven. (I also plan to do some grammar edits for the rest.)

I wish I could, but I can't take credit for "holy jumpin' moses", it was something my grade 8/9 math teacher always used to say during his wild stories.

I'm glad you like it so far. I'll keep all of those things in mind while reediting.

(And dang, that song you listened to would have helped me and Diamondpearl876 while choosing a chapter name. xD)

PS, I thought I changed Manhattan to Saffron. I guess not :p
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Last edited by Grovyle42(Griff8416); October 21st, 2007 at 08:34 AM.
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  #82    
Old October 21st, 2007, 06:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
Yay, thank you for reading and the great reviews. ^ ^

I plan on revamping upto and including chapter seven. (I also plan to do some grammar edits for the rest.)

I wish I could, but I can't take credit for "holy jumpin' moses", it was something my grade 8/9 math teacher always used to say during his wild stories.

I'm glad you like it so far. I'll keep all of those things in mind while reediting.

(And dang, that song you listened to would have helped me and Diamondpearl876 while choosing a chapter name. xD)
Yes it would have helped. >> We spent like 2hours just to find the right title. XD *shot*
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  #83    
Old October 22nd, 2007, 01:02 PM
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This chapter is running a little late. It should be up by Thursday at the VERY latest.

Meanwhile, I strongly advise you read PKMN Breeder Jack's fic , Pokemon Crusade: Rebirth of Terror. It is an extremely intense, well written fic with a great plot and characters. Enjoy.
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  #84    
Old October 27th, 2007, 08:05 PM
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-FINALLY finished. I revamped the ending to this chapter as me and my beta (Diamondpearl876) thought some one was developed too drastically.

-After mind numbing time of choosing a chapter title, I was listening through my playlist and happened to come across the Eiffel 65 song and the lyrics, I felt had to do with the chapter, very much.


Now Isn't Forever

“Hey! I’m home!” a smug but deep, calmed voice rang out. It sounded as if it belonged to one of those hardcore surfers who constantly said “radical” and “bodacious”. A door could be heard closing as well as two pairs of footsteps.

I quickly stood up from my desk where I was drawing a picture of a Geodude for school. My body was not that of my regular maturity. I looked in the mirror and saw that I was my nine year old self. It didn’t cross my mind that I should be sixteen… or was it seventeen now? I ran out of my room and pedaled down the stairs. I stopped on the landing to see my brother to my left. He was much taller than I; he was tall enough so that our heads were level when I was three stairs off of the floor. He was an almost fanatic bodybuilder, which was obvious from his suntanned, muscular arms. He smiled at me and took off his shoes. I scanned his belt, which separated his beige Beastie Boys t-shirt from his baggy olive pants and noticed a red and white sphere known as a ‘pokeball’ on it. I could see something green behind his short, dark brown hair that was gelled up. It was his seventeenth birthday, so he used this milestone as an opportunity to get his first pokemon.

“Hey, Jeffrey,” my brother, Keanu, said with a mellow tone. “Is Mom home?”

“Yeah, she’s out back with Chikorita… did you get a pokemon?!” I asked with eagerness.

“Yeah… Jeffrey, this is Sawyer, my new friend.” From behind Keanu’s head jumped down a light green lizard with two green tails and a red underbelly. The lizard pokemon grinned at me. It was the coolest pokemon I had ever seen!

“Awesome! That’s so cool! Why did you call it Sawyer, Keanu? Why not something like Leafy or Rex?” I asked. My creative vocabulary was lacking considerably at that age. The Treecko gave a hurt look.

“First of all, Sawyer’s a HE not an IT. Remember that knowing your pokemon’s gender is important when forming a bond for when you get your first pokemon. I mean, how would you feel to be called an IT?”

I looked at the ground in shame. “Sorry, Sawyer,” I apologized. The wood gecko nodded, accepting my request for forgiveness.

“Anyways, my favorite book was ‘The Adventures of Tom Sawyer’ and Sawyer means, I think, either wood or woodcutter or something and a Treecko IS a WOOD gecko pokemon,” Keanu replied proudly. “Also, both of those are crap names for Sawyer here.”

The Treecko chuckled and began to curiously look around the hallway. I stared in awe at the miraculous pokemon. I couldn’t help but feel jealous.

“Well, I’m going to say goodbye to her and then I’m finally off,” stated Keanu.

“’Off’? You mean you’re leaving?!” I asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, I finally have my first pokemon and I’ve gotten all I could from Professor Birch’s classes, so I have no reason not to!” he explained while disappearing into the kitchen.

I sat on the steps and placed my head in my hands. I couldn’t believe that he was actually leaving! It just didn’t seem fair. Why did my brother, who I idolized, have to leave me here alone?! Did he even think about what he was leaving behind? I knew it was selfish of me and I wouldn’t be able to change his mind but I was sad and frustrated.

I let out a soft sob through hands which covered my face. I remained there in the dark of my hands for a few minutes. All of a sudden I felt a warm, comforting hand on my shoulder. I turned an eye and saw that it was Sawyer! I quickly turned my head away and wiped the tears from my face before looking back. Sawyer let out an all-knowing grin and continued to pat my shoulder.

“Thanks, Sawyer,” I smiled. “You’re a great pokemon.”

The Treecko blushed and scratched the back of his head. Keanu came back in the hallway, now carrying a massive hiking backpack.

“You ready, Sawyer?” Keanu asked him, smiling.

It seemed like he was TOO eager to leave.

Sawyer nodded, gave me final pat on the shoulder and leaped from the stairs to Keanu’s shoulder.

“See you around, Jeffrey; we’ll be back sometime…”

“Bye, Keanu. Bye, Sawyer. I’ll see you later. Oh… and it’s ‘Jeff’!” I replied with a hint of contempt.

Keanu and I shook hands and he opened the door. I made eye contact with the yellow eyes lizard before the door created a sight barrier between us. Once they were out of sight, I quickly ran upstairs and jumped face down on my bed. I let out a few uncontrolled weeps before collecting myself in my sheets.

I can’t believe he’s gone.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked up at my white ceiling. I started to think about Sawyer, the Treecko.

Ever since I’ve set my eyes on that pokemon I’ve decided that that would be my first pokemon, no matter what.

I don’t care how much the Treecko hates me; I’m going to make sure to love it and care for it as much as possible! Eventually we’re going to become best friends and we’ll battle together, play together, and travel together, just like Keanu and Sawyer! I promise that we’re going to become best of friends and NOTHING will be able to drive us apart. Nothing.

…Nothing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jeff’s eyes shot open. He blinked back glazed eyes. He looked down to find Corphish and Daedalus sprawled on his chest. Jeff looked to the right side of his head, expecting Treecko to be sleeping beside him. He let out a sad sigh and looked upwards.

It’s funny how things turned out…”

Jeff felt a heavy, warm breeze blowing onto his left side. It felt kind of dewy. Jeff closed his eyes. The moist wind continued at a continuous pace every four seconds. Irritated and dazed, Jeff opened his eyes and turned his head to his right side.

He noticed a large boulder like form beside him. The rock was almost shaped like a face. It appeared to have eyes, a large mouth, and a nose. On the top of the boulder was a large, oddly shaped, pointed crest. On the side, going from the apparent mouth, past the pseudo-left eye was a very deep, gray slash mark, as if somebody cut the rock like King Arthur and Excalibur. Jeff tried to look around the weird rock and found out that attached to the boulder was more boulders. The boulders created a chain, going around in a circle around the group. The stones became smaller as they went along. Jeff was surprisingly passive to the situation.

Was there a crazy avalanche or something?” Jeff thought, staring at the linked rock formation.

He turned his head back towards the largest rock. He noticed that the rock, that he thought was an eye, fluttered, revealing a white, glossy interior. Jeff looked back up at the dawn sky. The fact suddenly sunk in. He darted his head towards the face that he thought was a rock and quickly sat up. He scooted away from his head, backing against the tail that was coiled around the campsite.

“Is th-that a pok… kemon?”

The pokemon opened its mouth and yawned in a bass, throaty groan. The yawn was so powerful that Jeff’s hair was blown towards the pokemon on the inhale, but then his whole body was pushed back with the mightier exhale. Corphish and Daedalus were both awoken by Jeff’s moving. They stared at the giant sleeping pokemon and jumped to Jeff’s side.

“<An Onix!>” Corphish exclaimed.

“<What’s it doing all the way over here?!>”

“Ok, guys? Climb on my back and we might be able to get over the end of its tail without waking it.”

It was too late. The Onix lifted up its scarred head, let out a roar and extended its tail; it was like it was stretching. It rose like a tree and towered over the three. It peered down at the travelers and nodded.

“<Please don’t eat me! I’m very sharp and I taste of feet!>” Corphish pleaded.

Onix licked his lips and grinned. “<Don’t worry little Corphish, I do not eat other pokemon.>”

Corphish let out a sigh of relief.

“<Where exactly am I? I’ve been lost since yesterday,>” Onix asked, looking around him.

“<You’re about a kilometer east of Petalburg City,>” Daedalus informed.

“<What?! They airlifted me to the MAINLAND?!>” the large Onix roared.

Jeff stepped back; he was sure the Onix would attack them.

“<They? Who’s they?>” Daedalus continued to grill.

“<The humans of Dewford Island! I remember something hit my scar and then I woke up, suspended by two helicopters over the water. I was sure I would die.>”

“<So the humans knocked you out and dumped you here?>” Daedalus asked with contempt in his voice.

“<No. The human’s didn’t knock me out… they just took me here. I don’t remember what happened in between,” explained the Onix.

“<What happened before that?>”

“<I’d… rather not talk about it… >” the massive rock snake mumbled, looking away.

“<Well my name is Daedalus!>” the flying type introduced himself in merriment. “<That is Corppy, and the human is Jeff. Don’t worry, Jeff isn’t one of the bad humans.>”

“<It’s nice to meet you all. I was called by my c… my name was… just call me Atlas,>” the Onix struggled to mumble in a sulking bass.

“<Nice to meet you, Atlas. That scar on your face looks pretty fresh and… REALLY deep! You should have that bandaged or something. How did you get it?>” Daedalus asked.

Atlas pretended not to hear him and he looked around the sky and the surrounding scenery. “<You don’t happen to know how to get back to Dewford… do you?>”

“<The way we’re getting there is by ferry… although I don’t know why we’re bothering to go there,>” Daedalus informed him.

Jeff, frustrated for being left out of the pokespeech, hopped over Atlas’ tail and sulked towards the tree line on the edge on the clearing. He sat down in the grass and looked into the forest.

The Onix noticed this and asked, “<What’s wrong with your human… Jeff?>”

A wave of solemn feelings returned to the party.

“<I am sorry, did I say something wrong?>” Atlas asked, puzzled and embarrassed.

“<No, it’s not your fault. We’ve… recently had a Treecko, Jeff’s best friend, leave…>” Daedalus enlightened the rock snake pokemon.

“<The green, selfish b*stard,>” Corphish muttered to himself.

“<I think I should say something to him,>” the Onix told them. “<Hey, Jeff!>”

Jeff didn’t turn or reply. For all he knew, Atlas was talking to the others.

“<Can he understand me?>”

“<Maybe if you scared us half to death two days before tonight,>” Corphish told him.

Atlas tilted his head in confusion. “<I don’t understand…>”

“<You seem like a good guy, and, no offense, but it doesn’t look like you’d have anyone to tell…>”

The Onix let out a grunt from his nose. The exhale was so powerful that Daedalus had to dig his talons into the earth to keep from being blown back. Corphish, however, went somersaulting behind him.

“<…Sorry,>” Atlas apologized, scratching the back of his head with his tail, sheepishly. Daedalus nodded and began to explain what had happened with Jeff.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Continued next post...
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Last edited by Grovyle42(Griff8416); October 28th, 2007 at 06:20 AM.
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  #85    
Old October 27th, 2007, 08:13 PM
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Continued....

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Jeff was still sitting and thinking. He began to remember far back as well as the days which seemed so long ago but were really only less than a week.

He thought of the day he first met Treecko. He was being chased by a Scyther and, out of nowhere, the pokemon jumped out and saved him from death. The heroic Treecko had beaten up the assailant and even brought him his backpack after Jeff forgot it. He invited the wood gecko back to his house in gratitude, but Tyrogue must have said something to make Treecko want to leave. Jeff had thought that Treecko had abandoned him, until one year later when he went to get his first pokemon and he saw the green pokemon fighting. Jeff saved Treecko much like Treecko had saved him and they had been friends and travel partners ever since. But then Jeff remembered what happened in Petalburg and how he was afterwards. He got mad at Treecko when he shouldn’t have; his pokemon was only trying to help although he didn’t know how. Jeff chose not to think about the events following his first gym battle. Instead he went back to remembering the fun times: having a race with Treecko, play fighting with him, joking, and laughing. The times were short but the memories stuck with him and would stay forever.

Jeff put a hand to his face and rubbed his sleep-deprived, unblinking eyes. When he opened his eyes, he was surprised to see Atlas’ head lying on the ground next to him. The Onix looked at Jeff and smiled warmly before letting out a soft grumble of questioning warmth.

“You’re wondering what’s wrong?” Jeff asked the gigantic serpent.

Atlas nodded in reply, even though he already knew the answer.

“Well… I’m sorry; I don’t even know your name… anyways I… a good friend of mine… my best friend, Treecko… he left. We had an argument, but ever since, he has been acting much different. The whole thing was my fault so I can understand why he was upset. But he was acting very weird… scary… I’m worried about him, but I want him to be happy,” Jeff explained, as if talking to a psychiatrist. He didn’t know why he was telling this to a pokemon that was a stranger to him. He felt comfortable around this Onix; he felt like they could relate to each other, There was something about him that felt so familiar…

Atlas knew he couldn’t respond with comprehensible words so he kept his head at ground level and lightly nuzzled Jeff’s side, comfortingly. He was almost knocked over by the rock snake’s head but he managed to stay upright and able to pet the Onix back.

“Thanks…” Jeff answered with some surprise, comforted by the normally terrifying pokemon.

Jeff paused before he looked at Atlas and asked, “That’s a pretty bad scar; how did you get it?”

He uncomfortably pulled his head away from Jeff, his head now rearing up high above the ground. Atlas began to stare over the tree canopies, into the pink, dawn sky.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you,” Jeff sheepishly apologized.

The towering Onix looked down at him, smiled, and shook his head in reassurance. Using Atlas’ body as support, Jeff struggled to stand; his right leg and foot still ached from the cuts. Atlas watched Jeff turn and walk over the grass back to the other two pokemon.

In an almost inaudible whisper, Jeff said, “Let’s get going.”

Corphish and Daedalus let out remarks of protest.

“You guys are going to have to learn English because I still can’t understand what you’re saying,” he muttered, beginning to get a headache.

Corphish picked up a twig in his claws and put it in his mouth. Following that, he pointed out into the forest and began to frantically hop around.

“What about Treecko?” Jeff asked, in which the duo replied with a nod. “He made his choice. It’s because I didn’t respect his wishes that we’re in this frigged up mess! So it’s about time I just… let him… go… if it’s what makes him happy. As long as Treecko’s happy, that’s all that I care about… he deserves at least that,” he exclaimed, lying to himself.

“<But he’s NOT happy!>” Corphish yelled, stepping forwards. Daedalus put his wing on the water pokemon’s shoulder to calm him down.

“So, let’s go… lead the way, Dae…” Jeff sighed as if he was holding all his air in his lungs until that point.

Daedalus looked at Corphish before nodding and flying ahead. Jeff and Corphish began to follow. Jeff turned around and looked at Atlas.

“Thank you, Onix,” Jeff said with mild gratitude before turning back around. He began to walk away from him.

Atlas’ head sunk and he let out a series of low bellows and growls, to which Corphish turned around and began to reply. They got into a conversation.

Jeff slowed in his tracks to turn around. “What are you doing, Corphish? Come on.”

“Corp corphish, phish phish cor corphish!” he responded to Jeff, seemingly trying to explain something.

“What are you two talking about? What does he want?”

Corphish ran up to Jeff, jumped, and snatched a pokeball from his belt, careful not to hit the center button. He then motioned with the pokeball towards Atlas.

“You want me to catch him?!” Jeff asked, almost upset.

Corphish nodded vigorously.

“I don’t want to catch that Onix!” he yelled.

Atlas’ eyes widened. He turned his rocky head down, feeling hurt and unwanted.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that, big guy. I mean I don’t want to have to take another pokemon unwillingly from their home. It’s bad enough that I did that with three already. I couldn’t live with myself if I did that again.”

Atlas roared in protest and shook his head.

“I’m sorry, Onix. But you don’t want to come with us,” insisted Jeff.

The rock snake nodded his head in persistence and neared Jeff.

“Trust me; I bring bad luck to everyone around me.” With that, Jeff turned around and began to follow the troubled Daedalus. He heard the noisy slithering of Atlas behind him. Jeff stopped in his tracks and turned again to face the gigantic pokemon trailing their footsteps.

“Do you actually want to come or are you feeling bad for me?” Jeff questioned. He stared into the Onix’s warm but hard, staring eyes and he immediately got his answer. “Why would you want to come with me? I’m sure you could have it so much better… Treecko did.”

Atlas looked off into the distance before he lowered his head to Jeff’s level and brushed it against him affectionately.

“Nothing I say is going to make you leave… is it?” Jeff questioned.

Atlas gave a smug grin and shook his head. Something in Atlas’ smile immediately reminded him of Treecko. He felt a little warm, but the memory also hurt to think of him.

“Would you be genuinely happy to come?” Jeff asked, insecurely.

The Onix rolled his eyes and nodded in a persistent agreement.

If this will make him happy… maybe I SHOULD let him come along. If I couldn’t make Treecko happy, I should at least try to make this Onix content. Still… why would he want to come with me?”

Jeff left his thoughts and answered, “Sure… we’d love to have you with us, Onix. Just know that you can leave anytime that you want. No pressure. No guilt. No problem.”

Atlas was overjoyed; he beamed and let out a joyous roar. Jeff took the pokeball from Corphish and held it in front of him, awaiting the Onix to make it official. The rock snake leaned forwards and tapped his head on the pokeball. He was engulfed in a red beam and went into the pokeball without a struggle. The sphere clicked shut. Without a second thought, Jeff immediately released Atlas from the ball. He towered over the three.

“Now let’s go,” said Jeff impatiently.

They nodded and moved around the cliff base and up a hill. Atlas was very careful not to accidentally slither on one of his comrades. They went past the plateau and into the forest. Daedalus flew ahead while Jeff and Corphish rode on Atlas’ back.

“You sure you don’t mind us using you as a train?” Jeff asked the Onix. He shook his head and grinned, squeezing through trees and bushes, following Daedalus. They entered a familiar clearing; it was where they were attacked by Seviper. Daedalus cautiously scouted ahead. He looked at the tree where Seviper was. He saw that the pokemon had disappeared. The tiny swallow also noticed that the tail looked like it was ripped from the bark where it was planted by Treecko. There were small blood spatters on the bark and the grass surrounding the tree.

“This is where Seviper attacked us… and where Treecko tried to save me,” Jeff remarked glumly.

Corphish looked at Daedalus. “<It’s a good thing he doesn’t know what really happened.>”

Daedalus nodded and urged them to turn east, away from the clearing.

“<What do you mean?>” Atlas asked in a throaty grumble.

“<Treecko actually chased after Seviper to fight him instead of trying to save Jeff. I don’t know why he did that, either. He should have known better,>” Daedalus informed.

“<Maybe he had a good reason…>” the giant serpent mused.

“<Either way, it looks like Treecko came back and finished what he started… and I don’t think he left the number of his insurance company,>” Corphish ruminated, inspecting the damage.

Atlas turned and followed Daedalus through the forest. Corphish and the Taillow struck up a conversation about Piplups.

“<What’s the deal with them? Are they a fish or a bird?>” Corphish asked, almost frustrated.

“<They’re obviously birds, numbskull!>” Daedalus retorted, somewhat offended.

“<Sure they LOOK like birds, but they can swim, can’t fly, and can shoot water from their mouths!>”

“<What about Peeko? She can swim and shoot water!>” he confidently stated.

“<But she can fly! Piplups can’t!>”

Daedalus sighed at the hopeless conversation and changed the subject. “<Speaking of Peeko… I wonder how SHE’S doin’!>” Daedalus grinned, thinking about the Wingull they had met earlier.

“<Keep your dirty wings off of her!>” Corphish shot.

“<Are you saying that she’s out of my league?>” Daedalus asked as he grinned competitively.

“<Yes, what if I am?>”

“<So you’re saying YOU’RE in HER league?>”

“<Hah! NO! Could she BE any more out of my league?>”

“<So, you’re saying we’re in the same league?>”

“<No! You’re a stud compared to me. But still not good enough for Peeko!>”

Daedalus paused and flew on. “<We’re getting kind of into an uncomfortable discussion here…>”

Corphish looked around, uncomfortably. “<SO… food! What’s the deal with THAT?!>”

The contented Atlas remained silent the whole time and smiled. Jeff shifted uncomfortably on the rocky transport. Although he couldn’t get comfy he was happily shocked that the Onix’s body was actually quite warm as opposed to what he thought would have been stone cold. Atlas continued to slither around trees, where Jeff had to bring his legs up from the rock snake’s sides so they wouldn’t be crushed between the stone and the tree trunks. The forest moved by them quickly. Daedalus flew hastily while he talked to Corphish, with some nervousness in his voice.

Jeff sighed. “Ok, Daedalus, stop. You stop as well, Onix.”

The two pokemon stopped and looked at Jeff in confusion.

“Dae, I may be a human, but I’m not an idiot!”

Daedalus didn’t even try to lie; he looked away in guilt. Atlas, however, was genuinely confused.

“We’re not going to Petalburg… you brought us in the wrong direction to find Treecko!”

Corphish’s stomach sunk; their plan was exposed and left out in the wind.

“<Is this true?>” Atlas asked Daedalus, who weakly nodded in reply; he still did not make eye contact.

“You know I don’t want him gone, but we can’t FORCE him to come with us! He has a mind of his own… and I want to respect that,” explained Jeff with heavy repentance.

The Taillow opened his mouth to protest, but he stopped himself knowing it would be in vain.

“We’re not going to look for Treecko…” Daedalus and Corphish’s heads sunk. “…but we’re not going back to Petalburg, either.” Their grief turned to confusion.

“<We aren’t?! But why?!>” Atlas growled in shock.

“For now… we’re going home. Daedalus, go straight to Oldale Town and then we make a hard right. Let’s go.”

Without much choice, he nodded and flew in the direction he was flying in.

“<I can’t believe this,>” the rock snake grumbled. “<Where does Jeff live?>”

“<In the gym battle he said that he was from Littleroot Town,>” Corphish explained.

Daedalus stopped flying in his tracks and hovered in place. An organ twisting silence ensued. Corphish’s eyes widened at his misdeed. Daedalus wasn’t supposed to know that!

“<…Did you say… ‘gym battle’?>” he asked coldly.

Corphish looked around frantically. “<Uhhh…yes! Wh…while you were in the… the pokemon center, Jeff was out getting you medicine and he decided to go into the local WORK OUT gym to WORK OUT. Then he accidentally stepped on this guy’s foot and then they started to fight…it was pr…pretty cool…>”

“<I’m sorry I missed seeing that, then,>” Daedalus remarked, flying forward again.

After a little while of traipsing the sunlit woodland, Daedalus had an idea. “<Instead of going to the town up ahead and then turning at a right angle, why don’t we cut diagonally to the right and that will half our travel time.>”

“<Good idea, Featherhead,>” Corphish complimented. “<I don’t think the good people who I steal satellite signals from would be too happy with Goliath here slithering over their… twelve buildings.>”

“<Just because I don’t eat Corphish’s now doesn’t mean I can’t start,>” Atlas threatened, good-naturedly.

Corphish grinned nervously and backed into Jeff’s arms. They continued to move through the dense forest and entered Route 101.

“Route 101…” Jeff muttered to himself. “Let’s get through here as fast as we can!” he ordered to the rest of the group.

Daedalus flew quicker and Atlas speedily followed him. They moved from the forest onto the path that led from Littleroot to Oldale Town. Jeff remembered happy memories from this path. He could clearly see him and Treecko walking away from the town, poking fun at each other and sharing a laugh. He quickly shut his eyes hard. It hurt him to think about.

“<Is that it?>” Daedalus asked, pointing ahead to a good sized town. The biggest building was Professor Birch’s lab, which was closest to them. The community omitted a sorrowfully, familiar ambience.

“<I think it is,>” grumbled Corphish. “<It’s not as bad as that awful Petalburg City!>”

“<Yeah… it’s actually kind of nice… for a human city,>” Daedalus remarked. “<And there’s only a few of those things that humans go around in… what are they called… BWMs or something?>”

They began to near the side of the lab. Atlas was incredibly cautious, so he crawled in the middle of the empty road.

“<Cars, bird brain… cars. Also, it’s BMWs… I see a lot of celebrities driving them on TV along with Porsches,>”

“<A ‘Porsche’? Is that a pokemon?>” Daedalus asked Corphish.

“<No! …NO! It’s a CAR! Like we were just talking about...?>” Corphish asked, a little frustrated.

“<Krabby today, are we?>” Daedalus grinned, sticking his tongue out at Corphish. “<How do you watch TV anyways?>”

“<I stole a TV from the Oldale pokemon center along with about four things of extension cords, so that I could watch it from my pond. I bribed a Magnemite into hooking up the satellite signals with the TV,>” Corphish explained proudly.

“<Wow… I… >” Daedalus pictured Corphish running through the forest with a TV over his head. The image caused him to burst into laughter.

A glass door was heard being swung open from the lab. The mildly husky Professor Birch ran out to inspect the Onix.

“Jeff?! Is that you?!” he yelled to them, removing his hands from the pockets of his white lab coat to shade his eyes from the sunlight. The brown haired professor was obviously confused as to why Jeff was back in Littleroot Town so soon. He indicated that his assumptions were correct by scratching his thick brown beard in confusion.

Jeff gave him a quick glance before he turned forwards and directed Atlas down the main street. The rock snake pokemon attracted a great detail of attention from the town’s inhabitants. A few people gazed at the beast through their opened windows, while others abruptly closed their curtains. Jeff pointed to his white house, which now had bits of the front painted an odd pale gray-green color.

He noticed that the driveway had no car in it. That must have meant that his mom was out shopping in Petalburg. Atlas slithered into the driveway and let out a low sigh. Jeff and Corphish dismounted and Daedalus flew onto the human’s shoulder.

“Sorry, Onix. Do you want to wait out here or inside your pokeball?” Jeff asked him.

The rocky serpent laid his head on the tarmac, indicating that he was fine outside.

Jeff nodded and picked up Corphish. He walked with his pokemon up the front steps and took a key from his pocket. He inserted the metal unlocking device into the keyhole.

Jeff stopped in mid unlocking. “I never thought I’d be back here so soon… and like this…” he thought. He finished opening the lock and placed the key back in his pocket. The door creaked open, revealing an unoccupied hallway.

“…And this is my home,” the human explained to his pokemon. “You guys must be starving; the kitchen is straight ahead.”

“<Kit…chen?>” Daedalus asked, oblivious.

“<It’s where humans keep their food,>” enlightened Corphish.

“<So is it like a place where they hunt for… whatever it is that they eat?>”

“<No, Featherhead… no hunting. All of there food is already dead and they keep it in a kitchen for storage.>”

“<Pfft… typical humans. Don’t even hunt for themselves. ME… I hunt for MY Weedles and Caterpies!>” Daedalus proudly exclaimed.

“<So THAT’S why you’re always looking at Atlas like he’s a giant Wurmple! Not to mention why your breath always stinks!>” Corphish laughed, poking fun.

Daedalus smirked and entered the kitchen, looking around in awe. Corphish pointed to the giant, white box-like appliance. He looked at the indent in the left door of it, which was the ice dispenser. It had two levers where you put the glasses to obtain either water or ice. He and Daedalus pushed a chair over to the left door of it and Corphish hopped up onto it.

“<I’ve never seen one of whatever these things are in a fridge before… I wonder what it does,>” he said, motioning to the device.

Coprhish outstretched a claw and pressed the lever on the left. The hole above the lever, on the fridge, emitted a gentle trickle of water. The liquid dampened his claw and he became very pleased.

“<Aww, it’s water!>” Corphish stated happily. He merrily splashed Daedalus, who waited below. The Taillow shook off the water and flew up beside him.

“<Great, but what does the other one do?>” he asked, nudging Corphish with his wing.

Corphish reached with his claw and pressed the other button, holding it down. A terrifying mechanical humming came from the button. It sounded almost like a Sceptile blowing its nose for a long time. They jumped back but Corphish still kept his claw on the lever. From the hole, out shot semi-circle blocks of ice, which barraged the two unsuspecting pokemon. They let out shocked cries as they fell from the chair and onto the white tile.

“<It knows blizzard! Get it!>” Corphish yelled in fear and anger. He opened his pincer and unleashed a volley of clear bubbles, which hit the levers. As a result of being hit, the machine spat out more ice. The blocks hit Daedalus who was righting himself on the floor.

“<You jackass!>” Corphish yelled at the inanimate device, unleashing more bubbles at the fridge.

Jeff, who still stood in the hallway, broke a grin at the antics. He chose not to intervene since they would probably tire themselves out soon.

Jeff sensed movement behind him. A shadow moved over his body. He turned to move but he couldn’t react in time. He felt something like a hammer hit the back of his closely planted knees. His legs buckled and he fell to his knee caps with a cry. His right, freshly relocated kneecap filled with pain. The knees impacted the hardwood floor but before he could retaliate Jeff felt another blunt blow in his spine. He fell to his stomach and something hard began to crush his left hand, while something else grabbed his right hand and pulled it behind his back. His left hand was pulled behind his back to meet his right hand and the same thing that crushed his left began to press on both hands.

“Eerrrrgh,” Jeff snarled.

“Hit,” said a smooth voice.

“What?” he asked the clenched teeth.

“Hitmonlee monlee,” replied the familiar tone.

The pressure on his hands was taken off. He rolled over to find the brown, long-legged body of Hitmonlee standing over him, grinning. The brown pokemon outstretched a hand to help Jeff up. He returned the grin and took his hand.

Corphish and Daedalus rushed into the hallway to see what the commotion was about. Corppy pointed his opened claw at Hitmonlee as Daedalus stepped forwards.

“<Who the hell are you and what did you do to Jeff?!>” trilled the bird, threateningly.

Hitmonlee glared at the bird and stepped forwards.

“It’s ok, guys. I know Hitmonlee. He’s with me!” Jeff explained, still holding onto Hitmonlee’s hand.

With a large jerk of his arm, the kicking pokemon pulled Jeff to his feet. The human stepped between Daedalus and Hitmonlee to prevent a possible clash between the two. Hitmonlee looked at Jeff and grinned contently.

“<It’s nice to see you again, Jeff,>” the brown pokemon told him.

“It’s nice to see you too, Hitmonlee,” replied Jeff.

Daedalus and Corphish’s jaws dropped in shock. Jeff looked at them blankly. He then realized why the duo was staring at him so oddly.

“I’m sorry to get your hopes up, but I still can’t understand you guys. I’ve been living with Hitmonlee for so long that I can understand him through his tone of voice and his body gestures… I can’t actually understand his words. He’s part of the family.”

Their heads sunk in disappointment.

“Oh yeah… Hitmonlee? This is Corppy and this is Daedalus. And this is obviously Hitmonlee.”

“<And the Onix snoozing in our driveway?>”

“That’s Onix… he’s with us.”

“<His name is actually Atlas… but Jeff doesn’t know that,>” Daedalus informed him.

“<He knows YOUR name! How did he manage that?>” Hitmonlee asked the Taillow, imposingly.

“<It’s kind of a long story…>” Daedalus explained.

“Tyr…err… Hitmonlee? Can I talk to you upstairs privately?”

The Hitmonlee nodded and followed Jeff up the stairs to the right of the doorway. Daedalus and Corphish followed, curious of this ‘upstairs’.

“I see that your blunt sense of humor hasn’t changed,” said Jeff through a grin, rubbing his hurt hands.

“<I couldn’t resist,>” laughed Hitmonlee.

They reached the top of the stairs. Jeff and the fighting pokemon walked into the pseudo fighting dojo where they always practiced martial arts. Corphish and Daedalus, however, wandered into Jeff’s room. The two in the hardwood gym sat against the wall beside a new punching bag in the corner. Jeff lightly pushed it, causing it to swing like a pendulum.

“<It’s been pretty lonely sparring by myself…>” Hitmonlee explained with a solemn smirk.

“Sorry… I can imagine how you feel…” answered Jeff in apology.

“<It’s not your fault. Arceus, Jeff, you apologize too much! If a tree falls in the forest you can’t say you were responsible because you weren’t there to prop it back up!>”

“I… don’t know…” Jeff mumbled. “Hitmonlee, I have a strange question…”

“<Shoot.>”

“How…do you eat… and talk?” awkwardly asked Jeff.

Hitmonlee took a half full bottle of water from beside him and brought it to his face. He tipped it to where one would think his mouth would be. Jeff expected water to pour down his front and was shocked when that didn’t happen. The water went from the bottle to his face before seemingly evaporating on impact. Jeff was left speechless.

“<What? Didn’t you pay attention during your pokemon biology class? I have really fine pores in that area of my face. It’s called diffusion… ring any bells, college boy?>” he taunted, despite the fact that Jeff was not in college.

“That was amazing, Hit,” Jeff gaped. “Can you do that with solid food, too?”

He nodded. “<The food turns into particles on impact with the pores and goes into my stomach.>”

“That’s so cool… you talk the same way… through your pores or whatever, I mean?”

“<No! I talk with my feet!>” Hitmonlee grinned, bringing a foot and his sharp toes to Jeff’s neck, kidding his friend.

“I could tell by the heartwarming greeting you gave me! Y’almost dislocated my knee again!” Jeff tried to smile, hitting the foot away from his neck. “That reminds me… how’s Bayleef doing? She like your new form?” Jeff asked, ribbing the fighting type with a playful punch to the waist. Hitmonlee visibly blushed and returned a shove, although it was much harder, knocking Jeff to the wooden floor. Hitmonlee felt a bit guilty for hitting Jeff so hard, so he helped him back upright.

“<Bay’s doing fine… I guess… I… don’t know if she likes it or not… So… a Taillow, a Corphish, and an Onix! Not bad for your first week as a trainer!>” complimented the kicking pokemon.

“That’s the thing… ” Jeff began.

“<Hey, what happened to the little green ass?>” interrupted Hitmonlee.

Jeff went silent and turned his head away. Hitmonlee felt a great stone burden his heart from guilt.

“<Oh Arceus… Jeff… I’m so sorry… how did he die?>” he asked sympathetically, although jumping to conclusions.

“No no! He didn’t die… I don’t think… please Arceus, no…” Jeff answered, his voice gradually getting softer.

“<Then what happened?!>”

“I’ll tell you… but there’s something else I need to tell you, too.”

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Corphish and Daedalus walked around Jeff’s room, admiring all of the different things. The Taillow flew up onto Jeff’s bed, followed by Corphish, who clawed his way up the sheets. The ruffian pokemon eyed the movie posters which feature the black-grey, dog-like Mightyena and the Grovyle, who instantly reminded him of Treecko.

“<Those were both great movies… Nychus… that Grovyle… reminds me of… nevermind.>”

Corphish collapsed on the soft, cotton sheets of the mattress. He began to roll about them, semi-contently.

“<THIS reminds me of him…>” Daedalus said, pecking at a life-sized Treecko plush toy that he found sitting on the bed.

“<Hmm… the eyes and cheeks are ALL wrong!>” Corphish stated, examining the Treecko.

“<He must really admire Treeckos,>” thought Daedalus out loud, nudging the plush toy over on the bed.

“<Yeah… he does… >” Corphish muttered, withholding something.

“<He’s probably taking Treecko’s leaving harder than we thought.>”

“<Um… right. Because he wanted to get Treecko back SO badly that he came home instead of looking for him.>”

“<It just doesn’t seem like Jeff would let this go so easily… do you really think he gave up and let it be?>”

“<You know what, Featherhead? I think he has.>”

“<You remember how hard he took it when Treecko left temporarily! You’d think he’d at least be the same way when Treeck left for real… but he’s hardly showing anything at all!>”

“<I don’t know… but what I DO know is that THIS bed is really soft!>” pointed out Corphish, sprawling on the neat covers. Daedalus flew over to the window and peered out. He looked down upon the driveway where Atlas was waking up from a deserved nap. The rock snake pokemon yawned, causing the windows to tremble.

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Jeff finished telling Hitmonlee what had happened. He recapped the story with surprising apathy. The kicking pokemon felt very badly for his friend and anger coursed through him when thinking about the Treecko who abandoned Jeff.

“<That jackass…>” Hitmonlee muttered. “<Don’t worry, Jeff… we’re better off without him anyways.>”

“…If only that were true.”

“<You know it’s true, pal! He’s a selfish, arrogant prick who only thinks about what’s in his best interests! He left you, so why should YOU feel bad?!>”

“He was my… one of my best friends, Hitmonlee! I had to have done SOMETHING!” Jeff insisted with heavy woe bearing down on him.

“<I’M your best friend, Jeff! Trust me… he’s not worth what you’re putting yourself through!>”

Jeff let out a deep sigh and paused.

“I’ve decided to stop trying to be a trainer.”

The fighting pokemon gaped at Jeff for a moment.

“<You can’t be serious! Not because of this!>”

“No, not just because of this…” Jeff explained with an uncaring monotone tenor. “Ever since I started becoming a confident trainer, it all went to hell! Kristie was with Alan. I couldn’t command my pokemon or even myself! I didn’t even win my first gym battle on my own, Treecko bailed me out! Then our plan with that Nidoking went to crap. I hit my own pokemon for Arceus’ sakes! I’m surprised they ALL didn’t leave when I did that! I can’t even get my own starting pokemon to stay with me.”

Hitmonlee was going to protest but Jeff stood up before he had a chance to. Without a word, he limped to the door of the hardwood dojo.

“I’ve got to go break it to my pokemon.”

“<Oh yeah?! THEN what are you going to do with them?>” Hitmonlee shot at him, getting up to follow Jeff.

“Then they can finally go home. They’ll no longer be mine,” he replied.

In frustration, Hitmonlee spun around and kicked the punching bag with such force that it swung up and hit the ceiling before coming back down and dangled around in circles.

“<DAMNIT, JEFF!>” he yelled with a significantly raised voice, stopping Jeff in his tracks. “<I know you think that if you do this you’ll be able to start over from before you left for the lab to get that Treecko, BUT YOU WON’T! I’ll still be a Hitmonlee, Kristie will still be with Alan, Treecko will still be gone for good, you’ll still have three pokemon to take care of, and you’ll still be a pokemon trainer!>”

Jeff turned and locked his green eyes with his friend in a cold stare. Hitmonlee glared back, not budging an inch. He needed to prove his point… for Jeff’s sake. The glare-off kept for several seconds.

“<Let it go, Jeff…>” the arrogant kicking pokemon ordered, brown eyes still fixated on the human’s.

Jeff turned to leave to his room, followed by Hitmonlee. They crossed the blue carpeted hallway and walked into Jeff’s spacious room. He threw his backpack down my the bed, as it was quite heavy. Corphish and Daedalus were nested on the bed, the sun warming their backs from the window behind them. Daedalus was sneaking something into Jeff’s backpack, but the human took no notice of it.

“Guys… I need to talk to you. Can you wake up Onix so…” Jeff was interrupted by Hitmonlee forcefully pulling back on his arm.

“<Jeff, don’t do this!>”

Jeff yanked his arm from Hitmonlee’s grasp. Meanwhile, Corphish threw Jeff’s alarm clock down at Atlas to wake him from his deserved nap. The clock let out a final ‘PIDGEO’ before exploding in wood, gears, springs, and wings. Atlas woke up with a sharp snort and looked up at the apparent assailant.

“<Hey, Atlas! Get up here for a group meeting before I start bringing out the sexual innuendo insults!>” Corphish called from the window. The rock serpent grumbled and brought his head to level with the second story window over looking the driveway.

“Ok, guys… this is hard for me to say so I’ll just say it!”

The pokemon leaned in with a bit of worry and curiosity.

“I’ve decided to stop trying to become a pokemon trainer. You guys can leave if you want.”

Following the bold words were a barrage of comments and protests.

Corphish’s cries were the most noticeable and obnoxious, although Jeff still could not decipher them. “<Could that idea BE any stupider?! Get a hold of yourself, Jeff!>”

Atlas also let out a frustrated rumble of frustration, causing loose items on Jeff’s end table and desk to fall over. “<How am I supposed to get to Dewford?! He can’t leave me, too!>”

Much to Hitmonlee’s surprise, Daedalus smiled, closed his eyes and nodded. The smile said, “<I’m proud of you, Jeff,>” but his eyes had a burdened longing in them. The flying type’s head sunk but the smile in his beak remained. It was as if he felt like he failed them.

Jeff honestly was happy that he couldn’t hear the rantings and insults of his pokemon at this point. It made the decision so much more easy. Although he still got the main idea of what the collective protest was.

“Enough you guys… I made up my mind!” This shut the pokemon’s traps. “I’m going to the lab to return my pokedex and pokeballs… I’ll meet you guys downstairs,” ordered Jeff in a flustered mumble.

The trio indignantly marched downstairs, while Atlas simply lowered his rocky head from the window to down by the front door. Jeff picked up his backpack again and walked over to his desk underneath the two posters. He looked at the many items knocked over by the growl of Atlas. One of the many articles was a face down picture. He tipped up the picture and placed it in both of his hands. It was a photograph of his brother, Keanu, and the Treecko, Sawyer. Both who he greatly admired.

I’m sorry… I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be like you…” Jeff thought back to what he had said the day that those two left. He vowed that nothing would drive him and his own Treecko apart. “I let you down… I couldn’t keep my promise.

With that, he gently and carefully placed the photograph to its original upright position on the desk. Jeff hobbled out of the room, his foot and quadricep wounds still giving his right leg grief. He turned left to go down the stairs after his pokemon. He saw them angrily waiting in the porch, talking about what was probably Jeff’s decision. Jeff walked into the hallway and turned to face them.

All of a sudden he heard a sweet voice behind him.

“<Jeff?!>” asked the soothing, feminine voice.

The person in question turned around to see Bayleef standing in the hallway. She twirled the leaf on her head around in delight.

“Bayleef!” Jeff greeted in return.

The green sauropod ran towards the human. Upon reaching Jeff, she reared her forelegs up onto Jeff’s quadriceps and released two vines from her leafy necklace which wrapped around his waist in a hugging fashion. He smiled and bent down to reprise the action. After a moment, they released each other from the mutual bond.

“<It’s nice to see you again!>”

“Thanks, Bay.” Like Hitmonlee, Bayleef could be understood by Jeff since they had been around each other for so long. It was through their motions and tone that this relatively lucky skill was established. Jeff had still wished that he actually knew what they were saying, though.

Bayleef looked around Jeff to see the three pokemon in the porch. She noticed that the original team member was listening.

“<Where’s Treecko?>” she asked eagerly.

Upon that question, Hitmonlee furiously scowled at no one in particular and subconsciously kicked a propped up umbrella, immediately snapping it in half. Everyone turned their heads to the enraged fighting pokemon.

With a cold, unrepentant tenor, he answered, “<… My bad.>”

Jeff turned his head, back to face the hopeful Bayleef. He paused and looked deeply into her red eyes.

“<He’s gone.>”

He watched her smile instantaneously fade into a broken frown. The red eyes began to ripple as tears started to flood them. Jeff turned away and opened the front door to leave. The distressed Bayleef bounded up the stairs away from them.

Hitmonlee reached out his rather stubby arm to try to go after her, but he also noticed that Jeff and his pokemon had already made it down the walkway and onto the sidewalk. Torn between which he should go after, he took his own oath and he let his feet do the talking. They were jumping down the front steps and running after Jeff before his friend made a huge mistake.

Hitmonlee’s powerful legs caught him up to the Taillow, Corphish, human, and the Onix, whose back they were all sitting upon, in no time at all.

“<You can’t stop becoming a trainer, Jeff! We’ve all talked and your pokemon don’t want to go home… they’ve moved on… why can’t you? And what about all of our training for those years?!>”

“Arceus, Hit, I’m not having this conversation with you again! My mind’s made up!” Jeff retorted, as stubborn as a Tauros.

They neared the largest structure in town… Birch’s lab, which seconded as a classroom. The walls of the building’s exterior were a clean white color. The paint wasn’t even peeling from the sides; it was like it was brand new. Atlas slithered in front of the spotless glass doors and the three dismounted and landed beside Hitmonlee. Atlas then moved away from the entrance and curled up on the grassy path to the left of the large edifice. Jeff opened the glass door and held it open for Daedalus, Corphish, and Hitmonlee.

Inside the spacious, but this time, clean room were many shelves containing text books and biological encyclopedias. Essays were crammed between the books, but were done so in a tidy, organized fashion. There was a video-phone in the left corner of the machine-laden room. The devices looked like they were used for physical and internal research of pokemon; Jeff had only seen a few of them in action. In the far right side of the room was Professor Birch’s desk, but he was not at it. Instead, he was at the farthest end of the room next to a pedestal with three pokeballs on it. Beside him was a kid who looked like he was in his early teens.

Just as the door behind Jeff closed, the kid picked up a pokeball and held it against his red shirt before beginning to place it in his tattered, blue jeans. When the door clicked shut, creating a loud echo around the spacious room, Professor Birch and the guy turned around.

“Jeff! I was hoping I could have a chat with you… come on over here!” Professor Birch called out warmly.

Jeff nodded and walked over to the two, followed by his pokemon. The teen walked up to him and outstretched a hand. He shook the guy’s hand and introduced himself, “I’m Jeff.”

“Hey, I’m Sam,” he replied. “That’s a lot of cool pokemon you have there! You must be a pokemon trainer, too… I just became one.”

Jeff shifted in his spot, uncomfortably. “Well, I am for about four more minutes…” he answered softly so Professor Birch wouldn’t immediately hear.

“You’re quitting? Before you do, can we have a battle? It’d kinda be my first battle and your last battle,” Sam asked, hopefully.

“I guess that’d be ok… I have to talk to the professor first, though,” replied Jeff.

Hitmonlee grabbed Jeff’s arm once more, saying, “<Please, Jeff… Treecko isn’t worth giving up all of your work.>”

He kneeled down to Hitmonlee’s level and whispered in his ear boldly, “As long as I keep thinking of and remembering what I did to Treecko… I can never be a pokemon trainer. And the memories and guilt aren’t leaving any time soon…”

He pulled his arm away from the kicking pokemon and walked up to Professor Birch. Hitmonlee sighed and walked towards the table with the two remaining pokeballs.

“So, Jeff! Wow, an Onix! How did you manage to pull that one off?” Professor Birch asked with a large grin.

“I find me asking myself that same question…” Jeff half-grinned and began to open his mouth but was interrupted.

“That’s a fine Taillow you have there, too! His forked, tail feathers are notably longer than the average Taillow. That’s a large plus when it comes to mating season.”

Jeff tried to open his mouth again but had his words stolen, again.

“Say, I don’t see Treecko… where is the green little troublemaker, anyways?”

Jeff’s heart sunk deeper. He dodged the question like a live grenade. He decided he would blurt out what he was going to say before being interrupted again.

“I’m qui…”

“<HEY JEFF!>”

“WHAT? WHAT HITMONLEE?!” Jeff yelled in frustration at the pokemon over by the two pedestals. The other humans and pokemon sweat dropped.

“<I think you should battle that kid. He seems really antsy to start his journey!>”

Annoyed, Jeff ignored him and turned back to the professor.

“<Battle him or I’ll tell the other pokemon about your… ‘first’ pokemon…>”

Jeff’s entire body froze. He managed to creak his head to face Hitmonlee. Stunned, he gazed into his eyes to see if he was serious. Even if it was a bluff, Jeff didn’t want to take the chance. “This’ll have to wait, Professor… Hey Sam! Battle time!”

“Actually, wait!” The Professor budged between the two humans, passively. “I kind of just cleaned my lab and I don’t want bubbles or anything messing up my freshly finished essays. Also, Sam? I think you should get to know your pokemon a little first before throwing him straight into a battle! The better you two know each other the better you two will get along both on and off the field!”

Sam nodded in agreement. Jeff fell back into his maze of thoughts before the professor nudged him with the words, “Is that ok, Jeff?”

“Uhh… yeah, suits me fine,” he answered.

“But, Jeff, aren’t you…” Sam started to ask but was cut off.

“Professor, I’m…” Jeff interrupted but was disrupted, himself.

Professor Birch had barged into the sentence. “Jeff! Can I ask you a favor?”

He bit his inner lip in frustration but nodded, as he wanted to be polite for the teacher who he admired.

“Great! Being an accomplished trainer, can you come into my class tomorrow and explain to some of my students what your journey has been like so far as a trainer and how you and your pokemon are getting along? They would be honored to hear what you have to say,” asked Birch.

Jeff laughed out loud at the apparent irony before uncomfortably shifting around.

Fate is out to get me,” he thought with a defeated laugh. “…I guess that would be ok,” he finally replied with uncertainty.

“Great! Thanks, Jeff! I owe you one!”

I owe you one.’

The words cut through Jeff like a lance. The reminiscences of saving and being saved by Treecko pervaded his thoughts, high-jacking them. He began to wonder if his former green friend needed to be saved right now. Jeff awoke from the contemplation when he noticed he was blankly staring into oblivion.

“Uh…yeah. Sure. No problem,” he replied, a bit hazed.

“Great, I’ll see you tomorrow! I’m going to lock up the lab now, the sun is setting…” Professor Birch said, merrily.

Jeff, Sam, and the pokemon walked out of the lab, the bright lights being turned off darkening the room behind them. Outside was now a sharp dark blue which the ground was shaded. The sun had departed to their right, shining only a few streams of orange across the blue.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” said Sam, unable to take his eyes off of the sleeping, rock snake giant.

Jeff tilted his head in confusion. “But you got your first pokemon today,” he pointed out.

“I’m not leaving for another three weeks at the end of the semester… so I’m excited to see what you have to say tomorrow,” Sam answered, beginning to walk away from them. Without turning his back, he said, “It looks like you’re still a trainer…”

Jeff returned the slumbering Atlas to his pokeball and gathered his pokemon around him.

“…‘still’?”

They began to walk down the long road, south to Jeff’s house. The night humidity burdened on their bodies.

“…never.”

-----------------------------------------------------

Sorry for the lack of action this chapter. I had to make last minute compromises and will make up for it next chapter.

I promise the fic will be more upbeat in the future! xP
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Last edited by Grovyle42(Griff8416); October 27th, 2007 at 08:25 PM.
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  #86    
Old October 27th, 2007, 09:00 PM
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Character-development! *.* I love it! And Jeff caught an Onix, one of my favorite Pokemon. I enjoyed this (long) chapter a lot.

And it just wouldn't be a review from me without some grammar spots. *hides under desk*

Quote:
I made eye contact with the yellow eyes lizard before the door created a sight barrier between us.
"yellow-eyed"

Quote:
Jeff tried to look around the weird rock and found out that attached to the boulder was more boulders.
"were more boulders"

Just as a general note, to make the possessive of a name ending in s, you add apostrophe-s. So it would be Atlas's.

Quote:
“<Just because I don’t eat Corphish’s now doesn’t mean I can’t start,>” Atlas threatened, good-naturedly.
Don't need the apostrophe here.

Quote:
He threw his backpack down my the bed, as it was quite heavy.
"by"

That's it. Like I said, I enjoyed this chapter, and am looking forward for more.
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  #87    
Old November 2nd, 2007, 07:23 PM
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Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it. :D

I also dramatically revamped Chapter 4. I rewrote most of it and most of it is from Treecko's POV.
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  #88    
Old November 2nd, 2007, 07:28 PM
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(a bit late...)
This is now October's Fan Fiction of the month! Congrats!
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Old November 3rd, 2007, 12:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oni Pichu View Post
(a bit late...)
This is now October's Fan Fiction of the month! Congrats!
Thanks! I'm not sure if I deserve this but still, thanks for the honour.
There's a hurricane tonight so my next chapter may be delayed a bit.
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  #90    
Old November 9th, 2007, 11:06 AM
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Aaagh, so many chapters since when I last read this. o.o Hanako already covered most of the grammar, so this is going to be more of a review of subjective ramblings. One thing that struck me, though:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
Atlas also let out a frustrated rumble of frustration, causing loose items on Jeff’s end table and desk to fall over. “<How am I supposed to get to Dewford?! He can’t leave me, too!>”
That's tautology. Just go with one of the underlined words and delete the other. I didn't spot anything about this amongst the reviews you've already gotten, so I thought I'd point it out.

Anyways, going by chapter:

Chapter 7:

Jeff is really starting to develop...issues. o.o The whole battling angst is a nice added twist and Treecko's loner attitude is very clear here, especially when he gets caged up with Corpish. And speaking of Corpish...gawd, I love those little lines of his. *snicker* Salad ass...and that's just the tip of the iceberg. 'Give us freedom...' was fun too. xD Overall, some much-needed lightening to an otherwise pretty dark chapter. One thing that struck me, though: how can a Nidoking set up snares with those clumsy claws it has? You'd think that even picking up a piece of rope would be hard with those. o.O Oh well, he's probably just very dexterous for his species. Oh, and just a small point:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
Treecko briefly opened his eyes. He found himself lying next to an unconscious Corphish; both were being dragged in a net over the ground and through the forest. The pain in his head worsened as they went along. He looked up and saw a large, purple blur clutching the net. He weakly tried to resist but then a small rock, lying on the path, collided with his head. A searing pain in Treecko’s head caused him to fall back into unconsciousness.
Having this as it's own part seems sort of odd and could really have been worked onto the end of the part where Treecko and Corpish are stuck in their respective traps by having Treecko remain conscious for a brief moment after the blow before the rock kicks in. *Shrug* It's not a make or break thing, just something that struck me when I was reading. :3 Anyways, love the Nidoking's whole paranoid dictator attitude, and...I hope we'll be seeing Chad later on? I want to know what his thing for helping out Jeff's attitude is all about.

Chapter 8:

Blane = the biggest jerk ever. >.< Seriously, good job on making a character unlikable without resorting to the 'I do bad things because I'm a bad guy' cliche. Also, very good point about the anime phrases (And let's face it, I just love it when people take a jab at Satoshi's method). That potion scene is like something straight from the games, way to go making me feel all guilty about my league debut in Ruby. xP

That aside, I was expecting a bit...well, more of the gym battle. Seeing as how Roxanne is one of those 'battle with knowledge' types, her strategies seemed a bit too singular, particularly with the Geodude. I was also surprised that you decided against including her signature Nosepass, but I guess that's Roxanne taking it easy on Jeff? *Shrug* The rest of the chapter was pure awesome, though. Jeff's self-confidence is taking a turn for the worse again, I see. It's also interesting how much more strained the relationship between Treecko and Jeff is here compared to the start of the fanfic. Sort of like the "new pokemon" discipline issues in reverse. x3

Chapter 9:

Very emotional chapter here and it also highlights the big weakness in Treecko's and Jeff's friendship; both are too freakin' stubborn to back down from an argument. Also, I just love how Corpish and Daedalus dragged Treecko back; now that is real friendship. ;3 Overall, it was just very touching all around. The perspective change is also nice for a glance into Treecko's mind. Very good call on having Jeff lose his ability to understand pokemon speech at the end; it really adds a dramatic finish to that episode. Nice to see one of Daedalus' friends too. All things said, there's a lot of good character development going on here. Good one.

Chapter 10:

And just when I thought this fic couldn't get more touchy than the previous chapter this comes around. Honestly, this was a tear-in-the-eye case for me. You can really feel the way Treecko's situation is spiraling out of control here and the decision to go their separate ways at the end really appealed to me. Dunno', I found this more gripping than number nine, actually. Excellent ending, and poor Jeff. Not only does he keep getting mauled, he lost his best friend too (temporarily, anyway). Knowing his tendency for self-blame, that won't go over well for him. D= And yes, seconding the props for the creepy Chansey. I just love it when pokemon are taken away from their stereotypical personalities and made into something completely different.

Chapter 11:

See the comment on Chansey above and you'll probably guess that I love the gentle giant personality you gave Atlas. He's sort of very calm and considerate, but at the same time he doesn't seem to like showing weakness, given the whole scar thing. And I have to admit that the less-than-glorious return home wasn't something I expected, which is definitely a good thing given the genre. Hitmonlee is certainly still himself, though I'm lightly surprise that he isn't more concerned about Jeff's new pokemon given his hostility for Treecko. I take it he thinks that they don't have the same kind of friendship and thus doesn't see them as a threat? Regardless, Jeff's decision to stop being a trainer is understandable. (Though as a subjective reader I had the urge to tell him to stop angsting like he's the only one with problems and show a little love for his other pokemon. >.<) Even with Jeff's problems, I still think that this chapter was a fair bit more upbeat than the ones preceding it. Daedalus' (and to a lesser degree Corpish') confusion about human dwellings was good comic relief. But yeah, as much as I love the angst Jeff does deserve a break at some point. I'll be looking forward to the more upbeat chapters, then. ^0^


Overall, I have to say that the title of 'Fan Fiction of the month' is well deserved here. You've taken largely the same basic events as many other OT fanfictions have and turned them into something unique, courtesy of your characters. Awesome work. (I mean come on, if I have this little to whine about you know that it's got to be awesome, right?) So yeah, you're going to have to excuse me if I have mostly praise to give. As an RPer, I just can't help being moved at the sight of such well-developed characters. :3
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  #91    
Old November 11th, 2007, 08:53 AM
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As of today, I've only gotten around to reading the prologue and chapter one, but I must say, they are superb. Only one thing, your character seems a little too much of a Gary-Stu. I'm not sure, but it seems like he is just an all around perfect person. But thats just me. I'll get around to chapter two and three later today...
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  #92    
Old November 11th, 2007, 09:37 AM
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Thanks, Scythe, the Gary Stuness should fade away soon, I think.

Alter Ego, I'll give you a proper review response later today.

Here's Chapter...the next chapter!!!


Home is Where the Heart Is

Jeff, Hitmonlee, Daedalus, and Corphish walked into the dark house. There was a gloomy aura accompanying the lightless abyss of the home. There was an eerie silence with the exception of one discouraging noise: a feminine sobbing of a pokemon coming from upstairs. Much to Jeff’s surprise, there was still no one home to tend to either the darkness or the cries. He decided to flick on the light. A blinding flash of fluorescent beams temporarily impaired their vision.

“<I’d better get that,>” Hitmonlee said, gesturing to the noise.

“Should I come?” asked the worried human.

“<You’re in no situation to be comforting anyone… comfort YOURSELF and then you can help!>” the kick boxer-like pokemon answered, angrily. “<And go have a shower… you smell awful.>”

Jeff was taken aback by his friends anger.

“<THANK YOU! I’ve been trying to get him to for the past two days!>” Corphish chuckled.

Hitmonlee walked upstairs and they heard a door shut.

Jeff cleared his throat. “You guys can do whatever you want; I’m going to go have that shower.” He walked up the stairs and entered the second floor hallway. He opened the door which was right next to his room on the far side. Jeff flicked on a blinding fluorescent light and took a dark green towel from the basket of clean laundry which he slung over the towel rack. He undressed himself before stepping into the spacious shower. Jeff turned on the tap and the nozzle released multiple jets of extremely hot water, which was just the way he liked his showers. The warm water hit his back, creating hot steam on impact.

He grabbed a bottle of Dial body wash in an attempt to cleanse himself of the dirt and mud which was really stuck on. The pressurized water attempted to pry the dried blood from his body, but it stubbornly clung to his wounds. The hot jets stung his gash of a leg wound, as well as the sole of his foot. The painfully hot temperature was very soothing once he got used to it. Jeff began to think as the warmth relaxed his mind.

Maybe Hitmonlee’s right… maybe you SHOULD grow up. It’s so hard… but you’re a mature guy… you can get past this. Give it a try… Try being more cheerful tomorrow. All you’re doing is dragging your friends down. You still don’t have to be a trainer, though. Just go into the class, tell them about your journey, show them your pokemon, and answer any questions. It’ll be a piece of cake… you can prove Hitmonlee wrong. Think of this realistically… what good is being upset doing you? Exactly! So just buck up for at least tonight and tomorrow and we’ll see what happens from there! Ok? Ok! Ok, then! …Ok.”

The water was really helping his mood.

If only you had a hot shower right after you dealt with Nidoking… or right after you found out about Kristie and Alan. That would have made things so much easier on everyone… NO! Snap out of it, Jeff! You’re not a whiny, weak quitter, are you?! Yes, you are. NO YOU’RE NOT! Promise to cheer up!” Jeff pledged after trying to quell his two conflicting mindsets. He knew he wanted the optimistic one to win, but the ball and chain of the repenting thoughts still weighed the other down. “Come on, Jeff…

He winced as he rubbed the anti-bacterial body wash into his leg wound.

“I’m surprised that it’s not infected… who knows what that Seviper killed with it?” Jeff muttered, inspecting the deep gash which was only a little red around the edges.

He pushed in the tap of the shower and the water ceased. The steam filled bathroom made it almost impossible to see where his towel was. Jeff walked out of the shower, his hand outstretched, and he managed to find the towel, which he wrapped around his waist. He opened the bathroom door and steam flooded into the hallway. Jeff fully opened the door to see Hitmonlee walking to a stop in front of the door.

Uncomfortable that he was in only a towel, Jeff awkwardly asked, “Hey… What’s up?”

Hitmonlee scratched his head. “<I talked to Bayleef; I told her that Treecko only ran off. Your great choice of words made it seem like he was dead. She’s still pretty upset. Did you disinfect your leg?>” he asked, pointing to the cut.

“I put anti bacterial soap on i…”

“<Not good enough. Are you going to put disinfectant on it or do you want me to?>”

“Fine… but interrupt me again and I’ll punch you in where ever it is your that mouth is!” Jeff threatened with a friendly grin.

Hitmonlee chuckled before turning right. Jeff turned left to go to his room but Hitmonlee grabbed his arm.

“Can’t I get some clothes first?” asked Jeff, confused.

Hitmonlee shook his head. “<Bayleef is in there, she’ll probably want to talk to you.>”

“Fine,” Jeff reluctantly agreed, walking towards his parent’s bedroom.

“<I don’t see why humans wear clothes anyways.>”

“It’s because we’re ashamed and we almost always have the undeniable need to fit in,” Jeff informed, grinning.

They walked into the bedroom and sat on the bed. Jeff took out a med-kit that was stashed in the end table. He opened it and took out a spray bottle. As he began to spray the yellow-green liquid on his leg, in a grimace, he said, “I’ve decided to take your advice, Hitmonlee. I’m going to take care of myself.”

“<So you’re still a trainer?>”

Jeff avoided the question. “…I dunno yet.”

“<I need you to promise me something…>” Hitmonlee spoke up. Jeff nodded in agreement. “<Promise you won’t go after Treecko… >”

He was left surprised and speechless.

“<No good can come from it. He’ll only drag you back down the hell hole you’re climbing out of! …Promise?>”

Jeff didn’t make eye contact, but he gave a quick nod. He finished bandaging his wound and walked out of his parent’s room, still wearing a towel. He walked down the hallway, leaving wet footprints with each step. Jeff opened the door to his room and stepped inside. Bayleef was lying on his bed, looking up at the poster of the green-bodied Grovyle.

Annoyed at still being unable to change into clothes, Jeff walked over to his bed and sat beside her. He put an arm around her long, leafy neck in comfort.

“Are you ok, Bay?” Jeff asked warmly.

“<Not… really,>” she answered. “<I don’t understand; why did he go?>”

“Well I… we… had a disagreement and things kind of were different ever since,” Jeff explained.

“<So this is your fault?>” she asked accusingly.

“Ye…” Jeff’s tongue held the ‘y’ before he stopped himself. “No, it’s… no! It was no one’s fault… it just kind of happened.”

Unsatisfied with the answer, Bayleef placed her head in the ruffled folds of the sheets. She looked up at Jeff with a question.

“<Promise you’ll bring him back? Please find him and get him back… I think you owe it to him,>” persuaded Bayleef.

Jeff paused. What was he to do? He had already promised that he WOULDN’T do just that! He gave a quick nod, just as he had done earlier. He would sort it out later.

“<Thank you…>” she replied. Bayleef placed her head on the pillow and began to fall quickly asleep. Seizing the chance, Jeff took a handful of clothes from his dresser and ran out into the hallway. He looked into the gym room and saw Hitmonlee kicking the punching bag.

“Hey, Hit, where’s Mom and Dad? I thought they’d be home by now.”

“<Away…>” Hitmonlee grunted between kicks.

“For how long?”

Hitmonlee shrugged and landed another powerful blow on the suspended bag.

“Are you guys eating alright?” Jeff asked, concerned.

He didn’t answer; he just kept kicking the bag in a state of concentration. Jeff was impressed with the pokemon’s adroit footwork. He walked into the washroom and removed the towel in preparation for changing. He slipped on blue shorts and white Reebok shirt before staring in the still fogged up mirror.

“You ready for a fresh start?” he asked his reflection. Despite the fact that it was a rhetorical question, he still didn’t answer. “…Me neither, but too bad. It’s worth a try!”

Jeff walked into his hallway and turned to go to his room to sleep. To his surprise, Daedalus was asleep on the bed, near where Bayleef was snoozing.

“Where’s Corphish?” Jeff asked himself out loud.

“<Watching… ‘E! True Hollywood story’… on David Schwimmer… and then Matthew Perry… says he’ll be up… in two hours…>” Hitmonlee informed, not stopping his precise kicks to talk.

“Did you say TV? Doesn’t surprise me,” Jeff replied with a smile which astonished Hitmonlee, only because Jeff was grinning at all.

The weary human laid himself on the bed next to Bayleef and Daedalus. He carefully wedged himself between the warm bodies.

Well… it can’t hurt to try…”

Jeff closed his eyes and fell asleep almost instantaneously.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, his body clock woke him up at his usual time of awakening. Jeff looked down at his chest and saw Bayleef’s head resting on his stomach and Corphish snuggled up next to his side. He also took out Atlas’s pokeball and wondered how he slept.

Jeff was somewhat surprised when Daedalus flew through the window next to him with something in his beak, but was still too asleep to react. Daedalus circled around the room before flying onto the bed near Jeff’s feet, with a proud smirk. Much to the human’s disgust, Daedalus had the slimy, red and white bottom half of a Wurmple sticking out of his beak. He plumped down his prey on the sheets and began to contently tear away at the former bug type. Dae noticed that Jeff was eying his food, but he misinterpreted why. So Daedalus strutted over to Jeff and plumped the half on his chest, offering him the rest of the meal. His face went white, looking at the feast.

“Oh gross, Daedalus!” Jeff complained. “I appreciate the offer…but Wurmples aren’t my choice of meal… and do you really have to eat that here?”

“<I thought everyone ate where they slept! Crazy humans… think they’re too good for public eating,>” Daedalus retorted, offended.

Jeff realized he probably offended him so he apologized and allowed him to eat on the bed. He ignored the gore and looked upwards.

He thought, “I guess this is the day. Time to go into that class with a smile… or at least a forced grin… and teach those future kids what it’s like to be a trainer. Hopefully they’ll have better luck then I did… and step one, Jeff, is to NOT be so down on yourself, stupid. Wait… Corphish broke my alarm clock!” Jeff quickly sat up, immediately awakening Corphish and Bayleef.

“What time is it?!” he yelled.

Hitmonlee walked into the room and leaned against the doorway.

“<Time to get up and go,>” he ordered.

“Yes, Mom…” Jeff muttered, sitting up in bed. “Come on, you two. Let’s go show these kids how cool you are. You want to come, Bayleef?” Jeff asked the leaf pokemon.

She nodded, mildly interested. Immediately following the agreement, Hitmonlee piped up, “<I think I’ll come, too.>”

“Let’s go, then,” he said, getting off of his bed. Daedalus finished his last bite and then flew onto Jeff’s shoulder. Corphish leapt from the bed and clamped onto Jeff’s shirt. He made it up to the other shoulder where he held on tightly. Luckily for Jeff, his shirt didn’t rip this time. The two others followed their footsteps. Hitmonlee exchanged a glance with Bayleef but he then quickly turned back forwards.

They walked down the stairs, stopping at the front door. Jeff took a deep breath before opening it. They were met with the eastern sunlight blinding their eyes upon the door swinging open. Bayleef took in the bright light contently. The five walked down the hardwood steps and down to the concrete sidewalk. They crossed the street without the need to look both ways due to the lack of traffic. Jeff was admittedly nervous and he thought about what he was going to say.

Why did I agree to this again?” he wondered. “Oh well.”

With his thoughts, the walk to the lab seemed incredibly short as they were already at the unmistakable glass front door. Jeff looked to his right, facing east. Shielding the sun with a hand, he managed to make out the very familiar, open-field ranch where trainer’s pokemon could run around freely. All that he could make out from the end of the street was the occasional flying type circling over the rolling fields and ponds; most of the pokemon must have still been asleep.

Jeff took out Atlas’ pokeball and threw it onto the middle of the street. The titan emerged from the white flash with a massive roar. The glass on the door rumbled violently – Jeff held his breath as he was sure that the glass would shatter.

When it did no such thing, he sighed and instructed, “Ok, you guys go over to the ranch and hang out until we come out. That shouldn’t be too long from now. Hitmonlee, you’re in charge.”

“<Him?!>” Daedalus protested, hurt.

Jeff caught on to his offended squawk. “Sorry, Dae… Next time, for sure,” he said with a wink.

He and his pokemon went their separate ways and Jeff closed the door behind him.

Ok, you’re in the lab and now go to the southern-most door on the right since the other one leads to pokemon storage,” he told himself in his mind.

He walked past Birch’s studying desk and opened the large brown door. There it was: Professor Birch’s lecture hall. Desks were rowed so that they formed almost a semicircle. Like all lecture halls, there was stadium seating so that each seat behind the first rose a little more off the ground with each row. Only about half of the seats were filled up by the roughly twenty-three early teens. They were all either studying or chatting amongst themselves.

Professor Birch was standing at the front, reading through a clipboard. Jeff walked up to him.

“Hey, Professor, sorry if I’m late,” he apologized.

“No problem, Jeff. You just made it in time. I was busy going through a few of these student’s trainer applications,” explained the pokemon professor.

“Erm… what exactly… am I supposed to, well, say?” asked Jeff.

“Basically, just tell them what your journey has been like so far, take some questions, and then we’ll go outside to meet your pokemon.”

“You mean from when I got my starter to when I got back here?”

“Yup. In a nutshell, though,” Birch responded.

Jeff sighed. “Ok… let’s do this then.”

Birch nodded and spoke up, “Ok… listen up, class! Today we’re going to have a break from status afflictions and what to use to cure them, and we’re going to be having a guest speaker.”

Sighs of relief and high-fives erupted from the class.

“Today we’re going to have Jeff Growell, a pokemon trainer, as well as a former student of mine, who actually lives down the street, talk about what his journey as a pokemon trainer has been like so far. Afterwards we’re going to see some of the pokemon that he has caught.”

A flurry of positive reactions from the students followed.

“Jeff, the floor is yours,” Birch told him.

Jeff stood at the front of the class. He took the twig from his mouth and put in his pocket before clearing his throat.

“I’m Jeff Growell; some of you may know me. Anyways, I’m going to keep this pretty short and then give more details on the questions. I started my journey around a week ago. I got my first pokemon and I left the lab to go to Oldale Town. There I met… another trainer who was just starting out. We traveled to Petalburg City and on the way I caught my first pokemon. In Petalburg I met an old…friend, who I battled and… won… against. Then I went from there up through Petalburg Forest where I caught another pokemon. My pokemon won me my first gym battle. Then we went back near the forest and we ran into a Nidoking. Our plan went kind of awry but my starter pokemon bailed us out. After that… me and my other two pokemon went back to Petalburg. I caught my third pokemon and we decided to come back here…for a… short break. Yeah, we were, and still are, on a break… questions?”

A girl in a pink shirt raised her hand. “So YOU were that guy who they were talking about on the news who got rid of that Nidoking who stole those fossils?!”

“Well, I guess, but like I said, it was really my starter who deserves all the credit!”

Another pre-pubescent male’s voice rang out, “Who was your starter pokemon?”

“Erm, it was a Treecko,” replied Jeff.

“Why did you choose a Treecko? None of the trainers in the past year chose Treecko!” the same boy asked.

“Well Treecko is by far the coolest one!” Jeff said with a grin. The class seemed unsatisfied with the answer given.

“Ok… you want to know the truth? A year ago from the day I chose my first pokemon, I was attacked by a Scyther. Then a Treecko came to save me. A year later I found out that the Treecko Professor Birch had for a year was the same one. He escaped from the lab and I helped to save him from a Fearow. Then he agreed to be my starter,” Jeff explained, while at the same time dwelling on his words.

“That sounds pretty cool,” another boy said.

“Who was that trainer that you traveled with?” asked a girl with a raised hand.

Jeff opened his mouth to answer but found that his words were stolen and obstructed by Professor Birch, once again.

“Wasn’t it Kristie from your class, Jeff? Didn’t she used to hangout with your friend Alan? She took a Torchic, I remember,” chimed in the annoyingly observant professor.

“What happened to her after you guys got to Petalburg?” another kid questioned.

Jeff became incredibly flustered and uncomfortable. “I’ll answer anymore questions outside!” proclaimed Jeff, motioning for Professor Birch to give the go ahead to go outdoors. He nodded and told the class to follow Jeff and him to the ranch.

They poured out the alternate side door which led directly from the lab to the pokemon-friendly zone. Jeff walked ahead to his pokemon followed by the class and Birch.

“And here they are. Corphish, my first catch. Daedalus, my second catch. And Onix, my third,” Jeff explained as the kids gazed in awe at the five. “I didn’t actually catch Hitmonlee or Bayleef – they belong to my family and wanted to tag along.”

“Why did you nickname your Taillow Daedalus?” a girl asked.

“I didn’t nickname him - that’s his real name,” replied Jeff.

He received a few confused looks from the kids.

“How do you know what his name is?” a boy asked.

That was a long story which Jeff didn’t wish to discuss. He instead avoided the question and acknowledged a hand coming from near Onix.

“Yeah?” Jeff asked him.

“Where’s your Treecko? He’s not here!” replied the black-haired pre-teen with a question.

“Erm, he’s at my relatives… training,” Jeff clearly lied.

“Aren’t you supposed to not leave your starter?”

“Yeah, why would you do that?”

“Isn’t it best to train pokemon yourself so your bond grows bigger?”

The voices all chimed in at once, echoing around Jeff’s ears.

“Last question!” Jeff said, pretty much yelling. He found himself pointing at Sam.

“Can we have that battle now?”

It’s definitely a better option than more of these questions. Those cruel little bastards,” Jeff thought to himself.

“Sure, Sam.”

“<Is he serious?!>” Daedalus asked in shock.

“<Damn right he is!>” Hitmonlee replied with pride.

The crowd and pokemon formed a sideline in the grassland, giving the battlers enough room to move about freely without needing to worry about hitting the spectators. Jeff and Sam walked to opposite sides of the line and faced each other to create the center of the battlefield.

Jeff pondered, looking at his row of pokemon standing at the sidelines. “Hmm…who to pick? I don’t want to ask Dae to fight, seeing as he’d probably refuse anyways. Since I’m battling this guy’s starter, I can’t go with Onix since he’d obliterate him… I’m not even sure if he’s the battling type. I’m not sure Bayleef has ever even battled and Hitmonlee would probably take the battle too far… So that leaves me with…”

“Corppy, you’re up!” he decided.

Corphish literally jumped in the air in delight before quickly scuttling over to Jeff’s side.

“Corphish phish cor!” he merrily said.

Sam took his only occupied pokeball from his pocket and threw it.

“Let’s go, Keith!” shouted the new trainer.

“Keith, huh?” Jeff muttered to himself. “Corp? Prepare to use harden!”

While Corphish’s shell hardened with sickening cracks, a flash of white light appeared as the sphere opened and released its contents. The bright beam faded and emerging from it was a green pokemon; a green pokemon with a darker green thick tail, a red-pick chest and throat, and green lizard-like eyes.

Jeff recoiled at the sight of what he had to battle.

“A… Treecko?”

It completely slipped his mind that Treecko was one of the Littleroot Town starters.

“Keith, use pound on Corphish!” Sam called to his green starter.

The wood gecko, who was noticeably taller than Jeff’s former Treecko, went from a crouched position to all fours. He ran towards Corphish with break-neck speed. Keith went from the run into a slide tackle using his tail to take out Corphish’s unprotected feet. Corphish, who was caught off guard by the attack, immediately felt his legs and tail going over his head. He hit the ground and was forced into the grass with many beats from Keith’s tails in rapid succession. Corphish had no time to defend himself.

“<Jeff!>” Hitmonlee called to get his attention. Jeff didn’t even turn his head. With the false hope that the daunted human could see his body movements out of the corner of his eye, he called, “<Call for a counterattack!>”

Even if Jeff could have understood, the words seemed to go in Jeff’s left ear and out his right, hitting only the wind. He was fixated on the Treecko who was pounding Corphish in. The brutal attack continued and Corphish attempted to block but the strikes were too fast.

“<Jeff! Stop daydreaming and get Corphish outta that volley of pounds!>” Hitmonlee tried again.

He tried to call to attack but found that no words left his dry throat. He couldn’t call the move. It wasn’t like when he was fighting Chad and Roxanne; he wanted to attack but he literally couldn’t… Something was keeping Jeff from giving the command.

“<What are you waiting for?!>”

There were hushed whispers among the students as to why he wasn’t attacking. Everything was white noise except the grunts of the grass starter.

“I can’t do it,” thought Jeff. “Why can’t I bring myself to attack him?! I thought I was moving on!”

Corphish groaned in pain with each rapid blow. Daedalus looked away from the battle, unable to watch his friend take the beating. Hitmonlee, however, began to understand what was going on. Daedalus, still turned away from the massacre, whispered something into Hitmonlee’s ear… or where his ear should be.

“<I know you can do this, Jeff, just bring yourself to attack him!>” he urged, translating Daedalus’ words.

Jeff tried but he still felt his tongue being held back by the invisible force which the mix of his guilt and conscience.

“<Jeff… I… could… use… some… battle… advice… right… about… NOW…>” Corphish growled, with a grimace between blows.

Daedalus whispered to Hitmonlee again, still facing away.

“<Get a hold of yourself, Jeff! You’re not WEAK are you? The thing that Treecko hated the most!>”

Jeff remained silent, ogling the contenders. Corphish was fading away from consciousness, his shell becoming noticeably weak.

“It’s working, Keith! You’re doing great, keep at it!” Sam encouraged.

“<Your way isn’t working, birdie… Screw the mixed signals; it’s time for some tough love.>”

In a fiery passion, Hitmonlee roared, “<Come on, you weakling! You can’t keep dwelling on what happened to you! HE abandoned YOU, NOT vice-versa. You have no reason to feel guilty because he didn’t leave because of you! He left because he’s so in himself that the lump in his throat is his tail!>” Daedalus shot him a glare, even though he knew it was true and admittedly agreed with it.

Jeff heard this yell and began to stammer.

The yelling Hitmonlee continued his zealous preach. “<JEFF! If you don’t attack that damned Treecko you’ll never be able to move past this and you’ll never be a successful trainer! You say you’re letting go, so PROVE IT! Otherwise MORE of your friends will be screwed over by your emotional weakness! No matter what you say, your pokemon aren’t going to leave you, so get your head OUT of your ass, stop thinking that everything is your fault, poke-man up, and…>”

“CORPHISH, PARRY THAT NEXT BLOW AND USE CRABHAMMER WITH ALL OF YOUR MIGHT!” Jeff yelled, interrupting with trachea-tearing intensity.

Corphish’s eye glinted.

“CoooorrrPHISH!”

Then, with concrete instructions, he knocked the oncoming tail away from him with his left claw and reared back his right. Keith was surprised that the pokemon started to fight back. Corppy thrusted his claw forward, upper cutting Keith. The force of the blow was heavily fueled by the adrenaline attained by the built up pain and rage. The Treecko flew backwards across the field, landing at Sam’s feet. He tried to get up, but the blow to the jaw was too much. Keith fell to the grass with a sigh.

Applause arose from the crowd of teens. Sam ran over to his pokemon, fell to his knees, and held him in his arms, apologizing under his breath. Jeff also fell to his knees. As he yelled the command, it felt like a part of him ripped from his chest and flew off. He felt a wave of relief. The overwhelming feeling was unexplainable. Hitmonlee walked over to Jeff and put a hand on his shoulder. Jeff grabbed the hand and Hitmonlee pulled him up with a strong yank.

The confused human walked over to Sam, outstretching a hand. Sam stood up and happily shook it.

“You really did awesome at the very end there. Congratulations,” Sam said, impressed yet a bit worried for his own pokemon.

“You’re a pretty good trainer yourself. That Treecko is really strong. Remember… the pokemon is as equally important as the trainer. Be sure to care for them and, above all, listen to them.”

Sam took in the advice and nodded. “I will… thanks, Jeff. I’ll see you soon.”

Jeff walked towards his pokemon and climbed up on Atlas.

“<Are you ok, Jeff? You look as white as a Gastly!>” Bayleef pointed out.

“<Which is a dumb saying because…>” chimed in Corphish, receiving a glare from Hitmonlee.

Jeff gave no reply. The morose feeling of relief still swept about him.

“Thank you, Jeff for that presentation on what your experience was like; we hope to hear back from you in a few months to see how you’re doing then,” stated Professor Birch, who began to herd the students back inside. He began to talk to the teens who were walking through the door. “And that brings us to an important topic of why not to get over-confident in a battle, Sam!”

“Hitmon!” Hitmonlee tapped Atlas and pointed down the road to Jeff’s house.

“Hwrrrrgh,” the Onix answered in a low rumble, beginning to slither carefully down the road.

Corphish hopped beside Atlas, holding his claws up like a child who wanted to be picked up. Jeff reached down and grabbed a claw. Corppy winced as he was pulled up; bruises still colored his body. Jeff noticed the pokemon’s pain and smiled comfortingly.

“As soon as we get home, I’ll run a warm bath for you,” he offered.

Corphish leapt at Jeff in a hugging manner, beaming. He obviously enjoyed the prospect. Jeff closed his eyes and listened to the pokemon talk.

“Low taillow taii.”

“Phish phish corphish.”

I guess I’ll have to get used to hearing and understanding their names,” thought Jeff.

They rolled up to the driveway and Jeff took Corphish under his arm, hopping off Atlas. He took a deep breath.

“Ok…” The pokemon leaned in expectantly. “Here’s the deal… do you guys WANT to travel around and battle with me?”

Corphish nodded vigorously, Daedalus nodded to the first comment and shrugged to the next, and Atlas and a slight nod and then looked away.

“Then… if you guys really want me to… I’ll…” Jeff began to struggle with the words. “…Give… being a trainer… another shot…”

Corphish yelled for joy and hugged Jeff. Daedalus shrugged and also flew up and hugged him. Atlas emitted a large roar, for the joy that they were on the move. The bellow caused a guy who was biking by to lose control and flip the bike forwards, landing in pain and shock.

Hitmonlee noticed and urged them inside. Jeff recalled Atlas and walked inside.

With a confident grin, Jeff exclaimed, “So Corphish, we’ll get you that bath and we’ll leave tonight.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somewhere in Route 101

The sharp blades of grass soothed the cut bottoms of my feet. With all of my strength, I continued to push onward. The orange setting sun shot sideways through the trees, casting the glow on the clouds overhead, as well as the tree canopies. Normally I’d travel around in the tree tops but right now I was just too wea… in pain. I had to make do with walking on foot.

I stopped dead in my tracks. I got that sensation in my tail again. The same one that shot chills up my spine. I almost wished that I didn’t get that surge, anymore. It told me that it was going to rain tonight.

You had better get there fast.

As I picked up my labored pace I noticed that my body grew weaker as the grey clouds blotted out the setting sun. Over rocks and twigs I staggered until I stopped minutes later for a deserved breathing break. Panting, I walked over to a tree. I closed my eyes and leaned against it with a cringe. My mouth felt so tingly and awkward – it was because it was missing something… the twig.

You left him. You left your trainer and your only friend. He probably thinks it’s his fault… but isn’t it?

Isn’t he the one who pressured you into coming with him?

Isn’t he the one who collapsed after what’s her name chose that other human? I know I’d never show weakness in that situation.

Isn’t he the one who didn’t want to be a trainer and didn’t choose you for a gym battle and ended up needing to have you save his tail?

Isn’t he the one who didn’t trust you to take out ‘Daggerback’, that Nidoking?

And isn’t he the one who hit you and told you to leave?

Exactly! It’s not your fault – other people either just slow you down and or begin to hate you. That’s their problem, not yours. So get your lazy tail off the ground, you worthless pile of ****, and keep moving!


I shot open my eyelids and looked around. Dusk began to over take the many magnificent trees to which I was familiar with. I looked beside me and saw a straight twig on the ground, with a leaf jutting from the side. To quell my naked-feeling mouth, I picked it up and placed it in my maw so that it rested on my lips. The sensation was different, like a stranger in a strange land, but it’d have to do.

I got up from my relaxed stance and I walked on all fours away from the tree. Traveling like this was much faster, but it also felt more degrading. It felt like a step backwards to my old, primal self, but that was where I was headed so I had might as well get used to it. It wasn’t TOO bad after all.

Pain coursed through me with every movement I made. I knew whining and complaining would get me nowhere so I sucked it up and soldiered on. Around me I sensed wild pokemon staring at me, not threateningly but out of curiosity and worry. A Zigzagoon hopped out in front of me and urged me to stop. The brown furry rodent blocked my path, to my dismay.

“<Are you ok? Did a human do this to you or was it a wild pokemon?>” he asked me.

I paused. “<Not exactly,>” I replied, the only emotion showing was seriousness.

“<Do you want some berries for your wounds or do you need some…>”

“<Get out of my way,>” I boldly answered, glaring into his beady brown eyes which were beginning to glaze over.

“<Sorry. Just wanted to help,>” he squeaked, slightly quivering in his place.

I continued onward, past the pathetic obstacle, keeping my eyes straight ahead of me. The tree line broke and I found myself now in the night, by a very familiar lake. Exhausted, I walked to where the calm water met the shore. I fell to my knees and stared. In the lake was the reflection of the full moon and the stars, creating a rippling duplicate of the true thing in the water.

I stared at the reflection before following the water in front of me back to the shore. I looked at myself in the water. I saw a green face and snout, with red coming from the bottom of the mouth. It returned the cold gaze that had been given to many, friend and foe alike. I noticed that my red chest was riddled with purple-red bruises, cuts which had dried or proceeded to seep a mild trickle of blood, and red lesions which I got when Seviper got a hold of me. It was a good thing he got his in the end.

I continued to look at myself. My eyes… the yellow organs stared eternally into each other.

You’re home. But is it worth it? You chose the road not taken but you made a u-turn before crossroad was out of sight. Does that make you the coward? Does that make you weak and puny? Did you really give up your one chance at friends and happiness because you were scared to try something new? But you’re all alone, just the way you’ve always liked it. Why do you feel guilty? It’s because you left home in the first place to travel with Jeff. You became emotionally attached and you left him when he was injured and alone.

Why did you leave? You did it for so many reasons that it floods your head. Inadequacy… guilt… fear… and most of all… shame. The reason why you don’t have friends is because you don’t care about them. This is just as much your fault as it is Jeff’s. You left him when he needed you because you only care about what’s in your stupid-pathetic-little-head! You sat on your hands and missed your only chance at something more! Now all you have left is your home… and puny, weak you.


I continued staring into the eyes of the pokemon which seemed foreign to me. I could hardly recognize what I saw. The Treecko which used to be my reflection was something else. It was grinning while I remained cold. It had friends around it while I remained alone. It felt something while I felt nothing but a sense of self-obligation. I blinked and saw my true self staring back at me. The yellow eyes were now filled with sadness. Before I could stop it, a tear dripped from the eye and plummeted into the water, hitting the opposing eye. Its impact created ripples, distorting the face so that it became an incomprehensible green, red and yellow waving blur. Rage at both what I saw and at myself for my weakness coursed through me.

“TREECKO!” I quickly shouted, hitting the would-be reflection with my hand, creating a bigger splash so that there was now no trace of a face ever being there. I wiped my eyes with my dry hand and put on the cool apathetic look which I had come to know and subconsciously associated with myself.

Grow up! Like you said before, it’s his fault not yours. Just deal with your own problems and he’ll deal with his!

I cupped water in my hands and splashed my cut face with it. Soon after, I took a large, bowl-like leaf from the ground and filled it with water. Holding it in both my hands, I turned around and slowly walked towards the enormous tree which was highlighted by the moonlight.

At least now you only have ONE thing to care for…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

When high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you


-"Fix You" By Coldplay

AN: I wasn't originally going to put the last scene in, but Elyvorg of Serebii gave me the idea.
So...Character developement, I think. Jeff's out of his annoying depression and yeah... stuff. xD
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Last edited by Grovyle42(Griff8416); November 11th, 2007 at 09:56 AM.
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  #93    
Old November 11th, 2007, 09:38 AM
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Gah! Another chapter...by the time I get around to reading that 20 zillion more chapters will be up. Well, I best go read chapter two.
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  #94    
Old November 11th, 2007, 09:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScytheMaster View Post
Gah! Another chapter...by the time I get around to reading that 20 zillion more chapters will be up. Well, I best go read chapter two.
Don't worry, these days it's been taking me 2 weeks between chapters.
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  #95    
Old November 11th, 2007, 10:32 AM
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TREECKO!! TREECKO TREECKO TREECKO! That is all.

Anyway, I must say congrats for improving on description. ;O Notice how I haven't had to tell you to add description for nearly anything the last two chapters? And a lot of other people agree! *gives more pancakes* Feed those to Daedalus. Those aren't for you.

Poor Jeff said he'd not follow Treecko, and that he would. xD Gah, can't wait to see how he gets out of this one. His ass is gonna get kicked by Hitmonlee I bet..

And HOW DARE YOU you pick Hitmonlee over Daedalus to be in charge. D: He's hurt now. He's moving in with me. I won't mind his Wurmple-eating self! That scene was kinda funny btw.

Anyway, finally, Jeff got his head out of his ass and is back being a trainer. Now we can get somewhere else! :D I'm sick of Oldale Town now.. He emo'd up the place. Seriously. >>

Anyway, I also like Treecko's POV part of this chapter, and the way you wrapped it up. Not much else to say except I can't wait to see where this goes.. because this time you didn't give me many spoilers. XD

Lame review over. Goodbye.
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  #96    
Old November 11th, 2007, 11:40 AM
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Duncan McNeil
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Yikes! I didn't realize how far I was behind! I just read the last five chaps, and I'm really impressed. Like someone said, you're like a new writer. Everything is much better than when you began, and CD is everywhere.

The Pokemon have very distinct personalities and border on being in the fic more than Jeff. XD

Seriously, though. That really is fine. Corphish remains my favorite character, purely because he's so funny. And how he went after Treecko really shows that he is not just a cut-up, which is great.

Daedaleous is also an interesting character. I like the way he was the leader of the Tailows. It really gave him a different perspective from the rest of his Pokemon.

Characterization is by far your best writing trait (not to take anything away from the reat of your writing, of course). Continue to work on it, because it really adds another layer to this fic.

Plot is also good. OT fics that just follow the story of the games tend to get very boring, so what you've done here is very good.

Description is also good, but there is always room for improvement. Some parts can get a little confusing, though. Simply carefully reading through will help a lot. Take your time when entering a new area and describe as much as you can. It will help a lot.

Length is, well, long. I'm not a big fan of really long chapters, but as long as they're filled with all kinds off good CD and plot, it's just fine.

Heh, sorry about the short review. Reading through all of these chapters wore me down. But don't worry! You have improved by a huge amount in a fairly short amount of time. Keep this up!
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  #97    
Old November 14th, 2007, 04:39 PM
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Astinus
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I greatly prefer Treecko's scene over the rest of the chapter. It shows his thoughts and what he thinks of Jeff, and it just ends in a nice place because no one knows what Treecko is going to do.

Quote:
Jeff was taken aback by his friends anger.
"friend's"

Quote:
Shielding the sun with a hand, he managed to make out the very familiar, open-field ranch where trainer’s pokemon could run around freely.
Either "a trainer's" or "all the trainers of Littleroot Town". I can't think of a good way to word it with a possessive noun.

Congratulations on getting FFotM!

(Ugh. What a sad review. ._.; )
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  #98    
Old November 14th, 2007, 06:03 PM
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Grovyle42(Griff8416)
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Haha, no problem, Hanako. I appreciate you reviewing at all. And thanks.

Thanks Duncan for catching up and the compliments + CC. CD = character developement, right?

Also, thank you, lovely beta for reviewing!! and I'm sorry about Daedalus, forgive me. xD

Alter Ego: Here is that Review response I owe you (it may be worse than I intended)

Yes Corphish is all about the one-liners xP. I'm also glad that I showed Treecko's personality well here. And, yeah, let's just say he's very dexterous. xP (I almost gave spoilers here :O )

I think I'll edit that part soon, thanks. Yeah, we'll be seeing Chad later on.

Sorry about making you feel bad!!! xD Yeah, I couldn't resist doing that scene. That's kind of how I see it. I agree with the gym battle part, not my best effort. I don't really get what you mean by the "new pokemon" displine, comment

As for chapter 9, thanks. I was particularily proud of this one. I also liked the Daedalus/Corphish bringing him back thing (it may not be the last time :O )

I'm glad you liked it! Most people said that Chapter 9 was more emotional. You'll probably like a pokemon I have planned down the road (who has one of my all-time favorite personalities)

You're spot-on with Hitmonlee and Jeff's other pokemon. He'll get his break soon...but not TOO soon. xP

I really really appreciate the review (and c'mon who DOESN'T love praise mixed with CC?!) Thank you for the great review. My responce feels incredibly inadequate and I'm very tired while writing this. So thank you again! *falls asleep on laptop*
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  #99    
Old November 17th, 2007, 11:15 AM
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Heh, don't worry about it; acknowledgment is already nice on its own. Feels good to be appreciated, you know? ;D

Oh, and about my reverse problem remark...well, the standard formula for OT fanfics is that the lead character and his/her starter have a strained relationship first and then grow into bestest buddies as the story progresses, but here main character and starter start out as bestest buddies and then start developing issues as the story progresses; hence it's a reverse of the standard. ^^

Anyways, I've been meaning to comment on the newest chapter for a while, and my own fic-writing process has just gotten stuck so...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
There was a gloomy aura accompanying the lightless abyss of the home. There was an eerie silence with the exception of one discouraging noise: a feminine sobbing of a pokemon coming from upstairs.
Two consecutive sentences starting in the same way is usually not recommended unless you're aiming for a tone of repetition. Maybe alternate the expression on one of them if possible? Nice choice of metaphor on "lightless abyss". :3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
“<You’re in no situation to be comforting anyone… comfort YOURSELF and then you can help!>” the kick boxer-like pokemon answered, angrily. “<And go have a shower… you smell awful.>”
I don't think the comma after 'answered' is needed here
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
Hitmonlee chuckled before turning right. Jeff turned left to go to his room but
Hitmonlee grabbed his arm.
No need to have that last bit on a separate line.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
“<Thank you…>” she replied. Bayleef placed her head on the pillow and began to fall quickly asleep. Seizing the chance, Jeff took a handful of clothes from his dresser and ran out into the hallway. He looked into the gym room and saw Hitmonlee kicking the punching bag.
The 'quickly' is looking sort of odd here, not only by placing but also because 'began to fall' seems to imply a rather slow pace of drifting off to sleep as opposed to a quick one. Maybe do something about that sentence?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
Shielding the sun with a hand, he managed to make out the very familiar, open-field ranch where trainer’s pokemon could run around freely. All that he could make out from the end of the street was the occasional flying type circling over the rolling fields and ponds; most of the pokemon must have still been asleep.
Umm...why does the sun need to be shielded? You'd think he'd be shielding his eyes from the sun; not the other way around. Unless this is just a figure of speech I'm not used to. o.O

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grovyle42(Griff4815) View Post
“No problem, Jeff. You just made it in time. I was busy going through a few of these student’s trainer applications,” explained the pokemon professor.
There are multiple students, so that should be students' rather than student's.


Aaand that's all the nitpicks I could find by actually fine-combing this as I re-read. Now on to the actual contents: homg, both Jeff and Treecko snapped out of it! ^0^ I'm really glad that you decided to add Treecko's part to this chapter, as it sort of adds closure to their big fight to see both come to terms with the situation in their own way. Both are following their own paths for the moment, then, though given Jeff's double promises (Oh-hoo...he's going to get into trouble for those at some point, isn't he? xD) the question remains: how long? Several scenes in this chapter played out very vividly as I read them, particularly Hitmonlee and the punching bag, the seminar (honestly, I've been in a situation quite similar to Jeff's. Presentations are horrible when some people insist on asking precisely the questions you'd want them to avoid. >0<) and the part where Treecko was watching his own reflection. The symbolism in the battle between Jeff and Sam was also a nice touch and...well, I'll have to admit that I'm actually starting to like Hitmonlee. Jealous though he is, he really does care about Jeff (and Bayleef...talk about weird daycare pairs, if you know what I mean. ;D); his motivational speech in that battle was lovely. ^^

Just...awesome chapter all around. Can't believe it took me so long to get off my arse and review it. ^_^
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  #100    
Old November 17th, 2007, 12:38 PM
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Thanks for the review! (again xD )

Too be honest I didn't think this chapter was AS great as I planned, but thanks.

You should have held this review until tomorrow because I JUST finished the next chapter and am having it beta'd as we speak ;P

And PS: I DO get what you're saying xD
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