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  #1    
Old Posted April 4th, 2008 (11:08 PM). Edited September 3rd, 2008 by txteclipse.
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All right. This is a science fiction crossover fic including both the R-Type and Pokemon genres. This will be PG-13 for violence, creature gore, dark themes, and suggestive dialog. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, and I expect you will thoroughly enjoy reading my work!

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Chapter One: Genesis

"I remember my birth. Awareness came over me in a rush, the synapses within my brain suddenly activating in an onslaught of senses. My eyes opened in response to the sudden shock of stimuli, and I saw for the first time my surroundings. Liquid and metal. I could not possibly have known the words or their meanings at the time, but they came to me as easily as if I had.

I was suspended in artificial amniotic fluid within a titanium shell, the latter material chosen more for its resistance to corrosion than for its strength. Such a characteristic was necessary for my well-being: a lesser material would have dissolved from exposure to the liquid surrounding me, complicating my growth.

As my then-young mind continued to absorb information from my environment, I found that a small, circular window had been set into one side of my incubation pod. Tempered glass. Again, the words came to my thoughts as if they had always been a part of me. Looking through the portal, I found that another pod was hung suspended directly opposite from my own in a dimly lit room. I attempted to move, trying to see more of the outside, but realized that I was somehow being held securely in place.

Looking down, I noticed my body for the first time. My eyes scanned my pale-violet torso, noting the plate-like formations of flesh around my shoulders and across my chest. I saw my arms, curling up towards my chest and ending in three spherical fingers. I continued my self inspection, working across my dark-violet abdomen down to my two legs, each ending in two spherical toes. From there, I found my tail: it was the same deep purple as my abdomen and hung limply from my body, curling on the rounded floor of my incubation pod and ending in a thick teardrop shape.

In examining my body, I also found the source of my restraint. Countless tubes and wires ran from the inner wall of my pod to me, some gently but securely holding me, others entering cleanly into my flesh. As I regarded those that pierced my body, I spontaneously found myself understanding their uses. Blood oxygen level probe and administrator. Growth hormone probe and administrator. Synthetic blood transfuser. Heart monitor. All of these and more I understood, and therefore learned much about the inner workings of my body.

But I did not want to be restrained. The small amount I could move left me yearning for more freedom. I struggled against my bonds, pulling at them with all the strength my awkward and feeble body could muster. I did this until I could move no more, stilled by exhaustion. However, my displeasure with being contained only grew. I looked down again at the lines and wires that held me, my anger mounting at their stubbornness to release me. Suddenly, as I stared at one of the wires, I became…aware. The wire was mapped out in my mind, molecule by molecule, atom by atom, until I knew with absolution everything about it. Every material from which it was made. Every dimension.

Every flaw. The wire had one particularly weak point along its length, and it was this point that I concentrated upon the most. How I wished for the wire to be severed there, broken at its weakest place to allow me to be free. I stared at that spot, and imagined the molecules of the wire simply coming apart, separating cleanly as though by some microscopic razor.

They did. The wire, once so strong in holding me, went limp as the two cut halves drifted slowly through the fluid surrounding me until finally hanging limply from their respective connection points. Upon seeing the effect I had invoked upon the wire, I felt joy for the first time. I had found a way to free myself. I repeated my procedure with the remaining wires, leaving the ones that supported my bodily functions intact.

Finally, I focused on the titanium shell that surrounded me. I imagined it being cut vertically in half, the molecules separated with impossible perfection. Although the strong metal presented a greater challenge than the wires, I eventually attained my desired result. In a rush of sound and feeling, I fell through the floor of the pod as it separated, accompanied by the amniotic fluid I had been suspended in.

As I landed on a cold, hard surface, I experienced pain for the first time. The sudden sensation brought tears to my eyes, and caused me to retch the amniotic fluid from my saturated lungs. I lay there gasping, replacing the liquid in my respiratory system with the much lighter, sweeter air outside my incubation pod. Once I had sufficiently recovered, I glanced up at what had been my womb. On one side, under the circular window, I noticed a small label. It read:

'Mew v. 2.0.'"
-From recovered audio recording
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Old Posted April 6th, 2008 (07:39 PM).
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You should definitely continue this fan fiction. Now that I have read the prologue, you have me wondering what will happen with Mewtwo next, what the other titanium cylinder contains. Also, I am curious to know whether this is an alternate plot for the movie or whether this is a similar experiment that took place.

I seem to have noticed a lot of fan fictions on this forum that involve Mewtwo (including my own of course.) I am rather curious to know whether this is a coincidence or if it is the mourning of fanfic writers in regard to the lost glory of Mewtwo with the newer generation of Pokemon games.
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My FFC entry for April 2008: My Endless Loneliness
My Discontinued, Chaptered FanFiction: The Fall of Light
My current chaptered FanFiction: Affliction
My Parody of Pure Awesomeness (requires some context to fully appreciate): Sir. Aaron - A Parody
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Old Posted April 6th, 2008 (08:01 PM).
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dude! eclipse you gotta finish this fic. It's so awesome!

@jeffback - I think you're right about the mourning. We all miss his extreme awesomeness, and we all know that he could take all the legends with one hand tied behind his back. He is just that awesome.
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Old Posted June 23rd, 2008 (02:35 PM). Edited September 4th, 2008 by txteclipse.
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This is a really short chapter, but it introduces a lot of elements that I really am going to need to ease you all into. The plot is really thick, and I don't want this to be so scientifically overwhelming that I turn off readers. That being said, the wait was a bit longer than I would have liked, but here you go.

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Chapter Two: First Steps

“Standing took a long time. I was still very weak after cutting my way out of my incubation pod, and the gleaming ceramic floor had become slippery from the amniotic fluid. I could maneuver into a crawling position with minimal effort, and although this was a perfectly valid method of movement, I was led by some inner compulsion to support myself with my two legs. Whether this desire to stand was instilled in me by my creators, or whether it was simply a result of natural progression, I know not to this day.

At first, I simply rocked backwards, lifting my hands from the floor and placing all of my weight on my feet. I managed to balance for a few seconds in this crouching position, but soon I fell forward and was once again on all fours. I tried this technique a few more times, each attempt bolstering my sense of balance and coordination. After a while, I found that I could stay in the crouching position for nearly a minute.

When I felt ready, I made my first attempt to rise to my full height. This ended with me lying on the floor again: I fell backwards almost immediately when I tried to move from the crouching position. I tried this twice more with the same result before realizing that I should hold on to something while I stood to keep myself from overbalancing. My incubation pod was too smooth on the outside to offer substantial purchase, so I crawled to a series of pipes running along one wall and used them as handholds as I tried to stand once again. This time I managed to accomplish my goal, and although my relatively unused limbs shook from the exertion, I couldn’t help but feel a bit stronger than before.

Next came using my new stance to move about. Remembering that I didn’t have enough coordination to stand unaided, I walked slowly along the wall, keeping a hand on the pipes at all times. At first I stared at my feet, my concentration fully engaged by what I was doing. However, once I got to the corner of the room and turned back to go the other way, I allowed myself to sneak quick glances at my surroundings. The source of the low light bathing the room was the ceiling: it was one seamless, glowing panel. As I moved, the part of the panel directly above me grew brighter, illuminating my immediate area. As I looked about, I found that the only thing in the room besides my pod and the one directly across from it was a metal door set into one wall.

On one side of the door was a dark panel, which occasionally pulsed red. I stopped trudging back and forth when I first noticed this, watching it for nearly a minute. The color stood out strangely and entrancingly against the otherwise drab contents of my setting, and I wondered what exactly the panel was. Hesitantly, I moved away from the wall, and took my first few unaided steps as I tried to reach the object that had caught my interest. I didn’t quite make it, although I didn’t fall: as I was passing the pod that hung across from mine, I happened to look through the circular aperture set into it, and paused.

Inside was a sphere. The orb glowed a vivid orange color, throbbing between dim and bright. As I watched it, I realized that the rhythm matched my heartbeat. I was just about to cut this puzzling object out of the pod in order to examine it further when a sharp hissing sound emitted from the direction of the door. I snapped my head in that direction, watching as the metal rectangle slid into the wall to reveal a being that stood on two legs as I did. Despite myself, however, this being had pinkish skin and brown hair, and was wrapped in some type of white material. We stared at each other for a few moments, this newcomer and I, and then I looked on as the other glanced around outside, walked in, and closed the door. The ceiling grew brighter above the being upon its entrance, casting the same amount of light around it that I was receiving. It approached me slowly, and I began to pace backwards, erring on the side of caution as it drew nearer. Seeing this, the being stopped, and then pointed at the pod containing the orb. My eyes followed the gesture.

‘That’s your Force,’ the being said with no apparent emotion, dictating as though it had memorized the speech, the words taking meaning even as I heard them for the first time. “It is an organic weapon that synthesizes your brain waves, turning them into energy. It can do this because it is based off of your genes, which have been engineered to give you the psychic ability to control quantum physics. That ability is made possible by your mind’s production of Psi waves, a new type of brain wave that transcends and affects the physical realm.’ The other ceased talking for a moment, looking me over with the expression of someone critiquing a well-composed piece of art. ‘You and that Force are quite the marvels of bio-engineering, Mewtwo. You will be a prime asset to our needs.’

I was wondering what a ‘weapon’ was when the being turned back to the door and placed one of his hands on the panel next to it. The panel lit up with blue light, and then the room did the same. Suddenly, I found myself growing drowsy. I sank to a kneeling position, my hands limply resting on the ceramic floor, and darkness began to cloud my vision. ‘I have activated an energy field that suppresses your Psi waves,’ the other was saying. ‘Do not be alarmed. You will slip into a harmless state of unconciousness momentarily.’

The ensuing, paralyzing unawareness was worse than the wires that had constrained me in my pod.”
-From recovered audio recording
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Old Posted June 23rd, 2008 (08:10 PM).
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It is rare that I say "Wow" after reading a fic, and yours just made me. Science Fiction is really an underused field of fan fiction, and you've done a great job with it so far. The first person stance was interesting, but what I really thought was excellent was your detailed description of the process of psychically cutting something.

I didn't find any grammar mistakes, but I couldn't help but notice that you called the first part a prologue. A prologue is supposed to be events that happen before the main action of the story--or the beginning of the plot. If the first chapter takes place just after the prologue and in the exact same spot, then the prologue was actually the first chapter.

Aside from that, I didn't see anything wrong with it. My one bit of advice for future chapters is this: Make sure you research any scientific content enough to make it believable. A lot of sci-fi writers (including myself, I confess) don't do a good enough job of prior research, and it ends up making their work seem a tad ridiculous. I wouldn't worry about that too much, though, since having narration as nice as what you've written so far is much more important. I really enjoyed reading this, and I hope you continue it.
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There's Always Tomorrow (SWC 2009), A Matter of Stubbornness (SWC 2010), Left by the Roadside
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Giovanni Destroys the World and Everything in It (2012), By What Right? (SWC 2013 1st place), Back in the Day (SWC 2014 1st place) (New!)


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Old Posted June 24th, 2008 (09:15 AM).
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Originally Posted by icomeanon6 View Post
It is rare that I say "Wow" after reading a fic, and yours just made me. Science Fiction is really an underused field of fan fiction, and you've done a great job with it so far. The first person stance was interesting, but what I really thought was excellent was your detailed description of the process of psychically cutting something.

I didn't find any grammar mistakes, but I couldn't help but notice that you called the first part a prologue. A prologue is supposed to be events that happen before the main action of the story--or the beginning of the plot. If the first chapter takes place just after the prologue and in the exact same spot, then the prologue was actually the first chapter.

Aside from that, I didn't see anything wrong with it. My one bit of advice for future chapters is this: Make sure you research any scientific content enough to make it believable. A lot of sci-fi writers (including myself, I confess) don't do a good enough job of prior research, and it ends up making their work seem a tad ridiculous. I wouldn't worry about that too much, though, since having narration as nice as what you've written so far is much more important. I really enjoyed reading this, and I hope you continue it.
You have no idea how much I needed that first sentence. I was worried that no one was going to understand that first chapter, and that everyone was going to be coming in and saying "lolwut?" So thank you a lot for saying that.

Now on to why I called the first part a prologue: it was almost like a one-shot depicting Mewtwo's birth, as it could have stood alone. I realize though that it's not really a prologue, per say, and it does resemble more of a chapter now that you mention it. I will consult my peers on that one before deciding what to do with it.

Lastly, so far, I've only been using science that I know works or that I could readily prove at least in a theoretical sense. The titanium pods are a good example of this, as I recently built something using titanium parts (a battlebot, go figure), and I wanted to know the properties of the metal before using it. Lo and behold, it turned out to be very corrosion resistant, and I didn't think scientists would spend a hundred million dollars on a platinum pod, no matter the cause (platinum is one of the most corrosion-resistant substances on the planet).

Aside from that, Mewtwo's powers will pretty much take the entire story to describe fully, as will the Force (this is not related at all to Star Wars, by the way).

So anyways, thanks for the comment, and I should probably say ahead of time that I'll have a tendency to blab about the technology I introduce. Although...it's probably a bit late to say that.
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Old Posted June 24th, 2008 (07:04 PM). Edited June 24th, 2008 by POKEMON_MASTER_0.
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I'm beginning to get the impression that the narrator doesn't like being held captive. I wonder who he/she will have to work for. I'm also wondering who recovered these audio recordings and how they were recovered. I'm fairly sure that I'll find out in due time.

I liked how the narrator wasn't able to stand at first. It shows that despite the fact that he/she can use psi waves to manipulate reality, they (the narrator) aren't without inherited weaknesses. It would be a whole lot easier just to have them be able to stand freely with little effort. You however, take the extra time and effort to turn the instant into an opportunity to develop character, rather than skip through it for the sake of ease.

That's one of the strong points of your writing. You know how to turn the subtleties into opportunities to develop the story.

I'll keep an eye out for the next chapter.
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Old Posted June 25th, 2008 (11:12 AM).
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Originally Posted by POKEMON_MASTER_0 View Post
I'm beginning to get the impression that the narrator doesn't like being held captive. I wonder who he/she will have to work for. I'm also wondering who recovered these audio recordings and how they were recovered. I'm fairly sure that I'll find out in due time.

I liked how the narrator wasn't able to stand at first. It shows that despite the fact that he/she can use psi waves to manipulate reality, they (the narrator) aren't without inherited weaknesses. It would be a whole lot easier just to have them be able to stand freely with little effort. You however, take the extra time and effort to turn the instant into an opportunity to develop character, rather than skip through it for the sake of ease.

That's one of the strong points of your writing. You know how to turn the subtleties into opportunities to develop the story.

I'll keep an eye out for the next chapter.
I've never really noticed that before...where I turn subtle things into character development. It makes sense, but I was really just trying to make the scene realistic. I figured a new born of any species couldn't walk instantly, let alone one that walked on two legs.

And yeah, everything will be revealed in due time. It wouldn't be a story otherwise

Next chapter is already in the works, probably popping up sometime around the end of the week. Need to get cracking on the next Eon Chronicles chapter still, but that will inherently take longer (these chapters are extremely short in comparison to E.C., although you probably noticed that).
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Old Posted September 4th, 2008 (03:20 PM). Edited March 4th, 2009 by txteclipse.
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I was originally going to hand this chapter off to P_M_0 to beta, but I figured "what the heck...I'll just post it." It's been a long time coming, too long, if you ask me, but I do have the excuse of working on the Eon Chronicles. Some things to note about this chapter: it's intense, and has a bit of suggestive dialog. Nothing disturbing with the suggestive part, but it isn't something I'd necessarily have a younger person read.

The intense part is what I'm more concerned about. I was considering momentarily bumping the rating of the fic to "R" for this chapter due to a certain scene, but I don't think it's quite bad enough to get to an "R" rating. Just keep in mind that it may get slightly troubling near the end. I can send a PM to anyone that wants to know what happens but doesn't feel inclined to read.

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Chapter Three: Interface

“When I was finally released from artificial unconsciousness, I found myself in a room different from the one I had been in. I was lying on a bed, if it could be called that, which fit the contours of my back to perfection: it had been molded out of a semi-rigid material to perfectly match my specific body shape while I slept. I couldn’t change positions, but I was by no means uncomfortable.

I rested for a few more moments, allowing my senses to fully recover from slumber. Then I leaned forward, and the ‘bed’ tilted forward on a system of hydraulics to a near-vertical position, simplifying the act of getting out. I noticed as I stood that the needles from my incubation pod had been removed, the tiny wounds they left behind covered with circular bandages. Surveying my surroundings, I found a few curious objects set into the walls, and compulsively wandered over to them. One such object was a hollowed-out half sphere with the opening facing the ceiling and two shining bars attached to the side closest to the wall: I curiously prodded one of the bars, and it moved. A network of water sprayed out of a series of holes in the perimeter of the bowl, and I jumped back in surprise, nearly losing my balance.

It was merely a sink, but I kept well clear of the device as I inspected the rest of my living quarters. One wall hosted a metal door; alongside this and taking up the rest of the space on that wall were a variety of slots, none of which I could discern the function of. Another wall was dominated by a black rectangle, a larger version of the screen used by the being when it had rendered me unconscious. This I avoided as well, coming full-circle at last to a reflective square hung near the bowl: a mirror. This was the first time I was able to see my face, and the experience was very odd for me. At first, I thought it was another Mewtwo, and I reached out a three-fingered hand. When my touch met the cold glass, I pulled back sharply, not expecting the sensation. Noticing that my image was copying me perfectly as I moved, I decided finally that it must be me.

I discerned an angular head that was nearly feline; however, my face also had certain reptilian qualities and was covered with light-purple skin instead of fur. My ears stood out from my head in a way similar to a cat’s, but they were almost like short horns in appearance. Two small slits served as nostrils, and my mouth was a thin, lipless line. Most interesting was a tube-like structure that ran from the back of my head to the base of my neck; I turned sideways and glanced out of the corner of a violet-colored eye as I ran my hand carefully along it, wondering what it was.

At that time, a sharp hissing sound emanated from behind me. I turned, finding that the metal door had opened. A brilliant white light shone into the room, silhouetting momentarily a being different from the one I had met before. This one was somewhat shorter, had close-cropped dark hair, and didn’t pay me any attention as it paced into the room while scratching on the illuminated screen of a small black tablet with a stylus. Head bent over its work, it nearly walked into me before realizing it was about to do so.

‘Oh!’ it said, finally looking away from the screen that had been holding its attention and glancing at me. ‘I expected you to be in bed…ah well; I would have needed to get you up anyways.’ The being wrote a few more things on the tablet, and then slipped it into a large pocket that was apparently meant for the purpose. Out of the same pocket came a long cord with black marks along its length: the being held this against my back, and then pinched it at the same height as the top of my head. ‘Three feet, one-half inch.’ The tablet reappeared, and this was written down. 'Gender…' the other bent down to check, and I copied the movement, not understanding. This earned me a quizzical look. ‘Stand still, please. Female...’ More scribbling on the tablet.

The concept of gender did not come to me instantly as did other information, but my thirst for knowledge would not be denied. I did not have well-developed vocal cords like the being, but I had learned that sound was created when air molecules were forced to vibrate. Therefore, I orchestrated the random motion of a few gaseous particles into an ordered sound with my mind: a voice. My voice. ‘Female?’

The question made the being jump. It stared at me in disbelief instead of answering, so I repeated myself. ‘Yes…as opposed to male,’ the other said finally.

‘Male?’

‘Right. Most species reproduce sexually, which requires both a male and female member of that species. Females are characterized by…ah…’ The being’s face turned slightly red.

‘You are female?’ I had unknowingly saved the other from one very awkward conversation, if only momentarily.

‘No…I’m a male. A “he”. You are a “she.”’

‘You and I…reproduce?’

‘Oh, for the love of Arceus…’ the blush returned to the being’s face, and he shook his head. ‘No. We aren’t of the same species, you see? I am a human, you’re a Mewtwo. Different species are incompatible.’

So these beings were human, then. I had noticed the differences between us, but it hadn’t seemed significant up until now. As I pondered this, the other continued his examination with a silent determination, as though he wanted to finish as quickly as possible. He checked my temperature with a digital thermometer, peered into my mouth and ears with a hand-held, low-power microscope, and listened to my chest with a stethoscope. I remained uncomfortably motionless throughout the remainder of the process per his request, although I couldn’t help craning my head to see each new device as it was produced from one of various pockets. As each was used, I instantly learned its purpose and how it functioned.

The human eventually measured the tube-like extrusion that extended from the base of my skull to between my shoulders, and then paced to the slots set into the wall by the door. I followed him, my curiosity piquing: perhaps he would show me what they were for. All he did at first was read silently from the tablet, however, and I soon grew bored. The room was kept cold, so I snuggled up against his side and took his free hand in mine, inspecting it carefully and comparing its five fingers to my three.

I realized after a moment that the human was gazing down at me with a surprised expression, his tablet forgotten. ‘They didn’t tell me you were so…’ he began, but trailed off. ‘I mean, you’re supposed to be a weapon…’

There was that word again: I still had not learned its meaning. ‘Weapon?’

‘You know…a tool of destruction.’ I obviously did not know, however, and the human proceeded with a longer explanation after I had blinked at him a few times. ‘What you did to your incubation pod was destructive. You were created to break things, to take them apart or damage them. Actually, you are intended to be the central processing unit and primary weapon system for a combat spaceship called an R-fighter: more specifically, an R-fighter named the “R-9WM.” You will be connected to the ship through a wetware-to-software interface that I am about to install in your spinal cord: it will allow you to control the vessel and will also enable the ship to draw upon the Psi waves your mind produces for power. That power will be fed to what is called a Wave Cannon: this cannon will act as half of the ship’s weapon system, the other component being your Force unit. Although you don’t seem like the violent type,’ the human added more quietly. ‘You’re just so…innocent.’

‘Innocent, male-human?’

My candid question garnered a laugh from the other. ‘I’m not “male-human,”’ he replied. ‘You can call me Doctor Jeryl. And you certainly are filled with questions, aren’t you? I suppose I would be as well, if I was as young as you and had your advanced learning capabilities. You certainly are special…’ His gaze held mine for a lingering moment before he turned back to the slots on the wall. He reached out a hand, paused, and then touched a seemingly blank space beside one of the dark openings. A small circle of white light flared to life under his fingertips, and the niche was similarly illuminated. Small mechanical noises ensued, and then a strange device seemed to appear instantly within the slot amidst a dull clang of metal.

The object was long and segmented, made of a light gray metal that I instantly recognized as titanium. I reached out to touch it, intrigued, but Dr. Jeryl stopped me. ‘You can’t handle it. It's sterile.’ The doctor pulled on a pair of white gloves produced from one of his many pockets, and then held the device out for me to see. As he turned it, I found that both ends were hollow and that the segmented design made it flexible. ‘This is the interface I mentioned earlier,’ he stated. ‘Here’s how it works: I will separate your spinal cord, which is this-,’ he paused to point at the structure growing from my head to my back, '-into two halves. Then, I will install one half of the interface on each end.’ He pulled on the device, and it separated neatly in two with a loud click. Then he held out one segment, pointing to the freshly revealed connection. It consisted of a lens made out of artificially grown diamond, which was surrounded by three spheres that normally locked into grooves set into the other half. ‘The interface is optical: it translates the information being sent through your spinal cord into data that is readable by the R-9WM.’ He turned the piece around to reveal the hole in the other end. ‘There is a bio-gel in here that will mesh seamlessly with the nerve endings in your spinal cord, allowing the device to become fully integrated and read your nervous signals once installed.’ The other’s expression slowly changed to what I now know as remorse, and his next words almost seemed an afterthought, as though he hadn’t confronted what they truly meant before that moment. ‘Unfortunately, you must be conscious for this process to take place: your nerves have to be active in order for the device to recognize and pair with them. I’m not going to lie: it’s going to hurt quite a bit.’

It was a gross understatement, although my youthful naivety prevented me from understanding this at the time. I was returned to my bed, and then strapped to it very securely with flat, rubberized metal cables. My hatred of being contained flared up, but I couldn’t move in the least. The doctor noticed my discomfort just as I was about to start cutting the straps with my mind, and he rubbed my head for a few moments to calm me. Afterwards, he washed his hands to immaculate cleanliness in the sink, and then produced a silvery metal case from another of the wall slots: this he placed on a small stand that was attached to the side of the bed. The gleaming container opened to reveal an array of equally silvery tools, sharp and pristine. Tools of destruction. The doctor disinfected my exposed spinal cord, selected a scalpel, brought it to my light-purple flesh…and hesitated. Then he set the scalpel down again.

‘I’m going to check and see if I can use local anesthesia,’ he said suddenly, and abruptly left the room. I was left waiting on the bed for a few minutes, my phobia of the restraining cables slowly building. When Dr. Jeryl returned, I noticed that his face was slightly pale. ‘It seems I can’t. It would deaden the nerves beyond an acceptable level.’ He washed his hands again, which now shook noticeably, and then returned to my side. The scalpel was once more held against my skin, as steady as could be in spite of the fact that the hand holding it had been quivering moments before, and I felt its coldness leeching into my nerves. I heard the other inhale deeply.

The cut began without warning, accompanied by instant, acute, and excruciating pain. I writhed in my constraints despite their tightness, my mouth opened so wide in a soundless scream that the tendons anchoring muscle to jawbone popped. I cried openly, the warm tears rolling down my face producing a sensation similar to the one created by the blood dripping down my back. My body came alive with agony: as nerves were severed, I lost control of whatever they had been connected to, but felt as though that part of my body was still attached and being dipped in molten metal. I slowly became motionless, not because the pain was deadening, but because my mind was no longer linked with my limbs. My diaphragm eventually ceased pulling air into my lungs, and then my heart stopped.

I stared with a surreal level of detachedness at the ceiling, seeing a glint of metal as Dr. Jeryl put down the scalpel and picked up one half of the wetware-to-software interface. I then felt rather than saw him slide the frigid metal onto the upper part of my now-severed spinal cord, taking on more pain as he anchored it to the base of my skull with four titanium screws. A few moments more, and then a shock washed over me: the doctor had installed the second segment of the interface, clipped the two halves together, and delivered an electric pulse to restart my heart. True feeling returned to my limbs with a vengeance: it was nothing short of torturous.

‘I’m sorry…I’m so sorry, baby,’ the doctor was saying. ‘I know it hurts…I know…It’s over…’ He held one of my hands, stroked my head. His palms were sweating. ‘It’s over…’

Blue light filled the room, and my mind slipped mercifully into nothingness."
-From recovered audio recording
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Old Posted September 4th, 2008 (08:11 PM).
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POKEMON_MASTER_0
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I loved the way you described that sink in the second paragraph. At first I was thinking, "What the heck could this futuristic-thing be?" and then a few seconds later, "Oh, just a sink."

And the suggestiveness...I found it funny. I always do. No matter how stupid suggestiveness gets (not thinking about your fic) I always find it funny. I'm not sure why...kind of creepy now that I think about it.

On a more serious note, I found it slightly surprising that the main character is female. I mean...a weapon of mass-destruction being female? However, we've both witnessed the power of a certain female dragon Pokemon. With that in mind, I shouldn't have been surprised.

The intense part was pretty intense...it's too bad that the doctor couldn't have given her a local anesthetic. I can't imagine what that'd feel like. I've had a few things cut out of my skin and each time I was given a local anesthetic. Even then, it was unpleasant. I feel for her.

In terms of grammar, I saw an instance near the end of the chapter where you omitted a word. I had it highlighted but I can't seem to find it now...sorry.

Also, going out on a tangent (this is somewhat on-topic because the first chapter is called "Genesis") I heard a familiar tune blaring from the living room TV. It was Genesis!...On a commercial for jeans. It was cool though. Surprisingly, a good chunk of the song was played (including the entire intro). I may have to look the commercial up on youtube just for the heck of it.

So yes...that's all I have to say. As always, good work.
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Old Posted September 4th, 2008 (08:41 PM).
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Probably here:

Quote:
He held one of my hands, stroked my head.
That was actually intentional. I think it works grammatically, but if it reads weird then I can change it.

Speaking of music in commercials, I saw a car commercial the other day set to "Technologic." I was stunned. I think the car was a Lincoln something...I wouldn't have even remembered the brand had it not been set to that song.
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Old Posted September 6th, 2008 (07:41 PM).
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Well, this was certainly another great chapter! It was really interesting learning more about Mewtwo specifically, as opposed to mostly the surroundings. I think you did an awesome job of characterizing by showing more than telling.

I think I noticed one mistake, though. The term "wetware-to-software" is written as "wetware-to-hardware" during the surgery. I'm not sure which one is correct, I guess it depends on whether Mewtwo sends commands to some kind of OS or whether she controls the components directly.
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Kanto: The Disputed Frontier - 14 chapters, indefinite hiatus. Gary Stu's Unpredictable Adventure - 8 chapters, completed. Digimon Campaign - 7 chapters, ongoing

One-shots:
There's Always Tomorrow (SWC 2009), A Matter of Stubbornness (SWC 2010), Left by the Roadside
(SWC 2011 1st place),
Giovanni Destroys the World and Everything in It (2012), By What Right? (SWC 2013 1st place), Back in the Day (SWC 2014 1st place) (New!)


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Old Posted September 6th, 2008 (09:26 PM).
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txteclipse
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Quote:
Originally Posted by icomeanon6 View Post
Well, this was certainly another great chapter! It was really interesting learning more about Mewtwo specifically, as opposed to mostly the surroundings. I think you did an awesome job of characterizing by showing more than telling.
People have pointed this out before, and it's true: I like to characterize for the most part by using things besides dialog or speech in general. I believe a lot of communication is non-verbal: you can tell a lot about someone or something simply by watching how they act or react in certain situations.

It's kind of funny saying that and then thinking about how Mewtwo doesn't have an actual voice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by icomeanon6 View Post
I think I noticed one mistake, though. The term "wetware-to-software" is written as "wetware-to-hardware" during the surgery. I'm not sure which one is correct, I guess it depends on whether Mewtwo sends commands to some kind of OS or whether she controls the components directly.
Oof. That was a mistake on my part. It is supposed to encode her nerve signals into data. She could hypothetically control a ship manually with her mind, but it wouldn't be nearly as responsive or easy. Hmmm...

Thanks for reading, as always. Your help and support is greatly appreciated.
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Old Posted September 18th, 2009 (12:58 PM).
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Wow! I'm going through the stories of the FFL's inhabitants one by one, and what do I encounter? Awesomeness!
What I'm wondering is where the audio was recorded, why Mewtwo isn't telling us herself, and who is listening to it (aside from us)?

What I find slightly strange is that the loop-thingie is her spinal cord. Would her spinal cord not be in her back?

But, as I said before, awesomeness.

Goodbye!
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Old Posted September 18th, 2009 (05:39 PM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by La Pompa View Post
Wow! I'm going through the stories of the FFL's inhabitants one by one, and what do I encounter? Awesomeness!
What I'm wondering is where the audio was recorded, why Mewtwo isn't telling us herself, and who is listening to it (aside from us)?

What I find slightly strange is that the loop-thingie is her spinal cord. Would her spinal cord not be in her back?

But, as I said before, awesomeness.

Goodbye!
I was a bit surprised to see one of my fics on the front page again, seeing as I haven't updated either in so fliggin' long. I'm glad you enjoyed what I've written so far, at least. XD

As for Mewtwo's spine, she has this tube thing going from the base of her skull to right between her shoulder blades, and that's what contains the upper part of her spinal cord. Here's a picture of Sugimori's Mewtwo to show you what I'm talking about:

Spoiler:
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