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  #51    
Old December 23rd, 2008 (04:35 PM).
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Konekodemon
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I do have major mistakes but I did try very hard, even though I have very bad mistakes in grammer and spelling
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  #52    
Old December 23rd, 2008 (05:06 PM).
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Legendarian Mistress
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Category
- Grammar

Genre specialty- Kanto-based OT fics

Preferred method of contact - PM

Examples of writing - http://www.pokecommunity.com/showpost.php?p=4112565&postcount=5
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showpost.php?p=4129521&postcount=8

Examples of reviews/beta-reports: http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=4671977&postcount=23
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showpost.php?p=3945340&postcount=2
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showpost.php?p=3942593&postcount=3
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showpost.php?p=3966907&postcount=32
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  #53    
Old January 18th, 2009 (11:45 AM).
Mira
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: i iz ina mufin
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So do you submit your chapters to your Beta-reader as you write it? (after they've done what they currently have of yours, of course )


Title of Story: The Mind

Fandom: Original Fiction

Plot summary: This is the story of a fifteen-year-old girl named Sylvia who, after having been proven to be a Faerie, is sent to F.W.A. (Faerie Wing Academy) to have her Powers trained. After she receives her wings, she meets a woman who informs her that she is the next Mind Faerie: a Faerie born to be the guardian of the Light Faerie (the king or queen of their world). She learns that the Dark Faeries are on the move and are searching for the next Light Faerie. Sylvia is trained in her newfound Power in order to have the tools needed to protect the new Light Faerie. The only problem is, she doesn't know who it is.

Genre: fantasy and perhaps action (Before you ask, this is not a romance novel. There's no romance until the second book and even then it is not the main component of the story.)

Rating: PG for violence (maybe killing?) and perhaps some cussing, but otherwise G

Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive? I don't really know which aspect I want to have it worked on specifically. My story just needs some general help. Any kind of mentor would be welcome.

Writing sample of story:
This is just a part of the first chapter.
Spoiler:
“What happened here?”

Sylvia spun around and found herself facing a female Faerie. She looked to be about the age of her own mother, if not a few years her elder. Her inky-black hair was tied back tightly in a bun, pulling the skin taut around her bright emerald eyes, giving her the semblance of a bird of prey.

She must be the librarian, Sylvia thought nervously, the burning presence of the pile of fallen books behind her becoming agonizing as heat prickled her complexion.

“I just re-stacked all of those,” the Faerie said, her voice containing little readable emotion.

Neither of them moved. The woman stared deeply into Sylvia's face, her virescent eyes seeming to glow as time edged by. The white Mark paint on her forehead began to itch, but Sylvia found that she was held immobile by the woman's gaze. Her heart began to beat increasingly fast and her stomach lurched unpleasantly.

After what seemed an oppressive hour of silence, though it was no more than a minute, the Faerie straightened up, lifting her chin slightly. Sylvia broke the stare and looked at the nearly-empty bookshelf beside her, her eyes falling upon the enticing doorknob that was drilled into the wood. She felt the woman's eyes on her, but refused to look at her again.

“No matter,” the Faerie's voice cut through the air fiercely, though her tone was dismissive. “'A tree fallen in the woods burns no less brightly than one which remains standing.'”

Sylvia suddenly looked into the woman's face with surprise, unsure of what exactly she meant. The Faerie drifted over and placed her hand on the doorknob, easily pulling aside the bookshelf. Sylvia winced, expecting the remainder of the books to drop onto the pile as well, but they all stayed in place.

Why did they all fall when I tried to open it? She wondered, her mouth falling open slightly in amazement.

“Don't dally, Miss Ketron,” the woman said sharply, shattering Sylvia's thoughts. “The sooner you come in, the sooner you can pick up all these books.”


Other: I don't currently have much of this story, but I'm still writing it. This is book one of The Silver Mark Trilogy.
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  #54    
Old January 19th, 2009 (03:48 AM).
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Added you, Mira, to the first post. =) Generally, it goes that you send stuff by chapters whenever you're done, but some Beta Readers may prefer another method (say, by scenes?). So you may want to ask the Beta Reader when you get one, but generally it's by chapters.
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  #55    
Old January 29th, 2009 (05:04 PM).
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The Ebon Blade
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Age: 23
Gender:
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Applying for a Beta- Reader:

Title of Story: Mission: Find the Source of the Madness!

Fandom: Original Ranger Fic

Plot Summary: A Top Ranger tells the story of his first mission as a Top Ranger to the students at a school.

Genre: Action, mystery, and a wee bit of romance

Type of mentor needed: Grammatical for sure and possibly a little bit of help with making the plot make sense or make more sense.

Writing Sample of Story:
With Pidgeot’s incredible speed, we reached the main land in only fifteen minutes. It was pretty cool to see the port from that high up in the sky. It looked like a sleek strip of metal on the side of a huge mass of green. I saw many boats floating on top of the water near the port and a huge cruise liner leaving the harbor. As we began to descend I noticed that the “small strip of metal” was full of skyscrapers. This was a big port city. It had five light houses along the coast as well. I held tightly onto Kaleen, who had long since passed out, trying to keep her steady but it was definitely difficult with the speed we were going. Riolu also was holding on tight… to the top of my head. I could feel him shaking in fear. We began descending and I scanned the area for a hospital. I saw a tall skyscraper with hundreds of windows on each side and a giant red cross on the side.

Other: I'm actually a ways into the story all ready but still would like it to be the best it can be.
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  #56    
Old January 29th, 2009 (10:09 PM).
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bobandbill
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Added you, The Ebon Blade. =)
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  #57    
Old January 30th, 2009 (06:39 AM).
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Gumball Watterson
"79% of stair accidents happen on stairs."
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Join Date: Feb 2006
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Age: 18
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I think I may as well apply for Beta Reader in the mean time
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Category: Grammar Language and plot

Genre specialty: Pokemon and Sci-Fi. I do better with moderate lenght chapters

Preferred method of contact: PM or E-mail. Download my Vcard

Examples of writing: I have not publicized anything yet

Examples of reviews/beta-reports:

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showpost.php?p=4246368&postcount=2

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showpost.php?p=4280277&postcount=3
(long one)
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showpost.php?p=4275772&postcount=4

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showpost.php?p=4275759&postcount=2


Strengths/weaknesses (optional):

Strenghts:

Moderate Lenght Chapters
Descriptions
Use of Language.

Weaknesses:

Original Fan-fics if they are to be very "Mysterious"
________________________________
That's pretty much it. Please let me know by PM if acceptance was
acquired.
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  #58    
Old February 6th, 2009 (04:46 AM). Edited February 6th, 2009 by ShinjisLover.
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ShinjisLover
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Right behind you
Gender: Female
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Is it okay if I also apply for getting a beta-reader?

Anyway, this is me applying for beta-reading for someone else!

Category: Comprehensive

Genre specialty: I work with any and all genres.

Preferred method of contact: PM

Examples of writing: Here is one from my Shaman King story:
Spoiler:

After my chores – doing the laundry, picking up the groceries and doing quite frankly everything – I would be forced to read twenty pages from a math textbook and 10 pages from any other textbook of my choosing, as long as it would improve my IQ. I was not allowed to go to school, as my father knew that it would make me less obedient. I would become less of a dog; less of a puppet to him.


And one from my Pokémon story:
Spoiler:

Without a word, he walked over to the small bed I was sitting in and picked up the rubber ball I was playing with earlier that day. His paw gripped the ball hard, flexing the muscles in his arm. I could see the anger building up inside of him just by looking into his eyes; the once blue eyes were clouded over and irritated. Catching me by surprise, he threw the ball against the wall of the hut, making it bounce back toward him. His claws turned silver and he slashed the ball, breaking it into three. My heart skipped a beat and jumped into my throat. Terrified, I watched as the three parts to ball fall to the floor in seemingly slow motion.


Examples of reviews/beta-reports:
Here we are! I can finally post links. ^_~
http://dragonsky.forumotion.com/fanfiction-f1/pokemon-new-generation-a-new-beginning-t6.htm
http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/showthread.php?t=33779

I can't seem to find my other ones. . But, once you read that, you'll get a taste of how I beta/review.

Strengths/weaknesses (optional): I procrastinate sometimes, but I'll do my best to work quickly and efficently.
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  #59    
Old February 6th, 2009 (06:37 PM).
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bobandbill
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Added you, ShinjisLover, as a Grammar and Language Beta reader (told you via PM as well, btw).

And Dagzar, would prefer if you told me you found a beta rather than saying it by deleting your post - not as noticeable otherwise... :/ But anyway, updated that again.
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  #60    
Old February 7th, 2009 (03:04 AM). Edited May 4th, 2009 by ShinjisLover.
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ShinjisLover
Later Potater!
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Right behind you
Gender: Female
Nature: Lax
I am also applying as a client. I have three stories, all of which I will describe. Hopefully, since I saw nothing against this, this will be acceptable.

(Story #1)
Title of Story: . . . >.> Still thinkin' of one.
Fandom: Pokémon (human adventures)
Plot summary: A young trainer starts out her adventure with a rough, rough start. Her foster father, Kyo (Koga of Fuschia City), is of hardly any help to her. She tries to fight for justice, although cannot see the hypocrisy in her actions, as she treats her Pokémon terribly to aim for one goal: More power with which to destroy Roketto-Dan. And that's just the first two arcs.
Genre: Tragedy, Romance, Action
Rating (PG, R, etc): Probably R-ish for explicit violence, explicit adult themes, and language.
Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive
Writing sample of story:

(from the first few arcs in Kanto)
Spoiler:

In anger, the Pokémon's black eyes glared at the bushes near Nareta, its bright pink lips signified a readiness for a fight. It didn't wait long as an orange Pokémon jumped out of the bushes, growling at the blue Pokémon. Nareta was able to recognize the blue Pokémon as a Nyoromo, being a familiar face around Sekichiku City; however, the canine-like Pokémon was unidentifiable. Nareta had never seen that Pokémon before. Its yellow, bushy chest fur glimmered from what little light shined in the forest Nareta stood in, as did the fluffy, golden tail. In spite of its beauty, Nareta was also able to notice its small fangs and sharp claws. There were two on each of its four paws nonetheless, making Nareta's knees quake in anticipation and anxiety.


"Ga!" the orange, black-stripped Pokémon shouted, building up a fireball in its throat. Soon, that fireball molted into a large flame which was shot at the Nyoromo.


"Nyo!" Nyoromo screeched, getting hit full-on with the fiery blaze. However, it was able to stand its ground and shoot a blue stream of liquid out of its mouth, knocking back the flames and pummeling the dog. Nareta stared in horror at the scene before her.


These things; they're
, she gulped down her growing fear, they're monsters! The terror was overwhelming.


Angrily, the dog ran toward Nyoromo, who had jumped in front of Nareta after its attack. Seeing the Pokémon come at it, Nyoromo hopped to the side just as the dog spread its claws. Unable to stop its attack, the Pokémon headed straight for Nareta with nails outstretched and intent to kill.


Nareta's heart hammered in her chest, making her body noticeably convulse. The pulsating was plain to see in all major arteries as she imagined her demise. The only thing that stood in the way of her and death was a short distance of nothing but air. She stared wide-eyed into the face of Armageddon, waiting for the claws to collide with her and end her life. Instead, she saw a shot of yellow electricity fly across the sky, engulfing the dog in lightning.



(also from Johto)
Spoiler:
Another day, another adventure – Nareta wanted to live by these words. She loved the feeling and rush of battling. Unfortunately, her last tournament ended in failure. Be it nerves or the flu, Nareta was mocked for not showing up to the final match. She left Kanto without a second thought, not even saying goodbye to Kyou. Her first adventure got off to a rocky start, but she was able to pull through and come out alive, though bruised and beaten from her ordeal. Luckily, she was able to meet someone. Someone she missed every day. If she could only see him one more time, she'd be satisfied. If she could only touch him one last time. . .

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  #61    
Old February 7th, 2009 (05:30 PM).
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bobandbill
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Ehh... well, I suppose multiple stories are fine - but don't expect all of them by any means to be taken up then - others put up before you should probably end up getting priority before you get a second story taken up at the same time. That's up to the Beta Readers though.

Be sure your 2nd and 3rd stories aren't too extreme for this board as well, btw - might want to check the rules if fics around the R-rating are allowed. =/
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  #62    
Old February 7th, 2009 (05:44 PM).
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Pikalover10
I'M BACK!
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: My house!
Gender: Male
Nature: Impish
CLIENTS:

Title of Story: PokeSpecial: Johto Journeys
Fandom: Original Trainer Fanfic.
Plot summary: A story about a young boy named Gold with the ambition to be just like his father. He goes on a journey with a Cyndaquil, just like his father and soon begins to realize something is happening in Johto and it is up to him, Crystal, and Silver. These three go on different journeys, but often run in to eachother.
Genre: Journey, with a hint of Romance and Mystery.
Rating (PG, R, etc): PG: 13
Type of mentor needed: Grammatical most likely...
Writing sample of story:
Spoiler:

Chapter 1: Vs. Sentret
It was an early, and dark morning. The sun hadn't even begun to rise and Gold was already up. He couldn't wait until he started his journey. He often wondered which Pokemon he would get as his starter.

"Chikorita, Totodile, and Cyndaquil." he whispered to himself.

He sat in a blue computer seat, backwards, staring out of his window at a huge lab across the town. He sighed and turned around to face the computer turned on in his room. He exited out of everything and turned it off, thinking about what to do.

He couldn't sleep, and his mom was asleep so he couldn't do that. He flopped on to his fluffy bed and stared up at his blank roof. He was wearing a pair of yellow pajamas. A yellow long-sleeved shirt, and yellow shorts.

He turned his head to the right, and spotted his father's album. Gold sat straight up and grabbed the album. It was red and on the front had a picture of his father.

His father had brown ruffled hair, glimmering gold eyes, wore glasses, a black long-sleeved shirt, yellow shorts, a black and yellow baseball cap, and his favorite necklace. His necklace was a black lace with a silver locket, shaped like a Pokeball, and it contained Gold's mother's picture and someone else in it. Back then, his father was 13 and his mother was 12, and they were dating.

Gold's eyes swelled up with tears and he quickly looked away from the book. His father was dead, and it pained Gold to see his father's broad smile again. When Gold was 6 his father had drastically died by falling off a cliff, trying to save Gold.

In the picture, Gold's father was surrounded by his Pokemon. A Noctowl, Typhlosion, Chansey, Politoad, Ursaring, and an Arbok. They were all smiling as happy as could be. Gold turned straight to the last page and found his father, all of his Pokemon, his mother, and then Gold himself. His father was ruffling Gold's hair, his mother was laughing, and all of his father's Pokemon were laughing.

Gold closed the album and leaned over his bed and grabbed his silver bag, opened it, and slid the album inside. He closed the bag shut and laid back on his bed, staring at the ceiling again. He wondered again for about the millionth time, which Pokemon he would get as his starter.

---

The morning had finally arrived! Light slowly crept in through Gold's window and he slowly flickered his eyes open. He sat up and rubbed his eyes confusingly, figuring he had dozed off.

He yawned loudly and rolled out of bed. He slowly crept over to his dresser, opened one of the drawers, and took out his clothes. He slowly changed in to his usual attire, a black T-shirt, a red polo long-sleeved shirt with a white pocket, yellow and black shorts, a pair of red and white running shoes, his father's old necklace, a yellow and black baseball cap, and a pair of white goggles. His father's old necklace held two pictures, the same one of his mother, and then a picture of his father when he had been Gold's age.

Gold picked up his silver backpack and walked out of his bedroom. He trotted down the stairs, looking for his mother, but she was nowhere to be found. He found a plate of two pancakes on the kitchen table, with a piece of paper under his glass of orange juice.

Gold sat down and picked the letter up, unfolded it and began to read it to himself.

Gold,

I'm very sorry honey, but I had to leave the house to find Aipom. She escaped out of your window this morning before you woke up and I had to go find her. Have fun on your journey and be careful.



Love Mom.


Gold sighed in disappointment. He crumpled the letter up and threw it in the trashcan. He stood up and left the house without even eating a bite of his pancakes, he wasn't hungry.

It was fresh and nice outside in the little town of New Bark. He had been born, raised, and almost killed there. All of his life he grew up in New Bark, caring for the stranded, abandoned, and hurt Pokemon that wondered in to town.

Gold looked down the street, towards the local laboratory and started walking towards it. He knew now that he wanted either Cyndaquil or Totodile, but he didn’t know which of the two he wanted.

He arrived at the front porch and rang the doorbell. The doorbell rang, and the ring echoed throughout the lab, as if nobody was there. Gold stood there, his hat on backwards, waiting for the Professor or Professor Assistant to come and help him out.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, a tall man wearing glasses, a blue T-shirt, a white lab coat, and cacki pants opened the door. He had a smile across his gleaming face, which was covered in ash and had grayish hair.

"Hello. You must be Gold, am I right?" the man asked.

Gold looked up at him and then noticed movement inside the lab. Gold looked behind the an and saw a young boy of about Gold's age, wearing a black and red long-sleeved shirt and gray pants sneak off with a red and white sphere in his hand. He reached one of the windows, leading to the forest behind the lab, opened it up quietly, and jumped out. Gold noticed in the boy's back pocket was a red mechanical device.

Gold shook his head, wondering what the boy had been doing and looked back up at the Professor.

"Yes sir. My name is Gold. Are you Professor Elm?" Gold asked.

"Why. Aren't you the smart one? Yes, I am Professor Elm of Johto. Now follow me." he said motioning with his hand for Gold to follow him.

Gold stepped inside and looked around. Everywhere he looked there were Pokemon. Butterfree, Caterpie, Typhlosion, Meganium, and Feraligatr. The hallways were riddled with bookshelves, and all of the books were filled with information on Pokemon.

Gold stopped at one of the bookshelves, and saw a book that filled him with questions. Mike, A Journey of New Bark Town's most prized trainer. Gold gulped and grabbed the book. Mike had been his father. Gold knew he didn't have time to read it, so he slipped the book in to his backpack and jogged back to Professor Elm.

Professor Elm stopped as Gold reached him and opened up a door. Inside was a few desks, and the walls were riddled with bookshelves. Gold looked around the room and noticed one desk had three platforms, and two held Pokeballs and in front of the three of each of them were 5 Pokeballs and 1 Pokedex.

Professor Elm looked at the desk and then screamed in horror.

"W-where is the other Pokeball? It contained a Totodile! I knew it was there. I put it there just a few minutes ago!" Professor Elm said looking everywhere for the missing item.

Gold was tempted to tell the professor about the mysterious boy, but decided not to. HE walked up to the desk and grabbed the Pokeball with the label under it 'Cyndaquil', clipped it on to his belt, and grabbed the other items. He put the Pokedex in his pocket, and clipped the 5 Pokeballs on to his belt, and left.

-

The first route in the Johto Region was very peaceful today. The Pokemon were about their own business, playing together or training with each other. Gold sat on a rock, staring at the new Pokemon he had just obtained after letting it out of its Pokeball.

“Cynda!” it squealed.

Gold sat there and then finally smiled. “Hey there little guy. I’m your new trainer.” Gold said, bending over and sitting the little Pokemon in his lap. Cyndaquil looked up at him and smiled. Gold chuckled a little, remembering the last time he had seen a picture of his father’s first Cyndaquil.

Then, the bushes started rustling. Gold jumped up to his feet, being caught off guard, and spun around to face the bushes. Then, a brown Pokemon with a long tail walked out of the bush calmly, as if nothing had happened.

“Sen.” It said casually. Gold sighed and took out his Pokedex. He was a little ticked, but was also relieved. He flipped the top cover over and scanned the newly appeared Pokemon.

“Sentret, the Scout Pokemon. It has a very nervous nature. It stands up high on its tail so it can scan wide areas.” The Pokedex bursted to life. Gold nodded and then scanned Cyndaquil. “Cyndaquil, the Fire Mouse Pokemon. It has a timid nature. If it is startled, the flames on its back burn more vigorously.” Gold nodded again and put the Pokedex away and smirked at the Sentret.

“Easy first win, Cyndaquil.” He muttered.

"Cynda!" Cyndaquil replied.

Gold smiled at his new Pokemon and then let out a deep breath to calm himself. "Cyndaquil use Tackle!" Gold called out. Cyndaquil nodded and leapt at the Sentret. He slopped on to the Sentret, knocking it to the ground, but the scout Pokemon quickly leapt to its feet and threw Cyndaquil off of him.

"Cynda!" Cyndaquil yelled as he skidded across the grassy field to a halt at the base of a tree. Cyndaquil quickly leapt to his feet and shook himself off. Gold grunted, realizing this wouldn't quiet be as easy as he thought it would be. He looked from Cyndaquil and then back at the Sentret, thinking about their next move.

The Sentret crouched and then sped off towards Cyndaquil, in an amazing attempt to use Quick Attack. Cyndaquil saw this and did a small leap in the air, and then with his hind legs he pushed off the tree behind him, dodging the Sentret's attack and causing it the hit the tree. Cyndaquil landed on his feet behind the dazed Sentret with a smirk on his face.

"Cyndaquil Tackle!" Gold said.

Cyndaquil turned around on his toe and then slammed himself in to the Sentret. Leaves in the tree rustled and a few floated to the ground. "Sen!" the Sentret yelped as it got its head stuck in a newly formed tree hole. Gold grimaced, realizing what he had done and quickly ran up to the Sentret. He grabbed its side, and Cyndaquil grabbed its tail.

"One...two...three...pull!" Gold said. Then, Cyndaquil and Gold both pulled on Sentret, but it was to no avail. Sentret yelped in pain and the two stopped pulling and released. Gold felt terrible for getting the Pokemon stuck in this situation.

"Need a little help?" a familiar voice rang out. Gold blinked and looekd behind him and saw a young girl of a few years older then him. She had blue hair going in two directions and wore a red tank top, a small white overjacket, black and white snadex shorts, and a yellow headband. Gold groaned realizing that it was the girl who lived across from him, Crystal. They are both friends, but they don't have the same mindset.

"What are you doing here?" Gold asked.

"Ummm. Appearently helping this poor little Sentret." Crystal smuggly replied.

"Yeah? Well we don't need your help." Gold sourly said.

The two trainers stared at eachother grimly until Crystal broke the silence.

"You know what? That Sentret needs help and you and your puny little Cyndaquil aren't going to help it."

"Why I oughta! Actually, you know why you say that? Cause you're a know it all professors little girl! You've been treated like royalty your entire life and I have no idea why you're here seeing as how you've already gone on your journey. Even the gym leaders treated you like royalty!" Gold replied.

"I didn't ask for that! Plus, I won my gym battles fair and square!" Crystal argued.

"Oh no you didn't! Do you even know why you won all your battles on the first try? BEcause otherwise the gym leaders thought they would get an earful from your daddy, Professor Elm!" Gold argued back.

Crystal's face was bright red with anger now. She called out her newly hatched Chikorita, and ordered it to use a Razorleaf attack. The razor sharp leaves cut through the tree bark, and the Sentret was sent free. Crystal recalled her Chikorita, turned away, and left. Gold sat there on the ground, and figured good, she had left him alone.

END


Other: I've been writing outside of PC for about 2 to 2 in ahalf years...while writing in PC I have grown in writing quit alot and I am now thinking aout becoming a professional writer when I grow up:D I think my strengths in writing is description, and I am pretty sure my weakness is grammatical errors...
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  #63    
Old February 8th, 2009 (05:51 PM).
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Giratina ♀
what's your sign?
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Gender: Female
Nature: Quirky
Title of Story: Metal Coat

Fandom: Pokemon, not really falling into any particular category.

Plot summary (I fail at these):
When a Meowth and Raichu find a rather odd Magnemite washed up on a beach, they take him in; and he stays with them for quite a while. Around six months later, the evolved Persian drags along the other two (Raichu and Magneton now) to find Jirachi's Key, a wish-granting item. They (well, the Raichu and Persian)thought they saw it and found something much different - the Galaxy Key, which transports them all to a different dimension. This was a rather unfortunate turn of events for our Magneton pal, who suddenly looks much more familiar...

Genre: Adventure, I suppose. xD

Rating (PG, R, etc): Pretty much everyone.

Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive, or beta-reader if there's nobody open in that position.

Writing sample of story:
Spoiler:
It was not a dark and stormy night. That much was easy to understand. In fact, it was a rather nice day, around one in the afternoon. Wingulls were flying around in the thermals above the seashore, making a racket like you’d never believe (but was normal for the Wingulls around here). The Wingulls seemed to be having a ball – so much of a ball, in fact, that they failed to notice the unconscious Magnemite lying on the sand below them.

Slowly, the metallic Pokemon came to. The robotic eye in the center of his body began to flick about as the programs began to run themselves. Slowly the Magnemite brought himself into the air with that levitating ability that Magnemites are so lucky to have, and waggled the magnet on the left side of his body.

“Interesting...”

As he remained there examining himself, a couple of creatures padded on to the beach. One of them was a yellow rat-like specimen on all four short, stubby legs, and the (to most people) unmistakable lightning bolt tail bobbing behind it. It had large black eyes and red circles on each of its cheeks, as well as brown-tipped, long ears stuck on near the top of its head. It was, unmistakably, a Pikachu.

The other resembled more of a cream-furred cat. There was a shiny gold-colored coin in the middle of its forehead, wedged between two triangle-shaped brown ears. It had large green eyes on a round face, with pointed teeth and whiskers on either side. Its cream body was more ovular, with three sharp claws (sheath-able, how convenient) on the end of its arms and longer brown paws for its feet. A brown tail curled into a spiral stuck out behind.

“What the…“ The Meowth looked up from her deep conversation with her Pikachu friend. “Caro, there’s a Magnemite on the beach.” She whispered softly to him and gestured at the Magnemite who looked like he had never seen himself before, as the Pikachu’s brown-tipped ears twitched to catch her message.

“Looks like it, Kris.” he nodded back, speaking as if he were a Solid Snake rip-off on a Super Secret Stealth Mission. Kris, the Meowth, rolled her eyes and padded up to the metal Pokemon.

“’Scuse me, sir,” she said, to which the Magnemite turned around silently, “are you okay? I’ve never seen you around here before.” Caro plodded beside her, and bowed slightly.

“No,” the Magnemite replied emotionlessly, “I don’t suppose you have. I’ve come from… a long way away.”

“I see,” Kris nodded, “so you’re a foreigner. I’m Kris, and this is my friend Caro.” She indicated the Pikachu with her tail.

“I am pleased to meet you both.” He twitched a magnet in acknowledgment.

Kris nodded, which was soon replaced by a puzzled expression. “We’ve given you our names – so what’s yours?”

No reply except a soft buzzing.

“Mister? Are you okay?” Caro frowned at him, holding up a paw and waving it in front of the Magnemite. He whirred loudly, as if just realizing he had zoned out in the middle of a conversation.

“I apologize,” he said in the same blank tone, “I seemed to have blacked out for a while. You may call me Helio.”

“He really is a foreigner,” Caro muttered under his breath, followed by a hiss and a frown from Kris. After that, she ignored it as if he had never made a comment, and asked Helio another question: “Do you have a place to stay?”

“Alas, I don’t.” Helio said, as further low whirring came from his body. Caro began to get agitated by the noise and frowned, but Helio noted his expression and explained. “I’m a machine. Thus, I give off periodical whirring noises. It’s a natural thing.” Caro kept the frown on his face, even after Helio replied.

Kris nodded. “Well, then, you can just stay with us!” Caro turned from frowning to staring slack-jawed at the cheery Meowth.

“Thank you for the offer,” the Magnemite said in his slightly unnerving monotone, “but I don’t wish to be much of a burden to you.”

Kris shook her head. “You won’t be any burden. We’ll find some place in the Team for you.” She turned around and signaled with her tail for him and Caro, still annoyed, to follow her off the scene.

Team…?
Helio thought as he followed after the other two.

Other: Metal Coat was my first story. My strong point is probably plots and characters - my weakness is making plot points string together in an orderly fashion.
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Old February 8th, 2009 (10:00 PM).
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bobandbill
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Added you Pikalover10 yesterday, and The Unchosen One today. =)
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Old February 24th, 2009 (09:43 PM).
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Legendarian Mistress
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Category
- Grammar

Genre specialty- Kanto-based OT fics

Preferred method of contact - PM

Examples of writing - http://www.pokecommunity.com/showpos...65&postcount=5
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showpos...21&postcount=8

Examples of reviews/beta-reports: http://www.pokecommunity.com/showpost.php?p=4346907&postcount=3
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showpost.php?p=4358001&postcount=41
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Old February 25th, 2009 (03:13 AM).
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bobandbill
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Unfortunately, Astinus and I will have to decline, Tigrerra, although as I mentioned in the PM you asked for, not by much - take your time and try again keeping in mind the stuff raised there.
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Old February 25th, 2009 (07:12 AM).
Mira
restless spirit
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: i iz ina mufin
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BETA READERS:


Category: grammar, proof-reading

Genre Specialty: I specialize in fantasy, though I will pretty much work on anything.

Preferred Method of Contact: PM

Examples of writing:
A prologue. Could potentially have screwed up spacing, so I apologize.
Spoiler:
The girl gently drifted to the ground and knelt down in the grass, burying her face in her hands as emotion finally took hold of her. Tears prickled her eyes and the skin beneath her fingers burned. She had never before felt so completely alone as she did now.

She had been told by her mentor that this was something that only she could do. This was one thing he couldn't help her with or repair if she failed. Everything the Faeries had worked for would be undone. If she failed, that is. She didn't understand why everything had to fall on her now of all times.

The Power Mark on her forehead suddenly turned blissfully cool against her heated face, calming her emotions and allowing her to sort out her thoughts. Now wasn't the time to allow her feelings to take control. She knew what it was that she had to do in order to find him. She had to try and track him.

Taking a breath to steady herself and lay down on her back, allowing her eyes to slip closed. Her black cloak spread across the ground to reveal her translucent diamond-shaped wings. She became conscious of her chest slowly rising and falling and felt her heart-rate decrease as she relaxed. Her thoughts slowly faded and she allowed her senses to drift from her form. They continued to spread outward until she was no longer aware of the sensations in her body. She felt her spirit drift forward lazily and she reinforced her connection to her body to ensure she didn't split from it permanently. She reached over the presence of the animals and Faeries around her, seeking out her brother's Power.

She couldn't find anything.

She was about to pull back when something that seemed somehow familiar flickered at the corner of her reach. Her consciousness closed in on it, attempting to identify what it was. Suddenly, it sparked once more, flowing into the connection and flooding her head with fragments of sights, sounds and tastes that she couldn't sort out as they overwhelmed her. Next came a stream of words that were so clear that it was as if someone were speaking them into her ear.


The Moon will shine
once again
and will reflect the Light.

Her Light will glow
through the Dark
and will cleanse the Power again.

The Darkness will try to make her dim
and find a way veil the Sun,
but she will protect it with all she is
and in turn will never wane.

“What?” the girl whispered, frowning as she returned to her body.

She opened her eyes and sat up, troubled by what she had found. It was always a possibility that her mentor had transferred that to her, but for what reason? He didn't typically speak to her in riddles, let alone in verse, though she was never quite sure what he was up to.

Or had she seen into the future?

It seemed far too unrealistic and the very idea of it made her want to laugh, but she had been told that it was a possibility to do so by accident, since there was no way of mastering it. But if she had, what did it mean? Was it her own future?

The girl brushed the stray strands of coal-colored hair out from in front of her face and placed a finger to her silver Power Mark to find that it had returned to the temperature of the rest of her skin.

She stood up and looked back at the white marbled wall of the palace which stood less than a mile away, her heart sinking low in her chest. Her brother was still missing and the only way she knew of finding him had failed. The only thing she could do now was wait.

Her wings quivered slightly and caught the gentle breeze, slowly lifting her into the air and toward the towering building ahead. She was nearing the massive whitewashed doors when something brushed against her consciousness. She flinched, her flight wavering for a moment.

Her breath turned into a choked gurgle when she was swept over by the same sensation as before. Only this time, she didn't control the connection.

Her eyes remained fixed on the palace before her, but she could no longer see it. Darkness cloaked her sight, its inky-black embrace tugging her from her body. The flicker of flames surrounded her, revealing the silhouettes of what appeared to be Faeries, their wings glowing with the light that illuminated them.

She will have the chance
to repair it all.

The figures all raised their arms, their Power Marks shining with the colors of their Type.

Undo the mistakes
made long, long ago.

The glorious colors of the Power Marks slowly faded, transforming into a horrible black more deep than anything she had ever seen. They spread across the arms of the Faeries and down over their bodies until they were nothing but darkness.

But whether it is done
by death or Power
is to be her choice,
and shall change everything
forever.

As quickly as it had started, her vision ended. She was thrust back into her body and her sight cleared. Her leg and back ached and she was staring at an expanse of blue. The sky?

She twisted her head to the side with a wince of pain and saw the palace only a few meters away. She had fallen to the ground, her wings useless when she no longer consciously controlled them. The girl pushed herself up gingerly and saw that her left leg was twisted uncomfortably under the other. She tried to move it back into place, but only succeeding in sending a stab of pain through it. She let herself fall back again with a groan.

She thought about what had just happened with a shiver. Her mind had been overcome so quickly by the force of whatever had just happened, and she now knew for sure that it hadn't been something transferred to her. She'd seen into the future.

“Are you hurt?” a crisp female voice asked from nearby.

She looked up to see a younger girl flying over, a shocked look on her face. It was Martha, her assigned healer. Martha was there to make sure she didn't get herself killed.

“How does Martha always find me?” she muttered to herself, placing a hand over her eyes.

“Don't worry, I'll fix your leg lickety-split,” Martha said cheerily.

Martha placed her hands on the girl's injured leg and immediately the pain faded. She looked down to see that Martha had already managed to put her leg back in place and was now mending the bone, her hands glowing with a white light.

She is already very skilled in her Power, she thought, removing her hand from her face and pushing herself up.

Martha stood and held out a hand to help her up. She took the younger girl's hand and stood as well, experimentally placing weight on her mended leg. It worked as if it hadn't been injured in the first place. She looked up to give Martha a smile, but saw that there was a nervous expression on her face.

“What's wrong, Martha?” she asked in a low voice.

“We found your brother,” Martha said quietly, refusing to meet her gaze.

Her heart flooded with hope for a moment before realizing that something wasn't right.

“Is he okay?” she asked, her eyes wide with fear. “Did he get hurt?”

“No,” Martha shook her head slowly, her pale-brown curls tumbling across her face. She looked up at her with deep, mournful blue eyes. “But something else has happened.”


This is an excerpt from the first chapter of one of my stories. This is slightly older, however, so there may be a few typos.
Spoiler:
Imelda sat before the flickering fireplace as the rain beat against the roof of the house. Her brown hair was damp and plastered to her flushed cheeks, but she made no move to fix it. A book lay open in her lap, though Imelda's thoughts were far away from the print on the pages.

Her uncle had once again offered to open his home to Imelda and he had warned her that he would no longer support her if she stayed in her home. She was realizing that she would have to make the choice sooner or later, and later was approaching far sooner than she expected.

Ever since Imelda's mother had died, he had been struggling to find a way to keep Imelda in his household, but he had never succeeded.

Until now.

For as long as Imelda could remember, she had lived with her mother's friend, Sarah, and her uncle had seemed content with that arrangement. Two years ago, however, Imelda decided to go back to her home and live by herself, taking the money that her uncle gave to Sarah for her care in order to do so. The shrinking bag of coins in her belt served as a constant reminder of her dependence on her uncle.

But Imelda didn't understand why he wanted her to live with him so badly. He had never actually visited her with the exception of her earlier birthdays and, as far as she knew, he hadn't so much as lifted a finger to help her father when he became an alcoholic. Even if he was her mother's brother, Imelda couldn't say that she trusted him.

Somehow, despite thoughts weighing heavily on her mind, consciousness slipped from her body and she drifted to sleep.

* * *

A blood chilling scream assaulted Imelda's ears. Her eyes snapped open, though all she could see were the flames slowly dying in the fireplace. All of her senses were suddenly sharp. She could feel the cold floor beneath her cheek and hear how the rain had turned to sleet. A sharp taste floated on her tongue... As if she had placed a metal spoon on it. Imelda listened, wondering if it had been a part of her dreams until the screaming started again.

It was woman's scream. A man swore and the shrieks continued, seeming to get closer to her. She heard the man shout and all sound immediately ceased. The change was so abrupt that Imelda sat up and quickly pulled herself to her feet, her heart pounding loudly in her ears. She listened carefully for any sound and slowly wrapped her fingers around the knife that rested in her belt. Imelda held it in front of her and waited, every muscle tense, for the next noise.

One second passed, then another.

A man shouted on the other side of the door and the wood bent in, immediately breaking apart into hundreds of slivers that flew across the room. Imelda raised her arm to protect her face and watched in horror as a hooded figure jumped through the doorway. The black hood shadowed his face, but she could feel his eyes lock on her and see the shine of his teeth as he pulled back his lips into a smile.

Out of instinct, Imelda held out the knife, making sure it separated her from the intruder. He laughed, his voice like someone dropping logs on a pile of wood, and raised his right hand in her direction.

“Surmarsi!” he yelled.

Imelda twisted her knife and was about to throw it when she was struck by an invisible hand. Her throat constricted and she couldn't breath as the room began to swim around her. Her body was frozen in place. She felt her heart slow its beating and her thoughts start to fog as she quickly began to shut down.

The man lowered his hand and grinned darkly. An ashen hand reached from behind him and grabbed the back of his neck, pushing him forward. He screamed as smoke floated from his cloak and the next figure glided in. The new intruder pulled the man along for several strides before releasing his neck, dropping him on the floor.

“Idiot,” the figure hissed as she pulled off her hood to reveal her long, silver hair. “You just about killed her. Parmarsi!”

Immediately, air flowed into her lungs and her body started to work again. Imelda struggled to cry out, but she couldn't make a sound. She still had no control over her arms or mouth and her legs were held in place.

“I don't know why we were assigned to fetch this... child,” she said, stepping closer to Imelda. “Though she does strike me as an interesting little mutt.”
The woman laughed and took the blade from Imelda's hand, tossing it beside the crumpled man on the floor. She thrust out her pale arm and grabbed Imelda's face with her hot hand, forcing Imelda's head to move from side to side as the woman examined her. Imelda struggled with all her might to regain control of her body and break through the hex.

“Ah, it looks as though we shall be traveling with an honorary deihher tonight,” she said to her comrade, who was beginning to pull himself off the floor and pick up the discarded knife.

Imelda didn't understand. If anyone looked like a deihher, it was the woman. Her silver hair and purple lining around her black, iris-less eyes seemed to come right out of the horror stories that ran through the town. Except that she wasn't a wolf.

The woman ran her fingers through her captive's hair, causing Imelda's scalp to tingle. She abruptly took her hand and smacked it across Imelda's face.

“Most likely a traitor's offspring. I don't know what he would want with any of that sort, past revenge. But Christopher has always had a way of choosing,” she stared at Imelda with a mixture of distain and hunger. “But if he is wrong, we could always use another Aninoid.”

“You should not refer to your superior in such casual terms,” the man said sharply, glaring at her murderously from beneath his charred hood.

The woman waved her hand dismissively and turned to face her challenger. “To call him otherwise would be to grant him respect, and since he has done little over the past years to impress me, he has earned none.”

Imelda concentrated, focusing all her energy on moving her hand. Her fingers twitched.

“The man who reawakened the art of our magics? The man whose ancestors survived our people's fall?” he growled, stepping in front of the woman and drawing his massive body up to full height.

Imelda slowly broke through her paralysis and reached her arm toward the fire poker on the floor. She hoped that she could knock out the woman with it and have recovered enough speed to evade the man. She knew that if she were captured again she would be worse off, but she couldn't wait for them to reveal what they were going to do with her.

“He's a coward,” the woman laughed mirthlessly. “The only reason his family survived at all is because they placed themselves before their cause. They should have all died with the failed magic user those centuries back so we could have started over without his leadership.”

Imelda's hand brushed against the metal rod.

“We would not have half the spells we have now if it wasn't for his family's survival.”

She wrapped her hand around it and began to lift it up behind her.

“You are as arrogant as he. I suppose that if he asked of you to-” a loud clattering cut the woman off when the poker fell to the floor.

The two intruders stopped and stared at Imelda. I'm dead, Imelda thought. She waited for them to say the word to freeze her heart again, forcing her body to shut down as she slowly suffocated... But it didn't happen.

“You're a slippery little snake, aren't you?” the woman said with little emotion. She closed her eyes and thought for a moment, seeming to think that their captive was no threat. “The average length of the partial immobilization spell on a non-magic user is an hour, fifty-two minutes and twenty seconds.” She opened her dark eyes and stared at Imelda. “While the average duration of the spell on a person of typical magical capabilities is approximately an hour and four minutes.”

“Did you cast the spell properly?” the man demanded.

“Of course I did, but how can this be? We can't have been here for more than twenty minutes.”

Imelda realized that they had forgotten her, for they were too busy arguing, and began quietly edging around them as fast as her stiff legs could move her. They continued to bicker, discussing things that Imelda knew nothing of, as she approached the gap where the front door used to stand. A meaty fist came down on the side of her face and she crumpled halfway through the doorway, dazed and bleeding from her split lip. Splinters dug into her arms and neck and a lump already began forming on her head as sleet rained down on her face.

“You little-”

“Calm yourself. We were sent here to take her back with us in one piece. She's no threat to us. But tie her up. I don't want her jumping out of the cart.”

The man stepped away from her to find something to bind her with. Imelda looked outside and noticed that the town was completely quiet. The neighbors hadn't heard the noise before. Imelda coughed up a clot of blood that had gone down her throat and took a raspy breath.

“HELP!” Imelda yelled into the night until the word faded into a frantic scream.

Thin, long fingers pressed down over her mouth, cutting off her cries and causing her lip to bleed all the more. The heat that radiated off the hands was so intense that Imelda was sure that her face was being incinerated. The woman's deep eyes entered Imelda's vision, seeming to steal all the light from the room. Imelda couldn't look away. She felt her body melt into a strange mixture of calm and raw terror.

“You're safe, child,” the woman said softly, holding Imelda's gaze in hers. “We're taking you where you belong. We are going to take care of you.”

Imelda felt her ankles being bound, then her wrists. But that didn't matter. She was going to be taken where she belonged. They were going to take care of her.

She was lifted off the ground and carried the rest of the way out of the house into the freezing rain. A cart pulled by two horses was waiting outside. Waiting for her.

The man placed her limp body on the bundles in the cart before sitting up front to drive the horses. The woman, however, sat next to her in the back, placing a bag of items beside her. Her hood was up again, but Imelda could still see her dark, abysmal eyes whenever they looked down on her.

Imelda lay there, feeling content. There was something wrong and she knew it. Something was wrong with the way the bags below her smelled and felt, but she couldn't concentrate. She turned her head to the side and watched the wheels as they rolled over the paved road. The path was flat and empty until they passed a motionless body. Imelda blinked. Black hair was sprawled around the woman's pale face and her neck was twisted at a grotesque angle.

“Sarah?” Imelda gasped, staring at the mangled body of her recent guardian.


Examples of reviews/beta-reports:
Are these allowed to be from other websites?

Third review down by LydiaB:
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic43545.html

Seventh review down by LydiaB
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic42028.html

Strengths/weaknesses: I sometimes have trouble drilling into the core of the story to critique (especially when it's the first part), though that typically gets better as I am more exposed to the story line. I also tend to be random, which can be either good or bad
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  #68    
Old February 25th, 2009 (11:13 PM).
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bobandbill
Wahahahaha!
 
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Age: 23
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Mira, you're approved, and added to the first post. You can start taking on people. =)

Also decided to add links to everyone's profiles in the first post as well. And just under the character limit too, apparently.
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  #69    
Old March 4th, 2009 (11:02 AM).
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Abenti
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: California
Gender: Female
Nature: Careful
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Title of Story: Pokemon Amber: The Untold Memoir
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary: A prequel fic centering around the never seen, never named, only mentioned once in the anime father of Ash Ketchum set about 10 - 12 years before the anime starts. Anthony "Tony" Ketchum, an 18 year old trainer gets disowned after an argument and heads towards the Kanto region to take the journey that he had only planned on doing before. Along the way he gains a traveling companion as well as two other pokemon other than his his first one that he had aquired eight years prior.
Genre: OT, Romance (due to the technicalities that the OT and companion falling in love/getting married by the end of the story).
Rating (PG, R, etc): On the general whole I attempt to do PG or milder.
Type of mentor needed: Plot, Comprehensive
Writing sample of story: The chapters I have posted up are located at http://pkmn.sailorchristmas.com/stories.php
Other: I've been writing/working on this particular fanfic for a few years, though I have had off and on fanfic writing for a number of years prior in the Sailor Moon fanfic department (though that's a whole different can of worms that I've yet to finish writing on). My greatest weaknesses writing wise would be plotlines (individually per chapter) and general overall follow through... More often than not I find myself not being able to follow through with a story idea once I find that I don't have someone to bounce ideas arround and/or get opinions or thoughts from.
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Old March 4th, 2009 (08:05 PM).
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bobandbill
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Added you, Abenti. Also a reminder to people who have found beta Readers to tell me if that's the case, please...
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  #71    
Old March 7th, 2009 (03:29 AM).
Micro
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Are the beta readers here only for pokemon fanfics?
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  #72    
Old March 7th, 2009 (04:01 AM). Edited March 7th, 2009 by bobandbill.
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bobandbill
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Quote originally posted by L O L L I P O P:
Are the beta readers here only for pokemon fanfics?
No - they can beta read stories from fandoms other than Pokemon, or also original writings (not based on any fandoms). Note of course that you'd be saying if your story if your story is a Pokemon one or not anyway in the form for clients (in the 1st post), and if it based on another fandom chances are not every beta reader here would be experianced with it.

So just mention it in the form, so that one can tell, and it'd be fine. =)
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  #73    
Old March 9th, 2009 (03:40 PM). Edited March 12th, 2009 by dream's-epilogue.
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dream's-epilogue
Worthless
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Nope.
Age: 23
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I've rewritten the first chapter in standard format in the fiction section! Rewrite of 2 coming soon!
Title of Story: Dark Reflections: Kain's Saga
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary: New Silver Isle is the intellectual's Eden; it is on this obscure isle that the greatest technology that shapes the world is born. The most brilliant minds in existence work here in secrecy, molding the world for the betterment of humanity. Yet this center of enlightenment has its darker side, as well; a young and hardworking scientist by the name of Dr. Kain R. Moriko falls asleep at work one stormy night, and awakens to a peculiar sight: he has somehow been transformed into a pokemon! Kain rushes to discover how and why he was transformed while trying to adjust to his new form. In the end, he and his new friends end up at odds with his former employer, but when a bloody incident from the company's past resurfaces, Kain is forced to question his own existence. Just who is he, and what exactly happened all those years ago...?
Genre: Adventure, mystery, sci-fi
Rating (PG, R, etc): PG13
Type of mentor needed: Concept & Flow
Writing sample of story: (See attachment)
Other: Well, this is my first time actually sharing my stories, so I need some help, just to make sure it's up to snuff. I don't want to post a story that no one'll like, so I just want someone to give my an idea of how it looks, and if there's anything I need to fix.
My Strengths: I'm pretty good at compromise and "what if"'s; I can take a particular situation and write it out pretty decently. I'm also decent at characterization. I can do comedy pretty well, particularly sarcasm.
My Weaknesses: Dialogue, hands down. That's why I'm using the script format; I have a very tough time writing out conventional dialogues, esp. if they are long or dry. When I do, they end up boring.
Attached Files
File Type: rtf kains saga 2.rtf‎ (8.1 KB, 0 views) (Save to Dropbox)
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  #74    
Old March 9th, 2009 (05:48 PM).
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I dont get it? Confusing!
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  #75    
Old March 9th, 2009 (06:45 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Tunaboy88:
I dont get it? Confusing!
It's simple, if you've written a story that you think isn't perfect, you can come here and get help on it.
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