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  #1    
Old February 21st, 2009 (07:56 PM). Edited February 22nd, 2009 by Misheard Whisper.
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Rated G. Too long for a drabble, so a oneshot it is! R&R please!

~~~~~

In the beginning, there was nothing.

There was less than nothing. “Nothing” was abstract, a floating concept. “Nothing” was not even a word yet.

Yet still, there was nothing.

What was before the beginning? Nobody knows. Even so, there must have been something.

Or was there?

Did time exist before the beginning? Did space? Thought?

What about the fourth dimension? That mysterious place between the worlds, the place which all have heard of, but few have seen? Perhaps. Perhaps the fourth dimension is in fact the first dimension? It may have been there long before our world.

In the beginning, there was nothing.

But then, there was. A spark, a tiny light. The smallest pinprick of pure, gleaming light, glinting impossibly. It wasn’t much, but it was there.

This was the beginning. The beginning of the universe as we know it. From this spark came all that mankind has today. The spark shivered, flickering slightly.

And exploded.

In mere seconds, the universe billowed outwards like a rapidly inflating balloon. Gases of all colours swirled madly, spinning and eddying like a rough, multicoloured river. Helium flared, neon glowed, and millions of unimaginable chemicals fused and split, creating the gases we know today.

Yet in the middle of the chaos, the spark still burned. Seemingly unfazed by the unfolding pandemonium, it flared hot and strong. And from this spark came the One.

The One saw what had been wrought, but was displeased. The One, whose power is beyond all imagining, commanded his universe to heal itself. All that did not please the One was sucked inside it, conflicting, swirling. The One fought the elements within him, but they consumed him. The One was taken over by the elements, yet was still able to control the power of each.

But the struggle had tired the One, and it shrank back, back into its spark, back to sleep. When it will rise, nobody knows. But to this day, Arceus lies dormant.
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  #2    
Old February 21st, 2009 (10:28 PM).
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I can't review this just yet, because I seriously can't read it. I don't know what theme you're using, but on the forum's default theme white text shows up as nearly invisible. Very few people will bother reading your fic unless you change that now.
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Kanto: The Disputed Frontier - 14 chapters, indefinite hiatus. Gary Stu's Unpredictable Adventure - 8 chapters, completed. Digimon Campaign - 7 chapters, ongoing

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There's Always Tomorrow (SWC 2009), A Matter of Stubbornness (SWC 2010), Left by the Roadside
(SWC 2011 1st place),
Giovanni Destroys the World and Everything in It (2012), By What Right? (SWC 2013 1st place), Back in the Day (SWC 2014 1st place)


Family (kind of?): Strange person who calls me strange names

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  #3    
Old February 21st, 2009 (11:34 PM).
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Oops! Sorry!!! Thank you very much, I'll go change that now. I am using Team Magma's Passion. *trundles off to fix*
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  #4    
Old February 22nd, 2009 (03:30 PM).
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this sounds good. "nothing" is a true concept that you have comtemplated very well, "what are you doing?" "oh, nothing." well they have to do something, weather it be breath, speak, think. and there is no real "nothing" even what we think is "nothing" it taking up space. this 4thD, idea you have given is really good. to those that read this, i aplaud those few who under stand the idea made here. good job, not many can pull something off like this, but to be a hipocript, it lacks emotion and is too bland. sorry, but i had to say it.

very well played though.
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***
Look, I like RPing... unfourtuneatly I only look at the best, and maybe I join them... but also it seams that most of them DIE... come get me if you want me to join... I am a good RPer if you want me in.
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  #5    
Old February 22nd, 2009 (03:42 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Kenji Sasaki:
Oops! Sorry!!! Thank you very much, I'll go change that now. I am using Team Magma's Passion. *trundles off to fix*
XD;

Sorry to be a pain, but why don't you just get rid of the [color] tags? Because now that you use black font, it's difficult for me to read because I use the "Quilava's Glaciation" skin, which has dark gray for the post boxes. So...black on gray is kinda difficult to see. XD;

The best solution is to never use color tags, so that way the font shows up as the default color no matter what skin is being used. It would show up as white for me and my QG skin, black for icomeanon6's skin, and whatever default font color for the other skins that don't use either black or white for the default skin color.

Just a little note for future posting. XD
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  #6    
Old February 22nd, 2009 (07:32 PM).
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I can't work out how to fix the colour! There aren't any [color] tags, and I don't know how to fix it. I can change from one colour to another, but that's it. I even tried "remove text formatting" but it didn't work! I don't know what to do! *goes off to try to fix it*

EDIT: Duh me, I fixed it. *facepalm* Turns out I had to highlight the text, and then click "remove formatting"!
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  #7    
Old February 23rd, 2009 (03:11 PM).
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Now that the color-drama is behind us, I'll give my thoughts on the story.

I enjoyed it, despite its length. You've got some nice ideas there, and there was nothing particularly jarring in the narration. One thing I will say is that it might have worked better as just a drabble. When you label something as "oneshot," people generally expect a little more than this, not only in terms of length but in terms of plot structure. I also think this could have worked as a prologue to a full-fic. I'd hate to see these few hundred words you've written fade into obscurity once we can't bump this thread anymore.
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My chapter fics:
Kanto: The Disputed Frontier - 14 chapters, indefinite hiatus. Gary Stu's Unpredictable Adventure - 8 chapters, completed. Digimon Campaign - 7 chapters, ongoing

One-shots:
There's Always Tomorrow (SWC 2009), A Matter of Stubbornness (SWC 2010), Left by the Roadside
(SWC 2011 1st place),
Giovanni Destroys the World and Everything in It (2012), By What Right? (SWC 2013 1st place), Back in the Day (SWC 2014 1st place)


Family (kind of?): Strange person who calls me strange names

If the pen is mightier than the sword, the keyboard is mightier than the ICBM.
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  #8    
Old February 23rd, 2009 (03:21 PM).
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You know, I may just have to make it a prologue. I was inspired by The Gaurdian's fic, on a similar topic, and expanded on the idea. However, I was under the impression that a drabble had to be under 100 words...maybe, maybe not. I've been doing chaptered fics for a while now. Yes, I think I'll definitely make this into something more. Thank you for reviewing, and for giving me the idea!
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  #9    
Old February 23rd, 2009 (05:06 PM).
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you did great on a subject that only a few, myself included, have ever tryed to pick up. i really like the way you did this.
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Where there is Uncertainty, I shall bring Light.
Where there is Doubt, I shall bring Faith.
Where there is Shame, I shall grant Atonment.
Where there is Rage, I shall show its course...

I am the Gaurdian...
***
Look, I like RPing... unfourtuneatly I only look at the best, and maybe I join them... but also it seams that most of them DIE... come get me if you want me to join... I am a good RPer if you want me in.
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  #10    
Old February 23rd, 2009 (05:20 PM).
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The start is a little cliched, but alright. I've read quite a few things like this across genres - "In the beginning, there was Nothing. Nothing with a capital N. Nothing at all. Then there was Something. Da da da da!" Why anyone would want to write about Nothing is beyond me. You cover the bases well, though.

It's the second part that confuses me. You don't really explain where the 'One' comes from. Matter is one thing, a consciousness is something else entirely. And this line: "The One saw what had been wrought, but was displeased. The One, whose power is beyond all imagining, commanded his universe to heal itself." To heal itself? Funny, I didn't get the feeling that it was wounded. "The One fought the elements within him..." It looks like the One has decided to go to war against matter, but the meaning of it escapes me.

If the conflict between the One and expanding matter was meant to be the conflict and climax of your oneshot, I think it deserves to be considerably extended, beacuse it is a little bland, as The Gaurdian said.
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  #11    
Old February 23rd, 2009 (05:24 PM).
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Like icomeanon6 suggested, I'm gonna turn this into a short chaptered fic. I will revise this chapter, and explain other bits throughout.
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  #12    
Old February 23rd, 2009 (05:44 PM).
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The Gaurdian
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well good luck, may the best writer get to the end of time first. hopefuly, it takes a long time.
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Where there is Uncertainty, I shall bring Light.
Where there is Doubt, I shall bring Faith.
Where there is Shame, I shall grant Atonment.
Where there is Rage, I shall show its course...

I am the Gaurdian...
***
Look, I like RPing... unfourtuneatly I only look at the best, and maybe I join them... but also it seams that most of them DIE... come get me if you want me to join... I am a good RPer if you want me in.
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  #13    
Old February 23rd, 2009 (05:45 PM).
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...I guess. We should make this a kind of informal competition, huh? You up for it?

Not just speed, but quality and reviews also.
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  #14    
Old February 23rd, 2009 (05:54 PM).
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Wow, I definetely didn't expected something like this! Good job.
Although it's a bit short (I like long stories) it expresses very well what you were thinking at the moment you wrote that.
I hope I can see more of your creations!
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  #15    
Old February 23rd, 2009 (07:20 PM).
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You like long stories? I'll be posting my chaptered fic soon, so hang out for that!
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  #16    
Old February 24th, 2009 (06:45 AM).
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The Gaurdian
a change in your demeanour.
 
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Quote originally posted by Kenji Sasaki:
...I guess. We should make this a kind of informal competition, huh? You up for it?

Not just speed, but quality and reviews also.
Yes, the fiction war,(like the cold war, but missing the insults and threats) we will help each other out, yet try to see who can get to the end, not really the quickest, but with super quality and really good reviews.
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Where there is Uncertainty, I shall bring Light.
Where there is Doubt, I shall bring Faith.
Where there is Shame, I shall grant Atonment.
Where there is Rage, I shall show its course...

I am the Gaurdian...
***
Look, I like RPing... unfourtuneatly I only look at the best, and maybe I join them... but also it seams that most of them DIE... come get me if you want me to join... I am a good RPer if you want me in.
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  #17    
Old February 24th, 2009 (06:19 PM).
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You're on, brother. May the best author win.
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  #18    
Old February 25th, 2009 (05:18 AM).
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The Gaurdian
a change in your demeanour.
 
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p.s. im winning so far. might want to start working...
__________________
Where there is Uncertainty, I shall bring Light.
Where there is Doubt, I shall bring Faith.
Where there is Shame, I shall grant Atonment.
Where there is Rage, I shall show its course...

I am the Gaurdian...
***
Look, I like RPing... unfourtuneatly I only look at the best, and maybe I join them... but also it seams that most of them DIE... come get me if you want me to join... I am a good RPer if you want me in.
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