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Old March 20th, 2009 (02:49 AM).
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People familiar with my old OT story, A Journey You Won't Soon Forget, will remember this as a Christmas Special, released on the 25th of December 2008. I am now re-releasing it as a oneshot for those who have yet to read it.

-----

An Early Christmas Present (Oneshot)
The dying fire crackled weakly, heating the small wood cabin to the best of its ability, Hikari was sitting on the couch with her knees right up against her chest. Her bare feet were the only things not covered by a thick, fluffy white blanket that she had pulled right up under her chin. “It’s f-freezing in here,” she mumbled to herself, knowing that saying that wouldn’t make it any warmer.

Suddenly, the cabin door burst open and a cold wind blew through, causing Hikari to nearly jump straight into the fire in desperation for some warmth. She turned her head slowly to see why the door was open anyway, but all she could see was the point of a pine tree sticking through into the cabin... she could, however, here quiet voices arguing outside.

With a groan, the freezing girl rose to her feet, not letting go of the fluffy blanket... which was now the only thing that supplied her with heat. She hobbled over to the open door, pulling tighter on the blanket as she drew closer, “What’s going on?” she questioned, as she reached the door and peered outside, she spied her two friends... Kouki and Jun, trying to haul a giant tree into the cabin with little success.

Kouki and Jun raised their heads and smiled at Hikari, “Hey there!” said Kouki with a sheepish laugh, “Jun and I got the Christmas Tree,” he pointed out, not that Hikari needed him to. Ignoring the cold girl, Kouki turned to Jun, “Ok, on the count of three... we’re going to back up and run as fast as we can.”

Jun nodded and got ready to proceed with the plan, but suddenly he realised that it was a terrible plan, “Wait!” he shouted, trying to get Kouki to stop. But, it was no use... Kouki was bending his knees and getting ready to execute his plan. Hikari’s eyes widened when she realised that he was actually going to do it, with one swift leap... she flew onto couch for safety.

“3... 2...” counted down Kouki, despite Jun’s efforts to stop him, “1!” he screamed, taking a step back before running full force at the open door. Kouki, Jun and the Christmas Tree made it in cleanly... but they also managed to crash into the wall, just as cleanly. The two boys groaned and rolled onto their backs as Hikari walked over, rolling her eyes at them.

“You two are such idiots,” she pointed out, but they already knew that, “So, are you going to get it into the pot now?” she asked, making her way out of the living room and into the kitchen. Kouki and Jun groaned again, they were still in pain and they now had to put the tree into a pot and fill it with soil. It was definitely going to be a pain in the...

-----

Ten minutes, and a few failed attempts, later... Kouki and Jun finally got the tree upright in a large pot of soil without using their hands to keep it steady. They were both tired and dirty; all they wanted to do now was rest, so... they both crashed onto the couch with a sigh of relief.

Hikari giggled as she came skipping into the living room, a tray of hot chocolate held in her hands. She handed the boys a cup each and then took one for herself, with a little hop... she landed between her two friends on the couch, making sure not to spill her hot chocolate.

Kouki held his hot chocolate out of the way and reached down to pick up the fluffy blanket, he skilfully pulled it up and across to cover the three friends. Hikari smiled warmly at the gesture and Jun continued to sip at his hot drink. Kouki reached one hand under the blanket and walked it over to Hikari’s, which he touched softly... making sure not to scare her.

Hikari could feel the touch of Kouki’s cold skin against hers and she laced her fingers between his, before smiling at him with a small snicker. Jun didn’t notice any of this going on though; he was too busy drinking his hot chocolate and gazing up at the Christmas Tree. “I think we should decorate it,” he exclaimed, turning quickly to his friends... which caused them to stop what they were doing and face Jun.

Hikari smiled warmly at Jun, “That’s a great idea!” she replied, letting her fingers slip away from Kouki’s as she stood up swiftly, “Just as long as I get to put the star on top.” Jun was the second one to stand up; he laughed at Hikari and nodded to assure her that she’d get to put the star on top.

Kouki sighed and rose to his feet, they had only just sat down a minute ago and now they were getting back up. But, that’s what it’s like with Jun as a friend, you can’t be in one place for too long with him around. “Jun,” he said, catching his friends attention, “Why don’t you go and get the decorations? They’re in the other room.”

Jun hesitated for a second, but nodded at Kouki with a small, forced, smile, “Sure...” he mumbled, heading out of the living room and through the kitchen. Hikari began circling the Christmas Tree, trying to figure out the best way to decorate it... Kouki laughed at the girl and smiled as he watched her.

A couple of minutes later, Jun returned with the decorations, they were in a large cardboard box and it looked like there was more than enough to cover the tree. The teenage boy dropped the box beside the tree and put his hands on his hips, “So, what’s say we get started?”

-----

“Keep it steady, Jun!” ordered Hikari, who was standing on a wobbly stool and trying to reach the top of the Christmas Tree. She was shaking back and forth, but that didn’t stop her... she was determined to get the star on the top. With one quick jump, she landed the star on top and smiled happily... but, then the stool gave way and she started to fall.

“I got you!” assured Jun, letting go of the stool and jumping over to catch his falling friend. Luckily, Hikari fell straight into his arms and was unharmed, “That was close,” said Jun, smiling at the scared girl cradled in his arms.

Hikari blinked a few times, trying to figure out what had just happened, when she finally did... she turned to Jun, “Oh Jun!” she screamed, hugging the boy tightly, “You saved me!” Hikari leaned her head out of the hug and planted a long kiss on the surprised boy’s lips, before letting go and giggling... while still cradled in his arms.

Just then, Kouki walked into the living room with a plate of cookies in his hands, “Who wants cookies?” he asked in a loud voice, before spying Jun holding Hikari, “What’s going on here?” he asked, seeing the knocked over stool, Jun’s surprised face and Hikari’s little smirk.

Hikari hoped out of Jun’s arms and skipped over to Kouki, grabbing a fresh cookie of the plate, “Oh... nothing,” she lied with a small laugh, “Jun just saved my life.” Kouki raised an eyebrow and leaned to left, trying to see Jun.

“Is that true?” he asked, grabbing a cookie of his own and taking a big bite out of it. Jun shook his head and snapped back to reality, he turned and began walking towards Kouki and Hikari while scratching the back of his neck.

“It was nothing,” he pointed out, taking the biggest cookie and shoving the whole thing into his mouth, “Jusht a shilly Chrishtmash relatshed accshident.” Kouki could hardly make out what Jun was trying to say, but he didn’t care... it was probably nothing of importance and, if it was, he’d find out about it soon enough.

Hikari finished off her cookie and looked up at the clock sitting atop the mantle, “Wow, its ten o’clock!” she exclaimed, causing Kouki and Jun to turn and look at the clock as well, “We’d better get to bed, or else Santa won’t come and give us any presents!”

Jun quickly finished the cookie he was eating, his third, and grabbed another two, “You’re right Hikari!” he shouted, his mouth full of cookie crumbs, “I’m going to bed before Santa comes!” With that, he flew up the stairs and into his room, the door slamming shut behind him.

Kouki laughed and finished his cookie off as well, taking the plate back into the kitchen and placing it in the sink. He turned to Hikari, who had followed him and smiled, “I guess we should be getting to bed as well.”

Hikari nodded and the two began walking towards the stairs, but Kouki quickly stop and that made Hikari stop as well, “Look at that!” he exclaimed, pointing at a plant hanging from the ceiling, “ I think it’s mistletoe.”

Kouki and Hikari’s eyes met, “Well, it is the holidays...” said Hikari with a shrug, before leaning in and kissing Kouki’s lips softly, “Merry Christmas,” she whispered, running up the stairs quickly. Kouki stood by himself for a second; he began to raise his fingers to his lips, but stopped and headed off to bed as well.

NOTE: Any spelling/grammar errors are unintentional, if you see one please tell me.
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Old March 24th, 2009 (12:41 PM).
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Blue Screen of Death Blue Screen of Death is offline
Wait, what?
 
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Quote originally posted by .Swift:

Jun nodded and got ready to proceed with the plan, but suddenly he realised that it was a terrible plan, “Wait!” he shouted, trying to get Kouki to stop.

Realized was spelled wrong, and the comma should be a period.

Quote originally posted by .Swift:
“You two are such idiots,” she pointed out, but they already knew that. “So, are you going to get it into the pot now?” she asked, making her way out of the living room and into the kitchen.
The red dot is a period that should have been there. Just remember this sort of thing in the future.

Quote originally posted by .Swift:
Ten minutes, and a few failed attempts, later... Kouki and Jun finally got the tree upright in a large pot of soil without using their hands to keep it steady. They were both tired and dirty; all they wanted to do now was rest, so... they both crashed onto the couch with a sigh of relief.

Those three dot things are good for suspense, first drafts, and notes, but not in situations like this. Okay?


I saw a few more of those three dot things, but pointing them all out would have been extremely tedious, so I didn't. Your plot was nice, and quite consistent, so I only have one comment on that. (This comment is pointless if that story you mentioned at the top was a pokemon story, but it does still hold some ground.) Since this is in the pokemon section, one would think it would have some reference to pokemon in it, such as Pokemon, or locations. But this story could have taken place anywhere. Next you should expand on where exactly the characters are. I didn't see anything else, so I am done. Just remember these things, if you will, next time you write.

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Old March 24th, 2009 (04:08 PM).
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Swift! Swift! is offline
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Quote originally posted by Blue Screen of Death:
Realized was spelled wrong, and the comma should be a period.
Kay.

Quote originally posted by Blue Screen of Death:
The red dot is a period that should have been there. Just remember this sort of thing in the future.
Kay.

Quote originally posted by Blue Screen of Death:
Those three dot things are good for suspense, first drafts, and notes, but not in situations like this. Okay?
Kay. This was written way back when I had a serious problem with those "three dots", but that's all cleared up now.

Quote originally posted by Blue Screen of Death:
I saw a few more of those three dot things, but pointing them all out would have been extremely tedious, so I didn't. Your plot was nice, and quite consistent, so I only have one comment on that. (This comment is pointless if that story you mentioned at the top was a pokemon story, but it does still hold some ground.) Since this is in the pokemon section, one would think it would have some reference to pokemon in it, such as Pokemon, or locations. But this story could have taken place anywhere. Next you should expand on where exactly the characters are. I didn't see anything else, so I am done. Just remember these things, if you will, next time you write.
Yeah, I suppose it doesn't make much sense unless you've read the actual story that it comes from, but I'm pretty sure people will get the jist of it.

Don't worry about these things next time I write, this was written months ago and I have grown a lot since then.
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Old March 25th, 2009 (09:55 AM).
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Feathing Feathing is offline
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Well, I'm not an expert in grammar so I can't point out anything wrong
Just say this is a great OneShot! very easy-going and warm, and with a perfect ending. Just great, I'll check the original OT fic later

Bye!
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Old March 25th, 2009 (10:48 AM).
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Wolfwhispers Wolfwhispers is offline
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Aw, this was really cute! You did a good job with this, but I did notice a few grammar errors. In the first paragraph you mix "hear" with "here". The first one should be correct. Also, I notice you left a lot of "..." between sentences. Some fit right in, but others just seemed to draw out the sentence for no reason. I'm sorry if that may have been your intention or when you wrote this story you were thinking it perfectly (I have been known to do that as well), but some just seemed a little unneeded.

Really, aside from those two things this was really good! I'm eager to see more work in the future from you.
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