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March 30th, 2009 (10:39 AM).
Author's Note: Second episode of Mystery Pokémon Theater 3000. Content by An-chan; humor by "I should be paying attention in class."
[OPENING, INT OF THE SATELLITE OF LOVE: We assume you've read the first episode, so we'll glean over the details here.
Xanthine walks in from stage right with clipboard in hand.]
Xanthine: Hey, everyone! Welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm Xanthine, and—
[Andy floats in from stage left.]
Andy: Hey, Xanthine?
Xanthine: [looking down at her clipboard] Yeah, Andy?
Andy: I just checked the engine room. You get the feeling something's missing?
Xanthine: Oh, yeah, Astinus escaped yesterday in our garbage shuttle to Earth.
Andy: Oh, well, I guess that ex—what?!
Xanthine: [looks up] Astinus escaped yesterday in our garbage shuttle to Earth. Geez, do I have to design a hearing aid for you?
Andy: But… But… how?
Xanthine: Oh, it was rather clever. She put on one of the space suits and buried herself in the garbage. Then, when the shuttle came, she clubbed the driver bot and took the shuttle back to Earth.
[Syntax floats in from stage right.]
Syntax: So, why didn't you go with her?
Xanthine: Because I know the shuttles are programmed to crash-land in Antarctica.
Andy: So, what about the problems with the navigation system?
Xanthine: Funny thing about that. See—
[A panel of lights begins to flash on the side of front desk.]
Xanthine: Oh, hey! We're getting a transmission sent to us at what is by no means a convenient time.
[She hits one of the lights. Behind her, a panel on a six-sided frame beside the door to the theater opens. It reveals a screen that flickers to life, showing Astinus surrounded by Piplup. Xanthine and the Pokémon turn to look at the image.]
Astinus: Xanthine! Crazy thing about garbage shuttle, wasn't it?
Xanthine: Yeah. So, how's Antarctica?
Astinus: It's great! I think the Piplup are really starting to accept me as one of their own! Hey, listen, the Higher Staff is transmitting the story to you through me this time. I'm really sorry; there's not much I can do about it.
Xanthine: Have you tried turning off the radio?
Astinus: [blatantly ignoring her] So, your experiment this week is "Journey to Isle of Jade," a story about a girl who's trying to help a strange Bulbasaur and its trainer find an island called, naturally, the Isle of Jade.
Syntax: That's it?
Astinus: Yeah, I know. Not much of a story. Look, I've gotta go. Good luck, Xanthine! Sorry I won't be able to help you out anymore!
Syntax and Andy: No, you're not.
Astinus: Yeah, you're right. I'm not. But hey, have fun anyway!
[The screen goes blank and the panel slides back in to cover it. Almost immediately afterward, the lights flash, and the station rumbles.]
Xanthine: Oh crap! FANFIC SIGN!
[She hits the light and scrambles for the doors. The Pokémon, screaming, dart to the sides.]
[Xanthine and the Pokémon come into the theater and sit at the edge as the words of the fanfic appear on the screen.]
When Cimi had been eleven, she had started her journey as a trainer as did most of the children in her town. Her starter Pokémon had been a Ponyta she had known since she had been only six years old.
Syntax: Excuse us while we establish this story with lengthy exposition you probably don't care about.
Her uncle had a farm where he grew and bred fire-type Pokémon, mostly Ponytas, Vulpixes and Growlithes, and this particular Ponyta had gotten Cimi's interest. For a whole summer, this Ponyta and the six-year-old Cimi had played together. After the summer, Cimi had given the Ponyta its nickname Radeem.
"Why Radeem?", had her uncle asked,
Andy: Because everyone should have a Pokémon with an eastern-sounding name. It's politically correct!
"While it's still cute and small, you should give her a cute nickname!"
"I want her to keep her name", Cimi had answered,
Xanthine: [slaps a palm to her face] Oh God. Please don't tell me she can talk to Pokémon.
"And she can't have a lame cute name when she's already a Rapidash."
After that, the Ponyta answered only to the name Radeem and when Cimi came back and called it's name the next summer, it came running. This was the reason Cimi's uncle gave Radeem to be Cimi's starter Pokémon.
A couple of months after Cimi had left, her parents and uncle came and visited her for her birthday. She was then staying in a small Pokémon Center and nurse Joy had also attended her 12th birthday. As a present, her parents gave her a Pichu, and what a fiery one he was. For his size he was awfully self-centered and he thought way too much of himself for his own good.
Xanthine: Overcompensation is fun for everyone!
He was always ready for a showdown with anyone who'd mess with him.
Syntax: I'm thrilled by how much actual action we're getting in this fic.
Andy: Yeah, well, we've got a long way to go, Syntax. We're only on page one.
Xanthine: Guys, if I die of boredom, jettison my stereo into Earth's atmosphere.
Syntax: Damn! I wanted that thing!
Apart from that he was a jolly little lad,
Andy: Like St. Nicholas!
helpful and happy, and he also had a strong sense of justice.
Xanthine: Did we already mention he's overcompensating?
Syntax: I don't know about that. Strong sense of justice?
Cimi caught most of her Pokémon with this Pichu rather than using Radeem, because Pichu really loved a good fight and Radeem did not really care for those things,
Andy: As we can clearly see through these incredible battles that the narrator is showing us.
Xanthine: [lying back to rest her head on the back of the seat] Well, guys, wake me up when something actually happens.
as proud and noble as she was. Cimi kept neither of these Pokémon in a pokeball because she often felt terribly lonely without her Pokémon around. Besides, riding Radeem was an excellent way to move from one place to another.
Her first catch had been a Ralts, one of a friendly and helpful nature.
Syntax: Hey, let's start a drinking game. Every time the author uses the words "friendly" or "helpful," take a drink.
Andy: Do you want us to die from alcohol poisoning by the end of the first chapter?
This Ralts soon began translating Radeem's speech, and in that role became invaluable for Cimi. Soon after Pichu had joined their party, Ralts evolved into a Kirlia,
Andy: With the power of friendship!
which made her even more joyous and helpful.
Syntax: Ooh! Take a drink!
She was mostly useless in a battle, as she was pretty weak for her species, and thus preferred being a translator. Because of her position,
Syntax: Which is a euphemism for "she slept with Cimi."
neither did she live in a pokeball. She often sat behind Cimi on Radeem's back and when she was on exceptionally good mood,
Andy: She bought this good mood on the street corner when Cimi wasn't looking. And then she snorted it.
she'd dance after them and sing little songs by herself.
But soon after getting her first badge, Cimi grew tired of being a trainer. She did not care for the fights, nor catching Pokémon, and thinking about the next gym battle made her slightly nautious.
Andy: Food poisoning helped that a little too.
She did not like to hurt Pokémon, even if they loved fighting, and her only chances obviously were to hurt someone else's Pokémon or her own, which was even worse. So, she quitted being a trainer and released all her Pokémon to the wild. Most of them went back to freedom, now stronger and harder to capture, and lived their lives as they had lived before Cimi had captured them. But Pichu, Kirlia and Radeem, who had evolved into Rapidash, all wanted to stay with her,
Andy: So… she released all of her Pokémon but not really?
Syntax: Andy, surely you know by now you shouldn't be trying to make sense of a fanfiction when the author is trying to be deep and eloquent.
so she took them with her and went back home. Her mother and father were really happy to get their daughter back,
Syntax: It turned out that there was too much red tape involved for them to just abandon her.
and they had no problem with her bringing Pokémon with her.
Cimi went to work with her uncle on his ranch so she could think what she wanted to be.
Syntax: [as Cimi] "Uncle, I wanna raise Ponyta to send to the glue factory!"
She did not care much about the idea of becoming a Pokémon breeder, and she didn't want to do entertainment either. She thought about starting as a Pokémon ranger, but that wouldn't have suited her either. So for many years she stayed as a helper on the ranch, until something rather strange happened that made her leave the ranch.
Andy: Should we think about waking up Xanthine sometime soon?
Syntax: Nah. Nothing's happened yet, has it?
A very, very tired and hungry Bulbasaur appeared on the outskirts of the ranch.
Andy: Maybe this is the Bulbasaur Astinus foretold! Does this mean the story will actually get started?
Bulbasaurs were not native to her home area, and this one had clearly made a long trip.
Andy: Are you suggesting Bulbasaur migrate?
Syntax: Not at all. They could be carried.
Andy: What? A swallow carrying a Bulbasaur?
Syntax: He could grip it by the husk!
The Bulbasaur tried to hide when Cimi rode towards it, Radeem's blazing tail behind her, Pichu standing between Radeem's ears
Syntax: In the fire?
Andy: It's a special flame-retardant Pichu.
Syntax: Well, it's certainly retardant something.
and Kirlia sitting behind her. It was tired, so Cimi got to it before it managed to hide. Kirlia spoke with the Bulbasaur for a while, and Bulbasaur relaxed. Kirlia turned towards Cimi and said:
"I told him we're not going to catch him. I think he's okay now. Did you know Bulbasaurs could read?"
Andy: They get Hooked On Phonics pretty early, you know.
"What are you talking about", Cimi answered halfheartedly as she took her radio out so she could call someone to help them with the Bulbasaur.
"Well", said Kirlia,
"He said he read the sign pointing to a Pokémon ranch and thought he could get some food.."
There certainly was something strange to it.
Syntax: You mean other than the fact that a Pokémon can't hunt for itself outdoors? Yeah, I think that's completely normal.
And Cimi was to find out what it was.
Chapter 1 - Bulbasaur's Story
The Bulbasaur Cimi had found was so exhausted it couldn't spew out even half a "bulba" before it had eaten and slept a whole night. Cimi spent that night in the shelter with the Bulbasaur with Pichu guarding her jealously
Syntax: Yep. I foresee hot Bulbasaur on Pichu action at the rate this is going.
Andy: So, she's like a Pokémon Mary Sue?
and Kirlia dancing around just in case the Bulbasaur would wake up. As morning came, they had all fallen asleep. But Bulbasaur was finally awake.
He stood up and looked a lot better now that he had slept.
Andy: Wait. Wasn't Bulbasaur a female just a moment ago?
Syntax: It's the special transvestite variety of Bulbasaur.
He stamped the floor a bit with his front paws and checked that his vines were okay. Then he started slowly moving towards the door.
"Where are you going", Kirlia asked silently
Andy: How do you say something silently?
and opened her eyes.
"Umm... Out", answered Bulbasaur.
"No, I mean... Where were you going? Why are you here?"
Bulbasaur looked at Kirlia. Oh how she annoyed him with her constant little dancing and stupid questions.
Syntax: He gathered all of this from less than five minutes of actually knowing her.
"Do Pokémon need a reason to roam around?" he asked, very annoyed.
Syntax: [as Bulbasaur] "It's certainly not like I'm going to break into people's houses and mug people in dark alleys."
"You're not roaming around", Kirlia said with a friendly expression,
"You want to get somewhere. You've traveled a long way."
Bulbasaur turned his head and looked at the human sleeping against the wall with a Pichu on her lap.
"She's not a trainer, is she?", he asked a little worried.
"No, she's not. She's more of a Pokémon helper now",
Andy: Because a person who helps a Pokémon become stronger by helping it to win battles certainly isn't actually a helper, right?
Kirlia answered and tilted her head a bit. I wonder, she tought, why Bulbasaur is so afraid about getting caught. She had not disliked it at all, she even liked being in a Pokéball. It was all nice and cozy in there, and it never rained inside a Pokéball. She did not care for rain.
Syntax: And that's relevant… how?
"Ah! Do you have a fear of enclosed spaces?", Kirlia asked, as it was the most likely answer.
"No, I don't!", Bulbasaur answered hastily, but admitted after a short silence:
"Well, I guess a bit..."
"And you've run away from a trainer, and you're escaping as far as you can get", Kirlia spouted happily, as she thought she had solved the mystery.
Syntax: Does she want a gold star or what?
"It's not like that, really", Bulbasaur said,
"I was more like abandoned..."
Andy: Everyone hates you. You know what that means?
Syntax: Die in a fire?
Andy: And save the rest of the cast the trouble.
"Oh, he's awake!", Cimi shouted in excitement
Syntax: I don't know, Andy. Does this smack of "Oh yeah, there's another character here" to you?
Andy: I love it when the author suddenly remembers half the cast exists.
and woke up Pichu, who fell down from her lap.
Syntax: Whoa there! What was the Pichu doing in Cimi's lap?
Andy: Nothing that's allowed on Fanfiction.net anymore.
"Of course I am", answered Bulbasaur, but all Cimi could hear was "bulba bulbasaur".
During the next hours Cimi, Kirlia and Pichu made Bulbasaur tell the truth.
Syntax: With torture.
He told them that he had been a starter Pokémon of a very demanding trainer.
Andy: Uh, oh. Cue long and boring backstory.
One time he had fought with his trainer, whom he had disobeyed, and had been forcefully put into a pokeball.
Syntax: Forcefully, eh? That's kinda kinky.
When he later had forced his way out of it, he had been in a dark forest. He had then decided to leave on his own,
Andy: So, the trainer lets his Bulbasaur out but doesn't notice it wandering away from him?
Syntax: Clearly, he's the best trainer ever.
and his destination was The Isle of Jade, where wild Bulbasaurs, Ivysaurs and Venusaurs roamed free in peace.
Andy: He teleported to said island he was apparently not already on.
His only problem was that any trainer who saw him tried to catch him with all their might, and since he was a grass type, it was not rare that he had to dodge some sort of flamethrower.
Andy: Because people in canon certainly know their type match-ups.
Syntax: Aim for the horn!
His story made Cimi think intensively and had Pichu almost in tears, clinging to Cimi's leg.
Syntax: Bow chicka wow-wow!
Kirlia swirled around on her place and tried to have a happy chit-chat with Bulbasaur.
"I've never heard there were Pokémon on the Island of Jade", Cimi said finally,
"But I guess they want to keep all the Pokémon there safe.
Syntax: Yes, those vague people who we don't actually know exist, protecting Pokémon we thought weren't on this mythical island.
Well, there's not much to do. We'll escort you, Bulbasaur!"
"Escort me?!", Bulbasaur gasped, his eyes widened. He did not know if this was a good idea or a really bad one.
Syntax: [in a low voice] Depends on what kind of escort we're talking about here, if you know what I mean.
"Yay", said Kirlia, so excited she stopped her dancing.
Andy: So excited it can only be conveyed with deadpan delivery!
"Wouldn't that be awesome", Pichu thought,
Syntax: He spoke silently.
his eyes glittering and his mind already set on upcoming battles. He really liked being a hero.
Andy: Unfortunately, he was setting himself up for disappointment.
"I'm tired of babysitting little Ponytas all year round", Cimi explained,
"And so is Radeem. We could really use an adventure, and Isle of Jade isn't that far away. Besides, you'll never get there by yourself. There are tons of trainers roaming around this area, and boy would they like to get their hands on you.
Syntax: [as Cimi] "So, instead, I'm going to get my hands on you! If you know what I mean."
And how were you planning on getting to that island? You're not some secret water type, are you?"
Bulbasaur's expression revealed that he had not even thought about all the water separating Isle of Jade from the mainland. He had simply made his journey watching out for trainers and hoping to get to his destination soon enough.
"Well, it's decided then", Cimi said, smiling to Bulbasaur with her brown eyes glowing.
Syntax: And then she died of radiation poisoning. The end!
Bulbasaur could not say no, nor bring himself happy about the turn things had taken.
"Now we need to talk Radeem into this", Cimi said and stood up.
"That's not going to be easy", Pichu noted, and was certainly right.
Andy: Over the years, Radeem had built up a resistance to Cimi's torture methods.
Chapter 2 - About the Isle of Jade
Syntax: Oh no. More long exposition. Hey, Andy, if I follow Xanthine, will you read the fanfiction for us?
Cimi's uncle told Cimi that they couldn't leave until Bulbasaur was in better condition. That in mind, Cimi thought of a perfect plan to make Radeem come with them without complaining. She gathered her Pokémon and Bulbasaur around and started telling them the story of Isle oh Jade.
Andy: It's Chock Full o'Jade! It's that heavenly jade.
"You see, during the ancient times, jade was thought of as a godly stone. It was thought to bring fortune to those carrying it, and so it was held high in value. It was very rare on the mainland, but on a certain island there were tons of jade, just to wait for someone to take it away.
Andy and Syntax: [as the jade, in falsetto voices] "Help me! Heellllp meeee!"
That island became known as the Isle of Jade back then", Cimi started her story.
Andy: Oh no. She's only starting!
Syntax: Brace yourself, Bee Boy. You're about to be hit with Chock Full o'Stuff You Don't Care About.
"What's jade like?", Pichu wanted to know.
"It's kind of greeny,
Andy: [as Cimi] "It's kind of a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff."
very modest-looking stone, I think... I've never actually seen any", Cimi said, trying to remember.
"Yeah, that's pretty much it", Bulbasaur said absent-mindedly.
"How do you know?", Kirlia asked kindly, out of curiousity.
"My trainer's mother had a jade pin she used every day,
Syntax: [as Bulbasaur] "Twice if I was really bad."
but it's really none of your business", he muttered angrily.
"But it was not easy to get to Isle of Jade!", Cimi shouted to stop the conversation and continued her story:
"The waters between mainland and the island were full of underwater rocks
Syntax: And this differs from any other part of the ocean… how?
and there were mighty breezes blowing all winter, so many ships sank. The gap was too wide for a bridge, but too narrow for biggar ships.
Syntax: You know, a lot of women have the same problem.
So, soon it was thought that gods cursed anyone who stole their precious stones. Only the most brave and most greedy dared to go and take any of the jade, and in time, the island was forgotten."
Andy: Apparently, it was very much forgotten, seeing as this story doesn't exist.
"Jade must look really beautiful, because why would any fool go onto such a cursed island in any other case", Radeem said holding her head high.
"Remember they thought jade had some macigal touch to it",
Andy: Macigal. You know, the famous masseuse? To have the Macigal touch is to have a firm, relaxing rub.
Cimi reminded and went on.
"It took many, many years before decent people went on that island again. They tought it was a forsaken island with no Pokémon, no chance for growing anything and most importantly, no gold.
Andy: Well, duh. If it had gold, it'd be called Isle of Gold, now, wouldn't it?
Syntax: Unless it was something like Greenland and isn't actually green.
Andy: Greenland's weird anyway.
The Isle of Jade is filled with who knows how old forests, so I really wouldn't wonder if they made it into a sanctuary for grass type Pokémon. Well, anyway, some people still liked jade a lot, so some jade miners started to live there and craft jewellery out of the stones. They still sell the cheapest jade accessories there nowadays. And, it is also said, that they're the best there are. Once a noble woman
Andy: Yay! Story time!
Syntax: [imitates loud snoring]
looked for a jewel that would suit her tastes and be as classy as she was. Her servants brought diamonds, pearls, rubys, emeralds and sapphires for her to see, but nothing was good enough, had it gold, silver or platinum around it. Even crystals were not enough for her. But a humble wife came from the Isle of Jade with a cheap jade ring with her, and that was what the noble woman had wanted. She paid the wife a fortune for the ring, so I guess jade does bring some sort of luck!"
Syntax: And now back to things we actually care about.
"That must truly be a remarkable stone", Radeem said,
Syntax: Blast! Foiled!
March 30th, 2009 (10:42 AM).
her red, usually cold eyes glittering for excitement. Cimi grinned and continued.
"And the Isle of Jade has a lot of caves, some of them underwater,
Syntax: So, they're wet caves.
so it's a great place for venturing around. I've allways wanted to visit the place and see some of the caves,
Syntax: I've always wanted to visit a wet cave myself.
with jade stripes on the wall and..."
"Could we cut this", Bulbasaur interrupted.
Andy and Syntax: Thank you!
Everyone stared at him, very suprised about the sudden burst.
Syntax: He must really be excited about those wet caves.
"I really don't care. Go elsewhere if you want to go on about the stupid island. I'm tired. Scram",
Andy: The part of Bulbasaur will be played by Oscar the Grouch.
Bulbasaur said angrily and went back to his corner. Everyone left the room silently after a moment, all very confused and a bit hurt of Bulbasaur's rude words.
"Sheesh!", said Radeem when they got outside. She was very hurt, as she was insanely proud and was rather easily hurt about anything. She was also very annoyed, because she didn't want to ask more of those childish stories, but still wanted to hear them.
"He's very upset about something", Kirlia said very sadly,
Andy and Syntax: Really?
"I wonder if he told us everything."
"Of course he didn't", Pichu spouted and tried to get back inside,
"But I'll make him tell!
Andy: So, who wants to be my bad cop?
Or at least we have to guard him with care, so he doesn't do anything suspicious..."
"Oh, cut it off,
Andy: Cut what off?
Syntax: It's another way of telling someone to get neutered.
Andy: Oh. [pause] Hey! Wait a minute!
you brat", Radeem said, slightly annoyed,
"Don't waste your effort on that punk. You'd better get to sleep, cause I'm not carrying any sleeping Pichus!"
"What do you mean?", Pichu asked and took his fighting pose.
"When you sleep, you tend to let teeny tiny charges out your pouches. It doesn't feel nice."
Syntax: [as Radeem] "Sorry, Pichu, but I'm just not into that kind of foreplay."
"But why would you carry me? I have my feet, you know!"
"Aren't we leaving to Isle of Jade sometime tomorrow?", Radeem asked Cimi, completely ignoring Pichu.
"You still want to go?", Cimi asked astonished. She had completely given up hope when Bulbasaur had so rudely tossed them all out.
"That's the only way to get rid of that punk, right? Stop this nonsense and go do something useful.
Syntax: [as Cimi] "Yes, mistress."
I'm rather hungry, so I'll go eat something. We have to be ready, it's a long way... Not that anyone of you would walk, though..."
Radeem galloped away so she didn't have to feel embarassed.
Kirlia, Pichu and Cimi stared after her.
"She wants to go", Pichu yelled in excitement.
"This is nice! We can help our friend Bulbasaur", Kirlia said and started her dancing again.
Andy: I'm getting the distinct feeling Kirlia could use some Ritalin.
Cimi didn't say a thing. This had all gone so easily. She had expected something more troublesome.
Syntax: And at this point, rocks fell, and everybody died. Way to jinx things, Cimi.
Well, I guess it's a good thing Radeem lets herself have a little fun, she thought to herself as she walked towards the main house, but still...
The scent of delicious food coming from the house dissolved her troubled thoughts. Her aunt was an excellent cook, and this smelled like Cimi's favourite food.
Chapter 3 - A Bad Day
Andy: It's Cimi and the No Good, Very Bad Day.
In a nearby forest, a boy sat down on the ground. He was lost and tired of walking. His bag was full of food he didn't like, his feet were aching and he thought his cap was ridiculous,
Andy: Geez, this kid is really grasping for things to hate.
but he had to wear it because of the sun. He had never been lost before a certain incident, and after that, he had practically done nothing else than being lost. He took off his cap, and shook his bluish-black hair. He put his bag on the ground beside him. A Pokédex slipped out. It was a regular red Pokédex, a bit old and worn out, "Adan" was written on the cover. His mother had the habit of writing his name to everything he owned, because as a small child he had lost his toys, keys and even his shoes all the time.
Syntax: So… he was just like every other child on this planet?
Andy: We could ask Xanthine, but she's a bit preoccupied.
Xanthine: [shifts and mumbles in her sleep] Mmm… can I pet your Zapdos?
Andy: Okay, very preoccupied.
"That's so stupid,”
Andy and Syntax: Tell us about it.
he mumbled and stuffed the Pokédex back to his bag.
On his belt there were five minimized pokéballs, and they all had a Pokémon inside them. Although Adan was already 15 years old, he had been a Pokémon trainer for just over a year now. When he had been eleven, he had passed his Pokémon school
Andy: Then turned around and went back. Man, was he embarrassed.
with the best grades, but had not left home to become a trainer. He had already gotten his Pokédex and his starter Pokémon, when it was discovered that his mom had a cancer.
Syntax: Hey, Andy. Can you hear that? It sounds like a soap opera theme song.
He had then decided to stay at home instead of starting as a Pokémon trainer. His mother had then died, three long years later, and a while after that, Adan and his Bulbasaur finally left for their quest to beat all the gym leaders and compete in the official Pokémon League, for that was shat
Syntax: Ew. You know, I've heard some pretty interesting reasons for leaving home, but literally pulling it out of your butt is a little disgusting.
his mother had wished for the past years. Everything had gone pretty well until the incident on the Isle of Jade. After that, he had been lost all the time, argued with Bulbasaur every day and now Bulbasaur, of all his Pokémon, was gone. Bulbasaur's pokéball was in his bag, but he was now looking for the Pokémon that should've been in it. He was certain that Bulbasaur would go back to Isle of Jade once it had escaped.
Andy: In actuality, Bulbasaur went off to Hollywood. He was going to make it big someday.
If only he knew how to get back... he had completely lost the sense of directions he had always been so proud of. Bulbasaur, on the other hand, surely knew where to go, and so he would never find it.
"The heck with everything", Adan yelled and stood up. He stood there for a while, listening to the sounds of forest. Then he turned around and faced the Wurmple that had crawled its way to him.
"Hi there, little one", Adan said to it and kneeled down,
"Can you tell me where I am and how can I get to Isle of Jade?"
Andy: At this point, Wurmple responded with Poison Sting. Adan was poisoned and died roughly an hour later. The end.
"Well", answered the Wurmple,
"If you go east of here, say, for twenty minutes or so, you should reach a road that leads somewhat that way."
"I forgot", Adan said, very depressed,
"I don't understand you guys anymore.
Andy: Oh no. This says he could at one point.
Syntax: So, he's a rehabilitating Gary Stu?
Could you just.... point, or something?"
The Wurmple, who felt bad for Adan, pointed her tail to the direction he thought was east. She was a Pokémon, and her sense of directions was more accurate,
Syntax: Since when do worms have an understanding of human concepts like minutes and east?
Andy: Don't you know that moss always grows on the eastern side of Wurmple?
Syntax: …That's wrong for so many reasons that I won't even bother listing them.
and it really did point to east. Adan left for the way she had shown, but it didn't take him long to lose the way again and turn south-east, so it took him almost an hour to reach the road.
Syntax: So… you tell us something that has absolutely no effect whatsoever with the rest of the story. Fascinating.
He was having a bad day, and the fact that there was a small stream between the forest and the road didn't help a bit. He stared at the stream for a while and then sighed.
"If only I was a Pokémon,"
Andy: What would make this fanfiction vaguely interesting is if the gods listened to him and turned him into a Magikarp.
Syntax: There's worse forms to take. Like Combee.
he mumbled, "Preferably a Water type... This would all be so much easier." He took off his shoes, and threw them to the other side of the stream and went in the cold, cold water.
He was still trying to get his feet and pants dry again, when a red-haired girl came along the road.She was not alone, a Rapidash, Kirlia, and a Pichu were with her too. Adan started to quickly put his shoes on his wet feet so that he'd look as normal as possible.
"Umm, do you need help?" the girl asked. Adan turned around. The girl was right behind him, although she had just a few seconds ago been twenty meters away.
Andy: Oh no. Love interest has amazing teleportation powers.
Syntax: Get the emergency Mary Sue kit.
She sat on her Rapidash and looked down on sitting Adan.
"Wha- Wow, you're fast", Adan gasped.
Syntax: Yeah, that's what she said.
"Thank you", the Rapidash answered, but of course Adan didn't know this.
"Well, do you?" the girl asked again.
"I, um, no, I'm just a bit wet, coming across that stream and all", Adan explained. He was terrified about the girl noticing he had no shoes on. He had terrible experiences about walking bare-footed in front of people and did not want anymore of those.
Syntax: [as Adan] "My father used to force me to walk barefoot through the city streets as he whipped me. And that was when I was good."
"There's a little bridge just a bit down the road", the girl said and pointed to where she had came from, "So you really didn't have to get wet. But well, how were you supposed to know..."
"There usually are bridges over rivers, you know", mumbled the Pichu,
Andy: Oh, sure, for people who want to take the easy way out. Slacker.
who was sitting on the Rapidash's head, between her ears and clinging on to her horn. Pichu's words, however, were wasted, since Adan did not understand. On that moment, though, Adan wasn't even interested, because he was too busy sulking about the bridge he had not known about.
"What are you doing here?" asked the Kirlia that sat on the girl's shoulders. Adan understood this question, though he really didn't know how, and so he answered.
"Well, I'm trying to find my way to Isle of Jade", he explained, "You see..."
He was interrupted when another Pokémon came after the girl and her group. This was a dinosaur-like Pokémon,
Andy: Toads, dinosaurs… same difference.
with a plant on his back.
"Bulba..?" Adan gasped, but was immediately disappointed. Bulbasaurs had onions on their backs,
Andy: Ha. Mistake a real Bulbasaur's bulb for an onion.
Syntax: Vine Whip to the face.
but this one had a flower bud and a couple of leaves.
Andy: Random off-screen evolution?
Syntax: We don't need to know about potentially important plot points like that.
"What is it?" the girl asked and looked at the Ivysaur that was following them,
"Is there something wrong?"
"No. You see, I'm looking for my Bulbasaur, I've lost him and I thought he'd head for Isle of Jade. I just thought for a bit... well, never mind. You should probably be going, and I have to dry myself a bit,” Adan said. He hoped that they would leave him alone. He was in a really bad mood now, and the Ivysaur was watching him in a rather hostile way.
"No, we can start a campfire for you", said the girl, and hopped down from Rapidash's back, "You'll dry faster."
Adan couldn't tell if the girl really had a strange look on her face or if it was only his imagination. With the help of her Rapidash, the girl started a fire
Andy: And then, the flames engulfed the forest. There were few survivors.
Syntax: Remember, kids! Only you can prevent forest fires!
and invited Adan to sit with her. All her Pokémon stayed a bit away from them, Ivysaur even further than the rest.
"But Ivysaur only recently evolved,” said Pichu, "Shouldn't we tell him? He's looking for his friend, you know."
"Don't be stupid,” answered the Rapidash, "I don't think Ivysaur wants to be exposed. If he told us the truth, that's the trainer who abandoned him in the woods."
Syntax: Because random trainers you meet in the woods are all pretty much the same.
"He doesn't seem too bad,” Kirlia thought and tilted her head a bit.
"I wonder who's telling the truth",
Andy: Wait… what?
Syntax: It's not just you, Andy. There's definitely something missing from this entire conversation.
Syntax: Everything that would explain how the hell they know about all this.
Pichu said and sat down on Rapidash's head.
"In any case, this is going to be interesting",
Syntax: Just like the rest of this fic?
Rapidash said and smirked a bit,
"And don't sit on my head, you brat. Have some respect!"
Meanwhile, over by the campfire, the girl and Adan had started to prepare food.
Andy: I like how generic that term is. Food.
Syntax: Well, yeah. Some roots, some berries, maybe a Rattata carcass or two…
"Oh, by the way", said the girl,
"My name is Cimi."
"I'm Adan. Nice to meet you", Adan answered, and lied every word.
Andy: [as Adan] "In reality, my name is Tony Stark, and yes, I am Iron Man."
Chapter 4 - A Nightmare with Shoes
Andy: Sounds like the sequel to The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes.
Syntax: Keep an eye out for a guest appearance by Kirk Cameron.
For Cimi and her Pokémon the first days with Adan were agony.
Syntax: Because he was pretty much an emo kid, recovering Gary Stu, and an anime stereotype all in one.
When they first met him, none of them had the intention of travelling together, expecially not Adan. By the time he had left on his own twice, it came clear that he could not travel alone, not anywhere. He had left their camp twice, once in the evening and the second time in the morning, and appeared back after an hour or so, every time by accident. When he came back lost for the second time, Cimi decided not to let him leave anymore. Besides, she thought he might solve his disputes with his Ivysaur.
After the first night, it was also very clear that Adan was indeed Ivysaur's trainer, who, according to Ivysaur, had abandoned his starter, and according to himself, had lost his precious Pokémon by accident. Ivysaur, who had evolved just a day before after a fight with a wild Pidgeotto,
Syntax: But that's really not at all important. Just like every other potentially exciting parts of this fanfiction.
sulked the whole time Adan stayed with them. He did not speak a word, made a couple of halfhearted attempts to escape and didn't care for food much either. This, though, was not an unusual state of things, as Ivysaur never ate eagerly any Pokémon food Cimi gave him. Cimi thought that might've been because it was all meant for fire type Pokémon
Andy: Which means it's perfectly fit for all of her Fire Pokémon. Like Pichu and Kirlia.
and had decided to buy some grass brand food from the next store they came across.
Cimi, Pichu and Radeem had all suspicions towards Adan and his Ivysaur. Pichu was clearly on Adan's side, Radeem was on Ivysaur's side, Cimi didn't know who to believe and Kirlia didn't care much for the whole suspicion thing. This made the atmosphere rather unpleasant and everyone hoped for Adan and Ivysaur either to be friends again and tell the truth or to vanish to the opposite sides ofthe earth, both preferably as far away from them as could be. The true nightmare, however, began when they started to know Adan better.
Andy: They found out he was a Republican.
The only positive outcome of Adan's continuous prensence was that Ivysaur slowly sulked less and less, wasn't all that grumpy anymore and even had little conversations with Kirlia, like this:
Syntax: [as Ivysaur] "Hey, baby. Wanna have a 'Pokémon battle' with me?"
"Hmm? You don't like your food?" Kirlia asked one morning.
"No, not that much, really", Ivysaur mumbled.
"What kind of food do you like, then?"
"Well, my... trainers mother made some good stuff. I don't know what she put in it,
but I've loved it since I was little."
"Oh? You didn't leave home when your trainer got you?"
"No, his mother was kind of sicky, so we stayed at his home for a couple of years."
"Really? What kind of sickness did she have?"
Andy: [as Ivysaur] "Well, she was in this fanfiction, so I'm guessing something slow and painful."
"Well, she had....
Wait, I don't want to talk about this! Go tease someone else!"
But Adan himself seemed to have no good traits in him at all. He didn't eat any food without complaining about it, he didn't change his clothes without someone pointing out that he was starting to get a bit smelly,
Syntax: And that he was just not that impressive.
and when washing clothes or dishes or doing anything useful, he'd always mutter how annoying and bothersome it all was. He never joined the conversation in an reasonable way, rather he'd say something like "you're wrong" and "I don't like Beedrills at all, can't you talk about something more fun?" and "I'm really hungry and there's nothing good to eat!". Bit by bit Cimi thought she'd understand Ivysaur even if it turned out he had escaped on it's free will. The worst of all was Adan's behaviour when they were walking. He complained about his shoes every two minutes and didn't listen to anything Cimi said to him, as Cimi was riding and he wasn't. Radeem didn't take Adan on her back no matter how Adan begged. This, however, seemed to make Ivysaur a bit more merry than he usually was.
Andy and Syntax: [singing] Schaaaadenfreude! Making me feel glad that I'm not you!
The only way to make Adan happy and thus a bit better company was to make him talk about Pokémon battles. Even a slight mention about the subject made his eyes glitter with enthusiasm and he would discuss about strategies and ask about Cimi's battles for hours and hours. he also told glorious stories about his fights with his Bulbasaur,
Andy: Most of which he actually made up as he went along.
and those stories seemed to doften Ivysaurs heart a bit, as he always came closer to listen waht Adan had to say. Adan's stories often flattered his Bulbasaur and himself a bit more than was appropriate,
Andy: So, uh, Pokémon battle. Is that some kind of euphemism for porn?
Syntax: [as Adan] "And then Bulbasaur used his Vine Whip on the other kid's Diglett, and it was the most intense battle I've ever experienced in my life."
but they were good stories. Even Kirlia, who didn't care for battles at all, listened to him as he told how he and his Bulbasaur had beaten their first gym leader and his fire type Pokémon, against all the odds.
Syntax: Man, if you start reading this fic as if it's one sexual innuendo after another, it suddenly becomes a lot more interesting. He beat the first gym leader and his fire-type with incredible strategy.
Pichu, of course, as obsessed to battles he was, would sit right next to Adan, listening, his eyes glittering as he imagined the situations in his small head, and his cheeks sparking with extra electricity he could not keep in.
"There we were, standing at our very first gym, and the leader sends out a Charmeleon! I was all ready to give up, but Bulbasaur was so pumped up he wanted to try anyway, and so we went for it. The fight was complete madness!
Andy: Madness? This. Is. SPARTA.
I shouted commands and Bulbasaur only obeyed half, sometimes he should've obeyed but toher times he saved himself by disobeying. There was this one really close call, when I ordered it to do a Take Down. Just on the moment he was getting close enough, Charmeleon used Ember, and we knew it was his last one and he had been saving it. I was ready to give up any second before my poor Bulbasaur would get too hurt, but guess what?"
Syntax: You leapt in and let yourself be engulfed in fire?
"What? What?" Pichu asked, barely keeping himself put.
"He was never going to do the darn Take Down! All the time he was going for a Vine Whip, but the gym leader and his Charmeleon thought he was going to obey me... So, the Ember missed, the Vine Wip was a successful hit, and it didn't take us long to win the fight after that.
Andy: So… basically… you won because you're a terrible trainer?
I think they could've given up right that moment, but the gym leader apparently wanted to torture his poor Charmeleon for nothing. They had no chance left!"
Andy: Because never in the history of this franchise has anyone ever made a comeback from the edge of defeat.
"Hmm", said Kirlia, "but wasn't that what they said about you before the fight? 'No chances'?"
"Ahh, that was a different thing", Adan answeared with a dreamy look in his eyes.
Syntax: Ah, the dreamy look of utter delusion.
"It's great that you tell these stories, Adan", Cimi said, sitting by their campfire and making food for everyone, "but I really hope you don't teach Pichu to be disobedient...
Andy and Syntax: You mean he isn't already?
He's a handful now, and I don't want to think how many hands do I need if he gets any more self-confident."
"I have an idea", Adan said, looking at the food Cimi was making with great remorse, "What if I train Pichu a bit? It would be good for both of us."
Cimi gave them the permission
Andy: Also not potentially important to this story.
Syntax: Why, no, we don't need to see Cimi making any effort to think this over.
and they went a bit further from the camp. Radeem came with Pichu, as she did not trust Adan. Kirlia came also with them, because she was curious. Adan looked down at his pokéballs.
Syntax: And then he put on his pants and checked out his other Poké Balls.
"Let's see", he said, "do you want to fight Eevee or Beautifly?"
"Beautifly", Pichu yelled.
Andy: [as Pichu] "Because it's so purty."
March 30th, 2009 (10:43 AM).
He was so excited he couldn't even stay put. He had sometimes took part in the Pokémon Ranch's training classes, but those were for fire Pokémon, so they weren't as fun. Now he'd have real training, with a real trainer - not that he didn't prefer Cimi over every human, but still...
"I don't undestand you anyway", Adan said and smiled a bit helplessly, "so it'll be Eevee in any case."
Andy: And thus, Adan completely crushes Pichu's dream of ever dancing with the pretty, pretty butterfly.
He threw the pokéball and Eevee appeared. This Eevee had been Adan's first catch, and he was still waiting to get a water stone and evolve it into Vaporeon. This had been Eevee's choice, as she wanted to be nothing else than Vaporeon.
Andy: Well, I wanna be a Vespiquen, but you don't hear me whining about it.
Syntax: Did you just—
Andy: Don't judge me!
She played in water whenever she had the chance and pretended to use water type moves.
Syntax: Usually, people call that "marking her territory" or "urinating," but okay.
"Wow", she said, "I've been there a long time."
"I'm sorry, Eevee", Adan said, almost if reading Eevee's mind, "I've been looking for Bulbasaur fo a couple of weeks now. Remember I lost him? That's why you don't get out often. Well, here's a chance to get a bit of excitement. We're going to train this Pichu a bit."
"Oh, boy", said Pichu.
Oh, but I have a weakness for electricity, Eevee thought for a second, before she took her fighting pose.
"All right!", she yelled, and the training began.
Andy: But we don't need to know anything about that.
Syntax: Nope. So, we're going to move on to the fascinating world of Cimi eating dinner.
A bit later Cimi was tasting her food, sitting together with Ivysaur by the fire. Ivysaur was almost asleep, and as Cimi watched it, she felt a bit troubled. It would take them no longer than a week to reach the ferry for Island of Jade. She wondered if she could solve the mystery of Adan and his Ivysaur before it was time to part ways with them.
Suddently Kirlia was right next to her. She seemed to be in deep thoughts as she stared into the fire and stood completely still.
Andy: [as Kirlia] "Hmm. Should I push Cimi in?"
Syntax: Do it.
Andy: [as Kirlia] "I dunno…"
Syntax: Do it.
"You know", she finally said to Cimi, "there's something odd about Adan and the way he thinks. It's almost like... he thinks like a Pokémon..."
Syntax: Clearly, as he is perfectly able to understand the Pokémon he's had for years.
Andy: You know, if Xanthine was awake, we'd be able to make so many cracks about her right now.
Syntax: She wanted to pet some guy's Zapdos. I think that says it all.
Chapter 5 - Chapter with a Lot of Yelling
Andy: I feel like this is a case of Exactly What It Says On The Tin.
Syntax: Does this mean we don't have to read this chapter?
As they travelled on, the weather took a change for worse. It was raining almost all the time, and so Radeem was tired and everybody had to walk. During the worst downpours they had to take cover under the trees and all the time it seemed like there was something worse on it's way. All this made a day's walk almost a three day's walk, so to everyone it looked like they were never going to reach Isle of Jade, or even the ferry. But with every step they took, Adan seemed to complain less and less.
Syntax: They had to pistolwhip him a few times, but he finally had some sense talked into him.
Instead, he started sulking in his own, weird way, by hurrying a bit ahead of everyone else and then beating up some wild Pokémon with his own.
Andy: You mean he's not the token pansy? Oh, that's disappointing.
To Cimi, this was even more annoying than his non-stop complaining, and a couple of times they had to take cover from an enraged flock of bird Pokémon or an army of Beedrill.
"I feel bad for my Pokémon, having to stay in their stupid balls", he explained when Cimi asked him to stop, and didn't stop.
Andy: [as Adan] "So I'm sending them into potential danger instead of just releasing them and having them walk."
It took Cimi a while to realize Adan was, for some strange reason, sulking, and taking it out on innocent wild Pokémon.
Syntax: In other words, he was compensating.
Knowing all this, Cimi decided to find out what was troubling Adan.
Syntax: Very little manhood.
"He's always like that", Ivysaur said to Kirlia a couple of meters behind them.
Syntax: [as Ivysaur] "There's just not too many ways to cure dwarfism down there."
The rain that had Radeem completely worn out only perked up Ivysaur, the grass type he was. " When he's feeling bad, he makes it up by fighting. I hate that, I don't like fighting half the much he does. You have no idea how annoying that can be!"
"Did he make you fight wild Pokémon too, then?" Kirlia asked. On the moment, she was riding on Ivysaur.
Syntax: You'd think they'd get a room for that.
She did not like rain at all, she'd rather have spent all rainy days in her safe and comfy little Poké ball, but since Cimi didn't use those anymore, she adjusted to the situation.
"No, of course not", Ivysaur laughed, "How could he? No, I just told him to cut down trees or something instead. I don't like him bossing me around, but he is a bossy type, after all."
"So you just disobeyed him, then? But aren't you supposed to obey him, when you're his starter and all?" Kirlia asked again, in a very friendly way. She was never rude, and while she was very nosy, she did it such a way nobody got mad at her, except occasionally.
"Eh, um, that is... Well, I'm not going to fight all the innocent Pokémon for nothing, you know, and... all the trainers, that's a different thing...",
Andy: [as Ivysaur] "Excuse me while I pull this explanation straight out of my butt."
Ivysaur seemed very confused. Kirlia decided that this was not a good subject to talk about. It seemed that Ivysaur had never thought about things that way.
"Why do you think he's feeling bad now?", she asked and leaned on Ivysaur's bud a bit.
Syntax: [as Ivysaur] "He saw Pichu naked and realized he was smaller."
"Beats me", said Ivysaur, "Most of the time he's like that I don't have a slightest idea why."
"Maybe it's about his mother", Kirlia suggested, wondering how Ivysaur didn't know even though he had spent so much time with his trainer, "You said his mother had a sickness of some sort."
"It can't be the reason", Ivysaur said, back to his old, grumpy, go-away style, "It can't be the reason, and don't ask why, because it just isn't. Can't we hurry? I'd like to get to that island before I die out of old age!"
But since Ivysaur didn't ask Kirlia to leave, she stayed on his back, smiling a bit to herself. She should translate a bit more of Ivysaur's words to Cimi, because she knew Cimi would like this Ivysaur.
Andy: Nothing like inter-species romance.
Maybe even so much, that he would stay with them, instead of going back to Adan...
And then Adan did something he should never have done. He grew tired of using the same moves all the time, and decided to ask Pichu to fight for him. Pichu, as Adan had noticed before, was pretty much all talk and no real ability.
Syntax: Geez, seems like all of the males in this fic are compensating.
This was mostly because he really didn't fight a lot, and Adan thought he was doing this little spark a favor. Pichu had been a bit worried to fight in areal fight, but Adan managed to win him over. So, they ran over ahead while Cimi wasn't watching and waited for an encounter. Soon enough a wild Spearow crossed their way, and this is where Adan made his final mistake.
Andy: This can only end one way. Syntax, maybe we should just stop reading and go watch The Adventures of Ash Ketchum for awhile.
After a moment of hesitation, he decided Pichu should fight the rather small bird. At first, they were both excited, but it soom became apparent that Pichu had no chances against the Spearow. Adan tried to withdraw, but without a Poké ball, the Spearow didn't care how far Pichu tried to go.
And Pichu fainted.
Andy: Of course it's not important to see what happened in this battle.
While Adan was still trying to throw in another Poké ball, Spearow took Pichu in its claws and flew up to its nest. Adan was panicing, trying to get his Pokédex out of his pocket.
"Spearows don't eat meat, do they?",
Syntax: Hooked beak, claws… Nah. They definitely don't eat meat.
he muttered while trying to get the Pokédex to confirm Pichu's safety. He had only one flying Pokémon, and that one would've been no match for the Spearow. When he heard Cimi's voice, his heart stopped.
"Adan, have you seen Pichu?", Cimi shouted from several steps away.
After that, everything went wrong.
"Umm", answeared Adan, "How should I put this? He's... Well, he's up in that tree."
"Up in that...? Tell him to come down", Cimi said, rather annoyed. She was now almost next to Adan.
"That's not quite possible", Adan said, starting to panic again, "You see, he did not go there by himself. He was carried there, by a Spearow. And, umm, I think he's fainted, too..."
Cimi did not say anything. In a blink of an eye, she saw her dear Pichu in a tree, a Spearow guarding him,
Andy: And by "guarding him," we mean "ripping him limb from limb."
Syntax: And then the fanfiction suddenly got better.
and most importantly, she saw what had happened. For a moment, her mouth was completely numb, and no words came from her lips. And then, suddently, a lot of them came, and in a very loud voice, too.
Andy: Single voice. To signify that they're really only one bird.
"You made him fight, didn't you? How could you?" she yelled at Adan.
"He wanted to fight, he just didn't admit it! You should've seen how excited he was", Adan yelled back, "Besides, my fighting is none of your business!"
Syntax: Because if you steal someone's Pokémon, whatever happens to them is none of their business.
"It is, if you use my Pokémon without my permission", Cimi screamed. She had never before been this angry at anyone.
"That's not the main point now", shouted Ivysaur, running towards them with Kirlia on his back, "We have to get him down, quickly!"
Kirlia translated this to Cimi, who immidiately calmed down considerably and tried to think. Before she had any time to act or even think thoroughly, Ivysaur and Kirlia were in full action. Kirlia ran towards the tree and Ivysaur was obviously trying to go behind the Spearow's back. Spearow decided to take on the weaker opponent, and as it took a dive towards Kirlia, Ivysaur quikly sent out his vines and saved Pichu from the tree. Seeing this, the Spearow was outraged and was about to use twice the power it had inteded. Both Ibysaur and Kirlia stopped for a fleeing moment,
Syntax: You know this all is exciting because spelling is no longer an issue.
and Cimi saw that this was a major hole in their plot.
Andy: Just like the other major holes in the rest of the plot.
"Kirlia", Cimi yelled with all her might, "Use Teleport!"
In a blink of an eye, Kirlia was next to Ivysaur and the Spearow hitted ground on full speed.
"Confusion", Cimi shouted again, "Quick, Kirlia, use Confusion!"
Kirlia did what she was told to, and as the bird was trying to attack again, it hitted the tree instead
Andy: Weren't there multiple Spearow?
Syntax: The hole in Ivysaur and Kirlia's plot swallowed them.
and decided, all worn out and grumpy, to withdraw from this battle. Ivysaur and Kirlia hurried out of its sight. If it suddently snapped out from its confusion, who knows what it might've done...
When they all had escaped far enough, Ivysaur put the trembling Pichu in his rightful owner's lap. Cimi was trembling even more than Pichu, when she carefully sprayed a bit of potion on the poor creature. For a while, you could almost hear the heartbeats of Radeem, Kirlia and Ivysaur as they waited for something to happen.
Syntax: The others had no hearts.
Cimi felt like she had no heart at all anymore. Finally, Pichu opened his eyes.
"Ouch", he said, and Kirlia didn't even have to translate. Cimi leaned over Pichu and cried with both her other Pokémon and Ivysaur comfoting the two.
Adan stood a bit futher from them. He felt really guilty, but he would never admit it. Rain on the road was getting more intense, but under the trees there was still quite warm and dry. Adan watched the silhouttes of a girl and all the Pokémon around her, and the warm-coloured light of the campfire was as fitting to the picture as waves are in the sea. He could hear Cimi crying. That was too much for him.
"Let her be happy with her little useless Pokémon", he muttered to himself. He could survive on his own. He could even find what he was looking for on his own. Besides, he didn't want to go near the Isle of Jade ever again. He lifted his bag from the ground.
"Hey", Ivysaur yelled suddently, "He's running away!"
Andy: And you care… why?
Cimi lifted her head and watched Adan running ahead on the wet road. He had already gotten pretty far. It would be a real pain to catch him now.
"That idiot", she said to herself. "You idiot!", she shouted after Adan and turned to Radeem.
"It was pretty dry today, wasn't it?", she asked her Rapidash, "So I guess you're in pretty good condition now, and we shouldn't get that idiot get away with this. Want to run a bit, my dear?"
And boy, did Radeem want.
Chapter 6 - Adan and Ivysaur
Adan sat next to their campfire. After all the running he did not have any energy left, so he had no other choice than to sit still, tied down by Ivysaur's vines.
He was so mad, yet he didn't quite know was he mad to himself, Cimi or possibly even his stupid Bulbasaur. Never before had he wanted to be a Pokémon so badly.
"Let me go", he groaned, mostly just to himself.
"No way", answeared Ivysaur, and even Adan guessed his meaning right.
"Adan", Cimi said, "Why are you being such a... such a moron?
Andy and Syntax: Because he is one?
How come they let you become a trainer in the first place? Shouldn't you be, you know, more responsible and stuff? When I first started, they asked me and my parents a ton of questions regarding my ability to take responsibility over a Pokémon..."
"I am responsible", Adan yelled,
Syntax: [as Adan] "My general lack of knowledge of basic Pokémon facts proves this!"
"I am responsible enough to be a trainer! At least I haven't quitted my journey like someone seems to have done,
Andy: Because quitting a journey to do something slightly more practical is any sign of irresponsibility?
so don't you come talking to me when you're no better!"
"I'm no better?", Cimi asked astonished with her voice trembling, "Just how am I 'no better' than you are? All my Pokémon were healthy and happy this morning, because I look after them, unlike some people I happen to know."
"You don't know me",
Andy: We can tell you're a whiny teenager, though.
Adan said in a low tone, "You don't know me, stupid girl.
Syntax: Ooh, scathing remark there.
You can lie to yourself all you want about your little Pichu being happy, but how come he hasn't evolved? He wants to fight, it's you who doesn't! Besides, I do look after my Pokémon. They're all healthy and happy in their balls!"
Andy and Syntax: Clearly.
"Oh, is that right?", Cimi yelled back at him. She was really hurt by the remark about Pichu not evolving. "How come your Bulbasaur ran away then?"
"My Bulbasaur", Adan's voice faded, "Ran away? I never said he ran away! He didn't run away... Wait a sec!"
Adan turned towards Ivysaur, whose expression gave away the whole secret. Adan looked closely at Ivysaur and gasped a bit.
Syntax: And Sherlock Holmes finally solved the mystery. Great job.
Cimi's heart skipped a few beats.
Andy: And then she went into cardiac arrest and died. The end.
"All this time, he was here, and you knew it?", Adan asked Cimi.
Andy: [as Cimi] "We all thought it was kinda obvious."
"He himself said we weren't allowed to tell you", Kirlia said in her usual polite manner, "But your stories are a bit different from each other. I wonder which one of you is telling us the truth?"
Andy: Well, certainly not the cake.
Adan, thought Pichu.
Ivysaur, thought Radeem.
I don't think I know anything anymore, thought Cimi.
Syntax: This implies you knew anything to begin with.
I wonder if it's going to be a sunny day tomorrow, thought Kirlia.
Andy: Tomorrow's forecast: cloudy with a chance of teenage angst.
I can't believe this, thought Adan.
Andy and Syntax: Neither can we.
"We both lie", muttered Ivysaur.
"I beg your pardon?", said Kirlia in a happy tone.
"We both lie", Ivysaur growled, "None of those two stories are true! I didn't quite run away, and he certainly didn't lose me by accident. We fought, that's the truth. He told me to leave, and I was so mad I left. We have both lied just to have your sympathy. Don't blame Adan too much, it's been much more hard to him than it has been to me..."
"Ivysaur?", Cimi asked, very confused. Radeem turned her back on both Adan and Ivysaur and decided never to trust any stranger again.
"Why did you fight?", Kirlia asked and tilted her head a bit. She was constantly whirling, hopping and dancing in other tiny moves, which annoyed Adan considerably.
"We always fought", Adan said and looked at Ivysaur again, "Could you, by any chance, let me go? I'm not going to run anywhere and you know it."
Syntax: [as Adan] "And those times I did? Totally joking there, guys."
Ivysaur let his vines loosen and Adan squirmed away from their grasp.
"But why did you fight", Pichu insisted to know.
"It's a long story",
Andy: Longer than the one you're already telling? Geez, almost twenty-five pages, and the only action we get was glossed over.
Ivysaur said and tried not to face neither Cimi nor her Pokémon.
"It's probably your fault anyway", Cimi said in a low voice and stared at Adan. This was, again, a bit too much for him to handle.
"It was not my fault!", he yelled, almost hysterical and pointing at Ivysaur, "It's his fault for being such a wuss all the time! Always blabbering nonsense about stuff like not wanting to fight and not even to start the stupid journey in the first place, even though that was Mother's last wish! Her last wish before she died! But he can't even pretend, for Mother's sake! It's all Adan's fault!"
Syntax: Gasp! Could this be the first interesting plot point in the story?
Andy: Six chapters in, and we finally actually arrive to the plot. That's not bad, right? Right?
Words flowed from his mouth at an unbelievable speed and volume, so he hardly had time to think what he was saying.
"Now you've done it, my friend", Ivysaur said with a deep sigh.
Adan covered his mouth with both of his hands.
"Why are you blaming yourself?", Kirlia asked, before suddently realizing. "Oh", she said.
"Umm", said Cimi, trying to verbalize her question, but she couldn't put her thoughts into words. Why would Adan say "It's all Adan's fault"? Something wasn't quite right here. Suddently both Adan and Ivysaur were looking very suspicious.
"I'm sorry", Adan mumbled. He was as red as a tomato.
"Yes, I think we're caught", Ivysaur said and looked Cimi straight in the eyes, "We're not at all what we look like. The starter Pokémon is the boy sitting in front of you, and I am his trainer...
Andy and Syntax: Gasp!
Andy: Dear God, an actual plot twist!
Syntax: A plot twist? In my badfic?
I am Adan. Sorry to fool you, but you would not have believed anyway..."
Andy: Maybe we should wake up Xanthine. This sort of thing is her kink.
Syntax: First, ew. Second, yeah, but do we really want to wake her up to tell her the author pulled a Freaky Friday after over twenty pages of filler?
Andy: Hey, it could be worse.
Andy: Remember Twilight's hundreds of pages of nothing but teenage angst?
Syntax: Good point.
Cimi took a deep breath and looked back at Ivysaur, who stated to be a human, the boy called Adan. She didn't know what to think anymore, because 'What the heck is going on' would not have been enough. She looked at the boy and the Pokémon and could not see how Ivysaur could have been the trainer and Adan the Pokémon. Or... which one was Adan anyway?
"So... You switched... Bodies?" Cimi asked after coming to the conclusion she was crazy.
"That's basically it", said the human boy in front of her and grinned in a very confused way, "I once hatched from a Bulbasaur egg."
Again there was a long silence during which everyone tried to decide what to say, or more importantly, what to think.
"Look, we don't really know what to think about this ourselves, and...", said Ivysaur, but his voice faded in the middle of whatever it was he was about to say. Kirlia and Pichu stared at him in a way that made him feel uncomfortable. But the most uncomfortable thing was the way Cimi looked at him. He could feel her eyes even though he was not looking at her.
Syntax: At that point, Adan learns that Cimi has a Grass-type fetish.
"We're eager to hear how you managed to get yourselves in this situation", Cimi finally said very, very silently,
Andy: How do you—
"If you want to tell us, that is."
And she said it in such a way it didn't really give Ivysaur and Adan any options.
Syntax: By breaking out the torture implements.
[The credits begin to roll.]
Syntax: Guess we'd better wake Xanthine up. [nudges Xanthine] Hey. Hey!
Xanthine: [slowly sits up and rubs her eyes] What's going on?
Andy: Well, you slept through the fanfiction.
Xanthine: What? [looks up at the credits] Geez. All of it?
[The Pokémon begin to float and head towards the edge of the screen.]
Andy: Yeah, pretty much.
Xanthine: [standing up] I thought I told you guys to wake me up when something actually happened.
Syntax: Yeah, what does that tell you?
[The three head out of the theater.]
[INT. OF THE SATELLITE OF LOVE. Xanthine and the Pokémon walk in from stage left.]
Xanthine: You guys seriously let me sleep for the entire fanfiction?
Andy: Why not? It's not like anything actually happened.
Xanthine: Well, did you at least learn anything from the fic?
[The two go incredibly silent.]
Syntax: Oh! I know!
Xanthine: What's that?
Syntax: That you can use being tiny as an excuse for being a complete jerk to everyone around you.
Andy: No, no. It's that if two swallows tied a Bulbasaur between them on a strand of creeper held under the dorsal guiding feathers, they can carry it from its native tropical habitat to a more temperate zone.
[Another silence lapses.]
Xanthine: Uh… right. Astinus, what do you think?
[The Hexfield near the door to the theater opens, revealing Astinus surrounded by Piplup that appear to be worshipping her.]
Astinus: I think that's a good idea, Andy. Next, I'll train an army of swallows and Bulbasaur. The world will never know what hit them!
[She breaks into maniacal laughter as the Hexfield closes.]
Xanthine: Enlightening. Well, that's all the time we have for today. If you need me, I'm going to be downing a couple of sleeping pills and spending the rest of the week unconscious. Good night, everybody!
March 30th, 2009 (3:06 PM).
Loltastic, as usual. Didn't notice any grammar mistakes, also per usual. The "aim for the horn!" bit was classic.
March 30th, 2009 (3:41 PM).
Excellent work, as per usual. =3 Laugh-a-minute stuff.
March 30th, 2009 (11:01 PM).
Another great work there, Jax! Like txtclipse, love that "Aim for the Horns!" bit. This is my favorite part, though:
I'm going to say though I like this new format better. We're able to distinguish between the story and the commentary better.
Nothing else to say but can't wait for the next MST!
March 31st, 2009 (2:36 AM).
That was totally awesome. =D
I was laffing the whole time.
March 31st, 2009 (2:47 AM).
Oh lol, at some points I didn't even know if it was painfully hilarious or just simply painful Also, I found countless grammar and spelling errors that I never noticed before, and I hated my style, but I guess I can forgive myself since that was the first story I ever wrote in English. Also, why don't I write about fights? Interesting.
Anyway, this was a rather amusing and useful experience. I honestly had never realized how... Um, static my stories are. So, yeah. Thanks. Also, I'm highly amused by the fact the actual plot and action starts only after all this crap A little slow-paced, are we? Gotta do something about that, too! ^-^''
So, um, yeah. I applaud. I applaud this concept, I applaud your comments, and I applaud just because I think "applaud" is a funny word.
Also, 500th post \o/
March 31st, 2009 (5:19 AM).
Thanks for the review, by the way.
Syntax: Right. Keep talking, Your Majesty. You're not fooling anybody.
Thank you for the compliments, by the way. I'm glad you find the new format easier to read. It's something I'm definitely keeping. (I might even go back to the first episode to reformat it.
As for pacing, yeah, while drawing the story out a bit to play with foreshadowing in order to make the bit about Adan and his Ivysaur pack more of a punch is a good move, it would've definitely been better if you brought it out sooner or had something running alongside the build-up (which is most recommended, as this kind of method would probably not make the clues you lay down obvious, meaning the end result packs more of a punch while the reader feels compelled to go back and reread parts he nearly missed to understand where this came from) so the reader doesn't feel like he's wading through exposition and character build-up.
Of course, pacing in general is a difficult thing to master. (If it makes you feel any better, one of the original jokes had Syntax and Andy comment that in most of my work, it took me twenty pages to actually get anywhere.)
March 31st, 2009 (11:05 AM).
Actually, I didn't feel bad in the first place =D Besides, many really good books take forever to actually get anywhere *coughlordoftheringscough* Then again, it kind of does make me feel better to know about that joke. So, thanks. Also, I totally hadn't noticed Although that's partially because reading your work is really slow for me anyway, because no matter how much I pretend I'm like really awesomeh with this language, I'm still not quite sufficient enough. It's useful and educative to read AEM, but it's very slow. So, sorry for being at least four chapters behind right now. Lol.
Also, this post was nothing but off-topic babbling. Sorry, everyone! To make it at least somehow acceptable to post this, I'm going to add in the following:
I, too, really thought your new style is a lot more clear than the old one. It's pretty easy to find a certain joke you want to find later on. And so on.
Also: How come Syntax is so full of comments about wet caves and whatnot? Isn't he, umm, an Unown? What do Unown know about that kind of stuff? Now that I think of it, though, he's an "!"-Unown... His shape might... *shuts up*