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Old April 15th, 2009, 06:45 PM
Feign's Avatar
Feign
Clain
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Canada
Nature: Quirky
My first FanFic, I hope you guys enjoy this macabre tale

Comments are welcome :D

Rated: Pg 17 for violence, gore and references to each, and otherwise mature themes.


Pokérus Mk. III



“Doctor, how is the Pokérus Mk. III handling today?” A scientist asked, just having entered in the sterile lab.

“Just fine, it appears to be more virulent than the usual strains; these Ratata infected with it, just can’t stay still.” The doctor responded.

--------------

Giratina was feeling a bit weak now; he had lost count on the number of dimension portals he had opened now. He was attempting to save those pokémon he could, all of which were ghost pokémon, the ones who had not been killed anyway. At the same time, Giratina, as well as other pokémon were attempting to keep the infected ones out.

------------

“Doctor! Are you ok?” A co-worker asked.

“Yes, it was only a small bite; I will get it cleaned immediately.” The doctor left the room.

This left the other man very anxious as he was now the only one left in the lab. He looked at the various Ratatas in their respective cages, they seemed viciously angry, as though they wanted to pick a fight; but a fight to the death. Their eyes were largely dilated and they no longer called their name to communicate, but rather shrieked and growled. The occasional move set prevalent in a Ratata was also being used as though to attempt to break the cage down.

However Team Rocket prepared for many eventualities, and reinforced bars were only one aspect of the design to prevent pokémon escaping. Had these pokémon had the ability to use special attacks, larger defences would have had to been arranged. Thus Ratata was the best candidate for the experiment.

This experiment was started to test the design of the Pokérus virus, a rare virus that could cause the power in a pokémon to grow at a faster rate than a trainer could in aiding it with practice. The experiment so far was a success; however, the increase in aggression and other persistent side-effects still eluded the scientists. The intent was to use the virus on all Rocket pokémon, in their goal of overtaking the world.

Finally the doctor came back. “See good as new.” He said, holding up his now bandaged hand, he was smiling from ear to ear. “Any change since my absence?”

“No sir, they seem intent on escaping.” The co-worker turned to look at the Ratata again.

“How unfortunate... I would have liked to update the Boss to some finer progress.”
_____

Mass panic had now reached every corner of the globe; the news was giving very little hope to anyone who happened to still be watching it or indeed if the networks were still running. No Pokémon or human was safe. No one knew or understood where it came from, but what was surmised thus far was that a pokémon, or indeed a human infected with the virus were spreading it at an alarming rate. The news stations, whilst still in service had warned everyone against encountering any wild pokémon and that any small cut as a result of doing so may become the victim as a new carrier. What made it worse was that those who were infected no longer knew who they once were, as though the body now belonged to someone else; of course those who found this out, found out too late and as a result were more than likely either dead, or infected as well.

---------

Gengar and Steelix walked through the now corpse laden street, contorted humans and pokémon alike now as obstacles. At the moment, they were of no threat to the infected ones, as the now desolate town carried no one that hadn`t already been infected. Being ghost and steel type respectively, both had a protection against normal attacks; however this did not stop the infected ones using special attacks, as though fighting for the food. When Gengar and Steelix first met each other, they had been in a group of 20 other pokémon, now only they were remaining; the rest had died trying to defend themselves. They figured that they were not the only of their type to survive, so they went on searching.

-----------

“Misty hurry it up, I want to go shopping now!” One of her sisters yelled.

“I’m in the middle of a gym fight!” Misty yelled back.

Her Corsola was easily defeating the opponent’s Charmeleon.

Without warming however a sudden crashing sound could be heard.

“Let’s stop this battle immediately and see what’s going on outside.” Misty said.

The trainer agreed, returned their pokémon to their pokéballs and both of them ran outside. To their amazement, they saw about a dozen Gyrados fighting among each other. Some of them looked much frenzied than others even their eyes were unnaturally dilated.

“Let’s get out of here!” She exclaimed.

No sooner had she said that, that the fight suddenly took a turn towards the gym, Misty attempted to divert around their fight, with some success. However one of the Gyrados had been hit by a particularly volatile attack, and fell over, crushing Misty and the trainer in the process. Their crushed contorted bodies lay motionless after the Gyrados got up.

----------

“Don’t forget to give me your final work report eh?” The doctor said.

“Yes sir, I hope to have it complete as soon as possible.” The co-worker answered.

“That’s great; I know I can always count – unghh!” The doctor fell on to one knee and was holding his chest with one of his arms he was grimacing at the unapparent pain.

“Doctor are you alright?!” The co-worker ran to the doctor’s side, intent on helping him stay up.

“I’m- I’m not sure...” And with those last remarks the doctor appeared to have died on the floor, face down. No sooner had it appeared to have died, that it got up.

“Doc- Doctor?” The co-worker was frightened, he began backing away.

The now infected Doctor stood up, and began to make shrieking sounds. This made the co-worker retreat further, but this was futile, as the doctor had already noticed someone else in the room, and was rather quite hungry. The infected doctor found the co-worker backed into a corner.

“No... no! Please... stay back.” He begged. He didn’t even have anything to defend himself with.

The infected doctor approached the co-worker, and with a swift grab, took hold of his neck and bit a portion of the flesh of his once co-worker’s collar bone. The doctor appeared satisfied and seemed to have decided to leave the sterile facility. The co-worker was now holding on to his collar bone, the missing chunk, evidence of its brutality.

He began sobbing really hard, though tearless, “Why?” he said, his last words escaping him like that of a breath of air. A new species was beginning to emerge.

-------

Brock had just finished a gym battle himself, he had lost, but he knew that his Steelix and other Pokémon did a valiant job. He was walking to the Pokécenter when suddenly he saw about two dozen Ponyta and Rapidash stampeding in his direction. With little time to think, he let out his Steelix in attempt to stop them.

“Steelix see if you can block their path!” Brock yelled.

However this did not seem to slow them down, no sooner had they arrived that they began trying to bite and eat Steelix, which came to no avail. Finally one of the Rapidash decided to jump over Steelix and go after Brock. Brock had not been paying attention, when suddenly behind him, a Rapidash bit his calf.

“OW! Steelix stop this thing!” Brock yelled. He noticed the strange dilation of the Rapidash’s eyes.

Steelix sent the rapidash flying, and attempted to further protect his master. He managed to take out the small cluster of Rapidash and Ponytas, and looked at Brock. He appeared to be unconscious on the ground. But then Brock suddenly sprung up, and began trying to gnaw Steelix. Because this came to no avail, the infected Brock moved on to other prey with Steelix following behind him. Suddenly Brock spotted someone in a house and ran like an animal straight at the person. Brock smashed against the door, and on his third try, managed to break it down. Steelix watched as Brock – his owner, attack and eat the human within that house, and realized what he had to do. Steelix surmised that the Rapidash and Ponyta were carrying something, that got passed on to Brock, and Brock was acting in the same way. Thus Steelix was resolute, he’d save his master’s humiliation as this diseased thing.

When Brock left the building, intent on looking for more flesh, he found himself suddenly crushed by Steelix’s tail, the force of which crushed Brock’s entire body, he was dead. Steelix sobbed, but decided to move on, and find some place safe to hide.

----

Ash decided to come home early from a journey in the Hoenn Region. Today he decided to take a break from training. He had let out all his pokémonto let them play and otherwise move around. He was underneath a tree, half asleep with Pikachu when he heard a yell, it was his mother. Immediately hearing this, Ash ran as fast as he could towards the house. When he reached the house, he saw his mother collapsed in a chair in front of the TV, holding her head, as though she had gone totally slack; she also looked very pale.

“Mom! What’s the matter, are you okay?” Ash yelled.

“I- I’m okay dear, but I don’t think we will for long.” She frowned when she said this.

“What do you mean?” Ash never heard his mom being this scared in a long time.

“Just- just watch the TV.” She pointed at the TV, just as the recurring news bulletin appeared.

Ash turned around to watch it.

“Folks what we are about to show you may shock and disturb you, these events are very real and we suggest everyone to be barricaded in their homes immediately.”

Upon hearing this Delilah got up, and began closing and locking all the windows and doors in the house.

“At about 1pm today, a small rampage of pokémon began. However these pokémon do not appear normal, in fact it has been speculated that these Pokémon are infected with something, and are spreading the disease like a wild fire. Humans and pokémon appear to be effected by it, and once they are, they appear to have an insatiable desire to eat and attack others that have not yet been infected. The current sit-“

Ash turned it off, interrupting the news bulletin. He didn’t feel good at all, and without warning threw up on the floor.

-------

Several minutes passed by before the co-worker got up; he was no longer himself anymore, he now only craved flesh. There were already yells of people throughout the building; the doctor had already found his next victim or victims. Standing up and shrieking for flesh, the doctor ran out of the lab in search of flesh to eat. Not soon after he left the room did it see a Nidorina cowering over its now beheaded owner. The Nidorina was too consumed with grief to have taken notice of the man that had just entered the room.

The co-worker decided to jump at the Nidorina, he landed, grabbing Nidorana and managed to bite its leg. Catching the Nidorina unawares, it only just managed to escape the man’s grip, to then send Pin Missile at it. Taking one last look and its decapitated owner, the Nidorina ran. It ran the fastest it ever had in its life. But the virus was now ravaging its body. Feeling the pain consume its body, the Nidorina tripped over its own feet, landing on the ground, panting wildly. When it awoke again, its pupils were dilated and now it only wanted flesh.

-------

Giratina came upon the world’s problem by accident he first became aware of the real world’s problem when it decided to look upon the world it helped to protect; looking at the city where the events had first started. In it, he saw only death and destruction. Pokémon and humans alike were either dead or decapitated. Giratina gave a cry like no other, the world was dying. Giratina decided to open a portal to the real world, to aid in the escape of those who were still unaffected by its turmoil.

-------

It was not long until various flying type pokémon became infected as well. They travelled to great distances to hunt down and eat the flesh of those yet unaffected, even if it meant going a few days distance and over oceans. Of greater distress, great flocks were travelling to the Sinnoh region. At this point, the news had travelled worldwide, and people had gathered to fight back. They stood at the edge of the great region anticipating the inevitable, intent on winning. However, they were not prepared for what they saw. What seemed to be thousands of bird pokémon, of various species were flying towards them. As they closed in distance, their beating wing could be heard, getting louder as they got closer. The news had told them, that electric type pokémon would be the best help in trying to deter this conflict. Thus hundreds of trainers lined up anticipating the various bird and water pokémon that would be arriving.

The battle commenced and the electric attacks flared, clearly outmatching the infected pokémon, as they had not fired one single range attack, and seemed more intent on close combat attacks, or rather, just intent on eating the flesh of those that were still alive.

However it only took one lone Spearow to dodge all the attacks and bite a trainer’s Raichu. Not long after, did the tide change; it wouldn’t be long before the entire region was to be overrun by the infected pokémon and humans now.

-------------

Max and May had come home for a well needed break; currently they were watching their father winning a gym battle against a trainer. They had been watching him defeat people all day, and loved cheering him on. The battle was about to end with Norman’s call of a last attack, when Caroline, his wife rushed in.

“STOP! Stop the battle at once.” She yelled.

“Honey, I am about to win, what is the matter?”

“Yeah mom, what’s wrong?” Both Max and May asked at the same time, standing up.

“The pokémon they-“She got cut-off.

Suddenly the ground was shaking as though an earthquake were occurring. No sooner had this occurred that they all heard shrieks outside. Then the gym began to shake as the infected pokémon knew there was flesh yet untainted inside.

“Everyone send out your pokémon, we’ll try to fight this mess, whatever it may be! Max go find somewhere to hide!” His father yelled with fiery passion.

Max quickly ran and found a small spot in the bleachers and hid. He still had a small view of the others preparing to fight. The four others sent out their pokémon. May sent out her Blaziken, Venasaur, and Glaceon; Norman’s Vigogroth was already out and waiting; and Caroline sent out May’s Beautifly and Skitty. The trainer who was previously battling for a gym badge also sent out his Tangrowth. They were now all going to battle for their lives.

-------------
Mewtwo and his cloned pokémon, were enjoying the new oasis they had come across. They had to relocate again, due to the fear of being seen again. This time, they were on an island in the ocean, not too far off of the mainland of the Kanto region. They had lived in relative peace otherwise. It was not until Mewtwo suddenly felt a change in the currents of the wind and water that he knew something was wrong. He told all his family to retreat in the shelter he built and they complied. He telekinetically rose up in the air to view his surroundings. He was then confused to see thousands of flying and water type pokémon coming their way.

----------

It did not take long, the wall had collapsed and several infected Pokémon were making their way in. Each trainer was calling out to their pokémon to attack what they thought were only rogue pokémon. But more pokémon were gaining entry. Max watched in horror as the odds quickly came into the favour of the infected pokemon. It was not long until it became noticeable that the trainers were losing. The infected pokemon, intent on only eating the flesh of the pokémon, finally managed to get their wish, when an infected Machamp literally tor an arm off of May’s Blaziken. The trainers suddenly stopped, upon seeing this they were totally shocked. May however lost all hope, and taking advantage of this the same Machamp tore off May’s head, her now headless body, hitting the floor. Max yelled in despair as he laid witness to this, and couldn’t move in response. Realizing they were fighting for their lives, the other trainers ran for their lives, knowing they could do nothing, as even more Pokémon were entering in the gym. Max was now all by himself he hugged his legs and closed his eyes in fright. It didn’t take long for the infected pokémon to realize there was still one other person to feed upon. The Machamp who Max had witnessed earlier suddenly attempted to grab Max, his reach just short. Max did not know how long he would survive here, partially protected. Though the Machamp was also fighting for his food, that is to say, there was a competition going on over Max. So Machamp was acting as both protector and tormentor.

----------

The now infected pokémon that were spreading in the Sinnoh region were nearing the town of Solaceon. Closer however, they sensed other pokemon; they headed in the direction of the Solaceon ruins. There, they met with little resistance and several hundred infected Pokémon made their way into the ruins. Like a feast, they attacked and attempted to eat all the Unown they came across as there were so many.

When the pokémon that had entered the ruins had finished all that they could find in there, they left, yet still this left several hundred Unowns infected as well, as they had not been fully killed in their attack. They too craved flesh; however had no teeth to cull their thirst for it. It had already been decided, as though by one mind, that they would create a portal to the other world, they could sense its flesh and wanted to have it.

The Unown began to group and began to swirl thus the process of creating a portal to Dialga and Palka’s expanse began. They were successful in creating a portal, and entered it.

Palkia and sensed this rude entrance and investigated. Upon seeing the irregularity, he noticed several hundreds of Unown spilling out of a portal, and now coming in his direction. They began to ram it. Palkia knew that Unowns existed in this dimension, but couldn’t figure out why they suddenly became aggressive. It decied to retreat by creating and entering another dimension.

Meanwhile Dialga had decided to investigate the sudden disappearance of its space counterpart. Upon its discovery, it too noticed the Unown who were now aggressively attacking the other Unown. Suddenly they felt the presence of Dialga and as a group began ramming it. In its anger, Dialga stopped time, within the area and retreated further into the dimension.

----

Mewtwo had now psychically erected a giant barrier to prevent any of these pokémon from entering. He did not know how long he could keep it up, as there was so many pokémon wanting in, ramming the barrier. Suddenly Kyogre appeared; its eyes were also dilated and was preparing an attack of entry. Finally after a hyper beam, the barrier broke, Mewtwo was now greatly weakened. Realizing the barrier was down, the cloned pokémon attempted to defend their home and master, as he fell from exhaustion. It was not long before the cloned pokémon had lost their battle, and either were torn to pieces or infected as well. Mewtwo woke up, and found himself surrounded by the ones who used to be his friends. He knew they were no longer themselves and decided on doing the most humane thing that they would have asked for anyway. Gathering his strength beyond anything he had ever trained for, he began to glow, a ball of energy was now replacing him, and then, it suddenly exploded. It exploded with such force that it disintegrated everything in its path. Taking his own life in the process, Mewtwo destroyed the Pokémon on the island, including the island itself.

----

Ash had helped his mom barricading the house while Pikachu watched on. All the doors and windows were now reinforced with boards.

“I hope this will stop them.” Ash said, wiping his forehead in the process.

“I hope so too dear.” His mother responded.

Suddenly the video phone began to ring.

“Well at least we still have the phone lines.” Delilah said.

She picked it up, it was Professor Oak.

While Ash had been listening, he grabbed a folding hunter’s knife his dad had apparently used in the past and pocketed in the intention to use it for last resort protection.

“Delilah have you heard what has been happening?” Professor Oak said quickly, leaving introductions.

“Yes, the news figures no one has hope, it even stopped broadcasting about five minutes ago.” She said.

“Yes, I noticed that too.” Professor Oak replied. Suddenly the sound of smashing glass was heard in Professor Oak’s laboratory.

“Delilah, I have to go they’re enter-.“ In the midst of finishing his sentence, several hundred Ratatas and Raticates were seen on the screen. They all appeared to lunge for Professor Oak. He shielded his face in defence, but this proved to not be very effective. Delilah and Ash seemed to be glued to their spots as they watched Professor Oak being mauled alive by the many pokémon. Pikachu, who was also watching decided to run for it, it used a thunderbolt to break an opening in a window.

“Hey Pikachu, where are you going?” Ash jumped out the window and ran after his best friend. “Pikachu wait up!” But Pikachu did not slow down.

Suddenly Ash began to hear mounting sounds of buzzing wings. He looked back to see a countless number of Beedrills and Butterfree. They were gaining on him. Pikachu decided to turn around, noticing that the assailing infected pokémon were much closer. It used a thunderbolt to great power and several of them fell from the sky.

“All right Pikachu!” Ash exclaimed, as they continued running.

Pikachu continued to do this for a while, managing to subdue the bug onslaught, however as a result was getting weaker by each attack. Even Ash’s moral support was getting a bit redundant. They managed to make it to a dense forest when they came across a Fearow, it too was infected and awaiting its prey. Pikachu attempted to use thunderbolt on them like he did the other pokémon, but this time, it did not do as much damage.

As though in slow motion, Ash watched as one of the Fearows managed to bite Pikachu, however Pikachu managed to defend itself enough so that the bite would not result in the loss of flesh. But it was still bleeding nonetheless. Ash already knew what would happen, but he was too much in shock to care. As the Fearow came down for another attack, Ash grabbed Pikachu and managed to fit himself in a narrow hollowed stump which used to provide as a fort when he was younger. In the fort there was some plastic chairs a pretend TV and a mirror. The Fearow’s beak tried to stab at the two, as it could not enter.

“Oh Pikachu, I’m so sorry...” Ash said as he held his friend tightly in a hug.

“Pika...” It said looking up at Ash then closed its eyes.

Ash sobbed beyond belief, he knew that Pikachu would become one of those infected Pokémon he saw on the TV and wanted to spare Pikachu of such an existence.

“I’m sorry Pikachu.” Ash said. He took out the knife, and careful in not cutting himself, cut off Pikachu’s head. It took a great deal of cutting too as one swipe was hardly enough. The whole time he was sobbing beyond belief. He could not believe he had decided to do this. And yet covered in Pikachu’s blood, the evidence of its headless body was in front of him.
-------

Soon Team Rocket Head Quarters was overrun with infected human and pokémon alike. The infected, craving more flesh, managed to break out of the building, and began to attack the town. Being the town was unprepared; nothing stood in their way as the grunts and grunt’s Pokémon, attacked and slaughtered everyone in their path, leaving the city in a state of a giant red pool of blood. No one knew the damage Team Rocket’s secret project would do to the world.

-------

Giovanni was sleeping; the phone rang.

“Sir get up fast, there is a breach in one of your projects that we were watching over.” The man said.

“Who is this?” Giovanni asked in a menacing voice.

“It’s James.” The man responded

“And Jesse!” A voice yelled in the background.

“You’re those idiot grunts that do nothing for the group? Fine then what kind of breach?” Giovanni said still not in the best of moods.

“Sir it would seem both Pokémon and scientists working in that building have been attacking others and attempting to kill other humans and pokemon, just turn on the news!” James said.

Giovanni got up and turned the TV on, he saw videos and images of the mass panic and witnessed the graphic nature of the infected Pokémon lunging and eating its prey.

James continued, “We even lost Meowth to them and-“ James got cut off.

“Fine then prepare the c-7 emergency bunker.” Giovanni interrupted.

“Yes sir!” James said.

Having succeeded in the arrangements, James, Jessie, Giovanni, and several other grunts managed to make it to the bunker unmarred.

“We have supplies here for about 10 years.” One of the grunts mentioned.

“That will do I suppose.” Giovanni no longer knew what to think of the current situation.

However this came into question as suddenly quite a few Abra, Kadabra, and Alakazam suddenly teleported within their bunker. It would seem that their telepathic ability to sense other beings and indeed their insatiable desire to eat them, did not withstand the barriers of the bunker.

“But this bunker is 50 feet deep...” James exclaimed.

It was too late to send out any Pokémon however, as the infected Pokémon all lunged for the throats, killing them all in the process.

-----

Giratina was just aiding in the transportation of a Steelix and Gengar when it had a sudden idea. It was going to check on the trainer that had once saved his life; he remembered his name being Ash.

Ash was still sobbing in the corner of the tree, trying to ignore the Fearow trying to attack him, as well as trying to forget the recent events. It was still daylight outside and he finally decided to look up to figure out his options. He was considering using the knife on himself. However something caught his attention. It was the mirror, he swore he saw something pass by it, but Ash knew there was nothing behind him.

“Hello?” He said cautiously.

Then quite suddenly a dimensional portal appeared right in front of him. Confused he starred at it, and then he saw it, Giratina. Giratina had created the portal. Deciding there was no place else to go he got up to go through, he took one last look at Pikachu as he stepped through.

When he got to the other side, he was met by Giratina, and surprisingly enough Dialga and Palkia were also there, as though some truce had been formed as none of them were attacking each other.

“So what are we going to do now?” Ash asked.
__________________

Last edited by Feign; April 17th, 2009 at 09:17 AM.
  #2    
Old April 17th, 2009, 12:29 AM
solovino's Avatar
solovino
RAWR~❤
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: behind that truck
Gender: Male
Nature: Timid
My my... so this is the Zombie story we've heard about in the Lounge.

Very nice. You instantly get a friendly hug from be for it being a zombie story.

Now, to say something more constructive, one has to read the work. Which I did. I can't comment much on the grammar because I'm not that great yet, but I did find some rarities, like this:

Quote:
This left the other man very anxious as he was now the only one left in the lab. He looked at the various Ratatas in their respective cages, they seemed viciously angry, as though they wanted to pick a fight, but rather fight to the death.
The combination of these two words in that particular spot, seems a bit awkwards to me. Why a "but" if it's an extension of the previous idea? They want a fight, and they want it to the death. Or mabe it's just me...

There are other rarities like that in the second half of the chapter, but I think other, more experienced reviewers can point out those that are actual mistakes better than me (and, therefore, better for you).

Also theres the mention of Nidorana: I guess you meant Nidorina.

What I would like to comment is the plot and the general idea.

I liked the concept a lot as soon as I read in the Lounge that there was to be a Zombie Pokémon fic. Zombie subgenre, for all the "B-movie" feeling horror genre seems to have drawn upon, is quite cool to my eyes. I feel Italians, in particular, did it pretty good. But one thing that was absent most of the time was the origin of the threat: how the infection, or the killing began. And your work has it first-sentence, in a rather karmic way (it begins with Team Rocket, it ends with Team Rocket). It's good to see that this point got attention and that was brought to full-circle in the last part of the exposition -- with Psychic Pokémon, no less.

Now, an infection that spreads by contact, apparently by targeting blood (as mentioned in the scene with Pikachu), that overrules (or strengthens, I'm not sure yet) basic instincts, sounds to me like a Resident Evil applied to Pokémon. It was quite a surprise to have it spread this way plus in humans. I was expecting something different, maybe along the lines of unnatural sacrifice made at a Pokémon graveyard.

Of course, you get another tremendous hug from me by having got rid of Ash's Pikachu. At last! -- and the fact that you didn't have the character go all rant and mop the ground with tears on the scene is another added bonus. It just happened, all ready, next scene please. And Ash did it himself. I hooraed at that scene.

I liked very much how the battle at the Sinnoh border was featured because present an actual turning point, you pull two or three lines of hope in the battle and then you end it up pinpointing the fact -- and not the how, that one single bite turns the tide. Maybe it was not very well fought strategically, I mean, there's only mention of Electric-type Pokémon, but I woud have put a line or two of Ground-type Pokémon to deter the advance of the Water Pokémon that manage to get thru and then have Grass-types take care of them. As for the Flying invaders, there's not much to do if what you face is an orc-flock, if you saw "Crows" you can get the idea.

Before that scene, what we see is one or two Trainers (Gym Leaders and all, but still one or two) fall to the infection and join to the ranks of infected Pokémon, but that scene in Sinnoh was like, maybe, actual large-scale defeat and turnover without the need to establish more than the fact that "the region is doomed".

Oh, and Mewtwo's apparently Senseless Sacrifice was enjoyable. It made me remember th animé special. Also enjoyable (and replayable, in my head) was the part about the Unown not having teeth, or mouths for that matter. I found these two scenes to incorporate some very definite aspects of the zombie subgenre: a demonstration of the futilety of all-hands approach, and a tidbit of comedy or a ligh-hearted perception of "the monsters" thrown at unique points in to the fray.

Other nice nods to the genre were beginning the "hero"'s (ash) scene with a Female Screech of Fear (mom's), and James stating the obvious at the end.

The cuts from scene to scene seemed a bit rushed, in particular the ones that cue to Giratina, but all the other ones seem to be fine, at least, I did not feel any of the scenes had to be extended upon (sans the Sinnoh one).

Beyond that, I just wanted to ask: where are Poison-type Pokémon in all this? (I mean, plot-wise) The closest we saw is Gengar, who is Ghost/Poison. Also i would like to see how does the infection play out with some of the legendaries' abilities -- I mean, if Ho-oh gets infected, and assuming the infection lets them preserve a tidbit of intelligence, all that he will do is respawn revive zombified creatures, essentially acting as a cure, to provide more yummy, delicious flesh, right? Under that light infected Jirachi would be fun-scary to see, too. Or am I going too ahead?

Overall, a nicely introduced work. I hope it turns out to be much more than those zombie stories at FF dot net. In particular, because you've shown the intention to play not only the actual zombie plot card, but also the genre card, with details such as those mentioned above.
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  #3    
Old April 17th, 2009, 08:28 AM
Feign's Avatar
Feign
Clain
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Canada
Nature: Quirky
Thank you very much for your comments! :D It is indeed greatly appreciated.

I've fixed the grammar oddities you pointed, and like you, will wait for the others to point the other mistakes out, as I don't want to go butchering the story too much (like that I might edit something that's fine, haha).

Hmmm yeah, I think I've said that the infected pokemon prefer a close combat (really so they can eat); I believe I mentioned that they'd attack regular pokemon, that can't be infected. So I hope that doesn't sound like it comes too much in conflict, but in the end, I was intending them to become more primal.

I was thinking at first I might do an airborne infection, and that anyone who received a cut would be infected (as breathing it in, then zombifying would be too simple in world domination). But in the way I wrote it more bloodshed could be made. XD I did pull some things from Resident Evil (though obviously they've pulled stuff from previous films etc).

Yeah my Ash scenes were thought out from one of the first ones. Though at the time, I did not know if I wanted to kill him or zombify him, but instead for a cliffhanger ending I kept him alive.

Yeah I suppose (now that I read it again), it doesn't sound as large scale as it could have been, or at least the portion longer than it could have been. Perhaps I should expand on it, with your sugestion of grass type (as the majority of ground moves are close combat). Hmmm which brings up the question, if lets say a Bulbasaur used vine whip, and an infected pokemon managed to bite the whip, would Bulbasaur now be infected? I'd think so, but not sure.

Hmmm perhaps I should give the reader less inclination of what is occuring with Giratina to compensate? This would be done on purpose so when its revealed that Giratina is helping those, that people would be like "Oh interesting." >.> or something, lol.

Unfortunately for the poison type, I imagine their demise to be the same as the rest of the pokemon.

My unfamiliarity of Ho-oh (at least game-wise) was the reason why I did not include it. But if it can revive (not cure) pokemon, that could be interesting.

For Jirachi, it would have to be another 1000 years or something? I can't remember, definately a shock for it when it wakes up next time, assuming the zombies can even live that long. It does sound like though, that it is during generation III. Though perhaps if I included Dawn and Paul (and Gary!) I could bring it closer to the more recent events.

And once again a very big thanks :D

EDIT: Actually I just realized, the events would have had taken place after the 11th movie, as I had mentioned Giratina recognizing Ash. Also I *might* continue this if I can add Arceus in it, and my best judgement of it (no pun intended), would be from the 12th movie (once it comes out of course).
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Last edited by Feign; April 17th, 2009 at 09:20 AM.
  #4    
Old April 20th, 2009, 02:01 AM
rmmstnr's Avatar
rmmstnr
The Seeker
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Brilliant Stars Above
Nature: Lonely
Whew, you got pretty much everybody, didn't you? I must say, the skeleton of that story was particularly involving, a tad reminiscent of 28 Days Later (in fact I expected a similar ending, and got a surprise!). Not once did you let off the gas for this tale, it was like a good car chase scene: compltely done in a fast-pace with constant no-holds-barred action.

Typing this up now, I keep thinking of Lt. Surge going Rambo on all those zombies for some reason.

Now, in closing I just gotta bring up my favorite quote:
Quote:
They too craved flesh; however had no teeth to cull their thirst for it.
Well done.
  #5    
Old April 20th, 2009, 07:08 AM
Feign's Avatar
Feign
Clain
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Canada
Nature: Quirky
Thanks, yeah I tried to keep to the important stuff (another reason why there is a lack of descriptions).
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  #6    
Old June 27th, 2009, 07:20 PM
Oblivion Reaper 2.0's Avatar
Oblivion Reaper 2.0
Not Dead Yet
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Hell
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Brave
...This freakin amazing, but Ash killed Pikachu? Even Better
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There so cute...untill they grow up
  #7    
Old June 28th, 2009, 06:15 AM
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bgt
R A W R
 
Join Date: May 2004
Age: 5
Nature: Gentle
Awesome reply after 2 months. I should give you an award

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