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  #1    
Old September 23rd, 2004, 01:45 PM
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darkblastoise89
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kelsey,
if i let you tell it,
then i'm perfect,
but i know otherwise.
the only thingz i've ever known
are corruption and lies.
when i first met you,
i still didn't realize,
but the way you got me open
has me soaring to the sky.

in truth,
i adore you,
i could never ignore you
my love is only for you,
i'd take a bullet just to show you.
when you cry i'll console you, and
when you're sad i'll hold you
and even if you turned on me,
i could never scold you...

honestly it's more of a rap but the message is still the same.
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  #2    
Old September 23rd, 2004, 03:45 PM
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aww thats sweet = ). I could tell this was from the heart(yeah i know its a cliche lol) but yeah, a beautiful piece in its own respect.

The only thing that disrupted me was that more than half the lines in the second stanza ended with "you" and it seemed kind of awkward. = )
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  #3    
Old September 23rd, 2004, 03:48 PM
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yah thanx fl, well you know rap has a lot of repitition of at least one word. thanks all the same.
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Old September 23rd, 2004, 03:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darkblastoise89
yah thanx fl, well you know rap has a lot of repitition of at least one word. thanks all the same.
oh lol I didn't see the part about it being a rap. 0_0 yeah I'm the wrong guy to ask about how rap works....
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"We must carry war into every corner the enemy happens to carry it, to his home, to his centers of entertainment:a total war. It is neccesary to prevent him from having a moment of peace, a quiet moment outside his barracks or even inside; we must attack him wherever he may be, make him feel like a cornered beast wherever he may move. then his moral fiber shall begin to decline, but we shall notice how signs of decadence begin to disappear."- Che Guevara

"shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man"-Ernesto "Che" Guevara
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  #5    
Old September 23rd, 2004, 03:51 PM
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I said I'd rate you're poem and here it is!!! That's really sweet, I reckon Pikawolf loves it!!! 10/10
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  #6    
Old September 23rd, 2004, 03:54 PM
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^thank you ms! i hope she does...
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  #7    
Old September 23rd, 2004, 04:28 PM
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Matty!!!!!!! That is soooooooooooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute! *blushes* I am so honored that you dedicated your poem to me. Yeah, the first time I read it, I thought it was more of a rap than a poem-poem. ^_~ I likez it lots! 10/10

~Kelsey *huggles*
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  #8    
Old September 23rd, 2004, 04:33 PM
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it is but it's all the same thing to me honestly, because *most* of my poems (with a beat of course) can be said as raps
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  #9    
Old September 23rd, 2004, 04:39 PM
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aww Im such a sap for romance, brings a tear to my eye.
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"We must carry war into every corner the enemy happens to carry it, to his home, to his centers of entertainment:a total war. It is neccesary to prevent him from having a moment of peace, a quiet moment outside his barracks or even inside; we must attack him wherever he may be, make him feel like a cornered beast wherever he may move. then his moral fiber shall begin to decline, but we shall notice how signs of decadence begin to disappear."- Che Guevara

"shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man"-Ernesto "Che" Guevara
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  #10    
Old September 23rd, 2004, 04:42 PM
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darkblastoise89
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lol i don't cry. if i do it's out of anger ot hatred, but i've alwayz said to myself that i am weak if i cry so i supress it. i must be strong for my friends!
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  #11    
Old September 23rd, 2004, 09:58 PM
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I get teary eyed when I read something beautiful or sad. I got emotional when I read night and at the end of "of mice and men" lol.
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"We must carry war into every corner the enemy happens to carry it, to his home, to his centers of entertainment:a total war. It is neccesary to prevent him from having a moment of peace, a quiet moment outside his barracks or even inside; we must attack him wherever he may be, make him feel like a cornered beast wherever he may move. then his moral fiber shall begin to decline, but we shall notice how signs of decadence begin to disappear."- Che Guevara

"shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man"-Ernesto "Che" Guevara
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