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  #1    
Old June 26th, 2009 (05:06 AM).
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Citrinin Citrinin is offline
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Hi, I'm new around these parts, and have never written fanfiction before, but passionately enjoy writing. I understand that this is the place to get feedback on ideas, and I'd like to test the waters a bit. I'm a fan of dystopian novels, so I took a continuation of Pokémon Platinum's story in order to come up with this one.

He had trained tirelessly in the Distortion World, his Pokémon growing stronger than anyone could have ever thought. Of course, people then could only think in terms of a world where space was stable, and time flowed.

He used his potent charisma to intoxicate the same generation that he had done so before, but with greater strength, and greater calculation. It took him a year, but Cyrus managed to begin to realise his vision: the rise of Giratina. Enraged, the renegade pokémon rose in an attempt to defeat Cyrus himself, and, with a great effort, the beast managed to do so.

But it was not without cost, for while Giratina could occupy itself only with battle, the distortion world and the "normal" were becoming one. Giratina, in a valiant effort to preserve the balance, drained itself of all its power in order to keep the two worlds separate. But the damage was done: in this short, yet eventful hour, half of the world's population had been wiped out. There was barely a breathing thing left in Sinnoh.

All was silent.

Fifty years later, on the other side of the world, a dictatorship calling itself The Oligarchy had flourished in the region of Torcra, due to the desperation caused by this near-apocalyptic event. The lush environment had since been changed from paradise to wasteland. It hadn't yet regained the losses in population caused by what was now only known as "the Event".

And all the while, the Torcrans suffered under this increasingly repressive regime that was desperately trying to remove the power of pokémon from private citizens, and into the hands of their cronies. The horizon of totalitarianism approaches.


So, yeah, what do you think? Can you forsee any major plotholes or problems with this story, or is it time to turn this summary into a prologue? All comments will be appreciated.
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Old June 26th, 2009 (10:20 AM).
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Feign Feign is offline
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Well it does sound VERY interesting I must say, and already enjoy the way you write. The only thing that had me a little confused was the reasoning (aside from being an oppressive regime) that the cronies took people's Pokemon. If I may make a suggestion, perhaps "the Event" has caused people to dislike Pokemon, because of what they are capable of, perhaps the true story was never found, so that people believed "the Event" was caused by them. Hmmm, actually I'm not sure if that would work, as it is already sounding WWII-esque.

Nonetheless, I can see this turning out to be quite intersting.
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Old June 26th, 2009 (12:55 PM).
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Swampoleongaurdian Swampoleongaurdian is offline
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O_O Wow. So, where Dawn in this?
Sorry I just had to ask that.

Q's
1. What happened to the canon characters?

2. Who are characters in this story?

Oh, sorry, this is a place of advice, not questions.

The best advice I can give you is to listen to Valentine.

The one problem I see, whether it is relavent or not, is characters, canon characters, that sort of thing

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Old June 26th, 2009 (02:37 PM).
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Citrinin Citrinin is offline
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Quote originally posted by Feign:
Well it does sound VERY interesting I must say, and already enjoy the way you write. The only thing that had me a little confused was the reasoning (aside from being an oppressive regime) that the cronies took people's Pokemon. If I may make a suggestion, perhaps "the Event" has caused people to dislike Pokemon, because of what they are capable of, perhaps the true story was never found, so that people believed "the Event" was caused by them. Hmmm, actually I'm not sure if that would work, as it is already sounding WWII-esque.
Thank you for the compliment. The reasoning for The Oligarchy taking Pokémon is that they are powerful and can be used against them (they want to hold a monopoly of power). However, come to think of it, some propaganda will probably have to cloak this reason, and I think that the idea that they use The Event to terrify people with regards to Pokémon makes a lot of sense.

Quote originally posted by Swampoleongaurdian:
O_O Wow. So, where Dawn in this?

...

1. What happened to the canon characters?
(Correct me if I'm wrong, as I'm not up on all the terminology, but I believe "canon" means "from the official series".) I don't really want to use canon characters all that much, as I prefer to invent my own - it gives me significantly more creative license and the ability to give protagonist characters fatal flaws, and antagonist characters good qualities (I've always loved the idea of being able to write a story where one could not definitively identify who the protagonists and antagonists were). That's why I'm setting it in an imaginary, and as would be gradually revealed, very isolated region.

Quote originally posted by Swampoleongaurdian:
2. Who are characters in this story?
To be perfectly honest, I hadn't decided at the time of writing (to develop characters, I usually need to get the general idea on paper and sleep on it.) However, this is the idea that I'm developing at the moment:

Bevan, son of one of one of the Oligarchs, is pushed by his father to become one of the Cloak, an elite secret-police organisation in Torcra. To do so, one must be flown to Teartas City, and take Route 616, a treacherous path, to the Cloak Academy, and then pass its rigorous examinations. Simultaneously, a conspiracy unfolds - a plot to overthrow the Oligarchy becomes apparent as a terrorist who calls himself the Dagger (a reference to the organisation that wants him - the Cloak) is gaining influence and an organisation.

I Plan for two Parts: a Part I, which is Bevan-centric, confined mainly to Route 616 and the Academy, with mention to the Dagger and his organisation on the TV, and a comparatively longer Part II, where Bevan gets more entangled in this conspiracy, and must make difficult choices.
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Old June 26th, 2009 (08:54 PM).
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Feign Feign is offline
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Quote originally posted by Citrinin:
Thank you for the compliment. The reasoning for The Oligarchy taking Pokémon is that they are powerful and can be used against them (they want to hold a monopoly of power). However, come to think of it, some propaganda will probably have to cloak this reason, and I think that the idea that they use The Event to terrify people with regards to Pokémon makes a lot of sense.
That's cool, I'll be sure to read yours when you have it up, right now I have two written a one shot (in my sig) and another that is chaptered, that has just started (found in announcement thread).

If I miss your post (which I hope not to do), do PM me
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