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  #1    
Old June 23rd, 2009, 06:41 PM
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Another idea I have. Basically, this is a what if something happened kind of idea.
What if Dawn had been separated from her mother when she was little, and was raised by Team Galactic?

I have absolutely no summary for this, and Tell me if this idea has been thought of.
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  #2    
Old June 23rd, 2009, 06:50 PM
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You could have kept it in your previous thread

Seperating at birth leaves lots of arm space in terms of how character development would work, so in a sense, you could make her cold and calculating etc.
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  #3    
Old June 23rd, 2009, 07:13 PM
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You could have kept it in your previous thread

Seperating at birth leaves lots of arm space in terms of how character development would work, so in a sense, you could make her cold and calculating etc.
Not at birth. It is as a little girl when she falls into a river and team galactic finds her.
The cold and calculating part is good, but I think I already her like that?
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Old June 23rd, 2009, 07:19 PM
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Hmmm well Team Galactic wants to start a new world of existence right? I'm not 100% sure of their intentions, but would they find appropriation, as an important task?

I ask this, only because I'll make a comparison with Harry Potter. In HP, the followers of the main bad guy (Death Eaters) are more or less normal humans, they'll have families but still will adhere to their main bad guy's wishes. Because they've commited lots of murder however, it shows their disregard to life. Thus it can be seen as to why some death eater couples, or families, are either childless, or only have one child. While on the other hand, one of the main protagonist families have lots of kids.
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Old June 23rd, 2009, 07:26 PM
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Eh, Wha?

Basically, this blends the show and game stories into one and twists it up with Dawn being on Team Galactic's side.
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Last edited by Swampoleongaurdian; June 25th, 2009 at 07:57 PM.
  #6    
Old June 25th, 2009, 08:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Swampoleongaurdian View Post
What if Dawn had been separated from her mother when she was little, and was raised by Team Galactic?

I have absolutely no summary for this, and Tell me if this idea has been thought of.
Coincidentally enough, the Dawn-is-a-Galactic-character thing happened in one of the manga series once. However, this is a fairly obscure manga (compared to Special, at least), and even then, although Mitsumi is based on Dawn, it's not necessary to consider her the same character. I'm just noting it because it's amusing and possibly a good place to look for inspiration.

That said, because this is a broad concept, it's difficult to give you any kind of advice without really knowing more about the story. For example, we don't even know if Dawn will be the main character, a Judas to the main character (the way Mitsumi is), or even just one of the antagonists. We don't know if the story will focus on Dawn and her life at Galactic or a rival trainer/a representation of the hero of the games who goes out on a journey and happens across Dawn somewhere along the way. We don't even really know why Galactic would bother fishing a little girl out of a river and raising her themselves (considering they're a busy organization and probably don't have time or resources to nurture the girl unless they have a reason for keeping her).

The short of it is all we know is that Galactic fished her out of the river and raised her to be cold and calculating. That's all okay, sure, but we don't really know what you're going to be doing with it. Until we know that part, we can't really help you in terms of how to handle the idea and make it change shape according to your plot. The plot really can make a difference here. She could be a very compassionate character who's led to believe that Galactic's going to make the world a peaceful, better place. She could be a manipulative character who appears to be some random trainer's best friend but is, in actuality, playing with him to get information/keep him from interrupting Cyrus's plans. She could even just be a cold jerk who knows Galactic's evil but really doesn't care. It all depends on what you wanted to do with the character, so until we know, as far as we can tell, it's an okay idea by default. *shrug*
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Last edited by JX Valentine; June 25th, 2009 at 08:59 PM.
  #7    
Old June 26th, 2009, 12:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Valentine View Post
Coincidentally enough, the Dawn-is-a-Galactic-character thing happened in one of the manga series once. However, this is a fairly obscure manga (compared to Special, at least), and even then, although Mitsumi is based on Dawn, it's not necessary to consider her the same character. I'm just noting it because it's amusing and possibly a good place to look for inspiration.

That said, because this is a broad concept, it's difficult to give you any kind of advice without really knowing more about the story. For example, we don't even know if Dawn will be the main character, a Judas to the main character (the way Mitsumi is), or even just one of the antagonists. We don't know if the story will focus on Dawn and her life at Galactic or a rival trainer/a representation of the hero of the games who goes out on a journey and happens across Dawn somewhere along the way. We don't even really know why Galactic would bother fishing a little girl out of a river and raising her themselves (considering they're a busy organization and probably don't have time or resources to nurture the girl unless they have a reason for keeping her).

The short of it is all we know is that Galactic fished her out of the river and raised her to be cold and calculating. That's all okay, sure, but we don't really know what you're going to be doing with it. Until we know that part, we can't really help you in terms of how to handle the idea and make it change shape according to your plot. The plot really can make a difference here. She could be a very compassionate character who's led to believe that Galactic's going to make the world a peaceful, better place. She could be a manipulative character who appears to be some random trainer's best friend but is, in actuality, playing with him to get information/keep him from interrupting Cyrus's plans. She could even just be a cold jerk who knows Galactic's evil but really doesn't care. It all depends on what you wanted to do with the character, so until we know, as far as we can tell, it's an okay idea by default. *shrug*
It is Dawn. I'll make up a summary okay.

...
I'll just list some things in the story.

1. She has the dream (of how she was separated from her mom)

2. A few haven't thought events (for the record, she is doing things for team Galactic).

3. promoted to commander.

4. the events of the 12th movie, except involving Team Galactic.

5. In this she is always wearing what's in my avatar (It's what she looks like in this story).

6. There is involvement with other characters but I won't dwell into that.

7. (You probably could of figured out the ending by now)

Ending this reply- now!
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  #8    
Old June 26th, 2009, 03:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Swampoleongaurdian View Post
Not at birth. It is as a little girl when she falls into a river and team galactic finds her.
They found her, alright. So why - unless you're planning to use Diamond and Pearl Adventure's excuse of 'We saw potential in her' or something like that which I can't remember at the moment - would Team Galactic be compelled to save the bawling infant who's probably going to die of hypothermia, wild Pokémon, or other causes, having been thrown in a river and left there by her own parents, which Team Galactic had no idea were separated? They just don't come across as nice enough to pick up a little baby who's been tossed in a river and drag her back to base, raising her to be the Evil Commander Number Five.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Swampoleongaurdian View Post
1. She has the dream (of how she was separated from her mom)

THE dream or A dream? There really is no The Dream, and in all honesty having A Dream (especially about something that happened in infanthood) is kind of clichéd and shouldn't happen more than once. Is there a better way to explain than by using a dream? Like, perhaps, little flashes of insight being fed to her by reasons unknown at random times?

2. A few haven't thought events (for the record, she is doing things for team Galactic).

3. promoted to commander.

4. the events of the 12th movie, except involving Team Galactic.

Why would you change the canon timeline?

5. In this she is always wearing what's in my avatar (It's what she looks like in this story).

6. There is involvement with other characters but I won't dwell into that.

Well, of course there's involvment with other characters - it's not a one-shot all about reflecting on the past.

7. (You probably could of figured out the ending by now)

Does it have something to do with finding her parents and melting her cold heart? Or maybe they could just reject her as their daughter, or found who they thought was their daughter on travels abroad, or maybe the dream was just a dream at all and never even related to her in the first place... There are so many opprotunities to throw curve balls with these kinds of stories. USE 'EM!

Ending this reply- now!
SwampoleonGuardian
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Last edited by Giratina ♀; June 26th, 2009 at 03:40 PM.
  #9    
Old June 26th, 2009, 06:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Swampoleongaurdian View Post
It is Dawn.
It should be worth noting that Dawn's not exactly the same character in the games and the anime. I said that she might be the rival of the hero protagonist in that entire tl;dr question post because she is in the games, although she isn't in the anime. In other words, it was assuming you were going with game canon, although the situations I mentioned could have been the same if "protagonist" could have been replaced by "Ash."

Quote:
1. She has the dream (of how she was separated from her mom)

2. A few haven't thought events (for the record, she is doing things for team Galactic).

3. promoted to commander.

4. the events of the 12th movie, except involving Team Galactic.

5. In this she is always wearing what's in my avatar (It's what she looks like in this story).

6. There is involvement with other characters but I won't dwell into that.

7. (You probably could of figured out the ending by now);)
Um... This... isn't a summary.

Basically, you're giving me a list of rough ideas that really only give me a vague idea of the general overview of the story. It's fine and dandy that she's wearing the outfit in your avatar and that there's other involvement with other characters, but other than that, I'm still left wondering this:

What is this story about?

As far as I can tell, you're basically just chronicling Dawn's life in Galactic, starting with (possibly) her abduction. I can't quite tell if that dream mentioned in the first point is a flashback or if you're actually going to start at the beginning and work your way forward, with the dream somewhere in the middle.

After that, she's an agent of Team Galactic, basically raised and trained until she gradually works her way to the top. Then, the twelfth movie happens. (I'd advise not trying to do an alternate universe-type rendition of the Arceus movie simply because it's not out yet, so you won't have the base material while your audience won't be able to recognize it as an alternate working of the movie. In other words, it's just not a good idea to do it without seeing the movie yourself, even if you have an incredibly detailed summary. That and it's rather odd that you'd have this movie happen and not mention the other DP movies.)

So, a summary for this fic might go like this:

As a young child, Dawn gets lost and ends up rescued by Team Galactic. She lives her life, growing and rising in their ranks until she becomes one of their most talented agents. However, Team Galactic's latest plot sets their eyes on Arceus, but one boy stands between Galactic and the power they need to reshape the universe. His name is Ash Ketchum. Loyal to Galactic, Dawn, Codename Commander Venus, hatches a plan to keep Ash from interfering, but will the boy's unshakable sense of innocence get to her?

As a note, no, this is not what I propose should happen or what I think should happen. I really don't know what you want to have happen because you still haven't really told me what it is you're actually trying to do here except to show Dawn growing up in Galactic. That's great and all, but it just doesn't form an action-packed fanfiction or a coherent plot. I'm not really asking you to tell me the whole story. I just ask you to give me an overview of what's happening in this story in a short paragraph (that stops detailing the action before revealing the ending, like it does above). That way, we (myself and anyone else trying to help you) can get a sense of where you're going with this.

In other words, again, Galactic-Dawn is an okay concept, but sit down and figure out what you want to do with it -- where your core story is and whatnot -- and then you'll be able to get somewhere from there.
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  #10    
Old June 27th, 2009, 05:13 PM
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Okay, sorry for not being able to put a summary, but I can't think of one, and by the way,

Quote:
Originally Posted by Giratinasaur View Post
They found her, alright. So why - unless you're planning to use Diamond and Pearl Adventure's excuse of 'We saw potential in her' or something like that which I can't remember at the moment - would Team Galactic be compelled to save the bawling infant who's probably going to die of hypothermia, wild Pokémon, or other causes, having been thrown in a river and left there by her own parents, which Team Galactic had no idea were separated?
Not an infant, a toddler. Not thrown, she falls in. Not left 4 dead, Her mom, well she'd be like any mom if their child fell in a river in a storm, and Team Galactic is, and I repeat is not as heartless as you imply.
And the Prologue for this is a flashback to when she fell in the river, thus that is "The Dream".
The basic idea of this fic is a change in the canon timeline.
And the ending, pretty much your first guess, yet I don't know about the 'melting the cold heart' thing.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Valentine
As a young child, Dawn gets lost and ends up rescued by Team Galactic. She lives her life, growing and rising in their ranks until she becomes one of their most talented agents. However, Team Galactic's latest plot sets their eyes on Arceus, but one boy stands between Galactic and the power they need to reshape the universe. His name is Ash Ketchum. Loyal to Galactic, Dawn, Codename Commander Venus, hatches a plan to keep Ash from interfering, but will the boy's unshakable sense of innocence get to her?
Nice summary, except it's not exactly arcues, They're there for the fighting legendaries, and it doesn't only go into the show's story, it goes into the game story too, so let me tweak this a bit. (She never meets Ash, However, she meets Lucas and Pearl/Barry, and battle Lucas. It also goes further than that part of the game, and she... wait. I should probably leave the ending out of this.)


Alright, overview, how to start, ah...
Can I use the first two lines you wrote in the overview?
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Last edited by Swampoleongaurdian; June 28th, 2009 at 04:57 AM.
  #11    
Old July 7th, 2009, 05:27 AM
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Okay, sorry for not being able to put a summary, but I can't think of one,
Not to sound rude, but if you can't even think of a summary (i.e. the basic plot) how the hell are you EVER going to be able to write this up into a full fic?
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  #12    
Old July 7th, 2009, 05:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Screw the rules, I have green hair! View Post
Not to sound rude, but if you can't even think of a summary (i.e. the basic plot) how the hell are you EVER going to be able to write this up into a full fic?
Wondering the same thing.

Also...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Swampoleongaurdian View Post
Alright, overview, how to start, ah...
Can I use the first two lines you wrote in the overview?
No. It was an example. (Hence why I said I didn't necessarily think the summary was actually what was going to happen.) Sorry, but you've got to phrase things your own way.
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  #13    
Old July 8th, 2009, 05:27 PM
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I'm not going to do this. T_T
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Old July 8th, 2009, 09:12 PM
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Closed because there's no reason to keep it open. OP isn't going to follow through.
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