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  #1    
Old November 4th, 2008, 09:25 AM
Manaphyman's Avatar
Manaphyman
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Well hello there! Let me introduce myself, I am Manaphyman of serebii.net forums, and writer of the Sevii Islands Saga. In my quest to rid myself of serebii's drama and such, I was told to post my fanfiction here. But enough about me, on to the story.

Overview
The fic takes place in the beautiful Sevii Islands, following the journey of five teenagers across their prestigious and tantalizing beauty. However, it is not your average journey fic. Something evil is stirring within these islands, and as the story progresses, the plot begins to overtake the actual journey itself. But more on that later. I have written and posted 38 chapters of this on Serebii, along with a prequel and two spinoff oneshots, so updates will be fast and frequent. (Dependent upon the amount of reviewers or readers here)

Chapter List:
0.Prologue
1.Four Island
2.Of Ice, Eggs, and Fire
3.Dangerous Times
4.The Plot
5.Eevee vs. Eevee
6.Kindling the Flame Within
7.Torchic and Flare
8.White Flame

Without any further adieu, the prologue of the fic:

Prologue:
In the Beginning…

Arceus created Mew his beloved and only “Son.” As a gift to his new son, he created the beings of Time and Space, or Dialga and Palkia. And Arceus saw that it was good.
To control these beasts he created the legendary trio: Uxie, Azelf, and Mesprit. He then created Celebi, granting it the power to travel through the newly created time.

And Arceus saw that it was good.

He then created then elaborated on his newly created universe. Out of the universe, He picked one world, made for his beloved son. To make it more habitable, he created Kyogre and Groudon, who expanded the sea and the land.

And Arceus saw that it was good.

To maintain a balance of power in Mew’s world, Arceus created the Air, and it’s guardian: Rayquaza.

He then created Regigigas to mold the continents the Groudon created. Resting, Arceus let his son Mew create at will. The creature created humans and pokemon, in order to instill love and friendship in his new world.

And Mew saw that it was good."

"This is the theory of the Arcecians." A rather young, comforting voice explained. It was that of his teacher, Mr. Jordan. He was quite brilliant for his young age, impassionate and excited about the subject which he taught: History.

“Stupid crap” John muttered, immediately regretting his decision. He looked at his now irritated teacher, his robust form looking threatening. His erect posture gave him the appearance of tremendous height, when in fact, he was only six feet tall.

“You have something to say there John? No? Then keep it zipped.” Mr. Jordan stated irritably. The teacher did not like being undermined in class, and when he was, he had an odd habit of fumbling with the collar of his shirt. Today, it was green collared t-shirt, exposing his muscular arms. Coupled with that was a pair of deliberately ripped jeans, and a pair of flip-flops.

With the scolding came a dark look of disappointment from Mr. Jordan’s deep brown eyes. John, trying to avert his gaze, looked at his short, spiked hair. In truth, he had always been a tad jealous of his teacher, as all the girls went wild over him. He would never really understand why.

Noticing the look and with a wave of remorse suddenly seizing him, John simply muttered: "Sorry Mr. Jordan. I’m just pretty passionate about that sort of crap. I just want to get out of here, after everything that’s happened."

“That’s still no excuse. Mr. Jordan did nothing wrong, and you aren’t the only one in this class. I mean come on. You just need to wait four more months to get your damn egg and then you can get the hell away from here.” Said the cute blond girl behind him. Her name was Lindsey, and although she was beautiful; she had flowing blonde hair, irresistible blue eyes, and many other various features, she had a horrid personality. She was terribly condescending and irritable, although in a sense mature, both psychically and mentally for the ripe age of 14.

Furious that she had called him out in front of the entire class yet again, John shifted his position in his desk to face Lindsey. She was wearing a tye-dyed tank top and skin-tight jeans, an array of bracelets and rings on both of her arms. He was also caught up in the new haircut Lindsey had, the edges of her hair now dyed brown. “Shut-up and mind your own damn business. You have no right to comment.” he managed to say, almost losing his composure.

“Aww, so cute. Look you guys, the love birds are fighting!” A voice chimed in from no where. John looked around, desperate to expose his tormenter, and the cause of his now flushing red face. It was Mike, his so-called best friend, who loved to stir up trouble.

Why would he say something like that? Whats wrong with him? he thought, Mike was his best friend and cousin, but he could really screw with his life. Mike was laughing hysterically, his short form convulsing in his seat. His trademark bowl-like hair was shaking around, almost covering his devious blue eyes. John thought like making a snappy comeback about his height or weight, but he was not that kind of person.

Instead of that, he sat back in his seat, letting his mind drift into thoughts of receiving his pokemon egg, making the necessary preparations for his journey, and hatching the egg. It wondered how it would all play out, and what type of pokemon he would get. Only time would tell.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Four Months Later

Shuffling out of bed, and shutting off his alarm, he buried his face in his hands. Trying desperately to wake up, his mind again wandered. Not to the events that would unfold later today, but to that day in class, when he yearned so dearly for his pokemon egg. Nostalgic, John rose, dragging his feet into the bathroom. Finally, that day had arrived.

To Be Continued…..

Last edited by Manaphyman; February 18th, 2010 at 07:21 AM.
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  #2    
Old November 4th, 2008, 09:45 AM
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Well, welcome Manaphyman (insert cookie cutter greeting here).

If you plan on staying, checkout out our Fanfiction lounge. You'll find it a little less hostile than Serebii IMO

Now for the story. It certainly looks interesting, I like the class room scene, but the teacher seems rude. I never had a teacher that was quite that rude. I did have one tear up my report once, but never had one tell me to "zip it," but the guy was probably asking for it.

Anyway, it's too short for me to give a great review, so one I-O-U for a review for later.

Where are the Sevii Islands?
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  #3    
Old November 4th, 2008, 09:50 AM
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Manaphyman
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Thank you Buoysel! That was quite fast, and I do appreciate it.

I do plan on staying, I've been here for a short time and I already like it a lot better than Serebii, thanks!

Again, thanks. The teacher was a bit rude, but his character isn't really elaborated upon until later in the story, and of course, the prequel. Him and John have a 'love-hate' relationship so to speak. I've had a teacher like him, but not as rude, same as you.

No problem, but thank you! The Sevii Islands, in this fic, are located southeast of Kanto, east of the Orange Islands. Most of them are tropical, but the southern most islands are temperate. (Different Latitude.)
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  #4    
Old November 4th, 2008, 09:59 AM
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Hey no problem.

I'm looking froward to more.
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  #5    
Old November 4th, 2008, 02:25 PM
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Manaphyman
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Considering I have 33 chapters of this already written, when do you think would be a good time to post the next one? A week or should I wait for more readers? Things on serebii just sort of happened, so I'd rather not go by that experience.
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  #6    
Old November 4th, 2008, 04:36 PM
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Well, that is up to you. I think that even though you may have already done this, proof-reading and maybe some editing would be in order. Just make sure to keep them a few days apart (maybe two days?) and you should be fine. I would review it, but I am feeling rather tired now. Life in Michigan is odd for me.
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  #7    
Old November 6th, 2008, 12:59 PM
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Manaphyman
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Considering only two people are 'reading' this, (Much appreciated, believe me) I feel as if it is alright in posting the next chapter. Just a bit of background: It has been edited and overhauled majorly from it's original version on serebii. Hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 1- Four Island

Slipping into his jeans and tying his belt, John looked up at the mirror perpendicular to him. He tried to shape his messy black hair, but after a few minutes, he gave up, opting to put on his fitted ‘Four Island Yankees’ hat instead. His brown eyes had deep bags under them, as he hadn’t slept much the previous night. Although he was tired, his mind was wandering.

Today was the day. He was to receive his pokemon egg in a few short hours.
He wondered what type of pokemon he would get, thinking of the types his friends had received. George, a red haired, blue-eyed equally lanky boy had received a Magby. Joey, a short, chubby, hard-headed boy had received a Rhyhorn. Mike, his cousin, had received a Bonsly. All of their pokemon had many traits that resembled their masters. Looking into the mirror again, he observed himself: tall, lanky, not exactly the definition of strong. What was his personality? Was there any pokemon that could really fit him?
He snapped out of the “trance” and motivated himself to leave the bathroom. He gathered his keys and cell phone, marching down the stairs and out of his house. Slamming the front door behind him, he never looked back. His parents, in the Sinnoh region, had already bid him farewell, and he had said his goodbyes to everyone on the island. His bag was packed, the house was immaculate, and everything was in order for his departure. He only planned on coming back to his house to spend the night before heading off on his adventure.

He took a step unto his crab grass ridden lawn, and walked past two ancient pine trees, kicking some pine needles as he walked. He took a deep breath, chills shooting up his spine, and stepped onto the road.
Finally, he was on his way to the breeding center. Each step took him closer to receiving that egg, and with each step the butterflies in his stomach intensified.
According to Four Island tradition, he was supposed to pick the egg that catches his eye, or bonds with him. It sounded silly, after all, how could you bond with an egg? John didn’t question this though, as it had been put into practice for the entire existence of Four Island, the breeding center being the only means to supply trainers with pokemon. After all, there was no pokemon lab.

He reasoned that if the tens of thousands of trainers obtaining their pokemon at the center had ‘bonded’ with their eggs, he would too, and thus he ceased worrying about it.

Looking around now, John noticed how inherently peaceful Four Island was at this time of morning. No one was out or awake, as it was about seven o’clock. Many pokemon were awake however, as John observed many small red caterpillars scurrying along the dew-laden lawns of the houses he walked by. He knew the pokemon to be Wurmple, small bug pokemon popular in the Hoeen and Sinnoh regions. Out of all possible pokemon he could obtain, he prayed it would not be a bug type.

Along with the Wurmple, small pudgy owls scurried in the trees above him. They cawed and hooted, observing the young teen. John knew the pokemon to be Hoothoots, a rather odd species. Small purple rats, or Rattatas, ran in and out of tall grass, poking their oversized and enormous teeth out to warn predators. As John walked by each house, a jet black dog with a ferocious personality, a Houndor, barked widely at him. Luckily, it was kept on a very strong leash.

Moving into the more run-down area of the island, he continued to walk past many older dilapidated houses. Most had a terribly overgrown, and broken, crumbled driveways made of old asphalt. Looking at the houses, he found himself scared. According to his knowledge of the island, he was merely a half-mile away from the center, so he quickened his step. His quickened step turned into a full out run however, as he wanted to get there as soon as possible, and avoid any encounters with ghost pokemon. John did not want anything to ruin this day.

Panting heavily, he arrived at the day care center, an older-style building, but clean and updated. The roof was composed of newer dark red shingles, blending in quite nicely with the cream colored walls of the building. The house itself was petite, but the elongated red fence that stemmed from the building expanded in back of it into the forest. In the back of the building, hidden from this view, as a greenhouse type of room, mad entirely of a clear, glass-like material. That’s where they kept the eggs.

A very elderly lady stood in the doorway. Her short, pudgy form just narrowly fit within the bounds of the ruby red frame, her short white hair and wrinkled face seemed out of place with the relatively updated house.

“Hello there honey, come on in, we have many things to show you before you get your pokemon” greeted the Day Care Lady.

John just nodded, a wide grin plastered onto his face. The butterflies in his stomach were ferocious now, and he could barely contain his excitement.

“I know you’re eager little one, don’t be shy, come on in!” She said, ecstatic. She seemed to feed on the excitement emanating from John.

She led him into an empty room in the back of the house, just in front of the room containing the eggs. The room was rather bland, a few abstract paintings hung on its
peach colored walls, and a rather elegant mahogany table sitting in the middle of it.

On the table were two trainer bags, one dark blue rucksack with many compartments, made for a male, and a light pink bag, with an equal amount of compartments. He took a closer look at the blue bag, the one that was obviously for him On it were six small red and white balls, a small button separating the two colors. They were poke balls, tools for catching pokemon, to be used at his discretion. One he would need as soon as his egg hatched, of course. The bag itself was pretty standard, one huge middle pocket with a poke ball design on it, two smaller side pockets, and one small poke ball holder on the front.

“This is your bag dear, there are four pockets in it: one for Key items, one for regular items, one for poke balls, and one small pocket for berries on the side. We have provided you with a Fame Checker, a Teachy TV, an Itemfinder, and a TM case to help you start out. The Fame Checker is a neat little device that allows you to read up on stats of certain famous, and infamous people on these islands. The Teachy TV is a portable television that can help you learn strategies for catching pokemon, battling, you name it. And the TM case holds small disks that teach your pokemon moves.” She explained. John put the bad on, adjusting the straps to fit his shoulders, and patted the key items pocket. He felt three lumps, and reasoned that those were the items she was talking about.

“Thank you, these are great!” John exclaimed, really getting excited.

“We also have something very special for you dear, it is called a Poketech. It has over thirty applications that are explained in the Teachy TV, but the most important thing, is that it doubles as a cell phone. It really comes in handy.” the day care lady seemed to have excited herself with the Poketech. He straped the dark blue watch onto his wrist. It was sleek, and the screen, oblong and wide, did not seem out of place on his arm.
John pulled out his real cell phone and gave it to the day care lady. She placed it in a special bin marked: “Discontinue.”

Knowing what was coming next, the butterflies erupted in John’s stomach. He walked timidly towards the old women, chills ceasing his body.

“Come this way, honey lets us see the eggs!” The Day Care Lady seemed excited for him. John overcame his timid feelings, and patiently walked into the glass room.
He looked around the large, clear room. The outside of the Sevii Islands could be seen through the walls and ceiling, the sun beginning to peak over the forested area around them. It revealed a beautiful, clear blue sky. The day was going to be a hot one, according to the weather forecast he had watched last night.

Averting his gaze, he looked at the rows upon rows of pokemon eggs. How would he choose? How would he know? Walking down one row of eggs, something particularly caught his attention. Upon seeing a cream colored egg with three dark brown, the butterflies in his stomach calmed down. Something within him ignited, and he lost control for a moment

“There! that’s the one!” he yelled, pointing to the stripped egg!

“Ah youth, picking your egg for the first time. What did that feel like? How did you know?” The Day Care Lady asked rhetorically, and nostalgically, moving down the row
slowly, picking up the egg.

“Take good care of it young one, and enjoy your journey.” She whispered, placing the egg in his open arms. He held tightly, petrified he would accidentally drop it.

“Thank you, for everything.” he said, shaking her elderly, feeble hand. He made his way out of the day care center, and back onto the road.

As he waved to the elderly women goodbye, he was thrown aback. Lindsey had accidentally run into him, almost making him loose his balance. That would have been catastrophic for him.

“Watch it!” He snapped, immediately wishing to recant his statement. She seemed un-phased though, and continued into the day care center, in order to receive her pokemon.

“Damn it!” He cursed allowed, infuriated that he lost his chance to properly say goodbye to her. Unfortunately, his ego prevented him from asking her to come with them, and as a result, their conflict would be left to simmer. In fact, there was a very good chance he would never see her again. John sulked at this prospect.
He continued to walk down the road, away from his house. He was going to make a pit stop at Shaymin Memorial Cemetery, where his grandfather was buried. He had to say goodbye to him before he left.

His thoughts drifted to the day before he died, when John had visited him in the hospital. He did not know it then, but his grandfather was laboring just to stay alive, in hopes that he would see his favorite grandson off on his journey. Unfortunately, that did not happen.

-Flashback-
“But Grandpa,” he cried. “I don’t want to leave you, not like this!”

“Nonsense, nonsense,” the elderly man comforted. His balding head gleamed in the hospital light, his face showing a look of entertainment and comfort.

“You’re going to do great things my boy, great things. Eventually, you’re going to have to leave me and your family. It’s not really saying goodbye though pal. I’m always going to be with you, and I’m always proud of you.” The elderly man placed his hand, frail and punctured with an IV tube, onto John’s shoulder.

John placed his hand on top of it, knowing that it was the closet thing to a hug that he could get, for his Grandpa was unable to give him a real hug.

Tears began to well up in the elderly man’s face. “I hope I get to see the day when you change the world.” he whispered.

“I will make you proud Grandpa, I promise. I wont let you down.” the boy replied, tears welling up in his eyes as well.

“You always do pal, you always do.”

John got up, off the hospital bed, leaving the bland white room. He turned off the TV perched in the corner of the room like his grandpa request, and began to shut the door.

Before he did, he whispered one last: “I love you” to him, so that only he would hear, and not the doctors or other members of his family.

“I love you to pal. And remember, I will be with you. Always.”

-End Flashback-

John, tearing up with his thought, had reached the cemetery. Traveling along the small gravel path into the back of it, he found his grandfathers grave. The rectangular, shiny black gravestone was etched with the gold lettering:
Patrick F. Woodward
1937-2007
We miss you grandpa
Kissing the stone while still holding his egg, he started to talk. “Well grandpa, today is the day. I still don’t want to leave you, but I promised I’d make you proud.” He paused, choked up. “I promise you. I will not let you down, I’ll do something great.”

Chills began to run up and down his spine. He knew his grandfather was listening. He felt a hand on his shoulder, but when he turned to look, no one was there. Butterflies leapt into his stomach, and he resisted the urge to run in fright. Although scared, John knew that it was his grandfathers way of comforting him.

“Goodbye grandpa.” He said, kissing the gravestone again. He grasped his egg, feeling some slight movement. He pressed the egg to his ear, hearing a soft purring noise. It was close to hatching.

Motivated with this new excitement, John made his way out of the cemetery, and in the general direction of Icefall cave. It was a bit more of a walk, but he had a few hours to kill, and he did not want to go back home. The risk of running into Lindsey also coursed him to explore the cave.

To be continued…
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Old November 6th, 2008, 02:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Manaphyman View Post
-Flashback-

....

-End Flashback-
I don't think that is necessary. If you do want to put that in, then do it another way.

I really like the way you described the tools of the trainer, very interesting, very interesting indeed.

----------
[n00b review]
Great story, can't wait to read more [/n00b review]
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Old November 6th, 2008, 02:58 PM
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Manaphyman
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Haha, thank you! That was not a n00b review, and even if it was, its appreciated. I do see your point on the flashback though, thank you for the advice!

Glad you liked the description of the tools too, some of them will come in handy later on. ;]
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Old November 6th, 2008, 03:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Manaphyman View Post
Haha, thank you! That was not a n00b review, and even if it was, its appreciated. I do see your point on the flashback though, thank you for the advice!

Glad you liked the description of the tools too, some of them will come in handy later on. ;]
It was enough to explain it to non-Pokemon fans, but not so much so that annoys Pokemon fans. Good job.
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Old November 16th, 2008, 02:26 PM
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Manaphyman
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Sorry sorry! Long story short, I had to edit this chapter a lot. Hope you all enjoy it!

Chapter 2-Of Ice, Eggs, and Fire

Reaching the cave about a half hour after his excursion in the cemetery, John was drained. It was still fairly early; around nine o’clock. The island began to spur to life, lazy residents walking out and about with their various pokemon, running errands and greeting the day. That’s how it was in the Sevii Islands, especially in the summer. While it could be boring sometimes, John always reasoned that they knew how to live here.

Making his way into the cave, John had noticed the movements and sounds coming from his egg had become more frequent. Luckily, the pokemon center was just a few hundred yards away from the entrance to the immense cave, there if he should need it.

Slowly, he made his way into the well-lit cave. Icefall Cave was structured to accommodate trainers, a string of miner’s lights were attached to the ceiling of the cave, which was cleared of all ice and rock debris once every week.

The rest of the cave was kept in it’s natural state: icy. The walls of the cave were coated in a thin sheet of ice, which reflected the lights in a brilliant manner. The floor of the cave was a “minefield,” sheets of black ice were quite common amongst the granite floor. When one was careful, it was a beautiful work of nature.

Clutching his egg tightly as to keep it warm, John pushed forward deeper into the cave. Looking around, John spotted four small blue bats hanging upside down off the ceiling. Their wings were wrapped tightly around their bodies, hiding their faces but exposing their skinny blue legs, which grasped onto crevices in the rocky surface. John identified them as Zubat.

Walking around him were four legged, petite pig-nosed pokemon, shards of ice sticking to their short brown fur. Their stubby moist noses were cute, and they did mesh well with their somewhat pudgy bodies. They were, of course, Swinub. They scurried around and about large sleeping face pokemon, called Glaile. Glaile looked ominous and frightening, as their faces were made entirely of ice, with two black stubs of what looked like rock penetrating from both sides of it. John decided to keep his distance from the pokemon.

His intentions were to see the world-renowned Temple of Lapras, famous for providing Lorelli, champion of the Sevii Islands, with a Lapras. The path to the Temple was straightforward, just a simple, yet long walk down a single tunnel.

The deeper he went, the colder it got, until the point where he was shivering profusely, and his breath was visible. If he stayed in these conditions, his egg would begin to suffer, likely experiencing some unwanted side effects. He would have made the decision to turn back, had he not seen the massive stone slab and pokemon guarding it. He had arrived. Surely another couple of minutes wouldn’t hurt, right?
He slowly and quietly made his way to the large furry pokemon guarding the stone door. It had a prehistoric drawing of what looked like a sea-monster engraved in it.

The carved ‘monster’was divided, engraved on both doors. Unfortunately, no one knew how to open the doors, excluding Lorelli. She had told no one.

Engraved on the stone door was: ‘Temple of Lapras. Enter pure trainer, and test yourself’

Eager to test himself and attempt to enter, John tried to meander his way past the large behemoth standing in his way. A large, furry monster sat just inches away from John, sleeping. It had enormous tusks that penetrated its blanket of hair and fur, and four wide, massive legs. It’s face was awkward looking, two enormous eyes surrounded by red eye-lids and plastered on a white face. The beast, if awoken, could easily kill John.

Suddenly skittish, he backed away from the beast and the door, ready to make his escape. He was silent, but his egg was not.

‘Eee!’ cried the pokemon within the egg. It was a faint sound, but in the halls of the cave, it echoed and was magnified.

That was all it took. The mammoth pokemon’s heavy eyelashes started to flinch, flirting with opening. It began to stir, shaking a little and moving its legs.
Mamoswine then opened its eyes, and fixed it’s stare on John.

“Easy there Mamoswine, I just wanted to see Lapras.” He tried to clam the beast down, to no avail. Mamoswine prepared itself, shaking its head and flaunting its tusks.

John began to slowly back away, but it became evident the beast was preparing to charge. Being that there were no other options, he turned around, tucked his egg into the crevice between is upper arm and forearm like a football, and ran.

“Mamoswine!” The beast roared and then began to charge. Mamoswine were usually slow creatures, but when brought about to charge, they could usually keep a fast, sustained pace for a few minutes. Knowing this, and putting his track skills to good use, John ran for his life, dodging and avoiding the patches of dangerous black ice, stalagmites, and crumbling pieces of grey granite scattered all over the floor.

Two minutes of sustained spiriting was no easy task, but by now the adrenaline had kicked in. The behemoth behind him was beginning to lose steam, slowing down and falling behind.

John was also becoming increasingly tired, panting, he saw the exit in the distance. It had become distinctly warmer, as the tropical air was making its way into the frigid cave.

“Mamo, Mamo…” panted the pokemon, slowing down. It roared angrily, but sensing the temperature change it abdicated. Pokemon were smart, and Mamoswine knew that it would not catch the boy before he emerged into the hot, humid, tropical weather. Instead of chasing him, the beast slammed its feet into the ground, a Stomp attack, shaking the cave. It was meant as an intimidate.

He hurried out of the cave, relieved to have emerged into the stifling heat. He removed his egg from its tucked in position, he scrutinized it. The egg was intact, and unscathed on the outside, but he had no knowledge of how the pokemon was inside of it. All the bouncing around during the running, and the extreme cold could have damaged the pokemon. He would never forgive himself if his curiosity had killed his pokemon.

John exited the cave, and walked across the browning grass. He walked around the medium sized building that was the pokemon center. It was one of the more modern things on Four Island, being made of steel, and painted white and red. The inside of the building doubled as a hotel, and pokemon hospital. He spotted the red door in the back of the building, and entered.

The inside of the pokemon center was fairly bland. The door he had entered led to a large hallway, which he proceeded to walk down. Disenfranchised with the cream colored walls and pokemon pictures, John hurriedly walked down the corridor.

He entered the main room of the pokemon center, which was abuzz with life. Many trainers of all genders and sizes were presenting their pokemon at the semicircular desk on his left, to willing and cheerful nurses. Other trainers were just arriving on the island, wishing to stay in the hotel accommodations that the pokemon center provided.

Still others were sitting on the white couches, worried looks plastered on their young faces, various pokemon in their arms. One in particular was cradling a crying pink pokemon. It was essentially a pink ball of fur, with four stubby arms and legs. It had large beady eyes and a petite nose, but no real body.

“Iggy, calm down, I just want to see if you’re okay!” The girl cried. She seemed about John’s age, and he had recognized her from class.

But his thoughts dwelled elsewhere. He sat down away from the girl, on his own section of the rectangular couch. His heart began to beat rapidly, and he prayed for a movement, a sound, anything, but it was to no avail.

Or so he thought. Within a minute after sitting down, the egg started shaking violently, cracks running up and down it. Cries and growls began to emanate from the tiny miracle. Pieces of the eggshell began to crack and fall off, until two small brown paws managed to find their way out. They began to punch through other parts of the egg,
clearing a way for the pokemon to get out.

The egg then fell to pieces, revealing the tiny creature. It was a petite, brown, four legged creature, with a bushy tail and white mane. It’s face was feminine, and its mannerisms dictated that it was female. John stroked her furry ears, which seemed to perk up as he did so.

“Eevee!” the pokemon said cheerfully.

John was ecsatic, tears of joy formed on the side of his eyes. “Well hello there, little critter,” he said, patting it on the head, “my name is John, and I am going to be your trainer.”

She purred, snuggling up against John. Eevee had taken an instant liking to him, something that soothed John. Thankfully, his pokemon had not been hurt.

John cradled the pokemon in his arms, and stood up. Now that he knew his pokemon was okay, he had no reason to remain at the center. After all, he was to meet his friends at his house, so they could begin their journey.

Suddenly, a short, pudgy boy with bowl shaped brown hair ran through the sliding doors. He was clutching a small brown tree against his grey Four Island High School t-shirt. It was his cousin, Mike, and he was not carrying a tree, but his pokemon, Bonsly.

“Dude, what they hell happened with your hair? Bowl haircut again?” John looked in horror at his friends terrible new haircut as he greeted him.

“Hey, nice to see you too, *******.” Mike snapped back, playfully. John punched him in the shoulder.

“How you doing Bonsly?” John asked, petting the little tree.

“Bonsly!” It happily replied. John played with it’s stubby legs for a second, and looked at Mike.

“So, what brings you here?” John asked inquisitively.

“We’ve been looking for you all day! We have a plan remember-” Mike attempted to explain, but trailed off. “Well who do we have here?” Mike asked, affectionately rubbing Eevee’s head. She purred in thanks.

“Anyways, Joey and George are waiting outside, we’re gonna chill at your house tonight and leave for one island in the morning...right?” Mike finished.

They had been planning this since the four of them met. They were to stay at John’s for the night, and leave for One Island in the morning. Traveling to each island, John and Mike were going to challenge the gym leader on each one, in hopes of competing in the Sevii League. George and Joey weren’t fans of gym battling, or contests for that
matter, they just wanted to catch pokemon.

“ Right, of course. Let’s get ’em.” John agreed, leading Mike through the sliding doors and outside.

The two other boys were waiting patiently outside the door, two pokemon out their sides. One, a large, four legged rock pokemon, was standing next to Joey. It had a powerful and impressive horn and a hard-skinned exterior, made of what looked like blue rocks. Rhyhorn was its name, and it as was cheerful as it was large.

The other pokemon was a short, sleepy pokemon in George’s arms. It had red fur atop its pudgy head, encompassed with a lanky body and a firey tail. It was a Magby, a fire pokemon, perfectly suited for George. It completed his red hair.

The two boys introduced their new pokemon, and marveled at John’s. Now that the group was complete, the other three boys recalled their pokemon, and began the long walk down the road to John’s house. John opted to hold his new pokemon, wishing to spend time with it and take in the surreal moment.
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Stumbling into his room, John fumbled with the lights. It had been a long and eventful day, especially for John. His young legs were tired from a day of walking, and he was eager to crash on his bed, flip on the TV, and relax for the night.

“Alright guys you know where to go,” John said as they reached his room. The guys threw their stuff on the ground, scurrying in different directions. Mike went downstairs to the kitchen to fix up dinner, George walked across the room to turn on the TV and Joey went to the bathroom down the hall.

They all made themselves at home in John’s room, pulling out the mattresses that were stored underneath his queen sized bed. They pulled out extra blankets from the closet, moved around his mahogany desk and nightstand, and positioned the three mattresses along the hardwood floors. John recalled with nostalgia how they used to marvel at the many pictures of pokemon battles and maps of regions, plotting their journey.

His moment was interrupted by George’s cracking voice. “Hey guys, get over here.” This was an instant giveaway, as his voice only cracked when he was nervous. Something was wrong.

The guys all huddled around the TV. It was no flat screen, but it was quite large for his room. They hastily sat down in front of it.

Sevii News Network (SNN), was on, it was some sort of breaking news.

“I repeat, here is what we know. Five thousand Sevii Islands citizens are dead. An unknown number of trainers and pokemon have also perished. We do not know who is responsible, but we do know the island has been completely obliterated. A pokemon has been awakened. And I dare say which species I speculate it to be…” the news anchor trailed off, sobbing. A red bar under him possessed the title: ‘Island Devastated, War Erupts’

The news station cut to live pictures of a blood red pokemon with four arms. That was all he could see, because around the pokemon was a large blazing fire, that was engulfing the pokemon. A large beam of light spewed out of the fire, coming from the blood red demon pokemon. The live feed of the remnants of the island was then cut.

John was horrified.

Last edited by Manaphyman; November 16th, 2008 at 03:31 PM.
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  #12    
Old November 26th, 2008, 12:04 PM
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Manaphyman
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Ah, sorry, but with no responses, I must continue. Here is chapter 3:


Chapter 3- Dangerous Times

The scene was horrific. Plastered on the TV were disturbing images of the remnants of a land mass, a large, exposed triangular rock jutting from the Sea. Around the new land mass, the sea was churning and violent, taking place of the remainder of the decimated island. In the middle of the landmass were branches, splintered trees, remnants of buildings, and bodies. The fire raged uncontrollably, its flames roaring into the air, consuming all in its path.

In the middle of the fire, was a dark shadow. It did not move, save for what looked like a deep breathing motion. The shadow had four tentacles, two on each side. Its head was three right triangles jutting from a circular center, with a skinny, hard-lined, almost triangular body.
Most of it was impossible to make out, as it was just a shadow, consumed by the flame. In the top right hand corner, were the white letters: Earlier Today.

The newswomen interrupted John’s thoughts: “Let’s review what we already know for the viewers just joining us,” she said in a somber monotone.

“Today at 5:00 P.M., an unknown Pokemon, probably of Hoenn origin, was awakened. We don’t who awoke it, or how it was awakened from it’s slumber, but unfortunately, it was. The beast, was angered as it emerged from its slumber and unleashed a devastating attack on Nine Island,” she paused, grabbing a handkerchief from her pant pocket, and using it to dab her brown eyes. Her dark brown hair looked as if it were hastily combed, then thrown into a bun. Her face was badly made up, an array of different colors and shades plastered it.

It was clear that the news cast had not been planned and was broadcasted only after the ‘attack’ had occurred. The newscaster was scantily clad in a small, tight, pink tank top. Around her shoulders was a light black jacket with a golden embroidered SNN on the side. She hastily tried to get it on as she continued to elaborate: “The Pokemon then released what was thought to be a Hyperbeam or Superpower attack, killing all 5,000 inhabitants, and literally destroying the island and the city. All that remains now is the former town square, and the triangular ruby rock that stood in the middle of it as a monument: the Navel Rock. Before our cameras were shot down, we were able to see that the Pokemon remains on the island, freed and on the loose. It is incredibly danger---.” She was cut off. The screen cut to a full room, hundreds of press and civilians clamoring to get a good view of a slender podium that was on stage. The podium was made of mahogany wood, the presidential seal;
a golden emblem of nine red stars, with one golden in the middle, was plastered upon it.

A short, stoic man walking slowly onto the screen. He was older, frail looking even, his light, wispy grey hair held in place by an abundance of hair spray. He leaned in on the microphone, and practically whispered: “Please welcome, the President of the Sevii Islands.”

There was no applause, not a noise at all. The audience, as well as the President, was in a very somber mood. The President then stepped to the podium. For someone so important, he was quite awkward looking, a short pudgy older gentleman, with graying brown hair, and a thick gray moustache. He stumbled to the podium, angled the microphone up towards his wrinkled mouth, and began to talk.

“Today, the Sevii Islands have suffered a great loss,” he started, pausing a couple of seconds for dramatic effect.

“Eight Island was completely wiped out by a raging, destructive Pokemon, awakened by an unknown person organization. We have many federal agencies working on bringing these evil people to justice. The Pokemon is indeed of Hoenn origin, but was encased in our islands thousands of years ago, after a similar event. It is my dubious and horrific task to report that 5,107 people were killed in the attack and the entire island was destroyed. Only Navel Rock remains...” He trailed off, pausing again. This time it was not for dramatic effect, but to regain his composure. He ran his fingers through his perfect hair, tussling it a little, and sighed deeply.

He continued: “As a precaution, I am issuing Executive Order 1180, which states that you all must be in your homes by 8:30 tonight. This is strictly precautionary, as we do not believe Deoxys will be able to leave 8 island. We also have the Dragonite Police who will be patrolling all of the other islands. I have sent Lorelei, champion of the Sevii’s, amongst others on governmental missions to help eliminate this threat. To keep you informed, we have a Hoenn scientist to tell you a little more,” he finished and stepped off the podium. Waiting by the side, was a young, lanky, nervous scientist with glowing red hair. As he stepped up to the podium, he trembled a bit, his white lab coat shaking a bit. He introduced himself as Professor Paulson and paused.

Everyone in John’s room had been relatively quiet, until Joey broke the silence.

“I thought he had a good speech,” he said somberly, to no replies. Everyone’s eyes were fixated on the TV.

“O-Ok well…” Paulson was very nervous, his thin lips trembling. He breathed deeply, gaining his composure, and then continuing. “For starters, this Pokemon: Deoxys, well, not much is known about it or it’s species. We don’t even have an un-obscured picture of it. We do know that it emerged hundreds, or thousands, of years ago, to combat the elders of the Sevii Islands. It was encased in Navel Rock, and unfortunately awakened. The only way that’s possible is if the right piece of the rock is manipulated so that it is turned, and we will not know if that has occurred until we can secure the island. What we do know is that Deoxys is a psychic Pokemon which can switch into four different types at will: Speed, Attack, Defense, and Normal. It is extremely powerful and highly aggressive. It’s attacks, as we have all seen, can decimate entire cities.” He continued to talk, but the new station cut to a picture of the Pokemon, which was still just a shadow, enraged in slowly dying flames.

“Deoxysss!” the Pokemon roared, as a light blue, pulsating beam of energy blasted out of the fire.

The TV monitor went blank again.

“Eevee! Eevee!” John was jolted back to reality when his Pokemon began crying. Eevee began to squirm, its eyes pouring tears of fright.

“Shh, it’s ok Eevee, we’re going to be fine, that Pokemon isn’t going to get us.” John attempted to comfort. It was to no avail, as Eevee’s eyes were still fixed on the TV.

Wanting to silence his Pokemon, he slammed his fist hard on the button of the TV labeled power, causing it to shut off.

“No more,” he whispered, looking around at his friends. They all had a look of trauma and fright upon their faces. For a while, no one said a word, not even in protest. So John continued: “The Pokemon are getting scared, and its already 8,” he said.

“So lets put the Pokemon to bed and grab the dinner I was making?” Mike suggested. The group agreed, and prepared beds for their Pokemon. Joey made Rhyhorn guard the door, while the rest put their Pokemon on their beds. John, as well as the others, felt safer with them there.

He tenderly tucked Eevee into his comforter, wrapping the Pokemon so that it would not be cold in the air conditioned house. John ruffled Eevee’s fur a bit, and kissed her on the head.

“Night girl. Pretty eventful first day there, huh?” he asked rhetorically, as the Pokemon began to close its eyes, and drift off to sleep.

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Once the Pokemon were finally in bed, they had eaten their dinner, and played videogames, the group made their way back up into John’s room. They all tried to climb into their beds slowly and quietly, as not to wake his Pokemon. He lifted the cover slowly, sliding beneath his comforter and thin sheets. The guys got tucked in on their mattresses, cuddling next to their Pokemon. John reached over his nightstand, fumbling with his lamp. His finger caressed the porcelain lamp stand, finally reaching the plastic switch. He clicked it, and the lights turned off.

“Goodnight guys, we got a long day tomorrow.” John said, shutting his eyes. He turned over in his covers and shifted Eevee so that she was in his arms. Her fur rubbed against his skin, and chills shot down his spine. He was hugging his Pokemon. He had dreamt of hugging his Pokemon every night, and something as little as that prompted a wave of nostalgia within him. He couldn’t believe that his dreams were finally coming true.

An annoying nasally voice pierced the silence, which before that, was only interrupted by the gentle hum of the air conditioning. “Hey John, maybe you should ask Lindsey to some with us.” Mike chirped.

"Shut up” he yelled back, hurling a pillow at him.

“Aww, someone is a little sensitive.” Mike taunted back.

“Shut up jackass. Go to sleep.” John moaned, upset that Mike had interrupted the serenity and nostalgia of his moment. His thoughts of anger soon faded away into a mix of emotions. Sadness about leaving his house and other friends, anxiousness for his journey, and fright for the horrific events that had begun to unfold.

He found tranquility in the fact that he would not be involved in them.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After an hour and a half of walking, they had finally made it, with time to spare. The four guys were tired, and as such, complained about the walk the whole way there. Upon seeing the dock in the distance, their spirits were lifted however, and their complaining ceased.

“So what boat are we riding?” George asked.

“Maga, Mag!” his Pokemon replied, which essentially meant <We already told you!>

“We are riding the Sevii Islands Schooner.” John sighed, explaining. George still seemed puzzled.

John sighed again, face palming. “You know, the ship that goes to all ten…er, nine islands.” He corrected himself.

George still seemed confused. At this point though, John was done explaining. He just pointed to the boat docked a few yards away.

The boat was magnificently large, dwarfing all others around it. The steel behemoth was over three-hundred feet long and painted a pure white. On the side of the first floor was printed “Sevii Islands Schooner” in big black letters. The boat was built for thousands, as it had three large decks. It stopped by every island once a month to pick up starting trainers, and to drop them off at One Island, for that’s were the rookies went. The first gym leader and contest hall was on the island, as well as a large, ample training ground known as Kindle Road. Many flying and fire Pokemon inhabited it, some strong, some weak, and thus it was a fantastic and versatile training ground. That was their destination and after the three hour boat ride, they’d be there.

Boarding the boat, the group began searching for a good place to sit and stay for the ride. After a few moments of perusing around the oak-boarded deck, they found an empty circular table, with six chairs and a wide, yellow and white striped umbrella. The group sat down, throwing their packs onto the table and releasing their Pokemon from their Pokeballs. John pressed the circular button of the Pokeball clipped to his belt, calling Eevee out. A flow of red energy shot from the ball, landing on the table and materializing into his starter Pokemon. She jumped into his arms, snuggling.

Walking towards the side of the ship, he had wanted one last chance to reflect upon the moment he had waited so long for, and to say goodbye to Four Island. He leaned on the rail, petting his Pokemon. “Ah Eevee, I’m really excited about today.” He said, running his hand through her fur. “Although I never thought I’d say this, I am going to miss this place.”

He paused, staring down at the islands reflection in the water. It was beautiful, thousands of tress mixed with large, grand office buildings. The whole west side of the island was visible, magnificent houses dotting the hill that seemingly rose out of the water. Across the island, towards the north, was his house, now emptied and locked, barren and devoid of life. That thought saddened him, as he had always loved his home.

Continuing to stare at the island’s reflection, he couldn’t help but chuckle. All his life, John had yearned to get off of this island, and now, he was having second thoughts.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the pitter-patter of familiar footsteps behind him. “Beautiful, isn’t it?“ the female voice asked.
John turned around to see the relatively tall blond girl that had been the scorn of his existence in high school. She looked quite pretty, wearing a black tank top which reached down to her skin tight jeans, coupled with a pink undershirt. She clutched an Eevee in her hands as well, although judging by this one’s appearance, it looked as if it were a male.

“Yeah, it is.” John whispered, his heart fluttering in his stomach. He decided against any snappy remarks, as it seemed as if he was getting a second chance at saying goodbye, and a second chance at making an impression.

“Listen, can I talk to you?” she asked seriously, placing a hand on his shoulder.

John turned around, looking into her eyes. He tried to read her, to see her angle, but he could find none. Seeing that innocent look upon her face, he gave in. “Sure, sure, lets go over here.” he said, leading her to another table. They both sat at two chairs next to each other.

John leaned over the table, placing his hands together and resting his head upon them. “Alright Lindsey, shoot.” He said, trying to appear mysterious and interesting.

“You know me John, and you know things haven’t been terrific recently for either of us, or for that matter, between us. I wasn’t going to bother you, but in light of this recent crisis, I really don’t wish to travel alone. I’m scared…of this, of my journey, and of the world. I don’t think I can do it alone. And the fact of the matter is, I never really got to say goodbye to you, and now that its come to it, I don’t want to,” she explained, seemingly darting around her main intentions.

“So what are you saying?” he asked, puzzled. He did not know if she was saying goodbye, or asking to stay.

At this question, her face turned beet red, and she began to become nervous. “I’m...I’m saying lets bury the hatchet. Do you remember that day on the island, last year? Remember what we promised? I’m willing to try it if you are…and I’d love to travel with you if you let me.” she finished, relieved.

John pondered for a second, as to not seem desperate or quick to decide. In truth, this was the opportunity that he had been hoping for, but he still wanted to think. Should he consult his friends, or should he make the decision himself?

He stood up, and pushed his chair in, Lindsey doing the same. “OK. I’m willing to bury the hatchet. I’d love it if you traveled with us.” He said. His friends would not mind, after all, they had suggested it last night.

He outstretched his arms as if to hug, and she took the sign, and embraced him. Holding her in his arms, John could not deny that he did feel something there, although he did not know what it was.

“Hey John- er…whoa, what’s going on here?” a voice called from behind him. It was of course, his bowl haired cousin and best friend, Mike. John immediately let go of Lindsey, blushing furiously.

“Lindsey found me on the boat, and we…er…decided to bury the hatchet.” John attempted to explain, stumbling over his words. “She’s….er…going to travel with us,” he finished. A look of victory appeared on Mike’s face, who had most definitely remembered last night. John shot him a devious look, upon which Mike walked back to the table. John knew for a fact that Mike was going to tell the other guys the whole thing.

“Lets go back to the table, the boat is about to start.” John said, taking Lindsey to the table. She sat down, and just as he was about to sit himself, a deep ominous voice called out from a few yards away. There was something distantly familiar about it.

“You guys look very close to your Pokemon. Where are you headed?” it said. John turned around, and there was a short, skinny person in a dark purple robe. Their hood was pulled up, obscuring their face.John was unable to identify the person as either a boy or a girl, as their voice was very ambiguous. Yet, it was familiar, a distant memory, locked in the halls of his mind.

“I’m sorry, but I believe our business is our own, especially in these times.” John stuttered, nervous. Who was she?

The person chuckled to herself. Judging by the laugh, the robbed figure was obviously female.

She paused for a second, and then began to speak again. “I should have known. Besides, where else would you guys be headed except for One Island? I mean, you are rookie trainers.”

She paused, waiting for the group to react, but upon hearing nothing, she continued. “That’s were I’m headed at least. A certain Pokemon has caught my eye, and it’s my mission to catch it.” It seemed as if she was being intentionally mysterious.

“Who are you?” John asked. She did not respond, just standing there, her arms crossed, her hands hidden in her purple robe.

“Who are you?” he asked again, butterflies scurrying in his stomach. She didn’t seem dangerous, yet there was something that just didn’t add up. She

She pulled off her pink hood and revealed her identity.

To Be Continued….
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Last edited by Manaphyman; November 27th, 2008 at 07:01 AM.
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  #13    
Old November 26th, 2008, 05:28 PM
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Manaphyman
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Connecticut, USA
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Hey, nice to see a new reader. I'll take a look at yours later this weekend.

Love...eh...I wouldn't say love. But we'll see.
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  #14    
Old November 26th, 2008, 06:15 PM
starryday
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Wow this is really interesting. =D Can't wait for the next chapter!
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  #15    
Old November 27th, 2008, 06:46 AM
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Shining Armour
& Cadance
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Kansas City
Age: 23
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Eevee huh? I kinda like that little fox, and this is the first non-n00b fic I've seen, or read.

I do like they way this story is turning out so far.

There are some areas that you don't put a space in between the paragraphs and there are a couple of times I noticed that you forgot a space.

Otherwise
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  #16    
Old December 21st, 2008, 03:43 PM
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Manaphyman
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Connecticut, USA
Gender: Male
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Well its about freaking time huh? Sorry about the delay, I had an incredible amount of work due to the 'Pre-Holiday Cram In.' I did edit this chapter from serebii though, and have reposted it there. At the end of this chapter, I do have a question for you, though.

Chapter 4: The Plot

“What, you don’t recognize your Aunt?” The voice soothed. The women removed her purple hood, revealing her awkward face. She hastily fixed her short red hair, adjusting it in a purple clip positioned above her ear. Her beady black eyes were magnified by her thick glasses, which hung off an abnormally large nose.

“Aunt Lorelei! ” John cried, ecstatic. He had not seen his grandfather’s favorite daughter since his funeral months ago. He jumped into her arms embracing her, along with Mike. She always gave the best hugs.

“Hahaha, I’m happy to see you too kid,” she laughed, letting go of John and Mike, surveying the kids around him.

“So these are your friends…” she trailed off, looking around. She obviously knew Mike, as he was also her nephew, but she didn’t know the others.

“Yep, these are them,” John said, introducing the gang. He pointed to each as he revealed their names. “This is George, Joey, and Lindsey, they’re traveling with Mike and I.”

She shook each of their hands, traveling down the line until she met Lindsey. “So this is the girl?” She questioned, sneeringly. “You’re right John, she is quite pretty.”
Lindsey began to blush furiously as she shook Lorelli’s hand. John just jabbed Lorelli, hitting her softly in the side of her stomach.

“Hey! Respect your elders!” She joked.

She walked with the group back to the table and relaxed for a little while, kicking her feet up and placing her head on her bent arms.

They chatted for a while, producing and forcing small talk, until finally, Lorelli broke the question they were all hoping for.

“So don’t you wanna know why I’m here Johnny boy?” She asked, inquisitively.

A look of curiosity appeared on each of their faces. “Well…um…yeah? Why don’t you explain for us Aunt Lorelli?” John asked, in earnest.

“Ah, with pleasure my nephew, with pleasure. First, I do need to swear you all to secrecy, because if this information is leaked, many people will be in danger,” she began.

“Then, why are you telling us?” Joey asked, intrigued.

Lorelli paused for a second, perhaps pondering whether or not to go through with the explanation. She obviously decided for it, and began to speak.

“Well you know I am Champion of these Islands. With that title comes perks, and shortcomings as well.” The group all nodded, listening intently to the women.

“This is one of those shortcomings. Being a trainer of my stature, I was dispatched after this crisis along with the various intelligence agencies. Except my mission is different, it is my duty to subdue and capture three legendary pokemon necessary for our plight, and discover the hidden location of two swords,” she paused, sensing the confused looks now inhabiting the faces of the five.

“Ah. I see you are unfamiliar with the legend?” She asked. They nodded.

She took a deep, long sigh, and tried to explain.

“You see, long ago in ancient times, Deoxys terrorized this great nation, or rather, dependency. At the time, the Sevii Islands were being invaded by the Kanto-Johto empire. At any rate, Deoxys traveled from island to island, killing thousands, and destroyed entire villages. It was at that time, that tribal leaders and Empire officers alike found an awkward connection between Navel Rock, and the strange pokemon from another world. Taking the initiative, they forged two swords from the rock, which was made of a red crystalline material. Armed with these swords, elite soldiers engaged Deoxys on various islands, but all were defeated. By sheer coincidence, in one such fight, it was discovered the swords gained power when bathed in fire, electricity, and water,” she paused, making sure none of the teenagers attention spans were wavering. They were all listening intently to the women, so she continued.

“The problem was, ordinary pokemon could not provide the necessary power they needed. So the ancients sought out three incredibly powerful pokemon, called legendaries, to aide them. It was said that Moltres, Articuno, and Zapdos were created by Arceus to help them, yet this is just pure speculation. Anyways, armed with these Pokemon and the swords, the army met up with Deoxys on Nine Island. Over 100,000 people accompanied the birds, only 10,000 returned. Yet, the attack was a success. The three bird Pokemon unleashed their most powerful attacks on the swords, which were stabbed into the two holes left by their casting in Navel Rock. The attacks themselves also hit Deoxys, which in turn sucked him into the Rock, encasing him in time, until now,” she ended, dragging her hand in a face palming motion.

There was an awkward silence between the kids and their superior, until of course, John broke it.

“So that’s what you are trying to do. You’re going to Kanto to retrieve the birds?” John asked, as they all stood up, moving towards the side of the boat again. His heart was fluttering with each passing moment. Since the crisis had occurred last night, he yearned not to get involved. Now, it was seeming destiny had other plans.

“Yes,” Lorelli answered, “but there is more to this than you think. Deoxys wasn’t awoken by accident. It was a terror attack.”

“Who would do such a horrific thing?” John asked, ignorantly. Although he had watched the news and knew full well the turmoil the world was in at the moment, he still could not fathom why a human being would want to kill another.

“Team Galactic,” she whispered timidly. Her voice trembled a bit.

“And the Sevii Islands are not the only ones being terrorized,” she added, regaining her composure. “The terrorist organizations are beginning to band together. They’ve figured out that they cant work separately, so they are working together. It is as if our worst fears are realized.”

“I’ve heard of that dude,” Joey jumped up and explained. He always enjoyed a good discussion regarding current events, which was odd for his age, to say the least. “Everyday the talk on the news how the ‘Galactic Coalition is actively declaring plans. Almia has been the victim of many terror attacks and riots, the whole region is unstable. Rumors of a dangerous coup are also circulating, as the Coalition begins to gain strength. They also said…” he trailed off.

“Continue bud, your doing great,” Lorelli soothed.

“They also said some nuclear material from Johto is missing,” he finished, in a whisper.

Lorelli chuckled to herself. “You certainly are a knowledgeable kid. You watch the news often?”

Joey nodded, bowing his head.

“Good. You’re going to need your knowledge, especially for what I am about to assign you to,” she alluded, pulling the group closer.

She grasped a Pokeball in her hand, lightly tossing it up and down in her hand. John’s heart leapt into his throat. This was not the journey he was hoping for, he did not want to drag his friends or himself into something like this.

“I need you to find the swords,” Lorelli said, flatly. She wasn’t the one to beat around the bush.

“What? Why? How?” Mike asked, nervously. Did she know she was assigning such an important task to children?

She looked at Mike and John endearingly. “You were Dad’s favorite grandchildren, you especially John. He would kill me if I didn’t trust you with this.”

John perked up a bit. Ever since his Grandpa died, he had made it his life’s mission to make him proud and honor his memory. If he could do that by assisting Aunt Lorelli, it would be worth it.

“You guys are traveling around the islands right?” She asked warmly.

They nodded.

“Then keep an eye out for me,” she said, pulled out a small piece of paper with a list of scribbles on it. “Here’s a list of where they might be. Just look for the pieces there, okay?”

John took the piece of paper from her hand, falling into a scared embrace with his aunt.

She released him, as placed the paper into his pack, his hands shaking.

Lorelli then pulled away from the group, tossing a Pokeball off the side of the boat.

“Now I must depart,” she said, climbing over the railing. “The road to Kanto is long, and I am behind as it is. Stay strong, my brave nephews and friends,” she soothed, hopping over the railing and onto a massive sea behemoth. She shed her coat, thrusting it into the water, and postioning herself close to the enormous beast’s neck.
She was riding a large, majestic Pokemon, with an elongated light blue neck and tail, four short blue fins, and a large gray body, seemingly built for travel. Lorelli was sitting between many grey protrusions that stuck from the body of the Pokemon, Lapras.

The Pokemon took off, leaving an angled wake from its back. It scurried towards the ever growing mountain top appearing off of the horizon.

He walked back to the table, and sat down. Boredom. In order to avoid dosing off, he pulled out his old, hand-me-down Pokedex, and scanned Eevee, who was now sitting on his lap.

Hell of a list
, he thought, and he scrolled down. Tackle, Quick Attack, Bite, Sand Attack, Helping Hand, Shadow Ball, and Psybeam? Since when does Eevee learn Psybeam? He was taken aback by the sheer impossibility of this. How could Eevee, a normal pokemon, learn Psybeam, a psychic attack? Could it possibly be inherited by its mother?

His thoughts were interrupted by Lindsey, as she sat beside him, clutching her Eevee.
“How long until we get there?” she asked, rather puzzled.

John looked at the island in the distance. The auburn colored mountain became closer and closer with each minute, and by now, was fully visible. The rusty red stones that coated the mountain reflected the suns rays, obscuring visibility. He was able to make out a small rectangle on the face of the volcano, however. The remainder of the island, which was just peaking over the horizon, looked populated. Many buildings looked familiar, one in particular resembling a Pokemon Center, situated in the middle. A tiny dock now became visible. “Judging by the horizon, I would say around 10 minutes,” he replied, looking around at his friends, who had obviously noted their proximity to the island.

“I would like to get there first, so we can get off this damn boat as soon as possible,” he said cheerfully, yanking Lindsey’s hand and motioning for his friends to follow. They ran towards the unloading ramp in earnest.

The run turned into a brisk walk, but regardless, they made it there first.

“What’s the rush?” Lindsey asked. John immediately noticed he was still holding her hand, embarrassingly thrusting it out of his hand.

He looked up, and the boat was just about to dock.

“Well, Aunt Lorelli said she was going to capture the legendary birds right?” He asked the group, rhetorically.

“Right,” they replied.

“So if she wanted to capture Moltres, wouldn’t she be at Mount Ember soon?” He asked again.

Their faces lit up, they had realized what the hurry was.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The boat had docked, and as soon as the gates were open, the group nearly flew down the ramp. They were so happy, they bypassed lunch, instead opting to have a picnic on the beach about a mile away. They scurried as fast as they could towards the east side of the island. When they finally did reach their destinations, they fell into embraces with the warm golden sand.

“Dude, we are finally here!” Joey yelled excitedly.

The sand was piping hot, from the 95 degree temperatures that were seizing the area. The east side of the beach was generally for beachgoers only, not swimmers, as an incredibly strong current pumped between the islands at low tide. It was deemed a violent beach, which was quite ironic, because at that time, it was the epitome of tranquility.

A soft wind enveloped them, working cohesively with the pounding waves to relax and calm the group. The seemingly gentle waves were beginning to give way to low tide, a rocky outcrop of land, discolored and covered in distasteful sea pokemon, such as the awkward sidestepping and gangly Krabby, and the horrific smelling and almost useless Clamperl. The sun was now high in the sky, indicating that it was probably noon, which was also part of the reason no one was at the beach.

“Guys, we need to make it across to the other island before the tide, otherwise we need to wait another six hours.” John yelled, gaining the attention of his friends. Each of them had some kind of floral bathing suit on, save for Lindsey, who was a little clothes shy around four guys with raging hormones. The group made their way down the slopped beach, hopping around as the heated, grainy sand irritated their feet. Each dove into the water as soon as they reached the shoreline.

Lindsey jumped into the water next to him, insighting a flurry of butterflies within his stomach. He yearned to show off, and being a stereotypical teenager, he dived under the water to see the sea floor. Lindsey joined him.

The clear, beautiful waters of the Sevii Islands were renowned for their visibility. Its low salt content would not hurt your eyes, freeing you to gaze at the wondrous beauty that was the sea. Many water Pokemon were actually quite beautiful, and some began to swam around them. Cute, stationary rock like pokemon dotted the floor, their many protrusions moving slightly, and their faces giving them away. They were Corsola, awkward pokemon that disliked contact on land. Around them were petite, skinny fish, called Remoraid, which were incredibly bonny, and generally not hunted because of that.

A colony of heart-shaped creatures approached and engulfed them. Pink and romantic, both John and Lindsey could not deny their significance. They looked at each other, endearingly, as the Luvdisc circled around them. It was a beautiful moment, but John could not help but notice he was drifting further from Lindsey. A slight tug that had been pulling on his leg intensified, dragging him down deeper, towards the incredibly dark area that led to the sea floor. Lindsey now seemed to be drifting effortlessly, or lifelessly, headed towards that abyss.

John panicked, beginning to be swept up in the current. He dived further into the water, swimming with all his might and against all his instinct. He grabbed Lindsey’s hand, and gave her a thrust upward.

He did not remember much after that.

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Six Hours Later

He groaned, shifting on to his back. Tired, he rubbed his eyes and stretched. “What the hell happened?” He asked, yawning. “Where’s Lindsey?”

“Right here!” Chimed a soothing voice above him. His eyes remained closed.

“You okay?” He asked, reaching up, his hand touching the soft skin that was her chin.

“I’m alright, it was you that I was worried about,“ she said.

He opened his eyes and saw Lindsey standing above him. The sunset was casting a glowing silhouette around her. She offered him an arm to help him up, and he took it.
She pulled him up and into her arms, squeezing him tightly.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that, John Woodward,” she whispered into his ear.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “but I couldn‘t of been unconscious for that long, right?” At this, she let go of him and began to explain.

“You were for a few minutes, but then we got you up. Thankfully, we kept you breathing, but you were incredibly tired. The group said you didn’t get much sleep last night, so I let you sleep on the sand. Everyone else is about a mile due north of here. They set up camp for us and looked after our Pokemon, so I could stay with you,” she explained.

“We can catch up with them later right? I kind of want to enjoy the sunset,” John said. Lindsey nodded, and they climbed aboard an enormous rock overlooking the coast. The island in which Kindle Road was on was vary narrow, and as such they could see both the east ant the west.

They sat down, the large golden sun was halfway set. A small, thin cloud covered the top of the sun, causing red, orange, and yellow rays to pour from it.

“Wow! That’s beautiful!” she exclaimed. She sat beside him shivering a bit.

“I’m sorry I don’t have a sweatshirt, but we can keep each other warm.” he said, rather nervously. He lifted his arm and placed it around her. She cuddled up next to him, placing her head upon his shoulder.

“Is this good?” she asked.

“F-Fine” he said nervously. The moment was almost as romantic as their excursion with the Luvdisc.

They talked four hours, about everything: school, friends, family, but the topic was drifting towards the inevitable question about their fight. It was John who asked it first.

“What made you come with us?” he asked. “ You hated me in school.”

She sighed, shifting her head to a better spot on his boney shoulder. “I never really hated you per se, we just had a rivalry. I dunno, I always felt threatened by you, if that helps…” she trailed off for a second, but regained her motivation and continued. “I always looked up too you, your dedication, your grades and such. I wanted to have the same resolve and the same grades as you did, I mean, I guess you could say I was jealous,” she finished.

John chuckled. “Your jealous of me? You have so much more going for you. Your beautiful, smart, compassionate…” he trailed off, embarrassed.

“Aww, thank you, that is very sweat.” she said cutely. She wrapped her arms around him with ease, and repositioned her head for a brief moment. She planted a soft kiss on his cheek, prompting him to blush a little. He adjusted his position as well, kissing her forehead, and squeezing her a little tighter.

“You’re a very sweat boy,” she said, beginning to lift herself up. John did the same, yet she stayed in his arms. The two moved forward in a walking embrace, making their way towards camp.

Both were quite tired, and said little on the walk home, savoring their time together, in each others arms.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When the time came and they arrived in camp, a little awkward tension began to build. Each found themselves wondering how to say goodnight, and if that act would lead to a kiss.

They would soon find out. Outside of Lindsey’s pink tent, they let go of their embrace, and faced each other. She grasped his hands, and looked into his eyes, trying to sense what he was about to do. He satisfied her, slowly moving his head towards hers, as if timidly.

She did the same, and their lips met for a brief second.

They pulled back, embarrassed. Each ran into their respective tents immediately, hoping their friends did not see.

To be Continued….

I have three one-shots, one pretaining to the romance here, which is a prequel to this fic, and one regarding my take on Christmas in the Pokemon world. (That one is a spinoff.) The other is a history epic detailing a battle fought by John's ancestor. (Another spinoff.)

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The Sevii Islands Saga
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  #17    
Old April 4th, 2009, 10:18 AM
Manaphyman's Avatar
Manaphyman
Sevii Trainer
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Connecticut, USA
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Well, its updated. Hopefully we'll get some reviews this time.


Chapter 5: Eevee vs. Eevee

“Gull!”

A sharp, shrill caw came from outside the tent, it, coupled with many others; thrust John out of his pleasant sleep. His half opened eyes were greeted with an influx of rash sunlight that flooded his retinas, causing him temporary blindness. His head began to ache from the abrupt awakening. His sad attempt at sleeping in had failed miserably, something he noted when he looked at his watch. Its digital lines revealed the relatively early time of 6:00.

Mustering his will, he rose from his sleeping bag, and rummaged through his oversized, backpack. Finding his clothes of the day, he pumped his fist in triumph, disrobing. After all, only Eevee was in the tent, a fact that had abruptly came to his attention. The little activity and dull silence worried John. Intrigued and scared at the same time, he threw his clothes upon him, slipping on a pair of denim shorts, and his Four Island Track & Field shirt. Rushing out of the tent, he threw on his hat, grabbed the belt hooked to his poke balls, and shuffled out of the tent.

“Come on out Eevee.” He called as he exited the tent. The furry fox Pokemon darted out of the fluttering blue tent, its petite paws scathing the dirt and trampling the grass. She was alert and hyper, as she scampered around John’s legs, practically begging to be held.

John reached down, grabbing the Pokemon by its furry brown tail, and cradling its seemingly frail body. “Did you have a nice sleep, little one?” he asked.

<Fine master, thank you,> the Pokemon growled endearingly.

Outside in the cool breeze, he looked around. The field of grass that seemed to envelope them was the only scenery for miles, barring the occasional trees and hundreds of tents along the horizon. The new trainers seemed to be emerging from their tents to get their breakfast and to begin their traveling. Kindle Road always had plenty of hustle to it, being the most traveled and trained upon area in the island chain. Around him, the gang had gotten to an early start. George was training his Magby using the camp fire, a futile effort aimed at honing its fir breathing skills, whereas Mike was simply feeding Bonsly a bottle. Joey, on the other hand, was teasing Rhyhorn, poking the Pokemon and then proceeding to hide behind it. Most surprisingly was Lindsey, who was in the process of talking to a bird Pokemon perched on her shoulder. As she did, the Pokémon’s musical note shaped head bobbed up and down, a small swath of feathers vibrating as it mimicked the girl. The bird ruffled its blue feathers and accentuated its white coat as it recognized the fact that it had captured John’s attention.

“Impressive Linds. Most impressive. Congrats on the capture,” John calmly congratulated. He didn’t wish to diminish the capture, but he couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous.

“Haha…thanks John,” Lindsey shrugged, trying to be as un-awkward as possible. The effort was in vain, as a brief, tense silence overcame the group. Each one of them had a large, almost stupid grin upon their faces, their eyes revealing that they had something to hide. It was clearly evident that something was up.

“Well?” John asked, aggravated. It was early, and he had no patience for such things. He wanted to know what was going on, and he wanted to know immediately.

Joey was the first, clutching an expanded poke ball still attached to his belt. He pressed the circular white button in the middle, catalyzing an explosion of red energy, which congealed into a compact, bird Pokemon. The energy subsiding, the Pokémon’s form was revealed, a short but stout brow creature with spiky, almost aggressive looking feathers, a soft, white layered underbelly, and two relatively insignificantly small legs, connected to three sharp talons a piece. It was a Spearow, a relatively common bird native to the region.

By now, each of them had revealed a bird Pokemon that they had caught, as low and behold, standing next to Mike was a much larger, blacker starling Pokemon with a small curly feather protruding out from its rather large forehead. The Pokemon looked awkward, almost too pudgy for its size, and even its coloring skewed. Its white feathered underbelly was pocketed with black and brown feathers. The Pokemon, Staravia, was nowhere near as nonchalant and over tired as the bird Pokemon leaning against George, a tired, awkward black crow with an odd growth on his head struggled to keep itself awake and upright. It was practically begging to be returned to its poke ball.

“Alright Murkrow, I get it. In you go,” the red haired boy commanded, lifting his poke ball and lightly pressing the circular “action” button.

Looking around at the gang and their respective bird Pokemon, John couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. In a matter of just one day, they had all made their first capture, beating him to the punch. He feared being outcaste and ostracized for not having his first Pokemon. He desperately looked around for a creature for him to catch, scanning the surrounding grass lands. Nothing except for a stray Wingull, a pathetically weak Pokemon that John was not too fond of. It was a funny color though, a strange green hue to it. Almost desperate for a capture, John accepted the unfortunate circumstances, swallowed his pride, and walked over to the seagull Pokemon.

It was very lanky and petite, its frail frame climaxing with a small yellow beak, white, narrow and permanently bent wings, and a small bushy tail. Green stripes ran up and down both.


Getting into the mood, John called over Eevee, the eager fox darting as fast as possible.

“Alright Eevs, let’s start off with a…Tackle attack.” John commanded. His Pokemon jumped on the surprised seagull and pinned him to the ground. Shaken a bit, but not deterred, the Wingull opened up its mouth and shot a blast of water at the fox, jettisoning it into the air and off of the bird. It proceeded to fly into the air, just hovering above ground level.

“Alright little one. Let’s try something a little less physical. You comfortable with Shadow Ball?” John asked, trying to fight through the urge to just recklessly shout out commands.

The furry Pokemon nodded, darting a few steps closer to the taunting Wingull. Focusing hard, Eevee squinted its petite eyes, and metastasized a dark black ball, pulsing with blue energy, reminiscent of electricity. Once formed, it immediately shot off, scoring a direct hit at the surprised Wingull, which crashed to the ground.

“That’s close enough Eevee, good work!” John assured, launching a red and white Poke ball at Wingull. It engulfed it in a flash of red energy, absorbing it into the catching tool. The ball rolled a few times, a small red light flickering on the button. The clamber ended within a few seconds, the poke ball settled down, indicating a capture.

“Ah, that’s a relief,” John sighed, walking over to the ball and clipping it to his belt.

“Now that that’s over, can we please go now? We’ve all been waiting for your fat ass to get out of bed, we want to get a jump on the day,” Mike complained, packing the tents. Being new trainers, they were still quite eager and energetic, even in the morning.

“I haven’t even had breakfast yet.” John whined back, his stomach growling in agreement.

“Always the whiner ey?” a strangely familiar voice said. John’s heart dropped, his mind consumed with aggravation. He could tell, by the argumentative and confrontational nature of the voice, that it was indeed his “rival.” Nothing irked him more than a cocky, full of themselves kid, and that was an exact representation of Scott’s personality. There was no doubt in John’s mind that Scott sincerely thought he was God’s gift to the world. Turning around, John’s suspicions were realized, as the short male teenager clothed in a green Polo and baggy designer walked towards him.

With each step the pungent stink of overused cologne drew nearer, the over exaggeration of his self proclaimed flawless hair becoming more prominent.

“I made an executive decision,” he said, arrogantly, “to travel with you guys.”

Taken aback but not fazed, John tried to play along. “Oh really?” he said sarcastically, “and what prompted this executive decision?”
“Well I saw Lindsey with you guys, and I figured, why would a pretty girl like her be traveling with a group of idiots like you? So I figured she’d want some actual strong and good looking companionship,” he shot back, nastily.

John dropped the civil attitude, and clenched his fists.

“Alright *******, what in the hell gives you the right to march into our camp and act like that?” John barked, his Pokemon growling in agreement.

“Put that thing away, you’re just going to get hurt. Besides, it’s pathetic, my Pokemon could blow it out of the water,” Scott bragged, removing his dirty blond hair from his face, exposing his dark, bloodshot hazel eyes.

“Oh yeah? Put up or shut up.” John snapped, grabbing the new poke ball from his belt. The battle was likely to be 2 on 2, in which case he would have to use his new, untested Pokemon, Wingull. It didn’t look very promising.

“Okay, but let’s make it interesting. I win, I stay. You win, I leave, and hey, I’ll even throw in my bacon egg and cheese,” he laughed, grabbing a Poke ball of his and thrusting it onto the field.

“2 on 2,” he said, showing off in front of a growing crowd of early bird trainers.

A flash of red light and a menacing growl later, a fairly large red lizard stood proud, its small red horn emerging from its head, pointing skyward. It emphasized its long, agile claws, and muscular, prominent arms and legs, staring across the field. Its long tale was a blaze with a small pocket of fire. It was intimidating, but a nice dose of water should but up a good fight.

“Alright Wingull, let’s see what you‘re made of,” he half sighed, half yelled, throwing his poke ball on to the field. Accompanying the signature flash of light from the poke ball came a glistening shine, sparkles circling the poised bird.

“Alright Wingull…you know Water Gun right?” John asked skittishly. The bird bobbed its petite head up and down.

“Good, then use it on the Charmeleon, aim for the tail!” John commanded, pointing towards the reptilian Pokemon.

“Dodge it, and use Iron tail and Metal Claw” Scott commanded in response. Charmeleon signaled in agreement bending its knees and waiting for the bird.

Wingull started speedily towards its target, shooting a clumsy yet relatively powerful water gun towards the Charmeleon. The Pokemon instinctively jumped out of the way, but it was nicked by the torrent of water coming from Wingull’s mouth. Regaining its composure, it settled on the ground, a determined look in its eyes. The lizard’s claws glowed a brilliant white, its tail following suit.

“Alight Wingull, I know how we can block this. Steel Wing!” John commanded, praying for the Pokemon to know the move. Lucky for him, the bird’s wings glowed the same white as Charmeleon’s tail and claws.

“Wingull, stop the metal claw with your wings, and then use water gun!” John commanded, the fact that he had even thought of the strategy impressing him.

Wingull did as his trainer told, slamming its hardened wings into Charmeleon’s claws, locking the two in place, and then proceeding to shoot it with a massive water gun. The water gun was all over the place, un-honed, non perfected, yet still effective. It splashed the Pokemon, extinguishing part of the flame on its tail and injuring it greatly.

“Meleon!” the Pokemon yelled in pain, but soon kicked the seagull away from it. Shaking its head and attempting to regain its composure, it prepared for Scott’s command.

“Enough games, Charmeleon, Fire Blast,” he demanded coldly.

The shaken lizard growled, shaking its head fiercely and opening its elongated mouth. A sinister look in its eyes, it revealed its long fangs as fire began to emerge from its mouth in a concentrated blast. As it left the mouth, the blast began to take the form of a five pronged stick figure, expanding as it drew nearer to the paralyzed Wingull.
“Wingull, fly above the blast and try to use a Water Gun!” John commanded, becoming increasingly nervous about the incoming attack.

Wingull obliged though, immediately darting into a steep climb into the air, steadily gaining altitude until it had cleared the menacing Fire Blast. Once it emerged above the attack, the bird changed directions, aiming for the vulnerable Charmeleon and concentrating a powerful beam of water toward it.

The fire lizard didn‘t stand a chance, submitting to its weakness and fainting. Scott became enraged, withdrawing the Pokemon.

“Unbelievable,” he whispered, astonished, “You got lucky! But not this time!” he shouted from across the field. Scott reluctantly recalled the Pokemon, tossing a new one in its stead.

John took the time to consult with Wingull. “You tired buddy,” he asked compassionately. It was important to make a good first impression. Immediately the bird nodded, an exacerbated look appearing on its face.

“Alright bud, take a rest and we’ll talk later,” John agreed, withdrawing the Pokemon into its ball, and lifting up Eevee, who was perched on his shoulder.

“You ready girl? I think it’s about time we show Scott what we’re made of,” John encouraged, and Eevee responding warmly.

The fox Pokemon jumped off of his shoulder and onto the ground, a fierce and determined look appearing in its eyes. No doubt it wished to impress its master with a successful first battle.

To its surprise, however, appeared an identical evolutionary fox, this one male, growling across the field and scratching at the ground eagerly.

“Now this is going to be interesting,” John laughed, unable to believe at the abundance of Eevee given out this year. One of its evolutions must have been at the daycare and had multiple births, or something of that nature.

“Ok, Eevee lets kick this off with a Shadow Ball,” he commanded calmly, trying to apply some of the strategies that he learned at school to the real world.

“Alright, let’s try a copycat strategy Eevee, follow exactly what John’s Pokemon is doing,” Scott commanded, attempting to antagonize John and Eevee. The attempt was not in vain, as the hot headed teenager and newly hatched Pokemon fell for the trap.

As he was contemplating a back up move, the two shadow ball attacks had commenced, each one crossing in mid air, missing each other by a few inches, and instead, like a heat seeking missile, sought out the opposing Eevee and collided with it. There was no effect though, as ghost attacks did not phase normal Pokemon.

John was furious with himself, angry that he had ignored and forgotten a basic Pokemon rule, ghost attacks and normal Pokemon do not mix.

“Copy this *******,” John muttered, “Eevee, Psybeam please,” he yelled without hesitation. The battle was becoming long and tiring, and he yearned for a bite to eat and to continue traveling, so it was crucial he end the battle now.

Eevee concentrated, much in the same way as it had when using Shadow Ball, or Wingull using Steel Wing, and let loose a powerful batch of bright pink psychic rings, fluctuating in strength and power as they locked onto the opposing Eevee, and reached their target.

Scott’s Eevee convulsed briefly, pain encompassing the fox until it succumbed to fainting, falling to the ground. Scott quickly withdrew the Pokemon tossed the sandwich towards John, and walked away towards the town in a fit of embarrassment, and to hopefully, heal his Pokemon.

“Good job girl!” John congratulated, picking up Eevee, messing her fur and kissing her petite head. She purred in agreement, and licked John’s face endearingly.

As he congratulated Eevee for a win, an awkward Lindsey came up to thank him, becoming tongue tied and skittish as she approached him, per the night before.
“Thanks for um…standing up for me,” She half whispered, giving him an awkward hug, placing one arm around him and drawing herself abnormally close to him.

“No problem Linds,” John said, “That’s what I’m here for.”

There was a chorus of “Aww” from the gathered crowd, which began to disperse after a prodding by George and Mike. John himself, tired, grabbed the wrapped sandwich from the grassland below them, quickly unwrapping it and taking a large bite. It was delicious, probably made by a vendor somewhere further down Kindle Road.

“Alright guys, let’s get moving. We have a lot f ground to cover today,” John ordered. Thankfully, his friends agreed, and they decided to travel until lunch. They would then take a battle break, travel again until probably four o’clock, possibly go for a swim, and set up camp. Sounded like a plan, if it had not been for Lindsey, who objected.

“I think we should go back into town and hang out, maybe go shopping or something,” she suggested, coming off a bit strong.

“Well that’s fantastic you think that, but our original plan was to make our way to Mt. Ember, get some training in, and challenge the gym. Shopping is definitely not in the equation,” George retaliated, confrontationally.

“John?” Lindsey asked for support. She probably felt she could manipulate him into agreeing with her.

“I don’t think so Linds. I want to make it to Mt. Ember by tomorrow, hell, even today. Aunt Lorelli may be there too, I want to see if we can catch her, maybe see Moltres,” he attempted to rationally explain.

“I cannot believe you! You won’t stick up for me even after last night?” she exclaimed dramatically, exaggerating the situation considerably.

“Whoa, what happened last night?” George asked suggestively.

“Nothing, ask your lying friend here. He acted all sweet and nice, but that’s not how he is,” she spat back, again over reacting.
“Oh no, you are not going to pin this on me Lindsey, all I did last night was apologize and make up with you. You’re making this into a scene, when you know full well what the plan was. Now we’re going to Mt. Ember, and that’s final,” John ordered, the group moving towards the towering stone structure in the distance.

“Count me out then. I’m going to book a room in the poke center. See you later then,” she snickered, moving in the opposite direction.

“Oh ****,” Joey replied, “now we need make it back before nightfall, she can’t be left alone.”

The group sighed, their excitement drained by the confusing debate. They shuffled forward, trying to understand Lindsey’s frustration. It would have to be dealt with, however, when they returned.

To be continued….
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The Sevii Islands Saga

Last edited by Manaphyman; July 9th, 2009 at 02:18 PM.
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  #18    
Old June 18th, 2009, 12:05 PM
Manaphyman's Avatar
Manaphyman
Sevii Trainer
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Connecticut, USA
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Chapter 6- Kindling the Flame Within

“God damn it!” John cursed allowed, startling Eevee in his arms. She shuffled around to face her master; her auburn earns tickling his armpits. She stared at him with her deep crimson eyes, moving her head into a jackknife position to appear cute.

< Don’t curse John. It’s not becoming. > She purred, playfully placing her paws on his shirt. They were still small and delicate, harboring claws that were still too tiny to pierce skin.

Calm, John bowed his head towards the Pokémon, kissing the top of her head. Pleased, Eevee moved back to her original position, resting her head on John’s lanky forearm.

“Dude, we better hurry up,” George panted, slowly shuffling his legs up the crumbling sand that was the ever rising cliffside. They were slowly getting closer to their destination: Mt. Ember.

“Magby, I can’t carry you anymore, get back in your Pokéball,” the red-haired boy whined, dropping the Pokémon on the earth and withdrawing it to its Ball. Panting, he sat down on a near by outcropping of sandstone.

“Let’s rest a moment,” he complained, panting heavily, sweat drenching his navy blue ‘Four Island Yankees’ shirt.

John looked around from their position-the view was incredible. They currently were perched on a rather narrow strip of sandstone which rose up from Kindle Road, a treacherous but shorter way to get to the mountain top. This way they would bypass all of the tourist traffic at the hot springs and at the Moltres Memorial.

The day was still young; it was only 2:30, but it also happened to be the absolute worst time to be outside in the Sevii Islands, for the heat of the day was starting to cease the tropical paradise. Temperatures in the summer could often reach 100 degrees Fahrenheit, and being in direct sunlight (which they were), in a seemingly desert-like area was just begging for trouble.

Normally, the fact that there was not even a single cloud in the sky would be a good thing, but now, even the brief and partial shade that would have been received with a cirrus cloud would be welcome. Even the rough sea around the islands looked appealing from that distance, its crystal clear beauty enticing them like a deadly Chimeco.

“Alright dude, you have five minutes, and then we have to keep moving,” John ordered, sitting down straight on the sand. The force at which he sat sent a cloud of dust into the air, briefly choking the exhausted boys.

“****. Wingull, help us out here,” he called, pressing the button on the Pokéball hitched to his belt. The seagull Pokémon responded, appearing in a flash of light and energy. Its folded wings and crooked beak made the Pokémon look suddenly less appealing, and the group questioned John’s reasoning at withdrawing it.

“Gull, can you do me a favor?” the boy asked as he buried his head into his shirt, whipping the multiple beads of sweat that had been dripping off his messy black hair.

<Sure, what to you want me to do?> the Pokémon asked, flying a few inches above John’s head. He was circling as if he was searching for a target area to do his business.

“Well first, lets not **** on my head, and second, do you think you could shoot a few water guns up into the air near us?” John asked in a humorous tone. His immature friends laughed at his usage of the curse word: “♥♥♥♥.”

<Sure, I’ll see what I can do.> Wingull replied, flying a few yards into the parched air, into the direction of the sun. It stopped, focused, and sure enough, shot pressurized water high into the air. It increased in height for a significant amount of time, until it lost velocity, halting and ultimately reversing direction; cascading down to the boys, refreshing them. The water soaked each of them, giving them the energy to overcome the rest of the mountain.

John returned Wingull and stood up, soaked and refreshed. He tousled his hair, and beckoned his friends to continue up the mountain.

“Let’s go gentlemen,” he called, walking a few yards in front of the others.

“Why are we in such a big hurry anyway?” Mike whined, dragging his feet, which kicked up an abundance of dirt and sand.

“You pick those feet up or I’m going to push you off of this ****ing cliff,” John yelled at his friend, dirt nearly choking him for the second time.

Mike immediately picked up his feet and walked normally, taking what John said seriously.

“I was just kidding man, I just don’t take too kindly to choking, ya know?” the boy apologized, much to Eevee’s approval.

“Its fine, but you never answered my question. Where the **** are we going and why are we in such a damn hurry?” Mike asked, moving some of his flat brown hair out of his eyes.

“Lorelei said she was going to capture Moltres, for that prophecy thingy. I thought it would be pretty damn awesome to see a rare Pokémon like that, don’t you?” John revealed.

The faces of his friends lit up in excitedly, giving them the necessary motivation to proceed up the remaining quarter mile. John reasoned that they would take the long way home, and avoid the hellish walk down a possibly dark and steep sandstone cliff.

With a little more horrific walking, they reached what appeared to be the entrance to Moltres’ domain. What first tipped them off were the small embers dotting the now ominous stones surrounding them. Next, was the large entrance way that appeared as they tuned the corner.

Its entrance was reminiscent of a cave, except with a large marble frame. On the head of the frame lay an inscription.

Born of fire, raised from ash: Here lies the Redeemer of the Sword.

“Shouldn’t there be some guards?” Joey asked; the others fixated on the inscription.

“Lorelei must have dismissed them. She’s probably in there right now,” John whispered, suddenly becoming very reverent of the area they were in.

“What do you think the sign means?” Joey asked bluntly.

“Well it obviously has something to do with the swords Lorelei was telling us about,” John paused, rummaging his brain for information, “All I can think of are the three books of the Bible: Redeemer, Protector, and Savior. I dunno. There’s probably more to this thing than we’ll ever know.”

The group paused for a moment in a contemplative silence, perhaps making their own secret opinion of what ‘Redeemer’ meant, or perhaps to build up the courage to pass through the hallowed entrance.

“I’m going in.” Mike said, clenching his fists. He had a look of confidence and determination in his eyes.

He was the only one though, as the three other skittishly followed him, and even then, from a distance. There were too many variables for John to be comfortable with this, what if Lorelei wasn’t there? Or what if Moltres had been too much for her?

The marble door post was not unique; apparently the marble encased the entire tunnel that they were walking through. Torches were hanging on each side, lighting the still cruddy sandstone floor. It suddenly became much hotter, as they were entering into the massive dormant volcano, or at least into the magma-less portion.

As quick as it began, the tunnel ceased to exist, now opening into the inside of the large cone. The sandstone had changed over to a mix of rugged black and pure red rock, the area becoming much less jagged and a lot smoother. The tunnel had led them to an even narrower path that jutted out into the middle of the crater itself. None of them were brave enough to proceed any further, a reasonable assertion considering they were quite high up, and a fall would plunge them into searing magma.

The inside of the crater was absolutely magnificent, smooth basalt and porous pumice hanging off of the walls, light filtering in through the hole a hundred yards above them. Far below them lay darkness, lit only by the gentle hue of magma many hundreds of yards down. The multiple rock types made for a unique dark red color, which coated nearly everything in site.

Before them though, was by far the most interesting. A tall, female figure stood on the edge of the path the bright red Pokéball clutched in her hand complimenting both her pink ensemble and the color of their surroundings.

“Where are you?” She screamed loudly, obviously frustrated.

No answer.

She clenched her fists and lifted her head, seemingly screaming at the heavens.

“WHERE ARE YOU?” She screamed again.

Still, nothing.

“Moltres…” John whispered, an enigmatic aura ceasing him.

The ground shook violently, each one of the boys grabbing on to another for dear life. The magma below them began to rise; the heat emanating from it become even more intense.

“We gotta get out of here!” Mike yelled, scurrying for the door. John held him back.

“No! Moltres needs to be in the presence of one who needs redemption in order for it to appear. We need to stay here, its one of us!” he yelled in response, over the deafening roar now echoing throughout the crater.

An explosion of lava and fire shot forth in front of them, consuming the open area within the dome. It briefly illuminated the area below, before plummeting down back into the abyss.

A fiery mass though, emerged from the fallen magma. It unfolded its wings, which remained on fire, and lifted its pointed head. Its sleek body and talons emerged from the inferno as it opened its elongated yellow beak.

Its roar filled the chamber, giving the group a sense of mortality and worldliness.

Moltres, the Phoenix, the being of Redemption and second-chances, had appeared.

Lorelei looked back at the group, her face plastered with both fear and realization. She expanded the Pokéball and through it at the beast.

“Why is she not weakening it first?” George asked, puzzled.

“She’s using a Sliph Master Ball, it catches it without fail,” John explained. He hadn’t seen an actual, working Master Ball ever before. There was supposedly only a few in the known World, and they were incredibly expensive.

The phoenix fell into a beam of blood red light, which was progressively sucked into the purple Master Ball. The ball was almost telekinetically sent back to Lorelei’s hand. Moltres had been successfully captured.

Lorelei then proceeded to run down the causeway towards the group. She motioned for them all to leave, and continued through the marble tunnel. They all emerged into the searing sunlight panting.

“John…” She breathed, amazed. “You’re the one who’s supposed to be redeemed?”

“Me?” the boy asked, confused and scared. Redeeming meant he would have to do something horrific, almost beyond comprehension.

“You don’t know the story of the Redeemer?” she asked, “Well I’ll tell you then. Legend has it that the three closest disciples to Emmanuel were crucified after writing their Gospels.
After they were killed, God let Arceus resurrect them as three legendary birds that protect the balance of the elements in our environment. Each bird, in their life as a disciple, had a specific trait they were famous for. Mathew Art was the savior of our religion; he wrote the first gospel and spread the religion against adversity. Mark Zap was the protector of the gospels and ancient artifacts, as well as the protector of the other disciples. John Mol was the one who baptized, and preformed last rights and confessions.”

“That’s incredible….but what does it have to do with me?” John asked.

“Well, since you are the person that awakened Moltres, it means you have to be redeemed,” She said, now confused.

“But what would I have to be redeemed of? What did I do Aunt Lorelei?” he asked, butterflies scurrying in his stomach. His heartbeat began to speed up, his palms becoming sweaty.

“Maybe it wasn’t you at all. Maybe you inherited it from your Grandfather,” she suggested, seemingly coming to a realization.

“What did he do?” John asked, surprised. His Grandfather was essentially a saint.

“He didn’t do what you need to do now,” she replied.

“What?” He shot back, confused.

“Slowking, teleport,” Lorelei commanded, her body slowly phasing into the area around them.

“Aunt Lorelei! Wait! What did he do?” the boy asked, becoming frantic. Tears began welling up in his auburn eyes.

He looked around at his confused friends, who just stood there, flabbergasted. They didn’t know how to react, especially his cousin, Mike. It was a bombshell for the two grandchildren.

What could he have done?

Authors Notes:

Three chapters without a reply here? Heh. This one was rather short, but the plot really starts to kick in.
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Last edited by Manaphyman; July 9th, 2009 at 02:19 PM.
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  #19    
Old June 18th, 2009, 05:36 PM
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I just read the prologue.

You're doing fine thus far. Don't really care for the biblical references, they feel out of place.

Grammar and spelling mistakes here and there. Ought to be capitalizing Pokemon. Put in the accent e if you can.

Story-wise, I think you need to work on the characters. The swearing just seems to be blatant, there's no real reason for it to be there. So, dialogue mostly. I'll read the next chapter soon and edit this post then. Good luck.
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Pokemon Blak-The True Tale of Kanto

Red is just a sixteen year-old teenager from Pallet Town. But when he leaves to defeat all 8 gyms across the region and become the Champion, with his best friend, Blue, he discovers that his Pokémon journey is far darker than what he imagined. Can Red become Champion without losing his life to Rocket along the way?
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Old June 19th, 2009, 05:57 AM
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Thanks for the review! Yeah since rewriting the prologue, I have switched word programs, so the spelling/grammar mistakes should be limited. Remember what you read was just a prologue, meaning something that happened before the story takes place, setting the tone for the rest of the piece. I didn't develop my characters in the prologue because well...it wouldnt have made sense to. They are developed in the latter chapters.

Swearing? I don't believe there is too much in the prolgoue. At any rate, I'm not sure if you're a teenager or not, but that is the way a plethora of them talk, at least in my area. Swearing declines after the characters mature.
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Old July 9th, 2009, 01:48 PM
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A bit different this time, but here I am, with the redone chapter from Serebii.

Chapter 7: Torchic and Flare

They shuffled their feet, the mood destroyed by the bombshell delivered. Mike and John were devastated, a dark red tarnish now marking their grandfather’s legacy. George and Joey, while somewhat upset for their friends, were still awed by the sight of Moltres, the Phoenix, and the revelation of its Redeeming powers.

“If John’s the Redeemed, who is the Saved? Or the Protected?” George asked shyly, breaking the silence as they continued to progress down the barren mountain side.

“Dunno. Could be any one of us, or someone we haven’t met yet. Or it could be a load of ********,” Joey reasoned, a hint of jealousy developing in his tone.

“Its not ********,” John muttered, his head bowed in shame. He didn’t want to be redeemed for anything, he did nothing wrong; but if Aunt Lorelei had said it, he believed it.

“I bet Joey’s the one that needs to be saved, and George is the one that needs to be protected,” Mike said, almost in a joking tone. He lost his footing on some of the crumbly sandstone, but recovered his balance. Fearing another fall, he stared at the ground, wary of the oblong red rocks and jutting pieces of sandstone.

“Why is that Mike, because I’m an ******* and George is a pussy?” Joey spat, confrontationally, drawing from comments stemming from an old fight.

“Oh ****ing come off it,” John stopped in his tracks, looked up, and yelled at his friends.

“This isn’t turning out to be the journey any of us planned for, but we can’t do anything about it. If we start jumping down each others throats, then what the **** has this been for? What are we doing here?” he barked, his emotions continuing to best his logic.

There was an awkward silence, the cooling afternoon breeze taking the sour mood and seemingly whisking it away. John looked around, calming his mood by looking at the beautiful landscape before him.

They stood poised at the tree line of the volcano; the area in back of them was composed of sun-dried ashy red rocks, a true volcano setting. Before them though, the landscape changed, palm tress dotting the descending slope, swaying with the breeze, providing shelter for Pokémon and shrubs alike. Grass began at the foot of the mountain, although it was in patches and tinted a light brown; the standard for beach grass. From their vantage point, they could see everything: the rolling surf battering the edges of the skinny island, undistinguishable bird Pokémon, flying in the distance, trainers scurrying to set up camp, and of course, the main city a few miles southwest.

What really caught their attention was the scuffle proceeding before them. Locked in battle, a petite feathered chicken Pokémon was attempting to get its footing on its stubby talons; digging its menacing claws into the ground. It reared its large head back, revealing a feather pattern in the shape of a flame perched atop it, and slammed it into the purple and tan mass before it.

The other mass was sent flying into a palm tree, the tree itself splintering and catching fire as a result. The mass turned out to be another fire Pokémon, this one four legged, with a long snout and a round back, from which fire emerged. The Pokémon essentially looked like a bonfire with a head, but John knew it to be a Cyndaquil, and it was preparing to launch a Flamethrower attack. Both Pokémon seemed beat up pretty badly.

“Alright, enough is enough, Mike, we should stop this,” John ordered, irked that he had to exert energy into yet another fight.

“Sure, you take care of Torchic and the damned tree,” Mike ordered, a sense of urgency appearing in his voice as he reached for a Pokéball.

John reached for one as well, calling out Wingull. The seagull Pokémon, relieved to be out of confinement, flew hastily into the air, ascending into a loop and a barrel roll.

<Wohoo! Freedom!> it cawed, before descending to its mission.

“Dowse that fire,” John ordered, pointing to the embers that slowly grew upon the brown back and exposed wood of the tree.

<You could say please…>the bird replied, irritated, a look of disdain appearing in its shinning green eyes.

“Fine, please, and after that, take care of the Torchic,” John said, becoming both aggravated and flustered at the situation. His mood was slowly deteriorating.

Wingull obliged, taking a moment to build up the water within its beak, and then shooting a steady torrent, cooling the tree’s embers until they were a fine ash. A small puff of white steam, a result of the hot and cold reaction, rose up, until it was ceased by the steadily increasing wind.

The bird Pokémon moved towards the Torchic, who was limping towards a shrub for shelter. Its small form couldn’t handle its injuries however, and it fell to its limp knees, its head falling hard into the dirt.

<I think it would be better to throw the Pokéball instead, this one looks like its down for the count,> Wingull joked, stopping short of its dive and hovering over the Pokémon.

“Alright, it’s worth a shot,” John answered, pulling a Pokéball from the left pocket of his bag and tossing it at the creature, aiming carefully to avoid capturing the bush. A fern wouldn’t do too well in battle.

Torchic disappeared into a bright red light, consumed by the Pokéball. The little sphere rolled once on the soft dirt, staining the white half of it with ash and dried mud. It then proceeded to stop, signaling a capture. What bothered John was how abrupt it had stopped; a warning sign that the Pokémon was extremely injured.

He recalled his new Pokémon out of its Pokéball, and into his arms. He examined its light orange underbelly, finding a plethora of black blotches, and an indent dangerously close to where its lungs would be. It probably had a few broken ribs, which, if left unchecked, could puncture a lung and kill it.

“Hey, this Torchic is banged up pretty badly, I think I’m going to go ahead and get it to the Pokémon Center,” John shouted, beginning to make his way back down Kindle Road. He decided to return the Pokémon to its ball, where it would at least be safe, free of all the bouncing and irritation that would ensue if it remained in his arms.

“Fine, just go, we’ll be right behind you!” Joey yelled to the back of John’s head; as he had already taken off down towards the dirt road in the distance.

The others in the group stood dumbfounded, oblivious to the shouts of Mike as he tried to complete his capture.

“I don’t care if that thing was a goddamn Arceus; just throw some freaking rocks on it!” Mike yelled at his Bonsly, throwing his bag on the ground in frustration.

George chuckled at Mike’s stupidity, and turned to Joey, attempting to fill the silence.

“What the hell is with all the starter Pokémon?” he asked awkwardly, observing a now infuriated Mike wrestling with the feisty Cyndaquil.

“Well, its-,” Joey began, but was interrupted by Mike’s insane yelling.

“♥♥♥♥ it bit me! Now you’re in for it!” Mike screamed, Bonsly slowly bringing him the Pokéball that he needed to capture the fire Pokémon.

“-it’s the breeders. They force their Pokémon to mate until they produce an alternate colored Pokémon, or one with a specific move, and then dump the extras in the wild. These islands are so small, that those Pokémon and even Eevee aren’t rare anymore, at least not here,” he continued, gritting his teeth each time Mike yelled. The capture was obviously not going well.

“Now just stay inside,” Mike grunted, now wrestling with a Pokéball, his hands wrapped around its surface, keeping it shut.

“That’s what she said,” Joey laughed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By now, John had made it about halfway down the island, his lanky legs making good progress along the dirt road. The boy however, was losing stamina and speed, and fast. His Pokémon were not big enough for him to ride or fly upon, and thus, he was on his own. He had to rest, re-gather his strength and breath and trudge on, but he refused. Instead, he continued, slowing his face so that he could look at the map on his Poketch.

His fingers shakily navigated their way to the map upon it, zooming in on the small island containing Kindle Road. Judging by the scale presented, he had about a half a mile until the beach, and a full mile until he reached the Pokémon Center. At best, he could be there in a half hour, which was unacceptable. The warmth and energy given off by the Pokéball was fading fast, meaning Torchic didn’t have too much time.

“Hey! Wait!” a voice called from behind them. John stopped, clutching Torchic’s and Eevee’s Pokeballs. Approaching them was a magnificent white unicorn, its back and tail ablaze with fire. The clamor of its hooves became increasingly audible as it galloped; each step closer brought more of its beauty to light.

Atop the Rapidash was middle aged man with bright, flowing, red hair, dressed in a flamboyant white suit. His white pant legs almost blended in with Rapidash’s pure fur, but there was a slight color contrast. He wore blue tinted sunglasses, which hung off his pointed nose and obscured his eyes. The pair rode up beside him, the elegant horse pausing in front of him.

John didn’t know who he was, in fact, he didn’t care. He was desperate and he needed a miracle, and this Rapidash, in its majesty was his miracle.

“Please sir, you gotta help me. My Torchic is really hurt, and I need a lift to the Pokémon Center,” he begged, panting.

“I’ve been trailing you for the past hour and a half, you looked like you were in trouble,” he said, motioning for him to get on.

“I am John, by the way.” John introduced himself, climbing on to the horse, attempting to get his footing.

“The name is Flare, gym leader of this island,” he introduced himself, grabbing the Pokéball out of John’s hand and attempting to give him a lift. John reached for it, but the fatigue and lack of footing bested him, and he slipped, falling backwards and slamming his head on the ground, knocked unconscious the second time in two days.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A few hours later

He awoke, groggy, his head throbbing and his eyes blurry. The boy lifted his heavy head and looked around the stark white room. It looked like a standard Pokémon Center room, a bland, white walled, three-bedded chamber. There were various paintings plastered about, each depicting a different Pokémon or landscape within the island. There was a purple bureau, which was adorned on top with a medium-sized TV, currently switched off.

“Oh crap. Where am I?” John asked, confused.

“You need your rest son,” a deep voice ordered. “You fell off Rapidash and passed unconscious. I took the liberty of taking you and your Torchic here. They healed your Torchic and gave you this room to stay,” Flare explained, his head appearing above the boy’s bed. His blue tinted sunglasses were no longer obscuring his hazel eyes; they were instead inverted, almost hovering above the man’s fiery red hair. It made for a haunting effect.

John began to come to his senses, finding Eevee and Wingull on his bed relaxing with him. A bandaged Torchic also clutched his thighs, clinging to his trainer. It’s torso and wings were wrapped with linen bandages, its leg neatly set in a small cast.


“Will he be okay?” John asked, a hint of fright appearing in his voice.

“He’ll be in fighting shape in a couple of days, which is good, because I schedule your gym battle this Thursday. That gives you four days to train and recover,” Flare smiled, hoping his surprise would elevate the boy’s mood

“Awesome! Can it be 4 on 4, Mike and I verse you?” John asked excitedly.

“Sure, I was going to tell you that anyway. Two of your Pokémon and two of Mike’s verse four of mine,” he specified, leaving the room.

“He’s awake!” Joey yelled, the boys rushing into the room and huddling around them.

“So Mike caught the Cyndaquil!” Joey laughed, “It was one hell of a battle.”

“Lindsey caught a Ponyta, and we rode home on it, it was so sick dude,” Mike panted out of breath from shouting the information at John.

He closed his eyes, ignoring them and patting Torchic lightly and attempting to fall back asleep. He would deal with it all, including Lindsey, in the morning.

To be continued…..
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Last edited by Manaphyman; July 9th, 2009 at 02:17 PM.
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  #22    
Old July 9th, 2009, 07:18 PM
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Okay, here’s my review for your fic.

The prologue starts off okay, explaining things excellently. At first, John seems a bit cocky, but throughout the story, his personality improves.

Chapter 1

It sounded silly, after all, how could you bond with an egg?

I’m not sure, but I think the comma after ‘silly’ should be a ;

Quote:
Houndor
Houndour, my friend, Houndour.

There are other mistakes, but I don’t want to make this review a ‘bash Manaphyman’ fest. Overall, the chapter was well written. I liked the scene where John visits the grave of his grandfather.

Chapter 2

I wasn’t overly keen on the beginning of this one. It seemed filler-ish. But it improved after he left the Ice Cave and met his friends. I’ve been thinking about the second half of this chapter for a while and I wondered if John and his friends would ever give nicknames to their starters, not just the other Pokémon they have in their teams? (It’s just a suggestion; you don’t have to take it if you don’t wanna). Oh, and Deoxys’ attack was pretty cool.

Chapter 3

More news on Deoxys? Wheeeeee! Yeah, anyway… *looks sheepish*… (Sorry, am hyper this morning…). It saddened me to read of John’s female Eevee crying like that.

Quote:
Sevii Islands Schooner
When I read of your rewrites/revamps on the other place, and saw this with your comment afterwards of “alliteration (ftw!)” I laughed. And the veiled, mysterious appearance of Lorelei was awesome, too.

Chapter 4

I guess the only part in this one I really liked was when Lorelei made them into Chosen and said that they had to get the swords.

Chapter 5

Lindsay caught a Chatot? Cool. Wingull Vs Charmeleon? At first, one would think Charmeleon would win due to his experience level. But Wingull kicked his fiery foe into submission fairly quickly and easily, too. And Eevee Vs Eevee? Even better when John’s female Eevee won.

John and Lindsay sitting in a tree...

Chapter 6

Lorelei caught Moltres with a Master Ball… that must mean that she is gonna catch Articuno and Zapdos with Master Balls as well. And when all three of them are caught, she’s going to try and secure Deoxys again, isn’t she?

Chapter 7

Edit: Yep, this version of Chapter 7 was much better. I liked how Flare said he'd followed John for one and a half hours. Stalking much?
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  #23    
Old July 10th, 2009, 04:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Kanto Lover View Post
Okay, here’s my review for your fic.

The prologue starts off okay, explaining things excellently. At first, John seems a bit cocky, but throughout the story, his personality improves.

Chapter 1

It sounded silly, after all, how could you bond with an egg?

I’m not sure, but I think the comma after ‘silly’ should be a ;



Houndour, my friend, Houndour.

There are other mistakes, but I don’t want to make this review a ‘bash Manaphyman’ fest. Overall, the chapter was well written. I liked the scene where John visits the grave of his grandfather.
John was very cocky in the prologue, and he is somewhat early in the fic as well. Yet he progresses as a character, and eventually overcomes this.

(My bad with the Houndour thing)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kanto Lover View Post
Chapter 2

I wasn’t overly keen on the beginning of this one. It seemed filler-ish. But it improved after he left the Ice Cave and met his friends. I’ve been thinking about the second half of this chapter for a while and I wondered if John and his friends would ever give nicknames to their starters, not just the other Pokémon they have in their teams? (It’s just a suggestion; you don’t have to take it if you don’t wanna). Oh, and Deoxys’ attack was pretty cool.
Yeah, quite fillerish, but I had to throw something in there as I waited for the egg to hatch. John's friends will be giving nicknames to their starters and the other Pokemon on their teams, and John will do the same. (39 and 40 :])

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kanto Lover View Post
Chapter 3

More news on Deoxys? Wheeeeee! Yeah, anyway… *looks sheepish*… (Sorry, am hyper this morning…). It saddened me to read of John’s female Eevee crying like that.



When I read of your rewrites/revamps on the other place, and saw this with your comment afterwards of “alliteration (ftw!)” I laughed. And the veiled, mysterious appearance of Lorelei was awesome, too.
I enjoyed the Deoxys attack too, and I believe I said "awww," when I wrote about Eevee crying.

Glad you noticed the alliteration thing, and of course, Lorelei. ;]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kanto Lover View Post
Chapter 4

I guess the only part in this one I really liked was when Lorelei made them into Chosen and said that they had to get the swords.
Yep. The way it happened in the old chapter was absolutely horrific, so I'm glad I rewrote this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kanto Lover View Post
Chapter 5

Lindsay caught a Chatot? Cool. Wingull Vs Charmeleon? At first, one would think Charmeleon would win due to his experience level. But Wingull kicked his fiery foe into submission fairly quickly and easily, too. And Eevee Vs Eevee? Even better when John’s female Eevee won.

John and Lindsay sitting in a tree...
I'm glad you liked the captures! I justify Wingull vs. Charmeleon by Scott's lack of battling skills and his inability to handle such a powerful Pokemon early on. I think...

Yay for female Eevees!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kanto Lover View Post
Chapter 6

Lorelei caught Moltres with a Master Ball… that must mean that she is gonna catch Articuno and Zapdos with Master Balls as well. And when all three of them are caught, she’s going to try and secure Deoxys again, isn’t she?
Yeah, she is. You wont see those captures though, rather feel those reprucussions throughout the Sevii Islands. And no climax spoilers!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kanto Lover View Post
Chapter 7

Edit: Yep, this version of Chapter 7 was much better. I liked how Flare said he'd followed John for one and a half hours. Stalking much?
Yep...stalkerish. He had good intentions though, seeing the boy frantically running for that same amount of time. Glad you liked it and thanks for the review!
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  #24    
Old August 3rd, 2009, 10:27 PM
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hi, i just picked your fanfic out of the list because it sounded interesting, but im glad i did. i really really like how things are going so far. gym leaders in the sevii islands? way cool. deoxys powerful enough to destroy a whole island? MORE way cool. i noticed plenty of grammer and spelling mistakes, and a few awkward sentences, but hey, fanfics are generally pretty long, are they not? you'd expect someone to make a few mistakes. i like how the characters started fighting after spending some time together. that makes them seem more real. i dont know if my feedback helps in any way; im a newbie to fanfics; but i like what i see and cant wait for more! and thats whats important, right? that your readers like it?
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Old August 6th, 2009, 10:25 AM
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Manaphyman
Sevii Trainer
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Connecticut, USA
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverStilletto View Post
hi, i just picked your fanfic out of the list because it sounded interesting, but im glad i did. i really really like how things are going so far. gym leaders in the sevii islands? way cool. deoxys powerful enough to destroy a whole island? MORE way cool. i noticed plenty of grammer and spelling mistakes, and a few awkward sentences, but hey, fanfics are generally pretty long, are they not? you'd expect someone to make a few mistakes. i like how the characters started fighting after spending some time together. that makes them seem more real. i dont know if my feedback helps in any way; im a newbie to fanfics; but i like what i see and cant wait for more! and thats whats important, right? that your readers like it?
Haha well I am quite glad you did, another reviewer is always a plus. I'm glad you liked the gym leader and Deoxys. There are plenty of mistakes, you are right about that, and I do apologize. I'm working at it with my beta, so no worries. :]

I'm glad you liked the fighting, its something that I am trying to incorporate with the rewrites. (These are rewrites of chapters I first posted on serebii. In fact, there are 40 chapters posted there, with a plethora of One-Shots.)

Thanks for your review, I really appreciate any and all critique. :]

New chapter should be up in 2-3 days.
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