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  #1    
Old July 18th, 2009 (07:47 PM). Edited July 19th, 2009 by i'Aisha.
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i'Aisha i'Aisha is offline
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Pokémon - The Echoes of Destiny

My first comic. And hopefully the start of a great comic maker. xD Nope I doubt I will become a great comic maker but just take in mind this is my first comic when commenting please. I need constructive critism, it will
help me become a better comic maker.

Anyway, this is an action - adventure story. At times it will be comical, like life itself is, but I want to keep this quite serious with a dark story line, I find comedys to be to cliché at times with reused jokes and all the cast predictable etc. So hopefully you will enjoy this.

I know comics have sort of died on this, so hopefully me and a few other comic makers can make them popular again? Hopefully xD

Summary

This comic is based at the start in a region named Tolan. A region has never suffered from gang crime and does not know how to deal with the situation. The story will also take place in Kanto, Johto and Hoenn, so keep reading and I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter One:

[1] - A Child had been Kidnapped.
[2] - Pokémon for Protection.
[3] - The Ferry to the Lab.

Cast Bios:

Coming Soon...

Credit To:

Coronis
Spriters Resource
Nintendo
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Tehre is a samll qtoue taht mnay pepole hvae in tehre snatigures calimnig taht if you keep the frist and the lsat lteter of wrods in a snetnace rgith but mddule the ltetres in bteween tehn msot poelpe sohuld be albe to raed the snetnace. Wlel I hvae worte tihs one bcuasae the frist one lkoeod esay. So msesgae me if you can raed tihs.


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  #2    
Old July 18th, 2009 (08:07 PM).
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So far, it looks okay. It moves a little quickly, but not too fast. Are the sprites yours? They're pretty good, regardless. The "mini sprites," from when they're talking look good, though Jesse's hair is not as curved as it should be. It's pretty interesting. The header with the heroes and villains is a nice concept. The custom sprites in the middle are iffy, though.

So, I'd say, more panels, touch up the sprites maybe, and try to keep the text bubbles on less than half of the screen.
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  #3    
Old July 18th, 2009 (08:12 PM).
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Hey, my first comment. Yay xD

Right, I will address your constructive critism now. And thanks for the comment please continue to read when I post more.

More Panels: Okay, it is nice to know that you enjoy the comic and would like to see more so I will begin putting in more panels.

Touch Up The Sprites: Yeah, you are right. I will try and make the sprites better, thank you for your CC.

Text Bubbles: Oh yeah I understand, well when I increase the number of panels it will give me more space to add text so sure. I'll do that.

Thank you for the comment.
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Tehre is a samll qtoue taht mnay pepole hvae in tehre snatigures calimnig taht if you keep the frist and the lsat lteter of wrods in a snetnace rgith but mddule the ltetres in bteween tehn msot poelpe sohuld be albe to raed the snetnace. Wlel I hvae worte tihs one bcuasae the frist one lkoeod esay. So msesgae me if you can raed tihs.


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  #4    
Old July 18th, 2009 (09:07 PM).
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Hmm... It's pretty much too early to entirely pass judgement, but I'll give a few tips:
- The Speech Bubbles: If you are not going to use speech bubble tails and stick with these heads, I recommend that you find a way to remove the white space in the taller bubbles. For example, Jesse's bubble in the last panel of comic two has her head floating out there and entirely too much white space. Maybe like a little square with the head inside of it stuck to the end of the speech bubbles or something would work?
- The Style: With the sprites of your people, you may notice the difference between sprites made for RSE and ones for FRLG (Most noticeably, the size and the eyes looking in a different direction). This is probably me nitpicking, but the mixing of those two styles doesn't look too fantastic. Sticking to one would make things look more consistent, and being consistent = good comic.

Nitpicking out of the way...
Sprites are decent enough for a beginner (Or someone whom I assume is a beginner) and I like the plot so far from what I've seen. Nothing horrifyingly bad on either part, so that's a plus. Keep it up and all, and maybe in a few comics or so I'll swoop in again and dole out another round of constructive criticism.
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  #5    
Old July 19th, 2009 (05:19 AM). Edited July 19th, 2009 by i'Aisha.
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Yay xD Another comment

I understand how the mixing styles can look strange. I will try to change all the Ruby style ones to LeafGreen.

Please read again xD And thanks for the comment.

Update: [3] - The Ferry To The Lab.
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Tehre is a samll qtoue taht mnay pepole hvae in tehre snatigures calimnig taht if you keep the frist and the lsat lteter of wrods in a snetnace rgith but mddule the ltetres in bteween tehn msot poelpe sohuld be albe to raed the snetnace. Wlel I hvae worte tihs one bcuasae the frist one lkoeod esay. So msesgae me if you can raed tihs.


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  #6    
Old July 19th, 2009 (09:56 AM).
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The text bubbles are a bit better. The top sprites are still bleh. Same amount of panels >:O Slow it down. Jessie's hair on the mini sprite, and the Green and Orange hair, should be fixed.

So:
-Fix Jessie mini-sprite.
-Fix header sprites.
-More panels with same/more amount content.
-Fix the Orange and Green haired sprites, look at the pixels at the edge of the hair, they should be black/a very dark shade of hair.

The rest looks okay.
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Old July 19th, 2009 (10:00 AM).
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The Green and Orange are Cassidy and Butch :] Google them, I customed them xD

But I try to make it better, I will add more panels soon. Keep reading, new episode later :]
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Tehre is a samll qtoue taht mnay pepole hvae in tehre snatigures calimnig taht if you keep the frist and the lsat lteter of wrods in a snetnace rgith but mddule the ltetres in bteween tehn msot poelpe sohuld be albe to raed the snetnace. Wlel I hvae worte tihs one bcuasae the frist one lkoeod esay. So msesgae me if you can raed tihs.


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  #8    
Old July 19th, 2009 (11:58 AM).
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Ahaha Looks like quite the comic! You know it's scary. I was going to start a Fire Emblem Sprite Comic ahah~ But I wasn't going to post it here. For the most part, it looks quite decent. Certain characters seem a little bit boring. Karl, at the moment only seems like a character to help move the plot along. That's fine but it would be even better if he did something cool.
I like how it uses team rocket characters from the anime. It is indeed very nice. What programme are you using?
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  #9    
Old July 19th, 2009 (12:04 PM).
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Thanks for the comment.

The programme I use is Microsoft Paint xD

And yeah actually you are right about Karl he is just there to help move the plot - so I will give him a more important role in the comic because he seems boring I agree. And thanks about the comment on using the characters from the Anime. I like doing that, I hate using, Grunts. All the time, having real characters allows me to make them more relevent rather then just hundreds of identical grunts.

So I will make Karl do something more interesting. And about Cassidy and Butch, I made them custom, xD Which is why their hair is quite strange xD Keep commenting when new episodes show up please :]
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Tehre is a samll qtoue taht mnay pepole hvae in tehre snatigures calimnig taht if you keep the frist and the lsat lteter of wrods in a snetnace rgith but mddule the ltetres in bteween tehn msot poelpe sohuld be albe to raed the snetnace. Wlel I hvae worte tihs one bcuasae the frist one lkoeod esay. So msesgae me if you can raed tihs.


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  #10    
Old July 20th, 2009 (06:16 PM).
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Great comic
Love the way you include Cassidy and Butch for the anime watches
When can we expect the next comic?
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  #11    
Old July 20th, 2009 (07:13 PM).
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Oh I know. My comic is fab xD

Only joking, do you really think so? Thank you so much!

Two or more more episodes tommorow. Hope you read them. Buhbye, i'Aisha Maria.
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  #12    
Old July 20th, 2009 (07:15 PM).
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Yay =D
I look forward to it :]
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  #13    
Old July 23rd, 2009 (04:49 AM).
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I won't give my personal oppinion yet, I will wait for another episode, and then I will say what I think...
So far so good =)
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