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Old September 30th, 2009 (03:26 PM).
Ty 101's Avatar
Ty 101 Ty 101 is offline
 
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This is a story that I may or may not use to make a rpg in rpg maker xp. I might use it as a little side game or second project or I may not. I plan for it to be grid based and use a real time, on map battle system. And on to the story:

The world is changing with lots of wars and many kingdoms and city states putting an added intrest on exploration and conquoring. A king of a little city state has heard the news of the world around him. Even though he is far from many different kingdoms, he descides to hire an explorer to do the job of expanding his sity state.
You a orphan has rescently became an adult. Not haveing any where to run you descide to take up the offer to get a bit of cash. Not knowing what your infor you show up to the palace.
(This is where the story begins)
Upon walking up to the castle you don't see any other people trying to become explorers. You learn that you are the only aplicat and you imediatly get the job. A soldier shows you to the king's room. There he lays down the story and gives you some equipment. He tells you to go up to your room and get a good night's sleep.

The next morning he tells you that he does nothave any explorations for you yet so he gives you a wad of cash and tells you to buy some equipment. When you getr back, he tells you that a bunch of pesky rabbits have invaded the field that surrounds the city state. He gives you a soldier to help you dispell them. He takes you outside and tells you all about the controls and other game play elements. Afer killing all of the rabbits you return to the king and he tells you to go to sleep again.

The next morning he informs you of your first exploration/dungeon.

----------------------------------------------------

What do you think. It is still new and I would like some constructive critisism.
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Old October 2nd, 2009 (06:27 PM).
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The orphan would not apply for the job on a whim when no one else wanted the job, unless he was oblivious to something. A small city-state with a palace has to have more loyalty than that. The character must oblivious. The plot hints to a definit scheme, but then there's the benevolent master letting the main character just sleep and buy equipment and then the tutorial set around rabbits which seems to totally dispel any sense of build-up in the story. I'm getting mixed messages; the character "not knowing what [he's] in for," but then nothing happening.
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Old October 3rd, 2009 (10:42 AM).
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The rabbits is just a little mini stage so you can learn the controls.
There will be dungeons later.

Yes, the orphan is oblivious to how hard the job will be.

Everyone else in the city state is too afraid of death to go wandering around.
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