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Old December 20th, 2009, 09:20 PM
bobandbill's Avatar
bobandbill
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Age: 23
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The Beta Place!
~V2~



Welcome to the Beta Place, the 2nd-version-but-very-much-the-same-as-the-old-one! Here, one can apply to be a beta reader - someone who reads a story before it is submitted to the Internet - or apply to get a beta reader for their fic. This system will hopefully make things easier for people willing to help others with their fic, or people who want help with their fic - whether if it's for another set of eyes to proofread, or major improvements in their fic. And is a shameless copy of purple_drake's one on Serebii with some changes. XD.

With the new thread - only some replied about being a Beta Reader (or a client) still or not, so this list is rather...ahem, limited atm - those who did not are no longer on the list now. So if you were a Beta Reader before and still want in, please re-apply (feel free to tweak your old application), and if you weren't but feel you can be of help to others in improving their stories, catching mistakes, etc, then feel free to apply for the good of the FF&W section! The more the merrier!

The old Beta Place thread


RULES: beyond the standard forum-wide and FF&W rules:
  • All contact between beta readers and their 'clients' should be through PM and/or email, NOT in the thread. Yes, this goes for people asking someone to be their beta reader and vice versa. This is merely a place of reference, and for applying/submitting applications.
  • Emphasis on no spamming. Note from Astinus: This means no "thanking" bobandbill or Astinus when they approve your application. Let's keep this thread neat.
  • Don’t apply unless you’re serious about the story or being a beta-reader. By ‘serious’ I mean you’ve thought about it, you know where it’s going and/or know you’re going to stick with it. Taking breaks from time to time is perfectly fine - but be sure to notify us about that to change your status if so.
  • Astinus and I have the right to refuse your submission to be a beta reader, if we think you may not be up to standard. We want people we are sure will help out others, not people who will do a limited job.
  • If you were waiting for a beta reader and got one, or you want to update your status, tell me and I'll update it here.
  • Beta readers have the right to refuse to beta a story if they have a reason for it. If said reason is they don't have time to take any more stories, they should however tell me or Astinus (preferably me) via PM about it, so we can update your information here.
So, stick to those rules, people, or risk the wrath of those Sentret with flamethrowers by your window.


General advice as well:
  • This thread is about guidance, so if you disagree with your mentor you can bring it up with them. Just be polite about it; remember, they are just trying to help you.
  • It is advisable to read over your work BEFORE you hand it over to the beta reader. Beta readers aren't a spell and grammar check, but real people (gasp!), so keep that in mind. In other words - don't hand in something that hasn't been run through a proof-read by yourself and a simple spell check to pick up on the simple mistakes (after all, that's what a spell check is for anyway) - Beta Readers want to be able to read your work without going mad.
  • Be patient. Beta readers have to take the time to help, so don’t pester them about when they’ll be done with your chapter. That said, if it’s been two weeks or something and you haven’t heard a word, then feel free to give them a poke.
  • On the flip side, if you a beta reader with a piece of writing ready to beta and it’s been a few days, and you KNOW it'll be a while yet in coming, warn your mentoree it might take a while. If you’re going away or you’re losing your Internet access, then let them know.
  • To be clear, you CAN be a beta reader and also apply for one with your story as well. We're not all perfect.
  • Non-Pokemon stories or even original writings are perfectly fine - just be sure to mention that in your submission, is all.
Now that's over with, here we go with the applications. First, to be a beta reader. These are both for people to see your style of beta reading and all that jazz, and Astinus and I to see if you are acceptable or not.



BETA READERS:

Category:
Genre:
Preferred method of contact:
Examples of writing:
Examples of reviews/beta-reports:
Strengths/weaknesses (optional):

Now, for what each one means... PLEASE READ!
Spoiler:



Category - what type of beta reader you are. Here are the list of what you can choose from:
  • Comprehensive - basically, everything and anything on fanfiction
  • Character
  • Plot
  • Language
  • Grammar
  • Proof-reading - just another set of eyes to look over the work.
You can have multiple types for category as well.

Genre - what genre or type of story are you best in? Tragedy? OT fics?

Preferred method of contact - PM or e-mail - if the latter, specify your e-mail too, for obvious reasons.

Examples of writing - here, insert links or quotes of your writing - AT LEAST TWO! You can have more as well. Also, a short paragraph or the such does not count as an example. Show us what you can do, and also the people wanting a beta reader as well. A scene will do, but don't hesitate in linking to an entire story if you choose to. If you haven't actually written anything - no problems there, just say so - we are more concerned over your ability with the next one...

Examples of reviews/beta-reports: - same as before, link (or spoiler-fy) preferable here - but this time AT THE VERY LEAST TWO examples of reviews or beta reports. Here, Astinus and I can see how well you can beta or, if you have no examples handy, review. This will also show those clients how well you can do your job as well. This is a necessary part of your application.

Strengths/weaknesses (optional): optional unlike the others, but here you can add in what your strengths and weaknesses are in writing and/or beta-reading. This is more beneficial for the clients who can see your strengths and weaknesses if they can't decide between two beta readers.



Ok, now, to be a client. If you look at the list and already know who you want, and you contact them outside this thread, no worries. However, if you are undecided or want people to know you need a beta reader, use this application which should give the necessary information a beta reader may be interested in.

CLIENTS:

Title of Story:
Fandom:
Plot summary:
Genre:
Rating (PG, R, etc):
Type of mentor needed:
Writing sample of story:
Other: (such as, how long you've been writing for, what you think your strengths and weaknesses in writing are - optional)

Fandom refers to, for example, Pokemon, or others such as, say, Digimon.
Genre - type of story - horror, Original Trainer, etc.
Type of mentor needed - refers to the category section - do you want a Comprehensive beta reader, or a Proofreader, and so forth.
Writing sample - please include at least a few paragraphs of the story you want beta-reading.

So remember, post to apply to be a beta reader, or a client (unless you know who you want to contact here, of course). Communicate between yourselves then via PM or E-mail, and then notify me so I can update your status.

Get posting people! MORE NEW (or old) BETA READERS NEEDED!



CURRENT LIST OF BETA READERS:


Comprehensive Beta Readers:
[Mentors who are pretty good at all aspects of fiction. Best for very new writers or anyone in need of general help.]
  • Azurne (Also a Character Beta Reader) - OPEN

    Genre Specialty: Adventure, Fantasy, Horror
    Preferred method of contact: PM
    Examples of writing:
    (Snippets taken from my story on Serebii and two work-in-progress stories that have never been posted).
    The Golden Dusk and Silver Dawn-
    Spoiler:
    Keera dried her tears quickly, and breathed in deeply. She sat on the edge of the bank, looking across the lake that led to the Indigo Plateau. The night had been crystal clear, almost perfect. The moon was full, and shone brightly over the lake, reflecting brightly in the water. The shadowed trees lined the bank, and the once-brightly colorful flowers now were obscured by the color of night.

    Keera heard a twin snap behind her, and turned to see her mother sitting next to her, surprisingly.

    “Mother? What are you doing here?” she asked dumbly. Her mother flattened out the wrinkles on her dress, and gazed at Keera warmly.

    “Does a mother need a reason to see her daughter?” Keera smiled and shook her head.

    “I guess not.”

    The two sat in silence, with Keera gazing of into the distance, deep in thought.

    That boy, Alek, was leaving on his journey. How he painfully reminded her of herself back when she was a child, receiving her first Pokemon as well. Keera could still remember that amazing moment, all its ecstasy intact. She'd remembered her first Pokemon, as bright as the moon was now, and his hot flames that had scorched her hand when she'd tried to touch him by accident. She remembered his quiet little cries, and his quirky personality that complimented hers to a T.

    She hung her head, and buried her nose in the crook of her arm.

    That was all gone now.

    This was the present.



    “You know... I think you should go.”

    Her mother's voice broke into her thoughts, and Keera turned to look at her, one eyebrow raised.

    “You should follow that boy... Alek, I think was his name... It'll do you some good. You seem so much happier while traveling, and not in one place. Such a nice boy too, he could use some advice.”

    “Mother...” Keera trailed, seeing the tears forming in her mother's eyes. Her mother waved Keera's concerned notion off with her hand.


    “You are still my daughter, no matter what happened out there while you were away on your journey, you know,” she said. Keera's face softened.

    “Thanks mother, but didn't you... didn't you hear anything about me though?” Her mother turned away, faced writhed with pain.

    “I... had heard stories... cruel stories, but I didn't want to believe them. Surely my daughter, my little Keera, would never do such a thing, and for a while I denied them, instead I focused on the daily life here in New Bark. But when I heard... when I heard that you....you...”

    Keera looked down, shamefully.

    “I'm sorry mom.”

    “W-what?”

    “I'm sorry. For putting you through all this. You don't deserve it.”

    “Please, just promise me this time you won't do it again, and you'll help the boy become something great. I don't know what it is, but something tells me he'll need you.”

    “I promise, mother, I promise,” Keera replied. Her mother smiled weakly.

    “What will it take to get you to call me 'mommy' again like you use to, huh? No more of this formal 'mother' stuff, got it?” Keera laughed.

    “How about 'mom', and we leave it at that?” Her mother smiled, and put an arm around Keera in agreement. The two gazed silently across the moonlit lake, with Keera's mind made up.

    She'll follow Alek.


    ... If only to make sure he didn't repeat the same mistakes she made.

    Grounded-
    Spoiler:
    “I’m sorry, it could be any day now,” Nurse Joy said, eyes downcast to the invisible ground in front of her, not visible on the tiny square box of a screen the old and frail lady was watching. “His heart is barely holding up, and I’m afraid his lungs will collapse at a moment’s notice. I’ve done everything I can to prevent him from getting sicker, but he’s just not holding up as he should.”

    The old lady nodded silently, still holding the cold plastic phone to her ear.

    “The infection shows no sign of slowing down either, does it?” She asked, croaking the words out as best she could. Nurse Joy shook her head.

    Elizabeth Bennet sighed, and looked out the window of her quiet cottage home in Cianwood city. The summer house had belonged to her deceased husband’s family for generations, and was the chosen vacation spot for her Granddaughter’s going away party. Peaceful and scenic, the little cottage sat alone on the barren beach overlooking the treacherous sea. The waves could be heard roughly colliding on the rocks dotting the shore, and then receding back into the deep blue with the sizzling of salt water. Salted air wafted in and out of the cottage; the open windows inviting the gentle breeze and an expansive look at the hazy blue horizon.

    Somewhere over that horizon, she knew her partner was dying.

    She turned back to Nurse Joy with shallow blue eyes. “I shall make my return swiftly then. Please make him as comfortable as possible. Oh, and thank you, Joy. You’ve done everything you can.”

    Nurse Joy, still looking distressed, nodded in understanding. “I-I’m sorry I couldn’t do more to help him-“

    “Joy,” Elizabeth smiled, “You did what you could. Your mother would be proud.”

    Joy smiled sadly in return. “Thank you, I’m sure my mother would have helped if she could have, like the last time. I’ll make sure he has everything he needs.”

    With that, the two of them said their good-byes, and with her one flesh and blood arm, Elizabeth set the phone back on the cradle. Her prosthetic lingered idly by her side, awaiting use as it had the day she lost her real arm, but admittedly Elizabeth didn’t like to use it much. At the time, she had needed it to continue her work, but now it just became a symbol of how old and fragile she was becoming. She found herself constantly needing it, as her muscles deteriorated with her pale wrinkled skin. Aging was indeed a curse, she thought. Sadly, it was one they all had to take, human or Pokémon.

    “Mom?”

    Elizabeth turned to the familiar voice of her daughter Emma, fire-y orange hair the same identical shade as Elizabeth’s once was, holding a pile of dirty dishes from the cake and ice cream they had earlier. Outside, Elizabeth could hear the cries and laughter of her two grandchildren playing in the dark sand from the beach. Elizabeth smiled and shook her head slowly.

    “I must return quickly, by tomorrow afternoon at the latest. Yaksha’s condition has worsened. You stay here with the children and let them finish their last real vacation together. I’ll return by myself.”

    Emma cast a worried glance at Elizabeth before setting the dishes into the kitchen sink.

    “Jake and Natalie loved Yaksha too though mom. They should know, and I’m sure they’ll want to see him before he goes. Plus, air fares these days are outrageous, and it’ll be cheaper if we fly back to New Bark together.”

    Elizabeth frowned as she made her way across the kitchen to the glass sliding door. Off into the distance, she could see grey rain clouds moving in from the east, doomed to reach the shores of the cottage by nightfall, and pour through the day tomorrow.

    “You don’t think Natalie will be disappointed if we leave so soon? She loves this place.”

    Emma laughed her sugary laugh and continued to wash the dishes. “Mom, she’s going on her first journey. She can visit whenever she likes, and Jake will leave if she decides to go as well.”

    Elizabeth smiled, wondering how Emma actually intended to separate the two siblings in time for Natalie’s departure. Six year old Jake was nearly physically attached to his older sister, albeit he slowly understood it was time for her to leave, like all children once they had reached the age of 10.

    Like all children…

    Elizabeth turned to the table next to her, where her old-fashioned purse sat overflowing with randomosities and nonessential things that had been stuck in it. She reached a thin arm in and withdrew an old black and white photo from her wallet. It was frayed around the edges, but it was still clear and whole, though maybe a bit bent and worn. In it depicted a very familiar shadow of herself, young and spry, wild hair held back in a low ponytail, crimson scarf wrapped around her neck and goggles sitting atop her head as always when they weren’t in use. Standing next to her, holding himself high with pride and nearly doubling her size was a Pidgeot, her first ever partner and prized friend.

    Yaksha…


    A Child in the Ice-
    Spoiler:
    I smiled from behind my waxing eyes, watching her tiny bundled form shifting in and out of focus, being carried off by police and handed to a doctor. I knew now she’d be okay.

    And I couldn’t help but feel glad, even though I could feel life slowly inking its way out of me. I was glad that I had accomplished something, and saved her, against all the odds. And in the process, I overcame some of my own hardships. I proved I could handle this wretched frozen hell, and take whatever Mother Nature threw at me. I was strong, and I didn’t need a trainer to tell me. My heart, once a wasteland of indifference and apathy, was now warm with compassion and sympathy for others. No moment in my life had ever felt so great as this. Yet here it was, at my death bed.

    More shouting was heard, and this time I knew they were for me, as they suddenly got urgent and started shouting in my direction. Many footsteps were heard flying against the packed snow, and the voices grew steadily louder, but then waned again, cutting in and out. Someone called for a Nurse Joy, and another called for bandages and another, a blanket.


    But, you know, for all the things I’ve been through, I suddenly found myself not caring whether or not they made it to me. Life is one big system after all, and when one life dies, another is born.


    The voices were very close, and I could hear them slowing down as they neared the lakeside edge.



    I didn’t manage to open my eyes enough to see, but I heard the roar of a truck with chains on its tires, hauling off away into the distance. Inside it, my heart told me the little girl had made it. She would be in front of a heater soon, hospitalized and receiving lots of human treatment. She would get all the cookies and hot cocoa she could ever want, and she would go home with relatives. She would get another chance at life, for better or for worse.

    One man stopped and leaned over me, and reached out his hand tentatively, before a startling snap! And simultaneous crack! Were heard on the ice.

    In a moment of bliss and climatic hysteria, the ice on the lake shattered into a thousand pieces, and with it, dumped my limp body into the water. I slid off of it like a soap bar would on a wet surface, and I plummeted into the freezing sub-zero water.

    Finally, after one last good try, I managed to open my eyes.

    I saw the shape of the man who had leaned over to rescue me, his shadow dancing and rippling in the water, looking down on me. Bubbles from the escaping air in my fur and my lungs popped up all around me, and I could see him moving far, far away as I sunk deep to the depths of the lake bed.

    The man was joined briefly by two others, who tried to stick their hands in the water to see if they could save me.

    But there was no need for them to worry, or try to save me. The light from the surface blurred with the water’s murkiness, and soon I could not distinguish shadow from light. The pain had subsided, and I felt at peace. I closed my eyes, and let the icy water fill my lungs, my ears, and claim my body.


    Yes, no need to worry.

    I sank deeper and deeper, back legs first into the darkness, smiling. For I knew that no matter what happened now, I could die knowing I did a good deed. One was all I needed to feel truly happy.

    A Gyarados then splashed into the water with a bright light, swimming with all his might to me, desperate.

    But, I knew there was no need or reason for him to try, as the darkness had completely embraced me and engulfed me in its melancholy solitude. It was comforting, and yet a tiny bit sad all at the same time. I had wanted to live like anyone else, but circumstances called for my death.

    I sank deeper and deeper, legs and paws numb, face now completely frozen, shivering spasms in my body now slowing.

    Yes, deeper, deeper, and deeper, as the shadows shifted all around me, calling me to dance with them one final time.

    My mind gave way to random and insane thoughts. Thoughts about nothing, thoughts about everything, and thoughts about sleep. I'd been wanting much of it during this journey, and now I can get as much as I want...


    Finally, in the midst of my sweet insanity, the bottom.


    Gyarados had thrown himself into the deep depths of which I had sunk, determination in his eyes worthy of many legends and fables.


    But, determination and all, by the time he reached me and pulled me to the glorious surface…






    I was dead.


    Examples of reviews/beta-reports: (See attached documents)
    Attachment 53307
    Attachment 53308

    I also have reviews on Serebii, but apparently I'm not allowed to link anything until I get off my lazy butt and post more. My user name is . IC Ghost . should you really like to go looking for them, however.
    Strengths/weaknesses (optional): I am a person, and I am not perfect. I do miss things occasionally, so no promises of epic flawlessness. I am always honest about what I am doing, and if I think you're story is going to be a bore, I'll probably tell you. I am as prompt and quick as I can be, so the wait time to get a chapter back (assuming it was ten pages or less) is a week at maximum. Usually I'll have it back to you within three days however.


  • Delusions of Originality - OPEN

    Genre: Pretty much anything that's not straight-up romance or sex; I don't know that I'm the right person to ask about tragedy or angst, either, but you can try me. Sci-fi confuses the tar out of me but I'm still willing to try and help with it anyway.
    Preferred method of contact: PM for initial contact/general discussion; I'll work something out with you when it's time to start sharing the to-beta stuff.
    Examples of writing: ...do I have to? ): buuuhh I have no self-confidence and also haven't finished anything in years. The best complete work I've got on hand is a one-shot I wrote a few years ago that is a crappy failattempt at failangst (I told you I'm bad with angst; I don't even know why I wrote this), but I am proud of it purely because it is actually done. And it doesn't make me want to gouge my eyes out.

    What Would You Do, Luther Sellig?

    I can dig out some bits and pieces of incomplete stuff if you really need to see more, but yeah.

    Examples of reviews/beta-reports: Lesseehere. This is a recent review of Negrek's Clouded Sky on FF.net, chapter 41...

    Spoiler:

    Omai, so Accemenla's come back. I know it hasn't actually been that many chapters since we've seen her, but it feels like it's been forever. (Maybe if you actually updated "on Tuesday" like you said...) At first I thought she was wandering around the Saltmarsh area and just thinking about Tobias, but no, looks like she's followed him... or followed Chevron, anyway. Also good to see Chevron moving a little ways up in actual plottiness, even if it is indirectly.

    It'd be nice if there were some sort of visual separation between the part about Accemenla and the jump to Tobias, though, the way you usually do it.

    ""Oh, he's over there somewhere, up to something, probably." Tobias didn't have to look to point to where he knew Jinx must be. It he stopped and thought for a moment,"

    If, not it.

    "With the silence stretching on and the prospects on his plate unappetizing, Tobias blurted something he wouldn't ordinarily have said."

    Blurted out?

    "Two days later, in the still darkness of the early hours, he slung his heavy pack onto his back and crept from his room, out onto the open plains and away. By the time the sun rose he was nearly fifty miles out, making good time through the snow."

    That threw me off for a sec-I was about to ask how on earth Tobias could walk fifty miles in the snow in a few hours, but then I remembered faint attack... eh, maybe I'm just distracted by the movie I should be finishing, but perhaps a mention of him calling out Jinx as he slips out might make it less mentally jarring and remind forgetful folk like me about the move.

    "If it weren't for the knowledge that his supplies were limited and that the cold, already more than a little of an obstacle,"

    I dunno, but that last bit about the obstacle seems awkward. "More than a bit", maybe? "A little of an" just doesn't flow well, imo.

    "Since when did Accemenla know hypnosis!"

    Question mark, maybe?

    "but Tobias noticed it for no more than a fleeting moment before the Tarsix”

    Didn’t mean to capitalize tarsix there, I think.

    The whole Accemenla scene was pretty intense; there’s always been a part of me, ever since her desertion the last time we saw her, that thinks there’s a little bit of... eh, not *compassion*, per se, but pity for Tobias somewhere deep down. Seeing as how she just tried to drowninate him that’s seeming less and less likely, although I know with you it’s never so cut and dry. I guess I’ll just have to see. Igneous to the rescue at the end there was a nice touch, though how he’s going to get Tobias out of the river... you wouldn’t be so dastardly as to go so long between updates if you’re stopping on a cliffhanger, would you? D:


    Oh oh oh and I just did one here! Review of the first two chapters of Captain Fabio's Through the Lens: tadaaa.

    Strengths/weaknesses (optional): Say it with me, kids: procrastinaaaaaa-tion. I am the Queen Procrastinatrix, although part of the reason I'm applying to be a beta is because I'm trying to break that habit (at least when it comes to fic reading and commenting). I also never shut up; if I start to ramble and you lose my point in a Wall of Text, please do smack me and tell me to be more concise.

    That said, though, when I do buckle down and git 'er done, I'm very thorough and don't miss much. My grasp of English is pretty strong, helped along by the fact that I was very nearly an English major of some sort or another. I like to think I know what I'm talking about, anyway, so you should be in good hands with me. If, you know, I ever actually read what you send me. (I'll try to be punctual, I promise!)


Character Beta Readers:
[Mentors skilled in character portrayal and development.]
  • Azurne (Also a Comprehensive Beta Reader) - OPEN


Plot Beta Readers:
[Mentors who can help with the development of plot twists, the story climax, and other problems with the storyline.]

None at the moment.


Grammar Beta Readers:
[Mentors who can help with ironing out those pesky grammatical errors.]
  • Mira (Also a Proofreader) - CLOSED

    Genre Specialty: I specialize in fantasy, though I will pretty much work on anything.
    Preferred Method of Contact: PM
    Examples of writing:
    http://www.pokecommunity.com/showpos...0&postcount=67
    Examples of reviews/beta-reports: Third review down by LydiaB:
    http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic43545.html
    Seventh review down by LydiaB
    http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic42028.html
    Strengths/weaknesses: I sometimes have trouble drilling into the core of the story to critique (especially when it's the first part), though that typically gets better as I am more exposed to the story line. I also tend to be random, which can be either good or bad.

  • Mizan de la Plume Kuro (Also a Language Beta Reader/Proofreader) - Open

    Genre Specialty: I can do almost any genre asides from Romance in which I’ll just do a commentary on grammar and possibly human characteristics, but certainly nothing to do with Thing A x Thing B relationships. Genres I work best with are Science-Fiction, Military, Psychological, Gore, and Action.
    Preferred method of contact: Private Message on PC (PM). However, once I’ve requested your request or you’ve accepted my offer, then actual beta-reading can be done through E-Mail if convenient for either party.
    Examples of writing: NG-137 Synthetic Integration, and Reflection in the Storm.
    Examples of reviews/beta-reports:
    Strengths/Weaknesses: I’m well versed with physics and human psychology, plus I know a fair bit when it comes to adding long, detailed descriptions. Sci-Fi is my forte and I know how to make scientific arguments sound authentic to laymen. I usually work well when I try not to disappoint so clients can expect beta-reports from one to two weeks after submission. It might take longer due to real-life, but I’m fairly confident I can manage. Grammar is also one other thing that I can help with apart from helping clients with making their sentence structure flow better (most of the times at least).

    My weaknesses on the other hand, revolve around procrastination, work, and study, but I’ll limit it in this case so don’t worry. Apart from that, I’m human and tend to make the occasional mistake.

  • bobandbill (Also a Language/Proofreader Beta Reader - BACK-UP BETA READER) - 'CLOSED' (I contact clients) - approved by Astinus

    Genre specialty: Any, but have mostly have done OT fics. Also do comedy.
    Preferred method of contact: PM for initial contact, send documents via e-mail though. Can also go google docs
    Examples of writing: Check my sig - two banners link to my two stories.
    Examples of reviews/beta-reports: All three of these are reviews:
    Their Villainy Must Go On'
    An Everlasting Love'
    Stars' (link to another forum - sppf O_O)
    Strengths/weaknesses (optional):
    Spoiler:
    I consider myself good at finding mistakes in betaing. I tend to go over each line/paragaph one by one after reading, and adding my findings or comments underneath each one, explaining why the mistake is a mistake as well, or simply offering suggestions or commenting. In beta reading, I'm good at focusing on finding grammatical/spelling errors, dialogue, pacing and description. I'm not so good a judge on plot and characters, although I feel I know how to offer advice on improving one, or commenting on whether one needs work or not. And I tend to find plotholes.

    I'm not quite the quickest Beta Reader at times, but I do try to get my job done within the week for each chapter. I also will comment on anything that comes to mind upon reading the chapter, no matter what aspect. However that also mean I may harp on a bit, or over-analyse things.

  • Post Office Buddy (Also a Language Beta Reader/Proofreader) - OPEN

    Genre: A majority of the fics I have reviewed have been OT fics, but I can beta just about every genre except for shipping.
    Preferred method of contact: Through PM.
    Examples of writing: Affliction and My Endless Loneliness
    Examples of reviews/beta-reports: This and that.
    Strengths/weaknesses (optional): My largest weakness is that every once in a while, I get busy with work stuff, which may limit my ability to beta something quickly.
  • Yusshin (Also a Language Beta Reader/Proofreader) - OPEN

    Genre Specialty: Original Trainer; Adventure; Fantasy
    Preferred Method of Contact: VM
    Examples of Writing: The examples I'm going to provide that are from when I was twelve are not proof-read and up-to-date, thus there may be some mistakes in grammar and spelling due to my inexperience at the time. My true skill should be based on my most recent fanfic, "The Thieves of Time", and not the older ones. The older ones are provided to show my writing style and my progress / improvement over the years.
    Spoiler:

    Here's an example from a Legend of Zelda fanfic I wrote when I was eleven (approximately seven years ago; I abandoned it):

    Spoiler:
    In a small tree house in the middle of a forest lived a boy named Link. Link was the New Forest Child in Kokiri Forest; an out-cast among practically all the other elves living in the Village. He often felt lonely and unwanted in the Forest but his friend, Saria, cheered him up whenever he felt like this and now, on a fine Spring day in the Kokiri Forest, he felt absolutely wonderful, even as he slept. But this feeling was suddenly destroyed as he began having confusing and horrifying nightmares, all about a girl, a woman and a dark man on horseback. Like now.

    Link shifted around nervously as he slept, dreaming of being outside Kokiri Forest and next to a tall, white-marble wall surrounded by an eerie moat. He was armed with an unknown sword and a Kokiri Wooden Shield, he was still wearing the Kokiri Garments that were given to him by the Great Deku Tree. The green cloth was a little dirty in his dream, his hat was long and fell to his waist although slanted on his light blonde hair, and his blue eyes were flashing from left to right quickly, as if expecting something to happen. His green shirt was tucked into his green kilt roughly, not at all carefully, his dark, brown leather belt with it’s brass buckle hung loose from his waist, across his chest and connected to the front and back of his belt was a brown, leather sash. His worn, brown leather boots were covered in mud and dirt and his sheath, which he didn’t know where it came from either, was tied onto his belt, it’s gold leather stuck out like a sore thumb on his green and brown clothing. Floating around his head was a Fairy flashing blue, light sparkles fell from her body and disappeared into thin air.

    Suddenly the drawbridge fell from the wall. Link watched curiously as a white mare wearing a dark blue saddle with the Royal Crest of Hyrule stitched into it raced towards him. He darted out of its way quickly, the horse’s silver hooves just missing his waist. He looked at the horse when he rose from the damp ground and astounded himself at the next sight.

    On the horse was a girl, no older then himself, and a woman. The girl had her light blonde hair up in a white a light purple bandanna, her sky-blue eyes were mysterious pools of incredible depth. Her clothes amazed him as he noticed her long, white-silk gown that reached all the way to her ankles. She wore white, silk shoes on her feet but they were almost invisible under her dress as it flew behind her. Below her neck was a gold, elaborately designed necklace that was attached directly to the gown, a large ruby was in its center. The top of her gown was a light purple, short-sleeved shirt with white sleeves rimmed with light purple. Attached to the short-sleeved shirt was wrist-length, light blue sleeves that were puffy just below the short-sleeved shirt's sleeves. A gold belt surrounded her waist, a long, purple pentagon wrapped around the belt connected the pentagon that fell to nearly the end of her gown; it bore the Royal Crest of Hyrule as well. Her bandanna had a mysterious pin on it’s front: a golden, equilateral triangle that was split evenly into three. Link stared in wonder as she sped by, not noticing him at all.

    The woman, however did notice him and he noticed how much mascara she had put on when she did. The woman had dark brown eyes and white hair, her face was grim as she looked back into the forward direction. Link shivered, remembering a little of how much mascara some of the Kokiri Children put on, but nothing could match the woman’s amount. She wore black, knee-high boots, neatly polished and practically new, dark purple shoulder pads, a white, short-sleeved shirt, a dark gray belt was around her waist, dark gray gloves covered her hands, dark purple pants and a dark gray neck-warmer around her pale neck.

    Link decided that he would check out the town rumored to be inside the wall but a loud snort behind him made him stop. Hesitantly he turned around and stared into the fiery eyes of a black steed. On it was a shadow – the shadow – from all the rest of his nightmares. Link screamed as the man laughed evilly and conjured up a black and purple ball of Dark Magic to toss at Link to destroy him.

    Then he woke up.

    Another excerpt from a novel I was planning to write when I was twelve (abandoned):
    Spoiler:
    “Are you sure there’s no wretched humans aloft?” The older man asked in a demanding tone of the driver.

    “’Aye, not one be in sight. I can guarantee it.”

    “Good. We don’t need anyone witnessing this, or else we’ll be in trouble and placed on posters.” The man glanced at the younger one, probably in his early twenties, and scowled. “Perry! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

    The young man, Perry, glanced over from where he was behind a bush. “Ah, just watering the trees, Sir!” He replied nervously, becoming hasty in his actions.

    “Well, hurry up! The night waits for no man,” and then with a scornful, bitter intention, he added, “or amateur.”

    “Shall I be on me ways?” The driver asked of the older man hopefully, becoming quite edgy due to his fear of the dark.

    “No, you’ll stay put until I say move,” he spat crossly. “I’m not paying you for slacking off and scaring away the wolves! I’m paying you to attract the damn things! Now get the bait out and do your job!”

    The driver was terrified and appalled of the man now, and jumped off his perch before rushing around into the coach. I watched him pull out the meaty corpse of a hare, some ground beef, a bit of pork and chicken drumsticks, before heading over and spreading it all over the area. Perry had returned by then, and the older man smacked him a good one up the side of his head.

    “Damn it Perry! Get your tranquilizer out and hide behind that bush!”

    “But Sir! I just wizzed in that bush!”

    “I don’t give a damn! Just do what I ask and I won’t start aiming my gun at your head! Do you have that soldier?”

    Perry saluted and cried, “Yes Sir! Ready for combat and armed like hell.”


    Another from when I was twelve (abandoned):

    Spoiler:
    Out in the land of Petragon was a mountain range overwhelmed in a forest so vast, it would seem only to be a hill of trees. Due to this unusual growth in the woodland in the area, the mountain range was therefore named ‘the Hills of Trees’, reflecting the surroundings entirely. The Hills of Trees were tall and young, jagged at the top and absorbing the sky in the distance. The woodland, seemingly growing over the mountains, consisted of fir, elm, spruce and oak trees, with a maple tree here or there. There were clearings, but they weren’t visible by air. They were hidden beneath the canopies of the trees. The sun still shone through somehow, though, and created a beautiful woodland floor of trilliums, grass, dandelions, poison ivy, poison oak, daffodils and tulips. Sometimes a geranium could be seen, but those were rare. A stream trickled through the middle of the woodland from down above the mountain range. The water was clear and bold, shining marvelously even at night as if by magic. Travelers called it the Fountain of Youth, but a dweller of the Hills of Trees knew differently.

    Thomas Tam, also known as Tom, lived in a small cabin in the center of the woods, just next to the stream. He was only seventeen, but he was independent, strong and an infamous mage. He was a tall boy, easily 5’10”, with short blond hair and the most startling grey eyes anyone would’ve seen in their life. They were huge of depth, mesmerizing and flashy. One glance and you would have trouble looking away, especially if Tom placed a spell on his eyes. His clothes were like those that a regular mage would wear. He wore a long, black robe – black like the middle of a night but bright like the lightning – and a pair of black leather hunter’s gloves and chestnut-brown, leather sandals. In his hands he loved to grip firm a wooden staff nearly as tall as he was with strange markings in its sides. The markings, which looked like nothing to some inexperienced individual, was actual the language of the Ancient Tongue of Mythrador, the first kingdom before King Petragon dominated it near three hundred years earlier. Mythrador was home to the Night Elves, a race of Night Mages who caused pain to others and showed no sympathy. Tom gripped this staff with the black diamond at its top in honour. He was the last of the Night Elves – last of the race of Mythrador and the only person on Earth to comprehend and write the Ancient Tongue of Mythrador. His status as a Night Elf was not welcome anywhere in Petragon, and just for his race, he was hunted and shoved into isolation in the Hills of Trees.

    That day was a cold one, but Tom liked the cold. He gripped his staff firm as he left his house and stepped into the damp mist. The ground was soggy beneath his feet as he approached the Fountain of Youth known to people but unseen to anyone without a touch of Elf blood in them. Fools, Tom thought stubbornly, staring at the water sharply. This is no Fountain of Youth. This is something much more.

    Tom watched the water for a moment before moving upstream. He wasn’t expecting anyone to come along. No, not at all, for this woodland was dangerous, for it was home to wolves, bears and large rodents. Tom needn’t worry though – his magic could ensure his safety if he used it appropriately, and if any Dark Creatures came along, he could easily destroy or befriend them. Yet, as he walked along the stream, unaware of the world through his closed eyes and guided steps, he felt the presence of something eerie. When he opened his eyes, his gaze caught that of a pair of travelers, one male and one female, examining the water.


    A more recent one, here's an excerpt from my Pokemon fanfiction "The Thieves of Time"; I'm a bit rusty, but I've improved since the LoZ fanfic (you can find the topic itself here):

    Spoiler:
    As we approached, the form of a small rowboat became more and more recognizable. I looked at Rinslet with a startled expression before saying:

    “Where did you get this?”

    “A while ago, I found it drifting at sea,” she explained excitedly. “There was no one in it; I just assumed that it got detached from the mainland harbour and floated over here.” She was grinning like a child who had just received an unexpected gift from someone.

    “That seems highly unlikely.”

    “Who cares? We have it, don't we?”

    I frowned. Technically she was right, but I still wasn't too convinced on the matter.

    Rinslet, however, was more than reassured. She was confident. Before I could object, she had already climbed into the boat and was seated in it with skitty. Skitty began to meow in fear; the girl quickly silenced it, though, with pets that stroked from her nose to her back.

    “See? It's stable, too. I'm sure you can use it, Shin.”

    I frowned before reluctantly placing Khail into the boat. It sat up on one of the benches and stared into the water. It then whimpered, as if its own reflection had frightened it, and began to cower beneath the bench. I hoisted myself up, drenched from waist down, into the boat and sat on the bench opposite Rinslet, almost capsizing the boat in the process. As I looked around and tested the boat's buoyancy, Rinslet addressed me.

    “Well?” was the impatient word that followed.

    “It seems stable,” I admitted, fiddling with one of the paddles, “but I don't know. I'd love to be able to row to shore and escape this heathen place, but the onshore surveillance is hefty during this time. If we ever were to have any chance whatsoever of escaping successfully, we would have to...” I paused and shook my head, my black hair glistening from the collection of moisture due to fog. “We'd have to depart at night, and that's too dangerous. I wouldn't make it to shore.”

    “I have faith in you, Shin.”

    “Sometimes faith isn't enough.”

    Examples of Reviews/Beta-Reports:
    Spoiler:
    Silawen's "Caught in the Moment"

    Nick815's "Shadows of Johto"
    Spoiler:

    darkpokeball's "The Return"
    Spoiler:


    A lot of reviews are also updated and listed here for further reference: http://yusshin.livejournal.com/333.html

    Background: I'm a perfectionist; I wrote two complete novels before the age of thirteen, one which spanned 150 pages (normal margins; Times New Romans; Font Size 12). I won the Royal Canadian Legion English Proficiency Award of 2006 when I graduated from elementary school; I also won the Oustanding Achievement in English Excellence Award. As for grades, I'm a gifted student in languages who acts like a sponge with literature information. My marks in every subject, other than mathematics and physical education, average 80-95% without studying. Languages and writing is my passion, and I plan to make a career out of it.
    Strengths&Weaknesses (Optional): Grammar, spelling, and context are big things for me. I can spot fragments and the misuse of a semi-colon instantly. I'm also a walking dictionary so generally, the misuse or the uncommon use of a word will be caught immediately, as in the example of "appreciate" in Silawen's fanfic. I'm a pretty rounded individual; when it comes to literature, I have reached a level where faults are rare and are committed 99% of the time by inattention. As well, I understand the concept of personal style in writing and I try not to impede on another's creativity.
Language Beta Readers:
[Mentors who can help with the fine-tuning of language, including things such as description and dialogue.]

  • bobandbill (Also a Grammar/Proofreader Beta Reader - see Grammar list for further details - BACK-UP BETA READER) - 'CLOSED' (I contact clients)
  • Post Office Buddy (Also a Grammar Beta Reader/Proofreader) - OPEN
  • Mizan de la Plume Kuro (Also a Grammar Beta Reader/Proofreader) - Open
  • Yusshin (Also a Grammar Beta Reader/Proofreader) - OPEN
Proofreaders:
[For the more experienced writers who need a second set of eyes and to offer a second opinion - usually aim to give a general overview of a work, but may focus on aspects the author particularly wants an opinion on or which they specialise in.]

  • bobandbill (Also a Grammar/Language Beta Reader - see Grammar list for further details - BACK-UP BETA READER) - OPEN
  • Mira (Also a Grammar Beta Reader - Check that list for more info) - CLOSED
  • Post Office Buddy (Also a Grammar/Language Beta Reader) - OPEN
  • Mizan de la Plume Kuro (Also a Grammar/Language Beta Reader) - Open
  • Yusshin (Also a Grammar/Language Beta Reader) - OPEN

Last edited by bobandbill; January 17th, 2012 at 04:13 PM.
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Old December 20th, 2009, 09:21 PM
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bobandbill
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
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CLIENTS NEEDING BETA-READERS:

Current ones are from the old thread and have priority (marked by a * by their name).
  • *Abenti - Seeking a Beta Reader

    Title of Story: Pokemon Amber: The Untold Memoir
    Fandom: Pokemon
    Plot summary: A prequel fic centering around the never seen, never named, only mentioned once in the anime father of Ash Ketchum set about 10 - 12 years before the anime starts. Anthony "Tony" Ketchum, an 18 year old trainer gets disowned after an argument and heads towards the Kanto region to take the journey that he had only planned on doing before. Along the way he gains a traveling companion as well as two other pokemon other than his his first one that he had aquired eight years prior.
    Genre: OT, Romance (due to the technicalities that the OT and companion falling in love/getting married by the end of the story).
    Rating: On the general whole I attempt to do PG or milder.
    Type of mentor needed: Plot, Comprehensive
    Writing sample of story: The chapters I have posted up are located at http://pkmn.sailorchristmas.com/stories.php
    Other: I've been writing/working on this particular fanfic for a few years, though I have had off and on fanfic writing for a number of years prior in the Sailor Moon fanfic department (though that's a whole different can of worms that I've yet to finish writing on). My greatest weaknesses writing wise would be plotlines (individually per chapter) and general overall follow through... More often than not I find myself not being able to follow through with a story idea once I find that I don't have someone to bounce ideas arround and/or get opinions or thoughts from.


  • *SkyBlue - Seeking a Plot/Character Beta Reader

    Title of Story: Operation Confession
    Fandom: Pokemon manga: Pokemon Special/Adventures
    Plot summary: Red and Yellow have always been a little...into each other. They just don't like to say what they really feel. Well, with the help of the other Pokedex holders, Green's going to change that...Maybe it's time they did take a vacation in Sinnoh.
    Genre: Humor and romance.
    Rating (PG, R, etc): PG. Expect gratuitous amounts of Green's trademark evil schemes. And funny ghosts.
    Type of mentor needed: Plot and character beta reader. I plan to have an OC.
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:

    Green could not believe that it had been a few years since Red saved Yellow from a rampaging Dratini. She also could not believe that time had passed since Yellow rescued Red from the Elite Four.

    And she could not believe that they still hid their feelings after all this time!

    Green now paced the floor of her house as Platinum, her boyfriend Diamond, and their hyper friend Pearl (visiting from Sinnoh) read books (in Dia's case, munched on a book-shaped cookie).

    Ruby and Sapphire, a new item, were arguing over who had the best Pokemon.

    Gold, Crystal and Silver were reflecting on the past (and laughing at Crystal's "AAAHHH! PUNKS!").

    Blue was trying and failing at making Poffins. Everyone could hear the "Stupid Poffins!" and "AAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!" coming from the kitchen.

    Emerald was thinking up pranks.

    Green, however, didn't notice. She was too absorbed in what she was thinking up. Then...

    "I can't stand their being insecure anymore!" she cried out. "I think I'll bring them together..."

    All the color drained from Gold's, Crystal's and Silver's faces. They knew exactly what Green was talking about.

    So did Blue. "Green..." he warningly yelled out. "NOT AGAIN!"

    Platinum raised an eyebrow. "Why are you so worried?" she asked.

    Green had on that weird, Cheshire cat face on again. Somehow it never failed to slip onto her face when she was scheming.

    "It's the Cheshire Grin. When Green has it on...you'd rather not know," Crystal hastily explained.

    "Think about it. Have you seen Yellow so nervous when not around Red?" Green suddenly asked.

    Platinum shook her head. Dia raised an eyebrow and shrugged. Pearl rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. Gold shuddered at the thought of Green being right yet again. Crystal swore words under her breath. Emerald kicked the couch so strongly that it flipped. Silver learned a few words from Crystal. Ruby and Sapphire's mouths hit the floor.

    And Green? "AUUUGGGHH! IT BURNED! NOW I HAVE TO START OVER!!" He was concentrating on those Poffins.

    "And how about Red? Have you seen him NOT blush when around Yellow?"

    Same reactions. Different people (except for Blue, who was still cooking Poffins and was now complaining about how they spilled easily).

    "Ha! I knew it. They like each other! You've seen it, you've felt it, you've known it since you first met them! So you're all gonna help me!" Green proclaimed, grinning maniacally.

    It was at this point that everyone, except for Dia (who ate faster) and Platinum (whose eyes went wide), screamed. Yep, even Blue in the kitchen with the Poffins.

    Other: I've been writing since I was eight. I made scripts ripped off of episodes of my favorite series, calling them sequels. I was eight, hello! Then, I stumbled upon FanFiction.net, and the rest is history.

  • Iqid Loopz - Seeking a Grammer/Comprehensive/Language Beta Reader/Proof Reader

    Title of Story: Crossing the Line
    Fandom: Pokemon
    Plot summary: A ragtag team of Military Pokemon fighting to end a war against the Galactic-Rocket Alliance, that brought damage, fear, and large amount of pain through out the galaxy. Will they live and end the war, or will they fail and die.
    Genre: Action, Comedy, War, Science Fiction (Somethings wont be possible in real life),Romance, Horror, Adventure
    Rating (PG, R, etc): Rated PG-17 (swearing, alcohol reference, mature jokes)
    Type of mentor needed: Grammer, Proof reading, Comprehensive, Language
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:
    Poliwrath quickly takes a sword and swing at Swamperts head. Swampert quickly ducks and kicks him in the face and falls back on his legs and looks up at Swampert.

    "You see...I own your ass, now try and kill me" said Swampert, slowly reaching for his sword.

    "I don't think so" he replied, doing a chinese get up and kicks Swampert in the stomach, launching him through a wall.

    Poliwrath walks over his sword and picks it up then quickly runs to the smashed wall and looks around the room and sees debris and a open door.

    He slowly turns around and walks towards the others

    "Yo! Poliwrath did you get him?" asked Sceptile

    "Yea, he escaped, but at least i kicked him through a wall" he replied.

    "But he escaped, you totally suck, even I can do better" said Ditto.

    "I can demote your ass just with a sword, and just with a sword"

    "Okay...now I'm panicking"

    Other: I have been writing for a year and a half now, and English is my main language but it seems like still have spelling and wording problems

  • Legendarian Mistress - Seeking a Plot Beta Reader/Proof Reader

    Title of Story: The Resurrection’s Beginning and Apocalyptic Dawn
    Fandom: Pokémon
    Plot summary: The journey starts off rather positively, but mutates into something darker when life doesn’t seem as good as what it was originally. Blood will be spilled against the wishes of many.
    Genre: Action/Other
    Rating (PG, R, etc): M
    Type of mentor needed: Proof-reader/Plot
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:
    Time had passed but to him nothing had changed, barring the stupid cowlick in his short red hair, which he had gotten to lay flat on his head. He lazily blinked crimson eyes at the mirror. The lines on his face were deeper, the frown more prominent. He was certainly taller, possibly six feet even. He grimaced quietly at how white he was. Wearing mostly black really didn't help with a tan after all. He pulled his red and black jacket over the black belly shirt. Sighing, the twenty one-year-old ran his fingers over the smooth black fabric of his pants. He still dressed like a kid, after all this time. Giving up, Silver wrapped the grey cape over his clothing. Not much else to do now.

    “Mr. Walker, sir?” A hesitant voice piped up.

    “How many times have I told you to just call me Silver?! I will be ten times the man my father was!” Silver snapped back at the researcher. “Now what is it?!”

    “Extremely high abnormal energy readings are being detected from the enemy base in Goldenrod City, Silver.” Another scientist responded after the first fell silent from fear.

    “Base signatures are distinguished on the thermal radar, Silver!” Yet another scientist hollered.

    “What are you waiting for, idiot?! Who are they?!” Silver yelled back.

    “The energy readings indicate that Arceus, Palkia, Mewtwo, Darkrai and an unconscious Suicune — plus some teenagers — are in the base at the moment.” The second technician answered.

    So... it’s begun, has it? Hmm, things just keep getting interesting, the Johto Destroyers leader thought. “Alright, I’m sending Phoenix, Donovan and Shira in!” A very livid glare from Arianna prompted him to add that she, too, could go. “Take these with you.” Silver called out to Arianna and threw her a couple of spheres; they were jet black in colour with a silvery-grey letter imprinted on them. The letter on the balls represented the containment spheres used by a Pokémon poacher from an age long ago, because they were, in fact, the same objects he used — Dark Balls.

    As Phoenix, Shira Davina, Donovan and Arianna left; Silver turned back and continued watching the intensifying battle which was Arceus and Palkia VS Mewtwo, Darkrai and... Raikou? “What the ****ing hell?!” he swore. “Where did Raikou come from?!”

    Other: I’ve been writing Pokémon stories since late 2005. Being a perfectionist, I’d like to be a Grammar beta one day... and my weakness? Probably making a certain plot-line longer than it should be.

  • KajiVenator - Seeking a Grammer/Plot Beta Reader

    Title of Story: Instance Decision
    Fandom: Pokémon
    Plot summary: We follow our young hero, Mitch as he travels through time to fight a team bent on taking over the Pokémon world with the power of the gods.
    Genre: Adventure/Other (Perhaps more. I'll have to think about possible genres more.)
    Rating: PG/Mature
    Type of mentor needed: Grammar, Plot
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:


    Prologue

    "A stormy night in the Johto region. Quite fitting for what we have planned, eh boss?"

    "How are the generators holding foreman?"

    The foreman glanced at the giant computer screen. "There is no damage to report, sir. The generators are maintaining full power. Taking the plates away from that creature has prevented it from doing any damage the generators, as well as taken away it's ability to fight back."

    "Goooood. Make sure to set them on automatic before we go looking for that creature of the forest. We'll need every single man on the job to have a chance of finding it."

    "Yes sir," grinned the foreman as he hit a small button on the carbon keyboard that lay on top his desk.

    The one in charge looked past the foreman at the gigantic conglomerate of computer screens on the wall opposite. Perhaps there were thousands of screens. He could not remember the exact amount. But he did know that over half of the screens formed a picture of a stunning white creature laying on its side in his test chamber, the rest of the monitors displaying its vitals and such.

    Any second now, he thought.

    He watched on with glee as a lightning bolt emanated from the test chamber's wall and struck the creature. The vital readings on the screens jumped. He heard it cry out in pain. He thought nothing of it. A small sacrifice to achieve his lifelong goal.

    Not far away, a young boy awoke with a jolt, sweat running down his brow. He knew it was a dream, but the pain he had felt, it seemed so real.


    Other: I am a seventeen year-old near-graduate of High School. This is not my first attempt at writing a story but will be my first attempt at writing a FF for the public here at PC. I tend to double-check my work after reading it, expanding on my wording and reviewing grammar so there should be few problems but I still require a Beta-Reader to double-check my double-checked/re-written work. I hope to expand the story to include all four mainland regions of the games, starting off with Johto, then Hoenn followed by Sinnoh and Kanto but, if I feel I cannot hope to expand the story to fill that many arcs, I will settle for a complete Johto arc. I want to write this FF to expand my writing skills and challenge myself. I may take breaks every now and then to complete assignments for school but will try to further the story whenever possible.

  • Eeveemaster9 - Seeking a Comprehensive/Grammar, Character Beta Reader

    Title of Story: The Reality of Fantasy
    Fandom: Other
    Plot summary: After a long night partying with his friends, Kevin falls asleep rather quickly, only to find himself in a cage when he awakens. After encountering a young girl (Alia) whom is in the same situation, Kevin begins to get an idea of why he is there when a mysterious girl approaches him after Alia had been removed from her cage by "The Dragging Boy".
    Genre: Sci-fi, Fantasy, Thriller
    Rating: PG+14 (Minor swearing, Gore, & Minor Sexual References)
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:

    Was I still dreaming? Or had I gone blind overnight? I was lying on cold metal, instead of my fluffy blankets. My back was stiff from laying on the hard surface for such a long time. I opened my eyes a crack. It felt empty around me. I wasn't in my room. I opened my eyes a little wider, and looked around. It was darkness that greeted me, instead of the bright morning sun I knew so well. What the hell...? I tuned my ears to listen to things around me. There was nothing but silence. The silence you feel when at a funeral. I choked back a cough.

    I felt around with my hand, still laying down on the surface I was on. My fingers crept along like the legs of a spider, and they were sensitive to everything they touched. I was reaching to the left of me, and before my arm could go to full length, the legs of the spider grasped a metal bar going vertical from the metal flooring. I was in a cage. I was trapped.

    You know the first thing that came through my thick skull? I wasn't going to be able to get that new book. That new volume was about kidnappings and assassins... (Oh, irony how you've never failed me) ....Horrified by my discovery, I attempted to stand, only to hit my head hard against metal similar to the one beneath me. It was like brick falling on my head while on fire. "Fuuu-Ouch." I groaned, lowering my poor head. I rubbed the bump that was already starting to form, and I looked around as best I could. My only light source was that coming from another room, and it was leaking out from underneath a doorframe several metres away.

    I began to spread my pale fingers through my short brown hair in frustration. Damn it all... Where was I? How did I get here? Questions tumbled down on me like an avalanche. What kind of prank was this!? Why me?!

    Abruptly I could hear muffled crying, and I stopped my hysteria. It was a girl. She seemed close to me. I swallowed roughly to clear my throat. "Hello?" My voice echoed in the room, and like a spell, the girl stopped her whimpering to reply hesitantly. "H-hello?"

    I was almost relieved to hear her reply. Though her voice was unfamiliar, I was glad I wasn't alone in this. "Do you know where we are?" I asked, moving closer to where I thought the voice was coming from. My bright blue eyes scanned for any sign of the girl, but my nose touched another metal bar. The girl was in another cage from my own. It took a moment for her to reply, and I could hear her sniffles and attempts to calm herself. Why was she so terrified?

    "They're going to kill us. We're both going to die."

    Other: I lack in proper grammar skills, and making characters more realistic. I may also need help to make the setting believeable.


  • Impo - Seeking a Proofreader (preferably someone good with grammar)

    Title of Story: Professor Layton VS Ace Attorney: The Twin Siren
    Fandom: Professor Layton
    Genre: Action, Mystery
    Rating (PG, R, etc): PG
    Writing sample of story: Here's the story instead
    Other: This is a long story, and I may make a sequel, so be prepared for long work.

  • Konekodemon - Seeking a Grammar Beta and a Character Beta with knowledge of Paul from the anime
    Title of Story: Pokemon Adventures
    Fandom: Pokemon
    Plot summary: Doesn't have one. Just read the story. But it is a PaulxOC fic, set in Kanto.
    Genre: Romance/Adventure
    Rating (PG, R, etc): Right now it's PG-13, but as I write it will change to R rated.
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:
    As soon as they got there they heard a voice saying,"Your not what I'm looking for. Be gone."

    "That could only be, Paul," said Kairi. Her and Pikachu went up to him,"What do you think your doing!?" She demanded, noticing Paul releasing a Starly he had just caught.

    "That's none of your business!" Said Paul.

    "It is when your abandoning a Pokemon you just caught," she demanded.

    "If your so consersed, why don't you take it," said Paul.

    "Yes, I think maybe I will. Come on Starly, you don't need him!" Kairi said, as she grabbed the Starly's Poke Ball out of Paul's hand in an angry tone. She returned Starly to her Poke Ball. Paul got ready to turn and walk away when Kairi called out,"Wait!"

    "What is it now?" Paul asked her, as he turned around to face her.

    "You left your Pokedex and Poke Balls at the lab. I don't know where you found that Poke Ball, but here," Kairi handed Paul his Pokedex and Poke Balls. She realized he must have just found a Poke Ball laying around on the route and used it.

    "Thank you," Paul said, putting the stuff into his bag. He then turned and walked away.

    'Did...Did he just thank me!?' Kairi wondered, confused. She watched Paul as he walked away, hands on his hips.


  • sheep261 - "Someone who can look through my work and look for any places which are lacking in detail, and also maybe a proof reader if someone has the time as well."

    Title of Story: The Return of a Legend
    Fandom: Pokemon
    Plot summary: A once old hero that was left for mysterious reasons, who now returns to the world, where much has changed for him
    Genre: Adventure, Drama, Romance maybe if I want it....
    Rating (PG, R, etc): PG 13+
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:
    It was a sunny evening in the middle of Autumn, with a fine mist developing a certain mountain not far from Pallet Town. The view from the top was simply jaw dropping for an ordinary person; the sky was a deep colour between the mix of orange and red, with the Sun half way down.


    However, on person in particular didn’t find it amazing at all; to him, he had just found it to be normal, although, he had been living on this mountain for a while. The man in question was youngish, about in his mid 20’s, and it was obvious that he had been far from civilisation for a while, due to the messy flop of hair, which was cut at irregular angles. On his body was a pair of dark-blue jeans, accompanied with black trainers. Although to someone else, it was so cold up on the peak of the mountain, they would have to wear multiple layers, but to this man, he was wearing a black t-shirt which was tight on his body, alongside a blue jacket.


    Turning away from the sky, he made his way over to a cave, which was about a 5 minute walk, and returned to see a huge group of Pokémon waiting for him, all surrounding a fire. Just looking at his face, they knew something was going to happen, so they all listened patiently.


    “It has been 10 years,” The man spoke; his voice was clear yet it sounded like a young teenager. “We have had many adventures when we have been away; some good, some bad, some amazing, some horrifying that we wont be able to forget.” As he said this all the Pokémon were nodding along to what he had to say.


    “However, I have decided that it’s time for us to return to everyone. By now, they probably won’t remember us, and that is why now is the right time. We are going back to Pallet; its time to see a new friend again.” He said, and they Pokémon knew that he was finished, and they are shouted in their voices on their agreement, before they started getting ready.


    After 5 minutes of gathering everything and putting it away, the young man gathered up his bag, which on inspection had multiple pokeball’s with him, and he returned all of his Pokémon back to their respective pokeball, apart from one; a bird which was waiting by the cave entrance, with it fluttering its wings out and preparing for the flight.


    Getting onto it’s back silently, the man uttered 3 words silently. “Pidgeot, Pallet Town”, and with that the bird cried out and took off, flapping it’s wings to gain some altitude, as well as to get away from the mountain. Eventually, the young man decided that it was time, and with a gentle pat on the back, he clung on as the bird began to close in its wings and began to free fall through the sky, gaining so much speed it managed to break the sound barrier,


    Due to this quick descent, the pair was at the base of the mountain instantly, and they began to glide through the sky; the evening had turned into a royal blue, and a person on the ground had to use binoculars to actually see the pair in the sky at all.


    Pallet Town was the same as it had been when he had last visited; the same small houses, all illuminated with their lights; completely different to goldenrod city. Getting off pidgeot’s back when they arrived outside a certain professors lab, he returned Pidgeot back to his ball and walked up the door and sharply knocked on the door 3 times, before waiting for an answer.


    If the night was silent, which it wasn’t due to the chirping of the birds, you would of heard the shuffling of feet and the odd mumble, before the door was swung open by an ageing man, who had more wrinkles on him, alongside tired looking eyes.


    “I’m sorry there young man, but I’m not accepting any new trainers at the moment, please come back in the morning.” And with that he began to close the door, but before it was fully shut, a foot was stuck inside, preventing it from shutting.


    “I’m not here for a Pokémon Professor” The man said, before he looked up at the man. “I’m here to have a talk with you.”


    Looking into the man’s eyes, the professor instantly knew who those eye’s belonged to, and he began to shake uncontrollably.


    “No, it can’t be……….” He said, with his words beginning to tail off. “How are you alive? We thought you were dead. Never mind that, come inside” The old man ushered, and the man accepted, before walking in, with the professor looking out to see no one was looking, before closing the door.


    “How have you been Ash?”

    Other: This is my first Fanfic, so expect it to be quite bad :/
    Method of Contact: I would like the beta reader to PM me, and I'll PM them back as well ASAP.
  • Lashh - Seeking a Grammar Beta Reader/Proofreeder
    Title of story: Legends of Kanto
    Fandom: Pokemon
    Plot Summary: Four children from Pallet Town on set out into the thrilling world of Pokemon, to face the perilous trials of the Pokemon Trainer.
    Genre: Original Trainer
    Rating: PG-13
    Sample: Prologue (part of it, anyways):
    Spoiler:

    It was a very peaceful day in the town of Pallet. A smooth breeze blew through the town so warmly bathed by the slowly sinking summer sun. The mood was high for the citizens of this peaceful town, as the students attending the Pallet Pokemon School have graduated after a year and a half’s worth of hard work and learning the basics of the creatures known as Pokemon. Now that they have surpassed the basic level of Pokemon education, graduates now have the requirement to begin their own journey through the beautiful land of Kanto, where legends are born.

    Only three students graduate from the class at a time, the top three pupils. These three individuals passed the tests issued by the town’s Pokemon expert, Professor Oak. With each group of three graduates, the Professor gives one Pokemon to each individual, granting them each a proper head start for their upcoming journey.

    The top three students in this years class are Blue, who was an obvious contender for graduation, being the grandson of Professor Oak. However, the boys smarts prove his worthiness, scoring close to perfect on each major exam. The second upcoming Pokemon trainer is a boy named Barclay, a kind spirited child who received average scores on his tests. How the third trainer, Red managed to pass was above anyone’s head. His tests scores were the lowest out of the three individuals, yet high enough to beat out the rest of the class. Red is also a kindhearted boy, but can be too childish for his own good.

    The graduation ceremony was nearing its end, and all the graduates had the fire of excitement in their eyes. Their spirits were high with diploma in hand, and the guarantee of receiving a Pokemon from Professor Oak only boosted their moods. Their eyes gleamed at the Professor as he approached them.

    “Congratulations to all three of you! I am looking very forward to seeing the three of you head out on your very own Pokemon journey.”

    Professor Oak paused for a moment as one of the boys, Red, held his hand up with a question that was most likely on all three boys minds.

    “Professor Oak, when are we getting our Pokemon?”

    Red asked inquisitively as his curious, brown eyes gazed at Professor Oak.

  • Gothitelle. - "I need help with characters, grammar and description to maybe get ideas with finishing this."
    Title of Story: A Friendship Story
    Fandom: Pokemon
    Plot summary: After being sent from her home to the real world, Giratina finds herself with the opportunity to redeem herself and start a new life. While doing so, she meets Hydreigon and instantly wanted to be her friend. Will she give Giratina a chance or flee?
    Genre: Friends/Hurt/Comfort
    Rating: G
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:
    Intro chapter: It starts in an alternate universe. The Distortion World, where a Pokemon lives in fear and anxiety from living alone for many years. Her name? Giratina. She lives in this alternate universe alone with just her teddy bear by her side. The darkness of this world has left young Giratina trembling in fear every night. She has no one. No one to tell her a story. No one to get her a glass of milk at night. Most importantly, no one to make her feel safe.
    Spoiler:


    She laid there in her bed, trying to keep herself awake so she doesn’t sleep, because everytime she does, she has nightmares about that fateful day. The day where she was banished from the real world years ago for her destructiveness and violence. She was a violent and destructive girl back in the day. She seemed to destroy anything she can get her hands on and when other Pokemon got tired of her, she’d pick fights with them and win them by force. That behavior the young Pokemon harbored, was the final straw for the legendary Pokemon, Arceus; who banished Giratina from the real world and sealed her in the Distortion World.

    Now, Giratina fights to prove that she is worthy enough to go back into the real world. She wants to prove to Arceus that she is indeed a good Pokemon and is responsible. However, being immature, it is difficult for her to prove she can take such a big step. Every night, she hopes that he will give her forgiveness and take her from this world. A world where a young Pokemon has to defend what is hers… alone.

    As Giratina laid in her bed, clutching her teddy bear; she heard a sound. A strange sound indeed. She hid under her covers as the warping sound got louder and louder. The sound was so loud, it made Giratina’s caterpillar like body tremble with fear. She held on to her bear tighter and she talked quietly to herself.

    “You don’t think it’s the mud people do you Bear Bear?” Giratina whispered with fear.

    It stopped. Everything went silent. However, Giratina was still shaking with fear as she tried to pretend she was asleep. She can feel someone about to come up to her. Although she was never kidnapped, she still always felt that one day, she was. Maybe, it might happen. All she knows is that there is someone there.

    “Giratina… wake up!” a familiar voice called out.

    Giratina got up from under the covers, only to see a stone right in front of her. When she looked up… she could have sworn she saw Arceus. Her vision was a little blurry, but she was sure she saw him.

    “Is that… Arceus?” She asked herself out loud.

    The stone in front of her suddenly shined a bright light. Obstructing her view of the figure in front of her. Before she can say anything else…

    “Sayonara Giratina…” the voice said as the room lit up in a white light.

    Giratina closed her eyes tightly as she felt a strong gust of wind blowing on her. She clutched tightly to her bear as she braced herself. Suddenly, it all stopped. The wind stopped. Even with eyes closed, she can tell that the light wasn’t as bright anymore. When she opened her eyes, she looked around, shocked and surprised.

    The sky above her was clear, blue and sunny and the grass was a dark green and was adorned with many flowers. The sound of the lake… the waves crashing against each other. This can all mean one thing… Giratina was in the real world.

    Other: Been writing for as long as I remember; first fanfiction I wrote was for the Powerpuff Girls fandom. Also written for the Sonic fandom; Weakness are character portrayals and events happening too quickly.
  • Dragovian98 - Seeking a Comprehensive mentor

    Title of Story: Transformed
    Fandom: Pokemon
    Plot summary: After a boy explores the local forest with his best friend, a series of events follow which results in him becoming a Pokemon, and being forced to alter the destiny of Time, Space, and discovering the secrets that the Universe would rather keep hidden...
    Genre: Action, Adventure and with slight war themes in some parts
    Rating (PG, R, etc): PG-13- blood, language, and suggestive themes.
    Writing sample of story: The Prologue and chapter 1 can currently be found here:
    http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=262732
    Other: Liked writing stories for about 4 years I am capable of thinking up a pretty decent plot pretty spontaneously, but i lack the descriptive and grammatical talent that really makes a writer.
  • chelly1107 - Seeking a Comprehensive mentor

    Title of Story: n/a
    Fandom: Pokémon
    Plot summary: (I haven't decided on this either)
    Genre: Adventure
    Rating: PG
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:
    “The weather is perfect for shopping or a nice walk in the Goldenrod Park, stay tuned for our interview later with our Region’s Champion, Lance”
    “Did you hear that everyone? It’s a day for shopping! Who’s coming with me?” Rie cheerfully shouted at the large group of Pokémon huddled in front of the TV. They all turned to her, turned to each other, then back at the TV. Rie sighed and ran her hand through her dark long hair. She always brought one of the five Pokémon in her party whenever she went anywhere, but lately, her Pokémon seemed bored.
    The days when beating a tough trainer was reason to celebrate is long gone. Mainly because tough trainers to beat are next to none, and winning was like launching a full team on a preschooler’s Rattata. It’s pitiful, and you become the bad guy. Her Pokémon must feel the same way.
    Rie consulted the list stuck to the refrigerator. Right between the shopping list and a photo was a list of which of her Pokémon came with her, for what reason and when.
    “Luna! It’s your turn!”
    An Umbreon walked towards her without expression. Rie had expected a face of annoyance, but out of her team, only Luna had been acting strange. When Rie had first trained Luna as an Eevee, she was the one who expressed the most emotion in anything. Danced in a victory or is the first to start some conversation with her fellow team members. She had taken her to a doctor and found nothing strange. “Hopefully” Rie thought, “it’s because she misses the thrills of battles like I do.”
    Other: The story takes quite a while to get to the point, but it does.
  • mzmingle - Seeking a Comprehensive/Plot mentor/Proofreader

    Title of Story: Adventures In Unova - All Battlers
    Fandom: Pokemon
    Plot summary: Twins Adam and Amelia go on their pokemon adventure around Unova, also going to the Battle Dome.
    Genre: Pokemon? Adventure?
    Rating: PG but may get a bit bad, probs not.
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:
    The twins were ten and it was their eleventh birthday that exact day. Amelia got dressed in a blue top and a pair of denim trousers. She brushed her long brown hair into a tight ponytail. She put a clip in her hair and you could finally see her bright brown eyes. She went to brush her teeth.
    Spoiler:


    Adam got dressed in a green top and a pair of brown trousers. He quickly combed his blonde hair and brushed his teeth.

    They walked downstairs to see their sister cooking some eggs and toast.

    “Wow, that looks nice!” said Amelia.

    “Yes, it does!” replied Adam.

    “Good. You better eat it. I thought you were already gone, you were so slow!” said Alice sarcastically.
    She gave them their food and they ate it quickly.

    “Bye!” they said in unison, and they were gone in a flash. They ran to the Professor’s lab and went in.

    “Hello, I’m Professor Juniper. You are the Karl Twins, right?” she asked.

    “Right!” the twins said in unison, yet again.

    “What pokemon would you like? There is a wildcard, if you would like.” said Juniper.
    Both children ran to a Pokeball. Adam chose Snivy and Amelia chose the wildcard which was Lillipup.

    Professor Juniper smiled at them and gave them some Pokeballs. She gave Amelia a blue Pokedex and C-Gear and Alex green ones.
    “Thanks, Professor!” said Amelia.

    “What she said.” said Adam,

    They both walked up and out of the door. They smiled at each other.

    “Together, or go our own ways?” asked Adam.



Last edited by bobandbill; January 18th, 2012 at 03:31 PM. Reason: clients added
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Old December 20th, 2009, 09:22 PM
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And this post as well! =D

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Old January 4th, 2010, 05:17 AM
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Mizan de la Plume Kuro
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Lol, beta requesting for new upcoming, haven't posted fic. XD

Title of Story: NG-137 Synthetic Integration
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary: Essentially a revamp of The Chronicles of Neo Groudon, NG-137 is a 3rd person POV that focuses on Phaiel, who is somehow merged with a Groudon by the Infinity Conglomerate. Can he return himself to normal, who is this ‘Ostile’ that keeps popping up everywhere, why was he made, who is he?
Genre: Science Fiction (really science-y and stuff so please have at least a basic understanding of science), Horror (real gore people), Adventure, Supernatural (limited but present nonetheless).
Rating (PG, R, etc): Rated R.
Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive, but a Grammar beta-reader is needed if unavailable.
Writing sample of story:
Spoiler:
Dr. Amadeus was tired. Tired because his business trip to Switzerland had left him drained mentally and physically. The wrinkles on his old face were more pronounced than they would normally have been. His eyes were closed, and his arms rested on the hand-rest at the side of his seat. The white suit, which he usually wore on business trips such as these, was, as usual, extraordinarily clean. There wasn’t a speck of dirt to be seen anywhere. The suit, which gave off an aura of perfection and class, was in fact cheap, and had just been spruced up here and there to make it look acceptable. He didn’t really believe in designer clothing. To be frank, he didn’t really care for suits much either. There really was no point to corporate brown-nosing. He only wore the suit because it was crucial for him to maintain an air of professionalism in his line of work. What would the public say if they saw him, the founder of the Infinity Conglomerate, wearing short pants and a white t-shirt? He didn’t really care what people thought either. It was only for show anyway.

He sighed and looked at his hands. They were wrinkled and old. He was only fifty years old or so, but he felt much older than that. It was probably the result of his work. Age was catching up fast.

Other: I’ve been writing for a few years now, but my first language is not English so I have trouble being original in my usage of words. Help with that is much appreciated.
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Old January 4th, 2010, 11:28 PM
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^ Added.

Don't be shy, people! ;P
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Old January 20th, 2010, 09:02 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Michigan (The land of the ice and snow)
Age: 25
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Nature: Quiet
Category: Language, Grammar, and Proofreading.
Genre: A majority of the fics I have reviewed have been OT fics, but I can beta just about every genre except for shipping.
Preferred method of contact: Through PM.
Examples of writing: Affliction and My Endless Loneliness
Examples of reviews/beta-reports: This and that.
Strengths/weaknesses (optional): My largest weakness is that every once in a while, I get busy with work stuff, which may limit my ability to beta something quickly.
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I am returning once again (hopefully for good). I will be updating Affliction regularly and reviewing other people's fics every so often. If you would like to request a review, then please send me a PM.

My FFC entry for April 2008: My Endless Loneliness
My Discontinued, Chaptered FanFiction: The Fall of Light
My current chaptered FanFiction: Affliction
My Parody of Pure Awesomeness (requires some context to fully appreciate): Sir. Aaron - A Parody
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Old January 20th, 2010, 11:57 PM
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Added as a Beta Reader in all three requested sections, POB. =)
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Old February 27th, 2010, 07:51 PM
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Iqid Loopz
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Pride Rock
Age: 22
Gender: Male
I am requesting beta for my fan fic, I finished my Prologue and haven't posted it yet, and now starting on Chapter 1

Title of Story:
Crossing the Line
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary: A ragtag team of Military Pokemon fighting to end a war against the Galactic-Rocket Alliance, that brought damage, fear, and large amount of pain through out the galaxy. Will they live and end the war, or will they fail and die.
Genre: Action, Comedy, War, Science Fiction (Somethings wont be possible in real life),Romance, Horror, Adventure
Rating (PG, R, etc): Rated PG-17 (swearing, alcohol reference, mature jokes)
Type of mentor needed: Grammer, Proof reading, Comprehensive, Language
Writing sample of story:
Spoiler:
Poliwrath quickly takes a sword and swing at Swamperts head. Swampert quickly ducks and kicks him in the face and falls back on his legs and looks up at Swampert.

"You see...I own your ass" said Swampert, slowly reaching for his sword.

"I don't think so" he replied, doing a chinese get up and kicks Swampert in the stomach, launching him through a wall.

Poliwrath walks over his sword and picks it up then quickly runs to the smashed wall and looks around the room and sees debris and a open door.

He slowly turns around and walks towards the others

"Yo! Poliwrath did you get him?" asked Sceptile

"Yea, he escaped, but at least i kicked him through a wall" he replied.

"But he escaped, you totally suck, even I can do better" said Ditto.

"I can demote your ass just with a sword, and just with a sword"

"Okay...now I'm panicking"


Other: I have been writing for a year and a half now, and English is my main language but it seems like still have spelling and wording problems

Last edited by Iqid Loopz; February 27th, 2010 at 08:59 PM.
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Old February 27th, 2010, 08:47 PM
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Added to the list. (BTW might want to check the fanfic rules/ask Astinus [moderator of this section] if your R-rated fic would be allowed or for permission, and if so be sure to mention it before the story in the first post and/or thread title that it is R I imagine when it comes to posting it).
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Old February 27th, 2010, 08:53 PM
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Iqid Loopz
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Thanks and more i think about it, my fic isn't that bad so, I'm just going to drop the rating to a understandable rating.
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Old March 3rd, 2010, 06:01 PM
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Legendarian Mistress
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Title of Story: The Resurrection’s Beginning and Apocalyptic Dawn
Fandom: Pokémon
Plot summary: The journey starts off rather positively, but mutates into something darker when life doesn’t seem as good as what it was originally. Blood will be spilled against the wishes of many.
Genre: Action/Other
Rating (PG, R, etc): M
Type of mentor needed: Proof-reader/Plot
Writing sample of story:
Spoiler:
Time had passed but to him nothing had changed, barring the stupid cowlick in his short red hair, which he had gotten to lay flat on his head. He lazily blinked crimson eyes at the mirror. The lines on his face were deeper, the frown more prominent. He was certainly taller, possibly six feet even. He grimaced quietly at how white he was. Wearing mostly black really didn't help with a tan after all. He pulled his red and black jacket over the black belly shirt. Sighing, the twenty one-year-old ran his fingers over the smooth black fabric of his pants. He still dressed like a kid, after all this time. Giving up, Silver wrapped the grey cape over his clothing. Not much else to do now.

“Mr. Walker, sir?” A hesitant voice piped up.

“How many times have I told you to just call me Silver?! I will be ten times the man my father was!” Silver snapped back at the researcher. “Now what is it?!”

“Extremely high abnormal energy readings are being detected from the enemy base in Goldenrod City, Silver.” Another scientist responded after the first fell silent from fear.

“Base signatures are distinguished on the thermal radar, Silver!” Yet another scientist hollered.

“What are you waiting for, idiot?! Who are they?!” Silver yelled back.

“The energy readings indicate that Arceus, Palkia, Mewtwo, Darkrai and an unconscious Suicune — plus some teenagers — are in the base at the moment.” The second technician answered.

So... it’s begun, has it? Hmm, things just keep getting interesting, the Johto Destroyers leader thought. “Alright, I’m sending Phoenix, Donovan and Shira in!” A very livid glare from Arianna prompted him to add that she, too, could go. “Take these with you.” Silver called out to Arianna and threw her a couple of spheres; they were jet black in colour with a silvery-grey letter imprinted on them. The letter on the balls represented the containment spheres used by a Pokémon poacher from an age long ago, because they were, in fact, the same objects he used — Dark Balls.

As Phoenix, Shira Davina, Donovan and Arianna left; Silver turned back and continued watching the intensifying battle which was Arceus and Palkia VS Mewtwo, Darkrai and... Raikou? “What the ****ing hell?!” he swore. “Where did Raikou come from?!”

Other: I’ve been writing Pokémon stories since late 2005. Being a perfectionist, I’d like to be a Grammar beta one day... and my weakness? Probably making a certain plot-line longer than it should be.
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Old March 5th, 2010, 06:16 AM
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bobandbill
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^ Added to the list, Legendarian Mistress.
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Old March 13th, 2010, 07:00 AM
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Iqid Loopz
Hail HYDRA! Long live the SITH! Team LANNISTER!
 
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So does a person messages me that they want to beta read? or how does it work?
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Old March 13th, 2010, 05:20 PM
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If any of the Beta readers aren't busy and are willing to take you on, they'll message you. Although we kinda have a shortage atm... =/ *puts more emphasis on people reading this that more people capable of beta reading stuff would be good* =P
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  #15    
Old March 25th, 2010, 12:30 PM
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Mizan de la Plume Kuro
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Well, let's see if my resume is good enough shall we...

Category:
Grammar, Language, and Proof-reading.
Genre: I can do almost any genre asides from Romance in which I’ll just do a commentary on grammar and possibly human characteristics, but certainly nothing to do with Thing A x Thing B relationships. Genres I work best with are Science-Fiction, Military, Psychological, Gore, and Action.
Preferred method of contact: Private Message on PC (PM). However, once I’ve requested your request or you’ve accepted my offer, then actual beta-reading can be done through E-Mail if convenient for either party.
Examples of writing: NG-137 Synthetic Integration, and Reflection in the Storm.
Examples of reviews/beta-reports:
Strengths/Weaknesses: I’m well versed with physics and human psychology, plus I know a fair bit when it comes to adding long, detailed descriptions. Sci-Fi is my forte and I know how to make scientific arguments sound authentic to laymen. I usually work well when I try not to disappoint so clients can expect beta-reports from one to two weeks after submission. It might take longer due to real-life, but I’m fairly confident I can manage. Grammar is also one other thing that I can help with apart from helping clients with making their sentence structure flow better(most of the times at least.).

My weaknesses on the other hand, revolve around procrastination, work, and study, but I’ll limit it in this case so don’t worry. Apart from that, I’m human and tend to make the occasional mistake.
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Havisham
"Break his heart, Estella. Break
his heart..." - Cutlerine
---

.F a n f i c t i o N.
The Promise I Made to You

SWC 2012 Second Place

Last edited by Mizan de la Plume Kuro; March 26th, 2010 at 10:58 AM.
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  #16    
Old March 27th, 2010, 01:57 AM
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bobandbill
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Age: 23
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Nature: Jolly
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Editing stuff is being stupid for me atm, but Mizan, approved for Grammar/Language Beta reader, and Proof Reader. =)
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  #17    
Old March 28th, 2010, 12:04 AM
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KajiVenator
The Flame Huntzman
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Harbor City, California
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Modest
Title of Story: Instance Decision
Fandom:
Pokémon
Plot summary: We follow our young hero, Mitch as he travels through time to fight a team bent on taking over the Pokémon world with the power of the gods.
Genre: Adventure/Other (Perhaps more. I'll have to think about possible genres more.)
Rating:
PG/Mature
Type of mentor needed: Grammar, Plot
Writing sample of story:
Spoiler:


Prologue

"A stormy night in the Johto region. Quite fitting for what we have planned, eh boss?"

"How are the generators holding foreman?"

The foreman glanced at the giant computer screen. "There is no damage to report, sir. The generators are maintaining full power. Taking the plates away from that creature has prevented it from doing any damage the generators, as well as taken away it's ability to fight back."

"Goooood. Make sure to set them on automatic before we go looking for that creature of the forest. We'll need every single man on the job to have a chance of finding it."

"Yes sir," grinned the foreman as he hit a small button on the carbon keyboard that lay on top his desk.

The one in charge looked past the foreman at the gigantic conglomerate of computer screens on the wall opposite. Perhaps there were thousands of screens. He could not remember the exact amount. But he did know that over half of the screens formed a picture of a stunning white creature laying on its side in his test chamber, the rest of the monitors displaying its vitals and such.

Any second now, he thought.

He watched on with glee as a lightning bolt emanated from the test chamber's wall and struck the creature. The vital readings on the screens jumped. He heard it cry out in pain. He thought nothing of it. A small sacrifice to achieve his lifelong goal.

Not far away, a young boy awoke with a jolt, sweat running down his brow. He knew it was a dream, but the pain he had felt, it seemed so real.


Other: I am a seventeen year-old near-graduate of High School. This is not my first attempt at writing a story but will be my first attempt at writing a FF for the public here at PC. I tend to double-check my work after reading it, expanding on my wording and reviewing grammar so there should be few problems but I still require a Beta-Reader to double-check my double-checked/re-written work. I hope to expand the story to include all four mainland regions of the games, starting off with Johto, then Hoenn followed by Sinnoh and Kanto but, if I feel I cannot hope to expand the story to fill that many arcs, I will settle for a complete Johto arc. I want to write this FF to expand my writing skills and challenge myself. I may take breaks every now and then to complete assignments for school but will try to further the story whenever possible.
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  #18    
Old March 29th, 2010, 05:48 AM
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bobandbill
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
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Added, and added mizan too and all to the list now. Don't forget to tell me if you find a bta reader/client or ned to update something, etc.
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  #19    
Old March 31st, 2010, 04:15 PM
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Azurne
The Local Trickster
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Nature: Bold
Do I really have to fill another one of these out if I'm already accepted at Serebii? *whine/cry*


Category: Comprehensive / Character
Genre: Adventure, Fantasy, Horror
Preferred method of contact: PM
Examples of writing:

(Snippets taken from my story on Serebii and two work-in-progress stories that have never been posted).

The Golden Dusk and Silver Dawn-
Spoiler:
Keera dried her tears quickly, and breathed in deeply. She sat on the edge of the bank, looking across the lake that led to the Indigo Plateau. The night had been crystal clear, almost perfect. The moon was full, and shone brightly over the lake, reflecting brightly in the water. The shadowed trees lined the bank, and the once-brightly colorful flowers now were obscured by the color of night.

Keera heard a twin snap behind her, and turned to see her mother sitting next to her, surprisingly.

“Mother? What are you doing here?” she asked dumbly. Her mother flattened out the wrinkles on her dress, and gazed at Keera warmly.

“Does a mother need a reason to see her daughter?” Keera smiled and shook her head.

“I guess not.”

The two sat in silence, with Keera gazing of into the distance, deep in thought.

That boy, Alek, was leaving on his journey. How he painfully reminded her of herself back when she was a child, receiving her first Pokemon as well. Keera could still remember that amazing moment, all its ecstasy intact. She'd remembered her first Pokemon, as bright as the moon was now, and his hot flames that had scorched her hand when she'd tried to touch him by accident. She remembered his quiet little cries, and his quirky personality that complimented hers to a T.

She hung her head, and buried her nose in the crook of her arm.

That was all gone now.

This was the present.



“You know... I think you should go.”

Her mother's voice broke into her thoughts, and Keera turned to look at her, one eyebrow raised.

“You should follow that boy... Alek, I think was his name... It'll do you some good. You seem so much happier while traveling, and not in one place. Such a nice boy too, he could use some advice.”

“Mother...” Keera trailed, seeing the tears forming in her mother's eyes. Her mother waved Keera's concerned notion off with her hand.


“You are still my daughter, no matter what happened out there while you were away on your journey, you know,” she said. Keera's face softened.

“Thanks mother, but didn't you... didn't you hear anything about me though?” Her mother turned away, faced writhed with pain.

“I... had heard stories... cruel stories, but I didn't want to believe them. Surely my daughter, my little Keera, would never do such a thing, and for a while I denied them, instead I focused on the daily life here in New Bark. But when I heard... when I heard that you....you...”

Keera looked down, shamefully.

“I'm sorry mom.”

“W-what?”

“I'm sorry. For putting you through all this. You don't deserve it.”

“Please, just promise me this time you won't do it again, and you'll help the boy become something great. I don't know what it is, but something tells me he'll need you.”

“I promise, mother, I promise,” Keera replied. Her mother smiled weakly.

“What will it take to get you to call me 'mommy' again like you use to, huh? No more of this formal 'mother' stuff, got it?” Keera laughed.

“How about 'mom', and we leave it at that?” Her mother smiled, and put an arm around Keera in agreement. The two gazed silently across the moonlit lake, with Keera's mind made up.

She'll follow Alek.


... If only to make sure he didn't repeat the same mistakes she made.


Grounded-
Spoiler:
“I’m sorry, it could be any day now,” Nurse Joy said, eyes downcast to the invisible ground in front of her, not visible on the tiny square box of a screen the old and frail lady was watching. “His heart is barely holding up, and I’m afraid his lungs will collapse at a moment’s notice. I’ve done everything I can to prevent him from getting sicker, but he’s just not holding up as he should.”

The old lady nodded silently, still holding the cold plastic phone to her ear.

“The infection shows no sign of slowing down either, does it?” She asked, croaking the words out as best she could. Nurse Joy shook her head.

Elizabeth Bennet sighed, and looked out the window of her quiet cottage home in Cianwood city. The summer house had belonged to her deceased husband’s family for generations, and was the chosen vacation spot for her Granddaughter’s going away party. Peaceful and scenic, the little cottage sat alone on the barren beach overlooking the treacherous sea. The waves could be heard roughly colliding on the rocks dotting the shore, and then receding back into the deep blue with the sizzling of salt water. Salted air wafted in and out of the cottage; the open windows inviting the gentle breeze and an expansive look at the hazy blue horizon.

Somewhere over that horizon, she knew her partner was dying.

She turned back to Nurse Joy with shallow blue eyes. “I shall make my return swiftly then. Please make him as comfortable as possible. Oh, and thank you, Joy. You’ve done everything you can.”

Nurse Joy, still looking distressed, nodded in understanding. “I-I’m sorry I couldn’t do more to help him-“

“Joy,” Elizabeth smiled, “You did what you could. Your mother would be proud.”

Joy smiled sadly in return. “Thank you, I’m sure my mother would have helped if she could have, like the last time. I’ll make sure he has everything he needs.”

With that, the two of them said their good-byes, and with her one flesh and blood arm, Elizabeth set the phone back on the cradle. Her prosthetic lingered idly by her side, awaiting use as it had the day she lost her real arm, but admittedly Elizabeth didn’t like to use it much. At the time, she had needed it to continue her work, but now it just became a symbol of how old and fragile she was becoming. She found herself constantly needing it, as her muscles deteriorated with her pale wrinkled skin. Aging was indeed a curse, she thought. Sadly, it was one they all had to take, human or Pokémon.

“Mom?”

Elizabeth turned to the familiar voice of her daughter Emma, fire-y orange hair the same identical shade as Elizabeth’s once was, holding a pile of dirty dishes from the cake and ice cream they had earlier. Outside, Elizabeth could hear the cries and laughter of her two grandchildren playing in the dark sand from the beach. Elizabeth smiled and shook her head slowly.

“I must return quickly, by tomorrow afternoon at the latest. Yaksha’s condition has worsened. You stay here with the children and let them finish their last real vacation together. I’ll return by myself.”

Emma cast a worried glance at Elizabeth before setting the dishes into the kitchen sink.

“Jake and Natalie loved Yaksha too though mom. They should know, and I’m sure they’ll want to see him before he goes. Plus, air fares these days are outrageous, and it’ll be cheaper if we fly back to New Bark together.”

Elizabeth frowned as she made her way across the kitchen to the glass sliding door. Off into the distance, she could see grey rain clouds moving in from the east, doomed to reach the shores of the cottage by nightfall, and pour through the day tomorrow.

“You don’t think Natalie will be disappointed if we leave so soon? She loves this place.”

Emma laughed her sugary laugh and continued to wash the dishes. “Mom, she’s going on her first journey. She can visit whenever she likes, and Jake will leave if she decides to go as well.”

Elizabeth smiled, wondering how Emma actually intended to separate the two siblings in time for Natalie’s departure. Six year old Jake was nearly physically attached to his older sister, albeit he slowly understood it was time for her to leave, like all children once they had reached the age of 10.

Like all children…

Elizabeth turned to the table next to her, where her old-fashioned purse sat overflowing with randomosities and nonessential things that had been stuck in it. She reached a thin arm in and withdrew an old black and white photo from her wallet. It was frayed around the edges, but it was still clear and whole, though maybe a bit bent and worn. In it depicted a very familiar shadow of herself, young and spry, wild hair held back in a low ponytail, crimson scarf wrapped around her neck and goggles sitting atop her head as always when they weren’t in use. Standing next to her, holding himself high with pride and nearly doubling her size was a Pidgeot, her first ever partner and prized friend.

Yaksha…


A Child in the Ice-
Spoiler:
I smiled from behind my waxing eyes, watching her tiny bundled form shifting in and out of focus, being carried off by police and handed to a doctor. I knew now she’d be okay.

And I couldn’t help but feel glad, even though I could feel life slowly inking its way out of me. I was glad that I had accomplished something, and saved her, against all the odds. And in the process, I overcame some of my own hardships. I proved I could handle this wretched frozen hell, and take whatever Mother Nature threw at me. I was strong, and I didn’t need a trainer to tell me. My heart, once a wasteland of indifference and apathy, was now warm with compassion and sympathy for others. No moment in my life had ever felt so great as this. Yet here it was, at my death bed.

More shouting was heard, and this time I knew they were for me, as they suddenly got urgent and started shouting in my direction. Many footsteps were heard flying against the packed snow, and the voices grew steadily louder, but then waned again, cutting in and out. Someone called for a Nurse Joy, and another called for bandages and another, a blanket.


But, you know, for all the things I’ve been through, I suddenly found myself not caring whether or not they made it to me. Life is one big system after all, and when one life dies, another is born.


The voices were very close, and I could hear them slowing down as they neared the lakeside edge.



I didn’t manage to open my eyes enough to see, but I heard the roar of a truck with chains on its tires, hauling off away into the distance. Inside it, my heart told me the little girl had made it. She would be in front of a heater soon, hospitalized and receiving lots of human treatment. She would get all the cookies and hot cocoa she could ever want, and she would go home with relatives. She would get another chance at life, for better or for worse.

One man stopped and leaned over me, and reached out his hand tentatively, before a startling snap! And simultaneous crack! Were heard on the ice.

In a moment of bliss and climatic hysteria, the ice on the lake shattered into a thousand pieces, and with it, dumped my limp body into the water. I slid off of it like a soap bar would on a wet surface, and I plummeted into the freezing sub-zero water.

Finally, after one last good try, I managed to open my eyes.

I saw the shape of the man who had leaned over to rescue me, his shadow dancing and rippling in the water, looking down on me. Bubbles from the escaping air in my fur and my lungs popped up all around me, and I could see him moving far, far away as I sunk deep to the depths of the lake bed.

The man was joined briefly by two others, who tried to stick their hands in the water to see if they could save me.

But there was no need for them to worry, or try to save me. The light from the surface blurred with the water’s murkiness, and soon I could not distinguish shadow from light. The pain had subsided, and I felt at peace. I closed my eyes, and let the icy water fill my lungs, my ears, and claim my body.


Yes, no need to worry.

I sank deeper and deeper, back legs first into the darkness, smiling. For I knew that no matter what happened now, I could die knowing I did a good deed. One was all I needed to feel truly happy.

A Gyarados then splashed into the water with a bright light, swimming with all his might to me, desperate.

But, I knew there was no need or reason for him to try, as the darkness had completely embraced me and engulfed me in its melancholy solitude. It was comforting, and yet a tiny bit sad all at the same time. I had wanted to live like anyone else, but circumstances called for my death.

I sank deeper and deeper, legs and paws numb, face now completely frozen, shivering spasms in my body now slowing.

Yes, deeper, deeper, and deeper, as the shadows shifted all around me, calling me to dance with them one final time.

My mind gave way to random and insane thoughts. Thoughts about nothing, thoughts about everything, and thoughts about sleep. I'd been wanting much of it during this journey, and now I can get as much as I want...


Finally, in the midst of my sweet insanity, the bottom.


Gyarados had thrown himself into the deep depths of which I had sunk, determination in his eyes worthy of many legends and fables.


But, determination and all, by the time he reached me and pulled me to the glorious surface…






I was dead.




EDIT: Added a second one, since I realized my Serebii fic is kinda old.
Examples of reviews/beta-reports: (See attached documents)




Chapter one-1.doc

Chapter two-1.doc

I also have reviews on Serebii, but apparently I'm not allowed to link anything until I get off my lazy butt and post more. My user name is . IC Ghost . should you really like to go looking for them, however.

Strengths/weaknesses (optional): I am a person, and I am not perfect. I do miss things occasionally, so no promises of epic flawlessness. I am always honest about what I am doing, and if I think you're story is going to be a bore, I'll probably tell you. I am as prompt and quick as I can be, so the wait time to get a chapter back (assuming it was ten pages or less) is a week at maximum. Usually I'll have it back to you within three days however.


Feel free to reject me simply because I'm not active enough here, I just thought I'd try to lend a helping hand wherever I can.
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Last edited by Azurne; March 31st, 2010 at 04:42 PM.
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  #20    
Old April 2nd, 2010, 06:44 PM
bobandbill's Avatar
bobandbill
Wahahahaha!
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
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Approved for both places, Azurne. =) First post updated and all that jazz.
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  #21    
Old April 9th, 2010, 04:06 AM
Yusshin's Avatar
Yusshin
♪ Yggdrasil ♪
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Quebec, Canada
Age: 22
Nature: Brave
Category: Comprehensive; Language; Grammar; Proof-Reading
Genre: Original Trainer; Adventure; Fantasy
Preferred Method of Contact: VM
Examples of Writing: The examples I'm going to provide that are from when I was twelve are not proof-read and up-to-date, thus there may be some mistakes in grammar and spelling due to my inexperience at the time. My true skill should be based on my most recent fanfic, "The Thieves of Time", and not the older ones. The older ones are provided to show my writing style and my progress / improvement over the years.

Here's an example from a Legend of Zelda fanfic I wrote when I was eleven (approximately seven years ago; I abandoned it):

Spoiler:
In a small tree house in the middle of a forest lived a boy named Link. Link was the New Forest Child in Kokiri Forest; an out-cast among practically all the other elves living in the Village. He often felt lonely and unwanted in the Forest but his friend, Saria, cheered him up whenever he felt like this and now, on a fine Spring day in the Kokiri Forest, he felt absolutely wonderful, even as he slept. But this feeling was suddenly destroyed as he began having confusing and horrifying nightmares, all about a girl, a woman and a dark man on horseback. Like now.

Link shifted around nervously as he slept, dreaming of being outside Kokiri Forest and next to a tall, white-marble wall surrounded by an eerie moat. He was armed with an unknown sword and a Kokiri Wooden Shield, he was still wearing the Kokiri Garments that were given to him by the Great Deku Tree. The green cloth was a little dirty in his dream, his hat was long and fell to his waist although slanted on his light blonde hair, and his blue eyes were flashing from left to right quickly, as if expecting something to happen. His green shirt was tucked into his green kilt roughly, not at all carefully, his dark, brown leather belt with it’s brass buckle hung loose from his waist, across his chest and connected to the front and back of his belt was a brown, leather sash. His worn, brown leather boots were covered in mud and dirt and his sheath, which he didn’t know where it came from either, was tied onto his belt, it’s gold leather stuck out like a sore thumb on his green and brown clothing. Floating around his head was a Fairy flashing blue, light sparkles fell from her body and disappeared into thin air.

Suddenly the drawbridge fell from the wall. Link watched curiously as a white mare wearing a dark blue saddle with the Royal Crest of Hyrule stitched into it raced towards him. He darted out of its way quickly, the horse’s silver hooves just missing his waist. He looked at the horse when he rose from the damp ground and astounded himself at the next sight.

On the horse was a girl, no older then himself, and a woman. The girl had her light blonde hair up in a white a light purple bandanna, her sky-blue eyes were mysterious pools of incredible depth. Her clothes amazed him as he noticed her long, white-silk gown that reached all the way to her ankles. She wore white, silk shoes on her feet but they were almost invisible under her dress as it flew behind her. Below her neck was a gold, elaborately designed necklace that was attached directly to the gown, a large ruby was in its center. The top of her gown was a light purple, short-sleeved shirt with white sleeves rimmed with light purple. Attached to the short-sleeved shirt was wrist-length, light blue sleeves that were puffy just below the short-sleeved shirt's sleeves. A gold belt surrounded her waist, a long, purple pentagon wrapped around the belt connected the pentagon that fell to nearly the end of her gown; it bore the Royal Crest of Hyrule as well. Her bandanna had a mysterious pin on it’s front: a golden, equilateral triangle that was split evenly into three. Link stared in wonder as she sped by, not noticing him at all.

The woman, however did notice him and he noticed how much mascara she had put on when she did. The woman had dark brown eyes and white hair, her face was grim as she looked back into the forward direction. Link shivered, remembering a little of how much mascara some of the Kokiri Children put on, but nothing could match the woman’s amount. She wore black, knee-high boots, neatly polished and practically new, dark purple shoulder pads, a white, short-sleeved shirt, a dark gray belt was around her waist, dark gray gloves covered her hands, dark purple pants and a dark gray neck-warmer around her pale neck.

Link decided that he would check out the town rumored to be inside the wall but a loud snort behind him made him stop. Hesitantly he turned around and stared into the fiery eyes of a black steed. On it was a shadow – the shadow – from all the rest of his nightmares. Link screamed as the man laughed evilly and conjured up a black and purple ball of Dark Magic to toss at Link to destroy him.

Then he woke up.


Another excerpt from a novel I was planning to write when I was twelve (abandoned):

Spoiler:
“Are you sure there’s no wretched humans aloft?” The older man asked in a demanding tone of the driver.

“’Aye, not one be in sight. I can guarantee it.”

“Good. We don’t need anyone witnessing this, or else we’ll be in trouble and placed on posters.” The man glanced at the younger one, probably in his early twenties, and scowled. “Perry! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

The young man, Perry, glanced over from where he was behind a bush. “Ah, just watering the trees, Sir!” He replied nervously, becoming hasty in his actions.

“Well, hurry up! The night waits for no man,” and then with a scornful, bitter intention, he added, “or amateur.”

“Shall I be on me ways?” The driver asked of the older man hopefully, becoming quite edgy due to his fear of the dark.

“No, you’ll stay put until I say move,” he spat crossly. “I’m not paying you for slacking off and scaring away the wolves! I’m paying you to attract the damn things! Now get the bait out and do your job!”

The driver was terrified and appalled of the man now, and jumped off his perch before rushing around into the coach. I watched him pull out the meaty corpse of a hare, some ground beef, a bit of pork and chicken drumsticks, before heading over and spreading it all over the area. Perry had returned by then, and the older man smacked him a good one up the side of his head.

“Damn it Perry! Get your tranquilizer out and hide behind that bush!”

“But Sir! I just wizzed in that bush!”

“I don’t give a damn! Just do what I ask and I won’t start aiming my gun at your head! Do you have that soldier?”

Perry saluted and cried, “Yes Sir! Ready for combat and armed like hell.”


Another from when I was twelve (abandoned):

Spoiler:
Out in the land of Petragon was a mountain range overwhelmed in a forest so vast, it would seem only to be a hill of trees. Due to this unusual growth in the woodland in the area, the mountain range was therefore named ‘the Hills of Trees’, reflecting the surroundings entirely. The Hills of Trees were tall and young, jagged at the top and absorbing the sky in the distance. The woodland, seemingly growing over the mountains, consisted of fir, elm, spruce and oak trees, with a maple tree here or there. There were clearings, but they weren’t visible by air. They were hidden beneath the canopies of the trees. The sun still shone through somehow, though, and created a beautiful woodland floor of trilliums, grass, dandelions, poison ivy, poison oak, daffodils and tulips. Sometimes a geranium could be seen, but those were rare. A stream trickled through the middle of the woodland from down above the mountain range. The water was clear and bold, shining marvelously even at night as if by magic. Travelers called it the Fountain of Youth, but a dweller of the Hills of Trees knew differently.

Thomas Tam, also known as Tom, lived in a small cabin in the center of the woods, just next to the stream. He was only seventeen, but he was independent, strong and an infamous mage. He was a tall boy, easily 5’10”, with short blond hair and the most startling grey eyes anyone would’ve seen in their life. They were huge of depth, mesmerizing and flashy. One glance and you would have trouble looking away, especially if Tom placed a spell on his eyes. His clothes were like those that a regular mage would wear. He wore a long, black robe – black like the middle of a night but bright like the lightning – and a pair of black leather hunter’s gloves and chestnut-brown, leather sandals. In his hands he loved to grip firm a wooden staff nearly as tall as he was with strange markings in its sides. The markings, which looked like nothing to some inexperienced individual, was actual the language of the Ancient Tongue of Mythrador, the first kingdom before King Petragon dominated it near three hundred years earlier. Mythrador was home to the Night Elves, a race of Night Mages who caused pain to others and showed no sympathy. Tom gripped this staff with the black diamond at its top in honour. He was the last of the Night Elves – last of the race of Mythrador and the only person on Earth to comprehend and write the Ancient Tongue of Mythrador. His status as a Night Elf was not welcome anywhere in Petragon, and just for his race, he was hunted and shoved into isolation in the Hills of Trees.

That day was a cold one, but Tom liked the cold. He gripped his staff firm as he left his house and stepped into the damp mist. The ground was soggy beneath his feet as he approached the Fountain of Youth known to people but unseen to anyone without a touch of Elf blood in them. Fools, Tom thought stubbornly, staring at the water sharply. This is no Fountain of Youth. This is something much more.

Tom watched the water for a moment before moving upstream. He wasn’t expecting anyone to come along. No, not at all, for this woodland was dangerous, for it was home to wolves, bears and large rodents. Tom needn’t worry though – his magic could ensure his safety if he used it appropriately, and if any Dark Creatures came along, he could easily destroy or befriend them. Yet, as he walked along the stream, unaware of the world through his closed eyes and guided steps, he felt the presence of something eerie. When he opened his eyes, his gaze caught that of a pair of travelers, one male and one female, examining the water.


A more recent one, here's an excerpt from my Pokemon fanfiction "The Thieves of Time"; I'm a bit rusty, but I've improved since the LoZ fanfic (you can find the topic itself here):

Spoiler:
As we approached, the form of a small rowboat became more and more recognizable. I looked at Rinslet with a startled expression before saying:

“Where did you get this?”

“A while ago, I found it drifting at sea,” she explained excitedly. “There was no one in it; I just assumed that it got detached from the mainland harbour and floated over here.” She was grinning like a child who had just received an unexpected gift from someone.

“That seems highly unlikely.”

“Who cares? We have it, don't we?”

I frowned. Technically she was right, but I still wasn't too convinced on the matter.

Rinslet, however, was more than reassured. She was confident. Before I could object, she had already climbed into the boat and was seated in it with skitty. Skitty began to meow in fear; the girl quickly silenced it, though, with pets that stroked from her nose to her back.

“See? It's stable, too. I'm sure you can use it, Shin.”

I frowned before reluctantly placing Khail into the boat. It sat up on one of the benches and stared into the water. It then whimpered, as if its own reflection had frightened it, and began to cower beneath the bench. I hoisted myself up, drenched from waist down, into the boat and sat on the bench opposite Rinslet, almost capsizing the boat in the process. As I looked around and tested the boat's buoyancy, Rinslet addressed me.

“Well?” was the impatient word that followed.

“It seems stable,” I admitted, fiddling with one of the paddles, “but I don't know. I'd love to be able to row to shore and escape this heathen place, but the onshore surveillance is hefty during this time. If we ever were to have any chance whatsoever of escaping successfully, we would have to...” I paused and shook my head, my black hair glistening from the collection of moisture due to fog. “We'd have to depart at night, and that's too dangerous. I wouldn't make it to shore.”

“I have faith in you, Shin.”

“Sometimes faith isn't enough.”


Examples of Reviews/Beta-Reports:

Silawen's "Caught in the Moment"


Nick815's "Shadows of Johto"
Spoiler:


darkpokeball's "The Return"
Spoiler:


Background: I'm a perfectionist; I wrote two complete novels before the age of thirteen, one which spanned 150 pages (normal margins; Times New Romans; Font Size 12). I won the Royal Canadian Legion English Proficiency Award of 2006 when I graduated from elementary school; I also won the Oustanding Achievement in English Excellence Award. As for grades, I'm a gifted student in languages who acts like a sponge with literature information. My marks in every subject, other than mathematics and physical education, average 80-95% without studying. Languages and writing is my passion, and I plan to make a career out of it.

Strengths&Weaknesses (Optional): Grammar, spelling, and context are big things for me. I can spot fragments and the misuse of a semi-colon instantly. I'm also a walking dictionary so generally, the misuse or the uncommon use of a word will be caught immediately, as in the example of "appreciate" in Silawen's fanfic. I'm a pretty rounded individual; when it comes to literature, I have reached a level where faults are rare and are committed 99% of the time by inattention. As well, I understand the concept of personal style in writing and I try not to impede on another's creativity.
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Last edited by Yusshin; April 9th, 2010 at 04:50 AM.
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Old April 9th, 2010, 06:57 AM
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Yusshin - approved for Language, Grammar and Proof-Reading, but not for Comprehensive as the reviews supplied didn't really show enough of you reviewing other aspects of the stories such as characters and plot. (But if you want you can go for it later with other reviews that show those parts as well).
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Old April 10th, 2010, 01:51 PM
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Can I make a suggestion / edit?

I plan to edit this journal everytime I make a new review. It might be more organized and beneficial for people to click this simple link: http://yusshin.livejournal.com/333.html and see all my reviews at once, and not just two or three. Can you put that link in as a replacement to the Review examples..?
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Old April 10th, 2010, 06:58 PM
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Updated.

(Good thing I reserved 3 posts, already onto the 2nd one).
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Old April 19th, 2010, 06:47 AM
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Title of Story: Pokémon Adventures
Fandom: Pokémon
Plot summary: There isn't really much of a plot, as it's mostly about my character and her being Giovanni's daughter and Silver's sister and being a PaulxOC fic.
Genre: Romance/Adventure
Rating (PG, R, etc): PG15
Type of mentor needed: I need a grammer checker, spelling checker, and someone to help me get the anime/manga characters in character. Also, I'd like an ideaist, someone to give me ideas for my story.
Writing sample of story:

From Kairi's Journal
Today, is my 12th birthday. Two years ago on my 10th birthday, I had begged my mom to let me go on a Pokémon training journey, like she had done, at that age, but seeing as how I didn't take very good care of Glameow back then, she refused to let me go. But, today on my 12th birthday, she finally gave in and decided to let me go.

What a shocker that was. Now maybe I can look for my father, who I don't even know anything about. He disappeared when I was a baby. Do, I have any other family besides my mother? Well, I don't know. Mom hates mentioning them.

Anyway, I start my journey tomorrow. I can't wait. My mom wanameow back then, she refused to let me go. But, today on my 12th birthday, she finally gave in and decided to let me go.

What a shocker that was. Now maybe I can look for my father, who I don't even know anything about. He disappeared when I was a baby. Do, I have any other family besides my mother? Well, I don't know. Mom hates mentioning them.

Anyway, I start my journey tomorrow. I can't wait. My mom wants me to be a Coordinator like her, but I wanted to be a Trainer, so to make her happy I will be both, if I can do both at one time. Anyway, I have already decided to choose Squirtle, as my starter. It's so cute! Anyway, see ya, Professor Oak's lector is getting ready to come on TV. He will be talking about the starting Pokémon he's giving away tomorrow.

Other: I might not write very often. It's hard to think of ideas.

Edit: Mizan de la Plume Kuro has agreed to Beta Read for me.
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Last edited by Konekodemon; April 19th, 2010 at 02:51 PM.
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