The PokéCommunity Forums  

Go Back   The PokéCommunity Forums > Creative Discussions > Fan Fiction and Writing > Fanfiction Archive
Sign Up Rules/FAQ Live Battle Blogs Mark Forums Read

Notices

Fanfiction Archive Finished works are archived here for easy reading.

 
 
Thread Tools
  #1    
Old July 24th, 2010, 09:38 PM
Missingno.7-4468's Avatar
Missingno.7-4468
The Kazuka Party is for curry!
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Nowhere and everywhere at the same time
Gender: Male
Nature: Modest
Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Missingno.7-4468
Rated PG-13 for just the fact I really don't know what else to rate it

Anyway, as the title says, this is a one-shot, and if you can't tell by the title, it is slightly based on, but mostly just inspired by, the song "Strawberry Fields Forever" by the Beatles. I would hate to spoil anything about it, so without further ado...

(Quick note(So a little ado...): it is pretty short, but it was inspired by a song, and I felt like showing this somewhere. So I thought I could get some good comments here)

((even more ado...)If there is anything wrong with this thread, please tell me. I read the rules here, but I commonly misunderstand things/don't see things )

Strawberry Fields

This world is too prefect, was the thought running through the young boy's mind as he had lain down on the grassy hill overlooking the sea. This had been all he had known, or at least, he thought it was all he had known. For some reason, there seemed to be certain things in his memories that he could not recognize. He thought back to those memories, they seemed like a darkness - not a darkness like you would expect during night or when in a small room, but more like a mental darkness, a complete separation from the world.

There was also that twinge that came with the darkness. It was something the young boy truly could not recognize. It seemed to feel like pain, but it was different than the times that he had perchance fallen and scraped his knee. It was much deeper than that, and he did not have an explanation for it.

Forgetting about these memories, he stood up from his position on the grass and ran back towards the field the was behind him when he had lain down, if only to race himself, as he always did when running back. As he was running, he noticed that up in the sky seemed to be clouds off a different color. Instead of their usual, bright white, they were a dark gray.

He put it off as he continued running - he did not have anything to worry about, to the point that he did not know what worrying even was. He stopped running as he reached a field of bright red strawberries, they always seemed to come back, no matter how many he took. Every time he looked back, it seemed like there were even more strawberries. He picked one and bit into it, the juice running down from his mouth.

If there was one thing bad, it was that the boy was very lonely. All the time he had been here, he was the only person he had ever even seen. He did not even know if he could really know how to react to a person if he met one.

There was not much where he was - he had explored the entirety of the island, and found it to be deserted by all but him. It was somewhat large for an island, though it was small enough to explore within a few days. There were hills, beaches, and forests, but the boy's favorite place to be was here in the field of strawberries. As far as he knew, he could be here forever, and he hoped that he would.

Suddenly, a large light came from somewhere on the opposite side of the mountain, followed very shortly by a large crackling sound. He ducked his head in fear and made a welping sound. This is something that had never happened here before, he didn't know what to do. There were more flashes and more cracks, then water started falling from the sky in little drops. The boy thought the sky was being replaced with the sea or other such nonsense.

Then a strange feeling came over him. He felt as if he was getting suspended in water. He was too scared to open his eyes, as the crashes were coming from all around him. Behind the flashes, he heard a strange sound, it was almost like a voice, but so different from his own.

"Malfunction," it said, slightly quieter than the claps and booms that still sounded, "simulation program sh-sh-sh-shutting d-d-down."

Suddenly, the crashes stopped, and a strange quiet ensued, with a strange bubbling sound occasionally being heard by the boy. He opened his eyes to find that he was in a strange pink liquid, with a mask on his face connected to a tube. He began to struggle, noticing the plate on his chest with strange things attached to it. He flailed about more, when suddenly the bottom of whatever he was in gave away, and he was on the ground.

He looked around, his mouth agape in wonder. All around him were things he could not explain. Clear tubes of some kind or another, some with liquid in them, some empty and broken. In other areas there were hideous sights, all black, with a strange, small, bright white light coming from certain points.

As he was looking around, he noticed a piece of glass, and in it was his reflection. Something seemed very strange about the way he looked, so he went closer to the glass, he gasped in shock. His face was very wrinkled, his hair was longer, and had a gray hue to it.

Then the memories hit.

Almost like a sudden breaker amidst the clam waves, images went through his mind. He remembered when he was only ten years old, his parents brought him here.

But why? he wondered, unable to remember everything about his past. He looked up for a moment to see a hole inside the building he was in, which left him gazing into what would be the night sky if it had not been completely shrouded by clouds. Finding a door over the mess, he went outside to a horrid sight.

Everything had been completely destroyed. Buildings were leveled, roads were ripped apart, cars were totaled.

Then he remembered everything.

His parents had brought him here to escape from a nuclear war. At the time, he was too young to understand. The man who had lived here was a scientist studying ways to create a virtual paradise - even taking vacations without actually going anywhere. The tubes of liquid were prototypes, but his parents begged the scientist to put the boy inside.

And that was all he could remember. Anything beyond that was the island with the field of strawberries. How long had he been in that tube? The war must have completely played out, killing all strands of humanity. What was he supposed to do?

He fell to his knees and began to cry. He was all that was left. There was no hope. Then, he completely collapsed, and stopped breathing.


A boy could be seen eating strawberries from a field on a small island, alone, and it could stay like that forever.
__________________

^ This one is 500 px long for sure

Last edited by Missingno.7-4468; July 26th, 2010 at 09:11 PM. Reason: Holy crap red typo lines are effing hard to see >_>
  #2    
Old July 26th, 2010, 01:04 PM
POKEMON_MASTER_0's Avatar
POKEMON_MASTER_0
Above & Beyond
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Seattle area
Age: 22
Gender: Male
First, I'll just point out some corrections:

Quote:
As he was running, he noticed that up in the sky seemed to be clouds off a different color.
"Off" should be "of."

Quote:
they always seemed to come bak, no matter how many he took.
"bak" should be "back."


As for the story itself, when I read the first line, I knew right away that the main character was in some sort of virtual-reality deal. When one talks about a world being too perfect, virtual reality is the first thing that springs into my mind. I'm not saying that this is negative or positive. All I'm pointing out is that I knew what it was about right off the bat, and I'm not sure whether or not you intended to tip off your readers so early.

The other detail that caught my attention was that the main character's death seems a bit sudden. All in one line, he stops breathing, collapses, and dies. This guy is the last human being on Earth, and he suddenly dies without any warning.

All that being said, I like the story. It's scary in a good way. The boy withdraws from the world so he is not exposed to death. In the process, however, he becomes a lonely old man, and ends up dying anyways. In this same sense, we could escape our own pain by locking ourselves up in our own houses. However, we would eventually grow old, get lonely, and die like everyone else. It's more healthy to go out into the world and experience both pain, and happiness, than to cut ourselves off from the pain, only to suffer from isolation.
__________________
  #3    
Old July 26th, 2010, 09:09 PM
Missingno.7-4468's Avatar
Missingno.7-4468
The Kazuka Party is for curry!
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Nowhere and everywhere at the same time
Gender: Male
Nature: Modest
Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Missingno.7-4468
I fixed those typos before I finished the story, but the document didn't save (And I write everything on Notepad, since I don't have a better word processor on my computer)

Anyway, the reason he dies is mostly because of the fact that he's really old, and that he was just so surprised.(Not to mention that after a huge enough war to destroy the world, there'd probably be all sorts of nasty stuff in the air(Something I just thought of now TBH...))

So yeah, I'll fix those despicable typos
__________________

^ This one is 500 px long for sure

Last edited by Missingno.7-4468; July 26th, 2010 at 09:09 PM. Reason: Damn typos! >_>
  #4    
Old July 26th, 2010, 09:29 PM
Narcissus Secret's Avatar
Narcissus Secret
Donator Tier 2
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Mm.. I forget.
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Nature: Bold
Send a message via Skype™ to Narcissus Secret
For a better writing program, try OpenOffice. It is free, and works more or less the same as the ever so popular Word.
__________________
The Script is the ****!
 
Quick Reply

Sponsored Links
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Minimum Characters Per Post: 25



All times are UTC -8. The time now is 07:06 PM.


Style by Nymphadora, artwork by Sa-Dui.
Like our Facebook Page Follow us on Twitter © 2002 - 2014 The PokéCommunity™, pokecommunity.com.
Pokémon characters and images belong to The Pokémon Company International and Nintendo. This website is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Nintendo, Creatures, GAMEFREAK, The Pokémon Company or The Pokémon Company International. We just love Pokémon.
All forum styles, their images (unless noted otherwise) and site designs are © 2002 - 2014 The PokéCommunity / PokéCommunity.com.
PokéCommunity™ is a trademark of The PokéCommunity. All rights reserved. Sponsor advertisements do not imply our endorsement of that product or service. User generated content remains the property of its creator.