The PokéCommunity Forums  

Go Back   The PokéCommunity Forums > Creative Discussions > Fan Fiction and Writing
Sign Up Rules/FAQ Live Battle Blogs Mark Forums Read

Notices

Fan Fiction and Writing Submit your stories and poems.

View Poll Results: How's the story?
AWESOME! :D 1 14.29%
Great 2 28.57%
Not Bad! 2 28.57%
so-so 2 28.57%
Very, awfully Terra-bad 0 0%
Voters: 7. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1    
Old April 27th, 2011, 10:33 PM
Aura.Lucario's Avatar
Aura.Lucario
The Rivers will run red....
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: A Place that's not my cup of tea
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Send a message via Yahoo to Aura.Lucario
This is a story of a Lucario that has lost all his memory. Please give me feedback, people Please don't go away and just read this thing already xD

I DO NOT OWN POKEMON



A Brief introduction of Lucifer
Spoiler:
This is my first Pokemon-Related Fan Fiction, people, so please, bear with me! And please comment! before we start please note that the main character, Lucifer is an RP character I've been using in the RP Corner. And this is his appearance in brief. AND LUCARIO AIN'T OVERRATED

Instead of blue being his basic colour, his fur is dark grey. His torso is white instead of yellow. His red eyes are rather big, and they're a little larger than other Lucario eyes. His eyes will glow when he channels his aura. His four black appendages behind his ears are a little longer than average and his spikes on his wrists are taller and pointier. When he generates an Aura Sphere, the sphere is blood-red instead of blue and when he wields a bone with bone rush, the bone is glowing yellow. A pic (simple recolouring, sorry, no time) is located down there so you can get the concept of his colour.

<- Lucifer







Memory Retrieval (old nam
e: ...Escape)

Setting - Sinnoh region, minus the humans.


***

PROLOGUE

Lucifer’s eyes opened slowly as he stretched his arms, looking at the white ceiling above. Lucifer frowned, confused, as his house didn’t have any white ceilings, or did it? He couldn't really remember. Remembering that there weren’t any white ceilings in his house, he quickly sat up and looked around. He saw medics - Blisseys and Chanseys walking around frantically outside the corridor, holding notes and reports in their hands. He shivered as they were all wearing long, white cloaks with lots of pockets on them. If memory served him right, doctors wear those...he gulped.

He was in a hospital.

He looked at his paws, then checked his spikes and moved his legs. Everything looked normal. He concentrated, and his fists glowed, with a reddish-purple Aura surrounding it like a fire. His Aura abilities were fully functioning, no doubt. He scratched his head, then touched his four black appendages located behind his ears. They were still ticklish, and they weren’t falling off his head, so everything was rather fine. Then Lucifer did something rather stupid - he slapped himself with his right paw. Lucifer shouted in pain, quickly regretting it. At least he could still feel pain, but he wondered if that was actually a good thing.

He was in his own room, and next to him were various equipments, high-tech and low-tech, but he wasn’t attached to any of them.

So why am I here?

Lucifer was going to get off the bed, but just then a Blissey, female, walked in, and she stopped right next to him, staring at him with her big, stalkish eyes that made Lucifer shiver.

“And you are...Lucifer?” the Blissey asked, frowning as she poked him with the board, “You have a rather strange colour.”

“Yes, and that is pretty obvious,” Lucifer rolled his eyes and waiting for her to say something else, “What’s wrong with me, doc?”

“First,” Blissey held up her hand, stopping him, “When you were sent here, you didn’t give us your last name, or the one who’ve sent you didn’t give us your last name. We don’t have your it so please tell me your last name first so I can register your ID.” Blissey said seriously, nodding from time to time.

“Last name?” Lucifer yawned, and played with his paws like a cat, “That’s easy. It’s...it’s...” Lucifer scratched his head again, then hitting it, “It’s...it’s...”

“Well?”

“It’s...it’s...uh...” Lucifer tilted his head and frowned.

Oh good grief, now I see the problem...


CHAPTER ONE

“I-I don’t remember...” Lucifer admitted, shaking his head, “What happened?”

At first Blissey frowned and thought that he was faking it, so she placed her hand on his forehead and waited. Blissey could tell that he wasn’t faking it and frowned, arms crossed.

‘Well you have amnesia,” Blissey hissed, impatiently “And I can’t ask you anything until your memory comes back to you.”

Lucifer lied down again, his head buried into the pillow. He couldn’t remember a thing, he didn’t even know his last name. His past? All gone, hidden somewhere in his Lucario brain. He snorted in frustration, and pounded the pillow with his paw.

“Let me see him!” a familiar voice came from outside, and it echoed in the corridor. Lucifer was sure he knew the voice, but it didn’t really ring a bell...suddenly a Kirlia, with a bluish purple eye barged into the room, pushing the Blissey away as she stood next to him, looking at him with concerned eyes. Who did she think she was? Her other eye was blocked by her hair, so he couldn’t see it.

“Uh-” Lucifer raised his paw, attempting to ask her a question, but then she interrupted.

“How are you feeling?” the Kirlia placed her hand on his forehead like Blissey did, but more softly and gently, “You okay?”

Lucifer’s eyes widened when she did that. Were they friends? Good friends? He didn’t know. He had no idea, so he pushed her hand away softly, “You are...?”
Lucifer expected a proper answer, but to his surprised she laughed a little.

“Nice one, Lucifer,” she smiled, rolling her eyes, “Okay now seriously, you feeling better?”

Lucifer stared at her blankly, blinking again and again in confusion, and the Kirlia was getting a little worried there. Lucifer was acting like he didn’t know her, and the Kirlia didn’t want him to play in a situation like this. She was about to ask him again, but Lucifer was staring at her so blankly she wondered if he was playing or not.

“...It’s me...Xandra...” Xandra the Kirlia poked him, shaking him softly, “Stop fooling around, you’re making me worried...”

“...I don’t think I know you...” Lucifer backed off, climbing to the farther side of the bed, “...Xandra.”

Xandra gasped and stomped her feet. She shot him a glance that meant, “How can you say that to me?!” and stared at him with angry eyes, her blue one glowing a little as she did. She thought that this was some kind of a joke and growled, her hands high up in the air. She was going to slap him, but she didn’t. Someone she could see that something was wrong with Lucifer, so she stormed out of the room again like she was on fire.

“What was that all about...” Lucifer sighed, “What’s happening?! And who is she...? Judging on her attitude she sounded like my...”

mate.

Lucifer took a deep breath, “Okay, so right now there’s only one thing I can do...”

Xandra walked to the other side of the hospital and gave herself a large face-palm. It was quieter here so she could think properly without any interruptions. First off all, Lucifer had amnesia, and she didn’t know if he was faking it or not. Second, having amnesia meant he had forgotten everything...all the good moments they had together...Xandra sighed when she thought of that. Thirdly, who sent him here? If he had amnesia, he couldn’t walk into the hospital like that. Something strange was happening here.

Xandra walked towards the soda vending machine at the end of the silent corridor and bought a sprite, then drank it down in two large gulps. She was thirsty and hungry when she was nervous or worried. Just then two Blisseys pushed a dead body out of a room next to her, and she nearly jumped. She hated the hospital...she could sense death...death and blood everywhere, and she didn’t really like that.

Xandra decided to visit Lucifer again, and maybe they could talk more peacefully this time. She ran back to Lucifer’s room, but she dropped the can of sprite when she arrived. He was gone.

Lucifer ran out of the hospital, stopping when he reached the exit, panting for breath. Those Chanseys weren’t going to let him go that easily so he had to fight his way out. When he turned, he could see some pink and white ball-like Pokemon running towards him.

“Great now the whole medical team’s after me.” Lucifer wailed and ran outside, scanning the environment. They were in a city, a rather large one, to be exact. He looked to the left and saw a ‘Jubilife’ banner. So he was in the Sinnoh Region...at least he could remember something. But it was rather useless. Why couldn’t he remember something more important...like his first name, his family and what he had been doing before he was sent to the hospital.

That reminded him. He was being chased by a bunch of Blisseys. With one strong jump he hopped onto a tall tree and hid behind the leaves, careful not to make a sound. He held a smile as the doctors ran towards the other direction, and he hopped down when he was sure they were far away.

What now? He didn’t have any cash with him, and he didn’t know where his home was. He was as helpless as an orphan boy, he didn’t know what to do for once. Xandra could tell him more about himself...if she could control her urge of slapping him in the face. But somehow he couldn’t go back like that, he had to go somewhere else.

Lucifer walked towards the center of the city aimlessly and looked around, three hundred and sixty degrees, clockwise, then counter clockwise. The Lotto attracted his attention, but then, he didn’t have an ID, or any money, so he shrugged. He jumped, excited when he saw a Pokemon Center, since the Chansey there had the data of every Pokemon out there.

Anxious, he ran towards the Center as fast as his Lucario feet could take him. He slowed down as the automatic door opened, and the center welcomed him with a cool gust of air-conditioning. Lucifer stopped there, enjoying the breeze but quickly continued since he knew he could enjoy the breeze again after he knew his name.

“Chansey, can you give me a scan?” Lucifer asked kindly, hoping he could get some answers.

After a while, Lucifer exited the scan room and walked back into the lobby, waiting for an answer as he rested his head on his paw.

“Lucifer...am I right?” Chansey glanced at him as she typed rapidly on her keyboard as she analysed the results. Lucifer nodded anxiously as he thought she found something, but he banged his head against the table as she shook her head.
“This is all I have.” Chansey blinked and watched as a piece of paper was printed out, then handed the results to Lucifer. When Lucifer read it he had the sudden urge to blast the Chansey into smithereens.

Name: Lucifer
Age: 16
Birthplace: Sinnoh
Species: Lucario
Gender: Male.
Zodiac: Sagittarius

Well that sucked. A lot. Now he had amnesia AND a bad mood. He stormed out of the Pokemon Center, blasting the glass door into bits as he left. Just then something stung him from behind, and Lucifer turned. It was a piece of paper flying in the air and it landed before his feet. Curious, he picked it up and read it. It was a Pokemon tournament here, in Jubilife stadium. The winner could have 10,000 G and a mysterious prize. Lucifer tried scratching the ‘10,000 G’ because he thought someone had added a zero to the back, but no, it really was 10,000 G.

Since he had nowhere to go, participating might not be such a horrible idea. With a new objective in his mind, he walked into a Colosseum that looked like the Roman Colosseum, and the first thing he noticed was the number of Pokemon sitting there. The whole city was here, cheering for their friends and family. The whole Colosseum was full, and there wasn’t any seats left. To Lucifer’s left, people were queuing up to buy pizza and popcorn, while the competitors were lining up next to him.

Right now, a Weavile was fighting against a Rhydon, the Weavile’s claws slashing his enemy with blinding speed. The Rhydon wasn’t half as strong and fell onto the ground, unconscious.

The crowd roared as the announcer announced the winner of this round, clapping their paws excitedly. Fighting seemed to give them a lot of entertainment...Lucifer also wanted to see if his battle skills were still here, so he lined up and waited as the line went shorter and shorter...

“Lucifer!” Xandra cried anxiously as she rushed into every hospital room, in search of her best friend. Each disappointment was making her less determined to find him, and when all the rooms in the hospital had been searched, she slumped onto a hospital bench and sobbed. First he didn’t remember who she was, now he was running away from her. How could life be so harsh to certain Pokemon?!

“I need a break,” Xandra told herself, comforting herself, “I - need - a - break. Plus I can’t search for him when I’m sleepy and tired, can I? No I can’t.”

Xandra stretched her arms and fell asleep on the hospital bench, when she did fell asleep, she didn’t notice a figure - a Zangoose looking at her through the window. Xandra could feel his presence in her sleep, but she was just too tired and worried she didn’t want to care. The Zangoose could almost scrape her face off with his claws as he pushed his arm through the open window, but Xandra was too far away, and going in the hospital...too dangerous for him. He stomped his feet and walked away, frustrated.

It was Lucifer’s turn in the Colosseum, and Lucifer squinted his eyes when he walked out of the waiting area as a bright beam of sunlight shone onto his face. The audience quieted down and looked at him, they were probably disgusted by his strange colour. Lucifer, ever so slowly, walked to one side of the arena and felt the ground. It was rocky, but it wasn’t wet and muddy at all. Lucifer stood there a little nervously, and waited for his first opponent.

When the opponent walked out of the waiting area, Lucifer’s eyes widened. It was the Weavile who destroyed the Rhydon in two minutes, and apparently he was about to do it again. The crowd cheered when the Weavile entered, so the Weavile must had been pretty famous and strong. Lucifer’s left foot stepped forward and poised for an attack while his enemy sharpened his claws by rubbing his two claws together.


There wasn’t a bell, or a gun to start the match, so the Weavile lunged towards Lucifer when he was ready. Lucifer’s eyes could barely catch up with his speed, but fortunately he was able to block his attack with his arm. As Lucifer blocked the attack he screamed in pain as his claws dug into Lucifer’s Lucario skin. The audience laughed and he could feel himself blushing in humiliation.

Lucifer growled and flung him away with one strong fling with his arm, sending the Weavile flying back to his starting point. Blood started to seep out of Lucifer’s wounds but he didn’t care, plus, hedidn’t notice. The Weavile charged towards himagain, but before he could reach the dark Lucario, Lucifer brought his hands together and made a yellow bone of Aura, then whacked him onto the ground with a quick strike. The Weavile got up quickly and when Lucifer was still in close range, fired a shadow ball towards him.

Lucifer didn’t expect this thus he couldn’t dodge it in time and the ball exploded when it was next to him, blasting the Lucario onto the floor, with his bone flying out of his paws. The Weavile caught Lucifer’s bone and pointed it at Lucifer’s neck, pinning him onto the ground.

“Finish him! Knock him out!” An excited audience shouted and the whole stadium cheered. Ugh, talk about self-esteem, I need some. Lucifer thought, but then he had an idea, when he was about to strike, Lucifer’s hands glowed red, and pushed him away with force palm. He stumbled back a few steps, but he still had my bone. Furious, he thrust his bone towards like a sword, with an urge to pierce through Lucifer’s heart.

With extreme speed, Lucifer blocked the thrust, catching the head of the bone with his paw and pushed the bone away. The Weavile flinched and Lucifer punched him again and again with unrivaled speed, with his last punch of Close Combat punching the Weavile’s stomach with a low uppercut. The Weavile’s eyes widened and he knelt on the ground, coughing. Lucifer was about to attack him again, but the Weavile fainted and went unconscious. Guess the Weavile excelled in attack and not defense.

At first the whole Colosseum was silent, as the one they were cheering had fainted, but after a while they roared as they found a new Pokemon to cheer for. Lucifer smiled as the Weavile was pulled away by the medics and waited for the next opponent. At this rate he was going to get the prize in no-time.

The next opponent looked...what’s the word...not threatening. It was a Buizel, and the intense sunlight was rather irritating as the walked out of the waiting area. Lucifer’s paws glowed red with his Aura once again, and to be honest, he thought that this opponent was going to be easy. But the Buizel did something that shocked Lucifer rather badly.

The Buizel gasped when he saw the oddly-coloured Lucario and cried, “L-Lucifer?!”

- End of Chapter one -
__________________


The most Caring Girlfriend/Pair Ever

PC Brothers:
SuperVegeta
[ silver ]
Miju-kun
Diamond1304/
Blaziken15
Rustymenon
InkHeart

PC Sisters:
Marina E. silver
Mzmingle
FlurryTheGlaceon
XxSweetDreamsxX

PC Family

FanFic
CSS



Last edited by Aura.Lucario; May 23rd, 2011 at 09:20 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #2    
Old April 27th, 2011, 11:24 PM
Fearless Love's Avatar
Fearless Love
I deserve the best <3
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Derp-Ville
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Nature: Jolly
Send a message via Skype™ to Fearless Love
As I have previously mention, I like this story, it seems interesting! Now, I'm not much of a critic, but there are some good critics on this forum, and they should be able to point out mistakes (unless they're really obvious, I don't always catch them).

Lucifer's an. . interesting character (for lack of better words! Like I said, I can never think of descriptive words when I need them >_< )

Though, I'm not quite sure how to pronounce Xandra.

I think this is actually well written! There might be some gramatical errors, but i'll leave that to someone else, considering thats not in my general area of things.

Good luck with the story!!
__________________
My Little Sister:Starr Leonhart
My Big Sis's: angel; ~Genevieve~
My very awesome Big Brothers: Furball the Umbreon, Supervegeta, Shayde~
My Taylor Swift Obsessed Little Brother:
Diamond1304
My new, RPing, little brother:
Blaziken15
My Adorable Little Brother:
Aura Rift
My Little Step-Brother (who beat me in a Poke War)
-DeepImpact-
My amazing, lovable, little bro!:
Xilfer123 - DOTTIE!
My Partner in Crime: Kystallyn
My cousin: miley810
Reply With Quote
  #3    
Old April 27th, 2011, 11:41 PM
jira-chan's Avatar
jira-chan
Your plain S T A L K E R.
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Next to him. <3
Gender: Female
Nature: Timid
Suggestion: Spoilers. :3
Question/s: Firstly, what is the rating of this fanfic? And.. really. Big font. xD

Spelling/Grammar Check:

Spoiler:

Quote:
At first Blissey frowned and thought that he was faking it, so she placed her hand on his forehead and waited. Blissey could tell that he wasn’t faking it and frowned, arms crossed.
Thought.. and then could tell? Huh? It may be just me, but I don't get it. /stupid

Quote:
Lucifer expected a proper answer, but to his surprised she laughed a little.
Surprise.

Quote:
First off all, Lucifer had amnesia, and she didn’t know if he was faking it or not.
The Blissey said to Lucifer that he had amnesia.. am I not correct? And given the obvious responses to Xandra... then it was kind of obvious that he was not faking.

Quote:
Xandra walked towards the soda vending machine at the end of the silent corridor and bought a sprite, then drank it down in two large gulps.
Proper Nouns are to be capitalized. Sprite, is a type of soda, therefore it should be capitalized since it is a Proper Noun.

Quote:
“Lucifer...am I right?” Chansey glanced at him as she typed rapidly on her keyboard as she analysed the results. Lucifer nodded anxiously as he thought she found something, but he banged his head against the table as she shook her head.
*press 'enter' here*
“This is all I have.” Chansey blinked and watched as a piece of paper was printed out, then handed the results to Lucifer. When Lucifer read it he had the sudden urge to blast the Chansey into smithereens.
Stated above. Conversations are much better to read that way. :3

Quote:
Lucifer tried scratching the ‘10,000 G’ because he though someone had added a zero to the back, but no, it really was 10,000 G.
You must have mean 'thought'. 'though' is kind of like the synonym of 'however', and well.. if you meant 'though', the sentence doesn't fit the word. :3

Quote:
With a new objective in his mind, he walked into a Colosseum that looked like the Roman Colosseum
How could Lucifer know the Roman Colosseum? Has he traveled there before? Did he see it in a picture? This doesn't make sense to me.

Quote:
Xandra stretched her arms and fell asleep on the hospital bench, when she did fell asleep, she didn’t notice a figure - a Zangoose looking at her through the window.
When she did fall asleep.

Quote:
It was rocky, but it wasn’t wet and muddy at all. Lucifer stood there a little nervously, and waited for his first opponent.
It was rocky, but it wasn't wet and muddy. It shouldn't be wet and muddy because the weather was sunny, unless there had been a Water Type Pokemon fight.

Lucifer stood there a little nervously and waited - remove the comma. OR: Lucifer stood there, a little nervously and waited for his first opponent.

Quote:
Weavile must had been pretty famous and strong.
Had should be have.

If I'm wrong, ignore this. But, it should be "strong and famous".

Quote:
but fortunately he was able to block his attack with my arm.
So Lucifer had blocked the Weavile's attack with the author's arm... You know what I'm trying to say here.

Quote:
hedidn’t notice.
He also didn't notice there should be a space between "he" and "didn't".

Quote:
But the Buizel did that rather shocked Lucifer.
I'm going to guess that between "did" and "that".. there was supposed to be the word "something".


Other:

Yes.. I'm called a Gram Check by my friend Mika.. so... /ashamed to be a Gram Check.

Lucifer is very... interesting, I guess. I'm not into Pokemon stories that much, and I don't check the RP corner that often. I may have pointed obvious mistakes.. so.. yeah. I'm still not good at this. Sorry if I made some bad remarks there, but well.. I have nothing to say. xD

Interesting story, by the way.
__________________
If I had a world of my own
Everything would be nonsense
Nothing would be what it is
Because everything would be what it isn't
VM
Reply With Quote
  #4    
Old May 1st, 2011, 10:56 PM
Diamond1304's Avatar
Diamond1304
Gym Leader
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Not here, at least.
Age: 17
Nature: Adamant
Feedback:

Well, jira-chan already mentioned most of the errors here and there, but I've a few more to point out.

First, I shall start out on the aesthetics and layout. Overall, your font is suitable except for the size as jira said. For the description of Lucifer in the beginning, you should put in in italics instead of underlining it as it's kinda distracting and not pleasant to the eye isn't it? Moving on now, I advice you to place headings in the center, it's easier to differentiate from actual text, plus it looks cool.
Example:
PROLOGUE
CHAPTER ONE


Now let's look into a few errors. They're mostly punctuation. You don't have to follow all I say as some might be kinda higher-order in terms of writing. I'm not a professional writer but I learn how to use punctuation to your advantage very well. You may or may not have learned them in school, I didn't, I read them up. Anyway, here goes!

Spoiler:
Quote:
He scratched his head, and then touched his four black appendages located behind his ears.
I believe there should be an 'and' there.

Quote:
She thought that this was some kind of a joke and growled, her hands high up in the air.
Maybe 'growled, waving/swinging her hands high up in the air? I don't know.

Quote:
Why couldn’t he remember something more important...like his first name, his family and what he had been doing before he was sent to the hospital?
Punctuation. Why? What? How?

Quote:
He was as helpless as an orphan boy; he didn’t know what to do for once.
Semi-colon is rarely used so I wouldn't blame you for this. I don't know how to use it sometimes too.

Quote:
But somehow he couldn’t go back like that; he had to go somewhere else.
Same above.

Quote:
The whole Colosseum was full, and there weren’t any seats left.
Grammar alert! XD


Nothing else to add. I don't really say that I did a good job but well, I tried! And sorry if I sounded harsh at some parts, it's just my nature. Maybe I should sugar-coat it next time. And also thanks(you know). :D
__________________



Last edited by Diamond1304; May 1st, 2011 at 11:09 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #5    
Old May 3rd, 2011, 03:33 AM
Aura.Lucario's Avatar
Aura.Lucario
The Rivers will run red....
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: A Place that's not my cup of tea
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Send a message via Yahoo to Aura.Lucario
thanks for all the comments people
love it!

here's chapter two, it's rather short compared to chapter one, but I can't write more since I want to leave suspence.


Chapter Two


The Buizel gasped when he saw the oddly-coloured Lucario and cried, “L-Lucifer?!” (I’m gonna repeat the last sentence when I start a new Chapter)


Lucifer blinked and stood there, thinking. A Possible Ally or friend? He thought, looking at the Buizel from top to bottom with a hint of hesitation in his eyes. He looked normal, and didn’t look like a threat at all. Well, his species are cute, so I couldn’t really tell if he was acting friendly or not. He stared at me with large black eyes, like I was some kind of freak. Then he started to walk towards me.


“I don’t know you.” Lucifer growled and stepped back as the Buizel approached him, his eyes wide with confusion, “Get away from me, Buizel.”


The Buizel didn’t listen, and Lucifer’s words only made him move faster. The Buizel was obviously ignoring him, and since this was an arena, Lucifer had a strong urge to fight. Lucifer punched him with a fast mach punch, but to his surprise, the Buizel jumped back, avoiding the attack, then jumped and spun around, whacking him with his tail, pushing Lucifer onto the ground with one single tail sweep.

The tail was small, but the force of that attack was awfully strong like a Hariyama’s force palm, which startled Lucifer. How could one single tail attack be that devastating? He tried moving but he found it rather difficult to do so as if his energy had been sapped away from him.


“I don’t want to fight, Lucifer.” The Buizel walked towards Lucifer, standing right on top of him, blocking the sunlight which was shining right behind him. The audience went silent once again, waiting for something dramatic to happen. The Buizel looked at Lucifer with fierce eyes, but somehow, it looked rather innocent and friendly on his face.


“Yeah? That’s what they always say before they beat the living daylights out of you.” Lucifer rolled his eyes and slid under the Buizel’s feet as felt his adrenaline rising, then tripped the Buizel as he went under him. The Buizel screamed and fell onto the ground with a thud, rear first, and the crowd started laughing. Apparently he wasn’t that good either. Lucifer pinned him onto the ground with his paws pressing against the Buizel’s stomach.


“S-Seriously, man!” The Buizel struggled as Lucifer pinned him onto the ground with all his force, trying to breathe, “L-Let me go! We’re friends, remember?!”


“You expect me to remember anything?!” Lucifer wailed and his eyes narrowed, pinning him even harder than before.


“L-Look, man,” The Buizel choked as he struggled to breathe, his hands and feet wriggling as he tried to run away, “I can play dead. Just listen to me when the fight’s over...”


Lucifer raised an eyebrow. That was a pretty decent idea, but still, listening to him didn’t mean he was going to trust him. But if he really wanted me to listen, then Lucifer might as well listen to his story. Plus, the Buizel might tell him something he wanted to know. Lucifer let go slowly of his neck, but he felt rather sorry for the little guy since he left a large red mark on his neck. Lucifer wanted to shoot him a look that meant Sorry about that, but before he could do anything the Buizel got up and whacked him with his tail again, slapping his face mockingly.


“Why you-” Lucifer growled and walked towards him with his yellow bone in his hand, “I shouldn’t have trusted you...”


“Wait!” The Buizel shook his hands frantically and jumped back, his eyes full of fear and anxiousness. Then he whispered, so the audience couldn’t hear him at all, “I’ll try to be as realistic as possible.”


So he was still pretending. Lucifer nodded and jabbed the Buizel’s stomach with his bone, and the Buizel screamed loudly, somewhat un-realistic, then spun around the arena, moaning in pain.


“I’m dyyyinnnngggggg....” the Buizel cried as he spun again and again. Lucifer rolled his eyes, that was rather over-dramatic there...but over-dramatic it was, the audience loved it and started laughing at his silly expression on his face. Eventually he came to a halt, then dropped ‘dead’, with his paws and feet pointing at the sky like a dead spider or a dead cockroach, his paws twitching weakly, adding a little un-realism there. His tongue stuck out from the right and Lucifer frowned when he saw saliva dripping out of his mouth. Talk about hygiene.


The crowd laughed when he did that. They happened to love his act, and they clapped, cheering for the Buizel...and not for Lucifer, which rather annoyed him. Once again, Lucifer rolled his eyes and walked out of the arena, unaware of the Buizel back on his feet and was following the Lucario. When Lucifer entered the sheltered area, the Buizel nudged him from behind.


“So, how did I do?” the Buizel smiled and asked him sincerely, but quickly shook his head, “We have a lot to talk about, Lucifer. If we can find a place to talk-”

Right outside the Colosseum, stood a rather classy western cafe, and it attracted the Buizel’s attention, “I rest my case. You hungry?”


Without waiting for an answer, the Buizel ran towards the cafe, licking his lips. Annoyed by his actions, Lucifer followed, walking behind him. Lucifer tried to act as gentleman-like as possible. It was a high-class cafe, after all. The Buizel found a seat and sat down like he was jumping from the diving board screaming ‘cannonball’ without the screaming. Lucifer sat at the other side of the table and looked at him, being serious.


“So what are you going to tell me?” Lucifer asked, then growled as the Buizel ignored him by reading ‘Le Menu’.


“Oh! Sorry about that, the name’s Wade.” the Buizel, named Wade dropped the menu and looked at Lucifer, “We used to be best friends....before...well...you had amnesia. We go everywhere together, Lucifer. And we had a lot of fun.” Wade said as he waved his hands, calling the waiter, “I’ll have a Carbonara.”

“Is that all you wanna say, Wade? That’s it?” Lucifer blinked, then looked at the waiter, “Now that you’re here I’ll have sirloin.” then he turned to Wade again, “Can’t you tell me something more...you know...constructive?”


“Your name is Lucifer, you are 16 years old, you’re male-” Wade smirked and started blabbering about something Lucifer had already known.

Annoyed, Lucifer slammed his hand against the table with a loud bang. “If that’s what you’re going to tell me, I’m out of here.”


“I know about your parents.” Wade said, that that stopped Lucifer from leaving the table. Sighing, Lucifer sat down again, with his fingers, or paws, crossed. I hope he’ll tell me something worth saying this time.

“Your parents have died a long time ago, Lucifer.” Wade told him, shaking his head as if he was sorry for him, “When you were four, your parents died in an accident in order to save you.”


Lucifer’s heart seemed to miss a beat, and he gasped softly, his eyes as wide as two solid ping pongs. Lucifer himself had no idea that his eyes could be this big. His parents? Dead...because of him? When he was still a little baby Riolu? He looked at the floor and thought, the misery, and the fact, was rather difficult to accept. But since this...Wade, was his best friend, his words should be rather trustworthy.


“I know it’s rather difficult to accept the truth, Lucifer.” Wade told him, then smiled as his Carbonara arrived. He grabbed a fork and dug in like a wild dog, craving for more food.


“So where do I live? What do I do for a living?” Lucifer asked him, wanting more information. Since he was going to tell him, Lucifer wanted to know as much as possible.


“You live in Sinnoh, of course. As for where? I don’t know.” Wade told him, scratching his head. Of course I do...but why should I tell you?, “What do you do for a living...well you don’t do much...you don’t even have a job. You’re unemployed, Lucifer, living on the money your parents have left for you.”


That was rather awkward.


“...oh...and who’s Xandra?”


“Xandra? She’s your mate, your partner, your companion, of course!” Wade laughed, and shot a spaghetti right at Lucifer’s face. Lucifer’s right eye twitched as the spaghetti slid off his face like a worm.


No wonder she was so concerned.


“Vat els do ya want ta ast?” Wade asked, looking up as he slurped in another spaghetti, rather disgustingly.


“One more.” Lucifer told him, watching as he ate his spaghetti, “What should I do now? I don’t even know where I live. And I don’t have much cash...only a 100G prize for joining the arena battles.”


“That’s an easy question. Wait until you have your memory back. There’s nothing I can do. Maybe you can ask others. Well I’m done eating, see you next time.” Wade finished his lunch and jumped off his seat, telling the waiter, “The Lucario there will be paying for me.” and danced out of the restaurant, leaving Lucifer there as the steak arrived.


Lucifer looked at his sizzling sirloin and sighed. That Wade wasn’t really useful. And he had to PAY for him. Suddenly he didn’t have any appetite to eat anymore. He looked out the large window. Wade was gone like the wind, and got away with a free meal. How foolish Lucifer thought he was...maybe he should find Xandra someday...maybe she could tell him more...right now, everything’s a mystery.


“Have you found Xandra yet?” Wade asked, talking on his little mobile outside the cafe, standing in a corner so Lucifer couldn’t see him. He waited for a reply then smiled, “Oh so you found her. Okay. Lucifer? He’s great I guess. Still hasn’t recovered, poor guy. Well since you’ve found Xandra, say hi for me.”


***


Xandra woke up right after the Zangoose tried to reach her, and looked around. She walked to Lucifer’s room as she hoped that Lucifer was there, but he wasn’t, which made her even more depressed. He was still avoiding her. Maybe he was just scared and nervous, as he had forgotten everything. Maybe...he didn’t like her anymore...after this incident.


No matter, she was going to find him sooner or later. He couldn’t had gone far in this Jubilife City. With a new surge of hope, she walked out of the hospital and walked into the jungle, heading towards the large, lively city up front.


As she was about to reach it, something, or someone, charged from behind and placed his...claws on her neck, stroking it gently, but with a hint of harshness. The claws were sharp, and if Xandra tried to run away, the claws were going to dig into her neck, very, very painfully.


“...Hi.” the Zangoose snickered as he grabbed her by her waist with his other claw.


- End of a rather short Chapter Two -
__________________


The most Caring Girlfriend/Pair Ever

PC Brothers:
SuperVegeta
[ silver ]
Miju-kun
Diamond1304/
Blaziken15
Rustymenon
InkHeart

PC Sisters:
Marina E. silver
Mzmingle
FlurryTheGlaceon
XxSweetDreamsxX

PC Family

FanFic
CSS


Reply With Quote
  #6    
Old May 4th, 2011, 07:53 AM
Aura Rift's Avatar
Aura Rift
Mantle of flame
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: *looks around* I... don't know...
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Docile
A very good story, to say the least. Im not much of a critic and I generally stick to RPs but I suppose I could give my oppinion.

Lucifer is an iteresting character (Like others have said), he seems to be rather impulsive, and Im not sure if you meant him to look that eg. Lucifer suddenly decided that hes going to attempt to escape the hospital and when he does he joins a pokemon tournament? thats a bit rushed, dont you think? But thats just my opppinion. And other than that just everything else thats already been said.

Its a great story
__________________
~ Paired with Fire Heart ~

Yes I really am so awkward I got the least likely answer on this test. A teddy bear pokemon I guess on the plus side... I'm cuter than everyone else *smugface*
Reply With Quote
  #7    
Old May 8th, 2011, 06:26 AM
Aura.Lucario's Avatar
Aura.Lucario
The Rivers will run red....
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: A Place that's not my cup of tea
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Send a message via Yahoo to Aura.Lucario
Chapter Three -

“He thinks you’re his enemy...Remember. Stay friendly. You’re not his enemy.”


***


With 20G in his blue-black side bag and a stuffed stomach, Lucifer was on the move again. The little side bag was a gift from the lotto, as the receptionist was rather friendly. Too bad she couldn’t give him some information. But the side bag was good enough. It was large enough to hold some cash and basic items like water and berries. To his surprise, he could buy things rather cheaply in the city - everybody liked to bargain.


What now? Lucifer asked himself as he sat next to a fountain. Wade was nowhere to be seen, and he was alone once again. The hospital wasn’t far from here, but was it the right time to see Xandra, after he ran away from her earlier? Not the best thing to do right now. The sound of water calmed his mind, enabling him to think clearly.


For a while, Lucifer stopped caring about his past and enjoyed the cool autumn air as the wind blew lightly across his face. For one second there, Lucifer’s blue Lucario tail was wagging, and his head was facing the sky, eyes closed as he took a deep, refreshing breath. When his feet was on the ground again, he looked down as he could feel that his feet had stepped on something. A letter? A note? Curious, Lucifer picked it up and studied the piece of paper from top to bottom. The handwriting looked familiar...but it didn’t ring a bell.



Lucifer,

I am in Canalave City, your home. Come and meet me there, I’ll be waiting for you...I hope you are feeling better now. Come here as soon as possible.

- Xandra


Xandra’s letter? And if she’s right, then Lucifer’s home was in Canalave, the water city. The handwriting was hers, as he could recognize it after looking at the sender’s name, so this couldn’t be a fake. And, as soon as possible? It was rather weird, but Lucifer supposed that she wanted to see him badly so he got up to his feet, patted his side bag and looked at the street signs.


When he reached a street sign, he stopped. Route 218 - To Canalave City. This was it. Lucifer started to pick up the pace as he walked past a dozen of Whiscash, and he started to increase his speed as his feet got the rhythm of running. His steady run made quite a ruckus as he ran on the wooden planks, but the Whiscash didn’t seem to mind at all.


Swimming wasn’t Lucifer’s strength, so he avoided diving into the water as he jumped onto the sharp pointy rocks, sticking out of the water like a border. He leaped from rock to rock like he was stepping stones, and he didn’t show any signs of slowing down. Lucifer was surprised as he should had been tired about now, but his feet didn’t seem to feel a slightest hint of pain or exhaustion.


Route 218 was rather short, and it didn’t take him long to cross the river. He jumped from the last stone and landed on the ground, trying not to go into the tall grass as he landed. There weren’t ‘wild’ Pokemon for humans to capture, but there were hostile Pokemon in there that were pretty territorial, and Lucifer didn’t want to meet one. Just a few more hundred meters and he was going to arrive at the Canalave pier. Only a few more steps...and he’ll be home...


Right now, Xandra was the only one he could talk to, and Lucifer hoped that she’ll be here when he arrived. Wade had disappeared, and Lucifer didn’t know anyone reliable. In the past, maybe. But now? Null. When Wade told him that Lucifer’s parents had died a long time ago, Lucifer was rather depressed for a moment. But if the Lucifer before could stand the pain and sadness, then this Lucifer could, even though if he couldn’t remember a thing.


Knowing that he was going home made him rather excited, and he picked up the pace again, walking quickly along the path that led to the water city. As he walked closer to the city, he could hear sound of water currents, and like he was sitting next to the fountain earlier, soothed him once more. Suddenly Lucifer halted and glanced around. He sensed that someone was near, approaching him from behind. Alerted, Lucifer turned around and faced whoever was looking at him from the tall grass.


“Who goes there?” Lucifer roared nervously as his eyes squinted, looking into the tall grass. He turned to his left and glanced quickly to see if anybody was going to attack from behind. The patch of grass on the right rustled, and Lucifer quickly jumped back, channeling his Aura, then letting go an orb of red Aura towards the grass. The blast lifted all the dust into the air, making it almost impossible to see anything.


But Lucifer wasn’t affected by the dust as he knelt down, with his eyes closed, and felt his strong aura deep inside him channeling through his veins. His black appendages acted as antennas, and scanned the aura for any sudden movements. He sensed a green aura approaching him slowly from behind, and behind the green aura was a reddish-white one. Lucifer turned and faced the two Pokemon, his eyes opened again as he stood up slowly. But Lucifer couldn’t believe his own eyes.


A Zangoose grabbed Xandra from behind by the neck and held her tightly, treating her like a hostage as the tip of his claws poked Xandra’s neck softly. Xandra struggled but she couldn’t or the claws would dig into her neck like a fork digging into a sausage. She was looking at the Zangoose behind her as she struggled, thus she couldn’t see Lucifer. But when she did, she gasped and shook her head frantically, trying to tell him something. Lucifer could understand what she was talking about, but the Zangoose didn’t look friendly.


“The name’s Zed,” The Zangoose started with a dry and harsh voice. The voice wasn’t very loud, but it was powerful enough to attract the other’s attention. He was about to continue but then Xandra interrupted.


“Lucifer!” Xandra wailed as loud as she could, “D-Don’t listen it’s a-ARGH-”


Before Xandra could finish Zed the Zangoose slashed her face with his right hand, causing her to scream in pain as the slash left a long, red mark on her right cheek. The Zangoose cackled and smirked, then looked at Lucifer with his eyes looking directly into his. Lucifer shivered as he felt a chill running up his spine as Zed looked at him, and stepped away from him.


“What do you want then?” Lucifer took a deep breath and stared at him calmly, trying to fight back with his glowing red eyes, which, worked for a few seconds, as Zed flinched a little when he saw him.


“...We need to talk.” Zed snickered as he watched the blood dripping from Xandra’s wounds, then looked at Lucifer again, “I know a secret about you, Lucifer. And I am willing to tell you everything...for a price.”


Then Zed laughed diabolically as he had finally finished his sentence, and made a strange sound which sounded like a whistle. The sound echoed around the tall grass, and five Croagunk stepped out of the grass, with their famous smile on their faces. Lucifer back faced Zed for a while and faced the five, his hands glowing with red aura. He didn’t notice the sixth Croagunk, however, and it sneaked up to him, then stabbed Lucifer with Poison Jab from behind, inserting a strong poison into Lucifer’s body.


When Lucifer felt the pain, it was already to late. He quickly turned and whacked the Croagunk away, but the pain was spreading from the wound to his head, arms and legs faster than he imagined.


“If you agree, I will tell the Croagunk to give you an antidote.” Zed chuckled, and watched as Lucifer spun around dizzily like a total moron. Lucifer blinked, trying to stay focus but the poison was too strong to handle. He was already losing consciousness, and he didn’t know how long he could stay focus. Zed had the upper hand, if Lucifer had to fight, he’s going down in a few seconds in this condition. Fighting wasn’t the best choice here. But Zed hadn’t told him the price yet...what if it’s something important to him? What if it’s Xandra’s life?! ...Or maybe his own?


Lucifer wasn’t going to let that happen. Fighting the dizziness and the numb feet, Lucifer ran to one of the Croagunk then raised his hand, his paw glowing brighter as he approached him. Maybe it was the poison, or maybe it was because Lucifer was just not good enough, because the Croagunk just stepped aside, dodging the attack with ease. Lucifer slammed his hand downwards, but when the Croagunk dodged, Lucifer didn’t have enough time to stop and he lost balance, falling onto the ground with a loud thud.


The Croagunk saw his chance and charged his Sludge Bomb, but when he pushed the ball towards the Lucario, it was intercepted by a jet of water, and it the bomb exploded right at the Croagunk’s face, blasting him away. Lucifer looked up, and saw an orange paw and two tails wagging behind the orange Pokemon. Lucifer grabbed his paw, and the Pokemon helped him up slowly.


“Missed me, Lucifer?” Wade beamed as he helped him up, with a large, proud smile on his face, which made Lucifer smile a little, “I love the Gym here you know. Plus, there are CANALS in the city. I love canals! Guess I’m just in time.”


Lucifer nodded and they stood back to back, ready to fight the Croagunk, as Zed stood there, holding Xandra with no sign of lowering his guard. It was still a rather unfair fight. Six against Two. Just when Lucifer was about to engage, the poison started to affect him again. His vision blurred and his dizziness had returned. Lucifer’s legs trembled and he knelt on the ground weakly, trying his best to fight the unconsciousness.


“D-Don’t worry, Lucifer, I’ll try to hold them as long as I can...” Wade looked at the weakened Lucario and spoke to him seriously, charging an Aqua Jet, then releasing the power stream of water at one of the Croagunk. When another Croagunk lunged for the Buizel, he jumped and spun his body, bashing the Croagunk with his double aqua tail. Wade shot Lucifer a look that meant I’m famous for my tail, and continued fighting next to him, fending off the enemies as they came close.


Wade looked like a nice friend to be with...at least he was defending him right now with all his might, and he was rather easy-going with that large smile of his, not to mention his silly but friendly personality. No wonder he’s my friend. Lucifer thought as he lied on the ground weakly, one of his paws on his chest as he struggled to breathe. He was sure that the poison couldn’t kill him - Zed didn’t seem to have the urge to kill him yet. He didn’t have time to think, he glanced at the Buizel which was still fighting beside him, then glaned at Xandra. He couldn’t hear anything anymore, but he knew Xandra was calling his name by reading her lips. Then he blacked out as his eyes closed slowly...


Lucifer regained consciousness after a while, but he still couldn’t see yet - he was in coma state, and could only feel and hear for the time being. The feeling that he couldn’t move was rather annoying as he tried moving his body in the darkness. His feet didn’t respond to his brain, and was rather frustrating as he couldn’t even hear a thing. After a while that seemed to be forever, he could hear footsteps. The footsteps were getting louder, so someone was heading towards him.


Then he could feel someone shaking him with his hands, or paws, or claws, he couldn’t really tell. ...Zed...? Please no. Xandra? No...the footsteps didn’t sound like it was from a Kirlia. It didn’t take long to know the answer, however.


“Lucifer, wake up.” a familiar voice echoed in his mind as the Pokemon shouted next to his ears. Then the Pokemon began to shake him violently until Lucifer managed to open his eyes slowly. The first things he saw were those large black Buizel eyes, then his paw waving in front of me. Lucifer wanted to sit up, but when he tried, he cried in pain and lied on the ground again. So the poison wasn’t totally gone. Lucifer’s feet were numb, and he couldn’t really feel his paws either. Wade was about to pour water over him, but Lucifer stopped by shooting him a stern look.



“Oh good. You’re awake.” Wade sat next to him and patted him softly, “You’ve been out for five hours.”


Lucifer looked around. Wade was right. It was noon when he arrived, and now the sun was setting, and the sky had a beautiful orange colour. But that reminded him. Where’s the others? Where’s Xandra? Did they leave Lucifer after he fainted? Did Wade happen to win the fight and scared them away? Wade seemed to see the confused look in Lucifer’s eyes and chuckled.


“The Croagunk were weaker than you think.” Wade started, “After you blacked out, I continued to fight them one by one, and Zed retreated as I fought the last Croagunk. I couldn’t save your mate though, the Zangoose moved too quickly, and the last Croagunk was still after me as I chased Zed.”


That sounded...reasonable. If Wade could fight against five Croagunk one by one, he’s a strong Pokemon, that’s for sure, and it impressed Lucifer. Lucifer had his doubts, but he pushed them aside and smiled at the Buizel.
“Where’s X-Xandra...?” Lucifer asked, slowly sitting up, trying not to hurt himself in the process. She was gone, nowhere in sight, and Lucifer was a little worried, even though he didn’t know if she really was his mate or not. She was trustworthy, and Lucifer could trust her as much as he could trust Wade, “A-And what should we do now?”


“Zed brought her away, remember?” Wade knocked his head softly, smiling, as he pulled him up, “But, I think he’s taking her to Iron Island. Reasonable hiding place, is it not? Nowhere else to go, anyways.


Iron Island...they were going to go there via boat, which gave Lucifer a chance to catch up, “When’s the next boat leaving Canalave?”


“Left ten minutes ago. You can go on the next one.” Wade informed him, “But it’s tomorrow morning. Let’s stay here for the night. Let’s go search for them tomorrow, okay?”


Lucifer’s eyes widened. Tomorrow morning. He had all night, with nothing to do? Well Wade DID say that Canalave was his home, so maybe Lucifer could roam around tonight without worrying about Xandra. Lucifer looked at the friendly Buizel and slowly nodded after a while of thinking. Wade jumped around excitedly as they were going to sleep in a hotel. Lucifer smirked. That’s what he thought. They were about to search for his home, where he could know more about himself. That didn’t sound like a bad idea at all, and Lucifer liked it. Tonight, he was going to find his home at last.
__________________


The most Caring Girlfriend/Pair Ever

PC Brothers:
SuperVegeta
[ silver ]
Miju-kun
Diamond1304/
Blaziken15
Rustymenon
InkHeart

PC Sisters:
Marina E. silver
Mzmingle
FlurryTheGlaceon
XxSweetDreamsxX

PC Family

FanFic
CSS



Last edited by Aura.Lucario; May 8th, 2011 at 06:38 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #8    
Old May 8th, 2011, 06:36 AM
Marina E. Silver's Avatar
Marina E. Silver
7/10/11 R.I.P
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Kanto
Gender: Female
Nature: Bashful
Send a message via Yahoo to Marina E. Silver
Great Story bro . I love the story and you're great at writing characters. I can easily understand their personalities . I like the action you put in chapter three and we've already discussed what I think of Wade.

As for Zed I think he's a good villain and you've done a great job with his character.

All else I can say is keep writing
__________________
~paired with Pichuzilla~ :cer_love:
PC Bro: Aura. Lucario




My website: http://roleplayfansforever.webs.com/



Reply With Quote
  #9    
Old May 12th, 2011, 06:55 AM
Aura.Lucario's Avatar
Aura.Lucario
The Rivers will run red....
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: A Place that's not my cup of tea
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Send a message via Yahoo to Aura.Lucario
here's chapter four people please gimme some feedback btw I've posted the story on fanfiction.net.

Chapter Four

“I am not going to ask you again - WHERE - IS - THE - CRYSTAL?!” Zed asked, slamming his Zangoose claws onto a wooden table next to him. He was in a square room, with dim lights, with a table and a chair. Right in front of him stood Xandra, her hands tied together, with an angry expression on her Kirlia face. There was a camera on top of the room, recording everything.



“I am not going to tell you again - I - DON’T - KNOW - YOU - IDIOT!” Xandra wailed, struggling, trying to wriggle lose of the strings which tied her hands together.


Zed growled and cracked his knuckles, walking closer to Xandra, which made the Kirlia retreat to a corner, trying to avoid him and his petrifying gaze. Without any warning, Zed rushed towards her and punched her in the stomach. Whimpering in pain, the Kirlia fell onto the floor, shivering in the corner as she endured the pain.


“WHERE IS THE CRYSTAL!” Zed demanded, roaring in a louder and stronger tone, his claws up in the air, ready to slash anything in his way.


“There, you’ve asked me twice, and you said you won’t ask me again.” Xandra repelled, as she slowly got up with the help of the wall, starting back at Zed, trying to scare him back since there was no use fighting with her legs.


Annoyed, Zed pushed her onto the floor and pinned her with his claws on her neck, “If physically hurting you won’t work,” the Zangoose snickered, his face closer to hers, “Let’s see what willl happen if I hurt you mentally. Lucifer will sure be shocked when he sees this.”


Zed lowered his head, and Xandra tried to evade him, but her hands were pressed by his claws and couldn’t move. Their lips met after a failed attempt to dodge him, and Xandra was enraged by his movements. Letting go of a roar, Xandra bit his face as hard as he can, and smirked as the Zangoose yelped in pain, backing off quickly as he rubbed his cheek, which was bleeding now.


Even more furious, Zed tied her feet and pinned her even harder onto the icy floor, and forced-kissed her before she could do anything. Eyes widened, Xandra wanted to get away, but the only thing she could do right now is to close her eyes, an try her best not to feel his lips pressed against hers again and again, his tongue going deeper and deeper with every attempt... Lucifer....I don’t know how long I can hold this....please...hurry....!

***

Lucifer slumped onto the ground, exhausted as he looked at the sky above. The stars were shining brightly, and the Polaris star was shimmering right on top of him as if it was giving him energy and determination. Energy and determination was exactly what he needed, and he didn’t have either of them anymore. Not after this searching.


80% of the houses had been searched by Lucifer and his hyperactive partner, wade in one night, and it was driving him nuts. Not even one house had Lucifer’s signature aura scent in him, which made him rather depressed. Even though Lucifer didn’t have to barge into any one of them - He could feel simply by scanning the house for his aura, but scanning more than two hundred house...it was simply torture. And what did Wade do?


“ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!” Lucifer wailed, still lying on the ground, rather tired. Who could blame Wade? He couldn’t sense Aura, so he couldn’t do anything at all. He saw a house he hadn’t scanned before nearby, and the lights were off, so he got up, a new hope in his heart. As he walked nearer, he stopped outside the door, and knelt down before the house, his eyes closed. He focused on the house, and the Aura of the Pokemon that were inside the house became visible, their Aura in different colours.


Lucifer got a little excited him when he sensed a Pokemon with blue Aura, but to his disappointment, it was only an Empoleon. With his hope gone in two seconds, Lucifer found a wooden bench and sat down, sighing. He had been searching for his home for hours, and Wade had disappeared a few hours back. Where was he?


“Hey, depressed Lucario at eleven O’ clock!” a voice came from behind, and a Buizel pounced onto me, landing onto my lap. I was about to ask him where had he been, but he shoved a drink into my paws, “Smoothie?”


“Where did you go, exactly?” Lucifer took the drink and drank it through the straw.


“Went around down, the usual,” Wade yawns and took a sip, “Met some girls...got some sleep...”


Lucifer jumped up, “You did WHAT?! I’ve been busy scanning the houses and you’ve been sleeping?!”


“Not exactly...there are some great female Buizel out there, Lucifer. THEY - ARE - SWEE-” Wade blushes and laughs a little, throwing his finished drink into a rubbish bin nearby. Lucifer could feel his blood boiling and removed the lid from his drink, the poured the smoothie all over the Buizel. The smoothie was cold, or Wade wouldn’t shiver as Lucifer covered his fur with the orange beverage.


“Chill, dude.” Lucifer rolled his eyes, not believing what he was seeing. He had been doing his work all night, and this Buizel here had fun all night, roaming around the city!


“I-I already a-am, d-dude.” Wade stammered, shivering because of the coldness from the smoothie, “P-Plus, I can’t do anything to h-help...I c-can’t sense Auras...”


Lucifer hated to admit, but Wade was right. If he’s next to him all night, he’ll be nothing but trouble, and for a moment there, Lucifer was glad that that Wade wasn’t there with him. The Lucario had a smirk on his face - yes, it was better without him. He could imagine it now...


Lucifer stood before a cottage and started to search for Auras, as usual. As he was concentrating, someone nudged him from behind. Lucifer frowned, but continued to scan for Auras, sitting on the ground, trying to ignore that certain someone. His aura channeled inside of him, and he felt a comfortable breeze surrounding his body, enhancing his aura scanning by a pinch.


Lucifer took a deep breath and continued, only to be poked from behind again. The poking stopped his scanning completely, which made Lucifer rather angry. His nose twitched, annoyed, and he turned around, wanting to know who the wicked Pokemon was.


“Gum?” Wade smiled, handing Lucifer a piece of sugar-free gum. With a roar of frustration Lucifer got up and ran away from the nuisance.


“Get away from me Wade I can’t concentrate!” Lucifer wailed, his paws in the air as he ran away, unaware of the Buizel still chasing him with a sugar-free gum in his paw.


“You can’t concentrate with a bad breath, Lucifer!” Wade giggled as he followed him, his tail wagging with pleasure. Apparently he liked it when he was torturing the poor Lucario. With one last sigh Lucifer jumped into the water, hoping that the Buizel wouldn’t follow. But after a while as he held his breath in the water, he saw Wade’s face right next to him, a broad smile on his face...


Lucifer shook his head, preventing his imagination to take over and smiled. That was...awkward. Indeed, it was better without him. Wade seemed to be confused as Lucifer completely ignored his comments and words for quite a while, and was rather pissed off. Before Lucifer could talk to him once again, Wade punched Lucifer in the face, sending him flying off the bench, the bench tilting over him, squashing him as it was made of wood AND metal.


“I despise you, Wade...” Lucifer murmured as he pushed the bench away, clenching his paws.


“...Oops.” Wade gulped and had an innocent-like look on his face, whistling as he started to walk away from him, faster and faster, starting to pant.


“No you don’t.” Lucifer growled, his paws clenched like fists and dashed after the fleeing Buizel. Fleeing it was, but Wade was laughing and smiling as he hopped from bench to bench, as if he was still having fun. He wasn’t taking this seriously, and Lucifer envied his happy-go-lucky attitude. Lucifer shook his head as he ran, shaking his envy away and his red eyes focused on the Buizel’s tail.


Enjoying the cat and mouse game, Lucifer smirked and gained speed, his legs taking him faster and faster as his feet pedalled with a steady speed, his hands spread out like the wings of a jet plant. Lucifer was almost there until Wade suddenly made a quick ninety degree turn, running into an alley between two houses.


Lucifer hit the brakes and followed Wade into the alley, almost losing him. As Wade ran, he pushed the rubbish onto the ground - Bins, large rocks, cans, pots, anything he could find on the way. Lucifer’s eyes widened as a large frying pan came flying towards him, and quickly ducked it as he lowered his body like going under a limbo stick. Slowed by the frying pan, Lucifer jumped over a number of cardboard boxes and started to catch up. Lucario’s movement speed was faster than a Buizel’s after all.


When Lucifer was finally close enough, he lunged and grabbed Wade’s tail. Wade laughed and with one swift fling, threw Lucifer onto the ground again. Frustrated, and determined to catch the little nuisance, Lucifer turned and got up quickly as he reached for his tail again before he could turn and run. Another whimper was heard and he tripped, falling onto the ground, head first. Wade was still laughing when he turned and faced Lucifer. While Lucifer was trying his best to catch the little pest, he was having the time of his life, which made Lucifer a tad angrier.


“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t pick you up and throw you into the nearest furnace RIGHT NOW!” Lucifer growled, roaring as he grabbed the Buizel by the neck again. He didn’t have time to play, he had to get to Iron Island as fast as he could to look for Xandra again. But with this clown here, it was like they weren’t going to go anywhere in the following days.


“Because I can run away?” Wade spoke, snickering in mischief as he wriggled free from Lucifer’s grasp due to his slipper body and escaped, running for his dear life again. Watching as he escaped, Lucifer just wanted to tear him into pieces with his paws...he was totally capable of doing that...but then again...was he? In the Colosseum, if Wade didn’t pretend to lose, he might win...shaking that thought away, Lucifer walked towards the other way, separating with him. He was right all along. It was better without him.


Alone once more, Lucifer strolled around the city, walking along the silent canals, listening to the water currents as the gentle waves were pushed against the canal walls. It was still early, the bright moon shining above him, so everyone was fast asleep. It was so peaceful, Lucifer just wanted to lie down, and sleep. Someone he knew he couldn’t. There were still houses unchecked, and if Wade was right, his house was here somewhere. His warm, comfortable, home sweet home. Home sweet home....home sweet home...
home sweet....


When Lucifer opened his eyes again, he was lying next to the canal, his slobber all over the ground. Uh oh I fell asleep. Lucifer quickly sat up and looked into the sky. The first thing he noticed was the bright, shining sun and the white fluffy cloud- wait, SUN?! That reminded him - he had a ferry to catch!


Fully charged once again, Lucifer sprinted along the canal, following the water until he arrived at the Canalave pier. The ferry was still there, so he wasn’t too late, or so he thought. His eyes squinted, and almost screamed like a girl as the gangplank started to rise, the boat about to leave. Gaining speed, Lucifer huffed and puffed as he ran towards the pier, his hands behind his back as he gave himself a boost by firing a little aura sphere backwards, pushing him closer towards the pier. The ship was close enough, and Lucifer jumped before the gangplank, then tumbled onto the ships’ wooden floorboards, panting for his breath. Well he made it.


He walked towards the ship deck and found a sunbathing chair, unoccupied. Without hesitation, he hopped onto the chair just when the ship started to move. Finally, he could get some rest. With that wonderful thought in his mind, he closed his tired eyes and got some sleep. Iron Island, Xandra, here I come...


Searching for his home, and his parent’s graves would have to wait. Right now, saving Xandra was his goal, and he wasn’t going to give up that easily. It’ll take a while though, the ship was moving horribly slowly, and Lucifer was pissed off. But he shrugged in his sleep, telling himself that he’ll have more time to rest this way. Thinking on the bright side seemed to work, and after a while, even he was shone and burned under the bright sunlight, he was snoring in a few minutes.


***


“Keep it up. You’re doing great. We’ll have it in no time...let’s just hope that he’ll have his memory back sometime soon...” said a voice from the other side of the phone, cackling.


“Thank you. Everything’s going as planned.” replied a familiar voice, and the line was cut.

-End of Chapter Four-
__________________


The most Caring Girlfriend/Pair Ever

PC Brothers:
SuperVegeta
[ silver ]
Miju-kun
Diamond1304/
Blaziken15
Rustymenon
InkHeart

PC Sisters:
Marina E. silver
Mzmingle
FlurryTheGlaceon
XxSweetDreamsxX

PC Family

FanFic
CSS


Reply With Quote
  #10    
Old May 12th, 2011, 07:04 AM
Blaziken15's Avatar
Blaziken15
You gotta purty mouth!
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: You know, the place, with the thing, and the stuff
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Hardy
Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Blaziken15
I really love this fic. The characters are well written and I always acn't wait for more. I knew you where good at RPing but I never knew you had an interest in fanfics. Anyway, keep writting. I love it
Reply With Quote
  #11    
Old May 13th, 2011, 05:39 AM
Aura.Lucario's Avatar
Aura.Lucario
The Rivers will run red....
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: A Place that's not my cup of tea
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Send a message via Yahoo to Aura.Lucario
thanks for the comments everyone

any ideas for me, so I can improve my story?

chapter 5 will be up in the next few days.
__________________


The most Caring Girlfriend/Pair Ever

PC Brothers:
SuperVegeta
[ silver ]
Miju-kun
Diamond1304/
Blaziken15
Rustymenon
InkHeart

PC Sisters:
Marina E. silver
Mzmingle
FlurryTheGlaceon
XxSweetDreamsxX

PC Family

FanFic
CSS


Reply With Quote
  #12    
Old May 16th, 2011, 05:12 AM
Aura.Lucario's Avatar
Aura.Lucario
The Rivers will run red....
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: A Place that's not my cup of tea
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Send a message via Yahoo to Aura.Lucario
Here you go people, Chapter Five! please comment


Chapter Five - Xandra Changes Sides

Iron Island, the island that specializes in Steel Types, located off the northwestern coast of the Sinnoh Region. The ship was slowing down as the Island was visible now, but Lucifer was still sound asleep, enjoying the bright sunlight, lying on the sun lounger with no worries at all.


Just then the blue sky was starting to be covered by black, thick clouds above, blocking the sunlight from coming in, but it didn’t stop Lucifer from sleeping, not until a large raindrop dropped right into his right ear.


“GAH!” Lucifer screamed, sitting up, his head tilting to one side as he waited for the water drop to roll out of his large ear. He looked up into the sky and quickly decided that it wasn’t the best day to have a sunbathe. Folding his sun lounger, he ran towards the sheltered areas of the ship deck and sat down once again. The whole trip was rather quiet, and Lucifer wasn’t used to it at all. Maybe because Wade wasn’t there with him this time. Maybe it was just Lucifer. Or maybe the old Lucifer liked being in loud places. He couldn’t tell.


But Wade wasn’t on board, and that was certain. Trying to prove to himself, Lucifer wandered around the ship deck, peeking into the rooms inside to make sure he wasn’t in there, eating all day. Apparently he wasn’t on the ship - it was too quiet. The sound of the ship’s horn gave Lucifer a little shock, not knowing that he had arrived so quickly. Iron Island had old houses and factories on one side, and rocky hills and cliffs on the other, not to mention the entrance of the mine was there too.


As the gangplank lowered, Lucifer rushed off the ship and left the pier quickly, desperate to look for Xandra. He looked at the two sides, deciding which way to go. Since there weren’t any reasonable answers why Xandra would live in these factory houses, Lucifer went to the other side, to the rocky hills and cliffs. He couldn’t think of any reasonable answers why Xandra would hide in the mines and the caves, but what the heck, he had to go one way, and he had no coins nor the time for ‘heads and tails’.


The mine had been closed since there weren’t any more ore on the island, but the caves, where the mines were, were still a great training place for steel pokemon. But Lucifer wasn’t here because of that, he was here for Xandra, and he couldn’t really see her right now. Walking to the entrance of the dark caves, Lucifer halted and glanced around one last time before entering. But when he was about to enter, he saw a white-red Pokemon standing on the flat grounds right on top of the mine’s entrance, and the only way to climb up there was to climb up this rocky vertical wall in front of him.


A loud thunder could be heard, and it started to rain. Lucifer’s fur was wet in four seconds, as the rain went heavier and heavier without warning, but that didn’t stop Lucifer from climbing. He had a feeling that it was his enemy, Zed the Zangoose up there, and he had to have a look. With one deep breath, Lucifer started to scale the slippery wall that was at least twenty five meters high up. The rain pouring onto him like needles, Lucifer had to close his eyes when he climbed, and when he did, he slipped, unable to grab a rock, and feel from ten meters high, back to where he started.


Ignoring his would and scratches, Lucifer tried again, trying twice as hard as his energy was running out. Climbing a vertical wall wasn’t really easy for a Lucario, since their paws didn’t have suction cups or claws to aid them. Growling as he scaled the walls again, the rocks all wet and soggy, his feet pushing himself higher, he reached the top, a large flat ground of rock that looked like a battle ground in about five minutes. Panting, his eyes narrowed as he was right. It was his ol pal he met in Canalave - Zed. And he looked pretty happy, an evil grin on his face.


“You’ve finally made it, I see.” Zed cackled, flexing his long black claws and tilted his head, looking at his wound with fake sympathy. When Zed made a ‘tst’ sound, shaking his head like he was sorry for him, Lucifer suddenly had an urge to punch him in the face, but he held himself back. Violence isn’t the answer.


“W-Where’s Xandra?” Lucifer panted, catching his breath, his eyes staring in Zed’s. Fighting him was definitely not the solution, he was tired, and Zed had the advantage right now. Scanning the area around him, Lucifer blinked. Xandra wasn’t here, so where did Zed hide him.


Smirking as Zed saw Lucifer really confused, he snickered, talking in a taunting manner, and shouting out loud so he could hear it clearly, “Who’s Xandra?”


Enraged by his taunt, Lucifer’s right paw glowed and lunged towards the Zangoose, onto to be surprised as the Zangoose stepped aside, whacking his paw away with his claws when he was in a safe spot, and counter attacked, giving Lucifer a claw uppercut. The black Lucario stumbled back, blood seeping from his wounds on his face which started from his forehead, and ended before his neck. The claws were sharper than he thought.


So much for ‘Violence isn’t the answer’, genius. Lucifer scowled at himself, regaining his focus. Zed laughed at his opponent, amused by his silly actions and jumped into the air, his claws high in the air and slashed downwards at his enemy. But Lucifer was quick enough to react, and flung a red Aura Sphere from his hands and sent it hurling upwards. Unable to change his direction mid-air, Zed was blasted by the aura ball and was sent flying to the other side of the ground.


Thunder crashed, and lightning flashed right on top of them, lighting up the whole island for just one mere second, and it was pitch black again, only able to see Zed’s face clearly under the lightning flash. Lucifer smiled as the sky went even darker, now he had an advantage, as he could sense the Aura of the living things around him like a bat sensing for his prey in the darkness with ultrasound.


Getting up as quick as he got fell onto the ground, Zed charged towards the Lucario once again, but now Lucifer wasn’t afraid anymore. Avoiding his attack as he bent down backwards, dodging his horizontal swipe like Matrix, he swept Zed’s legs with a low sweep, tripping him as he fell onto the ground with a loud thump. But when Lucifer was about to step on him, Zed scraped Lucifer’s legs with his claws, causing Lucifer to whimper, then when Lucifer’s guard was down, Zed kicked his enemy with his legs flying upwards, then bashed Lucifer with a shadow ball in his hands.


Determined to win the battle, Lucifer’s wrist spikes turned into steel claws and as Zed was standing on top of him, his legs on either side of his body, Lucifer slashed his stomach with his own claws, leaving a three-slash wound on his white fur, blood seeping out that matched his red stripes on his fur. Then Lucifer placed his paw on his stomach, his paw glowing once again, and released a strong burst of energy, paralysing Zed with Force Palm.


Unable to move, Zed struggled to move, but his body just didn’t respond to his orders. Pushing Zed onto the ground once again, Lucifer growled. He had the upper hand right now, and he could force the answers out of the Zangoose. Before he could say anything, however, he heard a familiar cry and he turned.


“Lucifer!” Xandra appeared behind him, running towards them both...wait, not both. She was running towards Zed instead of Lucifer, and that made Lucifer’s jaws drop. Then Lucifer shook his head, calming himself down, she was probably running towards Zed because she wanted to kick and hit him too. But then she stopped when she was next to Zed and shook him gently, helping him up slowly with a little smile on her face.


“Xandra...?” Lucifer asked, confused and worried, “Why are you helping him...?”


Xandra laughed as if Lucifer asked a horribly stupid question, and stared at him with an annoyed expression on her face, “Is that wrong, Lucifer? Helping someone that needs my help? Is helping the needy against the law?!” then Xandra gave the Zangoose a little nuzzle, and Lucifer felt all weak and painful in the inside, his stomach giving him a really unpleasant feeling.


Flabbergasted, Lucifer blinked, “B-But I thought you said we’re-we’re- and Wade said that we-” he stammered, not believe what he was seeing.


“We WERE, Lucifer. Not anymore. You’ve lost your memory, so I might as well leave your side.” Xandra pointed out, rolling her eyes as she helped Zed up, canceling the paralysis just by touching the Zangoose with a little psychic ability she had. Then she stepped back, arms crossed and watched the show, with a little, but wide, smirk on her face.


Suddenly Lucifer lost all the will to fight, and stood there, looking at the ground. All this searching for nothing? Xandra had changed sides, and was now siding with his enemy? He couldn’t believe all this, and couldn’t accept it right now. Not realising Zed walking closer to him, Lucifer took Zed’s all out attack without any defense, as Zed’s claws shimmered, then stabbed Lucifer in the stomach with his double black claws. Gasping as Zed pulled out his claws, his claws covered with Lucifer’s blood, the Lucario knelt on the ground, coughing up blood as he heard a heart-breaking laugh from Xandra.


Seeing that his enemy didn’t have the will to fight, Zed kicked him with his leg, and Lucifer tumbled towards the edge of the ground, towards a cliff where the water rapids were horribly powerful twenty meters below. Lucifer was about to fall, but he manage to cling onto a sharp rock before he fell, and held onto his dear life. Lucifer growled weakly as Zed approached him, knowing that he was about to kick him off the cliff, but he didn’t. He looked at Xandra and smiled.


“You decide his fate, my dear.” Zed smiled, and Lucifer’s eyes widened when Zed called her ‘my dear’. He didn’t know he she was really his mate before he had lost his memory, but he had a bad feeling inside of him, so Wade was probably right. She had meant a lot to him, and now she was siding with someone he hated the most. Lucifer looked at Xandra, and shot her a look that meant no, but Xandra ignored him and walked towards the Lucario. For a second there, Lucifer could see a tad of sympathy, real sympathy in her eyes, but then it was gone, and she yanked his paw off the rock, and sent him falling into the rapids below.


Lucifer fell into the water with a loud splash, and was quickly pushed under the water by the rapids. At least there weren’t sharp, jagged rocks below, so he didn’t need to die immediately, but he would eventually. Lucario aren’t a water type Pokemon, and he doubt that no Pokemon was able to survive in the swirling vortex of water. Game over. Closing his eyes, giving himself up, Lucifer felt a little tug, and then a stronger tug.


Wade? Lucifer looked at the little orange Buizel as he grabbed his arm, his feet and his double tail propelling himself upwards, towards the water surface. Since when was he here? He wasn’t on the ship...or was he? Pushing the question aside, he helped the Buizel by yanking himself upwards, finding it much easier to do so with another Pokemon’s help. He had a lot of questions in his head, but he would had to ask him when they were back on land.


Once Lucifer reached the water surface, he took a deep breath, his feet still padding like a dog on two legs, preventing him from sinking downwards again. Wade was panting for breath as he tried saving him, risking his own life in the process. Wade smiled at Lucifer, and the smile made Lucifer a little guilty for making him this tired, and wet. With an arm around Wade’s shoulder, the two Pokemon swam towards the pier, the rain stopping as the arrived on the little beach, located right next to the pier.


Climbing up the sandy beach, exhausted, Lucifer lied on the sand as the rain stopped, the clouds scattering in different directions. If Xandra really was helping Zed, then Wade was the only ally he had now. Lucifer sighed, looking into the sky.


“What is it, Lucifer?” Wade asked him, climbing onto the beach after him, shaking the water off his fur, his tall still spinning like a propeller in order to get rid of the water.


“I’ve gone this far just to find Xandra, and now she’s not even helping me anymore.” Lucifer sighed, depressed, “I might as well start a new life, be a stupid waiter in a class restaurant, and wear a tux that’s two sizes too small for me, with a hole in the middle in order for my chest spike to go through it. Then live on, just by eating tofu cup noodles!”


Frustrated, Lucifer punched the sand with his fists, leaving a hole, “But why is there a voice inside of me, telling me to continue? To find what I have lost? To unravel the mysteries of my past? A part of me is missing, a part of my memory, and my brain looks hollow and empty in the inside, not to mention all gooey and purple on the outside. I can’t let my fifteen years of memories disappear just like that, never knowing what I did, or who I was!”


“Well...what do you want to do now?”


“When Xandra kicked me into the water, the impact when I crashed into the rapids triggered something in my noggin. I remember images...but just two of them...” Lucifer told Wade, gaining some confidence, “In the first image..I see a large diamond. Bigger than my paw, glowing in the dark.”


“A diamond?!” Wade suddenly seemed very interested in what Lucifer was saying, and crawled towards him, “Tell me more. Where is it? How can we get it?”


“I can just see the diamond, Wade, nothing else.” Lucifer rolled his eyes, then moved on to his other image, “I can see more in this one. I can see snow. Lots of snow. And a two-storey house that has a green roof, covered in snow, and has six windows, with green window frames.”


“Snow?” Wade wondered for a moment, looking at the sand below, then looked at him, his eyes sparkling, “You mean Snowpoint?”

“Yes...maybe...probably...”

“Well, Lucifer,” Wade smiled, hopping to his feet once again, as if his energy had suddenly returned to him, “At least we know where to go now. A diamond that big...we can be richer beyond our wildest dreams!”
__________________


The most Caring Girlfriend/Pair Ever

PC Brothers:
SuperVegeta
[ silver ]
Miju-kun
Diamond1304/
Blaziken15
Rustymenon
InkHeart

PC Sisters:
Marina E. silver
Mzmingle
FlurryTheGlaceon
XxSweetDreamsxX

PC Family

FanFic
CSS


Reply With Quote
  #13    
Old May 23rd, 2011, 08:17 PM
Aura.Lucario's Avatar
Aura.Lucario
The Rivers will run red....
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: A Place that's not my cup of tea
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Send a message via Yahoo to Aura.Lucario
Here comes chapter six, people



Chapter Six - Snowpoint


To Lucifer’s surprise, there was a ship going from Iron Island to Snowpoint two hours after the battle, and he didn’t know if that was only a coincidence or not. This time Lucifer was a hundred percent sure that Wade’s on the ship, since he could hear constant blabbering and laughs coming from the kitchen.


After suffering from his screams and wails, the ship being quiet, actually didn’t sound like a bad idea. Lucifer was once again having a nice sun bathe on the ship deck, and since the black clouds were gone again, the rain wasn’t going to come back again in the next few hours. With Wade’s constant wailing inside the kitchen, which was unfortunately next to Lucifer, the black Lucario couldn’t even sleep.


Every time Wade screamed, Lucifer’s frowned, and the screams just happened to get louder and louder. Something snapped inside of Lucifer, and he decided to check things out. Pushing the sun lounger back to where it belonged he rushed towards the metal kitchen door. The laughing was much louder here, and he could hear some metal clashing inside. Pushing the door opened, Lucifer realised that he was in kitchen Hell.


Wade was jumping on the preparation tables, hopping from one bowl to another joyfully, as a Cincinno with a large white toque on her head chased the little devil on the table, screaming in another french-like language with a heavy accent. Wade hadn’t noticed Lucifer yet, and he continued to laugh, kicking the saucepans backwards, and onto the Cincinno’s face with a loud ‘twang’. Pushing the pan aside, the Cincinno continued to chase the Buizel, jumping from shelve to shelve, nearly slipping due to the slippery plates, resembling something that looked like a kitchen fight from Tom and Jerry.


“Wade what are you DOING?!” Lucifer wailed, his paws up in the air, waving them to get his attention. No reply. Not until Wade accidentally tripped on a rolling pin and fell down, face first onto a pot of meat sauce.


“Eating!” Wade answered, looking at him, his face covered with a red meaty substance. Lapping them all up Wade smiled, his teeth turned red and continued to run around the kitchen, trying everything he saw. He jumped over the sink that was full of water, and did a cartwheel before sweeping down, placing his paw on a cake covered with icing when he was upside down, and licked the icing off his paws as he got back onto his feet after the cartwheel, leaving a paw mark on top of the cake.


“They’re gonna kick us off the ship so cut that out!” Lucifer growled, starting at him with his red eyes, trying to snap him out of this...this nonsense. Now regretting what he said about ‘It was too quiet’ earlier when he was going to Iron Island, Lucifer ran forward and grabbed one of his tails, pulling him back. A small whimper came from the Buizel, but his other tail spun and slapped Lucifer as if it was an orange whip, leaving a red mark on the Lucario’s face.


With a helpless expression on Lucifer’s face, he held back a little growl and formed a little ball of Aura in his paws, Hadoken style, then released it, throwing it towards the Buizel. If pulling him, or asking him to stop wouldn’t work, then he had to do it by force. Wade was taken by surprise, and the ball carried him further as he pushed him, sending him flying towards the wall before exploding right before his stomach, the knives and chopping boards in the wall falling down like rain.


For one second Lucifer thought that he had gone too far, maybe that attack was too much for the little guy. But as the smoke cleared he saw Wade unharmed, a pot on his head like a hat. Wade’s cocky smile never disappeared from his face, and that made Lucifer even more annoyed. So that aura sphere didn’t do anything at all? Or was he just lucky?


Knowing that it was impossible to stop the little orange fur ball of destruction, Lucifer stormed out of the kitchen, now in a horrible mood. He shouldn’t had brought the little guy with him, but he seemed so excited when he heard about the diamond, so Lucifer decided to take Wade with him. What a large mistake he had made.


Finally the snowy city came into view, and Lucifer was so eager to get off the ship before Wade could do anything stupid, and people had to blame Lucifer instead. When the ship slowed down and started to park itself against the pier, Lucifer heard a giant explosion from behind, and sparks flew everywhere like fireworks. Then he heard a high pitch scream.


“YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!” Lucifer heard Wade’s cackle and gave himself the largest face palm ever, “My buddy Lucifer brought me here go blame HIM!”


Lucifer blinked and gulped, sweat rolling down his face nervously as he heard his name. People couldn’t get rid of Wade...so they were going to get rid of...with that thought in his mind, Lucifer jumped off the ship when it was near the pier and just swam towards the land before the Chefs charged towards him, holding pitchforks like angry folk.


The image appeared in his head again, this time, a little more clearly. The house had a pointy green roof, with green rectangular windows, four on the first floor, and two on the second. A little green circular window was located on the third floor, under the triangular roof that looked like an attic. The walls were made of white wood, and there was a little chimney on the right. The diamond picture, however, remained the same. The same blue sparkle, and the background had nothing special in it, just total blackness, making the diamond look even more precious.


When Lucifer climbed onto the snowy ground, he shivered. It was like -10 degrees Celsius there, hence all the snow, and he had just gotten out of the icy water. His teeth started to shake uncontrollably, his shoulders shivering in the coldness. The Lucario race isn’t really used to this kind of coldness. Brushing the water off his body, preventing ice from forming, he stepped onto the snowy path and scanned the town, looking for a house that matched his image. Every time he breathed, a white cloud of mist formed before his mouth, and Lucifer had never experienced something like that before, so he tilted his head and tried to blow it away like a naive child. He had never seen something like it...or had he?


Gusts of cold icy winds brushed against his fur, giving him a little numbness as the snowflakes landed on his black, oddly coloured fur, but that didn’t stop him from continuing. Compared to the other things that had happened, the coldness wasn’t that bad. Being kicked off a cliff and was heavily injured, now THAT’s much, much worse. Despite that, Lucifer was trying to forget what had happened, since it’ll affect his mood. Shaking his body and head like a dog, he flung all the water drops off his body, and when he was dry once again he looked at his wound. There was a little scar, but it wasn’t a tad obvious, and it was healing wonderfully thanks to Wade’s Aqua Ring and the potion he gave him.


The ship was still parking against the pier, so Lucifer had some time. Deciding not to wait for the little devil, Lucifer headed towards the rows of houses, built neatly in a line that were located near the red-roofed town center. The roofs of the houses were covered with a thick layer of white fluffy snow, but the colour was still visible if Lucifer looked hard enough. Fortunately, the colours of the roofs were different. Some were violet, some were black, some were as white as the snow above, and there was one that had an emerald green colou-


Lucifer paused. Emerald green, it matched the house in the image. His heart beating abnormally fast, he walked towards the house with white wooden walls and counted the windows as he stood before the main door. Lucifer took a deep breath and smiled as it had six windows, and a little circular one on top. With one final scan to see if other houses had the same traits, he stopped right before the door. He was about to knock on it, but then the door was flung open from the inside.


“Lucifer? What are you doing here?” A Gardevoir, with her dress-like body floating in the air magically, looked at him with a warm smile on her face, welcoming him, “Come in, come in.”

Lucifer was shocked as she mentioned his name. Did they know each other before? She was smiling at him as she pulled the confused Lucario into the warm cosy house, with a burning fireplace located at the corner. The floor was covered with a red carpet, and the places that weren’t covered were made of brown wooden planks. There were a lot of paintings on the wall, and before the fireplace was a nice-looking sofa and a little tea table.


Looking around cautiously, Lucifer wasn’t sure if he should trust this Gardevoir, but he didn’t have a choice to say yes as the Gardevoir told him to sit down. The Gardevoir still had a friendly smile on her face when Lucifer moved towards the sofa before the fireplace, which was still burning lively. Slowly, he sat on the sofa nervously and waited. The fireplace gave him warmth and the heat soothed him, but Lucifer didn’t let his guards down.


“Good to have you back, Lucifer.” the Gardevoir started as she danced around the room, her eyes still on the Lucario as she twirled around the table in front of him joyfully, “Where have you been?”


There, she said my name again. Lucifer started to panic, but he pretended that he was calm and steady, and grinned at her rather foolishly. He didn’t know what to say, and how much to say. She knew his name, so they’ve met before, that’s for sure, but he had no idea if she was good or not. Looks could be deceiving, Lucifer remind himself, he didn’t even know if she knew about the amnesia. His mouth like a big O, speechless, he cleared his throat.


“Nothing special...Jubilife, Canalave...Iron Island...” Lucifer started, then stopped at once when he mentioned Iron Island. Xandra’s kick, Xandra’s evil expression....Xandra changing sides...the scene flooded his mind, and he couldn’t think for a few seconds.


“We WERE, Lucifer. Not anymore. You’ve lost your memory, so I might as well leave your side.” Xandra pointed out, rolling her eyes as she helped Zed up, canceling the paralysis just by touching the Zangoose with a little psychic ability she had.


She had meant a lot to him, and now she was siding with someone he hated the most. Lucifer looked at Xandra, and shot her a look that meant no, but Xandra ignored him and walked towards the Lucario. For a second there, Lucifer could see a tad of sympathy, real sympathy in her eyes, but then it was gone, and she yanked his paw off the rock, and sent him falling into the rapids below----


Why, Xandra, Why?


“Lucifer? Lucifer!” the Lucario shook his head and snapped back into reality, stopping his flashback temporarily. Before him he saw a large Gardevoir hand, waving right before his eyes, “Snap out of it, Lucifer. Where’s Xandra, by the way?”


Lucifer blinked as he was brought back to reality, confused. Why, Xandra, Why? Why did she suddenly change sides? Why did she have to kick him off a cliff? If Wade didn’t save him in time he would be dead by now. When the Gardevoir asked about Xandra Lucifer’s looked up and stared at her. So she knows Xandra too. When Lucifer looked at her, she stared at him as if he was a lunatic or something, which made Lucifer look away, embarrassed.


“She’s still on Iron Island, I think...” Lucifer sighed and shook his head, recalling the scene where he fell, heartbroken, “And I’m sorry....I think i’ve lost my memory...”


“Oh dear, you have amnesia? That explains everything.” the Gardevoir placed her hand on her mouth and made a small gasp, “Then you’ve probably forgot all about me. I’m Sophia. Well, your name’s Lucifer Black, and Xandra’s your girlfriend-”


“Not anymore, Sophia.” Lucifer interrupted, looking at her with sad eyes. Sophia tilted her head, confused as she sat next to him, “She’s dumped me and she kicked me off a cliff on Iron Island.”


Sophia blinked, then looked at him, awestruck. If a Gardevoir that knew about Xandra’s this surprised, then it was normal for Lucifer to feel depressed. She got up and hovered around the room, her feet always a few centimeters above the floor, with a frown on her face. Lucifer swore that he heard her murmur that can’t be right, and Lucifer agreed with her.


“Then I see two images, and that’s all I can really remember. There’s a diamond, and it looks awfully familiar...I don’t know why.” Lucifer told her, then described the two images as detailed as he could, especially the diamond image, since the first one, the house, was already solved and found. Like Wade, she was really drawn in when she heard about the diamond, and for a few seconds Lucifer doubted that if she was trustworthy or not.


“Of course it looks familiar, Lucifer,” Sophia smiled and looked at him, her smile like a smile of a mother’s, “Because it’s here, in this house, and you’ve been here many times.”


Only now did Sophia and Lucifer notice a little orange Buizel starting at them from outside the window, which was right next to them. It was Wade, and Lucifer shot him a glance that meant Go away, but the Buizel stuck out his tongue and ignored him. Then Sophia saw him and her eyes widened, as if she saw a ghost or something.


“Who’s that?” Sophia asked, her voice trembling a little as she frowned, pointing at Wade, “How long has he been eavesdropping on us?”


“He’s a friend of mine...and I-I’m not sure.” Lucifer answered, looking at the Buizel.


“You have to leave now, it’s unsafe here.” Sophia suddenly said and stood up, pushing Lucifer towards the door in a hurry, “Stay in a hotel, but stay away from here, just don’t come near, and you don’t have to worry about me.”


Sophia’s voice was trembling, and someone Lucifer knew that when he said Wade’s his friend, Sophia wasn’t so sure about that. What’s wrong with Wade?


“L-Last question: Why do I come here often? And why do you know about Xandra? Who are you exactly?” Lucifer looked at her as she opened the door and she hesitated, but then she gave him a warm smile. Although she smiled at him, Lucifer could see some fearfulness inside her Gardevoir eyes.


“I’m Xandra’s mother. Now go!” She informed him, and before Lucifer could say anything else she pushed him with her psychic abilities and sent him out the door, then slammed the door shut behind him. Lucifer lost balance as she pushed him without warning and he landed onto a pile of snow outside, head first.


“Lucifer!” Wade called, running towards him, and yanked him out of the snow. Wade giggled when he saw Lucifer’s face, covered with a thin layer of snow, and washed the ice away with a little water pulse, placing his paw on Lucifer’s face. Lucifer looked at Wade, frowning, since Sophia looked so nervous when Wade arrived, but he couldn’t see what’s wrong with this little friendly Buizel. He saved him once, after all.


“We’re staying in a motel for the night.” Lucifer told him, still starting at him with those red glowing eyes of his, “By the way, what did you hear when you were eavesdropping on us?”


“Nothing, Lucifer. The glass was too thick. I was just searching the houses to see if you’re inside, and eureka!” Wade told him, smiling, still as energetic as yesterday, “Nothing at all.”
__________________


The most Caring Girlfriend/Pair Ever

PC Brothers:
SuperVegeta
[ silver ]
Miju-kun
Diamond1304/
Blaziken15
Rustymenon
InkHeart

PC Sisters:
Marina E. silver
Mzmingle
FlurryTheGlaceon
XxSweetDreamsxX

PC Family

FanFic
CSS


Reply With Quote
  #14    
Old May 23rd, 2011, 10:59 PM
SV's Avatar
SV
It was justified
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Sorry it took so long for me to finally check this out.

I'm not the best critique, but I'll give it a go. I like this story, although I get the feeling some of the paragraphs should be changed, or fixed. Some of them don't make sense, or feel out of place when I read it.


After suffering from his screams and wails, the ship being quiet, actually didn’t sound like a bad idea. Lucifer was once again having a nice sun bathe on the ship deck, and since the black clouds were gone again, the rain wasn’t going to come back again in the next few hours. With Wade’s constant wailing inside the kitchen, which was unfortunately next to Lucifer, the black Lucario couldn’t even sleep.

Besides having some grammar errors, it feels little weird reading this paragraph. The firs sentence doesn't make much sense to me when I read it, not sure what you're trying to say. Although it could just be a misplaced comma. The rest of it seems ok.

Also, I felt the whole "I have amnesia scene" a bit awkward, almost like this person expects to find someone with amnesia every day. It felt like she accepted the whole thing too fast, perhaps making her character a bit too simplistic. I feel there should be a bit more confusion with her, or at least uncertainty. Well, that's me personally.

As for everything else, it seems OK. In terms of story, this is pretty good. I like the characters as well. Wade's pretty entertaining. He had me smiling.

Besides a few minor mistakes and such, this was good. You are a talented writer and I hope you continue to write.
__________________

Paired with the Epic Raikiri
Reply With Quote
  #15    
Old May 24th, 2011, 11:06 PM
Diamond1304's Avatar
Diamond1304
Gym Leader
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Not here, at least.
Age: 17
Nature: Adamant
Yippee!~ Glad to see anther wonderfully-written chapter, though I'll just be here to take the goodness of things and just mention some stuff that I think require attention to you and possibly, correction..? XD

Quote:
The ship was still parking against the pier, so Lucifer had some time.
What makes a ship and a car different? Guess! xD
Ships dock whereas cars park!

Quote:
His heart beating abnormally fast,
I think you could put in some explanation why his heartbeat was rapid. For some people, faster heartbeats are actually normal, especially if they're diagnosed with a weak heart or disorder. :3

Quote:
When the Gardevoir asked about Xandra, Lucifer’s eyes looked up and stared at her.
This is the purr-fect place to add a comma!~
And Lucifer's what? Fingers? Nose? Armpits? XD

Quote:
If a Gardevoir that knew about Xandra’s this surprised, then it was normal for Lucifer to feel depressed.
Same as the aforementioned. Xandra's what? Her death? Insanity? Amnesia too?

Quote:
“Stay in a hotel, but stay away from here, just don’t come near, and you don’t have to worry about me.”.....“We’re staying in a motel for the night.”
Hotel or motel? Make up your mind, Lucifer! XD
Or were you disobeying Xandra's mom? Tsk tsk~ xP

All in all, I think this chapter was great so far. I had fun reading it and it only adds more excitement and anticipation in my veins to see the forthcoming chapters of this story! The kitchen scene was a funny bone. I liked how you brought out a foreshadow of the plot that has yet to come, how Gardevoir was afraid of something Lucifer didn't know and such.

Keep up the good work, I know you have something fabulous in there. You just need the time and effort to leash it out.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #16    
Old May 27th, 2011, 05:24 AM
Aura.Lucario's Avatar
Aura.Lucario
The Rivers will run red....
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: A Place that's not my cup of tea
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Send a message via Yahoo to Aura.Lucario
here's chapter 7! How many people are actually reading this? :/





Chapter Seven – Flames


Lucifer was fast asleep on his bed, his head rubbing against his pillow as it was giving him comfort as he slept. It was still snowing outside, and Wade didn’t close the windows before he slept, so Lucifer had to sleep under a large quilt in order to stay warm. His paws were out of his quilt, hanging on both sides of the bed, dangling as he snored softly, finally enjoying a good night sleep.


The lights were off in the little room, but there were no curtains in the cheap hotel, and the dim sunlight at dawn started to seep into the room via the windows, making the room a tad brighter. The room wasn’t too big, but Lucifer didn’t care the least, since the bed was soft and warm. Sleeping was the most important thing to him.


Suddenly Lucifer felt something bulge at the other side of the cramped room. He shook his head so he could see better, and opened one of his red Lucario eyes, scanning the room cautiously without letting anyone see his spying. It was Wade, wriggling on his bed which was separated with his by a little table.


Then he suddenly got up, and glanced around the room, not knowing that Lucifer was awake and headed towards the toilet. Judging by Wade’s black expressive eyes, he wasn’t sleepwalking, and was rather awake. Hearing the toilet door close with a small creak, Lucifer tossed to another side and yawned. Just a little toilet break. Nothing special. He thought, telling himself and slowly drifted off to sleep once again.


When Lucifer woke up again, the first thing he did was to check the time. Seven thirty A.M, ninety minutes after Wade’s toilet break. The room was brighter than before, as the sunlight outside was stronger now. Snowpoint was much colder at night, but in the daytime, the chilliness was so low that even a Lucario could handle…barely. Flinging the quilt aside he looked around. Wade wasn’t here. Getting up and walking towards the toilet, Lucifer peeked inside, half-expecting to see a naked Buizel inside. But then Lucifer chuckled at his own thought. Pokémon don’t wear clothes.


Lucifer grabbed a half-torn aqua-blue scarf which he found on the street yesterday and wrapped it around his neck. Maybe today Sophia, his mother in-law would tell him something he wanted to know. Maybe he could know more about himself. Excited to find out, he got the keys of the room and went to sign out, since Wade’s things were gone too.


“Thanks.” Lucifer said, handing the keys to the receptionist with his paws and exited the motel. A strong gust of chilly wind welcomed him as he walked out of the wind-proof lobby, blowing straight against his face like a giant leaf blower. Stumbling back a meter by this surprise, he stood straight, brushing his short Lucario fur with his paws so the fur wouldn’t tangle against each other.


Lucifer took a deep breath and took in a large quantity of cold, fresh air, but suddenly choked as he smelt something that shouldn’t be there – fire. Then he spotted a trail of black smoke in the sky, and ashes were flying everywhere. Tracing where the smoke came from, Lucifer followed the trail of smoke, his pacing getting faster and faster as he felt something went horribly wrong.


When he found the structure that was on fire, he stopped, awestruck. He blinked, then rubbed is eyes with his paws just to see if he was hallucinating, even though he knew he wasn’t. Why was the structure on fire? Lucifer had no idea but his feet weren’t listening to his brain commands and wouldn’t bulge, leaving the Lucario standing there, his eyes full of confusion and fear.


Sophia’s house was on fire.


The whole house was engulfed by a large ring of fire, and it was burning fast, since the house was mainly made of wood. Judging by the damaged house, the fire hadn’t started for long, but the fire was obviously growing rapidly, melting the snow that was once covering the white home. At this time, the other citizens were still asleep, and the last time Lucifer checked, there weren’t any fire departments nearby – the closest one was miles away.


Without a second thought, Lucifer rushed towards the flaming structure, and tumbled across the fire that was blocking the door. Pushing the door aside, Lucifer scanned the living room with his eyes to see if Sophia was there. She wasn’t. The whole house was full of smoke, but Lucifer was lucky that the fire hadn’t spread to the ground yet – it seemed to start on the first floor, where the bedrooms were.


Wiping the sweat off his forehead, he dashed towards the stairs, pushing the fire aside with weak gusts of aura energy, as he ran up the stairs. He started to choke, and the smoke was much darker and dense on the first floor, he found out. Placing his right paw on his mouth, his eyes narrowed because of the smoke, he turned and ran along the corridor. And I thought the ground floor’s hot. Lucifer complained as he walked slowly in the inferno, trying not to step onto the burning portraits and ornaments.


Then there it was – Sophia’s room, in the center of the fire where it was the hottest. Panting for breath in the flaming oven, Lucifer paced towards the room and kicked the door open with his foot. The fire was strongest here, and Lucifer’s found it difficult to breathe in the room. The fire was surrounding him, growing and growing, the heat attacking him from all sides. But Lucifer didn’t care as he saw Sophia lying on the floor in the middle of the room, struggling to breathe, shaking ever so weakly.


Generating his yellow one meter long aura bone by placing his paws together, he started to spin it in front of him as fast as he could, creating strong winds like a turbine as his spinning went faster and faster. When the fire was a tad weaker, he leaped and tumbled, jumping over the large flame and landed next to the weak Gardevoir.


Lucifer lifted her slowly and carried her, running back out of the room the way he came in. Sophia’s head turned slowly and looked at Lucifer as he carried her, with a little but fragile smile on her face. Not able to notice her little thankful grin, Lucifer charged down the stairs, but accidentally tripped as he couldn’t see where he was going and he tumbled down the stars, with Sophia tumbling behind him.


Walls and ceilings started to collapse as he ran, some of them nearly hitting him on the head. The wooden floor also started to burn, and Lucifer tried his best to endure the burns that was basically torturing his feet pads.


Lucifer slammed onto the floor with a loud thud, but he knew he had to get out of there, and caught Sophia as she fell, then with one last sprint, escaped the inferno as the house collapsed completely the moment he left the structure. Exhausted, Lucifer placed Sophia onto the snowy ground and collapsed next to her, panting as the house turned into rubble in a few minutes. Sophia was breathing weakly and had breathed in a lot of smoke, but she was able to survive the whole thing, and Lucifer was impressed.


“Lucifer!” Wade cried, the little Buizel running towards the Lucario with a squad of Blastoise and Blissey behind him. “I’ve brought the firemen and the medics!”


The Blastoise from the fire department surrounded the burning structure and fired their water beams at the house, showering the area with water like fountains. Even Wade joined the squad, putting out the fire as he spun his tail, generating currents and pulses of water. But they were a tad too late, and the house was so badly damaged, it couldn’t be repaired, and must be rebuilt from scratch. Even the wooden and metal frames of the house had vanished in the fire, and the pillars and girders were crumpled into bits. Four Blissey carried Sophia away towards their snowmobile, but Sophia struggled weakly as she was lifted off the ground, “I-I w-want t-to….L-Lucif-fer…”


Lucifer heard his name and quickly got up, ignoring his burns and walked to Sophia’s side, looking into her eyes pitifully, holding her hand with his paw, shaking it gently, “Sophia.”


“T-they,” Sophia spoke, unable to say anything without stammering as she was weak, “S-stole…” then she suddenly turned her head to one side and closed her eyes slowly, going into unconsciousness.


Lucifer whimpered and shook her, “Sophia! No!”


One of the Blissey checked her pulse and turned to Lucifer with a firm nod, then walked towards the snowmobile, holding Sophia gently with the other Blissey nurses. Before she left she turned and looked at Lucifer, “She’s going to be okay. She just needs some rest. I’ll take her back to the medical base. Don’t worry.”


The Blissey sped off, then the Blastoise squad followed behind. For one second there, everything was peaceful. Lucifer stood there, looking around. Peace and quiet, after all this. The citizens of Snowpoint were still asleep, and Lucifer betted that they won’t know a thing when they got up, and would only know what had happened when they spotted Sophia’s house.


When he thought everything was going back to normal again, a Pokémon pounced onto him from behind, pushing him onto the ground head-first. Lucifer couldn’t move his head, as the Pokémon behind him was pressing his head onto the ground firmly, but he could see a pair of Croagunk feet before him, then another pair, then another. The Croagunk gang had returned, but their numbers weren’t as much as before, when they first met. Some of the Croagunk had scars on them too, so Lucifer presumed that some of them had to go on vacation and heal themselves.


The Croagunk behind him pulled him up and grabbed his two arms, locking him, so he couldn’t struggle, and the others, four of them, were standing before Lucifer, rubbing their purple paws as if he was a wonderful delicacy or something. One of them, that seemed to be the leader of the little gang, walked forward, staring into Lucifer’s eyes with his cold ones. Lucifer and the Croagunk stayed silent, however, and kept starting at each other until the poison Pokémon couldn’t stand it anymore.


With a little growl, his paw, full of venom and poison, glowed purple, and pulled back, readying his attack that was aimed at Lucifer’s stomach. Lucifer closed his eyes, frowning, as he knew he couldn’t get out of this, and waited for the attack, ready to endure the poison, no matter how strong it was. He waited. And waited. Nothing. Opening his eyes again, he saw the leader of the gang flying in mid air, a purple barrier pushing away from Lucifer, and Lucifer could recognize that the purple barrier was an ability used by Psychic type Pokémon.


“Xandra?” Lucifer’s eyes widened and tilted his head when he saw a familiar Kirlia standing before him, fending off the Croagunk with her Psychic abilities. When another Croagunk charged towards her, the Kirlia’s eyes glowed and the toad Pokemon was lifted into the air, and was flung away. Then a green liquid-like sphere was formed before Xandra, and she pushed the energy ball towards another, blasting him towards the rubble.


Seeing that he’s alone, the Croagunk that was holding Lucifer from behind let go, and lunged towards Xandra. Seeing that he was now free, Lucifer jabbed the Croagunk with his elbow, then pushed him away with one blast of Aura, sending him tumbling on the snow like a bowling ball.


“Xandra?” Lucifer asked again when the Croagunk fled for their lives, uncertain if it was really her. But when he was certain about it, his eyes narrowed and he growled, “Xandra…!”


Knowing what the problem was, Xandra shook her head, tears all over her face and cheeks. She ran towards the Lucario and hugged her mate tightly, her tears making his shoulder fur all wet. Lucifer didn’t bulge and just stood there, waiting for her hug to end, since she did kick him off a cliff once…


“L-Lucifer I’m s-so sorry!” Xandra cried, breaking into tears, still leaning onto Lucifer softly, sobbing, “I h-had to kick you off…I had to! I didn’t want to!”



“Why is that?” Lucifer asked in a cautious tone, still not doing anything as she leaned onto his chest.


Xandra whimpered and levitated a few centimeters into the air so she was the same height as Lucifer and wailed, “Zed told me that if I kicked you off the cliff, he won’t bother you anymore! But he lied to me! He lied! I’m so sorry! I didn’t know he could be that cunning!”


Lucifer went into deep thought for a few seconds. She sounded rather reasonable, and she kicked him off because she didn’t want him to get hurt…not the best solution to the problem…but her goal was certain. Slowly, Lucifer wrapped his arms around her waist, stroking her gently as a gesture of forgiveness.


“Oh Lucifer…” Xandra spoke softly in happiness, hugging her mate gently, feeling his warmth as he wrapped his arms around her, “I have so much to tell you, but I gotta be fast, and I have to tell you before he arriv-“


“Before who arrives?” Zed emerged from the trees nearby, the annoying smirk still on his face, cracking his knuckles as he walked towards the couple, “What’s there to hide, my love?”


Lucifer wanted to puke again when he said those two words, especially when he was talking about his mate, but he stayed silent and waited for Xandra to say something. Xandra’s eyes were instantly full of fear and horror when she saw the Zangoose and let go of Lucifer quickly, stammering, “N-Nothing, Zed!”


“Did you tell your ex-mate about us?” Zed smiled, and Lucifer couldn’t tell if his smile was evil or pitiful, “Well I can show him, my love.”


Zed stopped before Lucifer and shoved Xandra aside, then cackled as he handed Lucifer a little photo, 3R size. Lucifer looked at Zed with a confused look, then looked at Xandra, with a terrified expression on her face, then slowly looked at the photo, reaching for it with his paw. It was a photo of Zed force-kissing Xandra in the room located in Iron Island, where Xandra was pressed onto the wall, in one of the corners of the room, but in this picture, the angle taken by the camera changed the story.


Since Xandra’s eyes were closed, her hands around Zed’s waist, it was like she was actually enjoying it from this angle. But only Xandra and Zed knew that she was actually trying to push him away, and her eyes were closed because she didn’t want to see him. Lucifer didn’t know that, however, and he was flabbergasted.


“X-Xandra…” Lucifer blinked, his breathing getting heavier and heavier and looked at the Kirlia, surprise written all over his face.


“It’s not like what you think, Lucifer, I was-“ Xandra protested, tears rolling off her cheeks once again, but Zed interrupted her by placing his claw on her mouth.


“She was kissing me like a professional, Lucifer. And she liked it very much. Emphasis on the ‘very’.” Zed smirked, and mimicked the position where he kissed her, “Oh and we did much more than that-“


Before Zed could finish, Lucifer’s paw glowed, and the photo was blasted into smithereens. A large drop of tear dropped onto the snowy ground from Lucifer’s eyes, and he turned. He ran away from the two, devastated once again, for the second time.


“And I trusted you for a second back then…it was all a trick…” Lucifer grumbled, his voice getting unclear because of his sobbing, “It was all a trick…”


“Lucifer, no! Wait! Come back! Please! I love you!”


Lucifer didn’t care anymore…he had been hurt for the second time.
__________________


The most Caring Girlfriend/Pair Ever

PC Brothers:
SuperVegeta
[ silver ]
Miju-kun
Diamond1304/
Blaziken15
Rustymenon
InkHeart

PC Sisters:
Marina E. silver
Mzmingle
FlurryTheGlaceon
XxSweetDreamsxX

PC Family

FanFic
CSS


Reply With Quote
  #17    
Old May 27th, 2011, 06:16 AM
ElectricScyther's Avatar
ElectricScyther
The lessons we learn
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Hell on Earth (Or Texas, if you must.)
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Sassy
Hmm, very good. The language is very descriptive and paints a clear picture of the story, and the characterization is good, although at times the protagonist, Lucifer, seems a bit too perfect. I particularly like the way Lucifer doesn't know what is happening around him, which is good compared to many stories I've read or even written myself where the protagonist knows exactly what to do, or has a close friend fit that role. The way the thoughts and feelings of Lucifer cut clearly to you marks a good writing quality. I've noticed that many good stories put you in the protagonist's position, and that's exactly what's happening here.
However, this fanfic has its flaws. I already mentioned that Lucifer sometimes seems too perfect, and other characters seem to be in the story for little reason at all. Giving these characters other roles would help, and you could fix Lucifer's problem by adding a couple of character flaws that challenge him. Not knowing anything is a start, but by itself doesn't work. Maybe he approaches this issue less than perfectly, showing a character flaw that may recur through the story.
Then there's the problem that none of the many questions in the story have answers. This leaves me somewhat confused, depending on the action to understand everything. While the confusion may be the technique that marks this story apart from the others, it would be nice if some questions were answered at some point in the story.
Finally, there seems to be a chapter sequence involving a fight scene, a conversation, and some other challenge against Lucifer (for example, Sophia's house catching on fire, Xandra switching sides, conflicts with Wade, etc.). Each chapter somehow seems to repeat the earlier ones. A good way to fix this would be to have chapters focus on one or two connected events, like an entire chapter that's a fight scene, or for the "house on fire" incident, you could end the previous chapter with Lucifer discovering the burning house, and then have the next chapter end with Sophia blacking out just before revealing what was stolen.
Perhaps what I'm driving at is that the chapters are too broad, and end weakly. One technique I've picked up is to leave a chapter with some problem. I gave an example in the last paragraph, but there are many other ways. You could have had Lucifer smell something burning first, then in the next chapter actually find the burning house and end with the Croagunk's ambush.
All in all though, this is very good, and I say this because I've written fanfics myself, and this goes beyond them. Keep it up, Aura.
__________________

Taio Cruz -- Dynamite


Reply With Quote
  #18    
Old May 28th, 2011, 04:58 AM
Blaziken15's Avatar
Blaziken15
You gotta purty mouth!
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: You know, the place, with the thing, and the stuff
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Hardy
Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Blaziken15
Oooh, what an ending to that chapter. I wonder how Lucifer will deal with all of this.

This chapter had to one of my favorites. The scene when Zed showed Lucifer the picture of him force kissing Xandra was so descriptive, I could focus on it and really picture it in my mind.

But one thing with this story is each chapter is similar in some way. Try to change up how things happen in the next chapters.
Reply With Quote
  #19    
Old June 4th, 2011, 10:22 PM
Aura.Lucario's Avatar
Aura.Lucario
The Rivers will run red....
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: A Place that's not my cup of tea
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Send a message via Yahoo to Aura.Lucario
Sorry for the long wait people, I'm rather busy at the moment! Yes....the chapters are similar...but the thing is, my chapters need to stay in the 2500-3000 word area, and adding more will make the number of words, you know, different.
__________________


The most Caring Girlfriend/Pair Ever

PC Brothers:
SuperVegeta
[ silver ]
Miju-kun
Diamond1304/
Blaziken15
Rustymenon
InkHeart

PC Sisters:
Marina E. silver
Mzmingle
FlurryTheGlaceon
XxSweetDreamsxX

PC Family

FanFic
CSS


Reply With Quote
Reply
Quick Reply

Sponsored Links
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Minimum Characters Per Post: 25



All times are UTC -8. The time now is 03:10 PM.


Style by Nymphadora, artwork by Sa-Dui.
Like our Facebook Page Follow us on Twitter © 2002 - 2014 The PokéCommunity™, pokecommunity.com.
Pokémon characters and images belong to The Pokémon Company International and Nintendo. This website is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Nintendo, Creatures, GAMEFREAK, The Pokémon Company or The Pokémon Company International. We just love Pokémon.
All forum styles, their images (unless noted otherwise) and site designs are © 2002 - 2014 The PokéCommunity / PokéCommunity.com.
PokéCommunity™ is a trademark of The PokéCommunity. All rights reserved. Sponsor advertisements do not imply our endorsement of that product or service. User generated content remains the property of its creator.