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Old June 16th, 2011, 12:26 PM
Zy-Reji-Mario-Zylon's Avatar
Zy-Reji-Mario-Zylon
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Chapter 1:[/SIZE]
“Mario get up today is the day” I opened my eyes and heard my best friend Camron who lived right beside me was hitting my closed bedroom door. Give me a second I’ll meet you down stairs. I said. I jumped out of my bed and put on my swaggest close I had and ran down stairs. “There he is my little Pokémon trainer”! I heard my mom say. “Mario dear I’ll tell ty that you’re leaving promise to call us”. My mom said as we walked out the door. Camron I’ll race you to the Pokémon lab. I said. Camron smiled. “You’re on”! Camron said. Camron and I both grabbed our bikes and started pedaling and a couple minutes later Camron beet me to the lab I jumped off the bike and we both ran inside and saw professor Joey standing in front of a snivy, tepig, and oshawott on one side and a snivy, tepig, and oshawott on his other. Camron and I stared at the Pokémon. "Hello young trainers your journey begins here but I have a task for you before you two can do anything here”. Professor Joey said. “Um, what are you talking about we are going to become the best Pokémon trainers ever”! Camron said. I smiled. “I’m saying I want you two to go to the sinnoh region and show them your Pokémon and show them that the unova region is a great place to visit and we have lots of customs here tell you what if you guys go I’ll give you your starter Pokémon”. Camron looked at me and I nodded. Okay we’ll do it plus if we didn't you would still give us the Pokemon but I all ready know who I want give me oshawott? I asked. “Then I want tepig”! Camron said. A few seconds later professor Joey gave Camron a pokeball it was blue with red on the side with white on the bottom and six normal red and white pokeballs then Professor Joey gave me a ice blue pokeball with white at the bottom and six normal red and white pokeball. Thank you very much. I said. “Remember boys you can carry up to six Pokémon with you meet me at the Pokémon lab at noon”. Professor Joey said. Hey don’t we get a pokedex as well professor j? I asked. “I knew I forgot something instead of an x-watch the x-watch has a built in pokedex, cell phone, camera, and of course a watch”. Professor Joey said. Professor Joey walked in and out of a door holding a blue and red watch. “Is this it”? Camron asked. Professor Joey asked. I grabbed the blue one and Camron grabbed the red one and we put them on right when I put it on red squares floated around on the screen. “Mario to get camron’s number just say sync same goes for you Camron”. Professor Joey said. “Alright then x-watch sync”! Camron said. Suddenly the screen on my x-watch turned black and had Camron’s name on it. Sweet! I said. “If you want to know what moves a Pokémon has just say scan Pokémon or I you want to look up a Pokémon just say search and the name of the Pokémon”. Professor Joey said. “One last thing if you want to catch a Pokémon you two have three hours go have fun and tell your mom about everything. I looked at the x-watch and saw six holes the size for a ping pong ball to fit in. hey professor Joey what are these holes for. I asked. “That’s a great question Mario if you click your pokeball two times I shrink to the size of a ping pong ball you can put the miniature pokeball in the hole”. Professor Joey explained. Camron and I walked out of the Pokémon lab and road our bikes back home a few minutes later camron’s dad gave Camron a red back pack and gave me a blue back pack that had four ultra balls, three great balls, one lure ball, five heavy balls, a premier ball, and last a cherish ball. My mom and ty waved goodbye as we road to the forest a few minutes later we stopped near a lake. Camron looked at his x-watch. “Hey Mario don’t we have to be back at the Pokémon lab at noon”? Camron asked. That’s what professor j said. I said. “Then we only have twenty minutes to catch a Pokémon”! Camron yelled. Camron peddled until I couldn’t see him. I guess catching a Pokémon is that serious to him? I said. I jumped on my bike but when I looked towards the lake I saw a Pokémon flying a few inches above the lakes surface I just turned around and kept peddling like I didn’t see a thing. A couple minutes later I ran into a pansage that was sitting on a tree branch. Okay then oshawott come on out. I grabbed the miniature blue and white pokeball clicked it and threw it in the air when it opened a white light hit the ground and when the light disappeared oshawott appeared. How did it go again oh yeah x-watch scan Pokémon. Suddenly a blue light shot from the side of the x-watch I aimed the blue light at oshawott and it said that oshawott could use water gun, and razor shell. Here we go oshawott use razor shell! I said. Oshawott grabbed the shell on its body and held it as a blue light shot from and swung it at pansage but at the last second the pansage jumped on the ground and oshawott landed in front of me. Okay oshawott pansage is fast so use water gun then follow up with an razor shell. Oshawott shot water from its mouth and pansage jumped on a tree to get out of the way and the second pansage landed oshawott’s shell shot out a blue light and oshawott jumped up and hit pansage with it. Great now oshawott finish it with water gun. Suddenly the pansage jumped up and shot I giant green ball at oshawott the same time that oshawott shot the water gun. The water gun and giant green ball clashed together. Now oshawott one more time use water gun! I yelled. Oshawott took a deep breath and shot another water gun. The water gun hit the pansage and it hit a tree unconscious. Here I go! I dug threw my back pack and randomly grabbed a great ball I opened my back pack and picked up a miniature blue pokeball with red lines in the side I click the pokeball and I grew to the size of a baseball I threw the pokeball and it hit pansage on the head a red beam hit pansage and it went inside the pokeball the pokeball shook the time and completely sealed. Sweet I caught a pansage! Oshawott smiled. You did great oshawott. I said. I walked and picked up pansage’s pokeball I clicked it twice and put it in one of the holes. Suddenly I felt the x-watch vibrate I looked at it and it had Camron on it. How do I answer this thing? Suddenly I herd camron’s voice. “Hello Mario are you there do you know what time it is you need to be at the Pokémon lab now!” Camron said. Alright I’m on my way. As I ran to jump on my bike I noticed my back pack was on the ground I picked it up and it felt a little heaver. After that I jumped on my bike and peddled to the Pokémon lab and when I got there I saw a jet beside the lab. I walked in the lab and saw a dude and Camron talking. Hey Camron where is professor j? I asked. “He’s in the jet he wanted us to wait for you Mario this is Tyson”. “Nice to meet you”. Tyson said. Hi so are you coming as well? I asked. “Yep I wana see the sinnoh region Pokémon and catch some as well plus Camron told me we could all travel together”. Well welcome aboard. I said. “Hey boys come on let’s go”! Professor Joey yelled out a window. We better get going guys. I said. So we walked in the jet you couldn’t tell it was a jet from the inside. A few hours later we where half way to sinnoh. Hey Tyson what Pokémon do you have? I asked. “Better to show you then tell”. He said. Tyson clicked three pokeballs and threw them in the air when they opened a tranquill, panpour, and snivy appeared. “My turn okay everyone come on out”. Camron clicked three pokeballs and threw them in the air when the pokeballs opened minccino, tepig, and pansear appeared. Don’t leave us out time to party! I grabbed my two pokeballs clicked them and threw them in the air when they opened a white lights hit the floor and when the lights disappeared oshawott, and pansage appeared. All of the Pokémon started to play tranquill, minccino, oshawott and tepig were running around Tyson's stood calmly and looked at the clouds threw a window pansage, pansear, and panpour ran around in circles. “X-watch sync”. Suddenly the screen on the x-watch turned black and had Tyson and Camron’s name in list form. “Boys return your Pokémon we’re landing”. Professor Joey yelled. “Finally pansear, and tepig return”! Camron held the pokeballs and a red beam hit his Pokémon and they went back into the pokeballs Camron clicked the pokeballs and put them in holes. Alright then oshawott and pansage return! I held the three pokeballs in my hand and a red beam hit the Pokémon when they were completely in the pokeball I clicked them and put them in the x-watch holes. Before Tyson could return his Pokémon we had a rough landing. “We’re here I hope your Pokémon are gone”. Professor Joey said. “Quick everyone return”. Tyson held the pokeballs and the red light returned the Pokémon into the balls. Professor Joey walked out from the pilot door and looked at us. Suddenly one of my pokeballs popped out of a hole and when it opened oshawott started to jump around. “It looks like oshawott is excited as well Mario”. Camron said. Okay oshawott you can travel outside of your pokeball. I said. As soon as I said that oshawott jumped on my shoulder. I guess you don’t feel like walking huh. I said. “Okay boys are you ready to see the sinnoh region”? Professor Joey asked. We all nodded and walked out of the plane and as we walked out we saw lot’s of people crowd around us. “I have never seen that Pokémon before”. A girl said. “I wonder who those guys are”. I boy said. “So professor j what are we going to do”? Camron asked. “You three can do anything you want I’m going to check on an old friend meet me back at the plane in two hours”. Professor Joey said. We walked off the steps and followed a road path and a few minutes later two kids stepped in front of us and oshawott jumped behind me and hid behind my leg. “Hey tom look at what we got here”. The kid on the right said. “I don’t know Tim looks like some newbie’s”. Tom said. “Oh yea let’s have a tag battle me and Mario vs. you two”! Camron said. “Okay then your on”. Tom said. Oshawott walked in front of me and started to jump around. “Glameow come on out”. Tom said. “Now crogunk rise and shine”! Tim said. Tom and Tim grabbed a pokeball and clicked them as they grew it opened and two white lights hit the ground and when they disappeared a gray Pokémon with white tips at its ears and mouth a tail that curved into circles three times. The other Pokémon had blue skin orange cheeks black eyes two black fingers and an orange middle finger on each hand. Oshawott step up on the battle field. I said. Oshawott stepped 10 feet away from crogunk. “Don’t leave us out tepig show them who’s boss”. Camron said. Camron threw tepig’s pokeball and when it opened tepig stood beside oshawott. “Here we go Glameow use scratch”. Tom said. Tom’s Glameows claws grew longer and sharper. Tom’s Glameow jumped up and swung its claws at oshawott. Quick oshawott dodge it and then use water gun. As soon as I said that oshawott jumped out of the way of Glameow’s scratch and shot it with water gun the Glameow land beside Tim’s croagunk unconscious. “Wow Mario that was faster than I thought”. Camron said. I looked at oshawott with surprise. Tom held glameow’s pokeball and Glameow went back in. I had no idea oshawott was this strong I better let camron handle croagunk. I said to myself. “Now croagunk use brick break”. Suddenly Tim’s croagunk’s right hand had a white glowed and Tim’s croagunk jumped up and hit Camron’s tepig and tepig slammed on the ground. “Okay croagunk finish it use shadow ball wild fire style”. Tim said. Tim’s croagunk stood still as camron’s tepig stood. Suddenly Tim’s croagunk shot 10 giant purple balls at oshawott and tepig. Quick oshawott use your shell as a shield. I said. Oshawott jumped in front of tepig and blocked all of the shadow balls. “Now tepig use roll out”! Camron yelled. Tepig jumped over oshawott curled in a ball and rolled faster and faster until it hit Tim’s croagunk unconscious. “No way I could lose to two newbie’s”. Tim said. “Oh yeah well believe it”. Tyson said. “And who are you their body guard”? Tim asked. I looked at Tyson because he did look a little like a body guard because of his height and he looked like he hadn’t been inside of a couple of weeks. “No they’re my friends”. Tyson said back. Tim put croagunk back in its pokeball and Tim and tom walked away. “You guys are good”. A girl said. We looked to my left and saw a girl with a red shirt and a blue skirt sitting on a tree limb. Thanks it was nothing though oshawott and I are beginners. I said. “And so are me and tepig”. Camron said. “Wait a minute you guys are from the unova region right”. The girl asked. “Well of course”. Tyson said. The girl looked exited. “That means you guys have the started Pokémon right”? she asked. We nodded. “Can you please show me”? she asked. Suddenly oshawott and camron’s tepig jumped in front of her. “Okay snivy rise and shine”. Tyson said. Tyson grabbed Snivy’s pokeball from his x-watch clicked and threw it in the air when it opened a white light hit the ground beside oshawott and tepig and when it disappeared snivy appeared. The girl stared at our Pokémon and then looked at us. “You showed me the beginning Pokémon of the unova region I’ll show you one of the sinnoh regions starter Pokémon oh and by the way my name is Ashley”. She said. Ashley grabbed a normal pokeball from her pocket clicked and threw it in the air when it opened a white hit the ground in front of tepig, oshawott, and snivy when the light disappeared and a Pokémon with a twig and two leafs on it’s head it a giant yellow mouth black eyes yellow feet and a black and brown shell. X-watch scan Pokémon. I said. Suddenly a blue light shot from the x-watch and I aimed it at the Pokémon. After that a picture of the Pokémon appeared and it said. Turtwig the tiny leaf Pokémon turtwig tends to be non-violent. As a show that it cares some turtwig have been known to chomp their trainer’s head. The leaf on its head will wilt if it is thirsty. As a result, it lives in areas that are close to lakes.Ashley started to smile. Suddenly Ashley’s turtwig jumped up and chomped on Ashley’s head. “Okay well it was nice meeting you”. She said. Ashley and her turtwig walked away until we couldn’t see them. “She was pretty nice”. Tyson said. We better find professor j. I said. Suddenly oshawott jumped and shot my back pack and suddenly a Pokémon about a foot and four inches with blue fur on its back side brown fur everywhere else and light brown fur on its face black eyes and a pink nose. “Wow Mario when did you get a lillipup”? Camron asked. I don’t know it must have somehow got in my backpack when it was on the ground. I said. The lillipup started to growl at me and oshawott. “Lili pup pup”. The lillipup said. Oshawott use water gun! I yelled. Oshawott jumped up and shot the water gun at lillipup but it dodged before we knew it. Oshawott come back let’s give pansage a try. I said. Oshawott jumped and landed beside my leg. I grabbed pansage’s pokeball from my x-watch clicked and threw it in the air when it opened a white light hit the ground and when it disappeared pansage appeared. Suddenly the lillipup ran and tackled pansage. Pansage are you okay? I asked. Pansage stood up and nodded. “Mario that move was tackle”. Tyson said. Okay pansage use brick break! I yelled. Pansage’s hand glowed white and pansage hit lillipup with a lot of damage. “Mario lillipup is weak try to catch it”. Camron said. Okay here I go. I walked to my backpack and picked up a normal pokeball I clicked it and threw it at lillipup. Lillipup when inside the pokeball and it was completely sealed. I picked the pokeball up and held it in the air. Alright I caught a lillipup! I said. “Great we should go to a Pokémon center”. Tyson said. Sure thing where is it? I asked. I looked to my left and saw a red building with a giant pokeball at the top of it we walked inside and a man was standing behind a counter. Hey is this the Pokémon center? I asked. “Well of course my name is Jerry striker but you may call me Mr. Striker. He said. Can you heal our Pokémon? I asked. “Well you didn’t come here to chat did you”? Mr. Striker asked. I grabbed the two pokeballs and handed them to Mr. Striker and oshawott jumped out my backpack and on the counter. “I haven’t seen an oshawott since I went on vacation to the unova region, tell me is Professor Joey here”? He asked. Yeah he is somewhere around here. I said. Tyson grabbed his three pokeballs and handed them to Mr. Striker and so did camron and Ashley. A couple minutes latter Mr. Striker showed up with a cart with oshawott and tepig standing on it and the other pokeballs. I grabbed the two pokeballs and oshawott jumped off the cart and in my back pack. I smiled. camron grabbed his pokeballs and his tepig jumped in his jacket.

i told it was a lot any way i had a lot more but some how i lost it lol

Last edited by Astinus; June 16th, 2011 at 06:30 PM. Reason: Making font smaller under general principle
  #2    
Old June 16th, 2011, 04:11 PM
JX Valentine's Avatar
JX Valentine
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First and foremost, you'll want to check out this thread. The short form of it is basically that if you don't set your work properly, it kills some readers' eyes. I know that if I read a huge, endless block of text on a computer screen, I literally start to get dizzy. So, in all seriousness, I can't read your work because it's a wall of text instead of separate paragraphs. It doesn't get better when the red text comes along because Johto Elite + bright red text = not fun.

Second, if you're typing in the post reply/new thread box (as in, you're hitting "New Thread" or "Post Reply" in order to write your story), that's something you'll want to steer away from doing for the exact reason you just encountered: you rushed (and lost part of your work anyway). Instead, work on a word processor like OpenOffice, Google Docs, or Microsoft Word. That way, you can save your chapter as you go along, spell check and proofread without much of a problem, and give yourself more time to develop your ideas.

Edit: It occurs to me that you're fairly new here and that some of the skins don't exactly make links obvious. (Really, guys? Really?) So here's the URL I want you to check out: http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=237563
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Last edited by JX Valentine; June 16th, 2011 at 04:17 PM.
  #3    
Old June 16th, 2011, 04:36 PM
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bobandbill
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Wow, uh... yeah, as JX Valentine said check that thread. The whole post hurts my eyes - it's just way too big, bold is never a good idea, and the lack of paragraphing is also a big no. Centring the text is also discouraged - ideally you want to make it as easy as possible for someone to read your story.

Furthermore - wrong section. This Writer's Lounge subsection is for discussions on writing or the sort, while the main section is for posting your fic. However as the way it is now I wouldn't class it as readable (a FF&W rule) and as you said:
Quote:
i told it was a lot any way i had a lot more but some how i lost it lol
and the FF&W rules state:
Quote:
Do not post unfinished work.
If your chapter is not finished, then there is no need to post it. Use a word processing program to type your fic in so you can have all the time to work on it. An unfinished chapter/story will result in a closed thread.
I'll be closing this - you can repost it in the right section as normal default size text without font colours or bolding or whatnot, and when you have the full chapter to post (you can take your time writing up the full thing in a word processing program e.g. Word, Googledocs, OpenOffice (the latter two being free to use).
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Old June 16th, 2011, 06:28 PM
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Astinus
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I'll also suggest looking into getting a beta reader to help you with grammar, spelling, and other writing good stuff before you actually post your story. You can ask for one here: http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=203490
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