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  #1    
Old August 3rd, 2011, 08:37 AM
JalordaSerpent's Avatar
JalordaSerpent
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Made with RPG Maker XP. Language: English
Welcome to the Official Pokémon: Swords of Mystery Thread!



In the beginning, there was the light and the darkness. The light was forged by the one they called Arceus. The darkness was forged by the Pokemon known as Kyurmai. Now, Arceus took the forged light and made a beautiful world, a one full of of its own kind, Pokemon. Then, Arceus saw that the Pokemon needed companions, companions not of their own kind. So Arceus forged the race known as Humans. Humans took Pokemon as friends and took them on adventures. Humans and Pokemon worked together to solve mysteries and they both battled together against other players. These Humans were called Pokemon Trainers. But...., Kyurmai, the forger of the darkness, saw that this world was too wonderful. So he took that beautiful world and infected it with darkness. Out of that darkness came Humans that don't care about the bond between Pokemon and Humans. They just cared about using Pokemon as tools. So, all of the newly created, darkness forged Humans went together and formed groups known as Team Rocket, Team Aqua, Team Magma, Team Galactic, and Team Plasma. Now, Arceus saw what Kyurmai did and Arceus used his power and created a world, an opposite world, called the Mystery Zone. Then, Arceus fought Kyurmai and banished Kyurmai to the Mystery Zone. Kyurmai raged for centuries. But, to get out of the Mystery Zone, he forged the Seven Swords of Mystery. Kyurmai then used this power and broke through out of the Mystery Zone and into the world inhabited by Humans and Pokemon. But, two heroes fought Kyurmai and managed to banish Kyurmai back to the Mystery Zone. But while doing that, the Seven Swords of Mystery were scattered to random parts of this world. And so, this world has remained that way.....until now.
To be edited soon.


You have been chosen by Steven Stone, the Pokemon Professor of the Winneon Region, to go on a Pokemon Adventure. Apparently, Steven thinks you have some great potential. So, when you begin this story, you are making it happen. There is no future of what's going to happen when you go on this adventure. You'll meet new Pokemon, make friends, and bond with Pokemon. So, there is no more to be written.
To be edited soon.







Need new sprite. This is just a temporary Spinarak.


Need to clean sprite.


Need to clean sprite.


JalordaSerpent7 - Mapper, Scripter, Spriter overall
OminousMix - Fakemon Spriter

Currently looking for the following positions:

  • Scripter
  • Spriter
  • Composer
  • Overworld Spriter
  • Overall Help

Neo-Spriteman - Tiles
Kyledove - Tiles
OminousMix - Fakemon
Enterbrain - RMXP

If I missed anyone, please say so by posting in this thread!

I really need some spriting help! If you are interested, please say so.

Credit to FlamingText.com for images (flashy text).

Hope you liked my first fan-game!

The above CSS will only be shown correctly in Mozilla Firefox.
Let somebody else try first.
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Last edited by JalordaSerpent; August 4th, 2011 at 06:04 AM.
  #2    
Old August 3rd, 2011, 03:23 PM
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flamemaster
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first comment!
anyways, the legend seems kinda generic and weird. the map you have shown us seems pretty good, except, that the grass seems kinda generic, try changing it up here and there, the overworld, seems to look like rock lee, also there doesnt seem to be much shading and overall it doesnt look that good. those of the starters that are actually scratched, look flat and disproportinal, i would advise you to fix up the shading, and concepts seem boring, like i've seen them before a million times.
overall, this game need a lot of work, hope you can pull it off.
Kickin it, old school
Grass - Fire - Water
Who will you choose?
  #3    
Old August 3rd, 2011, 09:03 PM
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cruciFICTION
A Cruciform Kaleidoscope
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Brisbane
Age: 22
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I have to agree with flamemaster. This does require a lot of work.
Step-by-step critique time.

Quote:
In the beginning, there was the light and the darkness. The light was forged by the one they called Arceus. The darkness was forged by the Pokemon known as Kyurmai. (the natural assumption after reading this is that there must have been a time before light and darkness then, which makes your "in the beginning" a bit of a redundancy) Now, Arceus took the forged light and made a beautiful world, a one full of of its own kind, Pokemon. Then, Arceus saw that the Pokemon needed companions, companions not of their own kind. So Arceus forged the race known as Humans. Humans took Pokemon as friends and took them on adventures. Humans and Pokemon worked together to solve mysteries and they both battled together against other players. These Humans were called Pokemon Trainers. But...., Kyurmai, the forger of the darkness, saw that this world was too wonderful. So he took that beautiful world and infected it with darkness. Out of that darkness came Humans that don't care about the bond between Pokemon and Humans. They just cared about using Pokemon as tools. (why would a pokémon, even a spiteful one, do this? It seems more likely they'd go on an epic rampage and just destroy the things they don't like, right?) So, all of the newly created, darkness forged Humans went together and formed groups known as Team Rocket, Team Aqua, Team Magma, Team Galactic, and Team Plasma. (... please, please don't do that) Now, Arceus saw what Kyurmai did (this just makes me think "i c wut u did thar") and Arceus used his power and created a world, an opposite world, called the Mystery Zone. Then, Arceus fought Kyurmai and banished Kyurmai to the Mystery Zone. Kyurmai raged for centuries. But, to get out of the Mystery Zone, he forged the Seven Swords of Mystery. Kyurmai then used this power and broke through out of the Mystery Zone and into the world inhabited by Humans and Pokemon. But, two heroes fought Kyurmai and managed to banish Kyurmai back to the Mystery Zone. But while doing that, the Seven Swords of Mystery were scattered to random parts of this world. And so, this world has remained that way.....until now.
So, this has some potential. Most of the potential lies in "Why aren't the police stopping that dreadful, dreadful child with that horrible weapon!?"

Quote:
So, there is no more to be written.
Actually, there will be more to be written if you ever want this to get into the Showcase. You need 15 lines of plotline, and that legend won't count, since it's really just a mythos for your world.

What I really want to ask is "Why Steven?" He's from Hoenn, not Winneon. If you're going to make him a pokémon professor somewhere else, you should probably make him older. Steven isn't even a kind of tree, last time I checked, and if it is, I haven't heard of it.

You should probably work on those sprites a bit more, as well. I had about three seconds of, "Wow, that's a great sprite" before I realised you're just recoloured a Gen 2 Spinarak.
I'm not the world's best spriter, though, so I'm not going to put any advice into that side of things.


What you're missing here is all the things you'll need to get into the showcase. You haven't told us anything about the game itself (features and such), what happens in the game (a plotline)... all you've given us is a legend/backstory/reason for the plot and the starters.

But, good luck. You've got potential to make this better.
  #4    
Old August 4th, 2011, 05:46 AM
JalordaSerpent's Avatar
JalordaSerpent
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flamemaster View Post
first comment!
anyways, the legend seems kinda generic and weird. the map you have shown us seems pretty good, except, that the grass seems kinda generic, try changing it up here and there, the overworld, seems to look like rock lee, also there doesnt seem to be much shading and overall it doesnt look that good. those of the starters that are actually scratched, look flat and disproportinal, i would advise you to fix up the shading, and concepts seem boring, like i've seen them before a million times.
overall, this game need a lot of work, hope you can pull it off.
I'll try. I VERY fairly new to creating Pokemon fan-games.


Quote:
Originally Posted by cruciFICTION View Post
I have to agree with flamemaster. This does require a lot of work.
Step-by-step critique time.


So, this has some potential. Most of the potential lies in "Why aren't the police stopping that dreadful, dreadful child with that horrible weapon!?"


Actually, there will be more to be written if you ever want this to get into the Showcase. You need 15 lines of plotline, and that legend won't count, since it's really just a mythos for your world.

What I really want to ask is "Why Steven?" He's from Hoenn, not Winneon. If you're going to make him a pokémon professor somewhere else, you should probably make him older. Steven isn't even a kind of tree, last time I checked, and if it is, I haven't heard of it.

You should probably work on those sprites a bit more, as well. I had about three seconds of, "Wow, that's a great sprite" before I realised you're just recoloured a Gen 2 Spinarak.
I'm not the world's best spriter, though, so I'm not going to put any advice into that side of things.


What you're missing here is all the things you'll need to get into the showcase. You haven't told us anything about the game itself (features and such), what happens in the game (a plotline)... all you've given us is a legend/backstory/reason for the plot and the starters.

But, good luck. You've got potential to make this better.
Like, i said above, I'll try to fix what you have stated.

Also, anyone who has anything that you disapprove of, please post it in this thread! I need to know what to fix after I fixed what flamemaster and cruciFICTION said.
Let somebody else try first.
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Last edited by JalordaSerpent; August 4th, 2011 at 05:49 AM. Reason: Your double post has been automatically merged.
  #5    
Old August 8th, 2011, 12:27 PM
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Cheesewig
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I can be a Mapper. I like mapping.
My name is Aochider I was called . Dr. PET was loved and esteemed by us all!
  #6    
Old August 8th, 2011, 02:07 PM
JalordaSerpent's Avatar
JalordaSerpent
Run, you clever boy...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheesewig View Post
I can be a Mapper. I like mapping.
I'm sorry, but I don't need any mappers at the moment. Are you interested in any other positions?
Let somebody else try first.
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