The PokéCommunity Forums  

Go Back   The PokéCommunity Forums > Creative Discussions > Fan Fiction and Writing
Sign Up Rules/FAQ Live Battle Blogs Mark Forums Read

Notices

Fan Fiction and Writing Submit your stories and poems.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1    
Old December 5th, 2011, 05:52 AM
Misheard Whisper's Avatar
Misheard Whisper
#1 Yancy fan
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Doctor Drakken's lair
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Send a message via Skype™ to Misheard Whisper
This fic is rated M-15 for some explicit language and violence.


Chapter List:
Spoiler:
1 - In Which Alvaro Gets Wet (this post)
2 - In Which Kathy Gets Mad
3 - In Which Alvaro Screws With the Game Canon
4 - In Which Alvaro Learns Something
5 - In Which Kathy Meets a Friend


Chapter One
In Which Alvaro Gets Wet

“I've had it with this!” Hilda Wayland spat, pulling the heavy black duvet off her apparently unconscious son and tipping a glass of water over his head.

Alvaro spluttered and swore loudly, swiping his hand through the air and almost knocking the glass out of his mother's hand. So much for pretending to be asleep. He sat up and glared at her, pushing his now sopping wet hair out of his eyes. “What the actual fuck, Mom? Are you drunk or something?”

“Don't talk to me like that, young man!” she said sharply, standing back with her arms crossed. She was a tall woman, and although she wasn't in any way bulky, she still managed to pull off intimidating.

“No, I'm serious,” Alvaro said with a grimace. “Are you, like, high on something? What's up in your grill this morning?”

“You, Alvaro Wayland, are 'up in my grill',” she growled. “Look, if you're not going to go to school, you can get the hell out of my house. It's one o'clock in the afternoon!”

“Fine, fine,” he groaned. “I'll leave you alone for the day. Whatever! You didn't have to try and bloody drown me!”

“I'm not talking about just today,” she said with a slight sigh, sitting down on his desk chair and looking at him with careful eyes. She still looked mad, he noted apprehensively, but there was a tinge of worry in her eyes as well. “I am absolutely sick of you acting like there is nothing to do in your life.”

“But there really is nothing,” he grumbled.

“We've had this discussion, Al!” she said. “I'm not having you lazing around my house every day! You either go to school, or you make something useful of your life!”

“Seriously, Mom? I thought we got over this.” Realising how ridiculous he must look, Alvaro pulled his legs out of bed and sat cross-legged on top of the damp sheets, scowling. “I'm not going back to that fucking school, and nothing you can do or say is gonna make me!”

“I'll call the truant officer again if you really insist,” she said, narrowing her bright green eyes dangerously.

“And what? I'll go back to school for another couple of weeks until they lose interest, and then I'll stop going again. Look, you need to get it through your damn head! I hate that damn school and I'm not setting foot inside its gates again if I can help it! It's boring and dull and generally full of shit. I already know the crap they teach in class. Remember one weekend when I was twelve, I got bored and read all those maths textbooks? Yeah, poof. There goes precalc. It's old as shit and I'm not sitting through another day there.”

“You're really serious about this, aren't you?” Most of the wrath had bled away from his mother's face, though he noticed a slight flash of indignation every time he cursed. She was looking at him now with an almost pitying expression.

“Of course I'm damn well serious!” he grunted, pushing his still-damp black hair off his face again.

“Look, honey . . . I'm not happy about you not going to school. You know that. But at the same time, I haven't really tried as hard to stop you as I should have. That's my fault. But I only did that because I know, in a way, that you're telling the truth. You know the whole curriculum. And that leaves me with a massive problem, because I don't know what to do with you.”

“Who says you have to do anything with me?” Alvaro asked, hopeful she would take the hint and leave him in peace.

“I do, you ungrateful little rat,” she said, but her tone was mild. She sighed again, heavily this time. “I can't help but feel I've failed as a mother.”

“If anything, I'd say it's the opposite. You did too well, and I learned all the shit too early.” While mollifying his mother was low on his list of priorities, well below 'go back to sleep', he still felt a need to correct her.

She took a deep breath in, and Alvaro winced. He knew that little idiosyncrasy. Big words were coming.

“That's why I'm giving you a choice, Al,” she said, looking him steadily in the eyes. “An ultimatum, if you like.”

He narrowed his eyes – the same acid green as his mother's. “Go on,” he said simply. While he put as much contempt into the words as he could, his mind was racing in horrible directions. What was she going to suggest? Boarding school? Boot camp?

“You have two options.”

“That's one more than you usually give me.”

“Shut up,” she said, an abnormal brusqueness audible in her voice. “This isn't easy for me either. One, you go back to school and you damn well stay there. You only have one year left, after all. You go back to school, you take your classes, sit the exams and graduate. Then you get a job, or go to college if you want.”

“Not much of a choice,” he said, leaning back against the wall above his bed. “What's the other option? Not like I really want to know, but . . .”

In answer, she simply reached into her pocket and pulled out a small sphere. It was red and white, with a black band running starkly around the middle that encompassed a small white button.

Alvaro's jaw dropped. “Oh, no. Oh, fuck no.”

She raised an eyebrow and pressed the button, causing it to grow from the size of a ping-pong ball to that of a baseball with a metallic clink.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me!” he exclaimed. “You can not be fucking serious!”

“I'm dead serious, Alvaro,” she said levelly, causing him to wince as he noticed the renewed use of his whole name. “This is your choice. You go back to school or you go and take the Gym challenge.”

“That is absolute bullshit,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. “I didn't want to do it six years ago, so why the fuck would I want to do it now?”

“Gee, I don't know,” she said innocently, tossing the ball from hand to hand. “Maybe because the alternative is spending another year in school?”

“I have to ask again, Mom . . . are you stoned off your head? What makes you think I'd do something crazy like that?”

Her voice took on a serious edge. “Think about it, Al. Getting a Pokémon Trainer's License means you're taken off the student register. You don't have to go to school. No more truant officers, no more detentions stacking up on your record. No legal consequences if you keep skipping. Who knows, you might even have fun while you're at it.”

Alvaro snorted. “Doubt it.”

“Look, Al. Why do you think there are only six kids left in your class? Because all the rest of them drifted off to become Pokémon Trainers! The only kids who are still seriously studying are the ones who want to enter really highly qualified jobs. The wannabe doctors and lawyers. You, on the other hand, seem to have no particular aim or goal in life. Unless you're going to contradict me?”

“I . . .” Much to his disgust, Alvaro was speechless.

“Let me put it this way. I think staying at school would be the best thing for your future. There's no denying that. But I know that it would kill you to do it, and I don't want that. Sure, I'll wake you up by pouring cold water over you from time to time, but I actually want to see you happy. I think taking the Gym challenge is the only thing that's left that has the slightest chance of doing that. And it's not the end of your studies, either. You can go back and pick them up afterwards, you know. Most kids do, once the journey wears them out. Only a few stay on to be full-time Pokémon Trainers.”

“I still don't get why you think I'd want to do this,” he said, although he had to admit there was a modicum of truth in her words.

“Because that's your only other option, you lazy ass,” she said, her eyes hard as flint. “You go back to school, or you get a license and go Pokémon Training. I'm giving you a choice here, Al, which is probably more than I should do. Tomorrow's Wednesday. Whatever you say, you're getting up at seven tomorrow, and you're going to one of two places: school, there to stay until you graduate; or the Pokémon Centre, to register as a Trainer. I will hear no argument on this. You can make your decision and inform me of it any time between now and tomorrow morning, but come seven o'clock, you're going. Are we clear?”

Alvaro looked down at his knees, trying not to make eye contact.

“I'll take that as a yes, then. I'll expect your decision by tonight, hopefully.” With that, she stood and strode from the room, taking the empty glass with her.

“Son of a bitch,” Alvaro muttered, thumping his fist on the damp mattress.

Ten minutes later, he left the house, fully dressed. He needed time to figure out a way out of this. Wandering through the slightly hilly streets of Accumula Town, he swore loudly and colourfully to the winds.

Accumula was as dozy and quiet as ever, he reflected bitterly as he made his way to the main street in hopes of finding something – anything – to distract himself from the uncomfortable position in which he found himself. People were working in the handful of low-rise office buildings that clumped in the middle of town, but there was hardly any traffic. School wouldn't be out for another two hours, but that was no big loss. He didn't really like any of his few remaining schoolmates. That was just another reason not to go to school, incidentally.

“Son of a bitch,” he said for about the twentieth time in as many minutes as he wandered into the local park. It wasn't anything much, really: just a small, grassed area with a couple of trees, sandwiched between two properties that walled themselves off with six-foot fences. Nobody in Accumula really saw much need for a park, with the countryside so close.

“You lookin' for something, punk?” a voice growled.

Alvaro looked up, a little incensed at his mental ramblings being interrupted. A young man, not much older than himself, was sprawled on the ancient swingset, leering at him threateningly. He seemed to be quite tall and relatively beefy, and he sported a large metal ring in one ear. Alvaro rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, I was looking for someone with a brain to talk to," he said. "Pity there's none here.” The inflammatory comment probably wasn't necessary, he reflected as the stranger lurched to his feet and strutted towards him, but it had been worth it.

“You wanna fuckin' say that again, jerkass?”

“I'd rather not,” Alvaro said. “Unless you're deaf as well as stupid, you heard me the first time.” Noticing the other's hands balling into fists, he shifted his centre of balance slightly.

“You lookin' for a fight, prick? Nobody picks a fight with Carlo and gets away with it. Prick,” he added, apparently as an afterthought.

“Carlo, is it?” Alvaro said, trying to breathe through his mouth. Carlo stank of cigarettes and garbage. “Frankly, yes. If you keep trying to talk to me, I will quite gladly kick the shit out of you. If you leave, you can keep your nose in one piece. Not that that's anything to be proud of.”

Carlo roared and swung his fist, but Alvaro had been expecting the clumsy hook, and he ducked swiftly under the blow. When he straightened up again, Carlo wore an entirely dumbfounded expression on his face. “Wha . . .”

“Let me guess,” Alvaro said cynically. “You're used to fighting dumb fucks too stupid to dodge that first swing, and now that someone's appeared who you can't hit with it, you haven't got a clue what to do. Right?”

“Uh . . .” Carlo grunted.

Alvaro nodded sympathetically. “Yep, I know that feeling. I pity you, honestly I do. It's just that it's been about fifteen years since I was as dumb as you. It's hard to summon up any empathy.” With that, he drew back his fist and punched the befuddled Carlo in the face with a satisfying crack.

The bigger man roared in pain and staggered slightly, but swung another heavy hook in response.

Carlo stepped calmly backwards out of range. “I did warn you about the nose,” Alvaro said mildly, appraising the blood leaking from his opponent's face with a sort of detached interest. “Want to try again, or are you going to leave now?”

“Fuck you!” Carlo spat, blood bubbling from his dented nose. He charged straight at Alvaro, fists flailing wildly. Alvaro neatly sidestepped him and swept his left leg around in a devastating arc, sending Carlo flying off his feet to land face-down on the concrete footpath that bordered the park.

“Don't make me hurt you any more than I have already!” Alvaro said with a grin. “Frankly, I don't give a damn if you want to come back for some more, but save yourself the embarrassment.”

Growling animalistically, Carlo stood up awkwardly, sending a glance of pure loathing back at Alvaro before limping off. “I won't forget this, prick!” he growled over his shoulder as he left.

“That was fun,” Alvaro reflected, sitting on the recently vacated swing.

“It wasn't very nice, though,” said another voice from the direction in which Carlo had just dragged his pathetic self.

Alvaro looked up to see a girl standing on the pavement, arms folded disapprovingly. She looked to be about his age, with a heart-shaped face and a mass of curly blonde hair that fell past her shoulders. “I wasn't trying to be nice to him,” he told her. “In fact, if I was, I must admit I failed dismally.”

The girl frowned and approached him slowly. “You don't sound like a delinquent,” she said.

“And what makes you think I might be?” he asked innocently.

“Well, I just saw you beat the crap out of some guy for no apparent reason,” she said. “On top of that, you're out here during school time, which means you're probably skipping as you don't look old enough to have graduated. Oh, and you have this general air of 'pissed-off' about you. So on balance, I'd say that makes you one. But like I say, you talk like a smart kid. So I have no idea. What are you, a nerdy delinquent?”

“You talk a lot,” Alvaro grunted. “Yeah, I guess I'm a delinquent. I haven't gone to school in three weeks, and I start fights with punks in public parks for fun. What do you want, chick?”

“I want to figure you out,” she said, doing a little twirl and sitting down on the swing next to his.

He looked at her flatly. “Why the hell do you care?”

“Also, you said you were looking for 'someone with a brain to talk to',” she reminded him, ignoring his question. “I think I qualify.”

“Well, you're a step above that piece of trash just now,” he admitted. “I still don't want to talk to you, though.”

“Oh, come on,” she wheedled. “You've got me all curious now! I want to find out what your problem is, and I'm not going to leave you alone until you tell me.”

Alvaro sighed in exasperation. “Fine. What-the-fuck-ever. My mom's sick of me sitting around at home, so she gave me a choice. Go back to school for good or get a Trainer's license and take the Gym challenge. Frankly, I couldn't care less for either option, but she's given me till tomorrow morning to make up my mind. Now you see why I'm pissed off?”

“Well, not really,” she said, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “I mean, yes, it explains a lot, but that doesn't sound like much of a choice to me.”

“Oh, really.” Alvaro rolled his eyes. “Tell me, blondie. What would you do, then?”

“I'd do what I've been doing for the last five years,” she said instantly. “Pokémon training.”

Frowning, he looked at her with fresh interest. “You're a Trainer?”

“What did you think these were?” she asked with a small laugh, gesturing to her waist. Her heavy-looking metal belt was studded with six small Poké Balls, just like the one his mother had shown him earlier. They seemed to be held on magnetically – or at least, he couldn't see any other means of attachment. Now that he looked at her, actually, it was obvious. She was dressed practically for travelling: black cargo pants and a green t-shirt in the warm weather, with a white headband keeping her blonde ringlets out of her face.

“You have a point,” he said. “So go on. Sell Pokémon training to me. Mom already tried, but she wasn't very convincing. I honestly have no fucking clue what I'm going to do, so I'd appreciate it if you could try and sway me one way or the other.” Why was he being so frank with this perfect stranger? Even so, something about her open, smiling face made him instinctively want to talk to her.

“Well,” she said, and Alvaro was struck by a sudden, dreadful feeling that she was enjoying this. “Pokémon training is one of the best experiences you can have, and that's why it's so popular. Something like eighty-seven per cent of kids register before the age of twelve to take the Gym challenge of whatever region they come from.”

“I know all that bull,” Alvaro said, waving a hand dismissively. “Tell me why I should go along with this.”

“Well, for the most part . . . because it's fun. I've been journeying around Unova since I was eleven years old, and it's been amazing! It's not easy, that's for sure, but it's all totally worth it. My Pokémon are my partners and my best friends in the world. I know lots of Trainers say that, to the point where it's kinda cliché, but it's totally true. You form a real bond with your Pokémon when you travel around with them for a few years.”

“Okay, stop, stop,” Alvaro said. “That's disgusting. I don't need friends. I need something that won't bore me out of my mind while I avoid going to school. Is it really that interesting?”

“Absolutely. You'd love it, I think. You seem to like fighting well enough, anyway.”

“I guess that's true,” he admitted.

“How did you get so good at it, anyway? Do you do karate or something? You looked like you knew what you were doing.”

“That's none of your business,” Alvaro grumbled. “Don't you have somewhere to be?”

“As a matter of fact, I do,” the girl said, standing up and stretching. “I've got some shopping to do this afternoon before I get into the Pokémon Centre for a proper rest, ugh. I've been kipping in a sleeping bag every night for a week, so I'm looking forward to a real bed.”

“Then go,” Alvaro said. “Have fun.”

“I will, then. Hey, what's your name, grumpy?”

He was briefly tempted to lie, but there didn't seem to be any point. “It's . . . Alvaro,” he said reluctantly.

“All right. I'll be leaving the Pokémon Centre at eight tomorrow morning. If you do make the right choice, I'll see you before I go. Right, Al?” she said with a wink.

“Sod off,” he said ungraciously. “And don't call me that!”

“You're so grouchy,” she giggled. “All right, bye now!” With that, she practically skipped out of the park, disappearing around the corner before Alvaro could say another word.

Alvaro watched her go with slack-jawed disbelief. Were there really people like her in the world? “What an absolute freak,” he grumbled as he stood up and cricked his neck, feeling the pops as his vertebrae settled. “She was kinda hot, though.”

Still little closer to a solution to his problem, Alvaro left the park and made his way back towards home. He didn't want to be hanging around if Carlo came back with a bunch of friends, which seemed likely. Hitting the big lug had allowed him to blow off some steam, though, for which he was grateful.

“So what do I do?” he asked aloud, though there was – thankfully – nobody around to hear him. “Do I go back to boring-ass school, or do I try something new that could turn out to be really, really terrible?”


A/N: Bypassing the censor really takes a long time when you have a character like Alvaro. He'll swear less in future chapters, I promise.
__________________

Last edited by Misheard Whisper; December 15th, 2011 at 05:42 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2    
Old December 5th, 2011, 07:34 AM
Cutlerine
Gone. May or may not return.
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: The Misspelled Cyrpt
Age: 20
Gender:
Nature: Impish
Someone's been busy today. Three reviews, poetry and a new fic? That's what I like to call prolific, although of course other people like to call it that as well. I don't hold with that, though.

Before I get side-tracked (and I am in a very side-track-y sort of mood), I must fulfil my quota of reviews for today and review this. The first thing I thought of when I looked at it was Wolfwhispers' A Stoner's Strength; given the fact that there's a few hours between the time when you reviewed that (and claimed that it was the first time you'd read it) and the posting of this, I'm going to run with the process of deduction and assume that the one has an influence on the other. However, that's neither here nor there; I mention it really only because I can, shameless show-off that I am.

Uh, I was meant to be reviewing, wasn't I? You must forgive my Shandean digressions. Now, I liked this piece. It was entertaining, because watching big dumb guys get beaten up by smaller smart guys is always entertaining; it was well-written, because you are a competent writer; and it had one of those openings that grabs the attention, because someone got wet. Hur hur hur.

Having said that, nothing is perfect - not even perfection - and so too is this piece of writing. Most notably, when I get to the end of the chapter, I feel kind of cheated: it just sort of peters out, without any strong finish. It doesn't need a powerful resolution or anything - it would be unreasonable to expect that in a first chapter - but I do think it needs to feel more complete by the end. As it stands, the plot runs thusly: boy wakes up, receives ultimatum, beats up kid in park, talks to Trainer, nothing. Perhaps more could be made of the ending question; then it would function better as the pseudo-cliffhanger ending it tries to be. Man. Look at it, being all written down an' such, and thinkin' it's so great. It ain't even a cliffhanger. It's just imitatin' the cool kids. I knew this one paragraph, he wuz nothin' special, but he never had no ideas above his station, no sirree. Not like the Muntzes down the street; he's always talkin' about his fancy car and such. They're not very happy, you know. We hear the shouts at night, an' she wears all that make-up for a reason.

Gah. Sorry. I could explain that digression, or even delete it, but I won't; it'd take too long. Now, onto specific bits that leaped out at me.

Quote:
Realising how amusing he must look, Alvaro pulled his legs out of bed and sat cross-legged on top of the damp sheets, scowling.
That sentence is kind of weak; I'm not sure 'amusing' is the best word to use. Since the narrative is very loosely told from Alvaro's perspective, 'dumb' or 'stupid' might be better; alternatively, to avoid committing to Alvaro's PoV too soon, you could go with 'ridiculous'. It's nothing major, but it bugs me for some reason.*

Quote:
The heavy-looking metal accessory
Some people call constructions like this 'papaya', but normal people call them 'clumsy'. You insert in all the extra information well enough, but using the word 'accessory' really flags up the inherent awkwardness of putting description in like that. It also sounds stilted and unnatural, which, since the rest of the prose isn't so deliberately artificial, draws the eye of the oversensitive critic. I guess what I'm trying to say is what I said at the start: this construction is kind of clumsy. Not sure what you could replace it with, but that's what I think.

Quote:
“You talk a lot,” Alvaro grunted. “Yeah, I guess I'm a delinquent. I haven't gone to school in three weeks, and I start fights with punks in public parks for fun. What do you want, chick?”

“I want to figure you out,” she said, doing a little twirl and sitting down on the swing next to his.
Nothing wrong with this, but it seems very familiar. I can't think of a particular instance of it, but I'm sure this pairing of 'what do you want' and 'I want [insert something that sounds wittier than it is]' gets used fairly frequently in novels. Having said that, I like it. In fact, I don't even know why I brought it up in the first place. Possibly this paragraph is merely another digression.

Quote:
Alvaro looked up, vaguely incensed at his mental ramblings being interrupted. A young man, not much older than himself, was sitting lazily on the ancient swingset, leering at him threateningly. He seemed to be quite tall and relatively beefy, and he sported a large metal ring in one ear. Alvaro rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I was looking for someone with a brain to talk to. Pity there's none here.” The inflammatory comment probably wasn't necessary, he reflected as the stranger lurched to his feet and strutted towards him, but it had been worth it.
Ooh, legitimate point! Alvaro's direct speech is embedded in the middle of the paragraph, which is not only grammatically incorrect but makes it harder to read. It should have its own paragraph, or at least start a paragraph that finishes with 'The inflammatory... worth it.'

Oh yeah, and while I'm on this paragraph, it's a good example of your (very slight, I must stress) tendency towards modifier overload, which is a term I just made up and have to confess that I'm rather proud of. Reading the text becomes quite hard work when you use so many adjectives and adverbs in one sentence; when asked how I'd like information presented to me, I'd always prefer to have two easier-to-read sentences than one slightly over-compacted one. This is such a tiny criticism it's almost unnecessary, but it's just something to bear in mind.

Quote:
Something about her open, smiling face, though, made him instinctively want to talk to her.
This is also papaya, or, more properly, clumsy. All those commas make my eyes chop up the rhythm something fierce; it doesn't flow well at all. You could excise a few of them without too much loss, and it would be much easier to read.

I really had better stop now, but I assure you I'll be sticking around for Chapter Two.

F.A.B.

*This joke has been removed for your own good, because it was freakin' awful.
__________________

For information about A Grand Day Out, a bizarre short story in video game form, click here.

Last edited by Cutlerine; December 5th, 2011 at 07:47 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #3    
Old December 5th, 2011, 07:42 AM
Oz37
Beginning Trainer
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Florida!
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
I just noticed that I posted my fics to three sites that you, as well, posted yours at. Since I've been seeing your fic all morning as I've gone around posting, I figured I'd comment.

So far, I'm really liking it. I'm not big on tons of language, but I understand your use of it to show off Alvaro's temperament. Mostly, I look forward to seeing what kind of Trainer he'll become and how he'll treat his Pokemon. At this point, I don't have much else to say, but I will definitely be keeping an eye on this one!
Reply With Quote
  #4    
Old December 5th, 2011, 02:00 PM
Misheard Whisper's Avatar
Misheard Whisper
#1 Yancy fan
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Doctor Drakken's lair
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Send a message via Skype™ to Misheard Whisper
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cutlerine View Post
Someone's been busy today. Three reviews, poetry and a new fic? That's what I like to call prolific, although of course other people like to call it that as well. I don't hold with that, though.

Before I get side-tracked (and I am in a very side-track-y sort of mood), I must fulfil my quota of reviews for today and review this. The first thing I thought of when I looked at it was Wolfwhispers' A Stoner's Strength; given the fact that there's a few hours between the time when you reviewed that (and claimed that it was the first time you'd read it) and the posting of this, I'm going to run with the process of deduction and assume that the one has an influence on the other. However, that's neither here nor there; I mention it really only because I can, shameless show-off that I am.
Yes, there is some influence there. Basically, I read that and felt the need to write an OT fic about a Trainer who didn't want to be a Trainer, but that's as far as the intentional similarity goes.

Quote:
Uh, I was meant to be reviewing, wasn't I? You must forgive my Shandean digressions. Now, I liked this piece. It was entertaining, because watching big dumb guys get beaten up by smaller smart guys is always entertaining; it was well-written, because you are a competent writer; and it had one of those openings that grabs the attention, because someone got wet. Hur hur hur.

Having said that, nothing is perfect - not even perfection - and so too is this piece of writing. Most notably, when I get to the end of the chapter, I feel kind of cheated: it just sort of peters out, without any strong finish. It doesn't need a powerful resolution or anything - it would be unreasonable to expect that in a first chapter - but I do think it needs to feel more complete by the end. As it stands, the plot runs thusly: boy wakes up, receives ultimatum, beats up kid in park, talks to Trainer, nothing. Perhaps more could be made of the ending question; then it would function better as the pseudo-cliffhanger ending it tries to be. Man. Look at it, being all written down an' such, and thinkin' it's so great. It ain't even a cliffhanger. It's just imitatin' the cool kids. I knew this one paragraph, he wuz nothin' special, but he never had no ideas above his station, no sirree. Not like the Muntzes down the street; he's always talkin' about his fancy car and such. They're not very happy, you know. We hear the shouts at night, an' she wears all that make-up for a reason.
I'm going to mention right here that I started writing this at eleven pm and finished it at three am, which means that posting it right away was probably a poor idea in hindsight. The ending felt a bit stilted even to me, but in my sleep-befuddled fugue, it seemed like a good idea at the time, as did most of the, well, papaya that you mention. So yes, I apologise for that. The ending was, of course, being written at two-thirty in the morning, which was probably never a good thing for an ending.

That said, I shouldn't make excuses. :/ That was terrible and I should feel bad.

Quote:
Gah. Sorry. I could explain that digression, or even delete it, but I won't; it'd take too long. Now, onto specific bits that leaped out at me.



That sentence is kind of weak; I'm not sure 'amusing' is the best word to use. Since the narrative is very loosely told from Alvaro's perspective, 'dumb' or 'stupid' might be better; alternatively, to avoid committing to Alvaro's PoV too soon, you could go with 'ridiculous'. It's nothing major, but it bugs me for some reason.*
Ridiculous . . . that is the word I was looking for. I'll see if I can fix that.



Quote:
Some people call constructions like this 'papaya', but normal people call them 'clumsy'. You insert in all the extra information well enough, but using the word 'accessory' really flags up the inherent awkwardness of putting description in like that. It also sounds stilted and unnatural, which, since the rest of the prose isn't so deliberately artificial, draws the eye of the oversensitive critic. I guess what I'm trying to say is what I said at the start: this construction is kind of clumsy. Not sure what you could replace it with, but that's what I think.



Nothing wrong with this, but it seems very familiar. I can't think of a particular instance of it, but I'm sure this pairing of 'what do you want' and 'I want [insert something that sounds wittier than it is]' gets used fairly frequently in novels. Having said that, I like it. In fact, I don't even know why I brought it up in the first place. Possibly this paragraph is merely another digression.



Ooh, legitimate point! Alvaro's direct speech is embedded in the middle of the paragraph, which is not only grammatically incorrect but makes it harder to read. It should have its own paragraph, or at least start a paragraph that finishes with 'The inflammatory... worth it.'

Oh yeah, and while I'm on this paragraph, it's a good example of your (very slight, I must stress) tendency towards modifier overload, which is a term I just made up and have to confess that I'm rather proud of. Reading the text becomes quite hard work when you use so many adjectives and adverbs in one sentence; when asked how I'd like information presented to me, I'd always prefer to have two easier-to-read sentences than one slightly over-compacted one. This is such a tiny criticism it's almost unnecessary, but it's just something to bear in mind.
Is that really a rule? I . . . I've not heard of anything like that. Still, I will break that in two because it is, is as you said, difficult to read and full of adverbs. Hnngk.



Quote:
This is also papaya, or, more properly, clumsy. All those commas make my eyes chop up the rhythm something fierce; it doesn't flow well at all. You could excise a few of them without too much loss, and it would be much easier to read.
I couldn't seem to find away to cut commas while preserving the rules of grammar, but I could kill the 'though' and stick a 'but' in front of the sentence to clear it up a bit?

Quote:
I really had better stop now, but I assure you I'll be sticking around for Chapter Two.

F.A.B.
F.A.B., Thunderbird One.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oz37 View Post
I just noticed that I posted my fics to three sites that you, as well, posted yours at. Since I've been seeing your fic all morning as I've gone around posting, I figured I'd comment.

So far, I'm really liking it. I'm not big on tons of language, but I understand your use of it to show off Alvaro's temperament. Mostly, I look forward to seeing what kind of Trainer he'll become and how he'll treat his Pokemon. At this point, I don't have much else to say, but I will definitely be keeping an eye on this one!
Splendid! I'm glad you like it. Further chapters will be written while fully awake, so they should be considerably less wordy and less swear-filled. n_n

EDIT: A'ight, fixed the bits Cutlerine mentioned, save for the ending. I wasn't quite sure how to deal with that, so I'm taking the coward's way out and leaving it as is. I didn't want him to come to his epiphany before the first chapter was out, but at the same time that meant I had to try and create some kind of tension, which led me in turn to this laughable attempt at a cliffhanger. n_n
__________________

Last edited by Misheard Whisper; December 5th, 2011 at 02:12 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #5    
Old December 6th, 2011, 09:23 AM
Cutlerine
Gone. May or may not return.
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: The Misspelled Cyrpt
Age: 20
Gender:
Nature: Impish
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misheard Whisper View Post
I'm going to mention right here that I started writing this at eleven pm and finished it at three am, which means that posting it right away was probably a poor idea in hindsight. The ending felt a bit stilted even to me, but in my sleep-befuddled fugue, it seemed like a good idea at the time, as did most of the, well, papaya that you mention. So yes, I apologise for that. The ending was, of course, being written at two-thirty in the morning, which was probably never a good thing for an ending.
Yeah, it felt like one of those stories to me - y'know, ones that you write in a couple of hours and don't really look over.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Misheard Whisper View Post
Is that really a rule? I . . . I've not heard of anything like that. Still, I will break that in two because it is, is as you said, difficult to read and full of adverbs. Hnngk.
When a new person speaks, you begin a new paragraph. I'm surprised you didn't know that. You seem like the sort of person who would.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Misheard Whisper View Post
Quote:
Something about her open, smiling face, though, made him instinctively want to talk to her.
I couldn't seem to find away to cut commas while preserving the rules of grammar, but I could kill the 'though' and stick a 'but' in front of the sentence to clear it up a bit?
I suppose I should have been clearer. Here goes:

Technically, you don't always need the comma that separates adjectives; in this case, however, you do, so you can't get rid of that one. You can remove the first comma before 'though'; while this doesn't strictly adhere to, say, Edwardian standards of grammar, it reads a hell of a lot better and is perfectly acceptable by modern standards. Alternatively, you could do what you suggested with the 'but'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Misheard Whisper View Post
F.A.B., Thunderbird One.
I think you might just be the very first person to get that joke. I feel like I ought to make some grand gesture to show how thankful I am that someone finally got it - like swearing fealty to you or something - but that would be stupid, so I'm just going to say that you've risen fourteen points on the Chart of Respect, and move on.

Actually, I'm not going to move on, because I have to say that the sole reason I'm making this post is because you got the Thunderbirds reference.

Right. Now I'm moving on.

F.A.B.
__________________

For information about A Grand Day Out, a bizarre short story in video game form, click here.
Reply With Quote
  #6    
Old December 6th, 2011, 12:52 PM
SuperTrainStationH's Avatar
SuperTrainStationH
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Gender: Male
First off, I like the nameAlvaro.

Since Cutlerine gave numerous useful technical suggestions, I'll just give my impressions of the characters and story itself so far.

I like the use of Pokémon training in this world Alvaro's mother. It very closely parallels parental ultimatums such demanding that their child study martial arts, or play a particular instrument.

Its refreshing to see someone being pushed into becoming a traveling Pokémon trainer for reasons other than to have a bubbly, anime or game style Awesome Adventure.
__________________
http://www.pokecommunity.com/signaturepics/sigpic293430_1.gif
Reply With Quote
  #7    
Old December 6th, 2011, 02:46 PM
Misheard Whisper's Avatar
Misheard Whisper
#1 Yancy fan
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Doctor Drakken's lair
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Send a message via Skype™ to Misheard Whisper
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cutlerine View Post
Yeah, it felt like one of those stories to me - y'know, ones that you write in a couple of hours and don't really look over.
It seemed like a good idea at the time, I swear.



Quote:
When a new person speaks, you begin a new paragraph. I'm surprised you didn't know that. You seem like the sort of person who would.
Well, I do know that. It's just that it's usually acceptable to put speech after some stuff if it's all relevant. At the most basic form, I mean like:

Alvaro shrugged and rolled his eyes. "I thought that was how it worked," he said.

So it doesn't necessarily have to start a new line with speech, but that particular paragraph was bad because it was all over the place. Hell, it was probably meant to be two paragraphs at one o'clock in the morning.

Quote:
I suppose I should have been clearer. Here goes:

Technically, you don't always need the comma that separates adjectives; in this case, however, you do, so you can't get rid of that one. You can remove the first comma before 'though'; while this doesn't strictly adhere to, say, Edwardian standards of grammar, it reads a hell of a lot better and is perfectly acceptable by modern standards. Alternatively, you could do what you suggested with the 'but'.
Edwardian or otherwise, taking that comma out made it look weird to me, so I went with an 'Even so' at the beginning (it felt less stilted than 'but').



Quote:
I think you might just be the very first person to get that joke. I feel like I ought to make some grand gesture to show how thankful I am that someone finally got it - like swearing fealty to you or something - but that would be stupid, so I'm just going to say that you've risen fourteen points on the Chart of Respect, and move on.

Actually, I'm not going to move on, because I have to say that the sole reason I'm making this post is because you got the Thunderbirds reference.

Right. Now I'm moving on.

F.A.B.
Seriously? Nobody else got that yet? For shame, internet. Sometimes I wonder what happened to our generation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperTrainStationH View Post
First off, I like the nameAlvaro.
I do too. :3 It's Germanic, which actually fits with his mother's name, though I'm not so sure about Wayland. I guess it's his dad's family name?
Quote:
Since Cutlerine gave numerous useful technical suggestions, I'll just give my impressions of the characters and story itself so far.

I like the use of Pokémon training in this world Alvaro's mother. It very closely parallels parental ultimatums such demanding that their child study martial arts, or play a particular instrument.

Its refreshing to see someone being pushed into becoming a traveling Pokémon trainer for reasons other than to have a bubbly, anime or game style Awesome Adventure.
Great! Thanks, that was pretty much exactly the intention of it. While I don't think he's going to be as apathetic about the whole thing as, say, Atticus from Mokepon, it's certainly my intention to show how Pokemon training might just not be for everyone. That sentence was awful. Anyway, I'm glad you like it. And yes, that sort of parallel was my intention with Hilda's ultimatum. Never been given one like that before, thankfully, but I know at least one person who has.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #8    
Old December 9th, 2011, 09:13 PM
Misheard Whisper's Avatar
Misheard Whisper
#1 Yancy fan
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Doctor Drakken's lair
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Send a message via Skype™ to Misheard Whisper
So as promised, less cussing in this chapter. Only occurs twice. I went a bit overboard in Chapter One, but Alvaro was really quite pissed at that stage. He's calmed down a bit now, but let's see where that leads him.

Chapter Two
In Which Kathy Gets Mad

As soon as she was a block clear of the park, Kathy stopped and let out a sigh of relief. She glanced back over her shoulder, and dimly made out the boy leaving in the opposite direction. He was a funny sort, that one.

She had been passing by as Al had entered the park. She hadn't been intending to stop, but her curiosity had been piqued when she heard the altercation. She'd considered stepping in to break them up – after all, her Pokémon could easily have knocked both young men flat – but something had held her back. She didn't know what it was, but she had a sneaking suspicion that it was the same something which had compelled her to then approach and talk to the grumpy-looking Alvaro.

Although he had turned out to be not quite as frightening as she had thought at first, she was still relieved to get away from him. There was something unsettling about the boy, but at the same time he was mysterious. He'd have to be, what, sixteen? How many kids started a Gym challenge at sixteen?

Of course, that was assuming that he actually took the Gym challenge. He certainly seemed vehemently opposed to going back to school for whatever reason, but he hadn't sounded particularly keen to start training Pokémon, either.

Well, she would have to find out in the morning. She'd lie in wait for him at the Pokémon Centre and see if he turned up. While he probably wasn't the best person to take by surprise, given his apparently violent temperament, she was forced to admit that she was intensely curious about what he would do.

That decided, Kathy brushed a curl of blonde hair out of her face and went to seek out the Poké Mart.

Accumula was a small township compared to some others she had seen on her travels, but the constant ups and downs of the hilly streets made it a little difficult to find her way around. As she crested one gentle incline, though, she spotted the trademark blue roof she was looking for and made a beeline for it.

As she approached the sliding glass door, however, she checked her pace slightly, peering through the tinted surface into the shop beyond. It opened before she reached it, however, revealing a smirking boy about her age, standing in the doorway with his arms folded. He had bleached blond hair with a crimson streak in it, which made him look utterly ridiculous. This impression was only aided by his outfit, which consisted of a sleeveless denim jacket that flapped open over a green t-shirt with some inane slogan on it, as well as a pair of flared jeans. On the whole, he looked like he would be more at home in some kind of stupid cartoon than the real world.

Kathy exhaled slightly in frustration. “Oh, hell. Not you again.”

He winked conspiratorially. “That's right. You know me, you love me. You know you love me!”

“I don't. Frankly, Chaz, I think you're a bit of an ass. Now, if you'll let me-”

“Don't be like that, Kathy!” he pleaded, spreading his hands wide. “You're my rival, after all. You're meant to be more, I don't know . . . supportive?”

“I don't know where you got this stupid idea, Chaz. I'm not your 'rival' or anything like that. You just keep trying to battle me, and I destroy you every time. I even go easy on you, and you still lose. If you want to be competitive, that's fine. Every Trainer needs someone to compete with, after all. But just try and get a little better first, would you?”

“Kathy, I'm going to challenge you to a Pokémon battle one more time,” he said, apparently ignoring her complaints entirely. He flicked his head slightly as he spoke, causing his hair to flop from one side to the other. It looked entirely daft, she thought. Clearly, he still had as high an opinion of his own appearance as usual. “And this time, I'm going to win. I'll prove to you that I'm a worthy opponent, and we can resume our relationship as per normal. It's almost like you've been avoiding me lately.”

“I have been avoiding you,” she growled, shoving past him into the Poké Mart. “And it was glorious, blissful freedom. But now you've returned to get on my nerves again, and I am sick to death of it. You've got what you came here for? Then leave.”

“Oh, I did my shopping,” he said, following her as she stomped into the nearest aisle, doing her best to ignore him. “I didn't get what I came here for, though.”

Kathy didn't say anything. Maybe he would go away if she pretended he wasn't there.

Fat chance. “So . . . how about that battle?” he tried again, peering over Kathy's shoulder as she studiously examined a rack of potions and other healing products.

“How about you go jump in a lake?” she suggested, whirling on him and looking directly into his eyes as she spoke. “Look, what part of 'get lost' do you not understand? I don't think I can be any clearer than this: I do not want to battle you, nor do I want anything to do with you whatsoever!”

He recoiled slightly, a flash of uncertainty visible in his face for a split second. He soon regained his composure, however, drawing himself up to his full – albeit less than impressive – height. “So that's how it's going to be, is it?”

“That's how it's going to be,” she confirmed. “Now leave, if you get it.”

“I won't,” he said, sticking his nose in the air like a petulant child. Which was all he really was, she reflected. “You can't deny my challenge!”

Kathy ran her hands through her hair in an attempt to calm down, but all that succeeded in doing was reminding her that she hadn't showered properly in days. She was beginning to wonder if her mother had been right to suggest she cut it short for travelling. “I can, and I just did,” she said at length.

“But the Pokémon League rules-”

“-say nothing of the sort,” she finished, turning to check the label on a box of Pokémon food. “It's bad etiquette to turn down a challenge, sure, but I don't think anybody would blame me in this case. So leave before I-”

“Before you what?” he grinned, clearly noticing her uncertainty. “You gonna hit me, Kathy?”

At her sides, Kathy's hands clenched into fists. For a brief, wild moment, she imagined herself breaking Chaz's nose just like Alvaro had done to the guy in the park. It was a strange, alien thought that simultaneously shocked and attracted her. While she had been participating in Pokémon battles for years, she had never been one for actually getting her hands dirty. Chaz's smug grin, however, was fast eroding her convictions.

With a concentrated effort, Kathy breathed deeply and relaxed her hands. No. She wasn't like Alvaro. “I'm not going to hit you, Chaz,” she said sweetly, “but if you keep bugging me, I'll call the police. You don't want to get arrested, do you?”

Chaz ground his teeth in annoyance, his grin slipping. “Fine,” he spat at last, throwing the word accusingly in her face with sudden venom. “I'll leave for now. But you haven't heard the last of me!”

“Sheesh,” she muttered as she watched him storm out of the Poké Mart. “Maybe I should just call the police anyway?”

“Not worth it, missy,” cackled the old man behind the counter.

Kathy blinked. She hadn't realised that she'd come full circle through the store while arguing with Chaz. “Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to disturb you. Chaz is just-”

“I know, lass,” the cashier said, chuckling as he cut her off with a lazy wave of his hand. “I see kids like him all the time. Never up to any good, but no real danger to anybody either. So, what can I do you for?”

“I'm just restocking a few things,” Kathy said. “I don't need anything too specialised today. I'll just grab what I need.”

“A'ight, then. I'm not going anywhere.” He wheezed slightly as he sat back in his chair behind the counter.

Kathy grabbed a basket and made a quick trip round the aisles, picking up a couple of potions here, an antidote there. She knew full well the importance of travelling light.

After she had paid for her purchases and packed them in her bag, she left the Poké Mart. Despite having told Alvaro that she had things to do, she was done at barely two o'clock in the afternoon. She supposed she could go into the Pokémon Centre and check in, but that still left her with several hours before nightfall. What was she supposed to do?

***

“So.”

“So,” Alvaro repeated grimly.

“Have you made a decision yet, dear?” his mother asked.

“It's only been an hour, Mom. I'm still thinking about it,” he said, trying to edge past her in the hallway to get to his room.

“All right. Just don't think for too long, or I'll make the decision for you,” she warned, stepping aside at last to let him through.

As he opened his bedroom door, though, a thought struck him. He turned back towards his mother, who was still watching him curiously. “Say, Mom . . . what's in the Poké Ball you showed me earlier? Just out of, you know. Curiosity and stuff.”

She winked at him. “You only get to find out if you choose to become a Pokémon Trainer,” she said. “I don't want the contents of a little ball influencing your choice, dear. You need to pick what you think will be better for you.”

Alvaro snorted and shut himself in his room. “What's better for me? How the fuck am I supposed to know that?”

So what do I do? Going back to school sounds like a drag, but so does taking the Gym challenge. I mean, come on. Do I really want to get stuck wandering around Unova for a few years? He'd forgotten to ask Kathy how many badges she'd got in her five years as a Trainer. Surely she'd have almost all of them by now, right?

He could hardly imagine being a Pokémon Trainer for five years. Maybe he could do it for a year – until he was too old to go back to school – and then ditch? But then where would that leave him? As much as he hated to admit it, he knew he would have to do something with his life at some point. If that was the case, he might as well go back to school and graduate in time to go straight on to college. But . . .

“I'm not spending another year in that damn school,” he ground out, hating the words even as he said them. While accepting it was tough, he had to reluctantly concede that becoming a Pokémon Trainer was the lesser of two evils. While it sounded like an awful lot of work, it would almost certainly be far less boring. The only question left was whether that was a trade-off he was willing to make.

Seems I might have to. He knew he had to grow up and shoulder some responsibility as an adult eventually. If the price for alleviating his utter boredom was making that point in time come a year earlier, so be it.

The more he thought about it, the more reasonable it seemed. It wasn't like there was anyone he would miss particularly much in town, other than his parents. Everyone he had ever considered a friend had left years ago to take their own Gym challenges. Some had come back and then resumed study elsewhere, but others were probably still going. Either way, he couldn't care less about the other people who were in his class at school. He'd be quite happy to leave them without saying goodbye.

Although he was still far from enthusiastic about the idea, he was beginning to warm to it slightly. It was definitely better than going back to school and sitting through another year and a bit of work that he already knew.

Having convinced himself thus, he flopped down on his bed and went back to sleep. He had a feeling that he wasn't going to be getting much rest in future.

***

Seven o'clock the next morning came quickly. After allowing himself to be dragged out of bed, Alvaro had sat quietly through dinner before returning to bed. Even though he'd already made up his mind, he wasn't going to give his parents the satisfaction of knowing he'd been won over so quickly.

So when he awoke at seven on Wednesday morning – on his own initiative, no less – he found his parents waiting expectantly in the dining room. He did his best to pretend nothing was out of the ordinary. It was only as he considered how to go about telling them what he'd decided that he realised it was probably going to be more difficult than the actual journey, in its own way.

“Don't laugh,” he grumbled as he slouched across to the fridge in search of the milk. “I dare you to damn well laugh at me.”

“I wasn't, dear.” His mother seemed to be suppressing a grin regardless. “So. Going to school this morning?”

He gave her a deadpan glare. “Does this look like my school uniform?”

“Hmm, jeans and a t-shirt. Not really. What do you think, dear?” she asked, turning to her husband.

Leon Wayland looked up from his morning paper, his mustache wiggling as he spoke. “Not at all. I'd hardly say it looks like anything much, though.”

Alvaro didn't reply, opting instead to sit down opposite them at the table with his bowl of cereal and eat silently. He wasn't in any particular hurry, even if his mother was.

At length, she tried again, more directly this time. “So, does this mean you've decided to get your Trainer's license today?”

Alvaro kept his eyes fixed stubbornly on his cornflakes, unable to meet the expectant gaze of either of his parents. “Yes,” he mumbled.

“What's that?” she prompted.

“Yes!” he repeated, louder this time, still not looking her in the eyes. “Yes, I'll get my goddamn Trainer's license and I'll leave to take the Gym challenge! Happy?”

There was silence around the table for another twenty seconds, during which Alvaro kept chewing his cornflakes sullenly. When he finally glanced up again, his parents were both beaming at him. He scowled. “You knew I was going to say yes, didn't you?”

“Well, I'd be lying if I said I had no idea,” his father chuckled. “Your mother and I have been worried about you lately, and we thought this might be a good change of pace for you.”

“So you tricked me into it?” Alvaro challenged them. “You gave me the alternative of going back to school so that I'd do this? You guys are fucking unbelievable.”

“Enough of that language, young man,” his father said, suddenly stern. But then he sighed and put down his newspaper, leaning forward to look directly into Alvaro's eyes. “You know, this is something quite special, the opportunity to become a Trainer. It's an opportunity I wasn't given as a kid, and your mother's in the same boat. Times were different. We missed out. But it's your turn now, and ever since it became common practice for kids to go out training Pokémon for a couple of years, we've been hoping you would. We don't want to force you, but we always thought it would be good for you to go.”

“So you tricked me into it,” Alvaro repeated flatly.

“I wouldn't call it that,” his mother said. “But the point is, honey, we're happy you made the right choice.”

“Hooray,” Alvaro said. “So, when do I leave?”

“You're that eager to get started?” his mother teased.

“Not exactly. But if I'm going to do it, I might as well do it without screwing around.” Finishing his cornflakes, he stood up and stretched, looking expectantly at his parents.

Leon stood up and crossed to stand in front of Alvaro. He was a little shorter than his son, but he had the same black hair. He looked into Alvaro's eyes with an evident mixture of pride and melancholy. “I'm afraid I can't come and see you off, son. I have an important meeting to get to this morning which I absolutely can't miss. So I'll say goodbye now.”

“Yeah,” Alvaro said. “Goodbye, Dad.” He let his father pull him into an awkward hug, which he returned without too much enthusiasm.

“Al, you've . . . grown so much. You're a man now. You can make your own decisions in life. Sometimes you have to make decisions you don't want to make, but what's important is that you make the right choice. I think you have this time, Al. I'm proud of you.”

“Thanks . . . Dad. I'll . . . I'll remember that. Promise.”

“Good man,” Leon said, stepping back and patting Alvaro firmly on the shoulder. “I'd remind you to call, but I'm sure your mother will do all that and more. You don't need to hear it from me. There's not much more to say here, so . . . I suppose I'll be going now.”

“Yeah,” Alvaro said, his voice low. “Yeah, see you around, Dad.” He stood awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen as his father packed up his briefcase and made his way to the front door.

“Don't forget, Alvaro,” Leon said as he opened the door. “We're proud of you, whatever you do.” With that, he was gone.

It was a brief goodbye, but Alvaro was glad of that. He had never really been one for long, drawn-out farewells where everybody cried and made lengthy speeches about how much they were going to miss each other. It was better this way. Less boring, too.

“Right. Go and pack what you need, honey,” Hilda said, suddenly businesslike. “We're going down to the Pokémon Centre to start you off right now.”

“Right now?” Alvaro repeated, slightly taken aback.

“I told you, didn't I? That whatever you chose, you'd leave first thing in the morning. You don't get to laze around any longer just because you decided not to go to school.”

Alvaro sighed. “If you say so.”

***

By seven forty-five, Kathy was starting to wonder whether Al would actually show. He had seemed pretty keen on avoiding school for whatever reason. She hoped he'd turn up sooner or later, though. He was interesting. Despite his apparently violent personality, he was infinitely preferable to an annoying jerk like Chaz. Of course, Al could prove to be just as annoying as Chaz in time, but she didn't think so.

For better or worse, she hoped he'd make the right choice. She'd been in need of someone else to travel with for a couple of months now. Janice, the friend she'd been hiking around Unova with for over three years, had recently given up on the Gym challenge and gone home to finish her education, leaving Kathy alone. Of course, she was perfectly capable of looking after herself. She had a full team of fairly strong Pokémon with her, after all. It wasn't security she was looking for, though the more the better in that regard.

No, it was something else. Only since Janice had returned home had Kathy realised how much she enjoyed having someone to talk to on the road. She could talk to her Pokémon, of course, but it wasn't the same.

She'd never travelled with a boy before, though. She knew her father would never approve, but she'd cross that bridge if she came to it. No, something about Al was immensely interesting. While his demeanour was rough, she could tell he had hidden depths that just begged to be explored. If she was entirely frank, that very roughness might be what endeared him to her. He was honest, which was an uncommon and refreshing trait among guys his age.

As her C-Gear ticked over to 7:47, the glass doors of the Pokémon Centre opened with a fwish, and Al entered, accompanied by a tall, slim woman who had the same piercing green eyes as he did.

Smiling broadly, Kathy stood up and strode across the foyer to meet him. This was going to be fun.
__________________

Last edited by Misheard Whisper; December 9th, 2011 at 10:52 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #9    
Old December 11th, 2011, 01:12 PM
icomeanon6's Avatar
icomeanon6
It's "I Come Anon"
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Just as there's nothing more annoying in Pokemon fanfiction than reading a generic Journey fic opening, there are few things more satisfying than reading a good Journey fic opening. Alvaro is delightfully different than even most less-normal original trainers. I like how most of his problems could be the result of the abysmal school system in the Pokemon universe (Haven't we all asked ourselves what's up with the schools there?). He's a smart, capable kid who's squandering his potential, is generally lazy, and the rest of the world doesn't take that sitting down. I loved how his parents put him in the catch-22, and also how Kathy could read his future decision like a book, and seems to be ready to put him through character-development-hell. It's going to be fun watching the kinda dickish Al suffer through being Kathy's travelling partner, assuming she has her way with him. >:D

In a nutshell, I think your story's greatest strengths so far are the characters and the not-too-serious tone you have throughout. Everything's a little larger than life, but not too much so, and that makes for a really entertaining read with plenty of laughs. Chaz in particular was a wonderful touch; spot-on parody of rivals who never win and of pokemon/anime in general's terrible fashion sense. And it's even better that the silliness (silly in a good way!) is tempered by the pretty genuine relationship between Al and his parents. They're frustrated with his attitude and habits, and they let him know, but at the end of the day they still really care about him, and love his good points more than they hate his bad points.

My only concern so far is that I get the feeling that this will be a pretty hard story to maintain in the long run, just because it's a journey/OT fic. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that they're the ones that are most likely to fizzle out when the author loses interest or realizes that the whole thing isn't really going anywhere. It's always a disappointment when this is the case, so I hope you've got a pretty good idea of how the story is going to play out.

So yeah, very nice beginning, fun characters, and good sense of humor. Rite moar!

@Cutlerine's first comment: In Alvaro's words, "Are you, like, high on something?"
__________________

My chapter fics:
Kanto: The Disputed Frontier - 14 chapters, indefinite hiatus. Gary Stu's Unpredictable Adventure - 8 chapters, completed. Digimon Campaign - 5 chapters, ongoing.

One-shots:
There's Always Tomorrow (SWC 2009), A Matter of Stubbornness (SWC 2010), Left by the Roadside
(SWC 2011 1st place),
Giovanni Destroys the World and Everything in It (2012), By What Right? (SWC 2013 1st place) (New!)


A proud member of the
FFL ship/orgy/whatever.
Family (kind of?): Strange person who calls me strange names

If the pen is mightier than the sword, the keyboard is mightier than the ICBM.
Reply With Quote
  #10    
Old December 12th, 2011, 11:03 AM
Cutlerine
Gone. May or may not return.
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: The Misspelled Cyrpt
Age: 20
Gender:
Nature: Impish
I'm ba-aaack! With exams over, I suppose I should really get down to sorting out my own stories, but I think I'll direct my creative energies elsewhere and review this instead.

This chapter was of a noticeably higher quality than the last one - if it weren't for the identical writing styles, I could've been fooled into thinking two different people wrote each chapter. Well, that and the fact that I knew you'd written them. As presumably you have, unless I'm proleptically reading them before they've been written, which would be interesting but not, unfortunately, possible.

Anyway, back to things that make sense. I can see great things ahead for the combination of Kathy and Alvaro; though she seems to find him interesting now, I'm willing to bet that it won't be too long before Kathy works out that she and Alvaro are exactly the right type to irritate each other. If I were Alvaro, travelling with Kathy would annoy me; if I were Kathy, travelling with Alvaro would eventually annoy me, if not right away. That means conflict, and conflict means story. So yeah, that'll be good.

Alternatively, this prediction could be entirely wrong; it's hard to tell with you than with most others - which is again a strong point. As icomeanon6 said, you've abandoned the usual starting point for a Trainer entirely, which leaves the plot even more open than with a standard journey fic; it isn't predictable, and therefore it'll keep the reader interested. That is, if you can maintain it. Which I'm sure you can, because you seem perfectly competent - although, not having read any of your other stuff, I don't actually have any proof of this. Or wait, did I read something of yours once...? Eh, I don't remember, and it doesn't matter.

Where was I? Oh yeah, reviewing. Anyway, I suppose I'm basically reiterating what icomeanon6 said, in that the characters work well together (excellent well in fact; one might say you were a fishmonger) and that you've built up a strong opening to set forth from. Keep it up, and I shall continue to read.


Quote:
Originally Posted by icomeanon6 View Post
@Cutlerine's first comment: In Alvaro's words, "Are you, like, high on something?"
No. It's funny how often people ask me that question - and that, for once, isn't a joke. I get asked all the time if I'm high, or sometimes if I'm stoned. I suppose having large eyes, a predilection for staring into the middle distance and pale skin like a heroin addict does that for you. Although in this case, I think you're probably basing your question on the fact that I was in a mildly playful mood, and couldn't be bothered to hold myself back like I usually do for my reviews.

F.A.B.
__________________

For information about A Grand Day Out, a bizarre short story in video game form, click here.
Reply With Quote
  #11    
Old December 13th, 2011, 01:55 PM
Misheard Whisper's Avatar
Misheard Whisper
#1 Yancy fan
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Doctor Drakken's lair
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Send a message via Skype™ to Misheard Whisper
Hey, thanks, guys. I'm glad you like where this is going, and it's good that Chapter Two was a bit better than the first one. Yeah, Anon, it might be difficult to keep up. I have some interesting things planned, though, so I should be able to keep it up. Anyway, here's Chapter Three. I was going to follow the BW plot pretty closely, but Alvaro was having none of it.

Chapter Three
In Which Alvaro Screws With the Game Canon

“Hiya, Al!”

Alvaro suppressed a groan. He had entirely forgotten about Kathy's promise to be waiting for him at the Pokémon Centre, and now he was wishing that she had forgotten too. Evidently, there was to be no such luck, for before he could say a word, she was greeting his own mother with great enthusiasm.

“You must be Al's mom! Hi there, I'm Kathy!”

Hilda blinked, but to her credit remained composed. “Oh, hello. Are you a . . . friend of Alvaro's?”

“You make it sound like the idea is so out there,” Alvaro grumbled.

“Well, it's a natural assumption, isn't it? For one thing, I've never known you to let anybody else call you 'Al' like that. Oh, I'm sorry, dear. I don't mean to ignore you,” Hilda said suddenly, returning her attention to Kathy.

“Let me just point out right now that she's going to call me that no matter what I say about it,” Alvaro muttered, but the other two were already deep in discussion. Rolling his eyes, he stepped around them and made his way over to the reception desk by himself.

The nurse stationed at the front desk was a man only a little older than Alvaro himself, with floppy brown hair and blue eyes. “Hey there, kid,” he said as Alvaro approached. “What can we do for you today? You a Trainer?”

“Not as such,” Alvaro said, glancing over his shoulder to see whether Kathy and his mother were still chattering on. They were. “I'm actually here to get my Trainer's license today. Can you do that?”

The nurse's eyebrows rose slightly. “Sure I can, mate. But aren't you a little old to be starting out?”

Alvaro sighed. “Trust me, it's a long story. But anyway, what do I have to do to get the license? Sign some papers? Prove my competency?” The notion that he might have to supply some kind of proof of his suitability hadn't occurred to him until that moment, and he wasn't sure how he would do so if it was called for.

“Just some paperwork, mostly. I'll just get you to fill out your details here . . .” the nurse said, sliding a form across the desk towards him and handing him a pen.

Alvaro glanced down at the sheet of paper. It was all fairly straightforward: name, age, hometown, closest family members, contact numbers, Xtransceiver frequency and so on. At the bottom was a dotted line for his signature, which he provided with only a little hesitation, and one for parental permission. He glanced back at the other two again; they were still going on about something. He didn't know what they were talking about, but they certainly seemed to be enjoying themselves.

“Mom'll sign in a minute,” he said with a grimace as he handed the paper back to the nurse. “Anything else?”

“Just a couple of simple questions,” the nurse said absently, tapping his chin with the pen as he scanned Alvaro's form. “First of all: do you have a starter Pokémon arranged?”

“Oh, yeah,” Alvaro said, waving a hand. “Mom has something set up, but she won't tell me what it is yet.” To his own surprise, Alvaro realised that a part of him was eager to find out. He wasn't meant to be getting excited about this.

“And secondly: what is your goal? That is to say, what do you plan to do with your Trainer's license?”

“What? What sort of question is that?” Alvaro frowned. “Why do you even need to know?”

“Standard practice,” the nurse said with a smile. “Are you going to be doing Gym battles? Contests? Working with Pokémon in some other field, like breeding?”

“Gym battles, I guess,” Alvaro said. “I think the general idea is to go around Unova and battle people, isn't it?”

“I see. One of the usual, then,” the nurse said, making a note. “Now, as soon as we can get a parental signature, I can put this through the machine and get you your license.”

Tired of waiting, Alvaro turned and marched over to where Kathy and Hilda were still talking animatedly. “Will you hurry up and get over here?” he said sharply. “You have to sign something too, you know!”

“Oh, I'm sorry, dear!” Hilda said with an innocent smile. “I was just talking to your friend here. She says she's been a Trainer for five whole years. Can you believe that?”

“Yes, I can. Now come on!” Alvaro said, rolling his eyes as he lead her towards the desk, Kathy following with a slightly amused look on her face.

Once the nurse had all the signatures he wanted, he fed the form into a machine under the desk and tapped several keys on his computer. A few seconds later, a small slot on the desk itself spat out a piece of plastic about the size of a credit card. The nurse handed it to Alvaro with a grin. “There we are! You're all good to go!”

Alvaro inspected the card. It was red and white, with a black strip down the middle. His name was printed in white letters across the red part, while a bunch of seemingly random numbers were spread across the rest of its face. On the flipside was a large amount of very small text. Deciding he'd read it later, Alvaro pocketed the card and looked up expectantly. “Anything else?”

“That's just about it, actually,” the nurse said, appearing slightly taken aback by Alvaro's abruptness. “You're qualified to train Pokémon now.”

“Huh,” Alvaro said with a frown. “I was expecting something a little more . . . I don't know, rigorous. Anybody could come along and get a license, and not necessarily the sort of person you'd want to be training Pokémon . . .”

“Well, that judgement is left up to the official overseeing the licensing – in this case, me. You don't seem to be the sort to do anything untoward with your Pokémon, so I have no problem approving you for a license.”

Alvaro raised an eyebrow, but decided not to push the point any further.

“All right, Al!” Hilda said brightly, clapping her hands together. “Are you all set to go?”

“Uh, I guess . . .” Alvaro said, still slightly unable to believe what he was doing. “Do I just . . . head out any which way?”

“Well, the closest Gym's in Striaton City out west,” Kathy said. “That's where I was last. We should go that way if you want to start collecting Badges right away,” she suggested as she led them out of the Pokémon Centre.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Alvaro said. “Where the fuck did this 'we' come from? I'm not going anywhere with you.”

“Al, honey,” his mother said warningly, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I was talking with Kathy here, and she seems like a lovely, responsible girl. She's agreed to travel with you for a while and act as a kind of mentor. She's an experienced Pokémon Trainer, so she knows her stuff.”

“I don't want her tagging along with me!” Alvaro growled, glaring at the pair of them. “I can handle things by myself just fine!”

“I don't think so,” his mother said, raising an eyebrow. “I know you're sixteen, but you've hardly left Accumula before. You need someone level-headed and experienced along with you, and Kathy has kindly said that she'll help you out. I will not have you embarrassing me by kicking up a fuss like some four-year-old!”

Alvaro glowered at her. “Isn't it bad enough that you made me do this shit in the first place? I'm not having her along for the ride. If you really must be so anal about travelling with someone, then I'll call up one of the local guys who already left. Chuck, maybe, or Faro. Those guys have been training for years. I'll meet up with them and I can travel with somebody I actually like.”

“Alvaro Wayland, you will do as I say. If you meet up with one of your friends while you're travelling, fine. Go along with them. But until that day comes, you will travel with Kathy.”

Alvaro clenched his fists, taking a deep breath. “Fine,” he said at length, shuddering slightly as he tried to resist the urge to hit the nearest inanimate object. He could always ditch Kathy as soon as he left town, he reasoned.

“Glad to see you've come around,” she said. “Now, I should give you your Pokémon, shouldn't I?”

“It might help,” Alvaro said, rolling his eyes. Despite his dismissiveness, however, he was more than a little curious to find out what was in the Poké Ball. When had either of his parents ever owned a Pokémon? He'd heard that there was a researcher down in Nuvema that sometimes sponsored new Trainers and gave them Pokémon, but he doubted that she'd been involved. He tried to picture his mother wandering around Route 2, looking for wild Pokémon to throw Poké Balls at. He shook his head. The image seemed wrong somehow.

“Well, then,” she said, reaching into her purse and pulling out the Poké Ball she'd shown him the previous morning. “I suppose this is where you really start your journey, isn't it?”

Alvaro raised an eyebrow. She was trying to get him to be all emotional, he could tell. It wasn't happening. “Yeah, sure. Whatever. Now can I have the Pokémon and leave before I change my mind?”

“All right, dear,” Hilda said, handing him the sphere. “It's all yours. But don't let it out of the Poké Ball until you're out of town, okay? Young, inexperienced Pokémon are easily scared, and you don't want it to freak out and run, do you?”

“Fair enough,” Alvaro said, pocketing the Poké Ball. “Is that it, then?”

Hilda sighed and pulled him into a hug. Alvaro tried to wriggle out, but her grip was firm and he had no choice but to submit. She didn't say anything for several seconds, but rubbed his back in what he could only suppose was meant to be a comforting manner.

When she finally let him go and held him at arm's length, there were tears in her eyes. “I'm proud of you, Al,” she said. “And I will miss you. You are allowed to show a little emotion, you know.”

“Whatever,” he snorted, but then he relented. “Yeah, all right. I'll miss you too, Mom. And Dad. But that's it. Truth be told, I'm actually kind of glad to be getting out of this town.”

“I know, sweetie,” she said. “Now, I do have to go to work as well. Don't forget to call in whenever you can and tell us how you're going. Be safe, stick with Kathy. She's responsible.”

“I love how you're so willing to entrust your only son to a complete stranger,” he grumbled.

“Don't give me that. You'll be fine with her. Now, is there anything else?” she asked. Apparently the question was rhetorical, for she carried on anyway. “You'll need to stop into the Poké Mart in town for some basic supplies before you go. You've got a sleeping bag and some food packed already, right? All you'll need is a couple of potions and so on for your Pokémon, then. I've put some money into your account, and you can access that with your Trainer's license-”

“Mom!” Alvaro said sharply.

“The next Pokémon Centre is in Striaton, all right? You'll probably have to sleep outside for a couple of nights, but the weather's supposed to be fine for the next week or so. It's really quite nice this time of year, anyway, and we're so lucky to live somewhere with such a mild climate. If you look at Sinnoh, it snows half of the year and hails for the other half, and in Hoenn they have those horrible rainstorms-”

“Mom!” Alvaro repeated.

“If it does rain, try and find somewhere dry to sleep, would you? I don't want you catching anything horrible from the cold. I think the Pokémon Centres have facilities if you do, but it's best to prevent these things before you have to worry about curing them. Speaking of sleeping, try and get at least nine hours a night, okay? Any less, and your metabolism will suffer. Always eat a good breakfast, if possible. You've got some non-perishable food on you, and you can stock up in each town-”

“Mooooom,” he groaned, but he could tell his entreaties were falling on deaf ears.

“There are plenty of edible fruits and berries growing wild as well, and I'm sure Kathy knows which ones they are. Don't eat anything you don't recognise – that's how you get sick-”

“Mrs Wayland!” Kathy said, stepping in suddenly. She had been watching the entire exchange with a mixed expression of amusement and sympathy on her face.

To Alvaro's immense surprise, his mother fell silent. “Yes, dear?”

“I think Al's got it,” she said confidentially. “And even if he didn't, I've got it. I'll take care of him, I promise.”

Alvaro sighed and rubbed his temples. This was shaping up to be an extraordinarily frustrating day, and it was barely eight o'clock.

“Yes,” he agreed. “I've got it. Are you going to tell me something I don't know, or should I just leave now?”

“There's no call for that kind of stroppiness, young man,” Kathy said in an uncanny imitation of Hilda.

“Don't you start!” he groaned.

Kathy giggled innocently. “Sorry! You just looked so grumpy!”

Alvaro shook his head in disgust as his mother joined in the giggling. He had been starting to think that Kathy wasn't just another airheaded bimbo, but maybe he'd been wrong. Either way, I'll be rid of her as soon as I can, he resolved.

“So!” he said sharply, cutting the other two off. “Unless there is anything else to be said, I am going to leave right now.” He glanced from one to the other. “Anything?”

“Good luck,” his mother said, kissing him on the cheek. “I guess that's all that's left to say. I'll call you on the Xtransceiver tonight when I get home from work, okay? Just to see how you're going.”

“If you insist,” Alvaro said. He stepped back and gave a theatrical bow. “If that really is it this time, I will be on my way. We. We will be on our way,” he amended swiftly, glancing at Kathy.

“All right, dear. Goodbye, and take care.”

“Right,” Alvaro said. He then turned on his heel without another word and marched west, towards the Poké Mart and Route 2.

***

Kathy paused briefly to reassure Mrs Wayland – once again – that her son was in good hands before racing to catch up with Al. He didn't even look back or acknowledge her presence until she was right next to him, when he glanced down the bridge of his nose at her – damn, he was tall – as if only just realising she was there.

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” she demanded.

“Poké Mart,” he said. “Didn't you hear what Mom said?”

She looked at him in wonder. For someone who was leaving his home, his family and everything he had ever known, he didn't seem particularly fazed by any of it. He didn't even look back, though she could see his mother still standing outside the Pokémon Centre, waving.

“The Poké Mart? Oh, uh . . . you don't need to do that!” she said, swinging her bag off her back and digging through it.

Al didn't check his pace, which meant she had to jog to catch up to him again once she found what she was after. She thrust a small package, wrapped tightly in brown paper, into his hands.

“What's this?” he asked suspiciously.

“Uh . . . a few bits and pieces. A Trainer's starter kit, if you like. There's some potions, a few cans of repel, a couple of general status healing solutions and some Poké Balls. I even put a revive in there, but it's for emergencies only.”

Al gave her a strange look, but stopped and packed the supplies into his own bag. “Thanks,” he said. “No Poké Mart, then.” With that, he resumed walking, making a beeline for Route 2.

He seems awfully keen to get underway all of a sudden, she thought with a frown. Was he up to something?

“Hey, listen,” she said, speeding up slightly to keep up with his long-legged stride. “I know you don't want to travel with me, but I happen to want to travel with you. So-”

“So what?” Al snarled, his sudden vindictiveness startling her. “I'm already being forced to go on this stupid Gym challenge, and I don't know if I can take something else shoved onto me like this. Look, Kathy. I owe you one for the stuff you bought me, so I'm not going to ditch you. I'm not that much of an asshole. So I'll go along with this for now, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. We clear?”

Kathy raised an eyebrow. He was certainly going to some length to retain his bad-boy persona. “Sure thing.”

They both fell silent for a while. Kathy observed him with interest. He was an even stranger specimen than she'd originally thought, this one. He seemed to want to remain standoffish, even when there was no apparent need for it. Was it possible he genuinely disliked her for some reason? That shouldn't be the case. While she had kind of bullied her way into travelling with him, she could sense that most of his frustration was directed towards his mother.

So why was he still ignoring her?

In an attempt to defuse the tense silence, Kathy cast around for something in the area to comment on. Accumula was fairly quiet at this time of the morning, as most of its occupants were already where they planned to be for the day. There were a handful of other teenagers walking to school, but not many. A few cars rumbled by, but the small town was generally quiet.

As a result, Kathy was quite surprised to notice some kind of disturbance going on at a park on the side of the road. A number of people had gathered around a small fountain, including several who were dressed in odd, pale blue hooded suits with white apron-like extensions.

“What do you suppose they're up to?” she asked, nudging Al and pointing to the small crowd.

He stopped to peer across at the group. “Eh, some bunch of environmental activist losers,” he said dismissively. “I've seen them around a bit lately. Probably giving speeches on how it's unethical to eat broccoli or something.”

“Why would it be unethical to eat broccoli?” Kathy asked, frowning.

“It was a joke, damn it!” Alvaro said.

“I know, I know,” Kathy said hastily. “I was just wondering, though.”

“Maybe it hurts the broccoli's feelings. How the fuck should I know? They're kooks. Come on.” He started walking again, and Kathy hurried to keep up.

Just a few minutes later, they reached the edge of town. Alvaro didn't blink, however, walking straight past the sign proclaiming 'Farewell from Accumula!' and out onto Route 2.

“Are you, like . . . ready to go?” she asked uncertainly. “Just like that?”

He looked at her as if she'd asked him why his hair had spontaneously turned green. “Of course,” he said. “Why shouldn't I be?”

“Well, I always just thought that the beginning of your journey was meant to be a little more, you know . . . special.”

“Perhaps it would be, if I was doing this because I wanted to. Come on, let's find somewhere to let this Pokémon out,” he suggested, digging the Poké Ball out of his pocket.

The sun was shining brightly, and the dew on the grass was drying off already. Kathy followed Alvaro a short way from the road as he made his way across to the pedestrian trail that wound alongside the tarmac. He kept going, though, stepping under the cover of a stand of trees that sat by a bend in the path.

She stepped up beside him, looking at the Poké Ball in his hand. It was a standard model, nothing special. She could tell that despite his grumpy demeanour, he was just as curious as she was to find out what it was – if not more so.

She watched his face closely as he made to press the release switch. It was a powerful moment, meeting your first Pokémon. She remembered her own only too well. Alvaro's face betrayed few of the usual emotions associated with such a momentous occasion. Sure, he was curious, but that appeared to be it. He didn't seem particularly proud, or even a little excited.

“Do you have any idea what it could be?” she asked, in the hope of eliciting some kind of response.

“Not a clue,” he said, and pressed the button.
__________________

Last edited by Misheard Whisper; December 13th, 2011 at 04:11 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #12    
Old December 13th, 2011, 03:21 PM
icomeanon6's Avatar
icomeanon6
It's "I Come Anon"
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
Age: 20
Gender: Male
The more I read this, the more I like it. When I first looked at chapter three's title, I was thinking "C'mon, fourth wall joke? Not the right place for it," but then I read the chapter, and I think the title is totally appropriate. The story is very much shaping up to be a Man vs. Convention kind of plot. The main character doesn't want the peppy female companion, and certainly doesn't want anything to do with the weirdos from Team Plasma. If this were just an ordinary fic, we'd look at a chapter where the main character gets his license, says bye to his mom, gets a package of Pokemon equipment, passes by the villains, and stops just before he sees the Pokemon and we'd call it pretty uneventful, but on the contrary I found this chapter positively exciting.

It's all unfolding like a chess match: Kathy convinces the mother to get Al to go with her, and Al feigns compliance, ready to split away at first opportunity, but then Kathy pulls out the free gift and he's cornered! Later, she tries to turn the plot towards the team of villains, but Al parries by discrediting them and manages to walk out of town without getting involved! I love it! It's all very meta, but in a way that doesn't jar the reader from a story that can easily exist on its own. Very fine achievement, sir.

Oh, and I loved how Al's mom went on and on with instructions and advice for him. Not only can I relate on a real life level, but it also hearkened of long, useless explanations of how to play Pokemon from the games. Not sure if you intended that, but I still thought it was funny.

Writing-wise everything's fine. Just one little mistake I spotted:

Quote:
Karl glowered at her.
I imagine that's the name of the main character from something else you've written. I've made that mistake a few times myself. xD

So yeah, thought this was a great chapter, and can't wait to see what's inside the Pokeball!
__________________

My chapter fics:
Kanto: The Disputed Frontier - 14 chapters, indefinite hiatus. Gary Stu's Unpredictable Adventure - 8 chapters, completed. Digimon Campaign - 5 chapters, ongoing.

One-shots:
There's Always Tomorrow (SWC 2009), A Matter of Stubbornness (SWC 2010), Left by the Roadside
(SWC 2011 1st place),
Giovanni Destroys the World and Everything in It (2012), By What Right? (SWC 2013 1st place) (New!)


A proud member of the
FFL ship/orgy/whatever.
Family (kind of?): Strange person who calls me strange names

If the pen is mightier than the sword, the keyboard is mightier than the ICBM.
Reply With Quote
  #13    
Old December 13th, 2011, 04:29 PM
Misheard Whisper's Avatar
Misheard Whisper
#1 Yancy fan
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Doctor Drakken's lair
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Send a message via Skype™ to Misheard Whisper
Quote:
Originally Posted by icomeanon6 View Post
The more I read this, the more I like it. When I first looked at chapter three's title, I was thinking "C'mon, fourth wall joke? Not the right place for it," but then I read the chapter, and I think the title is totally appropriate. The story is very much shaping up to be a Man vs. Convention kind of plot. The main character doesn't want the peppy female companion, and certainly doesn't want anything to do with the weirdos from Team Plasma. If this were just an ordinary fic, we'd look at a chapter where the main character gets his license, says bye to his mom, gets a package of Pokemon equipment, passes by the villains, and stops just before he sees the Pokemon and we'd call it pretty uneventful, but on the contrary I found this chapter positively exciting.
I'm glad it came across that way. Looking back on the chapter before posting it, I was a bit wary for exactly that reason: not much happens at all. But if it did what I wanted it to do, while simultaneously getting the boring start-of-journey stuff out of the way, I'll consider it successful.

Quote:
It's all unfolding like a chess match: Kathy convinces the mother to get Al to go with her, and Al feigns compliance, ready to split away at first opportunity, but then Kathy pulls out the free gift and he's cornered! Later, she tries to turn the plot towards the team of villains, but Al parries by discrediting them and manages to walk out of town without getting involved! I love it! It's all very meta, but in a way that doesn't jar the reader from a story that can easily exist on its own. Very fine achievement, sir.
So glad, so very glad. I basically set out here to subvert everything I possibly could without turning this into crackfic, so . . . that's pretty much exactly what I was going for. Coming from one with experience in parody (yes, I read Unpredictable Adventure), that means a lot.

Quote:
Oh, and I loved how Al's mom went on and on with instructions and advice for him. Not only can I relate on a real life level, but it also hearkened of long, useless explanations of how to play Pokemon from the games. Not sure if you intended that, but I still thought it was funny.
Yeah, that was mostly subconscious in terms of the game mechanics. I always get so sick of A-mashing at the start of a Pokemon game while everyone talks . . . Still, in future, let's assume all references are intentional until proven otherwise. <_<

Quote:
Writing-wise everything's fine. Just one little mistake I spotted:


I imagine that's the name of the main character from something else you've written. I've made that mistake a few times myself. xD
Oh, damn and blast! Fixed it. Karl's from Champion Game. He's not a main character, but he's quite similar to Alvaro in personality, so he glowers a lot. v_v

Quote:
So yeah, thought this was a great chapter, and can't wait to see what's inside the Pokeball!
I think I can state with impunity that nobody will successfully guess what's in it. Anyway, we'll have to wait and find out! Thanks for reading, as always.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #14    
Old December 13th, 2011, 04:32 PM
SuperTrainStationH's Avatar
SuperTrainStationH
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Gender: Male
I like how Al dismissively and nonchalantly reacts to Team Plasma in the way someone from our world might walk past an animal rights protest and not really care that much, which is something that's suggested in the games, but can't really be shown dynamically.

Sadly it seems they've missed their chance to deal with Plasma in the anime in this way as well, so it's nice seeing it here.

My only suggestion is to perhaps capitalize the names of items that correspond to those used by trainers in the games.

Its a personal preference thing of course, because in the context of the Pokémon world, the names of Pokemon species probably wouldn't be capitalized as proper nouns either, so do as you please, just an idea.
__________________
http://www.pokecommunity.com/signaturepics/sigpic293430_1.gif
Reply With Quote
  #15    
Old December 13th, 2011, 05:22 PM
Misheard Whisper's Avatar
Misheard Whisper
#1 Yancy fan
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Doctor Drakken's lair
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Send a message via Skype™ to Misheard Whisper
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperTrainStationH View Post
I like how Al dismissively and nonchalantly reacts to Team Plasma in the way someone from our world might walk past an animal rights protest and not really care that much, which is something that's suggested in the games, but can't really be shown dynamically.

Sadly it seems they've missed their chance to deal with Plasma in the anime in this way as well, so it's nice seeing it here.

My only suggestion is to perhaps capitalize the names of items that correspond to those used by trainers in the games.

Its a personal preference thing of course, because in the context of the Pokémon world, the names of Pokemon species probably wouldn't be capitalized as proper nouns either, so do as you please, just an idea.
I've not actually had cause to use potions and the like in fanfiction before for some reason, so I just went with what felt right. While I do feel okay capitalising Pokemon names, it seemed a bit odd to capitalise common nouns like potion and antidote. Things like Full Heal, which seem to be brand names, I'd be fine with capitalising. Eh, again, preference. I might end up changing my mind after all, I don't know. Thanks, though. Glad you enjoyed the chapter.
__________________

Last edited by Misheard Whisper; May 29th, 2012 at 01:43 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #16    
Old December 13th, 2011, 06:12 PM
SuperTrainStationH's Avatar
SuperTrainStationH
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Gender: Male
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misheard Whisper View Post
Thank you, Farla I mean what? Er, yeah. I've not actually had cause to use potions and the like in fanfiction before for some reason, so I just went with what felt right. While I do feel okay capitalising Pokemon names, it seemed a bit odd to capitalise common nouns like potion and antidote. Things like Full Heal, which seem to be brand names, I'd be fine with capitalising. Eh, again, preference. I might end up changing my mind after all, I don't know. Thanks, though. Glad you enjoyed the chapter.
It's nice that there's an actual formula to how you go about capitalizing items. I was specifically thinking, and if I were to pick and choose based on "brandyness", I would have used the specific example of Full Heal. I just got lazy in spelling it out!

Yeah, like I said, its just preference. Don't sweat it and do what you think looks good for your story.
__________________
http://www.pokecommunity.com/signaturepics/sigpic293430_1.gif
Reply With Quote
  #17    
Old December 15th, 2011, 05:39 AM
Misheard Whisper's Avatar
Misheard Whisper
#1 Yancy fan
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Doctor Drakken's lair
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Send a message via Skype™ to Misheard Whisper
A/N: I ought to say something about this fic, really. A bit late, but here goes. This is basically written for fun. Champion Game is what I write for a more serious kind of enjoyment, and this is a distraction from that. As well as that, I got way ahead on CG during NaNoWriMo. I had a seven-chapter buffer or something, which disappeared with alarming rapidity (It's down to two now). I know people don't like being flooded with chapters, so I started this as a side project to slow down my production of Champion Game. I'm terrible with keeping deadlines, so I post things when they're done. If I have a chapter buffer, I'll post them as soon as I can, which often means two or three days after the last one. That doesn't give people time to read and review. So what I'm doing is putting this out as a less serious, more whimsical alternative. Chapters will come out pretty quickly for this, I imagine. I'll publish them as soon as I finish writing them, but Champion Game will slow down as a result, which is exactly what I want. I'll stop talking now. I can always blab in later chapters.

That aside, let me know if you like this. This fic isn't nearly as serious as Champion Game, so feel free to holler out plot holes in the games that you want me to fill. That's basically the intention of this fic. Most importantly, have fun! You want drama? Go read Champion Game. This is the land of whimsy, parody and lampshade-hanging!

Edit: Hey, look! Post #3,333 is a fanfic chapter! Happy me! Now back to the fic. Sorry.

Chapter Four
In Which Alvaro Learns Something

The Poké Ball split open along the black seam with a slight cracking noise.

Alvaro blinked. He looked down at the ground, and blinked again. He tried the trees. Nothing. He even glanced up into the air, but all he could see was a distant flock of wild Pidove. “Uh . . .”

“It's empty,” Kathy said in a hushed voice.

Alvaro looked at her blankly. “. . . What?”

“It's an unoccupied Poké Ball,” she clarified. “It's never been used to capture anything. There was no flash of blue light when you pressed the switch.”

“That's bull,” Alvaro grumbled. “She must have given me the wrong one. Right, back to town!” Mumbling curses under his breath, he turned and headed back towards the road. Stupid woman. How did she even get them confused anyway?

“Hey, Al!” Kathy called from behind him. “Look at this!”

He stopped reluctantly, but didn't turn around. “What is it?”

“Something . . . something did come out of the Poké Ball,” she said.

Alvaro frowned. There was an edge of amusement to her voice that he didn't like. It was almost as if she was mocking him. Nevertheless, he turned around and stomped back down to where she was still standing, holding something out towards him.

“It fell out when you started walking,” she said.

As he approached, she tossed it to him. He caught it awkwardly and examined it. It was a tightly folded piece of paper, easily small enough to fit inside the Poké Ball. “She did not,” he whispered as he struggled to unfold it.

It was a yellow Post-It note with two short sentences scrawled on it in his mother's handwriting. Have fun catching your first Pokémon! I'm sure you'll do splendidly!

“That bitch,” he said flatly, crushing the piece of paper in his shaking fist and dropping it to the ground. “That absolute bitch.”

“Uh . . . Al?” Kathy said hesitantly. “Are you . . . okay?”

“Me?” he spat, rounding on her. “Am I okay? My own mother just pulled a fast one on me for the third fucking time in two days, and you wonder if I'm okay? Blondie, you are really starting to piss me off!”

She raised her left hand sharply, jabbing him in the chest with her index finger. “You listen here!” she said, and there was a fire in her voice that took him by surprise. “You're behaving like a spoiled child over something really inconsequential! Maybe I'd understand your frustration if I actually believed for a moment that you gave a damn. But I'm not buying it, Al! You're just flipping out for the sake of it, and I am not having it!” Stopping, she stepped quickly backwards, her chest rising and falling sharply.

Alvaro blinked. He felt a snarl tug at the corners of his mouth, but he fought to keep it under control. She was right about that, at least. He was too ready to let himself explode. It didn't stop him being pissed off, though.

“You want to think that?” he asked. “Fine. Think what you like. Frankly, I couldn't care less what you think of me. But I've had it with this bullshit.”

“What's got you so riled up?” she demanded. “For the love of Arceus, Al, I hardly think your mother did it to spite you. Hell, she probably thought it was funny.”

“That's why!” he spat. “Yesterday was an absolute ♥♥♥♥storm of a day, and today isn't shaping up to be much better. Not even twenty-four hours ago, I was living a completely normal life. Then suddenly, Mom just throws one curveball at me after another! I thought I was managing this morning. I thought I could deal with it, because I didn't have to put up with her crap any more. But no, she's still going out of her way to piss me off! How is that funny? How the hell is any of that funny?” Even as he ranted, though, he could feel his anger beginning to evaporate. She was right; it wasn't a huge deal. He'd be damned if he was going to tell her that, though.

“You're right, Al,” she said, and her tone was noticeably softer. “It wasn't funny. But please, just go with it, will you?”

Alvaro sighed heavily and sat down on the grass, tossing the empty Poké Ball from one hand to the other. “Go with it,” he repeated softly. “That's all I've been expected to do recently. Let other people tell you what to do, and just go with it.”

Kathy sat down next to him. She lifted a hand slightly as if to reach out and touch him, but retracted it before speaking. “Sometimes, that's what you have to do, Al. Look, I don't expect you to like this right away. But please, would you just stop overreacting to things?”

He shot her a sideways glare. “Why should you care, anyway? Why do you care about me at all? I haven't made any secret of the fact that I don't want you around. What made you do what you're doing?”

“I was bored,” she said, leaning back and resting her weight on her hands. “You seemed interesting – you still do – so I thought I'd come along for the ride.”

Alvaro swore under his breath, but the faintest trace of a grin was doing its best to yank his mouth out of line. “It seems I'm stuck with a weird one, aren't I?”

“Oh, sure. Like I'm the weird one here,” Kathy said, standing up and dusting off the seat of her pants. She put her hand out to help him up. “Come on, grumpy-trousers.”

He eyed her suspiciously. “Where?”

“We're going to catch you a Pokémon,” she said.

There was a spark in her eyes that Alvaro hadn't seen before, and it made him shiver. He ignored the offered hand, pushing himself to his feet instead. “Fine,” he grunted. “But I still don't like it.”

***

As she led Al further from the road, Kathy mentally breathed a huge sigh of relief. He's even scarier today than he was yesterday. Standing up to him like that had taken all her courage, and she had the sinking feeling even now that if she stopped walking, her knees would give out.

There was something unsettling about Al's sudden mood swings, and there was a certain part of her mind that was all too ready to categorise him as a potential psychopath. Even so, staying with him was sure to be far more interesting than continuing to travel alone. He was a unique individual; she could tell as much already. Whether his outward demeanour was to be taken at face value, she wasn't sure, but in either case he was sure to attract all sorts of curious adventures.

If she was entirely honest with herself, that wasn't all there was to it. There was something intensely attractive about teaching an inexperienced Trainer the ropes, especially one as self-assured and stubborn as this one. She had always wanted to be a teacher, and although Al wasn't really what she'd had in mind, he was sure to be good practice.

“So,” Kathy said at length, trying to inject as much enthusiasm into her voice as she could. “You've got a Poké Ball there, and I think you should use it to catch your first Pokémon.”

“Fine,” he said curtly.

“Well, we're likely to find a good number of wild Pokémon around here,” she said, coming to a stop and surveying the area critically. She had led him still further away from the road, deeper into the stand of trees. They were in a small clearing surrounded by low, loosely spaced-out trees.

“I don't see any,” Al said, tapping the button on his Poké Ball to expand it to full size and glaring sullenly around at the surrounding foliage.

“You, uh. You have to actually look for them, you know,” Kathy said gently. “Of course, they'll be wary of people, so it could be tricky. On the other hand, though, we're quite close to the town and the road, so they might be more used to people than elsewhere. That should work in our favour.”

“Quite the expert, aren't we?” Al said, raising an eyebrow.

“Compared to you? Yes. I've been doing this for five years,” she reminded him.

“Whatever,” Al said. “Hey, I think I saw one!” Without another word, he slipped into the trees.

Kathy rolled her eyes and followed him.

He was good at moving quietly, she noticed. He passed between the trees with a natural grace, his stance balanced and sharp. Kathy was willing to bet that it had something to do with his apparent skill in the martial arts.

Rather than getting in his way, she opted to fall back a little and watch him. He was stalking something out of her sight, and while she was curious to find out what it was, she didn't want to ruin his game.

Suddenly, Al leapt forward, tackling something in the underbrush. He scuffled with it for a few seconds before getting a solid grip and standing up again, holding his prize at arms' length. It was a small brown Pokémon with large red eyes and a rigid tail, and it was chittering madly at him.

Al took the Pokémon by the scruff of its neck and thrust it in her direction. “Want it?” he asked.

“Me?” Kathy blinked. “Not . . . particularly.”

“Right,” Al said, dropping the Pokémon back to the ground, where it immediately skittered away between the trees. “Let's try that again.”

“Are you okay with letting it go?” Kathy asked, puzzled. “Why didn't you try and catch it?”

“I fucking hate Patrat,” Al grumbled. “Creepy little buggers. If I really have to do the Pokémon thing, I want to at least start with one that's a little bit cool. Not that bug-eyed little fuck.”

“Er . . . right. But that aside, you know that's not how you're meant to catch Pokémon, right?” she pressed gently.

“Seriously?” he asked, looking genuinely puzzled for a moment before snapping back to his usual suspicious glower. “That's how I usually do it.”

“You've caught Pokémon before? But-”

“I've caught people before. It usually involves sneaking around until you're close enough, then jumping the guy and hitting him until he gives up. I figured it was kind of the same deal with Pokémon. Am I wrong?”

“Um . . . yes,” she said, unable to meet his eyes.

“Right, then,” he said, dusting off his hands before crossing his arms across his chest. “If you're so smart, you show me how to do it.”

“All right, then. I will,” she said. She snatched a Poké Ball from her belt and double-tapped the release switch to enlarge and open it. A familiar crack and flash of blue light heralded the appearance of her Pokémon, a grey-and-black Flying-type with red markings over its eyes.

“A Tranquill,” Al said. “Hardly awe-inspiring.”

“Hey! I'm trying to help you out here. The least you could do is be a little grateful, or at least cooperative.” He'd recognised the Pokémon straight away, she noted quietly. While Tranquill weren't exactly rare, they were hardly a dime a dozen in the Accumula area, unlike the weaker, smaller Pidove.

“I don't have to cooperate with you!” he snapped. “I managed to catch a Pokémon just fine by myself, you know. If I'd wanted to keep it, I could have.”

“You really don't know a thing, do you?” Kathy said, shaking her head in disbelief. “Even if you'd tried to capture that Patrat, it would have broken free of the Poké Ball.”

“Uh . . . they can do that?” Al was looking more and more uncertain. It was as if he had forgotten to glower.

“Yes, they can. Now, listen. Are you going to let me help you without getting snarky at everything I say?”

“No guarantees, but I'll do what I can.”

I guess that's the best I'm going to get, she thought wryly. “All right, Tranquill,” she said. “See if you can find any other Pokémon around here that we haven't scared off already.”

“And no Patrat!” Al added quickly. Tranquill cocked its head questioningly at Kathy.

“Yes, what he said,” she confirmed. With a coo and a flutter of wings, Tranquill was gone, streaking through the trees like a grey bullet.

“So . . . now we wait?” Al asked.

“Yes, we do,” she said. “Tranquill's very useful for hunting out wild Pokémon, but it's been a while since I've had the need to.”

“Whatever,” Al grunted, dropping his bag on the ground and sprawling next to it. “Let me know when something happens.”

“You know, if you think you owe me for the stuff I bought you, you're going to owe me double for this,” she said.

“I know, I know,” he said, closing his eyes as he lay back in the grass.

Kathy smiled. He seemed to have calmed down a little, even if he was still doing his best to be stubborn. Suddenly, she noticed a flash of purple passing behind Al's head. “Hey!” she exclaimed.

Al cracked one eye open. “What?” He sounded vaguely annoyed at being disturbed.

“I . . . I thought I saw a Pokémon behind you.” Kathy squinted into the underbrush where she'd spotted the movement, but it appeared undisturbed.

“I don't see anything,” Al groaned, rolling over onto his stomach and scanning the area. “Stop making things up.”

“Hey, is your bag moving?” Kathy asked with a frown.

“The fuck are you on about now?” he grumbled. “Bags don't move.”

“Yours is,” Kathy pointed out, indicating the bulky backpack on the ground next to Al, which was indeed wiggling.

“The hell?” he growled, sitting up and snatching it up off the ground. Items flew everywhere from the unsecured top of the bag, and a small Pokémon was visible, frozen in place on the ground with something in its front paws.

It was a small, purple feline with cream-coloured patches on its body and large green eyes with pink markings that stretched up towards its ears. A Purrloin? It was holding a grain bar that it had evidently pilfered from Al's backpack, and it seemed to be in the process of trying to get it out of its wrapper.

“You cheeky little shit!” Al roared, diving for it. The Purrloin swiftly leapt out of the way, dropping the grain bar in its haste to escape.

Kathy stepped in front of it, hands dropping automatically to her belt. With a trill, her Tranquill swooped out of the trees and blocked the Purrloin off as it changed its tack. The wild Pokémon stopped in its tracks, casting around for a way to escape, but between Al, Kathy and Tranquill, it was all but cornered.

“Right, you little bastard,” Al said, cracking his knuckles and glaring at the feline. “Nobody tries to steal my stuff and gets away with it.”

The Purrloin mewed pitiably as it backed away from him, tail waving cautiously.

“Oh, leave it alone, Al,” Kathy said. “It was probably just hungry.”

Purring appreciatively, the Pokémon padded over to Kathy and bumped its head against her leg.

“Hungry, sure. Doesn't mean it gets to steal my food, though,” Al said, dropping to his hands and knees to make eye contact with the Purrloin.

It stared back at him innocently, and Kathy barely suppressed a smile.

“All right!” Al declared suddenly, sitting back. “I like your guts. Get in the Poké Ball.” He pressed the button on the ball and tossed it at the Pokémon. The sphere split open in midair, and a beam of red light shot out, striking the Purrloin head-on. The Pokemon's body was enveloped in the light, which was quickly sucked inside the Poké Ball.

The ball fell to the ground, wobbling and shaking madly as the indicator light flashed warningly. A couple of seconds later, there was a crack as the two halves split apart, spitting Purrloin back out in a flash of blue light as the Poké Ball flew back to Al's hand.

“Uh . . . huh?” Al said, frowning.

“I thought you were supposed to be smart,” Kathy said, shaking her head. “I told you that you can't just do that.”

“All right, then. Stop being so stuck-up and tell me what I'm supposed to do to make this work!”

***

“You really want this Pokémon?” Kathy asked.

“Of course I do,” Alvaro said, glaring at the Purrloin, which was still coiling itself around Kathy's legs. “It tried to nick my stuff, so in exchange, I have to catch it. And it's got some serious balls to try and steal from me.”

“It's a girl, you know,” Kathy told him, a disapproving frown on her face.

“Like I care,” Alvaro said. “If you're so smart, then, tell me what I have to do.”

“You seriously don't know how to catch a Pokémon?” she asked, seeming genuinely confused.

“Of course not!” he said. “I never thought I'd ever have to. I never wanted to do this, remember? I actively avoided pretty much anything to do with Pokémon training my whole life.”

“Fine, then,” Kathy said, taking a deep breath. Her voice took on a learned-by-heart tone as she proceeded to explain. “You have to tire your target out by battling it with your other Pokémon. It makes it harder for the Pokémon to break out of the Poké Ball, and it shows it how serious you are as a battler. Pokémon aren't going to go along with just anybody, you know. Some of them might not want to be captured at all, and those you just can't do anything about. Purrloin seems curious at least, though. Otherwise she'd probably have bolted as soon as she realised you were trying to capture her.”

“Thanks for the lecture,” Alvaro said, “but in case you hadn't noticed, uh . . . no Pokémon over here. Unless you want me to punch it myself – which I kinda get the feeling you don't – you're gonna have to think of something else.”

“I'll battle it for you, just this once,” Kathy said with a smile. “Seeing as you haven't got one yourself, that is. But in future, you have to do everything yourself. All right?”

Alvaro sighed. “I'm going to owe you for this as well, aren't I?”

Kathy's grin didn't waver. “Yep.”

“Ugh, fine. But – hey! Put that down, you little creep!” he snapped, noticing that the Purrloin had crept back over to the dropped grain bar and started nibbling at it.

“She's cheeky,” Kathy chuckled. “You sure you want a little kleptomaniac on the team?”

“Damn right I'm sure,” Alvaro said. “Now if you're going to do it, then damn well do it. Tell me when to throw the Poké Ball.”

“Fine then, bossy,” she grumbled, but she made a small gesture with one hand and Tranquill swooped in to land a couple of feet from Purrloin. The wild Pokémon dropped the grain bar instantly, leaping backwards with its hackles raised. It hissed warily as the Flying-type hopped closer to it, head tilted expectantly.

With a yowl, the Purrloin sprang forward, sharp claws springing from its front paws. With blinding speed, it pounced on Tranquill, claws swiping at its opponent's face.

Alvaro winced, glancing at Kathy. She didn't appear concerned at all, however.

“Tranquill, get up in the air.” With a hooting trill, Tranquill hopped backwards and flapped its wings powerfully, taking to the sky and leaving Purrloin to yowl in frustration on the ground. “Razor Wind! Just, uh . . . go easy, all right?”

Trilling happily, Tranquill flapped its wings faster still, hovering on the spot as it sent gusts of air slicing down towards the Purrloin. The feline Pokémon yowled as the force of the wind sent it flying backwards, crashing into a tree.

Alvaro winced. “That looked like it hurt.”

“That should just about do it, actually,” Kathy said. “It's only young, so it's not very strong. You can throw that Poké Ball now.”

Shrugging, Alvaro obeyed, lobbing the sphere in the Purrloin's direction. It sucked the Pokémon inside again and fell to the ground, hidden from view in a tuft of grass. Alvaro hurried over and snatched it up; it was still wobbling in his hand. He stared intently at the flashing sensor on the button, willing it to stay closed.

It did.

With a soft, cheery ding, both the shaking and the flashing stopped. He stared at the Poké Ball with mixed emotions. My first Pokémon . . . A part of him was quietly pleased with himself, even though he knew Kathy had done the actual work. Mostly, however, he felt a burning sense of irritation. He'd gone and blown it now. It seemed that he was a Pokémon Trainer, for better or worse – most likely worse.

“This cannot end well,” he said drily, turning to Kathy. He stopped, though, when he saw the self-satisfied look on her face. “What are you grinning at?”

“You owe me big time now,” she said.

Alvaro squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled through his nose. “I know,” he said reluctantly.

“So . . . no more thinking about ditching me now, right?”

He tossed the Poké Ball from hand to hand, thinking. She had him there, unfortunately. No matter how much he wanted to get away from Kathy, he couldn't bring himself to ignore the fact that he did, in fact, owe her 'big time'. “I'll stick with you till Nacrene,” he said at length.

Kathy raised an eyebrow. “I don't think so. Nimbasa.”

“Huh?”

“You stay with me till Nimbasa, then you can go your own way if you like. It's a crossroads, so you can go whichever way you want. We'll be going the same way until then anyway, so it makes sense to stick together.”

Alvaro shook his head. “Castelia. I'll go with you until Castelia, and that's where I draw the line. I don't care if we happen to go the same way after that, but I'm not going with you any further.”

“And if you change your mind between here and Castelia, you'll carry on with me?” she asked, a teasing grin slipping onto her face.

Alvaro threw his hands up in exasperation. “Whatever. If I take leave of my senses and decide you're not likely to annoy the fuck out of me, I'll keep travelling with you. Not that I'm likely to change my opinion.”

“Stranger things have happened,” she said. “So, Al.”

“Stop calling me that.”

“You just caught your first Pokémon,” she continued, ignoring his protest – as he'd known she would. “How do you feel?”

Alvaro raised his eyebrows, but quickly carried out a mental inventory anyway. “Um . . . slightly tired, because normally I sleep for another four hours. Kinda pissed at the world in general, specifically you and Mom – mostly Mom, but you're up there. A little bit hungry, seeing as I only had cornflakes for breakfast. That can wait, though.”

“Are you feeling anything more . . . specific? Something a bit more immediate?” she asked, trying a different tack.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “Yeah, I am.”

“And what might that be?” she asked, a knowing smile on her face.

“My leg itches,” he said, reaching down to scratch it.

“You're unbelievable!” she exclaimed, shaking her head.

“I get that a lot,” he said. “Mostly from Mom, though. You done psychoanalysing me?” The whole amateur psychologist act was getting old already.

“Yeah, I'm done. But seriously, Al! You just caught your first Pokémon ever. That's a big step in the life of a Trainer. Heck, not many people catch their starter Pokémon – they're usually gifts. Don't you feel at least a little proud of yourself?”

“No,” he lied.
__________________

Last edited by Misheard Whisper; January 5th, 2012 at 04:24 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #18    
Old June 2nd, 2012, 10:33 PM
Misheard Whisper's Avatar
Misheard Whisper
#1 Yancy fan
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Doctor Drakken's lair
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Send a message via Skype™ to Misheard Whisper
OH GOD WHAT IS THIS

Chapter Five
In Which It Ain't Easy Being Green

“There's a magnetic belt in the pack of stuff I bought you,” Kathy told him. “Go ahead and put it on.”

Alvaro dug through his ransacked backpack until he found the paper-wrapped package, which he tore open unceremoniously. Coiled around a number of small bottles and cans was a length of tough black fabric studded with metal discs. Due to its bulk, Alvaro had trouble threading it through his belt loops, but he managed eventually. When he finally got it on and fastened, the six magnetic discs were arrayed around his front, from one hip to the other. It was heavy, but it seemed solid enough as a result.

“It suits you!” Kathy said with a giggle.

Alvaro didn't even bother to dignify her comment with a response, instead taking the newly captured Purrloin's Poké Ball and holding it against the disc immediately to the right of his belt buckle. The ball clicked firmly into place. When he tugged at it, it came free without much effort, but it seemed to be holding firm otherwise.

“All right,” he said, repacking his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. “I'm officially a Pokémon Trainer. Now what?”

“It depends,” Kathy said. “Whichever way you want to go about it, though, we should head for Striaton up north. There's a Gym there which you might want to challenge, but there's also sure to be some other Trainers around to battle. But what we do is really up to you. I'm just tagging along. I'll get where I'm going eventually, so I'm in no hurry. Do you want to try and catch another Pokémon here?”

“Another Pokémon? One's probably all I can handle right now,” Alvaro admitted. “So I guess we head for Striaton straight away. Speaking of such things, can't we just take a bus?”

“Well, we could, but it would kind of defeat the purpose.”

“Which is . . . what, exactly?” Alvaro asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You're still a new Trainer, Al. You and Purrloin are going to need a lot of practice.”

“That's probably true,” Alvaro admitted.

“Shall we go, then?” Kathy suggested, gesturing back towards the road.

***

Before too long, the main road peeled off west, leaving the footpath to curve gently northwards. The path was only packed earth, as it wasn't really used enough to warrant a proper tarmac coating. The path was hemmed in on both sides by native forest, and smaller pathways darted periodically off into its depths. Occasionally, Alvaro would hear the sounds of battle drifting down one of them: excited shouts of Trainers and the cries of Pokémon.

“This whole area's well-known as being home to a large number of relatively weak Pokémon,” Kathy explained as he peered through the trees at one such juncture. “Rookie Trainers often come here to train their Pokémon. Are you sure you don't want to go and get some practice in?”

“You really think I should?” he asked. “I mean, it seems pretty boring.”

“Hey, you don't get to be a decent Trainer without doing the hard yards.”

“Ugh, what a drag! Fine. Let's go find something to beat up.” When they came across another path a few moments later, he turned and marched down it.

The forest was cool and blessedly quiet, save for the occasional faint trill of a Pidove somewhere in the distance. Pine needles littered the narrow path below his feet, creating a thin carpet of greenery that blended seamlessly with the forest's undergrowth. Alvaro breathed in slowly, feeling himself relax a little for the first time that day. Still, he made sure to keep his eyes fixed firmly ahead; he could tell that Kathy was watching him.

“It's nice down through here, isn't it?” she said at length, quickening her pace slightly so she bobbed along at Alvaro's elbow.

“You're short,” Alvaro said, glancing sideways at her and increasing the length of his own strides, which forced Kathy to jog a little to catch up.

“That's mean,” she pouted. “Couldn't you at least pretend that you want to be doing this?”

“I could,” Alvaro said, “but I don't work that way. I'm already going out of my way to be relatively polite to you, since I owe you so big.”

“Could you take that one step further and just, you know, be . . . friendly?” she asked, a hopeful tone creeping into her voice.

Alvaro cocked his head, considering it briefly. “Nah,” he said at length. “Too much trouble. Look, I'm grateful for your help. It'd be incredibly dickish of me not to be. But we're not friends.”

She shrugged. “Fine, but it doesn't mean I'm going to give up on getting through that thick skull of yours. Hey, could you slow down a-”

“Shh,” Alvaro said suddenly, stopping dead in the middle of the path as an unusual noise caught his ears. He felt Kathy come to a halt next to him, but he ignored her as he strained to hear the sound again. He couldn't have said exactly what it was, but it was definitely something that didn't belong in the forest soundscape.

Picking a direction that the sound might have come from, Alvaro deviated again from the path, picking his way between surprisingly densely-knit trees with a swiftness and ease borne from a decade or more winding his way through the back streets of Accumula, more often than not with somebody bigger and nastier than him on his tail. What was he chasing now? He had no real idea, but it had caught his interest. He could hear Kathy following along behind him – far too loudly for his liking – but he didn't stop to consider her.

All too soon, the trees were gone again. Alvaro brought himself up short in what turned out to be a small clearing. Glancing around, he quickly sized up the situation. There was only one other person in the clearing, staring at him in some surprise. He was a young man just a little older than Alvaro himself, with a shock of slightly untidy green hair tied back into a ponytail under his black baseball cap. He was dressed casually in a white polo and jeans, with an odd-looking item hanging from his belt. A Rubik's cube? He was sitting on a dead log that appeared to have been fallen for some time, and his hands were frozen as if Alvaro had interrupted him in the middle of some articulate gesticulation – which, Alvaro figured, he probably had, even though there was nobody else in sight.

“Uh, hi,” Alvaro said awkwardly as Kathy caught up, looking slightly frazzled. “Sorry to bother you guys. I was just looking for some wild Pokémon to battle, you know. I'll just be, uh, going now.”

The green-haired man smiled genially, as if Alvaro's interruption could not have been more welcome. His eyes were warm and comfortable. “Not at all. Say, would you like to stay a while? I was just thinking about Pokémon. It's fascinating how little some people know about them, despite living in a world full of their magnificence. Would you be interested in hearing what I have to say?” His voice was soft and clipped, devoid of any noticeable accent but full of life. He spoke very fast, but his words were clear and somehow unhurried in spite of this.

Alvaro frowned slightly. He wasn't exactly interested, but something about this man made him want to listen. It was something about the open, unguarded manner that was evident in everything from his relaxed pose to the uncommon genuineness of his smile. He opened his mouth to speak, but Kathy beat him to it.

“Sure!” she said brightly, still slightly short of breath from the quick dash through the trees.

The green-haired man's smile widened a little more, suggesting genuine pleasure at her response. “Well then, take a seat,” he said. “The grass is dry enough, I suppose.”

Alvaro lowered himself to the ground, suddenly inexplicably unsure about what he was doing. The clearing was warm and well-lit despite the early hour, a sharp contrast to the crisp, dark coolness of the woods around it. It was as if they had wandered into another world.

Kathy sat down next to him, drawing her legs under her and beaming slightly too widely at the stranger. “I'm Kathy, and this is Al,” she said brightly. “What's your name?”

“I go by N,” said the green-haired man. “Do you have Pokémon with you? They might want to listen as well.”

Alvaro raised an eyebrow. N? What sort of stupid name is that? Something stopped him from commenting aloud, though. Instead, he glanced down at Purrloin's Poké Ball. Unsure, he tapped the release switch between the two halves of the sphere, letting Purrloin out in a flash of blue light.

“Now that I think of it, this is the first time I've let you out,” he said quietly as he watched the Pokémon prowling curiously around the clearing, seeming slightly confused to find herself so far from home.

“A recent acquisition?” N asked, his face betraying nothing as Purrloin wound her way between his feet, purring amicably. He reached down absently to stroke her, cocking his head as if listening to something nobody else could hear.

“Yes . . . I just started training Pokémon this morning. It's not like I wanted to, though.”

N's face betrayed a hint of interest as he leaned forward, examining Alvaro with his emerald eyes. “You didn't want to? Please, why was that?”

Alvaro frowned, wondering whether or not to be creeped out by this man. So far, he was leaning towards 'definitely'. “I just . . . wasn't really interested, I guess,” he said uncomfortably. “I didn't want to train Pokémon because it would have been a whole lot of trouble, to be honest.”

“But the world of Pokémon is vast and magical,” N said, frowning in turn as if he couldn't understand what Alvaro was talking about. “Why would you ever want to be without them? Pokémon make such good and faithful friends.”

“Friends?” Alvaro repeated uncertainly. He glanced at Purrloin, who had clambered up into N's lap and curled up contentedly, tail flicking lazily from side to side. “I don't know about that. Is it possible to be friends with Pokémon?”

“Of course it is!” N said. “Pokémon are . . . no, I wouldn't expect you to understand. You can't hear, can you?”

“Hear what?” Kathy asked.

N turned to her as if just remembering she was there, a faraway look in his eyes. “You know . . . never mind. I'm just rambling a little, so please forgive me.” Lifting Purrloin off his lap and placing her gently on the log beside him, he stood quickly and gazed off through the trees.

Alvaro raised an eyebrow. This guy was giving off some serious weirdo vibes. “Are you . . . feeling okay?” he asked uncertainly.

N blinked, shaking his head almost imperceptibly. “No, I'm fine. But I'm terribly sorry. I have to go now. Somebody will probably come by in a minute to look for me, but please . . . don't tell them you saw me.” With that, he turned and disappeared into the trees.

Alvaro watched him go blankly. “Um . . . what just happened?”

“I have no idea,” Kathy said, “but wasn't he dreamy?”

Alvaro looked at her askance. “Sure, if you like stoners. Frankly, I'm glad he buggered off. He was starting to weird me out.”

Kathy looked indignant, but before she could say anything, they were interrupted by the sound of somebody noisily crashing through the undergrowth from the opposite direction to the one which N had taken.

Alvaro stood quickly as a rather oddly-dressed person burst into the clearing, casting around in apparent panic.

“You there!” she said sharply when she noticed Alvaro, quickly adjusting the pale blue hood which, to be frank, was the least unusual part of her ensemble.

“Can I, uh . . . help you with something?” Alvaro asked, looking her up and down. He had to admit, he was slightly impressed that anybody would have the guts to wear such an odd costume in public. It looked like a stylised partial suit of armour of some kind, with a headpiece, shoulder guards and gauntlets. Alvaro couldn't tell whether it was real armour or some kind of replica, though he was inclined to think the latter. Coupled with an emblazoned tunic, the effect was something similar to a mediaeval knight . . . gone horribly wrong. It was the same uniform that the protestors from earlier had been wearing, he noticed. Unlike the ones before, though, this girl looked as if she had fallen into it rather than put it on. The hood was several sizes too big, and her small form disappeared inside the cavernous tunic. She looked almost on the verge of tears, but she drew herself up to her full – albeit hardly impressive – height and looked him in the eye.

“I've been dispatched to track down a fugitive,” she said self-importantly. “Have you seen a young man pass by here?”

“Uh . . . no,” Alvaro said. “It's just us here. What sort of-”

“Hey!” the girl interrupted, pushing past him and bending over to examine Purrloin. “Is this your Pokémon?”

“Well, yes,” Alvaro said, wondering where this could possibly be going. “I just caught it about an hour ago.”

“That's good,” she said, extending a hand to stroke the Pokémon. “Now release it.”

“Wait, what?” Alvaro said blankly. “You want me to . . . what?”

“Release it!” she ordered, straightening up and glaring at him. “Pokémon should be free, as nature intended! Capturing them and forcing them to fight against their will is barbaric and inhumane!”

“You know, I haven't actually made it battle anyone yet,” Alvaro said. “Actually, never mind that. Where the hell do you get off saying that?” He wasn't exactly sure why he was getting so indignant, but this weird girl's manner pissed him off big time.

“I'll have you know I'm a high-ranking member of Team Plasma!” she snapped, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the fact that she still looked like she was about to cry.

“Team . . . what?” Alvaro said blankly. “Never heard of you. Speaking of such things, weren't you chasing someone?”

A look of complete shock crossed the girl's face. “Ah!” she said loudly. “You're right! I have to go!”

“Then stop preaching and go,” Alvaro snapped.

Sticking her tongue out at him, the girl spun on the spot – almost tripping on her comically long tunic – and marched off into the forest, muffled curses audible as branches cracked and caught.

Alvaro noticed that her bearing was entirely different to the one she had entered the clearing on, but it was still well different to the one N had taken. Without quite knowing why, he breathed a sigh of relief. Despite his eccentricity, the green-haired man had endeared himself to Alvaro slightly with the unfamiliar openness and honesty in his tone.

“What a bunch of kooks,” he grumbled. Purrloin yowled quietly as if in agreement. “Oh, don't give me that. You seemed quite fond of that guy, didn't you? Cheeky little bastard.”

“Why do you think they were chasing him?” Kathy asked anxiously, pulling herself to her feet.

“Well, let's see,” Alvaro said. “From what that whackjob in the too-big uniform was yelling about, I gather that rather than broccoli, they're actually concerned with Pokémon rights. Our kooky friend with the one-letter name, on the other hand . . . I guess he disagreed with them? He seemed to think that people and Pokémon could be really good friends. Maybe he's a Trainer, and they're trying to get him to release his own Pokémon?”

“Sounds reasonable,” Kathy said. “I sure hope they don't catch him, though. Do you think we should tell the police?”

“And tell them what? A couple of teenagers are playing tag in the woods?” Alvaro snorted, absently reaching a hand out to scratch the back of Purrloin's neck as she prowled curiously along the dead log next to him. His Pokémon stretched its neck out appreciatively for a moment, but then – as if at a sudden epiphany – turned up its nose and jumped off the log to examine something on the ground.

“You're right,” Kathy said, though she still sounded concerned. “Do you suppose we'll run into him again, though?”

“Probably. Annoying people like that tend to pop up everywhere. But anyway, we should get back to what we were supposed to be doing.”

“Finding wild Pokémon to battle, you mean?”

“Yeah.” If he was being honest, Alvaro really just wanted some quiet to consider the odd sequence of events that had just transpired. “Do you mind?”

“Of course not,” Kathy said. “Let's get on with it.”

***

Four hours later, Kathy found herself surprisingly worn out. When training, she usually carried things out at a fairly slow, steady pace, but Al was in favour of a different system entirely, it seemed. He was more inclined to dash about like a mad thing, hunting out any Pokémon he saw and challenging it to battle. She kept quiet through most of the expedition, but she observed Al with a quiet kind of wonder. Despite how strongly he had seemed to be against Pokémon training, he took to it with remarkable alacrity and without complaint. Watching him direct Purrloin in battle with various wild Pokémon, she noticed that he had some natural aptitude for battling: nothing that would cause her to call him a prodigy, but at least he had a good sense for what he was doing.

“Can we please . . . take a break?” she gasped out at length, bending over to try and catch her breath as Al finally came to a halt. She was fit enough from five years trekking around the Unova region, but Al seemed to have limitless reserves of energy that she simply couldn't keep up with. “I think you've done more than enough for today.”

Al shrugged. “If you say so, I guess.” He was very good at that 'supremely indifferent' thing, she noticed with some ire.

“We shouldn't be too far from Striaton right now,” she said, sitting heavily down on the ground and checking the built-in GPS on her C-Gear. “If we take it at a walk, we'll be there within an hour or so. And Al, seriously. You can't just run everywhere like that. At this rate you'll wear me out, and then yourself before too long. The thing about going on long journeys like this is that you have to pace yourself.”

“Pace yourself,” he repeated slowly, as if the term was completely anathema to him. “Fine.” He sat down at the base of a large pine tree and pulled a grain bar out of his bag.

Purrloin, who had been happily following along with Al as he dashed from place to place, trotted over and hopefully nosed his hand.

“Oh, you want some of this, do you?” Alvaro said, raising an eyebrow. “That's right, you tried to steal it before. Here, you can have a bit. But not too much.” He snapped a chunk off the end of the bar and placed it in front of Purrloin before biting into the larger part himself.

Kathy watched with some amusement, electing not to say anything. Despite his scowling and sharp tongue, he seemed to be a good guy after all. I made a good choice, it seems. Al's Purrloin seemed to like him well enough, too, though it was still wary. It had been a little slow to follow orders through their battles, and even now it retreated a few feet to chew on its food, eyeing her and Al cautiously. That was all to be expected, of course. She made a mental note to keep an eye on the little Pokémon – she knew only too well how newly-captured Pokémon could behave, especially with rookie Trainers.

“Have you been to Striaton before?” she asked eventually, unable to bear the silence much longer.

“Once or twice,” he said indifferently, his voice muffled by a mouthful of food. “Mom took me to the botanical gardens there when I was a kid. It was kinda boring, to be honest.”

“It's a great city,” she said, “and the Gym Leaders are really nice. They run the Gym as a cafe, but they're strong battlers as well. Do you know them?”

Al shook his head. “What do you mean, 'they'? There's more than one? I didn't know you could even do that.”

“The three of them are brothers,” she explained, “and each of them use a different type of Pokémon. When you challenge the Gym, you can choose which one to battle.”

“So obviously you'd pick the one where you'd have a type advantage, right?”

“Well, that would be the smart way to do it. But having an advantageous matchup doesn't always guarantee victory. Far from it, in fact. When I first challenged the Gym with my Palpitoad – a Water and Ground type, of course – I naturally decided to go up against Chili, the Leader who uses Fire-types. I was certain I'd win, but I ended up getting soundly beaten.”

Al raised an eyebrow. “Chili? What are his brother's names, then? Salt and Pepper?”

“Cilan and Cress, actually.”

“Same thing,” he grunted. “But okay, I see what you mean. So which one do you think I should challenge?”

“You want to take on the Gym Leader?” Kathy was unable to keep a certain tone of surprise from creeping into her voice. “Are you kidding? These guys have been training for years, and you only started today. You'd have to be stupid to think that you could beat them at your level. Not that I think you're stupid,” she added hastily as she saw a glare flash across Al's face.

“I know that, dumbass,” he said. “It'd be good practice, though. Isn't that what Pokémon training is all about? You're keen, right, Purrloin?”

Purrloin blinked slowly and tilted her head to the side, letting out a slight mrow as she did so.

“I don't know, Al,” Kathy said dubiously. “The Striaton Gym Leaders are really tough. You might just end up getting Purrloin hurt for no reason.”

Al's face twisted slightly with sudden uncertainty, though he quickly tried to hide it. “. . . Fine,” he said quietly. “I'll think about it.”

“We can go and visit them either way, though!” Kathy added brightly, almost as an afterthought. “They know me pretty well after all the times I went back to try and beat them. And besides, you just have to try the cakes they make there! I've never tasted anything like them.”

“I don't really care for sweets,” Al said. “But sure, let's go visit them.” With that, he zipped up his bag and hauled himself to his feet as Purrloin came trotting over to him.

“Now?” Kathy asked incredulously. “You know, I don't remember you being so eager to get moving before.”

Al sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You don't know me very well, Kathy, but that's just what I do. If I decide I'm going to do something – whether I want to or not – I'll get it done. That's how I've lived for sixteen years. I really, really don't want to be here right now, that's true. I'd much rather be in bed, or hanging around town. But the alternative was going back to school, and so far this is looking marginally more interesting. Got it?”

Kathy rolled her eyes and hid a grin. “Got it,” she said.
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply
Quick Reply

Sponsored Links


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Minimum Characters Per Post: 25



All times are UTC -8. The time now is 04:59 AM.


Style by Nymphadora, artwork by Sa-Dui.
Like our Facebook Page Follow us on Twitter © 2002 - 2014 The PokéCommunity™, pokecommunity.com.
Pokémon characters and images belong to The Pokémon Company International and Nintendo. This website is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Nintendo, Creatures, GAMEFREAK, The Pokémon Company or The Pokémon Company International. We just love Pokémon.
All forum styles, their images (unless noted otherwise) and site designs are © 2002 - 2014 The PokéCommunity / PokéCommunity.com.
PokéCommunity™ is a trademark of The PokéCommunity. All rights reserved. Sponsor advertisements do not imply our endorsement of that product or service. User generated content remains the property of its creator.