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  #1    
Old January 23rd, 2012, 07:02 PM
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DForte
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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Introduction

My name is Dforte. I decided to write a fanfic because I lack the knowledge/skills/etc. to make a hack or homebrew game. I have always had many ideas, but because I was unable to create a game, thought there was no way to share my story. Then I figured I would just write my story.

I am hoping that this story is different from many others that you may have read. This is not a story about going around a region collecting badges, or telling a story from a pokémon's point of view. Now that you know what it is not, you can read to find out what it is.

Although the locations are real places, the names are not based on real people and the characters are not based on real people. They are just name I came up with on the spot.

This story will have 5 or 6 chapters in it. I am hoping to upload 1-3 chapters a week. If I fail to upload at all, it is because I am swamped with work.

I would rate this as PG(maybe even G).
Without further ado, I present to you The Blacklist.


~Prologue~



Lynx; a 19 year old college student from Florida has just competed in the World Pokémon Championship held in Australia. The tournament allows 4 participants from each region of the world; NE, SE, SW, and NW. Lynx was one of the representatives from NW region along with: Ashley, from Canada; Joey, also from the U.S; and Michael, also from the U.S. As Lynx relaxes on his flight home, he reminisces about the tournament and his opponents, whom he had become great friends with.



The tournament put each region in a round robin situation. Lynx had come out on top of the NW region thus making him, not only the strongest of that region, but the strongest from the U.S. In the final four, Lynx faced off against the NE region champion Hiro; the SE region champion, Brittany; and the SW champion Arianna.



The final four was also a round robin. The first match pitted Lynx against Arianna with Lynx being the victor. The second match was Hiro against Brittany with Hiro being the victor. The third match was Hiro against Arianna with Hiro again winning. The fourth match was Lynx against Brittany with Brittany coming out on top. The fifth match was Brittany against Arianna with Brittany coming out on top. The sixth match was Hiro vs. Lynx and Hiro winning. Because Hiro finished 3-0 he was declared the strongest trainer on the planet.



All though Lynx finished third, he could only smile because he was recognized as one of the most powerful trainers on the planet. The plane lands and Lynx exits the plane. He is welcomed by friends, family and fans alike. He shakes hands and signs autographs and leaves the airport with his mom and younger brother Kalyn. While his younger brother is bombarding him with questions, Lynx is oblivious to him because he has fallen asleep.



The next morning, Lynx awakes and heads to the kitchen to eat breakfast. All the Pokémon belonging to him and his family running outside and Kalyn playing with them. Someone knocks on the door and his mom answers it. A mysterious man has requested a 3-on-3 battle with Lynx. Lynx is tired, but gladly accepts. The mysterious man requests that Lynx use his 3 strongest Pokémon; Electivire, Magmortar, and Blastoise. Lynx is dumbfounded and thinks the guy is crazy. The mysterious man shows the three Pokémon he will use and they are: Charizard, Alakazam, and Luxray.



Lynx first sends out Blastoise and the mysterious man sends out Alakazam. Blastoise uses Hydro Pump, but Alakazam uses Teleport to get behind Blastoise and hits him with a close range Shock Wave, easily taking out Blastoise. Lynx is stunned and can’t believe Blastoise was defeated so easily. Lynx recovers and sends forward Magmortar. The mysterious man matches fire with fire by sending out Charizard. Lynx has Magmortar use Thunder Punch and immediately, Charizard takes to the air. Lynx tells Magmortar to aim his Flamethrower toward the ground to get into the air. This plays right into the mysterious man’s hand as he tells his Charizard to grab a hold of Magmortar and use Seismic Toss. The Seismic Toss is successful and Charizard finishes up with a Dragon Rage while Magmortar is still on the ground. Magmortar is knocked out. Lynx is infuriated and tells Electivire to use Thunder. Before Electivire can unleash his attack, Luxray appears and uses Double Team and then Hyper Beam. Electivire is quickly taken down.



Lynx is frozen as he cannot believe that he was defeated so easily. He asks the man who he is. The man removes his hood to reveal that he has bright red hair with a white streak on the left side and a scar over his eye. He says his name is Archer and he’s a member of The Blacklist. Archer sends out three Nidokings in front of Blastoise, Magmortar and Electivire. As they are getting up, Archer orders the Nidokings to use Horn Drill. The Horn Drills pierce through all three Pokémon, thus killing them. Lynx cannot believe what he has just witnessed, but before he could react, Alakazam teleports in front of him and uses Hypnosis and puts Lynx to sleep.


Pokémon: The Blacklist

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=272102

Last edited by DForte; February 1st, 2012 at 06:17 PM.
  #2    
Old January 25th, 2012, 10:45 PM
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bobandbill
Where's that sheep...
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
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Ooh, a fic that mentions Australia (however briefly). Naturally I'm interested. =p

It's not a bad start, certainly; a good beginning and set-up to this Blacklist group kidnapping the top-four trainer. I do wonder why he killed his three Pokemon, as they would be potentially useful Pokemon for them to take in their possession, I feel, but it does make sense in that he asked him to use his strongest Pokemon.

I'll note that it's best to avoid centreing the text like that and instead let the text be normally formatted on the left hand side. It's not usual for readers to read story formatted like that and so it's naturally harder to read, and seems a bit strange. Present tense is also unusual but all right to write in; you'll just want to be careful in telling too much in what happens rather than showing (by that, I mean stating what happens in a matter-of-factly manner instead of describing how things happen, how they are done).
Quote:
Lynx; a 19 year old college student from Florida has just competed in the World Pokémon Championship held in Australia
Generally you'd want to write out numbers under 100 with letters; so nineteen rather than 19. Same case later with 'four' over 4, for instance.
Quote:
Lynx had come out on top of the NW region thus making him, not only the strongest of that region, but the strongest from the U.S.
Watch how you use commas as well, for the one after 'him' I don't feel is necessary; it reads fine without that comma there.
Quote:
All though Lynx finished third, he could only smile because he was recognized as one of the most powerful trainers on the planet.
Although is a valid word there.

Besides that I also suggst trying to show more in terms of how attacks happen and how Pokemon and trainers react to them, rather than tell us. For instance:
Quote:
Lynx first sends out Blastoise and the mysterious man sends out Alakazam. Blastoise uses Hydro Pump, but Alakazam uses Teleport to get behind Blastoise and hits him with a close range Shock Wave, easily taking out Blastoise. Lynx is stunned and can’t believe Blastoise was defeated so easily
What happens is easy to see, but we don't really get a good sense for how it happens or what the battle in that part was like. How did the Blastoise use Hydro Pump for instance? Probably through those cannons on its back, but through say one or two? How did it sound like? How did the Blastoise react to the close-ranged attack - did it roar in pain for instance? 'Lynx is stunned' is also an example of telling; consider instead writing for example 'He stared at the fallen form of his Blastoise, mouth hanging open' - this would show the reader that he is stunned without saying so bluntly, and would also be more interesting to read.

Not a bad start, as said; just consider those points for future parts is all. Good luck with your fic!


  #3    
Old January 26th, 2012, 08:16 AM
DForte's Avatar
DForte
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Florida, USA
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Quote:
Generally you'd want to write out numbers under 100 with letters; so nineteen rather than 19. Same case later with 'four' over 4, for instance.
As Americans are lazy, we are generally taught to write out numbers under 10 (normally spell out ten) and write in numbers for anything over that. It's the way I was taught and would be way to difficult for me to break that. If I wrote 4 instead of four, that was probably me not paying attention or because I was typing this in class.

Quote:
Watch how you use commas as well, for the one after 'him' I don't feel is necessary; it reads fine without that comma there.
The line in between commas was unneeded, but it was information that I wanted to put in there just for the heck of it. Although it was relevant, it was extra information.

Quote:
Although is a valid word there.
XD this is what happens when you type in class.

Quote:
Besides that I also suggst trying to show more in terms of how attacks happen and how Pokemon and trainers react to them, rather than tell us.
With this only being the prologue, I just wanted to set things up instead detailing every little aspect. The attack details were not as important, to me, as telling what will lead to the rest of the story. I plan on everything being very detailed and having actual dialogue instead of everything being narrated.

Quote:
a good beginning and set-up to this Blacklist group kidnapping the top-four trainer. I do wonder why he killed his three Pokemon
Only time will tell what I have in this twisted mind of mine lol


Pokémon: The Blacklist

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=272102
  #4    
Old January 26th, 2012, 07:12 PM
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DForte
Trainer
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Florida, USA
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Chapter 1: Breakout
“Lynx…..Lynx….are you awake?”


Lynx begins to wake up; he’s still disoriented, but slowly begins to see blurry images.


“Who….who’s there?” Lynx says.


The images begins to clear up.


“ARIANNA!?!?!?” Lynx says loud and shockingly.


“Shhh, keep your voice down.”


Lynx looks over and sees Brittany and Hiro.


“Where are we?” asks Lynx.


Hiro responds, “We were kidnapped by a group that call themselves The Blacklist.”


Lynx begins to remember losing a battle against a man with red hair and a white streak on the left side of his hair. He also remembers the tragic loss of the 3 pokemon he’s had since he was 12; the Electivire he received from his father when it was Elekid; the Magmortar that he received from his grandparents when they came from a trip to Lavaridge Town when it was still a pokemon egg; the Blastoise he received as a Squirtle from a 1-on-1 pokemon tournament hosted by Professor Oak. Lynx began to boil with anger. He tried to move his arms and legs and then he realized that his hands and legs were tied together.


“What do they want with us?” asked Brittany.


“They more than likely want to get us out of the way…”


“WHY?!” Lynx exclaimed.


“Let me finish before you interrupt……They probably want us out of the way so they can control the world. Before you ask how I know that or asking ‘why do I think that,’ I am a World Police Officer. The Japan department was tasked with tracking down and keeping an eye of The Blacklist. We spent 5 years trying to figure out what they were planning and when we got close, they kidnapped me.”


“You’re far too young to be a part of the World Police. You can’t be any older 17.” Said Arianna.



Hiro smirked and said “I’m actually 16. It was my 15th birthday when I was accepted into the WP. My father is a highly decorated detective in Japan, so I learned many sleuthing techniques from him.”


“That still doesn’t explain how a kid became a part of the WP.” said Brittany.


Once again Hiro smirked and said “How many people would suspect a 16 year old to be a WPO? Plus, me being the strongest trainer in the world means that I can be in the public spotlight and conduct my investigation when people really think I’m studying to come up with new battle strategies.”


“I guess you’re not the strongest trainer in the world since you were defeated in battle and captured?” said Lynx.


Arianna, Brittany and Hiro all looked at Lynx with confused look and then Arianna said, “None of us lost a battle. We never had the chance to fight. We heard some mysterious guy say our names and we awoke here with our Pokémon missing.”


Lynx said “Oh” and looked down in sorrow. He began to ask himself ‘Why did that mysterious guy battle with me?’ ‘Why did he kill my Pokémon?’ 'Should I tell the others what happened?’


“Lynx!”


Lynx snapped back to reality and said “Yeah Hiro?”


“Get ready.”


“Get ready for what?”


After much wiggling and twisting, Hiro was able to remove his left shoe and two pokéballs rolled out. He wiggled and contorted his body to get one in his hand. He tossed it up and yelled “Come on out Blade!”


A green Pokémon with two long scythes appeared before them and cried



“Scyther!”


Hiro said “Blade, cut our ropes.”


Blade cut the ropes on Hiro’s hands and legs and proceeded to do the same for the others. Now that they were all free, Hiro walked over and picked up the other pokéball. He then picked up his shoe and put it back on.


Brittany asked “So why do you have two pokéballs in your left shoe?”


Hiro responded with, “because I have two pokéballs in my right shoe.” Hiro then laughed at his own remark. “But in all seriousness, I’m in the public spotlight. I have to be able to get out of a sticky situation so the WP doesn’t have to negotiate. Now, Blade, X-Scissor on the wall.”


Blade cried out “Scyther!” and unleashed a powerful X-Scissor on the steel wall. The attack only scratched the wall.


Hiro yelled “Unleash a barrage of X-Scissors on the wall!”


Blade unleashed attack after attack until it finally broke through. A powerful gust of wind pushed the group and the other wall. They then realized that they were in an aircraft.


Trying to yell over the wind, Brittany yelled “How do you plan on getting us out of here now?”


“Like this!” Hiro also trying to yell over the wind. He threw the second pokéball and yelled “Come on out, Big Green!”


Out came a black shadow that jolted out of the hole made by Blade. They saw a big green Pokémon with a long neck, red wings, and fangs. It was a shiny Salamence.


Hiro called Blade back to it’s Pokéball and yelled to everyone “Let’s Go!”
Everyone struggled to stand up, then began to slowly walk towards the hole as they were walking against the wind.


Hiro yelled “Jump!” He jumped first and Big Green flew underneath him and Hiro landed safely onto it’s back. “Let’s go! We have to get out of here!”


Hesitantly, Lynx jumped and landed safely onto Big Green. Brittany and Arianna followed and Lynx and Hiro caught them.


“Big Green, get us to land.”


Big Green let out a roar and sped off.


Everyone looked back as they saw the aircraft begin to descend.


“Big Green, turn around and follow that aircraft at a safe distance.”


Birttany asked “Why are we turning around?”


Hiro answered “It’s my job. I have to find out where they are landing so I can report it and send in back up.”


The aircraft lands on an island and The Blacklist members on the craft begin to exit. Suddenly, streams of ice began to shoot toward the group. The Blacklist members had some of their Pokémon launch ice beams at the group.


“Big Green, get us out of here” yelled Hiro.


Big Green turned around and flew out of range of the ice beam attacks. Once again the group looked back and the island, along with the aircraft, were out of sight.


Pokémon: The Blacklist

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=272102
  #5    
Old January 26th, 2012, 07:39 PM
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bobandbill
Where's that sheep...
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
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Age: 22
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Quote:
The line in between commas was unneeded, but it was information that I wanted to put in there just for the heck of it. Although it was relevant, it was extra information.
Wasn't contesting the info between commas, but rather the first comma itself.
Quote:
With this only being the prologue, I just wanted to set things up instead detailing every little aspect. The attack details were not as important, to me, as telling what will lead to the rest of the story. I plan on everything being very detailed and having actual dialogue instead of everything being narrated.
Your choice, but imo even a little bit of detail would add a lot to the prologue, as the battle there did not read too interestingly due to the lack of actual character reaction beyond 'he was infuriated' or the like. That and one can argue that you'd actually want your beginning to be as interesting as possible, so to grab the reader's attention, make them excited and want to read more. A battle with 'this happened but that happened and he was shocked' doesn't really do that, particularly as Pokemon battles generally are the more exciting points of a Pokemon fic.
Quote:
XD this is what happens when you type in class.
Be sure to proofread before posting then; simple mistakes like that can otherwise distract from the actual story.

(Also - watch spacing; you'd only want one line spacing between paragraphs while in this first chapter you have two. Probably a presentation glitch from copying + pasting, but all the same it helps to have the story look right).


  #6    
Old February 1st, 2012, 06:05 PM
DForte's Avatar
DForte
Trainer
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Florida, USA
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Chapter 2: Hide and Train
After flying for a long time and realizing that they were not being followed, Hiro took a minute to gather his surroundings and assess the situation.
Brittany asked, “What’s the plan Hiro?”

Hiro answered “I’ll have to talk with my superiors, but more than likely the four of us will have to go into hiding and train.”

“Train for what?” asked Arianna?

“We don’t know what this organization is after, but they captured the 4 strongest on the planet. We can only assume they are up to something horrific. Although I have been tracking this group for a year, I know absolutely nothing about them. I don’t know their intentions nor do I know even one member of their group. The WP (World Police) will most likely have us to go into hiding and contact us when they know something about this organization or even their location so we can counterattack” said Hiro.

“But why do we need to train? Why not just take us back to the WPS (World Police Station) so we can help find the group?”

Hiro answered, “There are many reasons I can come up with; one being you have no detective skills; but my reasoning is because we didn’t retrieve our Pokémon from them. I don’t know about you guys, but they have 4 of my strongest Pokémon.”

They all stare at each other in silence. They now realize that the best thing they can do is to go home, train, and be ready to take action when called upon.

“Big Green, take us down” yelled Hiro.

Everyone looked down and saw an open area with one giant building. They all had puzzling looks on their face as they were in the middle of nowhere and assumed that they would go to a city with an airport that could get them home. Big Green landed and they all jumped off of his back.

“Good job Big Green, take a nice, long break,” said Hiro.

Lynx asked, “Where are we?”

Hiro said “I can’t tell our exact location, but this is The WP Base of Operations.”

As Arianna, Lynx and Brittany are looking at the huge building with amazement, it’s large doors begin to open. As they are watching the opening doors, they see 3 people. As the doors continue to open wider, they 20 personal airplanes in the building.

Lynx said to Hiro “I thought you said this was the WP Base of Operations; this looks like a hangar.”

Hiro chuckled and said “That’s why you’re going home to train instead of staying to help search for The Blacklist.”

The three people that were inside the building made their way to the group and Hiro introduced them.

“These are the pilots that will be taking the three of you home. Tell them exactly where you live. That includes: country, state, province, etc. Also, keep your cellular devices with you at all times. You never know when I will call. I will begin my search right away. One last thing; Only your immediate family should know that you are safe. No one else should know. Then tell them that have to get out of there as soon as possible. There is no telling what this organization will do to recapture us.” said Hiro.

Brittany, Arianna and Lynx each followed a pilot and told them where they lived. The each got onto their planes, the pilots entered their respective destinations and the planes took off one after another. While in the air, Lynx could only think about Archer and what he had done to his Blastoise, Electivire, and Magmortar. Lynx now remembered that he had been put to sleep and that he did not know what had happened to his mother, little brother and the rest of his Pokémon. He was even more anxious to get home and make sure at least his mother and brother were ok.

After hours on the plane, Lynx finally arrives home. Lynx thanks the pilot; the pilot closes the door and takes off. Lynx looks around and notices that none of his pokémon are outside as the usually are. He gets a bad feeling and rushes to the door. He bursts into the house and sees his mother and brother watching tv. They turn around and everyone begins to cry from happiness.

His mother and brother jump up and run towards him yelling “LYNX!!!!” They get to him and all three are hysterically crying.

His mother hysterically asked “Are you ok? Where have you been?”

Kalyn hysterically said “Lynx, that guy killed all of your pokémon.”

Lynx, still crying, remembers what Hiro said to him and tells his mother and brother “We have to go. Sit down and I’ll explain everything.”

After explaining that he has to go into hiding and they have to leave the house, he asks his mother “Did the guy I battled take me away?”

His mother answered, “No. After he killed the Pokémon, he left. I carried you inside and called the police. 20 mins later a guy came and took you away.

He had a badge and said he was with the police.”

Lynx was shocked to hear what he had just heard. He began to wander if the blacklist showed a fake badge to his mother or if something else was happening. They all went into their respective rooms and began to pack. Lynx began to pack to catch new Pokémon and train like he never trained before. His mother and brother packed to go stay with family Virginia.

As Lynx finished packing, Kalyn came into the room and said “Lynx. I should have told you earlier, but you still have these three Pokémon.” Kalyn reaches into his pockets and pulls out three pokéballs and extends his arm to give them to Lynx.

Lynx asked “Are these the three that hatched before I left for the World Championship?” Kalyn nodded his head. Lynx hugged Kalyn and said “Thanks kid. You just made my life a little easier.”

Lynx and Kalyn walked outside where their mother was already loading the car. Kalyn packed his bags and got into the car. Lynx walked towards his mother and she told him “Be safe. I know your training ground is in a secret location, so I know you won’t be found, but the Pokémon there are very dangerous.” Lynx responded “Don’t worry mom. Kalyn gave me a great gift.” He showed her the three pokéballs and she smiled and hugged him tightly. She kissed his forehead and got into the car. She started the car and drove off. Kalyn rolled down the window and yelled “GOODLUCK BIG BRO!!!”

Lynx looked at the three pokéballs given to him by his brother, smiled, and began to walk into the opposite direction his mother drove off in.


Pokémon: The Blacklist

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=272102

Last edited by DForte; February 2nd, 2012 at 05:19 PM.
  #7    
Old February 2nd, 2012, 10:48 PM
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DForte
Trainer
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Florida, USA
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Chapter 3: It Begins
Lynx has been in his secluded training place for 6 months. He has acquired a full team and has trained harder than anyone could ever imagine. He is ready to take on the organization that has killed his Pokémon and put his family in danger.


*Ring ring* *Ring ring*


Lynx answers the phone “Hello”


The voice speaks and Lynx responds “I’m on my way.” Lynx hangs up the phone and says “Use Teleport.” With the blink of an eye, Lynx is gone.


Back at the WP Base of Operations, Brittany and Arianna await for instructions on what to do next.


Hiro hangs up the phone, puts it into his pocket and begins to walk towards the girls.


“Is Lynx on his way?” asked Arianna.


Hiro responded “Yeah, but I don’t know how long it will take him to get here. So we just have to get started without him. Are you both ready?”


Arianna nodded her head. Behind her was her team of Pokémon: Nidoqueen, Serperior, Samurott, Dragonite, Emboar, and Scizor.


Brittany also nodded her head. Also behind her was her team of Pokémon: Blaziken, Sceptile, Empoleon, Luxray, Staraptor, and Sandslash.


“Then let’s……” Hiro is interrupted by an explosion and the building shaking. “What’s going on out there?” Hiro yells.


Someone answers, “We’re under attack by the blacklist.”


Hiro runs for the door with Brittany and Arianna following, along with their Pokémon. The get outside and see Dragonites, Altarias, and Salamences attacking the base with hyperbeams.


Hiro throws a pokéball into the air and yells “COME ON OUT, JOLTEON!!!” Jolteon let out a cry. “Now Jolteon, use Rain Dance.” Jolteon let out another cry and then the sky became a dark gray. Then it began to slowly rain. After a few seconds, it began to rain harder. The rain still did not slow down the dragons attacks. “Jotleon, use Thunder!” The attack went right in front the dragons and thus putting a stop to their attacks.


*Clapping* “What a powerful attack, I would expect nothing less from one of your Pokémon, Hiro.” A man in a black coat wearing a matching black fedora was approaching Hiro, Brittany, and Arianna. The man stopped 20 feet away from the group. “My name is unimportant, but you may call me chief.”


“Chief?!” Hiro said with a puzzled look. “If you want us to call you chief, I guess that makes you the leader of The Blacklist?”


“I don’t like the term leader. Leaders have no problem going into battle. I created The Blacklist, yes. Leader? No. If anything, I am the head.” Answered Chief.


Hiro smirked and said “Well, if we take the head, the organization crumbles; and if you don’t battle, then our job will be that much easier. Jolteon use thunderbolt to knock him unconscious.”


Brittany and Arianna gasp at Hiro attacking a defenseless person. Arianna screams “HIRO!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”


Jolteon launches its thunderbolt. Chief reaches to his belt, grabs a pokéball, throws it and says “Wobuffet, come out and use Mirror Coat.” Wobuffet comes out and sets up his mirror coat. Thunderbolt connects and a battle of power wins. Like an arm-wrestling match between two, evenly strong opponents, neither side gave in. All of sudden, Wobuffet let out a loud cry and the mirror coat strengthened and sent the thunderbolt back to Jolteon with twice the power and speed. Jolteon gets hit with its own attack and goes down. Wobuffet is breathing heavily after using so much energy to deflect the thunderbolt. Then Jolteon rose to its feet, but it too was breathing heavily.


Hiro smiled and said “Although it was a mirror coat, I am surprised it managed to deflect that attack. Guess that means my Jolteon held back.”
Chief smiled and then let out a thunderous laugh. “You may be the world champion, but I’ve had my Wobuffet for ten years. No one has ever gotten through its mirror coat. World Champion or not, your Pokémon can only do so much.”


“I was hoping Lynx would be here to help take you down, but I guess Brittany, Arianna and I will just end this now. Brittany, Arianna, let’s all use hyper beam. There is no way he can take that many.”


Brittany and Arianna called forth Scizor and Sandslash respectively. Then the rain stopped and it began to turn into hail. “What’s going on? Why did it start to hail?” asked Brittany.


“I don’t know,” said Hiro “but we have to attack quickly before we lose our chance.” Hiro tossed up a pokéball and called out Big Green.


“Big Green, Sandslash, Scizor; Use Hyperbeam” all three said. As the attacks launched, a beam of ice came down from the sky, stopping the three hyper beams. Everyone looked up to where the attack came from and they began to see a shadowy figure descend to the ground.
The shadowy figure was on the ground, standing in between the trio and Chief then said “Brittany, Arianna; call your Pokémon back to their pokéballs. I don’t want them getting caught in the crossfire.”


The three recognized the voice and the hail began to subside and the shadowy figure became clear. Then the three exclaimed “LYNX!!!”


Pokémon: The Blacklist

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=272102
  #8    
Old February 16th, 2012, 02:47 PM
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DForte
Trainer
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Florida, USA
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Chapter 4: Truth
“You’re late Lynx” said Hiro.


“Yeah!!!” shouted Brittany.

“But we forgive you since you made a nice entrance” added Arianna.

“Lynx, do you see that guy standing behind you?” Hiro asked. Lynx turned his head to look over his right shoulder. “That’s the leader of the Blacklist.”

Lynx turned his head back to the group and said “I know.”

Brittany shouted “What do you mean you know? You just got here!”

Lynx responded by saying “I know more than you could possibly imagine.”

“Why don’t you enlighten us on your knowledge then” said Hiro.

“As soon Brittany and Arianna call their Pokémon back to their pokéballs like I asked” said Lynx.

“Why?” asked Arianna.

“I can’t promise that they won’t get hurt” said Lynx.

Brittany said “Why would they……”

Lynx interrupted her and yelled “ICE BEAM!!!” A beam of ice came down from the sky and hit Big Green. The attack kept coming until Big Green was completely frozen. Brittany, Arianna, Hiro and Chief looked up in to the sky and saw a huge blue bird, flapping its wing. Chief smirked; Arianna and Brittany’s mouths dropped with shock as they saw the Legendary Bird Articuno.

After staring at Articuno in amazement for what seemed like hours, they snapped back into reality and together yelled “Why did you attack Big Green?!”

Lynx calmly stated “Call back your Pokémon or this could possibly happen to your Pokémon as well.”

Britany and Arianna looked at each other, nodded, took out their pokéballs and said “Everyone, return.”

“Now explain yourself, Lynx!!!” shouted Brittany.

“He doesn’t have to” said Hiro. “It’s obvious that he’s joined the Blacklist.”

“Is this true Lynx?” asked Arianna.

Lynx reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a circular object. He tossed it to them and it landed at the feet of Hiro. Hiro picked up the circular object and held it so Brittany and Arianna could see. The object was black and had the gold letters WPO on it. Under WPO, also in gold letter, said Blacklist.

“What does this mean?” asked Brittany.

Chief walked up and stood next to Lynx and said “It means that if Hiro were a World Police Officer, he would have a badge like that. At the bottom states either your division or rank. Meaning, the Blacklist is part of the WP.”

Brittany and Arianna looked at Hiro. Brittany asked “Hiro, please show us your badge and prove that you’re a World Police Officer.” Hiro is looking at the ground and is shaking. Brittany reaches her hand out to Hiro and says “Hiro…..are you okay?” Just before she touches him, he raises his head and let out a sinister, high pitched laugh.

“So, Chief, when did you find out?” Hiro asked, with a sinister look on his face.

Lynx said “Before any questions are answered…..” Lynx tossed a pokéball in the air and said “Use teleport to get Brittany and Arianna away from Hiro.” A light came out of the pokéball and as fast as it appeared, it was gone. In the blink of an eye, Brittany and Arianna were next to Lynx and Chief.

“Your Pokémon has really grown Lynx. He’s a lot faster than he was 2 months ago. He even looks stronger.” Said Chief. Brittany and Arianna looked at the Pokémon that had teleported them. They saw a Pokémon with white legs, white and blue body, an orange blade sticking out of its chest, blue arms, a white and blue head and a silver blade sticking out of its head.

Brittany and Arianna exclaimed “Gallade!!!”

“Good job Gallade” Said Lynx. “Now Hiro, I hope you’re comfortable, because this is quite a story.” Hiro stared at Lynx with anger. “First thing you should know is that all my pokémon were killed before I saw you guys on the aircraft. When Hiro told us to go home and train, I didn’t know how I would find six new Pokémon and train them to be strong enough to help save the world. My only motivation was to take down the group that killed my Pokémon and put my family in danger. My mom told me that the guy that killed my Pokémon did not take me away. The guy that took me away had a WPO badge. I began to question rather the Blacklist was an evil organization because none of you had your Pokémon killed. The person that made us believe the Blacklist was an evil organization was Hiro. Of course I didn’t want to believe my own thoughts because I had no other proof. Especially since we were tied up and Hiro helped us escape. Four months later I had a new team and was training them. The place I train is very private. Only 2 other people know of its location. Those people are my younger brother and my dad. The Pokémon were restless so I knew someone had entered the area. I knew it wasn’t my brother because he and I have a special relationship with the wild Pokémon there. I thought it could have been my father because he had not been there in years. Nonetheless, I kept training. Then I heard a voice say my name. I turned and it was Chief. He told me he was the head of the Blacklist, so I immediately had Gallade attack. He had his Wobuffet use counter and Gallade was knocked out. He then told me that the Blacklist was a division of the World Police that consisted of great trainers. He told me he was able to find this training location thanks to my dad.”

“How did he get in contact with your dad?” Brittany asked.

“Lynx’s dad is the officer in charge of Pokémon championship security. He and I are pretty good friends” answered Chief.

Lynx continued “When he told me that, I knew he wasn’t lying. Only immediate family and other World Police Officers knew his job and where he was stationed. He began to tell me of this organization that had attacked members of the Blacklist and killed their Pokémon. He told me that he wanted me to join the Blacklist and help take down this organization. I accepted and he gave me a badge.”

“I went back to HQ and filled out the paperwork officially making Lynx a World Police Officer” added Chief.

“That still doesn’t explain why you kidnapped us and tied us up” added Brittany.

Chief chuckled and said “Our investigation told us that members of the blacklist were incredibly strong trainers. We decided to wait until the World Championship were over and take all 16 contestants. Unknown to the four of you, the other 12 contestants were on that aircraft when you escaped. Our plan was to interrogate all 16 of you and see which of you were members of the unknown organization. The only thing is, we were not expecting the leader to be among you.”

Lynx looked at Chief and said “Wait…..are you saying….”

Hiro began to laugh sinisterly again. Everyone turned to look at him and he said “That’s right. Say hello to the leader of New World Order.”


Pokémon: The Blacklist

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=272102
  #9    
Old February 16th, 2012, 09:10 PM
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DForte
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Florida, USA
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Chapter 5: Gameover
“So Chief, now that you know you I am, do you know what I am planning?” asked Hiro.

“Pokémon genocide” answered Chief.

“Pokémon genocide?!” Lynx repeated with his eyes wide open and face beating with sweat from the shock of what he had just heard. He asked Hiro “Why do you intend to kill all the Pokémon?”

“HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Did my dear old dad tell you my plan?” Hiro said sinisterly.

“He did. Now answer the question; why do you want to kill all the Pokémon?” said Chief who was growing more and more impatient.

“Hehehe. I’m surprised you were able to find him on that island. Since there is no way you canstop me, I guess I can tell you why I’m doing this.” Hiro said as everyone else glared at him. “When I was nine, my dad took me to work with him one day. I was having fun riding around in his police car with him and his partner. Then, they received a call that a bank was being robbed. They rushed to the scene and joined other cops outside the bank. By then, the robbers were held inside with hostages. My dad decided he would sneak in from the back and take them out. The intel told the police that there were only two robbers and they were using a Pokémon to help them rob the bank. At the time, the Pokémon they were using was unknown. My dad decided to go in anyway. To this day, I don’t know what went on inside that bulding, but the robbers came running out. They had no weapons, so they just kept running. Instead of the officers chasing after them, they released a team of Growlithe and two Sceptile. The Pokémon chased down the robbers and brought the robbers back to the bank for the police to arrest them. Later that night, I asked my dad ‘Why did the police send out Pokémon to chase after the robbers instead of going after them on foot or in the cars?’ His answer was ‘Why not use the Pokémon?’ Back then I didn’t have an answer nor did I ever receive one. The only thing I could come up with is that humans were becoming too dependent on Pokémon. Using Pokémon to chase down criminals; using Pokémon to cross a lake while a ferry company has to fire employees and close down their businesses; and even having Pokémon turn on the television for them. ‘Why do I want to get rid of the Pokémon you ask?’ To force people to become independent; to help people keep their jobs; and to help the human race understand that Pokémon are to be respected and not used to help you complete the most trivial of tasks. That is why I want to get rid of Pokémon.”

“That sounds like you love Pokémon, but hate the way humans use” said Arianna.

Hiro smirks and says “You’re right; I do love Pokémon, but they must go so humans can understand the error of their ways.”

“YO…..HIRO!!!!” a voice shouted from the distance.

“That voice….I know that voice” said Lynx. In the distance they see a flying Pokémon coming towards them. The Pokémon was a Pidgeot. It was flying towards them with incredible speed. They could see someone standing on Pidgeot. Pidgeot landed next to Hiro and a person with bright red hair with a white streak. “Archer!!!”

“Did you bring it?” Hiro asked Archer.

Archer reached into his pocket and pulled out a pokéball that was white on the bottom and purple on the top with two pink circles; one on the left and one on the right. It also had the letter M engraved on the top half. “Here it is Hiro” said Archer.

Hiro took the ball and said “The unknown pokémon from the robbery is in this Masterball.”

“Where did you get a masterball?” asked Chief.

“My father is the dragon master…..Lance” said Archer. “I got it from him and I gave it to Hiro.”

Lynx reached for his belt and grabbed the four pokéballs containing Pokémon and released them. “Blastoise, Electivire, Magmortar, and Nidoking, it’s time for battle.” Gallade stood next to them and Articuno descended to join the group. All six Pokémon let out a loud cry as they prepared for battle.

“Sending out all of your Pokémon and you don’t know what is inside this masterball” Hiro said with a smirk on his face.

“I do know what Pokémon is inside that ball and I’m prepared to take him down” said Lynx.

“What is it?” exclaimed Chief, Brittany and Arianna.

“Red was once given a masterball to capture the strongest Pokémon ever known to man. Its power was unfathomable. After Red tamed it, he released it so it could so it could protect the world. Red gave Lance a masterball in case its power ever went out of control again. That Pokémon was…….” Hiro released the Pokémon from the masterball. Out came a gray Pokémon with three toes, a purple belly that led to a purple tail. It had three fingers on each hand, purple eyes and two short ears. “Mew….two.”
They were frozen with fear. Lynx was unable to call out any attacks to his Pokémon and Brittany and Arianna were too scared to call out their Pokémon. “Mewtwo, use Psychic” ordered Hiro. Mewtwo raised his right hand and his eyes lit up blue. The group and Lynx’s Pokémon were caught in Mewtwo’s psychic attack. Mewtwo raised them off the ground. The group cried in agony.

Lynx started struggling and yelled “Put us down Mewtwo.”

Hiro chuckled and said “You heard him Mewtwo. Put them down.” Mewtwo released his attack and the group dropped to the ground. Archer and Hiro climbed on Pidgeot’s back and Hiro said “As I said, you cannot stop me. I will succeed, so just go home and await the genocide.” Pidgeot flew away and Mewtwo used his psychic abilities to fly and follow them.

“What are we going to do now? No one can defeat Mewtwo” said Arianna.

“Then we’ll have to be the first. And in the process, we will take down Hiro and his organization New World Order.”


~To be continued in New World Order~


Pokémon: The Blacklist

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=272102
  #10    
Old February 25th, 2012, 06:16 AM
psyanic's Avatar
psyanic
There's Something About Lamps
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: The USA
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Nature: Bold
Plot twist! Oh I do like a good plot twist.

Hiro's reasoning is interesting, even if he sounds uneducated the way he delivered the information. It's still quite new, but I don't see why he doesn't hate technology more since that makes you even more dependent that Pokemon if you think about it. Or did technology further because of Pokemon? So many questions make my head hurt.

Anyway, Hiro's whole monologue is a bit lengthy. I mean that's fine, if he was giving a formal speech or something. But he's not. It's hard to believe he talked that long without anyone interjecting saying, "Hiro, you're full of crap." That sounds more likely to happen rather than him ramble on for a couple minutes while everyone just listens. It's good to bring in a more human aspect into the conversation, otherwise it's hard to imagine and visualize. The same goes for Lynx's lengthy part. People don't talk that long without doing something, like sneezing or coughing or glaring at someone.

On another note with the dialogue, you're missing a few punctuations here and there. Not sure if they're just typos, because you have most of them anyway.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DForte View Post
“Pokémon genocide” answered Chief.
Like here, you're missing a comma after 'genocide'. Be sure to proofread for these things. There's nothing wrong with taking another day if you have to. Just be sure to proofread or the writing looks kind of sloppy.

Okay, a few more things about the conversations. I really don't like how a few writers use caps to convey a tone or mood. When you use capitalize all the letters in a word, the word seriously jumps out and screams, "Notice me!" It's almost like bolding a word or something. That would be the first thing I read, and it's a bit distracting. This is really evident whenever someone laughs, apparently manically, such as when Hiro starts berating everyone.

You also use semi-colons within dialogue. I mean that's fine with prose, but when you write dialogue, it looks really out of place. Maybe it's just because I've only ever seen it been used in fanfiction, and never in professional works. It's preferable to just separate independent clauses with a period in dialogue. It reads better, but that's my opinion.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DForte View Post
“That sounds like you love Pokémon, but hate the way humans use” said Arianna.
After use, it looks like the sentence is missing a word or two. I think you want to include "them", not to mention a comma.

Enough about dialogue! It's starting to get to me. Now, I mentioned I like plot twists, which you did put in, but I felt that it wasn't executed to its full potential. Then again, the story itself isn't very long. When this happens, the pacing starts getting real fast, especially when you have a lot of things going on and short chapters. Normally, I wouldn't care too much, but here, you didn't let the readers have the plot sink in. The thing about plot twists is having the right time for delivery. Make sure that the readers understand what's going on and boom, what they think will happen probably won't happen because some new information changed everything. Work on pacing. It's a big deal. Keep it nice and steady, since you have a lot of time breaks.

Alright, so now I'll start talking about characters. You have a few interesting characters, but in general just a lot of pretty faces. Most of the characters don't do anything. They talk a bit and complain about something, but that's it. Lynx's brother was solely a plot device. The other members of the World Police don't have much personality. They all seem to act the same and aren't very interesting. They need some love too! It would be awesome if you gave them some kind of personality as well, including developments. They are kind of major characters as well. I almost mistook Brittany for Arianna quite a few time, and vice versa.

Lynx. The protagonist. You have a lot of word space dedicated to him, but I don't think I know Lynx that well at all. His Pokemon died, he gets new ones and does a rebirth routine, yada yada. Part of the reason Lynx bothers me is his reactions to things. He must be bottling up the death of his Pokemon because he cries a few instances, but that's not real depression in my eyes. It's your job as the author to reveal that side to us. I don't think Lynx would show it, but maybe he goes to his Pokemons' graves and places a few flowers. Or he looks at old photos and sadly smiles. Those things are emotions. Readers identify those and makes the characters more human. This really does follow along with giving your characters more depth. I nearly called him a Gary-Stu since he's almost perfect. Remember, personalities have their quirks.

Alright, I'm almost done. I'm gonna mention a few things, then, I'm gonna walk away. Action. Verbs. Battles. Mewtwo. Those aren't the few things, by the way. Your battles are really short and pretty much a series of actions, without much description added in. Think about this. In reality, fights are a few minutes at most. People throw a few punches, a good kick to boot, but after that someone's on the ground with a black eye and a bleeding lip. Fights are short. You want to suck every little moment out of that scene, savoring each hit with a passioned desire. That sounds like I'm describing a vampire... Anyway you want to slow your action down, if that made sense.

Think about it like this. Have you watched the Harry Potter movies? If you didn't, go out and watch them you sick person. Nah, I'm kidding. This is just an example. In Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix, Sirius dies. Bellatrix hits him with the killing spell and wham, he's dead. Do you think the movie portrayed it that way? Or did JK Rowling just write, "He got hit and fell." Definitely not. That's a pivotal moment in both the books and the movie. I'll look into the movie because it's a lot more dramatic. Sirius gets hit with a green flash and he falls back slowly. The producers and the directors do everything in their power to milk this moment. Everything is slowed down. Everyone looks with horrified faces forming steadily; it's almost like a wave. Harry starts screaming, but the producers cut the audio. The last part is Sirius slowly drifts into that portal and floats through and dies. I'd say that scene was a good five minutes, even though it would have taken a second in real time.

Your action should be important. I mean you have a lot going on. I like the idea of Mewtwo going around and hitting everyone with a giant spoon, but he needs some kind of descriptive action. And yes, I know you didn't give Mewtwo a spoon, but I think that's just freakin' cool. Dedicate more word space to your actions. Describe the reactions. Give character through the fight. Give us their thoughts, their feelings, everything. The potential is endless, you just have to use it.

So, Mewtwo. That psychic catastrophe comes up again. I think there are about two fics in this forum about Mewtwo. That's my fun fact for the day, by the way. You released Mewtwo again. My only problem with the way you introduced him was that you introduced him through appearance. I know I'm echoing this, but, please do something other than flat imagery. What I call flat imagery is boring descriptions that are literally scientific or straight out physiology. It's not fun to read about that. It's only colors and texture and numbers. Give us something qualitative. Maybe Mewtwo had a huge, angry scowl on his face. He might have looked frail, but his eyes gave the true psychic nature of his being. Maybe the air grew colder with his appearance. Maybe Lynx pissed his pants because he was afraid. Tell the readers something like that. This gives my next point about emotions. Don't say he was afraid. Screw that. Show us, don't tell us. Like I just said, if Lynx felt a bit of sweat under his armpits, we'd know he's nervous. If the Chief backed away slowly and eyed the door, it's obvious he wants to get the hell out of there.

Oh, this review is getting seriously long. But how can Hiro control Mewtwo so easily? I mean I think you're going with game canon, but either way, Mewtwo is a legendary and doesn't want to be controlled. I think it would have been interesting if you elaborated on how Mewtwo was controlled, like say, if it had a device on his ankle and if he didn't obey, he'd get shocked. Just a bit of food for thought.

This is so long. If you're wondering, I think this review took me a little less than an hour to compose. Aren't you just elated with my suggestions? And the time I want to give you? Well if you read this far, I bet you are! Your story has a lot going on, and at times, it doesn't. You'll get better as you keep writing and look to these suggestions! Trust me, it'll be worth it. Take your time and write with diligence. Your story has a lot going on and you have to make it shine. You hear me? Make it shine. If it's shining in your eyes, make it shine brighter. Polish it with some oil and clean it with a towel. Keep on writing and I'll definitely follow this!

PS, I meant to write a review when you first posted it back in January, but I never actually found the time. I guess I made up for some lost time here! Just about a month later, haha.
  #11    
Old February 27th, 2012, 04:44 PM
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DForte
Trainer
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Florida, USA
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Thank you so much for the criticism. I really did read every single word of it. My friends give me criticism, but they're friends, they don't always tell you what you need to hear.

With Hiro's monologue, I was considering writing in someone's interruption, but I think I was watching YuYu Hakusho (or something) and there was a lengthy dialogue, so I said I wouldn't add any interruptions. I would just try to answer any questions the reader might have.

I did have a proofreader, but it's apparent that he did not do a good job. I'm decent when it comes to writing, but lazy when it comes to proofreading. I would write, he would make corrections/give approval and I would post. I know now not to use him. Next time I will just make a post in the appropriate thread.

Sorry about the dialogue capitalizations, I thought they would help. Won't do it again.

Character roles: Brittany and Arianna were supposed to have the roles of Krillin, Yamcha, and Tien from DBZ. You say to yourself "You used to be useful, but now you're worthless." I wanted to make them useful in the beginning, but the more I went through my head, they just did not fit any purpose. The brother was just a plot device, nothing more. I didn't want to give too much info on him because I felt it wasn't necessary. The world police are generic characters. I agree I should have given more to chief, but I was planning giving him a bigger role in the sequel (not anymore).

In the prologue, the short battles were supposed to show the difference in strength of power. In the final two chapters, I tried to think of ways to lengthen it, but I drew dead. I gave it to my editor to figure out and he came with nothing.

I'm planning two side stories that will take place between chapters 2 and 3. The first will explain what Lynx did during the time his mom and brother left to stay with family until the time he received the phone call. The second will explain how Hiro found Mewtwo and how he is able to control him. Although, I'm thinking the control part may be left until the sequel.

Again, thanks for the criticism and I'm glad you liked the plot twist.


Pokémon: The Blacklist

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=272102
  #12    
Old March 23rd, 2012, 05:51 PM
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DForte
Trainer
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Florida, USA
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Side Story: Lynx’s Training

As Lynx stared at the three pokéballs given to him by Kalyn, he realized that these three would have to help him save the world. He had no idea how long he would be training, so he had to make every day count. He put the three pokéballs into his pocket and started to walk away from his house.

An hour into his walk, he walked by a store where he usually stocks up on supplies. He walked up to the door and reached his hand out to open. Then he suddenly stopped right before his hand was on the door handle. Hiro’s words began to echo through his head; “Only your immediate family should know that you are safe. No one else should know……There is no telling what this organization will do to recapture us.” He began to think ‘These people know me and my family, they wouldn’t turn me in.’ He put his hand on the handle and clinched it. He then thought ‘But I can’t let these people get hurt just to protect me.’ He took his hand off the handle and took two steps back. He thought again ‘I need supplies, but I can’t have anyone injured. I have to turn around and go home.’ He turned around and began to walk home. He took five steps and heard someone say “Lynx?” Lynx stopped in his tracks. “Lynx, is that you?” the voice said. Lynx turned around. “Lynx, it is you. How are you doing?”

With his head bowed down and a solemn look on his face Lynx said “Hi Mr. Meyer.”

Mr. Meyer said “It’s been a while. Do you need supplies?”

“Yes sir.” Answered Lynx.

“Well come on in. Tell me what you need.” Mr. Meyer grabbed Lynx’s wrist and pulled him inside the store. Inside the store, Mr. Meyer released Lynx’s wrist in front of the counter and walked behind it. “So, what is it that you need? The usual?” asked Mr. Meyer.

“Yes sir.” Answered Lynx. Mr. Meyer walked around the store gathering supplies for Lynx. He went on the other side of the store and grabbed 20 hyper potions and 20 full heals and put them in a bag. He went back behind the counter, kneeled down, pulled out a box and grabbed 3 pokéballs. He stood back up and placed the pokéballs in the bag. He then said “I assumed you only brought Electivire, Blastoise and Magmortar with you like always, so I only put three pokéballs in here.” He handed the bag to Lynx and said “I’ll put this on your father’s tab as always.”

“Thank you Mr. Meyer.” Lynx said. Lynx reached his hand out and grabbed the bag. As he pulled the bag back, he noticed Mr. Meyer had tightened his grip on the bag. He looked at Mr. Meyer’s face and noticed that it was no longer cheerful; his eyes were glaring and his mouth was as straight as a ruler. Lynx had no idea what changed the expression of Mr. Meyer.

“Is…..is something….wrong Mr. Meyer?” Lynx said with a shaky demeanor.

“Lynx…” Mr. Meyer said. “I’ve known you since you were 5. I’ve known your father since he was a teenager. When I see you with that look on your face and I haven’t heard from your father in months, I know something is up. Now, you’re not leaving this store until you tell me exactly what is going on.”

Lynx stared at Mr. Meyer with fear. He did not know if he should tell Mr. Meyer that the fate of the world rests in his hands. “Ok, Mr. Meyer. I’ll tell you what I can.” Mr. Meyer released his grip on the bag. After Mr. Meyer released the bag, Lynx’s arm dropped to his side. “I can only give you the short version because I’m in rush.”

Mr. Meyer nodded and said “I understand.”

Lynx sighed and began telling his story. “It all started the day after I returned form the world championship. This guy showed up at my house and challenged me to a battle. I agreed and he quickly beat Magmortar, Electivire and Blastoise. It wasn’t enough to beat them in battle, but he then killed them. He then used an Alakazam to put me to sleep. According to my mother and brother, he proceeded to kill the rest of my Pokémon. When I awoke, I was aboard an airship with three of the other trainers from the world championship. Hiro managed to sneak two pokémon aboard and we were able to escape. Hiro said he was a world police officer and that he wanted our help to take down the group that kidnapped us. I came home, told my mom and Kalyn what happened and told them they had to go into hiding for their safety.”

Mr. Meyer’s eyes were wide open and his mouth as well. “I can’t believe I know the person that’s going to save the world.” Mr. Meyer began to cry with tears of joy. “I can’t wait to tell the Mrs. I can’t wait to tell everyone I know. This is…..”

Lynx interrupted Mr. Meyer. “NO!!!! You can’t tell anyone about this. It’s for your safety and theirs as well. If the Blacklist were to learn that I came through here, they may hurt you just to find out where I am.”

Mr. Meyer began to chuckle at Lynx’s words. “I won’t tell anyone until you save the world, but you don’t need to worry about me. I may not look like much now, but I was once a pretty good fighter. Plus, my Machamp and Hariyama both have P1 Grand Prix Championship belts. The Mrs. and I will be just fine.”

Lynx smiled and said “Thanks Mr. Meyer. I guess it’s time for me to get going” Lynx walked towards the door and opened it. Before he could take a step outside, Mr. Meyer stopped him.

“Lynx, wait!” Exclaimed Mr. Meyer. “If all of your Pokémon are dead, how are you going to catch more Pokémon?”

Lynx reached into his pocket and pulled out the Pokéballs given to him by Kalyn. “I wanted to wait until I reached my training location before I released these Pokémon from their pokéballs, but I guess I can show you.” Lynx released the three Pokémon from their pokéballs. As the Pokémon appeared before Mr. Meyer, he was surprised to see them.

“Are these…..are these the three eggs that you showed me before you went to the world championship?” asked Mr. Meyer.

“Yup. Elekid, Magby, and Squirtle. They hatched a few hours before I boarded the plane to Australia. They were supposed to be Kalyn’s first Pokémon, but he gave them to me to help out. I don’t know if Kalyn ever had a chance to train them, but now is as good a time as any.” Lynx said as he recalled them back to their pokéballs. “See you later Mr. Meyer”

“Good luck Lynx.” Mr. Meyer said as he watched Lynx walk out of the door. He then said to himself “There’s no way for me to know how bad things are, but if anyone can save the world, it’s that kid.”

Lynx continued to walk down his path towards his training location. As he walked, he began to think what his mom told him about who had taken him. “If the person had shown mom a fake badge, you think she would have been able to spot a fake since dad is a World Police Officer. Then again, the badge could have been a perfect fake. Dad also said the WP has different badges for every division, so there’s no way of knowing if the badge was a fake or not. Man, this whole thing just sucks. Why do people have to try and take over the world?”

Just then, Lynx heard a loud cry. He stopped in his tracks and looked around. He didn’t see anything, so he began to walk again. As he took two steps, he heard the cry again. He stopped and looked around again. When he looked down in front of him, he saw small foot prints leading into a bush to his left. He walked over to the bush and pulled the leaves back. He saw a Ralts that looked like it had been really hurt in battle. He pulled the Ralts out of the bush and laid it on the ground, out in the open. He took his backpack off and pulled out one of the hyper potions he received from Mr. Meyer and sprayed the Ralts with it. The Ralts let out another cry in pain. “I know this hurts, but it’s going to help you feel better.” Lynx said to the Ralts. Lynx picked up the Ralts and began to walk again. “Don’t worry; I know where your family lives. I’ll get you back to them safely.” The Ralts looked at up Lynx, it began to smile, and then it closed its eyes and went to sleep. Lynx then noticed that the Ralts’ head was not green, but instead, it was blue. Lynx began to remember that the Pokémon in the area do not attack one another unless they enter their territory. Ralts was in Zangoose territory, but he did not know how it got separated from its family. Lynx had to hurry and get the Ralts back, otherwise, he too could be attacked by a Zangoose. Lynx heard a rustle in the bushes around him. He knew the Zangoose had found him and the Ralts. Lynx began to run and in the process, Ralts woke up. Lynx looked down and said with a smile, “Sorry to wake you, but don’t worry, we’re almost back to your home.”

Seven Zangoose jumped out of the bushes and surrounded Lynx. Lynx stopped and began thinking of his options. He couldn’t use any of his Pokémon because they were too young and probably had no real, if any, battle experience. His only option would be to keep running and hope there would be Gardevoir and Gallade to protect the Ralts. He got ready to start running, but before he could take off, one of the Zangoose hit him in the back with a slash attack. Lynx fell to his knees. Ralts tried talking to Lynx. “I’m not going to leave you Ralts. I said I would get you home and I’m going to keep my word.” One of the Zangoose let out a loud yell. It and the other six Zangoose put their individual wrists together and a ball of light energy began to collect between their hands. Lynx’s eyes grew big and he said “Focus….blast…..” Lynx was stuck. He bent over so he could shield Ralts from the attack. Lynx closed his eyes and awaited the attack. Tears began to flow from his eyes. He just kept waiting and waiting for the attack. The attack never came. He opened his eyes and looked up. The Zangoose were gone. He rose back to his knees and looked around. He realized it wasn’t the Zangoose that were gone; it was that he was in a completely different area. He looked around and didn’t see anyone. He stood up and said to Ralts “Did you use teleport.” Ralts smiled and nodded. “Thank you.”

Lynx began to walk again and soon had reached Ralts’ family. The Ralts, Kirlia, Gardevoir and Gallade had come out to welcome Ralts back. Lyns put the Ralts on the ground and it ran to its friends. Lynx saw the smile on its and everyone else’s face. Lynx turned around and walked away. Ralts saw Lynx walking away and its smile went away.

As Lynx was walking, he heard another rustle. This time, it was coming from the trees. He thought the Zangoose had found him. He looked up and saw a Gardevoir and Gallade. The Gallade jumped down and pointed behind Lynx. The Ralts he had saved was running towards him. Lynx kneeled down and asked Ralts “Do you want to come with me?” Ralts smiled and gave Lynx a hug. Lynx turned around and Gallade was holding a dawn stone. Lynx reached out and grabbed the stone from Gallade. “Thank you. I will take good care of Ralts.” Lynx pulled out a pokéball and tapped Ralts on the head with it. Ralts went inside and Lynx continued on his journey.

Lynx decided to take a break from his walk to eat. He pulled out a sandwich, a bag of chips and a soda from his backpack. As he was eating, his phone began ringing. He began to sweat and could only think that it was Hiro calling him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone

“Hello…..”

“Lynx…its Mr. Meyer.” Lynx let out a sigh of relief. “I forgot to tell you, trainers have been coming by and saying there is a blue Nidoking running wild out there. I know you haven’t trained your Pokémon yet, so be careful.”

“Thanks Mr. Meyer, I’ll be careful.” Lynx hung up the phone and put it back in his pocket. “Hmm…blue Nidoking…I wonder if it’s the same one?” Lynx finished his food and put the trash in his bag and continued to walk. As he was walking, he saw a tree that had been knocked over. He walked up to it and noticed that all the trees behind it had been knocked down. It was as though a bulldozer had run through them.

Lynx followed the trail of trees until there were no more trees on the ground. “It has to be around here somewhere.” Lynx continued to look around. “There you are. You stick out like a sore thumb.” Lynx found the blue Nidoking trying to get an apple out of a tree. The Nidoking grabbed the apple, ate and turned around and looked at Lynx. “Hey Nidoking, do you remember me?” Nidoking stared at Lynx and Lynx just stared back with a smile on his face. Nidoking picked up Lynx and gave him a hug.

“It’s nice to see you. It’s been a while.” Nidoking put Lynx down. “Nidoking, how about you join me? I need a team of strong Pokémon and you will get to battle strong Pokémon rather than knocking over trees.” Nidoking smiled in agreement. Lynx pulled out a pokéball and tossed it towards Nidoking. It hit Nidoking and Nidoking went inside the pokéball and landed in Lynx’s hand.

Lynx took the trail of knocked over trees back to the path and continued to his training grounds. While walking, he came to a fork in the road. He looked around and saw no one in sight. He walked to a sign in the middle of the fork, kneeled down and picked up a rock next to the sign. There was a secret panel and Lynx pushed down on it with his hand. A passage on the right path opened up. Lynx replaced the rock and walked to the passage. When he entered, he reached to the wall and flipped the switch. Lights came on and the passage door closed. Lynx walked down the passage and eventually came to the end. He flipped another switch and the doorway opened up and the lights turned off. A battlefield crafted by Lynx’s dad was exposed as the passage way opened up.

Lynx stepped out of the passage way and just stood there. This was his sanctuary. This is the place his dad brought him to when he received his first Pokémon. Now that he was here, it was going to be nothing but hard work. Lynx pulled out his pokéballs and released his five Pokémon.

“Listen up guys. We will be going up against an evil organization. This will be a tough battle, so we are going to train hard every day. I don’t know when we will be called to take them on, so we have to make every day count. Everyone understand?” Elekid, Magby, Ralts and Nidoking all let out a cry in agreement. “Where did Squirtle go?” Squirtle let out a cry to let everyone know where he was. Lynx looked up and saw Squirtle in the middle of the battlefield. Lynx and the other Pokémon walked towards Squirtle. Squirtle was standing next to a Pokémon egg. Lynx kneeled down and picked it up, then stood back up. “I wonder how this got here.” Squirtle tugged on Lynx’s pants leg. Lynx looked down and saw that Squirtle was holding a piece of paper. Lynx grabbed the paper from Squirtle. “It’s a note.”

“Dear Lynx
After I saw you come in third at the world championship, I knew it would be a matter of time before you came to train. While traveling around the world, I ran into an incredibly strong Pokémon. That Pokémon and I became good friends and it helps me out when I go to see it. What is that Pokémon? You will find out when this egg hatches. Good luck, my son.
Love,
Dad”

Lynx looked up to the sky and said “Thanks dad….” He looked back at his Pokémon and said “Well everyone, let’s start training.” Lynx led Nidoking to a small gym where there was a punching bag and a tackling dummy. He took Elekid, Squirtle, Magby and Ralts to the battle field so they could gain battle experience.

Two weeks later, Magby and Ralts were battling Squirtle and Elekid; then all four began to glow. All at the same time, the four were beginning to evolve. Lynx could not believe the four of them were evolving simultaneously. Lynx was so happy that he began jumping and screaming. Then Nidoking came running with the egg. The egg too was glowing. Lynx took the egg from Nidoking and placed it on the ground. Lynx and the Pokémon surrounded the egg. The egg finally hatched and out came a small, blue bird. The blue bird spread its wings and yawned. “Wow….dad got me an Articuno. Kalyn is gonna love this.” Articuno looked at Lynx and then looked at the other Pokémon. “Hi Articuno. My name is Lynx and this Wartortle, Electabuzz, Magmar, Kirlia, and Nidoking. We have a tough road ahead of us, but I know we’re up for it. Are you willing to help us?” Articuno looked at a smiling Lynx. Then it looked at the rest of the Pokémon whom were also smiling and then flapped its wings to agree. With that, Lynx and his Pokémon went back to training.

For the next three days, Lynx trained Articuno exclusively, while the other five battled with each other. While battling, Wartortle took a powerful thunderbolt from Electabuzz. Lynx rushed over to heal Wartortle, but as soon as he got to Wartortle’s side, it began to glow. “Wartortle…..are you…..evolving?” Wartorlte had evolved into Blastoise, but the evolution had not healed it. Lynx used a full heal and a hyper potion to help it recover. The rest of the Pokémon went back to training and Lynx stayed by Blastoise’s side. “Now that Blastoise is fully evolved, I guess it’s time for me to evolve Kirlia into Gallade. But what do I do about Magmar and Electabuzz; I don’t have a magmarizer and an electrizer. Maybe Mr. Meyer can help me.” Lynx reached into his bag and grabbed his cell phone and called Mr. Meyer.

“Meyer’s Mini Mart, how may I help you?”

“Hi Mr. Meyer, it’s Lynx.”

“Lynx…what can I do for you?”

“Well….do you know where I can get an electrizer and a magmarizer?”

“I have an electrizer here in the store and I know a guy with a magmarizer. It won’t be cheap, but I should be able to get it for you.”

“Please do Mr. Meyer. I think Magmar and Electabuzz are ready to evolve.”

“I will call you as soon as I have it.” Lynx and Mr. Meyer hang up the phone.

Lynx put his cell phone back in his bag and then pulled out the dawn stone. Lynx stared at the stone and then stood up. “Kirlia….come here.” Kirlia walked over to Lynx. “Are you ready to evolve?” Kirlia smiled and nodded. “Then place your hand on the dawn stone.” Kirlia placed its hand on the dawn stone and began to glow. After watching Kirlia evolve, Lynx asked “How do feel Gallade?" The glow was gone and before Lynx stood a Gallade. “Show me a close combat.” Gallade let out a cry and attacked the punching bag. Gallade’s strength had increased so dramatically that the sand came bursting from the bag in every direction. “Looks like I need to get a new punching bag.” Lynx began to laugh, but soon stopped when he looked at Electabuzz and Magmar. Lynx walked over to them and said “Don’t worry you guys, I’m working on getting you guys to evolve. Just have patience.” Electabuzz and Magmar became happy and went back to training.

Two days later, Lynx received a phone call. “Lynx…. I have the items.”

“Thanks Mr. Meyer. I’ll be there in a second.” Lynx hung up the phone.

"Gallade…I need you to teleport me to Mr. Meyer’s Mini Mart.” Gallade used teleport and appeared in front of the mini mart.
Lynx walked inside and Gallade followed. “Mr. Meyer….I’m here.”

“Great. Here are your items.” Mr. Meyer handed the items to Lynx and Gallade used teleport.

Back at the battlefield, the Pokémon were eating and relaxing. “Magmar; Electabuzz; its time.” Magmar and Electabuzz rushed to Lynx. Lynx showed them their respective evolutionary items and they touched them and began to evolve. Lynx now had a team of fully evolved and powerful Pokémon.

3 months later, Lynx and his Pokémon walked through the secret passage and back to the fork in the road. Lynx led the group down the left passage. This was the tougher stage of training. The wild Pokémon down this path were ridiculously strong, but Lynx had a special relationship with them and they were always willing to help him train.

A few hours later after training with some of the wild Pokémon, the Pokémon became restless. “Hello Lynx. My name is Chief…the leader of the Blacklist.”

Without hesitation, Lynx ordered Gallade to attack. “Gallade, Focus punch.”

“Wobuffet, use counter.” As Gallade’s attack landed, Wobuffet’s counter took effect and sent Gallade flying into a rock wall. Gallade was knocked out cold.

“GALLADE!!!” Lynx rushed to Gallade. “Are you ok?” Gallade responded in pain. “Take a break.” Lynx recalled Gallade back to its pokéball.

“Can you call your other Pokémon back to their pokéballs as well; I would prefer not to hurt them too. I am only here to talk.”

Lynx did not trust him, but he did not want his Pokémon to be injured. Lynx took out his other five pokéballs and recalled his Pokémon.

“Now…so you know, I am not your enemy. I am a World Police Officer. Here is my badge.” Chief tossed his badge to Lynx.

“How do I know this isn’t a fake?” asked Lynx.

“Hmm, good point. All I can do is prove to you that I’m not a fake.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?” Lynx asked.

“How many people know of your training location? I was told only three; I’m not sure thats right because this is a different location than the one your dad told me about. I doubt your brother would come to this area because the wild pokémon here are ridiculously strong.” Said Chief.
At the mention of his father, Lynx became skeptical. Either this guy had kidnapped and interrogated his father or he was telling the truth. There was no way Lynx could be sure anything this man said could be true.

“I know you don’t believe me yet, so I’ll tell you your father’s job history. Your father started out as a United States Black Ops member. An USBO is different from the secret service because not only do they handle the protection of the president, they also work double duty as members of the CIA. Your father wanted something a little different. That’s when he applied to be a World Police Officer. He started out doing only surveillance, but eventually worked his way to become the Pokémon Championship Director of Security, which is the position he holds to this day.”

Lynx was stunned at what he had just heard. His dad was not allowed to tell anyone what it was that he did. Not only to protect national security, but world security as well. His dad was supposed to die before he gave out information like that. The only people that he had actually told that to, was his mother, himself and Kalyn. His dad said that any files proving his job history never existed, so no one would know. Chief was telling the truth. He is a World Police Officer.

“It looks like you believe me now.” Said Chief. “I know you had your Pokémon killed by some mysterious organization. Members of the Blacklist have also been dealt the same fate. We have been investigating this organization for almost a year. We have reason to believe that Hiro is a member of this group. If you think back, I’m sure some things didn’t add up.”

Chief was right. Lynx had his Pokémon killed and the others didn’t. Archer said he was a member of The Blacklist, but if that were true, the others should have had their Pokémon killed as well. The only explanation was that Hiro was either a member of the mysterious organization or he knew something that he wasn’t telling.

“Now that you have heard what I had to say, I have a favor to ask.” Chief reached into his pocket and pulled out another badge. He handed it to Lynx and said “I want you become a member of the Blacklist and help take down this organization; what do you say?”

Lynx looked at the badge. He clenched it in his fist and said “I’ll do it.”

Chief made his leave and Lynx continued to train.

Over the next two months, Lynx had trained harder than he had ever trained before. He had also convinced himself that Hiro was a part of the mysterious organization.

One day, while training with Gallade on the battlefield, he received a phone call from Chief. “Lynx, the time to go after them has come.”

“I’m on my way.” Lynx responded. He hung up the telephone and said “Use teleport.” At the blink of an eye, he was gone. Gallade had teleported him to Mr. Meyer’s shop. He walked in and said to Mr. Meyer “The time has come for me to take down that evil organization. Thank you for helping me over the past 6 months.”

“Go save the world kid.” Said Mr. Meyer.

Lynx’s phone began to ring. He answered it and it was Hiro. “Lynx, it’s time to go after The Blacklist. I’m sending you our location now.”

“I’m on my way.” Answered Lynx. He hung up the phone and then called Chief. “Hiro sent me his location. I’ll meet you there.” He hung up again and called Gallade back to his pokéball. He ran outside and called out Articuno and flew off to battle.


Pokémon: The Blacklist

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=272102
  #13    
Old September 3rd, 2012, 06:10 PM
DForte's Avatar
DForte
Trainer
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Florida, USA
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
I'm a little upset with myself that I didn't keep up with this, but school is a priority.....as well as other life annoyances. Anyway, I plan on writing again in the coming weeks. Probably only on weekends though. The Blacklist part is over and the 2nd part will be New World Order. Depending on how I feel, I may move it to a trilogy just because I have so many ideas swirling around. If you haven't read my story, please do, leave criticisms and feed back because everything helps me write a better part 2.

Also, I won't do this now, but I will go back and make changes to my previous posts so that they match the changes I made on the original files.


Pokémon: The Blacklist

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=272102
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