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  #1    
Old April 13th, 2012, 05:55 AM
Hilbert's Avatar
Hilbert
Beginning Trainer
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Gender: Male
Prologue
What a nice morning is it in Hoenn... That region... Uh, it never changes...
But something is about to happen... Something that will change the whole fate of this land.
Far, at Littleroot city while everyone is sleeping a truck arrives. A young boy along it's mother as it seems are moving into a small house.
"Uh,how nice is it, Britan?" Asks the mother...
" It's really nice mom." He replies with a smile. " But how will we move the furniture?"
" Leave it to your mom."
She gets out a pokeball and throws it. A Machoke appears.
"Hey Machy, can you help us?" Britan asks and Machoke nods with a smile.
After a while, the house is ready, all the items are at their place.
" Candy,can you fix your clock while I am finishing with the Tv?"
"Sure,Mom." He went up and put his clock at the right time 8:55 AM.
He took a glance of the wholeroom before hearing his mother saying...
"Sweetheart, your father is on the Tv!!!"
He went down but the report was already finished.
" Oh, I lost it..."
"It's okay.Don't worry. Go around to see the city."
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Last edited by Hilbert; April 14th, 2012 at 10:39 PM.
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  #2    
Old April 14th, 2012, 08:09 AM
Hilbert's Avatar
Hilbert
Beginning Trainer
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Gender: Male
Chapter 1:Two Fateful Meetings

Britan got out of his house and watched the small city. Only two houses and a big building. Hewalked around and he saw a sign.

"A town that can't be shaded any hue."

He thought that this was strange. He looked into the sky. A shadow passed really quick but he couldn't see what it was.

He wondered when would he begin his adventure.

He arrived outside the other house and wondered who lives in. He knocked the door and a woman opened.

" Hey,you must be the new neighbor."

" YesI am. I just wanted to..."

"Don't be shy,come in."

Britan entered a house which seemed exactly like his own but turned from right to left and dressed in pink instead of blue.

" So, what is your name?"

"Um..., Britan. I am Britan."

"Interesting... Wait some minutes , I must finish the cooking. Go up, my daughter should be there."

He went up the stairs, but there was just a room. No one was inside. Britan watched the small room which seemed like his own, but from left to right again. There was a pokeball on the floor. Britan streatched his hand to take it but he felt a hand at his back.

He turned and saw a girl, with brown hair near he shoulders, dressed in orange and green.

" Hey you must be the new neigbor..."

Britan stared at her. She was around his age if not exact the same.

" So, what's your name?"

" I am Britan from Johto."

"I am May. I am pleased to meet you."

She gave him her hand and he in repsond gave his too and they shaked them.

" I am sorry but I can't stay long... Come to chat a little."-May

She sat down at the bed and touched softly the place near her offering to Britan to sit along.
Britan sat alongand she asked... "So, how old are you?"

"Ten..."
" Really?! Me too."
" I have birthday on 26 October "
" Well I have birthday on 26 April..."
" Well, you are older. So, expect us how many people live in this city?"
"Well with you and your family... How big is your family?"
" Just me and my mother. My father lives elsewhere."
" Then we are 8. Five sleep at the lab of my father..."
" Lab?"
" Yes. My father is a professor. Heknows almost everything about Pokemon."
" Wow, intresting. So you must know a lot of about Pokemon too."
" Not so much as him, but yes. Today I am starting my journey."
" That's awesome! I wish I could too."
" Don't you have Pokemon?"
Britan looked away in sorrow. His face darkened.
" I had, one. Not caught but it was a friend of mine."
" Oh, sorry. You do not need to tell me. I didn't want to make you feel sad."
May looked at her clock. The time had came.

" It's okay. It's not your fault."
She got up and took her bag along the pokeball.

" So the time has come?"
"Yes. I really enjoyed our time Britan, althought it was sort. If you want to begin your journey, find my dad. He will help you. Farwell... My friend."

She left leaving him behind. The steps at the stairs and then the door closing were the last sound of her. Britan followed her way and after saying goodbye to May's mother he went towards the lab.

He entered and saw some scientists.
" What do you desire young boy?" One of them asked.
" Where is the professor?"
" Oi, he went northern to farewell his daughter."

Britan left the lab and went north. There was Route 101. Full of grass and that meant wild pokemon. He suddenly heard a scream.

He walked and saw a man being chased by a pokemon.
" Help me!" The man screamed.
" Take one of the pokeballs there!" He shout again and climbed to a tree.

Britan looked at the spot where the man had shown him. There was a bag. He found three pokeballs inside and three sketches. Each sketch had a pokemon. 'Treecko. Torchic. Mudkip.'

Britan chose Torchic because he liked it best.
" Go Torchic!"
A small orange Pokemon came out. Zigzagoon turned and growled at it.
"What moves to use?"
" Use scratch!" The man shouted.
"Torchic, use scratch." Torchic atatckes Zigzagoon and scratched it.

Zigzagoon jumped away and used growl.
" Torchic, another time. Scratch!"
Torchic hit Zigzaggon which was nowalmost defeated. It attacked Torchic and hit it.
" Don't give up. Let's finish it. Scratch!"

Torchic scratched for one last time Zigzaggon which fainted.
" Yes I won..." Britan was amazed. Such a feeling. Pokemon battles were fan as always. Like in the old days.

" Well done!" Said the man aproaching him. He took the pokeball and got Torchic back in.
"What's your name?"
"I am... Britan sir."

"Well, Britan. I see you are a natural talent. Nice to meet you. I am Professor Birch."
They shaked hands.
" I was looking for you professor. May said you can help me start my adventure."
" Uh, my daughter and you are friends, I see. Well follow me."

He followed the professor which went inside the lab. He went down to a machine where he put the pokeballs.
" So, you want to start your adventure?"
"Of course... I want to catch my own pokemon."

"It's okay. But do your parents know? Where do you live?"
" Here. We are the new neighbors. I live with my mom."
" Alright. Go and ask her. But take this with you."
He gave him one of the pokeballs. He took it but looked at the professor confused.

" It's Torchic. You can take it now. It's yours..."
" Really?"
He nodded and Britan jumped happily around.
He looked at it.
"My first pokemon!"
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Last edited by Hilbert; April 14th, 2012 at 10:38 PM.
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  #3    
Old April 14th, 2012, 07:04 PM
dracoflare's Avatar
dracoflare
Togepi
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Gender: Male
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hilbert View Post
Chapter 1:Two Fateful Meetings

Britan got out of his house and watched the small city. Only two houses and a big building. Hewalked around and he saw a sing.
You forgot a space between the words there. One or two aren't normally a problem but as you read the story you notice them a lot.

My suggestion is write the stories on MSWord before posting it here. MSWord takes care of small spelling mistakes and space errors which we normally tend to neglect.

Quote:
"A town that can't be shaded any hue."

He thought that this was strange. He looked into the sky. A shadow passedreally quick but he couldn't see what it was.

He wondered when would he begin his adventure.

He arrivedoutside the other house and wondered who lives in. He knocked the door and a woman opened.

" Hey,you must be the new neighbor."

" YesI am. I just wanted to..."

"Don't be shy,come in."

Britan entered a house which seemed exactly like his own but turned from right to left and dressed in pink instead of blue.

" So, what is your name?"

"Um..., Britan. I am Britan."

"Interesting... Wait some minutes , I must finish the cooking. Go up, my daughter should be there."

He went up the stairs, but there was just a room. No one was inside. Britan watched the small room which seemed like his own, but from left to right again. There was a pokeball on the floor. Britan streatched his hand to take it but he felt a hand at his back.

He turned and saw a girl, with brown hair near he shoulders, dressed in orange and green.

" Hey you must be the new neigbor..."

Britan stared at her. She was around his age if not exact the same.

" So, what's your name?"

" I am Britan from Johto."

"I am May. I am pleased to meet you."

She gave him her hand and he in repsond gave his too and they shaked them.

" I am sorry but I can't stay long... Come to chat a little."-May

She sat down at the bed and touched softly the place near her offering to Britan to sit along.
Britan sat alongand she asked... "So, how old are you?"

"Ten..."
" Really?! Me too."
" I have birthday on 26 October "
" Well I have birthday on 26 April..."
" Well, you are older. So, expect us how many people live in this city?"
"Well with you and your family... How big is your family?"
" Just me and my mother. My father lives elsewhere."
" Then we are 8. Five sleep at the lab of my father..."
" Lab?"
" Yes. My father is a professor. Heknows almost everything about Pokemon."
" Wow, intresting. So you must know a lot of about Pokemon too."
" Not so much as him, but yes. Today I am starting my journey."
" That's awesome! I wish I could too."
" Don't you have Pokemon?"
Britan looked away in sorrow. His face darkened.
" I had, one. Not caught but it was a friend of mine."
" Oh, sorry. You do not need to tell me. I didn't want to make you feel sad."
May looked at her clock. The time had came.
The irregular spacing. I notice that the spacing between the paragraphs at the beginning and those during conversations are different. I think you should maintain the same space between the paras for the entire story.

Quote:
" It's okay. It's not your fault."
She got up and took her bag along the pokeball.

" So the time has come?"
"Yes. I really enjoyed our time Britan, althought it was sort. If you want to begin your journey, find my dad. He will help you. Farwell... My friend."

She left leaving him behind. The steps at the stairs and then the door closing were the last sound of her. Britan followed her way and after saying goodbye to May's mother he went towards the lab.

He entered and saw some scientists.
" What do you desire young boy?" One of them asked.
" Where is the professor?"
" Oi, he went northern to farewell his daughter."

Britan left the lab and went north. There was Route 101. Full of grass and that meant wild pokemon. He suddenly heard a scream.

He walked and saw a man being chased by a pokemon.
" Help me!" The man screamed.
" Take one of the pokeballs there!" He shout again and climbed to a tree.

Britan looked at the spot where the man had shown him. There was a bag. He found three pokeballs inside and three sketches. Each sketch had a pokemon. 'Treecko. Torchic. Mudkip.'

Britan chose Torchic because he liked it best.
" Go Torchic!"
A small orange Pokemon came out. Zigzagoon turned and growled at it.
"What moves to use?"
" Use scratch!" The man shouted.
"Torchic, use scratch." Torchic atatckes Zigzagoon and scratched it.

Zigzagoon jumped away and used growl.
" Torchic, another time. Scratch!"
Torchic hit Zigzaggon which was nowalmost defeated. It attacked Torchic and hit it.
" Don't give up. Let's finish it. Scratch!"

Torchic scratched for one last time Zigzaggon which fainted.
" Yes I won..." Britan was amazed. Such a feeling. Pokemon battles were fan as always. Like in the old days.

" Well done!" Said the man aproaching him. He took the pokeball and got Torchic back in.
"What's your name?"
"I am... Britan sir."

"Well, Britan. I see you are a natural talent. Nice to meet you. I am Professor Birch."
They shaked hands.
" I was looking for you professor. May said you can help me start my adventure."
" Uh, my daughter and you are friends, I see. Well follow me."

He followed the professor which went inside the lab. He went down to a machine where he put the pokeballs.
" So, you want to start your adventure?"
"Of course... I want to catch my own pokemon."

"It's okay. But do your parents know? Where do you live?"
" Here. We are the new neighbors. I live with my mom."
" Alright. Go and ask her. But take this with you."
He gave him one of the pokeballs. He took it but looked at the professor confused.

" It's Torchic. You can take it now. It's yours..."
" Really?"
He nodded and Britan jumped happily around.
He looked at it.
"My first pokemon!"
Honestly except for the part where Britain(Brandon :x) and May talk the entire story was basically the same as what happens in the game. People won't read your story if you blindly follow the game's story line(including the dialogue in few cases). Just add a twist of your own.


My Trip to the End of Time, by Pearl Gideon

Awesome fic by Cutlerine. It is based of the D/P games but you notice that the author used the games as a base to create a world of his own.

It is not an OT fic, but I say you can use it as a reference.
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  #4    
Old April 14th, 2012, 07:09 PM
PhantomX0990's Avatar
PhantomX0990
Uh, I didn't do it.
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Minnesota
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Nature: Brave
As well as what he mentioned above, the format and lack of story besides the game, there are A LOT of grammatical errors and typos in this that make it very hard to read/follow; ie 'track' instead of 'truck', 'sing' instead of 'sign'.

I can help you out if you're willing to PM me.
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  #5    
Old April 14th, 2012, 10:36 PM
Hilbert's Avatar
Hilbert
Beginning Trainer
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Gender: Male
Don't worry twists are already happening. And more are to follow.. I will fix what I can...
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  #6    
Old April 14th, 2012, 10:43 PM
Hilbert's Avatar
Hilbert
Beginning Trainer
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Gender: Male
Chapter 2: Better two than one!

Britan ran away and got into his house with unlimited happiness.

" MOTHER! ProfessorBirchjustgavemeapokemonwhichIusedbeforeto

savehimandnowIwanttostartmyjourneytocatchmorepokemon..."

"Oh, calm down a little. I didn't get a word."

" Okay. Before a little I met a girl who was starting her adventure. She told me to find her father, the professor which I did. But when I found him he was being attacked by a pokemon and I saved him using one pokemon he had at his bag and now I want to start my adventure. He even gave me this."

Britan send Torchic out... On the table.

It looked around confused but when it saw Britan it smiled and made happy noises.

"Oh, it's so cute. Well, I couldn't expect more. You are Norman's son after all. You can go. But be careful honey."

"Thank you mom!" He got Torchic inside and she kissed him on the forehead.

" Goodbye..." She said as he was going to the lab.

He went inside where Birch was.

" So?" He asked him.

"She agreed. I am ready to start."

" Well, but first I want youto ask something."
Britan began to wonder what it was...

" I want to test your skills. Go and find May, and challenge her."

Britan was surprised.

" Me to fight another trainer?"

"Of course... To see what is better... Mind or spirit."

"As you wish professor. I will come back."

He left the lab and went north. Route 101, again. Where everything began. He went afar but he couldn't pass without walking into the grass.

" Go, Torchic!" Torchic came out.

"Okay, little boy. Follow me." They walked into the grass and a wild pokemon suddenly jumped at their side.

It was black and it was grizzling.

"Torchic, scratch!" Torchic attacked and defeated it with two scratches while the wild pokemon just howled.

He walked northern and he saw another small city. bigger than Littleroot but still a town. He was about to leave the grass when a half red half white pokemon fell from a tree.

"Torchic, scratch it!" And so it did. The wild pokemon was thrown away. But it got up again and threw a string of web at Torchic.

" Again Torchic,go!" But Wurmble moved faster and tackled Torchic. Nevertheless it fainted after the second scratch.

" Well done. Let's go now."

He entered the town and saw two big building on the veyr front. One blue which was Poke mart and a red one which was called Pokemon health center.

" You need a little heal." He said to the pokeball of Torchic.

He entered the building. There was also a second floor. In the middle of the first there wa nurse.

"Hello, I am nurse Joy. What can I do for you?"

"My Torchic just needs a little rest."

" Well, then please hand it to me for ten seconds."

Britan gave Torchic's pokeball and the nurse put it to a machine. The Pokeball shone and after she returned it. Britan felt amazed.

"All healed. Come again."

He thanked her and left. He then went to the pokemart.

'So many items.' but no one was in the counter. So he went outside.

" Excuse me..."

He looked at his right where a man was dressedin working clothes.

" Sorry but the owner is away... He will be back in some time. Take this as a gift for forgiveness."


Britan took the strange purple-spray thing. He had one at home but didn't know what it was. He looked with confusion at the man.

" It's potion. You can use it even in battle to heal your pokemon."

" Thank you."

He left running.

'Perfect for my battle... But a little unfair' He wasn't watching where he was going.

" Hey,stop!" He suddenly saw a man with glasses before him.

" Do not pass from here. I must have discovered the footprints of a new pokeon."

"Congrulations. Forgive me, I didn't know. But did a girl passed from here?"

"She tried, but I stopped her. She must have went north."

" Okay thank you."

Heleft in a rush and went north. To Route 103

'103? Where is 102?'

He walked and looked around. There were high hill and a lot of grass. He walked inside.

Again this black short pokemon appeared. Britan sent out Torchic and defeated it with much ease. But then something flew above his head. It threw water on his head.

" Anothe one?" He was almost at the top of the hills.

" Go Torchic!"

Torchic came out ready to face the threat.

" Scratch." Torchic scratched the flying pokemon when it came down to the ground but then it was badly injured by it's water gun.

Althought it managed to defeat it with another scratch it seemed hurted.

" Are you okay?" He took it in his hug.

"Tor...chic..."

" Well... As I am not using it in battle, so here."

He sprayed Torchic. It felt pain in the begin but then it was fully healed.

"Alright. Let's find May."

He went further and the grass ended. She saw May looking at a small machine.

" So, five pokemon seen... Of the 202..."

She felt something at her shoulder and turned and saw Britan smiling.

" Britan! I see you managed to keepup with me..."

" Yes, my friend. And I am ready to battle."

" What? Why, so early?"

" Your father's idea. He said he wants to test what is better: mind or spirit..."

"Then, I challenge you to battle."

" Okay. Let me show you my first pokemon, May."

May watched carefully with much interest.

"Go... Torchic!" Torchic came out ready to battle.

" Then, let me introduce to you my Pokemon. Go Mudkip."

A small bluepokemon came out with sharp orange pointings at it's cheeks.

" Scratch!" "Tackle!"

Both pokemon charged but Torchic managed to hit first.

" Again!" "Growl,Mudkip!"

Mudkip was hit but Torchic just became a little weaker but it'sgrowl.

" Another scratch!" " Tackle again..."
Mydkip was hit again but it hit with it's tail Torchic.

"Torchic, don't give up. Again, scratch!"

Torchic scratched Mudkip which fell down fainted.

May looked surprised at Britan. She withdrew Mudkip.

" You managed to defeat my boy, uh?"

" You gave a really nice battle... Congrulations."-Britan

They shook hands.

" Now? Should we go back to tell your father?"

" Yes. After all the east way is blocked by a river and the west by a maniac..."

"I know, I know."

"Then we should go from Oldale to Littleroot. Follow my lead!"

She jumpeddown the hills and Britan followed avoiding the grass.

They arrived at the Oldale and after a healing in the center they went south to Route 101 avoiding the wild Pokemon.

They went in the lab and arrived exhausted by the running.

" Oh, what happened?"-Birch

" We...are...back..."-May

" I want to sit..."-Britan

" Then come, sit at the chairs."-Birch

After some time they were breathing normally again.

" So? Who won?"-Birch

" Britan, dad..."-May

" She gave a really good battle after all."-Britan

" If I only had Mudkip's ground move..."-May

" New move?"-Britan

" Yes Britan. Pokemon learn new moves as they grow stronger by experience. Ground moves are super effective against fire Pokemon."-May

" Fire Pokemon?"-Britan

" Oh, you sure know nothing. Well, there are 17 types. Each Pokemon it of a type or even of two. Each attack has also a type. When you attack with a type to a spesific Pokemon type it may cause bigger damage than other types."-Birch

" I see. Okay, I will learn them on the way."-Britan

They got up ready to leave.

" Wait! I want to ask you something..."-Birch

He turned and wasready to hear.

" Can you travel with May? It would be more safe for both of you."-Birch

"Dad, we are 10! The perfect age for Pokemon trainers."-May

" I agree. It would be more fun. What do you say May?" -Britan

" I don't know... Okay... So wewill find out who is the best..."-May

" Well there is a way. For exact two challenges." -Birch

They looked at him curious. Challenges? He took a small red machine and gave it to Britan.

" Here, May has already one. This lists the Pokemon you have seen and you can learn many things about them when you capture them."-Birch

" Oh, amazing..."-Britan

He opened it. It had six Pokemon . Torchic,Mudkip,Poochyena,Zigzagoon,Wurmble,Wingull.

But Torchic had a pokeball near it's picture.

" That means you have caught it..." -Birch

" But what is the challenge?" -Britan

" The one who will caught all Pokemon avainable will be the best!" -Birch

" And the other one?"-May

" You know. There is a Pokemon league in Hoenn. The Ever grande league. There are gyms where you fight toobtain badges. When you have them all then you fight with all others who have them and then you challenge the strongest trainers... That's enough for now!"-Birch

They looked at each other and agreed to take the challenge with a nod.

They left. " I must farewell my mother."-Britan " And I must farewell mine too."

They entered their houses.

" Mom... I am ready to leave!"- Britan

" Oh, I thought you were away. Well, my son you will need this."

She gave him the running shoes. He wore them and they were more soft.

He went up and got his potion and came back down again.

" Ready to leave!" Machy was also there with tears in his eyes.

"Is she sad?"-Britan

" She is proud, as I am."

Britan kissed her on the cheek and left. May was waiting before Route 101.

" Catch this!"-May

She threw a pokeball at him. Britan caught it.

" You will need it until you buy more."-May

" Are we ready to start the journey?"-Britan

" Of course. We are."- May

And they run, each one with the aim of becoming the best.

The adventure had begun. Their adventure.
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