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  #1    
Old April 15th, 2012, 10:37 AM
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Squirtmandersaur
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Okay im gonna write a story about Cheryl! The trainer, who lives in Kanto. i hope you all like it, ( She will be like ash, gets all the starters, but has two pokemon already! ) so lets begin!
  #2    
Old April 15th, 2012, 10:50 AM
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Squirtmandersaur
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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It was the day Cheryl was getting her pokedex. she was SO exited!
" Oh!!! i can't wait! " Cheryl yelled, and headed into the pokemon lab, with her two pokemon, plusle, and mimun. " Oh, hello Cheryl! i see your pokemon are doing well... How can i he-..." He was cut off " Professor oak! i need a pokedex! " Professor oak, very shocked, went to the table and gave her a pokedex.
( BOOM! )

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" shouted Cheryl "I think it was a voltorb!" said professor oak "WHY AREN'T YOU FREAKED OUT!?" Cheryl said in shock " This happens a lot... first it was my grandson, then team rocket.... then that boy with red hair. i'm not shocked at all... " " I... guess we will... save you? " She said, still very confused " Yes voltorb! keep exploding near those trees! we will get to the shrine soon enough!" said a man in a white suit with a blue 'f' on it "VOLT!" Said the voltorb

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" Cheryl said "Who do you think you are?!" "I, am Volt, of team Fairy! We are th-" " Team Fairy? HAHAHAHA! " Cheryl chuckled " That's wimpy! " Volt continued to talk, ignoring the remark " We are the people, who will retreive the Three fairy pokemon! That are, Celebi! Mew! and Jirachi! And just for inturupting me, i will battle you!"

To be continued....
  #3    
Old April 15th, 2012, 10:57 AM
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Squirtmandersaur
Beginning Trainer
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Gender: Female
Forgot to put signups:
1.Name:
2.Pokemon/Trainer/Person with no pokemon, although in story
3.Pokemon ( CANNOT BE EVOLVED YET, if your a pokemon, or person without pokemon, do not fill out, if encountered in future, just put ENCOUNTERED IN FUTURE after it's name, i get to choose when it evolves ):
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

3.personality:
4.Type of trainer:
5.Friend/Rival:
Now, for the most important question EVER!
6.do you like waffles?
  #4    
Old April 15th, 2012, 11:25 AM
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Squirtmandersaur
Beginning Trainer
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Gender: Female
Chapter 2.

Cheryl sent out plusle and mimun ( Plus and minus abilities added. )
Volt send out Voltorb and Voltorb
Plusle used thunder bolt Mimun used thunderbolt, Voltorb and voltorb fainted

"NOOOOOOO!!! MY PRECIOUS VOLTORB!!!" He scurried off, with his voltorb in their pokeballs
"Well... i guess we should go to route 1...." She walked to route 1, and found a charmander. "Where are my pokeballs!??" Cheryl said angrily, While she was looking for the pokeballs, the charmander ran away " Aw darn it!! " She said, and she just walked to Viridian city to buy some pokeballs.

"Hmm..." She said... "It's getting late. I should to get some rest" So she walked into a random person's house and slept for the night, with plusle and mimun sleeping on the bed with her, with the owner of the house, steaming angry.
  #5    
Old April 15th, 2012, 12:29 PM
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Squirtmandersaur
Beginning Trainer
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Gender: Female
Chapter 3.

Cheryl woke up. She went outside of the random man's house, who was sleeping on the floor. she walked outside and saw a Charmander! I'd better use my pokedex on it. Charmander: The lizard pokemon Charmander is an awesome pokemon. "Wait... thats all you have?" Cheryl said Okay, ill do it better... Charmander: The lizard pokemon, if the flame on it's tail goes out, it will slowly die " Much better " Cheryl said " Go Mimun! "

Charmander VS. Mimun!
Charmander used Ember!
Mimun took 17 damage!
Mimun 27/44 HP
Mimun used thunderbolt
Charmander took 30 dammage
Charmander ??/??
Cheryl used pokeball!
"One.... Two.... Three......." The pokemon was caught!

"Yay!" Said Cheryl "I just caught a Charmander!"

To be continued.....
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  #6    
Old April 15th, 2012, 03:28 PM
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bobandbill
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Age: 22
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Sorry, but this is breaking a few of the FF&W rules. Firstly, you need to have some content in the first post rather than some author notes.

Then there's this:
Quote:
All fanfics must be readable.
Fanfics are best shared in a readable manner. This means that proper English grammar rules should be followed as best as possible. When you finish writing your chapter, take a day to let it rest before reading it over for typos and other mistakes. If you believe that you are not good at catching your own mistake, ask for a beta reader in the Beta Place.
There's a number of typos and mistakes that a spell and grammar checker would have picked up on (such as the lack of capitalisation of 'I', and a lot of missing full stops), for starters, so make sure to write your story in a word processing document and make use of it, and take time to proofread as well.

It seems very quickly written too as each chapter is very short, and you're practically using the game text to describe a battle which isn't very enjoyable to read. Essentially, if someone wants to read how a battle goes like the games they might as well play the game themselves. With a story it's better to describe the battle and show us what happens and how it happens, rather than state that a Pokemon lost 30 damage.

I would also suggest against signups - they don't often work out, are more suited for RPGs rather than fics and you don't often get a good sense of the character/s someone else made up as well, and forcing them into a story decently isn't easy either.

I'd suggest checking out some other stories and the Writing Resources thread (linked in the FF&W rules thread) and work on editing your story before reposting, please. At any rate, going to close due to the reasons stated above.
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