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View Poll Results: What Shadow Pokemon should be caught first?
Riolu 3 100.00%
Larvitar 0 0%
Voters: 3. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1    
Old May 21st, 2012, 11:04 AM
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pokelvr59
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I've had this idea constantly in the back of my head ever since I saw the animated trailer for Black and White 2, but I didn't know how to write it. But, I just wrote it and here's the product! So, this is basically the gist of the story, it follows the storyline of Black and White 2, but it adds Shadow Pokemon into the mix! Anyway, without further ado, here is the prologue!

The Battle of Light and Dark
Prologue

Two people, one boy and one man, were walking up the stairs of a large, ruined tower. The man had long lime green hair under a black and grey cap, and his eyes were a piercing steel grey. He had a long necklace with a clay model of Saturn over a white t-shirt, and his pants were a pair of brown loose-fitting jeans. And finally, his shoes were green. The boy had a red cap with a black pokeball design on it over chocolate brown hair and his eyes were a warming chestnut. He was wearing a blue jacket over a black t-shirt with a black backpack. His pants were a pair of black baggy slacks, and his shoes were red slip-ons. Each of them had a belt with a Pokeball on it.

They both had grim expressions on their faces, knowing the severity of what they came here to do.

“You’re sure about this, N?” the boy asked.

“Yes, Hilbert. We have to get to it before someone else does.” the man, N, said.

A few moments later, they found themselves at the top of the tower. It was a large, spacious room with stained glass windows. On the end was a black and white metal chest.

N and Hilbert unclipped their Pokeballs and tossed them up into the air.

“Go! Reshiram!” Hilbert called out.

“Come on out, Zekrom!” N yelled.

In a flash of light, two dragon-like Pokemon, one white and one black, appeared. The white one looked slightly feminine with a large, heat-radiating tail, and the black one had a tail that radiated electricity.

“Reshiram, Fusion Flare!” Hilbert ordered the white dragon.

“Zekrom, Fusion Bolt!” N told the black dragon.

Both roared and let out a huge amount of electricity and fire from their mouths, aimed at the white and black chest. Surprisingly, it didn’t destroy the chest. Instead, when the flames and electricity subsided, it opened to reveal a whistle with a yin-yang symbol on it.

“There it is.” N stated.

“Yeah. The Dragon Whistle.” Hilbert said.

Hilbert and N walked to take the whistle. However, when they got near it, it vanished!

“What?!” Hilbert yelled.

Suddenly, three men appeared near a stained glass window. Each had long white hair and soulless silver eyes. They all had on a grey and black piece of cloth that covered their mouths, a black skin-tight shirt, a pair of baggy grey pants, and black leather boots. The one in the front was holding the Dragon Whistle! They had accomplished in what they were sent her to do, but they still kept their stoic expression.

“The Shadow Triad?! What are you doing here?!” N exclaimed.

“We are here to retrieve the Dragon Whistle for Ghetis of Team Plasma.” one of them said monotonously.

“But, there’s no shame in using it now.” another said in the exact same tone.

Before any of them could react, the one holding the Dragon Whistle blew into it. Almost immediately, Reshiram and Zekrom got a glazed look in their eyes.

“Now that your only Pokemon are under our control, you will come with us.” the third of the Shadow Triad said, still in the stoic voice that they all use.

“Why? Wouldn’t you be much better to us dead?” Hilbert said.

“Lord Ghetis has...other plans for you.”

Last edited by pokelvr59; May 22nd, 2012 at 02:30 AM. Reason: Revising Wording
  #2    
Old May 21st, 2012, 11:07 AM
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pokelvr59
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Chapter 1: The Start of a Journey

Two boys were running through a stone brick city street with trees and flowers planted here and there. One was a boy with messy auburn hair in a red visor and terra-cotta colored eyes. He had on a cerulean jacket, a pair of silver shorts, and red sneakers. The other had a poofy, spiky, indigo colored hair with steel blue eyes. He was wearing a red and white shirt with indigo pants and black sneakers. Both had white satchels slung over their
shoulders.

“Come on Touya, we have to get our Pokemon!” the indigo-haired boy said.

“I’m coming, Hiroshi!” the chestnut-haired boy said.

They made it to the docks of a lake, and the mountains behind it were covered in ice.

Touya stopped for a moment to look at the ice-covered peaks. He sighed.

“Looks like the ice is still spreading.” he said.

It was all over the news. Ice was spreading all over Unova, and only two-thirds of it remained untouched by it. But, the cold was all over the region, so everyone was bundling up. Nobody knew why ice was spreading all over Unova, though.

“Hey, Touya! Come on!” Hiroshi called to his friend, waving at him from a nearby dock.

“Oh, coming!” Touya hollered back.

Touya ran next to his friend and asked him, “So, when is Professor Juniper supposed to get here?”

“She said around three o’ clock.” Hiroshi answered.

At that moment, the town’s clock tower struck the hour of three.

“So, she should be here any minute now.” he continued.

They heard a whistle coming from the lake and a steamboat came rolling along. When it stopped right in front of the two boys, the doors opened and a girl came out, but she almost tripped on the way out and nearly dropped the capsule she was holding. She had a green beret with a white bow on top of her blonde-haired head, and her eyes shone a bright green behind her orange-tinted glasses. She wore a white blouse under her orange snow jacket, her snow pants were colored like an emerald, and her shoes were orange sneakers.


“Thanks for the ride, Captain.” the girl yelled as the boat started to crawl away.

She turned to the two boys and asked, “You’re Touya and Hiroshi, right?”

“That’s us.” Hiroshi said proudly.

“Where’s the Professor?” Touya asked.

“I’m afraid she couldn’t come, what with the ice and all that.” Bianca said sadly, "She's trying to figure out what caused it."

However, she instantly changed her attitude and smiled, “So I’m here! I’m Bianca, an assistant to Professor Juniper!”

“So, are those...” Touya said.

“Yep! The Pokemon who will become your partners are right in here!” Bianca pressed a button on the capsule and it opened to reveal three Pokeballs.

Touya and Hiroshi were literally shivering with excitement.

This one has Tepig, a Fire Type,” Bianca pointed to the middle Pokeball, “This one has Oshawott, a Water Type,” she pointed to the one on the left, “And this last one has Snivy, a Grass Type.” the assistant pointed at the one on the right.

She grabbed the three Pokeballs (although she nearly dropped one) and tossed them up in the air, “Come on out, everyone!”
In three flashes of light, three Pokemon appeared. One was a green, bipedal, gecko-like Pokemon with three leaves on the end of its tail. Another was a orange and black furred pig with a red sphere on the end of its curly tail. And the last one was a blue-furred, Sea Otter-like Pokemon with a shell on its chest. They all blinked cutely at the boys.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I’ve decided on Oshawott.” Hiroshi said.

“I was originally thinking about Snivy, but now that I’ve seen them, I’m gonna have to choose Tepig.” Touya said.

The blue otter and the orange pig cried out in joy while the green gecko looked down in depression.
“Aw, it’s okay, Snivy. There are other trainers out there.” Bianca kneeled down and said to the gecko.

“Go, Snag Ball!” a voice called out.

A Pokeball was tossed at Snivy and it was enveloped in a red light and vanished into the ball. The trio stared at the ball in shock as it shook for a while before clicking.

"Capture complete." the same voice stated.

Bianca, Touya, and Hiroshi whirled in the direction of the voice. The speaker was a man with poofy green hair and earthen brown eyes. His clothes consisted of a metallic green jumpsuit and silver boots. On his arm was an orange and blue machine that covered his entire arm. He was grinning maniacally.

"Wait a minute...That's a Snag Machine?!" Hiroshi exclaimed.

"What's a Snag Machine?" Touya said stupidly.

"It was used by the heroes of Orre to stop an evil organization called Cipher, who were making Shadow Pokemon." Bianca explained, "It can make regular Pokeballs into Snag Balls, Pokeballs that can capture another trainer's Pokemon."

"Then what is it doing in his hands?" Touya wondered.

"I have been granted the Snag Machine to capture the three starters." the man finally spoke.

Acting quick, Touya and Hiroshi grabbed their Pokeballs and returned Oshawott and Tepig to their Pokeballs. The man cursed.

"You may have been able to get your Pokemon for now, but this isn't over. You'll see." the man said.

At that moment, the three men who had kidnapped N and Hilbert appeared and swiped Snivy's new Pokeball and grabbed the man.

"Cya later, kids!" the man said.

"Get back here!" Touya yelled as he started to run at them.

But, it was too late, as the Shadow Triad warped away with the strange man. However, the Snag Machine didn’t vanish along with them, as it clattered to the ground.

A few moments of silence later, Bianca said, “Well, at the very least, I’ll be telling Professor Juniper about this.”

“But why wouldn’t the Snag Machine teleport with them?” Hiroshi wondered aloud.

“Well, maybe since it’s such a complicated piece of machinery, it couldn’t be teleported.” Bianca suggested.

“Well, I know what I’m going to do.” Touya said.

He picked up the Snag Machine and put it on his arm.

“I’m going to snag back Snivy.” he proclaimed.

“And how do you plan to do that?” Hiroshi asked, completely ruining Touya’s moment.

“Well...um...”

“You know...” Bianca said, making both boys’ heads turn towards her, “Maybe you should take the Pokemon League challenge. It’s a great way to get more powerful and maybe you’ll encounter where they’re keeping Snivy.”

“Well, we can always hope.” Touya said.

“All right! Let’s see here...” Bianca opened a map she had in her purse, “It looks like the closest gym is in Garnet
City, and the Gym Leader, Cheren, uses Normal Types.”

“Okay, to Garnet City!” Touya proclaimed.

And so they began their journey. Little did they realize-

“WAIT!” Bianca called to the two boys.

Touya and Hiroshi turned around to see Bianca run up to them.

“I forgot to give you your Pokedexes, Badge Cases, and first five Pokeballs.” Bianca said as she handed the items to the boys.

Ahem...As I was saying...Little did they realize that their journey would be told for ages to come.

Last edited by pokelvr59; May 22nd, 2012 at 02:26 AM. Reason: Revising Writing Style
  #3    
Old May 21st, 2012, 07:01 PM
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Well, interesting concept. Even I have wanted to write a story on B2W2. First of all

I know c/p from MSWord leaves things like that, but you need to put an extra space after each paragraph. It is kinda annoying to put a space after each line, but doing so will make your story attractive and readable.

As for the story, so you have made the mysterious object on the Shadow Triad's hand a whistle

I presume it is for waking Kyurem or something eh?

Anyway you have done the describing the character part well. But the description was well physical, you explained how they look and all from the cap to the snickers but you did not add any character to them.

When a story progresses a character faces many situations and interacts with other characters, and each person has a way to interact with them, a way in which they think about the other person. The difference is what makes your character unique.

I mean explain their thinking process, they are about to get their first Pokemon, so they are excited about it right?

And also when shadow triad snatched the whistle from Hilbert and N, how exactly did they react(other than the verbal reaction), I think it gives a better understanding and dips you more into the story.

When Bianca gave them the Pokemon you could have added her characteristic clumsiness or something...well what I want to say is add color to your character( not the physical color).


Over all: Good Concept, good plot(till now atleast ) just a little work on the characters and you are set. Oh and I didn't point out any grammatical errors because...I suck at grammar and I rely solely on MSWord for my grammar so I can't comment about it right?
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  #4    
Old May 22nd, 2012, 02:35 AM
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pokelvr59
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dracoflare View Post
Well, interesting concept. Even I have wanted to write a story on B2W2. First of all

I know c/p from MSWord leaves things like that, but you need to put an extra space after each paragraph. It is kinda annoying to put a space after each line, but doing so will make your story attractive and readable.

As for the story, so you have made the mysterious object on the Shadow Triad's hand a whistle :P

I presume it is for waking Kyurem or something eh?

Anyway you have done the describing the character part well. But the description was well physical, you explained how they look and all from the cap to the snickers but you did not add any character to them.

When a story progresses a character faces many situations and interacts with other characters, and each person has a way to interact with them, a way in which they think about the other person. The difference is what makes your character unique.

I mean explain their thinking process, they are about to get their first Pokemon, so they are excited about it right?

And also when shadow triad snatched the whistle from Hilbert and N, how exactly did they react(other than the verbal reaction), I think it gives a better understanding and dips you more into the story.

When Bianca gave them the Pokemon you could have added her characteristic clumsiness or something...well what I want to say is add color to your character( not the physical color).


Over all: Good Concept, good plot(till now atleast :P) just a little work on the characters and you are set. Oh and I didn't point out any grammatical errors because...I suck at grammar and I rely solely on MSWord for my grammar so I can't comment about it right?
Thank you very much for your input, Dracoflare. Usually, I just write it, but unless I get someone to critique it, I sometimes make mistakes. Anywho, I've revised them and want to let you know that I'm going to post the next chapter soon.
  #5    
Old May 25th, 2012, 10:06 AM
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Chapter 2: Revealing the Shadow


“Okay, so it looks like Garnet City is about ten miles away.” Touya stated as he looked at his map.

“Are you kidding me?” Hiroshi complained, his arms and head hanging down as he walked, “I’m starving!”

They were walking through a forest trail to Garnet City, and after the first ten minutes Hiroshi started complaining.

“Well, it’s not my fault you didn’t bring anything to eat.” Touya said.

“What with the way that you eat, I thought you would’ve brought it.” Hiroshi retorted.

But, amidst their arguing, they didn’t see a pair of red eyes staring at them through the bushes. Suddenly, the pair of eyes whirled away, hearing something heading its way. It leaped out of the bushes, making itself known to Hiroshi and Touya.

It looked like a blue bipedal Jackal with two black appendages hanging from either side of its head. It also had a black coloration over its eye area and its legs were colored black, and finally it had two metal-like plates over its wrists.

“What’s that Pokemon?” Touya wondered, aiming his Pokedex at it.

“Riolu. The Emanation Pokemon. It has the peculiar power of being able to see emotions such as joy and rage in the form of waves.”

“Sounds like a cool Pokemon. Right, Hiroshi?” Touya asked his friend.

His friend didn’t answer, just staring at the Riolu.

“Um, Hiroshi?” Touya waved a hand in front of Hiroshi’s face.

“A-a-a-a-a Sh-Sh-Sh-Shadow Pokemon!” he yelled, pointing at the Riolu.

“What?! But how?! Shadow Pokemon are gone!” Touya screeched in disbelief.

“All I know is that I see a purplish aura around that Riolu!”

“Wait...You can see it?!”

“You mean that you can’t?”

Suddenly, a strange man burst from the underbrush. He had a black metallic suit on that covered his entire body with two strange leaf-like things on either shoulder.

“Riolu, get back here!” he yelled at the Riolu.

The Riolu growled in defiance.

“Aw, come on! You’re supposed to be a Shadow Pokemon, and yet you do not obey the orders of your trainer!” the man complained.

“Hey! Leave Riolu alone!” Touya yelled at the man.

The man whirled around to face the two boys and laughed, “What’s wrong with a trainer ordering his Pokemon around?”

“Except it’s not just any Pokemon, is it?! It’s a Shadow Pokemon!” Hiroshi yelled.

“Wha-How can you see it?!” the man yelled.

“Sorry, trade secret.”

“Riolu, Shadow Sphere!” the man ordered the Riolu.

The Emanation Pokemon just looked away in defiance.

“Come on, it’s just two kids.” the man said.

Riolu growled at its so-called trainer.

“Hey, obviously your Riolu doesn’t like you, so why don’t you just leave it alone?!” Hiroshi yelled.

“It’s a Shadow Pokemon; it should follow orders!”

“Well, obviously, it isn’t, so don’t waste your time on it!” Touya exclaimed.

“Why you-All right, if it’s a battle you want, it’s a battle you’ll get! Go, Natu and Blitzle!” the man hurled two Pokeballs into the air.

A small, green bird-like Pokemon and a infant zebra-like Pokemon appeared. The bird had a huge body in comparison with its legs and red wings. And the mane of the zebra was in the shape of a lightning bolt.

“Either of them Shadow Pokemon?” Touya asked Hiroshi.

“No, but they look tough. We better be careful.” Hiroshi said before tossing his Pokeball into the air, “Go, Oshawott!”

“Come on out, Tepig!” Touya yelled as he tossed his Pokeball into the air.

The Sea Otter and Fire Pig Pokemon appeared.

“Natu, Night Shade!” the ordered the bird.

The Natu let out a wave of dark light from its eyes, aimed at Tepig.

“Tepig, quick, dodge it!” Touya ordered the Fire Pig Pokemon.

Tepig barely leaped out of the way of the Night Shade.

“Blitzle, Shock Wave!”

The Electrified Pokemon let out a quick jolt of blue electricity at Oshawott, who was unable to evade in time and got electrocuted, causing it to faint.

“Oshawott, return.” Hiroshi returned his Oshawott to its Pokeball, “Don’t lose, Touya.”

“Tepig, Flame Charge!” Touya ordered the Fire Pig.

Tepig snorted and cloaked itself in flames, charging at Natu.

“Natu, Destiny Bond.”

As soon as Tepig collided with Natu, the Little Bird Pokemon’s eyes glowed a sinister purple. Natu fainted, but right after, Tepig became encased in a Purplish Aura, and it fainted as well!

“What?! How did Tepig faint?” Touya exclaimed.

“Destiny Bond, if used right before the user faints, causes the opposing Pokemon to faint.” the man explained, “But, now that your last Pokemon’s down, and my Blitzle,” the Blitzle snorted menacingly, “is still standing, I think it’s fair to say that you’ve lost.”

“Tepig, return.” Touya said sadly as Tepig was taken back into its ball.

But, unknown to the battlers, Riolu was watching. It had watched how Touya and Hiroshi had fought for it, and it leaped in front of Touya.

It growled at the shocked Blitzle and its ex-trainer.

“You want to fight with me?” Touya asked the young Jackal-like Pokemon.

It nodded.

“All right! Riolu, Force Palm!” Touya ordered.

Riolu looked confused.

“Okay, ummm....Quick Attack!” Touya ordered, only to get the same response from Riolu, “Screech? Reversal? Use any attack you know!”

Suddenly, Riolu’s arms formed into a U-shape and a bunch of purplish aura started to form a sphere in the Pokemon’s hands. It let loose a sphere of shadowy aura at Blitzle and an explosion happened as soon as it collided with the Electrified Pokemon, and when the dust settled, Blitzle fainted.

“Darn that Shadow Sphere! You useless Pokemon! You don’t even deserve to be a Shadow Pokemon! You too disobedient!” the man yelled at the Riolu.

The man returned his Natu and Blitzle and brought out a third Pokeball. He put it on the ground and crushed it.

“You’re on your own now!” and with that, the man ran off.

Riolu fell to the ground in depression and shock.

“Hey, Riolu?” Touya put a hand on the Emanation Pokemon’s shoulder.

The Riolu whirled around to see the smiling face of Touya.

“You can be my Pokemon if you want.” Touya offered.

Riolu looked confused for a moment before nodding, and Touya brought out one of his Pokeballs. He tapped it on Riolu’s head and the Emanation Pokemon let itself be taken into the Pokeball and captured.

“All right! I caught my first Pokemon!” Touya exclaimed in utter joy and held Riolu’s Pokeball in the air.

“You know,” Hiroshi said as Touya looked at his friend, “If there’s one Shadow Pokemon, there should be a LOT more.”

“Yeah. But, it seemed that Riolu was able to feel, which I think means that they weren’t completely able to complete the Shadow-Pokemon making process on him.” Touya said.

“Yeah, it only had a thin line of Aura around it, so I think it might be ready for Purification.” Hiroshi said, “But, the question is, how are we going to Purify it if the Relic Stone is all the way in Orre?”

“Maybe we’ll be able to find a way here in Unova.” Touya said.

“I guess we’ve found a use for the Snag Machine after all.” Hiroshi said.

“Wait, I never said that I would-”

“Do you really think that we should let these Pokemon suffer? After all that this group is putting them through? Turning them into unfeeling monsters? Are you really going to let that slide by? And the only way to get all of them Purified is to Snag them.” Hiroshi said.

Touya sighed, “I guess you’re right. Now, come on, we’ve still got only ten miles to Garnet City.”

“Aw, come on! I’m still hungry!” Touya complained.

The Battle of Dark and Light
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthr...=1#post7186006
  #6    
Old May 25th, 2012, 12:16 PM
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I voted for Riolu on the poll because I think he's an interesting pokemon to catch for the first time. I've always liked the concept of shadow pokemon since Colosseum so I think it's kinda quirky and original to use it in Unova. I think you've executed the idea really well.

  #7    
Old May 25th, 2012, 12:26 PM
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Oh, well, thank you, bewbs. I'm glad you like it.

The Battle of Dark and Light
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthr...=1#post7186006
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