Go Back   The PokéCommunity Forums > Creative Discussions > Fan Fiction and Writing
Reload this Page [Pokémon] Time & Space

Notices
For all updates, view the main page.

Fan Fiction and Writing Submit your stories and poems.



View Poll Results: If You Had To Choose A Pokemon From These, Which One Would It Be?
Dialga 0 0%
Palkia 0 0%
Giratina 0 0%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 0. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1    
Old May 8th, 2012 (04:29 PM). Edited June 19th, 2012 by Vato.
Vato Vato is offline
This Is Our Last Goodbye
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Juarez City, Mexico
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 533
Previously known as Pokemon: The Rest Of All.
Rated PG-15 for several bits of strong languaje, future blood and mild-suggestive themes.

TIME & SPACE
a tale of self-discovery

Preface


A long time ago, in a recently formed Pokémon world, the creator and his sons lived peacefully in a land populated by Pokémon only. Dialga, that made time flow properly. Palkia, that started to expand space. And Giratina, with an undefined purpose. Giratina’s jealousness towards its brothers made it commit acts that devastated the land, thing that made the creator angry.

The creator punished Giratina. It opened a portal to a world in the reverse side of ours, a world where there were time didn’t flow, where space isn’t stable. A world of antimatter. Giratina was banished into the Distortion World, never to be seen again.

At least, not in a while. In our modern times, at the peak of Mt. Coronet, named Spear Pillar, a young man by the name of Cyrus summoned both Dialga and Palkia and controlled them to create a new world. In the moment he was about to accomplish his task, a portal opened and linked both worlds. Giratina appeared in front of Cyrus… But he knew that happen, and he gained control of it with the Red Chain, with three Pokémon under his commands, no one could stop him.

But he wanted more power… And he traveled to the Fiore region, where Groudon and Kyogre were resting after their second fierce fight. He gained control over both of them… And he defeated Rayquaza with the power of all his legendary Pokémon. With the powers of both Groudon and Kyogre, he encompassed all of the regions, many died, and those who survived were enslaved and forced to re-build the cities that remained.

Now years have passed, and a rhetorical peace reigns over the new Pokémon world. Only eight of all the gyms there were remain, and leaders were replaced with commanders. Those who want to be Pokémon masters must travel the reformed world to get these badges. While no one thinks that Team Galactic might be stopped, there just happened to be a young boy sent by Arceus, the creator that will bring down the organization.

Now, readers, go, and leap into the new world of Pokémon where dreams, hopes, adventures and Zubat await!

THE POKEDEX WILL SOON BE ADDED
AND NOW, WATCH, A MAJOR SPOILER:

“Ye’ Who Is Holding The Orbs,
Ye’ Shall Bring Freedom Back To The Controllers Of Time And Space
And Purify The Renegade’s Soul”


INDEX:

1. The Meeting Of Fate
2. Nulletroot Town
3. Mr. Freak
4. The iPika Store
5. The Misadventures of Mr. Freak and Heredia

CHAPTER 1:
Spoiler:

Chapter I
THE MEETING OF FATE

We all have a goal in our lives. We’re a small piece in this chessboard called life. We might be a horse, willing to attack, but frequently used as a decoy by our closest friends. Or we might a queen, afraid of our true power, which can take us to do great things.

Allow me to introduce you to Drew, he’s what you may call “a wimp”, with him being a pale, weak guy with nothing but a few more than three and a half feet as his height. His hair is of a purplish black, and he is… well, you’ll find out… eventually.

There’s a nice place called Pallet Beach. It is a very lovely place in this time of the year, which is summer, if you couldn’t guess. This place is famous because of the sound the calm waves create when they hit the fine, white sand over and over again. This place is frequented by Krabby, so be careful, their pincers could really harm uncovered feet. There are also several Geodude scattered all over the sand, and they get really angry if you step over them. Every year, Tentacool, Tentacruel, Carvanha and Sharpedo come to the shore to hunt down distracted Magikarp and Feebas, which they then give to their breeds. And every winter, the sea freezes in such a way, that all sea Pokémon emigrate to the waters surrounding Blackthorn Island, located south of here. When it’s winter, several Spheal and Seel come around to play with each other, and also with any stranger they spot.

His eyes opened. He sat over the fine sands of the beach. His black sneakers soaked by the salty water that was coming closer and closer. Who was he? Where was he? For some reason, he couldn’t remind a single thing about himself. He was wearing a white shirt and black cargo pants. His face, scratched, as if something had attacked. Something… or someone. The sound of the waves, relaxing.

The sun was setting behind the horizon; the sunlight barely rubbed the waves of the ocean and the sand around him. It’s a nice day to be a victim of amnesia, that’s for sure.

He stood up, trying to make his mind up. –Who am I?-, this question echoed inside of his head as he tried to walk around the beach. He hadn’t said a thing since he woke up, so it was natural he wondered how would his voice sound, maybe a deep voice, or, a super acute voice, perhaps?

After walking for three minutes, which seemed to be like hours for him. He had spotted something. Far away, there was a conglomerate of trees standing tall, and several houses were beginning to show themselves between the vegetation as he headed towards the place. In the moment he had finally reached the place, which was around ten or twelve minutes later, he stared at a light blue house that had a small window next to its door. He hadn’t entered the town-looking place yet, but the house could be seen from where he was standing. Somehow, the warm looking house (which was abandoned) bought two words back to his mind, these two were echoing constantly around his head, but he had no idea of what they meant, nor why did he just remembered them out of the blue.

The words… Nuvema Town

__________________
Hoenn


FC [B2]: 0992 1015 0443
VM/PM me whenever you feel like trading/kicking my butt on a battle
Reply With Quote
  #2    
Old May 12th, 2012 (08:29 PM). Edited June 8th, 2012 by Vato.
Vato Vato is offline
This Is Our Last Goodbye
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Juarez City, Mexico
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 533
Da-da-da-dum!
It's chapter two time!
Any feedback would be awesome!

Spoiler:
Chapter II
NULLETROOT TOWN

FUN FACT: This place is crap.
It’s a nice place to spend your vacations… that if you like crappy houses and wild, rampaging Mandibuzz that are looking for your heart. This place is called Nulletroot Town, not because it reminds everyone of Nutella, but because it comprises the remains of what used to be Nuvema, Pallet and Littleroot Town back in the olden days.

Nulletroot Town is located between a conglomerate of trees, over a deep grassland, in contrast to the beautiful beach located in front, this place sucks, literally, it is the only place in the region that houses Koffing, don’t ask me why, it must be because of Viridian City (aka Pollution City), that or they just love being in a ghost town that, ironically, has no ghosts in it.

In this deep grassland, it is well known that Gloom like to mess around with strangers by throwing acid at them, but it’s not funny to see how someone’s face slowly disintegrates. Bellsprout also inhabit here, watch out, these little mandrakes are the number one reason for stumbling in grassland. In this small town there’s a couple of houses, the first of them being home of the legendary trainer by the name of Red (his parents weren’t very creative when choosing a name for him), while the other one housed the not-so legendary trainer Brendan. But, nowadays, who knows what happened with them. Maybe they were swallowed by the ground or something like that.

And there’s another building to be noticed, Professor Juniper’s Pokémon Laboratory, Pokémon Lab for the homies. All these building have suffered across the years, with weed all over the place, not only outside, inside too. And don’t make me mention the paint… okay, if you insist! The paint has been rend away by the constant rainstorms, and the walls are ripped up, the Pokémon Lab doesn’t even have a door any longer! And the floors, they’re so creaky, it sounds like you’re in a terror movie when you walk inside the edifications.

He was still in front of the town, staring at the night sky, the sun had just ended hiding itself behind the ocean, and he could see a flock of Unfezant and Pelipper heading back to their nests. He took his sight back to the town, and started walking towards it. He was rubbing his right hand in his right cheek, were the scratch marks were located, doing this awoke a little something in his memory, but again, only words, and only one this time. -Murkrow- was echoing over and over again in his head. Was he maybe attacked by a Murkrow before losing his memory?

He was now standing in front of Professor Juniper’s Lab, it didn’t had a door, so everyone could see it all that’s inside by just standing in front of it. The inside was creaky, gross, horrible, and any other word you could think at. The stench, burdening, Drew felt like throwing up at that time. He turned around, and saw a pack of Sentret running around between the trees around town. There were ten of them, and eleven, if you count one of them that was standing in front of Drew. It was smiling, standing over its tail, with its arms wide open, like if it wanted a hug. That’s weird, aren’t all Sentret afraid of everyone and everything? And, aren’t they brown? This one’s creamy!

But it was a nice sight, I mean, you don’t get to watch a Sentret obsessed with hugs, which is different colored and is sketching a big smile every day, do you?

-Say, bud, what’s your name? said Drew while slouching until he and Sentret were at the same height. His voice sounded like an average man voice, it wasn’t deep, but it wasn’t acute either.

Anyways, you all know what the answer was, yes, it was –Sentret!-, but he asked because he didn’t recognized the Pokémon, in fact, he wouldn’t recognize any Pokémon, not even a freaking Caterpie… and that’s saying something. The creamy thing was cute… but creepy, I mean, aren’t little animals the bait in terror movies? What if there was a freak with a chainsaw waiting behind him? Or worst… another Sentret with a bigger smile? But that was a smart move, Pokemon repeat their names over and over again, as it’s the way they communicate with each other.

“Okay, Sentret” said Drew then to the creepy Pokemon, “get lost”

Drew walked aside from that Sentret, wandering around the weird town. After around five minutes of wandering around the grassland, he spotted what seemed to be a path that lead to another place, as he began to come closer to it, it started to become clearer, it was a route. He came closer, and he saw it was a beautiful one, although he couldn’t see it all, all those trees standing tall next to lush grassland, and the sweet sound that Hoothoot made that echoed all around. He soon started to rush towards it. And when he was in front of the route… -Sentret!-, he turned around, and the creamy colored freak was behind him. Sentret had followed him since the very moment he had walked aside of it.

“What?” said Drew, “Didn’t I tell you to get lost?”

Sentret remained in silence, staring at Drew’s deep-sea blue eyes while standing over its tail. For some reason, Sentret wanted to follow him. Unlucky he, as he could barely take care of himself and his amnesia…

“Fine, you’ll come with me” he said at last, not so happy of having to carry a freaky Pokémon with him. He decided to just sit under a tree right in front of the route. Sentret quickly cuddled on his lap and took a nap. It’s weird hearing a Pokémon sleep… they still say their names, whispering, but they say it. It’s weird they don’t even sneeze.

He started to think about himself. Why was he there? Why couldn’t he remember a thing? And why did he thought of Nuvema Town upon approaching the place? He decided to check his pockets, maybe there was something in his cargo pants that could remind him who he was… that, or just fluff. He checked his upper left pocket with his left hand… and nothing. He checked his lower left pocket… and nothing. It wasn’t until he checked his lower right pocket that he found a Trainer Card. He quickly took it closer to his eyes with both hands. His name was Drew, or at least that’s what the card said.

That was something; at least he knew his name. He put the card back into his pocket. He then stood up making Sentret fall into the floor hitting its nape. Drew stretched his body raising both of his arms high into the air. He thought of something, perhaps, if he kept walking, he might eventually find something that brings his memory back. So he had to find that something as soon as possible. Sentret followed him as soon as he started walking into what used to be the Kanto Route One.
__________________
Hoenn


FC [B2]: 0992 1015 0443
VM/PM me whenever you feel like trading/kicking my butt on a battle
Reply With Quote
  #3    
Old May 12th, 2012 (11:52 PM).
Pikachukid's Avatar
Pikachukid Pikachukid is offline
VOLT TACKLE >:D
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Yellow Forest
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 264
Wow this is really creative man! My only suggestion is to make the reader imagine an action so instead of saying Sentret smiled (or Mr. Smacks the female Sentret lol) you should describe it like Mr. Smack's mouth widened, and her eyes grew bright and cheerful. If a heart appeared over her head it wouldn't be too farfetched (farfetch'd pun? ). Just describe stuff more often instead of just saying "and this is what happened..."
__________________



Finished the FR/LG monotype a loooooong time ago. Not that anyone cares though.
Reply With Quote
  #4    
Old May 13th, 2012 (12:11 PM). Edited June 8th, 2012 by Vato.
Vato Vato is offline
This Is Our Last Goodbye
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Juarez City, Mexico
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 533
Quote originally posted by Pikachukid:
Wow this is really creative man! My only suggestion is to make the reader imagine an action so instead of saying Sentret smiled (or Mr. Smacks the female Sentret lol) you should describe it like Mr. Smack's mouth widened, and her eyes grew bright and cheerful. If a heart appeared over her head it wouldn't be too farfetched (farfetch'd pun? ). Just describe stuff more often instead of just saying "and this is what happened..."
Got it, I'm glad I've got some feedback, and also that you liked it.
__________________
Hoenn


FC [B2]: 0992 1015 0443
VM/PM me whenever you feel like trading/kicking my butt on a battle
Reply With Quote
  #5    
Old May 13th, 2012 (06:51 PM).
Astinus's Avatar
Astinus Astinus is offline
Remember NovEnder
Super Moderator
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,019
Hi again, Vato. I'm here to review your first chapter!

I will say that you have the beginnings of an interesting story here. It sounds like we'll be taken on a fascinating ride through the regions we used to, and we'll see how the world has changed. Drew seems like he has an interesting history to him. I wonder how he'll recover his memory, how he came to be where he woke up.

Unfortunately, you still seem to have that problem with never-ending sentences. Not only are never-ending sentences difficult to read a lot of (because the reader can't take a break), but the reader loses track of information. Plus, the way that you write your sentences sets the mood for your story. For example, short sentences makes the scene more intense, which is useful for action scenes.

I'll show you how to separate your sentences better.

Quote:
He woke up, sweating, lying in the fine sands along the sea, who he was, he couldn't remember, neither where he was, but somehow, that place seemed familiar, the sound of the water splashing all over the sand back and forth, and the constant cries of the sea Pokemon.
This is your first sentence of your first chapter. I'll make a few changes to it, separating it into a few sentences.

Quote:
He woke up, sweating, lying in the fine sands along the sea. Who he was, he couldn't remember. Neither where he was. But somehow, that place seemed familiar. The sound of the water splashing all over the sand back and forth, and the constant cries of the sea Pokemon woke up something small in his memory.
(I added a little bit at the end to make it a complete sentence.

If you do this for the rest of your story, it'll be much easier to read. If you have any questions at all about this, feel free to ask me. I'm more than willing to help you out.

It was also a bit difficult figuring out what was happening here:
Quote:
-Hey you! - he said
-...
-What are you doing out here at Pallet Beach under the rain, you're gonna catch a cold!
-...
-The name's Bucker, what's yours? - said Bucker, extending his hand - C'mon!
Aren't you gonna talk? Fine, then!
-I guess my name is Drew - he said, while taking a Trainer Card of his pocket, only to realize Bucker had already walked away - Screw you then! - said Drew, with an angry voice tone.
because I'm so used to seeing dialogue wrapped in "quotation marks" and not dashes. I don't know why you used them here in this story, since your other stories used quotation marks.

Other than a wish for more description, this is pretty good. What I mean by "more description" is that the chapter moves pretty quickly from Drew waking up on the beach to him catching a odd-colored Sentret. Take the time to set up more of the environment, since a big part of your story will come from how the world changed. Also, focus on your characters. Give them some time to slow down, and describe how they react to what they see. This is really just me repeating what Pikachukid said.

I hope this helps you. Again, feel free to ask any questions. I look forward to seeing more of your story! Good luck!
Reply With Quote
  #6    
Old May 13th, 2012 (08:35 PM). Edited June 8th, 2012 by Vato.
Vato Vato is offline
This Is Our Last Goodbye
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Juarez City, Mexico
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 533
I see, I wanted to see how would the text would look if I stopped using quotation marks, I guess that didn't worked out.
And I guess it's time to also edit (and maybe extend a little bit) Chapter I, and once again, Chapter II.
And I'm glad I'm finally getting feedback, 'cause more feedback equals a happy me!
I'm gonna try my very best, as I want this to be a masterpiece that everyone will hardly forget!
__________________
Hoenn


FC [B2]: 0992 1015 0443
VM/PM me whenever you feel like trading/kicking my butt on a battle
Reply With Quote
  #7    
Old May 13th, 2012 (11:37 PM).
Pikachukid's Avatar
Pikachukid Pikachukid is offline
VOLT TACKLE >:D
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Yellow Forest
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 264
Quote originally posted by Astinus:
Hi again, Vato. I'm here to review your first chapter!

I will say that you have the beginnings of an interesting story here. It sounds like we'll be taken on a fascinating ride through the regions we used to, and we'll see how the world has changed. Drew seems like he has an interesting history to him. I wonder how he'll recover his memory, how he came to be where he woke up.

Unfortunately, you still seem to have that problem with never-ending sentences. Not only are never-ending sentences difficult to read a lot of (because the reader can't take a break), but the reader loses track of information. Plus, the way that you write your sentences sets the mood for your story. For example, short sentences makes the scene more intense, which is useful for action scenes.

I'll show you how to separate your sentences better.


This is your first sentence of your first chapter. I'll make a few changes to it, separating it into a few sentences.


(I added a little bit at the end to make it a complete sentence.

If you do this for the rest of your story, it'll be much easier to read. If you have any questions at all about this, feel free to ask me. I'm more than willing to help you out.

It was also a bit difficult figuring out what was happening here:
because I'm so used to seeing dialogue wrapped in "quotation marks" and not dashes. I don't know why you used them here in this story, since your other stories used quotation marks.

Other than a wish for more description, this is pretty good. What I mean by "more description" is that the chapter moves pretty quickly from Drew waking up on the beach to him catching a odd-colored Sentret. Take the time to set up more of the environment, since a big part of your story will come from how the world changed. Also, focus on your characters. Give them some time to slow down, and describe how they react to what they see. This is really just me repeating what Pikachukid said.

I hope this helps you. Again, feel free to ask any questions. I look forward to seeing more of your story! Good luck!
Ok this is gonna sound weird questioning a mod but I thought you couldn't (well i guess you can but it's frowned upon) start a sentence with a conjunction?
__________________



Finished the FR/LG monotype a loooooong time ago. Not that anyone cares though.
Reply With Quote
  #8    
Old May 14th, 2012 (11:42 AM).
Astinus's Avatar
Astinus Astinus is offline
Remember NovEnder
Super Moderator
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,019
From here: A sentence beginning with and or but will tend to draw attention to itself and its transitional function. Writers should examine such sentences with two questions in mind: (1) would the sentence and paragraph function just as well without the initial conjunction? (2) should the sentence in question be connected to the previous sentence? If the initial conjunction still seems appropriate, use it.

So the rule of never starting a sentence with a conjunction is becoming out-dated, and many people are beginning to start sentences with "and" or "but." I've picked it up from one published author, and there are many others who do the same.

While some people might not like the change, it's becoming more and more popular that I see no reason to fight it. Honestly, the only people that I've seen frown upon starting sentences with conjunctions are those that keep all the old grammar rules in mind, no matter how the language has changed.

So if Vato (or anyone else) wants to draw attention to a sentence by starting it with "and" or "but", it's fine. It's a sign of the changing times.
Reply With Quote
  #9    
Old May 14th, 2012 (12:36 PM). Edited June 8th, 2012 by Vato.
Vato Vato is offline
This Is Our Last Goodbye
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Juarez City, Mexico
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 533
It's nice to know sentences can start with conjunctions (now I won't feel I'm having a lot of grammar errors).
__________________
Hoenn


FC [B2]: 0992 1015 0443
VM/PM me whenever you feel like trading/kicking my butt on a battle
Reply With Quote
  #10    
Old May 14th, 2012 (02:37 PM). Edited June 10th, 2012 by Vato.
Vato Vato is offline
This Is Our Last Goodbye
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Juarez City, Mexico
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 533
Da-da-da-dum!
Chapter III time!

Spoiler:
Chapter III
MR. FREAK

Kanto Route One… once a glorious place, filled with life… now, still as beautiful as ever, but a swarm of Foongus invaded the place. The route remains practically the same, except for three things. First, the smog, there’s a lot of it all over the route, mainly because it’s in front of Viridian City, one of the most industrious cities in the region. Second, the landscape has been modified a bit, with the path being downhill in some parts and uphill on others. And at last, the Pokémon, it is known that only Pidgey, Rattata, Sentret, Hoothoot, Poochyena and Starly inhabited the route, but several Koffing, Drifloon and Rufflet have been spotted recently.

He had been walking for around ten minutes, evading the tall grass as he headed towards a big amount of gray buildings surrounded by a deep, gray mist. He decided to just lay in the grassland, he was tired, even when he hadn’t walked a lot. His Sentret approached him and laid over his chest, cuddled up. Drew started patting Sentret’s head with his right hand.

“You are such a freak” he whispered into Sentret’s right ear, “I think I’ll call you… Mr. Freak”

And from that point on, that Sentret became known as Mr. Freak… even when it’s a female Sentret. The tall grass next to them started to shake. Sentret jumped over Drew’s chest and stood over his tail, waiting for a Pokémon to come out. A small flare came out and hit Sentret in its forehead, causing it to fall on its back.

“Ember?” Drew said, somehow he could remember how they call that move, “How…?”
The grass stopped shaking, a Torchic jumped out of the grass, falling on its feet in front of Sentret. Torchic held his head high, with his beak facing the night sky. Torchic then tried to hit Sentret with its beak, but Sentret slapped Torchic with its tail, tossing it aside. Sentret stood over its tail, awaiting for Torchic to come closer. Torchic started to run towards Sentret, preparing to hit it with its beak.

“Stop!” a female voice yelled from far away.
A girl started to approach. Her height, around three feet and a half, maybe more, but she was just as tall as Drew. Her hair was a pure black. Her skin was white, not pale, but still not tanned. She had a ponytail and she was wearing a black skirt, blue denim jeans and creamy colored flip-flops.
“Don’t hurt Heredia McDouche Johns Takaberry The Ninth!” she yelled as she became closer. Both Mr. Freak and Torchic had stopped and stared at her. Heredia ran towards the girl, she embraced her Torchic and held it high in the air with extreme joy.

“The ninth?” Drew asked, still not getting what Torchic’s name was.
“I’m a breeder… deal with it” she replied.
“…sure” Drew said, staring at the girl while she was giving her Torchic lots of smooches in its forehead. Her Torchic, desperately trying to set free of her tormenting arms.

The girl eventually dropped Torchic, who felt over its two feet, and turned around to stare at Drew.

“Jessica” said the girl while extending her right arm towards Drew
“Drew” he replied while extending his left arm. They both shake hands.

Mr. Freak and Heredia stare at each other with anger. Their trainers might become friends, but they surely wouldn’t. They both felt angry for the way Drew and Jessica were smiling at each other. It disgust them both. Drew felt happy; he had found someone that was also human. And, unlike Sentret, Jessica didn’t seem freaky at all. Jessica has small, light brown eyes and thin, black eyebrows. Her eyelashes were pretty long; you could tell she had used some sort of beauty product on them.

Conversation arose shortly after they stared at each other, with Drew asking Jessica what she was doing there. As a breeder, Jessica has to travel far and wide looking for Pokémon that can mate and give superior off springs. That way the next wave of that Pokémon will be stronger. She was currently looking for a Pokémon to mate her Stoutland with. But her Torchic (the ninth she’s breed) ran behind a Patrat and got lost.

“It’s been two days since I’ve been looking for Heredia” she added at last.
“And how did you knew it was Heredia?”
“Simple… Heredia can’t stand Sentret”

When Heredia was a newly hatched Torchic, it got teased constantly by a Furret that hanged around the farm where Jessica’s family lives. That Furret eventually got kicked out by Blaziken (literally, it used Mega Kick, so…), never to be seen again. From that moment on, Heredia grew with hatred towards Sentret and Furret.

“So… if Sentret was another Pokemon… Heredia wouldn’t have attacked it?”
“That’s right”

Conversation kept going. Jessica also enjoyed battling with her Pokemon, thing that led her to earn half of the badges of the region. She also talked about her family’s farm in Solaceon Town, and the Miltank, Rapidash and Boufallant her brother has. Her brother, Lagan, is her idol, as she learned everything she knows about breeding thanks to him. Jessica had a pink backpack, inside of which she had a Pokémon egg, a present from her parents to commemorate the day she started her journey.
“Right now I’m going to Viridian City to get my fifth badge” she finally concluded, “Want to come with me?”
“Um…”
“Come with me, then!”

Jessica pulled Drew’s right arm and took him with her towards the city. Mr. Freak and Heredia steadily trying to keep up with the duo’s steps, whiletrying to attack each other constantly.

__________________
Hoenn


FC [B2]: 0992 1015 0443
VM/PM me whenever you feel like trading/kicking my butt on a battle
Reply With Quote
  #11    
Old May 16th, 2012 (04:59 PM). Edited June 10th, 2012 by Vato.
Vato Vato is offline
This Is Our Last Goodbye
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Juarez City, Mexico
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 533
Any feedback would be great, ya' know?

Spoiler:
Chapter IV
THE iPIKA STORE

“OMFG! A car” she yelled with excitement, “OMFG! Another car!”
The excitement in Jessica was obvious. Her eyes gleamed each time she saw a building. And she said either ZOMG or OMFG with every car she saw. She was raised in a small farm, so entering a city was like entering a new world… a world with Koffing floating all around, and Trubbish scattered all around the paved streets.

“It’s just a car!” Drew told her with anger, “sheesh…ZOMFG! A Whimsi-Cola announcemet!” he ended while pointing at a big announcement with a red background, a can of the same color with a Whimsicott in it, and words that said “DRINK IT! DRINK IT NOW!” next to it.

Viridian City is the second biggest city in the region. The first one being Castelia. In the outside, it just look like a lot of skyscrapers… and pollution. Once inside, you can actually appreciate the modern, yet warm looking, architecture in each building, even when they’re all grey. The city is huge, in fact, you could easily get lost if you haven’t visited it before. The street that connects Viridian City with Route One, Route Two and Silver Hill is called Connection Rd., Connection Rd. can lead you to almost every place in the city, as it goes all around the place. In the center of the city there’s Viridian Park, a place where small Pokémon cups are held. It’s a nice place to train if you’re a rookie trainer. Across the city are scattered small battle facilities, all of them called Battle Co., they’re technically the same except that they’re eight of them, and each one requires you to have a certain amount of badges in order to enter. That’s right, one facility for one badge, another one for two badges, and so on…

Of course, like any other city, there are several companies that do something beneficent for the city where people work and earn money. For example there’s Lola and Loppuny’s Attorneys, where you can go and either request help from an attorney or join them. And there’s also places for having some fun at night, like Comedy Spot, where Elton Buzz makes everyone laugh until they die… or have a heart attack, whatever happens first. There’s obviously a hospital too, called Viridian Grace General Hospital, where both Blissey, nurses and surgeons save hundreds of lives every day of the week, because not only Pokémon need to be taken care of. And, what kind of city wouldn’t have a movie theater? We all need to watch Chuck Morris and his twenty movies. And the concert stage, a must on every city, if you like Kezha, you’ve got to go here, if you like Rebecca White… get lost. Of course, there’s also small shops, drug stores, markets and much more places, I could keep mentioning them, but it will take me forever to finish.

They were both walking around the huge crowds. There were a lot of people, some of them walking around with their Zigzagoon pets, other using their Supersmartphones (better than the regular Smartphone), while others just were trying to cross the streets, thing that was difficult with so much people all around.

After a couple of minutes of just walking around in circles. Jessica stood completely still, thing that made a lot of people behind her trip. They were all mad at her, but had to keep on walking aside as she didn’t even care about that.
“What are you doing?” said Drew while standing in front of her so that he wasn’t pushed by the crowd.
“I found it” she whispered.
“The gym?”
“Of course not, the iPika store”
“The what?”

He turned around, facing the same direction as her. The iPika store stood tall in front of them, a large glass skyscraper whose walls were completely clear, you could even see the crowd at the other side of the building from where they were. A huge door stood in front of them, even between all that noise, Drew couldn’t hear a thing, except for the small creak the glass doors made when someone opened them to enter. A beautiful sound that fitted a beautiful place. That was, with no doubt, the heaven on earth, a transparent, expensive heaven for rich people… with a white Pikachu silhouette as its logo.

Before he realized it, both of them had already entered.
He was just standing in front of the door contemplating the pikaPods, pikaPhones and pikaPads that were all around the store. While Jessica was running around like crazy taking as much things as she could carry with her hands. She might be a farm girl, but the Moo Moo milk sells pretty well, and thus, she and her family had a lot of money. But her family doesn’t like living like the rich at all, so they don’t have fancy cars or anything like that. Still, unlike her family, Jessica wants to live like a queen, wasting money like there wasn’t a tomorrow. She could purchase anything she wanted, because she knew that, if her money somehow ran out, her family wouldn’t hesitate into sending her more. Mainly since they don’t like having a lot of money, giving it away with every single chance they get.

Drew stared at her for a while, and then, he realized something.
Mr. Freak and Heredia weren’t with them

__________________
Hoenn


FC [B2]: 0992 1015 0443
VM/PM me whenever you feel like trading/kicking my butt on a battle
Reply With Quote
  #12    
Old June 18th, 2012 (03:01 PM).
Vato Vato is offline
This Is Our Last Goodbye
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Juarez City, Mexico
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 533
Let's clean the dust off this Fic with a new chapter!

Spoiler:
Chapter V
THE MISADVENTURES OF MR. FREAK AND HEREDIA

“Bloody fantastic” said Sentret with anger, “The F*** are we supposed to find them now?” For some reason Sentret spoke with a British accent, not much to Torchic’s like. Everything Heredia could hear was dudududu God Save the Queen dudududu fish and chips dudududu cup of tea.

“I can’t understand a thing of what you’re saying!” Heredia replied.
They had been walking around the city with no direction at all. They both got lost in the moment they entered with Drew and Jessica into the city. Blame it on the crowd. As for why Sentret and Heredia are speaking in English, and the reason Sentret has a British accent… well, that’s the cinema magic.

For minutes they kept walking around between the crowd, looking for their Trainers while Sentret kept saying that it was bloody fantastic… in a sarcastic way, of course.

“Look, I can’t understand anything of what you’re saying” said Heredia while they both were crossing the street, “but tell me… is that a Pokémon Gym?”

They both looked up to a blue, small and wide building with a Pokéball-like logo in it. It was Viridian City’s Pokémon Gym. Trainers from all over the region go there to fight against Commander Mercury in order to get the Earthbadge.

As for Commander Mercury, he’s a thin yet tall man, with a height of six and a half feet, maybe more. His skin is tanned; his eyes are of a light blue and, unlike the other Commanders, he wears only the bottom half of his suit, having his chest uncovered the whole time, only to show his abs. He also wears his gray and black pants as if they were Capri pants, with them being rolled up to his knees.

He specializes in water-type Pokémon, ironically giving the Earthbadge to those trainers who manage to defeat him. In his battles, he’s more likely to use his powerhouse Wailord, although he might use a weak Marill if he sees his challenger isn’t that tough. His gym match is a one-on-one battle. His gym looks like a normal building except that it’s blue and has the gym logo in front of it. Inside, it’s a small room with a pool in the middle, and a small sidewalk. The walls are of a creamy color, with several blue and pink bubbles around, along with several Qwilfish, Octillery, Mantyke, Tirtouga, Alomomola and Jellicent painted in them with blue lines and curves around them.

His pool serves as a place where his Pokemon can train to be faster, and also during battle they can use the water of the pool for Surf, Dive and Whirlpool. Mercury will also use a Psyduck if his opponent is one of an average strength, but as he learns more of what his opponents might be like, he changes his strategies, becoming less predictable.
“It is indeed” said Mr. Freak upon looking at the blue building.
“Too bad Jessica isn’t here, she would have loved to earn another badge”
“If so, then we must search far and wide non-stop in order to find them” said Mr. Freak, with a voice tone that would encourage anyone into looking for them.
“For the last time, I don’t understand a word of what you’re saying” Torchic added, “Anyways, let’s go”

Both Pokemon kept moving across the crowded streets of Viridian. Moving between people and street Growlithe and Herdier as they kept making their way over Connection Rd. Unbeknownst to them, the iPika store (along with Drew and Jessica) is located almost at the end of the Rd., where Route Two connects with the city. Despite this, they’re still at the other side of the city. It was midnight, and several Woobat and Swellow were flying over the city, heading to their nests. Mr. Freak and Heredia had to find Drew and Jessica, and soon. They kept walking, hoping they could soon find their Trainers.

Back at the iPika store, Jessica had finally finished with her shopping, spending over a million poké. It is because of filthy rich people like her that iPika sells everything with a pika in it.
“Drew” said Jessica, while heading back to Drew. She was holding four white shopping bags in each of her hands, she stood up in front of him, placed the bags she was holding with her right hand on the floor. She took a pikaPad from one of the bags she was holding with her left hand, “do you like this pikaPad?” she giggled, “I bought eleven of them”
“Haven’t you noticed the lack of something?” he asked.
“Headphones? Don’t worry; I have a bag full of them!”
“…Or somebody?”
“Steve Labors? He’s dead, hello!”
“What about Heredia?”
“Well…” she started to look around, hoping to see Heredia, without any success, “OMFG! Heredia disappeared!” she yelled.
“What about Sentret?”

Jessica remained in silence for a second.
“OMFG! Sentret disappeared!” she yelled.
“You don’t f****** say, Jessica!” Drew replied with a sarcastic tone.

They both exited the store, standing in front of it, watching the decreasing traffic and crowd around them.
“Don’t worry, Drew” said Jessica, “Heredia and Sentret will be okay”
As soon as she said this, several gunshots start to be heard not so far away, along with a cop’s siren, the sounds of several cars using their brakes, and someone yelling Apply the handbrake you fool! Followed by an explosion, several screams, and a woman yelling My baby, then another explosion and someone saying Sorry! My bad!
“After all…” she continued, “This is the safest city I’ve been to!”
Once she finished, a voice saying Give me all your money! Is heard far away, followed by a female voice saying What?! Again?! It’s the fifth time this week, and it’s only Wednesday!

“Well… maybe not” she added.
The sound of a garbage can falling is heard in the corner close to them, followed by the sound of angry Houndour, then the sound of Houndour crying, and at last, but not least, both Mr. Freak and Heredia walk happily from this corner towards them.

“OMFG! Heredia!” Jessica yelled with excitement, jumping over and over while hugging her Torchic, holding it up high. Torchic not trying to set free of her arms this time.
Mr. Freak and Drew stare at them for a while, than face each other to their eyes.

“If you try to hug me, I’ll kill you” said Drew.
Mr. Freak’s mouth widened and her face expressed how happy she was. She had finally found Drew.
“I’m tired” said Jessica, gently leaving Torchic in the floor, “Let’s go to the Pokémon Center!”
__________________
Hoenn


FC [B2]: 0992 1015 0443
VM/PM me whenever you feel like trading/kicking my butt on a battle
Reply With Quote
  #13    
Old June 21st, 2012 (11:44 AM).
Vato Vato is offline
This Is Our Last Goodbye
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Juarez City, Mexico
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 533
Err, is anyone reading this?
Spoiler:

Chapter VI
THE SURVIVORS

When Cyrus encompassed the regions, he named the result of this as Tyland, a word composed of both Tyrant and Land. Fortunately for him, Citadark Isle survived the process that the region’s history books call the encompassment. Cyrus traveled to that placed, where Cypher’s artificial fast current creator lied. By turning it on, no person or Pokémon could swim across the seas surrounding the region.

Everyone thinks that there is no human behind the borders of Tyland. But there is a place, a place far away from the Tyland region. A place… where the survivors are living at.

When the encompassment began, Team Galactic slowly started to hunt down the gym leaders and league members that still remained. Most of them perished in Team Galactic’s hands. But some of them managed to escape, outwitting the warblers and exiting Tyland.

These small group is denominated The Survivors by Team Galactic. Even when they escaped, it is thought that they will be back some day. That is the reason Cyrus and the Commanders have been training harshly, waiting for the say the survivors come back.

This island where the survivors lie was baptized as Survivor Island, this because the survivors are the only people inhabiting it. This island is quite small, and there’s actually nothing special about it. The island has a beach surrounding it, a jungle in it, and a small mountain in the middle. The survivors and their Pokémon crafted huts for them to stay at the beach. They train with the wild Tropius and other Pokémon in the jungle. And they also spar with themselves in the mountain’s peak.

All around the mountain are small gaps where there’s spring water. In here is where the survivors take baths. After all, none of them can survive without personal hygiene. Of course, they wash their clothes, mainly since the clothes they were wearing the day of the encompassment are the only ones they’ve been wearing for five years.

Sitting in the sand, there she was, still wearing her black suit. Her Lucario sitting next to her. She had already trained for six hours that day, both she and her Pokemon were exhausted, as the sun had been blazing at them while they were at the jungle. She was staring at the horizon, thinking. If only she had arrived earlier at Spear Pillar, maybe she would have stopped Cyrus…
 
She knew it wasn’t her fault, but she couldn’t stop blaming herself. If only she would have been faster… maybe she could have stop Cyrus from controlling Dialga and Palkia… or maybe she would have died.
She couldn’t stop thinking about that day, the day when Cyrus took control of Giratina. The day when the regions were encompassed. The day… when she escaped.

That day, she couldn’t stop Team Galactic. Neither could Lukas, who perished in hands of the three dragons.

Lukas… he fought bravely against them, but the three dragons… they were too strong for him. He died that day, and so did the people’s hope. When she arrived at Spear Pillar, it was too late; Cyrus had already taken control of the dragons. And Lukas… his body lied in the floor, bleeding. His Pokémon were the same way. His long time partner, Torterra, with half of the three on his back gone. His Lucario, with scratches all over him. His Togekiss, who hatched as a Togepi from an egg Cynthia gave to him in Eterna City, his wings with holes, and blood covering him. They were all the same, lying in the floor, motionless. They had all died.

She couldn’t hold her tears, but she wiped them away quickly with her right hand. I’m sorry was everything she could say, with an intermittent voice. She fought, but she lost. And she had to run away. Flying away with her Togekiss…

When she had flewn a considerable distance, she turned her head around. Cyrus laughing. The three dragons shouting with rage. Uxie, Mesprit and Azelf running away. Jupiter and Mars celebrating with joy. It was all lost, and there was only one option left… disappearing.

She flew on her Garchomp for hours, contemplating how the region slowly came together. It was a good thing her Garchomp could stay airborne for a long period of time, as they didn’t stop flying for three days straight, when the encompassment finally stopped.

After landing in a small island, Cynthia realized that a small group of trainers (mainly gym leaders) had followed her. All of these trainers are the ones that Team Galactic refers to as The Survivors. During five years, they've all been training, waiting for the right moment to go back to Tyland and bring Team Galactic down.

Cynthia stopped wondering about that, and focused on what was happening... soon they would all head silently across Birdington Garden, a place with nothing but a few grunts guarding, in contrast with the rest of Tyland, where several Admins guard the borders, stopping anyone who tries to enter (or exit) the region.

Once there, they would defeat the Grunts and head into Mistralton City to start the operation they named as Operation Go To Mistralton And Then To All The Other Cities And Take Them Away From Team Galactic's Evil Claws (O.G.T.M.A.T.T.A.T.O.C.A.T.T.A.F.T.G.E.C. for short, or... sort of short).

"Are you ready?" a voice came from behind. Cynthia and Lucario stood up, she turned around. Behind her was Lance, the dragon trainer, with one of his Dragonite next to him, Dragonite smiling as always.

"Yes" she replied, trying not to think about what happened to Lukas, "Let's go"
__________________
Hoenn


FC [B2]: 0992 1015 0443
VM/PM me whenever you feel like trading/kicking my butt on a battle
Reply With Quote
Reply
Quick Reply

Sponsored Links
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Minimum Characters Per Post: 25

Forum Jump


All times are UTC -8. The time now is 01:23 PM.