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  #1    
Old May 31st, 2012, 03:07 AM
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Haxofreak
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Location: Striaton City
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Disclaimer
Kindly note that all Pokémon and several main characters listed in this work of fiction are all trademarks of Gamefreak, Nintendo and Creatures INC. Any resemblance between the events of the fiction and the events of real life is purely co-incidental.

Rating
PG-13 for cartoon violence, reference to alcohol and minor swearing.

Prologue

N was almost regretting setting off for a journey for truth. Almost. The thing was, even though he now understood the bond with his Pokémon, Ghetsis's words still rang in his ears... "That was just a convenient lie that I needed to create Team Plasma. Use your head. What's to be gained from letting go of useful things like Pokémon? Certainly, manipulating Pokémon helps people expand their possibilities." He felt bitterly disappointed, however not completely so. He never liked Ghetsis anyway. He was currently plotting Ghetsis's defeat, his mind overwhelmed with a feeling completely alien to him. A feeling called 'anger'. "Be Calm!" said a voice in his head...

N woke up on his bedroll lazily, still tired from the previous day's excursions. A week had passed since his grand exit from Team Plasma's castle. He silently chuckled, remembering the look on Hilbert's face when he jumped onto his Zekrom back and rode off into the clouds. "Priceless" didn't even come close to describing it. His Pokémon were out as usual, all hustling about, finding some food. His first week in the wild had been tough, to say the least. Even though it was a perfect bonding opportunity with his Pokémon, it was tiring. For instance, his Zekrom practically learnt the move "Outrage", raging about, beating up herds of Pokémon, the first few days of his journey. Its ego had taken quite a thrashing, after losing to Hilbert's Reshiram. He particularly remembered a certain incident, where Zekrom was on the verge of destroying a herd of wild Audino. N had to use every ounce of his concentration to mentally commune with Zekrom.

"But boss, they called me 'macho'! I'am not a weakling like Machop!"

"It's meant as a compliment! 'Macho' doesn't mean 'Machop'!"

"Oh! Sorry boss!"

N sighed.No wonder he had made national headlines, described as a green haired boy travelling with a black dragon type Pokémon. He had tried to keep a low profile after that. Zekrom had finally gotten over such rages. It was now currently roosting up on Mt. Anthor, waiting for orders from N. After days or rigorous meditation and training, it had finally decided that it was now the best. "You just wait and see Reshiram!" Zekrom said to himself. "I'll pulverize you next time!"

His Zoroark was the one who had woken him. Being his first companion, N shared a very special bond with Zoroark. They could occasionally read each other's thoughts. N was thankful that he had somebody that he could mentally converse with, in case things got tiresome. He had spent several hours pondering about the relationship between man and Pokémon. He had finally come to a conclusion that the relationship between man and Pokémon depends on the nature of the human and the Pokémon. A devious human tends to make Pokémon unhappy. It was such a pity that N grew up against devious humans. No wonder he had fallen for Ghetsis’s “Ideals”. But all that would be dealt with in due course. Right now he needed information….
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  #2    
Old June 1st, 2012, 08:45 AM
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There's Something About Lamps
 
Join Date: May 2011
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Right now, I'm technically skipping school! Since I'm sitting at home doing absolutely nothing, I'll drop a review here.

I like N as a character. I found him to be probably the most interesting character in the Pokemon world, at least in the games. He has quite an eventful past and was manipulated, and you can't help but feel a little sorry for the guy. Even though he's practically insane until the end when you beat up his dragon. You did outline that portion of his character, so some kudos to you. However, N seems to act more childish than you seemed to interpret, such as playing with toys and having that cube chained onto his pants. I wouldn't think N would be angry with Ghetsis, since he rarely shows that kind of emotion at all. He's generally good-natured and amicable; even in the games, he acts distressed once Ghetsis reveals his true motives. N also attempts to stop Ghetsis from battling you, so distress or confusion seems to fit his personality more than anger. Or maybe that sense of defeat, which I thought was outlined in his final bits of dialogue.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Haxofreak View Post
N was almost regretting setting off for a journey for truth. ALMOST.
I'm not a fan of caps on random words in the middle of a paragraph. To me, they stick out a lot. I think it's more appropriate to use italics instead, but that is a preference thing, really. The significance of the word should be in the word itself, not in the way you make it 'fancy' or how it pops out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Haxofreak View Post
The thing was, even though he now understood the bond with his Pokémon, Ghetsis's words still ringed in his ears.....
'Ringed' is an adjective, possibly describing a person who's wearing a ring or an object shaped like a ring. It does not the action. You want to use rang. Rang is the past tense form of 'ring', which is the form that should be used here. Also, the periods seem to be excessive for an ellipse. An ellipse uses three periods (...) instead.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Haxofreak View Post
"Be Calm!" rung a voice in his head.
You would use 'rung' when it's the perfect forms of the verb. In simpler terms, use rung when you use had, have, will have, etc. Use 'rang' here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Haxofreak View Post
For instance, his Zekrom was beyond mad and out for blood in the first few days of his journey. Its ego had taken quite a thrashing, after losing to Hilbert's Reshiram. He winced, remembering the number of forests it had thrashed, seeking out any wild Pokémon daring to challenge.
'Beyond mad' isn't much of a strong description for Zekrom's rage. You might want to use different words, since 'mad' is an understatement in this case.

And I bolded the 'thrash' forms because you used them twice within the same paragraph. You want to vary your word choices when it comes to words that aren't as common. Say, if you used 'zephyr' that would stick out more than 'the.' So be picky about word choice when it comes to this, since you don't want to repeat certain words that often.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Haxofreak View Post
N was thankful that he had somebody that he could mentally converse with, it case things got tiresome.
Probably a typo, but I'm pretty sure you mean 'in' in place of 'it.' In any case, I'm not sure if that last clause (beginning with it/in) is necessary, or if it even makes sense. If things got tiresome, I'm not sure how mentally conversing helps. It's still talking, and N can already understand his Pokemon without reading their minds in the first place.

You mention that N is keeping a low profile, and I'm not entirely sure if that means N is still in Unova. If that's the case, then that's canonically incorrect since Looker tells the player that N was spotted in a distant land after all the sages are rounded up. I had to point that out.

Your prologue barely had any events going on, which is what prologues typically are – one big event that shapes the story in some way. This read more as a first chapter, because of all the info-dumping that's pummeled onto the readers. It's fact after fact. There's not even any dialogue here, either. You want your prologue to be engaging. Whether you start with N stopping Zekrom from eating a herd of Bouffalants or as he loses against Hilbert and watches Ghetsis, too, get beaten, it just has to be interesting. Hook readers and make them want to read further.

It was nice to read about N's thoughts and how they progressed from the beginning of his 'journey' to now. But it would be better if this information was displayed through a better method, such as talking with his Pokemon. There's bound to be dialogue. If I was N's Zoroark or whatever Pokemon, I'd be worried about what we'd do next. N lived his entire life believing that Pokemon are friends and people shouldn't change Pokemon. Yet, his ideals have completely changed after the game's events, and he's bound to be lost and unsure. Or at least his Pokemon think that way. Of course, this is just me rambling.

Remember to proofread for any sorts of typos. Not that it's a big deal or anything, but it's nice to read something that's practically spotless. It's less jarring to read, that's all. Just keep in mind that you don't want to press a ton of information on readers in one go. You might want to put in events to do so.
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Old June 1st, 2012, 07:53 PM
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Haxofreak
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Yeah, thanks for the review, the "it" was just a spelling mistake, I was just gonna correct it. Also, the adjectives could use a little editing as you pointed out. The ... is just a bad habit i developed in posts, i don't exactly count the dots and end up overdoing it! Also about location, it is currently unknown, from the story point of view (i'am obviously not gonna reveal where he actually is as it would be a spoiler!)Anyways, thanks again for the review, the next chapter is gonna be from Hilbert(the protagonist from black and white)'s point of view!
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Old June 7th, 2012, 01:35 AM
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Chapter: 1
A wolf in sheep’s clothing

Nuvema Town
One week ago


Hilbert woke from a deep slumber, to find the sun shining on his face. It was his first proper night in a comfortable bed for nearly a year. Those were some of the drawbacks of going on a quest for becoming the champion. Speaking of champions, he wondered briefly whether he was actually the champion. The last championship battle wasn’t exactly normal. He could hear voices from downstairs, one was his mom, the other sound he didn’t recognize, so he decided to go down and find out.
“Hi honey!” said a woman looking very much like his mom but in such a bad imitation of his mom’s voice that Hilbert was sure that this was not his mom. “You’re not my mom!” said Hilbert. “’Course I’m not” replied the woman in a man’s voice. His real mom said, “Honey, meet Mr. Looker!” Mr. Looker spun around and in a flourish; discarding a ditto wrapped around his body. The only thing Hilbert could say was “You’re a guy?!!”
Mr. Looker spoke, “I am detective Looker from the International Police. I came here to investigate the Team Plasma case.”
Hilbert said, “Oh. But they just got disbanded. The Gym Leaders captured them and took them into custody!”
“That’s what we thought, until we learnt that Ghetsis escaped, The Shadow Triad broke him out” said Looker, “All we know is that he fled off into a distant land.” Hilbert groaned. Even though he was a crazy criminal mastermind, Ghetsis really knew how to convince a crowd. He nearly did so in Unova and would have succeeded if not for Hilbert. “Don’t worry” said Looker, “We are already trying to find his location and will find him in a couple of weeks.” Hilbert wasn’t convinced. You could never tell with Ghetsis. He had managed to build a huge castle literally under the noses of the Elite Four.
“Don’t let that bother you honey” said his mother, “You have an appointment with Professor Juniper remember?” Hilbert’s face lit up at once, he was excited about the evaluation test by the professor. “Alright Ma’am, I’ll be off” said Looker, “Thanks again for the tea.” He strode out of the front door.
“Weird guy” said Hilbert, “He left his fishing rod.”
“No, honey he gave that as a gift for you.”
“Huh?” said Hilbert, “Why do I need a fishing rod?”
“Professor Juniper will explain honey” said his mom.
In ten minutes, Hilbert was ready for his day out, complete with a change of clothes, his Pokeballs, his Backpack and Pokedex. He met Cheren on the way, who was on his way to the Professor’s lab too. Hilbert sprinted ahead to catch up with him.
“So, Cheren” said Hilbert conversationally, “How many Pokemon have you captured?”
“136.”
“You’ve caught 136 Pokemon?!!!”
“Yeah, you think I’ll pass?” asked Cheren, innocently adjusting his spectacles.
“Wh…… huh…?!!” Hilbert spluttered out.
“I’m messing with ya!” said Cheren, “I’ve only caught 76.”
“Whoa! That’s a relief” said Hilbert, “I’ve caught 58.”
“Not bad” said Cheren, “Wonder how many Bianca has gotten?”
They reached the Professor’s lab, Cheren seated himself in a bench outside the lab.
“Now…” he said, matter of fact-edly, “Let’s wait for Bianca…”
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Old June 8th, 2012, 01:54 AM
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Haxofreak
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Chapter: 2
Darkness Prevails

Unknown Location
The previous night


‘So now you know, Ghetsis who escaped is a wanted man. “But where is he?” is a question which no one could answer. Perhaps he went off to a faraway region. Perhaps he is still in Unova. Perhaps he went through time. Nobody knows. But one thing seemed certain. He was waiting for revenge…’
Ghetsis chuckled to himself. He had just finished a chapter of his autobiography. He was right there, no one could see that. No one except that troublesome boy N. But all of that would be dealt with.
After about an hour, he went out for some fresh air and some work. It was 10 o’ clock in the night, so the streets were deserted. It was a full moon night, but there was no moon. Ghetsis had chosen the darkest night of the century to go about this particularly gruesome task. It of course, was a lunar eclipse, the time when darkness would be the strongest. He passed the port; his ship had been docked as inconspicuously as possible. The sea looked beautiful; maybe later he would be inspired to write poetry. He could spot a flock of Ducklett relaxing the peace and quiet. To any other person they would appear cute. But to him, they were just another group of slaves who could work for him. He spat at them, but they did not seem to notice. He walked on…
At last he reached the place. It seemed quite unremarkable, but that was what it was for. The person inside did not want to be noticed. He paused at the doorstep, pondering briefly about whether to knock or not. He decided the latter. He picked open the lock and walked in…
Suddenly, from nowhere, an Arcanine leapt at him. He flicked his hand and in a second his Hydreigon stood over the unconscious body of the Arcanine. Such was the skill with which he could control his Pokémon. He heard a switch click, and a green haired man stood before him.
“I told you already, and I will tell you again. I wouldn’t do it for all the money in the world.”
Ghetsis chuckled, a plan already formed in his devious brain. Deception, of course, was his specialty.
“Oh you wouldn’t do it for money, but you would do it for this.”
He took out a piece of parchment from his coat and showed it. The green haired man shuddered…
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Old June 9th, 2012, 03:40 AM
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Haxofreak
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Chapter 3
Revelation

Viridian Forest
Present Day


It was a beautiful morning in Viridian Forest; the sun shone through the dense cover of trees overhead and formed beautiful crisscross patterns on the ground. Several flocks of Pidgey flew out of their roost in search for their daily grub. Several groups of Rattatta were on the lookout for any unwary traveler from whom they could steal. Freshly formed Metapod cocoons glittered when the sun’s rays hit them. A few wild Pikachu were playing hide and seek among the tall trees. N smiled, this was what Pokémon deserved. This was paradise. No human had the right to take this away. Though he was having several conflicted thoughts on that particular topic…

N knew that Ghetsis had been here. He could almost smell the evil. But at the moment, no human was present. N realized that he had less than an hour before someone showed up. He had to complete his search. Wasting no time, he drew Archeops from its Pokeball. It dived at the nearest Weedle, and within seconds it was in his stomach. Archeops gave a satisfied burp.

“No time for relaxation old friend,” said N, “You must search for signs of digging.”

“Sure, boss.”

N also brought out his Excadrill and sent it to search underground. He seated himself on a fallen log and began to ponder. This was the fifth time he had been to a place to search for digging. He knew that Ghetsis had gone underground. He had been chasing his trail around for a week. It always seemed that he seemed to disappear underground wherever he went. Then the revelation struck him. Ghetsis would never leave Unova. It represented the power of human development. Then the trail he was following must have been a decoy. He was about to call his Pokémon back when Excadrill popped up before him.

“Boss, there seems to be a problem,” said Excadrill, “There is a really powerful vibration heading right towards us!”

He saw his Acheops Flying towards him with an urgent expression. ‘It’s a trap!’ He realized. Too late!

The ground beneath his Archeops seemed to explode, and then a silver metallic object hurtled toward it at top speed. Archeops had fainted before hitting the ground. From the ground emerged a drill-digger. It was a machine Ghetsis had devised for Team Plasma to help them travel around unnoticed. He heard a click, a door slid open he could see three dark silhouettes inside.

‘No! Not them!’ N pleaded to god.
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Old June 9th, 2012, 04:19 AM
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~Chloe~
 
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You have a very good concept here. Whilst the chapters were very brief, I enjoyed it. My advice would be to make some of the chapters a bit longer, by doing this you can add more detail and atmosphere for the chapters. Remember to space your work out more, so it's easier to read. You seem to be working on that in chapter three.

Hope that helps.
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Old June 10th, 2012, 03:35 AM
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Haxofreak
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@Bewbs thanks for the review, I'll keep that in mind for future chapters

-----Next Post-----

Chapter 4
Never Mess With a Legendary Hero

Viridian Forest
Present Day



The dark figures stepped out into the light, confirming N’s deep fears. All three of them had identical features; silver hair, light brown skin and faces covered in Zorro style masks. They were not very tall, a little more than five feet, but one look at them could tell you that they were a force to be reckoned with. Maybe it was his imagination, but to N, they seemed to reek of evil; the same pungent odor that he felt whilst talking to Ghetsis. They were of course the Shadow Triad, Ghetsis’s elite personal bodyguards. Little, if anything at all, was known about the Shadow Triad’s history. They were highly proficient in stealth, self-defense and Pokémon battle. They were rumored to be triplets; however nothing about their family had ever been unearthed. N’s face tensed, this was going to be a tough battle.

Their leader spoke, “Ah… master N, under different circumstances we could be friends, however, circumstances change…” his voice was soft and smooth, devoid of any emotion and showing no signs of his feelings.

“If you think I’m going to join you, think again…” he paused, “You had your chance to leave Ghetsis, but you chose to live with the traitor, so you will die with the traitor!”

The leader chuckled, finding N’s words amusing, “Very well then, En Garde!”

And N did ready himself, drawing his Zoroark and Klingklang to fight alongside his Excadrill. Each member of the Shadow Triad brought out a Mightyena. N vaguely remembered hearing about the specially trained Mightyena belonging to the Shadow Triad; though he had never seen them in battle he was pretty sure that they were an even match, if not stronger than N’s Pokémon. The next ten minutes passed in a blur, N relentlessly attacking the Triad’s Pokémon, however, the Mightyena were too fast and N soon realized that he was being toyed with. Due to his constant attacks, N’s Pokémon were getting quite tired while the Triad’s Pokémon were relatively unscathed. Then, without warning, the Mightyena lashed out at their respective opponents, swiftly crushing them. N groaned; he was outclassed.

The Shadow Triad chuckled to themselves, obviously thinking that they had won. They half expected N to break in to tears or something, but what he did was quite different. He straightened his cap, and grinned wildly.

“You do realize that I still have one Pokémon left, don’t you?”

They looked at each other, trying to figure out what N had meant. It was then when realization hit them. Their leader’s face turned white, and he looked up. A wild streak of blue and black was visible after which, there was an enormous thud and Zekrom stood before them. It snarled menacingly at the Shadow Triad. Some of the color on the leader’s face returned.

“Don’t panic!” he reassured his comrades, “There are three of us but only one of him!”

What he didn’t include in his pep talk was that the one of ‘them’ was one of the legendary dragons of Unova. Maybe he didn’t have to, just one look at the magnificent beast would send shudders down anyone’s spine. N used this moment to his advantage.

“Zekrom, Bolt Strike!”

At once, Zekrom was encased in a yellow aura of pure energy. The sheer magnitude of its force sent ripples into the air. Zekrom then charged at the Mightyena with unfathomable speed, knocking them like bowling pins. Zekrom kept charging, and hit the vehicle of the Triad, which exploded immediately. This sent the Shadow Triad flying through the air, almost comically. N allowed himself a satisfied smirk before gathering his belongings, leaping on Zekrom’s back and flew off at supersonic speeds towards Unova.
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Old June 12th, 2012, 04:36 AM
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Chapter 5
Bianca's Decision

Nuvema Town
One week ago



Hilbert and Cheren’s wait for Bianca was shorter than they’d expected. In fact, she had arrived on time, it was just that Hilbert and Cheren had arrived early.

“What took you so long?” asked Cheren out of habit.

“Well, technically, we were supposed to be here at 10, but now it is 9:50 so, I am not late am I?”

“Oh, never mind then…” said Cheren in an embarrassed tone.

The door opened up and out came Prof. Juniper, smiling brightly.

“Oh. So you’re up bright and early!”

Yes, Professor Juniper!” they chorused in a sing-song voice. Hilbert cracked up immediately.

The professor said, “Well, you all better come in!”

They walked into the nice, spacious lab. The decorations were quite pretty for a scientific laboratory. A huge picture of Professor Juniper and her father Cedric dominated the front wall. The professor seemed about as old as Hilbert, around fourteen to fifteen. Cedric, of course, had his usual jolly expression, a titanic grin on his face. Another wall was mounted by a huge LCD, with various separate smaller screens inside it. Most of them were either scientific graphs, monitoring systems of the various habitats of rare Pokémon and other confusing stuff. One of them, however, displayed her Facebook page. She quickly closed that and went straight down to business.

“So, children, I entrusted you with the task of maintaining a Pokedex nearly 2 years ago, and now is the time I evaluate your progress. Hilbert, may I have your Pokedex please?”

Hilbert handed it over, his face beaded with sweat. She passed it over a laser, which beeped and a single, large display emerged on the LCD. A picture of Hilbert was present in one corner, along with various statistical display like name, D.O.B, address, Pokémon caught, Pokémon seen, most frequently used Pokémon etc.

“Hmm… Not a bad record there Hilbert, 58 Pokémon caught, 140 seen and all 8 badges, good job!”

Hilbert nodded, relieved that he had, at the very least, passed. He took his Pokédex back.

“Next up, Cheren…”

Cheren took a quick second to readjust his glasses before confidently handing over his Pokédex. The same kind of screen popped up again.

“Hmm… 76 caught, 138 seen, 8 badges. Impressive…”

Making no further comment, she handed him his Pokédex back and paused, facing Bianca.

“Before I screen you, did you consider my offer?”

“Yes,” she said nervously, “and I accept…”

“Good, now let us see your Pokédex…”

She nervously handed it over, nearly dropping it. She screen popped up. Hilbert and Cheren stared at the screen, trying to make something out. Then the penny dropped, and so did their mouths. Wide open.

“Bianca, you’ve caught 127 Pokémon and seen 147. I’m glad to welcome you aboard as my new assistant.”

All Hilbert and Cheren could do was stare at each other in wonder.
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Old June 15th, 2012, 04:04 AM
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Haxofreak
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Chapter 6
Father

Unknown Location
The previous night



Ghetsis circled around the room, refusing the offer to sit. It always gave him more ideas. Spencer, the green haired man was seated on the couch, musing about what he could do. Here was the opportunity of his life, get the kid N and get Zekrom. But a feeling kept nagging him. There was a catch, he knew it. Finally, he got up and asked.

“I need to know who the boy is.”

“All will be revealed in time. For now let’s just say he’s your enemy.”

Spencer ground his teeth, perhaps he should reconsider, but the rewards were great, and he’d be screwed if he refused. However, he could not shake the feeling that the boy was familiar. He decided to wait, and see how things turned out. He could always flee to Kanto if things got bad. He walked to the fridge and opened it. He picked out a bottle of beer and popped it open. It was downed in seconds. Finally, relaxed, he walked over to Ghetsis.

“So, what’s the plan?”

“Ahh… I knew you’d reconsider…” Ghetsis paused, “Trust me, you won’t regret this.”

They shook hands before parting. Spencer went back to bed and Ghetsis went out the door.

Ghetsis walked down the same street again. The lunar eclipse was waning and silvery moonlight lit up the streets. It was a beautiful sight, the water sparkled. Ghetsis just smirked, all this was useless. All that mattered was power and power would soon be with him. Now that the master thief, Spencer was on his side, he would soon be unstoppable. He had dispatched the Shadow Triad to capture N, so he would be dealt with as well. Everything was in accordance to the plan, why wouldn’t it be? Ghetsis was a master of deception. He just hoped that Spencer did not recognize N. But how would he? It had nearly been a decade.

Spencer lit up his bed lamp, looking at the picture he had stolen from Ghetsis when they shook hands. There was a green haired boy atop a black dragon, only the back of his head was visible. But one doesn’t become a master thief by missing fine detail. He saw the cube dangling from the boy’s pocket. A tear rolled down his eye, as he remembered.

“Nathan…” he said softly, “My son…”
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Old July 8th, 2012, 03:49 AM
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Chapter 7
Enter N
Present Day
Airspace


N had a lot of time to ponder with nearly an hour spent in supersonic flight. He was confident that nobody could spot him, all they would see was streaks of black and blue. Zekrom was enjoying the flight. It couldn’t remember the last time it had experienced such speed. N, on the other hand was meditating, concentrating on his problems while they passed over Sinnoh. It was much harder than anyone could imagine, flying at supersonic speeds on a black dragon’s back while trying to collect his thoughts. But he managed by sheer willpower. His childhood was more complicated than that of soap opera heroes. His father was a ruthless Pokémon thief and mercenary. His mother had died just after his birth. He’d run away from home at the age of 6 with his Zorua. He was then raised in an orphanage where he only stayed for 2 years after which he ran again. By the age of 10, he had become a seasoned Pokémon trainer, his Pokémon were very close to him, and he was very good at raising them. It was at that time when Ghetsis found him and took him in. The rest was history.

Dragonspiral Tower
Present Day


Zekrom was now fast approaching Unova. They landed on Dragonspiral Tower, which was ironic as that was where they’d first met. N got off its back. It felt good to be home…

As he climbed down the steps N was fidgeting with his cube. It was the only thing he still had from his father. He was feeling stupid, Ghetsis had outsmarted him again. However, it wasn’t too late. Ghetsis would still think that the Shadow Triad had taken care of him. Now, he needed to collect his thoughts, form a plan, figure out where Ghetsis really was, get some help and save the world. Yeah, it was that simple.

He finally understood why Ghetsis was still in Unova. It was because of the collective spirit of the human race. Spirits were a common misconception. They were usually thought to be the soul of the dead and forgotten, with something to prove, usually revenge. But that was not entirely true. Spirits also existed as a collection of thoughts, as a collection of ideas. Human civilization is nothing but the collective spirit of the human race. And the center of civilization was Unova. Now he needed to find the center of the center…
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Old July 8th, 2012, 11:37 AM
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Well done again! Sorry for forgettng to review the other chapters. Review for latest chapter here.

No typos that I noticed. I'd say that the first part in the new chapter was more lik a prologue than the prologue, better late than never. N(athan) is going to the Entralink? Wouldn't he have to see Fennel first and kicksome Munna? Where'd you get the nme Hilbert from? I give my characters original names like Grey or (slightly better) Chaos. Hilbert... Only the great ME beat Bianca with the dex... 156 pokemon seen 156 pokemon caught. LOL. I assume Bianca's offer was that of Prof. Juniper's assistant. Nice to see a reference to Cedric there too! He was always MY favourite prof. It seems weird that the shadow triad even need Pokemon! I alays thought they had Alakazams for telport...

Again, the chapters could be longer... And whats it assasin is N(athan)s father? Not sure I approve. No more me jabbers for today otherwise I'd have to write anothe chapter on The Hoenn dragons. Or en worse Greys Journey.

Review you later, docowocool
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  #13    
Old July 9th, 2012, 02:44 AM
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Haxofreak
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Yeah, thanx for the review. I know N's father thing is a bit weird, but this whole story started as a conspiracy theory about N's life. So I gotta add some family right? Besides, N is not going to Entralink, think of it spiritually, not geographically. Just don't spoiler out the right (or) the wrong answer, though I'd have given more than enough spoiler for now!
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  #14    
Old July 11th, 2012, 02:49 AM
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Haxofreak
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Chapter 8
You’re on!

Pokémon League
Present Day


“Go Accelgor!”

“Go Hydreigon!”

They were both at their last Pokémon, which, ironically was their first Pokémon. A bead of sweat rolled down Alder’s neck.

“I haven’t been in a battle this intense in years!”

Hilbert grinned.

“Accelgor, use Double Team!”

“Hydreigon, use Dragon Dance!”

Both Pokémon vibrated at a speed faster than light, Hydreigon glowing with a red aura. Accelgor surrounded Hydreigon with eight holographic copies of itself. Nobody could notice the difference; it would have to be by chance. Hilbert had anticipated this move, in fact it was one of the most obvious moves Alder could have done. He had prepared a special move for this occasion.

“Hydreigon, DRAGON SPIN!”

For a moment, there was surprise on Aldler’s face, and then he regained composure. Hydreigon leapt up into the air and started spinning at high speed, spewing blue bolts of energy as it did so. One by one the holographs faded, soon none remained.

“Huh? That’s not right!” exclaimed Hilbert.

Then it hit him.

“Hydreigon, BEHIND YOU!”

It was too late. The real Accelgor shot up from behind.

“Accelgor, X-Scissor!”

The move slashed like lightning, sending Hydreigon sprawling across the arena. It lay there motionless.

“5…”

“4…”

“3…”

“2…”

“1…”

“Hydreigon is unable to battle! Accelgor wins! The victor is… ALDER!”

Hilbert stood there sullen; he had been so close to victory. Then he got up, and walked over to Hydreigon.

“Hey, you were great! Now take a good rest.”

Alder walked up to him, his face red with excitement.

“You were great! I’ve never seen someone get me into a tight spot like that ever! You’ll be a great champion one day!”

Hilbert smiled feebly, still crushed by his loss. They shook hands and Hilbert began to leave.

“Feel free to come back and challenge any time!”

He reached the exit, and headed towards the Pokémon Center. A pale, green haired teen stood in his way.

“Hilbert…” N said, “We need to talk.”
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Last edited by Haxofreak; July 12th, 2012 at 01:51 AM.
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  #15    
Old July 11th, 2012, 03:02 AM
docowocool
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Good chapter again.
Bit short and you barely understand really with all the scene changes. One error I noticed.
Quote:
“Go Accelgor!”

“Go Hydreigon!”

They were both at their last Pokémon, which, ironically was their first Pokémon. A bead of sweat rolled down Adler’s neck.

“I haven’t been in a battle this intense in years!”
I'm sure he was called Alder!

Tight corner? Intense battle? It took seconds!

Well done again! I still insist that the Entralink is in the middle!

docowocool
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  #16    
Old July 12th, 2012, 01:48 AM
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Haxofreak
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Yeah, I forgot the spelling...
Besides, this is the end of the battle, it had been going on for a long time. Both accelgor and hydreigon were tired so, it only took one good shot.
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