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  #1    
Old August 11th, 2012, 12:44 AM
Ageha1304's Avatar
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Deleted due criticism..............................
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Last edited by Ageha1304; August 11th, 2012 at 08:41 AM.
  #2    
Old August 11th, 2012, 05:57 AM
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So I'm just dropping by here with a little review...

First of all, your title is incorrectly capitalized as 'adventure' is a noun and is a rather important word in the title.

Second, your story is hard to read because of the formatting and pictures. The pictures are highly distracting, and my mind isn't focused enough to begin with, so taking them out will be better. They don't add anything to the story, so there is practically no point in putting them in there. Another formatting issue is that you use dashes for dialogue, when usually we use quotation marks here. If you have no idea how to properly use quotation marks, I'll provide an example:
Quote:
"What was that?" Sam asked a bit frightened.
It shouldn't be too hard to figure out. If you still don't understand how to write dialogue with quotations, then you can read a novel that uses them, Google it, or check out the Writer's Resources in the Writer's Lounge of the forum.

And from the looks of things, your story is dialogue heavy, including the battle, which is never a good thing. You need a bit more description in there, or else readers won't be able to tell what's going on. Again, the Writer's Resources thread should help you out tremendously in this aspect.

Other than that, I can't say much as I'm distracted at the moment and can't fully read through your story. But a change of formatting is a necessity at this point. Good luck!
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  #3    
Old August 11th, 2012, 06:39 AM
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If you don't like it don't read it!
On top of that quotations are used to show person's thoughts, but this "-" is meant to show the exact dialogue. Also it's not my fault you cannot read it properly, those with poor language knowledge will indeed find this hard to read.
Also note this first time writing pokemon fiction so obviously battles are not yet very detailed.
And I do not indeed to change any formating. If people find this hard to read, don't read it, I'm not forcing anyone. I'm writing this for my own enjoyment and to gain some more experience in writing before I start writing something real serious.
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  #4    
Old August 11th, 2012, 08:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ageha1304 View Post
If you don't like it don't read it!
You're taking that out of context. Originally, that was directed towards fics centered around mature themes that people generally wouldn't appreciate, like yaoi, which is homosexual relationships. Then it would be appropriate to say so. My review wasn't directed to the content of the story, but rather the formatting, which is pretty damn objective if I say so myself.

You posted your story on the internet, where people worldwide can read your story. That also means your subject to their feedback, opinions, and most importantly, criticism. I'm simply offering tips so that you can improve as a writer. You're ignoring that as a writer, you should be able to convey your thoughts with some coherence and lucidity. It's important to take readers into account when you write. If you have the room to improve, why not take up that room?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ageha1304 View Post
On top of that quotations are used to show person's thoughts, but this "-" is meant to show the exact dialogue. Also it's not my fault you cannot read it properly, those with poor language knowledge will indeed find this hard to read.
No, quotations are not only used to show a person's thoughts. I know that the dashes are meant to display dialogue, but quotation marks are standard practice. Dashes are usually used from translations or James Joyce, but other than that, they have no purpose. Using dashes for dialogue for the sake of using them without a real reason is like whizzing in the wind. If you choose to break standard, then have a legitimate reason to do so. On top of that, dashes are more intrusive upon the readers, most of which who are familiar with quotation marks. (And again, ignoring the readers means you're ignoring your audience. If you continue ignoring them, they won't bother reading.)

And I can read it, but my point is that the pictures, combined with the weird spacing between lines with the pictures in place, is distracting when I read. This isn't just an observation either; it's a fact. There are reasons why authors don't stick in pictures in their novels. Your writing should be painting the picture for readers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ageha1304 View Post
Also note this first time writing pokemon fiction so obviously battles are not yet very detailed.
Just because it's your first time doesn't mean you don't have to try.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ageha1304 View Post
And I do not indeed to change any formating. If people find this hard to read, don't read it, I'm not forcing anyone. I'm writing this for my own enjoyment and to gain some more experience in writing before I start writing something real serious.
There should be spaces between paragraphs, as this is a forum that doesn't allow indentions to show up. Your story, at the moment, is a huge block of text with character artwork sprayed on top.
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  #5    
Old August 11th, 2012, 08:36 AM
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Everything that psyanic said is true, you have to use quotation marks to signify speech. In your reply to psyanic you stated that you use "-" to show exact speech which is the duty of quotation marks. What you are using is called a hyphen. A hyphen is used to join the parts of some compound words or to separate parts of a compound modifier. So you really do have to replace the hyphens with quotation marks.

Quote:
Also it's not my fault you cannot read it properly, those with poor language knowledge will indeed find this hard to read.
Just want to address this offensive statement, you insult this kind and knowledgeable person who spent quite a few minutes reading and reviewing your story to help you out. Now, sorry if this comes out rather offensive it's the truth and the truth can hurt sometimes: Why do you point out non-existent flaws in a person who attempts to help you with a statement that reflects yourself? You stated that psyanic has poor language knowledge, but is he not the person who knows what a quotation marks is used for?

One last thing, why do you get so defensive when a person points flaws in you? If you really want to improve then you should listen to their feedback with an open mind. Acknowledge what you did is wrong and try to fix it next time.
  #6    
Old August 11th, 2012, 08:44 AM
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I am right about quotations, my granma told me that "-" indicates dialogue said out loud and quotes indicate thoughts.

Anyways, deleted fiction. If it's not appreciated, I don't do it.
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  #7    
Old August 11th, 2012, 08:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ageha1304 View Post
I am right about quotations, my granma told me that "-" indicates dialogue said out loud and quotes indicate thoughts.
Erm, no, that's actually wrong. I think I've already explained this, so how about a little experiment. Click on any of the other stories on this forum and check out the dialogue. If they have the hyphens instead of quotation marks for dialogue, I'll eat my hat.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ageha1304 View Post
Anyways, deleted fiction. If it's not appreciated, I don't do it.
I thought you were writing something as a stepping stone to something else more serious. It's fine if you delete your fic, but it's important to remember that there will always be criticism to whatever you write, even if it's completely brilliant and virtually flawless.
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  #8    
Old August 11th, 2012, 08:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ageha1304 View Post
I am right about quotations, my granma told me that "-" indicates dialogue said out loud and quotes indicate thoughts.

Anyways, deleted fiction. If it's not appreciated, I don't do it.

Ugh, don't write for other people then. Write for yourself. If you don't want your writing to be read by others don't post it. What bothers me even more is that you insult, when your POV is unjustifed. You deleted your fiction, so now I can't read it. Don't do that, ever. Stop wasting people's time with your bs.

Now you really pissed me off. You best apologize son.
  #9    
Old August 11th, 2012, 08:52 AM
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Just because your grandmother told you that hyphens are used to show exact words doesn't mean it's true. Everyone around the world knows that quotation marks show exact quotation.

Anyways the act of deleting your story is rather childish, especially due to the fact that you deleted the story due to criticism. The criticism given was hardly offensive, all you had to do was adapt to the knowledge give to you. If you don't do that how do you expect to become a better writer? Live and Learn.
  #10    
Old August 11th, 2012, 08:54 AM
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I don't write guiding from fan fictions. I write guiding from real books. Checked my granma's books, few other authors books and they wrote in same style.

If my work is not appreciated and simply rudely criticized of how bad it is, then I'm not going to ruin my nerves of writing it.
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  #11    
Old August 11th, 2012, 08:59 AM
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Go to a library pick up a book flip through the pages and tell me that they use hyphens instead of quotation marks. All great writers such as Earnest Hemmingway and Leo Tolstoy use quotation marks. Claiming that the books your grandmother has use hyphens to signify speech is foolish.

Last edited by Infiltrat0rN7; August 11th, 2012 at 09:01 AM. Reason: Missed something
  #12    
Old August 11th, 2012, 09:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ageha1304 View Post
I don't write guiding from fan fictions. I write guiding from real books. Checked my granma's books, few other authors books and they wrote in same style.
Then those books must be old or Spanish. Spanish books, for some reason, use em dashes for dialogue. But you should acknowledge that in modern literature, quotations marks are used instead of dashes. Like I said before, if you have no real reason to use dashes other than that's what you're used to, then use quotation marks.

And no, that's not just fan fictions. Read something like The Grapes of Wrath or To Kill a Mockingbird, both illustrating quotation marks used. I was simply proposing an experiment of some sort. Might I ask what books you looked in?
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  #13    
Old August 11th, 2012, 09:02 AM
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Does it really matter whenever I use quotations or not?! Seriously, people, it's not like text suddenly unreadable just because I use "-" for dialogue instead of " "

Could some moderator, please delete this topic. This is now just useless pile of spam.
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  #14    
Old August 11th, 2012, 09:07 AM
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Spam How so?

Yes, it does matter if you decide on using hyphens instead of quotation marks you're doing it wrong. Go use hyphens to replace quotation marks at school and watch as your teachers don't care and proceed to give you full marks.

WHAT IF WE'VE ALL BEEN TROLLED?

Last edited by Infiltrat0rN7; August 11th, 2012 at 09:09 AM. Reason: Epiphany
  #15    
Old August 11th, 2012, 09:09 AM
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Doesn't matter, not writing anymore. Even if I am, definitely not posting it anymore.
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  #16    
Old August 11th, 2012, 10:23 AM
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If you post a 'fic on the 'Net, you should always be able to accept criticism. And before you reply to an argument, you must always check if your facts are correct. My family bloodline is half-Filipino and half-Spanish, and even Jose Rizal's El Filibusterismo has quotation marks instead of hypens.
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  #17    
Old August 11th, 2012, 12:10 PM
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Holy poo poo.

Quote:
Even if I am, definitely not posting it anymore.
Okay. Seeing as how your response is to insult anyone who has advice to help you improve, that might be for the best.
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