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  #76    
Old August 13th, 2012, 10:12 AM
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Zagan
King of Demons
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: UK
Age: 25
Gender: Male
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Ok, fair enough, that I can understand, and dont worry about it, phones are not the best thing to surf the web on unless its got a huge screen

with the exposed spine thing, I was going to work on that one IC and there is a reason which would come out during the plot, one thing which i meant to add was that only parts of his spine are exposed, rather then the whole thing (like the 'spikes' are poking through or maybe one or two sections are exposed, rather then him just not having any skin over his entire spine, as for the clothes thing, i wasnt 100% sure on what the clothes theme was in the SS, there are not many 'wholes' shown during the manga (well compared to where most of the action takes place) I do have another character i have been working on (but he is a substitute soul reaper) if you would rather see that?
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  #77    
Old August 13th, 2012, 10:27 AM
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Zero Darkness
The Cripple Who Is Whole
 
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Ok, so for all the new characters, you will be a recruits recruited earilier than the others, BUT, we still didn`t trained you, you just waited in Soul Society `casue Sasuke felt that there is more High Reitsu beings around, thus he searched for them so Squad Zero will be stronger.

So all the new guys, you will join the plot in the second chapter [not too long, if things will go as planned]
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"It's meaningless to just live, it's meaningless to just fight. I want to win!" -Ichigo Kurosaki, Bleach-
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  #78    
Old August 13th, 2012, 10:34 AM
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Zagan
King of Demons
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: UK
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Nature: Quirky
One thing I will hold my hands up to, I do have a hard time trying to show my writing style in SU's looking back at some of my other characters on other forums, my proof is is in the eating as they say lol Any Advice Zero?
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  #79    
Old August 13th, 2012, 01:09 PM
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Tuxedo Clank
So laid back he is horizontal
 
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In addition to other problems I wiped my hard drive so I also lost my old character so I was thinking a completely new SU with an ******* character instead. What do you think?
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  #80    
Old August 13th, 2012, 03:49 PM
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Stingray
This armor... I hate it
 
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I'm planning to give this RP a shot... Working on my SU now.
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  #81    
Old August 13th, 2012, 05:29 PM
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@ Zero: Always thinking ahead, aren't you? :3 I like the idea.

@ Tuxedo Clank: You seem to just be having some major bad luck. I don't know what the censored word is, but a completely new character may provide you with a little extra practice.

@ Stingray: Glad to see interest!

@ Mr. Zagan: Just like Zero said, the new characters (once accepted) will be new recruits with no knowledge of the "Shinigami way." With that said, no Substitutes.

Moving on, your current SU still has part that need criticizing. I told you about appearance so we'll start with personality. First off, I like the ways that you separated it, but what you have is rather... Eh... When I read it, it's like it's not a personality, ya know? Cool, he uses his wit and such but does that mean he a nice person? Is he antisocial? I don't know! Also, physical strength doesn't really have anything to do with personality. :/

Also while two specialties aren't too much, they need to related! How is defense magic and hand-to-hand combat connected? They're not.

Onto history, well, your character doesn't have much. :/ You see history books and they are filled with (nearly) everything. Don't necessarily make it huge but do expand on it. The sealed form of your Zanpakuto is also a bit, how should I put it... Overdone? Remember it's only the sealed form so it's really only going to look like a regular katana or even a trick cane, not an alternate dimension.

Grammar is next and well, you don't have much of it unfortunately. We're a pretty laid back RP though, so spelling doesn't really matter as long as it's close, but you do need to use punctuation correctly! For one, every paragraph you have is only one sentence because you're using commas instead of periods. Why?

Sorry if I'm sounding a bit mean though. I am merely trying to help you, . If you have any questions feel free to ask.

@ Jack, Reader, and Zero: I'll have my post up soon. If you'd like me to move faster, which you probably do, just notify me.
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Last edited by The Last Sentinel; August 13th, 2012 at 09:28 PM.
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  #82    
Old August 13th, 2012, 07:50 PM
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Stingray
This armor... I hate it
 
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Here is my SU... not sure what I even think of it... not perfect... not sure if its even good in my opinion...

(personality I had issues with so its long and I HOPE it relays his personality/views)

Spoiler:


Name: Alaric Harper
Height: 6 feet 1 inch
Weight: 195
Gender: Male
Race: Whole
Age: 29

Appearance:

Clothing: He usually wears a black business suit with the top button of the light grey undershirt undone and no tie. The outer jacket is buttoned up a majority of the time. To complete the professional look Alaric wears a nice set of black dress pants and shoes.

Physical: Alaric has a slightly muscular body, and, while looking fit, he doesn't look very threatening. His work out routine focuses more on endurance and to maintain a fit and sharp appearance than to build plenty of mass. His facial features are chiseled yet still refined, which many described as handsome. His face helped build on his professional yet tougher personality that defined him to others. His eyes are an icy blue that can be both cold or enchanting to look at depending on your view, and he has blond hair that is bordering on being a light brown. Overall his skin tone is slightly tanned giving him a good complexion. In life his appearance was a tailored to be attractive yet still allowing him to be intimidating for his job. He retained these looks when coming to the Soul Society.

In the middle of his upper chest he has a symbol of an eye surrounded in flames. When his top button of his undershirt is undone you can just see the tip of the flames poking out from the bottom of the V made by his unbuttoned shirt.

Personality:

Alaric always has a confident air about him, and never seems to lose his cool. He has a calculating mind that he prefers to use over brawn. He prefers to outwit and outmaneuver an opponent than straight up beat them. He enjoys the challenge of trying to manipulate those around him to his objectives. He joined the world of politics until he was recruited by a secret society, whose ranks he quickly climbed through.

Around others he tends to be professional yet straight forward. If he is being overly polite or cold to someone he is likely up to something. He is almost impossible to enrage. An issue with this personality is that he is rather dull as an individual and as such has no true friends, just coworkers or those who work for him.

The reason for his recruitment was that Alaric was an idealist, not a power seeker. He had no use for climbing to the top of the social or power ladder, but and instead he focused his influence and skills to support of ideals. Many of his ideals focus on the advancement of humanity. Technology in his mind is a form of evolution for humanity and thus they must pursue it, but of course with caution. Also he believes in a balance of power within the world, which was the goal of the organization he was a part of. Only with the right balance can humanity properly move toward a better future. Without this balance, humanity would either stagnate or propel itself rapidly into chaos and self destruction.

After dying and coming to the soul society Alaric quickly established himself as an outsider, he disliked the highly traditional and “backwards” styling of the Soul Society. Instead of adopting the traditional dress of the many people of the Soul Society he instead wore a suit like he had back when living. Despite the unwanted attention this often brought him he continued to wear his abnormal clothing.

The Gyaku-gun were a curiosity for Alaric at first as he heard about them, but this curiosity quickly turned to distain as he saw them as nothing but visionless power seekers, who only want to dominate and control. He has now decided to focus his efforts on destroying such beasts.

When fighting Alaric loves the tactical approach followed by a quick kill. In he will try to manipulate the enemy and the battlefield itself until that perfect moment where he can deliver a single deadly blow. He will try to do this in a manner where the enemy doesn’t realize what Alaric is doing until after he has dealt a fatal blow. This type of fighting often makes lends to Alaric trying to study the enemy and the battlefield before committing to the fight making him seem like a passive observer.

Due to his fascination and views on technology Alaric loves to tinker, modify and even invent things. However this is more of a hobby or passion than anything else.

Shinigami Specialty: Kido, with a high focus in Bakudo. He will try to learn how to stack “inactive” Bakudos on an opponent. Then suddenly use them all at once to ensnare the target with multiple ones all at once giving him that perfect opening to deal a deadly blow.

History:

His past life as a living human is of little importance now, but he was a in a worldwide secret organization that hid in the shadows and influenced history from them. As a new member he was used as both a watcher for “important pieces of the puzzle” and every once in a while a hitman to “remove a cancer.” However he moved up to a more influential role before his death. This role was to help manipulate “key players” or “pieces” into place. He was killed in Japan while on a tasking there, and ended up in the Soul Society soon after his death.

In the soul society he was a no one at first, but this allowed him to fade into the shadows. A year after his arrival the biggest gangs in the more violent districts began to war with each other. Shinigami were sent to stop the fighting resulting in the destruction of many of the gangs. A few months later the power vacuum left by the violent and controlling gangs were filled. However these new powers were more focused on improving life than destroying and dominating it. Alaric had engineered the wars and had had been the puppet master behind the new leaders who replaced them. These actions and his ever growing spiritual pressure caught the attention of the Soul Society, who invited him to join in the Soul Reaper academy.

Alaric rejected to join the academy to continue his work in the Rukongai. This caused most soul reapers to look down on Alaric. However this decision might have spared Alaric from the Gyaku-gun, as they began to hunt the Soul Reapers.

The appearance of Gyaku-gun perked Alaric’s interest. Discovering the truth about what they did to soul refocused Alaric’s studies into them. He began to try to discover everything he could on how they fought and their strengths and weaknesses so he could plot their destruction. Despite his best efforts and his few connections he couldn’t discover anything useful other than what they were called. This didn’t stop Alaric from trying to learning as much as he could about this mysterious threat. He wouldn’t give up on his crusade to stop the Gyaku-gun.

Zanpakuto:

Name: Unknown

Sealed form: His Zanpakuto in sealed form is a katana that has an above average length (around a foot and a half longer than a normally sized katana) with an overall thinner blade to reduce weigh. Its hilt is wrapped in a simple black and its guard is a square attached to the handle by a metal piece from the inside of each corner.

Spirit Appearance: Unseen

Type: unknown

Release Command: Not learned

Shikai: Not learned

Bankai: Definitely not learned yet

Recommendations: Ideas on appearance are a more “advance” technology wise weapon (maybe a gun blade like Lightning’s from FF13 would be cool), or if you want more traditional weapon a more European blade design. Ability wise could either go with something that manipulates the enemy or battlefield, or a powerful quick kill move (like Sui-Feng’s Suzumebachi or Gin’s Kamishini no Yari) that is a little difficult to pull off (requiring him to set up his victim for the kill). Maybe a mix of both abilities with the Bankai adding the second or something along those lines.


Ok tried to be a little unique so he would be a unique personality for a Bleach character… MIGHT have gone too far, but worth a shot.

Last edited by Stingray; August 14th, 2012 at 02:32 PM.
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  #83    
Old August 13th, 2012, 09:40 PM
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Well done Stingray. Your SU looks pretty good right now and I especially like how you made a reason to keep the outfit he wore in the World of the Living. As I told Zagan before, most wounds are healed almost completely after the entrance into the Soul Society, though I'm sure both Zero and I will be fine with scars.

Again, as I had told Zagan, I do have some problems with your grammar but this RP isn't too strict about it. After all, we're only here for fun and to become better writers. One question though, are you done with history? It seems like a word is missing. (I assume it's Inverse or Gyaku-Gun) For now, you are Pending in my book until you fix that. I'm sure Zero may have something to say as well.

@ Zagan: Now that I think about it, you could keep your original attire as long as you supply us with a reason. Also, while I'm still partial on the spine injury, I will allow it to an extent. Just make it all scarred up instead of open wounds and maybe make it weaker then most spines.
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  #84    
Old August 13th, 2012, 10:24 PM
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Zagan
King of Demons
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: UK
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Nature: Quirky
Ok, im trying to work on it to make it better, and the actual zanpactou idea was not meant to cut into alternate dimentions, it was the sheath itself that was a small pocket dimention, or could be worked to be some sort of kido barrier to make it look as such?

and fair enough, so u dont want any spine exposed at all?

As to reason for his attire, what would be reasonable?
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  #85    
Old August 14th, 2012, 12:34 AM
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Zero Darkness
The Cripple Who Is Whole
 
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Hey guys, so I like that there are more people in the RP, and I forget to add this to the SU section, but we add a part in the Zanpakuto that is your Inner World, you can modify it as much as you like, the basic idea is a world with laws of his own and changing enviorment due to the mood of the person.

Exmp: Ichigo`s inner world is skyrskrappers and the gravity is to the side [you walk on the walls], when Ichigo is sad/desparate/etc there is rain in his world, when he is very sad/etc his inner world sink into the ocean.

Watchman: Let`s end the first chapter so the others will join as soon as possible!

And Stingray: I think I got the best Zanpakuto for you, a few days ago I doodled a giant claymore, I`ll upload it and color it a bit in gimp [hopefully everyone will get a doodle of their shikai and maybe bankai].



And finally: Who want a Light Saber? Not really, it will be over powered.
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"It's meaningless to just live, it's meaningless to just fight. I want to win!" -Ichigo Kurosaki, Bleach-
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  #86    
Old August 14th, 2012, 12:48 AM
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Zagan
King of Demons
 
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Age: 25
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Ok, I have been working on the SU and I hope this is up to standards

Spoiler:
General

Name: Itsuki Saru
Height: 180 CM
Weight: 150 Lbs
Gender: Male
Race: Whole
Age Appearance: Late teens, maybe 20 at a push

Appearance

Clothing: Black Bandana, sun glasses (akin to what morpheus has) Lime green waist coat with a red/black t-shirt (the sleeves are shredded as if clawed and is adorned with a image of a wolf man with wings) Orange Jeans and Dr Martin boots. The reason he still has his real world clothes rather than the normal attire of a whole because he wishes to keep his status as a borderline outsider and so he was somehow able to keep his real world clothes with him as he passed on.
Physical: Muscle bound (note, great physical strength), with several tattoos (which he aquired in life) that are tribal in looks (and are plain black) and a large pair of wings which cover most of his back and look as if they are folded over his chest. This larger tattoo is his main feature and is coloured to look like hawk wings

Personality
While not the most social person to have ever existed, Itsuki is what he would describe as an observer, a slight outsider of the social scene standing on the borders of being an outsider. He is able to get what he needs from anyone, being able to guess accurately what would need to be said in order to provoke a certain reaction or to gain co-operation from the person he is talking to, but over all society would label him antisocial but over all a nice person, never really using his skills for malicious purposes; as this goes against his ethics of being a pacifist.
Strengths
His only strength in life was his wit, more specifically he had a certain way with words, able to make people believe things that might not be true or getting people to do what he wanted (or even give a certain reaction) his power over words and the affect they have.

Weaknesses
His beliefs are a weakness of sorts; he is a pacifist and does not believe in starting a confrontation or any form of combat. Other than that his other key weakness as a whole is that his spin is partially exposed (the entire spine is not exposed, rather the ‘spikes’ of the spine have punctured his skin and an area at the base of the spine is fully exposed, about 10 cm above the base of the spine) (this is related to his death.)So if anyone is able or is heading towards a back attack, he becomes more panicky and irrational to try and protect his back wounds from being his down fall in a fight.

beliefs
As mentioned, he is a pacifist (may have something to do with specility with Bakudo) but if he is forced in to a combat by someone elses actions, he will do all in his power to finish it

Shinigami Specialty: Bakudo / Hakunda (ill get rid of one if this is too much)
Itsuki lends himself to the arts of Bakudo because as a pacifist he prefers to protect then to destroy and through the art of Bakudo he is able to create protective barriers and stop enemies without hurting them or outright killing them.

While on the other hand, his abilities in Hakunda derive from his physical strength he had in life, which was carried over and intensified.
History
In life, Itsuki was an average every day kind of person; well with an interest in body building and flight. Not in planes or other machines, but dreamt of flying with wings, which explains the wing tattoos. While the other tattoos that adorn him are that of tribal markings; there is no particular reason beyond the fact he liked the look of them at the time. He worked a part time job at a local store; it was enough to pay for the basics, but not much more than that.
Before death, Itsuki had always seen strange masking ‘things’ with holes in their chests – and other strange sights such as people in black kimono’s carrying swords of different types and lengths fighting the aforementioned masked ‘things’ which he never understood until he died.
One day, as he was walking home from work, a large masked ‘thing’ stood before Itsukui and attacked before the young man could understand what was going on, all he saw of the mask before he woke up in the afterlife was that it had long, sharp tusks protruding from its lower jaw. His death was quick yet painful, what he remembers of his death, Itsuki knows that the thing tore off chunks of his flesh, at the time exposing his spine before he died from bleeding out.
After his horrific hollow attack related death, in which part of his flesh was eaten (read: eaten right off him rather than torn off an eaten) which has caused a number horrid scars across his back, and making his spiritual spine a lot weaker and prone to attacks then other wholes and shinigami.
For being in what passed for the afterlife, it was strange that Itsuki felt hunger, and it was not until he had almost died (again, lol) of hunger did someone take him in and helped him back to 'health' this person wore a black kimono with a white undergarment, he explained why he had passed out from hunger and told him that it would be in his best interest to become a soul reaper, which Itsuki at the time laughed off, and left the woman’s house, trying to make sense of things...

Zanpakuto

[Like in the real Bleach universe, the Soul Reapers don`t know what the Shikai or Bankai forms of their Zanpakuto will be or even their names. We want the same to go here. You can only choose how it will look in its sealed form and recommend what you would like it to be. We, the GMs, will look at this as well as your character's style and create your Shikai and Bankai.]

Name: GM fill

Sealed form: Takes on the form of a Nodachi with a cross guard shaped and coloured like that of Hawk wings, the hilt is 32 CM long, a mix of orange and lime green tribal pattern on it. the sheath would either be made of feathers that would dissipate when drawn and reform once the sword is placed back,

No idea at the present about what the inner world would be like, it depends for me, on what the GMs decide would be a suitable Zanpackuto for my character

Spirit Appearance: GM fill

Type: GM fill

Release Command: GM fill

Shikai: something relating to flight or mind control

Bankai: related somehow to the shikai but bigger and more intimidating, maybe sort of a fused form?)
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  #87    
Old August 14th, 2012, 02:48 AM
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Zero Darkness
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I know that Watchman said that mispelling is minor, but please run you posts and SUs on a program that check Grammer [I use word]. And there are some words that are not English[japanease] with mistakes [this is even a greater sin for me], Hakuda, Zanpakuto, Kido, Bakudo, Hado, Soul Reaper [Shinigami, but we will use the english version], Gyaku-gun, Shikai, Bankai, Hoho, Shunpo[we call it Flash Step here], and many more.

This is kinda important to me, `cause since I came to this kind of things, I always tried my best to write right, I want for your best, and for me it`s a great fun to try my best.
If you do it, do the best you can, right?

Sorry if I was to harsh, but it`s just a thing in my mind I can`t leave open, I correct anyone almost everytime, even my friends.


And Zagan, your Inner World is basiclly not connected to the Zanpakuto Spirit, it is only his "home" but the spirit doesn`t effect the look of it. Go with your imagination, we left this part to you for a reason.
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"There are two types of fights. Whenever we are in battle, we must be one of the two. The fight for life or…the fight for pride! Right now…He is fighting for his pride! His wife’s pride…his men's pride…Most importantly…his own personal pride. Dismiss this as his stubbornness…and let him fight alone like this…" -Jushiro Ukitake, Bleach-

"It's meaningless to just live, it's meaningless to just fight. I want to win!" -Ichigo Kurosaki, Bleach-
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  #88    
Old August 14th, 2012, 08:03 AM
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Zagan
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Ok, That I understand Zero - but the reason ive left it blank is that i have a tendency with my bleach characters to make the inner world related somehow to the Zanpakuto spirit in someway, so until i know that, i dont really have any ideas for my inner world atm and anything else i need to edit or add to?

EDIT: when i say mind control for an idea for my Zanpakuto i dont mind if its another form of mind manipulation, something like illusions/ hypnosis (akin to Aizan) or sense alteration (like Shinji) or anything else that alters perceptions
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  #89    
Old August 14th, 2012, 09:16 AM
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Ok, I think we'll leave the Inner world til after your Shikai if you really want but being thinking about one before then, ok?

Also, while a Kido barrier is technically capable of happening, it really only creates a disguise. An example being Genryusai Yamamoto's cane/sword.

I will say that you may be able to do something like that later, but not for a brand new Soul Reaper. It is also best to merely make your spine somewhat weaker instead of exposed. I'm saying this because it helps us be somewhat more canon, even if we're a fanon, xD.

Anyways, you've done a lot better on your SU! It still seems that you seemed to list on appearance though. For now, you are Pending.

If you don't think that you can express your writing style in the SU, could you send me a Roleplay Sample through PM. Just write a short story or take something you already have and send it to me.
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  #90    
Old August 14th, 2012, 09:29 AM
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Zagan
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Fair enough, ill get working on a sample - and what i was thinking was like based more on Hacchi rather then Noba (the former actaully able to make his zanpakuto dissapear in one of those orange barriers of his, but to a lesser degree)

and ok, i changed the spine thing
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  #91    
Old August 14th, 2012, 02:00 PM
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Zero Darkness
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I think that for a just recruited Soul Reaper, you won`t be able to use Kido in the way to hide something, not to talk about your Zanpakuto, don`t forget that hachi is a former lieutenant of the Kido corps, Kiske is master in Kido and so is Yamamoto, all of them are very very good in Kido so they able to do such a thing. Just make it normal, maybe after you will be able to do that.
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"There are two types of fights. Whenever we are in battle, we must be one of the two. The fight for life or…the fight for pride! Right now…He is fighting for his pride! His wife’s pride…his men's pride…Most importantly…his own personal pride. Dismiss this as his stubbornness…and let him fight alone like this…" -Jushiro Ukitake, Bleach-

"It's meaningless to just live, it's meaningless to just fight. I want to win!" -Ichigo Kurosaki, Bleach-
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  #92    
Old August 14th, 2012, 02:34 PM
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Stingray
This armor... I hate it
 
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Ok fixed the mistake looks like I lost focus to work on another part of the SU or a bad copy paste from MSWord. Grammar... never been my strong point. You should see how things look before a do a quick proof read (I tried to fix a little but not all of it).

That is why my degree is in Math... never could do well in English.
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  #93    
Old August 14th, 2012, 04:03 PM
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Well either way, Zero and I have decided that you both are ACCEPTED!

We'll get you two, and Tuxedo if he's accepted, introduced in the second chapter.
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  #94    
Old August 14th, 2012, 09:25 PM
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Zagan
King of Demons
 
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Age: 25
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Cool beans, I might edit the sheath idea depending on what my Zanpakuto turns out to be but i was just throwing random ideas out (kinda forgot the being a new recruit bit but yeah, it will be interesting for sure)
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  #95    
Old August 15th, 2012, 03:38 AM
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Tuxedo Clank
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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I haven't had access to my computer for more than about 5 mins in the past few days so no SU yet. I should have most of it done for later tonight (English time). I might be able to do some basic concepts at the office in a notebook.

BTW Watchman, the hard drive wipe was my idea and kind of stemmed from my Uni problems. Not exactly bad luck, more calculated decision.

Edit: I have had a change of plans and as such it caused a bit of delays. I thought a character with multiple personality disorder would be interesting. If you have any objections let me know.
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Last edited by Tuxedo Clank; August 16th, 2012 at 10:15 AM.
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Old August 16th, 2012, 07:30 PM
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Zero Darkness
The Cripple Who Is Whole
 
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It can be intersting, but very hard to follow and control, it is also depands on how the disorder effect it, if he will remeber or will not remeber what happend in his other personality, and if he can somehow know when he gonna change his personality and etc.

I really think that this idea will not blend good with this RP, it is really hard to tell how it will effect it because it depends on many things, how differant the personalitys are? How it will change? How much time he ussualy spends in each persona?

What I can suggest you, if you want this kind of thing, is that he will have a single personallity but sometimes, in a very restricted situations he will became a differant person, with almost a completely differant persona.

I would take a base objective that will be in both of them, the diffrence will how they accomplish it. For exmaple, Ichigo`s objective is to protect his people he care about, let`s say that this is also the objective of your character. In his default persona he will try to protect them with as much as less damage, keeping them safe and staying out of risk. But when he get`s fustrated by not be able to acomplish this goal, his persona is changed, he will take all the risks and will do dangerous things without thinking, in impulsive.

Think about that example.
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