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  #1    
Old September 26th, 2012, 06:16 PM
GardevoirxGalladeForever's Avatar
GardevoirxGalladeForever
Unhatched Egg
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Distortion World
Gender: Female
Nature: Quiet

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This is a [unfinished] story about a 10 year old girl who's a bit...diferrent.

Intro:
Name: Spectra
Age: 10
Pokemon: Misdreavus, Riolu, Houndour, Ralts, Giratina (Don't ask...you'll find out later.)
Summary
I...I'm just... depressed. A-all these negative auras, they're getting to me, as always... I guess...I like ghosts and I can sense auras...Leave me alone, p-please...
(Well, she doesn't want to talk, you'll find out more.)

Spectra was absorbing the auras in the Celestial Tower. She knew that there's been many more Pokemon resting places in other regions, but she's become attached to this tower. "Riolu... Do you feel it? Despair, dread, loss...I'm feeling faint..." she muttered "Riiooo..." Riolu agreed. Spectra's Misdreavus defiantly found a way out of it's Pokeball. "Mis! Mis!" the Pokemon complained. Aparrently, it wanted to stay a while longer. "No... It's too depressing. I have to get out, and that means you, too, Missy." she countered. "Miiiis..." the Pokemon grumbled. "Misdreavus, return." The pokemon turend a trasparent red, then returned to its Pokeball. Riolu suddenly darted out the tower. "Hunh? Riolu! Wait!" Spectra exclaimed, rushing after her partner Pokemon.
CHAPTER ONE - FIN

When they got outside, a terrible thunderstorm, along with racking winds, were practically destroying the area, the feirce wind ripping the walking boards from the tall grass. When they looked up, two fearsome Pokemon were battling. "Oh, wow!" Spectra gasped. "Riiii..!" Riolu looked up in wonder. "I wish there was some way to meet them... But it seems we are underleveled." Spectra said sadly, observing their powerful attacks and fearsome battle cries. These Pokemon were the destructive Pokemon Tornadus and Thundurus, the Pokemon of tornadoes and thunderstorms. "There's some way we can get their attention, or better yet, stop them." she said, thinking of how to stop them from destroying half of the Unova region. "We may be able to get information, so less talking, more running, Pokemon!" she yelled. They ran through the extremely tall grass, getting small cuts and itches. They eventually came to a small shelter near Twist Mountain. Spectra knocked on the door. "Come in! It is much too dangerous out there!" a voice said, so they went in. "Ah, ah. So, I suspect you want to know about the storm, do you?" an old woman said. "Here, have some chunky veggie soup. It's very good." she offered. "Yes, thank you." Spectra replied. "May Riolu have some? She's tired." she added. "But of course," the old woman said, and got two bowls from the cabinent and filled them with chunky soup, "One for you, and one for your Riolu. Such a cute Pokemon!" the old woman continued.

Tired, I shall continue.
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  #2    
Old September 26th, 2012, 09:19 PM
Astinus's Avatar
Astinus
Remember NovEnder
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Just as a note, the section's rules state that your chapters must be finished before you post them. I think what you did was stop writing because you were tired. You're not going to get in trouble for doing that, but it's more of an unnecessary thing. You can avoid this by using any word processing program on your computer. If that's not an option, you can send PMs to yourself on the forums with your story in it so you can work on it without actually creating a new thread.

Right now, I'll also say that your paragraph spacing should be different. A new paragraph begins with a character's dialogue or every time you change the subject. You should also add in more description, like of the fight between the two Pokemon or why Spectra is the only one able to stop them or even more of Spectra's backstory, like how she wound up where she is with those particular Pokemon.
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