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  #526    
Old October 10th, 2012, 04:59 PM
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Aques Keus
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Well is he the chivalrous type? Like would he accept a challenge or would he just rapebeam?
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  #527    
Old October 10th, 2012, 07:27 PM
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@Khawill: Nicholas does not care. He's generally going to be busy pursuing much more interesting things than fights, and tends to avoid extended social contact. He will jump from giving someone cold indifference to murder in a heartbeat if sufficiently provoked on a personal level. Generally, if you pick a fight with him, it's a matter of how long it takes him to decide that applying murder is the easiest way to deal with you or simply how long it takes him to care enough to get angry. By default, he just does not care about any given living being.

@Koyan: Also, your Opening Post is still of questionable quality, and the SU is so short that it's not doing you any favors. ;x My first recommendation is to get rid of the font colors. The only other thing I can recommend is just putting more work into it... It's currently at approximately 170 characters. I've got to judge you on your opening post or your SU, and if neither is really meeting up to par I really can't approve the app. D;
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  #528    
Old October 11th, 2012, 12:04 AM
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@PkMnTrainer Yellow

Wait. Quality as in, "Gee, your writing kinda sucks." or "You could probably make it longer." Saying it lacks quality does not help me fix it. :3
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  #529    
Old October 11th, 2012, 12:42 AM
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TornZero
Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader
 
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Location: In your pantry, eatin' your delicious cake.
Age: 20
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@Koyan, she's saying your character looks lazily made. It's not that you're bad, it's that there's /so much/ you could expand on, especially in the History (which is only /68/ words (as in, it wouldn't even meet the RPC's 100-word minimum) and has no information whatsoever on the character's life before his Pokémon Spirit) and the opening post (where you're all by your lonesome, and you can make paragraph upon paragraph upon paragraph of uninterrupted activity—170 words looks VERY lazy when there's such a big opportunity in character freedom). With the word count on the opening post, it also makes me think you might not be able to keep up with the RPC's rules regarding length. (I really don't feel like putting more work on Skymin having to monitor more players.)

Along with that, I have my own personal issue with the fact that they become one otherwise complete entity. My question is: why? They already have to share body and consciousness, and a Pokémon's will is typically much stronger than a human's (especially a Ghost-type and a child). If their minds were to fuse, the human's soul itself would be all but eliminated. As pointed out to me by Yellow, even in canon lore a Pokémon and human were two separate halves of a single being to start with, like Yin and Yang. They can only complete each other as separate parts.

I can understand wanting a character different from the rest in the game, but this just makes no sense to me.
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Last edited by TornZero; October 11th, 2012 at 12:52 AM.
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  #530    
Old October 11th, 2012, 12:38 PM
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I do love myself a bit of chaos, but what is a story without a little tragedy. I do say, it would be one boring tragedy it would. And to have a psycho but not have a story is like a story without tragedy, clearly these are the improvements that should be made. Yes that and a bowl of irony, because tragedy without irony is like a story without tragedy or a bowl without a spoon. Indeed, i say your SU needs more spoon, you add that and you'll have a delicious bowl of alphabet soup that absolutely spells irony.

Do you not understand what I say good sir koyan
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  #531    
Old October 11th, 2012, 01:25 PM
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@Khawill: My brain just exploded. Thank you.
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  #532    
Old October 11th, 2012, 02:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Khawill View Post
I do love myself a bit of chaos, but what is a story without a little tragedy. I do say, it would be one boring tragedy it would. And to have a psycho but not have a story is like a story without tragedy, clearly these are the improvements that should be made. Yes that and a bowl of irony, because tragedy without irony is like a story without tragedy or a bowl without a spoon. Indeed, i say your SU needs more spoon, you add that and you'll have a delicious bowl of alphabet soup that absolutely spells irony.

Do you not understand what I say good sir koyan
Yo dawg, I herd you like chaos, so I put an irony in your tragedy so you can tragedy while you irony.
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  #533    
Old October 11th, 2012, 02:27 PM
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Ah yes, this leads to my next point: Confusion. Reminds me of the days when I was but a boy, yes a young boy. That was many years ago, as dictated by biology. Because without biology there wouldn't be enough spoons in the world to feed the people who could not possibly know what is young or old. People would go insane, that is to say they would go our insane, to them it would be but a daily life in which soup and irony are like clouds and copper.

I must say that this leads to my most recent point.Your character is simply not insane. Yes I admit he has forks, but forks can not be used to eat soup, understand? In conclusion he is not a character, with little to no thought on what true insanity is. As well as being downright rude, insane is not a wild card to be used like a teenagers credit card. No, insanity is the joker card of another deck, a spoon in the fork section of another's house so to speak. One must have reasons for insanity, or maybe one must know what insanity is and choose it. Quiet an odd thought, nevertheless one mustn't see insanity as a way to do whatever one please in a story. In conclusion I will start another body, as this one seems to be getting longer.

Ehem, This is better, indeed much better. One must have tragedy with insanity, a main insane character must have reason, history is key. History is filled with insanity and chaos, Hitler, Houdini, Sadam, and that chap from that Austin Powers movie. But they all have a history, because insane people are not entities, rather they are humans with a different mind. An insane person does not simply break rules for no reason, no nothing is done for no reason. Insanity makes rules based on their own judgment, oft being something they like, or find to be fun. Insanity is no fun with no rules, then it is just murderous, and murderers are not a fine group of fellows. Insanity requires rules, set by their own mind and unrelated to any currently active. An evil person breaks rules but is not insane, an insane person makes rules but does not consider oneself to be evil. Understand?

In conclusion, always drink cold milk with cereal, except hot cereal in which case never eat hot cereal out of a paper bag as it will surely rip and spill on the table. Never eat while standing les you try to eat hot cereal out of a paper bag.
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  #534    
Old October 11th, 2012, 02:57 PM
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Speaking of insanity, but on a less off-topic note, guess who just encountered Anne Lorkum at the base of Mt. Coronet?
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  #535    
Old October 11th, 2012, 03:07 PM
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Is it Lucy? Coincidentally my group is heading to the mountain as well, though there are two non spirit holders (well one and an amnesiac Spark) then there is a pacifist and our only really fighter, Aria. So don't expect aggressive interaction lol, yet.
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  #536    
Old October 12th, 2012, 05:11 PM
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Layton Lover
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Somewhere...
Gender: Male
Nature: Docile
Name:Leonard Williams

Nickname (Optional): Lee

Age (10-13): 12

Sex (Male or Female): Male

Appearance (A picture can be provided instead of a description if you sowish.): Lee is a pale kid. He wears lots of black for clothes and is prettyshort. He is not to strong, and weighs very little. He also has black hair. He has various scars from being harassed by his parents.

Personality (How does your character act and react to others? Theirmental state? Flaws and/or personal weaknesses?): Lee is very insecure and very weakly voiced. He can’t stand up for himself and is usually protected by the people who like him. He is a quick thinker, though, and can lie very adequately. Lee is also a very caring person. When Lee fused, he obtained Zorua ears, a Zorua Tail, and slightly longer canine teeth.

History (Where did your character grow up? Who did they grow up with?What have they been doing before this? Any noteworthy events?): Lee is a boy who is from Eterna City. He is abused by his parents, and has a little sister. His “parents” only take care of him because someone is paying them to do so. But Lee does not know this. Hiscsister is he actual sister, her name is Sarah and she is who he attempts tocprotect, but utterly fails due to his diminutive stature. So, he does her strength related chores. He does them wrong often, and gets paddled for it. He loves bread, and is almost always carrying a stale loaf that his “parents” give him. Bread is all he and his sister eat. Overall, Lee cares about his sister and hates his parents.
Species: Zorua

Nickname (Optional): Tails

Personality (Can be as short or long as you want): Sort of like Lee inthe sense he is a quick thinker, but is much more annoying than Lee in everyway. Tails is always in Lee’s head guiding him in a sarcastic way.

Moves (Maximum of 6. TM and egg moves are allowed. These are the movesyour character gets when they fuse): Sucker Punch, Foul Play, Embargo, ScaryFace, Counter, Memento

Other (Optional): The main one is the fact that the Zorua pokespirit allows him to transform into living things he’s seen, like people and pokespirit weilders, but does not maintain their abilities.

Opening Post (This will be what we use to determine whether your writing skills are good enough. If accepted, you may feel free to copy paste your posthere into the IC thread.): Lee was doing his chores as usual. He was eating bread, as usual. But today he felt bored of the same routine every day. Chores, eat, get paddled, sleep. Chores,eat, get paddled, sleep. It’s the same thing every day for him. But, today he felt like he should get vengeance for what his parents do to his sister. He wanted to protect her, so he felt the need to draw their attention away from them so Sarah could escape. So, even though he was weak, he felt his sister should have the chance to be free, and he should be paddled for her crime for her.Smirking as he ran, he left town nervously and quietly. He was scared, but he believed it was worth it for his sister’s liberation. He ran in the direction of where Mt. Cornet once stood, because some other children who used to live in Eterna went there and never came back, but some did. From there, he moved in the direction he picked after a best-two-out-of-three-eni-meeni-minee-mo, which was North. Pretty soon,he was at a tablet he had not heard of. It read: "BRING YOURSELVES TO JUSTICE"

Lee wondered what that meant, then suddenly he heard a voice in his head. It said, “Human, you seem cool.I think I’ll go with you. Oh, and just to let you know the world has been broken, and it is humanity’s fault. It’s up to you to bring justice to yourselves and the world. You must guide yourself, however, I will be there to help. These are the laws of Arceus! Let yourself be washed of your moral preconceptions. From the first time you've read these commandments, let them be your only laws. Then and only then allow yourselves to rediscover what you believe is right or wrong. You shall not harm the spirit of the pokemon, lest divine retribution strike. You shall be in possession of no more than six pokemon spirits at any one time,lest your spirit become suppressed. If you take the spirit of the pokemon from another you must take it for your own, lest it turn on you." You shall not harm children under the age of fourteen that have not yet received their pokemon spirit.Then, everything goes black for Lee.
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Last edited by OrangeNess; October 14th, 2012 at 11:27 AM. Reason: Rewriting my SU
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  #537    
Old October 12th, 2012, 06:57 PM
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@OrangeNess: ...Reading over the SU it became immediately obvious to me that you didn't read the actual plot for the roleplay. Unfortunately, that's more or less a requirement to writing a good SU. I can't approve this, and you're better off starting from scratch after getting a basic understanding of the premise of the RP.
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  #538    
Old October 12th, 2012, 07:50 PM
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Aques Keus
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By reading your SU, I can't really tell what you read about this RP, like it is so off. Also is there a child rebellion, if not I might start shooting for that later ya know.
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  #539    
Old October 12th, 2012, 09:27 PM
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Yay! Haxourus pour moi! Not gonna use 'im much yet though...
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  #540    
Old October 12th, 2012, 10:19 PM
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Alright... Holy moly. Chaos just like, erupted there all over the place. I wasn't even expecting anyone to control the haxorus wielder.

IceFyr, Khawill? You're leaving us in the dust. If you're going to join our group, you've got to give us a chance to post. I mean, seriously! You're not giving our characters a chance to /do/ anything! Don't you think anyone might have any objections to your character's actions? That maybe they wouldn't appreciate a random stranger waltzing up and stealing the pokespirit prize right in front of them??

I mean it's not as if they can't tell she's absorbing it! There's no option of stealth there, if for no other reason than the fact that the pokespirits inside these people's heads would easily be able to warn them that that is in fact what's happening.
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  #541    
Old October 12th, 2012, 10:25 PM
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Ok... I guess that I misunderstood. I thought that they were all unconscious, and apparently I am wrong. If you need me to, I can be rid of that, and slow a bit. Guess I'm used to bouncing right off Khawill. This is the first mass gathering of RPers that I've been in...
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  #542    
Old October 12th, 2012, 10:34 PM
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@Ice: Hey man. As long as you're learning, improving, and trying to fix your mistakes, I can be patient. We've been posting a LOT slower than you two. =/

Also, no. PPPGGGR and Machomu's character are the only two unconcious. Lucy and Amethyst are fully conscious and standing last I checked, the two females. Would you mind starting over from where you approach the group, this time keeping in mind these things? Hopefully Khawill can do the same, just so that things aren't ugly levels of cluttered. Oh, and for the record that haxorus pokespirit is not the insane one.
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  #543    
Old October 12th, 2012, 10:42 PM
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Originally Posted by PkMnTrainer Yellow View Post
@Ice: Hey man. As long as you're learning, improving, and trying to fix your mistakes, I can be patient. We've been posting a LOT slower than you two. =/

Also, no. PPPGGGR and Machomu's character are the only two unconcious. Lucy and Amethyst are fully conscious and standing last I checked, the two females. Would you mind starting over from where you approach the group, this time keeping in mind these things? Hopefully Khawill can do the same, just so that things aren't ugly levels of cluttered. Oh, and for the record that haxorus pokespirit is not the insane one.
Why'd you capitalize my name.....? And No, I'm not unconcious.....Just spasming on the ground.
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  #544    
Old October 12th, 2012, 10:53 PM
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@pppgggr: I have a headache. Also, speaking of that. Try to avoid grimdark alright? Restrain the urge to get awful detailed about blood and gore and whatnot.
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  #545    
Old October 12th, 2012, 11:10 PM
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Cheese, for everyone!
 
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Originally Posted by PkMnTrainer Yellow View Post
@pppgggr: I have a headache. Also, speaking of that. Try to avoid grimdark alright? Restrain the urge to get awful detailed about blood and gore and whatnot.
.....Why tell me that? I haven't. I said once that blood splattered from me, but other than that, I haven't been very graphic.
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  #546    
Old October 12th, 2012, 11:11 PM
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Fueled by Pepsi
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.....Why tell me that? I haven't. I said once that blood splattered from me, but other than that, I haven't been very graphic.
I think she's referring to the mention of entrails.
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  #547    
Old October 12th, 2012, 11:50 PM
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Cheese, for everyone!
 
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I think she's referring to the mention of entrails.
Mention of Entrails? I don't remember mentioning anything other than blood.
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  #548    
Old October 12th, 2012, 11:58 PM
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machomuu
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Originally Posted by Pppgggr View Post
Mention of Entrails? I don't remember mentioning anything other than blood.
Ah, that's right. You said "gut" but spelled it "gutt", so I read it assumed you meant to use an "s" instead of an extra "t". Though, some might still find that to be a bit much. I'd agree, if this were possibly rated T RP or lower, but I think what you posted was pretty mild and acceptable for one that's rated M, but that's just me.
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  #549    
Old October 13th, 2012, 06:32 AM
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Aques Keus
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Yawn, I just had what happens to be a great sleep, but then I look at IC thread and my name is in bold, and I thought, Well how should I respond and honestly I've been thinking for a good 10 minutes or so. Regardless I think my posts should be read more closely, I don't really interact with any characters, only mentioning bodies (which can be two, three, or a thousand). I can edit my post to say there was in fact two alive girls, but it won't really change my post much.

As for the too fast thing, I actually left both my main and Ice at the base of the mountain in order to speed things up, I really had slight intention in (sorry of) meeting another group at this moment, (though it is inevitable now, so now I have no intention of really staying with you guys atm.)

Oh, oh, I must say my temp character just got chimecho as her spirit, and her important move right now is heal pulse. Whether you want that kind of help, or not , Kalie isn't exactly, moral. Pretty much she is on a revenge trip to kill, whoever, and she isn't taking unnessicary risks. She would wait for Ice, (because Spark won't leave without Arie) but she won't be waiting near where the battle was.
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  #550    
Old October 13th, 2012, 07:05 AM
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OrangeNess
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Sorry Yellow. I guess I accedentally skipped a paragraph. Sorry. I'm editing it ASAP.
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