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  #3226    
Old November 15th, 2012 (8:58 AM).
Destructor Destructor is offline
 
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Originally Posted by Aeon View Post
So after a little bit of lurking I'd like to join.

I'm a pansexual, and I'm trying to conclude on my gender identity (it's been a matter of debate to myself for the past six years.) I'm out to everyone about my orientation (my 'tale' is boring in comparison to others), but only two people are aware of my gender issues.
I wouldn't call your tale "boring" as any orientation, coming out, self-acceptance, and the acceptance of others story is always either going to be inspiring or saddening. Boring is always out of the picture. You shouldn't feel the need to hide a story based on the thought people may be bored with it. It's your choice, but never fear people will be bored of it.

Are the two people aware of your gender issues mom and dad or a psychiatrist or somebody?

Edit:
Almost forgot to mention some terrific news. I am happy to say that I have the acceptance of my sister who was originally turned against me by mom.

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  #3227    
Old November 15th, 2012 (9:27 AM). Edited November 15th, 2012 by Cassino.
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I don't understand the concept of 'coming out'. I'll tell people what I am if they ask but I don't seek to declare things to persons whom it is of no likely consequence, and it just seems moronic to come out to people that probably won't be accepting anyway, so why bother?
  #3228    
Old November 15th, 2012 (12:14 PM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Destructor View Post
Edit:
Almost forgot to mention some terrific news. I am happy to say that I have the acceptance of my sister who was originally turned against me by mom.
I'm really glad to hear that you have support from your sister, too. It surely makes you feel better, right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassino View Post
I don't understand the concept of 'coming out'. I'll tell people what I am if they ask but I don't seek to declare things to persons whom it is of no likely consequence, and it just seems moronic to come out to people that probably won't be accepting anyway, so why bother?
There are lots of reasons to come out to people. I, personally, came out only once in real life, and it backfired. But, lots of people just don't want to live a lie. They come out because they want to be with people who'll accept them, and ditch those who hate them for being gay. That's a good reason. Also, coming out enables a person to meet other gay people, and get into a relationship. You can't find a partner if no-one knows you're gay.
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  #3229    
Old November 15th, 2012 (12:58 PM). Edited November 15th, 2012 by Aeon.
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Are the two people aware of your gender issues mom and dad or a psychiatrist or somebody?
The two people that are aware are two of my close friends. I don't feel comfortable telling my parents until I'm 100% what I am (I am divided if if I could be a MTF Transgender.) The only thing my two friends know is that I'm questioning and that's all there is to it.
  #3230    
Old November 15th, 2012 (3:58 PM).
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So guys, I have my own coming out story. I'm really sorry for changing the subject, but I kinda have to tell somebody...
A couple of days ago, my friends and I were drinking, and well, one of my best friends and I usually stay awake until the morning, while the others go to sleep. And so, when only the two of us stayed awake, he questioned why I never had a relationship, and why I hate talking about love, relationships, etc. I tried avoiding the answer as much as possible, but in the end, I told him. I thought that at least he wouldn't make a big scene out of it, since he's the only one out of my friends (Or all the people I know) who didn't show any signs of homophobia. But it didn't go so well. His replies were mostly something like "It's just a phase", "You're just confused" or, my personal favorite, "You need to change that. Maybe see a psychologist". After about 1 minute of awkward silence, he went to sleep. Since all the other go to sleep early, there's usually only one bed remaining, and we've slept on it together many times. This time, I found him sleeping on the floor.

Sure enough, he deleted me on Facebook, and never contacted me again. I've lost a friend. Guessed I've learned my lesson

Being gay is destroying my life. Every day I'm surrounded by homophobic people, and now this happened. I'm starting to feel depressed...

Again, I'm really sorry for posting stuff like this, but I just had to tell someone, and PC is currently the only place where I feel accepted.

(I posted this once already a couple of days ago, but soon deleted it since I didn't want to change the topic, but I think it's okay now...)
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  #3231    
Old November 16th, 2012 (12:07 AM).
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Originally Posted by LightningAlex View Post
So guys, I have my own coming out story. I'm really sorry for changing the subject, but I kinda have to tell somebody...
A couple of days ago, my friends and I were drinking, and well, one of my best friends and I usually stay awake until the morning, while the others go to sleep. And so, when only the two of us stayed awake, he questioned why I never had a relationship, and why I hate talking about love, relationships, etc. I tried avoiding the answer as much as possible, but in the end, I told him. I thought that at least he wouldn't make a big scene out of it, since he's the only one out of my friends (Or all the people I know) who didn't show any signs of homophobia. But it didn't go so well. His replies were mostly something like "It's just a phase", "You're just confused" or, my personal favorite, "You need to change that. Maybe see a psychologist". After about 1 minute of awkward silence, he went to sleep. Since all the other go to sleep early, there's usually only one bed remaining, and we've slept on it together many times. This time, I found him sleeping on the floor.

Sure enough, he deleted me on Facebook, and never contacted me again. I've lost a friend. Guessed I've learned my lesson

Being gay is destroying my life. Every day I'm surrounded by homophobic people, and now this happened. I'm starting to feel depressed...

Again, I'm really sorry for posting stuff like this, but I just had to tell someone, and PC is currently the only place where I feel accepted.

(I posted this once already a couple of days ago, but soon deleted it since I didn't want to change the topic, but I think it's okay now...)
This is one of the reasons why I advise against actively coming out, and instead tell people to just passively be out.

A lot of liberal LGBT activists (I don't mean that in a political sense, necessarily) want people to come out as soon as possible. Many even out people against their will. I say that the time, place, manner, and audience should be completely up to the individual in all cases. For someone who is surrounded by homophobic people, and especially if the person is dependent on said homophobic people for the necessities of life, then waiting is a perfectly acceptable choice. I don't think that means that you're living a lie, or are self-hating.
  #3232    
Old November 16th, 2012 (10:02 AM).
Destructor Destructor is offline
 
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I'm so sorry Alex. At least I can sort of understand your problems resulting from coming out since I got some hate and rejection as well. You can't let this get you down. There is a quote I try to hang onto now. It's really quite helpful.

"Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"

I don't want to shoot anybody down here, but if your "friends" can't accept you for who you are, then they are not your "friends"
I've applied this to my mother and now will reject her as true family until she smartens up and gets with the program.

It's very obvious being gay isn't an easy thing, but you can't let it get you down. It's who you are and you shouldn't view it as destroying your life but something that will bring you closer to the nicer people. That may sound cheesey, and I do hope it gets a laugh or two, but it's also true at the same time, since the nicer people can accept anybody under any non-negative circumstance. I also hope nobody takes offense to that.
  #3233    
Old November 16th, 2012 (12:07 PM).
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Originally Posted by Cassino View Post
I don't understand the concept of 'coming out'. I'll tell people what I am if they ask but I don't seek to declare things to persons whom it is of no likely consequence, and it just seems moronic to come out to people that probably won't be accepting anyway, so why bother?
Coming out is usually done with people who've known you since before you were open about, or knew about, your sexual orientation. If you're, let's say, gay and open about it you wouldn't come out to your coworkers at your new job because it would be part of what they learn about you when they first meet you or something they'd pick up on soon after. It's a way of preparing people who already know you, giving them a chance to adjust to the "new" you in a way that is easier than coming home one day with a boyfriend.

But you're right in the sense that it isn't something that should matter to people it isn't going to affect. Unfortunately coming out usually happens around that tumultuous time of puberty when lots of people want to shout to the world who they are because they're forming their identity then.

Though I think it's just a matter of time before we stop coming out because people will (hopefully) expect the possibility and won't assume everyone is heteronormative, heterosexual, etc.


Quote:
Originally Posted by LightningAlex View Post
So guys, I have my own coming out story. I'm really sorry for changing the subject, but I kinda have to tell somebody...
A couple of days ago, my friends and I were drinking, and well, one of my best friends and I usually stay awake until the morning, while the others go to sleep. And so, when only the two of us stayed awake, he questioned why I never had a relationship, and why I hate talking about love, relationships, etc. I tried avoiding the answer as much as possible, but in the end, I told him. I thought that at least he wouldn't make a big scene out of it, since he's the only one out of my friends (Or all the people I know) who didn't show any signs of homophobia. But it didn't go so well. His replies were mostly something like "It's just a phase", "You're just confused" or, my personal favorite, "You need to change that. Maybe see a psychologist". After about 1 minute of awkward silence, he went to sleep. Since all the other go to sleep early, there's usually only one bed remaining, and we've slept on it together many times. This time, I found him sleeping on the floor.

Sure enough, he deleted me on Facebook, and never contacted me again. I've lost a friend. Guessed I've learned my lesson

Being gay is destroying my life. Every day I'm surrounded by homophobic people, and now this happened. I'm starting to feel depressed...

Again, I'm really sorry for posting stuff like this, but I just had to tell someone, and PC is currently the only place where I feel accepted.

(I posted this once already a couple of days ago, but soon deleted it since I didn't want to change the topic, but I think it's okay now...)
That is a real shame. Sometimes people have too many preconceptions, too many prejudices, to accept you. And sometimes people are just not mature enough and with time they'll come to see it's okay. It's always a struggle when you're around people who aren't accepting. You have to have a lot of strength to either keep it to yourself or to be out and have to suffer the comments or social stigma of being out. I do hope you find some people who are okay with you and like you for who you are.
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  #3234    
Old November 16th, 2012 (12:35 PM).
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I'm so sorry Alex. At least I can sort of understand your problems resulting from coming out since I got some hate and rejection as well. You can't let this get you down. There is a quote I try to hang onto now. It's really quite helpful.

"Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"

I don't want to shoot anybody down here, but if your "friends" can't accept you for who you are, then they are not your "friends"
I've applied this to my mother and now will reject her as true family until she smartens up and gets with the program.

It's very obvious being gay isn't an easy thing, but you can't let it get you down. It's who you are and you shouldn't view it as destroying your life but something that will bring you closer to the nicer people. That may sound cheesey, and I do hope it gets a laugh or two, but it's also true at the same time, since the nicer people can accept anybody under any non-negative circumstance. I also hope nobody takes offense to that.
That really is a nice quote. And you're probably right about everything you've said. But, I live in a place where homophobia is present in 99% of people. Not just homophobia, racism, too. It's like they open the brain of newborns and pump it up with hatred. I know all of my friends would ditch me for being what I am, but I can't just ditch them and find new friends, since I'd still be in the same situation. Wouldn't make any sense.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Scarf View Post
That is a real shame. Sometimes people have too many preconceptions, too many prejudices, to accept you. And sometimes people are just not mature enough and with time they'll come to see it's okay. It's always a struggle when you're around people who aren't accepting. You have to have a lot of strength to either keep it to yourself or to be out and have to suffer the comments or social stigma of being out. I do hope you find some people who are okay with you and like you for who you are.
Thank you. I, too, hope that someday I'll find someone who isn't homophobic.

I would really like to meet another gay person. Not for a relationship, but just for talk. Who could understand me better than another gay guy living here? Question is, how? How do I find another gay person here, where nobody dares to be out, or to come out to anyone? Does anyone have any advice on that? I'm starting to think that there are no gays here, except for me, of course.
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  #3235    
Old November 17th, 2012 (5:41 AM).
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(my 'tale' is boring in comparison to others),
Well I might as well elaborate on said tale since got off of work on a low note and want something to put me in a decent mood.

Personally when I figured it out I was iffy on it. I was fourteen, and only thought of it as just another part that completes my image. I told absolutely nobody until I was seventeen (which winded up being somebody I was in love with when I was 17.) Eventually this led to the notice that my parents are going to need to know eventually if I wind up falling for somebody that's not a girl; I simply just felt that I was delaying the inevitable, and the sooner the better since my family is very socially liberal, but I was mildly overwhelmed by anxiety that things could go awry.

I thought of multiple different ways on going about this, and made a mental list. The list got shorter and shorter as time went on, and eventually it became nothing. So I decided I'd let it out in the manner of how much of a big deal I make it as a part of my personality: just another part of me. As a result, one night out of boredom during July 2012 I decided to make my Facebook's “Interested in:” public for the first time, with the intent on seeing how long it takes for somebody to notice the truth I have just spread out for everyone to see... turns out it didn't even take 24 hours... and it was my mother.

Around evening when my mom got home and was doing laundry or something (I was playing CoD4 PC or something. I don't pay attention to my surroundings during gaming, and I was also tired which didn't help.) So for once in a very long time during these hours my mom decided to she wanted to try sparking up a conversation.

“Hey Tanner so uh... can I ask you a question?” (My mind just sparked into flames when she said that because I knew what was imminent.)

Which I replied as “Uh... yeah sure what's up?” (I sounded somewhat nervous)

“Don't get embarrassed but I was looking at your Facebook profile and saw your 'interested in' thing and... is that true?”

“Eeeeeeyup. I let it come out like that because I don't see it like big a deal.”

I don't recall exactly what she said afterward, but in a nutshell she said that she was completely fine with it, and was actually rather happy with me for being able to do that. The thing that really stuck to me was though was when she said “I don't care who you're with, as long as they make you happy! :D” in which I just about started tearing up. We hugged and that was that.

Later on that night I thought “eh, no turning back now, might as well let everyone else know” and did what I considered 'releasing the krakken' and wrote a post on my wall that I was pan, and if anyone wanted to talk about it further they can talk to me personally... only my cousin did, and he mainly just congratulated me, and once again, that was that.


TL;DR came out in a sneaky manner; mom took it well; so did everyone else.
  #3236    
Old November 17th, 2012 (9:03 AM).
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Eeeeeeyup.
I actually laughed out loud at that for some reason, so there, it wasn't boring. lol :P
  #3237    
Old November 17th, 2012 (9:29 AM).
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It's not a boring story. Well, not to me, at least. I'm really glad your coming-out ended up good, and your family accepts you as you are.
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  #3238    
Old November 17th, 2012 (3:22 PM).
Destructor Destructor is offline
 
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Your story isn't boring at all Tanner.
It's actually very nice. I'm glad it all turned out well for you in the end. I should have taken that kind of approach to revealing my sexuality instead.
  #3239    
Old November 17th, 2012 (5:48 PM).
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Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LightningAlex
I would really like to meet another gay person. Not for a relationship, but just for talk. Who could understand me better than another gay guy living here? Question is, how? How do I find another gay person here, where nobody dares to be out, or to come out to anyone? Does anyone have any advice on that? I'm starting to think that there are no gays here, except for me, of course.
Do you have a smartphone? If you do, download Grindr. Most people already know what Grindr is, but I'll be completely condescending and tell you anyway just in case you don't . Grindr is an app where you create a profile and it shows you all the other gay guys with Grindr in your near vicinity. It even tells you how far away they are in miles, if they've set their profile to allow that. You can strike up a conversation with someone and ask if they'd like to meet and talk. It's a fantastic app

Warning though: there are a lot of people who go on Grindr looking for sex. Most of those people will be pretty easy to figure out immediately just by looking at their profile or from the way they begin a conversation with you. But among those people you'll find a select few who are genuine people just looking to make a connection, just like you. And if the place where you live is as homophobic as you say it is, then there's a good chance there might be more of the nice people there than there are here.

You don't have to put a picture of yourself up if you're worried about being outed, but you're more likely to have people talk to you if you do. Essentially that is the most popular app in the gay community. If there are any gay people around you (and there are), that's where you'll find them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Destructor
It's actually very nice. I'm glad it all turned out well for you in the end. I should have taken that kind of approach to revealing my sexuality instead.
I don't think that would have worked for you. Tanner (if I can call you that? ) had the luxury of assuming that people would be OK with the revelation, and you didn't have that. You were stressing out about it and you wouldn't have been able to pull off such a thing because you would have been too terrified, and honestly if your horrible mother reacted that way, she was going to react that way no matter how you did it
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  #3240    
Old November 18th, 2012 (3:59 AM). Edited November 18th, 2012 by LightningAlex.
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Hey, I didn't know about that app. It's the same one you used, right? I'll definitely give it a try if it's available for Symbian.

EDIT: It's not available for Symbian x.x Oh well, I'll try and get an Android or something... I'll definitely give it a try someday.
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  #3241    
Old November 18th, 2012 (6:25 AM).
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Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
Emile Hersch turned 30 today. Who the hell is Emile Hersch?
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I've never heard of Symbian before so I'm not shocked that it's not available for Symbian . It's definitely available for Android and iOS, so you should definitely work on getting one of those!

Grindr, simply put, has changed my life. I joined it, within a week I met a great new friend (who is not only gay but is also more into Pokemon than I am) and starting on Thursday we're going to be roommates!
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  #3242    
Old November 18th, 2012 (6:35 PM). Edited November 18th, 2012 by Alice.
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I downloaded Grindr, and there's 1 guy within 1 mile of me, who doesn't even show his picture, and the next closest is 49 miles. I guess that's only counting people who are currently online though.

Edit: Checked again, and there's a few people near the college I'm gonna go to. It's like 10x bigger than my old school though, so I may not ever actually meet them. lol
  #3243    
Old November 18th, 2012 (10:26 PM).
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Mononoke Hime Mononoke Hime is offline
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I wanna join, may I? :3

Seems like this is a serious club, where people respect each other and share experiences.
I saw it a few days ago, but I was thinking if I was going to join or not, and I've decided to join.
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  #3244    
Old November 19th, 2012 (3:20 AM).
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I wanna join, may I? :3

Seems like this is a serious club, where people respect each other and share experiences.
I saw it a few days ago, but I was thinking if I was going to join or not, and I've decided to join.
Welcome Mononoke Hime! So, what's your story?
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  #3245    
Old November 19th, 2012 (4:41 AM).
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Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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Edit: Checked again, and there's a few people near the college I'm gonna go to. It's like 10x bigger than my old school though, so I may not ever actually meet them. lol
You should start using it again once you get to college. It's college, there will be so many gay guys there you won't even be able to spit without hitting one. Grindr is your oyster

I really really want to make a lesbian version of Grindr, because I have an amazing name for it: Mufflr.

And welcome Mononoke Hime! I'm so happy you've decided to join us :D - yes, as Phantom said, please tell us a bit about yourself!
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  #3246    
Old November 19th, 2012 (5:11 AM).
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I don't think that would have worked for you. Tanner (if I can call you that? ) had the luxury of assuming that people would be OK with the revelation, and you didn't have that.
By all means go for it. I tend to be somewhat discrete with my real name for some reason, but once someone finds it out, fair game.

Yeah, I speculated my family was going to be fine with it. Me being a genderqueer at least (though as I look at it all I feel like I'm leaning more towards being an MtF Transgender), is a totally different story. It's been six years of questioning, and I'm not telling anyone that might slip it out until I feel sure. I have absolutely no idea on how my family would react to it.
  #3247    
Old November 19th, 2012 (5:18 AM).
Mynewusernameiskuzronkjustlookthatup Mynewusernameiskuzronkjustlookthatup is offline
 
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I'm joining. I'm not sure if i'm Transsexual myself but I feel like it sometimes. I'm also not sure of what gender I like.
  #3248    
Old November 19th, 2012 (10:12 AM).
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Quote ALL the posts!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mononoke Hime View Post
I wanna join, may I? :3

Seems like this is a serious club, where people respect each other and share experiences.
I saw it a few days ago, but I was thinking if I was going to join or not, and I've decided to join.
We're serious? Oh, you mean in that we're serious about being cool to everyone and open and that kind of thing. But yeah, we're not like so serious you should be afraid or anything. (This goes to anyone who is lurking, but afraid to post. C'mon, post.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
You should start using it again once you get to college. It's college, there will be so many gay guys there you won't even be able to spit without hitting one. Grindr is your oyster :P

I really really want to make a lesbian version of Grindr, because I have an amazing name for it: Mufflr.
That has got to be the most tasteless things I've ever read this morning. I kid. You should go make that.

Alternately, you could call it Oystr.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aeon View Post
By all means go for it. I tend to be somewhat discrete with my real name for some reason, but once someone finds it out, fair game.

Yeah, I speculated my family was going to be fine with it. Me being a genderqueer at least (though as I look at it all I feel like I'm leaning more towards being an MtF Transgender), is a totally different story. It's been six years of questioning, and I'm not telling anyone that might slip it out until I feel sure. I have absolutely no idea on how my family would react to it.
I'm glad you're okay talking about it here even if you're keeping it to yourself with people you know in the real world. I only say this because if you do feel you're transgender there's a possibility you'll want to go through some physical changes and that's something you'd rather decide on sooner rather than later.

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Originally Posted by TylerSymes View Post
I'm joining. I'm not sure if i'm Transsexual myself but I feel like it sometimes. I'm also not sure of what gender I like.
You've come to the right place. There's not much we can do to help you figure out who you are, but we can at least give you a place to talk about it if you'd like. If you're going through that wonderful/awful thing called puberty then there's a possibility you're just getting a feel for who you are, but then again you might fall somewhere into the genderqueer category if you feel that sometimes you're transsexual (by which I assume you mean that sometimes you feel female and sometimes male)
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  #3249    
Old November 19th, 2012 (11:55 AM).
Mononoke Hime's Avatar
Mononoke Hime Mononoke Hime is offline
viva emptiness
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Hell de Janeiro, BR
Gender: Female
Nature: Sassy
Posts: 254
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhantomX0990 View Post
Welcome Mononoke Hime! So, what's your story?
Well, let's see...

I always felt attraction to women, but the fact I feel attracted to men also maked me forget it until I first kissed a girl. At that point I couldn't pretend this issue didn't exist. I gotta say I was drunk, but that actually helped me to forget society rules and just do it.

A few months later I caught myself in love with my best friend. I never really told it to her and she just have gone away to other state of the country.

Since then I'm no longer hidding my own sexuality from myself. It also maked me become to question about what really is passionate love in it's pure form. And I realised that for me it just doesn't matter if is a man or a woman, I just naturally broke that barrier. For me to love someone, it doesn't matter the gender, but who is inside the body.
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  #3250    
Old November 19th, 2012 (2:36 PM).
Alice's Avatar
Alice Alice is offline
(>^.(>0.0)>
Crystal Tier
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Oregon
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Nature: Careful
Posts: 3,081
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
Mufflr.
I have learned a new word today. Thank you.

lol
 
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