Hoenn RéBURST [M] [OOC + SU]

[TornZero]

Travel, that is much better! Huge expansion on character, reasoning, etc., and ultimately much more rounded. Approved!


Level 5
Thick Fat
- Defense Curl
- Growl
- Powder Snow
- Water Gun

Originally Posted by Ultimate PKMN Trainer Red

Could you reserve a Mudkip for me, please? Thanks!

Nope! |D

[Travel]

Just to make sure, is that really the move set to Spheal? It might just be the fact that its ability is Magma body but I just wanted to double check that its not Slugma's.

[DeLaMuerte]

It is Slugma's, I'm sure. Spheal can't possibly use Ember, and also the ability is something designated to Slugma- Magma Armor. It's probably just a mistake.

[Travel]

Yeah that was what I was thinking too.

[TornZero]

WHOOPSIE. XD Sorry 'bout that! It's fixed now!

[Vato]

I'm back from the death! :D
Feel free to applaud...

Hello Torn, how's it goin'? Having fun as the tyrant GM?
Speaking of which, dear RPers, how have you felt with Torn reign of doom, I mean, greatness?

[Fuyu]

I've enjoyed it. I'm thinking up my post right now.

[TornZero]

I feel so mean right now!

...

Feeling's gone! |D

[Tman109ner]

Looks good so far! But I think Torn forgot to include me in the last update -___-

[TornZero]

I thought you were just going to continue a thing with Mareep, since you didn't actually try and catch it, or tell me anything regarding it — e.g., "Do you think Mareep could maybe become my Pokémon of its own accord?"

[DeLaMuerte]

Originally Posted by TornZero

I feel so mean right now!

...

Feeling's gone! |D

Was it because of Tman109er, or was it the fact that you totally denied the idea I came up with for my post- actually using Splash as an attack?

[TornZero]

I didn't deny it! Splash just got some Feebas scales in Zigzagoon's eyes. >_>

Be happy, though! You caught an Oran Berry! |D

[DeLaMuerte]

A half-eaten Oran Berry was Miles's first catch... he's going to be angry.

Splash barely did anything! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT! Yeah, my post will be up in a bit... and my Feebas has a move that did the equivalent of Sand-Attack.

[1ninjadude1701]

is it to late to reserve a spot?

[TornZero]

Yes, it's very late. It's impossible to reserve a spot now.

However, if you put up an acceptable character sign-up before someone else does, you can get a free Slugma with your purchase of a Hoenn RéBURST membership!

[1ninjadude1701]

Name: DeSean Guilliver

Age: 16

Gender: Male

Appearance:
DeSean is basiclly your "Big Black". He has broad shoulders, and looks like the legendary pokemon shaymin. His head looks bigger then his body along with longer arms. He wears a blue sort of plaid jacket with a white hood. He usually wears his camoflouge pants with his brown socks tucked into his pants. He only has a nice pair of black hiking boots that looks more brown from mud.


Personality:
DeSean is a shy and timid person who can't really stand up for himself. He is antisocial but when you do get him to talk only nice things are said. He is also very empathetic and smart and has the best memory capacity. He can get quite aggressive when threatened and will not give up in a fight. If himself or anybody he cares about is endangeored he will come to thier aid.

History:
DeSean was in a small family of four. His mom and dad had abandoned there family when DeSean was only eight leaving his older brother, Marco, in charge. When Marco had become of age he became a gym leader in training. DeSean was proud of his older brothers achomplishments. Sadly when Marco was twenty and DeSean was fourteen, Marco died by the hand of Team Rocket. They got into his school where he was going to be certifyed as an offical leader when Team Rocket burned his school to the ground trapping Marco and burning him to death. DeSean was devistated; without a home or any relative left to take care of him or his two younger siblings, DeSean had decided that he would become a pokemon master. Now at the age of sixteen DeSean can finally avenge his brothers death igniting the flame fueled by revenge and anger

[Vato]

It feels so good to be alivee again... As long as I ignore the fact that I want to eat brains... Mmm, brains *drools*

Anyways. Ninja Dude. Huh, you're not invisible... These modern-day ninjas. Your SU... Is... Short. Not to mention presents some issues, besides the obvious typos.

Appearance. I beg your pardon, but what does it mean to be a "Big Black"? I assume it has to do with his skin color and size or something... But then the whole looking like Shaymin part would makes less sense that it already does. If he looks like Shaymin, then he has green hair with flowers? O.o I believe there are more issues, but I can't identify any that aren't about the size of this section, which is really reduced, BTW. Just because there is a minimum length, it doesn't mean that you have to type the minimum and then be accepted by default.

Personality. SHORT. You really need to expand it. Take a look at other SUs o give yourself an idea of how long and what this section should include. Not asking for Fuyu/Mr. Mammoth length, but I do want something bigger that this.

History. Team Rocket would NEVER, EVER burn a school unless there was some sort of world domination device hidden within the Janitor's mop insid of the building. Was that scenario a bit un logic? Certainly, you should remove the Team Rocket part of your SU, and use something else to explain Marco's death... Something among the lines of logic. Besides, DeSean Gulli... gilli... gulili... Mind if I call him DS? Thanks, he cannot get his revenge on Team Rocket BECAUSE THEY DO NOT APPEAR OR ARE MEANT TO APPEAR IN THIS RP. The only Team set to appear is Team Gaia, who would never burn a school for no reason other than the former. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAnd finally, how is it that becoming a Pokemon Master will help him avenge Marco? I would just go all Amanda Clark (Reven8e one, not the diaturbing book one) on them. Finally, whatever happened to his brothers after he left? It's not like they magically survived with a diet consisting of AIR or something...

Did... Did I sound mean? I'm sorry if I did. I'm not sure of why I'm a little bit more exigent now o.O But you needn't worry! For you'll get a 25% discount on your next SU attempt! :D
Anyways, let's see...

TO DO:
-Update first post of the IC and OOC.
-Finish writing the next Chapter as well as the following part of the current event.
-Practice evil laughter.
-World Domination.
-Laundry.

Quite a few things to do

[TornZero]

I think I can help out a bit, though I will be much meaner. |D

It's for your own good, though, and I apologize in advance about any possibilities of offending you, since I know I will be very, extremely, irrefutably, undeniably, indubitably, and most of all redundantly offending.

First, like Vato said, everything's way too short and lacking, and there are typos abound. I have to suggest you seriously look into getting a proofreader.

Now, appearance: "Big Black" doesn't just sound generic, but racist, too. I can't really put my finger on it (maybe it's the stereotyping), but it really does sound kinda racist to me. Is he six feet tall, bald or have an afro, have dark chocolate skin, the chest of the Old Spice guy, the legs of Michael Jordan and the priapism-suffering **** of a p***star? And how can he look like Shaymin? Is he albino, covered in grass and pink flowers, and have stubby limbs with no fingers or toes? How does his head look bigger than his body? That's just plain disproportionate! Lastly, how do you tuck your socks into your pants? Aren't the pants usually able to cover the socks in the first place? Just... this overall makes no sense whatsoever.

The personality's just a mess to see, too, and really doesn't fit at all. He's supposed to be a "Big Black" and he's /shy/? Being antisocial, by definition, also means he's unwilling or physically incapable of being friendly with people. It should literally be impossible for him to be able to say anything nice. At all. Now, what's "the best memory capacity"? Are you thinking of the guy who drew New York's entire skyline from memory to perfect accuracy? Or the lady who remembers every moment of every day of her waking life? (That's not "memory capacity", as you put it; it's a freakin' superpower.) The lack of social normalcy should eliminate any sense of understanding a regular person's feelings, too — a.k.a., empathy. Next, he's "shy and timid", and "can't really stand up for himself". Do you see the problem here about him getting aggressive when he's challenged yet? If not, I'll clarify it: it just doesn't work. Really, did you even try to check to make sure you weren't contradicting yourself? I don't think I can even understand it if you were rushed; it's just so glaringly obvious.

Lastly, and Vato's also cleared this one up, the history really says something about your sense of logic, and plot/canon in general. Why did the parents abandon their kids? (For that matter, where did the two younger siblings come from, since the "family of four" thing should count the parents that abandoned their four kids for no apparent reason whatsoever?) How did they survive? Especially the young'ns! Vato's stressed it enough, but I'm going to make it worse and just say, Team Rocket is not a terrorist organization; just a bunch of semi-organized thieves. They would never do something as hostile as burn down a school, let alone... anything. They also do not appear in the RP's canon. I can't even go into the rest of the history, because I don't understand anything in it!

As a final note, this reply was larger than your sign-up... by over two hundred words.

[1ninjadude1701]

sorry about that i just felt kind of rushed and used another SU as a template for this one so I'll make a completely new one

[Tman109ner]

Originally Posted by TornZero

I thought you were just going to continue a thing with Mareep, since you didn't actually try and catch it, or tell me anything regarding it — e.g., "Do you think Mareep could maybe become my Pokémon of its own accord?"

o.O Sorry if I sounded offended. I was just trying to joke around I figured that you would do something like...
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showpos...3&postcount=88

Should I edit it to end it with a "capture attempt?"

[Vato]

Now I want to make a RP where Team Rocket are actual terrorists T.T
It shall include Explosions, Pterodactyls, Slenderman, Music by Linkin Park, and Motion Control Capabilities! I'm not sure how it'll work, or what those things could do when put together, but i would sorely miss any of them, besides, it sounds perfectly logic!

Anyways, dears, could you be nice enough to raise our hand and tell me whose in the RP and is not on the first post? That way I'll know which SUs I have to hunt down across the pages of this thread

As for Nnja Dude, don't worry, you may try as many times as you want when it comes to SUs, just stick to logic, coherent stuff and youll be in the RP in no time! :D

[1ninjadude1701]

Name: Marcus Freeman


Age: 16


Gender: Male


Appearance:

Marcus is basically your offensive linemen in terms of size. He is 6'4'' and has broad shoulders. His bald head reflects the sun making his head look like a gaint mirror. He has long arms and legs giving him an advantage if he were to fight. His green eyes reflect his mood because when he is happy they appear soft and gentle but when he is mad they look intense and strike fear into his targets heart. He wears a red jacket with a black hood. Underneath that is a green under armor shirt. He usually wears nice khaki pants with his brown socks tucked into his pants. His sneakers are white with green soles.


Personality:

Marcus is very outgoing and doesn't like to waste a moment when he can't be talking. This isn't to say that he is snobby and can't get along well with others in fact most love listening to Marcus because he has great story telling ability. Those few that don't like him don't openly express it for fear he may crush them like a bug. Don't worry though Marcus wouldn't even hurt a fly. He is very respectful and loves Pokemon with all his heart. He honestly may love them a bit to much because he would save a Pokemon's life rather then his own. While he is good socially he struggles academically. He can barely manage to pull a C in his history class or any class for that matter. Marcus is overall a good dude and when put to the test, he will never give up it and will do it until the job is done properly.

History:

When Marcus was born the doctor came in to tell his mom, Isabel, that Marcus had a rare and terrible disease. The disease was to make it so he could not talk, read, write, or do anything normal for that matter. His mom couldn't afford to hear that and prayed for help. By the age of three and six months Marcus could finally walk normally and was learning to speak. Marcus had overcame the disease completely and was viewed a hero by everyone on his town. But there are always those he hate heroes. A group of three teenagers gathered around Marcus' house with torches, throwing them into their small wood and straw house burning everything to ash including his mom. Marcus managed to escape by the aid of his dying mother. Her last words were, "Go seek shelter with your uncle" and pointed to a road entering a forest. Then she grew still her outstretched hand now limb and her body empty of life and filled with the hollow death. Marcus set along the road for three days before finding his Uncle at this point he was ten and lived there for six years peacefully yet never forgetting the pain of his mothers death. He hid his tragic past by being very talkative and lively hoping to eventually forget the pain through new friends and so his adventure begins.

[heretostay123]

Vato, my friend. I have returned from the depths of the break-up zone with knowledge. Knowledge that will help me reclaim my spot. May I do so?

[TornZero]

Originally Posted by heretostay123

Vato, my friend. I have returned from the depths of the break-up zone with knowledge. Knowledge that will help me reclaim my spot. May I do so?

Nope! |D



You're gonna have to make another sign-up, and we can't guarantee (at all) that it'll get accepted as easily as before. Since we only have one spot left, and you've got competition, you're really gonna have to work for it.

[heretostay123]

Curses! The break-up zone lied to me!