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  #1    
Old January 6th, 2013, 03:54 PM
emmettj4
Unhatched Egg
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Gender: Male
This is the first chapter of a new story I am writing:

Chapter 1 - Introduction and my first pokemon

It's been 10 years since all the gyms and most cities closed down because of pokemon battles getting to violent and people stopping them for good. I was against this. My name is Emmett and i am 20. I was just starting my journey the year when all of this **** started to go down. I lived in the town of pallet town but after that townwas hit with a bomb, it wasnt the only one to get hit by one, i moved to Castellia city and lived in a small apartment thier but the city was a little overcrowded. You see Castellia city is one of the biggest cities in japan and since alot o f things are manufactured there it was not hit by a bomb but you wouldnt see noticed that is wasnt just by looking out the window. It wasnt paradise but it would do. I live there with my partner nidorino, but nidorino wasnt my first pokemon. I actually got my first pokemon back in pallet town from professor Oak. My first pokemon was actually a charamander but i had it about 3 months and it was my best partner. I was on my way to get my 8 badges in the kanto region so that i could take on the elite four and then the champion! I got to pewter city which was the city in which i would get my first gym badge. Me and charmander were training hard so that we could beat the pewter city gym leader, when i saw a ruffling in the bushes. I told charmander to keep his gaurd up as we walked towards it. I was nervous but ready to take on whatever the world would throw at me. I thought of what it could be as i got closer and closer, i thought of it being a legendary like the ones my mother told me about in her storys she would tell me at night when i was younger. I got closer and started to see a purple spike sticking out. I told charmander to keep watch as i went to move the bushes out of the way. I then did so and saw a small purple creature who looked frightened. I quickly pulled out my pokedex because i didn't seem hostile towards me or carmander. I pulled out my pokedex, and i said that it was a nidoran male. I quicky noticed that te one in the pokedex had a bigger horn than the one i had found. The one that i had found had half of it's horn missing. I concluded that i must have got into a fight with another pokemon, most likely a bigger one, and it broke off in the fight.
'You okay little guy?' i said to the pokemon,
The pokemon just edged away but very slowly, most likely because it had no energy left. I put my arms out and grabbed it slowly. It didn't struggle becuase i dont think it thought of me as a threat. I gave it an oran berry and it then became lively again. It looked very happy. I packed up my small campsite, which was just outside of pewter city, and just as i did something started to pull at my trousers. I looked down and it was the little nidorino that i helped. He looked at me like we were friends and i asked it if it would liek to come with me on my adventure. The nidorino jumped around in delight and i threw one of my pokeballs at it and it sucked in the nidorino and after a few seconds it stopped shaking and i had caught my second team member. I arrived at Pewter city. It was marvellous. It was alot bigger tan Pallet town and there were more buildings here. I first went to the pokemon centre to heal my pokemon. Everyone in the pokemon centre was nice and nurse joy quickly noticed my nidorino's broken horn when i brought it out of it's pokeball.
'What happened to your nidorino's horn?' nurse joy asked.
'I couldn't tell you if I tried, i just guessed that it broken off in a battle at some point.' I replied to her.
Nurse joy then said, 'You should make sure nothing like that happens to your pokemon!'
'It didn't happen when i was around!' I quickly replied.
She gave me a wierd look and finished healing my pokemon then gave them back to me. I thought to myself that i should go check out the pokemart to stock up on some essentials like potions and full heals. I did that and at about that point it was getting dark so i stayed in the pokemon centre. The next day i felt ready, ready to take on my first gym and get my first gym badge! I walked up to the gym and stood at the door. I felt ready but i couldn't get myself to go inside. Then the doors opened and a trainer came running out with a growlithe in his hands. It looked hurt. Then i remembered what professer Oak had told me,
'Watch out for the first gym, it's a rock type gym which is super effective against fire type pokemon!'
I stood there at the doors of the gym unable to move. Then a man came walking out towards me. He walked up to me and said in a proud voice,
'You here to take on the gym?'
'Yes, sir.' I replied as my voice trembled.
'Good,' said the man, 'we just got finished with the last battle!'
I asked my voice still trembling, 'Are you the gym leader, sir.'
The man laughed, 'No i retired a long time ago, now it's my son that is the gym leader!'
The man then walked off and i still stood there unable to move still. The man seemed proud so that scared me. I finally gained the courage to step into the gym. I walked in, the gym was huge with a battle gound which had rocks sticking up out of it.
'This must be where the battles are had.' I whispered to myself.
'Yes it is!' A strong male voice echoed.
A younger looking version of the man i had met outside was walking towards me. He looked strong, which worried me.
'Nice to meet ya, I'm brock the pewter city gym leader!' said the man, 'I specialise in rock type pokemon because they are strong and sturdy just like me!'
I stood up proudly and replied, 'I am Emmett from Pallet town and i have come here to challege you to a battle!'
The man grinned and motioned me to follow him towards the battle ground. I followed him. We both stood at each end of the battle ground. A referee walked out and stood at about the middle, side of the battle field and said,
'This will be a battle between the leader and the challenger, each one will use two pokemon and first one to have both pokemon faint loses! The challenger will go first!'
I thought about who i would send in to battle with his first pokemon. I only had 2 pokemon and one of them was not ready to fight a gym leader. I thought very thoroughly and the only one I could send in was charmander, since he was the only one I had trained.
'Go charmander!' I shouted.
Charmander burst out of his pokeball with such energy.
Brock said, 'You do realise you are at a disadvantage?'
I looked at him and nodded.
'All of my pokemon are rock type which are super effective against your charmander!' he said.
I then said, 'I do have another pokemon but iy is not trained enough. And just because i am at a disadvantage doesn't mean you will win!'
Brock grinned and said, 'I like your style kid, now go geodude!'
Brock's pokeball burts opened and a pokemon which i had not seen before appeared. I looked and pull out my pokedex to check it out. It said it was a rock and ground type pokemon so i was at a double disadvantage. I thought carefully and shouted,
'Charmander use ember!'
Charmander blew out a burst of fire but it barely even scratched the geodude,
'Not even a scratch,' Brock said, 'now geodude use rock throw!'
I was just about to tell charmander to dodge but I was too late and the rocks came crashing down surrounding charmander. I thought i was over when a light started coming from the crackes in the rock pile.
'It's evolving!' Brock said, 'When a pokemon gains enough experience it will evolve to it's next form!'
I was thrilled and what emerged from the rock pile was an amazing, powerful looking pokemon! I pulled out my pokedex and it said that i was called charmeleon and it was even tronger than charmander! It also said that charmeleon knew some new moves! And one of them was going to be very effective.
'Charmeleon use metal claw!' I said with tremendous power!
Charmeleon then lept up and it's claws started shining and became metal and he striked the geodude with a super effective metal claw! the geodude went crashing into the ground and from the smoke charmeleon emerged victorious.
'Damn that's strong! Took out geodude in one hit!'
It looked more promising now that i culd win! Charmeleon looked at me and grinned as if to say 'let's do this!' and i looked back at him with the same look and grinn.
Brock started to laugh and said, 'You do realise it's not over yet?'
I looked over at him with a confused look on my face and then i realised, he has a second pokemon.
'Now here we go!' said Brock, 'Now go my main pokemon, onix go!'
His second pokeball came crashing down and out popped a long pokemon with many segments on it's body which were made out of rocks! I pulled out my pokedex once again and it told me that this pokemon was called onix and it was also a rock and ground type just like geodude but most likely this pokemon was stronger. I looked but remebered how strong my charmeleon's metal claw was and I was partly relieved but it also partly wasn't because of his pokemon being four times super effective against my charmeleon.
I shouted once more, 'Charmeleon use metal claw!'
Charmeleon was just about to use metal claw when Brock said,
'Onix use bind!'
His onix shot straight at charmeleon and wrapped around it and squeezed. Charmeleon couldn't use metal claw because it was trapped. I thought there was no hope in the world to save charmeleon and then,
'Onix stop!' Brock said.
Then onix stopped using bind and charmeleon was set free. I was relieved but i wondered why he told him to stop. I then noticed my charmeleon, it wasn't moving. I realised then, charmeleon had fainted. My only chance at beating the gym was my charmeleon and it had fainted so i was hopeless. I only had one more pokemon and it was, nidoran. He was my only choice so i did.
'Go nidoran!' I said.
Nidoran came out and he was also full of energy. Brock also noticed that nidoran's horn was broken and he said,
'Your nidoran must have gotten into a huge fight to have lost it's horn! Nidoran's horns are as sturdy as a rock!'
He looked at nidoran as if it was very strong because it had no horn. I was happy that a leader as strong as Brock admired my nidoran.
'It doesn't matter, onix use bind!' Brock quickly shouted.
I got scared. If it had enough power to take out my charmeleon, little nidoran was doomed. Little nidoran was getting hurt really badly so i had to think of something quick. I remembered then that i had never checked to see what moves nidoran could use! I pulled out my pokedex very quickly and checked out nidoran. I had to hurry because nidoran was still getting hurt. I then saw something that could really help me! I grinned, looked up and said,
'Nidoran use double kick!'
Little nidoran heard me and put all of it's power into one last double kick. Nidoran then kicked onix once to knock him off and then put all of it's power into this last one and it kicked onix! Onix then came crashing down to the ground with so much force that the ground shook a bit. And what appeared from the smoke was tremedous and a once in a life time specticle. Nidoran was standing proud and tall and onix was down on the ground out like a light. I jumped for joy and my little nidoran came running towards me and I picked him up and threw him up and caught him again. I had gotten my first gym badge by beating the first gym with a nidoran! It was a great experience and I was never that happy ever again.
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  #2    
Old January 6th, 2013, 09:36 PM
Phantom's Avatar
Phantom
Uh, I didn't do it
Community Supporter
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Minnesota
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Nature: Brave
Welcome to Fanfiction and Writing. It looks like you're a fairly new member, so welcome!

First off, I noticed that there were quite a few grammatical mistakes in this. But the first thing that threw me off was the formatting. It's considered the 'standard' online format for fanfiction to put a full space in between each paragraph. This makes it easier to read online, otherwise it's a large block of text that can be hard to read.

For many of the grammar issues using a writing program, even something like Microsoft Word would help a ton, especially with the lower case 'i's

For now I won't go through the entire thing (perhaps someone else will), I suggest signing up for a beta at the Beta Place, it might help you out.
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