The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club]

[Altix]

the world is so sad... Everything's so sad. Nothing is sad proof.

[Nakuzami]

Originally Posted by Shining Raichu

But yeah I'm seeing him again tonight! We're going to see Pitch Perfect and it shall be awesome!

Aw, so cute. <3

AAAAND, how long has it been since I posted here? ._.
DID I MENTION I GOT MY FIRST BOYFRIEND? Like, almost four months ago but I honestly think it's been that long since I posted here. . . .
I'm not sure where to start. :x . . . So, I think I'ma just let my post end at this awkward cliff. *plunge*
(Also, I'm now in love with P!nk but that may or may not be completely irrelevant. :>)

[Altix]

congratulations on your bf. P!nk is cool

[LightningAlex]

Congratulations on your boyfriend, Nakuzami May I ask how you two met?

[Nakuzami]

@Altix - Thanks~

Originally Posted by LightningAlex

Congratulations on your boyfriend, Nakuzami :) May I ask how you two met?

Ooooh, I guess that's where I can start.
That seems like an awkward story to tell. Well, time to make an attempt, lol.

I think I knew him for about a year, perhaps a little more, before we started dating. AHAHAHA, but the circumstances of our meeting is where it gets a bit awkward. Not at the time, but when I tell the story now it is.
At that time, he was dating my sister. :/ Well, technically my step-sister. WELL, if you get really technical she's not even that; her mother and my father have been together for, like, ten+ years, but they're not married. They refer to themselves as being married though. (Oh gosh, I sound like I'm making excuses. I guess I am. xD)

Let's put it this way: my sister is a bit of a psycho and knows how to be a major b****. She randomly decided that she hated his guts this summer. She stopped dating him a few months before that, when she pretty much dumped him to chase a long distance relationship that didn't end up lasting anyways. (I think I've already been dating him longer than my sister did.)
He's bisexual. I've known that since she was dating him, and I suppose I had a crush on him for a while and . . . oh my, I don't even know. @_@ Long story short: we liked each other and started dating September 16^th. There's . . . about a three year and nine month age difference between us, (apparently completely legal in NY) lol. The only time I even notice it is when it comes to talking about school or all them privileges you get when you turn eighteen, which he did October 1^st. //pfft

[LaVida]

Originally Posted by Victini

Speaking of spilling feels, I think I want to spill something real quick... ;w;

Originally when I posted in this thread I had the mind set that I was a Gray-A. Turns out I had that all wrong. I was mistaking the signs of a Gray-A for what's actually proven itself to be demisexuality to me. I discovered it fully because of an ex-partner of mine recently.

I realized that my lack of desire in general and such applies to every being I know... untiiiil I actually come to love and or care about them on a deeper level. I didn't pick up those signs until my ex-partner ended up showing it to me inadvertently. .//////.

Go figure. It's similar to being a Gray-A, but your loving feelings end up applying just to that person who gives you feels. >//^//>

Well, I hope, I won't sound rude or anything after writing this>>

You see, I think, it's nice that you kind of "figured it out" and got to know that you were actually wrong the first time around. But... does labeling really matter that much? Of course, it's good to know who you are etc. but when it comes to sexual orientations, I sometimes get the feeling that people limit themselves too much. Does it matter if somebody is hetero-, bi-, homo- or asexual?

I think it's best to tell yourself: "Well, right now, I seem more like this, but if I come to like something else, it will be fine, too."

I don't know why I'm even typing this. Maybe because so many people are going on and on about what orientation suits them best. When I read your post, the same thought ocurred to me... Sure, you can call yourself whatever you want to, but isn't it easier to just "let it be how it is" and not keep thinking too much about orientations?

I hope, this didn't sound too harsh...

By the way, demisexuality doesn't sound so uncommon to me. I guess, I'd have to call myself this way as well as I don't seem to be attracted to people unless I develop feelings for them. However, I know a lot of people who are like this and I don't see a reason why it should be so unusual.

I guess, I could call myself demihetero and homosexual? You see, I only find guys hot when I have feelings for them but when it comes to girls, I find them attractive regardless of feelings.
(Haha, sorry, I'm just joking around with the terms a bit. Nothing meant too seriously.)

[TornZero]

Originally Posted by LaVida

Well, I hope, I won't sound rude or anything after writing this>>

You see, I think, it's nice that you kind of "figured it out" and got to know that you were actually wrong the first time around. But... does labeling really matter that much? Of course, it's good to know who you are etc. but when it comes to sexual orientations, I sometimes get the feeling that people limit themselves too much. Does it matter if somebody is hetero-, bi-, homo- or asexual?

People simply need an identity. Labels are a method of putting that identity into words without dragging it out.

Heterosexual: "I like the opposite sex. ... No, I don't like Justin Bieber."

Homosexual: "I like the same sex as me. ... No, I still don't like Justin Bieber."

Bisexual: "I like both." This can very easily be dragged out into particular preferences of each persuasion

Pansexual: "I like everyone!" ("Wait, so you like hermaphrodites and shemales too?" This obviously deserves a punch in the face, but it'll still be asked.)

Asexual: "I like no one." (Frankly, I feel like this is basically sounding out, "I'm Batman," and it shouldn't be explained further because you'll end up with a Batarang in your back and/or crotch.)

[Scarf]

Originally Posted by TornZero

Pansexual: "I like everyone!" ("Wait, so you like hermaphrodites and shemales too?" This obviously deserves a punch in the face, but it'll still be asked.)

As someone who identifies as pansexual I think I'd rather explain to someone that there aren't such things as hermaphrodites (at least in humans) and that shemale is an impolite term and that trans, transgender, intersex, or another word would be better, but that, in a sense, yes, a pansexual person can (and most likely does if this is what they identify as) find anyone attractive whether they are male, female, both, neither, or what have you.

And then I'd punch them in the face.

[PhantomX0990]

So my mom has been in denial ever since my er, coming out issue.

So we're in the doctor's office, and she looks at me weirdly and says, "Are you wearing makeup?" I respond that yeah, I was. She tells me that I never wear makeup, I said I was barely wearing any and it was to cover up a small zit I had. She then tells me I never wear it and asks who am was I trying to impress. Honestly, I just was covering a zit, but then she continued, asking what his or her name was.

She said 'her'.

My brain pittered out for a second.

I figured the waiting room at the doctor's office isn't the best place for a parental blow up.

But this is the closest she's ever come to even awknowledging that I like women.

[Victini]

Originally Posted by LaVida

Well, I hope, I won't sound rude or anything after writing this>>

You see, I think, it's nice that you kind of "figured it out" and got to know that you were actually wrong the first time around. But... does labeling really matter that much? Of course, it's good to know who you are etc. but when it comes to sexual orientations, I sometimes get the feeling that people limit themselves too much. Does it matter if somebody is hetero-, bi-, homo- or asexual?

I think it's best to tell yourself: "Well, right now, I seem more like this, but if I come to like something else, it will be fine, too."

I don't know why I'm even typing this. Maybe because so many people are going on and on about what orientation suits them best. When I read your post, the same thought ocurred to me... Sure, you can call yourself whatever you want to, but isn't it easier to just "let it be how it is" and not keep thinking too much about orientations?

I hope, this didn't sound too harsh...

... I guess I'm having a hard time understanding what lead you to reply to me at all in that manner. XD; I guess I'm not finding a point to be honest?

I'm not going on about what orientation 'suits me best'. I'm posting an update to our group on my epiphany in regards to learning about myself. Putting a label on my sexuality is the same thing as putting a label on gender or labeling a disorder... it's the same thing. Giving a 'label' to things is a way to help others understand without having to explain it (most of the time). When you give a single word to describe a ton of things, it can be understood faster and better by the general population.

I get the whole 'we're people not produce, no need for labels blah' type of thing, but really... labels are not just for you. They are also there to help everyone else understand you. And my whole idea of using the word demisexual to describe how I approach love and attraction helps others to understand me better when it comes to that. I feel like if you want others to understand you, you gotta use labels. XD;

tl;dr :

People simply need an identity. Labels are a method of putting that identity into words without dragging it out.

What Torn said.

... So I guess I'm missing the point of that reply afterall... ;w; Ah well.~

[LaVida]

I'm sorry, Victini, if I confused you. You see, when I finished typing, I didn't really know either why I was saying that. (I also hinted at that xD) But I thought, since I had been writing so much, it'd be better to simply submit it than to just delete it again... so yeah. Sorry, I must admit, it's not really connected to your previous comment XD

Yes, I understand that labels are really there to make other people understand you better. But you see, I often see people who are badly trying to figure themselves out. They ask questions like "Am I homosexual or bisexual?" This is when I ask myself "At this moment, is it really so important to put a label on yourself?"

I'd say, go easy and figure it out over time, it's not important to put a label on right away. I think people sometimes take a risk and identify as something too soon, when in the end, they figure out, they are in fact something else. I mean, sure, it's fine to identify as whatever you like, if you feel it suits you... but at the same time, the moment people put a label on themselves, they kind of limit themselves as well. That's why I said in my last reply, that it'd proabably be best to be "open-minded" about one's sexual orientation....

Again, I'm not referring to you or anyone... It's just something, that I was thinking would be interesting to share.

Originally Posted by PhantomX0990

So my mom has been in denial ever since my er, coming out issue.

So we're in the doctor's office, and she looks at me weirdly and says, "Are you wearing makeup?" I respond that yeah, I was. She tells me that I never wear makeup, I said I was barely wearing any and it was to cover up a small zit I had. She then tells me I never wear it and who am was I trying to impress. Honestly, I just was covering a zit, but then she continued, asking what his or her name was.

She said 'her'.

My brain pittered out for a second.

I told a friend and he said why didn't I tell her then about my girlfriend. I figured the waiting room at the doctor's office isn't the best place for a parental blow up.

But this is the closest she's ever come to even awknowledging that I like women.

I imagine that it must have been really awkward when your mother asked what her name was you were (in her mind) wearing makeup for, especially at a doctor's office. What did you tell her then?

Since you came out, has your mother been acting differently toward you? (Sorry, I don't know your story and if you don't feel like replying, it's fine too)

[PhantomX0990]

Originally Posted by LaVida

I imagine that it must have been really awkward when your mother asked what her name was you were (in her mind) wearing makeup for, especially at a doctor's office. What did you tell her then?

Since you came out, has your mother been acting differently toward you? (Sorry, I don't know your story and if you don't feel like replying, it's fine too)

Naw it's okay.

My mom sort of found out by being a snoop and looking through some emails between a friend and I a few years ago, in which I talked about some heavy stuff, including coming out and that I was atheist. My mom has basically been in denial about the fact that I was interested in women too, and was more pissed about the atheist thing. Since then we've had huge arguments about religion and cried and everything. About being lesbian? Nothing. So her even mentioning that even in passing was a huge moment where I sort of had a brain fail. I just told her the truth, that zit zilla had attacked and I was covering it up. Besides, I was just wearing a little concealer, nothing big, so I'm not even sure how my mom noticed, or even cared.

Nothing has changed otherwise though.

[BlueShellBeast]

Mind if I join you guys? I'm just an awkward transguy mindlessly wandering about his life.

Originally Posted by LaVida

Yes, I understand that labels are really there to make other people understand you better. But you see, I often see people who are badly trying to figure themselves out. They ask questions like "Am I homosexual or bisexual?" This is when I ask myself "At this moment, is it really so important to put a label on yourself?"

I just want to comment on this one. I think that 'labels' are really important things for both getting people to understand quicker (they can quickly google it and find out what it's about) and you can get some closure once you finally figure it out from both an outside community and an online community. I know when I finally had a word for what I was, I was finally able to relax over the 'What am I?' portion of my mind that was asking that.

I also don't quite think that it truly limits you, unless you go ahead and limit yourself. I mean, a bunch of words can't keep you from doing the things that you want to do. Of course, you have the right to disagree with me.

[Scarf]

I think labels are a double-edged sword. Like what BlueShellBeast said, you get that ability to quickly understand a lot of things and feel like you're not alone. But I think you also risk pigeonholing yourself, risk identifying too quickly with something in a rush to feel like you belong to a group. I wouldn't blame anyone for that, I've done it myself, but I would worry it would lead to trouble later after someone's had a chance to cool down.

Let me use myself as an example. I grew up figuring I was a normal straight boy because that's all there was. Nevermind that I would pretend to put on makeup, play with dolls, and secretly try on clothes of my family members. I also played with toy soldiers and did other boyish things like have crushes on girls. In high school I also had a crush on a boy, which caused me no end of confusion, and wore a dress to school once, but I was still just a straight guy. You know, a non-judgmental and open-minded guy. Except by the time I was done with high school I really didn't feel like I was a guy at all. I felt like I was really a girl and slowly I came to terms with that, with being actually a girl, after speaking with people, especially trans people, reading and reflecting a lot. I was trans, but I wasn't "typical" trans. I didn't want to go through surgery and was okay keeping those parts down there. You know, a little intersexed. But I kept with the belief that I was a girl, a trans girl. For a while I wouldn't let myself do or feel things that were too masculine and I rationalized a lot of behavior and feelings. Now we've come to where I am right now and I feel like at this moment I'm really more genderqueer than anything. Some days I really want to be girly, wear dresses, put on makeup, paint my nails, and some days I'd rather be a slob and play video games all afternoon. (And yeah, I know that plenty of girls never wear makeup and play tons of games.)

tl;dr I feel like I've jumped to identify myself too quickly in the past because I found a word, and identity, that really appealed to me in the moment.

[Shining Raichu]

Hi BlueShellBeast, welcome aboard!

As for the labels discussion, I think too much emphasis is put on the idea of it. I agree with everything that Scarf said (and also enjoyed finding out more about her as this is the most she's probably opened up in a while!) but I also think people are too hesitant to decide on a label because of the stigma that has popped up surrounding labelling. I don't find pigeonholing that much of a risk - just because you've given yourself a label, doesn't mean you can't change it. Labels can be peeled off and and replaced quite easily if you should ever change your mind.

I'm gay, I've labelled myself that and I don't see myself ever changing that, but should I begin to feel that I am attracted to girls as well, I'm not so precious about being gay that I wouldn't be able to change my label to 'bisexual'.

[Scarf]

Originally Posted by Shining Raichu

I'm gay, I've labelled myself that and I don't see myself ever changing that, but should I begin to feel that I am attracted to girls as well, I'm not so precious about being gay that I wouldn't be able to change my label to 'bisexual'.

You know, you're only the second gay guy I've heard say something like this that I can remember. (I'm sure more feel this way, but I can't remember hearing them say it.) I have heard many react terribly to the idea of ever not being gay. Maybe that's just an act, a persona, a guise, but it made me think that they were very stuck to their labels.

[LaVida]

I agree on what both of you said Scarf and Shining Raichu. Sometimes I think that labels are really too overrated but I do understand that people want to belong to a certain group they can identify with. But I guess that some people rush things a little too much.

May I ask something else?

Do you guys wear anything (e.g. a rainbow bracelet) to show that you're gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans...? And if so, has anybody ever noticed and said something about it?

I've been thinking about getting a rainbow or even a bisexual colored (you know, pink-purple-blue) key chain or bracelet. I think it would be pretty nice to underline that part of me but I don't really know where to get something like this (beside on the Internet).

[Scarf]

I find that having rainbow this or that stuff on my person invites unwanted strangers to make comments (positive and negative) and I'd rather not talk to strangers so I don't wear anything like that.

[Kiyoshi the Polar Bear]

@Rainbow Stuff Question - I do have some rainbow stuff lying around that I have worn, but the only real rainbow thing I have that I have no problem wearing around anywhere is a rainbow tie-dye shirt.

It's good to show a little pride here and there, but there is certainly a difference from being tasteful and annoyingly extravagant. There's a difference between wearing a shirt or bracelet that say "Equality for all" or "Yay Same Sex Marriage Yay" or something of the like to show support, and duct taping a neon sign to your chest saying "GAY" and becoming a one-man pride parade including all the frivolous noise and prevalence of assless chaps.

and also @Previous Label Question - I understand the concept about labels, but labels themselves over-complicate things because people can't stick to one bloody name as they discover themselves. My best advice? If you feel that your sexual orientation or gender label has too many footnotes and revisions, just go label-less. It's far easier trying to think up a way of explaining it in a sentence or two than just one word.

Also, hi again everybody! Long time no see.

[LightningAlex]

I don't wear anything to show that I'm gay, but maybe I sometimes will. I've always wanted a necklace with a rainbow on it xD Rainbow is also one of my favorite bands, so it's a win-win.
But I really dislike people who wear too much of stuff like that. It's just bringing you closer to completely fitting in the extremely annoying "gay stereotype".

[Gyardosamped]

Hi everyone! Since I can be more active now on the forums, I thought I should ask if I could join this club!

I might not be in the club yet, and I hate to bring politics in here, and I'm sure this has been posted already, but this made me so, so, so, so happy when the POTUS said this at his inauguration. I had to post it. Especially since I voted for him (I already knew his stance during his election campaign):



Certainly shows progress, although the issue of equality should not be a question during our day and age.

[Shining Raichu]

Originally Posted by Scarf

You know, you're only the second gay guy I've heard say something like this that I can remember. (I'm sure more feel this way, but I can't remember hearing them say it.) I have heard many react terribly to the idea of ever not being gay. Maybe that's just an act, a persona, a guise, but it made me think that they were very stuck to their labels.

I think you'll find the people who are like that (and you're right, there are a lot of them) are the people to whom being gay is a very important part of who they are. They sort of function as a gay person rather than just as a person and to have that label ripped from them in any way would shake the entire foundation of their personalities. That's what I've noticed, anyway.

Originally Posted by LaVida

Do you guys wear anything (e.g. a rainbow bracelet) to show that you're gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans...? And if so, has anybody ever noticed and said something about it?

No, I don't, but that's because I'm not a very flamboyant person. I don't really wear bright colours and I'm not a jewelry person (having bracelets or rings or anything on just makes me spend so much time fiddling with them trying to make them comfortable that I just end up taking them off in frustration and never using them again). I have a very reserved personality in real life, too, so wearing rainbow stuff just isn't me all-round.

Then there's the whole "you should only be proud of accomplishments, not things you just are" frame of mind I have lol. I don't like showing gay pride for the same reason I don't like showing patriotism. Being gay is not something I achieved, so why is it something I should be proud of?

--------

Welcome Gyardosamped! I don't believe anybody's posted that in here yet and I love it as well :D. I know Obama is powerless as far as state government is concerned, but his support is a really huge deal and I hope he can find a way to make something of it at some point over the next four years!

[Gyardosamped]

Originally Posted by Shining Raichu

No, I don't, but that's because I'm not a very flamboyant person. I don't really wear bright colours and I'm not a jewelry person (having bracelets or rings or anything on just makes me spend so much time fiddling with them trying to make them comfortable that I just end up taking them off in frustration and never using them again). I have a very reserved personality in real life, too, so wearing rainbow stuff just isn't me all-round.

Then there's the whole "you should only be proud of accomplishments, not things you just are" frame of mind I have lol. I don't like showing gay pride for the same reason I don't like showing patriotism. Being gay is not something I achieved, so why is it something I should be proud of?

--------

Welcome Gyardosamped! I don't believe anybody's posted that in here yet and I love it as well :D. I know Obama is powerless as far as state government is concerned, but his support is a really huge deal and I hope he can find a way to make something of it at some point over the next four years!

Thanks for the welcome! I'm eager to meet each and everyone of you who actively post on this topic, as it's always nice to meet people who share similar ideas and qualities!

I agree with you when it comes to not wearing any type of clothes or jewelry that could give the impression I'm gay. I've never really been a jewelry person at all, and personality-wise, I am very constrained when it comes to speaking my thoughts to those I don't necessarily know too well. I don't believe being being gay or not is something chosen, but rather it's something you're born with. I know this last sentence sparks a lot of controversy, so I won't get into much detail, but that's my thinking. I have come to realize who I am, and I appreciate that. If someone doesn't like me because I'm gay, I feel as if they don't need to be a part of my life.

As for the picture I posted, I'm so glad Obama has made his stance clear about supporting the LGBT community. I think he's actually one of the first U.S. presidents to vocally state his position on issues like gay marriage, which frankly shouldn't even be an issue. Nevertheless, it's definitely progress, and I do hope he sticks to his words and implements some type of legislation to help the LGBT community.

---------

As I just joined, I would like to talk a little bit about myself. I'm currently 18, but in a few months I will be 19, and I guess you could say I'm homosexual. Since I was in elementary school, I knew that I liked the same sex. Like I posted above, I've come to the realization that I am gay and have found who I am. I haven't "come out" to anyone, but I do suspect some people already know, or at least have some idea that I am, including my parents. I haven't found the right time to tell my parents that I am gay, but lately I have been a bit more motivated to tell them, so I really hope it happens soon, like within the next year or so. I don't know how to approach my parents if I do, though. Anyone have any tips or stories as to how they did it?

Personality-wise, I find myself to be a friendly person. I can be shy and to myself at times, but once I get to know a person, I become very social. I guess my introversion hasn't helped me much when it comes to meeting new people, but I have become very close to a small group of friends who have helped me build my character as a person. Like many here, I don't fit the "gay stereotype", and I hate when people think that all gay people are the same. I dress and act very much like a "straight" person, if there is such a thing (I don't like to generalize).

I hope to meet many of you, and I hope to be as active as possible on this topic as I can be. Nice meeting you all!

[Nakuzami]

Do you guys wear anything (e.g. a rainbow bracelet) to show that you're gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans...? And if so, has anybody ever noticed and said something about it?

Does a white and grey hoodie with multicolored dinosaurs count? xD
No, not really. I'm a dark-colors-and-hoodie kind of guy, most of the time. Although, a few of my (primarily black) shirts have pink on them, but I'd hardly say that's displaying my sexuality or anything. Lol.

. . . BUT I suppose I did kind of wander back in here today because . . . ugh, well, I'm feeling rather down. I just got dumped earlier . . . and . . . I'm really not sure. Yes, I cried a bit, although since I was still at his house for a while hanging with his family (who had no idea about us, by the way) I didn't really get the chance to all that much . . . I'm kind of at the point now where half of my mind has shut down and is ignoring it.
It really really SUCKS, to put it bluntly, and perhaps even then I'm being quite . . . under-dramatic, I guess?
We're still friends, though . . . uh . . . well . . . I'll have to give my mind some time to settle. Basically he broke up with me because, I guess, he just didn't care about me like that anymore. Seriously helps my self-esteem issues, thanks. @_@

[Gyardosamped]

Originally Posted by Nakuzami

Do you guys wear anything (e.g. a rainbow bracelet) to show that you're gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans...? And if so, has anybody ever noticed and said something about it?

Does a white and grey hoodie with multicolored dinosaurs count? xD
No, not really. I'm a dark-colors-and-hoodie kind of guy, most of the time. Although, a few of my (primarily black) shirts have pink on them, but I'd hardly say that's displaying my sexuality or anything. Lol.

. . . BUT I suppose I did kind of wander back in here today because . . . ugh, well, I'm feeling rather down. I just got dumped earlier . . . and . . . I'm really not sure. Yes, I cried a bit, although since I was still at his house for a while hanging with his family (who had no idea about us, by the way) I didn't really get the chance to all that much . . . I'm kind of at the point now where half of my mind has shut down and is ignoring it.
It really really SUCKS, to put it bluntly, and perhaps even then I'm being quite . . . under-dramatic, I guess?
We're still friends, though . . . uh . . . well . . . I'll have to give my mind some time to settle. Basically he broke up with me because, I guess, he just didn't care about me like that anymore. Seriously helps my self-esteem issues, thanks. @_@

Sorry to hear that happened to you. I'm not very good at giving relationship advice, but maybe the break-up was for the better? I mean, if he didn't "care about you like that anymore", then maybe it was better he decided to break the relationship. I guess it's good you two are still friends, but I know it still sucks. I hope it gets better, and who knows, maybe he'll come back and say he made the wrong decision, or you'll meet someone else. Hope everything get's better, though.