[Discussion] This thread is pretty gay.

[Impo]

Being gay, it's weird. People'd probably expect those who are gay to feel insulted, but from my perspective... I guess calling me gay is... 'correct'? I don't know. ****** is offensive, and I guess like Curious said, if they pretty much spit the word gay then you know it's being used derogatorily, which is wrong.

On that note my friends use the word gay around me to describe things that are bad, but never derogatorily. I guess it's kind of a word with two meanings, like most of the English Dictionary.

[Yoshikkko]

Originally Posted by Scarf

Using the word "gay" when you mean "stupid" is insulting. I don't care if you didn't mean for it to be insulting. If you wanted to say something was dumb say it was dumb, otherwise you're looking pretty dumb in my eyes.

Really, if you are at all close to someone who is gay you won't use the word except to mean, well, gay. You just won't. That one time you did use it in front of them it was really, really awkward and you realized it was the wrong thing to say even before your friend or relative even called you out on it. Because you're a considerate person, right? I mean, for you to use "gay" to mean "stupid" when you know someone who is gay makes you terribly insensitive.

Speak for yourself. My best friend doesn't care one bit if I or other people use it, it completely depends on the person. You can't just state that something is insulting to everyone just because it is to you. And you can't call people inconsiderate and insensitive towards their friends either if they use it, just because you're offended.

Really, if you are at all close to someone who is gay you won't use the word except to mean, well, gay.

This pisses me off. You're undermining my friendship with someone (or whoever else's) and just claim whatever.

[Scarf]

@Yoshikkko: Just because someone doesn't feel offended doesn't automatically make something said not insulting. Every gay person I know (and every non-gay person I've talked to about this topic who has gay friends or family) feels that using "that's so gay" and similar phrases is insulting. It's not just me. I'm genuinely surprised that someone would say that their gay friend doesn't mind this kind of talk from their friends.

[Yoshikkko]

Originally Posted by Scarf

@Yoshikkko: Just because someone doesn't feel offended doesn't automatically make something said not insulting. Every gay person I know (and every non-gay person I've talked to about this topic who has gay friends or family) feels that using "that's so gay" and similar phrases is insulting. It's not just me. I'm genuinely surprised that someone would say that their gay friend doesn't mind this kind of talk from their friends.

Just because someone feels offended, doesn't automatically make something said insulting. It works both ways, not just the one you think. Again, you are basing something off your own experience. Nice that every gay person you know and everyone else feels it's insulting, but you can't possibly make statement like this just based on that. It doesn't apply to every person just because it's like that with you and the people around you.
And it also sounds as if you're saying that I just bluffed that my gay best friend doesn't mind because you said you are surprised that I said that. No, you should be surprised (if you should be at all) that he doesn't care at all, and that's true. He doesn't mind it, he uses it himself and he knows the difference and therefore doesn't care.

[Scarf]

It's not just my experience I'm basing my views on, but that of practically everyone I've ever heard speak about this topic. Please excuse my attempt to use an illustrative example. I wasn't attempting to invalidate your friendship, however much it disagrees with what I know. I'd rather not fight about this.

[Yoshikkko]

Originally Posted by Scarf

It's not just my experience I'm basing my views on, but that of practically everyone I've ever heard speak about this topic. Please excuse my attempt to use an illustrative example. I wasn't attempting to invalidate your friendship, however much it disagrees with what I know. I'd rather not fight about this.

Yeah I understand because it might not be the opinion anyone'd expect. I totally understand why gay people would be offended/insulted by that term too however way it was used. Maybe it's different here because most of the people I know actually don't mind as much, but here homosexuality is something the majority is very open and relaxed about so maybe that's it. At any rate, I wasn't trying to fight or anything but I did want to defend myself and him too. He is the only one I ever use that term freely with anyway because you can never be sure with other people and it is also not my intention to offend anyone. Having no different opinions would be boring!

[Rococo]

Technically the word gay was originally used as a syn for happy,but like so many words it evolved over time into meaning something else.
I personally don't think that you should put to much stock into a word that's so commonly used,but I can see how some people would get offended.
My opinion might be a bit biased though since I use gay myself. n.n"

[The_Consumer]

Just generally try not to offend people so instead of saying "that's gay!" or "how gay" I would replace the word with annoying, stupid, weird or a made up word.

I never call people gay, Idk it doesnt seem right. What if they are? It's as if you're saying they're a crime against humanity for being "gay", and they actually are gay so they're proving your point.

I haven't heard it recently though, surprisingly, so I don't think about it. I do think that it offends boys much more than girls though for the simple reason that being "gay" leaves that stereotype on them that they may dislike because loads of 12 year olds try their best to act as macho as possible. *is not ageist*

[twocows]

If some people are legitimately offended by something like that, those people need to grow some thicker skin. People who say stuff like "that's so gay" as an insult probably don't mean anything by it. You want malicious intent, look at WBC. Now there's something to be offended by.

Demonizing people for saying something dumb when it's obvious they didn't mean anything by it is just giving yourself an ego trip. I call it "being a self-righteous jerk."

[outfox]

I do avoid using words that carry a lot of baggage, like "f****t" or the "n" word, but I don't believe any word is inherently harmful. We attach hateful connotations if we want to.

[Kanto_Johto]

I don't find it offensive, and I'm guilty of using it myself IRL. I try not to but it just slips out. Nobody has ever been offended by me saying it though, which is good. Online I never use it though.

[Moogles]

I think if gay people use it as word reclaiming it's fine (Just like some do with the word ******) but straight people shouldn't really be saying it because they don't know the true impact of what they're saying.

I really think it's that simple. It's shown to hurt kids so you should grow up and stop using it.

[kelario27]

Originally Posted by SwiftSign

'Dumb' originally only referred to as another word for mute, or people who could not speak. So really it's a very similar situation, where a derogatory term for a minority has become the norm and gained a new definition.

What this guy said. I find it insulting, but only when I'm called gay. I'm personally an advocate of sending all the homosexuals to Triton.

[Skylands]

I use "gay" as a substitute for "lame" or "stupid" around people I know who don't mind, but the number of times I actually use the word isn't very high to begin with, and I never use it to describe a person.

I also have a few IRL friends who happen to be truly gay and use the word themselves in that sense. It all depends on the person. You may or may not offend someone, so always be careful.

[Shiny Bidoof]

I heard a gay acquaintance of mine say "That's so straight," and it had me rolling XD. I've used if a few time since then.

[Patchisou Yutohru]

It's pretty gay to be offended by the word gay.

Originally Posted by twocows

If some people are legitimately offended by something like that, those people need to grow some thicker skin. People who say stuff like "that's so gay" as an insult probably don't mean anything by it. You want malicious intent, look at WBC. Now there's something to be offended by.

Demonizing people for saying something dumb when it's obvious they didn't mean anything by it is just giving yourself an ego trip. I call it "being a self-righteous jerk."

Originally Posted by outfox

I do avoid using words that carry a lot of baggage, like "f****t" or the "n" word, but I don't believe any word is inherently harmful. We attach hateful connotations if we want to.

This is exactly how I feel about it. I think it's society's fault for having developed the word used in that way to be interpreted this way, and thus people attach hateful connotations with the word no matter which way it's used. I also believe that people who are actually insulted by someone calling something gay in the stupid sense should grow some thicker skin, as twocows said. I'm not an insensitive person, and I understand that somethings are sensitive to other people, but I generally hold the belief that there are more important things to focus concerns like that on than someone's language.

[Shiny Bidoof]

Originally Posted by SwiftSign

'Dumb' originally only referred to as another word for mute, or people who could not speak. So really it's a very similar situation, where a derogatory term for a minority has become the norm and gained a new definition.

But people rarely use "dumb" as a way of saying "mute" these days, whereas it's common for homosexuals to be called "gay."

Essentially you're using a word for a person's sexual orientation to describe things that are unpleasant. It sort of connects the two and gives the more common use of the word some really negative connotations.

When you describe things negatively as "gay," it sends the message "gay is not a good thing, it's a bad thing." That's why so many people are offended when others use it.

Originally Posted by kelario27

What this guy said. I find it insulting, but only when I'm called gay. I'm personally an advocate of sending all the homosexuals to Triton.

Why is being gay a bad thing? Personally, I don't care if someone thinks I'm gay. I'm very secure in my sexuality.

[KogiTheFox]

Originally Posted by Scarf

Using the word "gay" when you mean "stupid" is insulting. I don't care if you didn't mean for it to be insulting. If you wanted to say something was dumb say it was dumb, otherwise you're looking pretty dumb in my eyes.

Really, if you are at all close to someone who is gay you won't use the word except to mean, well, gay. You just won't. That one time you did use it in front of them it was really, really awkward and you realized it was the wrong thing to say even before your friend or relative even called you out on it. Because you're a considerate person, right? I mean, for you to use "gay" to mean "stupid" when you know someone who is gay makes you terribly insensitive.

To be honest I just think everyone is culturally oversensitive. I'm gay and don't care if someone uses it as a derogatory term around me; it's not awkward in the least. Hell, I say f****t all the time, you don't see my boyfriend getting offended.

[Patchisou Yutohru]

Originally Posted by Shiny Bidoof

Why is being gay a bad thing? Personally, I don't care if someone thinks I'm gay. I'm very secure in my sexuality.

Because people who are concerned with being called gay aren't secure in their sexuality and thus get overly offended when someone calls them gay.

Such concerns are generally found in secretly insecure individuals and small-minded jocks (I say small-minded because obviously not all jocks are like that) found in high school who often have hypermasculine behavior to discern people from thinking and saying things like that about them.

[Shiny Bidoof]

Originally Posted by KogiTheFox

To be honest I just think everyone is culturally oversensitive. I'm gay and don't care if someone uses it as a derogatory term around me; it's not awkward in the least. Hell, I say f****t all the time, you don't see my boyfriend getting offended.

It's different if you know the person is cool with it though. There are a lot of people who aren't.

A lot of my friends are cool with it and some of them say it, but personally I still avoid using it simply because of the implications.

Originally Posted by Patchisou Yutohru

Because people who are concerned with being called gay aren't secure in their sexuality and thus get overly offended when someone calls them gay.

Such concerns are generally found in secretly insecure individuals and small-minded jocks found in high school.

It's such a weird cultural anxiety we created, like being homosexual is somehow lesser, so we must avoid seeming homosexual at all costs. If you put it into perspective it just makes no sense.

One of my personal pet peeves.

[Patchisou Yutohru]

Originally Posted by Shiny Bidoof

It's such a weird cultural anxiety we created, like being homosexual is somehow lesser, so we must avoid seeming homosexual at all costs. If you put it into perspective it just makes no sense.

One of my personal pet peeves.

I think it more-so deals with the male ego than anything else. Not only does it relate to people being comfortable in their sexuality, but people being comfortable with their gender identity and secure in their masculinity as well. I haven't seen any females with concerns like that, which is why I think it deals more with the male ego than anything else. Probably because lesbianism is generally associated with butch in society rather than femininity. Not sure why that is either, but I think the two relate somehow.

[Shiny Bidoof]

Originally Posted by Patchisou Yutohru

I think it more-so deals with the male ego than anything else. Not only does it relate to people being comfortable in their sexuality, but people being comfortable with their gender identity and secure in their masculinity as well. I haven't seen any females with concerns like that, which is why I think it deals more with the male ego than anything else. Probably because lesbianism is generally associated with butch in society rather than femininity. Not sure why that is either, but I think the two relate somehow.

Lesbianism has sort of been normalized more because of the male attitude towards it, it think. There's still a lot of hatred towards lesbians, but the cultural climate has changed a bit more because of the way men represent lesbian and bisexual women in the media.

Not that this doesn't come with its own host of problems (it's common for men to look at lesbians and bisexual women through the lens of sexual fantasy and treat them as such).

As for the gender identity concept, historically claims of homosexuality have been used to pressure men and women into traditional gender roles, which is where a lot of the stereotypes come from (examples: "you're baking cookies? Don't be gay, dude. Women should bake things, not men" or "You like Sarah McLachlan? Gay!"). Homosexuality has lost a lot of its stigma, so the stereotypes are also fading, but they're still noticeable in our culture and media.

This also work vice-versa, where being gay is bad because it is not part of your gender role.

My theory anyway.

[vaporeon7]

To be honest, when I was a lot younger, I did use gay as a synonym for bad. Now, I have grown out of that completely, and think it is wrong of people to use it that way. Besides gay people are the funnest to serve at work, they always tell the funniest jokes and have really funny stories.

[QuilavaKing]

Nah, I don't find f** offensive either... or really anything at all for that matter. I mean, even if it was used as an insult, I wouldn't really care. =/

[Livewire]

I personally would not be upset if a derogatory, racial or sexuality-based epithet was thrown my way. But then again, there really isn't one for straight white people, and they (white people of social privilege) tend to be the ones throwing out the hateful dialogue anyways. But I can certainly understand why people would be offended by such terminology.