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  #3351    
Old January 10th, 2013 (11:08 AM).
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Quote originally posted by TornZero:
Pansexual: "I like everyone!" ("Wait, so you like hermaphrodites and shemales too?" This obviously deserves a punch in the face, but it'll still be asked.)
As someone who identifies as pansexual I think I'd rather explain to someone that there aren't such things as hermaphrodites (at least in humans) and that shemale is an impolite term and that trans, transgender, intersex, or another word would be better, but that, in a sense, yes, a pansexual person can (and most likely does if this is what they identify as) find anyone attractive whether they are male, female, both, neither, or what have you.

And then I'd punch them in the face.
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  #3352    
Old January 11th, 2013 (05:05 PM). Edited May 24th, 2013 by Phantom.
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So my mom has been in denial ever since my er, coming out issue.

So we're in the doctor's office, and she looks at me weirdly and says, "Are you wearing makeup?" I respond that yeah, I was. She tells me that I never wear makeup, I said I was barely wearing any and it was to cover up a small zit I had. She then tells me I never wear it and asks who am was I trying to impress. Honestly, I just was covering a zit, but then she continued, asking what his or her name was.

She said 'her'.

My brain pittered out for a second.

I figured the waiting room at the doctor's office isn't the best place for a parental blow up.

But this is the closest she's ever come to even awknowledging that I like women.
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  #3353    
Old January 11th, 2013 (10:41 PM). Edited January 11th, 2013 by Victini.
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Quote originally posted by LaVida:
Well, I hope, I won't sound rude or anything after writing this>>

You see, I think, it's nice that you kind of "figured it out" and got to know that you were actually wrong the first time around. But... does labeling really matter that much? Of course, it's good to know who you are etc. but when it comes to sexual orientations, I sometimes get the feeling that people limit themselves too much. Does it matter if somebody is hetero-, bi-, homo- or asexual?

I think it's best to tell yourself: "Well, right now, I seem more like this, but if I come to like something else, it will be fine, too."

I don't know why I'm even typing this. Maybe because so many people are going on and on about what orientation suits them best. When I read your post, the same thought ocurred to me... Sure, you can call yourself whatever you want to, but isn't it easier to just "let it be how it is" and not keep thinking too much about orientations?

I hope, this didn't sound too harsh...
... I guess I'm having a hard time understanding what lead you to reply to me at all in that manner. XD; I guess I'm not finding a point to be honest?

I'm not going on about what orientation 'suits me best'. I'm posting an update to our group on my epiphany in regards to learning about myself. Putting a label on my sexuality is the same thing as putting a label on gender or labeling a disorder... it's the same thing. Giving a 'label' to things is a way to help others understand without having to explain it (most of the time). When you give a single word to describe a ton of things, it can be understood faster and better by the general population.

I get the whole 'we're people not produce, no need for labels blah' type of thing, but really... labels are not just for you. They are also there to help everyone else understand you. And my whole idea of using the word demisexual to describe how I approach love and attraction helps others to understand me better when it comes to that. I feel like if you want others to understand you, you gotta use labels. XD;

tl;dr :
Quote:
People simply need an identity. Labels are a method of putting that identity into words without dragging it out.
What Torn said.

... So I guess I'm missing the point of that reply afterall... ;w; Ah well.~
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  #3354    
Old January 12th, 2013 (07:56 AM).
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I'm sorry, Victini, if I confused you. You see, when I finished typing, I didn't really know either why I was saying that. (I also hinted at that xD) But I thought, since I had been writing so much, it'd be better to simply submit it than to just delete it again... so yeah. Sorry, I must admit, it's not really connected to your previous comment XD

Yes, I understand that labels are really there to make other people understand you better. But you see, I often see people who are badly trying to figure themselves out. They ask questions like "Am I homosexual or bisexual?" This is when I ask myself "At this moment, is it really so important to put a label on yourself?"

I'd say, go easy and figure it out over time, it's not important to put a label on right away. I think people sometimes take a risk and identify as something too soon, when in the end, they figure out, they are in fact something else. I mean, sure, it's fine to identify as whatever you like, if you feel it suits you... but at the same time, the moment people put a label on themselves, they kind of limit themselves as well. That's why I said in my last reply, that it'd proabably be best to be "open-minded" about one's sexual orientation....

Again, I'm not referring to you or anyone... It's just something, that I was thinking would be interesting to share.
Quote originally posted by PhantomX0990:
So my mom has been in denial ever since my er, coming out issue.

So we're in the doctor's office, and she looks at me weirdly and says, "Are you wearing makeup?" I respond that yeah, I was. She tells me that I never wear makeup, I said I was barely wearing any and it was to cover up a small zit I had. She then tells me I never wear it and who am was I trying to impress. Honestly, I just was covering a zit, but then she continued, asking what his or her name was.

She said 'her'.

My brain pittered out for a second.

I told a friend and he said why didn't I tell her then about my girlfriend. I figured the waiting room at the doctor's office isn't the best place for a parental blow up.

But this is the closest she's ever come to even awknowledging that I like women.
I imagine that it must have been really awkward when your mother asked what her name was you were (in her mind) wearing makeup for, especially at a doctor's office. What did you tell her then?

Since you came out, has your mother been acting differently toward you? (Sorry, I don't know your story and if you don't feel like replying, it's fine too)
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  #3355    
Old January 12th, 2013 (12:48 PM). Edited May 24th, 2013 by Phantom.
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Quote originally posted by LaVida:
I imagine that it must have been really awkward when your mother asked what her name was you were (in her mind) wearing makeup for, especially at a doctor's office. What did you tell her then?

Since you came out, has your mother been acting differently toward you? (Sorry, I don't know your story and if you don't feel like replying, it's fine too)
Naw it's okay.

My mom sort of found out by being a snoop and looking through some emails between a friend and I a few years ago, in which I talked about some heavy stuff, including coming out and that I was atheist. My mom has basically been in denial about the fact that I was interested in women too, and was more pissed about the atheist thing. Since then we've had huge arguments about religion and cried and everything. About being lesbian? Nothing. So her even mentioning that even in passing was a huge moment where I sort of had a brain fail. I just told her the truth, that zit zilla had attacked and I was covering it up. Besides, I was just wearing a little concealer, nothing big, so I'm not even sure how my mom noticed, or even cared.

Nothing has changed otherwise though.
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Old January 12th, 2013 (03:09 PM).
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Mind if I join you guys? I'm just an awkward transguy mindlessly wandering about his life.

Quote originally posted by LaVida:
Yes, I understand that labels are really there to make other people understand you better. But you see, I often see people who are badly trying to figure themselves out. They ask questions like "Am I homosexual or bisexual?" This is when I ask myself "At this moment, is it really so important to put a label on yourself?"
I just want to comment on this one. I think that 'labels' are really important things for both getting people to understand quicker (they can quickly google it and find out what it's about) and you can get some closure once you finally figure it out from both an outside community and an online community. I know when I finally had a word for what I was, I was finally able to relax over the 'What am I?' portion of my mind that was asking that.

I also don't quite think that it truly limits you, unless you go ahead and limit yourself. I mean, a bunch of words can't keep you from doing the things that you want to do. Of course, you have the right to disagree with me.
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  #3357    
Old January 13th, 2013 (10:46 AM).
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I think labels are a double-edged sword. Like what BlueShellBeast said, you get that ability to quickly understand a lot of things and feel like you're not alone. But I think you also risk pigeonholing yourself, risk identifying too quickly with something in a rush to feel like you belong to a group. I wouldn't blame anyone for that, I've done it myself, but I would worry it would lead to trouble later after someone's had a chance to cool down.

Let me use myself as an example. I grew up figuring I was a normal straight boy because that's all there was. Nevermind that I would pretend to put on makeup, play with dolls, and secretly try on clothes of my family members. I also played with toy soldiers and did other boyish things like have crushes on girls. In high school I also had a crush on a boy, which caused me no end of confusion, and wore a dress to school once, but I was still just a straight guy. You know, a non-judgmental and open-minded guy. Except by the time I was done with high school I really didn't feel like I was a guy at all. I felt like I was really a girl and slowly I came to terms with that, with being actually a girl, after speaking with people, especially trans people, reading and reflecting a lot. I was trans, but I wasn't "typical" trans. I didn't want to go through surgery and was okay keeping those parts down there. You know, a little intersexed. But I kept with the belief that I was a girl, a trans girl. For a while I wouldn't let myself do or feel things that were too masculine and I rationalized a lot of behavior and feelings. Now we've come to where I am right now and I feel like at this moment I'm really more genderqueer than anything. Some days I really want to be girly, wear dresses, put on makeup, paint my nails, and some days I'd rather be a slob and play video games all afternoon. (And yeah, I know that plenty of girls never wear makeup and play tons of games.)

tl;dr I feel like I've jumped to identify myself too quickly in the past because I found a word, and identity, that really appealed to me in the moment.
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  #3358    
Old January 19th, 2013 (07:00 PM).
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Hi BlueShellBeast, welcome aboard!

As for the labels discussion, I think too much emphasis is put on the idea of it. I agree with everything that Scarf said (and also enjoyed finding out more about her as this is the most she's probably opened up in a while!) but I also think people are too hesitant to decide on a label because of the stigma that has popped up surrounding labelling. I don't find pigeonholing that much of a risk - just because you've given yourself a label, doesn't mean you can't change it. Labels can be peeled off and and replaced quite easily if you should ever change your mind.

I'm gay, I've labelled myself that and I don't see myself ever changing that, but should I begin to feel that I am attracted to girls as well, I'm not so precious about being gay that I wouldn't be able to change my label to 'bisexual'.
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  #3359    
Old January 20th, 2013 (10:02 AM).
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Quote originally posted by Shining Raichu:
I'm gay, I've labelled myself that and I don't see myself ever changing that, but should I begin to feel that I am attracted to girls as well, I'm not so precious about being gay that I wouldn't be able to change my label to 'bisexual'.
You know, you're only the second gay guy I've heard say something like this that I can remember. (I'm sure more feel this way, but I can't remember hearing them say it.) I have heard many react terribly to the idea of ever not being gay. Maybe that's just an act, a persona, a guise, but it made me think that they were very stuck to their labels.
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  #3360    
Old January 23rd, 2013 (10:06 AM).
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I agree on what both of you said Scarf and Shining Raichu. Sometimes I think that labels are really too overrated but I do understand that people want to belong to a certain group they can identify with. But I guess that some people rush things a little too much.

May I ask something else?

Do you guys wear anything (e.g. a rainbow bracelet) to show that you're gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans...? And if so, has anybody ever noticed and said something about it?

I've been thinking about getting a rainbow or even a bisexual colored (you know, pink-purple-blue) key chain or bracelet. I think it would be pretty nice to underline that part of me but I don't really know where to get something like this (beside on the Internet).
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  #3361    
Old January 23rd, 2013 (12:37 PM).
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I find that having rainbow this or that stuff on my person invites unwanted strangers to make comments (positive and negative) and I'd rather not talk to strangers so I don't wear anything like that.
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  #3362    
Old January 25th, 2013 (06:52 PM).
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@Rainbow Stuff Question - I do have some rainbow stuff lying around that I have worn, but the only real rainbow thing I have that I have no problem wearing around anywhere is a rainbow tie-dye shirt.

It's good to show a little pride here and there, but there is certainly a difference from being tasteful and annoyingly extravagant. There's a difference between wearing a shirt or bracelet that say "Equality for all" or "Yay Same Sex Marriage Yay" or something of the like to show support, and duct taping a neon sign to your chest saying "GAY" and becoming a one-man pride parade including all the frivolous noise and prevalence of assless chaps.

and also @Previous Label Question - I understand the concept about labels, but labels themselves over-complicate things because people can't stick to one bloody name as they discover themselves. My best advice? If you feel that your sexual orientation or gender label has too many footnotes and revisions, just go label-less. It's far easier trying to think up a way of explaining it in a sentence or two than just one word.

Also, hi again everybody! Long time no see.
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  #3363    
Old January 26th, 2013 (09:32 AM). Edited January 26th, 2013 by Gyardosamped.
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Hi everyone! Since I can be more active now on the forums, I thought I should ask if I could join this club!

I might not be in the club yet, and I hate to bring politics in here, and I'm sure this has been posted already, but this made me so, so, so, so happy when the POTUS said this at his inauguration. I had to post it. Especially since I voted for him (I already knew his stance during his election campaign):



Certainly shows progress, although the issue of equality should not be a question during our day and age.
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Old January 26th, 2013 (07:48 PM).
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Emile Hersch turned 30 today. Who the hell is Emile Hersch?
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Quote originally posted by Scarf:
You know, you're only the second gay guy I've heard say something like this that I can remember. (I'm sure more feel this way, but I can't remember hearing them say it.) I have heard many react terribly to the idea of ever not being gay. Maybe that's just an act, a persona, a guise, but it made me think that they were very stuck to their labels.
I think you'll find the people who are like that (and you're right, there are a lot of them) are the people to whom being gay is a very important part of who they are. They sort of function as a gay person rather than just as a person and to have that label ripped from them in any way would shake the entire foundation of their personalities. That's what I've noticed, anyway.

Quote originally posted by LaVida:
Do you guys wear anything (e.g. a rainbow bracelet) to show that you're gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans...? And if so, has anybody ever noticed and said something about it?
No, I don't, but that's because I'm not a very flamboyant person. I don't really wear bright colours and I'm not a jewelry person (having bracelets or rings or anything on just makes me spend so much time fiddling with them trying to make them comfortable that I just end up taking them off in frustration and never using them again). I have a very reserved personality in real life, too, so wearing rainbow stuff just isn't me all-round.

Then there's the whole "you should only be proud of accomplishments, not things you just are" frame of mind I have lol. I don't like showing gay pride for the same reason I don't like showing patriotism. Being gay is not something I achieved, so why is it something I should be proud of?

--------

Welcome Gyardosamped! I don't believe anybody's posted that in here yet and I love it as well :D. I know Obama is powerless as far as state government is concerned, but his support is a really huge deal and I hope he can find a way to make something of it at some point over the next four years!
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  #3365    
Old January 26th, 2013 (08:33 PM). Edited January 26th, 2013 by Gyardosamped.
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Quote originally posted by Shining Raichu:

No, I don't, but that's because I'm not a very flamboyant person. I don't really wear bright colours and I'm not a jewelry person (having bracelets or rings or anything on just makes me spend so much time fiddling with them trying to make them comfortable that I just end up taking them off in frustration and never using them again). I have a very reserved personality in real life, too, so wearing rainbow stuff just isn't me all-round.

Then there's the whole "you should only be proud of accomplishments, not things you just are" frame of mind I have lol. I don't like showing gay pride for the same reason I don't like showing patriotism. Being gay is not something I achieved, so why is it something I should be proud of?

--------

Welcome Gyardosamped! I don't believe anybody's posted that in here yet and I love it as well :D. I know Obama is powerless as far as state government is concerned, but his support is a really huge deal and I hope he can find a way to make something of it at some point over the next four years!
Thanks for the welcome! I'm eager to meet each and everyone of you who actively post on this topic, as it's always nice to meet people who share similar ideas and qualities!

I agree with you when it comes to not wearing any type of clothes or jewelry that could give the impression I'm gay. I've never really been a jewelry person at all, and personality-wise, I am very constrained when it comes to speaking my thoughts to those I don't necessarily know too well. I don't believe being being gay or not is something chosen, but rather it's something you're born with. I know this last sentence sparks a lot of controversy, so I won't get into much detail, but that's my thinking. I have come to realize who I am, and I appreciate that. If someone doesn't like me because I'm gay, I feel as if they don't need to be a part of my life.

As for the picture I posted, I'm so glad Obama has made his stance clear about supporting the LGBT community. I think he's actually one of the first U.S. presidents to vocally state his position on issues like gay marriage, which frankly shouldn't even be an issue. Nevertheless, it's definitely progress, and I do hope he sticks to his words and implements some type of legislation to help the LGBT community.

---------

As I just joined, I would like to talk a little bit about myself. I'm currently 18, but in a few months I will be 19, and I guess you could say I'm homosexual. Since I was in elementary school, I knew that I liked the same sex. Like I posted above, I've come to the realization that I am gay and have found who I am. I haven't "come out" to anyone, but I do suspect some people already know, or at least have some idea that I am, including my parents. I haven't found the right time to tell my parents that I am gay, but lately I have been a bit more motivated to tell them, so I really hope it happens soon, like within the next year or so. I don't know how to approach my parents if I do, though. Anyone have any tips or stories as to how they did it?

Personality-wise, I find myself to be a friendly person. I can be shy and to myself at times, but once I get to know a person, I become very social. I guess my introversion hasn't helped me much when it comes to meeting new people, but I have become very close to a small group of friends who have helped me build my character as a person. Like many here, I don't fit the "gay stereotype", and I hate when people think that all gay people are the same. I dress and act very much like a "straight" person, if there is such a thing (I don't like to generalize).

I hope to meet many of you, and I hope to be as active as possible on this topic as I can be. Nice meeting you all!
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Old January 26th, 2013 (08:57 PM).
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Do you guys wear anything (e.g. a rainbow bracelet) to show that you're gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans...? And if so, has anybody ever noticed and said something about it?

Does a white and grey hoodie with multicolored dinosaurs count? xD
No, not really. I'm a dark-colors-and-hoodie kind of guy, most of the time. Although, a few of my (primarily black) shirts have pink on them, but I'd hardly say that's displaying my sexuality or anything. Lol.

. . . BUT I suppose I did kind of wander back in here today because . . . ugh, well, I'm feeling rather down. I just got dumped earlier . . . and . . . I'm really not sure. Yes, I cried a bit, although since I was still at his house for a while hanging with his family (who had no idea about us, by the way) I didn't really get the chance to all that much . . . I'm kind of at the point now where half of my mind has shut down and is ignoring it.
It really really SUCKS, to put it bluntly, and perhaps even then I'm being quite . . . under-dramatic, I guess?
We're still friends, though . . . uh . . . well . . . I'll have to give my mind some time to settle. Basically he broke up with me because, I guess, he just didn't care about me like that anymore. Seriously helps my self-esteem issues, thanks. @_@
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Old January 26th, 2013 (09:10 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Nakuzami:
Do you guys wear anything (e.g. a rainbow bracelet) to show that you're gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans...? And if so, has anybody ever noticed and said something about it?

Does a white and grey hoodie with multicolored dinosaurs count? xD
No, not really. I'm a dark-colors-and-hoodie kind of guy, most of the time. Although, a few of my (primarily black) shirts have pink on them, but I'd hardly say that's displaying my sexuality or anything. Lol.

. . . BUT I suppose I did kind of wander back in here today because . . . ugh, well, I'm feeling rather down. I just got dumped earlier . . . and . . . I'm really not sure. Yes, I cried a bit, although since I was still at his house for a while hanging with his family (who had no idea about us, by the way) I didn't really get the chance to all that much . . . I'm kind of at the point now where half of my mind has shut down and is ignoring it.
It really really SUCKS, to put it bluntly, and perhaps even then I'm being quite . . . under-dramatic, I guess?
We're still friends, though . . . uh . . . well . . . I'll have to give my mind some time to settle. Basically he broke up with me because, I guess, he just didn't care about me like that anymore. Seriously helps my self-esteem issues, thanks. @_@
Sorry to hear that happened to you. I'm not very good at giving relationship advice, but maybe the break-up was for the better? I mean, if he didn't "care about you like that anymore", then maybe it was better he decided to break the relationship. I guess it's good you two are still friends, but I know it still sucks. I hope it gets better, and who knows, maybe he'll come back and say he made the wrong decision, or you'll meet someone else. Hope everything get's better, though.
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Old January 27th, 2013 (04:04 AM).
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... '__' Hello again! I stop by to read every so often, but I haven't posted in ages. I guess I should say that I've finally met a girl in real life (not anime! :O) that I would be interested in dating. She's very fun and cute, but she is already in a relationship. Not to mention my own romantic feelings are a bit...mixed up? Out of control? I have no idea what is going on, to be honest, so even if this girl was available, I'd still need to wait to get my feelings and my current situation sorted out. If I have an opportunity in the future to start going out when it's all good for both of us, then I am definitely giving it a shot. Until then, I'd love to be her friend :3

About breaking up, I feel you there. A lot. I have yet to figure out what my current love wants to do, since it kind of...makes no sense. Don't feel like explaining, but anyway I can definitely relate to the not-caring-in-the-same-way thing. This is really generic advice, but give it some time. I've had about 5 months to think about my feelings and stuff, and at this point I think I'll be okay. Hurts, but it'll be okay.
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Old January 27th, 2013 (03:47 PM).
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Quote originally posted by voltianqueen:
... '__' Hello again! I stop by to read every so often, but I haven't posted in ages. I guess I should say that I've finally met a girl in real life (not anime! :O) that I would be interested in dating. She's very fun and cute, but she is already in a relationship. Not to mention my own romantic feelings are a bit...mixed up? Out of control? I have no idea what is going on, to be honest, so even if this girl was available, I'd still need to wait to get my feelings and my current situation sorted out. If I have an opportunity in the future to start going out when it's all good for both of us, then I am definitely giving it a shot. Until then, I'd love to be her friend :3

About breaking up, I feel you there. A lot. I have yet to figure out what my current love wants to do, since it kind of...makes no sense. Don't feel like explaining, but anyway I can definitely relate to the not-caring-in-the-same-way thing. This is really generic advice, but give it some time. I've had about 5 months to think about my feelings and stuff, and at this point I think I'll be okay. Hurts, but it'll be okay.
I'm glad you met someone! It's unfortunate she's in a relationship, though. Doesn't that always seem to happen? >.> Anyways, hopefully things work out between you two (if you want it to, or you could just stay friends, like you said) and hopefully your feelings get more coordinated. I hate when I feel so undecided, too.
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Old January 27th, 2013 (04:52 PM).
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Kiyoshi the Polar Bear Kiyoshi the Polar Bear is offline
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Quote originally posted by Shining Raichu:
I think you'll find the people who are like that (and you're right, there are a lot of them) are the people to whom being gay is a very important part of who they are. They sort of function as a gay person rather than just as a person and to have that label ripped from them in any way would shake the entire foundation of their personalities. That's what I've noticed, anyway.
Well I wouldn't really want to be anything but homosexual.

Not that I find it integral to my personality, but I find that it taught me a lot of things and made me go through certain struggles that I wouldn't have if I was heterosexual. I'm more mature for my age then a lot of other people, and I guess I can owe that to experience with difficulty. And it just adds some flavor, I guess.

Give me a reason why I would want to be straight that I'm really concerned about or can't find some way around.

Quote originally posted by Gyardosamped:
I don't know how to approach my parents if I do, though. Anyone have any tips or stories as to how they did it?
By the way, hi. :3

My experience with my parents was a general success- the only tips I can provide is to be fully honest and open. This is something rather large to some people, and if you hold back anything that might help them understand you, it could just confuse them more. Just know that this is apart of your life, not theirs, so your sanity and comfortableness with the subject should be purely your own and not depend on their reaction. I also preferred with direct approach with my dad versus the indirect one I did with my mom, so that's something to think about.

But ultimately, this is something they're going to have to juggle around in their head by themselves. And you may find that they just don't get it like you do. My mom certainly accepts me, but she has this warped sense of what it's all about and how it does and doesn't change things. Help them understand if you can, but some parents are just hopeless. Just be happy if they accept you.

Also, your signature keeps blowing kisses at me and you better make it stop before I file sexual harassment charges.
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  #3371    
Old January 27th, 2013 (05:15 PM). Edited January 27th, 2013 by Gyardosamped.
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Quote originally posted by Kiyoshi the Polar Bear:
Well I wouldn't really want to be anything but homosexual.

Not that I find it integral to my personality, but I find that it taught me a lot of things and made me go through certain struggles that I wouldn't have if I was heterosexual. I'm more mature for my age then a lot of other people, and I guess I can owe that to experience with difficulty. And it just adds some flavor, I guess.

Give me a reason why I would want to be straight that I'm really concerned about or can't find some way around.



By the way, hi. :3

My experience with my parents was a general success- the only tips I can provide is to be fully honest and open. This is something rather large to some people, and if you hold back anything that might help them understand you, it could just confuse them more. Just know that this is apart of your life, not theirs, so your sanity and comfortableness with the subject should be purely your own and not depend on their reaction. I also preferred with direct approach with my dad versus the indirect one I did with my mom, so that's something to think about.

But ultimately, this is something they're going to have to juggle around in their head by themselves. And you may find that they just don't get it like you do. My mom certainly accepts me, but she has this warped sense of what it's all about and how it does and doesn't change things. Help them understand if you can, but some parents are just hopeless. Just be happy if they accept you.

Also, your signature keeps blowing kisses at me and you better make it stop before I file sexual harassment charges.
Hi there! :D

Thanks for the advice. I think my parents already kinda suspect I am gay, but it's just a matter of time before I will just have to confront them and tell them. I think they'll be accepting. My mom already told me once that she "would love me no matter what", so I have suspicions they most likely already know. As with all parents, though, they are probably going to wait till I actually tell them I am, instead of them confronting me about it.

And please don't! Liam is the most adroableist, beautifulist, perfect, angel, creature, heavenly being, thing on Earth. :3 I can't control myself when I talk about him, so I'm not gonna end this here, LOL.
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  #3372    
Old January 27th, 2013 (08:12 PM). Edited January 27th, 2013 by TornZero.
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Quote originally posted by Gyardosamped:
Hi there! :D

Thanks for the advice. I think my parents already kinda suspect I am gay, but it's just a matter of time before I will just have to confront them and tell them. I think they'll be accepting. My mom already told me once that she "would love me no matter what", so I have suspicions they most likely already know. As with all parents, though, they are probably going to wait till I actually tell them I am, instead of them confronting me about it.

And please don't! Liam is the most adorableist, beautifulist, perfect, angel, creature, heavenly being, thing on Earth. :3 :( I can't control myself when I talk about him, so I'm not gonna end this here, LOL.
Hello! Hallo! Kon'nichiwa! Saluton! Bonjour! Ciao! Aloha! Hola! Annyeonghaseyo! Salve! Hej!

Welcome! (I know, that was late, but hopefully my various greetings made up for that.)

First of all, my mother is actually very confrontational — total contrast to my dad, who tries to ask if anything's wrong whenever it seems to be a convenient time for you. I have to plan around both of them with my own situation, and that means making it impossible for my mother to "fight back" against what I am/want to be, as it were. She went straight to God because my little brother's gay — she has no other reason to dislike it, even if it's misguided — so I have to disarm her before she can do it with me about trans* issues and overall the issue of my own identity; that involves making her annoyed enough to check my laptop and see the collection of pages set up specifically for "debunking" her religious claims and telling her the gist of my problems at the same time. (Honestly, I'm really hoping she'll think at least once, "I really should have expected this.")

Rant over, for now. Maybe you guys/girls/{non-binary noun here}s have some suggestions to help me speed her "discovery" along? ^_^;

Secondly, you don't have to worry about stopping, at least as long as you stay on a general topic of things. Talk about him as you please. Someone might get jealous, though.
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  #3373    
Old January 27th, 2013 (11:17 PM).
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Quote:
Rant over, for now. Maybe you guys/girls/{non-binary noun here}s have some suggestions to help me speed her "discovery" along? ;
I'm sort of in the same boat... except my mom is the type of parent who believes in loving your child unconditionally. I still can't find myself to tell my mom I'm trans* either way. I might be coming out as androgynous soon enough though... hopefully. Best of luck to you though, TornZero.
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  #3374    
Old January 28th, 2013 (06:23 AM).
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Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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Quote originally posted by Gyardosamped:
I don't believe being being gay or not is something chosen, but rather it's something you're born with. I know this last sentence sparks a lot of controversy, so I won't get into much detail, but that's my thinking.


Hahahahahahahaha! That's the best thing I've read all day. Dude, this is the LGBT club - you ain't gonna spark no controversy saying things like that here

Quote originally posted by Gyardosamped:
I don't know how to approach my parents if I do, though. Anyone have any tips or stories as to how they did it?
Generally speaking, the best advice I can give for coming out (which I only did a few months back myself) is to make sure you actually do it yourself. Make sure you go to them rather than have them find out somehow. It feels so much better when you have the power and you decide how it comes out. If they find out and are forced to come to you, as happened with me, it will make you feel really invaded and gross, like somebody knows something they shouldn't. Then you don't get to really have that freeing feeling that coming out is meant to give you, and that sucks lol.

When they find out without you telling them, there's an added layer of issues they have to work through as well. "Why didn't you tell us?" "Were you ever planning to tell us?"

I'm cringing with the memories of my coming out now haha.

Quote originally posted by Kiyoshi the Polar Bear:
Well I wouldn't really want to be anything but homosexual.

Not that I find it integral to my personality, but I find that it taught me a lot of things and made me go through certain struggles that I wouldn't have if I was heterosexual. I'm more mature for my age then a lot of other people, and I guess I can owe that to experience with difficulty. And it just adds some flavor, I guess.

Give me a reason why I would want to be straight that I'm really concerned about or can't find some way around.
Oh Joey I've missed you :3

I would never want to be anything other than gay either. I love it and wouldn't want myself or my life any other way. But I feel that way as I am, which is a gay man. If I were straight or bisexual, I know I wouldn't feel that way, which is why I don't think I'd have a lot of trouble making the transition or clinging to the label.

And good luck to you both, Aeon and TornZero. I think it's a good idea to have something prepared to debunk the religious claims, because at least then if she runs directly to God you'll have something to say... but at the same time religion gets a stranglehold on people so anything you say to refute it might just piss her off. I'd play it by ear, honestly, go off her reactions to what you're saying and if the religious debate isn't going well leave it alone and move to a more emotional line of attack.
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  #3375    
Old January 28th, 2013 (09:08 AM). Edited January 28th, 2013 by Gyardosamped.
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Quote originally posted by TornZero:
Hello! Hallo! Kon'nichiwa! Saluton! Bonjour! Ciao! Aloha! Hola! Annyeonghaseyo! Salve! Hej!

Welcome! (I know, that was late, but hopefully my various greetings made up for that.)

First of all, my mother is actually very confrontational — total contrast to my dad, who tries to ask if anything's wrong whenever it seems to be a convenient time for you. I have to plan around both of them with my own situation, and that means making it impossible for my mother to "fight back" against what I am/want to be, as it were. She went straight to God because my little brother's gay — she has no other reason to dislike it, even if it's misguided — so I have to disarm her before she can do it with me about trans* issues and overall the issue of my own identity; that involves making her annoyed enough to check my laptop and see the collection of pages set up specifically for "debunking" her religious claims and telling her the gist of my problems at the same time. (Honestly, I'm really hoping she'll think at least once, "I really should have expected this.")

Rant over, for now. Maybe you guys/girls/{non-binary noun here}s have some suggestions to help me speed her "discovery" along? ;

Secondly, you don't have to worry about stopping, at least as long as you stay on a general topic of things. Talk about him as you please. Someone might get jealous, though.
Hi there! It's never too late for a hello, so nice to meet you. :D

Thanks for the advice. I feel so bad that you have had to go through so many obstacles to disclose your orientation because loved ones in your life aren't as accepting. I honestly can't blame parents for being so ignorant and resistant when it comes to the subject, because they most likely dreamed a life for their son or daughter that will obviously never plan out. It's tough for both parent(s) and child. I can't help you when it comes to the whole religion thing because my parents and myself aren't very religious, but I read you wanted her to "discover" your beliefs and who you are are rather than you confronting her about it. Trying to sway someone from their outrageous religious beliefs, though, like Raichu said, is going to be difficult and might make her more upset. I suggest to get into a discussion with her about her beliefs (and not mention anything about sexuality, etc. Also, if she's one of these die hard religious people who talks about religion all the time, let her start talking about it first so she's not suspicious if you just randomly bring it up), and try and refute her arguments with stuff you've learned, read over, or personally believe in. See where that goes.. I suggest trying that out first before going all out with your plan. Good luck. :3

& Liam can be shared, I guess, if someone is jealous of his perfection. Lol. I sound like such a fan boy.. well technically I am.

Quote originally posted by Aeon:
I'm sort of in the same boat... except my mom is the type of parent who believes in loving your child unconditionally. I still can't find myself to tell my mom I'm trans* either way. I might be coming out as androgynous soon enough though... hopefully. Best of luck to you though, TornZero.
My mom's the same way. I think that whether I tell her I'm gay or not, she'll love me the same no matter what. I think my dad is the same, too, although he's never really even confronted me about who I'm attracted to, which is what I love about him. My mom is the type to ask a lot of questions which make me feel super awkward, but my dad is quiet and never gets involved with my sexuality. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Quote originally posted by Shining Raichu:


Hahahahahahahaha! That's the best thing I've read all day. Dude, this is the LGBT club - you ain't gonna spark no controversy saying things like that here



Generally speaking, the best advice I can give for coming out (which I only did a few months back myself) is to make sure you actually do it yourself. Make sure you go to them rather than have them find out somehow. It feels so much better when you have the power and you decide how it comes out. If they find out and are forced to come to you, as happened with me, it will make you feel really invaded and gross, like somebody knows something they shouldn't. Then you don't get to really have that freeing feeling that coming out is meant to give you, and that sucks lol.

When they find out without you telling them, there's an added layer of issues they have to work through as well. "Why didn't you tell us?" "Were you ever planning to tell us?"

I'm cringing with the memories of my coming out now haha.



Oh Joey I've missed you :3

I would never want to be anything other than gay either. I love it and wouldn't want myself or my life any other way. But I feel that way as I am, which is a gay man. If I were straight or bisexual, I know I wouldn't feel that way, which is why I don't think I'd have a lot of trouble making the transition or clinging to the label.

And good luck to you both, Aeon and TornZero. I think it's a good idea to have something prepared to debunk the religious claims, because at least then if she runs directly to God you'll have something to say... but at the same time religion gets a stranglehold on people so anything you say to refute it might just piss her off. I'd play it by ear, honestly, go off her reactions to what you're saying and if the religious debate isn't going well leave it alone and move to a more emotional line of attack.
Hahaha, well seeing as there are a ton of different opinions out there on the subject, I didn't want to start anything unnecessary or come down as provocative, but yeah, I know that's a huge topic for the LGBT community.

& thanks for the advice! I also always thought it was better to come out to my parents on my own, rather than having them find out themselves. That'd just make it soooo much more awkward and also add unnecessary tension to the situation. As it is, I'm not the type to leave any hard evidence of my sexuality hanging around anywhere in my room or computer, and my parents aren't the type to look around my stuff, so I don't think they'd find out that way anyways. Plus, I already think my mom suspects I'm gay because she's confronted me about two times in the past asking if I am, and I lied both times because I hate "on the spot" things like that, and I just wasn't ready to reveal it right then and there.

On the "I wouldn't want to be anything but" topic, I have to agree that I appreciate who I am and what I am. I've grown up like this all my life, and I wouldn't change for the world. This comes back to the "you're born that way" topic, but seriously, I is super happy being gay. I'm glad you feel the same way, Mr. Raichu. Btw, do you have a nickname! I don't what to make it awkward, haha. :p You can call me Ant.
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