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  #3376    
Old January 27th, 2013, 04:04 AM
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voltianqueen
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... '__' Hello again! I stop by to read every so often, but I haven't posted in ages. I guess I should say that I've finally met a girl in real life (not anime! :O) that I would be interested in dating. She's very fun and cute, but she is already in a relationship. Not to mention my own romantic feelings are a bit...mixed up? Out of control? I have no idea what is going on, to be honest, so even if this girl was available, I'd still need to wait to get my feelings and my current situation sorted out. If I have an opportunity in the future to start going out when it's all good for both of us, then I am definitely giving it a shot. Until then, I'd love to be her friend :3

About breaking up, I feel you there. A lot. I have yet to figure out what my current love wants to do, since it kind of...makes no sense. Don't feel like explaining, but anyway I can definitely relate to the not-caring-in-the-same-way thing. This is really generic advice, but give it some time. I've had about 5 months to think about my feelings and stuff, and at this point I think I'll be okay. Hurts, but it'll be okay.
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  #3377    
Old January 27th, 2013, 03:47 PM
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Originally Posted by voltianqueen View Post
... '__' Hello again! I stop by to read every so often, but I haven't posted in ages. I guess I should say that I've finally met a girl in real life (not anime! :O) that I would be interested in dating. She's very fun and cute, but she is already in a relationship. Not to mention my own romantic feelings are a bit...mixed up? Out of control? I have no idea what is going on, to be honest, so even if this girl was available, I'd still need to wait to get my feelings and my current situation sorted out. If I have an opportunity in the future to start going out when it's all good for both of us, then I am definitely giving it a shot. Until then, I'd love to be her friend :3

About breaking up, I feel you there. A lot. I have yet to figure out what my current love wants to do, since it kind of...makes no sense. Don't feel like explaining, but anyway I can definitely relate to the not-caring-in-the-same-way thing. This is really generic advice, but give it some time. I've had about 5 months to think about my feelings and stuff, and at this point I think I'll be okay. Hurts, but it'll be okay.
I'm glad you met someone! It's unfortunate she's in a relationship, though. Doesn't that always seem to happen? >.> Anyways, hopefully things work out between you two (if you want it to, or you could just stay friends, like you said) and hopefully your feelings get more coordinated. I hate when I feel so undecided, too.
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  #3378    
Old January 27th, 2013, 04:52 PM
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Kiyoshi the Polar Bear
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Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
I think you'll find the people who are like that (and you're right, there are a lot of them) are the people to whom being gay is a very important part of who they are. They sort of function as a gay person rather than just as a person and to have that label ripped from them in any way would shake the entire foundation of their personalities. That's what I've noticed, anyway.
Well I wouldn't really want to be anything but homosexual.

Not that I find it integral to my personality, but I find that it taught me a lot of things and made me go through certain struggles that I wouldn't have if I was heterosexual. I'm more mature for my age then a lot of other people, and I guess I can owe that to experience with difficulty. And it just adds some flavor, I guess.

Give me a reason why I would want to be straight that I'm really concerned about or can't find some way around.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gyardosamped View Post
I don't know how to approach my parents if I do, though. Anyone have any tips or stories as to how they did it?
By the way, hi. :3

My experience with my parents was a general success- the only tips I can provide is to be fully honest and open. This is something rather large to some people, and if you hold back anything that might help them understand you, it could just confuse them more. Just know that this is apart of your life, not theirs, so your sanity and comfortableness with the subject should be purely your own and not depend on their reaction. I also preferred with direct approach with my dad versus the indirect one I did with my mom, so that's something to think about.

But ultimately, this is something they're going to have to juggle around in their head by themselves. And you may find that they just don't get it like you do. My mom certainly accepts me, but she has this warped sense of what it's all about and how it does and doesn't change things. Help them understand if you can, but some parents are just hopeless. Just be happy if they accept you.

Also, your signature keeps blowing kisses at me and you better make it stop before I file sexual harassment charges.
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  #3379    
Old January 27th, 2013, 05:15 PM
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Gyardosamped
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiyoshi the Polar Bear View Post
Well I wouldn't really want to be anything but homosexual.

Not that I find it integral to my personality, but I find that it taught me a lot of things and made me go through certain struggles that I wouldn't have if I was heterosexual. I'm more mature for my age then a lot of other people, and I guess I can owe that to experience with difficulty. And it just adds some flavor, I guess.

Give me a reason why I would want to be straight that I'm really concerned about or can't find some way around.



By the way, hi. :3

My experience with my parents was a general success- the only tips I can provide is to be fully honest and open. This is something rather large to some people, and if you hold back anything that might help them understand you, it could just confuse them more. Just know that this is apart of your life, not theirs, so your sanity and comfortableness with the subject should be purely your own and not depend on their reaction. I also preferred with direct approach with my dad versus the indirect one I did with my mom, so that's something to think about.

But ultimately, this is something they're going to have to juggle around in their head by themselves. And you may find that they just don't get it like you do. My mom certainly accepts me, but she has this warped sense of what it's all about and how it does and doesn't change things. Help them understand if you can, but some parents are just hopeless. Just be happy if they accept you.

Also, your signature keeps blowing kisses at me and you better make it stop before I file sexual harassment charges.
Hi there! :D

Thanks for the advice. I think my parents already kinda suspect I am gay, but it's just a matter of time before I will just have to confront them and tell them. I think they'll be accepting. My mom already told me once that she "would love me no matter what", so I have suspicions they most likely already know. As with all parents, though, they are probably going to wait till I actually tell them I am, instead of them confronting me about it.

And please don't! Liam is the most adroableist, beautifulist, perfect, angel, creature, heavenly being, thing on Earth. :3 I can't control myself when I talk about him, so I'm not gonna end this here, LOL.
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  #3380    
Old January 27th, 2013, 08:12 PM
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TornZero
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gyardosamped View Post
Hi there! :D

Thanks for the advice. I think my parents already kinda suspect I am gay, but it's just a matter of time before I will just have to confront them and tell them. I think they'll be accepting. My mom already told me once that she "would love me no matter what", so I have suspicions they most likely already know. As with all parents, though, they are probably going to wait till I actually tell them I am, instead of them confronting me about it.

And please don't! Liam is the most adorableist, beautifulist, perfect, angel, creature, heavenly being, thing on Earth. :3 :( I can't control myself when I talk about him, so I'm not gonna end this here, LOL.
Hello! Hallo! Kon'nichiwa! Saluton! Bonjour! Ciao! Aloha! Hola! Annyeonghaseyo! Salve! Hej!

Welcome! (I know, that was late, but hopefully my various greetings made up for that.)

First of all, my mother is actually very confrontational — total contrast to my dad, who tries to ask if anything's wrong whenever it seems to be a convenient time for you. I have to plan around both of them with my own situation, and that means making it impossible for my mother to "fight back" against what I am/want to be, as it were. She went straight to God because my little brother's gay — she has no other reason to dislike it, even if it's misguided — so I have to disarm her before she can do it with me about trans* issues and overall the issue of my own identity; that involves making her annoyed enough to check my laptop and see the collection of pages set up specifically for "debunking" her religious claims and telling her the gist of my problems at the same time. (Honestly, I'm really hoping she'll think at least once, "I really should have expected this.")

Rant over, for now. Maybe you guys/girls/{non-binary noun here}s have some suggestions to help me speed her "discovery" along? ^_^;

Secondly, you don't have to worry about stopping, at least as long as you stay on a general topic of things. Talk about him as you please. Someone might get jealous, though.
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  #3381    
Old January 27th, 2013, 11:17 PM
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Quote:
Rant over, for now. Maybe you guys/girls/{non-binary noun here}s have some suggestions to help me speed her "discovery" along? ;
I'm sort of in the same boat... except my mom is the type of parent who believes in loving your child unconditionally. I still can't find myself to tell my mom I'm trans* either way. I might be coming out as androgynous soon enough though... hopefully. Best of luck to you though, TornZero.
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  #3382    
Old January 28th, 2013, 06:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gyardosamped
I don't believe being being gay or not is something chosen, but rather it's something you're born with. I know this last sentence sparks a lot of controversy, so I won't get into much detail, but that's my thinking.


Hahahahahahahaha! That's the best thing I've read all day. Dude, this is the LGBT club - you ain't gonna spark no controversy saying things like that here

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gyardosamped
I don't know how to approach my parents if I do, though. Anyone have any tips or stories as to how they did it?
Generally speaking, the best advice I can give for coming out (which I only did a few months back myself) is to make sure you actually do it yourself. Make sure you go to them rather than have them find out somehow. It feels so much better when you have the power and you decide how it comes out. If they find out and are forced to come to you, as happened with me, it will make you feel really invaded and gross, like somebody knows something they shouldn't. Then you don't get to really have that freeing feeling that coming out is meant to give you, and that sucks lol.

When they find out without you telling them, there's an added layer of issues they have to work through as well. "Why didn't you tell us?" "Were you ever planning to tell us?"

I'm cringing with the memories of my coming out now haha.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiyoshi the Polar Bear
Well I wouldn't really want to be anything but homosexual.

Not that I find it integral to my personality, but I find that it taught me a lot of things and made me go through certain struggles that I wouldn't have if I was heterosexual. I'm more mature for my age then a lot of other people, and I guess I can owe that to experience with difficulty. And it just adds some flavor, I guess.

Give me a reason why I would want to be straight that I'm really concerned about or can't find some way around.
Oh Joey I've missed you :3

I would never want to be anything other than gay either. I love it and wouldn't want myself or my life any other way. But I feel that way as I am, which is a gay man. If I were straight or bisexual, I know I wouldn't feel that way, which is why I don't think I'd have a lot of trouble making the transition or clinging to the label.

And good luck to you both, Aeon and TornZero. I think it's a good idea to have something prepared to debunk the religious claims, because at least then if she runs directly to God you'll have something to say... but at the same time religion gets a stranglehold on people so anything you say to refute it might just piss her off. I'd play it by ear, honestly, go off her reactions to what you're saying and if the religious debate isn't going well leave it alone and move to a more emotional line of attack.
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  #3383    
Old January 28th, 2013, 09:08 AM
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Gyardosamped
midnight memories ♥
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TornZero View Post
Hello! Hallo! Kon'nichiwa! Saluton! Bonjour! Ciao! Aloha! Hola! Annyeonghaseyo! Salve! Hej!

Welcome! (I know, that was late, but hopefully my various greetings made up for that.)

First of all, my mother is actually very confrontational — total contrast to my dad, who tries to ask if anything's wrong whenever it seems to be a convenient time for you. I have to plan around both of them with my own situation, and that means making it impossible for my mother to "fight back" against what I am/want to be, as it were. She went straight to God because my little brother's gay — she has no other reason to dislike it, even if it's misguided — so I have to disarm her before she can do it with me about trans* issues and overall the issue of my own identity; that involves making her annoyed enough to check my laptop and see the collection of pages set up specifically for "debunking" her religious claims and telling her the gist of my problems at the same time. (Honestly, I'm really hoping she'll think at least once, "I really should have expected this.")

Rant over, for now. Maybe you guys/girls/{non-binary noun here}s have some suggestions to help me speed her "discovery" along? ;

Secondly, you don't have to worry about stopping, at least as long as you stay on a general topic of things. Talk about him as you please. Someone might get jealous, though.
Hi there! It's never too late for a hello, so nice to meet you. :D

Thanks for the advice. I feel so bad that you have had to go through so many obstacles to disclose your orientation because loved ones in your life aren't as accepting. I honestly can't blame parents for being so ignorant and resistant when it comes to the subject, because they most likely dreamed a life for their son or daughter that will obviously never plan out. It's tough for both parent(s) and child. I can't help you when it comes to the whole religion thing because my parents and myself aren't very religious, but I read you wanted her to "discover" your beliefs and who you are are rather than you confronting her about it. Trying to sway someone from their outrageous religious beliefs, though, like Raichu said, is going to be difficult and might make her more upset. I suggest to get into a discussion with her about her beliefs (and not mention anything about sexuality, etc. Also, if she's one of these die hard religious people who talks about religion all the time, let her start talking about it first so she's not suspicious if you just randomly bring it up), and try and refute her arguments with stuff you've learned, read over, or personally believe in. See where that goes.. I suggest trying that out first before going all out with your plan. Good luck. :3

& Liam can be shared, I guess, if someone is jealous of his perfection. Lol. I sound like such a fan boy.. well technically I am.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aeon View Post
I'm sort of in the same boat... except my mom is the type of parent who believes in loving your child unconditionally. I still can't find myself to tell my mom I'm trans* either way. I might be coming out as androgynous soon enough though... hopefully. Best of luck to you though, TornZero.
My mom's the same way. I think that whether I tell her I'm gay or not, she'll love me the same no matter what. I think my dad is the same, too, although he's never really even confronted me about who I'm attracted to, which is what I love about him. My mom is the type to ask a lot of questions which make me feel super awkward, but my dad is quiet and never gets involved with my sexuality. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post


Hahahahahahahaha! That's the best thing I've read all day. Dude, this is the LGBT club - you ain't gonna spark no controversy saying things like that here



Generally speaking, the best advice I can give for coming out (which I only did a few months back myself) is to make sure you actually do it yourself. Make sure you go to them rather than have them find out somehow. It feels so much better when you have the power and you decide how it comes out. If they find out and are forced to come to you, as happened with me, it will make you feel really invaded and gross, like somebody knows something they shouldn't. Then you don't get to really have that freeing feeling that coming out is meant to give you, and that sucks lol.

When they find out without you telling them, there's an added layer of issues they have to work through as well. "Why didn't you tell us?" "Were you ever planning to tell us?"

I'm cringing with the memories of my coming out now haha.



Oh Joey I've missed you :3

I would never want to be anything other than gay either. I love it and wouldn't want myself or my life any other way. But I feel that way as I am, which is a gay man. If I were straight or bisexual, I know I wouldn't feel that way, which is why I don't think I'd have a lot of trouble making the transition or clinging to the label.

And good luck to you both, Aeon and TornZero. I think it's a good idea to have something prepared to debunk the religious claims, because at least then if she runs directly to God you'll have something to say... but at the same time religion gets a stranglehold on people so anything you say to refute it might just piss her off. I'd play it by ear, honestly, go off her reactions to what you're saying and if the religious debate isn't going well leave it alone and move to a more emotional line of attack.
Hahaha, well seeing as there are a ton of different opinions out there on the subject, I didn't want to start anything unnecessary or come down as provocative, but yeah, I know that's a huge topic for the LGBT community.

& thanks for the advice! I also always thought it was better to come out to my parents on my own, rather than having them find out themselves. That'd just make it soooo much more awkward and also add unnecessary tension to the situation. As it is, I'm not the type to leave any hard evidence of my sexuality hanging around anywhere in my room or computer, and my parents aren't the type to look around my stuff, so I don't think they'd find out that way anyways. Plus, I already think my mom suspects I'm gay because she's confronted me about two times in the past asking if I am, and I lied both times because I hate "on the spot" things like that, and I just wasn't ready to reveal it right then and there.

On the "I wouldn't want to be anything but" topic, I have to agree that I appreciate who I am and what I am. I've grown up like this all my life, and I wouldn't change for the world. This comes back to the "you're born that way" topic, but seriously, I is super happy being gay. I'm glad you feel the same way, Mr. Raichu. Btw, do you have a nickname! I don't what to make it awkward, haha. :p You can call me Ant.
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  #3384    
Old January 28th, 2013, 12:01 PM
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Retro Bug
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gyardosamped View Post
And please don't! Liam is the most adroableist, beautifulist, perfect, angel, creature, heavenly being, thing on Earth. :3 :( I can't control myself when I talk about him, so I'm not gonna end this here, LOL.
He's mine. Good day now. ;p

As for the rainbow colored accessories question...

I wear a rainbow bracelet and I don't think that makes you a flamboyant person at all. I think it shows that I'm very supportive of those people who identity as LGBT (rest of the letters as well) and shows that I'm proud of who I am as a person. I have many gay-related t-shirts, such as "Gay is the new Black" and "Some dudes marry dudes. Get Over It." If people address them then I explain myself but rarely does that ever happen. Yay~
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  #3385    
Old January 28th, 2013, 12:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
Generally speaking, the best advice I can give for coming out (which I only did a few months back myself) is to make sure you actually do it yourself. Make sure you go to them rather than have them find out somehow. It feels so much better when you have the power and you decide how it comes out. If they find out and are forced to come to you, as happened with me, it will make you feel really invaded and gross, like somebody knows something they shouldn't. Then you don't get to really have that freeing feeling that coming out is meant to give you, and that sucks lol.
In my experience, coming out just sucks in general. I've done it 3.5 times now (Had to remind my mom once), and it's been a miserable experience each time. The first time I came out, my mom took it well enough, but still said she was going to pray for me, and hinted that it was disgusting, and she failed as a parent, etc. The second time, I stressed out and dwelled on it for weeks, and it just destroyed me. Finally telling him didn't make it feel any better either, although he took it well. The third time, I tried to explain it in detail to some friends online, and they responded with "I think you're confused." and proceeded to make fun of me, until I deleted the thread. Since then, I just don't care about what people think/know about me. If they ask I'll just say I'm bi, and leave everything else out. That said, I was way too invested in trying to find the perfect label for me, and was taking it way too seriously. I'm bi, whatever. Technically polysexual is more accurate, but no one knows what that means so there's just no point.

So my advice would be: It really just doesn't matter. Like, seriously. If you want to date someone, just do it. When your parents see it, just tell them that you're gay or trans or whatever and act like they're already supposed to know, that you're surprised that they don't, and that it's not a big deal. Otherwise, coming out is just pointless, and causes you a lot of stress.

Perhaps I'm just jaded after all that though. =/ I feel bad for saying that, because I don't want to scare people off, and make them think telling other people is a bad thing. What's important is that you just do what you want. No one else matters, and their opinions matter even less. (Unless we're talking about religious parents who could hurt/abandon you... in which case, it's probably best to just wait until you're on your own, or have a LOT of backup before they find out.)
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  #3386    
Old January 28th, 2013, 05:05 PM
Gyardosamped's Avatar
Gyardosamped
midnight memories ♥
 
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Originally Posted by Retro Bug View Post
He's mine. Good day now. ;p

As for the rainbow colored accessories question...

I wear a rainbow bracelet and I don't think that makes you a flamboyant person at all. I think it shows that I'm very supportive of those people who identity as LGBT (rest of the letters as well) and shows that I'm proud of who I am as a person. I have many gay-related t-shirts, such as "Gay is the new Black" and "Some dudes marry dudes. Get Over It." If people address them then I explain myself but rarely does that ever happen. Yay~
Hi :p We can share him.

Btw, where did you get that "Some dudes marry dudes. Get Over It." shirt? That's epic! I never really wanted to wear any type of clothing/accessories that shout "I'm gay!" because I didn't want people approaching me or asking me questions, but I guess people don't really care what someone is wearing nowadays. I'm glad people don't confront you about it often. @_@ No one should judge anyone on the clothes they wear anyways.

Quote:
Originally Posted by QuilavaKing View Post
In my experience, coming out just sucks in general. I've done it 3.5 times now (Had to remind my mom once), and it's been a miserable experience each time. The first time I came out, my mom took it well enough, but still said she was going to pray for me, and hinted that it was disgusting, and she failed as a parent, etc. The second time, I stressed out and dwelled on it for weeks, and it just destroyed me. Finally telling him didn't make it feel any better either, although he took it well. The third time, I tried to explain it in detail to some friends online, and they responded with "I think you're confused." and proceeded to make fun of me, until I deleted the thread. Since then, I just don't care about what people think/know about me. If they ask I'll just say I'm bi, and leave everything else out. That said, I was way too invested in trying to find the perfect label for me, and was taking it way too seriously. I'm bi, whatever. Technically polysexual is more accurate, but no one knows what that means so there's just no point.

So my advice would be: It really just doesn't matter. Like, seriously. If you want to date someone, just do it. When your parents see it, just tell them that you're gay or trans or whatever and act like they're already supposed to know, that you're surprised that they don't, and that it's not a big deal. Otherwise, coming out is just pointless, and causes you a lot of stress.

Perhaps I'm just jaded after all that though. =/ I feel bad for saying that, because I don't want to scare people off, and make them think telling other people is a bad thing. What's important is that you just do what you want. No one else matters, and their opinions matter even less. (Unless we're talking about religious parents who could hurt/abandon you... in which case, it's probably best to just wait until you're on your own, or have a LOT of backup before they find out.)
Hi, Qualiverz, nice to meet you.

I'm so sorry that you've had a bad experience each time you've tried to come out. I haven't done it, but I imagine that you plan for the "coming out" to be successful, and it sucks if it turns out other than planned when you tell the person you're gay/lesb./bi/trans/etc. It's already difficult enough to "come out", and it becomes even worse if someone is not as accepting right away as expected.

I know that eventually I'm going to do just like you said, whatever I want without even bothering about what my parents think, because what I like makes me happy and it's who I am. Nothing will change me, and I am not changing myself for anyone. I live life to be happy.. I don't need anyone telling me how to live my life, regardless of how who they are. I think everyone should live with that philosophy in mind no matter what their sexual orientation is.

Thanks for your input. :D
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  #3387    
Old January 29th, 2013, 10:18 AM
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I'm really heartened by some of the advice and attitudes here. :D It's not easy to do what makes you happy when people try to make you feel bad about it, but when you've got support and confidence you can stand up for yourself and that is a great approach to life for everything.
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  #3388    
Old January 29th, 2013, 10:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QuilavaKing View Post
So my advice would be: It really just doesn't matter. Like, seriously. If you want to date someone, just do it. When your parents see it, just tell them that you're gay or trans or whatever and act like they're already supposed to know, that you're surprised that they don't, and that it's not a big deal. Otherwise, coming out is just pointless, and causes you a lot of stress.
I don't think it's pointless at all, and your post completely fails to take into account the different circumstances of people who have something to come out about. I know for me, not being out really just makes things much more complicated. I don't need years of my parents nagging me over not having girlfriends / a wife, or whatever. Though really my circumstances as regards the whole coming out thing are rather unfortunate. My entire family are more than a bit homophobic and coming out to them before I'm financially independent isn't really an option. Which means I'm going to have a needlessly overcomplicated uni life (mum loves Facebook stalking and the like) but alas, I'll live. I do intend to come out eventually, if only so I can get a clean cut answer as to whether or not it's OK. If it is, that's great, but if it's not, losing contact with my family is no massive loss anyway as long as I don't need money off them.

(Hi I'm François I'd quite like to join if you'll have me)
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Old January 29th, 2013, 11:10 AM
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I'm really heartened by some of the advice and attitudes here. :D It's not easy to do what makes you happy when people try to make you feel bad about it, but when you've got support and confidence you can stand up for yourself and that is a great approach to life for everything.
I must say that I agree with everything you've just said in this post. Although I'm new here, I appreciate all the comments and advice given by everyone else who posts on here. Just having people to discuss these issues (I use that term loosely) with, makes me feel much more confident right off the bat. Like you said, it's not easy to do what makes you happy, especially when you have other people in your life telling you that you shouldn't be who you want to be because it's wrong and not within the "societal norm".

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Originally Posted by François View Post
I don't think it's pointless at all, and your post completely fails to take into account the different circumstances of people who have something to come out about. I know for me, not being out really just makes things much more complicated. I don't need years of my parents nagging me over not having girlfriends / a wife, or whatever. Though really my circumstances as regards the whole coming out thing are rather unfortunate. My entire family are more than a bit homophobic and coming out to them before I'm financially independent isn't really an option. Which means I'm going to have a needlessly overcomplicated uni life (mum loves Facebook stalking and the like) but alas, I'll live. I do intend to come out eventually, if only so I can get a clean cut answer as to whether or not it's OK. If it is, that's great, but if it's not, losing contact with my family is no massive loss anyway as long as I don't need money off them.

(Hi I'm François I'd quite like to join if you'll have me)
Hi, François!

Welcome to the club!

It's unfortunate your family isn't accepting towards what you're happy with being. I kind of face the same situation, but I think my parents would still care for me whether or not I told them I was straight or gay. It's confusing because I've had a parent tell me that "two guys kissing was gross", and they've remarked about being gay as being something shunned upon, but yet they come around and tell me that if I was, that'd be totally fine. Anyways, I hope to come out eventually, too. I'm also in college and depend heavily on my parents for financial support. I don't think they'd cut me off financially if I told them I was gay, though, which is something that I'm sure you're scared of because you have no means of helping yourself financially. Believe me, I don't either. As for family relations, I do worry about losing my family members if I did come out, and I guess that's maybe why I've been holding back on telling my parents, but you know what I've come to realize, if a family member is going to not speak to me because of my sexuality, they're not worth my time. Simple as that, tbh.

I hope everything works out for you.

And welcome again. :D
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Old January 29th, 2013, 11:37 AM
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Originally Posted by François View Post
I don't think it's pointless at all, and your post completely fails to take into account the different circumstances of people who have something to come out about. I know for me, not being out really just makes things much more complicated. I don't need years of my parents nagging me over not having girlfriends / a wife, or whatever. Though really my circumstances as regards the whole coming out thing are rather unfortunate. My entire family are more than a bit homophobic and coming out to them before I'm financially independent isn't really an option. Which means I'm going to have a needlessly overcomplicated uni life (mum loves Facebook stalking and the like) but alas, I'll live. I do intend to come out eventually, if only so I can get a clean cut answer as to whether or not it's OK. If it is, that's great, but if it's not, losing contact with my family is no massive loss anyway as long as I don't need money off them.

(Hi I'm François I'd quite like to join if you'll have me)
First of all, welcome
Second, I disagree with you. I don't think that losing contact with your family will be that easy as you describe it. It'll just create unnecessary drama, and your family might start bothering you about changing your sexuality. The one time I came out (to a friend), I was suggested to visit a psychiatrist and "fix it". It just can't be avoided with homophobic people.
As for the "nagging over not having girlfriends", it's easy to lie, right? Worked for me for the past year and a half.
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Old January 29th, 2013, 01:10 PM
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Hi, Alex.

Guys and gals, I had to share this with you! It's so inspirational and sweet. I found it on another website and it really brought a smile to my face.



Here's the picture description:

"Meet Laurel, she's 15. Laurel decided to come out in a pretty creative way, she baked a cake and frosted it with the words "I'm gay." Next to the cake she wrote a note asking for her parent's acceptance (using a lot of puns).

Wonder how it went? Laurel updated her Tumblr with their reactions. "My dad saw the cake and came into my room and hugged me and laughed. He said he loved me and the cake and the letter and everything was perfect. My mom saw it and cried of happiness. We hugged and cried together. Then, we all ate the cake and talked. I am very lucky to have such supporting parents."

I'm so glad her parents were so accepting. :D Such a great story!
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Old January 29th, 2013, 01:33 PM
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First of all, welcome
Second, I disagree with you. I don't think that losing contact with your family will be that easy as you describe it. It'll just create unnecessary drama, and your family might start bothering you about changing your sexuality. The one time I came out (to a friend), I was suggested to visit a psychiatrist and "fix it". It just can't be avoided with homophobic people.
As for the "nagging over not having girlfriends", it's easy to lie, right? Worked for me for the past year and a half.
Well I don't think you can say how anyone will react to losing their family, really. I am of course not saying I'm going to enjoy the process if things do go badly but no, I wouldn't be overly cut up about cutting contact with people who hate me. I tolerate my father at the best of times and while I get on with my mother for the most part, if she can't accept me then why would I care about losing her? I am not particularly worried about my parents trying to change me, if they don't accept it then I'll cut off contact myself.

Personally I'd rather be honest and without family than commit to spending the majority of my adult life pretending to be someone my parents like. I can't even begin to think of how stressful that would all be. It's one thing saying you have a girlfriend (and all the lies that come with that) but it's another thing hiding living with another man, or whatever. Regardless of how unpleasant cutting off contact with my family would be, it is preferable to lying for me.

(thanks for the welcomes guys!)
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Old January 29th, 2013, 02:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Gyardosamped View Post
Cake story
Wow, that's awesome xD Could someone just please help me read and understand one line? It's the "I hope you, much like this cake, are not m tiers"... I have a hard time understanding puns x.x

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Well I don't think you can say how anyone will react to losing their family, really. I am of course not saying I'm going to enjoy the process if things do go badly but no, I wouldn't be overly cut up about cutting contact with people who hate me. I tolerate my father at the best of times and while I get on with my mother for the most part, if she can't accept me then why would I care about losing her? I am not particularly worried about my parents trying to change me, if they don't accept it then I'll cut off contact myself.

Personally I'd rather be honest and without family than commit to spending the majority of my adult life pretending to be someone my parents like. I can't even begin to think of how stressful that would all be. It's one thing saying you have a girlfriend (and all the lies that come with that) but it's another thing hiding living with another man, or whatever. Regardless of how unpleasant cutting off contact with my family would be, it is preferable to lying for me.

(thanks for the welcomes guys!)
You're right. I shouldn't have been so quick to guess your reaction to losing contact with your family. Sorry about that.
But still, we could probably debate over this topic for hours, there will always be two sides. Both coming out and not coming out have their pros and cons. I understand you want to be honest. It's honorable and much easier, knowing you don't have to lie and hide. But I personally always choose to stay on the "not coming out" side.
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Old January 29th, 2013, 02:10 PM
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Wow, that's awesome xD Could someone just please help me read and understand one line? It's the "I hope you, much like this cake, are not m tiers"... I have a hard time understanding puns x.x

You're right. I shouldn't have been so quick to guess your reaction to losing contact with your family. Sorry about that.
But still, we could probably debate over this topic for hours, there will always be two sides. Both coming out and not coming out have their pros and cons. I understand you want to be honest. It's honorable and much easier, knowing you don't have to lie and hide. But I personally always choose to stay on the "not coming out" side.
Rereading it again, she used a lot of puns! Lol. I think it says, "I hope you, much like this cake, are not in tiers." I think she meant that she hoped her parents weren't going to cry (in an upset/regretful way) over her sexuality. As we also know, cakes come in tiers, or layers, but she used the word 'tiers' since she was talking about a cake, although she actually meant real human tears, if that makes sense. xD

About the reaction topic, I think whether or not your family rejects you afterwards depends entirely on the family. You can't really say how anyone will react when you tell them your sexuality. As you said, Alex, I think most families who are iffy about homosexuality, lesbianism, etc, as it is, will question their son or daughter's decision at first. Even those who aren't might just say, "It's just a phase", or "You're just confused", in hope their "fears" didn't come true. Now, if your family is one which consists of die-hard religious believers or just radical thinkers, I could see them unfortunately going to extreme measures to "change" their son or daughter. It all depends, imo.

In the end, though, we're all human beings and although it's been done before, I can't imagine how a mother or father, who gave birth to their son or daughter, would just disown them over their sexuality.
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Old February 1st, 2013, 03:12 PM
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This has successfully made me want cake.

Dammit.

I want cake now.

That is adorable though. And the puns are epic.
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Old February 1st, 2013, 06:28 PM
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This has successfully made me want cake.

Dammit.

I want cake now.

That is adorable though. And the puns are epic.
Lmao! The cake does actually look quite good.

It must have taken her a long time not only to bake the cake, but to also come up with the courage to write such an excellent letter. It's funny and got her point across. Such a sweet soul. I also saw an article on Yahoo with her story. I'm sure she's inspired others.
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Old February 2nd, 2013, 09:29 AM
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So I wanted to share something I saw shown the other day, a video. Here it is:



It's a short clip which encapsulates human sexuality, as much as that is possible, into a few short words and infographics. Since I'm a sucker for infographics I've screencapped some of them below.

Spoiler:




I really like the simplicity of these and how despite how simple they are they still don't marginalize anyone. I think they would be a great tool to teach people who may have trouble understanding the finer points of human sexuality.
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Old February 3rd, 2013, 08:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Scarf View Post
So I wanted to share something I saw shown the other day, a video. Here it is:

Spoiler:


It's a short clip which encapsulates human sexuality, as much as that is possible, into a few short words and infographics. Since I'm a sucker for infographics I've screencapped some of them below.





I really like the simplicity of these and how despite how simple they are they still don't marginalize anyone. I think they would be a great tool to teach people who may have trouble understanding the finer points of human sexuality.
Thanks for sharing! That was a great video, ngl! Just like the video title suggest, human sexuality is complicated.... very complicated, and society is so easy to judge and criticize when in fact, we're all single entities who really are unique in our own ways.

His clarity was superb, and I really liked how all the graphs came together and made sense with what he was saying. In the end, it all proved the argument he was trying to make. I do hope that human sexuality teachers across the world utilize the video in their teachings, or even everyday people to teach their kids or others.

Human sexuality is a tough subject overall, and when it does't affect certain people (in the case of society being so judgmental towards those who aren't considered to be within the norm, sexuality-wise), people are very quick to base their decisions and thinking's off of what society has predisposed to them. The video has really opened my eyes further and taught me that not who we love, what we love, or who we want to be can define us as who we are. We're very complicated beings and just like the author said in the end, all that matters is that we love ourselves no matter what we choose to be.

Sorry for the double post (please merge my post if I'm not allowed to DP), but I was just recently listening to this song and wanted to share it with you all.

Have any of you guys heard this song? I'm not even into rap or anything, but this song really melts my heart and leaves me feeling so great after listening to it. I'm sure some of you have heard it before or have at least listened to it.

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Old February 4th, 2013, 06:20 AM
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Both of those videos were fantastic!

The music video was really great. I've heard that song before on the radio and it made me really uncomfortable, because rap always does. Rap doesn't really leave much room for artful wording so it's very straightforward, so when people rap about things that matter it makes me uncomfortable how bare and forceful it is, like even though I 100% agree with the message they're sending it still makes me feel like it's being shoved down my throat lol.

The video changed it though, it made the whole thing seem sweeter and I guess it gave it some... context? which was great.

Also welcome Francois! Sorry I'm so late
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Old February 5th, 2013, 12:04 PM
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BREAKING NEWS! Most of the House of Parliament supports gay marriage by a vote of 400 to 175. GO UK!
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