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  #1    
Old January 12th, 2013 (8:00 AM).
Karnavaly's Avatar
Karnavaly Karnavaly is offline
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Originally I posted this on Ever Grande City. I was thinking of showing this here. This was the last poem I wrote in the year of 2012.

"Perfect"

I was told by many that I look like the perfect killer
Because of my red eyes
which never made any sense to me
...I'm just a mere passerby.

My appearance gets me into trouble
...On some days more than others...
There's never a day where I have it easy.

They say I'm the perfect killer
everyone outright rejects me
When I never did anything
...Except maybe appearing.

Whenever I walk into a room
Everyone instantly looks at me
as if I'm a killer
everyone glares at me
humans make no sense to me.

When I'm alone everything is much better
I can take off my disguise
and watch the humans prosper
I'm nothing more than an angel undercover.

I wanted to see what humans see
and to be like humans too.
I broke all the rules to go undercover
so my appearance was the price to pay
My disguise become impure and evil in the blink of an eye
I didn't even recognize me.

Even when I'm all alone I can't be happy
my happiness was stolen from me
and the burden of what I did weighs heavy.

At home I'm classed as a devil
for seeing things differently
whenever I say something everyone beats me up and yells at me...

If I never broke the angel code than maybe...
...Maybe someone could love me...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Originally I wrote this because of all people out there in the world who call themselves perfect when inside, deep down, they know they aren't. Originally I wasn't planning to make the speaker an angel--I was just going to make her someone who looks like the perfect killer who seems like they'd murder anyone. Yeah, pretty dark.

Please comment, criticize and bash. And in case anyone is wondering I wrote this on the 31rst of December. One day before new years day so I ended the year with a poem basically.
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  #2    
Old January 15th, 2013 (8:42 PM).
darkpokeball's Avatar
darkpokeball darkpokeball is offline
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I like this poem, it tells an interesting tale. The '...' before and after a line aren't really needed, however, as they make the work a bit less pleasing to the eye. Other than that, good job!
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  #3    
Old January 31st, 2013 (3:19 PM).
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Buns Buns is offline
 
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Posts: 11
The last 2 verses drastically changed the flow which made it odd. I liked the tale in this one though very nice.
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