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  #3776    
Old May 11th, 2013 (7:19 PM).
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The Dark Avenger The Dark Avenger is offline
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Originally Posted by Scarf View Post
Wow. There's a lot of interesting discussion going on here all of a sudden.

Anecdote: My close friend is gay and recently he's said he misses spending time with other gays. (In our circle of friends he's the only gay guy.) From things he's said, from other bits and pieces I've scraped together it seems like gay men have and like and want to keep a specific "gays only" sphere under the feeling that on some level no one else can understand them.

All my understanding about this group is second-hand or from observations I make as an outsider, but it does seem to have a unique kind of "boys club" mentality. I think the problem with it isn't necessarily outright hostility or hatred, but more a lack of exposure to anything dealing with women. A kind of echo chamber of maleness. Bi people, trans people, straight people - all of them have lives that typically include women or women's perspectives in one sense or another. Since gay men typically are the face of the gay community (women are a big part, of course, but they get overlooked more often) it's their views that filter out among the people, I think, and give the "gay community" this feeling of being hostile to bi/trans/etc people within its own ranks. I mean, if you looked over the people in this club here I bet you'd find that well over 50% are gay guys.

Strangely, it doesn't really seem to work the other way around with lesbian circles because we still live in straight male society so women can't really escape that to some separate space the way gay men can. Straight men will keep trying to assert themselves in women's business so even gay girls are interacting with men fairly often.
Don't worry, you're not the only one whose noticed this.

I definitely see the whole "boys club" mentality in cliques. I don't have many gay friends, urm, if any, but of those I am acquainted with there are distinct characteristics they all share among groups. It's a more extreme version of, I guess, any group mentality. For instance, straight women usually bond with other straight women that share the same characteristics; yet, they are more willing to place stress on the characteristics of the group such as interests or appearance/style rather than sexuality, as it seems like straight women are more apt to include lesbian women than straight men include gay men in their inner circles. And, both heterosexual men and women naturally gravitate toward each other, even as friends and groups - yet usually their are sex-specific groups within these groups. Ultimately though, there seems to be a bit more overlap than gay-male groups.

My experience has been the gay guy of the group, when I hang with either straight men or women, usually both simultaneously. So, there is an isolation there, a feeling of uniqueness to the group dynamic though a feeling of not belonging. I do see the attractiveness of being friends with similar gay men because one might feel more cohesive with the group, but I wouldn't want to be pigeon-holed into one specific "type". (I wonder what my gay classification I would even be? lol ) Ultimately, it would be nice to have some friends of both straight and gay, but I imagine it would be strenuous to coalesce the two; they would most likely be separate circles. Maybe this is different in more urbanized areas.

@ Pachy, didn't mean to offend you, I was just making the point, not certain conclusion, that making inferences of hate and ignorance can be unproductive if we are not 100% sure where the remark is coming from given that the posts were not obviously or overtly transphobic as stated. Didn't mean to sound like I was on my high-horse; sometimes I too unconsciously make inferences that someone is homophobic based on a remark, but I try to employ a bit of due diligence before I assume anyone is being hateful. I mean, I make blatant "gay" jokes from time to time, and I know that I am certainly not homophobic or hateful of gays. A lot of the friends I have now, I have thought at some point in time as I was getting to know them that they had something against gay people.
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  #3777    
Old May 11th, 2013 (8:32 PM). Edited May 12th, 2013 by Snow Phoenix.
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Interesting thoughts all across the board. I feel quite a bit different then since I live in one of the most interesting cities to be gay in. I live in Austin, Texas which despite being in Texas, is quite progressive and liberal with anything concerning gay rights. We have several strong activism groups even on campus and the political thought here is towards equal rights for all people, regardless of any identity. With that being said, I've never observed any type of cliques except for two. Like previously mentioned, I've noticed that the bears usually tend to stick to themselves at gay bars tailored to bears or at regular straight bars. We also have this really defined group of pure activists who will usually take on a gender neutral pronoun and paint their nails as a symbol of sexual freedom with strong desires to reclaim the world for gay freedom. We have a really strong (almost a bit radical at times, but I still love them) group that coheres really well together. Neither group is particularly exclusive, but they do tend to stick to themselves. So I really haven't seen Scarf's aforementioned phenomenon, but I feel as if I serve as a pretty rare exception o.o

My previous experience with being gay in strong southern states has always been gay is a sin so cluster up in groups and defend yourselves, and the next gay guy you meet is your boyfriend since that's the only boy you're ever going to meet this far into the bible belt. So yeah. I really don't have that much experience of typical gay society. I've been out to the clubs before too and to a few parties (I give the best lap dances :3), but even still o.o' Even the really stereotypical things like twerking aren't attributed to anything other than a simple and whimsical "why not?". The clubs are a little different though since I've never really left my group of friends while I go out clubbing for safety measures :x I do live in a party city...

Oh and I found this video which made me laugh. There's a homosexual in the neighborhood. Hide yo kids. Hide you wives =.=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3S24ofEQj4

Look how far we've come from black and white.

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  #3778    
Old May 11th, 2013 (10:37 PM).
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.........
I have no clue what is going on here....
Like, seriously, poor Demisexual, Biromantic, Fenrir can't understand what's going on...

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  #3779    
Old May 12th, 2013 (2:24 PM).
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Originally Posted by FenrirDarkWolf View Post
.........
I have no clue what is going on here....
Like, seriously, poor Demisexual, Biromantic, Fenrir can't understand what's going on...
*pat pat* don't worry, extremely asexual, aromantic Inkblots over here is feeling a little confused too. As my last post may have indicated, lol.

I'm just gonna smile and nod and be over here wrapping my mother's day presents.
  #3780    
Old May 12th, 2013 (2:56 PM).
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*pat pat* don't worry, extremely asexual, aromantic Inkblots over here is feeling a little confused too. As my last post may have indicated, lol.

I'm just gonna smile and nod and be over here wrapping my mother's day presents.
Ohh~
Speaking family, they know I have a boyfriend. :3
They don't care. ^.^

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  #3781    
Old May 12th, 2013 (3:50 PM).
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Ohh~
Speaking family, they know I have a boyfriend. :3
They don't care. ^.^
That's always a good thing!

Sorry about not being inclusive with the minorities of the sexual minorities you guys :p

I don't think most people even know what asexual means to be honest. Let alone demisexual!
Though, I am wondering myself if demisexual could be a sub-sect of any sexuality. Like, do gay men who only have sex with gay men they have a romantic and ardent connection qualify as being a demisexual homosexual. Or is it more so, demisexuals, in general, do not have a sexual preference along the lines of gender or sexual identity, and only do so based a romantic and ardent connection. Essentially, pansexual in terms of potential partner id, open to become sexually attracted to any gender identity, though ultimately can only be sexual attracted once a romantic and ardent connection is established?

Or are both of these wrong? haha.



Well, I can't ignore just one of you, so I have a fun asexual question too!

Being that you are asexual, not having a sexual attraction to any gender id, I can see the appeal of a romantic relationship and associated with "sexual release", despite not having an physical attraction to the partner you are with.

With that said, given the choice between a male and female partner and that you are not more or less attracted to either, would one seek a female, to live a life less stressful for going against cultural norms of homo-romanticism? Unless, it is easier to identify with another sexual minority, such as a homosexual male, or even with another asexual male, thus a preferred choice?

Do either of these sentiments affect your decision of who to select as a partner?


Can't wait to see what you guys think. Also, other people who id as either of the above questions, feel free to weigh-in as well.
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  #3782    
Old May 12th, 2013 (6:48 PM). Edited May 13th, 2013 by Inkblots.
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That's always a good thing!

Sorry about not being inclusive with the minorities of the sexual minorities you guys :p

I don't think most people even know what asexual means to be honest. Let alone demisexual!
Though, I am wondering myself if demisexual could be a sub-sect of any sexuality. Like, do gay men who only have sex with gay men they have a romantic and ardent connection qualify as being a demisexual homosexual. Or is it more so, demisexuals, in general, do not have a sexual preference along the lines of gender or sexual identity, and only do so based a romantic and ardent connection. Essentially, pansexual in terms of potential partner id, open to become sexually attracted to any gender identity, though ultimately can only be sexual attracted once a romantic and ardent connection is established?

Or are both of these wrong? haha.



Well, I can't ignore just one of you, so I have a fun asexual question too!

Being that you are asexual, not having a sexual attraction to any gender id, I can see the appeal of a romantic relationship and associated with "sexual release", despite not having an physical attraction to the partner you are with.

With that said, given the choice between a male and female partner and that you are not more or less attracted to either, would one seek a female, to live a life less stressful for going against cultural norms of homo-romanticism? Unless, it is easier to identify with another sexual minority, such as a homosexual male, or even with another asexual male, thus a preferred choice?

Do either of these sentiments affect your decision of who to select as a partner?


Can't wait to see what you guys think. Also, other people who id as either of the above questions, feel free to weigh-in as well.
Haha, don't worry. I can't speak for Fenrir of course, but I don't feel excluded so much as just... confused. I'm just coming to realize that I know even less than I thought I did about the whole physical/romantic attraction thing, lol. These kinds of conversations don't really come up with most of my friends. It's usually more along the lines of "damn, he's hot" and me going "uh, yeah, sure, whatever"

To give a quick definition, a demisexual person only feels sexual attraction towards people they have an emotional connection with (in other words, a demisexual will rarely, if ever, feel attraction towards complete strangers). Someone who feels sexual attraction towards strangers, but chooses to have sex with someone they have an emotional connection to, isn't demisexual, the same way a person who feels attraction towards others, but decides to be celibate, isn't asexual. I'll let Fenrir field the more complicated attraction parts of that question, haha.

I'm actually aromantic as well as asexual - I don't feel any romantic attraction towards anyone, and have never had any desire to be in a romantic relationship, or share the rest of my life with one particular person. The closest I've come are "squishes" (like a crush, except it's an intense desire to be friends with someone, rather than to be romantic partners with them) or the occasional fantasy about finding a queer-platonic partner/friend (also known as a zucchini) - someone (of any gender) with whom I am closer than most friends, but who isn't a romantic or monogamous partner. That said, I wouldn't want to live with said person for the rest of my life. Neighbouring apartments or sharing a duplex, something like that would be fine, but not living in the same house/apartment.

If I HAD to choose to live with someone though, I'm not sure... it really depends more on personality than gender. All else being equal, I would probably choose to live with a straight woman. Partly because I feel like it would be easier to convince people we aren't romantically involved. And because there won't be any issues with her developing feelings for me that I won't be able to return.
  #3783    
Old May 12th, 2013 (7:02 PM).
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Originally Posted by Inkblots View Post
Haha, don't worry. I can't speak for Fenrir of course, but I don't feel excluded so much as just... confused. I'm just coming to realize that I know even less than I thought I did about the whole physical/romantic attraction thing, lol. These kinds of conversations don't really come up with most of my friends. It's usually more along the lines of "damn, he's hot" and me going "uh, yeah, sure, whatever"

To give a quick definition, a demisexual person only feels sexual attraction towards people they have an emotional connection with (in other words, a demisexual will rarely, if ever, feel attraction towards complete strangers). Someone who feels sexual attraction towards strangers, but chooses to have sex with someone they have an emotional connection to, isn't demisexual, the same way a person who feels attraction towards others, but decides to be celibate, isn't asexual. I'll let Fenrir field the more complicated attraction parts of that question, haha.

I'm actually aromantic as well as asexual - I don't feel any romantic attraction towards anyone, and have never had any desire to be in a romantic relationship, or share the rest of my life with one particular person. The closest I've come are "squishes" (like a crush, except it's an intense desire to be friends with someone, rather than to be romantic partners with them) or the occasional fantasy about finding a queer-platonic partner/friend (also known as a zucchini) - someone (of any gender) with whom I am closer than most friends, but who isn't a romantic or monogamous partner. That said, I wouldn't want to live with said person for the rest of my life. Neighbouring apartments or sharing a duplex, something like that would be fine, but not living in the same house/apartment.

If I HAD to choose to live with someone though, I'm not sure... it really depends more on personality than gender. All else being equal, I would probably choose to live with a straight woman. Partly because I feel like it would be easier to convince people we aren't romantically involved. And because there won't be any issues with her developing feelings for me that I won't be able to return.
Wow, great. Thanks for sharing.

I can't imagine what life would be like. If I would feel out of place or rather if I would feel less pressure or less controlled by romantic or sexual feelings. Probably a little of both...For me, I get the worst of both, feeling out of place AND all those intense romantic/sexual feelings that help us make terrible decisions! haha.

Aromantic, huh? Oohh, this makes this so much more interesting that it already was. Basically, you would be looking for best friend(s) to supplement partners as a very superficial way to sum things up. Though, now I am wondering, do asexual/aromantic people have any sort of physical relationship with anyone usually, even if not monogamous? I mean they still have all of the physiological responses to certain stimuli (my way of word sanitation).

Disclaimer, I have very little knowledge about the many sexual minorities among the sexual minorities. So bear with me :p
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  #3784    
Old May 12th, 2013 (8:48 PM). Edited May 13th, 2013 by Inkblots.
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Wow, great. Thanks for sharing.

I can't imagine what life would be like. If I would feel out of place or rather if I would feel less pressure or less controlled by romantic or sexual feelings. Probably a little of both...For me, I get the worst of both, feeling out of place AND all those intense romantic/sexual feelings that help us make terrible decisions! haha.

Aromantic, huh? Oohh, this makes this so much more interesting that it already was. Basically, you would be looking for best friend(s) to supplement partners as a very superficial way to sum things up. Though, now I am wondering, do asexual/aromantic people have any sort of physical relationship with anyone usually, even if not monogamous? I mean they still have all of the physiological responses to certain stimuli (my way of word sanitation).

Disclaimer, I have very little knowledge about the many sexual minorities among the sexual minorities. So bear with me :p
A little of both is definitely the best way to put it. I've been lucky in not having to deal with ignorant people directly, but I do feel excluded (and a little resentful) when I hear people talking as though every single person must find a mate of some sort in order to be "real" or "whole", and treat romantic love as the most important or "powerful" thing in the world. On the flip side, I am glad I don't have to deal with a lot of the relationship crap other people do, though I wonder if part of my intense dislike for it is that I don't understand why people go to all the trouble they do. It's kind of like, imagine you were plunked down on an alien world where colour is very important. All the aliens can see a colour that humans can't see, and that colour is the most important one of them all. You can understand that it exists, that it's located at this spot on the radiation spectrum, that these objects reflect that colour, and that the aliens describe it like this... but you still can't see the colour, and you still can't imagine what it might look like, and no matter how many times they try to explain, you still can't understand why it's so important or why they will do just about anything to own something that is that colour.

Looking for best friends is a good way to put it as far as physical intimacy, yes, some asexual/aromanic people do look for physical relationships, but as far as I can tell, it's not the norm, and I'm not sure what those relationships might look like for those who do seek them out (though I imagine they tend to be a non-monogamous friends-with-benefits type). I can't speak to actual numbers, but most seem to prefer to take care of any "urges" they may have (which usually seem to be less frequent and/or less intense than those of sexual people, at least from what I've gathered) on their own, rather than with a partner. A lot of aces are completely disinterested in having sex, if not somewhat disgusted by it (even if they aren't bothered by other people having sex). Speaking for myself, I can definitely say that there is very little that weirds me out more than the thought of having sex - particularly if it's with a specific person. And the better I know the person, the weirder it is to think about. I don't care if other people want to have sex, I just don't want to hear about it, haha.

(also, I have no problems with you, or anyone, asking as many questions as you want so don't worry about that.)
  #3785    
Old May 13th, 2013 (8:28 AM).
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Originally Posted by Fenneking View Post
That's always a good thing!

Sorry about not being inclusive with the minorities of the sexual minorities you guys :p

I don't think most people even know what asexual means to be honest. Let alone demisexual!
Though, I am wondering myself if demisexual could be a sub-sect of any sexuality. Like, do gay men who only have sex with gay men they have a romantic and ardent connection qualify as being a demisexual homosexual. Or is it more so, demisexuals, in general, do not have a sexual preference along the lines of gender or sexual identity, and only do so based a romantic and ardent connection. Essentially, pansexual in terms of potential partner id, open to become sexually attracted to any gender identity, though ultimately can only be sexual attracted once a romantic and ardent connection is established?

Or are both of these wrong? haha.
I mean, I don't complete understand it myself. The only reason I know I'm demisexual, biromantic is because, I have felt sexual attraction to both sexes before...

I'm confused with all this label stuff.

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  #3786    
Old May 13th, 2013 (10:08 AM).
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Originally Posted by FenrirDarkWolf View Post
I mean, I don't complete understand it myself. The only reason I know I'm demisexual, biromantic is because, I have felt sexual attraction to both sexes before...

I'm confused with all this label stuff.
Then don't label yourself as anything. Just because society forces labels onto us doesn't mean we have to agree with them and stick them onto ourselves.

You are who you are, nobody defines you but yourself. Take the time to understand yourself and what your feelings for different people are.

I've been here 6 years... Wow I'm old.
  #3787    
Old May 13th, 2013 (12:41 PM).
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Then don't label yourself as anything. Just because society forces labels onto us doesn't mean we have to agree with them and stick them onto ourselves.

You are who you are, nobody defines you but yourself. Take the time to understand yourself and what your feelings for different people are.
Wise words ;o I'm no psych. major, but labels just seem to be inventions to create a piece of mind in knowing that I am "insert label here." They create that identification which states that I know what I am, but knowing what you are doesn't matter because you're you :3 Hell. Your name doesn't even mean anything if you don't want it to mean anything. But, eh. Labels can also help others get a stab at who you are too since it conjures an image of who you are based on mostly stereotypes ^.^' Can be both a good and bad thing. Since homosexual tends to carry a lot of interesting connotations... *counts the number of times he's been called the "gay best friend" in certain places or has been invited shopping based solely on sexuality*

I think I've felt demisexual feelings for a few woman before. Like when I dated my last girlfriend for three years, I could feel sexual attraction (as in physically with all the hormonal changes, if ya know what I mean <.<) for her whenever we experienced intense emotional experiences like indulging in sharing interests and junk like that even though typically I am very uninterested in the female anatomy. I still identify has homosexual though for a variety of reasons, namely because that identification helps me find the mate I want xP I know that I can be romantic though towards both sexes, especially more so woman x.x

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  #3788    
Old May 13th, 2013 (1:35 PM). Edited August 20th, 2013 by Sanguine.
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Ta, I would love to be a part of this.

Eh, I live through the stance that if I'm attracted to someone romantically and physically, I don't particularly care what gender they identify as.

Now, I'm not one to follow "guidelines", but if I were to use the terms you've listed on the front page, I'd say that I was pansexual xD
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  #3789    
Old May 13th, 2013 (2:12 PM). Edited May 13th, 2013 by LaVida.
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I agree with the people, who say that it is not necessary to label oneself.

Sexuality is a lot more fluid than most people think, so trying really hard to label oneself may be a waste of time. It may change after all. I do see, how people like to belong to a group and therefore put a label on themselves. But if it's a struggle to define one's sexuality at the moment, it might be best to simply ignore labels for the moment and just see how things are going.

That's my opinion, at least.
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  #3790    
Old May 13th, 2013 (2:38 PM).
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I agree with the people, who say that it is not necessary to label oneself.

Sexuality is a lot more fluid than most people think, so trying really hard to label oneself may be a waste of time. It may change after all. I do see, how people like to belong to a group and therefore put a label on themselves. But if it's a struggle to define one's sexuality at the moment, it might be best to simply ignore labels for the moment and just see how things are going.

That's my opinion, at least.
I agree. Labels are best when treated as tools - something to pick up and use when you need, and store away when you don't.
  #3791    
Old May 13th, 2013 (3:09 PM).
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I agree. Labels are best when treated as tools - something to pick up and use when you need, and store away when you don't.
I agree.
Normally, since it would be too hard to explain, I just say "I'm bi." and leave with that.

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  #3792    
Old May 13th, 2013 (3:17 PM).
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I think labels are sometimes helpful and sometimes hurtful. Sometimes I like to say (like fenrir) "I'm lesbian" because it helps simplify things. I don't like going around saying "I'm a demisexual which means blah blah blah, and I'm also blah blah blah, and sometimes men are attractive, but I don't like them sexually or romantically, but women are awesome, but also blah blah blah" and I simplify it to "lesbian".
  #3793    
Old May 13th, 2013 (6:56 PM).
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I think labels are sometimes helpful and sometimes hurtful. Sometimes I like to say (like fenrir) "I'm lesbian" because it helps simplify things. I don't like going around saying "I'm a demisexual which means blah blah blah, and I'm also blah blah blah, and sometimes men are attractive, but I don't like them sexually or romantically, but women are awesome, but also blah blah blah" and I simplify it to "lesbian".
Haha, yeah, exactly. It simplifies things, especially if you're talking to a stranger. A friend? Yeah, I'd probably go into more detail, but not with a stranger, unless they ask.

Unfortunately for me though, 90% of the people I meet have no concept of what ace or asexual means, so I end up having to explain it in detail anyway, haha. Most of the time with strangers, I just avoid the topic all together. I'm not very eloquent in real life, especially if confronted about anything.

I work at an electronics store, and I cannot believe how many people (mostly older men) make some casual comment about my "future husband." They're usually in the form of compliments, or, alternatively, it's the "never get married" advice from someone who's just had a fight with their spouse (this comes from a lot of my married friends as well, even the ones that know I'm ace!). It always makes me very uncomfortable, and it's gotten very tiresome to realize exactly how many people just assume that everyone they meet is straight.
  #3794    
Old May 13th, 2013 (8:21 PM).
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Originally Posted by Inkblots View Post
Haha, yeah, exactly. It simplifies things, especially if you're talking to a stranger. A friend? Yeah, I'd probably go into more detail, but not with a stranger, unless they ask.

Unfortunately for me though, 90% of the people I meet have no concept of what ace or asexual means, so I end up having to explain it in detail anyway, haha. Most of the time with strangers, I just avoid the topic all together. I'm not very eloquent in real life, especially if confronted about anything.

I work at an electronics store, and I cannot believe how many people (mostly older men) make some casual comment about my "future husband." They're usually in the form of compliments, or, alternatively, it's the "never get married" advice from someone who's just had a fight with their spouse (this comes from a lot of my married friends as well, even the ones that know I'm ace!). It always makes me very uncomfortable, and it's gotten very tiresome to realize exactly how many people just assume that everyone they meet is straight.
Yeah but to be fair, asexual is not a common thing. About 0.05% of everyone I've ever known is asexual, so it helps explain why most of society has no idea what it is.

When you explain it, all you have to say (without going into the specifics because I don't know your case) is, "I am not sexually/romantically attracted to anyone, period." (If that's your case).

Short and sweet and it stops people from saying that stuff.

But again I wish people would be more conscious of the different sexualities, but please do remember that a lot of people are hard headed and will say "oh you haven't met the right gal/guy that's why you don't like any of them. :(
  #3795    
Old May 13th, 2013 (10:30 PM).
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Labeling can get a bit out of hand. Especially with the whole top vs bottom (or "versatile" dilemma; I've been asked by friends or acquaintance all of the time, which one I am. This is even common amongst gay circles.

I just want to say, do I ask you explicit details about your sex life? It's just assumed that the man is the top and the woman is the bottom in the relationship, it's easier for many people to help explain behavior they have little knowledge of more concretely and in terms that they understand better such as the sex dichotomy of heterosexuality. Though in some relationships, there is a clear dichotomy of dominance, a lot of the time there is not.
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Old May 13th, 2013 (11:51 PM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fenneking View Post
Labeling can get a bit out of hand. Especially with the whole top vs bottom (or "versatile" dilemma; I've been asked by friends or acquaintance all of the time, which one I am. This is even common amongst gay circles.

I just want to say, do I ask you explicit details about your sex life? It's just assumed that the man is the top and the woman is the bottom in the relationship, it's easier for many people to help explain behavior they have little knowledge of more concretely and in terms that they understand better such as the sex dichotomy of heterosexuality. Though in some relationships, there is a clear dichotomy of dominance, a lot of the time there is not.
I've always just wanted a completely equal relationship, regardless of gender... I don't think one person should have to fit any sort of role. That's not to say that you can't have a preference of course, because I do... it's just that... uh, I guess I just don't like gender roles in general. lol
  #3797    
Old May 14th, 2013 (1:40 AM).
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I'll join. I'm pansexual and, I guess, genderless because I don't feel comfortable being only one gender or both "natural" genders.
But yeah, I'm totally in.
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Old May 14th, 2013 (4:39 PM).
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Originally Posted by Branellope View Post
I'll join. I'm pansexual and, I guess, genderless because I don't feel comfortable being only one gender or both "natural" genders.
But yeah, I'm totally in.
Awesome! Welcome to the awesome LGBTetc thread :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by QuilavaKing View Post
I've always just wanted a completely equal relationship, regardless of gender... I don't think one person should have to fit any sort of role. That's not to say that you can't have a preference of course, because I do... it's just that... uh, I guess I just don't like gender roles in general. lol
I feel the same way. I don't feel dominant or submissive and I think being either would be unfair to the other partner. :(
  #3799    
Old May 14th, 2013 (6:35 PM). Edited May 14th, 2013 by Inkblots.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Insomniac View Post
Yeah but to be fair, asexual is not a common thing. About 0.05% of everyone I've ever known is asexual, so it helps explain why most of society has no idea what it is.

When you explain it, all you have to say (without going into the specifics because I don't know your case) is, "I am not sexually/romantically attracted to anyone, period." (If that's your case).

Short and sweet and it stops people from saying that stuff.

But again I wish people would be more conscious of the different sexualities, but please do remember that a lot of people are hard headed and will say "oh you haven't met the right gal/guy that's why you don't like any of them.
Oh yeah, I do understand that it's uncommon, and thus not many people have heard of it, and I don't mind that so much. It's the fact that most people I've met aren't satisfied with the "I'm not sexually or romantically attracted to people" explanation, and seem to require proof that I am what I say I am. I haven't had it nearly as bad as some aces, and definitely not as bad as gay/bi/pan individuals, I'll admit that, but even my best friend told me that I "don't get out enough" when I came out to her (she quickly apologized when I gave her "the look" and has been supportive since, but still...). A couple of other friends asked if it could be a hormonal problem, and a few just continue to treat me as though I'm completely straight. It's just kind of discouraging, you know? And it's part of why I still haven't come out to my immediate family, because I KNOW that I'll get the "you're too young to know what you want/WE MUST GET YOU TO A DOCTOR" lecture.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fenneking View Post
Labeling can get a bit out of hand. Especially with the whole top vs bottom (or "versatile" dilemma; I've been asked by friends or acquaintance all of the time, which one I am. This is even common amongst gay circles.

I just want to say, do I ask you explicit details about your sex life? It's just assumed that the man is the top and the woman is the bottom in the relationship, it's easier for many people to help explain behavior they have little knowledge of more concretely and in terms that they understand better such as the sex dichotomy of heterosexuality. Though in some relationships, there is a clear dichotomy of dominance, a lot of the time there is not.
Oh god, I hear ya. One of the most common questions I get asked (online anyway, I have yet to have met someone ballsy enough to ask me in person): "so... do you masturbate?"

Um, excuse me? Since when is that an appropriate question to ask a complete stranger? I don't mind if someone asks something like that along the lines of of "In general, do aces do this?" but to ask me directly if I do it? Uh, no. Sometimes I might volunteer personal information when being asked a general question, but otherwise, no. My personal life is none of your business, thank you.
  #3800    
Old May 15th, 2013 (2:08 AM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkblots View Post
Oh yeah, I do understand that it's uncommon, and thus not many people have heard of it, and I don't mind that so much. It's the fact that most people I've met aren't satisfied with the "I'm not sexually or romantically attracted to people" explanation, and seem to require proof that I am what I say I am. I haven't had it nearly as bad as some aces, and definitely not as bad as gay/bi/pan individuals, I'll admit that, but even my best friend told me that I "don't get out enough" when I came out to her (she quickly apologized when I gave her "the look" and has been supportive since, but still...). A couple of other friends asked if it could be a hormonal problem, and a few just continue to treat me as though I'm completely straight. It's just kind of discouraging, you know? And it's part of why I still haven't come out to my immediate family, because I KNOW that I'll get the "you're too young to know what you want/WE MUST GET YOU TO A DOCTOR" lecture.
I bet that must be a struggle to deal with. You know, I always thought that it is not so important to come out to one's family. Maybe, you could keep it to yourself a while longer until you feel more confident in coming out.

By the way, on a small note, I used to think that I was an aromantic ace as well until I got my first boyfriend. A little bit later, I figured out that I liked girls as well so yeah... I kinda went from asexual -> heterosexual -> bisexual... who knows, what happens next? :D
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