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Old June 24th, 2013 (5:08 PM).
Sheraku's Avatar
Sheraku Sheraku is offline
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Western SD
Nature: Quiet
Posts: 534
Just finished a poem for my GF, first one I ever attempted. Just want to see what everyone thinks of it. If it sucks be please be gentle about it.

Rant of True Feelings!
Again we are together,
so then let us start anew,
You have known my true feelings,
all I wish is for yours too.
Broke your heart once in the past,
that again I'll never do,
Of this I make a promise,
together we'll see it through.

Life may have been very rough,
and that I can understand,
But no matter just how harsh,
i'll lend you my loving hand.
I long for you as my girl,
and for I to be your man.
To comfort you forever,
shall be my eternal plan,

P-erfection is what you are,
A-nd with nothing to better.
R-espect is what you deserve,
K-now that I will deliver.
E-veryday I think of you,
R-eflecting on what you want.

L-ove may not be on the list,
A-ssuming what I should not.
U-ltimatly I hope for,
R-eality to match thought.
E-roticism not quite,
N-o need to stop what we've got.

S-imple words of affection,
M-y ears are eger to hear.
I-t's just that little something,
T-o know that you as well care.
H-aving somebody like you,

the only one in my heart.
I hope my words mean something,
and that we shall never part.
Cause in this world without you,
i do not know where to start.
I may not be that stupid,
but I'm also not that smart.

Each line seven syllables,
feelings I convey to you.
I hope you enjoy this rant,
and my message made it through.
You've known it was obvious,
so with one thing left to do.
With no procrastination,
know that I truly LOVE you!
Old June 24th, 2013 (5:20 PM).
Honest's Avatar
Honest Honest is offline
Crystal Tier
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New York City
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
Posts: 11,672
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I'm not professional poet, but I think this was rather cute. =P

If you want more critics or compliments, though, I'm afraid you're going to have to re-post this thread in PC's Fan Fiction and Writing section. I'm going to close this now, but I liked it!

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