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Old August 29th, 2013, 09:40 PM
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I can't believe I'm citing Urban Dictionary for this one, but:

la douleur exquise - The exquisite pain of loving someone unattainable.

I came across this term recently, and I feel it applies nicely to something I've been thinking about for awhile. Has anyone ever had the feeling of sadness almost comfort them to some extent? La douleur exquise applies, as I tend to dwell on relationships and opportunities that just weren't attainable. Thinking about these things and immersing myself in such sadness provides almost a sense of comfort, physically equatable to almost being high (estimation, I don't exactly know that feeling haha). I'll mention music since it is extremely relevant as well, especially if you've ever had "the chills" from a song. A majority of the time these chills come from a very powerful and melancholy song. I find myself listening to music, in this case sad songs, that invoke intense nostalgic memories that are equally as sad. But for some reason, there is a very powerful feeling that I do not reject, but almost look for. I know I'm not sadistic, there's no sexual pleasure here. And I can't stand to see others in bouts of sadness or pain. To clarify, I don't think there is anything wrong with me, besides maybe my line of logic.

So basically what I'm asking is if the irony behind sadness, its ability to perhaps cause "happiness" is something that's plausible, or perhaps something that is a little disturbing.
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Old August 30th, 2013, 02:44 AM
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Probably comes from a bit of catharsis. You actually do feel bad about not being able to be with them, but going through the emotions helps you get over it.
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Old August 30th, 2013, 04:28 AM
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Sure. I've been almost 99% certain that the girls i've liked/loved, who are just picture perfect it's hard to imagine such beings exist, anyway I know my interest is unattainable. You could say i'm chasing for that 1% but really it's more of an adventure. Yes there is the sadness of failing but like you it sorta feels good, the mind is in such a sombre yet melancholy focused state that you're able to feel good about it and do anything.

Often a soundtrack that perfectly fits a situation, usually instrumental but sometimes vocal if it's used properly will get me into a similar state. It doesn't have to sombre music, heroic upbeat stuff works well too. Especially when playing videogames.

So no I don't think it's weird that you start feeling happy after hitting rock bottom emotionally, I mean things can't get worse and if it is so bad then I think we have the ability to block it out and find a dry humour in the hopelesness, at least with la doleur exquise, if I know something will upset me then I find it funny that I still do it and feel happy afterwards.
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Old August 30th, 2013, 07:00 AM
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It could also come from the fact that happiness gets significantly less fulfilling the longer you've felt happy. So having the little bursts of sadness help keep the good times great. The yearning of your body to feel sad could be the trigger your body pulls to regulate its emotions between perceived positive and negative emotions.

It's all about balance I suppose is what I'm getting at.
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Old August 30th, 2013, 12:05 PM
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Basically almost all the people I've ever wanted a relationship with haven't been single, but I just can't stop. I think it's more liking the idea of it that gives you comfort even though you're upset when you can't get something like that.
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Old September 1st, 2013, 09:28 AM
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I think I understand what you mean. That deep, saddening feeling somehow... feels warm sometimes for some reason, even though I fully know that it's not supposed to feel that way. I can't explain it properly argh.
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Old September 1st, 2013, 09:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlahISuck View Post
Probably comes from a bit of catharsis. You actually do feel bad about not being able to be with them, but going through the emotions helps you get over it.
Yeah that's definitely true. The whole process is like self-induced catharsis. That's actually a very appropriate term in this situation.

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Originally Posted by O07_eleven View Post
So no I don't think it's weird that you start feeling happy after hitting rock bottom emotionally, I mean things can't get worse and if it is so bad then I think we have the ability to block it out and find a dry humour in the hopelesness, at least with la doleur exquise, if I know something will upset me then I find it funny that I still do it and feel happy afterwards.
Your statement about humor in hopelessness is really intriguing, mainly because it's completely valid. It's a feeling that's almost hysterical, and thus comforting. It's not that we completely make light of or dismiss the situation exactly, but idk, you explain it quite well.

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Originally Posted by Plumpyfoof View Post
It could also come from the fact that happiness gets significantly less fulfilling the longer you've felt happy. So having the little bursts of sadness help keep the good times great. The yearning of your body to feel sad could be the trigger your body pulls to regulate its emotions between perceived positive and negative emotions.

It's all about balance I suppose is what I'm getting at.
That's an interesting perspective, hadn't thought about that. I can't say I've been overly joyous though in my life, which makes me wonder if it is an equilibrium thing, why there is an unbalance I guess.

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Originally Posted by Shiny Celebi View Post
Basically almost all the people I've ever wanted a relationship with haven't been single, but I just can't stop. I think it's more liking the idea of it that gives you comfort even though you're upset when you can't get something like that.
A part of it definitely comes from that idea of what could be. But I feel a bigger part is the sadness derived from the affirmation of what isn't going to be. And a majority of the euphoria(?) comes from that sadness, which I think is the interesting part.

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Originally Posted by Scyke View Post
I think I understand what you mean. That deep, saddening feeling somehow... feels warm sometimes for some reason, even though I fully know that it's not supposed to feel that way. I can't explain it properly argh.
Exactly. I don't think feelings and emotion are meant to be explained, which is why everyone is giving varied, yet valid responses.
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