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  #1    
Old September 12th, 2013, 01:28 PM
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This came up in my YouTube feed today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdZ9gKV3ZMw
  • Do you think the mother did the right thing?
  • Do you think the punishment was too light/severe?
  • What do you think of the 11-year-old girl twerking?
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  #2    
Old September 12th, 2013, 01:41 PM
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This is great! She found a good way to punish her kids without beating the loving **** out of them! Nope, not severe at all. If kid's can't remember their punishment then it's not really a punishment, but I'm sure this kid will remember this for a long time. Yes, she did the right thing.
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Old September 12th, 2013, 04:36 PM
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It's parenting like this that I have minimal respect for. Sure it's creative; but it's also kind of dangerous. I'm sure the people of the community are all questioning her sanity and competency as a parent right now. Some may agree with her. Some may not. I don't personally believe it's a very harmful parenting move; but I do question it strongly as I don't see any reason to punish an 11 year old this way.

Was what the child did wrong? No. Was it inappropriate? Yes. Children should be taught how to act appropriately; but I believe in my heart of hearts that 11 is too early to expect to understand that something such as twerking is seriously inappropriate even if they know not to do it. If you're going to raise your children conservatively; at least keep in mind that they're going to try things you told them not to. I think that if we stopped hiding simple truths from our children; that these things would not happen as often as they do now. Immaturity is not a real reason to hide something from them and punishment should not be cruel, excessively unusual, or anything that puts them at risk for later problems in life. This kid is going to have a very unfortunate reputation among her peers early on. Her mother is going to have a darkened reputation as well.

I can imagine other ways her mother could have handled this; while achieving similar amounts of punishment-induced and lesson-teaching misery; without potentially worsening the situation like this could.

This is all my personal opinion however. In the end I always say "Parent however you want." There's fewer things more fiery than a parent scorned; and in the end you can't really fault them for trying anything they can to protect their offspring. It's a natural response, and it often delays reasoning a little bit.
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  #4    
Old September 12th, 2013, 06:05 PM
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Parents ashamed of kid twerking. Makes her publically humiliated to be less ashamed. Do not get logic. Also mom, she's just gonna wanna do it more now that you've shown her how to grab and grub for attention. Way to be a role model.
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  #5    
Old September 12th, 2013, 06:31 PM
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I think that it isn't cool to do that because believe it or not all tweens and teens are attention *****s. like just look at all the 16 year olds you know.

It's just a stage, they'll stop doing that stuff in time.

Though it's not my place to judge. She's not really doing anything to physically or psychologically harm her (I mean, though it's not okay, it's no rape dungeon) so it's all up to the parents to raise the child they want.
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  #6    
Old September 12th, 2013, 06:57 PM
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Ruining you daughter's reputation all across the internet (the number 1. tool employers use to decide whether or not to hire someone)

Yeah, great job, Mom. Her life will turn out a lot better this way.

Punishments like these show where the youth of today get their stupidity.
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  #7    
Old September 12th, 2013, 07:23 PM
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Not sure why a parent would go for this method of punishment. Sure, the child disobeyed her, but twerking is something she'd have grown out of anyway. It would just be following a "fad".

The act itself isn't that serious, and she'd have eventually forgotten about it. What she won't forget, is that her mother opted to humiliate her daughter in public, instead of trying to be, I don't know, more understanding of her daughter's age and mindset?

This is all coming from me being pretty lenient to everyone, so I guess it doesn't mean much xD
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  #8    
Old September 14th, 2013, 09:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pachy View Post
I think that if we stopped hiding simple truths from our children; that these things would not happen as often as they do now. Immaturity is not a real reason to hide something from them and punishment should not be cruel, excessively unusual, or anything that puts them at risk for later problems in life.
This.

Also, we were doing a pre-reading discussion for The Scarlet Letter for English class, and someone brought up a very good point about the difference between shame punishment and guilt punishment, the difference being "You are the bad thing" and "What you did is the bad thing". Supposedly, people who are punished using shame punishment aren't even less likely to do the crime again (I know this isn't a crime really, but it's still a somewhat similar concept), and guilt punishment is more likely to make the criminal want to make amends for what they've done. I mean, I don't think there are any good ideas for a guilt-related twerking punishment, other than like visiting old wrinkly poor strippers who ended up nowhere in life (even though that's drastic to imagine for this girl). However, it does come down to what the parents want to do, and by all means she can punish her child in a way she feels is right.
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  #9    
Old September 14th, 2013, 10:42 PM
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The mother did more damage in trying to teach 'a lesson'. So now you have a child who has been utterly humiliated, by their own mother no less. If that's not a recipe for disaster one day, I don't know what is. You don't inspire change in someone's behavior or actually teach by stooping this low.
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Old September 15th, 2013, 01:47 AM
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  #11    
Old September 15th, 2013, 04:10 AM
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I would be against this punishment if the girl wasn't 11. 11 year old children should not be twerking. Ever.
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Old September 15th, 2013, 04:54 AM
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To those saying that the mother humiliated her across the internet - actually, that was the media.

Whilst this may not be the perfect example, I am sure this is going to be a much more effective punishment than being grounded for a week. She broke the rules, she got punished.

To those saying it will effect her future jobs... she's 11. That's like saying the old lie that your permanent record will be seen by every employer in your life - utter rubbish.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pachy
I think that if we stopped hiding simple truths from our children; that these things would not happen as often as they do now.
I don't understand how this relates to the OP. The mother says that the girl has done the dance previously, and was told it was inappropriate and sexual, yet she continued. How is that hiding any truths? The girl new exactly what she was doing.

Surprised Miley Cirus hasn't been mentioned.
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  #13    
Old September 15th, 2013, 08:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Magic Fox View Post
To those saying that the mother humiliated her across the internet - actually, that was the media.
If the mother was more responsible, she'd know that the media would pick up on this. But hey, I guess it's not a big deal for her and perhaps she's got a different idea of what shame and humiliation is if twerking is too much and this is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic Fox View Post
I don't understand how this relates to the OP. The mother says that the girl has done the dance previously, and was told it was inappropriate and sexual, yet she continued. How is that hiding any truths? The girl new exactly what she was doing.
There are many different ways of getting someone not to do something. If her kid was just told that it was "inappropriate" and "sexual" - unless she's one of those obedient-type kids who listen at the drop of a hat, it's not going to work. And she's clearly not that type of kid. At that age - even for me, I'm a dude too - there is a big dissociation between hearing what "sexual" means and understanding what "sexual" is. And there's also a similar dissociation between what she did and her punishment, she'll know that her mom would punish the crap out of her, but she still doesn't understand what twerking means for her mom - this isn't teaching her any empathy.

To me, this is an example of fighting a battle to win the battle, instead of trying to win the war. I guess mom promised a punishment, so she feels like she has go on with the deterrence - well A) it wasn't much of a deterrence, and B) it wasn't much of a constructive punishment either. Maybe it's okay to do this just once (not the ridiculous attention-seaking seeking fashion she did it) to maintain her parental authority, but again her battle plan is not working and should be changed, and now she has to deal with the fallout from this punishment which she may or may not have prepared for. One does not punish simply to punish, but to teach. It's not about outlining a set of artificial (compared to the real world) conditions and consequences for the child to follow but, as parent, to continually adapt and communicate to get the message across.

What her mom should have done is sit her down and have a talk about it, get her to think about it herself, get her to question her motives. I don't know if that'll be getting her kid to grow up too quickly since a lot of kids do whatever they do without thinking about it, but if she's looking for maturity that's a way she'll get maturity. This has to be built around institutionalizing proper rapport and frequent communication and confidence building exercises (I'm taking this from international relations, but it's been an apt analogy so far), it's better for her kid to feel confident that her mom isn't going to shame her in any way if she happens to be influenced by peer pressure that day or whatever. If obedience is an issue, then it's better to tie that down with trust, so you both know what's going on on the ground as quickly as you can as well as to promote common interests and the feeling of being on the same page.

Overall, I see humiliation punishments as a failure. Mom is evoking the shame in the punishment in hopes that the child will associate this with whatever behaviour she's doing, but mom hasn't demonstrated why the behaviour shouldn't occur and in extension hasn't taken away her motivation for doing it in the first place (peer pressure, hypersexualization, having people think she's easy). Furthermore, in the off-chance that she has successfully associated twerking with punishment and will stfu and lay her head down like a good little girl, she will still have successfully associated unnecessary punishment with mom. And when you put your parent-child relationship at stake to get one point across, that's what I would call a very imprudent decision. She's missing the forest for a tree. Not the trees, one tree. A tactical decision should not compromise strategy - but perhaps there wasn't much of a coherent strategy to compromise in the first place. And now I'm done judging her.
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Old September 15th, 2013, 10:07 AM
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As BlahISuck said, punishments should make the kid reflect about what they did and whi it's wrong. Punishing someone for the sake of punishment will only make the kid resent you or make them afraid of you. And you should want your kid to respect you, not to fear you. They are very different things.

I'm a very self-conscious person so a public embarrassment would have hurt me very deeply. Specially if my mother didn't bother telling me why what I did was wrong- just that it was.
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Old September 15th, 2013, 10:17 AM
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First, off a few questions of my own:
1. What's with twerking exactly? Read the Bible!
2. What's with parents making their daughters hold signs at busy streets as punishment?
3. Was the girl ever told by her mom not to twerk? Our generation's messed up because the last generation apparently doesn't feel the need to teach us anything! You can't just bring a new life into the world and expect it to know everything. If the mom actually told the girl, not to twerk, why she shouldn't twerk, and didn't overreact over stupid things like twerking, this wouldn't happen.
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Old September 15th, 2013, 11:02 AM
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A lot of the "this mother is awful" argument seems to rely on her not telling her daughter why she did something wrong - we don't know what happened there, it's a big what if.

Also, how many of you can honestly say you reflected on doing something bad whilst being grounded, and never did it again? Anyone? Now I bet, whilst this girl was standing in the street feeling very sorry for herself, that she decided to listen to her mother more.

Kids are not perfect and for repeat offenders, ones that just won't listen, perhaps shock tactics are the best way to go.
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Old September 15th, 2013, 11:17 AM
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While this punishment is effective in the way she probably won't go around twerking anymore, she will probably be subject to being bullied in school.
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Old September 15th, 2013, 05:11 PM
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The fact that she was twerking is ridiculous and she shouldn't have done it, but kids will be kids. I strongly disagree with this kind of punishment and chances are she's going to have a lot of problems in life due to this.
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Old September 15th, 2013, 06:56 PM
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Originally Posted by charizard is best View Post
First, off a few questions of my own:
1. What's with twerking exactly? Read the Bible!
2. What's with parents making their daughters hold signs at busy streets as punishment?
3. Was the girl ever told by her mom not to twerk?
I just wanted to answer the first and third questions. Twerking, as explained by the reporter, is "moving one's behind in a sexually suggestive manner." This overall behaviour is inappropriate, especially for a 7th-grader.

Also, if you listened well to the reporter, the mom did tell her daughter not to twerk, yet the girl disobeyed her.
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Old September 15th, 2013, 07:02 PM
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I'm in 8th grade and totally agree with the mom. I don't wanna hear any of the "oh she's young she doesn't know what she's doing" bs. She knew what she was doing very well. Twerking is disgusting and that girl knew exactly what she was doing so I don't feel bad for her. If I did something really stupid like that and my mom forced me to do that I would accept the punishment.

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  #21    
Old October 14th, 2013, 08:10 PM
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There used to be such a thing as public shaming, a type of legal punishment where individuals would be embarrassed in public for their mistakes. It's been getting some traction, as petty thieves and other criminals have been getting shamed for minor wrongdoings.
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Old October 14th, 2013, 08:36 PM
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I fully believe that children age 5 and over are fully capable of coming up with their own conclusions and sense of ethics. This is due to a study that shows children are first able to ACTUALLY QUESTION the universe around them starting around the age of 4. Parents exist to nurture a child AKA take care of them until their bodies and brains have gotten to the point where they can function on their own - even better if the children have attained a level of expertise in something by that time.

The Ten Commandments - I'm not religious but they have some wisdom in them - say that you should respect your father and your mother. My mother did the best she could but she never respected ME. My father is a constant criminal. You are an individual. If you respect someone and they respect you, that's great! But if they don't respect you, why should you respect them? This is esp. the case if you have TRIED to respect them only for them to never return that respect.

I appreciate everything my mother did for me. I don't hate her. But when I have a child, I'll nurture them yet let them decide for themselves what is right and wrong, truth and lie. I don't think parents should be slaves to their children - still, children should not be slaves to their parents. We're all EQUAL, no matter our age, and we should ALL treat each other as such.
^ Just going to post that here...

The parent is appalled, not because she thinks twerking is wrong, but because her spawn - which she thinks is a part of herself - did something she doesn't like, personally.

In other words, it has nothing to do with the ethical nature of twerking, or how it made the child look. The parent took it personally, feeling that it made her (the parent) look bad. When it DIDN'T - she just had that in her head and outright made her child pay for the parent's own insecurities.

--

The child should have been allowed to do what she wanted and not been punished - since she didn't actually do anything "wrong".
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Old October 16th, 2013, 10:52 AM
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I think that the girl being 11 made this punishment happen. She's far too young to be behaving like that but I think that this punishment isn't appropriate either. It's like those jokes that are funny to say but when you actually go out and do it, it's not as funny.

I think a punishment was needed but not this way. It's easy to punish a child nowadays. Take away a phone or a laptop or something. Children nowadays are glued to the stuff. It would be a much better punishment than this.
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Old October 16th, 2013, 11:40 AM
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I think that the girl being 11 made this punishment happen. She's far too young to be behaving like that
According to YOU. Not to the girl, who herself felt it was appropriate for her age. Thus, it was her decision. This wasn't an issue of peer pressure. Her mother told her to NOT do it. This means she came to her own decision, using her own reasoning. She felt it was appropriate for her age, so she did it. Period. She shouldn't be punished just because other people can't handle looking at twerking without blowing a fuse.
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Old October 16th, 2013, 04:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Rezilia View Post
According to YOU. Not to the girl, who herself felt it was appropriate for her age. Thus, it was her decision. This wasn't an issue of peer pressure. Her mother told her to NOT do it. This means she came to her own decision, using her own reasoning. She felt it was appropriate for her age, so she did it. Period. She shouldn't be punished just because other people can't handle looking at twerking without blowing a fuse.
I think you have forgotten that human beings are not cognitively mature until they are around 25 years old. She may have made her own decision, but it was not a mature decision and she should not be given the freedom to act in a sexualized way at such a young age. Twerking is inappropriate for children because it construes a sexual innuendo, and we know what happens to those who find children sexually attractive and appealing. The mother, in my opinion, did the right thing by punishing her for engaging in an act that might sexualize her to others, especially adults. We need to teach our children that our bodies are not objects that we should use to exploit ourselves and others.

As I said above, she is not NEARLY mature enough to make decisions that construe sexual themes or innuendos. There is a reason her mother "blew a fuse" so to speak; she does not want her daughter to be overly sexual at her age, and she does not want others to see her daughter as a sexual object at such a young age.

The reasoning standard only goes so far. We cannot give the freedom of all choice to young children and teenagers and expect good, solid results to come from it. Sometimes we need to regulate how our offspring act so as to remind them what being a decent human being means.
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