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  #1    
Old February 5th, 2014, 09:49 PM
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You're 18, you'e getting ready to go off to college and you have the chance to either move out or stay at home. What would you choose? When do you believe is the appropriate age to move out and live on your own? What age is too old to live with your parents? Share stories, how does your personal experiences affect your views? Do you live with your parents or on your own?

Pros of Moving out at 18-22
More Privacy
Less Rules
More Freedom to do what you want when you want it
Independence and being able o learn for yourself

Cons of Moving out at 18-22
Very expensive
Some people just aren't ready and have to move back in with parents
Things can get stressful, remembering to pay all of those bills
Lonliness


What age does society look as too early to move out, when do you think society looks at living with your parents as the "bum's" way out? What do you constitute as a bum? Do you think the act of moving out is different for certain societies? It certainly has changed over time!
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  #2    
Old February 5th, 2014, 10:18 PM
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My father lived at home until he was 36... I think it was terrible for his life, he never learnt the skills needed for living independently and is an incompetent idiot 20 years later.

I value independence too much to end up like him. I'm 18 and have schooling for the next two years, sometime into my very early twenties I want to clear the hell and live by myself or with room mates. Living with your parents is annoyingly restrictive, I want to be able to bring girls over, walk around naked and all the other good stuff.

In my opinion move out as soon as is possible, between 18-22 would be healthy.
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Old February 6th, 2014, 08:41 PM
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I moved out a month after I turned 21. Eventually, because of lack of substantial income and job security (my job is being terminated and our location is being removed mid-March, and I foresaw that happening prior to its announcement so I made plans accordingly), I decided it was best to move back. I explained everything to my landlord and he agreed, so I did so. I wouldn't trade that experience for anything in the world because it's shaped me in such a way, I honestly can't describe its tremendous affects it has on a person. You really don't know how much freedom you truly have in this world until you move out of your folk's home, though.

Too old is subjective to many and depends, unfortunately, a lot on the circumstances. If you're focusing on schooling, good for you, but moving out while doing that and limiting your income (while at the same time, broadening your horizons) isn't something I think is very bright. However, if you do have a job and you make enough to earn a decent living without struggling, then I highly suggest to anyone that its probably time to make it on your own. If you're in the middle somewhere, you really should examine your bills and other finances and then make a decision based on that.

Ultimately, do what's right for you.

Relying on your parents for too long shouldn't be something that you should be doing. Not only because its incredibly irresponsible of you to depend on them for financial success, but it sets you up for failure when the time comes that you do move out. And you know what? When that happens, you have no one to blame but yourself.
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Old February 7th, 2014, 11:10 AM
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Yeah, I really do think it depends on the person and when they are personally ready.

This day and age, though, I feel our generation is becoming more dependent, and lazy. More young adults than ever are staying at home well past 18, and it's becoming pretty normal. That can also just be because it's become soooooo expensive to move out. >.<

I can't help but think that by 25, if they're still "not ready" then they probably aren't trying hard enough. That's a broad generalization and I don't assume everyone in that situation isn't trying hard enough, but it's definitely the majority. They're probably either just mooching at that point, or delaying their independence because they're terrified. ]:

It could also depend on their upbringing. My mom cleaned my room, washed my clothes, and I never had any chores because my mom likes things done her way; so when I turned 18 it was just kind of like... okay what do I do now? The pressure and confusion was immense. There was no way I could move out right away. I had to manually ease myself into independence. And I still have a very hard time with it.

What I ended up doing was moving in with my boyfriend and his parents. Definitely not moving out, on my own, but it was a decent start considering his parents expect a lot more than mine. It was a huge wake up call to get a job, learn to drive, go to college, and do life things. All that rushed at me at once. And to be honest I responded very poorly; ended up dropping out of college because I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do, I still don't have my license or a job, and I'm now living with my dad because my boyfriend's dad pressured me so hard one night to apply for colleges, to the point of a panic attack.

As an example, my boyfriend on the other hand got his license at 16 because, well, he really wanted to. Then, he got a job at around 17 because his mom pretty much forced him. And now, he's 18 and finishing up high school. For the most part, he grew up with the initiative that if he wants something, he needs to go get it himself. I grew up with the initiative that if I want something, I just have to ask my parents and hope for the best.

Needless to say he's definitely more comfortable and responsible when it comes to doing things for himself like college and moving out. I truly am lucky to have him, he keeps me grounded, and supports me/helps me through all the stress and life stuff. Without him I don't know if I'd have the motivation to do anything at all to be honest.

Anyway, yeah, if I had to choose an age where it's just getting a bit ridiculous, I'd say 25. That gives you quite a long time (7 years in most countries I believe) to work for what you want and get moving. And while it is a harsh world out there, I believe anyone can do it if they want it enough [:
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Old February 7th, 2014, 01:41 PM
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Depends on if individuals are mature and independent enough to handle all the responsibilities of living on their own by themselves, otherwise they should live at home until they are ready. Although there are the unusual cases like my sister, for example, she's 26 has a significant other, works as a nurse at the local hospital and has everything under control. This may be a Chinese culture thing because children are expected to take care of their parents when the grow up, living in the same house; we generally don't like sending them off to a retirement home. So from her perspective, she doesn't have plans to move out, get married or have children anytime soon.

Myself on the other hand, would want to move out whenever I feel like I'm ready; possibly a couple years after I graduate.
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  #6    
Old February 7th, 2014, 02:28 PM
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I don't think it's a matter of age, but responsibility. If you're 40 years old living with your mom off her welfare checks, then you have a problem. If you have a job, pay rent, make your own food, take care of yourself actually, then it is an entirely different story. My brother lives with us still, but his life is entirely separate from ours. He pays rents, a portion of the bills, and buys all his own food. He is still learning the life skills that he needs to learn even though he still technically lives at home.

Until the time he is ready to start his family, I don't see any real reason that it would be considered bad of him to still live here. If he had a wife, and a kid or whatever, then sure, I could see it. But he's a bachelor, and is basically just working until he can afford schooling or perhaps transfer to a different part of his company in an area with more opportunity.

The idea of being "too old" is highly unnecessary stigma.
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Old February 8th, 2014, 12:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ANARCHit3cht View Post
I don't think it's a matter of age, but responsibility. If you're 40 years old living with your mom off her welfare checks, then you have a problem. If you have a job, pay rent, make your own food, take care of yourself actually, then it is an entirely different story. My brother lives with us still, but his life is entirely separate from ours. He pays rents, a portion of the bills, and buys all his own food. He is still learning the life skills that he needs to learn even though he still technically lives at home.

Until the time he is ready to start his family, I don't see any real reason that it would be considered bad of him to still live here. If he had a wife, and a kid or whatever, then sure, I could see it. But he's a bachelor, and is basically just working until he can afford schooling or perhaps transfer to a different part of his company in an area with more opportunity.

The idea of being "too old" is highly unnecessary stigma.
I completely agree with everything you said; with today's economy and such, I don't see a problem with staying at home with your family if you are a bachelor/bachelorette as long as you are supporting the household.

Not only can I help out at home with chores and such, but I can also keep an eye on my parents (especially my Mom) as they grow older.

As long as a person is making progress in his/her life, they should not be frowned upon for choosing to live with their parents (or being unable to move out due to the harsh economy, trouble finding a job).

I really think it is horrible when someone has a parent who is older who perhaps lives alone and has no one to watch over them... it must be really lonely.

Even though I am over 18, I love being at home with my family! They make my life bright and happy and I don't want to be away from them for any reason. Some silly, ridiculous social stigma will never change my mind about this.

Why would I leave home? It has nothing to do with being immature or dependent, it is simply the fact that I love my family and I want to be with them and support them. Anyone who would look down on me for such a pure and honest notion? I pity that person for not being able to experience such a beautiful relationship with their parents and/or siblings.

I can do all the things I need to do in life while living here, but I can also give back to my parents who nurtured me to this point. They won't be here forever, unfortunately, so leaving them behind in order to stave off this social stigma would be rather heartless of me, IMO...

I want to stay with them as long as they live. I want to see their smiles every morning and hug them before I leave for school/work and see them when I return home.

I just can't understand why society believes that people should be in such a rush to move out and get their own place or risk being called dependent or immature - it's really quite sad.

my apologies if I came off as rude in my post, I just feel very strongly about this and I think it really is sad that someone would look down on a person for living with his/her parents.

I think that families should stay together and enjoy life together (unless of course you have a family of your own!) just my opinion though! :)
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Old February 8th, 2014, 01:26 AM
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What age does society look as too early to move out, when do you think society looks at living with your parents as the "bum's" way out?
I think society considers the 16-21 age frame the "normal" age to move out, so I guess anything before 14 or something is too early. This question is very strangely worded, haha.

To me, or at least to my cultural understanding, being a "bum" is being homeless. You're just a loafer if you live at home, and it really doesn't matter. Where you live does reflect something about it, but ti doesn't define you. I think society has accepted this. While it would be awkward if you're 30 something and your girlfriend comes out to do naughty stuff and your parents are in the other room, it's not something that's going to make you a social outcast.

What do you constitute as a bum?
Said above, but someone is homeless and living on streets.

Do you think the act of moving out is different for certain societies?
Of course. It's different within societies. Cultural norms differ from neighbourhood to neighbourhood, so there's no saying where the barrier for one norm ends and the other begins: It's in constant change, like you said (but I don't think you meant the same context as me, lol).

But anyway, the act of moving out is pretty much the same in all places: you literally move from one home to another, lol. But I think you're referring to the rite passage being different for certain societies? That's definitely true. It might be a big thing in one society, but nothing special in another. And of course, that changes with every generation.

Last edited by Brendan14; February 8th, 2014 at 01:27 AM. Reason: Typo
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Old February 8th, 2014, 01:38 AM
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@Yukiyo; I completely understand your point of view. My post definitely didn't refer to people who actually truly wanted to stay at home, let alone just for their family. I think the reason one should move out as soon as they're personally comfortable is because the longer they linger at home, the harder it is to push themselves away.

Now, for your point, keep in mind that a huge part of being a parent (typically) is seeing your child able to grow up and move out and become their own person. That's the goal (or at least, one of the biggest ones) of being a parent. Sure, they may get lonely and a bit sad about their child leaving, but that's part of the deal, and from what I've heard... definitely worth it. I've heard a lot of parents even say they feel extremely guilty about their child delaying their freedom just to care for them. And staying behind and caring for them may be a "sweet notion", but from all I've learned... you also must break free at some point. Freedom is essential to anyone's personal development, according to the psychology classes I've taken. You gotta do stuff for yourself sometimes too.

Also remember you can always continue loving and supporting them even after you leave the nest. You can still visit and all that whenever you like. Or, if you're too far away for whatever reason, you can probably still call or something.

But again, it's up to the individual and what makes them happy. If staying at home and taking care of your parents makes you happy, then be the best darn caregiver for them you can be! Just understand your limits
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Old February 8th, 2014, 02:04 AM
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I agree with ANARCHit3cht & Yukiyo. I'm in my 20s and live with my parents, but I do pay rent, clean the house, do laundry etc, so I'm not just "hanging" around doing nothing. I'm a bachelor and am still studying at university. I did work part time before to add to my income but for the moment I've stopped because I really need the time to focus on my studies.

I really want to find a place of my own, however as the housing situation looks like in Stockholm at the moment, you need about $230 000 to buy a small one room apartment in the suburbs or pay $600/month to rent a place. While you do get some subsidy from the state to study, it's divided into a loan part and a subsidy part, and the subsidy is barely large enough to cover the cost for books, travel and clothes. Many students that do take both parts still go -$100/month; my mother finished paying off all her student loans in her late 50's.

Unemployment levels among young people are high - so to start off your working life with a huge debt and zero income = probably not affording a place of your own anyway; most students that have moved out live in student apartments (that you loose the instant you stop studying) or are living with friends. Neither of those options are necessarily being more "independent" - in many ways you are even more dependent on the kindness of friends or being used for cheap labour this way than if you're living at home with an own economy and no loans.

Also, connecting to what Yukiyo wrote, my parents are quite old and may not have a lot of years left. Living at home, it is nice to be able to meet them on a daily basis and help them with everything from "tech support" to lifting heavy object, and just spend some quality time with them.

Bottom line: I do want to find a place of my own, but as the circumstances are now - it would mean wasting a whole lot of good things just for the sake of moving out.
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