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The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club]

EGKangaroo

Tail-bumps for all 'roolovers!
398
Posts
12
Years
Right, I think I need to get something off of my chest, and since it has a vague relation to minority sexualities, I figured the Rainbow Connection was the best place to bring this up, where I'll be secure enough to know I am talking to people who procline towards more tolerance on the subject than a mainstream audience. It's difficult for me to say whether the subject I am going to bring up would still be too taboo for any place, but I figure that it is playing an important role in my development of a more keen self-identity. It's a story I've only really shared with one or two friends thusfar, but I think I've built the confidence and the right way to put this to words to tell you this.

So, I will begin with a little backstory. On a different forum, there was a discussion surrounding furries -- and from that, you can tell that this confession will be going in all the wrong directions, but let's not digress -- the question in the thread was to ask why furries had, and have, such a negative image. Of course, one of the answers welled up that there were some minorities like the otherkin insisting that they are not humans or things like that, people whom he found to be just screaming to be slapped around. Of course, being not one to take conversations seriously, I just asked whether my habits of meta-roleplaying a kangaroo wherever would count, written in a rather tongue-in-cheek manner, but I actually got sort of an answer from another person. It is commonplace to adapt an alternate persona, and adapting a fursona in internet interactions wouldn't be any worse, though if I really were to believe I'm a 'roo I would need psychiatric help.

Now, about a day or a week later, the sense of how much time passed I have lost my grip on, but I remember that I received a private message from the person who made the final comment, apologising to me for telling me to seek psychiatric help. He found that he was acting hypocritically to claim that I was insane to think I didn't feel comfortable being the species I was born as while he so vehemently stood up for transgenders, people who don't feel comfortable being the sex they're born as, and whose genders don't correspond to their sexes. Naturally, I brushed it off, and told the person that I wasn't really being serious, and that he should've just taken it with a grain of salt, and at the time, I really didn't think I was being very serious.

Now that was over a year ago, and I've sorta moved on with my life since then, not really giving it much attention, but somewhere in the back of my head it just gnawed on me.

I realised that I was deceiving myself by just joking about it, not considering it a serious possibility, but I've come to realise, almost a year after the fact, that maybe he was just right. I think I do have developed a strange discomfort with what species I am, as silly as it may sound. Now, sure, a lot of people say this is just wishful thinking, and perhaps it is, but I've come so close to realising my identity just by coming to accept my dysphoria as a part of who I am. Coming to terms with this big part of mine that I tried to deny for so long -- because it seemed too much of a taboo, too weird, too silly, that even the furries think these kind of people were odd -- helped me to create a more authentic sense of the self than I have ever had.

Now what does this mean? Well, I am sure a lot of people would say I am just being a whiney stereotypical teenage fur who's just begging for attention, but I've seen otherkin communities, and they tend to just religionise their identity, claiming that it is in their spirit, or that they were an animal in their previous lives and have reincarnated as a human but they'd rather just yadda yadda. I don't think I belong in that group. Rather, I feel that I have species dysphoria. Yeah, I was stunned that it had a word too, but it's apparently a phenomenon that has only recently gotten serious consideration. The connection is sometimes made with gender dysphoria, but alas, there have been some who consider this type of dysphoria to be 'offensive against the far realer struggles of transgenders', which makes it an immense task for me to speak honestly about this, when there's the visceral fear that someone, somewhere, might find this offensive or not take these words seriously.

This also isn't something that people very loosely consider like "Oh, how cool would it be to be a frog/bird/'roo/pokémon/pangolin." Rather, it's something more...chronic. The feelings are surreal to describe. The occasional supernumerary phantom limbs come to me when I concentrate, and they feel so vivid. In my dreams, I am almost never a human, something I am -supposed- to be, and instead, I seem to live in the form I feel most at ease with, which is a kangaroo. But isn't this just your own thoughts trying to project your love for your favourite animals onto your species identity? I do not think so. I have long struggled with this. Longer than I've realised. I have been searching for that identity that is at harmony with the contours of my personality, and brings me to live my life as authentically and sincerely as possible. 'Roos make me happy because they fit perfectly. They're, to me, the most valuable creatures I have ever loved and felt at comfort with, so that makes zooromanticism a real thing for me too, though I could not for the life of me ever force anything physical on an animal that can not think with clear judgment.

To end this, I do not wish I was born in any other body than a human body. For those who may be familiar with existentialism, there's a fantastic concept of the facticity. It sets both the limitations to one's freedoms as well as forms the condition to freedom. They are the concrete details about the person that set the backdrop on which the values are created. The facticity includes things that are unchangeable, including a person's environment, his or her languages, the past, and the one we're discussing right now: the physical traits a person is born with. The facticity forms the origin of one's values. It is like the fundament, without which you could never be able to build something, and the values one builds must be congruent to their facticity if that person wants to live his life sincerely and passionately, or authentically in existentialism.

I think that this is something that many transgenders struggle with as well. Their facticity dictates that they were born with a body that is of a sex that they don't personally feel comfortable with, yet, in order to live it sincerely, there needs to be an acceptance of this facticity -- even with the possibility of sex change operations -- that at least somewhere, it is unchangeably stored there that they are or were once part of a different sex, and that perhaps only with this facticity, they could have found the strong identity that they can be at comfort with. I wouldn't have wished to have been born with any other body than a human body, because only with this human body -- and the facticity that set the conditions and limitations to my freedom that came along with being born with the species I am -- I was able to come to the values that I hold today, and led me to live the authentic lifestyle that I feel so bloody comfortable with, which is to say that I know I couldn't possible be any happier if I were living like a kangaroo in the same way a man without legs would be the happiest person in the world if with the medical advances he could one day in the future run. If I were born instead as the species I know I would feel best inside of, I'd be disenchanted. The facticity wouldn't be there anymore. I'd just...well, be a kangaroo, and that kangaroo would be none the wiser. That'd be sad. It'd be inauthentic to who I am: a human who -- limited by his facticity -- would be the happiest kid in the world if he were a fuzzy wuzzy eastern grey kangaroo.

End of rant. I hope I've managed to sketch an objective image of the situation I am in and that I didn't cause any hard feelings, and I hope my ironic style made this more of a breather to read through than it would have been otherwise.
 
Last edited:

FenrirDarkWolf

Water Musician Fenrir
140
Posts
11
Years
  • Seen Nov 10, 2013
@EGKangaroo:
Oh, wow...
Y'know, I think... I might know how you feel with that...
Sometimes, I feel how you feel, and, it's kinda weird, but, it sorta makes sense, sort of?
*sigh* Sorry, I'm rambling and I have no idea what I'm talking about.
 

Alice

(>^.(>0.0)>
3,077
Posts
15
Years
Kangaroos
Well, I've certainly never experienced any thoughts like that myself, but based on my own experience with discovering my sexuality... I think you're taking it too seriously. I drove myself crazy trying to find the perfect exact definition of my identity but... it just... doesn't matter. lol

It took me a long time to realize that, but it's a lot easier to just accept you as you, and not think too far into it... though I suppose I'm already who I want to be, unlike you or transgendered people, so I guess I can't relate well enough to understand what you're going through.

I also don't believe in any past lives or spirits, so I can't help but assume it's all in your head, so it seems to me that it'd be best to let it go... you're not going to have the opportunity to get human to kangaroo surgery any time soon. lol

I mean, I feel like I'm being really hypocritical in saying that, since I support transgendered people, but it just seems like it'd be healthier to try and let it go. Of course, take that with a grain of salt, considering I know nothing about the subject, but I assume you wouldn't have posted it here if you weren't looking for second opinions.
 

Alakazam17

[b]Long time no see![/b]
5,641
Posts
18
Years
Wow, I was like the fourth member to join this thing, but I haven't been really active since. I'm glad to see it's grown so huge! =O

Well, to reintroduce myself, the name's Jessica, and I'm MTF transgender, pre-everything. I've often been wavering on this see-saw, with one end being hiding who I am forever, and the other being doing something concrete about it. I've mostly been on the latter end in recent times, though I find I often put too much emphasis on what other people think.

Anyway I'd love to get back into discussions on this community, and in the wider PokéCommunity as well. The fact that this thread has grown so much is proof enough that we are not alone. =3
 

EGKangaroo

Tail-bumps for all 'roolovers!
398
Posts
12
Years
Well, I've certainly never experienced any thoughts like that myself, but based on my own experience with discovering my sexuality... I think you're taking it too seriously. I drove myself crazy trying to find the perfect exact definition of my identity but... it just... doesn't matter. lol

It took me a long time to realize that, but it's a lot easier to just accept you as you, and not think too far into it... though I suppose I'm already who I want to be, unlike you or transgendered people, so I guess I can't relate well enough to understand what you're going through.

I also don't believe in any past lives or spirits, so I can't help but assume it's all in your head, so it seems to me that it'd be best to let it go... you're not going to have the opportunity to get human to kangaroo surgery any time soon. lol

I mean, I feel like I'm being really hypocritical in saying that, since I support transgendered people, but it just seems like it'd be healthier to try and let it go. Of course, take that with a grain of salt, considering I know nothing about the subject, but I assume you wouldn't have posted it here if you weren't looking for second opinions.
Thing is that I am not necessarily struggling trying to find my identity any longer, I pretty much found it already for as long as no major changes show up in my life that make me reconsider my values. Only problem is, now I have to be honest about it, which I fortunately was just then. I do not think I am taking it too seriously either. It's the exploration of the self we're talking about, and I deem it worth it to put every last strain of effort into it to make sure that I can create the me that I feel best inside of. Everyone creates, and there's something that everyone creates, and that's the self. It's one of the most intense and most beautiful creations that anyone can work on. And everyone gets to create just one, so my goal is to make it count.

And I don't think you quite understood what I meant when trying to compare myself to otherkin, I do believe that this is all in my head, I specifically noted that I did -not- feel the same way as they do surrounding this issue. I don't religionise my feelings, I don't associate it with reincarnation, karma, or any mumbo-jumbo that would be the cause of how I feel. It is in my head, of course, alongside every bit of meaning I've assigned to the universe and every value I hold. Nor am I really specifically looking to change my physical form in any way. I feel strangely at comfort just knowing, and accepting this thing about me, not necessarily followed by a course of action to make the subjective thought to something objective.

But like you said, I ought to take it with a grain of salt, but I figured I should at least clear up some of the confusion there.
 
10,769
Posts
14
Years
I can sort of see what you're going through as I've had many similar feelings, only with my gender instead of my species. What you're saying isn't offensive to trans people. Or shouldn't be. I can see why someone would be offended though. For a trans person it's still a struggle to have acceptance of even the basic idea that they're one gender while their body signifies a different gender. It can seem like someone co-opting their identity, and while I don't think that's what's happening, you can't expect the wider world to see it that way. The wider world might see someone saying (at least in their simplified view) "I'm really a kangaroo" and react badly to that, then similarly react badly to a trans person, saying things like "You're not really a girl. You're as crazy as that person who thinks they're a kangaroo."

I've no idea where the line between 'legitimate feeling' and 'mental issue that needs fixing' lies. I'm not one to judge. I guess I would just hope that you can find some place where you're comfortable with who you are, and it seems like you're there.

Wow, I was like the fourth member to join this thing, but I haven't been really active since. I'm glad to see it's grown so huge! =O

Well, to reintroduce myself, the name's Jessica, and I'm MTF transgender, pre-everything. I've often been wavering on this see-saw, with one end being hiding who I am forever, and the other being doing something concrete about it. I've mostly been on the latter end in recent times, though I find I often put too much emphasis on what other people think.

Anyway I'd love to get back into discussions on this community, and in the wider PokéCommunity as well. The fact that this thread has grown so much is proof enough that we are not alone. =3
Welcome back. Thought maybe you'd left PC for good like so many people have. I hope you're not suffering needlessly by hiding things. But hey, you've got this place again to let things out and be yourself.
 

Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.
8,959
Posts
13
Years
I've often wondered why furries get such a bad rap myself. One of my roommates is a furry, and he has all the porn pictures on his laptop and my other roommate gives him a load of crap about it (affectionately and all in good fun, of course). I guess it's just another example of how people are too concerned with how other people get turned on.

As for your acceptance of self, EG, I'm really happy for you! Being honest about it might draw you some odd looks, but who cares really. There are people out there who will just be like "You wanna be a kangaroo? You be a kangaroo, good for you" and those are the kind of people you need to associate yourself with :P.

I've actually looked into otherkin a bit on Tumblr and while I do support them in their endeavour to be their happiest self, from what I've seen they do seem to encourage the hate toward them. They seem to try to be obnoxious just so that they can start internet fights. That's just what I've observed anyway. I realise you're not otherkin, that was just a tangential thought lol
 
105
Posts
11
Years
Hey guys,
I know I'm rather inactive, I apolize for that.

I'm extremely happy right now because I've come to fully accept the fact that I'm bisexual. I've been in denial for... all my life, actually, but during those recent months, I've learned that it's ok. Now, I feel so relieved and I wouldn't change a thing about who I am. It's like a big burden fell off my shoulders.

I just wanted to post this because I thought it might give hope to people, who are still trying to accept themselves.

And sorry for being off topic.
 

Gyardosamped

entering snake habitat
1,462
Posts
18
Years
Hey guys,
I know I'm rather inactive, I apolize for that.

I'm extremely happy right now because I've come to fully accept the fact that I'm bisexual. I've been in denial for... all my life, actually, but during those recent months, I've learned that it's ok. Now, I feel so relieved and I wouldn't change a thing about who I am. It's like a big burden fell off my shoulders.

I just wanted to post this because I thought it might give hope to people, who are still trying to accept themselves.

And sorry for being off topic.

Hey LaVida. <3

I hope you're back for sure now! If not, I hope you will be soon. :]

I'm so glad you posted that because, like you said, it does give people the confidence and hope they need to be able to come to grips with their sexuality. Although I haven't really questioned my sexuality ever in my life, I know many people do/have, and it can be a very strenuous process for any person to endure. It definitely is okay to be anything you want, really. We are so tied up with believing that we must follow everything society has declared is appropriate and within the norm, but that, frankly, should not be the way things work. Nevertheless, I'm so glad you've found your way around those "regulations" and are happy with who you are. I know I certainly would never change who I am, nor would I ever be able to, anyways.

So, I congratulate you! You've put a smile on my face, that's for sure. :]

Hope to see you around from time to time!
 

Nakuzami

[img]https://i.imgur.com/iwlpePA.png[/img]
6,896
Posts
13
Years
I've often wondered why furries get such a bad rap myself. One of my roommates is a furry, and he has all the porn pictures on his laptop and my other roommate gives him a load of crap about it (affectionately and all in good fun, of course). I guess it's just another example of how people are too concerned with how other people get turned on.

. . . lololol, yeah, gotta love the furries.
And, that wasn't exactly sarcasm. xD
My sister likes to poke fun at my being a "furry-freak" . . . I wouldn't go so far as to say that, but yes, I do quite enjoy them, lol.

Anyways
I'm about to go off topic
but I don't even know exactly what the current topic is, soooooooo

A little while ago (about two hours ago, actually) my English class was in our school library to start picking topics and doing research on our Freshman Thesis Papers. To start off, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do as my subject, but the two that came to mind, of course, were violence in video games and all of the wonderful topics surrounding the LGBTQLONGACRONYMHERE community. My friend decided to do Teen Suicide, so she kind of dragged me along to search for books before I could seriously decide what topic I wanted to do. So, while we were back there, I decided on gay marriage.

While we were selecting books, another girl from our class walked up to search for some feminist-women'srights-whatever books, because she was debating doing that as her topic, but she wasn't sure how she wanted to argue it. We had all started to talk, and I was having a bit of trouble finding the books on homosexuality, so I voiced that little issue. The one girl, whom we shall call . . . uh . . . Hawkgirl (xD no reason for that whatsoever) asked what my topic was. I responded, and then she asked if I was for or against it. I said "for" and she said something like "Thank God" followed by a vivid description of how my neck would have been cut and body shoved in the corner if I'd said against. (It was actually funny, and she's not violent. She's actually the kind of genius girl that's into all of the debate stuff, lol.)

Blahblahblah, I found my books and we all kind of sat there, searching for the right books and flipping through them. Eventually Hawkgirl decided to do Transgender persons as her topic. We got into this random conversation that I don't really remember and eventually we somehow got to her saying that she was mostly so adamant about this stuff because she was pansexual. (before she'd said that, she had asked me if I'd had a Tumblr because I knew terms like "pansexual" and "demisexual", which most people don't seem to xD) She was unsure about saying that to us, and later commented on how now only six people in the school knew, and her family didn't. When she was in the middle of the whole "oh don't tell anyone now I'm embarrassed" type of speech, I was all like "it's okay, I'm gay, lol"

I said that with my friend standing right next to me, and she was like "What?! *gasp* Really? *freakouttime*" and such and so on. Now, I had never really tried to hide it from her. I'd actually stated it a few times, but people just thought I was kidding, lol. I had even planned to introduce her to my ex at our school play a few days before, but stuff got screwed up and I was delayed to see it for an extra night.

Lol. The stuff you can learn when you get into random conversations like this. I might have an idea on a few more LGBTQLONGACRONYMHERE in my school now, lol. It's all sooooooooo long. Pfft.

Anyways, that's it, really. d:

Now I get to read a bunch of books on homosexuality to take notes on and stuff, lol. The first of which is What Causes Sexual Orientation? Genetics, Biology, Psychology which sounds interesting and has a cute cover, lol.
 

FenrirDarkWolf

Water Musician Fenrir
140
Posts
11
Years
  • Seen Nov 10, 2013
@Nakuzami: For some reason, that whole thing just made me laugh really loud. *derp*

Also,
Ahh... The wonders of unrequited love from both genders...
I could get rejected twice as much! *whoo*
 
10,769
Posts
14
Years
With all the buildup in that story I was expecting something much more dramatic to happen at the end. But I guess since this is real life and not a movie it's okay for things to just end normally with no one getting their feelings all twisted in a knot.
 

Nakuzami

[img]https://i.imgur.com/iwlpePA.png[/img]
6,896
Posts
13
Years
I know, it's disappointing.

Wouldn't it be awesome if life liked to act like television, throwing the most depressingly tragic and unrealistic crap at each of us, only to end in either our happy endings or redeeming deaths? Lol

But hey
now I have more information to walk around school with
and I know a person
that I want to ask something
so maybe I'll have more to say tomorrow. xD
 

Gyardosamped

entering snake habitat
1,462
Posts
18
Years
I know, it's disappointing.

Wouldn't it be awesome if life liked to act like television, throwing the most depressingly tragic and unrealistic crap at each of us, only to end in either our happy endings or redeeming deaths? Lol

But hey
now I have more information to walk around school with
and I know a person
that I want to ask something
so maybe I'll have more to say tomorrow. xD

That story was rather awesome to read, and I'm glad all ended well. It's not every day you hear these types of stories ending well, especially when these situations occur in high school (I'm assuming you're in high school). ;]

And it also seems to be getting good, too! You better let us know what happens! xD
 

Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.
8,959
Posts
13
Years
So I think I'm falling for my roommate, and I doubt very much that he feels the same way about me.

This is a problem.
 

EGKangaroo

Tail-bumps for all 'roolovers!
398
Posts
12
Years
Hmm, that's problematic. I'm by no means experienced in dealing with unrequited love, or pretty much being in love with anyone I know to be honest, but I think the first and most important thing to do is to just be an amazing person to him, which shouldn't be too difficult for you. It's a little step, but you kinda need a way to tell for sure how interested he is in you without freaking him out.
 
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