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[Pokémon] Lurking in the Shadows: Lisa's Ultimate Challenge (PG/PG-13)

Bay

6,385
Posts
17
Years
Oh dear, sorry for this very, very, late review! Been busy with schoolwork and then a few other things happened. Seems like I've a lot of time on my hands (yay for Memorial Day! ^.^) so I'll do this review right here, right now. :D

Chapter Four

Nothing too much happened in that chapter but the readers were able to a glipmse of Lisa better. I think this is my favorite part:

"Doesn't anyone think being a Resident Assistant for a bunch of freshman students is a challenge, especially when I'm younger than any of the students?! It's hard juggling twenty-one hours of coursework, being a member of Student Senate and RHA, and keeping the quiet hours and alcohol policies enforced!" The girl was clutching clumps of her brown hair in her hands.

Aw, poor her. Man, the college life. XD

There's one part I'm confused.


Several large blobs of Sludge were fired into the cloud surrounding Rattata. The smoke eventually cleared, revealing a severely weakened foe, but one that was still willing to fight. The rodent-like Pokémon continued to squeak at

Squeak at what? Seems like you're missing a noun there.

Chapter Five

Haha, quite like how Meowth saved Lisa. Also laugh at the thought of her wearing those shoes. Must be hard for her, huh? XD

Fifth chapter and already Lisa's dealing with breaking out of a building. Sweet. Also, agree that Fred guy is an idoit. He would get slap by other woman if he keeps howling at them. XD I found it interesting he would use chemicals to mess around with evolution, but hehe on that plan being backfire.

As for the emotions, you're improving on that department nicely. There were still a few places you could have maybe put more body indicators to show their emotions instead of telling, but overall you're getting better. For instance:

"No!" Lisa looked on in horror as her Pokémon slammed against a wall. Lisa's heart was racing and she was nervously fingering at her dress, trying desperately to figure out her next move.

I like how you're showing how she's nervous about her Pokemon and really trying hard to think of another attack to use.

Overall I enjoyed Chapters 4 and 5 and you're improving nicely. Again, so sorry for being very late. I hope this summer I'll be able to come in a more timely fashion. ^^
 

Elite Overlord LeSabre™

On that 'Non stop road'
9,876
Posts
16
Years
Oh em geee, I found a GRAMMAR ERROR!!!!!! You already said that this chapter wasn't beta-approved, but you did a good job since I found only one error...
its beady black eyes moved back and forth in a shifty manner, with its bolt-shaped tail sticking straight in the air.
Forgot to capitalize here.
Oops! Actually I like to get my fics betaed for characterization and word usage, but occasionally they catch the odd typo. Thanks!

Lisa did a quick look- over of her outfit. Her clothes were left wrinkled but undamaged. Her stockings, while filthy on the bottom of her feet, had no holes. She sighed in relief, but was perfectly aware of the fact that the condition of her hosiery did nothing to improve her situation.
Her pantyhose isn't gonna get her out of jail... lolz :)
Indeed they won't.. She still has to look her very best, though:)

Correction: Mentally ill man who barks waaaaay too much and drives me nuts! lolz
One must wonder how his subordinates have put up with the guy for so long, lolz

Hey, I just noticed... those two lines rhyme! They could make a wonderful song!

Shaddup!
We're not going to listen to your crying crap all damn day!
Yeah, just keep quiet and don't bother us!
Or there'll be hell to pay...
Hey, that song could be a number one hit, lolz! :)

I think what he meant to say was that HE'LL be beat into submission.... How ironic... A big, togh guy gets PWNED by a Meowth! :)[/QUOTE]
The guy never saw it coming... Who knew Meowth could go all 'Walker Texas Ranger' on someone at least ten times her size... Actually, chalk that one up to her speed and agility:)

Overall, very enjoyable chapter! Especially with the entire 'jailbreak' thingy! Sorry for begin so late again! I try to be on time, but schoolwork has other plans for me... Hopefully in the summer I'll be able to squeeze in some more stuff. Chao!
Don't worry too much about it, especially seeing as how infrequent my updates here are...

Nothing too much happened in that chapter but the readers were able to a glipmse of Lisa better. I think this is my favorite part:
"Doesn't anyone think being a Resident Assistant for a bunch of freshman students is a challenge, especially when I'm younger than any of the students?! It's hard juggling twenty-one hours of coursework, being a member of Student Senate and RHA, and keeping the quiet hours and alcohol policies enforced!" The girl was clutching clumps of her brown hair in her hands.
Aw, poor her. Man, the college life. XD
Indeed it is tough, especially when you spread yourself too thin with employment, classes, and extracurriculars... oh, and writing fanfiction.

There's one part I'm confused.
The rodent-like Pokémon continued to squeak at
Squeak at what? Seems like you're missing a noun there.
Well, I guess it was squeaking at either Koffing or Lisa... And that chapter was written way back when my eyes were good... Can't believe I missed that one...

Haha, quite like how Meowth saved Lisa. Also laugh at the thought of her wearing those shoes. Must be hard for her, huh? XD
Meowth in heels, anyone?

Fifth chapter and already Lisa's dealing with breaking out of a building. Sweet. Also, agree that Fred guy is an idoit. He would get slap by other woman if he keeps howling at them. XD I found it interesting he would use chemicals to mess around with evolution, but hehe on that plan being backfire.
Still no love for Fred... Well, that's understandable since he IS a moron. I think the idea of chemical-induced evolution dates back to my old RPGing days (which is also where my character Lisa and the region itself originated)

As for the emotions, you're improving on that department nicely. There were still a few places you could have maybe put more body indicators to show their emotions instead of telling, but overall you're getting better.
Thanks! I'm still trying to improve in that regard, even with my new chapters over on the other forum. Someday, I'll get it:)

Overall I enjoyed Chapters 4 and 5 and you're improving nicely. Again, so sorry for being very late. I hope this summer I'll be able to come in a more timely fashion. ^^
Thanks, though like I said, I don't know if I'll be updating regularly here myself:/

Thanks for reading and reviewing! Hopefully I'll update... someday!
 

Alter Ego

that evil mod from hell
5,751
Posts
18
Years
Well now, I went and promised you a review, didn't I? Better get to it then, eh? :3


"Mom, Dad, we got a problem…"

"Now wait a minute, how is this our problem?" was the response of the man on the other end.

Woah, thats a...pretty cold reaction from the old flesh and blood. Now, I'm assuming that her father's skepticism stems from her weaseling out of that summer camp thing mentioned later on? To better conform to that, I think that it would make more sense for him to flat out not believe the whole 'I'm being hunted by criminals' thing rather than downplaying the danger of the criminals in question, but whatever floats your boat. Regardless, got to love how her past comes back to bite her here. xD

Moving her hand to her face and stroking her chin, she started, "Well, I'm originally from South Carolina, and I've currently got a college degree in math."

And we've heard this...how many times now? Yes, I know that this is the first time Alexis is hearing it, but you don't necessarily need to run it past your readers for the umpteenth time since this could have been handwaved off as having been explained during the timeskip between this chapter and the last with Alexis starting up the conversation with 'why did you chose to become a trainer' question instead. Just as a thought.

"I'm sorry for that. But it's too late to tell them now. After all, they're already back in the Carolinas. Anyway, Alexis, are you taking the Pokémon League challenge? You should, you're very good," Lisa started while taking a sip of a glass of fruit punch.

"I've been thinking about it. I think I'll set out in the next couple days or so. By the way, I noticed your Meowth doesn't have any long-range attacks. When it gets better I'll teach it how to use a Water-type attack called Water Pulse."

Don't ask why, but for some reason I found myself expecting some kind of expression/mannerism from Alexis at that response to go with the speech. Anyways, that last bit just sounds a bit too much like game talk to me ('Hi, I'm a move tutor. I can teach MOVE X to your pokemon.=D'); maybe you could have had Lisa get all defensive about it and then have Alexis be all 'no, no, no, I just thought I'd share my super special awesome move with you. ;;'. Ehh...just, you know, something to make it sound a bit more natural.

"Don't worry about it; it's not easy for a non-Water-type to master a Water-type attack. From what I understand, your Meowth has to learn to store large amounts of water in its mouth and release it all in one concentrated blast."

Again, some narration to balance out the quoteiness would be nice.

"Well, she also mentioned that all he did was try to knock her around with a tire iron.

Ooookay...Lisa's dad is freaking me out just a little bit now. "Well, a psychotic, kidnapping old man with a grudge against our family did try to beat my daughter to death with a tire iron, but he didn't have a gun so it's all approved by 4kids okay. =D". Dunno' what kind of person he is, but I know my parents would be a little bit more concerned if someone tried to knock me around with a tire iron. This is sort of why I thought disbelieving the entire story instead of belittling the danger of these people would be preferable.

By nightfall, Meowth had learned how to store enough water to shoot out Water Pulses of decent size and power. "It's not yet a full-powered attack, but don't worry," Alexis assured. "It'll get stronger with time. Oh, and do you see those rippling pulses that accompany the shots of water? I've heard that they contain psychic energy that will sometimes cause the target to become confused."

Well...I'm a little bit weirded out as I try to figure out how the flarp a Meowth learned to create psychic pulse. I've always been partial to the school of thought that insisted on Water Pulse being more of a 'Supersonic with water around it' type thing, but good on you for giving an explanation all the same.

"Well, according to my parents," Alexis answered, a slight hint of annoyance in her voice, "this is also a journey to build your strength and character. It's not enough just to make your Pokémon battle. You'll be engaged in a battle of sorts as well. Only your battle will be providing for yourself as you try to make it through this region. And if you cop out and take the easy way out, do you really gain anything in the end?"

"I… I… really don't know…" Lisa trailed off.

"Well, I shouldn't hold that against you. I mean, sounds to me like you were thrown into this situation out of the blue, instead of actually wanting to set out training Pokémon. But, I do think that the whole journey will be a lot more rewarding if you try to challenge yourself to do new things."

Ohh...Lisa got told! xD I was sort of waiting for some closing remark on Lisa's part, though, as the scene - currently - just sort of drops off after this.

The teen sulked as she looked at the path that lay before her. It was no different from before – a jagged, uneven dirt trail flanked on both sides with forests of towering green trees. The arcing branches and full leaves allowed little sunlight to reach the walkway below. "Oh, wonderful!" she shouted, throwing her hands in the air. "More stupid forest to work my way through! They could've built a mall here, but no…"

Oh, I sympathize here. Untouched forests may look all nice and beautiful, but they're a right pain to march through. XP Also, love the 'could have built a mall here' remark. ^^

Inside her dank cell, Lisa thought to herself, "Great... How am I gonna get out of this sitch? However, that one guard may be right. With those heels on, they can hear my footsteps coming and prepare for it. So the whole unlocked gate was just a ruse to trap me... Man, I'm stupid!"

That last thought had occurred to me as well, provided that we switch the 'I'm' out. Remember, kiddies; when you find a mysterious complex in the middle of the forest that just happens to have an unlocked gate, walk away. ;D

"Why has nobody else come down here? Why the hell'd the boss make this room soundproof?" Buster wondered aloud as he lunged for the security alarm once again. Meowth leaped into the air and landed hard on Buster's back, causing the guard to scream and fall to the floor only a few inches from his goal.

Hmm...soundproof room, only two lowly grunts for guards, no-one allowed to touch her stuff or kill her outright...do I smell an elaborate setup of some sort? xD

Both of Lisa's Pokémon eventually struggled back into contention. Lisa quivered as she stammered, "We can't take another hit like that... Okay guys, we need to hit that Houndour with a Water Pulse and Smog!"

Hate to nitpick, but...water and poisonous gases aren't the best of bedfellows. I'll confess to not knowing the specific chemical process involved, but a lot of gases just flat out won't work if there's too much humidity in the air. I know, because the educators on our last army camp were having a major fit over how they couldn't tear gas us during the attack simulation because it rained all the time. :3

"Don't be so sure! My little rapid-fire friend says otherwise!" Fred growled, reaching under his desk. He emerged with a Mac-10 machine gun and pointed it at Lisa. Suddenly he looked out of his window and noticed a large police truck smash through the base's front gates. A large group of police cars quickly followed. Fred quickly ran over to a console on the far wall. He flipped a red switch, opening up a skylight in the roof. He then pressed a button on his gear. Two wings came out of the pack as well as two exhaust pipes. Using his jet-pack, Fred made his escape, but not before telling Lisa, "You have not seen the last of me... Unless I get chewed out so badly I break down..."

Kind of makes me wonder why he didn't take the additional three seconds or so to fire the gun and shoot her dead anyway...unless this is all part of some big scheme of his that will be revealed later on? x3

Just then a SWAT team broke down the door, followed by an investigator. The investigator walked up to Lisa. "I understand that you are the girl chosen by the Pokémon League to combat the Thrash threat. I am Agent Morgan. Once you are ready, meet me by my police cruiser."

Again, this seems like a bit too much of a game situation. You'd think that they'd, you know, be checking up on her condition and all? Not to mention that Lisa should be at least a little surprised by such a timely rescue and maybe have a thing or two to ask this 'Morgan' before he even gets that far with the explaining part. =P

"Excellent. We got him down for attempted murder as well. Lisa, let me download this into my laptop, then I'll send you on your way. I don't want to hold you up since I believe they'll try again to get that research data."

Soo...she's just been captured by the big bads and gone through goodness knows what, so the cops look after her for...oh, five minutes to get the info then just dump her? Pretty cold police force they've got there. Besides, the good officer seems to have forgotten that Fred can still plead insanity...or 'arf', as he'd probably put it. xD


Overall, you show clear improvement from before. There are still points that could do with a bit more emotion/mannerisms (I quoted the ones that stuck out to me), there are some points of suspended disbelief (walking into such an obvious trap, Fred not firing the gun, and the physical problems of a jetpack come to mind( and the battle with the Nidorino seems a bit...anti-climatic after the events that preceded it, but it's an enjoyable read overall. You're also reaching a suitable level of spoiledness on Lisa's part (prevalent, but not all-consuming), so good job with that. I also like the fact that you followed up on the situation with her parents rather than just leaving them absent like OT fics tend to do. ^^

Oh, and should our dear moderator deign to look at this:

Spoiler:
 
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Elite Overlord LeSabre™

On that 'Non stop road'
9,876
Posts
16
Years
Woah, thats a...pretty cold reaction from the old flesh and blood. Now, I'm assuming that her father's skepticism stems from her weaseling out of that summer camp thing mentioned later on? To better conform to that, I think that it would make more sense for him to flat out not believe the whole 'I'm being hunted by criminals' thing rather than downplaying the danger of the criminals in question, but whatever floats your boat. Regardless, got to love how her past comes back to bite her here. xD
Quite true, actually. White-collar criminals are underestimated by the public in general, and nobody expects them to turn violent. From what I've heard by following crime cases, often times judges set ridiculously low bails or allow the criminals to bond out because they don't think they're a flight risk...

And parents NEVER forget...

Oh, and BTW, whenever I need to beg my parents for money, I always start off the phone call with "Mom (or Dad), we got a problem" XD

And we've heard this...how many times now? Yes, I know that this is the first time Alexis is hearing it, but you don't necessarily need to run it past your readers for the umpteenth time
Then again, I like the "WTF" reactions when she reveals she's a genius. Of course, Lisa doesn't like those reactions, so look for her to curb her boasting in the future - unless someone really prods her for her life story, lol.

Well...I'm a little bit weirded out as I try to figure out how the flarp a Meowth learned to create psychic pulse. I've always been partial to the school of thought that insisted on Water Pulse being more of a 'Supersonic with water around it' type thing, but good on you for giving an explanation all the same.
Meowth can learn Dream Eater so as a species they are capable of using offensive Psychic-type attacks. Though admittedly, things would be much simpler with RBY movesets when I could just have her learn Bubblebeam...

idk, 3rd gen games animates Waler Pulse one way, 4th gen does it another, as do Colo/XD and PBR... I don't know what Water Pulse "officially" looks like...

Oh, I sympathize here. Untouched forests may look all nice and beautiful, but they're a right pain to march through. XP Also, love the 'could have built a mall here' remark. ^^
My parents' house is surrounded by forests and countryside. ANY place up by here would be a good place for a mall XD Or even a Wal-Mart, for that matter.

That last thought had occurred to me as well, provided that we switch the 'I'm' out. Remember, kiddies; when you find a mysterious complex in the middle of the forest that just happens to have an unlocked gate, walk away. ;D
In the early stages when you're trying to avoid mix-ups with these sorts of characters, that's definitely true. Later though, when you're actively seeking out these places to shut them down, you'll probably just barge right in:)

Perhaps the thugs could've pulled the ol' 'hide in the bushes and grab her from behind' trick, but then again...

Lisa's spoiled. She's naive. She likely hasn't had too many situations where she's been lured into a trap, no matter how obvious. At most, she's seen it on TV shows. I might edit that scene, but then again it does demonstrate that Lisa's a newbie to the whole "enemy base stealth infiltration" game.

Hmm...soundproof room, only two lowly grunts for guards, no-one allowed to touch her stuff or kill her outright...do I smell an elaborate setup of some sort? xD
It's basically an execution chamber but big-ego Fred wants to have all the fun to himself, lol

Hate to nitpick, but...water and poisonous gases aren't the best of bedfellows. I'll confess to not knowing the specific chemical process involved, but a lot of gases just flat out won't work if there's too much humidity in the air. I know, because the educators on our last army camp were having a major fit over how they couldn't tear gas us during the attack simulation because it rained all the time. :3
Maybe I should retake Chem 101... Granted, I did ace the class, but that was back in '02. In any event, something like Sludge might have worked better in retrospect(except that the water might have diluted the poison content in the attack). Now, that's something that I'm unsure of... whether the composition of a Sludge attack would make it vulnerable to being diluted by water. Maybe I can get the chemistry department at my school to sink millions of dollars into researching that. Hell, they wasted millions on redoing the campus entrance so it's now a big mess of roundabouts, so why not waste more of our tuition money?

Kind of makes me wonder why he didn't take the additional three seconds or so to fire the gun and shoot her dead anyway...unless this is all part of some big scheme of his that will be revealed later on? x3
With the cops approaching, he wouldn't have had time to kill her AND hide the body, clean up the mess, and come up with an alibi. Fred may be a barking idiot, but even he knows that if he kills her now, he has a murder charge hanging over his head, and the cops would be likely to pursue him more aggressively. Of course, he didn't know his little death threat would be recorded and he'd be facing attempted murder...

Again, this seems like a bit too much of a game situation. You'd think that they'd, you know, be checking up on her condition and all? Not to mention that Lisa should be at least a little surprised by such a timely rescue and maybe have a thing or two to ask this 'Morgan' before he even gets that far with the explaining part. =P
Well, I forgot to do it:/ I was gonna add a part where Lisa calls the police in hopes they could trace her call to the camp (explaining how the police found the place) but apparently I forgot:/

In any event, would something to the effect of, "After allowing Lisa to catch her breath and for her heartbeat to slow, Morgan began to interview her..." work? Maybe have him check her over for injuries (or get a female cop to do it XD) as well?

In any event, sometime I'll edit these chapters and stick in more emotional reactions, particularly in some of the places you pointed out. As for the "cliched bad guy plot" things, I'm still a bit rusty with them, and sometimes I need to be told of the cliches before I go all facepalm and like, "Why didn't I think of that?"

But the key word here is "sometime" and that goes for the next chapter as well. I really want to focus on getting this completed on the green forum first so I can slowly remove myself from the drama over there. Then there's eye surgery, looking for work near/at my school, and the horror of AOL dial-up.
 
2,571
Posts
15
Years
^^ I love it so far! it's a story where you can kinda fall into it. It's very detailed & compelling. Lisa is a very well put together female character. No sugar-coating or anything of the sort here! ^_^ She's the ideal trainer that a few girls I know would kill to be. (sorry this is so short for now but I have to run to work! >.< I'll be sure to pst more later!)
 

Elite Overlord LeSabre™

On that 'Non stop road'
9,876
Posts
16
Years
^^ I love it so far! it's a story where you can kinda fall into it. It's very detailed & compelling. Lisa is a very well put together female character. No sugar-coating or anything of the sort here! ^_^ She's the ideal trainer that a few girls I know would kill to be.
Thanks a lot for the comment! Glad you liked Lisa's character! Next chapter will be coming... sometime, I guess? XD
 

Elite Overlord LeSabre™

On that 'Non stop road'
9,876
Posts
16
Years
Chapter 6: University Infiltration

ZOMG, could it be? After over a year and a name change, I can has brought my fic back from the dead?

Chapter 6: University Infiltration

The first thing Lisa saw was a red-roofed building that was the Pokémon Center. Next to it was another red-roofed building with a sign in front that read, "Red Roof Inn." It was the first of a series of hotels and restaurants. To her right Lisa could see a clock tower. She remembered it as the symbol for Fourtix University and figured the campus must be over there. On the north end of the town's main drag was a strange building with a gray stone façade.

"Well, better get my Pokémon rested up." Lisa headed into the Pokémon Center. She handed her Pokémon to the attendant, who asked, "I assume you're a traveling trainer. We offer rooms for trainers to rest in and they're free. Would you like to check them out?"

"Sure, sounds okay."

She led Lisa upstairs and showed her a room. The girl's jaw dropped upon seeing the living quarters. The room was tiny, hardly bigger than the holding cell at the Thrash camp. It had bare white walls and a tile floor. The place had a bunk bed on one side and a long desk on the other, with an ancient TV, rusted lamp, and antiquated rotary phone on it. Hardly enough room, and the place was somehow dull and dreary. "No thanks, I'm fine," she told the receptionist after seeing the inadequate room.

"Well, that's fine. I think your Pokémon are ready. Have a safe trip."

"Thank you." Lisa took her Pokémon back and headed outside. "Gah! As if I would ever stay in such a deplorable room! It's worth shelling out $65 or $75 a night if that's what 'free' rooms look like!" She walked right past the Red Roof Inn, as she noticed it was an older motel with outside room entrances. It didn't take long, though, to find a hotel that would suffice. She approached a large, four story building with a white stucco façade. On the hotel's canopy was a blue sign that read "Comfort Inn" and featured an updated version of the chain's 'sunset' logo. In front was a Cracker Barrel restaurant.

The lobby was a bit on the small side, but clean and nicely appointed. Across from the walnut-trimmed desk were a dark burgundy couch and a few upholstered chairs. The tiled floor was of a light cream color with black accents. Overhead hung a faux brass chandelier. Off to the side was a buffet table and about a dozen tables set up for breakfast.

Lisa checked in to the hotel and looked for her room, 157. Upon sliding her card-key into the lock mechanism, she entered the room and dropped off most of her belongings in her spacious king room. The TV and coffee maker rested on a credenza made of dark walnut veneer. The floral comforter matched well with the navy blue carpeting. Paintings of two country landscapes were placed on the wall above either side of the bed. The room even had a hot tub, though Lisa wasn't the type to use them. Of much more use to her was the mini-refrigerator.

She called her Pokémon from their Pokéballs and laid out some food for them to eat. All of them started eating except for Nidorino, who just stood there, apparently not happy with being captured. After trying to coax it to eat for several minutes, she finally gave up on that. She took off her shoes, then her pantyhose, and spread out on the bed, TV blaring.

"In U.S. college football news, the twelfth-ranked Tigers completely dominated the thirteenth-ranked Yellow Jackets, 31-7 last Saturday…"

"About time they started to step up their game," Lisa thought aloud.

While the girl watched the news, her Pokémon began to strike up some conversation.

"Look, why must you be so uncooperative," Meowth asked, glaring at Nidorino.

The horned Poison-type matched the kitten's hard stare. "That human disturbs my young, then snatches me from them, and I'm supposed to just brush it off and say, 'Oh, well?' If it wasn't for my wife, who fortunately was out gathering food at the time, those kids would be out on their own! How's she gonna tell those kids that daddy's gone and won't be back?"

Lisa's other Poison-type weighed in on the debate. "You knew when you appeared in front of a human, you ran the risk of being captured. Every parent warns their young about that. Besides, being with a trainer isn't all bad. After the situation with my previous trainer left me wandering out in the wild, I was looking for another trainer to take me under their wing… um, no offense intended," she said as she faced Pidgeotto.

The bird flapped her wings. "None taken. In fact, I wanted her to capture me. Why do you think I went after her hat? Though it is a fine-lookin' hat. Anyway, I've grown tired of life in the wild, having to battle poisonous Weedle for every meal. Though I really wish I was in a situation where I didn't have to battle at all, at least this is a step in the right direction."

Nidorino scoffed. "You think it's all fun and games now, but I've heard stories from other Pokémon. She seems nice now, but wait until you can't defeat another human's Pokémon. Then she'll go ballistic, screaming at you, blaming you, and sometimes even physically assaulting you. That's when you realize that life with a trainer ain't so grand."

Koffing replied, "But you don't know that yet. Yes, I've had experience with a trainer who was like that, but so far, I haven't seen this one react like that. Give her a chance before you pass judgment."

Meowth added, "I've known that girl since long before she began traveling. While she isn't a perfect saint – I know personally she has issues with certain species of Pokémon – she's always treated me kindly, as well as most of the Pokémon she's met. But a word of advice – keep her and me away from dog-like Pokémon. Neither of us can stand them."

"Fine," said Nidorino. "Cling onto your blind faith in that human. But don't come crying to me when she shatters that faith."

********
After resting up, Lisa headed out and went into a nearby Target store, passing by several restaurants and shopping plazas in the process. Once in Target, she bought a few items: extra pairs of pantyhose, some healing items, and a pair of black ballet slippers, identical to her white ones except for color. Lisa was stocking up and getting prepared for whatever life would throw at her next.

On her way back from shopping, she decided to stop and get dinner at Cracker Barrel, as it was nearing nightfall. As she anticipated, there was a long line to get into the restaurant, and Lisa spent a good half hour browsing the store before she was called to her table. After enjoying a chicken dinner, Lisa headed back to the hotel. On the way back she saw a Thrash member talking on his cell phone. She quickly hid herself and listened in on his phone conversation.

"Okay, in two hours we're to invade Baxter Hall. Got it."

After the grunt walked out of sight, Lisa quickly entered the hotel lobby and up to her room. She quickly changed clothes, emerging in her 'little black dress,' a pair of black tights, and the black slippers she had just purchased. "The little black dress. Perfect for dates and undercover espionage." She decided to wait for two hours before making her way to the university grounds. Lisa started to get all nervous and fidgety as the time approached. She wasn't be sure what to expect in there. She went online and looked up a map of the university's layout. It would still be difficult to find the building in the dark, though. Lisa looked outside. The sun had completely set now, and it was pitch-black outside except for the streetlamps in the Comfort Inn parking lot. She turned to the in-room alarm clock. "8:53", it displayed in red digital numerals. "Still nineteen minutes to go!"

When it was time, Lisa gathered up her Pokémon and healing items, leaving her clothes and other personal items in the room. She left through a back door of the hotel and proceeded toward the university. As Lisa started searching for Baxter Hall, she suddenly realized she had forgotten the layout of the campus. "Dang! Looks like I'll have to hunt for it the hard way."

Lisa passed by a fountain, the clock tower, two highrise buildings that appeared to be residence halls, and the newly built campus student center. Not finding Baxter Hall there, she backtracked toward where the academic buildings were. After hunting for a few minutes she found a large brick building marked "Baxter Hall." She entered through the front door, which had been obviously picked open. As soon as she was inside she heard loud heavy metal music. "Geez, these guys aren't very quiet…"

Lisa made her way down the dimly lit corridors and toward where the blaring music was coming from. She found a room with the light on and kicked open the door. She found four Thrash agents, two male and two female. The females wore the same red outfit as the guys, except their pants flared a bit at the bottom. The other person in the room was a woman in her late twenties with black spiked hair. She wore a black leather jacket, red plaid skirt, big black leather boots, and fishnet stockings. This woman then spun around, revealing a face with lots eye shadow and thick black lipstick. She had a look of complete shock on her face.

The woman spoke up. "Huh?! Who the hell are you? Oh, wait, I see now. You're that annoying little brainiac that's been causing us problems. I am Betty of the Thrash Brotherhood! You may have walked all over that idiot Fred, but I don't have kibble for brains like the 'Dog Master'! You must think you're hot stuff by taking us on! That ends here! Get her!"

Lisa dashed to the right side of the room as all four thugs tried to grab her. As Betty made a move to block the door, her subordinates moved in a line facing Lisa and pulled out .357 Magnums. The agents started grinning and laughing like madmen. "There's no place for you to go now, you annoying little piece of crap!" one of the females boasted.

Betty goaded Lisa, "I know you're skilled at Pokémon. Let's see if you can dodge lead as well."

"Should we blow her away, boss?" one of the male thugs asked, obviously with an itchy trigger finger.

"Not yet. Perhaps this girl simply doesn't understand our grand objective. Our boss has promised us that he will lead the Thrash Brotherhood to victory. We will reclaim the land in our name and create a new society!" Noticing Lisa's skeptical look, Betty continued, "I see you are not yet convinced. Turn that music off!"

One of the guards turned off the boombox while Betty picked up a telephone on the desk.

"Finally you turn off that awful music," Lisa said.

As Betty was dialing, she turned to Lisa. "WHAT? What kind of music do you listen to, huh?"

"I'll show you." Lisa took out her PDA and started playing an MP3.

"And I... remember how you loved me
Time was all we had until the day we said goodbye
And I... remember every moment
Of those endless summer nights..."

As Lisa stopped the music, Betty just looked on with a stunned expression. "You actually listen to that junk?"

"Um, yeah, because I'm not a wannabe punk-rocker skater girl. Oh, and it's spelled S-K-A-T-E-R, not S-K-8-R. Apparently skaters aren't masters of grammar."

Steaming mad, Betty roared, "YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT REMARK!!! Boss, pick up! ... Yes... I have that annoying brat here in the office... Yes, understood."

Betty turned her attention back toward Lisa. "Our boss wants to speak with you. I'm putting him on speakerphone. You four, out! This is a private conversation!" Betty sent her subordinates outside the room and closed the door.

A man's voice began speaking to Lisa over the phone. It had a deep, almost demonic tone. "Greetings, Miss Lisa Northwood. I am the glorious leader of the Thrash Brotherhood. I have been graced with the divine moniker Bart Sy, but my adversaries also know me as the Red Pit Bull. I see that you do not understand the concept behind our brotherhood, so let me enlighten you. The Brotherhood of The Holy Religion of the Ancient Society of Hirojuto was founded based on the teachings and prophecies of the ancient noble, Lord Ryuotoji Hirojuto. He preached the true purpose of Pokémon and prophesized a future in which they are purged of the corruption that currently plagues them. As the great Lord Hirojuto's direct descendant, I have been charged with fulfilling destiny, regardless of what 'laws' of 'modern society' must be violated in the process."

"And what of the Shadow Pokémon?" Lisa demanded, crossing her arms and scowling at the phone that linked her to her adversary.

"I see that my subordinate Fred was unable to keep silent. However, that is on a need to know basis, meaning that you do not need to know. That is, unless, you join us and work your way through the ranks. Our prophecy will be fulfilled, with or without you. I will personally guarantee it. In the end, there truly is no other choice."

"Sorry, but I don't believe in that drivel!"

"Fine. Don't say you weren't warned. Betty, eliminate her."

Betty started laughing manically. The punk slammed down the phone and walked over to the door. She opened the door and her four grunt agents rushed back in the room with their guns aimed right at Lisa. "There is no escape! Troops, blast her!"

Betty's four thugs cocked their weapons while Lisa trembled in fear. "Is this truly the end of me…"

"GLALL!"

A stream of ice suddenly struck the hands of all four grunts, instantly freezing their weapons.

"WHAT?! Who did that?!" Betty demanded.

A familiar face stepped in the room. It was Lorelei, accompanied by an icy face Pokémon with two black pointed appendages that were either ears or horns. It gritted its teeth as it stared at the men with icy blue eyes. Lisa consulted her Pokédex. "Glalie: The face Pokémon. Glalie uses it powers that it commands over ice to flash-freeze its opponents."

Lorelei spoke up. "On behalf of the Pokémon League, I cannot allow you to commit such violent acts. Why don't you fight with your Pokémon against us? You know, at least make this somewhat honorable."

"Fine! You four, take on glasses lady! Little Miss Perfect is mine!"

"Lorelei, can you take on four at once?"

"I should be okay. You just focus on that punk girl," Lorelei answered in a cool, calm manner. Lisa admired the fact that she was able to stay composed even against foes this strong.

"Gotcha."

Betty grabbed two Pokéballs from her pockets. She sent out a muscular gray Pokémon with a humanoid shape, and a small bird with a short beak. The muscle-bound creature smiled confidently and flexed both arms, while the avian Pokémon squawked loudly as it furiously flapped its short wings. "Attack her, Machop and Spearow! Now you will pay for defying us!"

"Doubt it. Koffing, Pidgeotto, you're up! Give Spearow a taste of some Sludge and blow Machop's mind with Gust!"

Koffing hit Spearow with its trademark purple slime, and Gust lifted Machop airborne. But Machop turned it to its advantage, jumping down and hitting Koffing with a full-body slam.

"Eat this! Wahahahaha!" Betty injected a chemical into Spearow, causing it to glow and evolve into the much larger bird Pokémon called Fearow. With huge brown wings and an elongated beak, this one looked like it had a lot more confidence with flying. The girl figured it might be trouble. "Now, show that bird a real Peck!"

Legs shaking, Lisa commanded, "Move to the right to avoid it then send a Gust toward it!"

Pidgeotto quickly dodged right and released a Gust that hit Fearow in the tail feathers. Machop delivered two rapid punches followed by a kick right to Lisa's gaseous Koffing, who emitted some puffs of smoke as she withdrew. Another punch attempt by the wily fighter went wide left and missed Koffing.

"Koffing, use Smokescreen and Tackle at Machop!"

A cloud of black smoke quickly engulfed Machop, and Koffing floated in for a direct strike while Machop was blinded. Meanwhile, Fearow had landed a hard Peck attack on Pidgeotto. Pidgeotto was sent crashing hard against the wall, putting a hole in the drywall.

"No! Pidgeotto!" Lisa yelled, nervously grabbing a chunk of her dress and gripping the cloth tightly.

Betty was growing frustrated, stomping the floor with her leather boots. "I would have expected you chumps to have finished that little runt off by now! What is your major malfunction?"

Pidgeotto was struck by Fearow's huge beak again, but managed to knock the rival bird back with a well-aimed smack with her wings. Machop retaliated against Koffing with a series of quick punches ending with an uppercut. Koffing recovered from the hit and attacked with Sludge, splattering the putrid purple substance all over the muscular little Pokémon. Undaunted, Machop delivered a kick to the poisonous Pokémon.

A smirk formed on Lisa's face. "I have an idea. Pidgeotto, dive in toward Machop and grab it with your talons!"

"I'm on to you! Seismic Toss!"

Machop grabbed Pidgeotto and leapt high into the air. Out of the corner of her eye, Lisa noticed Fearow flying in.

Pointing at the swooping bird, Lisa was ready to put her plan into action. "Okay, let's block Fearow with Machop!"

Pidgeotto quickly spun around, exposing Machop to an incoming Fearow. Machop, so focused on striking with Seismic Toss, didn't realize that Fearow was closing in until it got a taste of Fearow's beak on its backside.

After impact, Machop crashed to the tile floor hard. Betty recalled it, yelling, "How dare you, you little punk! Rattata, get that girl!"

"Use Smokescreen and Smog on that Rattata!"

But the rodent wasn't sticking around, dodging back and forth to avoid the attacks. Clouds of purple and black clouds filled the room, but it didn't stop Rattata's charge. Fearow struck Koffing while she was distracted with trying to strike her agile foe.

"Okay, Pidgeotto, use one last Tackle on Fearow!"

Using a high speed airborne Tackle, Pidgeotto caught Fearow off guard. The bird turned around and gave Pidgeotto a hard jab in the face. Pidgeotto reeled, but came back and knocked Fearow silly with her wing. As the huge bird plummeted to the floor, it started glowing and reverted to its Spearow stage. Betty recalled it and sent out Poochyena. The tiny wolf immediately leapt up and sank its fangs into Koffing. Koffing began to lose altitude as Poochyena jumped off of it.

"Uh, oh, this looks bad!" Lisa could see that Koffing was in trouble. Sweating and glancing around nervously, she pulled Koffing out of battle and replaced her with Nidorino. "Okay, it's our first battle, but let's start with Leer then follow up with Double Kick on Poochyena!"

Instead, Nidorino attacked Rattata, using his huge horn as a lance to stick it to the smaller purple foe. "Hmmm...I still need to train that one more..."

Meanwhile, Betty approached her Pokémon, a syringe in both hands. Pidgeotto blew a Gust at her and blew both injectors out of her hands. "ARRGH! You'll regret that!"

Poochyena started digging its teeth into Nidorino, but suddenly pulled back, looking like it was in pain. Enraged, Nidorino quickly struck it with Horn Attack and Double Kick, followed quickly by Pidgeotto's Gust. The gray furry creature started stumbling around but nonetheless continued its assault, charging in and knocking Nidorino over before biting into its hard, pointed skin. Enraged, the larger Nidorino kicked Poochyena repeatedly with its forelegs. That was enough to do it in.

Betty angrily withdrew Poochyena. "How dare you fail me! Rattata, Frustration!"

The rat Pokémon quickly hit both of Lisa's Pokémon with a harsh blow. Pidgeotto came crashing to the floor, but the flying Pokémon wasn't out of this battle by a long shot. The rat was fast, however, and quickly darted past attacks, looking for all the world like a little purple running back scurrying to avoid tacklers. It jumped up and bit down hard on Pidgeotto, causing the bird to cry out in pain before falling.

Lisa called Pidgeotto back, a panicked expression on her face. "Oh, no! Pidgeotto! Return and rest! Good job, though…"

It was now down to Nidorino and Rattata. Both purple creatures charged at each other, but Nidorino's horn proved to be the deciding factor, as it succeeded in finally subduing the overactive rodent. As Betty called it back, Lisa pumped her fist in the air. "All right, we won! Good work, Nidorino!" In response, the purple Pokémon snorted and turned his head away from his trainer. "Okay, not the response I was expecting…"

Glancing to her right, the girl noticed that Lorelei's Glalie was using a final Ice Beam attack on a lone Zubat. The flying creature quickly went down and a female grunt recalled it.

"No! I'll never live this down! But, I've already uploaded the research to the boss. The only thing hurting is my pride, but I'll get you back for that, brainiac! But for now, we're pulling out!" Betty and her four underlings jumped out of an open window.

Lorelei started to speak. "Very impressive, Lisa. Not only did you defeat a top Thrash agent, you also avoided being led astray by their leader. Believe it or not, that Red Pit Bull guy can be very charismatic, which is probably how he's able to recruit so many underlings." Lorelei walked over and picked up the two syringes that Betty dropped. "I'll have the League's lab take a look at these. Oh, yes, I have a gift for you. Inside this Pokéball is a Spheal, a Pokémon that can use both Ice and Water element attacks. I trust that you will treat it with care. I figure he'll be an asset to your squad." Calmly, she handed Lisa a Pokéball.

Accepting the gift, Lisa replied, "Yes, I will. Thank you Lorelei." Lisa bowed before the distinguished trainer in front of her.

"Now, I must be off. You better get back to your room and get some rest. You'll need to be at your peak to defeat the town's gym leader," Lorelei advised.
 

Bay

6,385
Posts
17
Years
I already know what's going to happen and all after reading the original version, but I really enjoyed this story a lot, so it should be fun reading it again. :) Also, want to see what changes you made here.

Hehe, Lisa's reaction to the Pokemon Center's room is priceless. XD

Hm, you didn't have the conversation between Nidorino, Pidgeotto, Koffing, and Meowth from the original version. However, it's a very interesting conversation nonetheless. Like how the Pokemon debate over trainers and that a couple of them actually want to be captured and be trained. Also, shows a bit more of the personality of each of them, especially Nidorino and why he hates humans.

The university scene I enjoyed a lot before and I'm liking it again. :) I just love Lisa and that woman arguing over which music is better. XD Also, I like the revised version of Bart explaining to Lisa a bit about the brotherhood. Last version is a bit long winded and making Bart too cocky while this version is more straightforward and Bart more having this mysterious air surrounding around him.

I like the battle as not only you showed the Pokemon's emotions but the trainers too. My favorite is Lisa her holding her dress when her Pokemon was in trouble. XD

I know we already talked about this long ago in the original version, but I feel you still need to work on your description a bit. It's not that it's bad and in fact you're improving. The thing is a few parts I think are unnecessary. For instance:

After resting up, Lisa headed out and went into a nearby Target store, passing by several restaurants and shopping plazas in the process. Once in Target, she bought a few items: extra pairs of pantyhose, some healing items, and a pair of black ballet slippers, identical to her white ones except for color. Lisa was stocking up and getting prepared for whatever life would throw at her next.

On her way back from shopping, she decided to stop and get dinner at Cracker Barrel, as it was nearing nightfall. As she anticipated, there was a long line to get into the restaurant, and Lisa spent a good half hour browsing the store before she was called to her table. After enjoying a chicken dinner, Lisa headed back to the hotel. On the way back she saw a Thrash member talking on his cell phone. She quickly hid herself and listened in on his phone conversation.
I don't think you need to mention too much on her going shopping and having dinner like that. Those scenes doesn't really advance the plot that much (well, maybe the black ballet slippers :P). Maybe it's just me, though.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this chapter again and also the rewrite is much better than from the original version. Looking forward to the changes next chapter!
 

Haruka of Hoenn

Rolling writer
297
Posts
16
Years
I've read this chapter numerous times :P
Welcome back to PC, Lisa! I've really enjoyed this story over the howevermanymonthsivebeenreadingit...

Can't wait for more! Sorry for the lame review, btw :/ This is all I can manage... stupid HW.
 

Elite Overlord LeSabre™

On that 'Non stop road'
9,876
Posts
16
Years
Bay: Yeah, I remember that. I don't know though, I kinda like having those extra tidbits in there, unnecessary as they may seem. Might have something to do with me being a detail-oriented person (and wanting to sneak in as much product placement as possible :P ) I also feel it also hints a bit at her character; i.e., what she does with her spare time, where she likes to shop, eat, stay, and so on.

But I am happy you enjoyed the rest of the chapter, though:P Yeah, that speech needed a MAJOR overhaul. And arguing over music tastes FTW!

Haruka of Hoenn: Hey, don't worry about the short review... all of us get bogged down with homework sometimes:/

Anyway, glad to see you back on board:)

Thus ends my brief review reply of DOOM! Next chapter,,, could come anytime XD
 

Elite Overlord LeSabre™

On that 'Non stop road'
9,876
Posts
16
Years
Chapter 7: Getting her Calculus and her Gym Battle On

Chapter 7: Getting her Calculus and her Gym Battle On

Lisa followed Lorelei out then headed back to the Comfort Inn while Lorelei made her way to a parking lot. Back in her room, the young trainer took a quick shower. After getting clean, Lisa put her nightgown on and settled in the room's comfortable king-sized bed.

The next morning, Lisa got dressed up early. She wore a red blouse, over which she wore a black suit jacket, a matching skirt, a pair of sheer pantyhose, and her other black dress shoes, these ones without open toes. Instead of her white hat, she tied her hair back with a purple scrunchy. She left her Pokémon with some food she had picked up, then headed to the lobby. After picking up a couple bagels and some juice in the lobby's breakfast bar, she proceeded to the university's math building, a facility so new, it hadn't been named after any alumni yet.

A woman at a desk spoke up. "Are you here for the Calculus Challenge? We are still accepting participants."

"Yes, thank you." After registering, Lisa headed into the auditorium for a morning of heated math competitions.

A man in his early twenties sat down next to Lisa in the building's auditorium. The man wore a long white lab coat and blue jeans. It was clear to Lisa that he had not showered in some time. Upon seeing Lisa and her name tag, he scoffed and snorted. "Well, Miss Lisa," he said mockingly, "don't you think you're a little young to be here? Why don't you try the baby math league; it may be more your speed. I guarantee that after the first round, you'll be outta here!"

"Don't write equations your brain can't solve, pal. I'm not one to be taken lightly," she retorted.

"Just don't be shocked when you don't do as well as you thought you would," the geek snickered.

The host, distinguished mathematician Dr. Murray Thomson, addressed the group. "Welcome to the 45th annual Fourtix University Calculus Challenge. Despite the name, we will be testing you on a variety of mathematics topics. This is a very special year for us since this is our first tournament to be held in this beautiful, brand new facility! This also allows us to utilize technology like we could not before. Without further ado, let us begin Round One! Twenty questions, one hour to finish, no partial credit. Any contestant with a zero score at the end of this round will be eliminated. Now, begin!"

These were twenty problems of fairly high difficulty, and the absence of partial credit made this round especially difficult. The first round was specifically designed to weed out the weak. Lisa managed to get eighteen of the twenty questions correct.

After time was called, the smug nerd whispered to Lisa, "Don't get too mad now. Remember, you're just a baby."

Dr. Thomson returned to the podium to announce the top scores. "Your scores will be appearing on the monitor in front of you. The mean score was 4.76. The standings, as of now, are as follows: Tied for first place, with twenty points each, are Jon Lowe and Geoff Richards. Tied for third, with nineteen points each, are Yuriko Sakura and Albert Dobson. And in fifth place, with eighteen points, is our youngest entrant, Lisa Northwood."

With a smug smirk, Lisa turned to her adversary. "You know what, I do need to step up my game. I'm only fifth out of, let's see, about 450 people. I'm very disappointed in myself. Oh, hey, what's that red "X" on your monitor mean?"

"Damn!" the nerd cursed before marching out of the room along with about half of the contestants.

Dr. Thomson announced, "Now that we have completed the elimination round, we shall proceed. Begin Round Two! Please read the question on your monitor and answer accordingly. You only have thirty seconds to answer each question."

Round two consisted of rapid-fire multiple choice questions, one hundred in all. Each question was worth a single point. Lisa was the sole participant to earn a perfect score in the appropriately-titled, "Lightning Round."

"At the end of round two, Jon Lowe is in first with 119 points. Tied for second, with 118 points each, are Yuriko Sakura and Lisa Northwood. Geoff Richards is fourth with 115 points and Allison Johnson is in fifth with 107 points."

Round three only had five questions, but were complex multi-step problems worth ten points each. But Lisa managed to receive a perfect score yet again, the only competitor to do so.

"After round three, Jon Lowe and Lisa Northwood are the leaders with 168 points each. Yuriko Sakura and Allison Johnson are tied for third with 156 points, and Lawrence Winston is in fifth with 138 points."

Round four was the most challenging, being the final round. There were only four questions, but each was extremely complicated and was worth twenty points each. Nobody got a perfect score. Lisa came closest, earning seventy-nine points out of eighty.

"Round four is done! Final results are… Fifth is Lawrence Winston with 209 points. Fourth is Allison Johnson with 222 points. Third is Yuriko Sakura with 229 points. Second is Jon Lowe, last year's champion, with 236 points. And the winner, with 247 points, is our youngest entrant, Lisa Northwood!"

The crowd erupted in cheers as Lisa and the rest of the top performers headed up to the stage to accept their awards.

At about 2:00 PM, Lisa emerged with two trophies in her hands. One read, "2006 Fourtix University Calculus Challenge Champion" and the other one read, "2006 Pi Recitation Champion." Several other people chatted with Lisa about her victory, including the rest of the top five contestants. Jon was especially impressed with Lisa's performance, commenting that, "It takes a smart person to outwit me, but it takes somebody truly incredible to outwit me at your age." Once the action had died down, Lisa headed to the post office and had them send her trophies back to her parents in South Carolina so they wouldn't weigh her down during her trip. Then she returned to the hotel, gathered up her Pokémon, and proceeded to the stone building at the outskirts of town.

Just as she suspected, this was the town's gym. The massive gray doors opened and out walked Alexis, the girl she had met in the forest. Clad in a pink sundress, she greeted Lisa with a friendly wave.

"Lisa, what's up? You're all dressed up. You going for a job interview?"

"No, I'm going for a badge. Did you already earn yours?"

"Yup, but it was a tough fight, that's for sure. This guy's good. You better be on your toes. Well, I'm headed off to get my team rested. Good luck!"

"Thanks, and bye! I'll see you soon!"

Another person emerged in the doorway. A large, rotund man in hiking gear greeted Lisa.

"Welcome to the Bluefield City Pokémon Gym. I am Dirk, the assistant and match officiator here. Our gym leader has just lost a match today to that girl who just left. He will not lose again today. Challenge him if you dare." The mountain man gave Lisa a sly smirk.

"Fine, bring it on," responded a determined Lisa.

Dirk led Lisa into the gym. A man emerged from a back room. He was an older man, with graying hair. He wore gray cargo pants, a gray T-shirt, and a gray unzipped hoodie. Though not especially tall, the man still had an air of power and prestige.

"Greetings, I am Roy, the local gym leader. I believe in the awesome power and endurance of the Rock type. It allows us to endure strong attacks and remain in battle for the long haul. You better be ready for a long battle, but even more importantly, your bonds with your Pokémon must be as hard as a rock. Wait, does that sound too much like a Chevy Truck commercial?"

"No, not at all. They haven't used 'Like A Rock' in years."

"Okay, we should probably get started."

Dirk announced, "Battle for the Bluefield City Pebble Badge between gym Leader Dirk and Lisa Northwood from..."

Lisa whispered in his ear.

"...oh, yes, from Anderson, South Carolina. This will be a one-on-one battle. Both trainers will use three Pokémon. The Gym Leader cannot substitute Pokémon, but the challenger may. Begin!"

"Go, Geodude!" Roy summoned a gray rock-like Pokémon with two jagged arms. It greeted the challengers by calling out, "Duuuuude!" in a low-pitched voice. The surface of the Pokémon's body was not smooth at all, and it looked like pieces of its body had been chipped off in previous skirmishes. Forming fists with its arms, Geodude performed several quick punches into the air to pump itself up.

"Geodude: The Rock Pokémon. Geodude conceal themselves in rocky caves and either roll or use their arms to move."

Lisa grabbed a Pokéball from a pocket in her suit jacket. "This is it... battle for the first badge!" Lisa stared her opponent down.

"I'll start off with my Spheal. Let's get started!"

Lisa called forth a light blue spherical Pokémon. "Spheal: The Ball Roll Pokémon. Spheal uses its round body to roll and move on slippery ice. It can roll quickly but has little control over its path. Spheal can use Rollout, Water Gun, and Ice Ball."

Spheal smiled and happily barked as it showed off some of its rolling abilities. It looked up at its trainer, seemingly awaiting a command.

After some thought, the girl said, "Okay, we'll begin with a Water Gun!"

Spheal launched a stream of water at Geodude, but it ducked behind a stationary rock and deflected the strike.

"Now, Rock Throw!"

"Duuuude!" Geodude started picking up rocks and heaving them at Spheal. One struck Spheal at an angle that sent it rolling. Spheal started to roll uncontrollably around the field, crashing into rocks and walls. The small Pokémon cried out in pain after each of its hard contacts with a rock.

"Oh, no! What do I do now?" Her eyes trying to follow her runaway Pokémon, Lisa frantically thought of a way to get Spheal to stop its uncontrollable rolling.

After a few more impacts, Spheal came to a stop. It wasn't going to move anywhere now, after all of those hard impacts. Lisa was already down one Pokémon and Geodude hardly broke a sweat. This fact did not sit well with the fidgety girl.

"Spheal is unable to battle. Geodude wins this round," Dirk announced in a very frank tone.

"Nidorino, you're up!" Lisa sent out the purple Pokémon with the large poisonous horn on his head. The creature stood on his four feet, but made no sounds or movement. His eyes wandered, not focusing on either the girl, the middle-aged Gym Leader, or his Geodude. Lisa called out, "Use Double Kick!"

Instead, he just stood there, refusing to face his trainer.

"No! Please, attack!" Lisa pleaded with her disobedient Pokémon to strike.

"Haha! Now, Geodude, Magnitude!"

"Geo!" The rocky Pokémon slammed both its fists on the ground, sending massive tremors that spread out in a circular pattern. The powerful attack shook the entire gym, knocking both Nidorino and Lisa down.

"Owwww......" Lisa clutched her head and tried to get back up.

"Give it another one!"

Another tremor shook the arena before either Lisa or Nidorino could get up. Lisa eventually struggled to her feet but Nidorino was unable to.

"Nidorino is unable to battle."

"Meowth, you're my last hope. Please, try your best!" Lisa pleaded, almost in tears.

"Now, finish this battle with Rock Throw!"

As rocks came in toward Meowth, she used them as stepping stones, then fired a powerful Water Pulse at Geodude, scoring a direct hit. Geodude emerged still conscious, but ended up ramming into several stones by itself, completely lost in confusion. Meowth hit the small rocky creature with another shot of brilliant blue liquid then just sat back and watched her foe batter itself until Geodude collapsed out of exhaustion.

"Geodude is unable to battle. Meowth wins."

"Wow… I can't believe it finally went down… but what's next?"

"Now I'll show you my true power. Onix, go! Bind it!"

A huge black snake made completely of rock emerged. The massive Pokémon towered over Meowth and let out a loud roar. Meowth took a couple steps backward. So did Lisa.

"Whoa... it's huge!" Lisa looked with awe at her towering opponent.

Onix quickly started putting the squeeze on Meowth, encircling her with its long, serpentine body.

Now nervous and ripping holes in her pantyhose, the girl had no idea what to do. "Oh, no! Try to break free!" Lisa sputtered frantically as she tried to think of a way to salvage this match.

Meowth attempted to spray a Water Pulse at Onix, but the huge rock snake just twisted around so that Meowth only struck the ground. As its grip tightened, Meowth was visibly in pain and getting weaker by the second.

"Stop the match," Lisa cried. "I...I forfeit..." she said, falling to her knees.

"The challenger has forfeited the match. Onix and Gym Leader Roy are the winners."

"Good job, Onix!" Roy recalled it.

"I'm so sorry, Meowth... You did your best..." Lisa called back her injured Pokémon.

Roy went over to Lisa as she finally stood up. "Listen, Lisa, I know you're feeling down about this, but don't give up. I've seen too many trainers who have given up their training after losing to me. I suppose that's one of the breaks of being the first gym in line."

"No, but you're right... I can't give up... I made promises to myself and to the Pokémon League..." Lisa said, clearly exhausted.

"Perhaps it was unfair of me to battle you today. You're clearly wiped out from battling Team Thrash at their camp and at the university. I was informed by the Pokémon League of your recent victories. And I am sure you can battle much better than you did today with proper rest. I wish to battle you again when you are rested and at your peak. I would also like to invite you to dinner at my house, right next door. You should probably go back to your room and rest up a bit first. I'll meet you at about 5:00. That girl who battled me before you will also be there."

"Oh yeah, I know her. She beat me too, earlier..."

"Well, I will see you later."

"Okay, see you tonight." Lisa walked toward the gym's exit, her head hung low.

As Lisa exited the gym, she was met by Alexis.

"So, how did it go?"

"I lost... I can't believe I made so many stupid mistakes..." Lisa broke down and started to cry.

Alexis did her best to console the downtrodden Lisa. "Hey, don't worry about it. He's tough. It's not everyone that can defeat a Gym Leader on the first try. Besides, you need some rest. I'll see you at dinner tonight!"

"Bye..." Lisa said with a huge yawn. She went to the Pokémon Center. A male attendant took a look at Lisa's injured Pokémon.

"Please… help my Pokémon. They were hurt badly in a Gym battle and I'm worried."

The man looked over the Pokémon quickly and replied, "Don't worry. Roy's a tough battler, but he'd never battle an opponent to near death. Just a few minutes and they should be fine."

"Thanks a lot," Lisa answered, turning her attention to the TV.

"In college football news, the tenth ranked Tigers lost their Thursday night game 24-7 as Tech simply ran over them…"

"Yeah, just like Roy ran over me today…"

She decided to walk over to the other side of the lobby, away from other trainers and the TV. As Lisa waited, she replayed the battle in her mind. She was embarrassed. But more than that, she was mad at herself. "So many stupid mistakes! I made too many dumb calls that I never should have! Just like a certain team who just shot themselves in the foot…"

Her Pokémon were fully healed up and returned to her after about a half hour. She apologized to her Pokémon about losing the battle, tears welling up as she started to break down again. All of her Pokémon attempted to comfort Lisa except Nidorino, who just stuck its nose up in the air.

"Pathetic. Simply pathetic," said Nidorino to the other Pokémon.

"What is your problem?" asked Meowth. "You were the one who claimed that she would go crazy and start abusing us after she lost a battle. Well, look at her! She feels terrible about losing!"

"Yeah, because her precious ego was crushed. She doesn't care about you, only her precious reputation."

The cat Pokémon sighed. "There you go, jumping to conclusions again…"

"Worse yet, she can't even battle properly!"

"Well, maybe if you actually tried to help out…"

"Look, honey," Nidorino interrupted, "I battle the way I see fit. Ain't no stupid human gonna tell me what to do."

"Call me 'honey' again," Meowth started, "and you're gonna…"

"Don't bother with him," interjected Koffing, putting herself between the two quarreling Pokémon. "He won't give that girl a chance. We really need to help her get her spirits up."

"Fine, do as you wish," growled the other Poison-type. "I really don't care."

Over by Lisa, Spheal and Pidgeotto were looking over their depressed trainer.

"It'll be okay," said Spheal. "Besides, ya can't expect to win 'em all, y'know? So, let's get feeling better and get some yummy food!"

Pidgeotto cooed softly. "Don't worry. I know that battling's a tough business. It takes a lot out of you. As long as you tried your hardest, you should be able to hold your head high, knowing you gave it your best. At least, that's the way it worked in the forest. I don't know if trainers follow the same teachings, but it certainly wouldn't hurt."

Meowth and Koffing had left Nidorino to stew in his own anger, coming over to Lisa's side to lend some support. The floating purple Pokémon started, "At least you're not like my old trainer. He would get really angry and go crazy if his Pokémon ever lost. And I didn't see the battle, but it must've been a tough one. As long as you gave it a full effort, that's all that should matter."

The kitten said, "Poor girl. She's always been like this – stressing out over everything. Even when she wasn't battling, if her outfit wasn't perfect, or if she brought the wrong books to the professor's place when she came to help her out, she would start beating herself up over it. I really think she's a sweet girl, but I don't think she realizes that "everyone makes mistakes" includes her. And I think it's going to be a tough lesson for her to learn. But we have to help her out by supporting her in times like this." Meowth slowly began massaging Lisa's lower back with her paws.

Lisa finally looked up. Rubbing Pidgeotto and Meowth gently, she told them, "Thanks, guys. Thanks a lot. Hopefully next time we can manage a victory." After regaining her composure, Lisa recalled her Pokémon and proceeded to her hotel. The desk clerk stopped her in the lobby.

"Wait, Lisa! Somebody from the college dropped by and wanted to give you this as a prize for winning the math contest."

She handed Lisa a large egg, this one colored silver with a white triangular pattern and red circles throughout. "I believe that will eventually hatch into a Pokémon if you keep it with you."

"Oh, cool! Thanks!" With this new prize, Lisa was starting to feel better about herself. "Hey, at least I'm good at something! And maybe this new Pokémon will help me out in a big way!" She read the attached note.

"To Lisa Northwood: This Pokémon Egg is a special prize for winning the Fourtix Calculus Challenge. The Pokémon has been specially bred and is like very few other Pokémon of its species. You'll see just how rare it is when it hatches. Good luck on your future endeavors!"

Lisa thought to herself, "Man! How could I forget to pick this up? Good thing they were able to find out where I was staying and get it to me. I may be a genius, but I can be so scatterbrained sometimes!"
 

Bay

6,385
Posts
17
Years
You better be ready for a long battle, but even more importantly, your bonds with your Pokémon must be as hard as a rock. Wait, does that sound too much like a Chevy Truck commercial?"

"No, not at all. They haven't used 'Like A Rock' in years."
Gawds, I missed those 'Like A Rock' commercials. D:

Haha, I enjoyed the math quiz scene when I read it in the original version and I quite like it again! XD

The battle I like also, especially poor Spheal rolling all over the place and Lisa pulling her pantyhose! :P I also like this version of the aftermath battle better than last version. Once again, nice you expand on Nidorino's reasons for not obeying Lisa and the other Pokemon trying to comfort her.

If you're wonder, no, I won't tell anyone what's inside that egg. :P

There are a few things I want to mention:
A man in his early twenties sat down next to Lisa in the building's auditorium. The man wore a long white lab coat and blue jeans. It was clear to Lisa that he had not showered in some time. Upon seeing Lisa and her name tag, he scoffed and snorted. "Well, Miss Lisa," he said mockingly, "don't you think you're a little young to be here? Why don't you try the baby math league; it may be more your speed. I guarantee that after the first round, you'll be outta here!"
I think the bolded part you could have showed more how Lisa is disgusted by the man's smell, like mentioning how Lisa's wrinkled her nose, the teenager covering her nose and moved a few inches away from him, etc. Also, that would be a funny scene to read. :P

The small Pokémon cried out in pain after each of its hard contacts with a rock.
Each of its hard what? ^^;

"Meowth, you're my last hope. Please, try your best!" Lisa pleaded, almost in tears.

"Now, finish this battle with Rock Throw!"

As rocks came in toward Meowth, she used them as stepping stones, then fired a powerful Water Pulse at Geodude, scoring a direct hit. Geodude emerged still conscious, but ended up ramming into several stones by itself, completely lost in confusion. Meowth hit the small rocky creature with another shot of brilliant blue liquid then just sat back and watched her foe batter itself until Geodude collapsed out of exhaustion.
I don't know, but this part seems weird you didn't mention Meowth being released. It's as if Meowth entered out of thin air. You could have put something like, "Lisa pleaded while releasing Meowth, almost in tears."

Nice to come down to memory lane once more. :D Once more, nice chapter and liked the revision. Can't wait to see the changes next chapter!
 

Elite Overlord LeSabre™

On that 'Non stop road'
9,876
Posts
16
Years
Gawds, I missed those 'Like A Rock' commercials. D:
Nowadays, I haven't seen any Chev Truck commercials, period. Except on YouTube.
I still prefer, "Wouldn't You Really Rather Have A Buick" though:P

Haha, I enjoyed the math quiz scene when I read it in the original version and I quite like it again! XD
That's the one thing you won't find in any fan-fiction :P

The battle I like also, especially poor Spheal rolling all over the place and Lisa pulling her pantyhose! :P I also like this version of the aftermath battle better than last version. Once again, nice you expand on Nidorino's reasons for not obeying Lisa and the other Pokemon trying to comfort her.
Yup, one of the new things I've added, especially early on, are the conversations between Pokemon that were so popular in the late stages of the story.

I think the bolded part you could have showed more how Lisa is disgusted by the man's smell, like mentioning how Lisa's wrinkled her nose, the teenager covering her nose and moved a few inches away from him, etc. Also, that would be a funny scene to read. :P
True. Stinky people are always funny XD

Each of its hard what? ^^;
Contact with the wall, i.e., hitting it. Maybe "impacts" would have been clearer:/

I don't know, but this part seems weird you didn't mention Meowth being released. It's as if Meowth entered out of thin air. You could have put something like, "Lisa pleaded while releasing Meowth, almost in tears."
I probably meant to mention how she appeared from the ball in a flash of red light, but it somehow never got mentioned... I'll edit it in when I have more time :P

Nice to come down to memory lane once more. :D Once more, nice chapter and liked the revision. Can't wait to see the changes next chapter!
Yeah, and this time, you get to review from the start instead of at around chapter 50 :P

Be at least a week before the next chapter! See y'all!
 

Dragonfree

Teh Spwriter. :3
1,290
Posts
19
Years
I think I'll actually pop in to review this chapter because I actually read it on Serebii ages ago and took some particular issues with it. Might as well follow the fic from here on PC, I guess.

Lisa followed Lorelei out then headed back to the Comfort Inn while Lorelei made her way to a parking lot. Back in her room, the young trainer took a quick shower. After getting clean, Lisa put her nightgown on and settled in the room's comfortable king-sized bed.
This is a really odd chapter beginning. This would work as the last paragraph of chapter six, since having the main character go to bed is a natural way to end a chapter, but as a chapter beginning, this is really random and unnecessary and feels really jarring.

The next morning, Lisa got dressed up early. She wore a red blouse, over which she wore a black suit jacket, a matching skirt, a pair of sheer pantyhose, and her other black dress shoes, these ones without open toes. Instead of her white hat, she tied her hair back with a purple scrunchy.
That's... nice? We really don't need to read a list of the clothes she's wearing; it's not relevant and won't help us picture anything interesting.

A man in his early twenties sat down next to Lisa in the building's auditorium. The man wore a long white lab coat and blue jeans. It was clear to Lisa that he had not showered in some time. Upon seeing Lisa and her name tag, he scoffed and snorted. "Well, Miss Lisa," he said mockingly, "don't you think you're a little young to be here? Why don't you try the baby math league; it may be more your speed. I guarantee that after the first round, you'll be outta here!"

"Don't write equations your brain can't solve, pal. I'm not one to be taken lightly," she retorted.

"Just don't be shocked when you don't do as well as you thought you would," the geek snickered.
This is really, really clichéd - a random, smug, arrogant, smelly nerd (i.e. somebody we are immediately supposed to dislike) comes along and insults the main character, she makes a witty retort, and naturally the random nerd is really no good at math and Lisa is a genius. The only point of putting him here is to create a contrast between Lisa and this extremely exaggerated loser, just to make her look good. Things like this are why Lisa is so alarmingly Sueish - you seem to go out of your way to force the reader to cheer for her and specifically insert stuff like math contests just so she can go and win them, and the result is cheesy and unrealistic.

After time was called, the smug nerd whispered to Lisa, "Don't get too mad now. Remember, you're just a baby."
Oh, come on. Since we find out in a moment that he got no questions at all correct, he really should not be so smug anymore. I can buy a guy thinking he's really good at math and then completely blowing it when faced with some actual challenging problems, sure, but there is no way in hell he can solve twenty whole problems incorrectly and still think he did great. You've already established that he's smug and arrogant, anyway; you'd get the same effect across without this additional unrealism by simply showing him suddenly silenced and devastated after the time is up.

And of course Lisa wins. Yet again, why? Why is it so important to you to carefully establish in the story that Lisa is the greatest mathematical genius in the world ever? Does it matter? Does Lisa need to be the greatest mathematical genius in the world ever in the first place? If she just placed somewhere in the top ten, you could get the point of her being good at math across just fine, but no; you have to make her win, because just placing pretty high isn't impressive enough for your character, even though she's the youngest participant and has no actual experience with this competition. And to top it all off, she becomes a pi recitation champion too, even though reciting pi does not actually have anything to do with mathematical ability and is just giving her another genius skill. Wanting her to get the really rare prize for it does not excuse it.

At about 2:00 PM, Lisa emerged with two trophies in her hands. One read, "2006 Fourtix University Calculus Challenge Champion" and the other one read, "2006 Pi Recitation Champion." Several other people chatted with Lisa about her victory, including the rest of the top five contestants. Jon was especially impressed with Lisa's performance, commenting that, "It takes a smart person to outwit me, but it takes somebody truly incredible to outwit me at your age."
I've already complained about her winning these contests and being considered so amazing (I'm also a bit skeptical about the entire idea of awarding actual trophies in math competitions, much less pi recitation competitions, but eh), but actually my biggest issue with this is the time. As noted on the flyer about the contest in the previous chapter, the Calculus Challenge started at nine. There are four rounds to the contest, and we know the first two took one hour each (roughly; part two is technically fifty minutes but we'll allow some time for the results to be tallied and read), for two hours total. The pi recitation contest must have taken some time too; let's be charitable and say she managed to wrap up the Calculus Challenge, enter the pi recitation competition, participate along with everybody else and win it all in the space of one hour. This leaves two hours for the final two rounds of the Calculus Challenge, and I'll assume they're therefore one hour each. Let's see how they were described again...

Round three only had five questions, but were complex multi-step problems worth ten points each. But Lisa managed to receive a perfect score yet again, the only competitor to do so.

...

Round four was the most challenging, being the final round. There were only four questions, but each was extremely complicated and was worth twenty points each. Nobody got a perfect score. Lisa came closest, earning seventy-nine points out of eighty.
Round three's "complex multi-step problems" need to be solved in twelve minutes each. Round four's "extremely complicated" ones get fifteen minutes each. Now, you see, I was a participant in the International Mathematical Olympiad twice. There, the contest is split into two days, and on each day you get four and a half hours to solve three problems. Here you're telling me you have "extremely complicated" problems - something your mathematical genius Lisa considers extremely complicated, mind you - and are supposed to be solving them in the space of fifteen minutes each? Really complex math is not expected to take fifteen minutes for a participant to solve.

A man emerged from a back room. He was an older man, with graying hair. He wore gray cargo pants, a gray T-shirt, and a gray unzipped hoodie. Though not especially tall, the man still had an air of power and prestige.
This description is way too choppy. You're spending four sentences describing one guy emerging from a back room, and one of them is describing clothes, which as I said are really not very interesting features of a person. You could say everything of worth here in one sentence: "An older man, with graying hair, not especially tall but with an air of power and prestige, emerged from a back room." Or something like that.

"Greetings, I am Roy, the local gym leader. I believe in the awesome power and endurance of the Rock type. It allows us to endure strong attacks and remain in battle for the long haul. You better be ready for a long battle, but even more importantly, your bonds with your Pokémon must be as hard as a rock. Wait, does that sound too much like a Chevy Truck commercial?"

"No, not at all. They haven't used 'Like A Rock' in years."
This exchange would be made a lot more amusing by including more description of their expressions, postures, tones of voice and so on. It would work much better, for instance, if you had Roy pause before the commercial comment to give him time to reflect on what he just said, perhaps frowning or furrowing his brow, and then made him ask if it sounds too much like an advertisement.

The Gym Leader cannot substitute Pokémon, but the challenger may.
Why in the world is that? You're probably deriving this rule from the games, but even then, the only reason it's like that there is that the AI is pretty poor; it makes no sense as an actual rule in a realistically interpreted world. Heck, don't some of them switch Pokémon, anyway?

The surface of the Pokémon's body was not smooth at all, and it looked like pieces of its body had been chipped off in previous skirmishes.
Why "not smooth at all" rather than simply "rough" or "rugged"? There is no reason to describe in negatives unless there is no positive word for it or we have particular reason beforehand to think it would be smooth.

"Geodude: The Rock Pokémon. Geodude conceal themselves in rocky caves and either roll or use their arms to move."
...what is this? Does Lisa have her Pokédex out? Is Dirk saying it? What? Don't leave dialogue without a dialogue tag if it's not obvious who is talking. Here it's about as nonobvious as you can get.

Lisa called forth a light blue spherical Pokémon.
That sounds like she doesn't know what it is; if you just want to describe it, at least use "the" light blue spherical Pokémon. Describing it as "spherical" sounds rather odd, anyway, since that implies a perfect sphere; it would be better to go with "round" or something of the sort.

After some thought, the girl said, "Okay, we'll begin with a Water Gun!"
In general you make it seem like quite a few seconds pass from her calling Spheal out to actually ordering an attack (since Spheal has time to bark and "show off its rolling abilities" and she can spend some time thinking), which begs the question of why Roy hasn't ordered an attack already. Why would he go easy on her by waiting to let her attack first, particularly when he's at a severe type disadvantage?

One struck Spheal at an angle that sent it rolling. Spheal started to roll uncontrollably around the field, crashing into rocks and walls. The small Pokémon cried out in pain after each of its hard contacts with a rock.
This sounds rather physically impossible; at least you're making it sound like it rolls around quite a bit and crashes into quite a few rocks and walls. That would have to be one hard throw to achieve that, especially if Spheal is trying to stop rolling the whole time. Even a well-kicked soccer ball, which won't try to stop itself and has been directly kicked with a lot more force, will quickly stop rolling after bouncing off a wall a few times, and that's on a flat surface.

As rocks came in toward Meowth, she used them as stepping stones
...what? How? You're making it sound like she's using them as stepping stones in the air, which is simply nonsensical. o_O

"No, but you're right... I can't give up... I made promises to myself and to the Pokémon League..." Lisa said, clearly exhausted.
Why is Lisa exhausted? She hasn't been doing anything exhausting; she's been doing math all morning and then standing there watching the battle. All those ellipses are also making her sound like she's panting or trailing off. She can be upset, obviously, but exhausted is definitely not the right word.

"I lost... I can't believe I made so many stupid mistakes..." Lisa broke down and started to cry.
See, this really doesn't make sense. Lisa didn't make any stupid mistakes, and she of all people ought to realize that. Spheal lost to Geodude because Geodude managed to dodge a Water Gun and then somehow sent Spheal ricocheting around the room with a Rock Throw. Nidorino lost because he wouldn't obey her commands. Meowth lost because the Onix was obviously much more powerful than she was and was capable of beating her with a few squeezes of Bind that she couldn't possibly have escaped from since it could twist her so that she couldn't hit it with Water Pulse. Lisa did not give any orders that backfired, and her hesitation never resulted in a lost opportunity to attack. The loss was not her fault in any possible sense. If you want to establish her as really not being good at this, you need to make sure she is actually doing something poorly.

Now, a trainer who loses a battle in a manner such as this might think it's somehow all their fault if they have a low self-esteem and are prone to dramatics. But Lisa really isn't that kind of person. Usually she's extraordinarily (even kind of unrealistically) calm, cool, reasonable and confident. She's a bit vain and has something of an attitude. She's not used to losing. She feels in all respects like the kind of person who would be quick to look for the number of convenient excuses at her disposal, to blame Nidorino for not obeying her or conclude that her Pokémon just weren't strong enough yet - she is not the type to immediately conclude she just sucks that much, especially when there is very little reason to do so, and when she suddenly breaks down crying because she loses for reasons completely out of her control, it feels jarringly out of character. I know she did the same when she lost to Alexis, but it felt that way there too. It's an overblown reaction that just doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of her.

"Bye..." Lisa said with a huge yawn.
And now you're making her seem simply bored with the random yawn. What's with all the mood swings?

"Worse yet, she can't even battle properly!"

"Well, maybe if you actually tried to help out…"

"Look, honey," Nidorino interrupted, "I battle the way I see fit. Ain't no stupid human gonna tell me what to do."
Why is nobody calling him out on directly contradicting himself here, considering the only reason he didn't beat that Geodude is that he didn't follow Lisa's orders and just waited around until he was beaten? Really, that doesn't make a lot of sense to me either; during the battle I got the impression he refused to fight as an act of protest, but here he's implying he just wants to "battle the way he sees fit", raising the question of just why he didn't try to win the way he saw fit instead of just standing there and letting the Geodude slap him around.

Now, even though Lisa lost the battle, it does not lessen the Sue qualities of her character by much, both because she is not actually shown as being the one who made the mistakes in the battle even though the story seems to proceed to act like it anyway, and because the story immediately goes on to her Pokémon reassuring her and talking about how she did her best and how unlike Koffing's old trainer she feels horrible about losing and would never blame her Pokémon. It reduces the impact of her loss by making it into a device to talk about how great Lisa is in other ways, and since we never get the sense the loss was Lisa's fault to begin with, there is little left to it that actually brings Lisa down at all.

"To Lisa Northwood: This Pokémon Egg is a special prize for winning the Fourtix Calculus Challenge. The Pokémon has been specially bred and is like very few other Pokémon of its species. You'll see just how rare it is when it hatches. Good luck on your future endeavors!"
Oh, dear. And now whatever measure of Sueishness might possibly have been chipped away by the loss is back with a vengeance: she gets a special (probably shiny, judging from this passage) Pokémon because she's so great at math to make up for it all.

What's worse is that it makes no sense for the university to give out Pokémon eggs as prizes for the math contest - the entrants aren't necessarily trainers (heck, they probably aren't, since most of them are presumably university students and most trainers are younger kids), and what would a non-trainer do with a specially bred Pokémon? It's obvious that you picked the prize because you wanted to give whatever is in the egg to Lisa, not because it seems like a sensible prize for a math competition, and thus we run into the core of Suedom again: the world is written around Lisa to make her get cool stuff and gain ample opportunities to show off her exceptional skills even where they shouldn't be relevant. Why was there a math contest just when Lisa passed through? So that Lisa could win it. Why was there a pi recitation contest that day too? So that Lisa could win that, too. Why was there a Pokémon egg as a prize for the math contest? Because you wanted Lisa to get it. See how the world all seems to be built around her? Losing a couple of battles through no fault of her own just doesn't counteract stuff like this.

The end of the chapter also feels really abrupt and not like an end, though that's a rather minor nitpick.

So, basically, Lisa still feels achingly Sueish. I hope whatever emerges from that egg turns out to be useless and that she will start to show some actual personal incompetence at battling, since it seems you're trying to make her out to be not so great at that after all. Odds are, of course, since the whole fic is already written, whatever is in the egg couldn't be changed without major changes to the story and I respect that if that forces you to keep it as something cool, rare and powerful, but you really need to watch out for stuff like this, because this is the reason Lisa comes across as every bit as much of a Sue as she did back in the old version of the first couple of chapters. Making her lose a couple of battles and act a bit spoiled sometimes does not and will never magically fix it.
 
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Citrinin

Nephrotoxic.
2,778
Posts
14
Years
I come to this fic recommended by Bay, albeit a bit later than expected. :x It'll take a while for me to catch up, so for now, I'll be reviewing your older chapters. XD;

During one summer night in Fort Barnes, all was calm and quiet- perhaps too quiet.
This is a cliché. I recommend rewording it to something more original.

"You heard the boss. Where's the switch to shut off the security system?"

After flipping a switch on the wall using her head, Dr. Sequoia was forced to accompany the team to the lobby of the lab, with the leader still holding the barrel of his gun to her back. There, the group was able to rendezvous with the other infiltration team.
This seemed a little too convenient - why would the doctor have such ready access to a switch that shut off the entire security system? Perhaps you could have one member instead be responsible for hacking the security mainframe or simply cutting the wires - a little less original, but more realistic.

Overall, though, I enjoyed your prologue. I especially liked the description, and the line "Blast! For a Pokémon Lab, this place is seriously lacking in the Pokémon department." XD;
 
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Elite Overlord LeSabre™

On that 'Non stop road'
9,876
Posts
16
Years
Yeah, it's taken me awhile to reply because I was trying to word this correctly without sounding like a jerk. let's hope I succeed.

@Dragonfree: I can say that I agree with you on some points and disagree on others (they would change the very nature of the characters and story into something I never intended this story to be). However, it's essentially a moot point because at this stage, I'm done with this fan fiction. The rewrites that were done were wrapped up over five months ago, and I have not touched it since except to post, first on another forum and now on here. And I don't anticipate having any more fan fiction projects outside of the occasional one-shot. Even before finishing this up on SPPf, my interest in fan fiction as a whole started to wane, and at this point, I have next to no motivation for writing. This, combined with a fairly hectic schedule, all but ensures I won't be making any drastic changes to this. Right now, I'm essentially posting for those here who might enjoy it and to boost my postcount.

In short, thanks for taking the time to comment, but circumstances prevent me from making many of the changes you suggested:/

@Citrinin: Yeah, that is a pretty cliche start, and that's something that's minor enough that I might actually be motivated to change someday:P

As for the security kill switch, I envisioned it more like the keypad terminal that comes with home security systems like ADT and Broadview Security (The next generation of Brinks Home Security!) that the user can use to deactivate the entire system. Plus, since it's in the deepest part of the lab...

Thanks for reviewing!

As for the next chapter, its timing is unknown. I'm waiting for one more review to come in before I post the next chapter. It could be in a few days, or it could be a few weeks.
 

Haruka of Hoenn

Rolling writer
297
Posts
16
Years
Too bad I missed almost half of your fic when I started reviewing :/ Oh well, now is a good time to catch up. (BTW: Before I started revewing, I actually read some of these, so 7 is familiar to me.)


Soo, the chapter starts out with a math competition, then ends with a Gym battle. All in one day :P I didn't spot anything major in this chapter, and I completely understand your reply to Dragonfree. I also love the bit with the talking Pokemon :) It gives more insight into their personalities and thoughts, especially in the moments when I'm wondering what the heck they're thinking :P


And aww, Lisa gets an egg :) I already know what's inside of it, since I've read your later chapters. But don't worry, I won't tell anyone >:0

I'll be waiting for 8!
 

Elite Overlord LeSabre™

On that 'Non stop road'
9,876
Posts
16
Years
Thanks for the comment and for not spoiling! About time I got 8 posted :P

Chapter 8: In the House of Stone

A large mass of at least a thousand were gathered in a huge conference room. Scrolls and tapestries were set up throughout, and at the head of the room, a temporary "altar" was set up, complete with white candles and a podium. On the altar was a decorative red shield with a white script "T" insignia. The man at the altar was dressed entirely in red, his face hidden by the huge robe he wore.

"Welcome, friends, to today's sermon. As followers of The Holy Religion of the Ancient Society of Hirojuto, I, as your prophet and messiah, extend my warmest regards. Unfortunately, I must inform you that a major threat to the creation of our ideal society has revealed itself."

Murmurs could be heard throughout the entire congregation. The preacher interrupted all discussion by raising his right hand. All in the room came to attention.

"This new threat is far worse than the foolish governments and Pokémon Leagues who refuse to accept our teachings. No, I am speaking of the devil incarnate, who has officially made contact with some of our wandering missionaries."

"Devil incarnate?! What do you mean by that, Your Holiness?"

The man at the altar leaned forward in order to project his already commanding voice. "Just as I am a messenger of God and communicate between Him and you, my followers, Satan also has his own earthly messenger, who has been charged to stand against our God and all that He preaches. According to our missionaries who have had contact with this messenger of Satan, the evil one has taken the guise of a teenage girl. She has been seen in the company of members of the Pokémon League."

Fear and panic now gripped the entire congregation. Followers exchanged nervous glances and uttered phrases like, "Pokémon League? Definitely no good!"

"As I have revealed before, the Pokémon League has committed countless sins against us, and have allied with Satan. And this girl has associated herself with them. In addition, this girl reportedly is very skilled at the use of mathematics and the sciences. Beware if you have any contact with her, as she will try to use those tools of mathematics and sciences to convince you that God's teachings are wrong. The girl also is in possession of a Meowth, whose evolved form is said to be the preferred Pokémon of Satan and his minions. This is clear, irrefutable evidence that this particular girl is the messenger of Satan, and we must stop at nothing to destroy her and expunge Satan's presence from our world! I understand that this is a vague warning, but I will be gathering more information on this individual through our missionaries. Now, rise and we shall profess our allegiance to our Brotherhood and God's word!"
*********

Lisa headed up to her room and took a quick shower. She put on a green dress with a white floral print, a dark blue jacket, a pair of white stockings, and her open-toe shoes. Lisa flipped on the TV and went through the channels.

"If someone has caused you injury, call me right now! I'll crush every penny out of them that I possibly can! I'm Larry "The Knockout" Jones! In court, I'm not just your lawyer. I'm the nastiest SOB around, and you'll want a nasty SOB on your side for this battle! So call me right now at…"

"Trade in whatever piece of junk you drive for an $8000 minimum trade! Here's Liz from West Bluefield!"

"I couldn't believe it! West Town Kia paid me $8000 for my old '74 Pinto that went toward a brand new Sedona! Thanks, West Town Kia…"

Finding nothing decent on TV, Lisa headed over to Roy's house, Pokémon and her egg in tow.

Over dinner, Roy, Lisa, Dirk, and Alexis started some engaging conversation.

"Lisa, you do understand that every Gym Leader has been informed by the Pokémon League of your attempts to bring down Thrash. However, don't expect them to go easy on you. In fact they might be a bit harder on you to adequately prepare you for tough Thrash battles."

"Well, I wouldn't want it any other way. Even though losing does sting…" Lisa trailed off.

"You see, Team Thrash's best admins could pose a bigger challenge than any of us could. It's not that they're better trainers – they're not – but it's because they play by their own rules. They'll fight you five-on-one, they'll use chemicals to alter their Pokémon..."

"And they're armed to the teeth with military grade firearms."

"Right. However, there is something special about you. Even though you were battling while tired, I still sensed that you have a strong bond with most of your Pokémon, Nidorino being the exception. But that's to be expected when you first catch a Pokémon that didn't go willingly. Plus, the Nidorino species is aggressive by nature. Otherwise, though, you do appear quite skilled at raising and training Pokémon, and I believe that the Pokémon G-Men saw that in you as well. I am certain you can go far. Just don't give up. You will win some battles and lose some others. It's just part of the Pokémon training experience." Roy seemed like a much nicer guy outside the gym.

Lisa started to blush. "Thanks. And don't worry. I made so many promises and I will not let my family, my friends, or the Pokémon League down. I can accept losses from most people, but I can't afford to lose against Team Thrash."

"That is true. If you fall in battle to them they will most likely take you prisoner... or worse."

Alexis added, "Lisa, you're a great person who cares deeply for your Pokémon, and you're highly intelligent. None of us could even compete in that math competition, much less win. And you obviously have a strong drive to reach your goals. With those attributes combined, you've got what it takes to become a top-class trainer, and you've got the skills to take down those Thrash clowns. Don't worry, I'll have your back if you need it. Here's my number. Feel free to call if you need me."

"Thanks a lot, everyone."

"Now, Lisa, I want you to get a good night's sleep tonight. If you are still tired in the morning, don't challenge me until you get fully rested. Our rematch will be much more satisfying that way."

"Okay, gotcha. By the way, how good are you guys at Mario Kart?" Lisa had noticed Roy's GameCube and copy of "Double Dash" in the living room.

After a night of kicking Mario Kart butt and taking Mario Kart names, Lisa headed back to the hotel and Alexis went back to the Pokémon Center. Lisa slipped into her nightgown and neatly draped her outfit over the back of the room's leather office chair before settling into a good night's sleep. Her alarm clock went off at 9:00 but Lisa slept right through it.
*******

Atop a huge high-rise building sat an elegant penthouse with marble flooring, crystal chandeliers, expansive windows, and huge decorative pillars. A tall man, his face completely obscured by a red hood and cloak, sat in a huge black leather recliner behind a massive steel desk. A huge red plaque reading "Thrash Brotherhood" in elegant gold script hung on the wall behind him. Facing the man were a dozen individuals, some in the red Thrash uniform, some not. They stood before their superior, awaiting their next mission.

The figure behind the desk began speaking in an electronically altered, Darth Vader-esque voice, sans the heavy breathing. "As exceptionally effective members of the Brotherhood, you twelve have been selected to advance our cause by seeking assistance and information in other regions. Now, here is your mission, therefore it is advised that you listen closely and that you do not fail, otherwise there shall be dire consequences. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes, sir!" the agents replied in unison, not wanting to show any signs of weakness.

Calmly and methodically, the leader revealed their objective. "Your assigned mission will be code-named Operation Kanto Investigation. You shall depart for it as soon as our Orre operatives return with their objectives completed. You will report to our production factory and storage facility and wait there until I inform you that we will be commencing the mission. Then you shall fly to the Kanto region using the Brotherhood's private jets. There you will seek out information regarding the now-defunct Team Rocket's Pokémon genetic alteration experiments, and capture the resultant specimens if you are able to do so. I have sent each of you documentation via inter-office mail with specific locations I want you to investigate. I shall be awaiting news of your success. You are officially dismissed. But bring in Betty and Fred; I need to have a word with them regarding their recent failures."

The agents filed out of the penthouse. Fred and Betty were nervously pacing back and forth outside, dreading their scheduled meeting with their boss. One of the other agents told them, "The boss will meet with you now. I wish you the best of luck."
*********

When she finally woke up, Lisa put on the same outfit she wore to dinner the previous night and headed to Roy's gym at about 2:00 in the afternoon. She had the chance to sleep late and was ready to show Roy a hot battle. She stepped into the gym.

"Lisa, I trust you're ready this time. I won't hold anything back, and I don't want you to, either. Dirk, shall we begin?"

"Sure thing. The match between Gym Leader Roy and Lisa Northwood will begin. Three Pokémon each in a one-on-one battle. Only the challenger can substitute Pokémon. Begin!"

"Go, Geodude!"

"This is it," Lisa thought. "I can't lose like yesterday. I have to give it my all."

Lisa grabbed a Pokéball from her purse and lobbed it onto the rocky battlefield. Lisa's spherical ice Pokémon emerged from it.

"Okay, Spheal, you're up! Water Gun!"

The battle started out just like last time, with Geodude hiding behind some rocks. The volleys of water splashed harmlessly off the barrier.

"Not again…" thought Lisa, gritting her teeth.

"Rock Throw now!" commanded Roy as he pointed at Lisa's Ice-type.

"Duuude!" The rocky gray Pokémon began picking up rocks and heaving them at Spheal as he watched the incoming projectiles.

Spheal started rolling to avoid the rocks. Lisa realized she needed to capitalize on her Pokémon's movements. But it wasn't long before she came up with a plan. A smile forming on her face, she commanded, "Okay, Spheal, let's turn this into an Ice Ball!"

Spheal encased himself in a layer of ice as he continued to bounce off the jagged rocks that lined the gym, instantly freezing them.

Lisa was now ready to implement the next stage of her strategy. "Okay, jump up and stop rolling! Launch Water Gun!" she called out.

Spheal got some air from a ramp-like rock formation, then proceeded to shoot Water Gun attacks at each of the flash-frozen rocks, shattering them into thousands of shards and eventually destroying the one where Geodude was taking cover.

"All right! We've eliminated all hiding spots! Now it's time for Water Gun!"

"Nice work getting rid of Geodude's cover," Roy complimented. "But this is far from over."

Geodude dodged the first two shots but was hit directly by the third blast of water. The strike knocked the hard-skinned gray Pokémon to the ground. It slowly began to struggle back into contention.

"Nice work!" Lisa called out. "Now let's finish it!"

Spheal released two more liquid blasts while Geodude was down. Both found their mark, hammering Geodude with more watery fury. The rocky Pokémon remained on the floor, but was now motionless. It made no motion to get back up.

"Geodude is unable to battle. Spheal is the winner!"

"Awesome work! We did it!" Lisa cheered, jumping up in excitement.

The middle-aged Gym Leader already had his next Pokémon at the ready. "Let's try Aron! Go!"

Roy sent out a tiny Pokémon with blue eyes and a shiny armor-like outer coat. Its hard exterior was speckled with small circular holes that resembled black spots. The Pokémon's face showed no emotion.

"Aron, the iron armor Pokémon. Aron's thick armor allows it to destroy objects twenty times its own size with a well placed Tackle."

"I'm switching for now. Spheal, return! Nidorino, you're up!" Lisa was nervously shaking as she threw her Pokéball into the battle.

"Okay, hopefully my strategy will pan out…" Sending out the disobedient Pokémon was certainly a risk, but the girl hoped that she could use his violent temperament to her advantage.

Predictably, Nidorino snorted and looked away from the battle as well as Lisa, holding his head high arrogantly.

Roy's demeanor was noticeably different from the dinner the night before. Smirking, and with his hands on his hips, he shouted, "Ha! Looks like your Nidorino still refuses to respond to you! Aron, Tackle!"

Lisa smiled. "I hypothesize that Nidorino's not going to attack unless provoked. So I'll just let him get first strike and fall right into my hands."

As soon as Aron landed a charging hit on the purple creature, Nidorino rushed right into battle and executed a Double Kick that sent the armored Pokémon sliding backward.

Nidorino's sudden burst of energy took Roy by surprise, as he watched the attack with eyes and mouth hanging wide open. Taking a moment to regain his composure, the Gym leader game his next attack order. "Tackle it into the air and juggle it with Metal Claw!"

Lisa did not bother issuing a command. Knowing Nidorino would act on his own anyway, she decided to save her voice.

Aron charged in for another attack, but Nidorino jabbed its horn into one of the holes in Aron's armor, then flung his head around, eventually sending the tiny silver Pokémon flying and crashing against the wall. Nidorino began growling angrily as he pointed his ears straight into the air. Lisa could also see that her Pokémon was baring his teeth.

As Aron got back up, the enraged Poison-type quickly charged in and delivered two more quick kicks. The Poison-type's rampage left Aron unconscious.

"Aron is unable to battle. Nidorino wins!" Dirk announced.

"I am impressed so far, Lisa. Your head is certainly in the game this time around, but you'll still need to find a way past my trump card! Onix, you're up!" Roy pitched out a Pokéball containing his prized Pokémon. The huge gray snake batted Nidorino aside with its long, jagged serpentine body.

This preemptive strike did nothing to calm Nidorino's rage. He let out the loudest roar that Lisa had heard from him yet, and proceeded to launch his assault.

Lisa smirked. "When Nidorino gets mad, he's something fierce!"

Nidorino delivered two swift kicks to the rock snake but Onix slammed its tail on Nidorino, then used a sweeping motion to send him flying toward a wall. Nidorino made no attempt to get back up, as he appeared completely exhausted.

"No! Nidorino!" Lisa recalled her fallen Pokémon, quivering a bit.

"Nidorino is unable to battle. Onix is the winner."

Lisa weighed her options, rubbing her chin in thought. "Spheal, it's time I brought you back in here! Use Water Gun!"

The blue Ice-type reemerged, happily barking and eager to rejoin the fray. He opened his mouth and shot out several small volleys of light blue water. Onix used its tail to try to block the incoming attack. Lisa could see that Onix had taken some damage, as it seemed to reel a bit from the hit. But then, before Spheal could react, Onix used a sweeping tail motion to knock Spheal around the gym.

"Spheal, try to get some air to stop rolling! Then use Water Gun!" yelled Lisa, struggling to stay composed – and keep her fidgety hands from ripping her pantyhose.

Without a rocky ramp to boost him like last time, Spheal used his two front legs to boost himself into the air, then shot a Water Gun at Onix.

"Onix, Dig now!" commanded the Gym Leader, pointing at the ground.

Before the attack was able to hit, Onix had disappeared underground, leaving displaced dirt and a gaping hole in its wake. Spheal landed, and the ground began to shake. Onix reappeared right under Spheal and slammed into him from below, sending him skyward. He eventually came down with a huge crash.

Lisa began sweating and pulling at her dress. "Oh, no! Are you okay, Spheal?" Despite her yells, the Ice-type couldn't muster the energy to get back up.

"Spheal is unable to battle."

Still sweating, Lisa pulled out her Luxury Ball. "Meowth, I'm counting on you. Give it your all!"

In a burst of light, Lisa's little cat Pokémon appeared, meowing loudly and staring down her much larger foe with her large eyes. The Gym's light reflected off the gold coin on her forehead, creating an almost blinding burst of light.

"It's come down to our last Pokémon! Who will win?" Roy asked the nervous Lisa, who was fidgeting with her dress, knees shaking.

Lisa soon regained her composure. She had thought up a plan." We'll begin this show with a Water Pulse!"

"Onix, Dig!"

Meowth's first Water Pulse was thin and didn't look too strong. Before the kitten's shot of water could hit, Onix crashed through the ground and disappeared. The liquid splashed harmlessly off a wall.

"Too slow!' Roy taunted.

"Meowth, you know what to do," Lisa said with a smirk.

"Meeeowth!" Meowth nodded and approached the hole, then started using her Water Pulse and Pay Day attacks to plug up the hole where Onix was hiding. The ground started to shake and Meowth jumped aside with plenty of time to avoid Onix as it finally broke through a layer of earth, concrete, and coins, getting splashed with water in the process. It let out howls as it emerged, sending coins and debris flying in all directions.

Meowth quickly hit it with a somewhat stronger Water Pulse than before, and the force of the pulsating attack ended up sending the giant stone snake crashing backwards. With a roar, Onix smashed into a wall, sending pieces of concrete flying.

"It's not over by a long shot! Onix, Bind it now!" commanded Roy. The Onix recovered and quickly used its long body to wrap up Meowth. As it continued to put the squeeze on Meowth, Lisa feared the battle would end the same way as before.

As Meowth cried out in pain, Lisa looked on, still pulling on her dress and quivering. But Lisa soon came up with a brainstorm about how to deal with the situation. She stopped shaking and her panicked look slowly morphed into a smirk.

"Meowth, use Water Pulse straight up into the air!"

Meowth did that, and the water rained down directly on both Pokémon as gravity took over. The small cat Pokémon seemed to be hurt a bit by the raining water, but with her fur now soaking wet, she was able to slip right out from Onix's Bind.

Once free, she let loose wave after wave of rippling watery fury at her foe. Onix crashed through the floor to avoid the water but Meowth ran over to the hole and sprayed more Water Pulse blasts into it. Lisa could hear the giant stone snake was starting to come back above the ground.

"We've got 'em on the run now!" Lisa observed.

The huge Pokémon emerged from its hiding spot, ramming into Meowth and sending her flying. While in midair, the cat managed one final hit with a well-developed blast of water. Onix howled in pain before succumbing to the attack. As it slammed on the Gym's floor, its heavy body sent up a cloud of dust and debris. Meowth neatly landed on her two feet next to the fallen Rock-type.

"Onix is unable to battle. The winner is Meowth and Lisa!"

"All right! We did it! The first badge is ours!" Lisa jumped up and pumped a fist in the air.

"Meowth meowth!"

Roy approached Lisa. "I knew that if you just focused on the battle, you would be able to win. You used your head to come up with strategies that were able to beat even my defenses. Now, I believe this is yours. Here is the official Pokémon League Pebble Badge along with this carrying case for your badges. Now, I wish you the best of luck as you continue to train and grow stronger. Perhaps we will meet again someday."

"Thank you. My first Gym battle. It will be something to remember."

Lisa bid Roy and Dirk farewell before heading to the Pokémon Center for a quick refresh. Then Lisa, with Meowth in tow, headed out toward the east and the next destination.

Passing by a sign that read "Route 504", Lisa looked toward the horizon, and only saw a huge mountain range. This, apparently, was the southern part of the mountain range that separated Fourtix from Orre to the north. Looking ahead, the road was dirt as usual, but it was well-kept and a meandering stream flowed alongside the path. Small pools of blue water could be seen scattered along the entire path. At the path's end was another foreboding mountain range.

The path seemed relaxing enough, though, and Lisa started to make her way east. She soon came across a girl training over in some bushes. When the girl saw her, she ran out to the path to meet Lisa. The other girl wore a green top and a blue denim skirt. Waving and running her hands through her black hair, she introduced herself.

"My name is Shannon. I'm good friends with Alexis. In fact, we've been best friends since we were only two! She's told me an awful lot about you."

"Really? What has she been saying?"

"That you're a good up-and-coming trainer who has a lot of potential. And the fact that you're doing the whole Pokémon journey thing wearing high heels… that takes guts."

"Thanks," Lisa replied, rubbing the back of her head. "My feet are hurting like heck, but that's the price I'm willing to take so that I look my best."

"What do you say to a quick battle? One Pokémon each."

"Okay, sounds good. I'll be using Meowth."

"Nidoran, I choose you!" Lisa had seen this Pokémon before – it was part of the group of Pokémon that Nidorino was trying to protect when he first attacked her. Shannon's Nidoran was colored blue and only had a tiny spike on its head as opposed to a full-blown horn Various spots of dark blue were speckled on her body..

"Nidoran, the poison pin Pokémon: The female Nidoran prefers defense over offense. Though its horns are smaller than the male's, both inject poison of the same intensity."

"Watch out for it, and use Scratch!"

"Meow!" Meowth quickly rushed in and slashed at the Nidoran. The opponent let out a squeak as it recoiled from the attack, but it recovered and performed a rapid kicking attack with its front legs. Both Pokémon jumped backwards after the strike, Meowth wobbling a bit.

"You're doing good so far," Lisa said. "Just need to keep up the attacks! Let's try Water Pulse!"

Steadying her feet, Meowth released an intense beam of blue liquid with pulses of energy running throughout it. It looked to Lisa as if the battle against Roy had helped Meowth develop her skills with Water Pulse almost to perfection.

"Good hit!" complimented Lisa. "Wow, she's looking really good with using that water now!"

The small blue opponent was struck directly in the head, but it managed to shake off the water. Nidoran came rushing at Meowth with its claws ready, delivering a hard Scratch before the cat forced it backward with a claw strike of her own. Both claw attacks left visible marks on the other battler, though the scratches were mostly on the surface. They didn't appear to affect their stamina at all.

"Now give it a Fury Swipes!"

"Poison Sting!" Shannon yelled, pointing at Meowth.

The cat struck first, delivering a quick series of slashes and swipes at the tiny scaly foe. The Nidoran reacted with a flurry of needles shot out from the small spikes on its back. A good number of these needles hit Meowth, who fell to the ground. A strange purple liquid began bubbling out of the puncture point where one of Nidoran' barbs had struck Meowth.

The kitten picked herself up fairly quickly, but something was noticeably wrong with Meowth. She seemed sluggish and dizzy, struggling to stand up and stumbling about. Her eyes became glassy and red, and she had trouble keeping her eyelids open.

"Meowth, are you okay?" Lisa looked on, wide-eyed and concerned.

"Now use Double Kick!"

Still staggering, Meowth took a direct hit, falling backward to the ground. Now nervous and pulling on her skirt, Lisa took out Meowth's Luxury Ball and called her back. "Sorry, but I've gotta forfeit! Something's really wrong with Meowth and I'm not gonna risk it keeping her out!"

"All right, looks like this battle's over!" Shannon recalled her Nidoran and walked over to Lisa. "It must be poisoned. Happens a lot when you battle Poison-types. Here, let it out of its ball and give it this." She handed Lisa a small bottle. "It's an antidote used to help cure poison. I'd advise picking up some next time you go shopping."

"Yeah, I probably should…" Lisa released her Meowth from her ball, gave her some of the antidote in the bottle, then called her back. She figured it wasn't a good idea to keep her Pokémon outside, especially in the condition she was in now.

"That will tide it over for a little while but we must get it back to the Pokémon Center fast. It looked like an especially adverse reaction to the poison. There's a Center at the base of the mountain. That one's closer than the one in town."

The two girls ran down the path. Soon enough, they could see the center's roof on the horizon.

"There it is – the Pokémon Center."

"Okay, thanks…" Lisa replied between heavy breaths.

Once inside the building, Lisa left her Pokémon to be refreshed by the center's attendant. The man assured her that her Meowth would be fine after treatment, and she took a seat next to Shannon. It wasn't long before Lisa started to break down and cry.

"Lisa, what's wrong?" Shannon asked.

"Sorry, it's… it's nothing… But I've lost my third battle now and I haven't been training for a week yet. Is… is there something wrong with me?"

"Not at all. Lisa, at some point everyone loses a battle. And when you're first starting out, you have to figure there's gonna be more experienced trainers. Don't worry about it, you'll be fine."

Lisa looked up and gave a small smile, still with some tears in her brown eyes. "You know, Alexis gave me almost the same talk just the other day at her house."

"You know, I wouldn't doubt it." Shannon glanced at her watch. "Hey, sorry, I can't stay any longer. I've gotta be on my way. However, I spoke with Alexis and she wants the three of us to meet at the Pokémon Center in the next town, on the other side of the mountain."

"Geez, I hope I don't have to hike up it."

"No, no, there's a cave called Express Tunnel that was bored right through the mountain. Watch it, though. It's poorly lighted and there's plenty of places for a girl in heels to trip over rocks – or even Pokémon."

'Thanks for the advice. I'll see you in the next town, then!"

"Yup. I'll see you then. Bye, Lisa!"

After waving to her new friend, Lisa headed into the restroom to change clothes. Now she wore a red T-shirt, a ruffled purple skirt, and sheer pantyhose, along with her open-toe shoes. After receiving her Pokémon she headed out, quickly found the cave's entrance, and headed inside. As soon as she was in, however, she spotted a familiar figure, and hid behind a rock.

Her nemesis, Tommy, was on the phone with someone. Fortunately, he had the volume turned up so Lisa could eavesdrop on the conversation. The girl figured that the old man's hearing was starting to go bad.

A familiar voice started speaking, and Lisa recalled that this same one that she heard back at the university. She listened in. The voice on the other end boomed, "Listen, father, we have a problem. I have sent some agents to Orre to investigate the old Cipher Shadow Pokémon factory and laboratory, but all they found was rubble. I was hoping to find the production apparatus but apparently it's been dismantled by the police or it's been otherwise destroyed or seized."

"Which means we have to build our production machine from scratch. That'll take a month and a half, minimum! But, I suppose better late than never."

"Right. At least something good did come from this."

"What's that?"

"We've recruited several new members and some of them are extremely powerful and skilled trainers." The man on the phone laughed in a sinister tone.

"Former Cipher members?" asked the old man.

"I do not know at the moment. They have just arrived at our factory. I shall drive out to your location to meet with you and introduce several of our new members to you. I will contact you at your motel room when I have arrived. One final word of warning. Watch for that Northwood girl. She's trouble. She took out Fred and Betty."

"You don't have to tell me twice. She got me twenty years in lockup. That's practically a life sentence at my age, and ain't no way I'm going back there! So yeah, I'll be on the lookout." Tommy fumed.

"In retrospect, perhaps I should not have performed those experiments on our underlings' Pokémon. Apparently, reverting them to their first evolutionary stage didn't pan out like I thought it would. Now I wish I didn't do the same with our new recruits' Pokémon…"

The man on the phone suddenly changed his tone. "Well, anyway, they'll evolve again in due time. It should be of little consequence in the long run. Hey, do me a favor. If you find that girl, rip her dress or stockings or something. Make her really mad," replied the man in his reserved yet chilling tone.

"Right. I'm out."

So, it was true. Tommy and that Bart Sy guy are father and son. And those new Orre recruits? Lisa figured they could be trouble. Lisa was now faced with a difficult decision. Should she jump out and battle Tommy and help hinder his progress, or just lay low?

As Lisa was weighing her options, Tommy was walking away. "It's now or never!"
 

Haruka of Hoenn

Rolling writer
297
Posts
16
Years
Yay, first review!


Anyways, the first scene is very scary. Not in the 'AAAAHHHH!!!!!' type of scary, but the 'WTF' type of scary. Apparently Thrash has its own religion now >:0

Lisa headed up to her room and took a quick shower. She put on a green dress with a white floral print, a dark blue jacket, a pair of white stockings, and her open-toe shoes. Lisa flipped on the TV and went through the channels.
That was kinda sudden for an opening paragraph. You could have made it better by doing something like 'After a quick shower and change of clothes, Lisa decided to watch TV' etc. etc. Just do it gradually, not all at once. You get what I mean? And LOL to Larry's commercial. :)


And yay! Lisa finally wins her first Gym badge! The battles were exciting and well-written. Good job!

"Right. I'm out."

So, it was true. Tommy and that Bart Sy guy are father and son. And those new Orre recruits? Lisa figured they could be trouble. Lisa was now faced with a difficult decision. Should she jump out and battle Tommy and help hinder his progress, or just lay low?

As Lisa was weighing her options, Tommy was walking away. "It's now or never!"

Epic ending! I love dialogue endings. They're really... epic. You should ahve put a space, though. Like this:


As Lisa was weighing her options, Tommy was walking away.

"It's now or never!"

Other than that, I didn't spot anything. Great chapter! I'll be looking forward to the next one!
 

Elite Overlord LeSabre™

On that 'Non stop road'
9,876
Posts
16
Years
Thanks for the review! About that one scene, I did want to detail what Lisa was doing, but it admittedly does sound a bit choppy :/

Thanks again, and chapter 9 coming up :)

Chapter 9: Stumbling Through

Lisa jumped from behind the rock and landed in front of Tommy, taking the old man by complete surprise.

"Wha...wha...It's you!" he stuttered, eventually regaining his composure. "Fine. I hear you think you can stop my son and defy destiny. It is impossible! You have no idea who you are dealing with."

"Yeah, but I do know that working with Thrash is in direct violation of your parole. I suggest you watch TV this weekend. You'll be seeing your mug on 'Fourtix Region's Most Wanted', courtesy of yours truly." Lisa gave her opponent a smug smirk, knowing that it would probably set the old man off.

"NO! I am NOT going back to prison! Oddish and Magnemite, attack her!"

"Got some new Pokémon, huh? Well, so have I! Pidgeotto and Nidorino, let's get this show started! Pidgeotto, whip up a Sand Attack then use Gust on it!"

"Haha! That won't work! I've trained and tortured these guys at our training camp before you dismantled it! They are invincible! Thundershock and Absorb, now!" the old man instructed.

Pidgeotto kicked up some dust, blinding Oddish. She took advantage by whipped up some strong wind, trapping Oddish in a vortex of sand and wind. Magnemite started to shoot electric energy at Pidgeotto. Pidgeotto quickly darted to the right and continued to lure Magnemite's attacks away.

An errant Thundershock landed a glancing blow on Nidorino, and that's all it took to get him riled. Nidorino jumped up and delivered two swift kicks with his front legs, knocking the floating magnet to the ground. As it tried to get airborne again, Nidorino struck again, delivering more kicks to the Electric-type. Magnemite recovered, firing off and landing a direct hit with its electric energy.

Meanwhile Oddish had just freed itself from the Gust and started to shake its head, releasing a fine powder. Lisa didn't know what kind of powder it was, but she figured it wasn't going to help her Pokémon out. "Pidgeotto, blow that stuff right back in Oddish's face!"

Pidgeotto used Gust again, blowing the powder back toward Oddish, and the small plant Pokémon dropped and started to sleep.

"Idiot! Don't let it turn your attacks back at you!" Tommy bellowed.

Lisa smiled. "It's nighty-night time! Give it a Gust followed by Tackle!" she yelled, pointing at the snoozing Pokémon.

Pidgeotto used another Gust, then flew right into it. The winds did a little damage to her, ruffling her feathers a bit. But they also accelerated the bird Pokémon, who flew at her sleeping foe at full speed, knocking it into a rock.

"Dammit! You useless pile of…" Tommy recalled it and replaced it with Houndour. "Now crush her!"

The small dog Pokémon angrily snapped its orange muzzle at Lisa as it prepared itself for attack. The black creature let out a snarl before spitting out a barrage of fireballs at Nidorino. Although he tried to dodge the strike, a few fireballs did strike his side. He whipped his head around and growled at Houndour. But another electric blast from Magnemite turned Nidorino's focus back toward the floating magnet.

Lisa pulled a Pokéball from her handbag. "Time for me to substitute another variable into this equation! Return, Pidgeotto! Spheal, you're up!"

Lisa pitched out another Pokéball while doing a ballet-style spin, sending out her light blue circular Pokémon. The Ice-type smiled and barked as it waved its two small front flippers.

Meanwhile, with one last Double Kick, Nidorino finished Magnemite off by sending it crashing into a rock formation, but not without being blasted with a final Thundershock and slumping to the ground. Both Pokémon were called back.

Lisa summoned her Koffing into battle, shouting, "Okay, your turn! Let's school this old geezer!" The toxic creature released puffs of gray smoke from the craters on her body as she floated a couple feet in the air.

"Annihilate that stupid girl! Now!" Meanwhile Tommy called forth... a Magikarp. Lisa could hardly believe her eyes when the old man's red fish appeared. With its wide eyes bearing a clueless expression, the hapless Pokémon flopped around harmlessly on the cave's floor, its mouth hanging wide open as it repeated its low-pitched cries of "Karp?"

"Looks like you're all washed up, Tommy! I expected better from you!" The teen made no attempt to stifle or hide her laughter.

"You won't be laughing after this!" Tommy wasted no time in injecting a chemical into his Water-type. "Now meet Gyarados!" With an angry expression on its face, the huge blue sea serpent let out a huge roar that shook up the whole battlefield. Viciously slamming its tail on the ground, the monstrous beast barely fit inside the confined spaces of the cave.

"You can't scare me that easily! Koffing, give the big brute a taste of some Sludge! Spheal, launch repeated Water Guns at Houndour!" Lisa looked at her nemesis with a determined expression and her hands on her hips.

"Attack, my henchmen! Destroy her!" Tommy yelled, shaking his fist.

As Lisa's round partner unleashed his volleys of water, Houndour fired out embers at Spheal and both sides were able to hit the other. The two Pokémon reeled from the other's attacks, but they firmly held their ground. The barks and cries of both became louder and began to take on an angry tone.

Meanwhile, the mighty Gyarados let out another mighty roar...

And started flopping around on the cave's floor. Once again, Lisa began to chuckle at the Pokémon's incompetence. "Hmmmm.... Apparently those chemicals only change the Pokémon's form. They don't allow them to use new moves. Maybe Tommy boy should've thought of that..."

While still flailing about frantically, Gyarados was hit by Koffing's well-placed Sludge. It let out another roar, but this one sounded like it was bellowing out in pain. Gyarados started to move more sluggishly and its eyes began to grow red.

"Must be poisoned. Meowth suffered the same thing when Shannon poisoned her... but Tommy's probably so stupid he'll keep it in there until it succumbs completely."

"You incompetents!" Tommy screamed. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Okay, Koffing, Gyarados is poisoned and it'll go down by itself. Right now, help out Spheal!" Lisa shouted, looking at the

Spheal and Houndour continued exchanging their Water Gun and Ember attacks. Both were still pretty evenly matched, with many of their attacks all canceling the other's out. As both Pokémon began another round of attacks, Koffing blew out some Smog clouds which made contact with some flames and triggered an explosion.

Spheal took the opportunity and shot some Water Guns right into the smoldering cloud of smoke. When the smoke cleared, Houndour was still standing, and it wasn't clear if Spheal hit it or not with his attack. Lisa couldn't believe it and her opponent took advantage. Tommy injected another chemical into it and Houndour let out an angry roar in response.

"Now, Frustration!" Tommy smiled and laughed. He looked as if he was confident that his chemicals would be the game changer.

The powerful charging strike was incredibly powerful and knocked both of Lisa's Pokémon backwards and against the rocky cave wall.

"Come on guys! Don't give up yet!" Lisa frantically yelled, as she fidgeted with her skirt nervously.

Righting themselves, both of Lisa's Pokémon fired long range water and poison attacks as Houndour was charging in for another harsh blow. Fortunately, both attacks hit, knocking Houndour for a loop. As the dog's legs gave way and it collapsed on the ground, Tommy was forced to recall it. "Stupid idiot! Even with the help of science, you're useless!"

Despite the poison affecting its performance in battle, Gyarados was still a major player. It charged at Spheal, knocking him into a cave wall. Lisa noticed that her Pokémon lay motionless at the point of impact, and knew he was spent. However, it was some consolation to Lisa when she noticed Gyarados squinting and howling out in pain from the poison.

With a look of concern on her face, Lisa pulled out a Pokéball and withdrew her Ice-type. "Uh, oh! Spheal, return! You need some rest! Good job, though! I think Koffing can handle it from here!"

Koffing floated out of the path of another one of Gyarados' rampaging tackles. Out of control, the massive beast slammed headlong into a wall.

Seeing her chance, the Poison-type began spitting more putrid poison at the huge blue serpent. Her aim was true, and the thick purple Sludge splattered all over the foe's face. Gyarados let out one more deafening howl before collapsing to the ground. Completely flabbergasted, Tommy called it back just as it was reverting to its Magikarp form.

"NO! How is this possible?! I... You... ARRGH!" Throwing up a smoke veil, he ran off toward the eastern end of the cave. The cloud of smoke made it impossible for the teen to pursue him.

Realizing that her Pokémon had taken a beating, Lisa headed back out the entrance and into the Pokémon Center. Once there, Nidorino somehow released himself from his Pokéball. Emerging directly in front of the girl, he began snarling at Lisa as soon as the red beam of light from the Pokéball subsided. Only a quick sidestep avoided disaster as the injured but angry Poison-type tried to charge and stab his trainer.

"Hey, watch it!" the girl shrieked as she stumbled and nearly fell down trying to dodge the enraged Pokémon. "What am I gonna do with you?" The spectacle had attracted the attention of others in the center, who stared at the two with stunned expressions. After dodging another attack, the girl pulled out Nidorino's Pokéball. The wily Pokémon dodged several beams of red light before finally being engulfed by it.

As she finally succeeded in calling back the out of control Pokémon, the teen sighed as sweat began to pour down her forehead. "That's it… I can't handle this one…"

Desperate to escape the gazes of shocked onlookers, Lisa ran to a small hallway behind the front desk. There she used the phone to call Professor Sequoia.

"Hello? Lisa? How are you doing? It's been awhile!" came the voice of the young scientist.

"Truth be told, I've been better. I'm all stressed out, I'm scared to death, and this whole routine is not what I was expecting. But before I tell you my life story, can I ask you to do a favor for me?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"Can you look after a Pokémon that I caught earlier. I think this Nidorino would rather be able to run around on the ranch at the moment. I mean, he won't obey me at all and he just tried to attack me."

The professor took a deep breath. "Lisa, you really should try to work with him more. I mean, that's part of being a trainer. You have to develop bonds with your Pokémon and gain their trust."

"But, I'm at my wit's end trying to keep him in line! Just now he tried to jab me with his horn. He won't eat, he won't attack unless provoked in battle, and when he does attack, it's like he snaps and goes ballistic. Overkill, really! Please, I'm begging you! He's just too much for me!" The girl began to whimper.

"Okay, Lisa, if your hands are that full, I'll take care of him. Now, what about this rough time you're having? Any news?"

"Most of the rough time I was having was related to Nidorino. Other than that, I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is I got my first badge."

"Congratulations! And the bad news?"

"Do you know about that group, Thrash, who invaded your lab the night before I got Meowth?"

The professor grew silent for a moment, as if to jog her memory. "Yeah, what about them?"

"Well, apparently now I've been roped into this Pokémon League mission to try to stop them…"

"Yeah… Lorelei called me yesterday. Said they were after some research documents at the university that were connected to the research I was doing. Research related to Shadow Pokémon."

Lisa explained, "Well, I found out that Team Thrash is officially looking to make Shadow Pokémon again. They're putting together an apparatus to do that. It seems like they're going to be taking awhile to put it together so I think I have some time."

"Sounds really serious. Now, I want you to stay safe and don't get yourself over your head. I'll try to dig up some dirt on Thrash and see what's going on with Nidorino. But right now I have an appointment with my doctor, so I have to go. Well, I'll wish you the best of luck! Bye!"

"Okay, we'll chat later."

After the conversation, Lisa rested up her Pokémon again then headed back into the cave.

Lisa had not made it ten steps into the cave before she tripped over something. She looked at the ground and saw a small orange Pokémon with an unusually large jaw. In fact, its head was nearly double the size of the rest of its body. It was also equipped with razor-sharp teeth.

"Trapinch: The Ant Pit Pokémon. Trapinch digs and hides itself just underground with its mouth open, ready to clamp down on unsuspecting prey."

The Trapinch began snapping its jaw at Lisa. She knew it wanted a battle, but t the same time, she didn't think it sounded angry.

"All right, Meowth, let's get it! Use Fury Swipes!"

Meowth quickly slashed Trapinch several times with her claws, leaving red marks on Trapinch's orange skin. It countered by creating a vortex of sand. Meowth was trapped in the cyclone and couldn't reach the Trapinch. Every time she tried to escape the twister, blinding sand forced her back.

"Grrr... Time for some long-range tactics. Use Pay Day!"

Shiny coins began to emanate from the Sand Tomb and came right at Trapinch. Upon being struck, Trapinch reeled. It couldn't keep the vortex going, freeing Meowth to leap in and scratch at it. Trapinch emerged from the onslaught, barely able to stand on its four stubby feet. It now bore numerous red scratch marks and couldn't keep its lower jaw from dropping to the ground.

"Go, Pokéball!" Spinning around twice, Lisa threw out the Pokéball. Trapinch was drawn into the device, and after several moments of wobbling (and of Lisa fidgeting nervously with her skirt), the ball clicked shut.

"All right! Trapinch is mine!" As she went to retrieve her Pokéball someone pushed her to the ground. The impact with the ground ripped both her blouse and skirt.

"Whoa!" As soon as she regained her wits, the girl noticed the fresh tears in her clothing. "My outfit! Hey, what's the big idea?"

As she got back up, she came face to face with a young man about her age. He wore thick glasses, an oversized white button-up shirt, and wrinkled black slacks. His blond hair was long, curly, and rather disheveled.

Pushing his glasses up on his face, the man said, "Remember me? You knocked me out during the first round of the calculus competition! I was crushed! Listen, just because you happened to solve that third-order differential equation by a fluke doesn't mean you're smarter than me."

"In case you didn't know, I won the entire thing and was named the 2006 math champion!"

"No way! You won… Fine. You may be better at math than me, but I doubt you can beat me at Pokémon battling... or chemistry!"

"I think I can take you. Bring it on!" Lisa spat, eager for whatever challenge this guy had.

"Hahahaha! I have the entire Periodic Table tattooed on my chest! There's no way you can win!" The man pulled a Pokéball out from his pants pocket as he wore a confident smirk on his face

"Okay, obsessed much?" Lisa gave her opponent a baffled look; not knowing why – or how – this weirdo fit the entire Periodic Table on himself. Nor did she want to see it.

Lisa commented, "You don't want to mess with a girl with a bachelor's degree in math, with concentrations in computer science AND Chemistry."

"You asked for it! You think you're so smart but I'll show you! I call out Grimer!"

The nerdy fellow sent out a purple mass of living sludge. The toxic substance on its body constantly oozed and dripped down its gelatinous form.

"Might as well fight Poison with Poison, if only because I don't want to be poisoned again. Go, Koffing! Use Tackle!" Another purple Pokémon emerged in a brilliant flash of energy, this one spherical in shape.

"First question, little girl. I'll take it easy on you. What is the chemical symbol for zinc?"

"It's Zn. I was expecting a challenge. What is the atomic number of antimony, smart guy?" Lisa quickly responded.

Koffing rammed headlong into Grimer, who delivered a rather weak hit with its slimy arm in retaliation.

"It's 51. Any numbskull knows that. Atomic weight of barium. Give it to me! And use Screech!" the nerd spat at Lisa.

"137.33. Duh. What group and period does vanadium belong to? Oh, and Koffing, use Smokescreen followed by Tackle!"

"Pound it! And the answer is Group 5, Period 4. Now for you. What is the charge of an unbonded Sulfate ion, and what is its formula?"

Grimer let out a piercing scream but it didn't deter its foe. Koffing blew out a thick cloud of black smoke and charged in at Grimer while it was still blinded. The mass of slime was knocked backward a few feet as it yelled out in anguish.

"Easy. Its formula is SO_4, with a -2 charge. An amino acid contains an amino group and what other functional group?" Lisa asked, smirking.

Lisa's opponent started sweating and fidgeting. The teenage brainiac knew she had stumped the nerd. Eventually, he mumbled, "Um… a hydroxyl group."

"Ha! Wrong! It consists of an amino group and a carboxylic acid group!" Lisa looked at him with a smug, confident smile. "Who's your chemistry mama now?"

"No, I can't believe I lost!" he yelled out as he recalled his Grimer, just as Koffing was ready for another Tackle.

"But the battle wasn't over..." Lisa pointed out.

"Yes it was. The battle is lost either when a Pokémon faints or when a question is answered wrong. That is how these 'quiz battles' are carried out. But anyway, I am shamed. I must return home to study more…"

As he ran off, Lisa continued deeper into the tunnel until she tripped over something again. "Ow! Jeez! I'm tired of tripping! What is with this place? Someone call the DOT!"

Getting back up, she saw herself face-to-face with a Geodude and Aron, two of the Pokémon she recalled that Roy used. Both looked primed for battle. Both gray Pokémon stared the girl down, with Geodude flexing its rocky arms while the armor-plated Aron simply looked on with its large blue eyes.

"So, you'll battle together? Fine by me. Go, Meowth and Spheal! Use Water Pulse and Ice Ball!"

Spheal spit out a small ball of solid ice. The frozen blue projectile hit Geodude, knocking it over, but the rock Pokémon quickly recovered, delivering two quick punches to Spheal with its fists. Meowth landed a direct hit on Aron, but it was quick to react with a Tackle that sent her sliding backwards. The cat remained on her feet, showing little signs of wear… so far.

"Good hits, guys. Now, repeat the attacks!" Lisa pointed in the direction of the aggressors.

Spheal's ball of ice was somewhat larger this time, but this time Geodude dodged out of the way, enabling the attack to strike Aron this time. Aron was sent sliding back from the force of impact, but the ice shattered against the Steel-type's shiny armor. Unfortunately for Geodude, by dodging the Ice Ball, it was right in the path of Meowth's Water Pulse, which did significantly more damage to it. The rocky Pokémon was slower to regain its composure than it was after the last hit.

"We've got 'em on the run! Keep up the good work!" Lisa cheered.

This time, Aron delivered a rushing tackle, slamming directly into Spheal's round body. Though he was sent rolling, he had learned in Roy's gym to use his front flippers to catch air and regain control of his movements. While in midair, he opened his mouth and launched a sizable chunk of freezing fury at Aron. Once again, the ice shattered on impact, but a quick Water Pulse from Meowth found its mark. Aron was sent crashing against the cavern wall. The girl suddenly noticed Geodude holding a large gray rock in its hands.

"Meowth, behind you!"

Lisa's warning came just in time as her Pokémon turned around to see the incoming boulder. She quickly jumped, forcefully kicking the rock and sending it back at Geodude. The Rock-type looked bewildered as its own Rock Throw was used against it. Stone met stone as the boulder broke in two after striking the Pokémon directly in the head.

"Great job, Meowth! Rinse and repeat, guys! You're looking great out there!" The teen smiled as her Pokémon were making quick work of the wild ones.

Spheal's Ice Ball was huge this time, but Aron was able to dodge underneath it. The ice splintered into hundreds of shards as it slammed against the rocky wall. Geodude was much less successful, as it got a face full of Water Pulse, courtesy of Meowth. Knowing it couldn't last much longer, Geodude beat a hasty retreat into the dark depths of the cave. Aron stuck around, however, and appeared to be preparing to attack again.

"Okay, guys, one left! Give it a Water Pulse and Ice Ball!"

Aron started charging at Lisa's Pokémon. It was able to shatter the Ice Ball and continue its rush, but Meowth's Water Pulse stopped it in its tracks. The little armored Pokémon's stubby legs gave way as Aron fell to the floor.

Lisa prepared two Pokéballs, one in each hand, and tossed it at the weakened foe. Aron put up little resistance, but as soon as the capture was completed the Pokéball dissolved in a shower of pixels. Just then, the girl's PDA beeped. Lisa took it out and read the message:

"Aron successfully transported to Professor Sequoia."

Lisa jumped up and pumped her fist in the air. "Awesome! Another capture! Now, if I can just find my way out of here without tearing up my clothes any worse than they are now..."

Just as Lisa had called back her two Pokémon, she was interrupted by a voice. "You there! You're not dressed for hiking! You look like someone roughed you up at a school dance!"

She looked at the man, who was wearing a hoodie and jeans. "Well, you don't look the part of the hiker either."

"Hey, how about you battle my Pikachu?"

The man sent out a chubby little yellow rodent with rosy red cheeks. It yelled, "Pika!" in a high pitched voice, its pointed ears raised and wearing a smile on its face.

"So, that's my opponent. Looks easy enough. Trapinch, it's your turn! Your first battle by my side! We'll start row-reducing this matrix by using Dig!"

"Wait? Row-reduce? What matrix?" the man asked, completely confused.

"Oh, sorry. Just a little math geek metaphors there."

"Whatever. Thundershock, Pikachu!" he ordered, uninterested in Lisa's lame attempt at humor.

Trapinch quickly concealed itself underground. The enemy Pikachu just ran to the hole and peered into it. Without warning, Trapinch popped up and sent Pikachu airborne. While in midair, the rodent attempted to blast its enemy with bolts of yellow electricity emanating from its red cheeks, but the bolts just bounced off Trapinch. Pikachu's landing was less than graceful, as it landed right on its face.

"Arrgh! That didn't work!" the man grumbled.

Having seemingly taken no damage at all, the orange Pokémon rushed right at its Electric-type adversary and clamped down with its powerful jaws. Pikachu struggled to break free and eventually released itself by beating Trapinch with its tail.

"Urgh… Pikachu, show her your true power!" the man shouted as he jumped up and down in a tantrum.

Lisa chuckled as she watched the man flail about. "Fine by me. Let's give it a Sand Tomb followed by another underground strike!"

Trapinch quickly encased Pikachu in a vortex of sand before the rat had an opportunity to make a move. Every time it tried to leap out of containment, the blinding sand whipping about would force it back inside the swirling mass. Trapinch headed underground again, leaving a small hole in its wake. From within the twister, the Ground-type quickly knocked Pikachu for a loop. It landed hard on the ground and let out a final, pained squeal. With his mouth hanging wide open in shock, the young man recalled it and ran off.

"Guess that battle left him... speechless. Ha, I'm so funny!"

Lisa made her way through the rest of the cave, somehow avoiding any more battles. She only would have to dodge the stray Zubat, which oddly enough were not in a combatitive mood today. She ended up tripping over rocks at least a dozen times though, so it was not an easy endeavor by any stretch of the imagination. After each stumble and fall, she bemoaned the lack of regular maintenance.

When Lisa finally made her way out of the tunnel, she took a look at what was left of her clothes. Both her skirt and blouse were badly soiled and ripped in several places. Her stockings were essentially no more, with the number of holes and runs in them. Her knees and elbows were bruised a bit as well. Not wanting any more mishaps, Lisa pulled off her shoes and just broke out into a sprint into the next town.

Lisa completely ignored a badly deteriorated motel at the cave's exit. She ran right by a couple of boys battling with their Rattata and Poochyena. They paid her no mind as she blitzed past them. Fortunately, it was a clear path, with no wild Pokémon appearing for battle. The route itself was yet another boring dirt path with grass and trees on either side. The wind kicked up a little dust, but the girl was happy for the reprieve from the dangers of the cave.

Finally stepping into the city limits, Lisa rested her body on a lamppost, panting heavily out of exhaustion. "At least I made it here alive…"

After a few minutes, Lisa was finally ready to continue walking. Her clothes reduced to rags, she did not want to spend too much time outside, for fear of embarrassment. She read on a sign, "Greenville City."

"How ironic." Lisa had spent most of her life not far from the city of the same name in South Carolina. Huge, towering buildings loomed in the distance. The road leading into town was lined with the usual mix of hotels, restaurants, shopping plazas, gas stations, and the ever-present Pokémon Center. Her first destination was the red-roofed Pokémon healing facility. Upon entering, the balding, gray-haired nurse commented, "My, you look like a wreck."

"I know. I ran into some hostile trainers in that cave back there," Lisa explained, clearly exhausted from her trek.

"Well, I'll look after your Pokémon here while you rest up."

Just then, two girls entered the building. It was Alexis and Shannon, wearing identical red sweatshirts.

"Oh, no! I can't let them see me like this!"

"Lisa! There you are!" they both called out.

Lisa began to sweat as her face turned red. "It's too late!"
*******

At the base of the Express Tunnel mountain was a run-down single story motel that Lisa had ignored. "BUDGET INN" was hand-painted in red block letters on a dilapidated sign in front of the motel.

A phone rang in dark, dusty room 24, and the guest in the room answered it.

"Father, look for a red Ford cargo van outside. I must show you a few things."

Grabbing his room key, Tommy Junger made his way outside his room and found the red van mentioned by the caller. As he approached it, the door flew open and he got inside.

A shadowy figure wearing a red hood greeted him. Standing next to him were four figures dressed in silver armor. One of the four was significantly more muscular than the other three, and one was visibly shorter than the others. The figure in the red cloak started to introduce his accomplices in a low, menacing tone. "Now, father, I will show you four of our six Orre recruits. Meet Arton, Skrub, Exol, and Naps. The other two are performing key duties at our base so they will remain stationed there. As you travel the region scouting out new members and other places and items of interest you will rendezvous with each one to get status reports. Arton will be heading up Operation Game Boy. Skrub will command Operation Power Block. Since Operation Hilltop Fissure is so important, both Exol and Naps will be dispatched to supervise it. Now I will let you go so as not to arouse suspicion."

"Yes, Sir."

"Father, for your sake, I hope nobody heard our conversation in the tunnel entrance. Least of all the Northwood girl. I know you like to use your speakerphone, so I am a bit concerned. So tell me. Did anyone eavesdrop on our discussion?"

"Uh... Of course not…" Tommy stammered, hoping his son and boss would not call his bluff.

"Very good. I'm out," Bart Sy calmly announced.

As soon as Tommy got out, the van pulled out of the lot.

"Crud! If he finds out, I'm in for it! I can't believe I'm now taking orders from my own son!" Tommy muttered as he made his way through the dusty lot back to his room.
 
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