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  #1    
Old September 5th, 2013, 04:20 PM
Colfer's Avatar
Colfer
Up, Up and Away
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Dayton
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
I'm posting half of the story here so everybody can get a feel for the characters that will appear in the hack, if you guys like the story give me some comments. Okay here we go.
The cold air from the snow chilled the tip of my nose, I wrapped my red and yellow scarf higher to shield my face more. I kept moving faster hoping to get to the Pok'e Mart quick. I hadn't eaten since yesterday evening and I didn't really have any money now to get anything to eat. Mr. Harris owner of the Pok'e Mart was kind to let me work there until I had a permenent source of income. As I crept through the doors and shook off the snow, Mr. Harris grabbed my red and yellow jacket.
"Jake, why didn't you go with the other trainers to the Pok'emon League? I hear there's some big annoucement about to made later on today."
"I'm not a trainer, and Twili Town is so much more calm and quiet without those trainers."
Mr. Harris wiped the counter off and proceeded to the door, "Well, you telling me you never wanted to train and raise your own pokemon?"
I shrugged, "No not really, I can't even feed myself let alone some pokemon. When I was younger yeah but now I have to look at the world differently."
Mr. Harris furrowed his brow, "What are you talking about you still are young, you're only 15. When you get my age you will wish you taken up a journey," Mr. Harris waved and was ready to head out when someone ran through the doors and slammed into Mr. Harris.
The boy was dirty and had bruise on his face, "Professor Mira is in trouble! She's being attacked by the White Rose!"
"Oh man! where are they at?" I said running around the counter.
He handed me a pokeball, "You're Jake, right? take my Tepig and go to the Dew Drop Forest!"
I was curious how he knew my name but couldn't ask because my legs started moving by themshelves out the door. I ran into Dew Drop Forest and listened to blast coming far off in the distance. A group of deerling and Sawsbuck came running at me as I rolled to the left to avoid the herd.
I got back up and was freezing without my jacket and scarf, I got up ignoring the sheering cold as I started a limping dash to the explosion. I saw Professor Mira battling two guys dressed in white matching the snow. They both had snovers that looked pretty mean. Professor Mira had been battling with a Chikorita and they both had sustained some heavy damage. I ran in and threw the pokeball, "Leave Ms. Mira alone!"
They both backed away at the sight of Tepig, "Damn type disadvantage, and my Poke' Tech say it's three levels higher than our snovers!"
"Well we can take him! there are two of us! Let's get'em!"
I never been in a battle and I never had a pokemon so this was all new I just hope I win or me and Mira are in trouble!
To be continued in Blazing Blue!
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Let the Blaze burn!
Coming Soon:
Pokemon Blazing Blue
Still need members to help with alot of the game.
  #2    
Old September 6th, 2013, 06:46 AM
Gameplaya's Avatar
Gameplaya
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Personally I like this wish you didn't end where you did.
  #3    
Old September 6th, 2013, 10:25 AM
Colfer's Avatar
Colfer
Up, Up and Away
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Dayton
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Thanks, when it comes out you can play the hack it will be good!
P.S
I didn't want to end there but I had some time restrictions, I'm thinking of going through the whole prologue to make it better.
__________________

Let the Blaze burn!
Coming Soon:
Pokemon Blazing Blue
Still need members to help with alot of the game.
  #4    
Old September 6th, 2013, 02:29 PM
Astinus's Avatar
Astinus
Remember NovEnder
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colfer View Post
I didn't want to end there but I had some time restrictions, I'm thinking of going through the whole prologue to make it better.
The section's rules state don't post unfinished work. If you didn't have time to complete your story before you could post it, then you should have written it in a word processing program and saved it so you could work on it again when you had more time.

This also would save you from posting work that you can see problems in. If you already know that you can make the prologue better by editing it with your own eyes before receiving any input, then you would have seen these problems on the word processing program, and you could have had the best work you could have done revealed to the forums.

It's like with hacking. You wouldn't release an unfinished hack that's full of problems that you knew about but didn't have time to fix because you ran out of time. No. You would have taken the time to fix the problems so that you could release the best hack you (and your team) could make.

You can repost your story after you fix any problems and after you complete it, but right now, I'm going to have to close this thread.
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