I'm going to post this here too!

[Same thing I posted in "Other Writing"...Hopefully I'll get some replies. xD I am slowly realizing just how much this sucks.]


Well I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right forum but xD the thing is I'm not sure if I should make this about a pokemon or something else. I REALLY better not make it an eevee fic because those are sooooo over-used. But I can't think of very many pokemon that fit well in this situation...so I was wondering if I should make it a fanfic at all?
Anyway...

This is just a snippet of this cuddly little cub/kit scene...The way I find that most pokemon-perspective fics start out. It starts out pretty sloppy but I didn't really put a whole lot of effort into this cause I don't know if I should continue it...meh. Err, c/c I guess. *dodges tomatoes.*

[PS: I really have no idea how do describe the sound of licking, i probably will change that because it's not a very good/graceful way to start.]




"It's pitch dark…where am I?
I feel…warm…

What is… that noise?

It was the first noise I heard... a slurping, scraping sound…which was soon accompanied by a feeling of something warm and moist against my fur. I could see nothing, my eyes were blurry and the surroundings were dark. But, I felt…others…furry bodies around me…I felt warm breath on my back and the warm, moist thing touched me again. It was strangely comforting…I don't remember much else after that.
Later I learned many things, but for the first, short and most comfortable part of my life, I knew little of the world outside our cozy den. Mother told us of the stars that made the light at night, and the biggest star, the sun. She told us also of the moon, who shared the sun's glow and helped the stars make light for the world at night. She told us other things…I don't really remember. I was most fascinated with the light outside the den, the bright window that framed the sky…"

This is just a snippet of this cuddly little cub/kit scene...The way I find that most pokemon-perspective fics start out. It starts out pretty sloppy but I didn't really put a whole lot of effort into this cause I don't know if I should continue it...meh.

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Just the contrary. If you aren't going to put a lot of effort into it you shouldn't continue it. -__- Just being truthful with ya!

It starts out pretty sloppy but I didn't really put a whole lot of effort into this cause I don't know if I should continue it.

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Now how are we going to help you continue this if you do not make a grand impression on us? If you want our advice, then you should show us your writing to the best of your ability. Otherwise, we would say for you to stop writing because your quality isn't the best. But if you do the best writing that you can and then show it to us, then we can help you out by giving you the better advice, like plot, characters, and other such nitty-gritty tools of writing.

Well I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right forum

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I would say that this is the better forum for this thread. You are only asking for help, and are not posting an actual story. (Then again, PC is not known for its high amounts of activity in the Writings sections.)

I REALLY better not make it an eevee fic because those are sooooo over-used. But I can't think of very many pokemon that fit well in this situation

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Teddiursa might work. Or any one of the "puppy" Pokémon, like Growlithe, Poochyena, or the new Korinku from D/P. Even Rattata might work. Any one of the mammilian Pokémon would do, especially if you have "live birth" as opposed to the canon-proven "all Pokémon hatched from eggs" theory. It's your fanfiction, so run with it.

[PS: I really have no idea how do describe the sound of licking, i probably will change that because it's not a very good/graceful way to start.]

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"I began to hear a slurping sound. Perking my head up and around, I tried to find the source of the noise. Being in the dark made seeing difficult. Suddenly, I felt something warm on my head. It pushed my head back to the ground. I knew somehow that that was the noise I heard."

"It's pitch dark…where am I?

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Be careful with the quotation marks. You used them to make your story excerpt stick out. I suggest using another way of doing so. The first thought that popped to my mind is that the first line is dialogue, and you forgot the closing quotes.

What is… that noise?

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The real problem I have with this line, and sets up a problem for the rest of the excerpt, is that cups, kits, puppies, kittens, etc. are born deaf. They wouldn't really be able to hear anything. (I'm not sure about other mammilian animals. Those are the only ones that I know.)

My suggestion to you is to fast-forward a few weeks into the character's life. Instead of starting out the instant the creature is born, wait until they are older. Like, five or so weeks older, when they are not so dependent on the mother. That way, you can start out with the character near the mouth of the cave and staring out at the light.

That's the route that I took with my Pokémon-perspective fic. I had originally started out with the character's birth, but found it rather tedious to describe how he learned the various necessities of Pokémon life. Instead, I started him at a few months old, and had his relationship with his family established.

Just follow the advice that I typed out for you. I wish you good luck on this fiction.

Thanks for the advice, but I think I'm not going to continue with this particular bit, because a) I have an idea for this that requires me to change the whole thing and b) I never finish when I start off like this because it ends up being to lonnnnggg. I might make a fic about Celesteon, but I'm not sure yet...hehehe...Thanks again for the advice and such, you gave me an idea! x3

F.L.Y. said:

Thanks for the advice, but I think I'm not going to continue with this particular bit, because a) I have an idea for this that requires me to change the whole thing and b) I never finish when I start off like this because it ends up being to lonnnnggg. I might make a fic about Celesteon, but I'm not sure yet...hehehe...Thanks again for the advice and such, you gave me an idea! x3

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As far as I know there is no such thing as too long a fanfic here, twenty page chapters are not unheard of :)