• Our software update is now concluded. You will need to reset your password to log in. In order to do this, you will have to click "Log in" in the top right corner and then "Forgot your password?".
  • Forum moderator applications are now open! Click here for details.
  • Welcome to PokéCommunity! Register now and join one of the best fan communities on the 'net to talk Pokémon and more! We are not affiliated with The Pokémon Company or Nintendo.

[Pokémon] Never in the Wrong Time or Wrong Place

Rebellious Treecko

The coolest.
810
Posts
16
Years
Wow, big events here.

Spoiler:


Spoiler:
 

Grovyle42(Griff8416)

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
1,103
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Apr 11, 2023
Aww, I kinda feel bad for Jeff... But he needs to suck it up and be a man! The descriptions were better in this chapter but unless Jeff is spending a little more time in Petalburg, you should decribe the city a little more. Also, you forgot to describe Alan's clothes (I think). Overall, though, it was a great chapter. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see when Jeff and Alan meet again!

Oh didn't I mention that Alan was a nudist (J/K!) Yeah, that was my fault. You'll see the after effects from the event next chapter (obviously :P )



Wow, big events here.

Spoiler:

Yeah, this will be significant later on. And yes, The two will be meeting later on, other wise that would be a cheap way to get rid of a character :P

Spoiler:

Really?

I was worried about using Corphish and Treecko and ____, because I knew that they were both Ash's pokemon in the show. I didn't start watching advanced gen until the middle of the Advanced Battle season, so I wasn't aware of much of a relationship between them. :/ Is the relationship between them friendly or kind of pissed off at each other? Because I'm going for them being pissed off at each other at this point. I didn't even watch "Tree's a Crowd" yet (Le gasp! Don't shoot me during one of our Treecko club meetings, please :( )
 
Last edited:

diamondpearl876

you can breathe now. x
1,584
Posts
16
Years
  • Age 30
  • Seen Jan 25, 2022
Oh didn't I mention that Alan was a nudist (J/K!) Yeah, that was my fault. You'll see the after effects from the event next chapter (obviously :P )





Yeah, this will be significant later on. And yes, The two will be meeting later on, other wise that would be a cheap way to get rid of a character :P



Really?

I was worried about using Corphish and Treecko and ____, because I knew that they were both Ash's pokemon in the show. I didn't start watching advanced gen until the middle of the Advanced Battle season, so I wasn't aware of much of a relationship between them. :/ Is the relationship between them friendly or kind of pissed off at each other? Because I'm going for them being pissed off at each other at this point. I didn't even watch "Tree's a Crowd" yet (Le gasp! Don't shoot me during one of our Treecko club meetings, please :( )

...Ash's Pokemon, and every other Pokemon that belongs to a trainer for that matter, is like a robot. They have no personality whatsoever. THEY ARE ROBOTS TRYING TO TAKE OVER YOUR FRIDGE! Seriously, the only ones I've seen with a personality besides the "omg i love everybody and everything and i always want to make things right!!" is Charizard and Sceptile. I may have forgotten one or two, but for the most part, everyone else is the same.

Just wanted to make that comment. Anyway, I'm waiting for the awesome chapter I beta'd'd'd'd.
 

Grovyle42(Griff8416)

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
1,103
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Apr 11, 2023
^Well its good to know that mine are different in that aspect. But still, whats the Treecko/Corphish relationship that was mentioned?

And it was a very good beta at that ^_^
 

diamondpearl876

you can breathe now. x
1,584
Posts
16
Years
  • Age 30
  • Seen Jan 25, 2022
^Well its good to know that mine are different in that aspect. But still, whats the Treecko/Corphish relationship that was mentioned?

And it was a very good beta at that ^_^

I don't know. I never saw Treecko/Grovyle/Sceptile interact with the little thing. o_O
 

Alter Ego

that evil mod from hell
5,751
Posts
18
Years
Nyu, I've been meaning to do this one for quite a while but couldn't find the time. Somme commas will be mentioned, but I will try not to tread on your sensibilities too much. ;3 Also, hope you meant what you said about encouraging constructive criticism because my reviews tend to end up containing a lot of criticism. x3 Oh, and just as a note: most of the comments are from my own subjective point of view and you are by no means obligated to agree with me on all of them. Style is a subjective thing, after all, and you're the author here. :3

Prologue: Okay, it's brief and suitably vague; both good qualities in a prologue. The chase scene opening is a classic and you've made it work for you. The only issue I have here is that part of your grammatical decisions are kind of interfering with the mood:

Everything was a dark green and brown blur in my eyes. I ran through the eerie, misty forest, bounding over roots and branches. There were few beams of light trying to enter the forest; they were clearly seen in the haze.

Okay, this is a chase/escape scene so it should have that hectic feel to it. In this context, I found the 'they were' here a bit odd. I mean sure, it's grammatically correct but in this case you could have just gone with "There were few beams of light trying to enter the forest, clearly visible in the haze"; it's basically saying the same thing but without the semi-colon speed bump. If you feel like going extreme wing with it you could also replace the first full stop with an 'as'.

I knew I was being chased, I could sense it. Beside me was a moving shape…maybe a figure. It blended in with the forest but had blur of red with it, as it ran by my side, as if a piece of the forest was running with me.

No comma needed after "blur of red with it"; I'm picking on the commas in this chapter because commas can slow down a passage a lot.

I heard whispers and high, raspy shrieks of a creature surrounding me. They gradually grew louder and I struggled, helpless.

Small note: how can one creature surround anyone? o.O

I looked down at my left arm and saw a gigantic gash appear down my left bicep. It didn't bleed but I could see the insides of my arm, revealing veins, muscle, and tissue. I, horrified, continued to try to stand up and run.

You could just replace the comma after "arm" and the "revealing" with a colon since you're essentially listing the insides of the arm you mentioned. Also, the double commas around "horrified" seem a bit like overpunctuating to me; you could just go with "Horrified, I continued...".


Like I said, it's a good prologue overall and certainly established my interest in finding out what the heck is going on. The first person perspective was also a good call since adds nicely to the chase feel and obscures the runner's identity even better than a third person narrative would. :3


Chapter 1:

He held the back of his head. His hand going through his dark brown hair, which is light and somewhat dense; reminiscent of Paul McCartney's hair in his early years, with the hair overgrowing in the back.

First off, that should be "was" rather than "is" since this is a past tense narrative. Also, what about the hair is "light", precisely? It obviously can't be the color since you already stated that it was dark; so do you mean like...weight or something? o.O Either way, it's "Resemblant to" but "Reminiscent of", careful with those. :3 Also, I'm not too wild about real life references in description (Seeing as how it would be a bit of a stretch to expect some people to know what Paul McCartney's hair looks like); some kind of description of the hairstyle would have been preferable.

His eyes darted to the window, which had a leafy tree branch brushing up against the glass. His eyes then looked to the beige wall of his room.

Style warning: you usually don't want two adjacent sentences to start with the same phrase since it does get that repetitive tone. You've already proven that you've got the vocabulary to avoid such things.
He idly fondled a long, lance-shaped leaf of the dragon tongue plant, beside him, as he stared at his wall.

There's really no call for either comma here. Yes, yes, I know...I should cut down on the comma remarks but I just couldn't help myself on this one. xP
Jeff continued scrolling his eyes along the wall. He stopped at a calendar. He focused in on his birthday, which was a few weeks away. Jeff would become 17, shortly. A square on the calendar caught Jeff's eye. It was today's date circled in red marker.

Jeff blinked in revelation. "Today's the day I get my first pokemon!" Jeff thought to himself.

Okay...there's just too much Jeff in this passage. Again, to avoid a repetitive tone try to cut down to only one mention of his name per sentence, using more alternative expressions. Again, you have the vocabulary so use it. ;3

Jeff has many friends who are aspiring pokemon masters/coordinators. Most of them have already set out on their journey during high school with their very own pokemon. They have been successful at doing what they do best…fight and show off.

Again, you have a random splash of present tense in a past tense narrative, which isn't too cool.
Jeff comes off as modest, but really he is an incredibly proud and stubborn individual and would not do anything that would compromise his pride. If Jeff was at a huge disadvantage in a game and was offered some help or a bonus, he would turn it down without thinking twice.

Although Jeff has a posse of close friends, he has always made himself a bit of an odd man out and a lone wolf in the group. When his group of friends are laughing and playing he would always be a little bit off to the side, calmly relaxing and pondering about whatever is in his mind. They didn't seem to mind his lonerish ways, though.

If this were in a character profile it would be awesome, but in a fanfic this sort of sticks out and not really in a good way. Your narrative was nice and flowing thus far, so this chunk of description just came as a bit of a letdown to me. :\


Other than that...well, there's not much happening in this chapter but the dream thing and the mention of hospital (not to mention the twig) was enough to keep the plot hook in. Also, props for word choices and explaining the age thing. ;3

Chapter 2: Okay, I've got to admit: I didn't expect a flashback at this point, but it was a pleasant surprise and explains his habit. (Aaand acts as a dead giveaway of his starter, as if the twig wasn't enough of a hint. xD) Anyway, good to see a little life-threatening scenario to counter-balance the rather passive nature of the last chapter. It's hardly a new thing in the pokémon franchise but it was well played so I'm not complaining. ^-^ Just a small point, though:

Jeff began to think, "Perhaps we were not so different after all…"

I really don't think that the "Jeff began to think" bit is necessary here; touchy little phrases like that should be given their space. ;3


Chapter 3:

The moonlight shone upon the Treecko, illuminating a healed scar down his green collarbone, which Jeff did not notice before.

That should be 'shone' in this instance. Shined is only used when the verb is there are as a synonym for polish, e.g. "He stopped and shined his nifty gym badges". ^^

Anyways, nice to see a little conflict introduced to the growing friendship between Jeff and Treecko (and a very realistic reaction from Tyrogue's point of view, seeing as how he - the alpha male, as Chikorita very aptly put it - was essentially being upstaged by a stranger.). Got to feel bad for Treecko at the end there, but it adds interest to the future development of their relationship. Also, does Jeff understand Tyrogue or not? Because with that last sentence it almost seemed like he comprehended the words themselves. o.O Regardless, you did a good job on this one; very revealing about their shared past without going completely overboard with it. ^^

Chapter 4: Aww...Jeff's being all protective about Treecko this time around. Heh, those two really need to stop taking nasty hits for each other before someone loses an eye. And speaking of eyes...gawd, I loved that pokeball capture beam bit. They should really put security labels on those. xD

Chapter 5: Yeah, seconding Glajummy's bit on Kristie. Maybe you should consider relocating that description, seeing as how we now have more than one reader who forgot about it? I mean, in chapter 4 the description has sort of been crammed in just before the really big self-sacrifice scene with Treecko and Jeff so it sort of fades into the background. Personally, I would have liked to have seen a bit of tension from the side of the fresh catch (I mean, Corpish seems to be taking this very calmly. It's like he's been caught before and knows the drill. o.O), but that's just me. Love the way Treecko and Jeff argue even though they're friends and...aww, let's face it: I just love Treecko as a character. His interjections are hilarious. xD The battle scenes were well done; you kept stuck to the low level and limited movepool jazz without making it a boring slapfight, though I hope that Treecko will get his loss sometime too. :3

Chapter 6: Eww...Alan's a nakey! O=

...

Sorry, I just couldn't resist. Aaaanyway...win the battle and lose the girl...now that's got to sting. I don't know if I've mentioned it earlier in this review, but you really play your cliches well; as a reader I don't even notice them unless I look close. At any rate, the fight scenes are still going fine, but I've got to point out that you're brushing awfully close to the anime approach in handling Corpish and Treecko battle wise (Corpish tossing Bubblebeams and Crabhammers left and right and now Treecko's Bullet Seed). Please, pretty please don't make your battles go the way of the anime? I'd really like to see some battle style of your own design and not something from Satoshi. Other than that, it's a nice and enjoyable chapter. :3


Now to round this off with a few things about the fic in general: I have to agree that the characters are what keep this fic alive. Really, you deserve an extra pat for the most palpable effort you've put into their personalities. You should work on describing the setting a bit more, though. My main concern, however, is plot development: thus far the big incentive to come back has been to find out about the characters' histories, but obviously there's only so much of that you can do before things get repetitive. Is there anything in the way of bigger conflicts or villains on the horizon? A good, solid quest of some sort would be nice. :3

Anyways, I'm enjoying this fic thus far, so keep at it. Also, sorry for the somewhat superficial treatment that some chapters got, but if I sat down to really write my full, uncensored comments on each and every chapter you'd never see the end of it. Hope some of this was a bit clearer than mud. xD
 

Grovyle42(Griff8416)

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
1,103
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Apr 11, 2023
On a Wing and a Prayer

The trio left the pokemon center, leaving behind Kristie, Alan, and Torchic. Corphish nested on Jeff's backpack, while Treecko walked along side them. While they were walking on the long, populous street, Jeff felt as if every person that they passed knew about what happened and was mocking him. He avoided all glances and eyes. They walked by skyscraper after skyscraper, high rise apartment after high rise apartment. To their left, the roads sloped down, creating a hill that led to the commercial docks of Petalburg. The city was scattered with large office buildings and businesses, reminiscent to a Saffron City by the sea. They continued to solemnly walk along the seemingly endless street. They passed a gym, to their right, whose sign said "Under Construction!" There were large yellow cranes lifting big planks of wood into the half made gym.

Jeff turned and walked towards the active construction site. He approached a Machoke wearing a yellow hard hat. The worker pokemon, who carried a large, metal girder over his shoulder, had a purple-gray skin tone and housed massive muscles. He looked very similar to a human except he had three crests on his head.

"Excuse me," Jeff piped up to get the superpower pokemon's attention. "What's going on here?" he asked, pointing to the gym.

"<If you're a trainer you're out of luck, kid. This gym is undergoing renovations. The next closest gym is the one in Rustboro; through Petalburg Forest. If you like swimming then you could try the gym in Dewford, which is right across the sea and down the road. I recommend swimming; it will give you more exercise!>" the Machoke told him.

"Thanks, I'll try Rustboro and then Dewford. Hang in there… I know I need to," Jeff answered with sadness.

Machoke sweat dropped and continued moving the girder.

Past the gym they could see the gates of the town, leading towards the beach and Petalburg Forest. The trio made it past the gates and out of the city; they were now faced by a large beach and calm blue shores in front of them. They looked on and saw people relaxing; there were people sunbathing, humans swam along side water pokemon, a game of beach volley ball was going on with humans and pokemon. Jeff looked at them enviously.

"They're all so happy and without worry… " Jeff thought before turning his head.

To their right was a dirt path leading to a dense forest. They followed the pathways until they reached the massive woodland.

"This must be Petalburg Forest," Jeff said glumly, peering into the darkness. "Let's go."

The trio entered the forest. Murky roots and vines littered the base of the trees. The thick, tree canopies made it impossible for light to enter. It was as if the sun dared not enter the woods. Mist fogged them from any long range sight. The situation suited Jeff's mood.

They walked through the wooded area. Around them they could hear the trills of birds and the hisses of bug pokemon. Above flew a beautiful, elegant airborne bug. The patterns on its wings were dazzling. Treecko remained calm, but kept up his guard. Who knows what pokemon were hostile and what pokemon weren't? Corphish rode on Jeff's back, merrily enjoying the view; it was very rare that he got to be this high up.

"<Giddy up, Jeff!>" Corphish cried, poking Jeff's head with his claw.

"Y'know, Corphish…its not exactly EASY carrying you and this hiking pack, among other things. How much do you weigh?!" Jeff groaned.

"<I'll have you know that I'm a very nice size for a Corphish of my stature!>" Corphish shot in reply.

Jeff raised an arm in an 'L' shape, indicating them to stop.

"Ok, its lunch time," he said in a disheartened, monotone voice.

Corphish jumped off of his backpack and landed on the ground. Jeff zipped open the backpack and took out three sandwiches. Corphish shoveled the entire sandwich in his mouth and his face lit up.

"<Yes! I get caught by a trainer who gives us REAL food as opposed to that lame, store bought riceballs!>"

Treecko wandered off from them while he ate. He didn't linger far, but just enough so that he was away from the crowd. He looked up and noticed a red and white pattern moving from tree to tree in the air. Whatever it was seemed curious about the food. Meanwhile, Corphish was hopping around as if in an action movie. He opened his claws and shot bubblebeams at the treetops. He fired with both his claws and shot in all directions.
"<Take this! And this!>" Corphish yelled as he aimed at the high tree branches above.
The bubbles exploded on contact with the limbs of the tree. He did a barrel roll in the grass and fired at the top of the tree that Treecko was looking at.

"<Could I be anymore awesome?>" he said cockily. Just then, a red and white pattern emerged from the darkness and the floating chips of bark, which were ripped from the trees during the bubble attacks. Surrounding the outlined figure was a series of dark, hazy blue feathers. It appeared injured from the attack. It fell from its perch but righted itself in the air. It circled the trio in a hunter-like fashion. Jeff recognized the pokemon as a Taillow, like the one that he battled against before Petalburg…when times were simpler. Jeff was impressed by the forked tail of the pokemon; it was much longer than the one he had seen before. The angered Taillow squawked for the aid of his comrades. Three Taillows appeared from the misty forest and descended upon the three intruders.

"<Corphish, you idiot!>" scolded Treecko. Treecko threw the remainder of his sandwich with striking dexterity at the lead Taillow and hit him in his face. The Taillow managed to stay afloat, but was obviously enraged. Treecko assumed a battle stance and awaited the oncoming enemies.

"<Hey! I didn't know that this birdbrain would sit around WAITING for me to attack him! Nice throw by the way, Babe Ruth, that Taillow is still picking ham out of his beak!>"

"Corphish, return!" Jeff frantically called, shooting the pokeball.

"<What are you doing!? We need Corphish's help to fight…as big of an idiot as he is! Although, I think I can take all four of them, solo!>" insisted Treecko confidently.

"No! We're running!" Jeff ordered adamantly. He scooped up Treecko and began running before Treecko could make a move. They took off into the forest, pursued by the small flock of angry Taillow.

"<Jeff what are you doing? We've never run from a fight and there are only four of them! You could catch one!>" Treecko protested, as they continued to be chased by Taillows.

Jeff ignored him and held him tightly, running with all of his strength.

"<What the hell are you doing? Let me down, now!>"

"No way!"

"<I swear to Arceus, Jeff, if you don't stop running…>" Treecko threatened, wedging out of Jeff's grip.

"What are going to do? Shout at me?"

Treecko had had enough; he pounded Jeff across the face with his tail, causing them both to fall into the mud.

"What the hell was that?!" shot Jeff, with a large, red, tail imprint across his mug.

"<THAT'S what I'm going to do! Now you better get up and help me battle, or else I'll do it solo!>"

"No, I'm not letting myself force you or Corphish battle for my personal gain again! I don't want to put you guys in danger," Jeff angrily yelled.

"<Don't give me that crap! We chose to come with you and battle along side you! If we don't fight we're going to be bird food, so STOP feeling sorry for yourself and DO something! We care about you enough that we'll battle to save you, so give us a chance, or you might as well paint targets on our heads,>" Treecko yelled, angrily.

Jeff sat there in shock for a moment. He looked up at the descending Taillow.

"Treecko, it's not that simple!" he yelled in retort.

Treecko huffed, annoyed and insulted by the 'retreat order'.

"<I'll do this myself…>" he growled, walking past the dumbstruck Jeff.

Treecko stood in front of the diving Taillow, making himself the target for attack. Unflinchingly, he spat many light green, high powered seeds at the flock, it hit the lead Taillow that Corphish hit, and scattered the rest of the Taillow. The injured Taillow let out a cry and began to fly in a downward spiral. He landed in front of them, skidding in the dirt until he reached a halt.

"<There, my work's done, so do your job!>"

Jeff raised a pokeball-wielding hand and reared it back. He noticed his arm began to shake again. Treecko looked up and noticed this as well.

"<Jeff, throw the ball!>"

"I… can't. I can't take another pokemon away from its home!"

"<Jeff, if you don't catch that Taillow right now… he's going to wake up, call for help, and then we'll be up to out necks in Taillows! So throw that damned ball!>"

Jeff still stalled. He looked up at his hand, and then down at the Taillow who tried to support itself on one wing. He took pity on the sad sight and slightly lowered the ball. Taillow opened his mouth in the preparation of a shrill peep. Treecko noticed this, sighed, and took matters into his own hands. He whacked the ball from Jeff's hands and then batted the ball again, before it could hit the ground. The ball rolled quickly and hit the Taillow before he could let out a chirp. Taillow was engulfed in a red light and sucked into the ball. The ball wriggled and rolled about the forest floor, refusing to lock. It was obvious that the Taillow really wanted out. After much struggle, Taillow gave in and the ball locked shut.

Treecko picked up the ball and threw it to Jeff. "<Now was that so hard?>" Treecko spat in a dislike of the human's attitude.

Jeff pined and sat on the earth, cross-legged. He looked somberly at Taillow's pokeball before releasing it. The blue feathered bird appeared on the grass in front of them.

"Hello, Taillow, sorry about that," Jeff greeted the irritated bird pokemon.

"<I have a name you know, stupid human!>" Taillow shot back, not expecting Jeff to understand him.

"You have a name?" Jeff asked the irked bird, confused by the response.

The Taillow's eyes widened and he became flushed. "<You…understood me, human?>" he asked awkwardly.

"Yeah, I did."

"<Every human I've seen was unable to understand their pokemon, though,>" he explained.

"I guess I'm luc… different," Jeff corrected himself in reply.

"<Well you shouldn't expect that every single pokemon's name is their species name. It's just…how you humans would say… 'Straight up ig'nant',>" replied the Taillow, making quotation signs with his wings. "<How would you like it if I called you 'human' everytime I address you? It's kind of insulting!>"

"I'm sorry. What is your name?" Jeff answered warmly.

"<My friends called me Daedalus…but I guess I'm stuck with you now.>"

Jeff crouched to his level and extended a hand, "I'm Jeff, nice to meet you, Daedalus."

Daedalus rolled his eyes and reluctantly shook the hand with his wing in retort. Jeff shot a glare at Treecko. "Well, Daedalus, I plan to make this journey as painless as possible for you."

"<Bloody fantastic!>" thought the defeated Taillow. "<I've been captured by a human; I really let my boys down. Now who will lead them and guide them when things get rough? I can't believe this!>" He held his face with his wing in pure frustration. "<The only bright side is that I can tell the human exactly how I feel and he won't pretend to listen and then make me do a loop-dee-loop.>"

After awhile of being perched on Jeff's shoulder as they walked, Daedalus asked, "<Aren't you going to put me back in my pokeball or something?>"

"Not unless you want to…>" Jeff replied.

"<You put the orange bugger, who hit me, back in his pokeball,>"

"Yeah, I didn't really think you two would 'hit it off' so well…" Jeff attempted the joke; but the delivery was poor due to his saddened voice. "I hate to ask but can you show us the way out?"

Daedalus reluctantly nodded and pointed his wing from his collarbone perch. Jeff and Treecko followed the unhappy guide's directions.

Daedalus began to think, "<isn't this poetic? I'm being forced to show the human the way out of my home so that he can take me with him! This human called 'Jeff' seems rather depressed, too.>"

They walked for ten minutes before the light of day could be seen in the distance. Something moving in the dark popped out in front of them. Jeff and Taillow jumped back at the action of the figure. They carefully inspected the human. A boy about Jeff's age and height stood before them. Covering his blond, curly hair was a large, sun hat. Beneath his hat was a boyish face that had a large grin spread across it. He had a green bandana tied around his neck. There was a single pokeball attached to his belt, which divided a white t-shirt and green soccer shorts. He blocked their path with a large, staff-like stick.

"Can I help you?" Jeff asked the stranger in irritation.

"No… but I can help you… battle me," the guy said with an all-knowing voice, guised with a crooked smile.

"I'd rather not; I just want to get by," replied Jeff, trying to move by the stick. The teen raised the stick, stopping him.

"You will get by me once you fight me in a pokemon battle," he explained, the smile still glued in the same spot.

"Look! I'm not in the mood to battle, so just let me by!"

"That's exactly the problem," the mysterious guy grinned. He took the pokeball from his belt and threw it on the ground in front of him. What appeared in the darkness was an intense flare of light. Jeff and Daedalus squinted since their eyes weren't used to the luminosity, but Treecko gazed straight into the beam, unbothered by it. The light dissipated and a ball, the size of a beach ball, appeared on the ground; it span around in circles. The ball was a tan color and it had brick-like scales on its stiff back. The sphere stopped rolling and the pokemon came from out of its folded position. The pokemon had a white underbelly, a strong tail and legs, which had sharp claws for digging, and a cute shrew-like face with beady black eyes.

"If you can beat Deyja, my Sandshrew, with any of your three pokemon, then you can go on your way."

"I'm thrilled that you want to battle me, but I'm sorry; I'm not fighting you!"

"I'm afraid that's not up to you." With a smile, he pointed his finger, "Deyja, use scratch on Daedalus!"

Jeff's eyes widened at the command. "How does he know his name?" thought Jeff to himself.

"<Jeff?!>" chirped a worried Daedalus, who was perched on Jeff's shoulder. He quickly darted his head at him.

The Sandshrew lunged at Jeff, who leaned back in an attempt to dodge. Deyja jumped on Jeff's chest, which acted as a platform as he leaned back. He scrambled up the green shirt and jumped, head butting Daedalus from the perch. Daedalus fell to the ground, followed by Deyja, who jumped on his wings, pinning him down. Deyja began to scratch at Daedalus; dark blue feathers, with tints of crimson, shot up after each swipe.

Jeff looked on, dumbstruck and pathetic, at the mouse pokemon who was tearing his new teammate apart. Daedalus lay there, twitching and wincing, helplessly. Jeff could see his contempt, it was like he was thinking, "<Oh great, I'm just another pawn in this guy's game of chess.>"

"<Jeff, are you going to just watch this?!>"

Jeff ignored Treecko and looked on. He whimpered, "Dae…Daedalus…" The Taillow's wide eyes began to close as he slipped away. Jeff ran over to Daedalus, nudged the Sandshrew off of him, and picked him up. He clutched the bird tightly to his chest; Daedalus' blood soaked his green shirt. Daedalus opened one eye and looked at Jeff.

"<What...>" he began weakly, and then continued, "<kind of trainer are you?>" Jeff only gulped in response

"So, will you fight me with your Corphish or should I sic Deyja on your Treecko before you finally decide to battle?"

Jeff's stomach churned in self loathing, while he looked at the badly wounded Daedalus. How come he kept letting his pokemon down? "I guess I have no choice. Why are you doing this and how do you know I have a Corphish?" Jeff grilled, cradling the wounded Taillow.

The guy remained silent. He just tipped his hat and continued to grin.

Jeff gently placed Daedalus and his backpack on the ground next to him

"Treecko, give Daedalus a potion! Come on out, Corphish; I guess we have to battle."

Corphish emerged from the red beam and stood, facing the Sandshrew.

"<Somebody call PBS because Hammie the Hamster escaped and now he's a hardass!>" Corphish taunted his opponent.

"Corphish… uhh… use… erm… " Jeff acted as if this was his first battle and he had never seen a Corphish in his life; too much was racing in his mind.

"<Jeff, you must be a Russian dictator…because you are STALIN'.>"

Right as Corphish finished the joke he found himself being blindsided by Deyja. Corphish was knocked sideways and stopped at the base of a tree. He groaned and got to his many feet using his claw. Corphish raised his pincers in front of him.

"You've got to take control, man! Your pokemon need you just as much as you need your pokemon!" advised the odd stranger. "Now I'll give you one moment before Deyja uses swift!"

The Sandshrew reared back his head.

"Corphish use… use… " Jeff stammered. He had no confidence in what move he should make. What if he said the wrong move and Corphish was left vulnerable? What if he made a decision that killed Corphish?!

Deyja jerked his head forward, spitting out many shiny, star-like blades. The stars cut into Corphish's sides before disintegrating into sparkling dust. The volley worsened and Corphish struggled to stand.

"Corppy, no!" Jeff called, returning Corphish to the security of his pokeball.

"So now your Treecko…I hope you've learned something from your Corphish's defeat," the sagely guy scolded.

Treecko stepped forward, towards the Sandshrew. He moved the twig from one side of his mouth to the other, hoping that Jeff would come to his senses.

"Deyja, use dig!" The mole pokemon dug fiercely in the earth with his sharp talons. In a matter of seconds he was completely underground. Treecko looked around him; he was on his sharpest guard.

"Now, use sand tomb!"

Treecko could feel the earth become soft beneath his feet. He tried to jump but a pair of claws grabbed his left foot and dragged it down, under the mud. With one foot completely submerged, Treecko could not free his foot. He angrily looked around him in anticipation for the next attack.

"<Jeff, I could really use your help here… or are you a coward?>" Treecko growled.

Jeff stared on as his friend was helpless. "I can't let him get hurt! But, what can I do? I'm just a failure. This creep is playing for keeps and if I lose my best friend then what do I have? Think, Jeff, think! How can you help?"

Jeff's train of thought was distracted when soil exploded from behind Treecko. In the wave of earth was Sandshrew about to attack with razor sharp claws. Jeff knew that he had to help. He subconsciously pushed his love and confidence issues to the side of his mind and before he realized it, he felt words leave his throat and his tongue sound out words!

"TREECKO, BEHIND YOU!!! USE BULLET SEED!!" Jeff yelled in a furious fervor, spitting wildly as he roared.

Treecko jutted his head behind and saw the beige figure lunging at him. He spat out an intense spray of light green bullets. They hit Deyja, throwing him backwards.

"Keep at it! Don't let up!"

Treecko continued firing, without stopping even to gasp for air. The light green seeds created dirt clouds around the Sandshrew, The smoke created a mask over the battlefield. When the dust cleared, Deyja was crawling back to the outsider, badly injured.

"Congratulations, Jeff; you pulled yourself together and managed to defeat Deyja. My name is Chad, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Chad," beamed Jeff. He walked over to Treecko, kneeled down and hugged him.

"<I'm happy you're back to your fighting self, too, but what have I told you about hugging in public…or private for that matter?!>" Treecko grumbled uncomfortably.

"Sorry, I'll have to watch that," he smiled in reply.

"<And while you're at it…want to get my leg out of the ground?>"

Jeff nodded and began digging at the dirt around Treecko's leg. After a large pull Jeff got Treecko out. Treecko dusted his leg off and folded his arms. They turned around to talk to Chad, but he had completely disappeared from sight.

"What a weird guy…"

Daedalus hopped over to the two; he had completely recovered with the potion. He hopped onto Jeff's shoulder and Jeff grabbed the bag before they headed towards the exit. When they left the woods the light burned their eyes.

"I think we should stop a few minutes so that we can adjust to the light. I think I'll heal Corphish while I'm at it."

"<Doesn't he have a name?>" Daedalus chirped.

"He wouldn't tell me. Treecko wouldn't tell me his either," answered Jeff suspiciously, as he released Corphish. Jeff applied the potion to Corphish's cuts. "Oh yeah, Corppy, this is Daedalus; he was the Taillow you hit while you were being 'John McClaine'."

Daedalus nodded in acknowledgement.

"Careful, Daedalus, he jokes…"

"Cor, corphish cor, corphish, phish?" he said to Daedalus. This translated to, "<Could you be anymore of a bird!?>"

Treecko sighed, "<That catch phrase will never get old,>" he muttered sarcastically.

"<What'd you say?>" Corphish became irked at Treecko.

"<I said your jokes are old and repetitive,>" Treecko smirked, confidently.

"<What the hell is your problem?>" Corphish spat, taking offense to the insult of his pride and joy.

"<My problem is that your damn antics almost caused Daedalus and his buddies to kill us!>" Treecko quickly retorted, scowling.

"<Aw, what's wrong? Did you hear a tree fall in the forest?>" mocked Corphish.

"Hey you two!" Jeff tried to interrupt but they ignored him.

"<Didn't you say you were too pathetic during mating season to get a female Corphish?>" Treecko growled, stepping forward. His smug grin stayed on his face while he approached his orange rival.

"<Listen, salad ass! That's a completely different subject!>" Corphish shot back, clicking his claws together, preparing to fight.

"<Settle down you two, NOW!>" Daedalus twittered with annoyance.

Treecko and Corphish shot him a cold glare. They stepped forward and Corphish threw the first punch, hitting Treecko in the jaw. Treecko stumbled back but quickly recovered and tackled Corphish backwards into the dirt. Jeff ran over to the two rolling around on the ground and tried to pry them apart but he ended up a claw and tail in the face and legs. The simultaneous blows sent him flat on his back.

"What the HELL, guys!" Jeff shouted as the two began to fight on top of Jeff's chest. Treecko swung around, slamming his tail hard into Corphish. Corphish flew backwards, hitting Jeff in the face, before sprawling down the hill. Treecko jumped down the hill after him.

Jeff put his shirt to his bleeding lip as he got up and looked at Taillow. "Welcome to the family, Daedalus," Jeff growled, "Now let's go get those idiots back!" Daedalus nodded and flew after Jeff, who began to slowly traverse down the hill.

Corphish and Treecko found themselves tumbling over dirt and on the riverside. One of them would get up to run but the other would drag them back to the ground and they would keep fighting. The cycle continued; they became slowly more bruised and beaten. Over the sand they rolled until they were past a sign that showed a picture of a man and pokemon crossing a line with a red X drawn over them.

They panted heavily, still throwing punches at the other, until they were under a tree with a large branch reaching over them. They stopped, stood up, and panted with a scowl imprinted on both of their faces. They were being watched. Treecko stepped backwards onto a hidden noose in the sand. The rope shot upwards, snagging Treecko's tails and one of his legs. He dangled upside down from the tree, and Corphish walked beneath him and began to laugh hysterically.

"<What's the big idea?!>" Treecko growled.

"<Not so cool now, are ya?>" mocked Corphish.

"Treecko cko cko!" Treecko grunted and swore at Corphish, swinging around to try to get free.

"<Maybe I'll use you as a piñata!>" Corphish continued laughing.

Treecko struggled and then glared at Corphish. He opened his mouth and fired a bullet seed down, causing Corphish to jump backwards. When Corphish dodged, he activated a trap oh his own; a net came shooting up from the hidden sand, ensnaring Corphish. Treecko grinned at Corphish, who got his comeuppance.

"<So now I'm trapped too, congratulations,>" Corphish scowled. "<I might have gotten you down too, if you begged.>"

"<Oh yeah?>"
"<Yeah, 'Tree Hugger'!>"

"<Why don't I swing over there and pound you into Corphish soup?>" Treecko shouted back from the suspended rope.

"<Well, Tarzan, in that cozy rope I'd like to see you tr…>" Corphish was cut off and knocked out by a speedy blunt blow to the head.

Treecko looked around and struggled, confused since he didn't deliver the blow. He looked at the branch above and saw a purple fist come towards him. The blow smashed him down the face. The beaten up wood gecko, too, hung there unconscious.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Jeff ran down to the beach where they fell. Daedalus perched on his shoulder as they stepped in the sand. In the sand they could see small blood spatters and sand sifted in a struggle. Jeff noticed the sign and asked, "Do you think they went in there?"

The Taillow nodded and they slowly traipsed through the sand. Jeff lifted up his foot and began to place it back in the settled sand.

"TAILL!" Daedalus trilled, outstretching his wing, warning him not to place his foot down.

Jeff froze and retracted his foot, carefully placing it in his old footprint. Jeff kneeled down and touched the snare trap in the ground.

"<Look over there,>" Taillow pointed, "<drag marks!>"

"<There's something that lives here who is very protective of its territory. I don't think he wants uninvited visitors,>" warned Daedalus, "<You follow your footsteps back to the other side of the sign. I'll scout around from the air; I think he has them…>"

Jeff nodded and did as told, while Daedalus took flight.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Treecko briefly opened his eyes. He found himself lying next to an unconscious Corphish; both were being dragged in a net over the ground and through the forest. The pain in his head worsened as they went along. He looked up and saw a large, purple blur clutching the net. He weakly tried to resist but then a small rock, lying on the path, collided with his head. A searing pain in Treecko's head caused him to fall back into unconsciousness.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Awhile later, Treecko felt an annoying prodding at his head. He opened his eyes and saw a dim orange outline hovering over him. He got up and looked around; beside him was Corphish and on all sides were wooden bamboo bars, creating a dome cage in the middle of the forest. On the other side of the bars was a small wooden shack made of bamboo in the shape of a box.

"<What the…>" Treecko groaned, rubbing his swollen, bleeding head.

"<They don't have room service, I've checked,>" grumbled Corphish, who stood beside Treecko, shaking on the bars.

Treecko jumped upwards, slamming his tail on the roof, trying to break it. Corphish flew up with Treecko, as he jumped. The bar remained sturdy. Treecko landed gracefully and Corphish fell onto his head, his horns digging into the dirt.

"<I've also tried that, Twig Boy,>" Corphish growled "<We're not moving an inch. Oh, and F-Y-I; my claw and your hand are tied together, so don't go prancing around like you're starring in 'Rent',>"

Treecko looked down and saw rope tying his right hand tied to Corphish's left claw.

"<Terrific…>" mumbled Treecko grumpily.

"<A little help?>" Corphish asked, struggling to get his horns from the ground.

Treecko coolly unleashed his frustration and swung Corphish out of the ground with his arm and tail. Corphish hit the side of the cage and slumped to the ground.

"<I said 'give me help', not 'give me hell'!>" Corphish angrily held his head, threatening Treecko with his claws.

Treecko ignored him. "<These bars really won't budge,>" exclaimed Treecko, ponderously.

"<I KNOW! Why don't you hit me against the bars HARDER?!>" Corphish sarcastically suggested.

Treecko ignored him and angrily placed his hands to his thighs, "<This is just like a pokeball.>" he shuddered.

"<Except there's no refund if we break it…and you're here,>" Corphish joked but then went back to anger. Corphish poked Treecko's chest with his claw, "<This is all your fault!>"

"<Back off, pal! You're as much to blame as I am!>" Treecko grunted, wiping blood from his mouth.

"<Could this be anymore your fault?>" Corphish shot back.

Treecko snarled and held his arm up against the cage wall, causing Corphish to dangle off of the ground. Treecko reared his fist back, ready to punch him. Corphish clamped his claw around Treecko's neck in retaliation.

A deep voice came from beside them, on the other side of the cage.

"<What's wrong? You two thieves not getting along? Well you'd better suck it up and get used to being cell mates!>" chuckled a massive purple pokemon. He had large ears, and massive claws, tail, and stature. There were large purple spines running down his back and his nose was home to a horn bigger than Corphish's head.

"<That's a Nidoking!>" whispered Corphish to Treecko.

"<You've got it all wrong, we're not thieves.>" Treecko attempted to explain to the angered land owner.

"<And if we were, we'd probably rather be doing the 'two claw discount' at the Pottery Barn,>" Corphish joked.

Treecko glared at Corphish, "<You don't get to talk anymore!>"

Nidoking frowned and crossed his arms. "<My ass! You expect me to believe a story from a pokemon known as 'the ruffian pokemon'?>"

"<Really, we're telling the truth…>" Treecko insisted.

"<Cram it, lizard lips! You're pretty shifty yourself, what with that twig in your mouth; you look like a juvenile delinquent!>" Nidoking interrupted.

"<Shifty, huh?>" Treecko grinned to himself, taking it as a compliment. Corphish rolled his eyes.

"<Give us freedom or give us d…>" Corphish began to intone, but Treecko shoved his head into the dirt before he could finish that sentence.

Nidoking walked up to the bamboo cage and leaned up against the bars, peering in like a scientist to lab rats. "<You think you can live in my territory and expect to get away with it?!>"

Treecko remained silent and stared frigidly through the wooden barriers into the brown eyes of the Nidoking. The Nidoking stared tauntingly back at him. Treecko's collected rage surged into the glare that was direct at their captor. Nidoking actually stepped backwards when Treecko concentrated the defiant stare. His yellow, squinting, enraged eyes said with the gaze "<We ain't done, pal.>"

When Nidoking retracted from the stare, he chuckled at himself for having been intimidated. "<What are you afraid of? After all, look at the size of them…and they are in a cage, what could they possibly do?>" the Nidoking thought.

"<You two thugs stay put until I get back…as if you have much choice!>" Nidoking continued to snigger as he stomped off into the forest.

"<What was that?!>" accused Corphish, spitting out dirt.

"<That was 'saving us before you could put that idea into his head'!" Treecko spat, annoyed.

Treecko rubbed his raw ankle and left tail. He then folded his arms and turned to Corphish, "<What the hell do we do?>"

"<Well I've got to call in sick to work and then we can order a pizza, maybe have ourselves a nice night of talking about our feelings,>" Corphish kidded.

"<I'm being serious! This is exactly why we're in this mess in the first place and why Nidoking won't believe our story! Your jokes have gotten us in all this crap. Now we've been captured and we may never see Jeff or that Taillow again!>" Treecko yelled, walking towards Corphish, menacingly.

"<Hey,>" Corphish chuckled, nervously, "<what happened to your 'as cool as a cucumber' attitude?>"

Before Treecko stepped closer, they stopped seeing that a shadow cascaded on the ground of the cage. They looked up and saw Daedalus roosted on one of the bars of the dome cage overhead. He was perched directly above Corphish.

"<G'day, mates! Here's 'that Taillow' you've been talking about,>" he chirped, grinning.

"<Oh, please don't!>" Corphish begged "<I just got my shell 'Squirtle-waxed' at the salon, yesterday!>"

"<Took you long enough,>" Treecko grinned "<Where's Jeff?>"

"<I told him to stay back at the beach, the ground is laced with traps everywhere!>" Taillow replied, "<Hell, there's probably surface to air missiles around here!>"

"<Well we sure didn't notice!>" Corphish spat, sarcastically.

"<How do you expect to get us out of here?>" Treecko asked.

"<Can't peck through it…I have no idea,>" Daedalus shrugged, apologetically.

"<Think, you bird brain! You're a leader so lead!>" Corphish coerced Taillow, who perched on the wooden cage.

"<Don't rush me; I'm not good in these situations!>" Taillow shot back.

"<Or what? Will you go all 'Alfred Hitchcock' on our hides?>" Corphish spat in return.

"<Damn it, Corphish, piss off; he's trying to help!>" Treecko glared at him.

Daedalus raised a wing with an idea, "<Howabou…>" he was suddenly cut short. Daedalus gasped as he was grabbed by a giant, purple hand, which appeared out of nowhere. Nidoking walked out from underbrush with a triumphant grin. He squeezed Daedalus, winding him, and then slammed him into the ground, as if scoring a touchdown of a football game. Daedalus lay in the dirt, unconscious.

Nidoking lifted the cage slightly and kicked Daedalus under it. Treecko and Corphish looked on, shocked, at the body of their only hope.

"<I'm sorry, was I interrupting?>" Nidoking asked, spitting out poison pins to the ground, triumphantly.

"<Look!>" Corphish began to explain, "<we weren't here to take over your home or steal anything, we were fighting and we rolled onto your territory!>"

"<That's too bad…trespassing in my territory; punishable by thrashing!>" he chuckled. "<I think you two have had enough time to think about what you've done…the pain begins.>"

Nidoking walked towards the cage, fist raised. Treecko whispered to Corphish, "<Listen, he's beyond reason now. We have to work together to attack him at just the right time…on my signal…open fire at his face.>"

Nidoking began to swing his tail at the cage.

"<NOW!>" Treecko yelled. They shot bullet seed and bubblebeam through the bars of the cage. The projectiles hit Nidoking in the face, knocking him off balance. His tail's path was changed so that it struck the cage just above their heads. They ducked as the upper half of the cage was shattered into splinters.

"<Argh, my eye!>" Nidoking yelled, holding his bleeding right eye and stumbling backwards, blinded. A slow trickle of scarlet blood leaked from the covered eye.

Treecko boosted Corphish out of the cage before jumping out himself. Treecko then passed Daedalus over the broken bars to Corphish on the other side. Treecko jumped over and landed beside Corphish. Nidoking stumbled towards the three and he fell to the ground in between them, separating Treecko and Corphish from Daedalus. Nidoking tried to stand up, in between them and Daedalus. Treecko and Corphish ran at Nidoking and clothes-lined him, using their rope-tied arms. Nidoking fell back to the dirt, holding his neck while the duo made it to Daedalus. They put his wings around their shoulders, supporting him as they began to run.

"<Wake up, pal, we need your eyes,>" Treecko muttered to Daedalus.

"<Hey, buddy,>" Corphish smiled at Treecko, "<I guess now that we're outta there this makes you a 'FREEcko'…>" Corphish found his own joke very funny as they continued running.

"<I'll put the whole 'salad ass' thing behind us if you never say that again…buddy,>" Treecko grinned.

Daedalus slowly came out of the daze as they ran through the forest.

"<Trap ahead, two meters,>" murmured Taillow, weakly.

They dodged the pitfall and followed Daedalus' navigation.

"<Left, straight, keep going, trap, trap, right, straight,>" Daedalus spat out directions as he struggled to stay conscious.

They exited the forest and saw the sign on the beach. They crossed the invisible line and saw Jeff pacing back and forth. They ran up to him and embraced him, after placing Daedalus in the sand. Jeff quickly dropped to the ground to check Daedalus' wounds. Daedalus spat out a bit of blood and muttered "<How you doin'?>" in a state of shock.

"What happened!?" Jeff asked, concerned. He examined the three bloodied pokemon. He immediately dropped his backpack and shoveled through the bag for potions.

"<If I have to tell this story one more time…>" Corphish joked.

Treecko eyed Corphish, warily. He was unamused by the joke but decided to let it pass.

"<Daedalus is in need of professional medical attention, but Corphish and I could use some basic first aid…oh and can you untie us while you're at it? I'm beginning to smell like seafood.>"

Jeff took out a knife and cut the rope binding Treecko and Corphish together. He then looked at the two and asked, "are you guys cool?"

Corphish and Treecko's rivalry lit again. They began to stare into the other's eyes. The stare down lasted for a minute before the two simultaneously grinned and shook hands.

Jeff beamed, happy the two reconciled. "Good, because that was pretty dumb crap you guys pulled back there, you could have gotten the other killed!" Jeff reprimanded them for their behavior.

They looked down, ashamed, and apologized to the other. Jeff dressed their wounds with a potion and small bandages, which were just big enough to staunch the flow of blood. Jeff perked up, "Let's head into town before whatever it was that took you guys comes back! And seriously…what happened?"

They nodded and followed Jeff up the hill and back onto the road, outside Petalburg Forest. Jeff cradled the injured Daedalus in his arms, while the four crossed the bridge over the sparkling water. Corphish filled in Jeff on what had happened. To which Jeff replied, "that must have been quite the fun."

"<Yeah, being trapped, beaten, beaten some more, and perhaps a third time is just like going to Six Flags over Celadon,>" Corphish weakly smiled.

As they walked over the bridge, the sun began to set behind the four, creating an orange shimmer in the waves. Treecko and Corphish stared at each other as they walked, side by side. They're eyes met and they grinned, achieving a brand new respect for the other. What started as a shaky acquaintanceship would soon become a powerful, bonded comradeship.

********************************

Author's notes:

-This chapter is the first official beta'd chapter. Beta'd by diamondpearl876 (Who did a very good job at that)

-Now at this point I know it seems like I'm just making Ash's Advanced Generation team, but that's simply not the case. I'm simply using those who best help the plot (Most of them happen to be my favorites). So far, I like how it's working out. And don't worry, the next pokemon will not be a Torkoal, a…Donphan, or anything like that. :P

-A few new recurring supporting characters are introduced.

-I've decided against ending on cliffhangers often so that when I DO end with cliffhangers, it will really grab people by the nose and hit them in the arse (or so the saying goes) :P

This was a pretty fun chapter to right because I love working with my characters and giving them dynamics and fun interactions. That's one of the main reasons I write.

Anyways, Read. Review. Enjoy

Cheers, Griff4815
 
Last edited:

diamondpearl876

you can breathe now. x
1,584
Posts
16
Years
  • Age 30
  • Seen Jan 25, 2022
Aw, fk. I noticed more mistakes as I was reading again. BLAH! Oh well. They're minor ones.

Anyway, I really like this chapter. I'm glad to see to added things I suggested, too.

When I was betaing (that's not even a word) this, I thought that Taillow's buddies would come in and save the day, followed by a sad good-bye. Ha. Well, I was surprised, and what you did was better and included character development, so kudos to you.

Question: Is Jeff's pokemon team going to consist entirely of boys? XD All three of them are so far, I believe, unless I'm an idiot and missed something.

I'm also interested to hear more about this Chad guy, and why Treecko/Corphish won't give their names out to Jeff. c:

Keep it up!
 

Grovyle42(Griff8416)

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
1,103
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Apr 11, 2023
Small note: how can one creature surround anyone? o.O
I meant that the shrieks were surrounding the him, not the creature XD. I should have made that clearer.

I'm planning to rewrite the earlier chapters again, now that I have a better sense of grammar and description. I plan on fixing the commas, semi colons, word repititions, descriptions, and so on.

That was a really helpful review, Alterego, I appreciate it. I'm glad you liked the parts mentioned and I'll definately take this review into consideration while rewriting/future chapters. I have somethings up my sleeve for the plot. Don't be afraid to go uncensored with your future reviews.

(PS I have a grammar beta now (Diamondpearl876) so that should help a lot). I actually plan on revamping a lot from chapter 4.

I'm happy you liked the characters, a lot of people have been commenting on them. :)

Aw, fk. I noticed more mistakes as I was reading again. BLAH! Oh well. They're minor ones.

Anyway, I really like this chapter. I'm glad to see to added things I suggested, too.

When I was betaing (that's not even a word) this, I thought that Taillow's buddies would come in and save the day, followed by a sad good-bye. Ha. Well, I was surprised, and what you did was better and included character development, so kudos to you.

Question: Is Jeff's pokemon team going to consist entirely of boys? XD All three of them are so far, I believe, unless I'm an idiot and missed something.

I'm also interested to hear more about this Chad guy, and why Treecko/Corphish won't give their names out to Jeff. c:

Keep it up!

That Taillow rescue squadron never crossed my mind actually...hmm.

Jeff's team will consist of males for awhile but not always...I have a reason for this.

I'm glad you're intrigued for more. :)

Thanks for the reviews, you two.
 

Gummy

by fire be P U R G E D
4,519
Posts
17
Years
First of all, I'm angry that this chapter is so similar to me next one >.> I wanted to take my anger out on the review, but the beta-reading was too good. Nice job, both of you.

"<Argh, my eye!>" Nidoking yelled, holding his bleeding right eye and stumbling backwards, blinded. A slow trickle of scarlet blood leaked from the covered eye.

I recently learned that eyes don't actually "bleed", they just excrete liquid. This isn't a real mistake because a "bloody eye" is a common term.


Right as Corphish finished the joke he found himself being blindsided by Deyja. Corphish was knocked sideways and stopped at the base of a tree. He groaned and got to his many feet using his claw. Corphish raised his pincers in front of him.

Haha... I love Corphish. Can't wait to see his personality after evolution.


Jeff took out a knife and cut the rope binding Treecko and Corphish together. He then looked at the two and asked, "Are you guys cool?"

"a" became "A"... I think that's right.


"<Oh yeah?>"
"<Yeah, 'Tree Hugger'!>"

You forgot to press enter twice here.
 

Grovyle42(Griff8416)

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
1,103
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Apr 11, 2023
I decided to take a look, and my, what an interesting story! :t253:
Thanks, I'm glad you like it.

First of all, I'm angry that this chapter is so similar to me next one >.> I wanted to take my anger out on the review, but the beta-reading was too good. Nice job, both of you.



I recently learned that eyes don't actually "bleed", they just excrete liquid. This isn't a real mistake because a "bloody eye" is a common term.




Haha... I love Corphish. Can't wait to see his personality after evolution.




"a" became "A"... I think that's right.




You forgot to press enter twice here.

Well thanks for not taking it out on the review xD.
I'm sure that your next chapter will dwarf this one, so I hope you don't go out of your way to change it. I'm excited to see how its simalar.

As for the eye thing, I didn't want to go into TOO much detail xD thats my defense.

I also like Corphish, he's very fun to write.
 

Grovyle42(Griff8416)

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
1,103
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Apr 11, 2023
A Head as Hard as Rock​

Jeff and the trio of pokemon neared the large city of Rustboro. They stepped off of the wooden bridge and onto the more secure, solid grassland. Ahead of them was what appeared to be two trainers in the midst of battle, along with a crowd of five people watching. Corphish ran ahead to join the spectators, while Treecko walked to the right to get a better look at the battle. The onlookers cheered and hollered for the girl to win. They all watched the battle intently. Jeff remained standing with Daedalus in his folded arms; his wings were slumped over Jeff's hands to weakly hang on. Jeff walked to his right, under the shade of a tree.

On the battle field was a confident-looking woman dressed in a red and white-laced jogging outfit. She had short brown hair which flowed smoothly in the river breeze. The pokemon in front of her was a brick red fox pokemon. Its fur was magnificently beautiful. It had six puffy, orange, tails that it swung around in preparation for her trainer's orders. Facing the two was a person and pokemon that seemed strikingly familiar to Jeff.

The male human was wearing a white t-shirt and blue shorts that didn't go past his knees. He had a strong but slender face, his eyes covered by sunglasses. He brushed a hand through his very short, almost buzzed head of dark brown hair, in frustration. His pokemon was a blue and white bird, but it could not fly. The pokemon's yellow feet were shaking. The blue penguin's chest was a light blue with the false impression that the pokemon was wearing a cape, which was made up of blue fur that hung down its back. He had a bruise on his large blue head. There were white splotches of fur around the water pokemon's sad, beady, black eyes. Beside them were a grey bike and a blue helmet sprawled in the grass.

It hit Jeff who these two were. Jeff recalled back to when he ran to the lab to get his pokemon, he saw this guy riding on a bike through town with that pokemon. He also remembered that Kristie referred to that pokemon as a Piplup. His eyes drifted from the battle to the grass. He went from remembering the Piplup to remembering Kristie. All he could picture then was Kristie and Alan making out in front of him. He shut his eyes and could feel a hot wave of sweat creep around his spine. With his eyes closed the thought of them kissing continued and became more intense. He dropped one arm, almost causing Daedalus to fall from his arm, and clenched his fist. A bead of sweat dropped from his arm and onto his fist, which shook with rage. He widened his eyes and tried to concentrate on the fight to take his mind from his thoughts.

"Ok, Vulpix, use swift!" yelled the girl to her fox pokemon.

The pokemon opened its mouth wide and let out a cute "VUULLL" as it began to unleash the sharp energy stars at the poor Piplup. The Piplup covered his face with his hands. The stars cut through his skin but dissipated before they could damage any internal organs. The bleeding Piplup fell to the ground. The guy, who seemed only a little older than Jeff, rushed over to it with his bag in hand.

"Come on, Piplup, I know you can do it!" encouraged the man, half-heartedly.

"Pip… " whimpered Piplup, shaking his head.

Daedalus opened his eyes and groaned.

"Take it easy, buddy," advised Jeff in a low, reassuring tone.

They both watched the battle, or massacre, from many meters away.

"I believe in you, Piplup! We can win!" the man continued to urge.

Piplup looked up at the man and blinked, giving in. The guy gave his Piplup a large potion to drink. The defeated pokemon struggled to get to his feet. Moments later, Piplup was brought to the ground again, by another barrage of stars.

"Piplup, just hang in there a little more. You can do it!"

The Piplup was given another potion and he got to his feet. He was taken down in the same fashion and brought back up in the same fashion.

Jeff and Daedalus both looked at the pushy trainer in contempt.

"That's pathetic…" whispered Jeff through a grimace.

"<I hope you don't mean the pokemon…he's doing everything he can out there.>"

"I mean the human. He put his friend up against a much tougher foe, who's clearly beating the crap out of that poor Piplup. Each time the Piplup is knocked down he urges him to keep going. The Piplup clearly doesn't want to battle and that guy acts as if it's a game and those phrases, which are supposed to mean something, are just passwords that keep the pokemon battling. His Piplup probably knows that those words are lies, but he will still battle for him because he's his trainer and his friend."

"<Or maybe he's too afraid of the human to do otherwise. He was probably taken from his home and doesn't know what to do so he just does what his trainer wants so he can stick around.>"

"Perhaps he just wants to THINK that his trainer is being sincere. Also, when the Piplup is knocked out he just keeps pumping him full of potions and revives. It's like he doesn't care how much the pokemon is getting hurt and he just keeps setting Piplup up so that he gets hurt more, in the false hope that he may WIN that time around."

"<Do all trainers do that? Do you, Jeff?>"

"No!" Jeff quickly shot back, offended.

Daedalus let out a heavy sigh of relief, but as he sighed he cringed. The aches from the encounter were still present and unyielding. They continued to watch the Piplup fall to the ground. The water pokemon began to edge away from the Vulpix; he didn't dare turn his back to the pokemon. His wings were quivering and laced with cuts. His pseudo-cape was matted with so much dirt that barely any of its original color was showing.

"<So this is the breaking point where a Piplup will swallow its pride and back down…>" Daedalus said somberly, with a groan.

"That trainer is more a pure idiot than he is stubborn! Although Piplup's not seriously injured, the he must be going through a seemingly infinite time of pain…all so that he can see his trainer be happy." Jeff was now panting as a product of the zealous rant.

The Piplup tried to crawl away from the battle; tears were streaming down his face from the overwhelming situation. The girl, the Vulpix, and the crowd dispersed, acknowledging the fact that the fight was over.

In a serious, profound tone, Daedalus added, "<What's worse is that the Piplup is only young… too young for treatment like this. They think that they can justify using pokemon to fight their battles with the fact that they have a bond. The pokemon are too loyal and the humans too ignorant.>"

The words that Daedalus had just uttered hit Jeff like stone in his gut. He leaned over, wary of the fragile Taillow, and picked up a stone. He tightly grasped it before throwing it. With a roar, he heaved it towards the river. Jeff was so angry because he knew Daedalus was right.

Jeff brushed his hand through his hair and looked at Daedalus, who looked at him with confusion. "… You're right; we can't even fight our own battles on a personal level… we have to use our pokemon instead! It's times like these that I'm ashamed of being a human." Jeff began to remember when he beat Alan in a pokemon battle but couldn't punch him, personally. He bit his cheek and tightened his fist. Man, did he want to slug him across his lying face. Meanwhile, Daedalus looked up at Jeff with a serious face. An ounce of respect he gained for Jeff could be seen through his eyes. Corphish and Treecko walked back to Jeff when the onlookers dispersed.

"<Well that was a disappointment… they didn't even sell nachos for the battle!>" Corphish scoffed.

"<I could have done better than that Piplup, and I'm a grass type!>" Treecko confidently sighed.

Jeff and Daedalus both shot them subconscious glares in unison. Daedalus clawed his way up onto Jeff's shoulder. They watched the guy sit his Piplup upright; he gave him a final potion and sat beside him.

"We have to try harder next time! We can't beat gyms like that!"

The Piplup shook tears from his eyes looked at the ground in shame.

"I know that you can do it but you're not fighting to your full potential! I want you to try harder next time for me! You were doing it all wrong; you had to do it like I did, like we practiced! That's the only way that we can become stronger and win!" provoked the biker.

"<Jeff… can I?>" asked Daedalus in a determined rage. He dug his claws sharply into Jeff's shoulder. Jeff instantly knew what he was talking about. He was surprised by the fact that Daedalus asked permission first.

"Of course you can," Jeff replied with a malicious grin on his face. He ignored the pain of the digging claws.

Daedalus jumped from the shoulder perch and began to fly. His anger and the pain that he was already in served as a fuel for his flight. Daedalus flapped his wings and shot towards the man. He began to claw and peck at the guy's face. The Piplup looked up and cracked a smile.

"ARH, get it off me, GET IT OFF," the guy yelled, flailing wildly.

Treecko and Corphish looked at each other in bewilderment.

"<Now that it's brought up… that human's face DOES kind of look like a bird house!>" giggled Corphish.

Treecko decided not to intervene in anyway. He walked over to the tree that Jeff watched the battle from and sat against it, using his tail as a pillow.

"<This is even better than that last battle!>" Corphish added, hopping around Jeff.

After his share of venting anger, Daedalus flew back to Jeff, landing on his hand. As soon as he landed he collapsed in Jeff's hands, the wounds from Nidoking paying their toll.

The guy ran over to Jeff, holding his bleeding cheek.

"HEY! What the hell was that?! Your damn Taillow just attacked me!!"

"Oh, sorry, he does that when he sees something that strikes him the wrong way. I'm Jeff, by the way."

"Yeah, ok, I'm Blane…"

"Blane?!" Jeff asked with intent. "I remember hearing on the TV that you had the most fearsome Magmar in all of Kanto! I thought you were older… and less of a jerk."

"No… NO, NOT the gym leader, it's B-L-A-N-E, no 'I'! You should keep that thing on a tighter leash!"

"That 'thing' is my friend, Daedalus, and I think you do enough of that for the both of us!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you are more concerned about winning a battle than your own pokemon. If I were like you, then I'd probably be sending my Treecko against a fire type when he already has a serious burn, just so I'd win!"

"You just mind your own business and keep Day… Dahh… WHATEVER! Keep your Taillow away from me!" With that he returned his Piplup to his pokeball and walked away from them.

"Let's go into the city… I guess," remarked Jeff. Treecko jumped onto Jeff's shoulder and Corphish, to Jeff's annoyance, vicegripped Jeff's pant leg in an attempt to climb onto his backpack. He slowly made it up further, clamping onto Jeff's waist like he was scaling a mountain, before reaching the backpack.

"<Real smooth there, Corppy,>" mentioned Treecko, eying the puncture holes in Jeff's shorts and shirt.

"<Oh shut up, ninja boy! We couldn't ALL make the gymnastics team… as much as I would have liked to… >" Corphish retorted, the last part in a mumble.

"<Ninja boy? Your nicknames are slipping as much as you are!>" taunted Treecko from Jeff's shoulder.

Corphish tried to hit Treecko from Jeff's shoulder but felt himself slide backwards off the backpack. He clamped the very end of the bag and he dangled, refusing to let go.

"Settle down you two, or do you want to end up back in a cage like last time?"

They sighed while they began to enter the large city of Rustboro. Around them were many high rises and office buildings but it was nowhere near as energetic and yet, to Jeff, as gloomy as Petalburg City. One building that towered over all others was a grey skyscraper that said "Devon Corp." on the very top. Jeff followed the building from roof to base with his eyes and at the bottom there was an ambulance, four police cars, and police tape sealing off the entrance.


Jeff walked on the paved sidewalk towards a white building with a red shingle roofing, which was undoubtedly a pokemon center. The building looked no different from the pokemon center in Oldale and Petalberg. It was like all the centers in this general area had the exact same blueprints. Across the street from the Pokemon center was a large building labeled "Gym". Beside it was an equally large building. The sign on the large grassy grounds of the building read "Rustboro Pokemon Academy". The field must have been used for practicing and working with pokemon. Jeff walked through the sliding door and up to the counter.

"How may I help you?" the pleasant and calm voice of Nurse Joy asked.

"My pokemon need healing. They all have blunt impact wounds and Treecko and Corphish have rope burns on their arms," Jeff explained to Nurse Joy.

"A trainer battle?" Nurse Joy questioned Jeff, taking Daedalus into the back room followed by Treecko and Corphish.

Jeff quickly answered, "No, a bad run in with a Nidoking."

Nurse Joy nodded and closed the door behind her. Jeff sat down on a red couch. He noticed a woman with long brown hair with pink bows eying him. He glanced over to her and noticed that she was dressed like a schoolteacher. She put a coffee mug to her fair-skinned face and took a sip. She abruptly stood up and walked out of the pokemon center.

"Good news!" a cheery female voice affirmed. "Treecko and Corphish are all ok and should be in traveling shape! But, your Taillow has some internal bleeding so he will need to remain immobile with us for no more than a day," explained Nurse Joy.

"In-internal bleeding?! Where?! Will he be ok?! Can I see him?!" Jeff anxiously asked.

"Yes you can see him. There's no need to worry, I'm sure he'll be fine."

"<Fine? He was squeezed like an orange and slammed halfway into the ground… I'm surprised that he made it this far,>" Treecko muttered to Corphish.

Jeff's chest tightened with the comment. Some things are better left unheard.

Jeff followed Nurse Joy into the door beside the counter, which turned into a hallway with four doors. They entered the first door on the right, which red ICU. Jeff remembered 'take your kid to work day' with his dad; ICU meant Intensive Care Unit. It must have been bad.

They opened the door and Jeff saw four beds. The closest one had a Mudkip, surrounded by two large, pink, balloon-esque pokemon. Both had egg pouches on their chests along with stubby arms and feet. The two Chanseys wore nurses' hats. They were seen removing a large piece of glass from the Mudkip's face, just beside the orange whiskers. Jeff turned his head and quickly walked over to Daedalus, who lay two beds away from the gruesome scene. Daedalus had his wing in a sling and bandages ties across his chest, concealing his red and white feathers on his chest.

"He seems to have dislodged his wing while flying… it was already tender from the injury, so that must have set it off."

Jeff ran over to his bed and kneeled down beside him. "Are you ok?! Are you in a lot of pain? Do you need morphine?"

"<I'm fine... stop looking at me like that, Jeff!>"

"You sure you're ok?"

"<Yeah… but thanks for asking.>"

"Your Taillow could use a lot of rest. We're lucky he's as hardy as he is or else he may not have made it."

Jeff's heart sunk.

MAY NOT HAVE MADE IT?!

"I KNEW I shouldn't have let him fly ahead of me! I could have made it by those traps and saved them easily," Jeff moaned in thought.

Nurse Joy led them out of the room and back to the lobby.

Jeff put Treecko on top of his backpack to relax and held Corphish with his two hands. He didn't realize that his hands were trembling. "What now?" he asked his two pokemon.

"<Now we do the hokey-pokey and we turn ourselves around! We go win your badge, dummy!>"

"<Yeah, that IS why we came here isn't it?>" Treecko added.

"You guys fight… so that I can have a badge? I don't think so."

"<You know that a badge reflects just as much on the pokemon as it does the trainer. The trainer just wears it since us pokemon don't have shirts!>"

"<I'm actually agreeing with Corppy here. We want to win!>"

"Are…are you guys sure? It's dangerous," Jeff asked again.

"<We're positive, damn it! We know what we're getting into; you're not conscripting us and sending us off to war!>" Treecko insisted.

"Thanks… really." Jeff smiled, touched that his pokemon would battle despite the fact that he wasn't doing it himself.

"<Ok ok, settle down. Besides, I'm fighting first!>"

"<My leafy *ss you are! I don't think you can take a gym battle!>" scoffed Treecko.

"<I can take you!>" Corphish threatened through a grin.

"Ok, enough! We'll see when we get there!"

Corphish scowled at Treecko, who coerced him through a triumphant, confident grin.

Jeff turned around to Nurse Joy, who was handling a Sandshrew.

"Excuse me, if Daedalus… the Taillow, wakes up, can you tell him that I'm out buying him some medicine?" Jeff pleaded.

"Of course I will," Nurse Joy responded

"Thank you."

"It's best if Daedalus doesn't know that I'm out fighting in a gym. After that conversation we had I can't face him if he knows I was trying to get a gym badge. Plus this way he thinks I'm doing things for others instead of selfishly getting a badge. I will give him medicine… except it will only be from my medical kit," thought Jeff to himself.

Jeff turned to his two pokemon and suggested, "Let's get this done."

The two nodded and followed him out of the pokemon center. Conveniently the gym was right across the street from the center, so they crossed the road. There was not much traffic seeing as the sun was setting and people were already home from their jobs. The gym was about the size of a warehouse. There were two boulders on both sides of the glass door. Jeff opened the door and to his left was a bored-looking man sitting behind a counter. He was munching on a donut and watching a pokemon football game of the TV beside him.

"And the Pinsirs have taken the lead against their arch nemeses the Heracrosses!" roared the sports announcer.

The man looked up at Jeff and asked in a gruff voice, "You here for a gym battle?"

Jeff looked unsurely at his companions who proceeded to lightly punch the backs of his legs.

"Err…yeah! I'm here for a…gym battle," he stammered.

"Oook, go through the door on your right and I'll buzz in Roxanne," the guard instructed.

Jeff followed the order and walked from the main entrance, through a door, to the arena field. Jeff was in awe at the sight he saw; the field was the size of a football field. There were rocks ranging from massive boulders to pebbles strewn about the field. The terrain was hard and there were protrusions of land mass coming from the field which created slopes, as if an earthquake had hit it. The ceiling was high, so that flying pokemon could still move freely… although no good trainer in the right mind would put their flying pokemon up against rock types.

A woman appeared from behind Jeff and poked him on the shoulder. Jeff turned around and it was the brunette who looked like a school teacher. She had a serious yet welcoming expression.

"… Hi," Jeff greeted with a puzzled tone.

"Hello, I saw you in the pokemon center earlier. You must be here to battle me," deduced the woman in a sweet voice.

"You're Roxanne?!"

"Yes I am. I'm also one of the teachers on the Rustboro Pokemon Academy. What is your name?"

"I'm Jeff… Jeff Growell. It's nice to meet you. I… guess I'm ruuhhh… ready." Jeff replied in uncertainty.

"<Arceus… man up, Jeff…>" muttered Treecko under his breath. Jeff still heard and shot Treecko a glare.

"You seem hesitant… but you are a new trainer, most new trainers are either over-confident, over-worried, or overwhelmed. But all want to battle as much as the next. Is something troubling you?" she asked in a soothing voice.

"I uh… it's… no, it's nothing. I only have two pokemon and I think the rules usually call for three on three battles."

"I was only planning on using two pokemon anyways," Roxanne, the rock-type gym leader, explained.

"But what if we come to a draw?" Jeff inquired, somewhat confused.

Roxanne grinned as if she had a hidden agenda. "We'll just see if it comes to that. Feel free to choose your first pokemon while I go to my side of the arena," Roxanne suggested, starting to traipse along the rocky field.

"Ok, I choose Corphish!" said Jeff, the one decision that he didn't second guess.

Corphish hopped about with excitement. Treecko, hurt, darted his head at Jeff and opened his mouth to protest but he stopped himself. Instead he closed his mouth and walked away from them to lean on a rock.

"<No need to be a sore loser but why would he choose HIM before me?>" thought Treecko.

Reaching her side of the field she turned her head and informed, "By the way, it will be two rounds on a one on one battle."

Jeff nodded and she withdrew a pokeball from a briefcase which lay beside a large rock.

"You're up, Aaron!" she called, throwing a pokeball onto the rocky terrain.

What appeared was not what Jeff had expected. A small, metal-backed quadruped formed from the red light. It shook small steel spikes which obtruded from its back, as if brandishing them. Dispersed, black spots could be seen on the tough shell of the pokemon. He identified it as an Aron, who was, in addition to rock, steel-typed. He had scene one of these creatures from his pokemon biology class. Professor Birch had brought one in to show an example of what a mix of an endoskeleton and exoskeleton of a pokemon was like.

"Aaron, harden your shell please!" Roxanne advised her pokemon.

The armor pokemon dug its feet into the ground and a crackling noise could be heard from the Aron's stiffening shell and muscles.

"Corphish… you use… do a... try a Crabhammer!" Jeff managed to spatter out in an incoherent order.

Corphish caught the gist of the command and ran towards Aaron with his claw swinging in a downward cut.

"<You're going to be in a world pain from my claaaaa…>" Corphish trailed off in a wince as soon as his claw hit the iron shell. The claw hit a dull metal spike on the Aron's back.

"<OW OW OW OW!>" yelled Corphish, hopping around sucking his claw with his mouth. "<IT'S KIND OF LIKE SPARRING WITH A BRICK WALL HERE, JEFF!>"

"Sorry, I'm sorry!" Jeff quickly answered. "Use your bubblebeam?" he asked, giving an insecure suggestion of Corphish's defense tactic.

"Aaron, quickly use headbutt!"

The Aron tucked in its head and began to charge at Corphish, who was still shaking off the pain in his claw. Aaron struck Corphish's side with its head. The impact actually created sparks from the friction of the two colliding shells. Corphish flew backwards into a rock which was his size.

"Again!" Roxanne commanded with a serene voice.

The Iron Armor pokemon continued running, head down, in a charge towards Corphish.

Jeff struggled to order a defense command in time. "Corphish, hurry…uh, try a… I know!" But it was too late. Aron rammed him into the rock with a sickening crack. The force from the two tough objects shot Corphish upwards. The ruffian pokemon landed back on the rock and slumped to the ground. Jeff dashed over to Corphish and gently placed him in his arms.

"Oh… Arceus! Say something, Corppy!"

Corphish managed to strike a faint grin. "<You know how much I hate being stuck between a rock and a hard place…>"

"So your Corphish can no longer battle… good effort, though. Aaron, come back!" Roxanne called.

"I'm sorry," Jeff said, picking up Corphish and bringing him back to his side of the field.

"<Oh, get over it! It's not YOUR fault Corphish lost! You have nothing to be sorry for!>" Treecko prodded, annoyed at Jeff's constant behavior.

Jeff glared at Treecko and pointed a thumb towards the field. "You're up, Treecko. It's all riding on you."

The lizard stepped forward to the left of a large rock, flicked his twig up before catching it in his mouth, and struck a confident pose. As Treecko did this cocky gesture, a fresh pokeball was released onto the field.

"Slate! Go for it!" the gym leader called, releasing her second pokeball onto the ground.

Slate appeared to be a small boulder with two arms and a broad face. It tucked its arms to its chest and rolled forward, going faster. What the rock pokemon known as Geodude was famous for was its attack 'rollout'. The Geodude rolled along the ground, picking up both dirt and speed.

"Slate, keep using rollout!" Roxanne encouraged the boulder pokemon. Geodude kept rolling forward towards Treecko, constantly gaining momentum.

Treecko saw a window of opportunity. He decided to back up against a large boulder. Treecko outstretched his arms and dug his feet into the ground, waiting for the enemy to take the offensive in the fight. Slate came towards the wood gecko who had a plan, who now had his tail firmly against the boulder. The Geodude rapidly neared Treecko.

Jeff yelled, "Treecko what the hell are you doing?! If you don't want to battle then don't leave yourself wide open; come back here!"

Jeff could no longer see Treecko behind the boulder, but he had a feeling that Treecko was giving him a defiant look. Jeff could see the Geodude become ever closer to the Treecko and the boulder. When it was three feet away Treecko jumped and Slate rammed right into the boulder. A dirt cloud erupted around the boulder hindering all vision. The smoke began to dissipate and Geodude could be seen no longer rolling and fallen on its back, stunned. Treecko landed on the top of the boulder above Slate.

Jeff decided to do something; Treecko was making him look like an incompetent idiot. "Now try a bullet seed!" he yelled.

Treecko glanced back and opened his mouth to fire. Nothing came out except for air! Treecko was surprised at the lack of Bullet Seeds coming from him.

"Treecko, what's wrong?" Jeff called to him.

Treecko desperately tried again; this time it worked. Geodude tried to get back up but he was bombarded with bright green energy bullets pelting him into the ground. Dust and rock fragments shot up around Geodude. The smoke cleared; Geodude's unconscious body could be seen lodged halfway into the ground. The boulder pokemon snorted in defeat.

"Good try, Slate!" remarked Roxanne before recalling it, leaving a crater beside the boulder.

"<Alright!>" said Jeff and Treecko in unison. "What happened there, Treecko?"

"<I… don't know,>" he answered, lost in deep thought. Treecko glanced at Corphish who drank a potion down whole in one gulp.

Jeff and Roxanne met at the center of the arena.

"It's a draw… so now what?"

"I overheard you talking to Nurse Joy in the pokemon center. You said that your pokemon had a run in with a Nidoking?"

"Yeah… they were captured by him but managed to escape… why?"

"That Nidoking has been causing problems for the people and pokemon native to Rustboro and its surrounding areas. Just recently he stole two fossils from the Devon Corporation."

Jeff tilted his head in response to hearing the name of the company. Then he remembered the massive building with the police tape around it.

"The Devon Corporation is a company local to this city that creates many futuristic technologies… one of which includes a fossil reviver. The Nidoking broke into the company late one night, knocked out the guards and stole two ancient pokemon fossils from the lab."

"Ok… why are you telling me this?"

"I want you to defeat… or even distract the Nidoking long enough for me and a small team of others to go into his territory and take the fossils back. If you can do that and make it out in one piece… you can not only have the badge but Rustboro City will be in your debt."

Jeff was shocked. "Debt? I'll do it… but I don't want any debt or anything… even the badge..."

"Leave at nine-o-clock sharp! I'll send the team in fifteen minutes after and I'll meet you under the bridge on the far side of the river."

"Yeah, ok."

Jeff picked up Corphish and, with Treecko, walked from the rocky arena and past the sleeping security guard at the main desk. He lay strewn amongst donuts and many copies of 'sports illustrated'. They opened the front door and headed off back towards the pokemon centre. On the way Jeff couldn't help but wonder why she chose him to do this mission.

"Why did she choose me? I'm an awful trainer… I can't even keep my own pokemon from being taken and beaten up," he couldn't help but ponder. More thoughts crossed his mind. "What if I can't hold him off? What if Treecko or Corphish end up like Daedalus or worse?! Why can't they distract him instead of us?!"

They crossed the black asphalt road. Street lights began to turn on when the sun set completely into the west. The traffic was now nonexistent, which was strange given the size of the city. Jeff, Corphish and Treecko walked into the pokemon center. Jeff greeted the cheerful Nurse Joy. He was worried that she'd think that he was a horrible person for letting his pokemon get hurt so much. Jeff sheepishly muttered, "I think Corphish needs another check up."

"Of course, Jeff!" Nurse Joy smiled. She took Corphish and his pokeball, and went into the back room. She opened the door to the room and Daedalus instantly flew out of the room and flew over to Jeff. He chirped ecstatically; he was happy to be away from the aid station, landing on Jeff's shoulder.

"Hey! I'm glad you're alright, buddy! Your wing must be ok!" Jeff greeted with relief. Daedalus shrugged at Jeff's gesture of friendliness. Daedalus' coldness towards him was still fresh and Jeff couldn't help but feel more rejected. "Right… ok, I gotcha. Anyways, you know that Nidoking?"

He nodded and chirped with an angry trill.

"Good, because we're going to pay him a visit very soon!" Jeff fueled on the Taillow's revenge lust.

"All done!" Nurse Joy stated cheerily. She handed back Corphish's pokeball, which Jeff opened on the ground. "Remember to get your Taillow to stay off of his wing for awhile."

Jeff looked at Daedalus, whose face became disconcerted at the thought of being landlocked.

Jeff winked at him and lied, "Sure, I'll get right on that!"

"Saddle up, you three, we're going to take down the king," Jeff explained, trying to boost the anticipation. Jeff was not prepared for anything of this caliber. He couldn't even command a simple trainer battle. How could he possibly pull off something like this? He felt as in he was getting a stomach ulcer. One thing Jeff knew for sure was that fear was contagious, so he swallowed his own and forced an adrenaline filled grin.

He bent down to quickly pick up Corphish, as well as to let Treecko climb up his back. Jeff cringed as Treecko scaled his back and set up camp on his right shoulder, opposite to Daedalus. "You know, Treecko, those mini needle-hook things on your palms and soles really do hurt!" Jeff complained.

Treecko patted Jeff's cheek with his hook-laden hand, causing Jeff to shout out in pain. Jeff scowled at Treecko, who gave a calm grin which lightly said, "Deal with it!"

"Let's go!" Jeff crankily ordered.

He pressed his hands on the glass door. When Jeff opened the doors a night breeze swept into the Pokemon Center. They inhaled and smelled a sea breeze with a mixture of car exhaust which blew by their heads. Treecko jumped down from Jeff's shoulder; the breeze seemed to stimulate Treecko's urge to battle. He walked ahead of the three, eager to get the show on the road.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't get your tails in a twist," Jeff muttered, his mood worsening, not liking to be rushed.

Jeff caught up to Treecko and they walked past the tall office buildings and out of the streetlight lit city. They retraced their steps, walking over the wet grass and reaching a large, wooden bridge. Treecko ran ahead of Jeff and the others, stopping on the other side and chilling out against a sign post. Jeff admired the calm river which they walked over. The full moon reflected in the flowing water, casting a blue light on Jeff, Corphish, and Daedalus. They finally made it across the bridge and they walked down a hill to the right of the bridge. They walked by the riverside beach and stopped at the sign that Nidoking had created.

"Here we are…what are we supposed to do now?" Jeff thought out loud.

Daedalus raised his wing with a triumphant look.

"<Either you have a plan or you just telepathically won a game of chess with an Alakazam,>" Corphish pointed out.

"<I do! We're going to set up an ambush right over there in the middle of the beach over there.>" Daedalus pointed his wing at the trap filled beach. "<We'll set up bait somewhere where there are no traps. I'll hide in a tree; Corphish, you hide in the river and barrage him with bubble beam when he's caught off guard. Jeff, you can help fight if you want, but watch out for his poison spikes and his tail.>"

"<That's a great plan, General Patton, but what's the bait?>" Corphish asked. Daedalus stared at Treecko, followed by Corphish and Jeff.

"<Heh, no deal. This plan is Tauros crap. I'm not going along with this.>" Treecko scoffed with a cool defiance.

"Fine, I'LL be the bait," Jeff sighed in irritation. "You do what Taillow told me to do."

"<No way, I don't need someone telling me what to do; I know my strengths and you should just let me fight Nidoking on my own,>" Treecko insisted.

Jeff shot him a cold, disapproving look. "We're doing Daedalus' plan," he angrily claimed.

"<Fine, you guys do your thing, I'll do mine.>"

"I see what Professor Birch means with his stubbornness and independence," Jeff muttered to himself as Treecko walked away from them. Treecko's adept hearing picked up on the comment. Offended, he indignantly sighed and climbed up a nearby tree to avoid the traps.

"<Jeff, you get to your place. I'll guide you to make sure you don't step on any traps.>"

Jeff, with Taillow on his shoulder, carefully treaded over the sand to avoid the traps. Corphish dove underwater in the river until all but his eyes and horns were submerged. Treecko watched the three in action, skeptical of their over-thought plan.

Jeff sat down in a trap free, sanded area. Taillow pecked him in the leg, sharply.

"Ach, damn it!" He cried out, clutching his bleeding leg.

"<We have to make your performance realistic,>" Daedalus reassured. "<Also, that's for Treecko bullet seeding me in Petalburg Forest,>" he grinned before taking off to perch in a dark tree crown.

The waiting game had begun. Corphish exhaled bubbles from his mouth for amusement.

Pretty soon they could hear the loud stomps breaking branches in the nearby forest. The group became nervous in anticipation of the oncoming giant. They stayed in their places as the stomps became louder. There was still only darkness in the forest. Soon they could see the glint of Nidoking's purple horn in the moonlight. His body became visible as he stepped out of the forest and onto the sand. He had a large black eye patch covering his right eye.

"<Well, well, well. An injured human in MY territory, you must have hit your leg on one of my traps!>" he growled, walking closer to Jeff. He walked up to him and grabbed Jeff up by the collar. The Nidoking held Jeff over his head. "I am DAGGERBACK THE OPPRESSOR… AND YOU SHALL PAY!"

"<What a coincidence! 'The' is his middle name and 'Oppressor' was his last name… it fits perfectly!>" Corphish thought while he treaded in the water.

"<NOW!>" Daedalus trilled in a battle cry. He swooped out from behind the shaded tree branched and began to peck at the back of Nidoking's head, leaving bleeding cuts. Nidoking roared, threw Jeff off to the side, turned around, and began to swat at Daedalus. Corphish burst from the river water and unleashed a volley of bubbles at the Nidoking who called himself Daggerback. The bubbles hit Nidoking, distracting him from Daedalus. He roared as they burst on his gigantic chest. He whacked away Daedalus with one arm and began to charge full speed at Corphish. Corphish continued to fire his bubble beams at him. Daggerback endured the bubbles and picked up Corphish in one hand, beginning to squeeze with all his might.

"<That's a mighty fine hand shake you got ther---AHHH!!>" Corphish tried to joke but had to let out a scream when he felt his shell beginning to crack under the pressure of Daggerback's palm.

Nidoking, with Corphish still in hand, ran back from the river, dropped Corphish and swung his tail. With expert precision, Nidoking whacked Corphish with his tail and he hit the Taillow out of the air. Corphish's hard shell knocked Daedalus out on impact. Daedalus fell from the air and landed on his bad wing. Jeff got to his feet and prepared a battle stance.

Treecko, who watched the plan go to hell, decided it was his time to intervene. He jumped from tree branch to tree branch until he was above Nidoking, who approached Jeff, cracking his knuckles. Treecko jumped down in front of Nidoking.

"Nice eye patch, pal. Wasn't that Corphish and me's handy work?>" Treecko mocked.

"<YOU! I shall take BOTH of your eyes!>" he bellowed.

"<Come here and try!>" he taunted, folding his arms.

'Daggerback the Oppressor' roared and charged at Treecko, horn lowered like a Tauros. Treecko ran to Nidoking's right side, knowing that his vision was gone for that side. He jumped up onto Nidoking and crawled between his ears and on his head, looking downwards and firing an array of glowing green seed onto Nidoking's face. Daggerback's charge was forced into the sand by the sudden pressure on his head. As the beast skidded forwards in the sand, Treecko jumped from his head and landed triumphantly in front of him. Just to be sure he was down, Treecko unloaded another mouthful of bright green seeds into Daggerback's head.

"<That was for putting me in a cage,>" Treecko spat, coldly.

He held up Nidoking's bleeding and battered head by the horn and indicated that he was definitely unconscious. Jeff had helped up Daedalus and Corphish. They walked to Treecko's side and stared in awe at the finally downed beast.

Jeff looked at Treecko who stared back at him with a cool, smug grin that made Jeff want to punch him.

"Oh, shut up!" Jeff shot at him, sore about being wrong.

"<What are we going to do with Patchy here?>" Corphish asked, pointing weakly to the body.

"Corphish has a good point, he's heavier than me and those poisonous horns are going to be a pain in the *ss if we have to carry him. Where would we even carry him?" Jeff asked Daedalus.

Daedalus put his wing to his chin in thought. He stared out into the river and saw a couple rowing a boat. The Taillow snapped two of his feathers together, indicating an idea.

"<I've got it! We'll use that boat, that way we can send him down river so he'll be out of here, in the country, and we won't have to drag him anywhere. Corphish, do your thing; besides, you are the ruffian pokemon!>" Daedalus suggested.

Corphish dove into the water and swam towards the boat. The couple looked worried as three orange horns in the water drew close to them. His pincers grabbed the side of the small boat.

The couple looked at him warily and the man began to reach for his pokeballs. "<I'm sorry, we're going to have to commandeer your love boat,>" Corphish said uncomfortably. He then had made a facial gesture that said, "Oh, wow, surprise!" in a mock-shocked smile, as if he was going to his own surprise party but already knew of it before hand.

"<Have a wonderful evening, you two,>" he smiled before flipping the boat over.

The couple screamed as they fell into the water and swam to the opposite shore. Corphish proceeded to drag the capsized rowboat to the coast. The two continued to scream and cuss at the mischievous Corphish, who was now in stitches while he pulled the boat. They stomped soaking wet back towards Rustboro City, most likely to report the misdeed.

Through his laughter, Corphish managed to ask him the familiar rhetorical question "<Could I BE anymore awesome?!>"

Jeff helped him drag it ashore. He dragged it onto the sand and tipped it over to pour the water out. Jeff and Treecko pulled the unconscious Nidoking into the boat, cautious of his poison-laced horns. When he was resting fully in the boat, Jeff pushed the boat off into the tame current of the calmed river. They watched the Nidoking disappear into the fog capped rivers.

"<Goodbye, Purplebeard! Good luck finding the Black Pearl!>" Corphish called after him.

Jeff took out a blue, spray-on potion bottle and sprayed Corphish and Daedalus' wounds with it.

"There, the wounds should fully heal in about twenty minutes." Jeff informed, picking them up. "Let's rest for about ten minutes to let the potion take affect."

They sat and waited in the night. Tensions were high, wounds were deep, and time ate away at their sanity.

Much to their surprise and relief, pattering of many feet could be heard coming from the forest. A team of Roxanne and five others appeared from the darkness; in the same direction that Nidoking came. They were all dressed in black. Roxanne stepped forward; she had a scowl on her face.

"Jeff… I'm sorry."

Jeff eyed her precariously.

"Your struggle has been in vain. We infiltrated his home but the fossils were not found. We looked high and low… and nothing. You got rid of Nidoking?"

Jeff nodded. "Yes, he's floating on a boat down the river."

"Darn… well, you did what I asked of you…you're more than worthy of this badge."

She handed him a shiny badge which was shaped like two golden chevrons.

"Thanks anyways," Roxanne mumbled before turning away. The team walked up the hill and began to cross the bridge back to Rustboro City.

As soon as they were gone Jeff began to stare at the badge in his hand. He grimaced and placed the badge in his white and green New Balance shoe. Not his badge case. Not his shirt. Not his backpack. It was in his shoe.

The pokemon got to their feet.

"<Ya think we'll see Patchy again?>" Corphish asked the group.

"<Given our luck I wouldn't be surprised. He doesn't seem like one who will let go of a grudge quickly,>" Daedalus stated. "<Where are we headed now?>"

"Dewford Island, I guess. We have to go back through Petalburg Forest to get to some Mr. Briney's house. I hear he ferries people across the water."

"<Petalburg Forest…>" Daedalus said, ominously, "<Let's go!>"

Jeff walked with the pokemon that gave him so much, yet he returned so little.

"Charity."

-------------------------------------

AN:

A lot of stuff happened in this chapter, I hope not an overwhelming amount.

Blane (the guy with the Piplup) is kind of a reference to Ash. I just wanted to show a more realistic...I dunno version of what could pontentially happen with the typical trainer.

First gym battle... woohoo.

Beta'd by Diamondpearl876. Thanls BTW.

I hope all who read it enjoyed the chapter.
 
Last edited:

diamondpearl876

you can breathe now. x
1,584
Posts
16
Years
  • Age 30
  • Seen Jan 25, 2022
I don't think there was an overwhelming amount of events here. =P

I liked this chapter like all of the other ones; I guess that shouldn't be too surprising.

You did really well with the description of Piplup and making the reader feel sorry for it (in my opinion, at least). I'd kick that trainer's ass and leave. XD

Anyway, thanks for letting me beta this chapter as well, and keep it up!
 

Grovyle42(Griff8416)

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
1,103
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Apr 11, 2023
Well thats good to hear. Thanks for the beta and review and don't worry about it, you can beta as many chapters as you want :P
 

Gummy

by fire be P U R G E D
4,519
Posts
17
Years
That was a great chapter, and it's obvious you're getting better in description. I like the leader personality you gave to Daedalus and I hope you stick with it.

One problem, though...

the field was the size of a football field.

GREATLY contradicts with...

The gym was about the size of a warehouse.

and...

Roxanne suggested, starting to traipse along the rocky field.

That's a pretty amazing feat. It'd take me about 15 minutes (probably more) to walk that distance. There are a few other thing that don't fit with the whole "size of a football field thing". You may want to change that...

Can't wait until the next update!
 

Grovyle42(Griff8416)

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
1,103
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Apr 11, 2023
That was a great chapter, and it's obvious you're getting better in description. I like the leader personality you gave to Daedalus and I hope you stick with it.

One problem, though...



GREATLY contradicts with...



and...



That's a pretty amazing feat. It'd take me about 15 minutes (probably more) to walk that distance. There are a few other thing that don't fit with the whole "size of a football field thing". You may want to change that...

Can't wait until the next update!

Heh, ah yeah that was my fault. I couldn't really make up my mind between the two and I couldn't really have her walking for that long of the chapter as I wanted to get to the battle.

I'm happy you like Daedalus' personality and thanks for noticing improvement.


EDIT: I rewrote the Prologue.
 
Last edited:
Back
Top